# Mom rant!



## Jesskaa (Aug 13, 2007)

I went to the derm on wednesday and as we all know my face has reallly cleared up. I love it and im thankful accutane and everything. But i hate when my mom gets deep into the converstation. Last visit my derm was like 'Girl, your skin has reallly cleared up" and blahblah and my mom goes "Her skin used to look so horrible, this stuff is like magic!" and she kept going into such detail about how horrible my skin was how she thought it never go away how bad she felt for me. And i mean i was ready to cry, i HATE talking about that.. i HATE listening to it and she knows it. So i gave her an extremely rude look that was ment to mean "okay you can stop now." And when they finally finshed i was already mad &amp; ready to cry. She was like 'Don't you ever give me a look like that just because you hate the subject its my money and your lucky you even got this s***." and she kept going on and on about how rude it was me to give her that look &amp; im like "I already know my skin was bad, I woke to it every single day. I had those pimples everywhere i went. I hated it, I got the low self confidence from it, I hated my face. i don't wanna hear about how bad it used to be inless i want to talk about it." and she's like "I dont care what you want its my money." and when the derm came back in they started talking again about it. So i got reallly mad and i just stood up and i was like 'Oh, i didn't get to eat today let's get ready to go." and starting walking out the door. I was in the waiting for another freaking 10mins before she came out. I was hungry and i didn't wanna hear it! And we got into the car and she said "Stop being such a brat. Okay? Your lucky after all the s*** you put me through i dont take you a** off it." after she's sitting there telling my derm how grateful she is.

&amp; now everytime i do some 'bad' well.. don't clean my room RIGHT AWAY when she says im suppose to just hangup the phone on whoever or stop eating of course to freaking please her, it can't wait 2mins she'll go 'Or i'll have to call up your derm!" and it reallly makes me mad. She just doesn't understand. Honestly the time i bring up how awful my face was on mut in my thread &amp; this one a little too. Thats it.

i reallly hate this.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 13, 2007)

I think you should be more grateful considering the cost of that prescription. Your parents are showing you how much they love you.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 13, 2007)

I don't think im not being grateful. I just don't want to hear about the past.

It was hard its over now, And i'd don't feel like listening to people talk to about it cause it hurts. And i try telling her that.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 13, 2007)

I am sure you could talk to her about that. Maybe write down what to say before you say it=)


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## Jesskaa (Aug 13, 2007)

I already have?

And i mean i was ready to cry, i HATE talking about that.. i HATE listening to it and *she knows it*.

And i try telling her that.

Once we got home i told her its a sentive subject and she says it doesnt matter what it is to me, its her money she's paying and that's all she cares for.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 13, 2007)

I bet she is just feeling financial pressure?


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## Jesskaa (Aug 13, 2007)

Maybe? But if she was I don't think its needed to take it out on me over a converstation matter, nothing to do with the money. Or just the whole point that she won't listen.

&amp; If she/my family is having money issues she not be lending it to my brother, when he's not in need.


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## katnahat (Aug 13, 2007)

With all due respect, I think your Mother is being really mean. She is holding this over your head. I am shocked by her actions. The things she is saying to you are hurtful.

I don't know what to say. I know I'm really sorry about what you are going through. You have told her how it makes you feel. She doesn't seem to care. Is there another family member you could tell? Maybe someone else in the family telling her how she is affecting you would help?

I really hope you get everything worked out.

P.S. I don't think you are being ungrateful. You have very good points and you are right.


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## pinksugar (Aug 13, 2007)

maybe you can sit down with her when you havent talked about it at all, and explain how it makes you feel and that you're really grateful for the money she's spent on it, but that it upsets you to be reminded of it.

Dont get angry or upset, just explain rationally. Then, if she STILL says 'i dont care its my money' then explain that you are not being disrespectful, but that in future when she begins to discuss it with your derm, that you're going to wait outside.

Best of luck chicken, I agree with Kat, she's holding it over you. You're 14! how can you afford your own prescription medicine, especially when it's that expensive? I'm sorry, but if you didn't want to pay for medicine for your kids, dont get pregnant. If you're not prepared to do right by them, them don't have them in the first place. It makes me so mad.

Like my bf doesnt have a job right now, but his mum is making him pay to have his wisdom teeth out using his inheritance! Like wth, I think that parents should bear the financial cost for things when they can - its what parents do! I know I would for my kids unless I couldnt afford it!

ok sorry to hijack your thread, LOL. Maybe sit down and talk to her after you've done something really nice for her, and explained how grateful you are and how much you appreciate it


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## Solimar (Aug 13, 2007)

I don't think you are ungrateful at all. I don't know why people do that, especially parents who can sometimes not even realize that they are being kind of...juvenile. Sometimes parents do shit like that to establish authority or something like that, and sometimes they can treat their kids like they are their kids, but ya know, not actual human beings with REAL feelings.

I can't tell you how many times my parents told me I was supposed to be their slave, and for everything they did, I would have to respond with "Yes, mom" or "Yes, dad" and take it with a smile.

I hate when people treat their kids like that. It is horrible that she is doing that, it's almost like she is on the road to using it against you.

I hope it gets better for you.


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## Savvy_lover (Aug 13, 2007)

sorry angela but i do think her mom was doing what she wanted todo but at the same time doing wat most mothers do too. to say sth or do sth similar to compensate wtever they felt lost in this situation and in this case its the money.

jess dont feel bad about it ~ sure your mom loves u but no way she should be saying all those to u. my mom did do those things too like when i wa stelling my brother how he should clean his face she would tell me " i dun see ur looking any better"

blah ignore her. but for me i would blow it all over her ~ i m grateful u feed me just like how u would to a pet but i m not a pet which u can kick around ~

drugs so much cheaper in hk ~ maybe the pills ur taking too. if u need anything i wont charge u for shipping


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## jessiej78 (Aug 13, 2007)

Well, I have to say...I am a parent, and this is appalling to me, the way your mom acted!!! And I do not think you are being ungrateful!!! I would do ANYTHING for my son...if that meant working two jobs to support him and get him what he needs, so be it!!! I am sorry, but this kind of stuff just gets me very angry!!!


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Aug 13, 2007)

Wow your mom needs to knock it down a couple notches. Its not right for her to hold it over your head that shes payin for your meds. Your 14, your not old enough to get a job. Doesnt she realize this? Apparently not. Grrrr, it makes me mad just thinking about it.


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## MindySue (Aug 13, 2007)

You're not being ungreatful at all.

My mom and your mom sound alike. My mom threatens me with stuff too, and she ALWAYS says she doesnt care about my opinions and stuff because it's HER _____ insert whatever, house, money, she pays the bills, etc) and she can do what she pleases. I don't think I cant have a say just because of that.

Last week I listened to her and my dad ***** for 2 hours and when we finally had peace and quiet she started in on my sister, I asked them both to stop, and they didn't then I said it more mean like and said it was annoying and she flies off her handle.

"YOURE ANNOYING! THIS IS MY GOD DAMN HOUSE I PAY THE MORTGAGE I CAN FIGHT WITH WHOEVER I WANT! GOD YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE BRAT..blah blah blah"

I feel for you. Your mom should stop if it hurts you, shes being a controlling ***** JUST like my mom. Funny thing is my mom tries to be so sweet to me but does this shit..ugh.

