# Cheating online?



## mac-whore (Feb 22, 2007)

well, today has been a tiring day for me and i need some advice on my situation. i got into my boyfriends myspace account without him knowing ( knew his email address password ) and found some rather flirtacious notes in his message box. initially, i wasn't going to mention it to him because for one, i wasn't supposed to have his password and for two, there were no numbers exchanged or any '' real life '' contact.. but, the more i thought about it.. the more angry i became. by the end of the day i ended up breaking it off with him. he seems completely devistated and genuinely sorry but, i'm hurt. he drove 45 mins to knock on my door for an hour ( i didn't answer ), he cried and said he'd delete his page if we could just get back together.. but, i just don't trust him anymore. am i being harsh?? is this something that i should try to work out with him? or is this a valid reason to end the relationship? i'm really torn and i'm not even sure how i feel anymore. any advice???


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## MissMissy (Feb 22, 2007)

i dont think your being harsh girl.. i think telling him how it is , is the way to go .. if you just let him off easy.. more then likely he will do it again. I dont know if i would complety break ip with him but i would deffently play games with making him think you know.. your pissed and that is not gunna happen in a relationship.. stand your ground


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## Momo (Feb 22, 2007)

Good decision in my opinion. Once is enough to be angry and hurt in a relationship. Trust is a powerful thing.

I want to say to look inside yourself though, why did you go on his account without him knowing? I think maybe you had a feeling inside about it, or maybe it's something you both need to work on.


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## han (Feb 22, 2007)

well since he didnt cheat(flirting with the idea) is just as bad though, i would let him sweat a lil to let him know that this type of behavior does have consequences.. i say give it a couple weeks so he can think about how his actions hurt you and damage the trust, which is hard to get back but you can get it back if he doesnt do anything to damage the trust anymore.. just tell him to give you some space to think things over..let him sweat then try again..good luck. keep us updated.


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## pinksugar (Feb 22, 2007)

we-eell, it depends, if those messages were FROM him, or just to him. Afterall he can't control what other people say to him. If he was writing them then I would have def. gone down your path, except I would have opened the door and swore at him when he was knocking  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Either way, follow your gut instincts - if you feel that this may lead to more, then kick him to the kerb and don't turn back. I guess to tell whether you're being overly harsh I'd have to read the messages, and that would be invasive  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

either way I'm sorry to hear about everything.. whatever happens, it will work out for the best!


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## Blondeplaymate (Feb 22, 2007)

i think you did the right thing....if you go easy on him.....hes going to take advantage of that.....So being harsh is the way to go.....ive done it and it works...

hope your doing ok


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## macface (Feb 22, 2007)

I think you did the right thing guys are always going to lie all the time.Im pretty sure you feel bad at the moment.but you rather feel bad right now for a little bit than later to be worse you deserve better.find somebody whos not into my space and more mature. my space is the devil.


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## clwkerric (Feb 22, 2007)

I think you did the right thing! Even though it was a little sneaky.. but Hey, if you weren't then you wouldn't know if you could trust him or not.. and obviously, you can't. Flirting is the fist stage of a relationship... so, what was going to happen on the next set of emails they would've exchanged??


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## Dragonfly (Feb 22, 2007)

The age of electronics - hmm.

This situation reminds me of a woman searching through her man's coat pocket and discovering a few women's business cards or phone numbers on a napkin.

The only difference is the numbers are on his webpage.

I question why he has them on the page - why didn't he delete them after receiving them? Why did it take you finding them, before he got rid of them?

What is he sorry for - the fact that he was so insensitive or the fact that you caught him with these messages? That is what you have to figure out.

Personally, I believe where there is smoke, there is fire.


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## PerfectMistake (Feb 22, 2007)

One of my best friends had the same thing happen to her excpet they were engaged and he DID exchange numbers and started text messaging her. She broke it off and he really was sad and wanted her back. Since they have gotten back together he is much nicer, got rid of his cell and stays off MySpace for the most part.

You have every right to be angry about it - he should not be flirting in any manner to anyone if he is going out with you in an exclusive relationship.

You should give a few days or maybe a week to let everything settle down and for him to think about how much he wants to be with you and how much you want to be with him. In cases like this it's always better to take some time!

Good luck sweetie, and make sure you update us!


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## alice_alice (Feb 22, 2007)

you know, i think it's funny how you got rid of him so quickly. i wouldnt have done that but then again i stayed for a year with a guy who was telling me i deserved to die...so im hardly the one to speak. :laughing: seriously tho, i think the important thing is - do you love him? do u see a future with this guy? and if you do - than talk to him! make him delete his account, whatever. if he is worth it im sure you can forgive him this little misstep. just make sure he knows that this is his last chance. and one more thing - if you decide to stay with him: make the next 6 months of his life living hell. haha that will teach him.


