# My first boyfriend, (real boyfriend) and I broke up two days ago.



## Jesskaa (Apr 1, 2011)

I used to come on here a lot when I was younger for tons of support. I was just in a relationship, for 7months. We were a "thing"- i mean literally, should've been dating 4 months prior. I spend every night at his house, I spend every weekend all weekend at his house. I did everything, i mean EVERYTHING with him. I'm 18(he was 21)- this is my first love, it feels like. He's the only guy to meet the family, he was my support system. He brokeup with me, and said he fell out of love- he's ready to do his own thing. Basically, i refused to believe it, and told him it just couldn't be. He's called me rude names, he's called me anything you can think of. And told me if i didn't go away- he'd call the cops. I blocked his number and facebook for my own good.. but it's rough. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I'm trying to move on- but it's hard. I cry a lot. Tonights my first night alone at home and I'm scared. I don't wanna cry myself to sleep. I miss him, i miss us. But i know.. it's OVER. How do you handle it?


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## DreamWarrior (Apr 1, 2011)

Its cliche, but time heals all wounds.  While today you feel like your heart is broken and your stomach is empty and your head hurts, in a few days you'll start to feel like yourself again, and in a few weeks you'll start to feel normal again and in few months you'll be over it.

For today, I suggest you do anything you can to keep yourself busy.  Stick with us and answer any and all threads.  Find jokes online or watch tutorials on YouTube until your eyes fall out or you fall asleep.

Comfort yourself anyway you know how.  A hot shower, food, sleep.  Its a time to heal, and you will.


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## Jesskaa (Apr 2, 2011)

Thank you, It's just nice to hear I guess.. advice of any kind- makes me realize that people do care &amp; i'm not the only girl whose going through it. I'm doing my hardest- and my best to keep on going.


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## Dragonfly (Apr 2, 2011)

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time.

I totally agree with DreamWarrior - keep yourself busy!

Get together with your girlfriends, walk the dog, clean out your closet, pamper yourself with a manicure, chocolate - anything to keep your mind occupied.

I know you didn't ask but here's some more advice - stay away from the ex boyfriend.

He seems quite upset and has told you he wants to be single. You have no choice but to accept this. If he has mentioned the police, take him seriously or else you could find yourself in a mess.

I'm curious why you would want anyone in your life that has said rude name things to you.

Trust me, any time a man hurts a woman verbally, he could easily hurt you physically - it always starts out with verbal abuse.

Maybe one day the two of you will be friends again or perhaps he will just become a distant memory. Only time will tell.


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## Amber204 (Apr 3, 2011)

I haven't talked about this for a few years now but I dated someone who always put me down for 6 years before I learned my lesson so just be glad it didn't take that long girl!!

It was all of high school and a year into uni, I found out he was lying for a long time about seeing other women and we did get into a physical fight over it all. I took off to Newfoundland for the summer with a group of girls for work and by the time I got back I was wide awake and not looking back anymore. I was so thankful I didn't merry the douche and end up stuck with kids with someone who enjoyed belittling me to make themselves feel elite.

It was the biggest mistake of my life to waste so much time like that and now I have the perfect guy and wonder what I did to deserve him in my life.

If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing because I am a very excellent judge of character now and can see through fake people easily.

I have a great group of friends and a wonderful family and wouldn't have made it through without them.

Things will perk up and soon you will have the exact opposite thoughts you are having now and thank your lucky stars you know as much as you do now! xxoo!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Jesskaa (Apr 3, 2011)

I sleep with my dog at night, he loves me and lays beside me. I know i can't and i shouldn't want him back. - i occassionally miss him, and the things we do. But it's all feeling like it's fading. It's been going on a week now, since i've really seen him. when we were "happy". I'm just shocked, happend out of the blue. I'm running to people for support my family and friends.. I've tried to get out as much as possible.. trying to sleep and keep my life going. I know i can't fix it. I miss it. Some parts of me doesn't think i could ever be his friend. I know now isn't the time to even think that. :/ It's just hard..


