# I have a secret to share.



## Shelley (Apr 30, 2006)

I have posted in regards to my elbow surgery which took place April 25. It is painful but I take my tylenol 3's to help. One thing I haven't told you is the cause of my elbow problem which in turn resulted in me needing surgery. I was at the hospital this past thursday as instructed by my surgeon to get my drainage tube removed. As we were walking down the hallway together the surgeon told me that I had a lot of scar tissue in my elbow. I have to go back in 11 days to his office to have the dressing removed. I know the scar tissue that was in my elbow is the result of injuries to the area and I can thank my ex boyfriend for doing this to me. Yes, I was involved in a very abusive relationship but I am not with him anymore nor never plan on going back to him. He was constantly physically abusing me and I was always being knocked down, banging my arm, bruising, strains, sprains. He also would twist, hit, squeeze this arm and dislocated my shoulder once. Before all of this I never had any injuries to the elbow so I know he is the cause. All of my symptoms of nerve compression started after the abuse.

When the surgeon told me this on Thursday that I had a lot of scar tissue my stomach just dropped. I sort of sensed all along the cause. I have moved on, getting better mentally but knowing that I needed surgery to correct something he did to me really upsets me. I guess I haven't fully dealt with what happened.

I have to say that this surgeon is an angel. He is aware of what happened to me and been fully supportive. He was the first person I told, sensed something was wrong with me and asked me in a round about way how are you feeling. Sometimes you hear of these surgeons not having 'people skills' and view you as someone to fix and that is it. I am not saying all of them are like this, good and bad in every profession. This doctor treats you like a person and in fact I feel as though he saved me life. Not medically but just encouraged and supported me throughout this. I went to this doctor for injuries and never once did he say I can't treat you, go to the hospital, walk in clinic etc. That would have been his right since he is a plastic surgeon and not a family doctor, ER doctor etc. There were times when I just walked in and he took me. I felt bad at times going in on short notice but luckily he wasn't very busy. This doctor will be retiring in the next few months. I did have one bad experience at the emergency ward. I had a head injury, bruises, luckily not severe. The ER doctor came into the room and said to me "So I guess you enjoy being slapped around." I walked out of there. Another time I had a broken finger, another doctor at the walk in clinic basically blamed/judged me. After that I didn't trust doctors and was very leery. Luckily the surgeon has never blamed or pressured me.

What is sad is my parents are fully aware of everything that has happened and I have zero support from them. They basically say "Well you are not dead." I am glad I am not dead, but I still had horrible things done to me.No matter how I try to explain it to them, I get the same response. It's not that they don't want to face what was done to me they just don't seem to care one bit. I don't bother to talk to them about it because it just gets me more upset.


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## jennycateyez (Apr 30, 2006)

so sorry that happened to you thank god ur not with him anymore! your sergeon sounds very nice and helpful unlike the other doctors that told you "so i guess you like getting slaped" some can be such a$$holes. that sucks hes retiring in a couple of months. i hope you feel 100% better fast!!!!


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## emily_3383 (Apr 30, 2006)

Im also glad you are not with him anymore and you are lucky to have such a caring doctor.


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## Aquilah (Apr 30, 2006)

First, let me wish you a speedy recovery! Hopefully you're back to 100% perfect ASAP!!!

I'm so sorry you went through such a horrible time in that relationship. While I've never been in the same position, I can only imagine how it can be. A friend in HS was in an abusive relationship, and I remember how she felt daily. Men like that just don't need to be allowed on the streets!

It's good you have such a great surgeon, and it's a shame he's retiring. Hopefully you're feeling great and no longer need to see him before he does leave the medical field. However, I'm sure he'll refer you to a different surgeon he considers wonderful should he leave before then.

It sucks your parents aren't more supportive. It may be true you're not dead, but Heaven forbid should you not have made it out of that relationship alive! It'd be their own guilt and grief, especially if they knew what was going on while it happened. It's possible they're in denial and can't bring themselves to accept what happened to you, or accept having not done anything to help.

Get better soon, and take care of yourself sweetie! God's obviously looking out for you! We're all here if you need us!!! :flowers: :hug:


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## linda46125 (May 1, 2006)

*Oh my goodness, im so glad you were able and strong enough to get out of that relationship, people dont seem to realise how hard it is to deal with and actually make the decision to leave and see it through, you should be so proud of yourself.*

Its a pity he has left you with lasting damage, something to remind you everyday what he did to you but be strong and take advantage of what support you do have from those around you.

