# Why don't I have friends :(



## dizzy_lizzy (Oct 9, 2006)

I just realized how I don't really have any true friends. when someone asks me, 'who's your best friend?' i have no idea. i'm not really close to any of my friends.

i hang out w/ them during school (i'm a sophomore in high school) and thats it--nothing outside of school. on the weekends...i stay at home all day--doing work, going online, watching TV...while my friends are going out, having sleepovers, partying, whatever... And during the rare event when we DO hang out outside of school (like a bday party or something) I always feel like I'm more distant.

i mean...when i was younger my parents just liked to keep me at home. If a friend called I'd be like, sorry, i can't go. so these days none of my friends include me in anything. i look at some of my classmates' myspaces and i get really sad...you see pix of them at parties, having fun, and talking about how much they love &amp; support eachother...

and as for meeting anyone new--zero chance as far as i can tell. my high school is very small, I already know more or less everyone. I don't play sports, no real hobbies (My free time has always basically been taken up by schoolwork and playing piano).

I know I sound absolutely pathetic, but i don't really know what to do about it...


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## jdepp_84 (Oct 9, 2006)

Im an only child and thats how it was for me. Just talk to your parents about letting you be more independent or just letting you have some "friend time," after you get that straighten out with your parents then just randomly ask people to go to the mall or something. Don't worry about it, the older you get the easier it will be.




Just call someone randomly and start chit chatting...


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## dizzy_lizzy (Oct 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jdepp_84* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Im an only child and thats how it was for me. Just talk to your parents about letting you be more independent or just letting you have some "friend time," after you get that straighten out with your parents then just randomly ask people to go to the mall or something. Don't worry about it, the older you get the easier it will be.



Just call someone randomly and start chit chatting... Thanks



My parents *now* let me do whatever I want (more or less--they trust me), the problem more is that my friends have given up on including me in anything. *le sigh*


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## jdepp_84 (Oct 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *lizzie.p.* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks



My parents *now* let me do whatever I want (more or less--they trust me), the problem more is that my friends have given up on including me in anything. *le sigh* Then make yourself included



You know what I mean? Just call someone and be like "lets go out now" or something



let your friends now that you can go out whenever and stuff like that.


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## dizzy_lizzy (Oct 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jdepp_84* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Then make yourself included



You know what I mean? Just call someone and be like "lets go out now" or something



let your friends now that you can go out whenever and stuff like that. hehe, ok ty


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## Lia (Oct 9, 2006)

I know what it's like to be a lonely person. So here's what i think that you should try to do: a day , call your friends (those who you hang out with on school) and go do something that you like - even if it's just to eat an ice-cream. I know what it's like to feel that you have nothing to say about anything, but just the fact that you're with them makes us more happy (specially if you have a goofy friend around).

Like that, i entered last year on a laboratory, with other people from other classes and i don't make friends easily , so at first i was really dislocated - feeling that i was just alone. But then i had a friend that is more easy-going and that luckily was along with me. SO what i did? Stick with him and whenever that people from the lab scheduled i was there - like when we spent nights studying at someone's home - i even invited the people to come to my house. Slowly i began to make friends with people - at my birthday, this year, one of the girls told me that she at first thought that i'd never be able to be friend with the people of the lab, and she was amazed that i did, and happy because i'm a nice person;

And now i have good friends there , and even though i may not be a friend of everyone i don't feel like before.

The key is to start to participate, so can people can remember that you exist. I know what it's like to ask a person to go hang out several times and to be constantly refused, we just give up (like another girl who entered on the lab along with me, we like her, but simply gave up on asking her to go on our parties, or anything like that, because she won't come . The only time she went to a lab party was when she was literally dragged to it)

Start to make the programmes, so your colleagues can realize that they can start to ask you out again


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## dizzy_lizzy (Oct 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *lia_matos* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I know what it's like to be a lonely person. 
...

Start to make the programmes, so your colleagues can realize that they can start to ask you out again

thanks


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## speerrituall1 (Oct 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jdepp_84* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Then make yourself included



You know what I mean? Just call someone and be like "lets go out now" or something



let your friends now that you can go out whenever and stuff like that. You are giving great advice! I too am an only child and my parents were very strict.