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## divadoll (Apr 4, 2011)

Just because they were once your boyfriend doesn't mean that you will get to be friends after a breakup.  I never became friends with any of my EX boyfriends.  They hurt me at a personal level alid that is not something I would have expected from a friend much less a BF.  Get on with your own life.  Keep busy and have some fun.  You'll find the right one that won't throw your feelings in the garbage like this one did.


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## llehsal (Apr 5, 2011)

I agree with everyone here.  Sometimes you just need to forget the past and move on.  I am still friends with all of my ex's to a certain extent...we don't call and be smushy with each other, but we say hi from time to time and say hello if we bump into each other on the street.  It will hurt you for sometime, that much is guaranteed, but after that time has past, you'd look back and say to yourself "what in heavens was I thinking tryna get back with him?".  I know you feel like your heart may fall out at any point, but it won't.  It'll survive, YOU will survive and move on....you're young and have tonnes ahead of you.  Keep your head up.


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## Jesskaa (Apr 6, 2011)

All you ladies are right, thank you so much. I've realized that if i'm sad let myself be sad, but pick myself right back up again and not to forget.. I'm 18.. there's many more to come and sitting around hurting isn't an option.


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## ls820 (Apr 6, 2011)

Oh lovely, i'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a hurdle.

like everyone else said the best advice is to move on, but i understand that it's easier said than done. I was in a similar situation about a year ago, my bf of 2.5yrs broke it off, didn't give me a reason just said that he doesn't love me anymore and didn't want to be with me. I thought everything was going well. I was devastated, i didn't go out, i didnt' eat. I pretty much just sat around and cried for a week.  it was hard, and it's hard for you as well. to move on is your goal but it's gona take a lot of time, right mindset and some really positive social support.

I'm really glad to hear that you've picked yourself back up, i guess just engage in some activities that can help distract you from the situation. For me, it was going out and meeting wonderful new people who really opened my eyes to see what's really out there. Wish you the best lovely! I know you're strong and you'll get through this  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> x


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## SarahNull (Apr 6, 2011)

This happened with my ex boyfriend Aaron. I seriously thought he was the "one". People said I was attracted to him because he fights in the UFC, but I fell for the person that he was at that time. I never met a person that was so much like me. I could tell him everything and he would always be there for me. However; when I went to visit him, we would always argue. Some may say it was self sabotage, but in the end, it all happened for a reason. Then finally, on the last day visiting him in Virginia, I said that I don't see this relationship going anywhere and discovered that he wasn't right for me. Although, I felt this to be true to some degree, a part of me still held on because I really did love him. I contemplated and debated trying to work things out, but the distance between us was over 1,000 miles, so at the time, despite loving him, I had no choice, but to let go. I broke up with him and I had to suffer the consequences, as a result.

As time proceeded, my heart began to heal. In theory, at that time, my heart was broken, but my soul was not. For about a month, I found myself in a depression that I could not control. I would dream about him every night and when I would wake up, I would feel bitter and for no reason, hate myself. I questioned whether or not this was punishment or some sort of bad Karma for ending things, however; I just went on with my life and ignored any kind of weird angst that I had towards him and the situation itself. It was hard, but I managed to keep busy. It has been 6 months since I have seen nor talked to him. We did not leave the relationship on good terms, so eventually I found myself blocking him on not only Facebook, but my phone too. Although, I have met several guys and found a guy that is right for me, I will never forget Aaron.

You cannot beat yourself up over this, as this ordeal is currently happening for a reason. The only thing you can do is be strong and give your heart time and space. I would recommend setting some goals (whether short or long-term) and focusing on those goals you wish to accomplish.


