# Straight up lied to me!!!



## jewele (Jun 18, 2010)

Okay, so I have a stepdaughter and we agreed with her mom we would pay for her birthday party and the cake. My husband said it would be only $200 and that we were coming up on top because we didn't pay her child support for two months. Then yesterday he says okay I'm going to write a check for $300 to give to her mom. I was like wait a minute you said $200, now we are way overpaying!!! He says no I didn't say that amount I don't know where you got it from. It really shocked me hearing him say that, it made me feel really weird. He is lying right to my face, putting his wife and other daughter on the back burner just so the other mom is happy. It just always seems he caters to the other mom and puts his family last and it's pissing me off!! I'm just tripping because he lied and he's trying to make like I'm thinking wrong. We've been together a little over 6 years and it makes me think he's been lying to me this whole time.

So I don't know, just had to get this feeling out.


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## Karren (Jun 18, 2010)

I could see if he had said "about $200" and then when you asked him about the $300 he said it ended up being higher than he thought... Or if he forgot what he said $200 (I have a really bad memory and I know it)... But to put it back on you that you are the one that's wrong is just wrong, imho..


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## xjackie83 (Jun 18, 2010)

Reading this actually makes me really upset...

You say that you are giving $200 towards your step-kid's birthday because you didn't pay child support for TWO months and that you're basically making a profit because two months of child support is more than the $200. Now you're upset because your husband decided to give them $300??

I don't understand how you can feel at all that your husband is putting you and the child you have together on the back burner? It's the other mother and his other child that were put on the back burner when he didn't give them child support for two months!


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## jewele (Jun 18, 2010)

Originally Posted by *xjackie83* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Reading this actually makes me really upset...
You say that you are giving $200 towards your step-kid's birthday because you didn't pay child support for TWO months and that you're basically making a profit because two months of child support is more than the $200. Now you're upset because your husband decided to give them $300??

I don't understand how you can feel at all that your husband is putting you and the child you have together on the back burner? It's the other mother and his other child that were put on the back burner when he didn't give them child support for two months!

I'm upset because she lives with us 60% of the time, we pay for all her clothes, everything for school, everything for extra curricular activities. We give her mom child support because she is single, but technically shouldn't because she lives with us more and we pay for EVERYTHING, it's not court ordered just a mutual agreement. So then the money we do give to the mom goes to the mom because we pay for everything for the daughter. It's her mom that wants a expensive party, because she likes to show off.


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## internetchick (Jun 18, 2010)

It's for the kid, let it go. IMO you sound really petty.


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## Ingrid (Jun 18, 2010)

I gatta be honest but I was shaking my head while I was reading this. You say that you haven't paid child support for 2 months and you agree to pay 200 dollars for the b-day party, and you refuse to pay more than that, which means you are giving the other mom only $100 dollar per month for child support? even if the kid doesn't live with the mom all the time, that is still not enough, 100 dollars today can really buy you nothing.


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## emily_3383 (Jun 18, 2010)

What Im getting from what you wrote is that you both agreed it would be $200 and then he told you it would be $300. Seems like he did tell you? You also said he hasnt been paying child support for 2 months so whats wrong with $300 for a bday party? I hop im not sounding judgmental I just have some questions.

Originally Posted by *jewele* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm upset because she lives with us 60% of the time, we pay for all her clothes, everything for school, everything for extra curricular activities. We give her mom child support because she is single, but technically shouldn't because she lives with us more and we pay for EVERYTHING, it's not court ordered just a mutual agreement. So then the money we do give to the mom goes to the mom because we pay for everything for the daughter. It's her mom that wants a expensive party, because she likes to show off. ok I just read this. Well this kind of sucks.