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## Lia (Oct 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *lizzie.p.* /img/forum/go_quote.gif thanks



Yeah, girl. I know what it's like to feel like you're right now, but at least you have someone who you hang out with to start. At my 1st year at HS i changed school and went to another where i didn't know anyone (only one girl), and i spent pratically the whole year alone. I wasn't able to make friends with anyone, i felt so so lonely - i'd spend days without talking and i really felt sad at the time . I remember that a guy who lived here at my building also went to the same school (not my year), and i fell in love with him and kinda became his friend, but it was more like a "salvation" thing because he was the only person i would talk, because i didn't have anyone else to.


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## bluebird26 (Oct 9, 2006)

Honestly I think it's better to be alone than having stupid "friends" around. I used to feel that way too when I was in college, I was an international student and I wanted to hang out like the rest did, I just ended having bad companies. It's hard to find true friends and that's the way it should be. You don't necessarily need to find friends your age, older people can be awesome friends too.

I know there are a lot of people who have My Space here and make friends that way, but really, it shouln't be that way, you may end up finding bad people (yeah, I'm talking like a grandma now). 'Don't play with fire. Those are just my humble two cents.


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## Jessica81 (Oct 9, 2006)

well You've gotten a lot of good advice here. So pick someone to call and hang out with. Let us know how it is going.

One of the easiest things for me to do is ask someone to go to the movies. That and studying outstide of class. -- Try to set goals - like 'I'll ask one person to do something this week.'


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## LilRayofSun (Oct 9, 2006)

*I know I may be in the minority here, but I say be yourself,those who apreciate you will find you with no extra effort other than a smile and a "hello". I wasn't popular in school by any means,in fact I hung with the grunge/goth clique. But as I grew up and out of it,moved away from my hometown, got married, had kids....I discovered the drivel my mother always said about school not being about friends and all that was actually true. I don't have not one friend from highschool that I even hear from,well,in ten years. Truthfully,thats o.k by me. I have found I make friends with similar interests,in my case moms with kids,etc. Hang in there, do your best to stay who you are. And eventually you will make some friends, and if you are lucky one really great friend that will last for a lifetime



*


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## Aquilah (Oct 10, 2006)

I grew up with everyone being older or younger than me, so I always hung out with the older kids. I hit a stage where I rarely did anything outside of school, but it's because I had to stay home and babysit my little sisters. I always felt excluded, and I had to try to "worm" my way in with my own friends! Just to keep up with what was going on! Maybe try calling everyone up and setting up a time/date to get together for dinner, lunch, window shopping. Try to become more active with the friends you already have, and I'm sure you'll start getting invited to more places/parties. Best of luck darlin'!


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Oct 10, 2006)

Yeah defenitely agree with the above users. Go and hangout, go to the mall, movies, call your freinds around or invite them to your house to watch a movie or do homework. Sooner or later they will strat including you in and get some new acitvites that will allow you to meet other people your age.


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## geebers (Oct 10, 2006)

The best way to start, in my opinion, is with one person. Start getting close to one person in your group by sharing more details about yourself - and connecting with them. Mention things in your past, small things that help someone see you as someone they click with. Then start with someone else. Eventually you will connect more with your friends because you are making your presence known. And of course, BE a friend too. Listen when they are upset or need advice. Be there for them.


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## pinkbundles (Oct 10, 2006)

hey, i hear ya.

my parents were very strict on me. when i say strict, i meanm you coould look up the word strict and their pictures would be beside it. it was horrible. i feel like i missed out on a lot of stuff b/c of this.

when you say no enough times, people just start assuming that you aren't going to go and don't bother asking/inviting you anymore. it's really, really sad. and at my age (12-18 then), it really wasn't fair at all.

while all my friends bonded and made memories, i sat at home miserably. and it really showed in later years how that affected me. first of all, i don't have any close, close friends now that i talk to on a daily basis and since that's the case, i hardly ever go out w/ friends. i'm not sad by it. but sometimes i do wonder about it and then i know why.

the friends i did keep are childhood friends. the ones i grew up with before things got complicated. the ones i met along the way are just acquaintances now.

i don't know if i have any advice for you except to enjoy what you can have and make the most of it.


