Tired of spanking!

[MissMudPie]

I agree, StereoXGirl.

Where I live, spanking is really common. School administrators still spank kids, and I've only heard one person voice an opinion against spanking (my educational psychology professor).

I have cousins whose parents tried time-outs, counting to 3, grounding, taking away privileges, and nothing except spanking has gotten through to them. Every parent and child is different, though, and I don't think there is a one-size-fits all discipline method. There were things my parents (who were really young) did that I think were wrong, but I don't think spanking me was one of them.

I've never thought much about the biblical reasons for spanking. I don't take the Bible so literally, and I try to put things into cultural context. Good parenting in the middle east 2000 years ago isn't necessarily what is good today in the US.

Personally, I can't bring myself to spank a kid, but I won't criticize someone who does it to discipline their kids as long as it isn't out of anger.

 

[Geek]

Spanking to benefit the parents in all cases. How can one expect to show their children that remaining in control of yourself is soooooo important when you as the spanker are NOT in control? Common united states bologna.

The way a spanking looks and feels must be confusing for children. How can they tell what it means? Parents are their example of what is right and good. Parents' behavior is their example of what love looks and feels like. Hitting a child seems to say that it is all right to hit people... even loved ones. When a person wants to control others, it must be okay to hit them, spanking seems to say. For children whose parents tell them that hitting is wrong, hitting might also seem to say that it is all right to do something that is wrong. It certainly does not show or say to the child what behavior is wanted.

Here is a quote I found:

“I got hit when I was a kid and I turned out OK”

Being spanked is an emotional event. Adults often remember with crystal clarity times they were paddled or spanked as children. Many adults look back on corporal punishment in childhood with great anger and sadness. Sometimes people say, “I was spanked as a child, and I deserved it”. It is hard for us to believe that people who loved us would intentionally hurt us. We feel the need to excuse that hurt. Studies show that even a few instances of being hit as children are associated with more depressive symptoms as adults (Strauss, 1994, Strassberg, Dodge, Pettit & Bates, 1994). A landmark meta-analysis of 88 corporal punishment research studies of over six decades showed that corporal punishment of children was associated with negative outcomes including increased delinquent and antisocial behavior, increased risk of child abuse and spousal abuse, increased risk of child aggression and adult aggression, decreased child mental health and decreased adult mental health (Gershoff, 2002). While most of us who were spanked “turned out OK”, it is likely that not being spanked would have helped us turn out to be healthier.

 

[Aquilah]

For me, spanking eventually turned into getting slapped or punched by my parents... Yes, this has definitely affected me as to this day, I still freak out when someone's hand comes to close to my face! Or whenever I hear the words, "This hurts me more than this hurts you," just takes me back to being spanked...

 

[Shelley]

Originally Posted by Aquilah /img/forum/go_quote.gif For me, spanking eventually turned into getting slapped or punched by my parents... Yes, this has definitely affected me as to this day, I still freak out when someone's hand comes to close to my face! Or whenever I hear the words, "This hurts me more than this hurts you," just takes me back to being spanked... I agree and know exactly what you mean.

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by Aquilah /img/forum/go_quote.gif

For me, spanking eventually turned into getting slapped or punched by my parents... Yes, this has definitely affected me as to this day, I still freak out when someone's hand comes to close to my face! Or whenever I hear the words, "This hurts me more than this hurts you," just takes me back to being spanked...


This is exactly what I am talking about. Sorry to hear that AQ.
Hopefully you don't spank now.

 

[Aquilah]

Nope, we don't spank... John was kinda abused as a kid too, so neither of us can bring ourselves to do it.

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by Aquilah /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Nope, we don't spank... John was kinda abused as a kid too, so neither of us can bring ourselves to do it.


Well, that's good news. Very sorry to hear about that.

 

[ivette]

there are definetly other better methods to discipline a child( time outs, taking priviledges away, etc)

but, i don't think an occasional smack on the butt is going

to mess up a kid for life

 

[Aquilah]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well, that's good news. Very sorry to hear about that. Thanks T! John's pretty much let go and made amends with his past, but it still tends to haunt me from time to time... I need to learn to let go myself!

 

[han]

Originally Posted by weno88 /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree, StereoXGirl.
Where I live, spanking is really common. School administrators still spank kids, and I've only heard one person voice an opinion against spanking (my educational psychology professor).

I have cousins whose parents tried time-outs, counting to 3, grounding, taking away privileges, and nothing except spanking has gotten through to them. Every parent and child is different, though, and I don't think there is a one-size-fits all discipline method. There were things my parents (who were really young) did that I think were wrong, but I don't think spanking me was one of them.

I've never thought much about the biblical reasons for spanking. I don't take the Bible so literally, and I try to put things into cultural context. Good parenting in the middle east 2000 years ago isn't necessarily what is good today in the US.

