# Annoyed with classmate, what do I do?



## MindySue (Sep 13, 2007)

I have been having problems making friends so far in college. I started talking to this girl who I thought was a little weird but nice. Ever since that first time things have gone downhill. I have made a big mistake and cant reverse it now, but she is getting on my nerves VERY quickly and it's only the second week. Clingy! she is so clingy. Not to mention rude, when she gets stressed she like blames it on me and like gives me attitude when I talk to her. she always sits next to me now and expects me to spend the time between classes with her (they are hours long too) because she cant go home and I live in residence. It's not my problem, I shouldnt HAVE to entertain her, nor do I want to. Today she begged me atleast 7 times saying "You can't leave me alone!! I have nothing to do" At which I finally said what am I your mother? (not meanly either) and she got upset and said I am mean. Blah!.I ended up letting her see my dorm but then saying I was going to take a nap before class and she got all mad but left. What do I do? I don't want this girl clinging to me anymore and I want my space. Everyone in the class thinks shes annoying, I can tell, and I don't want to sound snobby but hanging out with this girl isnt how I want to appear to them, and how I want them to remember me. I can't just ditch her now, she already thinks we are going to be buddies in every class, and we are doing a project together. Now, in my program the same students are in all the same classes together..so I cant just avoid her, she's everywhere. What do I do? Im so nice I cant bear to tell her off and I will feel so akward just ignoring her..not to mention mean. I guess there isnt many more options for me. Im going to try to get to class early and sit by someone else? I've seriously had all I can take of her. 

I have no other "friends" in my classes to talk to so it makes it even harder to distance myself from her.


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## Dragonfly (Sep 13, 2007)

Hey Mindy - hope you are enjoying school otherwise.

Two things to consider - tell the instructors that you have trouble concentrating because of her. Ask them if they can tell her to sit somewhere else. You are spending a bit of money going to college, the instructors should listen and help you out.

Take her to the cafeteria, buy her a coffee, and nicely tell her that you can't concentratein class. Tell her that you don't mind being her friend in spares but in class you are all business and don't want anyone interfering with your projects and lectures.

If she still bugs you then no more Ms Nice Guy - tell her to leave you alone altogether.

One last thing, maybe the other students aren't as friendly because they don't want her around them either.

otherwise, have fun at school


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## MindySue (Sep 13, 2007)

I cant really do that because she knows I don't have trouble concentrating, she works harder than I do actually..and always saying im hopeless and stuff which kinda makes me mad too..

And all the others are just kinda snobby acting in general, everyone is too afraid to talk to eachother so far..some bonds have been made but it's not too friendly otherwise..

I might have to do the 'leave me alone' thing..

I like being here other than my roomates and my classmates hah. Classes are long and dull also so far..


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## CellyCell (Sep 13, 2007)

Ditto to what Carolyn says and plus....

...if that were me, I don't care if she hates and I'd have no friendship with her afterwards, I'd say, "what the hell is wrong with you?".

But that's just my way of doing things. After the project I'd ignore her - she'll get the hint. It's happen to me plenty of times.

And plus, you're only in your 2nd week.... lady, you got plenty of time to befriend other classmates.

Oh, and what's wrong with your roommates?


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## MindySue (Sep 13, 2007)

I fear the awkwardness of saying it and what her reaction would be, is all.

You know me, or atleast I like to think you do. I guess no one can understand this but me, but I do NOT drink..and the idea of drinking with my roomates and their friends is horrible to me. I would rather gauge my eyes out. I hate social situations like that, I like hanging with good friends not drinking and not partying with other random people too. I just don't fit in with them, is all..theyre all like best friends already and im just here..alone..when they hang otu and drink and such. Theres no connection.

Theyre having a party tonight and my bf left for his parents house, I have nothing to do..but close my bedroom door and lay down or something..sigh.

so far i've been able to escape all their parties because I go to my bfs every night but tonight I cant..I feel nervous already.