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## dizzy_lizzy (Oct 10, 2006)

Originally Posted by *bluebird26* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Honestly I think it's better to be alone than having stupid "friends" around. I used to feel that way too when I was in college, I was an international student and I wanted to hang out like the rest did, I just ended having bad companies. It's hard to find true friends and that's the way it should be. You don't necessarily need to find friends your age, older people can be awesome friends too.I know there are a lot of people who have My Space here and make friends that way, but really, it shouln't be that way, you may end up finding bad people (yeah, I'm talking like a grandma now). 'Don't play with fire. Those are just my humble two cents.

hehe thx




thanks everyone for the responses


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## Estrelinha (Oct 10, 2006)

It's hard to find true friends. Most people latch on to other people to feed their own selfish endeavors. I just learned to exist more or less solitarily and not rely on people much unless they give me reason to. Pretty depressing stuff


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## Dragonfly (Oct 10, 2006)

When we are young, sometimes we have friends because it is expected of us.

I moved around alot as a kid - 6 schools before graduating. I got tired of making friends only to lose them 1-2 years later. By the time I was in high school, it was rare for my to hang out with anybody.

However, when I went to college, I met lots of people and I developed good friendships with classmates. We all had strong, common interests that helped sustain the friendships, even when emotions would wane.

The advice I received when I felt friendless: Treat others the way you want to be treated. The jerks will soon scatter and the people you really want for friends will

appreciate you and will want to get to know you better.


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## jdepp_84 (Oct 11, 2006)

Originally Posted by *speerrituall1* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You are giving great advice! I too am an only child and my parents were very strict. Thanks



im so happy I know people are only children too. All my friends had huge families, like 5 or 6 siblings.


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## mrom (Oct 15, 2006)

i was you 13 years ago. i truly know how hard it is. as much as you may not want to hear this, now is the time that you really must worry about your future. i spent so much of my time trying to make friends, that my schoolwork suffered. i am now 28 years old and all i can do is waitress. i wish i had tried harder. now i have no time for friends and no education. please worry about yourself- noone else will do this for you. you seem nice and i'm sure sooner or later someone will come around. 0h- heres a good laugh- i recently ran into one of the "popular" girls that i went to school with, and she was still living at home with her parents, unemployed and didn't even have a car. popular means nothing when high school is over. get through the next two years and concentrate on being successful.


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## dizzy_lizzy (Oct 15, 2006)

Originally Posted by *mrom* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i was you 13 years ago. i truly know how hard it is. as much as you may not want to hear this, now is the time that you really must worry about your future. i spent so much of my time trying to make friends, that my schoolwork suffered. i am now 28 years old and all i can do is waitress. i wish i had tried harder. now i have no time for friends and no education. please worry about yourself- noone else will do this for you. you seem nice and i'm sure sooner or later someone will come around. 0h- heres a good laugh- i recently ran into one of the "popular" girls that i went to school with, and she was still living at home with her parents, unemployed and didn't even have a car. popular means nothing when high school is over. get through the next two years and concentrate on being successful. thanks


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## magosienne (Oct 15, 2006)

yes, that's a really good advice. also, don't try to hang out just to make "friends" and have fun like everybody else, you know what you like to do, so don't imitate, be yourself. try to determine leisure time and schoolwork time. go to the mall, and buy something, music, books, mu, whatever. you can ask one or two persons you really like to go with you and have a few hours of fun, that's enough. a few mates, a nice movie, an icecream.

my dad moved frequently for his work, so i was always the new one at school, and sad to say, i was always nice and available for people, and they thought i was nice because i was the one with the extra pen or with her latin homework done, but in the end, i was also the one they made laugh of, because i was so easy, a bit innocent, you see ? the one with glasses, her nose hidden by her big scifi book and her long hair, the one who also went to college when others didn't even went to highschool til the end.

people who like you will come to you, and say hi! and that's it.


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## rainbowholism (Oct 17, 2006)

hey there, it's never too late to have a friend or find friends.

