# My family is suffocating me! (rant)



## Andi (Dec 28, 2007)

Since IÂ´m home from the holidays I spend more time with my family and lately it feels like every single person (from dad to grandpa to uncle) seems to annoy me with rules and "good advice" on how to live my life. It pisses me off to no end, they have an opinion on every aspect of my life. School, my future, my love life, my friends, my spare time. They nag me about it and tell me what bad stuff will happen if I donÂ´t follow their advice.

Just a few examples of some things wheretheyÂ´d like to push their influence on me

- they donÂ´t like the fact that IÂ´m dating a non-Austrian (my fiancÃ© is American, but they donÂ´t know we got engaged) This has nothing to do with cultural background or with him as a person. ItÂ´s just that heÂ´s not Austrian so they feel like they canÂ´t trust him or "figure him out", also there is the language barriere of course.

WeÂ´re in a long distance relationship, and lately almost every family member has asked me why I can be so sure heÂ´s not cheating on me, and they asked me why I donÂ´t go find a nice Austrian guy. Also various male family members have pointed out "good catches" theyÂ´ve met. TheyÂ´re all guys my age that I have never met, but apparently them being in law school or med school makes them perfect for me. huh? I tell them I am taken, but they laugh it off like a 2 1/2 year relationship is some sort of childish joke.

- going out or my choice of outfits. My dad sees me dresses up in club outfits and goes "youÂ´re a med school student, you shouldnÂ´t dress like this". IÂ´m like wtf?? One time he even said "you should cut your hair. Smart women donÂ´t wair their hair long"

- they complain about when I get up (too late they think), they say my room is messy and so is my apartment in Vienna (IÂ´m 23 I can be messy if I want to, itÂ´s not like they can ground me).

This is just s little inside view on what I have to listen to on a regular basis. ItÂ´s suffocating me! You come home to your small home town and everybody has an opinion on everybody.

They even have something against me flying to the US to see my fiancÃ©, because itÂ´s "so far away" and "my parents will be worried". They want me to be "more grounded", donÂ´t talk back to my dad and get a little more housewife-y...which is so not what I am or ever wanna be.

I feel like going away for college has helped me become my own person, but everytime I hear a stupid remark from my family it feels like it puts me back into the role my family wants me to play.

Thanks for reading guys! I know there is not much I can do to change my family, but I was just wondering if anyone has gone through the same stuff.


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## luxotika (Dec 28, 2007)

Tell them that you appreciate their opinions, but would like them to stop trying to live your life for you. Maybe this is just their way of trying to be supportive. I don't know. Good luck to you though!


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## Manda (Dec 29, 2007)

That's family for you!


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## S. Lisa Smith (Dec 29, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Andi* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Since IÂ´m home from the holidays I spend more time with my family and lately it feels like every single person (from dad to grandpa to uncle) seems to annoy me with rules and "good advice" on how to live my life. You are not going to like this, but it's just the way of the world. It pisses me off to no end, they have an opinion on every aspect of my life. Grownups are like that.




School, my future, my love life, my friends, my spare time. They nag me about it and tell me what bad stuff will happen if I donÂ´t follow their advice. While it is irritating, that shows their love for you. They don't want you to make the same mistakes that they did. Speaking as a parent, it is very hard to refrain from doing this. I have to stifle myself all the time. My youngest is your age and I have to bite my tongue from making a comment or suggestion a lot of times! My oldest is 25, and is getting married soon. I have plenty of advise for him, but he won't want to hear it.Just a few examples of some things wheretheyÂ´d like to push their influence on me

- they donÂ´t like the fact that IÂ´m dating a non-Austrian (my fiancÃ© is American, but they donÂ´t know we got engaged) This has nothing to do with cultural background or with him as a person. ItÂ´s just that heÂ´s not Austrian so they feel like they canÂ´t trust him or "figure him out", also there is the language barriere of course. They want the best for you, from their point of view. 

