# Another Frustration



## Adrienne (Aug 31, 2009)

When the sh*t really hits the fan, I then realize how different me and my husband are. It can be a good thing but it can also be a bad thing.

Last night, I brought up how I want to go back to school. I got my GED years ago after dropping out of school (like a moron, I know) and have spent the last 4 years raising my son and working. I really want to go back to school and found this college that is still currently enrolling (I have an appointment on thursday) and they offer financial aid, online courses and night classes, all great for me.

Well, the first thing my husband said is "You're fine where you're at."




I know he can have a f*ck it attitude but this really pissed me off. I have remotely asked for the past several months about what does he see in the future for us? Does he really think our measly jobs are gonna be sufficient enough in the future? We don't make minimum wage and our hours are pretty set, thank goodness, but I want more. I can't see myself living this life day in and out where I'm at.

I'm getting sick and tired of hearing from friends, how they did this and that and went here and there and I'm basically a set fixture going nowhere. My husband went on to say that you don't need an education for everything and that it's not a neccessity. I told him I completely agree but nowadays, it isn't like our parents old workforce where all you needed was a good recommendation and some experience, a lot of the times it's that piece of paper that makes all the difference.

My husband just continued on and on about how college is not that big of a deal and that there's no reason for me wanting to go when I'm perfectly fine at my job and that I'm not a single person anymore so I can't just make decisions to go or that our son needs both his parents. While that may be true, people in far worse situations with more children have done more and have sacrificed. Surely my son with both parents working and secure will have no problem. Nobody in my family ever went to college. Only one that I know of graduated and I'm the only one who got a GED, apart from my mom. In his family, only one has a diploma, two have a GED and the rest have been where they're at with the same pay for years.

I don't want to be like that and it literally makes me feel horrible that this is the rest of life if I don't change something. I see my parents struggling with the same things they struggled with when we were kids, only who they're paying the bills to is different.

I want to love my job. Is that really so much to ask for? I know it'll be hard but what the hell is easy nowadays?


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## reesesilverstar (Aug 31, 2009)

Hmmm... I hear ya girl... I expressed an interest in going back to school and my SO asked if I wanted to be a bigger better tool, but I'm thinking I'd be shiny and cost more at least...

How old is your son tho? Because he's still young and he could miss you alot. I know I missed my mom cuz she was in college still when I was real young. But at the same time, you want to be able to provide more for him, so it's a give and take... You would definitely NEED your husband's support to make it work tho. My mom had granny so it wasn't so hard for her.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I dunno what to say, but explore all your options and find a fit. Good luck hun


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## Adrienne (Aug 31, 2009)

My son just turned 4 and he should've started 4K but unfortunately that wasn't possible.


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## Karren (Aug 31, 2009)

Omg.. If I told my wife that she's good just where she is I'd get my face smacked off! Lol. He's just wrong!! You whould always strive to better yourself.. Statistics show that life time earnings for college grads are hugh compared to HS only.. The day I stop striving to better myself is the day I die..

Tell him is he wants to stay where he is fine.. Go for it, Adrienne!!


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## MakeupByMe (Aug 31, 2009)

i tOTally Agree WITh Karen............Just Smack him in the face lol (*So Just Kiddding*) No I agree with karren for saying JUst go for it I Believe in Going going and Always Learning whether your 5 or 50 Life is Most def too short to stand still and go Nowhere Show your son "Mommy can do Anything she puts her mind to &amp; So can You!!" You wouldnt want anyone holding your kids back from their dreams so be an example &amp; dont let anyone stand in the way of yours!!!


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## Ricci (Aug 31, 2009)

Um just do it dont listen to your husband,Im sure he will later on be glad u actually went on with your goal


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## Chaeli (Aug 31, 2009)

I would never suggest smacking anyone and especially your spouse in the face for any reason. I will say this though, you do have to find happiness and fulfillment in yourself above all else if you are ever going to feel complete. You have to also love the job you are working. Many times, especially once you get into an exec position, you will find yourself putting in as much time at work as you do at home and at times more. Those are the sacrifices for success as well as put you in a financial position to help your children when they are first starting out in life. Sit down with your husband and explain to him that this isn't an option up for debate but a plea for his support but support or not, you are doing this for you, your children and for him also but above all else, you are doing this for you.