One could either choose to have a small close group of friends who knows you inside out or you could choose to be just popular- without knowing everyone truly.

It takes effort and time to build a friendship -- friends (okay maybe there are some cases but) they do not just plomp down from heaven and say, let's be BEST friends who know each other inside out.

Just keep your options open and be outgoing to meet people, some may stay - some may not. Look out for the ones who are truly friends by meeting more people and geniunely want to understand them.

Most of the time, it would be "I" taking the step instead of counting of "Her" (others) to take the first step to understand someone -- and who knows in time to come, the person you met could just be your next best friend.

My point is -- be the initiator (sorry, spelling?) instead of the initiated. : )


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## jaybe (Oct 18, 2006)

You can't force friendship. For years I hung out with a group of people and to outsiders they looked like my friends. They were often not nice to me and would all ***** about each other. Then two years ago I met my best friend at an evening class. We just clicked instantly. From the first time we talked we could be totally honest with each other. I never have to worry about what she's thinking about me. She is a true friend. Since meeting her my confidence has grown and I've made other good friendships.

My point is that just cos people are out having fun together doesn't always mean that they are real friends. If you want to go out and have fun I'm sure there is a group that would be happy for you to join in. Just ask people you like if they'll come to the mall or go to the movies with you. Also the more you go out and meet people the more likely you are to meet people that will become real friends.

Good luck.


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## natalierb (Oct 18, 2006)

*I too am an only child and my parents were overprotective of me (they still can be!). They tried to be strict, but I would still convince them to let me go out. Anyways, I had a fake group of friends in high school. Everyone talked about everyone, and it wasn't fun. I look back and wish I did different things. The only friend I have left from high school is my best friend now, and the funny thing is we never hung out in high school. I haven't seen or heard from anyone else. Things will be so different once you step into the real world, you'll meet new people. I made so many friends at my old job! Life after high school for me was a big change. Give it time... remember, nothing will ever stay the same.*


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## dizzy_lizzy (Oct 18, 2006)

thanks everyone


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## Clouded_Storm (Oct 18, 2006)

You sound just like me. I graduated high school in 2004 and I don't have many friends either. I changed schools my first year of high school ( I didn't move, I just started going in the city) and I only knew one person. By the time I was a senior, I only had one friend that I actually did stuff with. I didn't hang out with anyone and when I would go to games and stuff with people, I would always get left. Right now, I have one best friend that I can talk to whenever but I she is one of those people who are afraid of everything and I don't feel I can talk to her about _everything_ ie. real personal things . I consider my boyfriend to be my best friend because I feel I can tell him practically anything.

I know what it is like to have no friend when everyone seems to have all the friends and comes to school the next day talking about what they did.

Try what the others have suggested and see what happens.


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## janetsbreeze (Oct 18, 2006)

you have gotten excellent advice here. i agree with what everyone has suggested - you need to reach out some and try to establish yourself in a new way to them; as someone who is now available to go and do things.

it might take a little while for them to see you differently but it will happen!


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Oct 23, 2006)

Make friends with that dude on your avatar...woo hoo!

But on a heavier note, I understand your problem...I had the same problem until I hit 12th grade and then college. Some people are just not pre-disposed to being the life of the party and having a beavy of friends. Hell, when you are a concert pianist, you can choose whoever you want to be chummy with! LOL

I skipped two grades in school. I was two years (or more) younger than my classmates. I was mercillessly picked on and ridiculed. I was never invited to parties. I was beat up in the playground (at a private school!) and forever humilated. I ate lunch alone. Eventually I grew to 5'8" with the bod to match and my life changed. Then again, all of my friends were male (even to this day) because I just couldn't trust chicks. They were so mean and catty.

Trust me, you will grow into your own. And take my advice. Study hard so you can go to a good college...you will blossom there...and don't worry about being with these people so much. The truth is, being alone and fending for yourself will make you a much stronger adult. Honestly.