WeÂ´re in a long distance relationship, and lately almost every family member has asked me why I can be so sure heÂ´s not cheating on me, and they asked me why I donÂ´t go find a nice Austrian guy. Again, they are worried about you and don't want You to be hurt. Also various male family members have pointed out "good catches" theyÂ´ve met. TheyÂ´re all guys my age that I have never met, but apparently them being in law school or med school makes them perfect for me. huh? I tell them I am taken, but they laugh it off like a 2 1/2 year relationship is some sort of childish joke.

- going out or my choice of outfits. My dad sees me dresses up in club outfits and goes "youÂ´re a med school student, you shouldnÂ´t dress like this". IÂ´m like wtf?? One time he even said "you should cut your hair. Smart women donÂ´t wair their hair long" Sorry, that's just parent stuff. We tend to treat our children as just that, children. My Mom still treats me like a child sometimes and I'm 58.

- they complain about when I get up (too late they think), This I don't complain about. they say my room is messy and so is my apartment in Vienna (IÂ´m 23 I can be messy if I want to, itÂ´s not like they can ground me). I understand this one. My 23 year old is opening his company's Singapore office, has tons of responsibility, but can't keep his room straight when he visits. It makes me nuts! On the other hand, I have always taken the out of sight, out of mind view of things, so I don't care how he keeps his place in Boston.

This is just s little inside view on what I have to listen to on a regular basis. ItÂ´s suffocating me! You come home to your small home town and everybody has an opinion on everybody.

They even have something against me flying to the US to see my fiancÃ©, because itÂ´s "so far away" and "my parents will be worried". They are concerned about you and they want you to know it. They are intitled to their opinion, they should just keep it to themselves.



They want me to be "more grounded", donÂ´t talk back to my dad and get a little more housewife-y...which is so not what I am or ever wanna be.

I feel like going away for college has helped me become my own person, Which is exactly why you went to college but everytime I hear a stupid remark from my family it feels like it puts me back into the role my family wants me to play.

Thanks for reading guys! I know there is not much I can do to change my family, but I was just wondering if anyone has gone through the same stuff.

All the time. It's like that for everyone!


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## CellyCell (Dec 29, 2007)

Lmao. I read that and was like, "who says that? and my parents say that! Haha.

People who are traditional and set on their ways are the ones who make comments like that. I hate it when my parents are like, "why would you go out every weekend?" Oh wow, suddenly it's not okay to have a social life.

And I too keep my room messy because I can't be assed cleaning it during work/school days because I'm so tired and it's going to get messy again the next day - so I'll say it for the weekend. There my parents go butting in... I, unfortunately, don't have all the free time in the world to clean my room. Bah.

Oh, and they get upset when I go shopping! With my own money!!

"You went shopping.... again?" - you would think I went everyday or every weekend. It's like once a month thing. I need newer outfits, yeah. Jeez, my crime. I think it's understandable if I did all of those things in excess - but I don't.

Poor Anders, I can imagine you being irritated as hell... I can't stand advices like that.

All you can do is suck it up until you go live back in your apartment. Just show how much Shawners means to you when you guys go down that aisle and you're rocking a short mini-dress and long, blonde, Austrian hair... on your head, not down south - I hope!


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## KellyB (Dec 29, 2007)

I hate to tell you that at 42 my mother still says things to me. Not as much because I dont have a problem reminding her that She was a grandmother at my age. Some families can't stop themselves. I make it a point NOT to do it to my daughter since it annoys me so bad when It is still done to me. The best thing you can do is continue to live your life. It won't stop them from saying things. You can't change that. You can only change how you react to it. You are grown so let it roll of your back as much as possible (see below). The most important thing is truly how you feel about yourself.

My car is gross cuz I work out of it all day long. Last week my mom rode with me and *****ed the whole time about the mess. I told her this was the last time I would drive her anywhere and that since I was a grown woman and it is my car that It could be a damn mess if I wanted it too. So this was one time when I didn't keep my mouth shut. Hang in there honey.


