# Glum :(



## pinksugar (Mar 13, 2009)

I'm feeling really down today.

Last night my sister broke up with her boyfriend as he couldn't deal with their opposing views on religion. (He's catholic, my sister is not.) Basically, his parents didn't like her, simply because she wasn't catholic - even though they hadn't met her yet! On top of that, my sister was prepared to compromise on almost every issue, and yet the fact that, at base, she wasn't Catholic was something he couldn't deal with.

It made me feel really sad for her. My sister finds it really difficult to let her guard down, and this is the second time in about 6 months that she has just started to let someone in emotionally, only to have them break up with her. It's just really hard to see her so upset.

On top of that, my bf let me know last night that he isn't sure that he wants to get any further involved with someone who is planning on going overseas. I don't know what I can say to him other than I'm only going to be away for 6 months, and that I am coming back.

It's really hard - I know that I want to be with him, and that it wouldn't even occur to me to be anything other than faithful, and in a lifetime, 6 months is the blink of an eye, but I feel this is an issue that will crop up repeatedly until I leave and I'm not sure that I have the emotional strength at the moment to comfort him - I'm terrified as well as excited about my trip - I'm not anticipating it being a ball of fun, I'm expecting to be scary, lonely, hard work, and just generally a difficult experience - I'm going to need support and comfort from HIM!

I'm worried that as bad as breaking up now would be, I don't think I could cope if he broke up with me while I was overseas. I need his support and love since this will be a really hard time for me too.

I just don't know what to do - I don't know if I should fight for our relationship now, and be afraid that he doesn't want to put as much effort in as me in the long term, or if I should just give up and let him tell me that he wants to break it off.

We're supposed to be seeing each other tonight to discuss it, and maybe I'm just taking this far too seriously and he just wants a chat, but after my sister's experience I can't help but feel a little bit insecure.

I just feel so tired of being hurt. Why is life never easy? is it ever just uncompromising love and respect for each other? is there ever 100% trust?

And of course there are no answers, are there! We need a little broken heart post icon!


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## AngelaGM (Mar 13, 2009)

The truth is that if he really wanted to stay in the relationship, he would regardless whether you would be going overseas. I have suffered alot of heartache not realizing he "was not really into me" as I was to him. Chin up.




You are beautiful inside and out and when the time is right you will have a loving relationship.


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## pinksugar (Mar 13, 2009)

thanks Ange.

I tend to agree with you.

I don't know if he is just having a freakout since this is really hard for him to deal with, or if he really honestly and truly intends to break it off tonight. I really have no idea, but I just don't know how to support him, or give him comfort


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## AngelaGM (Mar 13, 2009)

You are welcome! I am doing a mountain of laundry but later if you need to please feel free to PM me.


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## Johnnie (Mar 13, 2009)

My ex left me to go to Korea (airforce). We were both upset about it and I was pretty sure that I'd be able to handle it and we'd be together when he came back: which was a year later. Well, about a month or two go by and I found myself becoming very lonely. It eventually became very hard for me to deal with and I ended up breaking it off. I'm just saying that what is said now can easily change during the time you're away. I hope that if you both choose to work through it that it's easier for you then it was for me. I wish you the best of luck!


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## Ozee (Mar 13, 2009)

aww Rosie GBHs hun.

Its possible he is just nervous about you being over there and doesn't want to get hurt himself. Like you said it is only 6months.

You've waited most of your adult life for this experience don't let it be dampened by someone else.

Im sorry your sister has been hurt again, imo people who use reasons like that as excuses aren't really worth your time aswell.

Wish i could offer you more advice/comforting words.


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## Lucy (Mar 13, 2009)

aww that sucks! i think angela makes a good point though.

i wouldn't worry about not having him there to support you while you're in italy, i'm sure you will have plenty of other people to call and ask for support. i know it's not the same as a boyfriend. if i were in your situation, if i was going away for that sort of trip i would want to be single. going abroad by yourself is just as much about finding yourself as it is about anything else and its hard to do that when you're thinking of yourself as being half a pair.

it might be for the best if he does want to break up, yes, it will be sad, but he might be there when you come back, and who knows, you might not even want him again when you do. people change a LOT during travelling and i'd be wary of being in a relationship while you're going through those changes because it may turn out that you don't want the same things.

on the flip side, put yourself into his shoes. he's just started this relationship with a girl who he really likes but is going away. you haven't been going out a super long time and he's freaking out that you're leaving and so thinks its best to bail early so he doesn't get hurt or have to miss you while you are away. it's a bit of a knee-jerk reaction. he might just need to think things through a bit more. you could come to an agreement to break up while you go away and come back and then decide if you want to carry on together.

it's a crappy situation though.



but you need to think about whats beneficial to YOU as well, once you get over the initial shock of him saying this.


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## magneticheart (Mar 13, 2009)

Lucy's advice is really great.

I can't really add anything to that except that I hope you and the bf can talk about it and come up with the solution that will benefit you both in the long term. Hope everything works out well for you and keep your chin up!

Big hugs xxx


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## Karren (Mar 13, 2009)

Awwww... I hate uber-religous fanatics... That think their religion is the only one or better than others!! My sisters ex was catholic and his parents didn't like her for that same reason.. Didn't help the marriage one bit but his being a jack-ass over shadowed his religion!! Lol. I'm sure glad I'm a heethen!!


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## Dragonfly (Mar 13, 2009)

Sorry to hear that your sister is sad. If her boyfriend is going to break away from her over religion, then he wasn't much of a catch to begin with.