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif maybe you can sit down with her when you havent talked about it at all, and explain how it makes you feel and that you're really grateful for the money she's spent on it, but that it upsets you to be reminded of it.
Dont get angry or upset, just explain rationally. Then, if she STILL says 'i dont care its my money' then explain that you are not being disrespectful, but that in future when she begins to discuss it with your derm, that you're going to wait outside.

Best of luck chicken, I agree with Kat, she's holding it over you. You're 14! how can you afford your own prescription medicine, especially when it's that expensive? I'm sorry, but if you didn't want to pay for medicine for your kids, dont get pregnant. If you're not prepared to do right by them, them don't have them in the first place. It makes me so mad.

Like my bf doesnt have a job right now, but his mum is making him pay to have his wisdom teeth out using his inheritance! Like wth, I think that parents should bear the financial cost for things when they can - its what parents do! I know I would for my kids unless I couldnt afford it!

ok sorry to hijack your thread, LOL. Maybe sit down and talk to her after you've done something really nice for her, and explained how grateful you are and how much you appreciate it

thats awful!!! my parents would NEVER make me pay for something like that!


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## StereoXGirl (Aug 13, 2007)

In all honesty, it sounds like your mom is actually acting pretty immature. Yes, she is sacrificing by spending the money on your meds, but she said herself what a great thing those meds are! And I totally understand about her talking about your skin the way it was being a sensitive issue! I probably would have cried right there in the doctor's office! For her to threaten to take you off your meds everytime you don't do something to her liking/fast enough is not right at all!


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## chantelle8686 (Aug 14, 2007)

omg that is just plain rude!!!

Im a mum and i would never hold something like that over my daughters head especially when she isnt getting any money for herself!! something like that expensive u would expect ur parents to pay for anyways!!

Argh this has made me so mad!!

As parents ur not suppose to hold things over their childrens heads, ur expected to help ur child when they are down!! and if that means paying for a derm then so be it!!

i know and im sure alot of other mums here would do anything for their kids!! even if that means that u as mum or dad that u miss out on things for urself!!!

I buy my daughter everythin that i can possibly afford!!! and hen i by myself something its usually something small. except for MU or ghd lol, once a month for mu.

the last thing i really went and di something for myself was 2 weeks ago when i hauled of here and before that it was 3 months ago!!sorry hijacking, just making points.

And as parents we try to do wat we think is best and needed for kids.

And for u mother to bring that up and to threaten u with the derm that is just wrong!!!! i suggest to u, is if u cant talk to her, write her a letter, or try talking to her again when she is in a good mood, and just say to her how much it hurts and that u are thankfull for what she is doing for u!! im sure in the end she will understand, if not then i dunno wat else to say!! alot of the girls here have already said i wanted to say


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## jessimau (Aug 14, 2007)

I'm sorry Jess. I wish I could say something that would make your mom miraculously grow up, but I can't. I agree with PrettyFlowers that what your mother is doing is called emotional abuse. I don't know that there's a good way to get her to stop. Maybe next time she brings it up (how bad things used to be) ask her why? I mean, if she keeps going to money, you could point out that talking about how bad your skin used to be takes up more of his time and might end up costing more money in the end. I have a feeling, though, that your mother will turn anything about this against you. It's like she's found a way to hurt you and she's going to keep using it to her advantage. So when she talks about how bad your skin was, try to tune it out, act like it doesn't bother you. I know that's difficult, but it's the only thing I can think of that will take some of the power away from her. Stay strong and remember, we're here for you. I'm sorry your mom is being so mean.


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## BeneBaby (Aug 14, 2007)

I am sorry Jess, you are not ungrateful at all. When you suffer the embarrassment of acne and have to live with it everyday, you don't want to talk about how bad it was or how horrible you looked. You just want to put it behind you.

I went through a similar feeling when I lost weight. Everyone kept saying how bad I had looked and how it was so sad that I had a "pretty face" and a chubby body. They all said how much better I looked now that I wasn't as fat...it hurts.

Your Mom is wrong. She should not threaten to stop buying medicine that is improving your life and self-esteem. She should repect the fact that you are the one who suffered through acne and now you want it to remain in the past.

This makes me SO angry.


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## emily_3383 (Aug 14, 2007)

I also think your mom is being mean and I dont think you are being ungrateful. You dont seem like you are being bratty at all. I can tell how your acne was terrible for you and she shouldnt bring it up like that.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

I wish i could reply to all over like one by one.

But, it makes me feel a lot better that somebody see's how im feeling.

Even if its not the person who i'd like to see it.

But i feels good knowing that im not completely over re-acting.

I know my mom is &amp; I don't know why.

i feel a lot better knowing that im not only one who thinks all this just a crazy mess.

Luckly she's semi backed down on it. I took somebody advice and told my brother and he said something to her. She yelled and yelled at him for like sticking up for me? but she slowed down a little today.

but, yet i think we've been avioding eachother just so we don't have to argue.

I think she may be using this because it was the easiest thing to find to complain about to me.

But, thank you all so much. And if i can find anything else to say, I will update you!

i didn't expect to get so many replies! lol. this means a lot.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

I think we should give Jess's mom a break. If the family is under financial stress, we could be more understanding. I also think if Jess babysits, maybe she could contribute a bit of money for her acne treatment.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

Angela, If you had pimples completely all over your face for YEARS and once you got off it suddendly everbody started treating you different guys started talking to you. You wouldn't want to go back to that. You wouldn't want to be reminding of it. Acne, hurts. I hated myspace, in like 3rd grade from the 7th grade I reallly hated myself. I cried a lot about it, i got called every name you can think of from it. I had a hard time making friends, teenagers/kids treat acne like i have some type disease. If you had to go to school every single day with how bad of acne i had, you wouldn't want to have it brought up ever again.

And my mom of all people who watched me go through it all, and watched me come home crying constantly and we never found a derm who could help me because i was so young for accutane! Should be just a little more senstive than how she's acting now.

Money problems? Did you not read what i wrote to you yesterday?

"Maybe? But if she was I don't think its needed to take it out on me over a converstation matter, nothing to do with the money. Or just the whole point that she won't listen.

&amp; If she/my family is having money issues she not be lending it to my brother, when he's not in need."

If we had money problems, she wouldn't be lending it to my brother who happends to have a job and it making extremely good pay. I don't think were having any money issues whatsoever. To her its just because the fact that its her money, when acutallly its my dad whose paying for it.

I don't feel like your reading what i'm writing at all. I have to go back and repeat myself twice for you.


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

the financial stress has nothing to do with how she treated jess, and i understand because my mom is the same way, using something like that as a weapon is just evil. i will feel maybe a little sorry for her money issues but i will not give her a break for what jess is actually complaining about


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

I am sorry that you feel that way. But I grew up having a single mother that paid for everything herself as my father sent Child Support one time! I think you need to be more understanding.

I am just going to keep my opinions to myself from now on.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

I'm sorry that your not reading my posts. We don't have money troubles.

So, your mom only getting child support once &amp; your mom being single.. doesn't relate.

I don't think im not being understand, whats there to understand about how my moms reacting? she's hurting me.

&amp; wont stop even when asked.... and its respect to not hurt somebody you love right?


