# Breaking up.



## mandy_ (Nov 13, 2006)

Okay. My boyfriend of two years and 9 months, well, he just broke up with me yesterday morning around 3:30. He's been unsure about what he wanted for about a month. I stuck around, sad and confused for that time. I stuck around because I love him with all of my heart. He told me that he "has decided what he wants". We talked for a while, and he ended up staying the night with me, so I didn't have to be alone. I woke up really sad. I cried alot. I told him he was my first for alot of things. My first true love, my first person making love with, and my first broken heart. When I said about the true love, he said you were mine too. When I said about the broken heart; he cried. I could tell he was so sad about hurting me, but he says the feelings just aren't there anymore. We talked about what was to come in the future. He said I mean way way way too much to him to just be out of his life because we broke up. I told him how I feel like I am losing my best friend and my boyfriend. He said I don't have to lose both and that he still wants to be my best friend. He hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder for hours and hours while we talked. We talked about everything - our relationship, how if his feelings change he promises to tell me, how we're still going to be friends, how he's going to act towards me, how things are going to be, how I am going to miss what we had, ect..

He was so caring, and genuine. He even cried a few times. I could tell that it hurt him, to hurt me. He stayed until about 3:30pm [he stayed with me for about 12 hours.] When I asked why he stayed he said he didn't want me to have to be alone because he knew how hurt I was. I thanked him, because it felt easier with him there. When he went to leave, that was hard. He hugged me, and kissed me goodbye just like we always would. I cried and said I feel like this is goodbye forever. He half-smiled and said don't worry, I'll see you tomorrow. I cried then because I didn't want this to be the last time I get to kiss him, or hold his hand. He was so understanding he just stood there and hugged me. He said he wants to help me get through this the best he can. He still wants to hang out with me, and he still wants me to be around with him and his friends and stuff. I told him that it's going to be really hard at first to just be friends. I don't know anything but a relationship with him. He understands. I got upset a little bit ago in between my classes and I started crying and he just put his arm around me and let me cry on his shoulder. It's weird having him there, but knowing he's not mine anymore. It feels so weird to walk away from him without giving him a kiss.

I want to make a friendship work, because I don't want him to be out of my life, but it's so so hard. I can't bring myself to change my profile [or facebook or myspace] to say that I'm single. I can't bring myself to take down our pictures. It's so hard. I keep hoping that maybe after a month or whatever, he might change his mind and realize he really does need me and want me there as his girlfriend again. It's happened to alot of my friends. I guess I have to take the advice that I give everybody when they come to me with their problems; If it's meant to happen or work out, it will. If not, it'll be okay eventually. Advice is easier to give than take. I just want things to be the way they used to be. I miss him, even though he's still right there beside me. It's just not the same...I feel so alone, even though I know I'm not.

Sorry that this is so long.

Any words of advice for me?

&lt;33


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## bluebird26 (Nov 13, 2006)

Oh boy, I'm not very good at giving advice, I'm sorry, but I've been broken heart before and something that really worked for me was staying away for a little, even if you decide keep the friendship. Time away gives both of you the opportunity to think about things better.

*a hug* and get better soon


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## mandy_ (Nov 13, 2006)

Yeah, I mean I agree. I think giving him his space will help him think about if this is what he really really wants. On the other hand, I love being with him and spending time with him (obviously!) so it's hard to just not want to see him.

I've never heard of a guy being like this after breaking up with his girlfriend.. I mean, I'm glad he's being nice to me, because it made it alot easier than if he was just like, we're done, bye. He stuck around, talked about it, comforted me, offered friendship, you know?

-hug back- Thank you.


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## xXMelissaXx (Nov 13, 2006)

I'm sorry this happened to you. I agree with Bluebird. I find that if you take time apart you realize what you really want.


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## mandy_ (Nov 13, 2006)

-Nods- Thank you.


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## Princess6828 (Nov 13, 2006)

I definitely think that just "being friend" is not going to work immediately. I think the best thing for both of you would be to stay away from each other for awhile. You can't "just be friends" with someone that you still have feelings for because if he really doesn't want to be with you anymore, you're always going to be looking for some sign or some glimmer of hope that he wants you back, and it's only going to torture you. It stinks that you go to school together, so there really is no "escaping" him, but just try to keep your distance. Maybe eventually you can be friends, but I would say not right now. I'm sorry this happened, but maybe it will be for the best.


