Tired of spanking!

[Geek]

Originally Posted by Pauline

WELL SAID TONY!!! spanking is a loss of control! Ever heard of the phrase that a man who hits a woman once will do it again? Well when parent's spank their kids, will they do it harder and with more force if the child misbehaves again?There is more to teaching children how to behave than to lose control and spank/slap/hit whatever...whats the difference?

SPANKING IS A FORM OF VIOLENCE AND ASSAULT!




I just find it funny that it's illegal to hit another adult (WHO CAN HIT BACK), but it's not llegal to hit a helpless child (WHO CANNOT HIT BACK). Th police will arrest you if you BEAT your wife, but not your children.
How ironic is that?

 

[Pauline]

Originally Posted by Trisha I agree Erica, i only ever got smacked on the back of the legs a couple of times (one time i was trying to strangle my sister!), i remember it didnt hurt, anyway Tony if you believe everyone has a right to their own opinion why do you keep giving counterpounts when someone disagrees with what you say? Just wondering?
However, I dont think i will spank if i have any kids, i love how Supernanny (do you get that in the USA?) disciplines and will probably use those techniques, they work really well with all the kids shes helped.

Hi Trish,I too watch supernanny! and even in the Big Borther house they have a Naughty Step!

 

[Pauline]

Originally Posted by Trisha I love Supernanny! Some of the kids on there are terrors!! I cannot believe they are using such foul language at such a young age!

Ya know, this year on BB i dont like anyone apart from Derek, hes quite funny! x

Well Trish, you were right on the nail with Leslie! I am not that keen on most of the BB housemates but Roberto does make me weak at the knee's. Derek is a strong character too.Back to the subject though, i have noticed that nobody has answered my question regarding spanking. If it's not a form of violence then what exaclty is it? I would love to hear a sensible answer. Oh and Tony, thanks for being a voice for the children who can't answer or fight back.

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by Pauline

Well Trish, you were right on the nail with Leslie! I am not that keen on most of the BB housemates but Roberto does make me weak at the knee's. Derek is a strong character too.Back to the subject though, i have noticed that nobody has answered my question regarding spanking. If it's not a form of violence then what exaclty is it? I would love to hear a sensible answer. Oh and Tony, thanks for being a voice for the children who can't answer or fight back.




Everyone should remember that we all should hold NO GRUDGES here as this is just thread with a bunch of opinions.

 

[Liz]

see that's the thing. some kids are just stubborn or don't listen to "stop" or don't care about time outs.

 

[Pauline]

Originally Posted by Liz see that's the thing. some kids are just stubborn or don't listen to "stop" or don't care about time outs. So violence is the answer then? Surely adults are intelligent enough to be able to find a way that does work (withholding pocket money usually works) or other NON VIOLENT ways.

 

[Geek2]

Hurray for Sweden! and Finland too for that matter because yes spanking a child is illegal in Finland as well. Sweden and Finland are similar in a lot of matters since they are neighbours. Thanks for pointing it out Tussan! I agree with you about the shows when I watch them here in the US. Some of them are very shocking! Since I grew up in Finland and visited Sweden millions of times I have the scandinavian way of looking at child rearing. I promote breastfeeding and I'm against spanking. I've seen kids who are spanked and they don't behave any better then kids that aren't. Actually based on my observasions they many times behave worse. When a child is spanked he or she is made to behave a certain way out of fear and the child is not learning to think on their own what is proper behaviour and what isn't. Our child has never been spanked and he knows right and wrong because we explain to him what's wright and wrong and how doing something you are not suppose affects other people around him. I think it's way more affective way of discipline because a child deep down wants to do nothing more than please his or hers parents. You can especially see it at 4-5 years of age. I also believe in enforcing good behaviour by awarding good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour. He won't do something wrong looking for a reaction from us because he knows it's not going to work. He gets the attention when he is good not when he is bad. I think if a child does something wrong and does not listen then it's time for a time out to make the child think about the whole situation and what he or she did wrong. This way the child learns to think on his own before he does something he is not suppose to. I much rather have a child who will have the inner sense of right and wrong than a robot who will act certain way around me only because he is afraid of being hit.