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## CHaNGiNGFaCESx (Apr 6, 2011)

Awww...sweetie.. I def know how you feel.  When I was your age I was with someone who I was friends with first, and he knew everything about me, and I never had a friend like that, for real, I could be stupid around him and act myself and it was just perfectly normal and fine, and then one day it turned into a relationship and it was awesome.  Then you know, things were rocky at the end, he was like "going thru something" and then eventually he dumped me.  I was so surprised and shocked, like I would NOT get over it.  I would cry and cry, and I was so depressed.  I acted like a stage 3 at times, he lives over an hour away, and I drove to his house once because I could NOT shake missing him, every part of my being was hurting, so I sat outside his house, but I parked up the block and then when I saw him come home, I got out of the car.. and he was like "what are you doing??"  He wouldn't even let me in and told me I had to go, and I was like, "but Mike!! I drove an hour!" and for the first time, he was mean to me.  I thought he would have gave in and let me in.  I also remember I had some gifts for him I never got to give him, so again, like a stage 3 clinger, I dropped them off at his house in front of his bedroom door (he had a seperate entrance).  It would have been too painful for me to keep them, so I figured whatever.

I don't even remember how I stopped finally calling him and playing "cold as ice" and hanging up, and being stage 3 clinger, but I do know that I did join the gym, and I got a really great job in NYC and that kept me really busy.  The gym was my everything at that time.  I ended up making friends there, being able to work out for hours, eating there at the snack bar, I just ended up becoming so friendly with everyone it was like home and there was cute guys to look at!  Of course, no one was like Mike.. but I had vowed to myself I will never let a guy hurt me like this again!  And I didn't date for 6 years... but, I would have casual sex and then not call the guy back and think I was in control and I was the one hurting men now, but really looking back, I was totally hurting myself, but you live and learn!

You will be alright, and I know it's so annoying to hear, and I remmeber when I was younger someone once told me, "The older you get, the easier it becomes, and break ups don't really even phase you anymore"  and it's the friggin truth.  I have been with the same man for a couple years now, and he is just not what I want my husband to be and I just don't see a point in going on anymore if he is not going to live up to all his claims and promises, I'm too old to do this crap and I want a man who is already a man, and is what I would look for in a mate, not dealing with a man who is still trying to be a man and is trying to CHANGE in order to BE what I want in a man.  At this point, it looks like I'm beating a dead horse, and for what?  Cuz he's good looking?  Shit, at this point, his looks are nothing when he is sitting in friggin jail, yeah how ghetto is that!

Anyways, I'll be praying for you girl!


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## emmy2410 (Apr 6, 2011)

Whatever the advices you get here pls heed them and you will never be wrong, advices are sometimes are hard to accept but you try it and you will win this period of sad moment.  Ask yourself if you deserve a guy like him to share your life with....present or future.  He just throw you like that because he fell out of love, what makes you think he will hold onto you till the end.  Let him go gal there are lots out there who deserves you btr.  Move on and deal with it bravely.  Cry as much as you can eventually it will help you feel btr.  Keep buzy with friends family, they will always be there for you.


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## Jesskaa (Apr 6, 2011)

I'm doing my best to keep on going and taking every bit of advice i can.


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## Amber204 (Apr 6, 2011)

LMAO CF "beating a dead horse" I have been there in high school I wanted that perfect Disney romance forever crap right. I stayed with what you are talking about but he wasn't even good looking lol!! It took me 6 years and him cheating to realize what time I had wasted hoping and waiting for him to grow the f up.

I haven't really talked about this much because I just tried to forget everything after right and after 3 years I still haven't fully come to terms with the mess i was in.

I felt like such a f up afterward and cried myself silly for nothing special as my father would put it lol dad's always know best! I still feel bad for my parents having to listen to that but you are right I went to the gym made some friends and life wasn't so bleak anymore. After that amount of time I expected to be married with a house and happy and the guy was really smart and had tons of potential and could just never live up to it, yet I still kept diluting myself into thinking that would happen.

Now I can't regret things and I am so much happier but I will always wonder how things could have been different if I'd have just been open to the truth sooner. I can now see how miserable I would be today if I had a kid or something and gotten stuck with the guy


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## CHaNGiNGFaCESx (Apr 7, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *Amber204* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> LMAO CF "beating a dead horse" I have been there in high school I wanted that perfect Disney romance forever crap right. I stayed with what you are talking about but he wasn't even good looking lol!! It took me 6 years and him cheating to realize what time I had wasted hoping and waiting for him to grow the f up.
> 
> ...