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## lovelyarsenic (Nov 13, 2006)

I agree with what Princess has to say on the whole matter - no matter how close you were, and how much you really want to be best friends with eachother, it's usually best to take some 'me' time. This way you can really heal, and then you can really decide for yourself if you truly want to still be his best friend after it all has cooled down. Sometimes we realize in the end that we want to totally let go of that other person (as crazy as this may sound now) when we move on with our lives.

I know it's rough, I've been here before too - and even though none of us can completely understand your situation (as it is unique to yourself) I can say that you will get past this, and you will feel totally better again. Live&amp; learn doll, in the meanwhile we'll all be here to surround you with support - take care *hugs*&amp; keep us updated on how you're doing.


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## jessimau (Nov 13, 2006)

I agree with what everyone else has said. In the end, it'll be harder for you to heal with him still in your life in such a big way. I'm so sorry it came to this, Mandy! **HUG** It's good that he's being so sweet about it, but that really does just make it harder to handle because it's so easy to misconstrue those actions, even unintentionally.

Here's something to think about: remember some of the things you said in the other thread (about strippers)? Now, once you've healed, you'll be ready for a relationship with a man who will understand and respect even your crazy feelings and opinions, one who will spend his money on showing you how much he cares. That's for some time in the future, but sometimes knowing that this heartache will open up so many other opportunities for you, some of them better, can help you get through the tough times. And when you're sick of being sad, get mad. Don't stay mad permanently. Sometimes totally civil breakups are the hardest to get through; at least if you can find something to be mad about, you can be glad that's out of your life.

Sadly, there's no easy fix. Lots of time with friends, lots of chocolate, and some really sappy songs so that you can cry. Also carrying makeup with you for touch ups after those inevitable crying bouts. We're all here for you! I'll add you to my IM tonight (although I think we're on totally different schedules) so if you want someone else to talk to, I'm there. *HUG*


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## mandy_ (Nov 13, 2006)

Thank you so much everyone. I mean, I totally agree that we both need our space from each other. It's just so hard to let go. It's also hard because we go to school together and we march together in the same college marching band. On top of that, we have alot of the same friends. So, I always see him. I just need some time to think and figure out where to go or what to do. I know it will get better with time, as hard as it seems now.

Only a few of our friends know. I don't want everyone to know, I'm not ready to talk about it to everyone yet. I know everyone will ask too since we've been together for so long. I don't want people coming up to me and asking me if I'm okay, and I don't want people asking me what happened. I can't explain it, because I start to cry. It's hard.

Thank you all for your advice so far -hugs-


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## MacForMe (Nov 13, 2006)

I'm so sorry you have to go thru this... breaking up is so hard, no matter what the reason. Having him in your life, at this point, will be too hard for you. I think myself, along with a bunch of others have tried it. The feelings of madness when he gets with someone else, that type of stuff.. just too hard.

Sometimes, people come into your life, give all they have, then go away. You have every right to cry and be sad.. Go with it,, and dont let ANYONE rush you into "getting over it".. Do it at your own pace..

Hugs.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 13, 2006)

Hey Mandy. I'm really sorry you are hurting. I wrote to you regarding "strippers" and I remember how important your boyfriend was to you.

I agree with the others that you need to distance yourself from him.

If you see each other in common areas, like school, that's OK. But ending a relationship is like ending an addiction, of sorts. You have to go cold turkey to stop alcohol or drugs, and it's they same with people.

Keep yourself busy with your girlfriends. Study more or take up a hobby to keep your mind busy. I've been heartbroken and it really sucks. But time does heal all wounds. I think you said he was 19. A lot of 19 year old guys like a girlfriend but are not ready to settle down. Let him get things out of his system, and who knows. Maybe you guys will get back together.

If all you know about guys and relationships is your ex, go out with another guy - in a group - to begin with (when you are up to it). Even if you guys get back together in the future, dating others will enhance you in many ways.

And continue to post us as we are all here to help you get through this. HHuggss


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 13, 2006)

I'm really sorry, sweetie! *big bear hugz*

I agree with most of the posters on this thread when they say that you need to take some time out for YOU. It's nice to be friends and all, but it's time to let things cool down. Give yourself some time to relax, and pamper yourself a little bit. Hang out with your girlfriends, and have fun!