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## SqueeKee (Aug 14, 2007)

Jess, whether your mom knows it or not, she is being emotionally abusive to you and it is NOT cool. You are in *no way* being ungrateful.

Your mother is an adult, *if she's feeling financial pressure she can sit down and talk to you about it without belittling you or making threats*. That's just irresponsible and very immature.

People think that because someone is a "mom" it makes them automatically deserving of respect or understanding, but let me tell you - there are _alot_ of crappy moms out there! My mom was a foster parent, and she had to take care of kids whose parents were just horrible!

Please don't let people make you think this is your fault. It is NOT and if you start believe it IS your fault, you may be left feeling that way for many years to come.

I just hate parents who **** with their kids heads.


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

I feel really upset about all of this because once again, my mom is the same,

and all I can think about is all the times she attacks and threatens me for the smallest things. She can be the nicest mom, but she can be so hurtful..and she knows it. She knows what she does and she goes for the kill when shes angry. The things she tells me stick with me for a long time, and 5 minutes later she has forgotten them and moved on, well, not me, she leaves me emotionally scarred. Part of why I cant wait to get the hell out of here.

I told her once all the fighting with her and my dad and everything is the reason im so miserable everyday, and the way she treats me doesnt help either, and that just enraged her?? And she went on about how I have it SO easy and I need to stop being so dramatic and basically told me that I need to shut up? It hurt my feelings needless to say..I just told her the truth.

Moms...sigh. Im more mature than my mom, sadly.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

Thank you, Kee.


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## SqueeKee (Aug 14, 2007)

That sucks Mindy





It's so sad that kids don't really have a voice



And even when they speak up they go unheard or they're overlooked because Parents are supposed to be all-powerful people who never do any wrong.

No prob Jess, anytime


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

I am so confused, I thought months ago you told us that your parents were having money troubles? I think if you offer to help pay a bit for your acne treatment, things might settle down between you and your mother. Have you ever thanked her for getting you the medicine? I am almost 36 and it took me until I was way over 21 to realize how much my mother did for me.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

We _were _having money troubles... we _were_. But my father got a raise &amp; my mom just started getting beyond better houses to clean for much more money. Which is the exact reason were _not _having money troubles anymore.

Yes, i've thanked her. I'm thankful for the medicine. I never said i was not thankful. But i can be thankful for it &amp; not want to hear about it.

well i already know what my mom has done for me so far. I'm thankful. But, its not my point whatsoever.


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## SqueeKee (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Jesskaa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif We _were _having money troubles... we _were_. But my father got a raise &amp; my mom just started getting beyond better houses to clean for much more money. Which is the exact reason were _not _having money troubles anymore.
Yes, i've thanked her. I'm thankful for the medicine. I never said i was not thankful. But i can be thankful for it &amp; not want to hear about it.

well i already know what my mom has done for me so far. I'm thankful. But, its not my point whatsoever.

I understand Jess. Financial problems, even if she was having them, does not give your mother the right to belittle you and make threats. She's an adult, she should know better. 
If you think it may get through to her, I really think you should write out a nice letter and let her know how she's making you feel. But be sure to reinterate that you are thankful, even though you've been doing it all along. She sounds like she may be a bit unstable, so she may react badly if you don't let her know you are grateful.


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

unstable..that would definately be my mother, ha.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

Hell, when I was growing up I thought my mother was a complete b****. But as you mature you will see that she loves you and wants the best for you!


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

hmph.

i'll never forgive my mom for the hurtful things she does even when i "mature" (hate that)

unless of course she changes her ways soon and makes me feel like an actual person again. not just some thing that she controls and belittles.

but i will always know she loves me yes, and probably wants whats best for me, but that doesnt mean everything she does is acceptable just because of that.


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## SqueeKee (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *MindySue* /img/forum/go_quote.gif hmph. 
i'll never forgive my mom for the hurtful things she does even when i "mature" (hate that)

unless of course she changes her ways soon and makes me feel like an actual person again. not just some thing that she controls and belittles.

but i will always know she loves me yes, and probably wants whats best for me, but that doesnt mean everything she does is acceptable just because of that.

Good for you for acknowleging that Mindy!


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

Angela, none of this has to with my age. I don't think its needed for you pretty much come out and say that just because i'm not not your age i don't realize that my mom loves me &amp; wants what best for me.

THAT HAS NOTHING TO-DO WITH WHAT IM SAYING? ARE YOU NOT READING???

If you think it does please explain? I don't have to 36 or 20 something realize that the way my mom is treating me, is very unnessary. *I don't have to be 30 to know my mom loves me and know that i love my mom.*

My whole point was to see if i was over reacting about how i feel about this subject of my accutane/acne. Not how much i love my mom. I was asking for help on how to stop my mom with this behavior. *As kee as mention.. "She's an adult, she should know better".* This was my point. Not on how much i love my mom, not if i think she's b*** or anything. *Just to see if i was being childish, or i have acutallly had a point &amp; to get others opinions, maybe see if somebody thought different and could give me a valuable reason to the side the other side of this problem.*

*I love my mom.* She's the reason I'm here today. I'm thankful for every single thing she does. But it still doesn't make this okay. Specially when asked to stop because it reallly reallly hurts me.

I care about my mom &amp; would do anything for her &amp; I know my mom loves me thats why she's gotton this accutane for me. But no need to use it against me.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

You will realize when you start to mature that there are different ways to handle how people treat you. I am not talking about situations where physical or mental abuse takes place. I am speaking about every day situations. I know what I am talking about.


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## SqueeKee (Aug 14, 2007)

*Okay guys, lets try to keep it calm in here please.*

Jess, I'm glad you can see what your mom is doing. Hugs for you, be strong sweetie.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

You are just focusing on how she makes you feel. Have you thought about how you act and how that makes her feel?

I am just trying to help her understand Human Nature. I am not trying to stir up bad feelings.


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

What I think jess is getting at angela is thats not the point, im sure she knows (obviously by how her mom reacts) that she makes her mad. but as she stated before, it's wrong and thats all she wanted to know, if it was wrong.

there really isnt much more up for discussion, everything seems to be going in circles


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

Ok I am done. Not much point in debating this anymore. There is alot I would like to say but I know I will get myself into trouble. I feel like you can't really be honest on here sometimes.


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## Marisol (Aug 14, 2007)

Maybe your mom has been having a bad time lately. It wasn't the nicest thing for her to do but perhaps she didn't realize how hurtful it is to you. Have you tried asking her if things are ok with? Maybe she was having a bad day and took it out on you. I would recommend telling her how you felt in a calm and respectful manner that way she has to act calm and respectful towards you.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Marisol* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Maybe your mom has been having a bad time lately. It wasn't the nicest thing for her to do but perhaps she didn't realize how hurtful it is to you. Have you tried asking her if things are ok with? Maybe she was having a bad day and took it out on you. I would recommend telling her how you felt in a calm and respectful manner that way she has to act calm and respectful towards you. Marisol,That was exactly what I was trying to say in my own way.

GMTA!!!