 

[Geek]

AMEN SISTER, this very very well put. I could not put it any better than you did. :icon_love





Originally Posted by Reija(admin)

Hurray for Sweden! and Finland too for that matter because yes spanking a child is illegal in Finland as well. Sweden and Finland are similar in a lot of matters since they are neighbours. Thanks for pointing it out Tussan! I agree with you about the shows when I watch them here in the US. Some of them are very shocking! Since I grew up in Finland and visited Sweden millions of times I have the scandinavian way of looking at child rearing. I promote breastfeeding and I'm against spanking. I've seen kids who are spanked and they don't behave any better then kids that aren't. Actually based on my observasions they many times behave worse. When a child is spanked he or she is made to behave a certain way out of fear and the child is not learning to think on their own what is proper behaviour and what isn't. Our child has never been spanked and he knows right and wrong because we explain to him what's wright and wrong and how doing something you are not suppose affects other people around him. I think it's way more affective way of discipline because a child deep down wants to do nothing more than please his or hers parents. You can especially see it at 4-5 years of age. I also believe in enforcing good behaviour by awarding good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour. He won't do something wrong looking for a reaction from us because he knows it's not going to work. He gets the attention when he is good not when he is bad. I think if a child does something wrong and does not listen then it's time for a time out to make the child think about the whole situation and what he or she did wrong. This way the child learns to think on his own before he does something he is not suppose to. I much rather have a child who will have the inner sense of right and wrong than a robot who will act certain way around me only because he is afraid of being hit.

 

[Pauline]

Hurray for Sweden! and Finland too for that matter because yes spanking a child is illegal in Finland as well. Sweden and Finland are similar in a lot of matters since they are neighbours. Thanks for pointing it out Tussan! I agree with you about the shows when I watch them here in the US. Some of them are very shocking! Since I grew up in Finland and visited Sweden millions of times I have the scandinavian way of looking at child rearing. I promote breastfeeding and I'm against spanking. I've seen kids who are spanked and they don't behave any better then kids that aren't. Actually based on my observasions they many times behave worse. When a child is spanked he or she is made to behave a certain way out of fear and the child is not learning to think on their own what is proper behaviour and what isn't. Our child has never been spanked and he knows right and wrong because we explain to him what's wright and wrong and how doing something you are not suppose affects other people around him. I think it's way more affective way of discipline because a child deep down wants to do nothing more than please his or hers parents. You can especially see it at 4-5 years of age. I also believe in enforcing good behaviour by awarding good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour. He won't do something wrong looking for a reaction from us because he knows it's not going to work. He gets the attention when he is good not when he is bad. I think if a child does something wrong and does not listen then it's time for a time out to make the child think about the whole situation and what he or she did wrong. This way the child learns to think on his own before he does something he is not suppose to. I much rather have a child who will have the inner sense of right and wrong than a robot who will act certain way around me only because he is afraid of being hit.[/QUOT

WELL SAID REIJA. i wish i had been brought up with parent's like you and Tony.

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by smallpuppy Im totally against it!!!

You won't believe this but I am 21 years old and I still get ocasionally spanked by my mom when she loses control. I am originally from venezuela(but have been in the states for 8 years) and it is ok for you to spank your kids there..it's not like in the states where you can call the police..etc..I came out ok..I am very studious..respect people however I have a very low self esteem eventhough people always tell me I'm beautiful..etc..and I still have the emotional scars when my mom spanked me..if you are a parent PLEASE don't do it!! YOu are showing your kid to be violent and to lose control..after all you want to teach them self control!!! It also teaches your kids to be totally terrified of you and when they grow up they will never tell you what they are doing!! ANd if they do they will lie to you to try to avoid being spanked!! I know this because I do it still!!! If my mother wasn't the way she is I would tell her everything without the fear of being spanked!! Please you want a relationship with your kid!!! OMG I can´t believe your mum still spanks you at the age of 21. I don´t know what to say-it´s just wrong!!!
although my dad has only spanked me a few times when I was a child he liked to use another form of "punishment"-although he saw it as conversation I think, he never realized words can hurt. when i was a teenager he treated me like sh** almost every day, he told me to get things for him and do things and never said thank you a single time. I got yelled at for mistakes I didn´t make and yelled at when I didn´t do something the way he wanted it to. he told me that I´m stupid and that I won´t be able to graduate from high shool because of that and that I´ll probably never get a job cause I have no skills. he said that I won´t ever get half as rich and successful as he is. and the list goes on and on...

of course I always knew that he was wrong-and there were times when he was nice too, but out of nowhere he started treating me bad again. as a teenager I had a low self esteem as it was and when your father makes you feel like you´re worthless it makes it only worse. today he´s nice to me although we still don´t talk that much even when we´re in the same room. he´s actually told me that he´s proud of me (now that I actually HAVE finished high school *lol* and doing good in med school-which I only enrolled in just to please him btw but I ended up liking it). but still, I won´t ever be able to see him as a caring and loving father!!!!