Enjoy being single. You have quite a bit more freedom now, so I say take advantage of it.

Keep us posted and let us know how things are going.


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## han (Nov 14, 2006)

sorry mandy to hear your going through this but i too agree with princess that you should take a break from him and give yourself time to heal and get over him then i think you could be friends good luck and take care..


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## KimC2005 (Nov 14, 2006)

Mandy, I am sorry to hear this happened. It is so very hard, but use this time to focus on your school. Focus on a goal or a dream that you have and use all your energy to pursue it. It really helps to just keep your focus on something else until you have a little bit of time to heal. It is really hard to be friends with an ex-boyfriend. Some people can do it just fine and others can't. Start working out and just doing stuff for yourself. I started journaling when I broke up w/ my last boyfriend and it helped incredibly. It was my release and the way I vented my anger about what happened. If you wanna talk or anything don't hesitate to PM me.


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## mandy_ (Nov 14, 2006)

It's weird, because I know I have freedom, but I don't want it. I don't want anyone else, and that's the hard part. I don't want to find another guy, and I don't want to move on.

He still means the world to me, and it is hard having him as just a friend, even though he is trying so hard to comfort me and make me feel better. I mean, obviously I want so much more. I appoligize alot, and he always tells me it's okay. I can see the hurt in his eyes, he feels horrible for hurting me. He looks so sad when I cry.

-sigh- I know I should stay away for a while, but I can't. I need him. Arrgh. I want to be angry with him for leaving me, and I am, but I can't just push him out of my life. I need him to be my friend, I need him there. I have to have him in my life. I love him, even if the feelings aren't returned. At least he cares about me enough to take care of me when I'm sad, right? He doesn't HAVE to put up with my crying and sadness, but he does.

I just..don't even know. As hurt as I am, I still enjoy his company. He acts norma. We laugh, and joke. Talk about normal stuff. The only thing that is different is I can't hold his hand, or kiss him, or tell him I love him. Which, obviously sucks. Maybe over time though, he'll realize that he misses that kind of stuff with me. Who knows.

..I'm way too hopeful for this whole situation probably. Over time things will get more realistic, I'm sure.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I just want so badly for things to go back to the way they were. I want him to take me back.

Half of this probably doesn't make any sense because I am so tired. I just wanted to write back before I went to bed. Thanks lovely ladies&lt;3 -hugs-


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## VenusGoddess (Nov 14, 2006)

My personal experience with break-ups is that you can never 'really' go back to being "just friends"...at least not right away. There's too many hurts and other very personal interchanges that have happened to just downshift and be buddy/buddy. I say give him his space for at LEAST 6 months...preferably more. Use that time to cry, grieve and begin to move on. Only when you feel that you have moved on should you attempt a friendship.

Honestly, I've never been successful friends with an ex. They are an ex for a reason...and I've found that even if *I'M* over the relationship...the new girl in their life is not...and it just makes it all around too tense.

Here's a hug...hope you feel better soon.


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## Aquilah (Nov 14, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear this sweetie! Honestly, in my experience, it's definitely hard to going from a relationship to being friends right away. I think it's great he's there for you to get through this, but at the same time, it might cause more harm than good. Maybe not! What you might need at the moment (believe it or not) is time and space between you two. Not complete lack of communication, but tone down the physical aspect of hugs and arms around shoulders. It could possibly lead to false hopes, or just the overwhelming feeling that you should be more than you are. I know from experience that letting go of the one you love coming back if it's meant to be... I let go of John once, and he let go of me once... And here we are married for almost three years with a darling daughter together! I wish you the very best sweetie! :hug:


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## sadhunni (Nov 14, 2006)

i don't know what's why w/ this month. i'm hearing so many breakups. anyway, i hope u'll feel better soon.


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 14, 2006)

I think it's really sweet that he's willing to be there for you, and help you out through this very uncomfortable time. I know you love him very much, and the only thing you want is to be with him, but the thing you need to realize that maybe it might be a good idea is to distance yourself from him a little bit so you can get your thoughts and feelings together.

As others have said on this board, you don't want to have to torture yourself with looking for some gleam of hope that he may want you back, because that will only drive you nuts. Chasing after somebody who doesn't want you in that way can be a tortorous situation, and it'll only hurt you worse in the long run.