Rosie, I would give my son the same advice as I'm going to give you:

Go on your 6 month trip single. When you get back you can get back together with him.

You never know if you will meet a fabulous guy from another country. Who knows if it will be just for a night of romance or forever. If you go on your trip attached to a nervous, needy guy, you will be preoccupied with trying to assure him you are not out having fun.

Consider meeting all sorts of people as part of your learning experience. I think your boyfriend will try to prevent you from meeting others, if only in spirit.


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## Bec688 (Mar 14, 2009)

Oh Rosie



*big hugs*

You should have told me to sock it the other night and talked about it, my stupid man dramas are so ridiculously ridiculous compared to this!

I'm sorry to hear that that's what Anna's boyfriend decided, it's a shame that he couldn't look past the religious barrier, if Anna is anything like you, then he has missed out on an incredible woman. Poor thing... look after her





As far as your situation I thought W had changed his mind and was ok with you going away, guess not



That's a difficult situation to be in and very confusing, you don't know quite where you stand and because your relationship is so new, it makes it harder. I tend to agree with Lucy on this one, she brings up some good points.

I hope your chat went ok with him last night, let us know how it went hun. I wish I had better advice for you, but keep your chin up, it will sort itself out



You know I am a PM/EMAIL/MSN/TXT/CALL away if you evvvver need to talk



*big hugs*


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## Darla (Mar 14, 2009)

i have heard about religion getting between couples. most of the time it was the parents rather than one of the persons that made the difference of religion being a big thing. But maybe not always. It can be a major source of conflict and i would say better to find out now.

Long distance relationships are very difficult and I definitely know all about that.


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## pinksugar (Mar 14, 2009)

thanks everyone for your responses!!

they made a lot of sense and brought up some really good points.

We spoke about it, and basically decided that we'll just take things day to day and see how they go. It's impossible for him to make a commitment for so long when he doesn't know how he'll feel 4 months from now when I leave, never mind a year from now!!

so, yes. There was no resolution, but we've agreed to discuss it closer to the time!

This thread has given me some things to think about, and I've been reading up about long distance relationships as well, so it's been good.


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## Ozee (Mar 14, 2009)

Glad to hear it went ok.





did you go to the concert tonight?


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## Lucy (Mar 14, 2009)

glad you talked it out!

it's good that it's something you're both able to discuss and talk about in an open way.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Mar 14, 2009)

The way toget through things is to talk them out, just as you have done. That speaks well for the relationship, Good luck!!. Remember, absence sometimes makes the heart grow fonder...worked for us, hopefully it will work for you.


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## pinksugar (Mar 14, 2009)

thanks guys!

Yes, we did go to the concert... it was awesome, coldplay was amazing!!

I guess I'm worried that I'll find it even harder to trust now though


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## Andi (Mar 15, 2009)

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I guess I'm worried that I'll find it even harder to trust now though



exactly! That could be your main issue now above everything. I remember when Shawn was living in Vienna and it was about time for him to leave I was acting like I didnÂ´t want to be serious with him because I was afraid of the distance and the heartache. I told him IÂ´ll probably sleep with other guys just to keep myself entertained, and he was really hurt and lost some trust there. It all worked out of course because I never had those intentions for real, I was just scared of that huge commitment.
I donÂ´t know when youÂ´re leaving Rosie, that makes all the difference IMO. I thought you wonÂ´t leave until a year from now or so. If thatÂ´s the case then I donÂ´t understand him, If you guys stay together then by the time you leave youÂ´ll have a long, hopefully strong and stable relationship that should be able to survive those 6 months if both are committed and know what theyÂ´re getting themselves into.

On the other hand, if you were to leave really soon I would understand his worries, because if you havenÂ´t been dating for that long you donÂ´t wanna put yourself through the loneliness and heartache that come with a LDR if in the end it wonÂ´t work out anyway.

LDRs arenÂ´t for everybody, I think that doesnÂ´t always have to mean a lack of love. Some people donÂ´t even want to try it, or they try it and give up early because of whatever reason. Or they just hear about all the people that have tried it before them and ended up breaking up. That really makes you think!

Btw, 6 months is really not that long if you know youÂ´ll come back home for good after then. Shawn and I didnÂ´t see each other for a full year at one point, no clue how I survived that but I did. And overall, weÂ´ve been doing the long distance thing for 2 1/2 years now. So yeah, itÂ´s definitely possible to make it work if youÂ´re really serious about it.


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## pinksugar (Mar 15, 2009)

Thanks Andi!

I was waiting to hear what you'd say because you've experienced 'the joys' of an LDR!

I'm going to be leaving in late july/early august, so it's FAIRLY soon...

For me though, it'd be nice to just chill out and take every day at a time. Who knows how we'll feel in July?!


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## HairEgo (Mar 15, 2009)

I hope everything works out for you Rosie!


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## bella1342 (Mar 15, 2009)

I'm sorry Rosie! I don't really have any advice... I was never in a real LDR, so I don't know what it is like. I did take a month long trip to Italy when I first started dating Billy though. It was the trip of a lifetime, but it was difficult... he wasn't thrilled about me leaving. He almost broke up with me, but instead hung out with my mom (my whole family actually) a lot... and talked about me nonstop saying how much he missed me. It was kinda cute. We became so much closer when I got home. I hope everything works out for you! Where in Italy are you mainly staying?


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## pinksugar (Mar 15, 2009)

Thanks Nic...

I'll be staying primarily in Rome.


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