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

I just want to add one last thing, just because someone is older doesn't mean they've matured. i don't think maturity has too much to do with age. i mean, jess's mom sure doesnt sound too mature to me. i know people my age who act more mature than her (and my mom)


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Marisol* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Maybe your mom has been having a bad time lately. It wasn't the nicest thing for her to do but perhaps she didn't realize how hurtful it is to you. Have you tried asking her if things are ok with? Maybe she was having a bad day and took it out on you. I would recommend telling her how you felt in a calm and respectful manner that way she has to act calm and respectful towards you. I haven't asked her if things were okay with her lately. But i did say in my very first post.. *"and she kept going on and on about how rude it was me to give her that look &amp; im like "I already know my skin was bad, I woke to it every single day. I had those pimples everywhere i went. I hated it, I got the low self confidence from it, I hated my face. i don't wanna hear about how bad it used to be inless i want to talk about it." and she's like "I dont care what you want its my money. "*

So, i have gotton one of those two things down.

&amp; it hasen't been just a day. This has been a month. Some of it has started before the derm visit but the derm visit has reallly triggered me.


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

TBH, theres a difference between what marisol said and saying she should be more grateful. i dont think any of this would have started if it were said in the same manner. maybe the intention was the same but the wording wasnt.


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## SqueeKee (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Jesskaa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I haven't asked her if things were okay with her lately. But i did say in my very first post.. *"and she kept going on and on about how rude it was me to give her that look &amp; im like "I already know my skin was bad, I woke to it every single day. I had those pimples everywhere i went. I hated it, I got the low self confidence from it, I hated my face. i don't wanna hear about how bad it used to be inless i want to talk about it." and she's like "I dont care what you want its my money. "*

So, i have gotton one of those two things down.

&amp; it hasen't been just a day. This has been a month. Some of it has started before the derm visit but the derm visit has reallly triggered me.

I think that if I had a daughter who broke down like that ti me my heart would just break for her


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

you would hope!! i think i would too kee. it's funny, if my mom saw me crying..and she wasnt angry, she'd feel so bad for me, but if she made me cry from her anger she could care less.


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## Marisol (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Jesskaa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I haven't asked her if things were okay with her lately. But i did say in my very first post.. *"and she kept going on and on about how rude it was me to give her that look &amp; im like "I already know my skin was bad, I woke to it every single day. I had those pimples everywhere i went. I hated it, I got the low self confidence from it, I hated my face. i don't wanna hear about how bad it used to be inless i want to talk about it." and she's like "I dont care what you want its my money. "*

So, i have gotton one of those two things down.

&amp; it hasen't been just a day. This has been a month. Some of it has started before the derm visit but the derm visit has reallly triggered me.

I am sorry that your mom treated you that way. No matter what is going on with her she has no right to take it out on you. I know that there was a time when my mom was not the nicest person to me and I thought that she was being a horrible b*tch. I didn't approach her about it and it just built resentment on my part. Well, little did I know that there were some heavy duty personal things that she was going through (she found out about my dad having an affair) and she was just not herself. Now, i am not saying your mom is going through something this extreme but you never know. I think if you approach her and see if there is anything wrong, then at least you know that you tried. After all, she is your mother and she loves you very much. Parents aren't perfect and maybe she feels like crap for treating you this way and doesn't know how to approach you. 
Hang in there.


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## AngelaGM (Aug 14, 2007)

The intention was the same! I was just trying to look at this situation in different ways. But I am done discussing it now. Good luck with your mom, Jess!


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Marisol* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am sorry that your mom treated you that way. No matter what is going on with her she has no right to take it out on you. I know that there was a time when my mom was not the nicest person to me and I thought that she was being a horrible b*tch. I didn't approach her about it and it just built resentment on my part. Well, little did I know that there were some heavy duty personal things that she was going through (she found out about my dad having an affair) and she was just not herself. Now, i am not saying your mom is going through something this extreme but you never know. I think if you approach her and see if there is anything wrong, then at least you know that you tried. After all, she is your mother and she loves you very much. Parents aren't perfect and maybe she feels like crap for treating you this way and doesn't know how to approach you. 
Hang in there.

Okay. If my mom acts up again tomorrow with the same stuff she's been doing. I'll ask her if things are okay. But i don't want to start a fight thats not needed.I'll inform you all how it goes.


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## Marisol (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Jesskaa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Okay. If my mom acts up again tomorrow with the same stuff she's been doing. I'll ask her if things are okay. But i don't want to start a fight thats not needed.I'll inform you all how it goes.

My recommendation would be to approach her not when things are heated but when things are calm between the two of you that way you are getting off on a positive note.


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## SqueeKee (Aug 14, 2007)

The best thing to do if you're afraid of confrontation, is put it all down in a letter. Be nice as possible so that she doesn't think you're attacking her though!


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

i think thats a good idea jess. when shes sceaming, instead of doing it back (i know how hard that can be to hold it in) calmy say...is everything okay mom. that takes guts though, i dont know if i could do it.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Marisol* /img/forum/go_quote.gif My recommendation would be to approach her not when things are heated but when things are calm between the two of you that way you are getting off on a positive note. Well usually right now.. most of our "calm" moments are a fake calm.like when were both keeping in &amp; one of us leaves to it doesn't get to be too much.

Originally Posted by *Kee* /img/forum/go_quote.gif The best thing to do if you're afraid of confrontation, is put it all down in a letter. Be nice as possible so that she doesn't think you're attacking her though! True. but what if she reads the letter &amp; doesn't do anything back?


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

if she freaks out when you ask her if everythings ok, just be like, well i just thought id ask since you always unfairly take things out on me..then EXIT the building!! haha. dont even bother arguing back.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 14, 2007)

haha mindy.


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## SqueeKee (Aug 14, 2007)

Honestly Jess, when I was fourteen my mom was emotionally abusive to me. Ten years later, she still is. The other day she called to let me know what a wonderful time she had at the family reunion - the one I hadn't heard about until that moment. She did not invite me, but called to rub it in, just to see how I would react.

I knew she was abusive when I was 14, and people just told me I would "understand" when I got older.

And I do understand.

I understand that she is what she is and nothing will change her. I love her, and I accept her for who she is. I think somewhere deep down she may love me, but can't say I know that 100% My husband thinks I should cut her out of my life - but I can't. She's my mom, not matter how cruel she is to me.

If you write an earnest letter to your mom, without being angry, just telling her how you feel and asking her how she is, and she doesn't respond . . . then Maybe just wait and see what happens.

And if she keeps it up, perhaps the best thing to do is make the best of your relationship, but accept her for who she is. Sometimes it's all we can do.

Hopefully she's just under alot of stress or something and reading a letter or talking to you will get through to her and you guys will have some great bonding afterward.


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## MindySue (Aug 14, 2007)

what a great post kee.

i dont understand how one can treat their own child that way, sigh, i never ever will understand it, no matter how old i am.

my mom isnt quite as bad as yours sounds kee, so im thankful for her kind of..i know she will always be there for me, but does hurt me often also. i guess i can accept that.


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## Marisol (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Jesskaa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I haven't asked her if things were okay with her lately. But i did say in my very first post.. *"and she kept going on and on about how rude it was me to give her that look &amp; im like "I already know my skin was bad, I woke to it every single day. I had those pimples everywhere i went. I hated it, I got the low self confidence from it, I hated my face. i don't wanna hear about how bad it used to be inless i want to talk about it." and she's like "I dont care what you want its my money. "*

So, i have gotton one of those two things down.