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## Annelle (Jun 18, 2010)

I don't see how you are coming on top either way, because even if you pay a grand for the birthday party and the mom goes to court and says you haven't been paying child support, you'll (or rather he) still have to end up paying for child support in the end.

child support is something the court deems that is legally owed, not something that can legally be haggled from month to month as you wish. But if you're the one taking care of the child, you shouldn't be paying for child support anyway (and should get that legally changed). child support is income for the child, not extra income for a single woman who is only taking care of herself. If you want to give the mom a gift of money just to be nice, it should just be that, not under a guise of child support.


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## lolaB (Jun 18, 2010)

Meep, I think you all should go to court and sort it out that way. Nothing good can come from trying to handle it yourselves, especially if the amount being paid every month is not consistent. If you and your husband support the child financially already, there's no reason to give her extra money. A judge will go through all the details and make sure it's fair for everyone involved. Anyway, don't be too upset with your hubby. That's his kid, and he should be able to pay for her party if he wants, even if the amount is a little different than expected.


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## Dragonfly (Jun 18, 2010)

I am in a similar situation - my ex husband is remarried. He and I share a son.

My ex is remarried and has a few children with his 2nd wife.

This is the bottom line - Your ex needs to make financial dealings with the mother of his child, and you need to stay out of it.

The parents of the child always have to respect what is the best interest of the child.

Since step parents aren't always capable of this, they need to stay out of any negotiating.

Your husband hasn't paid support for a few months? I absolutely hate it when I here this garbage. Did his needs get met everyday? I wonder if his child's needs were mean every day?


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## perlanga (Jun 18, 2010)

This is something I can picture on judge judy!

I think you have a right to be upset if your husband deliberately lied to you, but in the end it is for a bday party, which seems worth it.


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## Aprill (Jun 18, 2010)

And this is why I dont give men with previous children half a chance when the parents have no set in stone agreement.

First of all I think he should be paying court appointed child support, because if that child is living with you 60% of the time, no judge in America would make him pay 300 a month. She would be paying child support for the time is with him, vice versa.

Second, you really should have no say in the appropriation of money. His child, his obligation. Be a good stepmother to the child, but do not involve yourself in the matters of funds and visitation. This coming from a woman who had a baby father that had a woman like you and wanted to rationalize every dollar, until he eventually ended up paying me nothing and lost his parental rights. If he wants to give extra, let him give it.

Last, when he is behind on child support rather it be verbal or court ordered, he is behind. Its never coming off on top.


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## xjackie83 (Jun 18, 2010)

I agree with a lot of what other people said. In some cases, doing things out of court with a mutual agreement works. But if the child really is living with you 60% of the time and you're having to pay child support on top of that then the situation really isn't working, is it? You have to remember that the most important factor in this whole situation is the child because ultimately they are the ones who suffer. I'd say a trip to family court is due.


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## HisBunny (Jun 19, 2010)

I can see where your coming from ...my husband has a kid with his ex and we always fight about it i hate the feeling of feeling like im nothing to him when she is around it sucks if i would of known better i wouldnt of fell in love with him but i put up with him cause i love him its hard being with someone that has a kid from someone else i dont want to have kids with him cause i get the feeling that no matter he will love his other kid more then our kid.


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## Ingrid (Jun 19, 2010)

Originally Posted by *HisBunny* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I can see where your coming from ...my husband has a kid with his ex and we always fight about it i hate the feeling of feeling like im nothing to him when she is around it sucks if i would of known better i wouldnt of fell in love with him but i put up with him cause i love him its hard being with someone that has a kid from someone else i dont want to have kids with him cause i get the feeling that no matter he will love his other kid more then our kid. I am a bystander and I've never been in the same situation as you, so this is just my own opinions. I just think that the way you are thinking and acting I gatta be honest is very immature. Why would you feel that you are nothing to him because he pays more attention to the kid? to me, it's kinda like two siblings fighting over their parents' love and attention, it is very kiddish thinking. Your husband MUST take responsibility of the kid, the kid is innocent, I know that parents always put their kids first before anything, and this is absolutely right. You should have thought of that before you decided to marry him. You are both adults so just sit down and work something out with your husband instead of getting jealous, or telling him that you don't want to give him a kid just because you think he will love the other one more, I don't believe your thinking is true. I understand that it must be hard for you because now you have to tolerant another person and the kid is giving you more stress in your life, but you should have questioned yourself wether or not you will be a good stepmom to his kid before the marriage, and wether or not you have the tolerance and patience for the kid until the kid becomes fully independent. I believe that how your husband is willing to treat his child is unfortunately out of your control. But then again, this is merely my own opinions.