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## Sheikah (Sep 13, 2007)

Oh that's a tough situation and I know how you feel and plus even if she wasn't annoying is not good to stick only to one person while the other people are making friends with each other. I'm finishing my B.S. next year and one advice I really want to give you is to make acquaintances, with students and professors alike, right now I'm trying to get recommendation letters for medschool, I am an excellent student but no professor remembers about me. Make yourself noticeable and make them remember you. Now with this girl, I've always tried to be nice with everybody in an attempt to be well liked and blah blah blah but what happens is when you do that you're not really being yourself and you are not really showing your personality, as a consequence people were not really drawn to me. Now think about it this way. You want to make friends, but you wouldn't think of behaving the same way this girl is behaving with you because you know people are not going to like you and will end up ignoring you. So if this girl is being annoying and not even realizing her behavior is not helping, well you should ignore her too. (I'm the worst I know lol). She's not helping your image and you don't like her, and she doesn't even know you for that long time to be so demanding, don't get stuck with her.

I used to have a friend who was the most demanding person in the world and really inconsiderate, we did not study together thankfully but I would notice her "best friends" at her college were always changing, she would talk non stop about this person for weeks and then all of a sudden she would stop and start talking about another best friend she had. People couldn't stand her for long because she was really demanding and that's what happens to people like that. I say, have no mercy. If you have the patience then you might want to explain to her how you feel and give her some kind of advice but then again that's not your problem.

Wow this was really long.


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## Dragonfly (Sep 13, 2007)

when I was in college, I had a few class mates with quirks. Some were downright annoying. Because I was the only girl - engineering - some guys gravitated to me for a few reasons.

The bottom line was they were bothering me. I paid money to be there.

If I didn't get firm, no one else would - unless it was a sexual harrassment situation.

Being tolerant of her in one situation and being frustrated with her in another, only sends mixed messages.

If she is really a pain, tell her she is and ignore her. She will get the hint and find someone else to bother.

If you aren't firm with her, she will always be a thorn in your side.

Also, consider college a learning experience from different angles. This girl is not the only negative person you will encounter.

If you learn to set boundaries on negative people now, it will be easier as life goes on.

Don't mean to be harsh, just realistic.

Are you doing any Frosh stuff?


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## MindySue (Sep 13, 2007)

You arent harsh I just wish I wasnt such a chicken.

No im not doing anything :/


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## CellyCell (Sep 13, 2007)

Bah, Mins... do it, lady. Get some balls and just be like, "girl, you need to stfu and quit acting a fool".

As for the roommates... that's harder to figure out. I mean you're friends with people you connect and bond with and if you can't... :S

Hmm.

I'd try and make an effort. I think spending all your freetime with the BF will interfere even more with making friends at the college and you gotta face them daily. So it's either that... or I get your phone number and speak with that psycho girl so I can tell her off.






Your choice.


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## MindySue (Sep 13, 2007)

Lol.

I'll have to think about it, right now im going to class (5-8 blahh) and gonna sit away from her..

It's hard, my bf is the only one I feel comfortable around and we have fun, he is my best friend and we are so much alike, have been friends for 7 years. I don't feel comfortable with anyone else ATM


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## daer0n (Sep 13, 2007)

I used to be exactly like you Mindy, after all these years and now that i am finally 30 years old i dont give a damn, i would tell her "leave me the heck alone, it's not like i have to hang out with you or amuse you, no wonder nobody likes you or hang out with you, now we can go play hide and go F yourself"

i hate people like that, she is like those flies that land on the same spot on your arm, you try to make them go away and they come and land in the same spot till they annoy the heck out of you and you end up swatting them with the first thing that you find and comes in handy


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## emily_3383 (Sep 13, 2007)

Yeah she seems kinda psycho and i know you dont have any other friends but its only the second week of school and im sure you will make new friends in no time!


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## Annia (Sep 13, 2007)

Check out the school's activities that you think you'd enjoy, you'll find people w/similar interests there.

You don't have to commit yourself to spending time with this girl, you don't even owe her an explanation but if she asks just tell her you want some time to adjust.

Bottom line is don't let this girl's personality out shine yours (as in her controlling the relationship, yes you're letting her control the relationship at this point), take over the situation by setting the boundaries on how far it will go.