&amp; it hasen't been just a day. This has been a month. Some of it has started before the derm visit but the derm visit has reallly triggered me.

I am sorry that your mom treated you that way. No matter what is going on with her she has no right to take it out on you. I know that there was a time when my mom was not the nicest person to me and I thought that she was being a horrible b*tch. I didn't approach her about it and it just built resentment on my part. Well, little did I know that there were some heavy duty personal things that she was going through (she found out about my dad having an affair) and she was just not herself. Now, i am not saying your mom is going through something this extreme but you never know. I think if you approach her and see if there is anything wrong, then at least you know that you tried. After all, she is your mother and she loves you very much. Parents aren't perfect and maybe she feels like crap for treating you this way and doesn't know how to approach you. 
Hang in there.


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## Karen_B (Aug 14, 2007)

I don't understand how anyone, let alone a mother, can react to someone saying "you're hurting me" by replying "I don't care".

How about trying to talk to your mother when you are not fighting? Tell her, mom, there is something I need to talk to you about. Tell her how grateful you are to her for giving you the treatment, but that she is hurting you when she brings up your skin problems and that you don't understand why she does it.

I think that if your mother feels you are ungrateful and that you should offer to pay for part of the treatment, she should tell you this instead of threatening or hurting you. She may be going through a hard time but she still has a responsibility to you as a parent.

When I was in my teens I was fighting a lot with my mother. We were both going through hard times, my mom was upset because she and my dad got divorced and I was upset for a number of reasons. I realize now that the hurtful things she said she said because she was going through something and I forgive her for it. I mean, I said very hurtful things to her too. However, our stuff was nothing like what you are describing.

Also, not everything can be excused or forgiven with "he/she is going through a rough time".


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## Solimar (Aug 14, 2007)

Your mom loves you and you know that, which is a key thing. She should not be treating you the way she is, and you by no means have to deal with it. If you're looking to resolve things, you should deal with her immaturity in a way that you might not be already. I know it's hard, but if she is raising her voice and yelling at you, don't get right up there with her. Yelling is a way of making yourself heard, but your voice level has nothing to do with being heard or not. If you are calm, talk -- she will most likely start to listen. I mean, by being calm when she is yelling can make her mad, because you are being mature about it -- and when she understands that being calm doesn't abase her, it will go smoothly.

Maybe you can consider writing her a letter or an email explaining how you felt about your skin, how much you appreciate your treatment, and how you feel about your skin now. Make sure to validate how she feels by saying "I know you feel such and such a way, but just know I appreciate everything you have done".

Your mom is not right here...but dealing with her in a different way may be the key to making this at least sort of harmonious.

hugs for you &lt;3


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## CellyCell (Aug 14, 2007)

Interesting thread.

I think I'm fortunate enough to have a mother that doesn't push limits.

She understands my trigger points and such.

I can relate only because my "father" is emotionally abusive and it got so bad that I took the further step and stopped talking to him. Been a full year now without uttering a word to him. And trust me, he's found ways to yell at me for no reason. He seriously damages my self-esteem with the stuff he says about my looks. It's never fun and he doesnt understand what I go thru because he never had those issues. Same with your Mom, which sucks. And its fustrating how they cant just see themselves in your shoes and see the hurt they cause.

I think, your mom has control issues. More than anything. And she feels obligation to speak to you like that because you are hers... she "owns" you. You know? I sense my parents do that too. They see that they created me, taking care of me and therefor have the freedom to say whatever to me.

I thought it was funny how maturity was brought into this and it wasn't pointed at your mother, because from the sense of it - she don't have much of it. The older you grow, the wiser you are from life experience. But some grown folks just don't reach that level unfortunately. It's what causes issues, don't it?

Good luck Jess.

For comic relief, you can always tell her what I tell my mom when she gets on my case:

"If you didn't want to take care of me... why did you have me?!"

Gets her every time.

And when she refuses to cook my dinner, I tell her "no one forced you to open up your legs and make me... so deal with my nagging and feed your baby."

Maybe it won't go so smoothly with your mama, but give it a try. Haha


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## Sheikah (Aug 14, 2007)

Lol Celly, that's hilarious.

Good luck Jess. I really really hope she calms down and gets to understand how bad she made you feel, maybe she could even apologize to you. I really hope.

I've been reading this rather controversial thread and while I understand the fact that there's always two sides of the story and that nobody knows what could be possessing her to be so mean. I also think that we can't go on making excuses for people when they behave in such an unacceptable way, I mean, we could wonder and think about a million reasons why she's behaving that way but in the end, it's just excuses.

She hasn't taken the time and the courage to tell Jess what is it that's bothering her, if there is. If there's something wrong with me and I'm taking it out on other people, I should realize it and explain it to the people I hurt. To apologize and say "I'm sorry" takes courage and it's part of being mature. By saying she doesn't care and doing nothing about her actions she's showing immaturity. This is not about age, this is about respect and everybody deserves it.


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## emily_3383 (Aug 15, 2007)

I feel like your mom is going through stuff and taking it out on you. I really understand that there are two sides of the story but children shouldnt have to deal with mental/verbal abuse because the parent is having a hard time. I dont think she says those things because of the financial issues shes saying it because she knows its upsetting. Ive lived in a stressful home and i know what its like. I hope everything works out well!


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## pinksugar (Aug 15, 2007)

pretty, I totally agree with you. MUT gives me so much confidence and support. You get such a wide range of views here which helps - I love that people have encouraged jess to see the other side of the story and consider different options, as well as offer advice and support.

Even if you dont actually follow any of the advice given, its nice to have a support network and somewhere safe you can go to discuss your problems and such


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## hearthnsoul (Aug 15, 2007)

I'm a mom and I am here to tell you we say some really stupid things,...Sometimes I catch myself and I am mortified that it came out of my mouth,..but I am sure there are so many things I am so caught up in my own view on it that I say things that have an impact I really don't realize that it does. I am thinking for myself of an incident with my youngest daughter not too long ago,..and although I blurbed out my thoughts on it,..I knew WHILE I was saying it it wasn't right, but my desire for things to work out for her in the situation overoad my common sense that knew I should let her make her own decidsion on the matter. A few weeks later she asked me if I realized what I was saying was wrong,..and I admitted I indeed not only did now, but knew it then,..and she told me she had cried all day after the conversation. Yikes huh,..so here I knew what I was saying wasn't right, I should have been letting her make her own decision and even in all that my need for her to make the right decision had an impact on her I didn't realize it would.

My point,..us Moms, we say the illest thought out things sometimes,..and well, you just have to turn a deaf ear to us when we get like that.


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## empericalbeauty (Aug 15, 2007)

Thsi thread made me feel better because now I know I am not the only one with and extremely abusive mother.

I remember when my skin was really really bad and I used to get teased a lot in school. I would come home and tell my mother. Well one day I did, guess what she did? She kept singing "You are ugly" to me. Like a song. And I kept crying and crying and telling her to stop but she wouldnt. I dont think I will ever forget that day. Till this day whenever I bring it up she says I deserved it because she was trying to toughen me up. At least your mother doesnt call you a shameless hag, whore, slut, good for nothing child. So..be happy. Cheer up


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## Shelley (Aug 15, 2007)

Jess,

You are not being ungrateful. Everyone has things they are sensitive about. I don't blame you for being upset with your mom. What she is doing is emotionally abusive.