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## bella1342 (Dec 29, 2007)

Yeah, family always has their opinions. I usually smile, and say thanks... and shrug it off. I pretend like I'd actually consider taking their advice, and then they're happy and they won't bring it up for awhile.

As far as your clubbing clothes, I want to laugh.. because ALL of the pictures you posted in clothes you wear to go clubbing I always think, "wow, she looks sexy, but SOOOO classy." I like that. I think your dad is kinda being an over-protective dad there.

I just want to tell you, I admire how you seem to have a well-balanced life. As far as being a med student (extremely impressive right there) and having time for real life... actually getting to go out and all.

So no one in your family knows you are engaged to Shawn? If you don't mind me asking... why? He seems like a really nice guy, so they shouldn't have any reason not to like him. If it's because he's American... well they need to get over that ASAP. Have they tried to get to know him? Is there anything more your or him could do to get them to like him? I don't know... it's kinda sad to me... this should be the happiest time in your life (being engaged to the man you love) and you can't really share it with your family.



I couldn't marry a guy my family didn't like, but at the same time... it would have to be for a very valid reason... not that they don't like him without ever giving him a chance. My family wouldn't do that to me. That's not fair to you or Shawn. Do you ever plan on telling them? I could see why you wouldn't want to... but if they truly love you, I think they would accept it or learn to accept it. They'd have to.

All families can be harsh/strict... always trying to offer their advice at times... but you really seem like a girl with her head on her shoulders. They should be happy for who you are, and all you accomplished.

It's funny.. this thread got me thinking about my grandfather. He is an old-school Italian grandfather who was sooo beyond strict... you had to see him when he found out I got pregnant before getting married. Not fun... he actually thought my bf raped me... because I was supposed to be a good catholic girl who waited to have sex until she got married. Now, don't get me wrong, I did wait until I wa 24 to have sex, but once I started... I loved it (who doesn't) and I wound up pregnant shortly after. I loved my bf though, so I was happy. I had to explain to my grandfather that I loved my bf... he didn't pressure me, or rape me... that I went after him. LOL! My grandfather became soooo cool and down to earth after that. He died this past March. I miss him sooo much... I'd take his strictness just to have him back any day.

Sorry for the little story... I bet your glad when you get to go back to your apartment.


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## MindySue (Dec 29, 2007)

I know how you feel about the cheating thing. When I was with Phil and we werent "together" people said that to me all the time. And never took us seriously. Sorry Andi, loves.


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## Andi (Dec 29, 2007)

Originally Posted by *MindySue* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I know how you feel about the cheating thing. When I was with Phil and we werent "together" people said that to me all the time. And never took us seriously. Sorry Andi, loves. maybe it just bugs me so much cause ShawnÂ´s family is so not like that, they always ask when IÂ´m coming back to visit and how IÂ´m doing and all. They donÂ´t have a problem with our relationship.And then again there goes my family who think itÂ´s already over and never ask about him.


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## SalJ (Dec 29, 2007)

My family are always *****ing at me too, for being messy or about my diet because they know best and being a vegan is bad for you, or for being single, or about what I spend (MY hard earned) money on.

I'm moving into a new place soon and all I'm getting is lectures if I buy anything because I can't afford it apparently.

My brother is 30 and moved away to London and he still gets nagged too! It's just families, they find it impossible to accept that their little girl is grown up and feel it is their duty to nag!


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## AngelaGM (Dec 29, 2007)

You are so lucky to have a family that nags! I wish I had the opportunity to have my mother nag me. I see her once a year and she lives 1500 miles away. And my grandmother is 92.


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## puncturedskirt (Dec 29, 2007)

That would drive me nuts!..but that is family for you, someone ALWAYS having an opinion.


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## mahreez (Dec 30, 2007)

my parents always nag me too. but i only see them on the weekends so i just smile and forget about it when i leave the house. it's your life anyway, you get to decide whatever you want.

and afterall, at least they care that much about you.


