# Breaking up, with a friend?



## MacForMe (Nov 13, 2006)

Have you ever done this? Thought about? Why? What made you realize that your "friend" really doesn't belong in your life?

I have a person in my life that over the last few years has done a few self centered things to me that on the grand scale can never be "undone".. To some they aren't much but to me, its gotten to be a point where I think we need to "break up" the friendship.

Ok, discuss!


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## lovelyarsenic (Nov 13, 2006)

I recently just went through the same ordeal.

I had a really close guy friend (in fact we were best friends) for 5 years, but over the course of those 5 years there was just one hit after another within our friendship, and it got to the point where it all just had to end. I got tired of the drama&amp; I got tired of the lies - so, I eliminated him from my life. As much as the friendship meant to me, it wasn't worth hurting myself for over&amp; over&amp; over again - a girl can only take so much.

Anyway, it's a really sad thing when this happens, and I'm so sorry to hear that you feel like you're heading in this direction. I hope that no matter what happens you choose to do what is best for you&amp; what makes you happy. Best of luck - and keep us updated!!


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## rlise (Nov 13, 2006)

well i mean it just really depends on what she/he did to you! but if it bothers you to the point that you actually think well this person isnt my friend, then go with your gut and break up the friendship.

i have had tons of friends do me wrong, and immediately i quit talking to them, well now its years later, and them oweing me money or stealing my clothes or tryin to break up and me and one of old BF's, im just like well it wasnt the end of the world, so we are all cool now.

maybe you need to get outspoken and forcefully TALK to this person about how you feel and the crap they have done. i mean if this person is your real friend , a compromise, or solution can arise, so good luck girl!


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## MacForMe (Nov 13, 2006)

Thank you! I see what you mean. Yea, the things that happened, just can't be undone. And the actions were direct decisions on her part. Purposely and willful. Like leaving me out of an important events, when she was included when I have had an important things happen. Taking ALL the credit for activities. And just talking to me like I'm stupid all the time. Not telling me the WHOLE story, but telling others. Almost as to "keep it" from me. The competition is just SO overbearing. And not for nothing, I couldn't care LESS about how much money or whatever, she has.. But it seems to an issue for my friend. I'm sick of the "anything you can do, i will do once and know SO MUCH MORE about it then you do!" type attitude :bs: . Even with things I've done for years, she'd feign having no interest, talk it down, then suddenly be all up in it, and act like no one else has discovered it yet..

I did talk to her about it SO many times, but it falls on deaf ears.


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## shesBANG (Nov 13, 2006)

I had a friend kind of like that...she was my buddy when she had no one. Or shed act like she hated me, but then turn around and be a doll to me. Or it's always a competition. Who's skinnier, who's prettier..who's this and that. Who's got more friends...blahblah. It helped me alot (to get away from her) that she was a totall B too. Rude as Rude can be. We argued about it once, I told her I was done with it...and friendship..over. Best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm such a better person now that I'm away from her. We talk now and then, little chit chat.. you know? But I have such better friends now. She kept me from making friends, because no one wanted to be around her. If she liked them, she wass super sweet to them, but if they liked me better then her...she was a complete jerk.

If you just can't get her to change...i'd say bye bye. you can find better friends then that.


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## speerrituall1 (Nov 13, 2006)

Believe it or not, my "so called friend" stole a piece of my jewelry. I questioned them about it and of course they denied it. I sorta believed them--NOT. Later that year they borrowed a handbag and when it was returned, the piece of jewelry was mysteriously in the bottom. Needless to say, I ended the friendship. When I told them I discovered the jewelry, they became irate and started screaming--a sign of guilt. Some people should not be allowed to share your atmosphere!


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## MacForMe (Nov 13, 2006)

SERIOUSLY!!

this is like my friend, just without the badmouthing (at least that i know of). She would ask me a question, I'd give the answer, then she'd go ask someone else, the SAME question, right in front of me.. i mean, REALLY!!!