Life happens, and if you don't let it happen you'll miss out on something even greater, so don't waste your time by hoping - go out and live your life. You're still really young, so take advantage of the time that you still have and enjoy your youth - don't waste it by chasing some guy! You seem like you're much too smart, and too full of fun and life to do something like that.

Like I said, you're in my prayers. *Bear Hugz*

Strange


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## Dragonfly (Nov 14, 2006)

Mandy, if you make yourself too available to him, he is not going to try to win you back. Pull back and see if this doesn't get his attention. By being around him like the two of you never broke up - accept for the hand holding - he is not being given the opportunity to miss you. And if he's not missing you, he's not regretting his decision to break up with you. By being around him now, he is having his cake and eating it, of sorts. He gets all of your attention without any effort or expectation on is part. win for him and a lose for you.

Rather than being around him because you can't accept his decision, give him space which is what he wants right now. If he didn't want the space, he wouldn't have broken up with you. The sooner he realizes he is getting what he asked for, the sooner he may change his mind and get back with you.


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## mandy_ (Nov 14, 2006)

I know in my heart that's what needs to happen, and maybe over the next week or so it will. I KNOW I need to just let go, it's over. But, I just..can't. My heart can't let go. It's so tough because I know what you are all saying is true, but arrrgh! WHY  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I'm having a miserable day, and all I want to do is cry. I'm getting angry with EVERYONE EXCEPT him. The one person I should be angry with, I can't be. Instead I get mad at my mom, or other people. It's so messed up.

Why does he have to mean so much to me? Why can't I make myself hate him? This just .. blows.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 14, 2006)

Just because the two of you have split up doesn't mean you can't get back together. A lot of people have gone through what you are experiencing.

But with time, space and communication, they work things out and become an

even better couple.

But you want him to get back together with you because he realizes what a mistake he has made, not because he feels guilty because he has broken your heart.

We all want you to focus on your own life and friends for a change. If the two of you are going to work through the issues that caused the break up, this is when it will occure. I know my words may not make sense but the sooner you become independent, the sooner you may get him back.

Look at this time as a period of growth rather than being stuck in a rut.


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## pinkbundles (Nov 14, 2006)

i say go out with your friends and enjoy your newfound freedom. try not to go out with coupled friends though as it might make it too depressing. and yeah, take down the pictures. it'll be good for you.


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## Shelley (Nov 14, 2006)

Mandy I am sorry this happened to you. I agree with the others in regards to keeping a distance right now as hard as it is. You still have feelings for him since the break up is recent and I think you may find it hard to be around him right now even as friends. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family throught this time. I know all of this is easier said than done. Remember you always have us here on MUT for support. Hugs.:hug:


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## Grace (Nov 15, 2006)

Aww I'm so sorry about that! I agree with everyone else. Go out with some friends and get it off your mind! *hugs*


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## kellianne76 (Nov 15, 2006)

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time. :hug:


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## mandy_ (Nov 15, 2006)

The tough part is, all of my close friends are in relationships. We talked a little bit tonight, not really anything too important. Just about like how I'm having a rough time getting used to this, and how I hope I'm not being too annoying. (Which he said I'm not.) We're doing a few things together this week, because we made the plans a while ago. During Thanksgiving break, I probably won't see him much. We'll see what happens I guess. Thanks to everyone for all of your support.

I just can't bring myself to take the pictures down. My walls will look far too bare. The memories are all good. I enjoy my pictures. I've been sleeping with my stuffed animals he gave me and his shirts that I have. It makes me feel close to him. (I've always slept with them, but now it just helps .. alot). I have the one he gave me a little bit after we started dating (for Valentine's day) it's the thing I've had the longest so it's the most important to me.

I told him tonight that I want to hate him, I want to hate him for hurting me, and for leaving me. I want to be angry with him, I want to yell at him. I can't. I can't be angry with him for the way he feels. I can't change his mind, I can only hope that time will bring us back together. He promises he'll tell me if his feelings change.

-sigh- I knew it wouldn't be easy to deal with. I'm doing alot better than I thought I would, but I just get sad so randomly sometimes. I'll just be sitting there and my eyes will start welling up..  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 15, 2006)

I think things will be fine, you just got to let things cool off for a bit, sweetie.