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## Dragonfly (Aug 31, 2009)

If your husband and you split up/ or he passed away, you would be the sole provider for yourself and your son.

Is the money you make adequate if either case should happen? Will you be able to help your son through college as the sole provider?

If your income is not enough, who cares what your husband thinks - go back to school.


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## Andi (Aug 31, 2009)

Is this the first time you have mentioned going to college? If yes then he might just need some time getting used to the idea, but he sure as hell could have worded his opinion in a nicer way. He should be proud of you for wanting to get a higher education!

Kudos to wanting more in life, it sounds like you have the perfect mind set already. Now you just need your husbandÂ´s support and youÂ´re golden.

My mom was back at work when I was 2, and we had a very nice housekeeper/nanny that was like an aunt to me. Whenever my mom was home she made sure to get her work done (sheÂ´s an elementary school teacher) as well as spend time with my brother and I. I was always proud of her for having a decent job, and happy for her because she loves her job so much.

On the other hand, my dad has always been a workaholic. HeÂ´s a veterinarian, and he also got into some real estate business. He was never home much, which wasnÂ´t the big deal....BUT, the time he did spend with us wasnÂ´t quality time. So I would say that for most kids, the quality of the time they spend with their parents is more important than the quantity. Even if your son misses you when you go to college, he will be very proud of you for doing this as soon as heÂ´s old enough to realize that itÂ´s not an easy path to chose.


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## magosienne (Aug 31, 2009)

Go for it ! Definitely talk to your husband because you will need his support but tell him it's also not up for negotiation. That yes you're doing this for yourself but ultimately it will help your family as well. Sure it will mean sacrifices, but it's a not bad thing to teach your kid, that if you want something you have to work for it.


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## internetchick (Aug 31, 2009)

GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!

I have a GED also. It's not enough. I am starting classes this fall to get a degree. I could not make enough money alone if something happened to my husband. It isn't just about that. I want a degree for myself. Every time I think about having a GED instead of an actual high school diploma I feel like shit. You have 1 life Adrienne. Do it. It's _not_ harming your husband or son to do it, and it's really crappy of him to not support you. I think about those things(people going places, making major purchases) too. I am 31 and we still don't own our own home! I would never forgive my husband if he got in the way of my education. I hope yours comes around. Do you think he's afraid or intimidated?


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## Adrienne (Aug 31, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Andi* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Is this the first time you have mentioned going to college? If yes then he might just need some time getting used to the idea, but he sure as hell could have worded his opinion in a nicer way. He should be proud of you for wanting to get a higher education! No this isn't the first time. I've brought it up before I felt ready to go in the past and his answer was always "We'll see, you never know what can happen from here to there..." as if you can't plan ahead. He told me to wait until the time was right and I told him what better time than now so that we're better prepared before the next recession hits! 
I really want to get a certificate first so that I'm already in the field I want to be in and then start on an associates and bachelor and just work my way up. He always said he'll never stop me in the way of getting my education but I think he didn't actually expect me to take an initiative.

Originally Posted by *internetchick* /img/forum/go_quote.gif GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!
I have a GED also. It's not enough. I am starting classes this fall to get a degree. I could not make enough money alone if something happened to my husband. It isn't just about that. I want a degree for myself. Every time I think about having a GED instead of an actual high school diploma I feel like shit. You have 1 life Adrienne. Do it. It's _not_ harming your husband or son to do it, and it's really crappy of him to not support you. I think about those things(people going places, making major purchases) too. I am 31 and we still don't own our own home! I would never forgive my husband if he got in the way of my education. I hope yours comes around. Do you think he's afraid or intimidated?

