# How to drop a hint to my boyfriend that he should propose?



## Summer1993 (Apr 30, 2013)

It's not like he doesn't want to propose and I'm forcing him to, but he has said many times that he would "engage me", as he calls it, in a heartbeat but he knows I keep our relationship pretty personal and that I would try to keep it a secret from my parents. I guess it hurts his feelings that I wouldn't just come out and tell them. I also don't say I love you to him in front of my parents. I'm just not a very openly affectionate person toward anyone except him, and I think it hurts his feelings. So how can I drop the hint that I WANT him to propose to me?

We have been dating for 5 years, by the way, if that matters. So it isn't like we are going into it too fast or it scares him or anything.

Thanks in advance, and God bless you! ( :


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## tinkerbll695 (Apr 30, 2013)

Why would you keep an engagement a secret from your parents?

Maybe the fact that he knows that's what you'd do is what is keeping him from wanting to propose to you.

I'm not overly into PDA, but I know that my fiance needs me to show him that I care about and love him. Showing some sort of affection in public (I'm not talking a full on grope fest, but holding his hand or giving him a kiss on the check) I think reassures him that my feelings are only for him. Being comfortable around one another's family is another way I make sure that he knows I'm serious about us. Our parents all knew where our relationship was headed and that we were serious about each other before we got engaged. 

I guess what I'm getting at is that guys are people too (obviously) and they have the same emotional needs as girls. If he feels like you're hiding him, your relationship, or your feelings for him once you step out of the house with him or when you're around other people, why would he want to take the next step and make a huge declaration of his affections and feelings, especially if you'll hide your engagement? 

Sorry if this sounded harsh in anyway, I'm only going on the information you gave and I obviously don't know anything about your relationship. This is the same response I would have given to any of my close girlfriends if they told me the exact same thing.


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## diana16 (Apr 30, 2013)

Is there a reason you hide it from your parents? Maybe he wants your parents to know about your relationship before he proposes. I always ask my bf when will he propose lol but maybe you should tell him that you want to take the next step in your relationship! I wish my bf would propose too we have been together for 4 years but he says he wants to wait, if it were up to me id already be married  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## amberlamps (Apr 30, 2013)

Why do you need to drop a hint that you want him to propose? Why can't you just tell him that you want him to propose to you?

If I were you though, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, I'd try to figure out why you want to keep your relationship so private. Affection is not something that should be hidden.


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## heartsandwhimsy (Apr 30, 2013)

> Why do you need to drop a hint that you want him to propose? Why can't you just tell him that you want him to propose to you? If I were you though, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, I'd try to figure out why you want to keep your relationship so private. Affection is not something that should be hidden.


 exactly what I was going you write : ) I dont drop hints I let my needs be known. it's taken me many years to be able to communicate openly like this and alot of work but its.wonderful


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## Summer1993 (May 2, 2013)

Thanks. Well, I was checking this yesterday and he noticed I was trying to keep the computer screen angled so he couldn't see it, so he pulled the computer away from me and read this! So embarrassing! But now I don't have to drop hints at least. He knows exactly what I want! Lol.

I am definitely going to try to be more open with my parents about our relationship. I am open with it toward everyone else, just my parents. I'm not sure why, but I've always been that way with them. Hopefully I can make him feel confident that I love him and I'm not trying to "hide" him because I'm not.


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## kawaiimeows (May 2, 2013)

Y'all have definitely been together a long time, no doubt, but you also seem young (hopefully this isn't creepy i just noticed your profile said you're a freshman in college). My unsolicited advice, even if you got engaged within the next year or so would be to wait a few more years to get married. I hated hearing that when I was in undergrad. But my boyfriend and I dated pretty much all through undergrad + this first year of law school I am about to finish before he propsed. Looking back on the last three years,  and everything we went through, we have both changed A LOT (in good ways). Basically my point is everyone goes through changes/growing up in undergrad, some for better and some for worse. And right now it seems like you need to work on communication with him and your parents before marriage comes.


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## gw3ndolyn (May 6, 2013)

I think that before he proposes you need to figure out why you would keep this from your parents and why you keep your relationship so personal. Like the previous post says, you need to communicate with your family and him better and be more open. He might be refraining from proposing because the relationship is kept so quiet.


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## Summer1993 (May 7, 2013)

This is very true. People change a lot. If we were to get engaged, we would wait to get married for several years until I finish school and we can afford to live comfortably.


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## jesshh3 (Jan 2, 2014)

I have known my fiancÃ© since I was 13, we have always had a thing and had dated before, but this time when we were dating he proposed to me! We are both 21, he will be 22 in a month, and he is finished school this year, and I am finished school next year, so the wedding won't be until after I am finished, but regardless I am so excited!! Sometimes engagements happen fast or slow but all that matters is that you both love each other!