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## Aprill (Jun 19, 2010)

^^^Yes to everything she just said.


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## divadoll (Jun 19, 2010)

Originally Posted by *jewele* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Okay, so I have a stepdaughter and we agreed with her mom we would pay for her birthday party and the cake. My husband said it would be only $200 and that we were coming up on top because we didn't pay her child support for two months. 
It just always seems he caters to the other mom and puts his family last and it's pissing me off!!

You had lost any sympathy I may have had for you in these phrases you wrote above. You were coming up ahead by not living up to his obligatory responsibility as a father and you are 'coming up on top' like you were bargaining with a local peddler at a market when really it is his child. You don't think that she deserves a nice birthday too?
You are referring to you and your child as his family and you've forgotten that this other child is also HIS FAMILY as well! You are trying to one up the first mom and it appears to be from jealousy and the only one suffering is the child that you are trying to deprive. You did not mention that you were taking care of her 60% of the time which to me appears like an after thought because others took no pity on your situation. I'm sorry but this is petty and sinister in my books because you are only looking at competing and not who the ultimate loser of this competition is. At least your daughter has a full-time daddy. You should count your blessings because it can easily turn.


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## MakeupByMe (Jun 19, 2010)

AlL I know is Women (New Wives) act so damn Childish With all this "He loves her more" "He wants to spend more time with Them" "What about me" ....All I hear is WAa Whaa Whaa Im A jealous As&amp; Kid who feels the need to compete with another Child.

I had a stepMom just like that All I can Say is Grow Up!!! &amp; Instead of Feeling Jealous or AngrY that these Men want to Spend more Time/Money On their children Just Be greatFul That you Have a Reall Man Who Wants To spend Time/Money with thier KIds!!!

Theres Alot of Guys Who Abandon &amp; neglect there kids When they enter a new relationship &amp; The new wives/girlfriends like it that way................Thats because There Cowards Not Real Men Or Women!!!!

I know A guy Who gives His Ex 200 every week For child support &amp; its not court ordered &amp; Never do they have a problem .....the only person it becomes a problem for is the NEW wife But A Real man Will do whats right for HIS kids All of them no matter how many Baby mamas he has &amp; He will always do right by them No matter what Any woman has to say!!!


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## lolaB (Jun 22, 2010)

Court shouldn't be a last resort, it should be the first...especially when dealing with someone who nickels and dimes and thinks that he can fail to pay for a couple months and then "come out on top" by paying a smaller amount (regardless of whatever else is going on). If a judge has done that to you then that's a shame and he or she shouldn't be a judge. But to say it's better to handle it themselves when they've proven they obviously need help doesn't make sense, and it's wrong to advise people not to be protect themselves when there are laws specifically for these types of things.


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## jewele (Jun 22, 2010)

I realize I shouldn't have opened my mouth!! There is far more to it than just what I wrote so I can see now it does sound petty by just reading that little part of a big long situation. But that's not how I meant it all. I've always put the child first and have been paying for everything for her for a really long time and I always will. I just got upset for a little moment because her mother has money to get a new outfit and her hair and nails done but can't pay for her own daughter's birthday party.

Second note, I totally agree with going to court.