 Oh yeah, I can definitely relate... my issue is now is that I have changed greatly, and my on/off hasn't.. I just won't tolerate the way he acts or how he treats me anymore, when before I would.  I would lie to myself about what the relationship really was, and who he really was and I would do things to help myself hide in that fake world.. like get high to numb the pain and to make me pretend everything was okay when it really wasn't.. at all!  There would be times when he would hurt me so bad and I would just go get high instead of confronting the situation for what it was and just getting the hell out of it.  I broke up with him for good over the summer because I realized that I constantly was in fear that I would be miserable without him, but shit I was miserable with him, so what the hell was the point??  So, after finding stuff on his facebook account that I created for him, him sending messages to other girls giving his phone number out, and I was REAL tired of him taking shirtless photos of himself with this friggin "sexy" look on his face to cater to his "old female friends from school"... witch, you've had NO friends since we've been dating, now all the sudden you sign on facebook and all these corny girls from hs are on your facebook and they are"just old friends".. PLEASE..old "friends" catering to your stupid ego, that's about it.  I was real tired of that, so I changed my number on him, blocked him on FB and was done with it!  But of course, he sucked me back in again like 2 months later, and I stupidly believed things could be different, but they weren't and I tried to deal with it yet again but then I realized like.. I keep waiting for him to turn into this guy he claimed he was gonna be, and there was a time he was a great guy, and supposedly that guy "was fake anyways", so he says, so then what the fuk am I hanging around for then?  So the as***** I know now is the real you?  No THANKS.. of course when we had this conversation AT JAIL mind you, he was like wait wait no no, I didn't mean that, no the nice guy was me, I'm just saying uh uh... he didn't know what to say because he has no clue who he is, what he is, and I'm tired of trying to help him find out.  I told him he needs to find God because this whole life he has going for himself without God hasn't been working too well, so maybe he should try something different.  I have no spoken to him or seen him in 2 weeks because the last visit I had at the jail with him, I left and drove over an hour home in complete silence, no radio, and would cry time to time because of the way he was treating me, which the same ol' woe is me, I feel like shit so I'm gonna make you feel like shit, and then say "I dont know why i am the way that i am" and just play a victim role, but then also be cocky and arrogant at the same time, and not appreciate the one person who is still here for him and on his side because he has no one and nothing... so we are OFF and hopefully we stay off!   Today I actually love myself and I don't put him first, and he just can not STANNNNNDDD it, and I just got a letter from him today saying "He knows he f'd up and he was cold hearted and how much he loves me" and bla bla.. but right now, I don't even care.


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## Jesskaa (Apr 7, 2011)

I left him a bag of everything (almost) everything he gave me. My jewlry (cause i broke it up) and stuffed animals.. and just things I know i don't want. Mostly presents and cards. I kept a few here and there things. I couldn't throw it away- i just gave it back. I know he found them on his porch last night.

But on a new note &amp; this was not even 15 minutes after i drop my bag off- My friend ashley.. dates his friend Aaron. Ash just turned 21 bought her and aaron alcohol. I guess Aaron went crazy drunk and started threating her, she called me crying and he was in her face and they were both drunk- she was scared to call the cops.. and she asked me to contact my ex. I sent him a text from my friends phone.. "It's jess before you delete this, I'm just letting you know- Aarons about to get in lots of trouble him and Ash are both drunk and he's starting to scream and threaten her. Nobody will come pick him up." I ended it there. I could hear this Aaron kid throwing my friend around. And my ex replied "f*** you, i don't fucking jump when someone tells me to to jump." I said "K." Ash told me my ex wasn't coming because she can't tell him what to do. Aaron ending up walking home with a bottle. I'm realzing how much he has changed, because if this were a year ago- My ex would've dropped everything to go get his friend Aaron they've been buddies for 17 years.


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## Amber204 (Apr 7, 2011)

I love facebook it saved my life too as pic's showed up of him and another girl, anyways you see how much time and energy is wasted on this crap. I think woman as natural instinct to want to be able to fix everything rather than admit there is nothing that you can fix.

When we broke up I burned every picture and gave every gift that he ever gave me away to my friends... like that country song just give it away hahaha it was so liberating!!

