# Vent (b/f's babies mama's)



## shanes_babygirl (Sep 7, 2006)

My boyfriend has 6 kids..Yes you read that right..6 kids. The babies Mama's (there's 3 of them) wont let me meet his kids. . I just want to meet them, they're adorible, he talks about them all the time. I just want to be able to meet them ya know? It annoy's the h*ll out of me. They have no reason to be like that. I'm nothing but polite when they call, I've never said anything bad about them. I just dont know why they would act like that. Anyone have any ideas why they are like that?


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## hollyxann (Sep 7, 2006)

i cant help you here but i can see where you come from...my bf has 2 kids both from different moms...and they dont have any problems with me reallly but sometmes i feel weird around them if i see them and sometimes i feel weird around the girls...

its probably that motherly bond thingy...they dont want their kids to like you more or get close to you or something incase it doesnt work with you and your bf....not real sure its just guesses


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 7, 2006)

But Im by know means trying to take thier place......


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## speerrituall1 (Sep 8, 2006)

I'm sure there's a bit of jealousy involved. Afterall, he's with you, and they have the children, all 6?????? of them. Six kids, what's the potential here?


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *speerrituall1* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm sure there's a bit of jealousy involved. Afterall, he's with you, and they have the children, all 6?????? of them. Six kids, what's the potential here? What do you mean?


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## speerrituall1 (Sep 8, 2006)

Do you see yourself having a serious future with this person?


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *speerrituall1* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Do you see yourself having a serious future with this person? Yes I do..We live together, we are planning on buying a house the beging of next year..he's pretty much my childrens daddy. So yep...We are serious already.


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## dentaldee (Sep 8, 2006)

STAY AWAY FROM ANY MAN WHO HAS KIDS...........especially if she's acting like that already...........take it from someone who living that kinda hell as we speak........if I could go back in time, I would NOT be with my SO....for the sole reason of his ex!! RUN NOW......JMO


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## speerrituall1 (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *shanes_babygirl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yes I do..We live together, we are planning on buying a house the beging of next year..he's pretty much my childrens daddy. So yep...We are serious already. You should have a talk with a close relative--Mom, Grandmother etc. A real heart to heart.


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *speerrituall1* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You should have a talk with a close relative--Mom, Grandmother etc. A real heart to heart. why?


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## speerrituall1 (Sep 8, 2006)

Wisdom


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

All my mom has told me, was to forget about it then, when they want to let you meet them they will. So yeah. Wasnt very much help. And if your meaning breakup with him because he has quite a few kids. That doesnt seem right to me. If a woman has alot of kids, She still expects a man to come in her life. So it's the same for guys too.


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## girl_geek (Sep 8, 2006)

If I had to guess, I'd assume that speerrituall1 is just leery of any guy who already has 6 kids with 3 other women. What were his relationships like with these other women? Why did he leave them? She's probably thinking that he will just do the same thing to you... And 6 kids?! Was he trying to have the kids or does he just not know how to use birth control? I can understand birth control failing once or twice, but 6 times? And if he tried to have kids with 3 different women and soon left them all (since I'm assuming that he is as young as you I doubt he's old enough to have stayed with the women for a long time), well, that sounds like trouble to me...

Now I'm not trying to judge you or him, maybe you guys will find something together that he never found with the other women, but if past behavior is any indication of future behavior I would be worried!

EDITED TO ADD: As for why his ex's wouldn't want to meet you, well, I don't think most girls are interesting in meeting their ex-bf's new gf! All sorts of jealousy and emotional issues there, and then throw kids into the mix and that probably just intensifies those feelings! And maybe they are expecting your bf to leave you like they left them, so they don't really want to get involved with you if they don't think you'll be involved with him for very long... Just speculating!


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 8, 2006)

All I know is that if Joe and I separated and he started seeing other women, I would not allow any of them to meet my kids until I KNEW it was "lasting". The last thing you do is allow men/women to parade in and out of the children's life.

How long have you two been together? And, just because you want to meet someone's kids doesn't mean that you have the right to.

I have to agree with Speerritual about the "quality" of guy...a man who has 6 children with 3 different women and is not currently involved with any of them is someone who has committment problems...at the least. I would think long and hard about allowing a man to become "permanently" attached to you (by way of kids) with his kind of track record.