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## Johnnie (Jun 22, 2010)

Originally Posted by *jewele* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I realize I shouldn't have opened my mouth!! There is far more to it than just what I wrote so I can see now it does sound petty by just reading that little part of a big long situation. But that's not how I meant it all. I've always put the child first and have been paying for everything for her for a really long time and I always will. I just got upset for a little moment because her mother has money to get a new outfit and her hair and nails done but can't pay for her own daughter's birthday party.
Second note, I totally agree with going to court.

I'd be pretty pissed about that too. She has no right using her child's money for her hair and nails. That is her daughter's money, not hers.


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## HisBunny (Jun 22, 2010)

Sad part is that alot of mothers that get c/s do use the money on them self. it would get me so mad when i would see my husbands kid coming for the weekend in ugly clothes all dirty from the good will yet she was all dressed up in nice clothes from the mall when my husband told her what the hell she said "shes going to grow out of it why buy her new clothes" i was like really? thats not even right!!!

shes always trying to take money from him always! if we havnt moved up with live and nice stuff is cuz of her and im ok if she needs more money for her kid im ok with that ill even give it to her but i mean why would she need 600 of c/s money for a 4 year old? if theres a movie out that she wants to see WE would take her if I was at the store saw something i liked for her I would get it for her when shes sick WE buy her the meds i know kids like to eat but dose she really need 600 so she can eat? WE buy her clothes for school everything for school. i just dont get it! she tried to take him to court to get more money they told her that she couldnt do it cuz she took him to court 4 times this year just this year! so she got really mad and call him and *****ed that she need 600 from now on!!! crazy! i dont tell him anything if he wants to give her 600 so be it i just dont think she need 600 for her kid i think she need them for herself.


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## Dragonfly (Jun 22, 2010)

Regardless of the poor advice that some muters like to give regarding child support:

Always always always go to court and have it established that the primary parent receives child support in accordance with the guidelines set out for the province/state that the child resides in. If the paying parent does not have enough money to pay the guideline recommendation, then the courts will determine what can be paid.

Judges do not laugh when two parents are emotionally ripping each other apart - and an innocent child is caught in the middle.

The parent that has the child Monday to Friday, nine to five, is the primary parent.

If you feel that you have the child more hours than the primary parent, prove this to the courts. You may then only have to pay for the months that the child is in school. The other months, the primary parent may have to pay you.

Also, for the parents giving support money that is not court ordered:

The primary parent can go to court years later and say that they never received a penny - and the payer parent now ordered to pay thousands in arrears, after they in fact did pay some support. You need to protect yourself!

I have no idea why parents want to play games with how much they must pay.

The bottom line is that the child needs to eat three times a day, needs NEW clothes, needs a roof over their head, needs warmth from electricity/coal/etc., needs an education. The child also needs Christmas and birthday presents - and not some old crap from a Good Will bin.

And you need to stop and ask yourself if your behaviour/attitude is toxic to the innocent child that is caught up in your BS.

If a social worker hears that a child is being emotionally mistreated, they will pay you a visit and remind you to behave like a caring, responsible parent or may ask the courts that you get into a parenting course if you wish to continue having the child visit you.


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## MakeupByMe (Jun 22, 2010)

^^Some very good points

Except for smart civil ppl if they do the whole child support outside of courts Like my friend they have a written agreement &amp; he has her sign a paper every few weeks of the amount given So she will never be able to go to court yrs later stating money was never recieved!!! &amp; I am all for going to court But not always does good come out of it I believe if a father is court ordered to Pay Than by all means Pay Up But its Nobodys business if HE WANTS to give extra money for a Birthday or just for the hell of it !!! &amp; I hate when a court grants a father weekend custody &amp; the mother follows it to a tee Because it sucks when lets say a childs bday lands on a weekday &amp; the mother wont allow the child to see the parent because its not "His day" Bottom line is court or no court Everyone needs to be adults &amp; pleasant &amp; think about Not only this childs needs such as clothing &amp; food &amp; presents &amp; an education But about this childs Feelings &amp; wants &amp; Love


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## Dragonfly (Jun 22, 2010)

I have been paying support to my ex for 15 years now. Initially, I just gave the ex so much per month. I was advised to stop doing this by a lawyer, for the reason I stated.