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## reesesilverstar (Dec 30, 2007)

I think it's better to gracefully thank them for their advice/opinions but firmly state and stand your ground for the simple fact that they do have an interest in you. I think it would suck far more if nobody in your family seemed to care about you.


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## _withoutYou (Dec 30, 2007)

Originally Posted by *CellyCell* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Lmao. I read that and was like, "who says that? and my parents say that! Haha.People who are traditional and set on their ways are the ones who make comments like that. I hate it when my parents are like, "why would you go out every weekend?" Oh wow, suddenly it's not okay to have a social life.

And I too keep my room messy because I can't be assed cleaning it during work/school days because I'm so tired and it's going to get messy again the next day - so I'll say it for the weekend. There my parents go butting in... I, unfortunately, don't have all the free time in the world to clean my room. Bah.

Oh, and they get upset when I go shopping! With my own money!!

"You went shopping.... again?" - you would think I went everyday or every weekend. It's like once a month thing. I need newer outfits, yeah. Jeez, my crime. I think it's understandable if I did all of those things in excess - but I don't.

Poor Anders, I can imagine you being irritated as hell... I can't stand advices like that.

All you can do is suck it up until you go live back in your apartment. Just show how much Shawners means to you when you guys go down that aisle and you're rocking a short mini-dress and long, blonde, Austrian hair... on your head, not down south - I hope!

lol my parents are the exact same way! that's the reason why i'm DIEING to move out! since it's my money and my free time, i'm the one who chooses to do whatever *i* want with it. it's annoying as hell, i wish i lived on my own!


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## joybelle (Dec 30, 2007)

Sorry they are like that. Try to ignore them. I love it when people think they know what is best for others.


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## Maja (Dec 31, 2007)

I'm sorry your parents are like that. Mine are similar, they have an opinion on everything. For me it goes in one ear out the other. But you have to know that they really do only mean well; they sometimes have problems expressing themselves in the right way though. And you also have to know that your parents grew up and were raised differently and therefore may not understand everything you do; and they may also be scared of the unknown. I know my mom was petrified when I went to Ireland by myself simply because she never went anywhere by herself.


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## Shelley (Jan 2, 2008)

That would drive me nuts as well. As annoying as it may be I think they are trying to say they care. They also grew up in a different era, raised differently and don't see things the same way as you do. Continue to do what makes you happy. That is the most important thing. Hopefully in time they will realize and stop nagging.


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## KristinB (Jan 2, 2008)

Gotta love family (said with pure sarcasm). Sounds like the same thing I deal with my family and my friends deal with their family. Just smile and nod and then go about your way doing what you want.


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## pinksugar (Jan 2, 2008)

haha, I'm with kristinb!

My mum, the normally sane, rational, sensible one I get along with said something today that made me have the same reaction. It's getting closer to the time when i need to move out and not have to deal with their drama any more, LOL

I know they think they're trying to help, but it's just a pain in the ass basically. Sigh. Smile, nod. Smile, nod


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## speedy (Jan 5, 2008)

Mmmm, family can be so difficult. They mean well, but they go about things in such an annoying way.

Mine are the same, I can only spend a little bit of time with them before they start to drive me crazy, but I just try to accept that, keep quiet and look forward to them leaving


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## mmonroemaniac (Jan 5, 2008)

my dad is just the same, im moving back in with my dad and my sister, as the flat me and my boyfriend have is falling apart and he can't afford it. we've had no hot water for 10 months, no heating gas is cut off. light in the bathroom doesnt work and theres mould everywhere. and now the washing machines broken. so now il moving back in with my dad. my boyfriend will end up loosing the flat





my dad and sister argue all the time, shes 18 and has never worked a day in her life. shes spoilt rotten and treats my dad like shit. it makes me depressed and i cry alot about it. but hey! least you can get away from it!


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