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## angel_eyes4evah (Sep 8, 2006)

I agree with everyone above....a guy w/ 6 kids, what does that say about him? Girl you dont want no baby mama drama! I'm with the other ladies on this......can you see yourself marrying him and having kids if he already has 6?.......hunny you are in for some heartbreak, stress, and god no's what else if you keep this up. Hey but thats just my opion, but I strongly believe the other girls will agree w/ me.


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## lovesboxers (Sep 8, 2006)

I agree with what venusgoddess said. Frankly if the father of my kids had more out there with 2 other women there seems to be a pattern and I would not want my children's father's "woman of the moment" (by no way am I trying to diminish anything you may have with him just stating how it looks from a mothers pov) coming in and out of their lives. These other mothers have no idea if you will really be sticking around for the long haul-- I am sure the other women who have had children with him figured they were in it for the long haul too.

.... And 6 kids, yikes. Be careful, personally (even though I have 3 kids) I would never date a man with 6 kids by 3 different women. JMHO


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## PookieG (Sep 8, 2006)

listen girlfriend,

run away and dump that zero and find yoself a hero

he is obvisiouly a player with six kids and all! IMO


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## Jennifer (Sep 8, 2006)

i hope NO ONE takes this the wrong way because you all (or most) know me and know i'm not being rude by ANY means, but...

she DID only come on here looking for advice on why these women were acting this way, not relationship advice.


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## PookieG (Sep 8, 2006)

true

i think they feel like you are trying to be their mom or something like that. they probably want to be the only woman in their kids lives.


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 8, 2006)

I would still like to know how long they've been together. It would also help if the ages of the kids was known, too.


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

2 of the kids, is by his ex wife...She left him. 2 more of the kids, are by an ex girlfriend he was with, the first pregnancy with that girl was not planned, he left her because she got into drugs. 2 others were also by an ex girlfriend..I dont remember what happened with that relationship. I'm sorry that you ladies feel that someone having alot of kids make's them a player, or what not. I have 3 kids, thier all not by the same man. Does that make me a slut? No it doesnt. Do I expect to be able to be in a relationship with someone still even though I have kids. Yes. The same goes for guys. We've been together for aprox. 7 1/2 months. Thank you ladies for trying to protect me from getting hurt..But I don't need it. Because he's not the way you are making him out to be.


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 8, 2006)

Sorry, 7 1/2 months is no where NEAR long enough to introduce my kids to my ex's new girl. I'm extremely protective of my kids and there is no way in hell that anyone would meet my kids unless there was a marriage license involved. I've seen people just parade new people in and out of the kids lives and that's not good.

And, no one said having kids by different people made anyone a player or a slut. But, it does mean that there is no "stability" in the relationship. You may want to look at that a little more...

I would also like to remind you...he is financially responsible for the care of 6 children...for the next 10-18 years (depending on how old the kids are). Even if he paid each mom only $100 a month for both kids...that's $600/month...and more if he pays more. I don't know about you...but that's a huge chunk of money to pay out before any of your bills, etc are paid for. Just something to consider when it comes down to bean counting.


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *VenusGoddess* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sorry, 7 1/2 months is no where NEAR long enough to introduce my kids to my ex's new girl. I'm extremely protective of my kids and there is no way in hell that anyone would meet my kids unless there was a marriage license involved. I've seen people just parade new people in and out of the kids lives and that's not good.
And, no one said having kids by different people made anyone a player or a slut. But, it does mean that there is no "stability" in the relationship. You may want to look at that a little more...

I would also like to remind you...he is financially responsible for the care of 6 children...for the next 10-18 years (depending on how old the kids are). Even if he paid each mom only $100 a month for both kids...that's $600/month...and more if he pays more. I don't know about you...but that's a huge chunk of money to pay out before any of your bills, etc are paid for. Just something to consider when it comes down to bean counting.

He pays each mother $400 a month in child support. He's still able to come home (we live together) and pay the bills. He works, I dont. Reasoning, I'd rather take care of my kids, then send them to daycare. Not that I think there's anything wrong with moms who work..It just not for me.Maybe you are right somewhat. Im sure the relationship with the other ladies, were unstable. Which Im pretty sure they were from what he has told me. I do think he may be affraid of commitment somewhat. But that doesn't mean we're doomed to fail.

