# Email from my Ex: what would you do?



## pinksugar (Dec 19, 2008)

I woke up this morning and I had an email from my most recent ex (ex # 5 - I give em numbers so I know which one is which, works better than calling them all 'skankface' as I have in the past, LOL)

Now for a start, the email was written in a very formal tone which is completely unlike him. here is basically what he said:

congrats on graduating &amp; acceptance into the masters program. Sorry I didn't handle our breakup well, and can I have the ring I bought you back, I will pay you money - I can't see that you'd want to wear it so I might as well buy it back.

Now the way it was written was a lot less retarded than my version, but I don't have access to the email on this computer.

Here is what I'm thinking:

A. What can he want it for? he is either... i. giving it to another girl or ii. selling it on for a much bigger profit.

I can't possibly sell it to him knowing he's giving a second hand 'doomed' ring to another girl, and I don't want to get 'ripped off' as it were if I could sell it myself for way more than he'll give me for it.

B. How can I accept money for something he has already paid for? it seems morally wrong, however it was a christmas gift ring, not an engagement, and I don't see why I should give it back for free, even if I don't feel comfortable accepting money for it.

C. I like it, it's mine, I want to keep it! If I was in a relationship, this whole situation would be somewhat easier, because it would make it difficult for me to wear it. However, since I'm single, I enjoy wearing it as it's a gorgeous ring. On top of that, it's great to wear out to clubs because it means less men hit on you in a sleazy way. If they just want sex they won't bother, and if they're interested in me personally, they'll hang around to find out why I'm wearing it.

So, what do you think? I'm not sure what I should do.

The only other consideration on top of this is:

D. It will be a drama to sell something to this guy. We'll have to meet up on his terms, or he'll whinge. Getting money will be difficult. We'll probably arrange to meet up and he'll forget or won't turn up. Plus even though I'm over him, I will still find it upsetting to meet up with him.

Your thoughts?


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## Darla (Dec 19, 2008)

it was a gift that he gave to you and it is yours to do with....

thats the way i feel unless there were special circ umstances

is that the case?


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## pinksugar (Dec 19, 2008)

not really. It was a christmas gift. I did not want to know how much it cost but I do know we got it for a lot less than it's actual value as a special bargain.

It's because I don't know how much he paid for it that I don't know what he'd ask for it. I also don't want to know how much he spent on it in the first place.

It's worth about 1500 at least, and I know he won't pay me that for it - the likelihood is that I'd be ripped off pretty easily!

Of course it's not all about the money - I also feel bad for whoever is getting this second hand ring as a last minute christmas gift!


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## fawp (Dec 19, 2008)

Tell him the truth (or at least half of it). Tell him you still love the ring and wear it as beautiful ring given to you as a Christmas present. It was his gift to you and it now belongs to you. You have every right to keep it...even if you throw it in a box and never wear it again...it's still your ring and you should do what you want with it.


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## Dragonfly (Dec 19, 2008)

It's your ring - if you don't want to sell it back to him, send him an email telling him so.

Is there any chance he can say that the ring was in fact an engagement ring, and he wants it returned as the engagement broke off? Make sure you keep a copy of his email where he states he will pay you for the ring, just in case he gets pissed off and decides to take you to court over it.


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## -Chelsey- (Dec 19, 2008)

If it was a gift to you then you have every right to keep it and do whatever you want with it. If you like it and it sounds like you wear it a lot then keep it and tell him to go buy another ring with the money he was going to pay you to get that one back.


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## pinksugar (Dec 19, 2008)

I don't think he could say that, no. There is no evidence that we were ever engaged, simply because we were not. I suppose it is possible he could say that, but he bought it at christmas - I would have MUT posts from last year that state it was not an engagement ring to back that up, lol.


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## Ozee (Dec 19, 2008)

You can't ask for a gift back even if your offering to pay for it. Thats just bizare.

Could he just be doing it to have a reason to see you again?

You could just tell him you got an engraving put on it so you can'tsell it on again.


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## Anthea (Dec 19, 2008)

I feel if he gave it to you for what ever reason at whatever time of the year, its yours to do with as you please. If you wish to keep it, tell him. You owe him nothing IMO.


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## Bec688 (Dec 19, 2008)

Perhaps he is deperate for cash? I agree with everyone else, it was a gift, gifts are gifts, you don't ask for a gift back, let alone ask to buy it back, that's poor taste. I think there is some sort of alterior motive to this situation... not sure what though.