If the payer can get a receipt/cheque for the money paid each month, and an agreement is drawn up and both parties signed, then if it works, great.

Problem is, "step parents" have a wonderful way of screwing the arrangement up.

Also, my ex started to play with my access that we agreed to. So in order to guarantee my access, a court order was the only way i could protect my son's time with me.

If one does not have an order in place, then the police are not sympathetic in helping the payer get access to the child.

It is not that complicated to get a court order the stating access that both parties agree to, and amount of money payer will pay. Its up to both parties what they will agree to in terms or access and child support. A judge will only step in if there is no agreement.

Personally, I think it is very sad when the support payer was once a great parent.

But because he/she isn't sleeping with the primary parent anymore, their access to the child is restricted. Yet the primary parent can have a new partner have complete, unsupervised access to the child.


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## MakeupByMe (Jun 22, 2010)

ya new parents suck sometimes lol JUST KIDDING lol I actually had/have a wonderful stepdad Who is an adult &amp; always loves me still &amp; I also have a horrible as$ stepmom Whos jealous of me , My mother, My grandma every girl thats not her &amp; I totally agree that when two parents agree on something its horrible when a NEW woman/man feels they need to shake things up in order to be happy............Just so sad!!


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## HisBunny (Jun 22, 2010)

Bottom line is i really dont care how much money he gives her i just think its not for the kid its for her and yes i dont know why she goes to good will and buys her clothes from there when shes always all dressed up. Cps showed up to her house so idk wats going to happend


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## Dalylah (Jun 22, 2010)

It sounds to me like you need to help the other mom find her own stable place and your husband needs to pay his support all the time so that is a realistic option for her. It sounds like doing that would help everyone involved move on to a more adult view of the situation.


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## jewele (Jun 22, 2010)

[You did not mention that you were taking care of her 60% of the time which to me appears like an after thought because others took no pity on your situation. I'm sorry but this is petty and sinister in my books because you are only looking at competing and not who the ultimate loser of this competition is. At least your daughter has a full-time daddy. You should count your blessings because it can easily turn.

This is obvisously a very touchy subject and like I mentioned earlier I shouldn't have even written this post because there is way more to the situation then just this birthday party. I know everybody is entitled to their own opinion but some people can sure be rude. I don't think it's right to call me petty when you don't know everything. This child has a full time daddy and a full time stepmom who has been paying for absolutely everything for her since she was 1 year old. I have the right to get upset when a biological parent has a step-parent finacially take care of their child. So done with this now, should have NEVER written it in the first place.


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## HisBunny (Jun 22, 2010)

Originally Posted by *jewele* /img/forum/go_quote.gif [You did not mention that you were taking care of her 60% of the time which to me appears like an after thought because others took no pity on your situation. I'm sorry but this is petty and sinister in my books because you are only looking at competing and not who the ultimate loser of this competition is. At least your daughter has a full-time daddy. You should count your blessings because it can easily turn. This is obvisously a very touchy subject and like I mentioned earlier I shouldn't have even written this post because there is way more to the situation then just this birthday party. I know everybody is entitled to their own opinion but some people can sure be rude. I don't think it's right to call me petty when you don't know everything. This child has a full time daddy and a full time stepmom who has been paying for absolutely everything for her since she was 1 year old. I have the right to get upset when a biological parent has a step-parent finacially take care of their child. So done with this now, should have NEVER written it in the first place.

who me?

Originally Posted by *Dalylah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif It sounds to me like you need to help the other mom find her own stable place and your husband needs to pay his support all the time so that is a realistic option for her. It sounds like doing that would help everyone involved move on to a more adult view of the situation. me help her? my husband pays wat he has to pay plus more!!!