And about the kiddo's meeting me, You wouldnt let your kids meet your ex's new girl unless they were married?? That seems so unfair. Im not trying to take thier place. They are still the mom and always will be. I just want to be apart of thier life too, no not making any decisions about who they should be with, or what dr. they should see or what not. Just to be able to spend time with them. I don't think thats being unreasonable.


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## Jennifer (Sep 8, 2006)

Quote:
there is no way in hell that anyone would meet my kids unless there was a marriage license involved. I've seen people just parade new people in and out of the kids lives and that's not good. i'm not a mother, but i could say i agree. kids will get confused and then blame themselves for the person walking in and out of their life. you and your boyfriend may spend the rest of your lives together, but the exes don't know that. i wouldn't take it personally. just let them do it when THEY want.


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## AprilRayne (Sep 8, 2006)

Wow, you're lucky to have a man that is willing to take care of you and all 3 of your kids and let you be home with them without even being married yet! That's great! May I ask, though, is this the same guy that broke up with you just a few days ago for not wanting to turn the computer off? Is he like that alot? I know this doesn't have to do with the baby mamas, but just make sure you're looking out for #1 first (and in this case #2, #3 and #4)




I was a single mom for 3 years and I've had my share of dealing with my ex's girlfriends and wives! I'm am always very friendly and polite and they're usually pretty surprised because he's made me out be a B****! My son doesn't see him a whole lot but every time he does, he's got a new girlfriend and he has a wife too. Legally, the ex's can't say who the children see's as long as they are being loved and taken care of! I know my son will grow up to see his father is unstable and he is being raised in a loving stable home! I'm remarried now and my husband and I have been together for 3 years. I waited about 5 months before introducing my son to my hubby when we were dating because I didn't want him to think people were disposable! Anyway, good luck! I hope it gets better! I think if the mom's see that your relationship is serious and they know you are a kind person, they will come around eventually!


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *AprilRayne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Wow, you're lucky to have a man that is willing to take care of you and all 3 of your kids and let you be home with them without even being married yet! That's great! May I ask, though, is this the same guy that broke up with you just a few days ago for not wanting to turn the computer off? Is he like that alot? I know this doesn't have to do with the baby mamas, but just make sure you're looking out for #1 first (and in this case #2, #3 and #4)



I was a single mom for 3 years and I've had my share of dealing with my ex's girlfriends and wives! I'm am always very friendly and polite and they're usually pretty surprised because he's made me out be a B****! My son doesn't see him a whole lot but every time he does, he's got a new girlfriend and he has a wife too. Legally, the ex's can't say who the children see's as long as they are being loved and taken care of! I know my son will grow up to see his father is unstable and he is being raised in a loving stable home! I'm remarried now and my husband and I have been together for 3 years. I waited about 5 months before introducing my son to my hubby when we were dating because I didn't want him to think people were disposable! Anyway, good luck! I hope it gets better! I think if the mom's see that your relationship is serious and they know you are a kind person, they will come around eventually! Yes it was the same person who broke up with me a few days ago...and no he doesnt do it often. We were just spending too much time together, we were around each other 24/7 unless he was at work. But everythings back to being great now. Thanks for being helpful


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## eightthirty (Sep 8, 2006)

It may be due to the length of time you've been with him. Perhaps they know something about his relationship history and how long a typical relationship lasts, so they may be waiting for it to cross that threshold. Being a mother, it is very difficult to decide when/if it's the right time (if at all) to allow that to happen. They are being protective of their children's hearts. Wouldn't you do the same?


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *eightthirty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif It may be due to the length of time you've been with him. Perhaps they know something about his relationship history and how long a typical relationship lasts, so they may be waiting for it to cross that threshold. Being a mother, it is very difficult to decide when/if it's the right time (if at all) to allow that to happen. They are being protective of their children's hearts. Wouldn't you do the same? I'd do the same for my kids, although I wont ever go through that. Im just hurt by the fact that they aren't willing to let me see them. I know they aren't my children but still, I'd like to meet them.


