# I Can't Take It Anymore



## Adrienne (Jun 24, 2008)

Okay, I am just so f**king pissed right now my hands are trembling. So this past weekend, my husband fixed the brakes on his car and i told him that i wanted to drive it to work from now on. We have an accord and an xterra. I figured that since i drive futher I might as well drive the car that sucks up less gas.

So today i take the car to work. When i get ready in the morning, i listen to my mp3 player because my son is asleep and i don't like to wake him earlier than i have to. Its easier to get ready if hes knocked out. I leave for work and i always have my phone on my lap because i never hear it ring and its much safer to get it quickly than going through my purse while driving. I always call my husband when i get to work because i usually have to enter the building while noone's there and i feel safer talking to him. I notice that i have a missed call so i ask him about is and he gets all mad asking, "Why didn't you answer? What were you doing? Were you messing with your phone?" I get all bent outta shape and tell him I dont remember what the hell i was doing the second i missed his call and if i need to "mess" with my phone, whatever that means, then i will.

He keeps asking why i didn't answer and what was i doing? I just hang up the phone and send him a text saying, "I told you I'm not dealing with this sh*t" and by sh*t I mean his jealous attitude.

So then and hour goes by and about thirty minutes ago he calls me when he goes on break as usual. He starts asking, "who's makeup whore" and I'm like what? Apparently I had written down makeupwhore (one of our individuals here which im sure you're familiar with) and i couldn't remember why. I also had two pictures of two girls. He asks why i have these two pictures and I tell him that i don't know what he's talking about. I know I'll randomly print out fotd's photos from here because there're plenty of looks i'd love to replicate as i'm sure many of other people do here. It is a makeup forum. Then he starts all over again and says "Well what if i had pictures of two guys in my car? What would you think?" I tell him i don't know, what am i supposed to think? I tell him that he knows i'm makeup obssesed, he lives with me and sees me doing different looks all the damn time and he knows i go through all my magazines and rip out the looks or hair that i loved.

I just tell him bye and I hang up on him again. Then he calls back complaining about why are my magazines rolling around in the back. I had them in the back seat and someone had thrown them under the seat. I had plans to give them to my coworker's wife as she loves to read them as well and then use them for reading material as clients wait in the front. I tell him, although he already knows this and he starts complaining about how he's the only one who cleans the cars. Well a$$hole, i'm the only one who cleans the house, does the laundry, cooks, gives my kid baths and dress him and maintain a 9 hour shift job and picks up after him all the damn time. And he has the nerve to b*tch at me about a small "mess" in my car!!!??? I'm driving his junk and it has bottles all around the back and snack wrappers all over the place not to mention i don't remember the last time it was cleaned.

I'm so sick and tired of his jealousy and its literally getting old. I've dealt with his crap for far too long and what i'm doing right now is just ignoring it and saying it like it is. I've been biting my tongue for too long. His ignorance/jealousy has wore me out for years and to be honest, i'll be surprised if we make it to see our 5 year anniversary in January.

Well get cool again and act like nothing happened and then he'll get mad for no reason and somehow its all my fault when he's the one with the temper and attitude. And even if i did start it, how am i supposed to just let everything he does go when all he does is nag nag nag with jealousy.

I feel like i can't take this anymore and just want out. I'm so miserable but i dont' want to do anything irrational.


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## GlossyAbby (Jun 24, 2008)

Im sorry you are going through this. Have the two of you tried counseling? I think it could help with his jealousy issues.


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## shyiskrazy2 (Jun 24, 2008)

It sounds like he is insecure and has issues. He sounds like my ex except he can do manly projects without making a wreck of the area. My ex is in counseling and he says that it is helping a lot. We are legally separated. I'm sorry that your hubby is being a jerk...but maybe you can get him to get you something to make up for his hissy fit. I guess it's just part of being married and sometimes guys have PMS.