I just never expected this friendship to go the route it is. She really doesn't have many friends to speak of anyway.. I got sick of inviting her out, then have her changing plans, or inviting MORE people along (without asking me) and changing the plans because THAT person she invited couldn't go on the same time frame or whatever and usually at the LAST minute!!.. She never invited me back anywhere, but claimed we "are so tight like that". The scary fact is it used to NOT be this way..But now, she acts like her life is "so tough" and she's Oh-so-important at her job, and will not hesitate to ramble on, martyr-like on how she must have all these lists of things to do! "ugh, i'm just SO busy! so so so busy!".. please..

My one friend, who's met her quite a few times, told me that this friend does it, because she's envious and feels her life is "lacking" so she competes in order to make herself feel better.. i dont know.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 13, 2006)

When I joined the over 40 age group, my mother said I was also joining the no Bull $hit club. I stand up for myself a lot more and I reflect on prior relationships. I am more selective with chosing friends and I will end a friendship now instead of puttng up with the crap.

I treat my friends the way I want to be treated. I have parted with friends that

are users or if the relationship is on their terms. If people display selfishness at the start of a relationship, it only gets worse as the relationship progresses.


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## MacForMe (Nov 13, 2006)

NICE!! I am pushing 40.. its not too far away. I guess the reason I am procrastinating on this is because we had been thru so much, way before all this happened. I dont know WHY it all changed. And i guess you cant bring forth the past, or change it either. Time to break up with this friend.. just how to do it... that. is the next question..

Send a Dear Jane email? :add_wegbrech:


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 14, 2006)

A former best friend of mine is EXACTLY like that.

I had met her during my junior year of high school - we met in choir. Well, we started talking, and we were friends instantly.

Shortly after being becoming friends with me she wrote me a note saying that she thought I was boring and then ended it. I didn't think much about it until she came around again and started being friends. I was nice, and started talking to her again. Bad idea.

Afterwards she would always take the moral high ground with me, always putting me down. I ended the friendship with her beforehand because she got rude with me when I decided to stand up for myself. She made fun of me and taunted me for a week.

She moved to Canada, which I was incredibly happy about, because it meant having her almost completely out of my hair.

I let the relationship fall to the wayside, because I was tired of dealing with her. I got tired of the lies, and I also got tired of her getting jealous about the fact that I got married first, and then having her try to steal my husband. (She stole my first love, and had an affair with him.)

She e-mails me to complain about her "horrible" life, but I delete each and every one.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 14, 2006)

Your friend sounds like she is highly disfunctional. Because this is all she knows or this is her comfort zone, she is not able to have a healthy relationship and

subconsciously screws it up. It is one thing to recognize a bad relationship and it is another to end one. I am great for avoiding people I want out of my life.

I figure that they'll catch on eventually.

Sending an email is ok. Just make sure you keep it short n sweet. Posing a question allows her an opportunity for rebuttal and getting you to reconsider your feelings, and ultimately your decision. Best of luck.


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## Marisol (Nov 14, 2006)

I can't give you much advice but have you read this poem before?

SEASON, REASON AND LIFETIME

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with

guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there

for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on

your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do

something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire

fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been

answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a

SEASON, It is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.

They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

those things you must build upon in order

to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (any way); and

put what you have learned to use

in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life......

Author Unknown

*****************

Maybe in this case your friend was just a friend for a season.


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## spazbaby (Nov 14, 2006)

I usually let the friendship dissolve on its own under these circumstances. Usually the friendship is already suffering when one of the members does irreparable damage, so it's pretty easy (at least for me) to just set myself apart from that person until it's implied that a friendship no longer exists.


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## Aquilah (Nov 14, 2006)

I've had one too many self-centered "friends" in my life... I've gotten to the point where I trust few and far between... I have to have a good feeling about you from the get-go to know it'll probably be a lasting friendship. Although, I can't say that either since I was stabbed in the back with a machete by a friend of 13 years! Yes, she did it! And has since contacted me on MySpace as if nothing ever happened! When I asked, she was like, "Oh! I don't even know! It doesn't even matter!" The hell it doesn't! That one screw-over affected my life at the time, and it took a while to recover financially and mentally!

I say trust your gut. If something tells you this isn't the right friend for you, then end the friendship. Or, knock it down to just being acquaintances... Either way, I'm sure you'll do what you believe is best for you! Best of luck!


