# What kind of therapist is this lady?



## TwinkletOes26 (Apr 24, 2010)

Ok guys so my mother see a therapist at least twice a month(thank God). My mother is controlling and overbearing....I thought that her seeing a therapist would help but it has not. The counselor seems to condone my mothers behavior stating that the world doesnt understand what its like to worry about your child.

An example : I had just gotten a new job and my car is nonexistant(hence why I am glad i finally got a job) so I had to borrow my mothers car. She refused to let me drive it myself without her in it so she came along. Well when we got to the office my mother then insisted on coming in with me and meeting my boss. She then goes a step further and starts to take over the conversation my boss was having with me.

My boss has since mentioned it to other coworkers about my mothers behavior that day. I told my mother to please in the future dont attend job functions with me bc it looks unprofessional. Well my mother runs to her therapist and tells her the whole story. The therapist says my boss is wrong and people just dont understand that mothers worry and that her behavior is normal. So I am so glad I didnt send her an email telling her the truth about my mother behavior bc she would condone it.

Now Im no therapist but I have a BS in psychology and I know my mothers behavior is not normal by any means. So why would this therapist tell her it is? Is the therapist telling my mother what she wants to hear so shell keep coming or does she truly believe this behavior is normal?


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Apr 24, 2010)

I have a long history of going to therapists. Some have agreed with me and some haven't. Though in hind sight all the cases where they did not agree with me they were in the right.

While there is always the possibility that this is a crooked psychologist, it is also possible that your mother may not of told her the whole story. Or she may of only told it as she percieved it.

I would suggest talking to your mom about maybe you and her going to family counceling or therapy together. Obviously you don't want to tell her that it is because you think her dr is a quack or that she may be lieing. But let her know that you want to fix the relationship with her and work on your diffrences. You could also take it one step further and suggest you get a seperate therapist from the one she uses for your group sessions, simply because you would feel more comfortable knowing that what you discuss with this individual while your mom is there will not be discussed again later when you are not there.

Other wise, i hope all is well, and that you are able to solve the problems of your mom appearing at your work. Also if you have a full time paying job you may want to consider buying a used car so you dont have to rely on your mom.


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## Ingrid (Apr 24, 2010)

yup I agree with orangeeyecrayon, your mom might have not told her the whole story. Or else, the therapist is crazy enough to use reverse psychology? lol


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## Dragonfly (Apr 24, 2010)

1 - your mother is not telling the therapist the entire story

2 - your mother is telling you what the therapist said, not the therapist

In either/both case she is controlling the situation


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## reesesilverstar (Apr 24, 2010)

What Caroline said...

Are you even sure she's seeing a therapist?


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## LuckyCharm (Apr 25, 2010)

I so could have written this story. I'm so sorry you're in the same situation that I'm in.

My mother is mentally not all together. She had a little hissy fit and moved out, and somehow my sister got her into seeing a psychologist. That wasn't really helpful, because only psychiatrists can prescribe meds--not psychologist--in this state. My mother needs to be heavily medicated.

Apparently this psychologist wanted my father and I to come in. I was told last minute (my mother knew for a week, so why did she wait until it was time to leave to say anything, then get all pissy?), so I didn't go, but my dad did. Lets just say it is a case of revisionist history going on. I refuse to be a part of that. My father has continually called her out on it, but she continues to go on believing whatever she wants, which is often quite far from reality. She's the victim, she has done no wrong. Reality is, she's the problem and causing all the issues.

I have said I refuse to speak to or have anything to do with my mother when I move out. She's been emotionally abusive (and physically went after my dog once--I told her do that again, I will beat her to within an inch of her life even god won't be able to help her), I've gotten the brunt of it, and I'm absolutely sick of it.

For example. I have a few health issues. I had surgery back in end of 2008. Minor, plastic surgery scar revision. But my blood pressure and stress was up that day. I go back to pre-op, had a nurse I knew, who absolutely understood and said she'd make sure everyone left me alone. Some peon didn't get that message, and brought my mother back. WTF! I had 90+ minutes to go before I went into the OR, and I didn't want my mother there barking orders, being an idiot, trying to small talk, or just standing there breathing over me. I asked her to leave. SHe refused, said she had every right to be there and to meet my doctor (whats funny is that with all the major surgeries I've had, she's never met quite a few of the surgeons!). I said fine, leave and I'll have them call you back when the doctor shows up. Nope, not happening. A nurse finally comes back, I tell the nurse, my mother mouths off more comments, then steps right outisde of the curtain. Next nurse comes in, and tells her she needs to leave or else she's calling security. Of course, she then creates a scene, and leave. Tells my father in the waiting room a whole nother story. I stayed overnight (had the option of going home, but not to that psycho woman after a fit), and my dad picks me up the next day. Lets say the story he was told was about as far from the truth as it could get.

