# Do you think I am overreacting?



## empericalbeauty (Sep 22, 2006)

So my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 months going on six and things are okay, I guess. When we first started going out things were fine. we were always with each other [when we could]. But lately when I call him he doesnt answer and when I text, he doesnt reply. He just got a new phone and nothing is wrong with it. In my presence he answers other calls some from girls. I dont miind girls calling him. As long as he doesnt get all coninving. Anyways Yesterday i told him I would come see him during his soccer tryouts and he was like that would be nice. That it could even make him play better. I was like cool. So i call him to see if he is still trying out today, he doesnt answer. So i liesurely walk down to the field and he is trying out. I stay for a while [3 hours]. When he gets done, he doesnt come over to say anything. NO! he walks over to his friends as if he doesnt know me [and he knows I have a cold, at least come over and see how I am doing or something] and he starts playing with them. Thats cool, I mean they are his friends. but i am so fed up because He just carried on as if I wasnt there. I know he saw me because a couple of times he would look over. But no wave nothing. So am like, f***k this and I leave. I dont know but I just feel so horrible because one side of me feels like I am overreacting and another of me wants to break down and cry. I should add he moved to a new place and I just met 2 of his roomates. The other one I knew for a while. Chris and I were okay before he moved. I keep wondering if they told him something or have been making him act a certain way. Its just so frustrating because I felt so stupid, confused, frustrated, annoyed. A guy he was trying out with came over and wa talking to me. Even asked me out. But I felt so depressed and lately I have been feeling like maybe he wants to be with other girls cus maybe I am not pretty enough [for some reason I think that]. So I asked the guy if he though I was pretty and he said "yes. What makes you ask?" I almost cried on the field. I used to say to myself that I would never let a guy treat me or make me feel this way. I am too tired for this. honestly. I plan on not answering his calls, texts and avoiding any form of contact with him for a long time. Let him get a taste of his own medicine although a part of me tells me that he wouldnt really care. ::cries::


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## girl_geek (Sep 22, 2006)

Hm, well, first of all, I don't think your over-reacting. When your bf won't even answer his phone when he knows you're calling and won't even acknowledge your existance in front of his friends, there's definitely something wrong.

However, your last statement concerned me: If you just start refusing to answer his calls, that will only make things worse! If he doesn't want to talk to you now, he certainly won't want to talk to you if you start treating him badly too.

The only way to figure this out is to talk to him -- try to not argue and don't start the conversation when you're mad, but just calmly tell him what you're thinking. Don't try to put the blame on him, because that will only make him defensive and/or angry. Just tell him that it bothers you when he doesn't answer your calls, and ask him if there's anything going on that he wants to talk about.

And if he refuses to talk to you about it and continues to ignore you, well, honestly I would recommend leaving him! You deserve someone who will treat you right! I would give him a chance by talking first, since you never know what might be bothering, but if he is unwilling to talk or change things, then I don't think it will do either of you any good to stick together!


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## empericalbeauty (Sep 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *girl_geek* /img/forum/go_quote.gif * And if he refuses to talk to you about it and continues to ignore you, well, honestly I would recommend leaving him! You deserve someone who will treat* *you right!* Exactly. I kept thinking that. I spent the day with my friend and she started dating her guy around the time Chris and I started dating. Her boyfriend loves her and lets her know it by simple gestures and words. She isnt sick but he even texted her just to make sure she was okay. It would be my lucky day if Chris even randomly texts me to see how I am doing. Dont get me wrong he isnt a bad guy, but sometimes he is emotionally retarded. I just kept thinking that I deserved better. It doesnt have to be perfect but at least I wont have to keep feeling used.


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## janetsbreeze (Sep 22, 2006)

you killed me with the statement that maybe you aren't pretty enough - you are a gorgeous woman! you deserve to be treated with respect by everyone but especially by the person that has your heart. you aren't overreacting at all.


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 22, 2006)

You are over-reacting in the sense that you think that the treatment this guy is handing out is over your looks.