Im so sorry to hear your parents arnt more supportive, perhaps they are in denial about what happened as they knew what was going on and didnt help you when they could so it could be they are ashamed of themselves, who knows but I would keep pushing them for answers and support as this is there main job as parents.

Good luck and god bless, be strong xx


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## Mina (May 1, 2006)

Hey, Am so sorry! Am glad it's over...Praying to recover from the pain As soon as possible...my best wishes for you...

Mina  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## RoaryKennedy (May 1, 2006)

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear about your pain and your awful secret. We are all so happy for you that you are out of that abusive situation, and hope that you are taking care of yourself and that you realize that you deserve so much better than that situation.

It horrified me to read that the ER doctor told you that you "liked to be slapped around". That is absolutely awful, and that doctor clearly must not have a concious and must not stand by the oath that he took to protect and care for his (I'm assuming it was a man) patients.

I hope that your recovery is swift, and I wish you much love and happiness in the future!

Jen


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## Lia (May 1, 2006)

I don't know if there in Canada it works the same way, but if it happened to me in a ER here i would promptly sue the doctor for moral damaging (after all, who is he to judge your life?)

It's an awful thing , but a lot of doctors are just trained to cure diseases, not to help people. I know that i'll have problems in the future while being a doctor, i'm not a person very open to people and if i have problems on making friendships, imagine on treating sick people, vulnerable and that are seeking on the doctor more than the cure,but relief to the psychological pain. I'm on Medical Pyschology course right now, so they try to teach us how to deal with our weakness and with the patient's ones


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## Pauline (May 2, 2006)

Hi Hon, just wanted to say that i am glad that you got your surgey at last and that it all went well.I know how anxious you were about that. I hope that you are feeling better after writing down and sharing with us how you feel as it sounds as though you have been faced with a lot of emotions and pain latley. I was sorry to hear about the past and the abuse you suffered and its effects on you now.You must also be feeling very angry at your ex for this injury.I don;t know how long ago this happened or the history but perhaps you should think about taking some kind of legal action against him, especially if you have medical records or other history.He shouldn't be allowed to inflict this violence on anyone.

It sounds like you are getting through this and i hope that you make a fast recovery and feel better soon. You always have us here to turn to (((hugs))))


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## mehrunissa (May 15, 2006)

Oh gosh. All of that made me so sad to read, but I'm glad you had the strength in you to not stay in the relationship. Especially when your own parents are that unsupportive - it could have been that much harder to leave your ex because of that. So, I admire you for your strength.

As for your doctor - isn't it amazing how such simple gestures can make you feel human again, even coming from strangers? I think about the times when I've been at the bottom, and a smile or word from someone who could have just kept walking restored some of my reserves, and I felt a little better.

I hope you have a group of good friends who you can look to for support through this. They make going through tough times so much easier to bear.

:hug:


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## Becka (May 15, 2006)

That's really horrible, I'm glad you're not with him anymore


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## Pauline (May 15, 2006)

Hi canadian_gurl, i was just wondering how you are????


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## Geek (May 15, 2006)

Where the hell is guy(cuz he's not a man) so I can knock him around some and ask him "how does that feel?"

:bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang:


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## Pauline (May 15, 2006)

Oh Tony, i love it when you talk like that (lust lust)


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## schlemmerm3779 (May 15, 2006)

I'm so glad you are ok. I'm sorry you had those horrible experiences with the other doctors. It's time to get out of the field when they become hardened like that.

How are you now?:inlove:


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## blackmettalic (May 15, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear about that. What a loser and like Tony said, he is certainly no man. :sleepyhead: Anyone who would treat a woman that way is no man. I wish that I could say something to reverse the damage that guy has done to you, but I can't. I am, however, glad that you are leaving him and hope you do. Anytime you even begin to think of going back to him look at your elbow and think otherwise. Too many women let themselves stay in abusive relationships and I am glad to hear that you are not one of them and am relieved because of that. Stay strong, heal and move on hun!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## eightthirty (May 15, 2006)

Hey Sweetie! I'm so glad you've gotten away from this poor pity of a man.

I'm sorry that you have injuries to deal with because of him, but it's wonderful that your surgeon is so supportive. We're here for you, too! Noone deserves to be abused. I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time with your parents on the matter. Like I said, MUT is here. It was very brave of you to open up to us.