I had surgery since then, and she wasn't invited (outpatient). I had major surgery about 2 weeks ago with a hospital stay. My dad took me, and in post op he brings back, my stuff (cell, laptop, pillow), and says he spoke with my mother. She wanted to have him tell me she was hurt that she wasn't there, like she was for all of my other major surgeries. My response? GOOD!! The previous behavior is obscenely inappropriate and there's a good reason why she'll never be allowed near me in a hospital again! And what did she want? She wanted my dad to tell her my facial reaction to that comment--she thought I'd feel guilty. Bloody chance lady.

What's even better? While it is an amazingly huge academic hospital, I do research there, and I know quite a few people having been a patient there for over 2 decades! A person who witnessed her behavior the first time have later asked me what the hell went on and what her issue is. It really reflects badly on me, and I'm not going to continue to jeopardize my standing because of someone who doesn't know what is appropriate is.

Forgive my rambling. I so feel for you, and I'm sorry you're going through this situation. I'm at a point where my contact is as limited as possible. I am done with it. The most positive thing to do at times is to limit contact, and move on. I tell my mother nothing that is going on with my life (lets just say I am her source of gossip--if I do anything, I can guarantee she'll be talking about me with anyone who will listen, which is lovely when she doesn't know what's going on, and has no problem badmouthing people she knows nothing about).


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## Mizzyme (Apr 25, 2010)

There are always 3 sides to every story, ur moms side, ur side and the real truth......we all see things differant its why our stories differ...we tend to side with ourselves. Your mom has talked about her side and the way she viewed things, sadly the therapist knows nothing about ur situation or how it might have made u feel






Also ur mom probaly told u what she heard the therapist say.....it most likely came out a bit differantly.

My mom has had a hard life and although I understand she still is not mentally stable. She refuses a therapist, however I have seen her speak with her doctor......and the way the conversation goes u would never know she was mentally unstable.

I hope that someday ur mom will see how this makes u feel. As a mom I know the feeling of wanting the best and wanting to do everything for ur child....but ur there to guide them not control them.


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## Shelley (Apr 26, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Dragonfly* /img/forum/go_quote.gif 1 - your mother is not telling the therapist the entire story2 - your mother is telling you what the therapist said, not the therapist

In either/both case she is controlling the situation

I agree with Carolyn.
LuckyCharm I can relate to parts of what you wrote. My mom is similar in some ways.


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## jodevizes (Apr 27, 2010)

Wow this is like a soap opera. A mother going to her daughters interview and taking over, this is unheard of, how rude! Your Boss sounds like an AH for bringing it to everybody's attention and undermining your position.

Two things. First, keep a diary, you may be able to sell it to a TV production company, seriously, remember any dialogue to keep it real.

Second, Earn enough to get a car and some good clothes for future interviews and get the hell out of that job as you will always be the girl whose mother came along, unless you are soooo brilliant that they will never dare to mention it again.

Finally, start looking for jobs out on the coast, as far away from Mother as possible. It will be good for your sanity.

Love Jo


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## xjackie83 (Apr 27, 2010)

To add to what everyone else said how do you know the therapist agreed with your mother? Your mom could have just been telling you that, when the therapist may have told her something else.

Or maybe the therapist is trying to build trust with your mother?


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## divadoll (May 9, 2010)

I doubt that your mother is going to sway the story so the therapist is going to sympathize with you. She would sway the story so her therapist will side with her. All the facts may be the same but perhaps not in that order and embellished to make her look better than you. Perhaps you should take more involvement in your mother's therapy sessions if you think she is not telling the truth. Just because she is not all there, doesn't mean she can't be convincing. My father-in-law has schizophrenia and he was charged with a criminal act. He had the lawyer convinced that we will put up our house as bond for his release! Crazy!! but it doesn't mean he was incoherent.


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## PinkyCheeks (May 30, 2010)

Sorry, but is your mum paying for the therapist.

Maybe she is just smart and uncaring. By agreeing with your mum and possibly telling your mum the things you say is making your mum keep letting you go back to see the same therapist. Therefore the therapist is still getting paid for a job well done for your mothers benefit.


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