You are not over-reacting in the sense that he's treating you like crap. Just call/text him and tell him that it's over and you are moving on. Don't follow some guy around like a love-sick puppy dog. You had a clue that you are pretty by some random guy coming over to pick you up. So, your current b/f isn't worth your time...just accept that and move on. There are plenty of other guys who would LOVE to date you. Open the space to let them in by removing the inconsiderate (and loser) b/f out of the pic.

Here's a hug....we've all been there once before, and believe you me, it does get better. But, you have to put yourself first. (((((HUG)))))


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## Jessica81 (Sep 22, 2006)

You are so much better than this. Was the other guy who asked you out at the soccer tryouts cute? If so go out with him! You don't need to waste your time on this 'boyfriend'.


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## Aquilah (Sep 22, 2006)

Great advice Angela &amp; Jennifer! I couldn't agree more!

You're a beautiful woman, and you deserve someone who will treat you right! I recommend trying to talk to him about whatever seems to be going on, and see what he has to say. If it sounds like a load of bull, then it might be... Drop him, and move on!


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## geebers (Sep 22, 2006)

My best friend experienced this same issue for two weeks. My advice to her is the same as to you- do not even bother to talk it out. Why? He is no fool - you DID try by calling and texting him. And he chose to ignore you. Is that any way to treat someone you love? The answer is very loud and clear -guys use actions not words - the relationship is over. Move on and cut this loser out. And it bothers me that he is letting you do his dirty work for him - he ignores you in the hopes that you get fed up and dump him yourself. But whatever - do it to end it "officially" and date that other guy.


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## empericalbeauty (Sep 22, 2006)

Well last night after venting, I decided not to talk to him cus I was so exhausted from crying. But he called and I refused to pickup. 2 seconds later he called again. And again. and again. and again. So the 5th time he called I picked up but my voice was so raspy from crying and I just wanted to sleep. He kept apologizing and he said he was busy straightening out his school stuff[Well in his defense He kinda is busy sometimes]. I told him that i wont bother calling him or texting him anymore since he finds it fit to ignore me whenever I do call. He said he loves when I call and I guess I should add, he hates texting[he thinks it is too impersonal.] But he apologized and asked If i wanted to hang out today[friday]. I said I would think about it [meaning yes...I love him...]. I refrained from texting him later on [because at first we used to text each other goodnight and all that mushy bullshit] and suprise suprise..He texted me and I guess he had a textual meltdown. Well long story short I ended up not being able to sleep and he kept me company over the phone for about 4 hours then we decided to sleep. I appreciate all of your advices and without you guys i probably would have done something really retarded [like hung out with some other guy and probably hook up with him to get back at Chris..I actually thought about doing this..as imature as it sounds]. ::Mut Hugs::..I love you all! deeply...I am just going to roll with the flow of the "relationship"and cut back on the way I call him [i dont even call that much. maybe once a day? or twice]. Make him miss me more. ::hugs and kisses::


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## pinkbundles (Sep 22, 2006)

wow. what can i say? the bf is being an a$$hole. it sounds all fishy that he doesn't answer your calls or text messages and giving you excuses. i say one or all happened: 1) he's cheating or on the verge of cheating 2) he's trying to impress his friends/roomates by mistreating you 3) he's just being an a$$ b/c he can

my advice? ignore him. don't call him or anything. i know it sounds like mind games, but i'd like to think of it as just levelling the field. you shouldn't have to put up w/ that $hit. IMHO.

*hugs*


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## Becka (Sep 22, 2006)

Even though you've sorted it out, I'd move on ... these types of guys ALWAYS come running full force when they think you're leaving ... sorry to be so blunt, but don't fall for it, you deserve more respect than you're getting. Also Emperical, girls shouldn't be calling him ...


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## geebers (Sep 22, 2006)

I know you love him and it is hard....but I have been there and believe me - he will never change. Respect yourself more and tell him that you need space to sort yourself out (you definitely need to start seeing yourself as beautiful!! You are basing your self-esteem on this guy... you need to recognize you are beautiful and other guys want you and it wont happen if you stay with this guy and let him walk all over you).