He actually had the nerve to ask for some stuff back and I laughed and called him a loser... I got all the emails and phone calls and txt'd that I'm sorry, I was an as***** I changed hoping I would come back for booty call or something, even saw him drive by my house a couple times I threatened to get a restraining order and that was that.

He did some drugs and it got worse in the end, the guy didn't have to work because he had inheritance and never even had a real job. Now I don't even know what I liked about him in the first place. He treated his family like crap since day 1 and that should have been a warning sign but I wasn't willing t6o admit it. In the begining he used to walk me home from school and buy me flowers and I now I know how good some people are at acting. And what a cheap ass would wine about a 1.99 cheeseburger than had the nerve to call me a freeloader in one of our fights I will never forget that. 

I have worked since I was 12 my parents never bought me clothes or anything after that was something I always was so proud of, I had 2 paper routes to pay for my sega channel lol. The sad thing is his mother was a wonderful lady and I feel terrible for her she can't be too proud of the guy.


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## Dragonfly (Apr 7, 2011)

Why didn't your friend text your ex?

He made it very clear that he didn't want you to contact him. And after the text, he was even more angry that you bothered him.

Jesskaa, you are asking for him to apply for an order of protection. It is only a matter of time before you receive one.

Do not take anything else over to his house.

Do not contact him by phone, text, email etc, anymore.

Explain to all of your friends that under no circumstances will you contact him, on their behalf.

If they are your friends, they will respect you


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## Jesskaa (Apr 8, 2011)

He dropped my stuff off, I gave his back.

She wouldn't listen. And i honestly, had thought that- he'd go help his friend. His buddy is now in tons of trouble, on his own. I tried to get her to write his number down, to text him herself. but at that point all i could hear was her screaming. I guess it was first reaction. I know her (ex) boyfriend very well and my exboyfriend, is the only slim few to none who can "control" him when he's angry.

I've spoken to several people, who said in order for me to get a restraining order around here.. I'd have to be stalking him with proof.. such as showing up to the gym he goes too, or his work, or anything. I haven't seen or spoken to him in a week or maybe even more since we brokeup, really. I have his number blocked on my own phone, i just know it by heart. I also have him blocked on facebook. I do wish i wouldn't have texted him. I regret it. I don't regret giving him his stuff back, "our" stuff back.


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## SarahNull (Apr 8, 2011)

It sounds like he is self sabotaging the relationship. I did this exact thing with Aaron and although I don't regret it now, knowing what I do know now, I did regret it. Perhaps things would have been different if I didn't break up with him, however; everything happens for a reason.

At this point, the only thing you can do is heal. Look at this relationship at a temporary love that walked into your life to teach that it doesn't always last forever and the best is yet to come. You are beautiful and you are only 18, you have time to reflect on yourself. Take the time to get to know what makes a good man and weigh out the pros and cons. Don't ever think this is your fault either.


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## SarahNull (Apr 8, 2011)

After I broke up with Aaron, this turned out to be one of my best friends


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## Darla (Apr 8, 2011)

Jesska,  you need to just leave him alone.     You're just coming off entirely desperate and undateable.


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## Amber204 (Apr 8, 2011)

Your friends need to sort out there own problems I wouldn't have done that either.... Learn to be a stuborn ass it's done me good so far haha!!

I am a giver I used to let my friends borrow and destroy everything I ever owned, borrow money and not pay it back etc. After a good ten years of this I am sick of it all, let them make there own beds they'll never learn otherwise. Some weren't even really my friends and aren't around anymore and I'm glad.

Living out of town and going to the city often, people always call me and ask me to pick stuff up for them and it quickly gets way out of hand.

Last summer we borrowed our neighbor our towable camper they trashed the thing bent the frame had shit stolen from it and are now refusing to pay any repairs and we only asked for half when really why should we pay half even..... these are people who we have been friends with for a long time that have never been known to take responsability and I knew better and still got burned.