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## sooperficial (Jun 24, 2008)

Sorry you're having to deal with his clearly immature behavior. It sounds like he blows things way out of proportion and THAT much jealousy is never a good thing. I've had similar problems with an ex bf, and when we finally broke up I had a mini-meltdown so off to the shrink I went. He told me that sometimes in a relationship, when one person is accusing the other of infidelity or issues of the sort, it's usually because that same person might be the one who is straying from the relatioship. I'm not saying your hubby is cheating or anything, but you should def talk and ask him WHY he's acting the way he is and how unfair he is being to you. I hope you feel better girl! Hang in there.


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## Ashley (Jun 24, 2008)

I am very sorry as well. I agree with Abby, give counseling a try. However, I must admit he doesn't sound like someone who would be willing to go in for counseling!


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## Adrienne (Jun 24, 2008)

> He told me that sometimes in a relationship' date=' when one person is accusing the other of infidelity or issues of the sort, it's usually because that same person might be the one who is straying from the relatioship.
> 
> 
> > Sadly, been there done that. He cheated on me within the first 6 months of our marriage while i was pregnant. For almost 2 years he treated me like crap while hating himself. When i finally found out, i was of course devasted and but he changed. It was like he said, a huge guilt was lifted off and even though he knew he in the wrong, he wasn't alone in being the only one knowing what he did. I did forgive him but he has huge issues regarding this. His jealousy got worse and worse because he is insecure and thinks that i'll do the same. I won't but i still get the blame.
> ...


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## Geek (Jun 24, 2008)

he cheated on you and he's acting like that? wtf


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## reesesilverstar (Jun 24, 2008)

Maybe you should explain to him that the counselor won't fix the issues for you. They just act as mediators and use suggestions to help you come to a mutual understanding. And you want to be in this for the long haul, so for this to work, do something out of the ordinary, trust you, and just go. You know, "I'm willing if you are." Just tell him you guys need an atmosphere where you can talk calmly, and there's somebody to let u know when it's getting out of hand, so you can start talking again, and listening too...

I wish you the best hun...


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## MakeupByMe (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:
he cheated on you and he's acting like that? wtf my thoughts exactly!!! I do believe when a person accuses someone so much its because of what they themselves are doing but if he's already done it maybe its his guilty concience eating at him !!!! theres this one rap song called MEDICINE in it the man is accusing his girlfriend of cheating &amp; getting him back for cheating on her &amp; he says now he's tasting his own medicine but in the end she wasn't cheating &amp; he states that *"If your girl doesnt get you back eventually your guilty concience will"* !!!!! hes probably just paranoid that you will do the same thing &amp; he knows how much that would hurt him!! try to talk to him &amp; make him listen &amp; know your not doing him wrong!!


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## Johnnie (Jun 25, 2008)

Originally Posted by *sooperficial* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He told me that sometimes in a relationship, when one person is accusing the other of infidelity or issues of the sort, it's usually because that same person might be the one who is straying from the relatioship. I'm not saying your hubby is cheating or anything, but you should def talk and ask him WHY he's acting the way he is and how unfair he is being to you. I hope you feel better girl! Hang in there. I've heard that, as well and I agree with her on this one.
Oh wait, I didn't see your response. He cheated already? Hmm....not good at all. Interesting why you're still with him. Good luck!


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## pinksugar (Jun 25, 2008)

he sounds like he's being a jerk.

I would def. consider counselling before I separated though. I hope everything works out chicken. Men are such A$$holes sometimes


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## Annia (Jun 25, 2008)

I don't think he's being a jerk intentionally; I just think he has some issues. He is very insecure, so insecure it has really messed up the relationship. I have always heard that when people cheat it's not because of their spouse, but because of their own insecurities. You two can't work it out because neither of you are professionals (I am not saying you need to be one to work something out, but you've tried everything already), so the next step is to see a mediator. It could help you two come to terms. I'd suggest therapy on his own, and couple therapy.


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## cheller (Jun 25, 2008)

counseling sounds good.


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## Anthea (Jun 25, 2008)

I agree with everyone, you both need to see a professional. I don't think you can go though life like that, its not a healthy relationship as it is. I sure hope you can work it out and it gets better for you.


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## pinksugar (Jun 25, 2008)

I agree with Annia.