Personally, I can't bring myself to spank a kid, but I won't criticize someone who does it to discipline their kids as long as it isn't out of anger.

since your physchology professor spoke against it that should of spoke volumes a red light should of went off..lol when i was in school i refuse to let them paddel me my first grade teacher would take a ruler and hit us on our knukles as i got older and braver i refuse for them to use physical punishment i took the secondary detention or what ever

 

[Tabitha]

Well, I definitely feel for the people where punishment escalated into being punched and slapped, which I would definitely say falls into the abuse category. We just got the spanking/whippings whatever you want to call it and we were warned beforehand. I'm not talking about being spanked for spilling a glass a milk or something minor, we got it for such offenses as telling lies, being disrespectful or blatantly being disobedient. When it comes to spanking there are always going to be those who are for it and against it.

 

[aprilpgb22]

Okay i have to disagree with the topic do not spank. I have to agree with a very small portion of it. I think it is all about the child. When me and my sister and cousins were growing up my we got spankings or more so we called them whippings. I was just speaking to a girl that works with me regarding my son and she was saying when all else fails, it is time to pull out the belt. The bible says do not spare the rod. If anyone can't find it I will get the scripture for you later. My sister and i only had to get maybe 10 whippings up until the time we turned 13. We knew better, we didn't want that. I beleive it helped discipline us we knew that our Mom meant business and she wouldn't have done it if she didn't want us to know that whatever we done was wrong.

Now as far as a girl i knew that father took a belt across her eye, scarred her and her siblings up and put one in the hospital that is abuse. These kids that are so hard to get control over and hit their parents and curse them out are the ones who have never seen a good axx whipping. Most kids who don't get whippings and i am saying most turn out having some type of problem, because they have lack of discipline. There has to be some type of pinch, thump, or hit on hand with a ruler. Sorry the naughty chair just doesn't cut it. Now my boy cousins one got whippings 3 or 4 times a day and he is 25 and in jail a highschool drop out and done everything under the sun that you can think of. So no, whippings/spankings don't work for every child. But majority of the time it does.

That is just my real life experience, it happens everyday on Jerry and Maury show, the kids that never had any type of whippings are out here slapping and disrespecting their parents. This is just acutal and factual.

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by aprilpgb22 /img/forum/go_quote.gif

The bible says do not spare the rod. If anyone can't find it I will get the scripture for you later.


Maybe you missed my #6 from the beginning of this thread where I do mention bible verses:

6. HITTING IS ACTUALLY NOT BIBLICAL

Don't use the Bible as an excuse to spank. There is confusion in the ranks of people of Judeo-Christian heritage who, seeking help from the Bible in their effort to raise godly children, believe that God commands them to spank. They take "spare the rod and spoil the child" seriously and fear that if they don't spank, they will commit the sin of losing control of their child. In our counseling experience, we find that these people are devoted parents who love God and love their children, but they misunderstand the concept of the rod.

Rod verses - what they really mean. The following are the biblical verseswhich have caused the greatest confusion:

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (Prov. 22:15)

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." (Prov. 13:24)

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Prov. 23:13-14)

"The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother." (Prov. 29:15)

At first glance these verses may sound pro-spanking. But you might consider a different interpretation of these teachings. "Rod" (shebet) means different things in different parts of the Bible. The Hebrew dictionary gives this word various meanings: a stick (for punishment, writing, fighting, ruling, walking, etc.). While the rod could be used for hitting, it was more frequently used for guiding wandering sheep. Shepherds didn't use the rod to beat their sheep - and children are certainly more valuable than sheep. As shepherd-author Philip Keller teaches so well in A Shepherd Looks At Psalm 23, the shepherd's rod was used to fight off prey and the staff was used to gently guide sheep along the right path. ("Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." – Psalm 23:4).

Jewish families we've interviewed, who carefully follow dietary and lifestyle guidelines in the Scripture, do not practice "rod correction" with their children because they do not follow that interpretation of the text.

The book of Proverbs is one of poetry. It is logical that the writer would have used a well-known tool to form an image of authority. We believe that this is the point that God makes about the rod in the Bible – parents take charge of your children. When you re-read the "rod verses," use the concept of parental authority when you come to the word "rod," ratherthan the concept of beating or spanking. It rings true in every instance.

While Christians and Jews believe that the Old Testament is the inspired word of God, it is also a historical text that has been interpreted in many ways over the centuries, sometimes incorrectly in order to support the beliefs of the times. These "rod" verses have been burdened with interpretations about corporal punishment that support human ideas. Other parts of the Bible, especially the New Testament, suggest that respect, authority, and tenderness should be the prevailing attitudes toward children among people of faith.

In the New Testament, Christ modified the traditional eye-for-an-eye system of justice with His turn-the-other-cheek approach. Christ preached gentleness, love, and understanding, and seemed against any harsh use of the rod, as stated by Paul in 1 Cor. 4:21: "Shall I come to you with the whip (rod), or in love and with a gentle spirit?" Paul went on to teach fathers about the importance of not provoking anger in their children (which is what spanking usually does): "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" (Eph. 6:4), and "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will be discouraged" (Col. 3:21).

In our opinion, nowhere in the Bible does it say you must spank your child to be a godly parent.

SPARE THE ROD!There are parents who should not spank and children who should not be spanked. Are there factors in your history, your temperament, or your relationship with your child that put you at risk for abusing your child? Are there characteristics in your child that make spanking unwise?