You do not have to be impolite about it, who knows she may turn out to be a decent person under all those quirks and you may need/want her in the future for something. (I.E. help with school, info re: the area)

Good luck!


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## MindySue (Sep 13, 2007)

thanks everyone

im in accounting right now haha..on the other side of the room away from her!

i like that we are so alike nury


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## tann (Sep 13, 2007)

I wuz real nice in college, meek, etc. I made a lot more friends and gained more respect when I let people know where they could "go". Hint. Hint.


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## Nox (Sep 13, 2007)

Mindy, I had a problem with a "friend" like that. Because I was too shy to set boundaries early, she continued to be a major hassle throughout my university days whenever she was around. I had other friends that dropped her like a hot potato when she showed her colors, but for some reason, I didn't do that and she stuck to me like glue. It only got worse from there. I was able to avoid her every other semester until I finally just cut her off my senior year.

This is what happened to me because I didn't have the cajones to put up strict boundaries:

1. She was effective at alienating me from some of my friends for a short time due to her emotionally manipulating behavior.

2. She would abuse and misuse some of my possessions.

3. She found out from someone I was going to China to study for one term. She decided to follow me there.





4. Before I really knew her for the character she was, I had tried to arrange her and my friend (my current husband now) to go out with each other. She displayed enough passive-aggressive behavior to really turn him off. When he and I became an item later on, all of a sudden, she was so interested in him and would not tolerate any talk about him going out with me. Later I discovered that she spread a rumor about me breaking up with him over the summer break to all _his_ friends.





Okay, you see where I'm going with this? My point is that you have already determined that this person is not a suitable companion for you very early on. Don't keep hanging out with her because you haven't met anybody else yet. You have only just begun college career, you will meet more friends. I guarantee if you keep her around, it will only hamper that process. Cut her loose. Do it now. Don't be mean, but don't take her hurt feelings too much to heart.

I tell you what: In your dorm, make it your business to become friendly with two people in the next few weeks. Do this before everyone sets their routine pattern of buddies. That's really all you need. Your dorm network will grow a little bit from there. It's always good to have a small circle of good friends who are compatible with, but not necessarily the same as your boyfriend's circle.


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## MindySue (Sep 13, 2007)

good advice as always..thank you


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## JennyMcL (Sep 13, 2007)

Before I went to college, I spent the summer at Oxford in England and I was crushed when I suddenly reallized I was hanging out with an in crowd of American students that really didn't like me. There were two girls I really liked in the incrowd, but myself and another girl at about the same time reallized we weren't their friends we were basically an entourage. A weird thing happenned when we seperated from them. We started hanging out together and sort of formed our own crowd. After that, the two girls I liked from the in crowd started hanging out with our group. That lesson served me well in college. If you keep your eyes open you will find friends. Don't let your roommate get you down. A roommate isn't the same thing as a friend. I hated my freshman roommate with a passion. As for your straggler, you just have to be honest. She's probably just scared of being all alone and clung to you hoping you'd save her from that.


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## tann (Sep 13, 2007)

I wuz real nice in college, meek, etc. I made a lot more friends and gained more respect when I let people know where they could "go". Hint. Hint.


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## pinksugar (Sep 13, 2007)

I agree with nox, I'd set boundaries as soon as I could, otherwise you'll never get rid of her. She doesnt know how hard it will be for you to do it unless you let her know, so just brazen it out and pretend like there's nothing unusual about being blunt or upfront with her.

Just be all "Look, I really don't have time to hang out with you. As you've said, I'm obviously not as smart as you, so I really do need to spend some time reading over lecture notes. I'll see you later" (and say that with the "only if you see me first" face, LOL)

Good luck Minds, I hate dramas like this.

As for the drinking parties, I cant really see you avoiding them for all 3-5 years of college, maybe more! what I would suggest is put aside their drinking for a mo and see if you can like them. They're only room mates, you don't have to be best friends, but just because they're drinking doesnt mean you have to.. I've been trying to cut down on alcohol consumption, so I know that it's weird being sober when everyone else is drunk but maybe you could give them a chance?