Take care of yourself first and let your friends learn their own lessons or they will always rely on you to bail them out idk bout you but I think that's bs and I have much better things I could do with my time than work may ass off to fix someone elses f*** up, only family gets that privilage and even then it can be abused!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Jesskaa (Apr 8, 2011)

Well. today, i recived a text from his friend the one who beat up his girl (my friend), out of no where, about how i'm a pyscho girl and i'm crazy.. nobody likes me. And I ignored it. Then he forwarded texts from my ex.. basically, saying he was dropping my stuff i gave him back at my house. His family hates me, i need to leave them alone, i need to mind my own business none of them like me. I'm a terrible person, and I'm worthless.

... I ignored it.

 I recived ANOTHER text from his friend- " you're just a waste of space." I replied. " Seth's (my ex) number is blocked for a reason from my phone. I'm blocking yours too. I don't text his family, i don't speak to his family, and haven't. He said for me to go away, I can't if your blowing up my phone- exactly why i'm blocking you too. I know who and what I am, you're not bringing me down. - and if he wants to drop off the bag of things, that's fine. I'll be the one to throw the shit away, i'm not playing tag with it."

.. and the girl who asked me contact me ex, I've decided to not talk to her. She seems like she wants to go back into that group of people. And I told her, I'm 18 now. I've got enough going for me, than to have people like my ex and her ex bringing me down constantly. I told her, I blocked them both. And if that's the crowd of people she wants to hangout with it's a shame because she's a gorgeous girl and deserves better, i'm taking my own advice.  Her reply? Okay.

Honestly, my ex and his crowd of people do NOTHING with and for there lives. It was always a fight between us, because I've been deciding colleges and becoming a nurse, and what not. He refuses to further any education? That's fine. but he didn't want too cause, none of his "friends" go to college. He's 21. he didn't want to do anything because he wouldn't have any party time. That's who is crowd of people is. I'm all down for a good time, but i'm also happy to be proud of myself too.

I guess it still hurts, he's not who i THOUGHT i fell in love with. But I'm keeping on going. All i can do is block him, and them &amp; not play tag with a stupid bag of memories.


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## CHaNGiNGFaCESx (Apr 9, 2011)

Wow girl, I am so proud of you for saying and doing all that because that is some big girl stuff right there and I know that had to be so annoying and painful to see those words over text message, even if it was from his friend, he's still talking about a very sore subject and you used a lot of restraint to not give in to the bullshit.  I'm glad you're looking at your life in the bigger picture, because you are going to go off to school and become a nurse and this whole 18 yr old shit will be for the birds when you look back on it. 

I know it's real annoying to hear people say stuff like "oh you'll get over it" or "when i was 18" and always try to tell you how small it is or how it's not a big deal cuz you're young and all that shit, I know I hated it when I was 18, but people are just trying to spare you the pain they went thru, you know?  But, it really looks like you're catching on actually and taking some of the advice and trying to move forward and for that I'm really proud!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Amber204 (Apr 9, 2011)

Right on girl, you can`t rely on anybody but you and the most important thing you can do for yourself right now is invest in your future go to nursing school get yourself a career and a guy a million times better will come along... I swear this too you!! I can see your come a long way already in these few short days, hugs!!


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## Jesskaa (Apr 9, 2011)

I think I've had enough of being weak. They've all said, so many mean things and whatever else. I can't say i didn't get teary eyed knowing, that the person i spent the last year of my life with.. said all that about/ to me. But I think i'm realizing, I have really no choice but to plant my feet on the ground and do all that i can for me. I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm not a bad person, I shouldn't feel like one. I wasn't perfect during the breakup, so many people have told me, no girl really is.- but neither was he and he still chooses not to be the bigger person. Only I can do that. It's all starting to feel faded, because I know it's over. And lately, I'm up and down with my emotions. But when I'm happy.. it's finally for a reason other than because of something to do with him. I've realized everything in the last year of my relationship went around him and me. and finally.. it's ALL FOR ME. -everything i do. I love that i went through this, even though it hurts and sucks. I'm so much closer to my mom, my friends, and my family.. I guess I can tell it's made/making me stronger in ways, I really needed before.  I think I'm going to join the gym, as someone else mention. I'm picking up hours at work, making plans with my girls for the beach this summer. I'm doing everything I want to do, and letting him and us slip from my mind.


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