It is possible like someone else mentioned that she is going through a problem you are not aware of and taking it out on you. Even if she has a personal problem it is not fair of her to take it out on you.

I would write her a letter telling her how you feel, how the comments affected you etc. Maybe ask or write in your letter if there is something in her life that is bothering her.

I know what it is like. My mom is very emotionally abusive, controlling. She will never change. She told me months ago that she never wanted a second child, I'm not deserving of anything etc.

I hope everything works out for you. Please keep us updated.


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## CellyCell (Aug 17, 2007)

We need an update, Jess.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 17, 2007)

never fear jess is here!

Thank you all once again. I did read everything! but its too much time out to respond to you all.

But for the person who mention about saying something to my dad. Thats not an option. Me &amp; him do not talk. My moms still rude about it &amp; they'd end up fighting more and then they already do. So, thats why i considered my brother and now they're not talking cause my brothers upset with how my moms behaving. And my dad said he wants nothing to do with it at all and my mom was mad because he wouldn't pick sides. And I walked downstairs and i heard my dad say "Im not picking sides because this is extremely childish." and my mom starting yelling at him. and i just joined in with them in the living and only sat down didn't say anything. And she turned around and starting fussing at me about minding my own business when i could already hear them. So we started fighting &amp; yelling. Then she went quiet so i went quiet.

And i said "Do i not know something?" and she said 'No, you know everything." and I was like "then why are you always so mad?" and she said "because this whole *f-word* house pisses me off. You walk around here like you know everything and you don't s*** for anything your brothers a slob and he doesn't do anything more than what you do, your dad works all *f-word* day. And im just here cleaning, cooking, and s***."

And i was like "I do more then Michael does, and I don't get anything in return. I mean when i do take sparky out you don't say thankyou because you don't think i should be thanked. But i think i should be i don't have to take YOUR dog out for you, because you say all the time shes only YOUR dog. I don't have to clean michaels room for him but i do cause you ask and i dont get thanked or anything nice job! I clean my room and you all at me about how it should be cleaned before you even check... maybe you dont have to thank me all the time or even say anything.. but its nice to know what i do is cared for or helpful cause you make it seem like its not &amp; so i feel like im in the way. How do i know if i am or not? when we just yelll??" and we just went on and on. And we got nowhere.

Now shes mad about the derm thing &amp; how i feel like i should be thanked or "job well done" sometimes... cause she never feels thanked either.

BUT I THANK HER, I SWEAR I DO.


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## emily_3383 (Aug 17, 2007)

Your mom seems like shes having a breakdown. You all need a vacation.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 17, 2007)

But just because they're expected doesn't mean they have to be done.

But I don't mind doing any of it. But usually when I do she'll yell at me for doing it wrong, or its not her way, I didn't walk her dog long enough, I didn't wash my brothers clothes too even though i can't tell which are or not dirty.

So, its hard to KNOW what it is expected from her when she cannot decide.

I made a post about this before a long time ago i remember talking to mindy about it, I did everybodys laundry for them and when my mom came home she was extremely mad because i didn't fold the clothes right.

Maybe she shouldn't have to thank me. But when i do something its either just looked right by or not even noticed. &amp; id they're noticed they cause a fight.

Its like dinner. My moms expected to feed me dinner right? but it doesn't mean she has to because i have two feet &amp; an 2 arms and i can cook. So, im expected to say thank you.

I realize my mom works hard for everything. But i think personally she's putting herself under more stress than needed. I have no idea what she wants, But im not positive i can even help her and the more i try the less we even talk. Cause now she won't even talk to me, and she confirmed that herself a few half an hours ago, when she walked in and said.. "I'm your mom i shouldn't have to thank you.... or tell you good job because most of the time you failed at whatever you did.... You can't even talk to me like a normal person right. So, ....until i get respect I don't want to talk." I did put that in all the words i could remember it was much more longer &amp; overdone.

so then we started fighting cause i had to say something back, about it like normal, i can't keep quiet. And then we ended with this. "Talk to you when your attitude is gone."

I know im not innocent on this, but neither is she. I have a big mouth and I know it. I have anger issues and I know it. But, She's not making much better either.

I have no idea how to start clean with her.


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## CellyCell (Aug 17, 2007)

Dude, your parents and convo sounds like mine. So know you're not alone and the frustration is equally shared.

She's obviously hard headed and going thru a moment you get when annoyed at someone and just wanna b*tch about it. Soon enough it'll pass and calm will ensue, but then another drama will start up again? Am I right... the continuing cycle of it?

I never had a serious chit-chat with my parents... but maybe, you should try a letter.

I'm like you too where I have to talk back and it makes things a bit more difficult. So perhaps the letter can help loads. Tell her how she makes you feel... tell her what she does to you emotionally. You don't want it to get to a point like me and my father have gotten and I just told him I didn't love him no more. I really don't appreciate the stuff he gives me because it never makes up for the fact that he's freaking mental. :S

A letter. Worth a try...


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## Jesskaa (Aug 17, 2007)

I don't know. I just do not know.

thanks though.


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## CellyCell (Aug 17, 2007)

Like I said, try a letter.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 17, 2007)

I will.

But I don't want to do it right now. Cause it doesn't feel right.

&amp; i just wanna blow off some anger.

cause she's got me mad and I got her mad.

&amp; if i write it when im mad then it be all the anger talking.

and i just don't know what i wanna say yet.

maybe after not talking.. anger will pass.. and then we can solve it.

i kinda don't feel like talking to her.


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## PaperFlowers (Aug 17, 2007)

Just my own 2 cents about the mother situation.

I am an only child, and my father died in an accident when I was 2 years old. My mother makes 20,000 dollars a year, and she is extremely stressed all the time-- we have custody of my cousin's daughter and are raising her-- anyone around here can do the math and know that THAT is not enough money to support myself, a little girl, and my mother on.

So she is constantly stressed and yelling. However, stress does not make it okay for your mother to treat you the way she is. What you posted rings true to me in regards to how my mother has treated me all my life. It's abuse.

I accepted it for years and years, attempted suicide, everything just because nothing I ever did was good enough. Saying those kids of things to a child is NEVER justified.

Saying anything like that-- aimed to make them feel bad, or doing it KNOWING that it makes them feel bad-- is NEVER justified. It took my grandmother and my aunt supporting me to get me to where I am now.

Even now, at 21 years old, and only being home during the summer months, I still call my aunt in tears and she is the one who reassures me that it's just one of my mother's phases.

I am finishing up my last year at school, and then getting my master's degree. Once I begin my job, I plan on giving money so my mother can get the help she needs. She constantly calls me ungrateful and tells me I don't know shit about how hard she works, even though I began working at 15 to help out.

Do I know how much she does? Yes, I do. I am deeply appreciative. My aunt and my grandmother know this more, because I cannot talk to my mother.

Do I know she loves me? Yes, I know she does. I know she gets stressed and that on top of the other things makes her blow up. But I know deep down she loves me, even while she is ranting about how I am nothing but a disappointment to her. I have to remember that.

Does that make what she says to me ok? No, it doesn't. It's not ok. And I have gotten to the point that when she goes off on me, I just sit silently and wait for it to pass, usually posting on here.