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## bluebird26 (Feb 22, 2007)

I don't think you're being harsh. Online flirting or cheating is just as serious as doing it in person. I'm glad you're not ignoring that and I hope he learns his lesson if you decide to give him a second chance. Trust is very important.


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## vanilla_sky (Feb 22, 2007)

I think it all depends - what were these messages like? was it like only a single compliment to someone, or more hard core flirting? was it few messages from different girls, or were there many messages from THE SAME girls? and how did he explain it? what did he say about why he did it and what it meant to him? I think i would base my decision on these factors.

and big hug for you, hope you will feel better soon :hugss:


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## natalierb (Feb 22, 2007)

Exactly my sentiment. What were those messages like? Did they have intent for cheating? I think you did the right thing. Guys can be real jerks sometimes, and they don't realize what they've lost until it's gone. You're a beautiful girl, if this doesn't work out for you, there are plenty of other guys out there.


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## Saje (Feb 22, 2007)

If those letters are really that bad then you most definitely did the right thing. Just because it is online doesnt mean he or anyone can do that.


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## jdepp_84 (Feb 22, 2007)

I totally agree. Also, its not just about him cheating, its also about why you went into his account, did you not trust him before that? IF he lost your trust for any reason then I think the relationship would not work if you tried because trust is soooo hard to get back and give.


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## Jesskaa (Feb 22, 2007)

exactly.


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## Killah Kitty (Feb 23, 2007)

Girl this sounds exactly like my situation wow!! I got in my bfs myspace and that message box is just literaly overflowing. TONS of messages. I swear worse than yours most likely. Hes always givin his number askin them to hang out complimenting them x1000. And this from my serious bf of a year. He always finds girls and starts the conversations too. He is the smoothest guy with the ladies and trust me that can get sooo frustrating in a relationship.

YOU did the right thing I appluade your bravery to pull this off. Im a quiet snooper lol I just gaze in now and then and quietly observe. Not until something ACTUALLY happens will I flip. Obviosly I should say something but to be honest Im intrigued. And mentally I keep a note of all the little things, when/if something big comes up Ill be letting him kno for sure, and I wont miss one little thing either.

ITLL BE OK!! HE needs to realize what he had. Nobody truly apreciates what they have til its gone!! If you see a future with him as somebody mentioned, if you honest truly are in love with him, then try talk/work it out. But if not or until then I again congratulate you. We dont need that in our lives!!


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## mmonroemaniac (Feb 23, 2007)

hope your doing ok im sure we would all like to hear an update...

me and my boyfriend both had myspace accounts, and one day he came home and said hes heard alot on the radio about boyfriends and girlfrirends getting caught out and splitting up over it. so we bothe deleted our accounts, and we both feel alot better for it!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

you have defniatly done the right thing, and of course if the msgs wernt too bad and your elaly do love him theres no reason why after some time apart you can talk about getting back together... love is the strongest thing, you just got to tell him, he needs to earn your trust again now....


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## speerrituall1 (Feb 23, 2007)

I agree!

Remember that you did not ask for permission to enter his account. Sooner or later, he will probably use that to haunt you.


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## mac-whore (Feb 23, 2007)

as for an update, we have gotten back together and he has deleted his accout. i'm still contemplating whether or not i want to delete mine but, yeah i definately agree with the saying that myspace can ruin relationships lol. i'm still kinda iffy about trusting him but i think we can work things out with time. thanks for all of the great advice everyone!


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Feb 23, 2007)

I had a myspace account and it caused probs for my relationship and so I had no prob deleting it. My friend and her bf both had one and one day she got onto her bfs account and he had added soo many girls to his list after she left for college. She asked him about it and denies it still to this day. She found out his password for yahoo messenger and he also added a bunch of girls after she left for college. About a week ago she looked at his phone and noticed a whole bunch of dirty text messages and asked him about it and he got defensive of the bat and denied it and then threw his phone and busted it and I told her, you know hes lying if he gets defensive off the bat and shes still with him. She deleted his myspace account but he just made new one recently and didnt tell her and hes also cheated on her. I dont know what else to tell her. Alls I can say is keep an eye out on him. Keep track of what hes doin. Invading his privacy a lil but who cares. You need to know what hes doin so he doesnt make the same mistake 2x. Good Luck.


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## StrangerNMist (Feb 24, 2007)

This happened to my cousin on my father's side before her wedding (I think I posted about it in this area, it's been too long).

This girl had left a fairly naughty message on his phone, and my cousin just happened to intercept it and she flew off the hook. He actually got so mad that he actually tried to choke her.

She still married the bastard.

From what I hear, he still gets messages on his phone.


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## pinkbundles (Feb 25, 2007)

Let's put it this way, if you never found out about it and this went on, what could have happened? Is it possible that something "real" could have happened?