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 23, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Becka* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Even though you've sorted it out, I'd move on ... these types of guys ALWAYS come running full force when they think you're leaving ... sorry to be so blunt, but don't fall for it, you deserve more respect than you're getting. Also Emperical, girls shouldn't be calling him ... I just have to agree with Becka. I've had guys who would "prove" to their friends how great they are and how this "cute chick" was all nuts about him...calling him, coming "uninvited" to be with him and how he could ignore her and she'll "put up with it cuz she 'loves' him." 
You obviously have to do what is best for you. You have to make the decisions that fit your life...but, always be aware: guys who love the gals they're with MAKE time to call/text them...do not ignore calls...and certainly do not ignore the gals when they are there in person.

He's playing games with you. As much as you "think" you love him...just make sure that you love yourself more.


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## sm91396 (Sep 23, 2006)

I'm so sorry that he is behaving this way to you, and I don't think you are overreacting. He is ignoring you and that's not cool at all. Maybe you should take that other guy up on his offer of a date.....


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## empericalbeauty (Sep 23, 2006)

Well yesterday he didnt call when he said he would so I went over to end it. He wasnt there! but I got one of his roomate [Max. he is very very cool] And i just offloaded on him. He said that I have every right to be upset but that maybe I was reacting a bit too much. Apparently Chris doesnt pick up his phonecalls either and it can be frustrating. Just then chris runs in and I ignore him. Max excuses himself and tells us to have a talk. So i told chris everything and that I wasnt some freaking groupie but that I was his girlfriend and i shouldnt be treated that way. I didnt yell but I cried. And he cried too. His phone died thats why he didnt call me and that He knows I should be upset because he doesnt call but He swore that he wasnt cheating [Max told me that he wasnt cus they hang out alot]. Well long story short, We didnt break up but he is on probation. we ended up getting massively high and something led to another and we had great amazing makeup sex. I dont know if we will break up anytime soon but he is on probationand I have to also get used to not getting some of my texts replied cus he detests text messages. He doesnt even answer his mother's texts because it is too impersonal. thanks girls.


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## pla4u (Sep 23, 2006)

Sounds like he is being an A***..You do need to talk to hin , There is no excuse for him to ignore you like that , Tell him how you feel and see how he responde, some guys are really dense when it come ts to matters of the hart, If you let hom know maybe he will realise how badly he was acting..


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## Leza1121 (Sep 23, 2006)

Hi,

Since you've decided to work on this, just keep your eyes open sweetie.


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## mossaenda (Sep 23, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Leza1121* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Hi,
Since you've decided to work on this, just keep your eyes open sweetie.





ITA, but don't give him another chance! he is not treating you right, next time he ignores you dump him, you deserve to be treated better. Do not doubt yourself! looks or otherwise, if he doesn't straighten up move on.


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## Kelly (Sep 24, 2006)

My opinion would be....you are worth so much more. I know that's hard. But brutally honest here....he's just not that into you. I know that sucks to hear....but that's how it sounds. Most guys would not act that way.

You deserve better! Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't acknowledge you?

I'd move on hon!


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## Elisabeth (Sep 26, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well yesterday he didnt call when he said he would so I went over to end it. He wasnt there! but I got one of his roomate [Max. he is very very cool] And i just offloaded on him. He said that I have every right to be upset but that maybe I was reacting a bit too much. Apparently Chris doesnt pick up his phonecalls either and it can be frustrating. Just then chris runs in and I ignore him. Max excuses himself and tells us to have a talk. So i told chris everything and that I wasnt some freaking groupie but that I was his girlfriend and i shouldnt be treated that way. I didnt yell but I cried. And he cried too. His phone died thats why he didnt call me and that He knows I should be upset because he doesnt call but He swore that he wasnt cheating [Max told me that he wasnt cus they hang out alot]. Well long story short, We didnt break up but he is on probation. we ended up getting massively high and something led to another and we had great amazing makeup sex. I dont know if we will break up anytime soon but he is on probationand I have to also get used to not getting some of my texts replied cus he detests text messages. He *doesnt even answer his mother's texts because it is too impersonal*. thanks girls. I'm going to add a totally different bizarre piece of advice that my mother gave me about 10 years ago and I laughed in her face till I realized just how right on she was:Never trust a man who doesn't respect his mother.