It's not ok. You can recognize that your mother is being emotionally abusive at times and STILL know she loves you, and STILL know that she works hard. You can know it's not ok and still know she loves you and works hard for you. It's not so black and white.

Just putting my thoughts in here, I am sorry for the ramble.


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## cyberfemme (Aug 18, 2007)

OK several things went through my head after reading this. Maybe it'll bring some perspective in your situation.

One, I'm not a psychologist but I've always noticed in Mom &amp; daughters that don't get along even if it's only through the teen years and not beyond, that it seems to stem from a type of jealousy, especially when moms pick on their daughters' looks or body size. So not cool. Meaning you're blossoming into a woman and you're not a little girl anymore, so you're kind of like competition for her (I know it's weird but something to think about) this alone may be causing tension in her. Or may be as simple as feeling that she is losing you soon. I don't know as I said I'm not a psychologist.

Another thought is by your description is that it seems she's being a martyr and a perfectionist, the two seem to go hand in hand. That is things can only be done her way (the only right way you know



) and she's the ONLY one who ever does anything for the family. Only she can change this type of stinkin' thinkin'.

Third, I believe someone mentioned as a possibility is that she's not happy at work or there may be some tension going on between your parents that's really getting to her.

Finally, how old is she? She may be menopausal or perimenopausal. The way PMS affects a woman's moods so does this stage of life.

These are just some ideas, it doesn't excuse her behavior but it may give you an idea on how to handle her. I'm a mom to a ten year old so in few short years I'll be dealing with a teenager I hope I do well at this stage of life with her.

Good Luck to you!


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## Aprill (Aug 18, 2007)

I see both sides of the situation and didnt really have any plans on saying anything but....I understand what you are going through. I think we all here have had a falling out with our mothers (for the ones that have/knew of their mothers). I used to hate my mom at your age with a passion. Every shoe she ever bought me, any medications, anything!!! The guilt trip was always the same, "I bought it with my money and you have to deal with such and such and such or you wont get it at all". Using what they have to remind you that w/o them, you have nothing. Trust me I know. I am not going to excuse her (your mom) behavior by giving a sad laundry list of things that may be going wrong, cause regardless, we as mothers know we have a code of conduct to follow. It is not etched in stone, but it is there.

And i was gulity of the same thing with my oldest son. I used to buy him things, not comparable to your acne medication at all, but still, the element is the same. I would hold things i got him over his head, and in the end, what did that change......nothing. Same problems, new day. Until i thought about all that I have been through and all the problems that we (our family) used to have that was stressful. And realized I should not take it out on him. So i stopped. But things in here are not like they are at your home.

But I will say that the best thing for you to do is calm down. When she does that, ignore it. (I know it may be hard, you may even say it is impossible) Dont let her get to you. I honestly do not think that is her intention, but it happens and when you really really really really step out into the real worls, you are going to hear ALOT WORSE!!! This is the perfect time for you to learn how to ignore and laugh off people's nasty words and thoughts that are directed towards you. Please trust me on that.....people can say some of the stupidest stuff to me, and I just laugh, or look at them like they lost their mind. You know what they do, shut their damn mouth. And I learned from the harsh words that my mother used to give me at your age.

And to address maturity...it has no age. Sometimes i wish that the word would be removed from the dictionary becasue it is "life experience" that counts. If someone never went through it, they never dealt with it, and they cant advise you. Teen years are the hardest by far for mothers and daughters. Stay strong.

Write your mother a letter, keep a copy for yourself. Tell her how you feel and when she does what ever it is that hurts you, that it hurts you. She may not get the point today, tommorrow, maybe no time soon. But when she does, it is going to hit hard and it is going to hurt. Strive to be the best so that she also understands that even though _________ happened, "I didnt let it affect me, and I am a growing young lady and I didnt let it hurt me." That's what made my mother and many many others that wanted to see me fall, get on my teanm




Keep your head up honey. LMK if what I said did or didnt make sense to you.


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## CellyCell (Aug 18, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Aprill849* /img/forum/go_quote.gif And to address maturity...it has no age. Sometimes i wish that the word would be removed from the dictionary becasue it is "life experience" that counts. If someone never went through it, they never dealt with it, and they cant advise you. Teen years are the hardest by far for mothers and daughters. Stay strong.

.

Finally, someone who gets what I mean and articulated my mess better. Haha


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## jessimau (Aug 18, 2007)

The additional stuff you told us really pissed me off. Your mom expects you to do things and then, when you don't so them to her standards, berates you? To me, as I said before, that's abusive. There's NO good reason for that, no matter how stressed you are. Is there a way to get her to go see someone? Maybe talk to her doctor about ways to relieve stress or try to get her/your family into counseling? Your mother does sound really immature and rude and it makes me mad for you. She's at war with everyone in the house, it sounds like, when they're not "on her side." I don't really know what you can do, but disengaging and not talking for a while seems like a good idea -- it'll give you both a chance to (hopefully) cool down.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 19, 2007)

A few things I'd like to comment back on.

-I have no idea how old mom is... she might be like 48-49?

My mom came out and starting saying maybe I'd like to go live with my aunt in Massachutes for a while and then my mom started telling me &amp; my brother how she didn't want kids to live in the house anymore if they don't do anything.

And then my dad came home and said "If she wanted to leave we might consider it until then im getting my daughter to leave." And my dad was thinking that i need counceling and i was like "I don't wanna go by myself, im not the only person who could counceling!" and my mom took that offensively and started saying i was pointing her out, when i reallly wasen't. but i do think that out whole family could use some therapy not just me. And i told them there was no way no how would i be leaving the house and my mom was like 'Stupid idea on my part I'd miss my children too much". Nicest thing we've heard in awhile. So, I dont know? I think they're looking into therapy.

But on top of this my family not has been aruging on my moms behaviour My brother got a new job recently and wanted to put me on some thing where if he were to die... I'd get such &amp; such amount of money and I could use it for like college &amp; a car.

Well my dad was upset that my brother thought of me first. And I see it that i could put it more use if my brother did happen to pass away or die, than my father.

And my mom thinks the whole thing is crazy [which i find crazy.]

and my dads mad.

so, were all aruging on like 2 different subjects now &amp; since today my brother finally just said "Jessica's on my 'whatever that list is called!!'" it re brought up the whole fight again!


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## CellyCell (Aug 19, 2007)

Wtf... you on about wills? You family upset and fighting over a will?

No harm feelings because I was with you until a point. I think everyone, including yourself, are initiating arguments over little things instead of brushing it off. It doesnt matter who started or what... the fact is that is continues without any resolution from what I take it.

Have you considered the letter or anything else?

Trust, it escalates and snowballs into more arguments until one finally just goes - ive had enough. Like, standing up for yourself is all good... but from what I take it, you're not approaching it right. :S I dunno what advice this is I'm giving you, haha. Its pretty much crazy, unnecessary drama. Take therapy if they offer it, I wouldnt argue against it and hopefully the rest of your family will follow suit. Eer.. all I can say :S


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## cyberfemme (Aug 19, 2007)

I'm so sorry the saga continues! Everyone sounds so irrational. Your brother was probably filling out the beneficiary forms that jobs require you to fill out. I think it was admiral that he thought of putting you there as his beneficiary. He can actually put your parents too if it'll keep the peace. He just needs to decide how to divide it up. He probably shouldn't mention to your parents if he decides to make your share larger though.