I just wanted to add though, that it's not fair that his insecurities and what have you are damaging your relationship. I would sit down and have a serious talk about it before counselling, saying 'look, if this doesnt stop then I may very well leave. I'm happy to get counselling and sort it out but I cannot stay in the relationship if you continue with this behaviour.' - basically make him see that what he's doing is unfair.


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## KatJ (Jun 25, 2008)

Wow, I'm sorry that you're dealing with that. Considering that he has already cheated, I would be very suspicious of his jealousy. I fully believe in what was earlier mentioned about the partner doing something wrong, and trying to throw it off on you.


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## ticki (Jun 25, 2008)

so sorry to hear about all your man problems. hope things sort themselves out.

perhaps you two should sit down and have a heart to heart talk about everything?


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## Dragonfly (Jun 25, 2008)

I'm sorry you are going through this turmoil.

Everyone has suggested counselling - I think that's a good idea.

If he doesn't want to go, please consider going by yourself.

It will help you see your marriage through clearer eyes and you learn better coping skills.

Best of luck honey.


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## reesesilverstar (Jun 25, 2008)

How's it going?


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## S. Lisa Smith (Jun 25, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm sorry you are going through this turmoil.Everyone has suggested counselling - I think that's a good idea.

If he doesn't want to go, please consider going by yourself.

It will help you see your marriage through clearer eyes and you learn better coping skills.

Best of luck honey.


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## Ricci (Jun 25, 2008)

He cheated now hes acting like an ass sounds so suspicious

sorry your having problems


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## fawp (Jun 25, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Everyone has suggested counselling - I think that's a good idea.If he doesn't want to go, please consider going by yourself.

It will help you see your marriage through clearer eyes and you learn better coping skills.

I was going to suggest the same thing. At the very least, you'll be able to work on your own issues and discover what it is that you want out of your relationship and what you can do to acheive it.


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## Adrienne (Jun 25, 2008)

Thanks everyone for all your support. I feel like i can't talk to anyone because the people i associate with are all family and in situations like these, living with his family temporarily, they are gonna speak on the behalf of us staying together, not through what actually is good for me.

All day today and yesterday afternoon, he was very distant towards me and didn't say much of anything. A friend called and he wasn't on my a$$ like normally asking who is that who is that and today i went in late to work and when i asked why didn't he call when he went on break he told me that i told him i didn't want him checking up on me. I let him know that i mind when he calls to see how i am but i don't want to have to answer 20 questions (what did you do, did anyone call you, did you mess with your phone, did you send any messages). I guess im to the point Im kinda hoping it doesn't work just because i'm so tired. I just feel that if he can't be caring without jealousy, than i can't be with him. I know he has his own insecurities and i know thats why he's acting the way he does. I'm tired of "saving" him changing who i am or how i do things just to keep him happy. Does anyone think a break would actually help? I know he won't go to counseling for crap bc i've asked him numerous times.


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## MakeupByMe (Jun 25, 2008)

I used to think a break would help BUT Honestly what if all he's thinking during that "break" is who is she being with , who is she calling etc &amp; you'll be thinking the same thing &amp; God forbid if he did do somethin u didnt approve of during that break &amp; u find out &amp; confront him All he's gona say is "well ur the one that wanted this break"!!! I think if u want to fix it try to fix it let him know you cant go on like this &amp; if u dont want to fix it than as hard as it is let the drama/him go!!!! IDK I have just been through things like this &amp; would hate to see u hurt MORE in the end !!


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## Adrienne (Jun 25, 2008)

Originally Posted by *MakeupByMonet* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I used to think a break would help BUT Honestly what if all he's thinking during that "break" is who is she being with , who is she calling etc &amp; you'll be thinking the same thing &amp; God forbid if he did do somethin u didnt approve of during that break &amp; u find out &amp; confront him All he's gona say is "well ur the one that wanted this break"!!! I think if u want to fix it try to fix it let him know you cant go on like this &amp; if u dont want to fix it than as hard as it is let the drama/him go!!!! IDK I have just been through things like this &amp; would hate to see u hurt MORE in the end !! yea that does make a lot of sense. hopefully he's willing to change his attitude for the sake of our son but if he's been like this since i met him, i dont expect much of anything from him anymore. in the past year its like i've started to care less and less but i'm really scared of breaking up. I feel like itd be harder than dealing with this but i think im just scared of seeing him with someone else.