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## speedy (Dec 19, 2008)

That's bizarre. I agree that the ring is yours and you have no obligation to return it. I don't think you should even respond to his email, I'd just ignore it all together, and if he calls you don't answer. He was a total bastard about the whole break-up, so why should you do anything nice for him now?


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## daer0n (Dec 19, 2008)

I know everybody else has said its your ring, and gifts are gifts, but honestly, it depends who/where things come from. I personally wouldn't keep the ring, doesn't matter if it was a gift or not, the fact for me would be that i am not with that person and the person gave it to me when we were together, and i wouldn't want it with me/on me. Even if i wasn't in a relationship with another person, eventually you will be, and the other person will wonder why you are still wearing it, if the person who gave you the ring still means something to you. And i am telling you because my husband wore this necklace with a cross that his most recent ex had given to him, just as a gift.

And he always said he really liked it, that he didn't wear it because he still felt something for her, that was when we first met and then got married and he would still wear it. I felt super uncomfortable with him wearing it when he was already with me, i knew he still felt something for her, he took it off after a while, like a year after we got married, and he never wore it again, then he started looking for it again, i got rid of it and never told him i did, because honestly, i left all the things that my ex gave me behind, and at least my relationship with the ex was more meaningful because he was my first son's dad, but i never kept anything from him with me, and my husband kept this thing from a relationship that only lasted barely a year, and it made me so upset. He doesn't give a damn about it anymore, but to me that showed that he still cared about her, and to a certain point he missed being with her, that just killed me. He's completely moved on now though, therefore he doesn't miss wearing the cross at ALL anymore.

So honestly, and personally, i wouldn't keep something that reminded me of someone i was with, even if at some point i loved them, just because it would remind me of them. Although, i like moving on fast, and i always get rid of things that are not going to be benefitial/useful for me anymore. If i was in this situation, i would just give it back to him, no point on keeping it if he is asking back for it, and it is up to him to do whatever he wants with it, in my mind the ring would already been tainted lol, just because he is asking for it.


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## Adrienne (Dec 19, 2008)

Quote:
C. I like it, it's mine, I want to keep it! If I was in a relationship, this whole situation would be somewhat easier, because it would make it difficult for me to wear it. However, since I'm single, I enjoy wearing it as it's a gorgeous ring. On top of that, it's great to wear out to clubs because it means less men hit on you in a sleazy way. If they just want sex they won't bother, and if they're interested in me personally, they'll hang around to find out why I'm wearing it. Due to this alone I would keep the ring. If you personally don't feel that your keeping it for sentiment value then definitely keep it. Even if you do, it isn't like your in a serious relationship with someone else to make you feel guilty about wearing it. 
I have a necklace and other jewelery and stuff given to me and I don't feel a thing for those exes. I never told my husband either bc he'd freak out and think there was more to it than just me wearing bc I do genuinely love the gift. Heck, I even have a drawing of a rose with my name on it that I kept.

Only once did I get rid of an item and I regretted it big time. Those are your own personal memories that you're keeping and no one can take that away from you or should have the right to do so. I know my husband would've complained about knowing that that heart necklace I love to wear was given to me for Christmas from an ex he particulary doesn't like, well hates for a fact, so I didn't tell him. Why make him miserable for something I consider the source of insignificant? Plus, now that I'm married, there are times that I don't remember my life before when I was single and I like having things that remind me that I am an individual and that my life does not revolve around my husband, as much as I love him to death. He is my present and my future but I still have my past.

For example, my coworker's wife made him get rid of all his "love" letters and other personal gifts given to him back in college when they first started getting serious. Twenty years later, they're still together and now his wife thinks it was a silly request and even laughs about it today.

Maybe to make you feel better why don't you add a stone to it or a jewel and change it around for it to signify a change in your life. I know a friend who was engaged and it turned out bad so she got it "remade". That way she didn't feel guilty bc even though she kept the ring, the design was different and it was no longer an engagement ring.


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## magneticheart (Dec 19, 2008)

If you like it and really want to keep it I'd just tell him that. If not then I'd just sell it back to him and not think about what he was doing with it, he's probably just going to sell it.


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## Nick007 (Dec 19, 2008)

OMG, who ask for a present back, that is so tacky. It was a gift to you, keep it. His loss.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Dec 19, 2008)

Keep it, it's yours and you like it...the heck with him!!


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## bella1342 (Dec 19, 2008)

While I understand a gift is yours to keep, I agree more with Nuri. Things like that put strain on future relationships in my opinion.