Just a thought. Anyway, best of luck hun


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## Ashley (Sep 14, 2007)

Everyone has given great advice. I would just try to sit far away from her as possible and hope she finds someone else. Maybe because I've never really been assertive.

Good luck!


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## CellyCell (Sep 14, 2007)

Of course you'll feel comfortable with the BF right now - but don't let him be the only highlight to your day. Trust, having friends + your BF is taking best of both worlds and purposely alienating yourself from getting to meet others will take that oppurtunity away from you.

I too get shy and uncomfortable around people I don't know and I hate to party (well, I just get uncomfortable when it's time to dance. ha) but when I started college, I realized my class became less fun and more boring without someone to be buddy-buddy with there and chat it up. So what I did, after a week or so - I weeded who seemed chilled and not annoying. The annoying ones seem to pop up within the week, funnily. And talk started with..."this class is/seems..." and then keep it going. I met really cool people by just being friendly and myself and trust me, I'm a super shy person but college has instilled within me the confidence to make new friends. And people will open up, remember - everyone new will feel the same way aswell...

The roommates, well - just because they drink doesnt mean you have to exclude yourself from them. My best friends are all partiers but they know I'm not into it, so they know not to invite me. Haha. Just let it be known it's not your scene and not because you're better than that but because you dont like it. Dont be a hermit and knock something down until you try it! Plus, you got a lock in your room... right? If you don't like it... stay on MUT. Haha.


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## enyadoresme (Sep 14, 2007)

lmao your classmate is a narcissist


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## MindySue (Sep 14, 2007)

All they do is drink though, i'd love to hang out with them otherwise but thats all they do!


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## Nox (Sep 14, 2007)

I had a roommate like that once. A real lush. I don't like to hang out with people who drink recreationally on a consistent basis like that, it doesn't mesh with me. Alot of times, it is _them_ who are under the impression that this is what college students do on their time off, and that would be an incorrect assumption because most serious students rarely drink during the school week.

Something you could do with your roommates that don't _have_ to involve drinking is:

Dining together in the cafeteria

Attending University functions like fairs and celebrations

Attending hockey games and tailgating parties

Going out for evening walks (sounds cheesy, but you'd be surprised at how many students you will see out and about doing it.)

Going out to see a movie (provided you can find a film that suits all of your tastes)

I'm sure you know better than I what you can do over there to build a good rapport with your roommates. Good luck with everything, and enjoy your term/semester/quarter!


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## lglala84 (Sep 14, 2007)

Ok I am a really shy girl when it comes to meeting new people. I don't know what to tell you about the roomies because I have never lived in a dorm, but I find it easier to meet people in class...because I always have an opinion about my teachers, assignment, or questions about how to do something.

But I agree about sitting as far away from that girl as possible and just talking to other people around you in class. That way when you leave class you have new peeps to talk with maybe eve a little new group.

As far as telling to her face that you don't want to hang anymore...I don't know how you can tell her...it's hard enough for me hurting other people's feelings so directly.


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## BeneBaby (Sep 15, 2007)

Aww Minders you are too nice. I used to be like that too, until I got sick of being a doormat and realized my feelings are just as important as everyone else. I think right now you need to keep your options open. Shoot.. people I was friends with as a Freshman were not even people I liked by the next year!

Tell the Girl to "Kick Rocks". Seems like she's secure enough to make snide comments to you, she should be tough enough to take a rejection. You really should try to be cool with your roomates, you have to live with them. I used to NEVER party, but I would participate anyway and ended up having fun laughing at all the stupid drunks.Sometimes when you seperate yourself you come as a "Snobby" or "Too Good" for people. We know you aren't like that, but they don't.

Also....I know you are soo happy to see your BF, but make friends of your own as well. You don't want to seem too needy or dependant on him. You also don't want him (or yourself) to feel suffocated. PLus guys think it's hot when you seem unavailable. It makes them want you more.

I know you'll make friends soon and have a fab time...it will just take a little while. Love You Minders!!


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## MindySue (Sep 15, 2007)

Thanks Manders






Manders and Minders. I like it.


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## Dragonfly (Sep 15, 2007)

Mindy, you can always go out with your friends and not drink.