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## emmy2410 (Jun 30, 2008)

Hi adrienne,,

I am sorry for what's happening over there with you. I am sure all the ladies here have said comforting words. Pls dun be discouraged. I myself have been a jealousy person - I was very jealous to the extent that I can tell off my bf in public, hit him out of anger, watch where his eyes goes when he sees a woman. I love him alot as he was my 1st guy in my life and the love blinded me so much that I failed to realise it that I am also causing him pain NOT that he is a saint though. He does fool behind my back and does stuff, he hits me terribly and I was able to forgive him. He does all the tings and the blame comes on me. I could not get rid of my jealous feeling but eventually I learnt to let go that feeling..its not easy though but life experiences has tot me alot of thing. Even before I got married to the man who is my hubby now I was feeling jealous tooo...I could not avoid it though. He is a foreigner and I felt that I am no btr compare to other gals and stuff. This was because of the inferiority complex that I had within me and I felt that I am not better than others. But eventually I learnt alot in my life's journey and now that I am married and with a 2 year old son...i think I adore my son more than my husband..haha. I learnt life some hard ways and appreciate for the person that I am with GOD's help. Sometimes the jealousiness creeps in me but I kick it away. Pls get someone not from your family to be the mediator/councillor. Its a long process but just hang in there and I am sure some changes will come out of it. Sometimes due to Guy's ego they don like if we women telling them whats right and wrong. Instead when some one who is in a respectful position like a councillor educates them they might have something go up in their head. All of us human does err sometimes but if that error becomes a continuation than something is wrong. Every one of us has a limitation when that limitation breaks free than no one can stop it. I hope I did not say anthing wrong over here. Take care dear.

Emma


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## mariascreek (Jun 30, 2008)

I understand your feelings of just not caring anymore, but feeling really scared to break off and seeing him with someone else at the same time. Instead of focusing so much on him doing something with someone else during a "break" what if YOU meet someone wonderful, or not even, what if you find out that you really are at peace when you're alone with your child and don't have to answer 20 questions every time your significant other calls you. If a break doesn't make him miss you terribly and beg for you back and promise things will change, if instead he goes off with someone else...then isn't that your answer???

i know it may sound super easy on paper, that's only my point of view from here where i am. i wish all the best for you.


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## Jorja Anne (Jul 1, 2008)

Iâ€™m sorry you are going through this. It sounds to me like he is insecure, has some issues to deal with and growing up to do. Like others have said, try to get him into some counseling. If he wonâ€™t go to counseling I am afraid for you. Think about this.


he has already cheated on you 
he is having jealous outburst
If he is not now physically abusing you, he will be
I know you have at least 1 child. You have to do what is best for you and your child. I hope this works out for the best for you.


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## MakeupByMe (Jul 1, 2008)

Quote:
If a break doesn't make him miss you terribly and beg for you back and promise things will change, if instead he goes off with someone else...then isn't that your answer??? SO TRUE I knew this already but hearing from someone other than my self lol helps ME to do what i need to do as well....Thanks!!


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## pinksugar (Jul 1, 2008)

I totally agree with Mariascreek too - I hope it doesnt come to that though


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## speedy (Jul 1, 2008)

Wow, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it must be tough! It sounds to me like you are already leaving the relationship emotionally. If you've started to switch off and not care so much, it's like you're getting ready for the inevitable.

I hope it doesn't come to that, but if he can't change his behaviour, maybe you'd be better off without him.


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## Adrienne (Jul 1, 2008)

Thanks everyone for the support. Its so much easier to get an unbiased response. it really helps me set things into perspective a bit more.

Special thanks to MakeupByMonet and mac-whore. You guys have been so sweet.


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## Ricci (Jul 1, 2008)

How are you feeling now?

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks everyone for the support. Its so much easier to get an unbiased response. it really helps me set things into perspective a bit more.
Special thanks to MakeupByMonet and mac-whore. You guys have been so sweet.