This is not an easy thing to get through, but you'll manage - you seem like a strong girl. Just take things in stride, and take it one day at a time.

Just let yourself break free for awhile, and relax.

And when you get the chance, take a break from him. Let him go his own way, and you go yours.

C'mon, let's see you spread this wings girlie, and fly!

I know you can do it.

Let life happen.

*Big Bear Hugz*


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## geebers (Nov 15, 2006)

Everyone is right. But i know it is easy to say and hard to do. Unfortunately, this is just another bad bumpy road in life - you WILL get through this though right now it does not seem that way. However, the more distance you place between the two of you, the easier it will be to get over him and maybe someday be friends. I know of people who tried the friends thing after a break up and 0% have been successful.


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## cutegirl (Nov 15, 2006)

mandy am really sorry for you i know how hard it's but i'm sure you will be over it.i agree with cyw1 give him chance to be away do no't be friend with him now it would help both of you and each one will know how much need the other,

i don't think you would be able to be just friends it's hard specially now.

i hope you feel good soon......big hug.


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## mandy_ (Nov 16, 2006)

Thanks everyone. I'm getting through this the best I can. Some days are better than others. I miss him a whole bunch.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Everytime I see him I just want to hug him and kiss him and all the stuff I used to do.

-hugs-


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## mandy_ (Nov 23, 2006)

I haven't updated in a while. Things are..so so. Being just friends is really kind of hard. I'm happy to still have him in my life though. Today was rough, because he wasn't there with me and my family for Thanksgiving dinner, and I won't be going to his house later for dinner. I miss him alot, in the romantic fashion. He still means the world to me.

He's still doing the best he can with being my friend, when I get sad, he feels bad and tries to make me feel better. I guess time is slowly making things better, but it's still really hard. I had a good cry yesterday.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## sukie_007 (Nov 24, 2006)

oh u poor thing i have only had and have one b/f but i go threw this feeling so much... so im not the best perwson to give u advise... but one thing.... my hairdresser told me was you can never go back to stayin friends... its just not sucessful i mean ur friend whould telll you about lets say a new girl he'sinterested in and from personal experience it hurts a lot....i have been broken down so much i dont even ffeel the hurt anymore... like in this caseur just goin to hurt and he gets the best of both worlds... in order for him to realize what hesmissing u have to tottally block him out... if it is he'll be back if not theres someone way better out there for you!!!! you'lll be fine it takes time


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## han (Nov 24, 2006)

just stoping by to see how you were doing and to wish you a happy thanksgiveing!! although you probley dont feel like you have alot to be thankfull for but each day that your alive and healthy is a blessing


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## mandy_ (Nov 24, 2006)

I do feel like I have alot to be thankful for.

He was just the one thing I was always MOST thankful for.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

I still am really thankful for him, I would never change him being there for anything.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 24, 2006)

Hi Mandy. We haven't heard from you at MUT so I was thinking of you and hoping you were ok. Sounds like you are slowly adjusting. I'd advise again about giving yourself time and space from him, but I've already done that.

Take care, and keep us posted.


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## cerridwin (Nov 24, 2006)

Several years back a boyfriend of mine broke up with me. We had been together for a couple of years. He meant the world to me. The night we broke up it was similar to your's. The hugs, kisses and tears. But he just didn't have the same feelings for me. He needed to meet the person he was supposed to meet. I hurt, cryed for ever. It was hard to see him at the same functions we went to. We still saw each other because of our involvement in the same things as well. I hurt all the more in some way's by seeing him. But the pain did go away. Yes, I think of him pretty much on a daily basis. But I know now (over 5 years later) that yes, he was the person I was supposed to be with at that time. He's happily married now. I'm happy for him. I took some wonderful things from our relationship. I will never be able to repay the things I learned. I believe the teaching went both way's as well. He's a better man than he was as well. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you will get over it. You cannot be close friends any longer but you can remain friends. Just in a different circle. But you definately need to distance yourself from him right now. You will hurt. Cry many times all night long even. But eventually you will be greatful for the memories and move on.


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## missnadia (Nov 24, 2006)

I don't understand why he broke up with you... If breaking up with you makes him cry so much, and he still cares about you so much.. this means that obviously he still has a lot of feelings for you... So WHY did he break up exactly???? Maybe he's just confused and didn't mean it.. maybe he's holding something against you and isn't able to communicate it, so he thinks that the only way is to break up....... Did you talk to him about WHY he broke up?? He owes you an answer to all of your questions...