I haven't consumed alcohol in close to 20 years - except for the once in a blue moon glass of wine. I still go out socially.

As soon as you see them acting stupid, leave.

Make sure you do some activities like the fanshawe movie theatre. Used to be in a lecture theatre.

Also, tour over to UWO - your activity card should allow you to use their facilities. UWO has a large pool and great exercise facilities. And a theatre.


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## Shelley (Sep 15, 2007)

Mindy,

Maybe there are some activities, clubs on campus you can join and that way you will meet new friends with similar interests.

I think someone suggested asking your roomies to do other activities that don't involve drinking. Going to a movie, out for dinner, walks, maybe have a girls night in, giving each other manicures etc. Or like Carolyn suggested you can go out with them and not drink. Your roomies may end up being great friends.

You just started school, everything is new and fresh. In no time you will meet new people and make friends.


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## MindySue (Sep 15, 2007)

They go out to get DRUNK off their asses, not just to drink and have a good time. They come back and talk about how one started crying, the other started screaming and the other was puking. That doesnt sound like a fun outing to me. Then all they do is talk about alcohol when they ARENT drinking. It gets pretty damn annoying. "Last night was so fun you got so drunk and fell down hahahaahHAHAHAHAhahahaha". End laughing 10 minutes later. OY!


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## pinksugar (Sep 16, 2007)

maybe they're exaggerating it? Hows it going now? have you barred off the loser?

I think mander's advice is really good - you do have to be careful not to come off as too snobby.. we dont think you are but you might come off that way!

In Australia, the legal drinking age is 18, so I've been drinking legally for 4 years and illegally for another 2, so I can't believe how lame your roomies sound, but I'm WAY past the 'omg getting drunk is sooooo cool cos now it's legal!' age.. In australia, it's 16 and 17 year olds that act like that, and people at uni or in college aren't as drinking obsessed (I'm sure some are, but not all)

it doesnt really sound like you can hang with them but do let us know how you're going! and try to meet new people! good luck!!


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## MindySue (Sep 18, 2007)

It's sooooooooooo drinking obsessed here in canada, I cant believe it. They always talk about how old 21 is for the states and say they pity them, oh come on get OVER IT. It's friken alcohol. You'll live to 21 without it even though nobody ever waits that long anyway. Get this, my RA (resident advisor) told me to get drunk, it's college, everyone gets drunk. After I said I don't drink. He's supposed to be advising, not telling a minor to go out and get hammered?

I am proud of myself! I went over to two girls I thought were cool and melow like me, havent really talked much yet, and we formed a group for a project. Away from that girl! I still sat close to her because there were no more seats available when I got in, but still, I moved away asap and I think she's getting the hint, she is starting to give me evil looks and stuff..but ohwell


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## reesesilverstar (Sep 18, 2007)

Takes me back to my freshman yr. I had the same problem. All of us in the same program had all the same classes AND LIVED IN SIMILAR DORMS!!!!!!

My problem was my roommate. Both of us were not into the whole Sorority thing, so we were gonna do the athlete thing. But I soon realized that she was gettin too clingy. It was like she wanted to be clones. So I dropped crew (which I loved



) And joined a bunch of other activities. That way I met new people who I could hang out with whenever. Soon I got pretty busy outside of class cuz I was doing something for one of my activities and couldn't hang out with her much. She eventually joined some other stuff and met other people too.

So apart from sharing a wall and bumping into each other everyday in the dorm, we were cool. Say hi, how u doin, and goin off to SEPARATE activities. I changed my seat in class (made this one dude upset, but oh well...)

Hope I've helped a bit...

Good luck!


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## Claire_CD (Sep 18, 2007)

Originally Posted by *MindySue* /img/forum/go_quote.gif It's sooooooooooo drinking obsessed here in canada, I cant believe it. They always talk about how old 21 is for the states and say they pity them, oh come on get OVER IT. It's friken alcohol. You'll live to 21 without it even though nobody ever waits that long anyway. Get this, my RA (resident advisor) told me to get drunk, it's college, everyone gets drunk. After I said I don't drink. He's supposed to be advising, not telling a minor to go out and get hammered? Get used to it, I don't drink either and people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them. No matter who I tell they are always trying to get me to drink, well apart from my close friends they gave up a long time ago. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.