I think family therapy will be a great idea. Sometimes you need an outsider to make sense of things. I hope it all works out. If you do write that letter it may be helpful during the therapy if that happens. I wish I had advice to offer but I'm out of ideas.

Hugs


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## Jesskaa (Aug 20, 2007)

I'd like to say sorry for so many errors in my typing but usually when i update you guys its like when my mom can pop in at any moment &amp; she'd be real mad about this thread.

I wrote her a letter yesterday night &amp; It didn't do much cause once i wokeup and she kept on yelling at me over how i didn't diserve a ride that she didnt know she had to give me.. when i asked like a week ago. &amp; then we kept on going and just making eachother mad &amp; finally she said 'Make me mad one more damn time &amp; your off on a plane."

so now nobody is talking to anybody.

nobodys mentioned theraphy anymore,.

yeahhh beneficiary forms. I couldn't spell it. &amp; my brother doesn't wanna add them on it and i feel like they're upset with me over it.

And we've got problems with me about my cellphone which im not even touching anymore.

just so much stuff to handle over here its making us mad even faster!


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## pinksugar (Aug 20, 2007)

wow chicken, I suggest you try some mediation or just sit quietly by yourself every day, otherwise all the stress and anger in that house is going to drive you crazy!

hugs .. i feel bad that everything is such a drama


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## MindySue (Aug 20, 2007)

I feel so bad for you Jess. I know what it's like and it's not fun. You're too young to go through this, your mom shouldnt put a 14 year old through that stuff..I mean nobody should go through it but thats just wrong..

Maybe moving away WOULD be good? are your family nicer than your mom (not tough to beat it seems)

It might help things. She might realize her faults when you arent there for her to scream at all the time.


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## Jesskaa (Aug 20, 2007)

I loveeee it at my aunts. To visit.

I don't wanna leave my brother.

I don't wanna leave my mom even if she is being mean/rude.

I don't wanna leave my friends/boyfriends.

I happen to loveee this town. and im happy all except for my family problems.

which i reallllly think could be worked out. but i dont know.


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## Solimar (Aug 20, 2007)

I hope everything gets better for you &lt;3


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## makeuptard (Aug 22, 2007)

WOW!!!

Girl I am on your side for one reason only. Becuase you are a child and your mom is an adult.

The most important issues- you should ALWAYS ALWAYS have a healthy diet. Especially while you are still growing. If (though I can't believe this is true) your mother is telling you not to eat because you need to be thin then PLEASE PLEASE seek help. Tell your school, call the authorities. This IS abuse.

You are obviously emotionally scarred, but not by the pimples. By your (or I assume your mothers) obsession with your physical appearance and all things shallow. YES it is important to care about how you look and take care of yourself in a feminine fashion. BUT you have to realize that who you are as a person goes way beyond having pimples, being fat, or not getting all the new fashion things you want from your mom.

I'm glad you're "not touching" the issues with the cellphone because.. wow I don't even know what it is but I know thats so ridiculously stupid. At least you have the sense and maturity to realize that.

Chances are (I really believe this) that your mom has some issues with all of the above which has come upon you. My guess is that you all came into money after you were born? It sounds like she thinks you should have learned all of the lessons she learned while not being as well off.

We never had issues like this when I was a kid. My mom worked a lot and I was allowed free-reign. My dad was all over the place, I lived with him twice and he sent me home both times because he couldn't handle being a dad.

So here I think there needs to be a balance of realization for what you have and what you don't deserve.

Typing here isn't going to solve your problems and you can't change your mother. It just won't happen. You can however change yourself and how you react and sometimes even how you feel.

Let go of your past and forget about what your mother says about it. Yes, its painful to admit that you weren't always the beautiful swan that you are today but its also a GODDAMN BLESSING!! Rejoice GIRL LOOK AT YOUR FACE!!! This doesn't happen for everyone but there you are smiling. You act like your pimples were a reflection on who you were. UHM NO. You are not a bad person for having pimples.. even a lot. Even famous people have had them IT"S TOTALLY NATURAL. Luckily you got it fixed, becuase it's much more pleasant but you have no reason to be ashamed about it and in fact your beauty has been earned. You were not just graced with good genes.

Tell your mother that you love her and appreciate her. Your resentment is temporary and only going to hurt you in the long run. Ask her if you two can work together to make a schedule of what you need to do as far as chores and homework and whatever and offer alternative punishments that are static. This way you know when you've done something wrong and there is no confusion about whether she is being unreasonably harsh i.e. If you don't do the dishes one week you may not use your cellphone for one week (just an example). Perhaps you can ask your friends and family members how they do things and ask your mom to do it. Don't whine. Don't yell. Just ask. If she says no to all of this, realize that she can't be cooperative and make a plan to follow her to until you can get yourself out of there.

Don't get involved with the issues between other family members unless its violent or extreme. It was not your choice to be put in your brothers will, but you don't need to argue with your dad about it. If they ask you about it tell them that you love them but you don't think anything can be changed or could they please talk to your brother about it.

Thats all I have for now. You're gonna get tougher and smarter because of this if things turn out right..

IF all else fails... music is the most popular tool to face times of trouble.

And knowing that, they could all be gone at any moment. I know this too well.

MySpaceTV: hurt christina aguilara by melissa


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## Jesskaa (Aug 28, 2007)

update.

nobodys yelling anymore.

i don't know whats been going on lately, but it's been quiet.


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## Shelley (Aug 28, 2007)

Jess,

I'm glad you have some peace and quiet right now. I hope everything settles down for you, must be very stressful.

Since you are starting school soon, I wonder if you spoke to the school counselor about the situation if it hasn't improved by then. Maybe he/she will talk to your parents or set up counseling with another organization.

Please keep us updated. Were here for you.


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## Andi (Aug 29, 2007)

Good lord, this whole thread has upset me so much. A lot of people on here have their own sad story about abusive parents, and I feel for every single one of you. A child should be *loved and accepted *first of all, all that negativity and abusive is *TOXIC* for any childÂ´s mental development. I donÂ´t know why a lot of people donÂ´t realize how mentally fragile children are, the more sh*t you have to go through as a child the longer it will haunt you the rest of your life.

Jess, IÂ´m so sorry you and your family are dealing with all this drama. ItÂ´s not even worth mentioning that I agree your mom is treating you badly, because it is sooo obvious and it makes me sad to read what she has said to you.

My dad is emotionally abusive as well. After years of hearing the same accusations and and hearing "youÂ´re stupid" about a hundred times, I finally broke down and needed therapy to overcome my low self esteem and my everyday fear of any kind of failure. My dad now knows a lot of the things he said to me were wrong, and he has gotten better (but only because he saw me crying like a baby and telling him how I canÂ´t get out of bed because of depression...some people need it spelled out clearly obviously lol), but he will still never change.

I realize nobody is perfect. And yes I love my mom but I have also said things that hurt her really bad and never even apologized cause I didnÂ´t realize what I said...but that was when I was in puberty and freakin unhappy with my life.

ItÂ´s one thing to occasionally say something mean you didnÂ´t mean to sound mean, but itÂ´s another thing to be verbally abusive on a daily basis!!!!

Stay strong, Jess!!!!!


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