Also, if the break up is final, I personally don't think that it's a good idea to stay friends with him. I know how strongly you want to have him in your life, but you will always love him if he's around.. and it's only gonna hold you back from exploring other opportunities. Don't do this to yourself. Good luck


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## mandy_ (Nov 24, 2006)

Believe me, I've thought about this. If he cares about me so so much why did he leave me? He says it's because he doesn't feel THAT way for me anymore. I kind of believe that maybe he was just scared, and needed a break. Maybe he'll come back to me, and maybe he won't. I just .. am not sure. I really do know that I love him more than anything. It's going to be really hard to just move on. I know it's possible, and I know people go through this all the time. I just .. didn't think I'd have to. I thought we were so so in love.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## jessimau (Nov 25, 2006)

Mandy, I'm sorry this is still so hard (not that any of us would expect it to be any other way). I know the ache of wanting to keep someone you love in your life because the idea of living without him at all hurts you more than the idea of having him in your life, but not in the way you want. I did that and tortured myself and now, 10 years later, I still sometimes get a little hung up on my ex and the "what could've been." Probably in part because many people who knew us said that if we'd only met a little later, we probably would've worked out. But he was emotionally abusive, something those people never knew, and we hurt each other in a lot of ways. I wish now that I'd cut off all contact and given myself time to heal; instead, I stayed in touch and in love with him for another 2 years. I realize now that he played a role in my life...he was there and did what he did for a reason. Were it not for him, I would've never figured out that I should become a psychologist. Through him, I found my passion. Then, through the man who was my "first" I discovered what a healthy relationship really felt like. All of these things prepared me for my current BF, who I think is the man I'm going to marry (I want him to be, just waiting on him to stop being dumb).

So as much as you hurt now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you cut off contact, heal, and get some perspective on your current situation, you can see the role he played in your life and how it's helped make you an even better person. **HUGS** If you were here in CA, I'd take you out somewhere to cheer you up.


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## mandy_ (Nov 26, 2006)

Thank you. You really have been a big help. -hug- Right about now, I wish I were in CA and away from here..


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## mandy_ (Nov 28, 2006)

With Christmas coming up this sucks. I hear Christmas songs on the radio and I think of all the wonderful things we would do at Christmas and I just lose it. I started crying my eyes out at work today. How am I supose to deal with the pain of him not being there to celebrate Christmas with me? -sigh-

We decided to still exchange gifts, since I bought his already. I know I'm going to see him on Christmas, but it's just not going to be the same. I would spend Christmas eve with his family and then on Christmas morning he'd come to my family thing for breakfast and then later we'd go back to his house to celebrate.

BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so miserable!


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## missnadia (Nov 28, 2006)

Girl why are you doing this to yourself? Break the contact, it will get easier than just seeing him every day and not be able to pour your love all over him. I know it sucks, especially at Christmas time.. And I feel for you.. Cry if you need to, an be sad if you need to, I know its really hard.. But MUT is here to support you, and trust me it gets better with time, so don't give up. Try focusing on some mindless activities for now.. hit the gym, sign up for a belly dancing class or something... Go shopping with the girls.. And keep that chin up, it will get better *hugs*


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## KimC2005 (Nov 28, 2006)

I have to agree with Nadia here. It seems like you are torturing yourself by keeping in contact with him. It just keeps being a reminder or what you two had and now what you don't have anymore. It will get easier and time definitely heals the hurts. It's just so hard to maintain that fine line of just being friends when he was once the most important thing in your life. I think you would feel a lot better if you just took some time out for yourself and just focused on your dreams and goals. Maybe after the 1st of the year just start doing more things with your other friends and kinda keep contacted limited with him. You really have to give yourself some healing time. Let him be the one that pursues after you. You will truly know if the friendship with him is genuine if he is the one that contacts you and wants to spend time with you. And if you two are supposed to be together it is going to work out.


