# Has anyone ever...



## Jennifer (Sep 12, 2006)

...been in the position where you wanted to do something that you thought was the right thing for *yourself*, but everyone else thought it was a bad decision and you're left to choose between one or the other?







share your stories, if you'd like, and how it turned out in the end.


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Sep 12, 2006)

^ Ghosh I am going through that phase right now. Do or follow the path that seems more economical, truth, that will make you happy, strong, that you will enjoy, survive, and love. The one that will get you results. If you have the heart and the will do it. Listen to the whispher inside you ( I know this sounds opera ish) but its so true.


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## peekaboo (Sep 12, 2006)

Yes, I agree with listening to the voice inside you and following your intuition. Only you can know what is right for you(in most cases). I was talked out of going away to school, instead of locally which I decided it was in my best interest to break out and experience another city. Also I loved living on my own(others had there reservations about this but I loved it!) Especially with a career/education choice do what is right for you and follow your heart. Good luck!


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## terrigurl2004 (Sep 12, 2006)

I agree with everyone - its really good to listen to advice, but not necessary to take it. You know yourself best. That has always worked best for me. There have been times where maybe things would have worked out a bit better if I had gone with the adivce of everyone else, but in the end, I was still glad I went with my own intuition.


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## Anyah_Green (Sep 12, 2006)

I am constantly asking myself what is better. I try to go with my own. Sorry I'm no help. Looks like I'd better come back to this post and see what I can learn. ;0)


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## Jessica81 (Sep 12, 2006)

hmmm.... who is telling you what you think is wrong? Typically I can find someone to support my decision, usually its not the closest of friends. For example, I really wanted to go away to Italy a few years ago. I went against the advice of close friends and family. BUT friends whom I wasn't very close too encouraged it. I think my close friends and family didn't want me to go b/c they were afraid for me.


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## mintesa (Sep 12, 2006)

Yea many times. And calculating of who was right I would say:

Listen to your dad (somehow he is always right)

The one who loves you is also right most of the time

If someone else had been in the same shoes, listen to what he has to say

Many times I just want it my way. Then I try to be logical, thinking without emotions. If I sense a little that someone else is right, I try to do as he says...

Some examples:

I wanted to stop University one day, my loved one said, no no no all the time. I'm glad I did not. I graduated and I am happy with what I am doing right now.

My mom wanted to send me to medical school, but I totally didnt want to study that long, and it was also too expensive. I would have loved to become a surgeon, but it is a too long study for me, so I didnt do that. And I am happy I listened to myself.

I wanted to rent a place after I got my job. I wanted to rent so much, annoying to be with your mom in law lol. though she is the sweetest woman on earth. But my good friend told me, dont, just save the money you would spend on rent for buying an apartment soon. I listened to her, I know she was right. Eventhough I really cry sometimes coz I wanna live somewhere else. I just was an only child, and most of the time I like my quiet time... weirdo

Just imagine that your friend was in your shoes, what advice would you give her... to end up with the best answer from another perspective.

Good luck Jennifer...


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## Thais (Sep 13, 2006)

Well when I started dating Jamie, most friends and family discouraged me because they thought I was setting myself up to get hurt... (If you don't know, I lived in Brazil and he lived in Canada for 2 years before we moved to Rochester, MN together). Everyone thought it wasn't going to work; and, of course, they hated to see me suffer so much when we were apart. But I didnt listen to anyone, I knew we were going to make it work, we sticked with it, and here we are, living together, happy and engaged.





What's your story, Jen?


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## Andi (Sep 13, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Thais* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well when I started dating Jamie, most friends and family discouraged me because they thought I was setting myself up to get hurt... (If you don't know, I lived in Brazil and he lived in Canada for 2 years before we moved to Rochester, MN together). Everyone thought it wasn't going to work; and, of course, they hated to see me suffer so much when we were apart. But I didnt listen to anyone, I knew we were going to make it work, we sticked with it, and here we are, living together, happy and engaged.




What's your story, Jen?

Thais my story with Shawn is the exact same. Only we're even further apart and we will be for the next 3 years



but luckily almost everybody changed their opinion once they got to know him. Still I think if I asked them most people would still tell me it's not going to work. I was one of those people before I got into this long distance relationship so I don't hold it against them.


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 13, 2006)

Personally, life is about experience and the only way you gain experience is by experiencing it. Even if you do something that "sets" you back in life...so what? You've learned your lesson. I've made a lot of mistakes, but they've helped me grow into the person I am today. I will not prevent Makayla from doing things because she doens't learn by me saying, "Don't do that, you'll get hurt..." She learns by experimenting and experiencing the consequences.

People give you advice based upon their understanding of the situation and their view of where you are in your life. I kind of look at it like you see something, and you point at it...the person next to you looks and sees the same thing, but from a different angle. They're seeing the same thing, but not in the same way.

You have to do what you feel is best for you. And, if that turns out to not work out the way you thought it would, make another choice. But, don't NOT do something because someone else said not to. Do what you want to do and what is best for you because it's what you want to do.

Hope that made sense.


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## Jennifer (Sep 13, 2006)

thanks SO much for the replies, everyone, and for sharing your experiences.

i figured i should just do what i want, but put LOTS of thought into it. i know it'll be the right decision in the end, whether it works out or not.

thank you again





you can keep them coming!