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## Martina89 (Jan 16, 2014)

I was writing the same 




 

Sorry but I don't understand what's the problem with your parents  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## ashleygo (Jan 16, 2014)

I had a boyfriend (now husband) who kept his relationship with me a secret from his parents/family at first. Out right lied to his mother's face when she asked who I was (I was there by the way). He told her that I was a friend. I cannot tell you how much this hurt me at the time. I wonder if that maybe isn't the issue. I understand some families aren't very open about feelings so I out right told him that I didn't want to be part of a family that was like that and when I had my own kids I wanted them to be open with me. Once we had this discussion he agreed he didn't want it to be like that and I think it helped him to realize he needed to start being open and making those connections. To be honest (not to toot my own horn) I think I really helped his family learn how to open up and be a little more loving because since I first met them it has been a complete 180.


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## ashleygo (Jan 16, 2014)

Also we started dating when I was 17, got engaged at 19 married at 20 and had a child at 21 and a child at 23 (I turn 24 in a few months). I have changed and so has he, but we have grown together. I don't ever regret my decision and anytime comments about being so young I just shrug it off. Just know being engaged and marriage is a whole different ball game. It completely changes your relationship and it isn't easy at times and there more than likely will be times when you are like "WOW what am I doing?".


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## Martina89 (Jan 16, 2014)

I think you have made the best choice. Sometimes it takes a lot of patience!!!


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## Sunflowercake (Jan 16, 2014)

@ashleygo I got married at 19 as well and do not regret it. No kids here yet though (after 7 years) althoug everyone thought we are getting married so I must be pregnant. It is true, you both still do change and you just have to grow together.


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## luckyme502 (Jan 22, 2014)

I got married at 18, we separated within two years, and we divorced.


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## SarahNull (Jan 24, 2014)

I was engaged to my current boyfriend when I was 17. It never worked out because we were too young. Now, at 33 we are back together and he has plans of proposing later this year. I wouldn't rush into it if you feel the need to be overly discreet because if it's meant to be, it will happen.


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## arcticXeyes (Apr 8, 2014)

I'm in a similar boat. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We have discussed marriage. He told me that if we were in a better place financially, he would propose by or for our anniversary. I'm kind of feeling a bit low lately because of it. We both got better jobs so we are financially in a better place. We passed the anniversary. Yet, now I feel like he doesn't even want me. We also live together. I feel like I should just give it up. My last relationship lasted 5 years and I thought he would propose but it was always a different excuse every time I brought it up. Idk. I feel like I should give up on relationships. I know it sounds petty, but I don't want to waste my time in a relationship if they don't plan to marry me or keep their word.


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## kawaiimeows (Apr 8, 2014)

Quote: Originally Posted by *arcticXeyes* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
  I'm in a similar boat. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We have discussed marriage. He told me that if we were in a better place financially, he would propose by or for our anniversary. I'm kind of feeling a bit low lately because of it. We both got better jobs so we are financially in a better place. We passed the anniversary. Yet, now I feel like he doesn't even want me. We also live together. I feel like I should just give it up. My last relationship lasted 5 years and I thought he would propose but it was always a different excuse every time I brought it up. Idk. I feel like I should give up on relationships. I know it sounds petty, but I don't want to waste my time in a relationship if they don't plan to marry me or keep their word.
I know it feels meaningless to be in a relationship that you don't feel like is going to be a "long term" relationship and the pressure gets higher the longer time goes on. But, a year is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, and might not be worth it to rush the marriage. I think I'm probably saying this because my relationship is going on 4 years (will be 5 years when my wedding actually happens). Seeing firsthand how much of a commitment a wedding is both financially and emotionally has taught me that it should not be taken lightly.


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## Kelly Silva (Apr 27, 2014)

arcticXeyes said:


> I'm in a similar boat. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We have discussed marriage. He told me that if we were in a better place financially, he would propose by or for our anniversary. I'm kind of feeling a bit low lately because of it. We both got better jobs so we are financially in a better place. We passed the anniversary. Yet, now I feel like he doesn't even want me. We also live together. I feel like I should just give it up. My last relationship lasted 5 years and I thought he would propose but it was always a different excuse every time I brought it up. Idk. I feel like I should give up on relationships. I know it sounds petty, but I don't want to waste my time in a relationship if they don't plan to marry me or keep their word.





kawaiimeows said:


> I know it feels meaningless to be in a relationship that you don't feel like is going to be a "long term" relationship and the pressure gets higher the longer time goes on. But, a year is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, and might not be worth it to rush the marriage. I think I'm probably saying this because my relationship is going on 4 years (will be 5 years when my wedding actually happens). Seeing firsthand how much of a commitment a wedding is both financially and emotionally has taught me that it should not be taken lightly.