I think you saved yourself a lot of pain and even though it hurts, you'll be ok. It was nice though for him to drive 45 mins. to see you, but what's done is done. If you can't trust him anymore, then you guys don't have much. Unless, you believe in second chances and give it another try. In that case, it's your call. Hope you feel better soon.


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## MissMudPie (Feb 25, 2007)

I've been in the same situation... only the girl asked him to be her homecoming escort, and he did it even though I told him I didn't want him to.

It's something I can't seem to let go of even though we've stayed together. I dunno... we'd been dating for 2 1/2 years when this happened, and I just didn't want to trow it away completely because of one incident.


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## Savvy_lover (Feb 25, 2007)

generaly i should tell u what others have told u. and i agree with them too. its just for myself what i would do is tell him to go xxxx himself til he beg and beg and do wtever i want him to and make sure he dont flirt with those gurls EVER AGAIN! one more time it happens , hes dxmned


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## CellyCell (Feb 25, 2007)

Myspace drama. Eeesh.

You did your thing. I agree with cyw1.


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## MissMissy (Feb 26, 2007)

i posted something in the sex and relationship forum it was the march edition on cosmo. One guy said something about how myspace is bad let finds it ................Andrew Stockrum said "be skeptical if your guy is too friendly with a cute girl on myspace. He may just say she is an old friend, but its as bad as flirting in person". At first i over looked (okay) but i guess in some cases the situation is bad!


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## jdepp_84 (Feb 26, 2007)

I hope things work out for the best :sheep:


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## sky_blu (Mar 4, 2007)

Guys are stupid. I had a similar situation happen to me. Well he gave me his password for something else and I used it for something else and found out some things I wish I hadnt. I cant trust him like I used to and still dont. Once someone loses trust with me, its hard to gain it if any back.


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## bodyandsoul (Mar 4, 2007)

Without all the facts of your relationship, I'm not sure about breaking it off - how long you've been together, any other signs or incidents etc.

But I agree with one of the other posts - My space is the devil! Most of the computer is evil! Too much porn, dating sites etc People need to get a life!

If you stay with him NO MORE MY SPACE or anything like it. What's his objective with having a my space profile?

However - trust once broken is very hard to repair.

Good luck!


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## 510 (Mar 9, 2007)

i'd be super pissed, i'd do the same thing!


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## TheJadedDiary (Mar 9, 2007)

I don't mean to sound harsh or anything but to be honest, i think you were just as in the wrong as him, sticky beaking into his myspace account.

But i spose if you were going through his messages in the first place than you must not have trusted him so i guess dumping him was for the best.


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## reginaalear (Mar 10, 2007)

I looked at my husbands myspace the other day and there was a message in his inbox from a Girl wanting to get to know him. He never replied to her and I was the first one to read it. I told him about the message and he deleted it. I trust him and believe that he would never go out on me. I think if it was just a random girl sending him a message then yeah it's a little harsh. Now If he has been talking to this girl then you did the right thing. Kick him to the Curve!!! My husbands profile is set to private, but anyone can send you a message in your inbox they just can't comment you. HTH!!!


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## Kimmi201 (Mar 29, 2007)

I think u did the right thing.... ur his girl..everyone deserves to snoop a little..i trust my man very much but i still check the phone out every so often n he does the same to me, just curiosity. i would have done the exact same thing..u kno he cares about u cause first off he drove all that time, cryed and was very sorry n apologized right away (usally the guy reaction is to get mad and act defensive which is never a good sign cause then u kno they dont really believe what they did was wrong) n most important HE offered to delete it rather than u making him

and sweetnsexy..wow..ur friend is ridiculoussss much worse than the guy just for staying with a guy like that


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## juicycouturegrl (Mar 30, 2007)

its so sad to find out that way that someone you love and care about and you think feels the same way...well might not. but i think if the messages contained any exchanges on a more personal level and not just simple messing around online because you know you will never meet this person type of thing then you did the right thing. don't let him think he can have a second chance to do this to you. but if it WAS just simple messing around online because you know you will never meet this person type of thing, and you really care for him, you might want to set some ground rules about myspace messages he SENDS (can't control what he receives) and ask him WHY he is friends with these girls that flirt. good luck, and i'm sorry you're sad. i know only too well what you're feeling, and it stinks.


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## cajunangel (Mar 30, 2007)

LoL... this myspace site has been a lot of trouble for many couples! My friend and her husband are getting divorved because of the same exact situation. No you are not being too harsh! Kick that man to the curb!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> You are beautiful and there are plenty of men in the sea, trust me!


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## mac-whore (Mar 30, 2007)

we both deleted our myspace accounts a month ago and have been peachy since then =]


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## CellyCell (Mar 30, 2007)

thats good to know.

oy vey - this myspace. its a blessing but a curse!


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## sky_blu (Mar 30, 2007)

So true! Im still wondering why guys with girls list themselves as "single" and pursue others on myspace. Ive thought about deleting my account several times.


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