• Were you abused as a child?
• Do you lose control of yourself easily?
• Are you spanking more, with fewer results?
• Are you spanking harder?
• Is spanking not working?
• Do you have a high-need child? A strong-willed child?
• Is your child ultrasensitive?
• Is your relationship with your child already distant?
• Are there present situations that are making you angry, such as financial or marital difficulties or a recent job loss? Are there factors that are lowering your own self-confidence?

If the answer to any of these queries is yes, you would be wise to develop a no-spanking mindset in your home and do your best to come up with noncorporal alternatives. If you find you are unable to do this on your own, talk with someone who can help you.

 

[jessiej78]

Tony-

I have to say I'm impressed with the amount of research you obviously have done on this topic. I have to say- I spanked my son when he was younger. I never really did feel completely "right" about it. I usually let my husband do it. I wish now I would not have. In the future when we have more kids, I most certainly will not be spanking them, EVER. I was abused as a child. And I do think the cycle easily repeats itself. There were times when I knew I was spankning more for myself, to vent my own anger.

Thanks for bringing to light a subject that really is deserving of discussion. We all need to ask ourselves... what are our TRUE motives when and if we are spanking our chidlren?????

 

[Kimmers86]

I got spanked like, twice, maybe...ever. Me and my bros only got spanked if we did something SERIOUSLY wrong after we had been repeatedly told not to. My parents were very good about laying down the rules and making sure we followed them without having to be punished. I don't think spanking is a good route, you can definitely find a better way to discipline a child. But honestly, sometimes I think my nephews could benefit from it!

 

[Gwendela]

I remember acting up in school and getting spanked for it. I remember the burning tears and the humiliation, but I do not remember any physical pain. So a spank on the behind might seem like an excellent way to get a child's attention, but it can also be a way to humiliate a young impressionable person.

 

[Arrode]

I think I was a bit overspanked. My mom's asian and she is quite fond of things such as clotheshangers, wooden cooking spoons, etc. If I did anything even minutely wrong, I got spanked. I even got spanked sometimes when I wasn't at FAULT for anything, just she thought I was. As a result, I have a very bad relationship with her now and I hardly if ever talk to her. She was very verbally abusive at times when I was a young teenager so it's difficult for me to really talk to her. My younger sisters didn't nearly get hit as much as she hit me, so they're not as terified of a hand coming close to their faces (I still wince, sometimes) or talking to them in a social manner.

As for me, I would not hit my children with any weapon, such as my crazy asian mom did to me. At most, I would give them a smack or two on the butt, but nothing as severe as some of the beatings I got as a kid.

And as previously stated, each severe spanking is etched into my memory. I can recall being hit for the most obscure reasons from a decade ago.

 

[pinkbundles]

Well, my parents spanked me and my brother like a mother! And b/c I was so afraid of getting spanked, when they gave me THE LOOK, I behaved almost instantaneously. Though I hated them for it back then (I don't hate them for it now), I think I turned out fine. On the other hand, they didn't do that with my two younger sibs and well....

Anyway, I don't really spank my kids. I mean, I would have to be really, really, really angry and they would have to have done something reallly, really, really bad for me to spank them in the butt. So as you can imagine, it almost never happens.

I think most kids nowadays need to get beats now and then (sorry if this offends anyone)! Seriously! Maybe there would be less gang-related activities, less teen pregnancies and less drink/drug related problems, etc.

 

[lummerz]

gee! well...i grew up in a household where spanking was a regular thing ( whether warranted or not) and what goes around..comes around..though, luckily i've never spanked my daugher or anything...i'd feel way too guilty and i couldn't make her feel what i felt....though i have at times just couldn't handle certain moments and have yelled at her..but then i'd feel bad and tell her i'm sorry and explained why i was angry...but even then that's not good enough cuz sometimes i can see her lashing out on herself or toys..but that's not very often..but when i do see it..it hits reality. Luckily she doesn't act like that when she plays with other kids..and i really have to keep a watch for that.

I do tend to settle back into my roots if someone provokes me, i won't hesitate to lash and strike a person..but i have to be severely provoked and if someone doesn't get it, when i say, "leave me alone..or go away", then i think it's warranted. I didn't really grow up any different, except a lot of yelling and beating..but i'm fairly well aware of myself...luckily, once i moved out...my life was amazing....so i take the good with the bad. As long as you try, who's to tell you any different.

 

[Chaela]

Originally Posted by lummerz /img/forum/go_quote.gif if someone provokes me, i won't hesitate to lash and strike a person..but i have to be severely provoked and if someone doesn't get it, when i say, "leave me alone..or go away", then i think it's warranted. I'm like that too! I was spanked a couple of times when I was a child but only when I did something I knew I wasn't supposed to do like trying to climb on the stove. I could of been seriously hurt and I had been told several times not to go near the stove because I could get hurt but I still did, so I got spanked. There is a huge difference between spanking a child because they were deliberately disobeying and abusing your child, and if there is even the slightest chance that you spanking your child will lead to you becoming abusive maybe you shouldn't be having kids. I think its possibly the dumbest thing to happen to America that it has gotten to the point where you are not allowed to even discipline your OWN child. Discipline NOT abuse. There is a major difference.