I gotta revive this thread since Tony brought it up.
Originally Posted by Tabitha /img/forum/go_quote.gif My thoughts on making the decision to spank should be left up to the parents and I don't think a person should be condemned for it as long as it's not abusive. While I'm all for trying timeouts and other methods of discipline, sometimes it just does not work whereas a spanking will definitely get a child's attention. Example: Your child keeps running out in the street do you say to them (a) if you do that again I'm going to put you in timeout or ( B) if you do that again and I'm going to beat your ass! Which one do you think is going to grab their attention?! LOL! (Just trying to add a little humor.)
Seriously though, I don't see how a spanking inhibits a child in any form unless it's abusive. When I was growing up we walked the line in comparison to children today and if we misbehaved at school the teachers had no problems taking us behind the cubby holes and paddling our behinds. Was it embarrassing? Yes, I'd say so, but I'm sure it made some of the kids think about what was acceptable behaviour and what wasn't. Did the threat of a paddling cause fear? Again, yes I'm sure it did, but if made a person think and make wiser decisions how could it be detrimental?
In my homelife, my dad was the disciplinarian. We didn't get whippings very often, but when we did we knew it because we were whipped with a belt. He'd always warn us beforehand and if we chose not to listen then we got punished for it. Did the whippings make him a bad person? No, I don't think so since all 3 of us turned out to be decent people in my opinion.
The thing I find interesting though is the decline of society (in my opinion) over the generations. Society in general has supposedly become more enlightened saying we don't do this to our kids and we can't do that, but yet the kids seem to keep getting worse. Afterall, when I was a teen (in the 80's) you didn't hear of stuff like mass school shootings and the like and I thought my generation was a rowdy group at the time. Also, I don't remember any debates back then about spanking/corporal punishment. Maybe spanking is old school and I should be above it, but sometimes I wonder if the lack of it isn't part of the problem.
I had to agree with this mostly out of all responses.
Obviously, there's a difference between abuse and discipline in forms of punishment. I have recieved both. And also all other alternative as a kid.
Spanking as a discipline - in hindsight did not affect my self worth or esteem as I grew older. It taught me from right and wrong... and in honesty, I don't remember getting anything severe. My mom and family members would say I was really spoiled and a crybaby younger so it was pretty much a last resort type deal. I don't hate my mom for nothing and she did it the right way, I believe. Spankings here and there but mostly told me, "if you want this and that, behave good". As for my father, I remember him using the belt. But he was more the abusive type than disciplinary and has hit me now that I'm a grown adult. Very rarely, but has. But what affects children more, and people don't fully realize this, is the emotional abuse. I rather take an ass whopping than have my dad say to me, "you're a bad person. you're useless, you're fat... etc". That has affected me till this day as an adult. Kids can remember anything you say. I know this because I work with kids... and jeez do they have awesome memories from thing you've said and forgot.
Funny thing is my youngest sister only got spanked probably once in her life and she's turned out MUCH MORE disrespectful towards my parents. Not to say she is a bad child, but she gets away with a lot of things I never could have when I was her age. I feel resentment for that if anything. I encourage my mom to beat her ass once in awhile, haha. She never does but they do threaten her. My mother realizes we are both different. Me getting spanked as a child because I was always getting into trouble turned out well-behaved. Sister who never got disciplined is turning into a spoil brat. Haha. I have to say she has better esteem than I had at her age because she's a lot closer to my father and he never said an awful thing to her or put her done like he has towards me. Ever. :S
Do I condone spanking? Yes & No. It all depends on the child, the situation, and the parent. I would never put an object as a hitting device to my child. But when I do have children, I would not rule out spanking - if all fails, it'd be a last resort. And I have to say, spanking is not a "USA" way of thinking. We are a melting pot of different diversity and I know in the Latin community - it's a way of life. "Old School" thinking... yeah. But you can't say it's not affective. To compare a child to a slave is pretty crazy. It's how it's done or what is said that affects the child.
A. My mom was spanked. But it was done to correct behavior. Therefor, she did it to me to correct my behavior. Her mother (my grandmother) is probably sweetest person you'll ever meet and did this to all 7 of her kids. All turned out to be successful in life w/ good jobs and healthy relationships with their kids. Whatever mishaps/issues they have later in life is because of their own actions, it does not go back to being spanked as a kid when little.
B. My father was spanked + emotional abuse from mother. I can't think much for his father (my grandpa) because he never speaks of him. But from my own relationship with my grandma (his mom) she is very emotional abusive. Has 6 kids. 3 of them are in jail. 1 is sick. My aunt and father act the same and punish the same. My aunt worse than him since she spanks and abuses her kids often. They have turned out with much more issues and 3 of her kids left her household and her daughter stayed behind. My family, from some might have read, tried getting away from my father.
I have to point out that my issues arise only towards my father. It did not affect my self-worth, like I said before. I learned a lot from his mistakes. His actions affected my self-esteem... but my mother's discipline did not. If that makes sense?
Again, I have no issues with spanking as a form of punishment but it's how its done and what's being said that affects the child. NOT the spanking alone.
Also, I learned this in psychology class:
"The key to effective punishment is to use it less often."
That quote I took out of my psychology book that discusses punishing kids/adolescents effectively. It did not oppose to spanking but it did not agree with it. "Children who are subjected to a lot of physical punishment tend to become more aggressive..." Key words: A LOT. It stated it should never be harsh physical punishment/discipline. And pointed out many other useful alternatives I'm sure you have posted already, Tony. I'm sure harsh to you might mean spanking. Harsh to others might mean using belts, whips, etc.
Either way, affective parenting is always down to communication and being authoritative. And solely pointing out that spanking can bring up a corrupt child have to remember the whole nature vs. nurture deal aswell.
You may have not ever spanked your child as a kid and gave them "time-outs" but does that guaranteed your child would grow up to be well-behaved, morally good, cheerful, self-confident adolescents/adult?