If I'm wearing an expensive piece of jewelry or any kind of jewelry with a heart on it... my bf will ask me where I got it from. He doesn't get mad or anything... he just asks. He'll say, "that's nice where did you get it.."

Some of it was from my parents, some I bought myself, and some he bought me at the beginning of our relationship but he just didn't remember what it looked like. There was a piece of jewelry in particular (my tiffany's heart clasp bracelet) that made Billy upset. He was convinced an ex gave it to me, when in reality my parents got it for me. It turns out I lost the bracelet (i'm upset it was my favorite) but anyway he doesn't have to worry, I'd never be able to wear jewelry from an ex.

I wouldn't give it back to your ex bf though. It's yours. I'd sell it...


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## Annelle (Dec 19, 2008)

I gave my engagement ring back when my ex and I broke up (we're still good friends though), but it was something I really couldn't keep wearing, and he didn't want me to keep wearing either. (It makes the ring a lie, and neither of us really wants that.) Neither of us knows what to do with it either way, so it just basically sits in the back of his drawer.

It might be a sentimental thing. If you were a guy and gave a girl a ring, and the two of you broke up...would you still want her to be wearing a symbol of your relationship together? Even if (especially if) she was just "using it" to fend off guys? I'd personally feel a little insulted that a symbolic present was made more into "just" an accessory. (That is, if the guy is sentimental enough for that -- some guys just give jewelery because "girls like it" some guys actually put some more thought into it.)

If it's unlike him, it sounds like it could something that is bothering him, and he's really tried to get serious and write a formal letter requesting for it. Or who knows? Maybe he liked how it looked too and wants to give it to another girl.

Bottom line though, he did give it to you as a present, and you have no responsibility to give it back to him, whether he pays for it or not. (The choice is completely up to you at this point.) But sometimes people want things for reasons other than its monetary value or physical appearance. You could try asking him why he wants it?

Also, if you're really worried about whether he'll resell it for a higher value, you could go get it appraised so that you have a general idea as to how much it's worth. If he asks for around that price, then you know it's a reasonable amount, and unless he has some special deal (which you wouldn't have access to anyway), then he likely won't be able to resell it for a lot higher.


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## pinksugar (Dec 19, 2008)

thanks Anelle. You raised some good points.

One of the things that this guy said when we were dating (toward the end) was that he really liked me wearing the ring, as it would set a really high level for any future boyfriends I might have - in the sense that they wouldn't be able to compete with the 'wonder' and 'romance' of his gift! He also seemed surprised when I told him that of course I would not continue to wear the ring immediately after the breakup, as I would find it upsetting - like you said, it's making a lie of what you had together.

But we've been split up for some time now, and it's a beautiful piece of jewellery

in regards to this point:

Quote:
It might be a sentimental thing. If you were a guy and gave a girl a ring, and the two of you broke up...would you still want her to be wearing a symbol of your relationship together? Even if (especially if) she was just "using it" to fend off guys? I'd personally feel a little insulted that a symbolic present was made more into "just" an accessory. (That is, if the guy is sentimental enough for that -- some guys just give jewelery because "girls like it" some guys actually put some more thought into it.) It certainly isn't 'just' an accessory, but I frankly believe that as it was given as a gift, that it really isn't his right to know or care how or when I wear it. I don't give a damn how my exes are treating the jewellery I've given them. I'll never know what they do with it so they can burn it for all I care - whatever I've given them was given as a gift for them to enjoy, with no strings attached. So if they want to sell it, or continue wearing it or whatever... that's completely up to them


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## Shelley (Dec 20, 2008)

I also wonder what motives he has for wanting it back. If you like it, then I would keep it.

For myself, I never kept any jewelry from my ex's because I wanted zero reminders of them. Some I sold, others I donated to charity or threw away.


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## Ozee (Dec 20, 2008)

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif One of the things that this guy said when we were dating (toward the end) was that he really liked me wearing the ring, as it would set a really high level for any future boyfriends I might have - in the sense that they wouldn't be able to compete with the 'wonder' and 'romance' of his gift! LOL he said that to your while you were still together?? What a jackass..

According to his own words then its being used for its intended purpose.

-that being when you do wear the ring out and other males see it and question it-

Not being a symbol of love or devotion.

(hope im saying it right lol and not offensively!)

Keep it or put it on Ebay LOL


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## Joan_CD (Dec 20, 2008)

I say keep the ring. Seems a little crass to ask for it back, even if he is paying you for it.


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## pinksugar (Dec 20, 2008)

lol, Ozee, that is exactly how I felt!

You said it just fine!


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