I hope you're feeling better and the recovery has been smooth. It'll be 4 weeks since the surgery tomorrow. Just think of it as a new beginning!

HUGS! :hugss:


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## karrieann (May 15, 2006)

yay for you!!! you got the hell out of that situation! yes you will always have those 'special' reminders of what a p*ick your ex was but it sounds as if they have made you stronger.

it is wonderful that you had such a caring doctor to help you and someone you felt you could tell. yay for doc! he sounds like a good man.

there are unfortunatly, many many women who have gone through experiences like yours and maybe you could find a support group where you can keep receiving support and giving support. Your doctor may even know of some.

_squeeze_


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## SexxyKitten (May 15, 2006)

very true. :hugss: hugs your way


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## Mina (May 15, 2006)

How are you doing now?


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## Shelley (May 17, 2006)

Hi everyone! Thank you for your support. I still have pain from surgery but it is normal and I am not suppose to lift anything heavy for the next few weeks. I haven't heard from the *ss for a few months because I changed my phone number. Unfortunately this past week I was out in the evening for a walk in another area of the city, park like area, quiet. He either followed or happened to be there and confronted me. He ended up knocking me to the ground hard enough where I lost consciousness briefly. I headed to the hospital the next day and have a concussion (not severe) and some bruises to my left arm and elsewhere. I did see the surgeon this past Monday on advice from the ER doc. No damage. I called the police, he has been arrested, restraining order etc. I hope they keep him in jail for awhile. Court system can be slow but at least I will have medical evidence from the doctors.


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## mehrunissa (May 17, 2006)

Ugh. People like that should be :whipping:and :bang:. At least he's in jail.


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## Anyah_Green (May 17, 2006)

I am so sorry that happened to you! :inlove: Big hugs and love being sent your way now!

I too was involved in a abusive relationship. We drank together and I would get frisky and he would get stronger and too rough with me.

I'm trying to offer some support so you know you're not alone. But I'm no where near how much I wish I could help. I'm sorry your parents are being like that too! Mine never believed me either. Please know that we are always here for you and talk about it until you feel better,,,or at least some peace.

You'll be on my mind!


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## MissMissy (May 17, 2006)

well first off, im sorry for what has happend to you. I am here to talk to if you need someone to just let your emotions go. I know you dont know me but sometimes it better not knowing the person....


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## karrieann (May 17, 2006)

What a piece of sh*t! I am glad you called the police on him and that he was arrested. Hopefully when he gets out he will obey the restraining order.

Take care of yourself sweets and you always have us to talk to! :huggies:


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## noheaeighty8 (May 17, 2006)

aww i'm soo sorry that you had to go through that. i'm so glad that the doctor was so understanding. i hope the best for you.


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## canelita (May 19, 2006)

How is life treating you this days ?? Hope you are feeling much better!!


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## eightthirty (May 19, 2006)

Awww, sweetie! I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad you went ot the police. Keep us posted on the case. That's just horrible and I hate that it happened to you. I can't even begin to imagine what I would do in that situation, but have you ever considered moving?


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## Sofia (May 22, 2006)

First and foremost, I would like to wish you a speedy recovery. Second, I am very happy to hear that you are no where near this animal, because like Tony said, he is not a man. He should rot in jail. It's so good to know that there are great doctors out there that care about their patients and treat them as people and not just another surgery. Keep your spirits up. I wish you the best.


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## schlemmerm3779 (May 22, 2006)

OMG! I am so sorry.I hope he stays in jail for a long time. Please be careful.

If you ever need to talk I'm here.

Be strong and keep your head up.

:hugss:


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## Elisabeth (May 22, 2006)

I've been offline for a couple of days, and I cannot believe this happened to you this weekend, Canadian Gurl. I am so sorry. It is for sure good that you went to the police. I had a GF who was being stalked, also. She sure made the police earn their salaries. While they told her they could not be her personal babysitter, she got to know every one of them by name and they would occasionally do *sweeps* past her house just to check on her. She used to make 'em homemade chocolate chip cookies to keep them coming around..and it worked well. They loved her and her cookies. I too, was going to suggest moving, but know also that it's not always possible to move. You deserve to be able to walk the streets terror-free. I know that it is not much in the advice dept. Be strong and stay safe.


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