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 8, 2006)

That's completely understandable on your part, but not realistic. These women have known this man for much, much longer than you have...and have had (apparently) longer relationships, as well. While I know that you think your guy is great, you have to admit that there may be some issues that you are unwilling (or unable) to look at. That's fine, as well. But, like has been said...if Joe and I ever split up, none of his new girlfriends would meet my kids until I knew it was going to be pretty permanent. Maybe I'm over-protective...but I just don't think it's healthy to keep introducing kids to "new loves" every few months.

It's most likely nothing personal against you. But, I would really look hard at the fact that all 3 women are on the same page. If it was just one that was acting this way...I'd say it was her issue. But, it's all 3 that are doing this...that's not coincidental...it's pretty telling.

In the end, you have to do what is best for you and your kids. In the end, the choices that these other women are making in regards to you meeting their kids is not personal. If you are really serious about this guy and think you'll be with him for a long time, then you have nothing to worry about because you will eventually meet his kids. You have to keep in mind that these women are making choices that they feel is best for their kids at this time. And, so it goes.


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## dixiewolf (Sep 8, 2006)

Does he not get visitation rights where he spends time with them at his own place? If he does, you will get to meet them, b/c the moms wouldnt have a say as to who else was there unless it was like a child molester accompanying him, lol. My ex has a child and we dated 2 years and I never met his baby. But it was b/c of him, he had visitation for weekends at his house but wouldnt let me come over. It's a long story, and I dont want to hijack your thread



But if you guys are really serious, then you will get to meet them sometime, especially if you get married. I know you want to meet them, I really wanted to see the baby also, but the mothers probably have some reason for it, what no one can guess b/c we are not in their head. Just give it some time, once you have been together longer, maybe they will loosen up, b/c they may realize you are the one he wants to be with, and they will have to accept that.


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *dixiewolf* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Does he not get visitation rights where he spends time with them at his own place? If he does, you will get to meet them, b/c the moms wouldnt have a say as to who else was there unless it was like a child molester accompanying him, lol. My ex has a child and we dated 2 years and I never met his baby. But it was b/c of him, he had visitation for weekends at his house but wouldnt let me come over. It's a long story, and I dont want to hijack your thread



But if you guys are really serious, then you will get to meet them sometime, especially if you get married. I know you want to meet them, I really wanted to see the baby also, but the mothers probably have some reason for it, what no one can guess b/c we are not in their head. Just give it some time, once you have been together longer, maybe they will loosen up, b/c they may realize you are the one he wants to be with, and they will have to accept that. The visits with the kids he has with his ex wife, are at her house two days a week...In the divorce papers it states that the children wont be allowed over night with someone my boyfriend has a intament relationship with. The other 4 kids, there is no custody orders that I know of, He just goes and see's them. Anyway, Thank you for being so kind with your response



...I just wish that his exes were most accepting of me, cuz i aint goin anywhere


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## jennycateyez (Sep 8, 2006)

i wouldn't know the reason why they wont let you see the kids but i just say give it some time and if they see you guys are more serious they will give in eventually dont worry.


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## AprilRayne (Sep 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *shanes_babygirl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif The visits with the kids he has with his ex wife, are at her house two days a week...In the divorce papers it states that the children wont be allowed over night with someone my boyfriend has a intament relationship with. The other 4 kids, there is no custody orders that I know of, He just goes and see's them. Anyway, Thank you for being so kind with your response



...I just wish that his exes were most accepting of me, cuz i aint goin anywhere



Did you actually see that with your own eyes? That sounds like crap to me! Going through a divorce of my own, if I had asked for that kind of stipulation in our papers, I probably would've been laughed at! What grounds does his ex-wife have do make that kind of demands? Is he not able to move on with his life? Under normal divorce circumstances, that would have not been approved, unless there are underlying things you don't know about! Just because that's what the mom wants is not enough for a judge to approve that! Your bf has a right to see his kids and he has a right to introduce them to someone he is sharing his life with. So, according to the "court", even if you get married, they can never spend the night at your house? I would be suspicious of this and maybe have the court redo the papers! Does your bf know how you feel about seeing his kids? Would he be willing to fight for you to be able to see them? You should discuss it will him and see what he says! Sorry I went off on this, but it just seems childish and ridiculous!


