# Boyfriend want to buy me things but I hate him spending on me



## greeneyedangel

Sometimes when we are out my boyfriend and I will go to buy things and he always says he"ll pay for my stuff too and I always say no. Or if he goes into a store to get something he asks if I want something and I always say no then too. One day when this happened he asked me why i never let him buy me things and I said its ok I can pay for my own stuff.

I'm not sure if I am doing the right thing by telling him no when he asks or should I just graciously accept when he offers. I don't want to continue saying no if it is making him feel less manly? Although I pat sometimes, I do let him pay most the time when we go to dinners or movies.

Any thoughts?


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## shayy

I think its great that you are independant and want to pay for yourself! Most girls fully expect their man to pay for everything, which is sad and unfair! But I also feel it important to let your guy know that he is needed sometimes. Not that letting him buy you stuff is the only way to do that, but for little things like drinks at the gas station, or a candy bar, why not!? haha! Just talk to him and see how he feels about the situation, and work together for find a way to make it work for both of you!


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## perlanga

I was raised with the belief that men are supposed to pay for everything, which I don't mind, but I still like to pay for my own things. If you guys have a serious relationship I don't think there is anything wrong with this. If you've just started dating then I can see why it makes you uncomfortable. Let him know nicely that you can pay for your own stuff and he doesn't have to try to impress you by buying you things (if that's the case), and every once in a while let him so he feels like he's pampering you a bit.


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## divadoll

In all honesty, it is a good test of generosity and his ability to support you...if this $$ is coming from earned sources and not from getting it from his parents or illegal means.  Especially if he earns more money than you do.  In the end, when and if you marry, you will share household income and his will be yours and vice versa. 

If he was not attentive to you now, he would be even less when you get married.  It probably is also a good test for you that he knows that you are not taking advantage of his generosity.  When my husband and I go out, even when we share the same bank account, I expect him to pay.  Selfish men only get more selfish over time.


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## Johnnie

> Originally Posted by *shayy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I think its great that you are independant and want to pay for yourself! Most girls fully expect their man to pay for everything, which is sad and unfair! But I also feel it important to let your guy know that he is needed sometimes. Not that letting him buy you stuff is the only way to do that, but for little things like drinks at the gas station, or a candy bar, why not!? haha! Just talk to him and see how he feels about the situation, and work together for find a way to make it work for both of you!


 I couldn't have said it better.


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## Ngelic

I hate it too when my ex's buy me stuff, I would usually end up purchasing their lot too. If he absolutely think he should pay then I let him but afterwards I secretly sneak the money back into his wallet.

But as the first answer said, it can also make him feel useless or not needed.. some boys (not all) do little things to show that they love you because they're not good with words and or romantic actions. When they buy lunch or even smaller things like make a cup of tea thats their way of saying that they do care and that they love you very much.


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## Andi

That would make me uncomfortable as well! My husband did this a lot when we first started daring. HeÂ´s from Texas and was raised to believe that a guy should always pay for his date, and a man should support his woman. Very retro way of thinking IMO. I always thought it should be 50/50, unless one partner makes way more money than the other one. But there still needs to be some sort of balance.

You could talk to him and suggest doing other things for you (like giving you a massage, preparing a romantic dinner at home etc) to pamper you, and reduce the spending a bit. ItÂ´s easier to buy stuff of course, and I do believe men love the feeling of "being able to take care of their woman"...but if it makes you uncomfortable he could easily think of other things to show his affection for you and only buy you things every once in a while


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## Dragonfly

Great responces! I especialy agree with the notion that men need to feel needed.

If it is important for him to buy you things, let him every now in then.


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## empericalbeauty

psh, i understand how you feel but let me tell you this, if a man wants to spoil you, enjoy it. as long as ur not in the relationship solely to exploit his generosity, then you are good (in my opinion, at least). And this way if he fucks up (not saying he will), you will walk away with some things..jk....


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