Originally Posted by *magosienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif yes, that's a really good advice. also, don't try to hang out just to make "friends" and have fun like everybody else, you know what you like to do, so don't imitate, be yourself. try to determine leisure time and schoolwork time. go to the mall, and buy something, music, books, mu, whatever. you can ask one or two persons you really like to go with you and have a few hours of fun, that's enough. a few mates, a nice movie, an icecream.my dad moved frequently for his work, so i was always the new one at school, and sad to say, i was always nice and available for people, and they thought i was nice because i was the one with the extra pen or with her latin homework done, but in the end, i was also the one they made laugh of, because i was so easy, a bit innocent, you see ? the one with glasses, her nose hidden by her big scifi book and her long hair, the one who also went to college when others didn't even went to highschool til the end.

people who like you will come to you, and say hi! and that's it.

Gawd...you actually DID your Latin homework?!? I HATED Latin! I took four years of French instead! LOL AND my teacher was German! By the time we were finished with our fourth year we all spoke French with a German accent! No joke! LOL


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## dizzy_lizzy (Oct 23, 2006)

Originally Posted by *BrazenBrunhilda* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Make friends with that dude on your avatar...woo hoo!
But on a heavier note, I understand your problem...I had the same problem until I hit 12th grade and then college. Some people are just not pre-disposed to being the life of the party and having a beavy of friends. Hell, when you are a concert pianist, you can choose whoever you want to be chummy with! LOL

I skipped two grades in school. I was two years (or more) younger than my classmates. I was mercillessly picked on and ridiculed. I was never invited to parties. I was beat up in the playground (at a private school!) and forever humilated. I ate lunch alone. Eventually I grew to 5'8" with the bod to match and my life changed. Then again, all of my friends were male (even to this day) because I just couldn't trust chicks. They were so mean and catty.

Trust me, you will grow into your own. And take my advice. Study hard so you can go to a good college...you will blossom there...and don't worry about being with these people so much. The truth is, being alone and fending for yourself will make you a much stronger adult. Honestly.

Gawd...you actually DID your Latin homework?!? I HATED Latin! I took four years of French instead! LOL AND my teacher was German! By the time we were finished with our fourth year we all spoke French with a German accent! No joke! LOL

wow...thanks!


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Oct 24, 2006)

I just thought of something. I bet you are a pretty smart cookie. Maybe you need to be in a group of people who share your goals and intelligence and hobbies. Is there a piano group or a club you could join? A computer club or science club or something?


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## xXMelissaXx (Oct 24, 2006)

You sound exactly like me a couple of years ago. Just know that it will be over eventually. And it's better to have no friends than bad friends.


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## spam_musubi_ (Jan 1, 2007)

i felt like that in middle school. the people i hung out with didn't have a lot of the same interests as me. they were all busy trying to act punk, while i was at cheerleading practice, haha. when i got to highschool and made the cheer team, i got a new best friend. it was someone i had known since first grade, and cheerd with my whole life, but just never really hung out with. when we started spending so much time with eachother at practice and games and assemblys and gymnastic classes, we realized we had a lot in common and loved to do the same things.

it reallt helps to join a club or team or something. you get to meet people that love to do the same things as you, so you don't feel weird calling them and asking them to do things because they'd be doing them anyways, haha. does your school have an orchestra?

it also helps to just talk to people you normally wouldn't in class. i used to be really quiet around people i didn't already know, and when i did talk to someone i wouldn't say hi to them in the halls or anything. even just saying hi when you walk by someone you talked a little bit with in class helps. it might be hard at first, i had to really make an effort to realize that these people actually did want to talk to me and get to know me, and i'm much happier now. hoped that helped


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## KristieTX (Jan 4, 2007)

I sooo know how you feel. I met my best friend at work and when she quit and moved on to another job, it hurt. She's still my best friend, but I rarely see her now. Then my true best friend, my sister, just moved to Washington. So I have nobody. I have friends here and there, but I never see any of them.


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## jjolove187 (Jan 5, 2007)

I once felt the way you did and I know what you're going through. In fact you seem to have more of a social life than I did. I learned to be content with me as and individual and I kinda liked being different and standing out from the crowd. I also learned who my real friends were in the process and the honest truth was that I had none. You seem to have friends but are more distant due to your inability to hang out. Why not suggest a sleep over at your house if possible? Talk to your parents and explain how you feel.

Best of luck.


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