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## mintesa (Sep 8, 2006)

im not a mom, but if i was a mom i wouldnt let you meet my kids either. it is not about jelousy or about me or you or him, but it is about the kids. i wouldnt want to confuse them. I was a kid before and my parents got seperated. Long story short, my mom had many BFs come and go, and I was a pretty weird kid.


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Sep 8, 2006)

Chicks get all freaked out when the father of their child is seeing another woman. Give the situation breathing room and don't push the issue...eventually you will meet the kids.


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 9, 2006)

Im gonna stop talking about this now, Because it seems like no matter what I say, that Im getting bashed somehow. Thanks you to the people who helped me see why they might be acting that way.


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## pinkbundles (Sep 9, 2006)

been there, done that...glad i got out of that mess just in time!

all i know is...stay away from peeps w/kids already (especially if they have a psychotic, jealous ex). yikes!


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## dentaldee (Sep 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *pinkbundles* /img/forum/go_quote.gif been there, done that...glad i got out of that mess just in time!
all i know is...stay away from peeps w/kids already (especially if they have a psychotic, jealous ex). yikes!

I totally agree with this......................but I think most of you gals are unrealistic about other ppl not meeting your kids..........................7 1/2 months is plenty of time to have meet the kids by now.....the amount of contact can be controled.....expecting a ring on the finger before they even meet is so far fetched!!!!!!!!!!!! and control by one person like that is why so many mixed relationships are difficult and that's why those of us who have been there say, RUN,.........this is not to say I agree with having random adults in and out around the children. but the parents have every right to have a life too......................sorry I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.............I believe this is about 80% control and 20% kids!!!! JMO
edit..............this doesn't change my opinion that i think you should get out of this realtionship!!


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## kellianne76 (Sep 9, 2006)

WOW! 6 kids. If I found out the guy I was dating had that many kids, I would think twice about taking it any further. Although I love children, I don't want to be put in a situation that I might not be able to get out of after a couple of months. But that's just me though.


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## marshall1704 (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:
Sorry, 7 1/2 months is no where NEAR long enough to introduce my kids to my ex's new girl. I'm extremely protective of my kids and there is no way in hell that anyone would meet my kids unless there was a marriage license involved. I've seen people just parade new people in and out of the kids lives and that's not good.
And, no one said having kids by different people made anyone a player or a slut. But, it does mean that there is no "stability" in the relationship. You may want to look at that a little more...

I would also like to remind you...he is financially responsible for the care of 6 children...for the next 10-18 years (depending on how old the kids are). Even if he paid each mom only $100 a month for both kids...that's $600/month...and more if he pays more. I don't know about you...but that's a huge chunk of money to pay out before any of your bills, etc are paid for. Just something to consider when it comes down to bean counting.

I AGREE totally!! My husband's parents got divorced when he was 8 years old. His dad cheated on his mother with his current step mom. Since, then his mother remarried got divorced and his had over 40 men come in and out of his life. No child deserves to be around that. It has confused him so much. Just think about you and your children and if you think you guys will work out in the long run. I think you will eventually realize that it is better if you guys go your seperate ways...


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 10, 2006)

^ Yeah, a friend's parents divorced but it was the dad that was constantly dating. His relationship lasted about a year each time...but every year, he was onto a new "love of his life". Never did get remarried, and this started 20 years ago...he's been with the same person for, I believe, about 3 years now...but for the past 17 years, it was someone new all the time. My friend and her siblings would meet and get to know this new person...hang out with them for a year and then they were gone. That just doesn't make a good "stability" factor. At least, she didn't think so...and she even stated (she's divorced now) that she would not allow her children to spend time with her ex's girlfriends unless there was a ring involved...and that's coming from someone who's been there, done that. I totally agree with her.


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## Eva121 (Sep 12, 2006)

I totally agree with VenusGoddess. It's nothing personal, it's about the kids. They'll get attached to a person and then that person is gone again. Just give it some time, you'll meet them eventually.

The kids would be heartbroken if they really liked you and it didn't work out in the end.


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