# Are You Guilty of Romantic Self-sabotage?



## Aprill (Apr 24, 2007)

Are you sabotaging your chances for love? It's easier than you might think to extinguish your chances for finding and keeping meaningful, long-lasting relationships if you are not aware of your actions and the reasons behind them.

If you can answer yes to any or all of the questions below, you may be acting as your own worst enemy when it comes to matters of the heart:

1) Are you a romantic procrastinator?

2) Do you think you'll never find someone?

3) Do you reject alternative dating options (like online dating sites)?

4) Do you feel like everyone you date has something wrong with them?

5) Do your relationships usually last three months or less?

I know a woman who is a perfect case study in romantic self-sabotage (we'll call her 'Sheila'). Sheila is not happy unless she is complaining and, let me tell you, she complains about _everything_. Even when she acts like she's happy, she's really not. She feels the need to add a 'but...' to everything that could have (should have) been a positive. Not surprisingly, she also struggles in her love life. Her relationships rarely last more than a few months, and she is constantly exclaiming that there are "no good men left in the world." She says the good men that are out there are either: already married, too old, or gay. She is convinced that she will never be happy and will never find love.

The fact of the matter is she won't...if she doesn't change her way of thinking. And neither will you, if you think or act like Sheila. The power of thought is very strong. Obviously, this is not a new concept. I have yet to read 'The Secret,' but I know this is basically the premise of the model for success. Sheila thinks she will always be miserable and lonely, therefore she is. Her life currently is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Life coach and motivational speaker Cherie Carter-Scott recently used the term 'negaholic' to describe ex-'American Idol' contestant Chris Sligh after he stated that he never really wanted to win, only cared about making the top 10, and had actually considered quitting the show. She contends that his defeatist attitude did not allow him to go further in the competition. Click for full story.

So what can you do to avoid stifling your own chances for romantic success? Let's break the questions down one-by-one to improve your odds for finding and keeping love:

*Are you a romantic procrastinator?*

Do you keep pushing your start date on dating back? Maybe you tell yourself that you'll start looking once you finish grad school or lose 10 pounds or get a new job. These are all excuses, not real reasons. You can't put love on a timetable. You need to be ready to meet someone at anytime. Maybe you think you are just too busy to worry about dating. If you can find time to watch 'Dancing with the Star' or surf the net for a couple hours a week, you can make time to date. It's all about finding the right balance for you and your life. If you need to make a schedule and pencil it in: do it. You can make it work.

*Do you think you'll never find someone?*

Be open and honest with yourself. Are you making yourself emotionally available or are you shutting yourself off from romantic possibilities? If you've already decided that you are romantically cursed and no one will ever love you, it will be difficult for you to be open to the possibility of meeting someone new. In addition if your outlook is so negative, you're sure to project that and scare away potential suitors. It's important to be positive and know that you are worthy of love. If you are open to the possibilities and put in the effort, you will immeasurably up your odds.

*Do you reject alternative dating options (like online dating sites)? *

Be open to exploring different avenues for meeting people. If a friend offers to set you up on a date, don't automatically veto the idea. Create an online dating profile, wink at a few profiles, send some message, set up a few dates, and most importantly, don't get discouraged if you don't meet someone right away.

*Do you feel like everyone you date has something wrong with them?*

Are your standards so high or your expectations so specific that no one can ever possibly meet them? Does your list read something like: "can't smoke, must be at least 6-feet tall, must have one of the L cars (Lexus, Legend, or Land Cruiser) and house (with at least three bedrooms), no body piercings, can't like hard rock, must love Chinese food, must have six-pack abs, etc..."? It's good to have standards and not settle for less than you deserve, but at the same time you need to be flexible because no one is perfect. If you stick to a rigid list of pre-requisites, you will make it nearly impossible to find love.

*Do your relationships usually last three months or less?*

Are you a master at starting something, but not finishing it? If you have been dating someone for a couple of months and you start to get the itch to split because the initial excitement is wearing thin, stop and think about what's really going on: Is it really about the person you are dating, or is it about you? Are you afraid to let anyone get too close for fear of eventual failure or rejection? You have to be willing to go out on a limb sometimes, after all that is where you find the fruit. Everything worth having takes patience and hard work.

So stop sabotaging yourself. Be positive, believe in yourself, and remember that there is someone out there for everyone (and yes that means you, too)!

RELATIONSHIPS - CHELSEA'S CORNER - Comcast.net


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## fickledpink (Apr 24, 2007)

Interesting article. Thanks for the post!


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Apr 25, 2007)

Thanks for posting that. It was interesting.


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## AngelaGM (Apr 25, 2007)

Thanks so much for posting such an interesting article. =)


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