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## Adrienne (Jul 1, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif How are you feeling now? I'm feeling little better but not about the relationship necessarily. All this really helped me put a lot of things that i really didn't think about out there for me. I never realized how much this has actually changed who i am and how tolerant i've become. I'm not asking for a knight in shining armor or anything like that, just a relationship where i dont have to be alert 24/7 and watch how i say something or how long it takes for me to answer or what words i choose or how i act when i say it. I swear, jail inmates arent this confined lol


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## perlanga (Jul 16, 2008)

I hope u feel better, but can I ask is he Mexican too?


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## laurreenn (Jul 16, 2008)

i'm sorry that you're having a hard time. I know what it's like when you feel confined.


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## abaddon248 (Jul 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif just a relationship where i dont have to be alert 24/7 and watch how i say something or how long it takes for me to answer or what words i choose or how i act when i say it. I swear, jail inmates arent this confined lol adrienne,
i know exactly how you feel i am with a man just like that...walkin on eggshells every day jst ages you. I am to the point that you are that i dont care anymore.. i dont want to a steford wife and cook and clean and take care of everything and have him complain and little things here and there. your a strong woman and i hope the best for you because i know the feeling of being afraid of breakin up the relationship .trust me if it has not gotten physcial it wil... it has for me because when i dont chose to be on alert 24/7 big blow out fights n thats when the slammin of doors...pushin around...i hope the best for you


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## Adrienne (Jul 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *perlanga* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I hope u feel better, but can I ask is he Mexican too? Yep, he was born in nc like me but his family is mexican more on the cultural side then we are. he grew up with the whole machismo thing going on and that really doesn't work with me as i grew up the complete opposite.

Originally Posted by *abaddon248* /img/forum/go_quote.gif adrienne,
i know exactly how you feel i am with a man just like that...walkin on eggshells every day jst ages you. I am to the point that you are that i dont care anymore.. i dont want to a steford wife and cook and clean and take care of everything and have him complain and little things here and there. your a strong woman and i hope the best for you because i know the feeling of being afraid of breakin up the relationship .trust me if it has not gotten physcial it wil... it has for me because when i dont chose to be on alert 24/7 big blow out fights n thats when the slammin of doors...pushin around...i hope the best for you

It seriously amazes me how common this is! Ugh, the stuff we have to put up with.


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## MakeupByMe (Jul 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif It seriously amazes me how common this is! Ugh, the stuff we have to put up with. yes its very common but You DONT "Have" to put up with it!!!!!!!


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## perlanga (Jul 17, 2008)

> Yep, he was born in nc like me but his family is mexican more on the cultural side then we are. he grew up with the whole machismo thing going on and that really doesn't work with me as i grew up the complete opposite.
> 
> Yeah my boyfriend can get so damn irritable and angry as well as jealous sometimes so I know how you feel, it's calmed down a bit through the years, but occasionally he'll act like that. We both grew up in traditional homes, so I know how it is, and don't really think about it too much. My dad and brothers are the same way. I usually just tell my bf to calm down and ask him what he's worried about. It's usually something stupid he's angry at. I honestly think if you have a quiet ,calm , and honest conversation about what he's being bothered with, everything will be fine.


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## Adrienne (Jul 18, 2008)

Originally Posted by *perlanga* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yeah my boyfriend can get so damn irritable and angry as well as jealous sometimes so I know how you feel, it's calmed down a bit through the years, but occasionally he'll act like that. We both grew up in traditional homes, so I know how it is, and don't really think about it too much. My dad and brothers are the same way. I usually just tell my bf to calm down and ask him what he's worried about. It's usually something stupid he's angry at. I honestly think if you have a quiet ,calm , and honest conversation about what he's being bothered with, everything will be fine. I've tried to talk to him about it but he always makes it seem like its my fault. Another problem he has is he likes letting me make all the decision which is okay with me but when something goes wrong he blames me for everything. What, am i always supposed to be right?! All in all, its a lot of small things that are leading to these bigger problems but at the end of the day, it started with his jealousy (even before he cheated, i noticed since month one but was young and naive) and unfortunately it'll probably lead to the end as well.


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