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## SewAmazing (Sep 26, 2006)

I'm with Becka on this. Don't ignore your intuitive abilities. They are always on point. This may be someone to have a casual relationship with, but don't invest your heart and feelings here. You've had all the upfront warnings you are going to get. Next time it will be major pain, disappointment, hurt, anger, and tears. Proceed with caution, but if I were you, I wouldn't proceed at all. You could be spending your time with someone who WANTS to be with you!


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## Saja (Sep 26, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Elisabeth* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm going to add a totally different bizarre piece of advice that my mother gave me about 10 years ago and I laughed in her face till I realized just how right on she was:Never trust a man who doesn't respect his mother.

Unless his mother is absolutley loony toons....then its a whole different situation, hahhahahahah


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## macuphead (Sep 27, 2006)

well now my dear, arent you glad you didnt have a baby with him? (im 90 sure it was you that 'confessed' that you wanted to have a baby with your current bf!)


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## empericalbeauty (Sep 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *macuphead* /img/forum/go_quote.gif well now my dear, arent you glad you didnt have a baby with him? (im 90 sure it was you that 'confessed' that you wanted to have a baby with your current bf!) LMAO!..5 kids..well it was going to be 9 but we negotiated [for some insane reason I let him have his way]. but everything is fine now. We went out this weekend and we both got really really high. We ended up going to 2 different psrties with another guy named Chris [bungie]. now bungie is cute. So while chris was talking to some other people, bungie and I started talking and making fun of the uptight people at this party. I guess things got out of hand cus we were giggling insanely and what not. The next day chris[my boyfriend] go out of lunch and he casually brings up that I was flirting with this bungie guy [i did it intentionally, I think]. that REALLy woke him up cus he thought for some reason i was going to run off with this bungie guy. He has been on his best behavior ever since. Hell, all i had to do was flirt with some other guy to wake him up and now he realises that I mean business.


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## _withoutYou (Sep 27, 2006)

> Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif LMAO!..5 kids..well it was going to be 9 but we negotiated [for some insane reason I let him have his way]. but everything is fine now. We went out this weekend and we both got really really high. We ended up going to 2 different psrties with another guy named Chris [bungie]. now bungie is cute. So while chris was talking to some other people, bungie and I started talking and making fun of the uptight people at this party. I guess things got out of hand cus we were giggling insanely and what not. The next day chris[my boyfriend] go out of lunch and he casually brings up that I was flirting with this bungie guy [i did it intentionally, I think]. that REALLy woke him up cus he thought for some reason i was going to run off with this bungie guy. He has been on his best behavior ever since. Hell, all i had to do was flirt with some other guy to wake him up and now he realises that I mean business. yep, sometimes we take advantage of people and then loose them and that opens up our eyes and shows us how stupid we were for doing so. you know what they say, you never know what you got till it's gone untill you loose it... some people give us second chances(like you did in this case with this guy). sometimes we don't get second chances.
> 
> anyways, i'm glad he realized this... and please, do not give him any more chances after this, you'll just hurt yourself in the process, eventually.


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## macuphead (Sep 28, 2006)