I know this thread is about physical violence, I just wanted to bring in this aspect too. and btw, my dad was spanked as a child (and back then this was very common over here), he never talks about it but I know he doesn´t approve physical violence-but he never understood that words can hurt too

 

[Jennifer]

trisha, sorry. i wasn't trying to be nosey or anything. i was just wondering. sorry

okay, i think it's gotten to the point where unless you were abused or spanked, you can't say anything.

i was abused AND i was spanked. i was spanked when i was young and wouldn't listen. i was abused when i did nothing wrong. HUGE difference. my father used to be beat me for no reason, but when my mom knew i wasn't listening and knew i was just being a very bad kid, she spanked me. there's a difference.

i know all of us are disagreeing, but remember, WE LOVE EACH OTHER, so no hard feelings

 

[Tussan]

Originally Posted by girl_geek Just a random thought ... doesn't ANY punishment (time-out, grounding, etc) do the same thing? If a child doesn't like the consequences of an action but still wants to do it, then they still may do it again and try not to get caught. Why would only spanking have this effect?
What's important is that regardless of how you punish your children, you somehow teach them moral values so that they won't want to do wrong things regardless of whether they think they'll get caught! (Of course that's probably easier said than done

)

Likewise, no matter how you punish your child, if you do it often and without showing enough love, the child may still grow up in fear of you even if you never lay a hand on them. Is yelling at a child and sending them to their room out of anger much different than hitting them out of anger? If you do it all the time wouldn't the child still grow up in fear of you?

Just some random thoughts!

You might think it gets the same effect regardless of witch method used, but I´ve heard about studies showing that spanking creates that effect to a much higher degree for some reason.
You are so right that child raising is about giving the child their own moral values so that they do the right things regardless of punishing or not.

Of course you harm you´re children by yelling at them as well and shouldn´t do that, but for spanking are SO extremely out of the question (mostly from the society I was raised from) that I wouldn´t even considering it to be a good idea.

About the "Supernanny"; we actually had the question up if the use of "naughty step" is actually to humiliating for the child, that sending them to their room is OK but not to be put on a specific place like that. I´m not really sure what I think about that, but I think sending a child to it´s room if he/she their has TV, computer games and so one hardly can be helping....

Reija > It´s easy for me to see that we come from countries that are neighbours

//Jenny

 

[Laura]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) The police will arrest you if you BEAT your wife, but not your children.
How ironic is that?

Ah but Tony there is a difference between BEATING an adult & lightly spanking a child.
I read this thread with great interest. I was spanked as a child (about 5 times max) and it didn’t do me any harm. I totally agree with what Envymi said.

 

[NYAngel98]

I just hope that if I ever did have a kid that they would be just be behaved naturally & I wouldn't have to do anything

lol

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by NYAngel98

I just hope that if I ever did have a kid that they would be just be behaved naturally & I wouldn't have to do anything

lol


Exactly Janelle. It's all in how you raise them. This is exactly how my children are.

 

[breathless]

Originally Posted by FeistyFemme Obviously spanking is very controversial.
I don't see it as violence at all - I was spanked as a child, and I don't resent my mother (who was the only one who spanked me). Trust me, if I got a spanking, I'm sure I deserved it. She didn't spank me for just any little thing. I never was left with bruises, broken bones, welts, or anything else.

Believe me, I have turned out just fine. I don't advocate abuse by any means, but to me, spanking is not abuse.

ditto.

 

[Nessicle]

Originally Posted by FeistyFemme Obviously spanking is very controversial.
I don't see it as violence at all - I was spanked as a child, and I don't resent my mother (who was the only one who spanked me). Trust me, if I got a spanking, I'm sure I deserved it. She didn't spank me for just any little thing. I never was left with bruises, broken bones, welts, or anything else.

Believe me, I have turned out just fine. I don't advocate abuse by any means, but to me, spanking is not abuse.

I'm with you on this one.
I was spanked (or smacked as we call it over here!) as a child not to the point where it really hurt but to the point where I knew not to do whatever I had done again.