I feel like shit knowing I just have a GED instead of a diploma. I dropped out of high school ONE CREDIT SHORT of graduating



. All I needed was my second semester credit math and I was done. I was already taking Advance placement courses that counted as college credits, had three study halls and got off early bc I couldn't take anything else and I even had so many credits in Business Technology (12) accumalated that even though I wasn't there for my class graduation, they made a mistake and still issued me the BT award of the year with one other student. I was a nerd with straight A's lol. 
I think he's intimidated, like that I might leave him once I can do better on my own (he's mom is very cynical and he got it from her). I'm the breadwinner and I make all the financial decisions, (even before when he used to be the breadwinner.) He's so set on today. He does get frustrated about his job and wishes he could go to school but he lacks the motivation.

The whole time we were talking he was saying, "so how are you gonna do this?" or "how are you gonna work this out?" It was very pathetic that I tell him my goals in life and it turns into 20 questions. I don't have all the answers but I figured that with his support we could definitely work something out.


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## Ricci (Aug 31, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif . I don't have all the answers but I figured that with his support we could definitely work something out. Yeah but it dont sound like hes even giving u any support


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## pinksugar (Aug 31, 2009)

TBH, it sounds like he is afraid that maybe he will have to support you while you are doing this - that it will take up a lot of time and place a burden on him.

While this is true, in the long run, going to college will be in the interests of both of you, as well as your son.

I think maybe just start moving towards that as your goal, and he will come around to it as he gets used to the idea and sees that it's not as hard or as massive of a change as he was worried about.


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## Adrienne (Aug 31, 2009)

Ricci, exactly my complaint lol. I'm just gonna have to knock over him and keep on going.

That's true Rosie that some burden will placed on him but he's placed more than enough burdens on me before and I've gotten burned bad so I figured this would be his opportunity to show me the same support at least. Without his support, it will be rough.


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## Karren (Aug 31, 2009)

If you need some muscle... Just let me know!! I'm bring my wife down!! Lol.


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## Adrienne (Aug 31, 2009)

I might just take you on that offer K LOL!


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## Chaeli (Aug 31, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ricci, exactly my complaint lol. I'm just gonna have to knock over him and keep on going.
That's true Rosie that some burden will placed on him but he's placed more than enough burdens on me before and I've gotten burned bad so I figured this would be his opportunity to show me the same support at least. Without his support, it will be rough.

^---
If it is a burden to take care of the children a few nights a week so you can go to school and welcome you at the door and make you feel loved and happy to have you at the end of the day, then just maybe there is more to the insecurities that seem to exist with him. Maybe it is a trust factor more than anything else. Talk with him and see if this could be true. If it is, then you simply need to reassure him the reasons are purely that you need to do this for you to let yourself feel successful and complete and there is no other reason as he may be thinking.

Twice in the past I have completely supported my partners from schools and colleges right into their dream jobs. I worked and took care of the kids and did inside/outside work at home. Once they got where they wanted to be the trouble began and ended with them thinking they were better than me and leaving me for someone at work.

This time I found someone that completely believed in and supports me and my decisions. I now am at the top of my exec ladder and make more than all my exes do together. Funny just how powerful love, support and understanding can take you if you settle for nothing less.


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## magneticheart (Aug 31, 2009)

Do what makes you happy, if you want to go back into education then do it! Better to do it now than try and keep the peace or whatever for 10 more years and then think, I wish I'd done that 10 years ago.

ITA with Karren, people should always strive to be better and I think it's good that you want to do that. I've seen so many career advisors showing presentations of the wage difference between those that only have HS qualifications and those that go on to get other qualifications and in some cases the difference is very large. Like you said, you may be coping now but who knows what your situation may be later on in life?

Good luck


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## pinksugar (Aug 31, 2009)

I completely agree with Chaeli. You deserve that support so you can do the best you can for your family, and if he doesn't want to improve his education then that's this decision, but he should be supportive of your choices, especially as they will indirectly benefit him!


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## Darla (Aug 31, 2009)

Adrienne I've always thought a lot of you. You are smart to want to get yourself better educated and better prepared for a job.