ohhhh man if i was your friend i would slap you so hard!!! grrrrr! god there is so many things i want to say to you right now! there are so many things wrong with what you have been posting here i want to die! ok, seriously, if you had to flirt with his friend to get him to notice you...hes 'just not that into you' seriously. especially after 5 or 6 months! this is the time where he should be trying to win YOU over! he should be gushing to all his friends about how much he likes you, telling you that all the time, taking you out to meet his friends because he is so excited for you to meet them, sending you flowers, taking you out....!!! GRR! it really drives me nuts that girls will settle for guys who clearly dont deserve them, i have never had a problem with self esteem, so admitedly (spelling?) i guess i cannot fully relate, but i know so many people that carry on with these jokes of relationships, just because they like a guy so much and even though he clearly isnt holding up his end, continue to try and flaunt themselves at them, and play games, prance around their friends, etc etc etc, just to be noticed by them!!! i just dont understand! go out with your friends, have fun! even if you have to PRETEND to be confident, believe me, guys will notice! a girl that thinks she isnt pretty enough, or isnt good enough, will attract guys who will continue to feed off of that and take advantage of it. if you go out with the attitude that you deserve nothing but the best, and i dont mean the hottest, the most popular or whatever the best was in high school, i mean a man that is hard working, honest, trustworthy, and treats you WELL, all the men who are leaches will be turned off instantly, because to them, a girl that is confident, isnt worth the trouble. but the guys you WILL attract, are going to be guys that see you for more than a peice of ass or whatever else, and will want to be with you because they enjoy being with a strong, independent woman. i think another thing that i have noticed, with one of my friends in particular, is that she really isnt comfortable with the thought of being alone, because it ties into being confident in herself. she thinks she needs a man to compensate for her 'shortcomings' or so she sees them. until you can wake up in the morning, alone, and say 'i am a happy person. i am happy because i make MYSELF happy. i dont need anyone else, man, woman, baby, anything, to make me happy, because i am happy with myself. and once you are happy with yourself, you will be less likely to give yourself to someone who doesnt respect you and treat you well, because you LOVE YOURSELF! dont you ever watch oprah?!?!?!?

CHANGE OF PLANS!!!!!!! pm me your address, i am sending you an RAOK aka SWIFT KICK IN THE REAR!!! i have a book that i want you to read and ACTUALLY LISTEN TO!!!!!!!!! im totally serious...do it now!


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## Elisabeth (Sep 28, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Saja* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Unless his mother is absolutley loony toons....then its a whole different situation, hahhahahahah Ok, yeah. absolutely. Like If his mom molested him or abused him or is, like Saja says, Loony Toons..well, then, yeah. Sorry. My theory should have had a caveat, like all theories.


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## geebers (Sep 28, 2006)

You are going to do what you want but I have to say I agree whole-heartedly with dumping him. If he REALLY wants you back he will prove himself. There is no need for YOU to flirt and make HIM appreciate YOU because he already should be doing that. I would tell him you need spaceand move on.


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## Lia (Sep 28, 2006)

Originally Posted by *macuphead* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ohhhh man if i was your friend i would slap you so hard!!! grrrrr! god there is so many things i want to say to you right now! there are so many things wrong with what you have been posting here i want to die! ok, seriously, if you had to flirt with his friend to get him to notice you...hes 'just not that into you' seriously. especially after 5 or 6 months! this is the time where he should be trying to win YOU over! he should be gushing to all his friends about how much he likes you, telling you that all the time, taking you out to meet his friends because he is so excited for you to meet them, sending you flowers, taking you out....!!! GRR! it really drives me nuts that girls will settle for guys who clearly dont deserve them, i have never had a problem with self esteem, so admitedly (spelling?) i guess i cannot fully relate, but i know so many people that carry on with these jokes of relationships, just because they like a guy so much and even though he clearly isnt holding up his end, continue to try and flaunt themselves at them, and play games, prance around their friends, etc etc etc, just to be noticed by them!!! i just dont understand! go out with your friends, have fun! even if you have to PRETEND to be confident, believe me, guys will notice! a girl that thinks she isnt pretty enough, or isnt good enough, will attract guys who will continue to feed off of that and take advantage of it. if you go out with the attitude that you deserve nothing but the best, and i dont mean the hottest, the most popular or whatever the best was in high school, i mean a man that is hard working, honest, trustworthy, and treats you WELL, all the men who are leaches will be turned off instantly, because to them, a girl that is confident, isnt worth the trouble. but the guys you WILL attract, are going to be guys that see you for more than a peice of ass or whatever else, and will want to be with you because they enjoy being with a strong, independent woman. i think another thing that i have noticed, with one of my friends in particular, is that she really isnt comfortable with the thought of being alone, because it ties into being confident in herself. she thinks she needs a man to compensate for her 'shortcomings' or so she sees them. until you can wake up in the morning, alone, and say 'i am a happy person. i am happy because i make MYSELF happy. i dont need anyone else, man, woman, baby, anything, to make me happy, because i am happy with myself. and once you are happy with yourself, you will be less likely to give yourself to someone who doesnt respect you and treat you well, because you LOVE YOURSELF! dont you ever watch oprah?!?!?!?
CHANGE OF PLANS!!!!!!! pm me your address, i am sending you an RAOK aka SWIFT KICK IN THE REAR!!! i have a book that i want you to read and ACTUALLY LISTEN TO!!!!!!!!! im totally serious...do it now!