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## Johnnie (Jun 22, 2010)

Originally Posted by *HisBunny* /img/forum/go_quote.gif This is obvisously a very touchy subject and like I mentioned earlier I shouldn't have even written this post because there is way more to the situation then just this birthday party. I know everybody is entitled to their own opinion but some people can sure be rude. I don't think it's right to call me petty when you don't know everything. This child has a full time daddy and a full time stepmom who has been paying for absolutely everything for her since she was 1 year old. I have the right to get upset when a biological parent has a step-parent finacially take care of their child. So done with this now, should have NEVER written it in the first place. who me?

me help her? my husband pays wat he has to pay plus more!!!

I think you're confused. Jewele was responding to Diva and Dalylah was responding to Jewele.


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## LashTV (Jun 26, 2010)

Hm... there is alway's two sides to a story. I'm going to divide the way i answer this i think.

Concidering the child support and so forth he is responsible for that child. It was him and her that brought that child into this world and therefore they are always responsible for that child throughout its and there lives. Secondly those two are always going to be in each others lives and interlinked due to there child together. He should be paying the child support no matter what and then ON TOP paying for his childs birthday he helped bring it into the world on that day. Not doing so just means he does not deserve to be a father to any children if he does not realise there a life long commitment.

If they are living with you like you said and your paying for there clothes, food and other things then your doing the child support without paying the money because that is what the money should be being spent on to help raise that child. If your doing it by those means then end of the day you still did the support in one form of another unfortunately unless you all have some form of written consent that it was being paid in that sense for those months, if you end up in court she could easily deney it and say it was never arranged in those means and you offered. unfortunately in court offering does not give you any brownie points.

===============

Secondly this party i have to agree with other people you really are coming across as extremely petty, immature and somewhat jealous. It does not matter if he gives them 200 or 300 dollars for a birthday party or 1000 children deserve parties when there younger. would you seriously begrudge them one? sounds like she is now a single mom i may be wrong i am just going on what you said. You never mentioned why her partner could not raise some of the money so i am going to assume she is not with anyone. So in that sense maybe she cannot afford it alone but wants the best for her child. If she wants to show off for her childs birthday shouldnt she? she did bring a gorgeous child into the world, so did your partner and they both should be proud of that and do this for the child.

a party isnt cheap you have to concider the ammount of children coming, how many adults are, have to cover the food, party table cloths, plates, cups, invitations, goodie bags for the kids to go home with, a new birthday outfit expecially if its a child. entertainment if your doing something for it. drinks and other smaller things if your doing games and that can easily go over 300 dollars. the food, drink and stuff needed for the party would easily be that or the entertainment alone. if the child has a brilliant time and will remember it for the rest of there lives i say let it drop and offer to be there and help.

be the bigger person at the end of the day you might not like it but there part of your family. just arguing and being petty about this is going to be causing distaste between your child and theres.

after reading everything and doing my big post... i do have to ask one thing.... since when did raising a child come to how much either parent or step parent has paid? shouldnt it be all in the welfare of the said child.


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## Tyari (Jul 2, 2010)

There's definitely two sides to every story.

First, I don't think anyone should be telling anyone else they are being anything. Calling someone petty and sinister is not only childish but inappropriate as well. Diva, it sounds like this hit a little close to home. Telling her that it sounds like she through something in at the last minute is completely presumptuous. You really don't know what she puts up with or what has been going on. You are going off of a paragraph of a rant and don't really know everything about the situation. Do you really think you have enough information to make such pointed and hurtful remarks??

Jewele,

I'm sorry you feel like you should have never posted here. I think most that responded meant well and others... well, I really don't know but please don't take everything they said to heart.

I totally agree with the person that said to stay out of it when it comes to child support and visitation. I was just talking to my cousin last night about her disciplining her step daughters. It's just a recipe for disaster. You're pretty much supposed to be there to support your husband, not a primary parent for the child. Let him figure out the child support thing....