I'm sorry your husband doesn't see the value of it. My guess is that as you get better educated and make more money he is thinking that you will be too good for him and he doesn't want it. (And who knows that might be the case already!)

Hang in there!


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## Maysie (Sep 1, 2009)

I think you should definitely follow your dream of going back to school. There's this girl I work with who's a single mother with 2 little kids, and she goes to school while working full time. I talked with her a bit about her schooling today, and yeah she said its hard, but its doable. You can do it, and I have a feeling that your husband will warm up to the idea, as everyone else mentioned. It could be that he's jealous of your motivation? but once he sees the positive impact that this decision will have on yalls lives, he may even decide to go back himself one day.


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## Adrienne (Sep 1, 2009)

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. I've already set up an appointment with admissions for this thursday



. I'm so excited!!


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## Sonia_K (Sep 1, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. I've already set up an appointment with admissions for this thursday



. I'm so excited!! Good for you. There are some things you just need to do for yourself and this would be one of them. I also know how you feel with the frustration with your husband, it would be nice if he gave you his support and encourgement, but I am sure he will come around eventually, once he realizes how strongly you feel about this.
Good Luck, Hun.


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## Chaeli (Sep 1, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. I've already set up an appointment with admissions for this thursday



. I'm so excited!!



YAY!!! You go you!!! You're on your way. Now just follow your dream!


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## Lucy (Sep 1, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. I've already set up an appointment with admissions for this thursday



. I'm so excited!! brilliant news! sorry, i was away in london when this thread started, i didn't get to put my bit in but i think the other girls have pretty much done it for me!
it's a great idea to go back to school, get as many qualifications as you need. i've always thought you were a smart girl, stuff like having a baby or getting married young should not stand in the way of anyone having access to an education. young or old, everyone learns and everyone has the RIGHT to learn. your husband will just have to come around to accept it- like carolyn said, in the worst case scenario you wouldn't be able to support your son. what you're doing is not a selfish thing- it's for your family as well and eventually he will see that.

good luck!


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## Adrienne (Sep 2, 2009)

*ARRGH*

I have decided to enroll in a closer college right down the road from my job as oppose to driving 50 minutes away to another school. I probably won't be able to start til next semester but I don't care: I'm stepping thru the door.

I told my husband and he had to nerve to say that if it's not online then I can't do it and that I'll have all the privacy at home to do so. He told me books are expensive after he talked to a friend of ours (she's starting school this fall) and that we can't afford it. YET, he want's to get a newer car to replace his this month coming up. So wasting a little over ten grand on a car is a good investment but not this:

SCC Tuition and Fees:

Fall 2009 - Summer 2010

Full-time Students (12 or more credit hours)

Spartanburg &amp; Cherokee County Residents: $1,697 Per Semester

Out-of-County Residents: $2,121 Per Semester

Out-of-State Residents: $3,578 Per Semester

Out-of-Country or International Residents: $3,578 Per Semester

Part-time Students (less than 12 credit hours)

Spartanburg &amp; Cherokee County Residents: $142 Per Credit Hour

Out-of-County Residents: $177 Per Credit Hour

Out-of-State Residents: $299 Per Credit Hour

Out-of-Country or International Residents: $299 Per Credit Hour

Enrollment Fee (all students) is $20 per semester.

And I can actually afford this even without financial aid!!! I swear, I feel like I have two children most of the time. I've supported him thru job changes that were huge risks, some failures and encouraged him even when I had big doubts. He forbid me from getting any loans for school. I told him straight up that I'm doing this with or without his support, end of discussion. I'm sick and tired of sitting back to make him comfortable all these years when I know that I'm smarter than that. I'm not happy where I'm at and he doesn't want to follow me to where I am happy, then so be it. At least I know and that's all that matters.


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## Chaeli (Sep 2, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif *ARRGH*
I have decided to enroll in a closer college right down the road from my job as oppose to driving 50 minutes away to another school. I probably won't be able to start til next semester but I don't care: I'm stepping thru the door.