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## Dragonfly (Nov 14, 2006)

Thanks for sharing the poem Marisol.

I see a lot of wisdom in the words.


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## cutegirl (Nov 17, 2006)

i think it always happened... i had that friend for like 3 years we were always togther and then i descovered that she is keeping a secrts on me with other friend it hurt me so badly then she was oh i knew you would not help me with this thing (she was doing something wrong) and because she knew that i would not like it she didn't tell me about it ,the problem is alot of people told me that she was doing it, and i just keep in saying your not being fair to her she can't do such a thing well then i just tryed help her out but she was different couldn't help it anymore so i just told her "forget me and for ever".

i was so hurted i don't think i woud ever forget it but i'm fine now got alot of freinds who prove the real freindship is sharing good and bad times.

oh marisol i liked that poem . thanks for sharing .


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## Aquilah (Nov 17, 2006)

That is a great poem Marisol! Thanks for sharing it!


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## rubbercement (Nov 18, 2006)

what an insightful poem on all friend situations. sometimes people just grow apart. i've had to leave a few friends behind, and i don't regret it.


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## mac-whore (Nov 18, 2006)

I'm going through something very similar right now. I say, if you have a gut feeling that your '' friend '' is not your friend, then you're probably right. Friendships should be stress-free for the most part.. or at least that's how I look at it. We deal with enough in life, and we need friends to be there for us and SUPPORT us, not belittle us. I have two best friends, so we're a group of 3.. and there's always backstabbing going on, and grouping going on.. so, it's hard to deal with. Over the years, my best friend of the two has just become a different person. She's the type of person that changes depending on who she's seeing at the time. She was dating a christian boy for a while and was going to church everyday, and partaking in alot of christian activities, although she's told me prior that she's an athiest. Anyways, she's with this guy that smokes weed all day and has no job.. and she recently got fired from her job and dosen't seem to have any intentions on getting another one.. which is none of my biz, but my main problem is that she's turned into a mocoher. ANYTHING that I have, she feels belongs to her.. and it's to the point where she dosen't necessarily even ask anymore.. she'll just open my closet and pick out clothes. Anytime we hang out I have to give her gas money, pay for her food, while her boyfriend calls MY cell phone the whole time because she dosen't have one.. and she thinks it's perfectly fine to give him my # without asking. It's so frustrating but, I've had enough. I stopped answering her calls and I'm feeling very relieved without her. I didn't even get into all of the jealousy and backstabbing that comes into play. If your friend is stressing you out, cut him/her off. Life is stressful enough as is and there are plenty of great people out there that u will come across in life.

Sorry for rambling, lol. =P


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 19, 2006)

Sounds like the buddy I USED to have up in Canada. She was always changing her ideals and beliefs which each new guy that crossed her path. Annoying as all get out!


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## deadbychocolate (Nov 19, 2006)

i have left quite a few frndships behind me. I think ppl take advantage if one tries to be good all the time. i learnt this lesson hard n again and again. Now, i think i have learnt it well. I just say good bye or keep my distance. I read somewhere "if u love someone set them free, if they come back they were yours, if they dont they never were to begin with". i believe in it. frnds are supposed to be ur strenght and support system not someone who'd hurt u intentionally or make u doubt in urself. thts not frndship thts insecurity on tht person's part. i pity such people n keep myself as far as i can from them.


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## missnadia (Nov 20, 2006)

I constantly do this. I belive that friendship is very important, and I also believe in a few "second chances", depending on what kind of selfish acts were committed. But if a person becomes a nuisance to my life or productivity, then i know that it's time for them to go. It's sad and I do miss them sometimes, this is why I keep in touch from time to time because there are memories there and after all you WERE good friends for a while.. But you gotta have your priorities straight.


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## sweetcaramel1 (Nov 24, 2006)

i had a friend that was really great but undependable. we would make plans to go out all the time but she would never show up. this happened quite a few times and i finally got fed up with it. i felt that she didn't respect me and had some growing up to do. i didn't "officially" breakup with her. i just stopped answering the phone and returning emails.


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## sushi-gal (Nov 28, 2006)

yes, I have. about six of them.


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