I got several warnings before i actually pushed my mum too far and she would give me a smack on the bottom. When I was really young I was wearing a nappy so she didnt hurt me. Or she'd smack my hands but she wouldnt ever hit me round the head because that would have been dangerous. I was a complete brat as a little kid and would bite my sisters and fight with them so I probably deserved it too!

I've turned out just fine and have the biggest amount of respect for my mum. She was a single parent with three kids and hardly any financial support, she was also only 23 how she coped I'll have no idea. She admits that because of the stresses she was under she didn't have much patience and because her mum had smacked her too only her mum used a belt on her backside. Not that I agree it is right but it was the 60's and that's the way it was done back then in most working class families.

I'll smack my children but only if they are misbehaving a lot and have been warned two or three times. I won't smack to leave a mark but to let them know who is boss and they have to stop misbehaving. I wouldnt do it in public because I wouldnt want to embarress myself like that.

I can't stand those parents who let their kids run riot in supermarkets and stuff and say in really pathetic voices "stop it now, come on". oooh it gets me mad!! lol!

I'm religious too and it says in the bible to discipline your children but I'm positive it doesnt condone physical abuse, and I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldnt have condoned it too! Physical abuse is smacking/hitting for no reason, brusing, leaving marks, braking bones - that stuff is horrific and it turns my stomach!

 

[wondatwins2]

Mrs Nessicle I totally agree with everything you have said! I got a total of 2 spankings from my mother( who was the only one who gave them ,never my father who was at home also)And I turned out great if i say so myself! And I don't turn around and blame her for anything because that was her form of discipline. All of us went to college, no jailbirds, and no mental cases!!

I think it all depends on the person! There is definitely a difference of abuse and spankings! I was not abused and think that it's wrong to say I was because i was spanked! And I just disagree with it being a form of abuse! And that's my opinion.

 

[Nessicle]

Originally Posted by wondatwins2 Mrs Nessicle I totally agree with everything you have said! I got a total of 2 spankings from my mother( who was the only one who gave them ,never my father who was at home also)And I turned out great if i say so myself! And I don't turn around and blame her for anything because that was her form of discipline. All of us went to college, no jailbirds, and no mental cases!!

I think it all depends on the person! There is definitely a difference of abuse and spankings! I was not abused and think that it's wrong to say I was because i was spanked! And I just disagree with it being a form of abuse! And that's my opinion. Mrs Nessicle - he he! I like it!!
Yeah I know what you're saying about turning out ok. All the people I went school with, out of all of us, the ones who turned out bad were the ones who treat their parents like crap and had blatent disregard and disrespect for their parents. But their parents never did anything - they pussy footed around them instead, giving them money and no boundaries. Out of the majority of my friends I was the only one who was spanked and I'm the only one who ever did anything with my life and hasn't ended up pregnant at 16 leechng off of the benefits system instead of going out and getting a job (major problem in the UK). After seeing stuff like that I've vowed never to let my kids treat me with anything other than respect and love and if that involves a spank or two then that's what'll happen!

JMHO though, no disrespect to the way anybody brings their children up. Everyone has their own way and what works for them might not work for another family. But again i totally do not agree with physical and emotional abuse. Thats just wrong.

Me and all my sisters have done really well so far in life and all have a lot of respect and love for each other. I hate being away from them! I live at the other side of the city and wish I could see them everyday

 

[mintesa]

Originally Posted by Arielle ok obviously I have no kids but I´m completely with ya on that topic. violence is always wrong! and spanking is violence too in my eyes!
I don´t remember being spanked a lot in my childhood. my mum never did. my dad only did when I did something really bad (which I still think wasn´t justified) and he would always say "if you do this and that I will slap you so hard that your head will shake for a week". this is actually a movie quote and I think he though it was kinda "funny" so he always said that. but he never seriously hurt me.

well ONE time he must have been in a hell of a mood. me and my brother were in a little fight at the lunch table (that was when I was already like 15) and he told us to stop but we didnt. that´s when he threw a fork at my head!!! I thought this was the most brutal thing he ever did-and he never apologized, neither did my mum.

that´s one thing I don´t like about some parents (including mine), they think all their actions are smart and 100% justified and they sometimes never question their actions. they think just cause they´re my parents they´re doing everything right and that I have to live with their decisions with out having the possibility to throw in my opinion

wow thats really mean. its not like he would throw a fork on some other parents kid. they think they can do with you what they want.