Yes, one year is nothing. I think when I was younger I wanted to get married young, and was swept away by the romanticism of it. But I'm 25 now, I'll be dating my boyfriend for 5 years as of September this year, and we've definitely committed to each other, but even after 5 years we're not ready for marriage. We don't have the finances to do so, and I think we still think of ourselves as too young. We've lived together and we can tell we'd be a good team when we do eventually get married, but we're just not in a rush to do so. I know couples who dated for 10 years before they got married. Also communicating is key. If you don't feel like you can honestly tell him this is bothering you, then maybe he's not the right one. It can be hard, and scary but talking it out could be just the thing you and he needed. I think that's the biggest thing I've learned being in my current relationship is guys can't read your mind! You have to tell them what you want/need/think!


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## coffeeformom (Apr 27, 2014)

Let him know how much you love him and tell him you want to marry him one day!


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## Kristine Walker (Apr 27, 2014)

When a man is ready he will propose Look at George Clooney. All those women who stuck it out 5-7 years. Now Boom! He's engaged.. Why would you want somebody who had to be hinted into it? Don't worry about men, worry about your education and enjoying your freedom!

  When you find the right one you will want your parents to know him and he will want his family to know you. Frankly, that's a big old red flag to me right there. Don't push him, don't move in with him (if he wants the right to live with you then he can dang well man-up and put a ring on it) and never give an ultimatum that you can't keep.


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## biancardi (Apr 27, 2014)

kawaiimeows said:


> Y'all have definitely been together a long time, no doubt, but you also seem young (hopefully this isn't creepy i just noticed your profile said you're a freshman in college). My unsolicited advice, even if you got engaged within the next year or so would be to wait a few more years to get married. I hated hearing that when I was in undergrad. But my boyfriend and I dated pretty much all through undergrad + this first year of law school I am about to finish before he propsed. Looking back on the last three years,  and everything we went through, we have both changed A LOT (in good ways). Basically my point is everyone goes through changes/growing up in undergrad, some for better and some for worse. And right now it seems like you need to work on communication with him and your parents before marriage comes.


I totally agree.  You can be engaged, but have a long engagement.   Wait until you are 26-27 to get married. 

I live in a state where the divorce rates are the lowest in the country and it is because people wait until their mid to late 20's to get married.  They finish college, they get a job, they concentrate on themselves for a bit and then they get married.    You need to focus on yourself and understand who you are at 19 may not be who you are at 26.


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## autopilot (Apr 27, 2014)

Kelly Silva said:


> I know couples who dated for 10 years before they got married.


Me. We were living together for that long also. I just turned 34, DH will be 35 next month, and our 1st wedding anniversary is in September though we have been a couple since Jan '03. (No human kids.)

Why the delay? Life kept greeting in the way. We were already legally common-law so essentially the marriage became more symbolic than anything. I even had countless people ask me why I wanted to get married, as if being common-law for so long indicates a lack of interest in the institution of marriage or something...

Longer post than I intended, lol, but my point is that every couple and situation is different. And that the older you get, you realize the less you know, so don't rush through those life experiences.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## sparklesgirlxox (Jul 20, 2014)

I don't drop hints about anything  . I tell someone outright what I want and need. Ask him if he intends to marry you. Ask him is so when. Ask him how he honestly feels about you. Are you afraid of his answer?


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## Lois F. Loy (Aug 11, 2014)

Summer1993 said:


> It's not like he doesn't want to propose and I'm forcing him to, but he has said many times that he would "engage me", as he calls it, in a heartbeat but he knows I keep our relationship pretty personal and that I would try to keep it a secret from my parents. I guess it hurts his feelings that I wouldn't just come out and tell them. I also don't say I love you to him in front of my parents. I'm just not a very openly affectionate person toward anyone except him, and I think it hurts his feelings. So how can I drop the hint that I WANT him to propose to me?
> 
> We have been dating for 5 years, by the way, if that matters. So it isn't like we are going into it too fast or it scares him or anything.
> 
> Thanks in advance, and God bless you! ( :


I really think that it is completely his own choice if or when he wants to propose to marry you. 

Maybe you could propose to him? No? Better wait for him then.