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## Maja (Sep 13, 2006)

Originally Posted by *VenusGoddess* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Personally, life is about experience and the only way you gain experience is by experiencing it. Even if you do something that "sets" you back in life...so what? You've learned your lesson. I've made a lot of mistakes, but they've helped me grow into the person I am today. I will not prevent Makayla from doing things because she doens't learn by me saying, "Don't do that, you'll get hurt..." She learns by experimenting and experiencing the consequences.
People give you advice based upon their understanding of the situation and their view of where you are in your life. I kind of look at it like you see something, and you point at it...the person next to you looks and sees the same thing, but from a different angle. They're seeing the same thing, but not in the same way.

You have to do what you feel is best for you. And, if that turns out to not work out the way you thought it would, make another choice. But, don't NOT do something because someone else said not to. Do what you want to do and what is best for you because it's what you want to do.

Hope that made sense.

I agree with your advice 100%. You're a very wise woman...


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## eightthirty (Sep 13, 2006)

Hey Jen...now you've got us curious!


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## KimC2005 (Sep 14, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Jennifer* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ...been in the position where you wanted to do something that you thought was the right thing for *yourself*, but everyone else thought it was a bad decision and you're left to choose between one or the other?





share your stories, if you'd like, and how it turned out in the end.

I have definitely been there and I am still there. For me I feel that unless somebody is in my shoes they can't always know what is best. Also sometimes what is best for one person is not always the same for the next person. Part of growing up and maturing is making mistakes and learning from our mistakes. Some peoples' advice has made things worse for me when I have followed, but other times their advice has been good and kept me from a lot of heart ache and mistakes. You definitely just have to follow your own intuition and heart about a situation


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## Aquilah (Sep 14, 2006)

I generally write a list of pros and cons for whatever decision I'm debating on making. I do ask for opinions, but I generally try to go with what I believe is best for myself... No necessarily so much what others think. Depending on what advice I get from specific people in my life, my decision may be slightly based on what advice I was given. Best of luck sweetie!


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## Jennifer (Sep 14, 2006)

thank you, girls





Originally Posted by *eightthirty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Hey Jen...now you've got us curious! sorry, but i'd rather not say, at least not right now


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## Lindabear (Sep 15, 2006)

i want to move to another city 8 hours driving away from one im living in now, after i grad highschool, mom doesn't ever want me to leave, she says i want to leave her, also i have a baby sister i want to be here when she goes to school and when they need me, mom thinks i dont want to be here, it makes me feel like im a selfish person but i really want to go to school in that other city.


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## luxotika (Sep 15, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Aquilah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I generally write a list of pros and cons for whatever decision I'm debating on making. I do ask for opinions, but I generally try to go with what I believe is best for myself... No necessarily so much what others think. Depending on what advice I get from specific people in my life, my decision may be slightly based on what advice I was given. Best of luck sweetie! I totally laughed when I read that you write the Pros and Cons list. I have done this so many times. It really helps to put things in perspective. Glad to know that I am not the only one that does it!


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 15, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Lindabear* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i want to move to another city 8 hours driving away from one im living in now, after i grad highschool, mom doesn't ever want me to leave, she says i want to leave her, also i have a baby sister i want to be here when she goes to school and when they need me, mom thinks i dont want to be here, it makes me feel like im a selfish person but i really want to go to school in that other city. Go to school...its not your job to take care of your mom. She's a big girl. You'd be setting a good example for your baby sister to do the things that you want to do and be happy rather than doing what others want to do and feeling resentful and miserable.
I've been on both sides of the fence, and believe me...I've always been much happier doing what I want to do.


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## vanilla_sky (Sep 15, 2006)

I love to listen to people's opinion and usually I try to get as much feedback as possible, so I aoften ask for advice even people who are not even that close. then, I take all the feedback inside and let it digest. In the end I come up with a gut feeling of what is best for me. A lot of times it is not what majority was advising..

maybe it is stupid and trival example, but it is the most recent, so I remember it. I was buying a car and I decided to get a chevy, since I had some discount for a GM car. I was trying to decide between Aveo and Malibu, since these two seemed the best suited to my finnancial possibilities. everybody was advising me on buying Malibu, since it is bigger and safer. Aveo is cute and small, and almost my whole family told me not to get it, since it will be so dangerous to have an accident in it. In the end I got Aveo though, I just didnt like Malibu at all, it seemed so big and uncomfortable. I am so happy with my choice, and now my family starts to accept it and they notice good things about Aveo. I love to drive it, and it doesn't use up a lot of gas. I am in love with this car. I am so happy I made this decision, took this risk and went against the majority's advice. I would say always listen to what everybody says and give it deeep, deep thought. But in the end do what feels the best for you.


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## Jennifer (Sep 16, 2006)

thanks, girls






linda, your problem is very similar to mine. good luck with what you decide.

vanilla, great example. thank you and i'm glad you're happy with your aveo


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## geebers (Sep 18, 2006)

I agree with Venus 101%... you cannot ever know if you are doing the right thing until you take the leap and just do it. You cannot live your life by other people either. In the end, you do what is right for you - if it ends up being wrong -you cannot regret your choice. You learn from your experiences. I can honestly say that regardless of whether I followed someone else's advice or my own - I always learned.

In the end though, you should listen to yourself. Because if you follow what someone else advises and it does not turn out well - it will make you feel a lot worse than if you followed your own voice.

Linda- I think you should go to school in another city. When it comes to college and education, it is a parent's job to let their children go - you are not responsible for your mom's welfare - she is responsible for yours.


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