i totally agree


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## empericalbeauty (Sep 29, 2006)

Well he does gush about me to his friends. Today his roomate max told me that I am all he talks about when I am not there. He isnt the first person to tell me this either. I dont want to break up with him because frankly, Maybe I am overreating. Chris isnt the kind of man to be outspoken with his emotions. Lately I realised that He feels it, but he wont speak it. ::shrugs::. Plus he has stepped it up big time. Yeah its a little sad that it took flirting with another guy to wake him up, but I mean I am sure most of you have been or are currently in relationships where the newness has worn off and you both know how you feel romantically but there isnt a need to voice it? I dont want to hurriedly make a decision based on a few missed calls and unreplied texts.


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## mebabygirl86 (Sep 29, 2006)

i say you didnt over react.what i dont understand is he says he didntcall cuz his phone died but what was the excuse for acting like he didnt see you.

And just as a side note not to make you second guess anything but just as a precaution,you cant always trust the roomate/friend cuz you have to remember that technically their loyalty is to your bf not you.Glad yall are doin better though


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## geebers (Sep 29, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I mean I am sure most of you have been or are currently in relationships where the newness has worn off and you both know how you feel romantically but there isnt a need to voice it? I dont want to hurriedly make a decision based on a few missed calls and unreplied texts. You know - I have been in a relationship where it was GREAT in the start and horrible at the end. I ended it because to me, getting comfortable is one thing but to obviously lose interest is another. And you know what? This guy didn't just stop showing you romantic attention, he was downright disrespectful to you. He ignored you and humiliated you. And when you showed attention to someone else, he came around. I know these types of guys. They do not change. If you want to hang in there, that is your choice. But I can pretty much guarantee 101% that this guy will hurt you again. If you choose to end it - you have all of us on your side!!


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## magosienne (Oct 4, 2006)

i'm not in position to give any advice, but careful empericalbeauty, because you're starting to justify _him_ and doubting of your own judgement and actions, and that is bad for you. it's ok if you want to take your time so you can have a real proof he doesn't like you at all, but you could spend your entire lifetime waiting for him, so just know how much time you give him, and then make your decision. when i'm reading you i have the impression you're the only one trying to make it work, while he's just living it, if you see what i mean. besides, if he really speaks about you all the time, he should be able to tell it to you, too, even in a whisper. you're not his favorite videogame, you're his girlfriend.


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## selene (Oct 24, 2006)

It is so important to remember that we cannot control how others choose to behave/act.



We can control how we behave, and "react." It can be very self-empowering, so love YOU enough to take care of you.

Originally Posted by *VenusGoddess* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You are over-reacting in the sense that you think that the treatment this guy is handing out is over your looks.
You are not over-reacting in the sense that he's treating you like crap.

HUGE 2nd to this!


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## han (Oct 24, 2006)

Originally Posted by *SewAmazing* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm with Becka on this. Don't ignore your intuitive abilities. They are always on point. This may be someone to have a casual relationship with, but don't invest your heart and feelings here. You've had all the upfront warnings you are going to get. Next time it will be major pain, disappointment, hurt, anger, and tears. Proceed with caution, but if I were you, I wouldn't proceed at all. You could be spending your time with someone who WANTS to be with you! she took the words right out of my mouth there is no excuse to not calling you or answering your calls thats shady a sign that something isnt right i know from exsperience and i know with all your heart you want to belive other wise but go with your instinct my dad all ways told me a excuse is a lie with a rose on top


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