I don't know if he just said $200 but meant $300... or if he's really trying to make you think he said $300 but I would have told him that I know what I heard, and asked him why he was trying to make you think otherwise. Good luck and again, please don't allow some of the comments made here make you regret ranting.


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## divadoll (Jul 3, 2010)

Originally Posted by *internetchick* /img/forum/go_quote.gif It's for the kid, let it go. IMO you sound really petty. Originally Posted by *Beautiijunkii* /img/forum/go_quote.gif There's definitely two sides to every story.
First, I don't think anyone should be telling anyone else they are being anything. Calling someone petty and sinister is not only childish but inappropriate as well. Diva, it sounds like this hit a little close to home. Telling her that it sounds like she through something in at the last minute is completely presumptuous. You really don't know what she puts up with or what has been going on. You are going off of a paragraph of a rant and don't really know everything about the situation. Do you really think you have enough information to make such pointed and hurtful remarks??

In my defence, I'm not the only one who felt the original post was petty including Jewele herself. I write what I felt at the time and being a mother of 2 children, I thought she was getting a bargain at the expense of a little girl and that offended me to no end. I'm married to my children's father so it really isn't as close to home but I do have friends who are single mothers and it's not easy for any of them being the sole supporter of young children. I don't think it is fair to have been singled out in this manner as this is the impression of many and not just myself. 
I am a believer that people will first say their true feelings and then retract after the reaction is not what they have expected.


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## Tyari (Jul 10, 2010)

Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif In my defence, I'm not the only one who felt the original post was petty including Jewele herself. I write what I felt at the time and being a mother of 2 children, I thought she was getting a bargain at the expense of a little girl and that offended me to no end. I'm married to my children's father so it really isn't as close to home but I do have friends who are single mothers and it's not easy for any of them being the sole supporter of young children. I don't think it is fair to have been singled out in this manner as this is the impression of many and not just myself. 
I am a believer that people will first say their true feelings and then retract after the reaction is not what they have expected.

I find it utterly hilarious that you think it's unfair for me to single you out when you were blatantly rude to a fellow member and completely put her on blast in front of everyone in a very public forum. You singled her out and called her petty and sinister, amongst other things. Furthermore, there is a way to say EVERYTHING. You were the only one that was just downright rude about the situation (hello, name calling...). Not to mention, that was in direct violation of 2. of the Rules/Regs. As a moderator, you are held to a higher standard and you should be objective, putting emotional outbursts aside. If you don't like being singled out, don't single anyone else out. Plain and simple.


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## Minka (Jul 11, 2010)

I'd say the only real solution to this problem is having your husband talk to her about getting a job (if she doesn't have one) and moving out into her own place. There's low income housing programs she could apply for, you could research it, and have her husband talk to her about it.

Secondly you NEED to talk to a court. It's important that you do so, so that nothing legally tumbles over on you.

I don't think any person could comfortably live with their bfs/husbands ex. I think any child would rather live in a divided home than a broken one. I have a feeling there is just WAY too much drama there for all of you, especially for a child.

I know what you mean by "getting her hair and nails done" and all that. I know MANY mothers in my workplace who do the same thing... it's disgusting. It should be the mother's first priority to make sure her child is happy (in this case the birthday party).


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## CallmeMrsAL (Jul 12, 2010)

The way I feel about this particular situation (maybe not the child support agreement as a whole), is that it is a situation that you need to let go of, if possible. Unless the $300 is going to break your bank, and make it so that your household won't 'survive', then it's not as important as the family bonds at stake.

Also, can you afford to give your other child the same kind of party? That is all that is important is that both CHILDREN feel they are equally loved and taken care of. Now, in regards to the rest of the issue...if you feel that the ex wife isn't entitled to that much child support than you do need to sit down with a friend of the court and discuss your options.