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## MindySue (Sep 18, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Claire_CD* /img/forum/go_quote.gif  Get used to it, I don't drink either and people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them. No matter who I tell they are always trying to get me to drink, well apart from my close friends they gave up a long time ago. Glad to hear I'm not the only one. Yea I should.

Today I made even more friends! Didn't sit with that girl at all, we talk minimal now..just about the project we are doing together. I feel like I 'belong' more now.


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## Sreyomac (Sep 18, 2007)

Thats good.... thats the key , if you ask me, is to find other friend... alot of friends and then you can weed out the ones that dont "click". Dont be reclusive and get out there and rock it!


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## CellyCell (Sep 19, 2007)

So, having fun now?


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## pinksugar (Sep 19, 2007)

sounds like its working out a bit better now... tI know exactly what you mean about the drinking thing!

I just dont mention to anyone that I dont drink. Like if I make less of a deal about it, then no notices when I'm not - like if I get a mineral water with a squeeze of lime, no one knows that it doesnt have alcohol in it. And after a while I find that everyone else is too drunk to notice that I'm sober, LOL


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## princess_20 (Sep 19, 2007)

Originally Posted by *MindySue* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yea I should.

Today I made even more friends! Didn't sit with that girl at all, we talk minimal now..just about the project we are doing together. I feel like I 'belong' more now.

I'm glad thing are working out good for u honey! just be your-self and u will make even more new friends in no time


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## AngelaGM (Sep 19, 2007)

I think you could invite her to lunch in a public place and tell her that while you like her, you just want to focus on your studies. =)


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## pinksugar (Sep 20, 2007)

Here is my take on why they're like that. Dunno if it's true but here's my thoughts:

it's because by college or night school, most people have a group of friends - in australia, most people live at home and travel to uni - they dont stay on campus. As a result, they still live near their friends from school and have people they can do things with.

Most people consider their degree as just that - some education. They want to get in, get out and get on with their lives. They're not there to make friends, they're there to get the damn thing over with, LOL.

In my case, my degree involves a lot of roadtrips where you pretty much have to make friends or sleep in a room full of strangers, so we all know each other pretty well and put up with each other's irritating habits, haha.

Sorry to just hijack minder's thread here..but yeah. Just an insight maybe?


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## MissMissy (Sep 20, 2007)

see i am a very blunt person. I would tell her look. i want to be friends but i am the kinda person that needs space girl.. so if you wouldnt mind can ya kinda chill


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## Killah Kitty (Sep 20, 2007)

_Quote:_
_ It's sooooooooooo drinking obsessed here in canada, I cant believe it. _ 
_




_ Welcome to Canada! Trust me when I tell you if you meet someone here that doesnt drink its RARE! I myself dont find drinking my sort of thing, I do drink a little here and there because of my best friend who loves to drink, but I always stop before Im too hammered cause I dont like that feeling lol a couple drinks and Im fine. Maybe if you just chilled with your roomates and had ONE drink with them (it could even be non alcoholic without them knowing) you could get a conversation going and soon theyll be too drunk to know what your drinkin and Im sure youll get a laugh out of it, well I dunno maybe thats just me, but I cant help but laugh when my friend gets so drunk and trips over the coffee table or something because she's laughing so much too. At least you can be friendly with each other because you guys do have to live together.

And as for that annoying girl, you seemed to do great making her understand you without you being very mean, so good job and I hope it all ends up well for you! Sory 4 the long post!


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## magosienne (Sep 20, 2007)

Originally Posted by *daer0n* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I used to be exactly like you Mindy, after all these years and now that i am finally 30 years old i dont give a damn, i would tell her "leave me the heck alone, it's not like i have to hang out with you or amuse you, no wonder nobody likes you or hang out with you, now we can go play hide and go F yourself" i hate people like that, she is like those flies that land on the same spot on your arm, you try to make them go away and they come and land in the same spot till they annoy the heck out of you and you end up swatting them with the first thing that you find and comes in handy





my thoughts exactly !


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