And I can actually afford this even without financial aid!!!

The two key factors. It's close and affordable. Just do it. Whatever regrets you have now will soon become worth whiled sacrifices that have a tremendous payoff for you and your family. You don't need anyones permission. Their support would be nice and make it much easier on you and those concerned but your success basically is based on you and your own ambitions and you do seem to be ambitious.


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## Lucy (Sep 2, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif And I can actually afford this even without financial aid!!! I swear, I feel like I have two children most of the time. I've supported him thru job changes that were huge risks, some failures and encouraged him even when I had big doubts. He forbid me from getting any loans for school. I told him straight up that I'm doing this with or without his support, end of discussion. I'm sick and tired of sitting back to make him comfortable all these years when I know that I'm smarter than that. I'm not happy where I'm at and he doesn't want to follow me to where I am happy, then so be it. At least I know and that's all that matters. good. i'm glad you're strong enough to not be swayed by his opinion. i think you're doing a really good thing, what is it you'll be studying?


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## Darla (Sep 2, 2009)

Adrienne you can do it. Hope it all works out. as far as books there are more resources available now. some used books are on ebay. some are even scanned and the internet (not legal but free) good luck


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## dontcryjudy (Sep 2, 2009)

i am in the same boat as you. i registered for fall and my first day is saturday. i hope you will be starting this semester. you can do a late add, don't worry. i think men, sometimes, don't know know the right things to say or how to be supportive. i had the same problem where my hubby wasn't saying what i needed him to say. turns out he just told me i didn't need to go to school because he thought i felt inadequate. i told him i have goals for myself and would like to see them through. now, he supports whatever i want to do and we talk about our goals/plans.


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## Adrienne (Sep 4, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Lucy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif good. i'm glad you're strong enough to not be swayed by his opinion. i think you're doing a really good thing, what is it you'll be studying? I will hopefully be able to study towards an associate in nursing so I can be a registered nurse. They're in huge demand in my area. 
I went today to the college and got accepted. I could've started this semester but I opted to start in january so I wouldn't have to catch up and be so far behind. Plus, that'll give me time to save up some funds for what I will have to pay for.

Luckily, me and my husband had a huge very serious discussion. He knows this is not up for debate and understands that I will not be stopped from going by him in anyway and nor will he make me feel bad ab it. My suspicions were confirmed in that his insecurities are once again getting in the way. He feels that once I get ahead I'll leave him for someone "better." I reassured him and basically told him he'd just have to get over it.


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## magosienne (Sep 4, 2009)

That's great news !


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## Dalylah (Sep 5, 2009)

I am happy you talked it out and went and applied anyways. All humans have insecurities and it's better that he is explaining to you that it is the reason why he is acting the way he is than for him to just let you think he is unsupportive. I am sure once he gets used to the idea and the potential new income afterward he will be all for it. Enjoy!


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## Killah Kitty (Sep 24, 2009)

I'm sorry I missed out on this but it looks like it turned out very well for you.

Congratulations on going to become a nurse... that is an in demand job in a lot of places and nurses make good money (here in Canada)...

I applaude you for continuing your education and being strong to go through with it even when your husband was being difficult. I kind of feel like you do. I want to continue my education as well and my BF is having a hard time getting his head around it as well... for the same reason lol... insecurities. It's good that you two talked it out.

I think maybe in the end if you have some one that loves you a lot, it depends on their personality, but they may just be afraid that they'll lose you. I've noticed that deep down a lot of men are more sensitive than women some times.

I even had a similiar issue when I started working. Prior to that my BF and I would spend day after day just lounging and being together... but when I started working it was like he was having seperation anxiety. He got used to it though... and in the end it was the best for both of us. I motivated him to get a job as well





So again congratulations to you... I wish you the best



He will realize that this is the best for you and him and your family and he will come around I'm sure.


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## pinksugar (Sep 24, 2009)

that's great news, I think it's really admirable you're doing want you want and need to do, in order to be where you want to be.

you know what they say though, men grow older but they never grow up!


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