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## Ann2325 (Nov 28, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear this news! i wish i could be much help right now,but i guess i can't! i'm going through the same dilemma as you are...a breakup! sigh!

anyways,all i can tell you is what i used to tell my girlfriends when they went through a break up...get busy ,busy and busy! i wish i could be,but everything i do reminds me of him,lol! anyways things will definitly get better,it's just time!

the shorter it takes,the better! take care honey! all the best to you!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## mandy_ (Nov 28, 2006)

Thanks girls &lt;33

It's just so hard. I need him in my life. I can't break contact.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## jessimau (Nov 28, 2006)

Mandy, I know you're not ready to break off contact, but it really will be easier in the end if you don't see him, even though it'll hurt like hell before it gets better.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 29, 2006)

Mandy, you have been single for a few weeks now. You sound really sad. Is anyone helping you get through this time. I don't mean your ex. Have you talked to a teacher or a councellor? If so, what have they advised you?


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## missnadia (Nov 29, 2006)

Hey girl, go to this site.. it's a great support group.. the people there are amazing they'll help you get through anything ...

LoveShack.org: Interpersonal Relationship Advice and Assistance Center - Love and dating advice, platonic relationships, and more.


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## Kathy (Nov 29, 2006)

Hi Mandy...how did I miss this thread?? I was wondering why it seemed like I hadn't seen too much of you and now I know. I'm really sorry about your breakup. I've been reading through this thread and everyone is giving you advice, but I can tell that you're just not ready to hear it. I've tried that "we'll still be friends" thing and I can tell you from experience, it doesn't work. One of you always wants more. It might be possible in the future. But, if you stay close to him right now you will not heal because you will not let go. I did what you're doing with a guy I really thought I was in love with and we ended up going on and off for over 2 years until I finally realized his heart just wasn't in it. It hurt like hell, because I wanted to believe we could make it work somehow, but I finally had to cut him out of my life for awhile. Eventually you'll see it's the best thing, but right now you're still too emotionally attached. And plleeasse...don't take this the wrong way or think I am patronizing you, because I'm not. But, damn girl, you're 20 years old and there are ALOT of fish in the sea. And somewhere out there, right now, you just haven't met him yet, is someone who will love you and appreciate you for the kind, gentle person you are. If this guy can't see it... or can, and doesn't want it, then it's his loss. Hang in there, we're all here for you. :1f: :hugss: :huggies:


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## mandy_ (Nov 29, 2006)

Thank you dear. You are right, I'm not ready to hear that. I was with him constantly for the past 2 1/2 years. It's very hard to cut someone that close with you, someone you consider your best friend out of your life. I just don't know how, and I don't want to. I've talked to a few of my friends, and they all really think we'll get back together because we are so perfect for each other. They see how happy we made each other. Maybe he's just scared, and needed a break for a while. Maybe he really doesn't have feelings for me anymore.

All I know is, this sucks. I miss him, I miss my relationship, I miss what we had. All I can think about are all the wonderful things we've done over the past 2 1/2 years and it makes me cry. I think of how much he used to love me and how in love we were. I think of how he was so proud to have me when we first started dating. I think of how proud I am of him for everything he's done. It scares me that he isn't there anymore, it scares me because I don't know how I'm going to deal without him.

BLAHH!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />   /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## han (Nov 29, 2006)

mandy im not trying to be harsh, but he end the relationship and moved on so no matter how hard you need to come to terms and find a way to move on to, i know it's gonna take time to heal and get over him since you been together awhile but honestly the more your around him the harder your makeing it on yourself im sorry your hurting my heart goes out to you..


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## missnadia (Nov 29, 2006)

Listen girl, give yourself one more week for sitting around and crying. When your deadline is up, you gotta take matters into your own hands!!!!!

Either (A) you have no hope for both of you being in a relationship again and you move on and cut him off, of ( B) if you still have *hope *for both of you, then take matters into your own hands and find out what really made him break up with you!! "I don't feel the same about you anymore" isn't gonna cut it!! Find out what you can do to fix the problem if you really want him. Find out why he broke up. Is there another woman? Are his needs not being met?? Maybe he's waiting for you to wake up and do something about the fact that he's unhappy with the relationship at this time!!!! Sitting around isn't gonna solve anything!! Cmon at least if there's nothing you can do anymore then by talking to him in depth you'll be able to get your answers and get some closure.

I believe that you gotta work on the relationship until you lose all hope of you being compatible in the future.. And if you lose that hope then there's your reason for cutting him off completely. A compatible partner isn't replaceable, friends are. If he's not compatible with you (of if HE says so) then you know it's time to cut him off.


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