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## Andi (Aug 9, 2010)

warning: useless, OT comment about to follow:

Does any child really need a $300 birthday party? I wouldnÂ´t even spend that kind of money on an adultÂ´s party (unless itÂ´s like the 40th, 50th b-day or whatever), let alone a kid who wonÂ´t remember this party a few weeks later (depending on the kidÂ´s age of course)

If there is arguments about missed child support etc, there are obviously more important things to spend the money on.


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## Shanki (Aug 9, 2010)

I don't think you have the right to say anything about money unless your husband is not working at all, and all of the money is coming out of your pocket. At the same time, he had that other woman and child first, so when you came into the picture, you knew what was involved with this guy to begin with. Maybe he said 200 and forgot or maybe he said 300 and and lied to you because he was scared or knew you were going to make a big deal about 300 dollars. Even if you have the child for more than half of the time, 300 dollars is nothing. 300 dollars can't even buy groceries for one person in 30 days. At the end of the day child support doesn't matter in a sense of shes getting the money. That 300 dollars might be used towards her heating and electric bill so when the child goes over to the single mothers house, she has a light on, or heat in the winter. Child support is not just used for buying the child things, its going to support the conditions a child lives in. Even if it means buying dish soap so the kid has clean dishes to eat off of. Kudos to you for paying for all of the kids stuff including extras, but when that kid is spending 40 percent of their time with their mom, which is actually almost just as much as she spends with you, she needs to be taken care of.

If the roles were reversed, and your son was going to live with his real father 3 days a week, wouldn't you want to know where he is living and sleeping is heated, or cooled, clean, has light, some snacks, and running water? And honestly what the rate of child support is, 300 dollars is way less than you would be paying had you went to a court. Now your screwed in a sense, if you go to court the court will see it that you actually owe more than you've been paying, and you will owe twice if not three times the amount, plus back child support, and if thats not paid they will garnish you if you're in the states.

I just had an idea, why not take that 300 dollars and set it as a budget for a birthday party. Why dont you take the mother and go shopping and pay for things for the party, and see what she is buying for it. Or why dont you buy stuff for the party and give it to her to use for the party, that way you know where the money went. If there's extra money left over which i bet there will be cause i cant imagine what a 300 dollar childs bday looks like, then why not take that money and buy her some food or something you know the kid can use while over there.


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## Rotting Beauty (Aug 27, 2010)

These ladies know what's up.

But since I can't add anything you guys haven't already said, I must say this:

(being a 14 year old child myself saying this, if it makes anything better)

$300 party..maybe for my sweet 16..gosh $300 party. What are they getting jugglers and clowns? I don't know how old this kid is but my parties were about 5 dolla and my mom stopped them when I was 8...idk unless they're going to like bring some kids to a waterpark then I don't know why they need $300 parties.

I mean this is no bad way but I'm not assuming their rich or anything, so, $300 party..seems like a lot I guess for someone who's living off their ex and their wife I guess. I know we're not rich, and wouldn't expect my mom to even bring me to Chuck E Cheese or something.

I know this is kind of irrelevant and child support is the most important issue here. It was just on my mind the whole time, lol.

Originally Posted by *Andi* /img/forum/go_quote.gif warning: useless, OT comment about to follow: 
Does any child really need a $300 birthday party? I wouldnÂ´t even spend that kind of money on an adultÂ´s party (unless itÂ´s like the 40th, 50th b-day or whatever), let alone a kid who wonÂ´t remember this party a few weeks later (depending on the kidÂ´s age of course)

If there is arguments about missed child support etc, there are obviously more important things to spend the money on.

Yeahh.

Originally Posted by *Ingrid* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Even if you have the child for more than half of the time, 300 dollars is nothing. 300 dollars can't even buy groceries for one person in 30 days. Youu, would be surprised.


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## MakeupByMe (Aug 31, 2010)

wOW iM JUST shocked At all the responses saying They wouldnt pay for a 300 party lol Ive never had a party that cost less than a 300 Except for the one at chuckie cheese!!!


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