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## Meggpi (Aug 11, 2014)

I thought it was funny to browse sites talking about ethical diamonds or ethical diamond substitutes on my partner's computer so that he gets a bunch of googleads from Brilliant Earth and whatnot  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  It's in good fun though, we'll get engaged eventually.  I've been married before (at 24, it lasted a year and taught me a whole lot of home truths) and I have to say, being in a happy and stable relationship has actually put LESS pressure on us to take the 'next step.' It's been 4 years and we do have our lives very much entwined.  Having a ring on your finger isn't a magic amulet that makes you more committed.  I'm 31 and there are still goals I'd like to meet before we focus on that, and I'm sure there is for someone younger too.  Have fun being young and enjoying each other.


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## sparklesgirlxox (Sep 1, 2014)

Summer1993 said:


> It's not like he doesn't want to propose and I'm forcing him to, but he has said many times that he would "engage me", as he calls it, in a heartbeat but he knows I keep our relationship pretty personal and that I would try to keep it a secret from my parents. I guess it hurts his feelings that I wouldn't just come out and tell them. I also don't say I love you to him in front of my parents. I'm just not a very openly affectionate person toward anyone except him, and I think it hurts his feelings. So how can I drop the hint that I WANT him to propose to me?
> 
> We have been dating for 5 years, by the way, if that matters. So it isn't like we are going into it too fast or it scares him or anything.
> 
> Thanks in advance, and God bless you! ( :


 He doesn't want to propose to you. He is not sure he wants to  marry you.   You don't need to drop hints to anyone they usually can tell you want to marry them.   I don't think he feels the same way.  You need to find out why.


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## Lois F. Loy (Sep 2, 2014)

Why not propose to him? Unconventional but in this day and age. But what if he says "No"? What if you say no to him? You both are under the same pressure in asking, so why not?


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## Sarah Nails (Sep 27, 2014)

Summer, i think i have a simple solution to that. :wub: He is just waiting for a sign from you. He is definitely ready to take it to the next level by probing into how you show affection. Its fine if you don't give him public affections, if he is ok with it. You don't have to display your affection in front of everyone, but just in front of people that matter, which are your parents and close friends. If you start treating him a little bit more that "boyfriend" in front of them, he would gain the confidence to propose because he would be sure you are now on the same page. :drive:


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## Amurphy (Oct 28, 2015)

Pretent to watch some wedding dresses or rings sometimes...


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## Barbie2 (Apr 3, 2016)

I dont think you should have to drop hints chances are every guy already knows women want kids and they want to get married its a no brainer men are not that dumb.He is probably not ready to get married and thats why he has not proposed.You cant really force the issue I mean I know girls who have and basically the only reason their bf probably proposed is because they kinda made / forced them to do so in the first place because they kept bringing it up / talking about it .If a mans not asking you then either wait or find a new man either way marriage is something you shouldnt try to make any man do if he wants to marry you he will ask when he is ready.


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## Brooke Shores (Apr 19, 2016)

Omg 5 years.  Well I think you're allowed to be blunt at that point.  I'm pretty blunt in the beginning now*shrug* ...I think it works best that way.  Otherwise, they would wait 10 yrs if they could!  Just my opinion. :wub:


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## OiiO (Apr 22, 2016)

Kelly Silva said:


> Yes, one year is nothing. I think when I was younger I wanted to get married young, and was swept away by the romanticism of it. But I'm 25 now, I'll be dating my boyfriend for 5 years as of September this year, and we've definitely committed to each other, but even after 5 years we're not ready for marriage. We don't have the finances to do so, and I think we still think of ourselves as too young. We've lived together and we can tell we'd be a good team when we do eventually get married, but we're just not in a rush to do so. I know couples who dated for 10 years before they got married.


My husband and I dated for 7 years before we got married, and 5 of those were long distance. We definitely felt like we were too young and needed to at least finish college first. Neither of us wanted to be dependent on our parents or take any loans that would be difficult to pay off, so we waited until we could be more stable financially  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Brooke Shores (Aug 1, 2016)

I'm nontraditional and blunt in relationships.  I can't imagine being surprised by a bf's proposal.  

Your friends can help with pushing your boyfriend's cold feet.  You can mention the average length people wait to marry, the benefits, slowly begin adding wedding culture to your conversation and descriptions, maybe pictures of white dresses.  Haahha.  Sneaky!


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## Barbie2 (Aug 1, 2016)

greenteababe said:


> I'm nontraditional and blunt in relationships.  I can't imagine being surprised by a bf's proposal.
> 
> Your friends can help with pushing your boyfriend's cold feet.  You can mention the average length people wait to marry, the benefits, slowly begin adding wedding culture to your conversation and descriptions, maybe pictures of white dresses.  Haahha.  Sneaky!


But the key word you used is " push " you shouldnt have to push anyone into a big decision like marriage.Relationships just dont work that way you have to compromise and be patient  and wait for things unfortunately things dont always go your way you dont always get what you want when you want it.Its not always about you when your in a relationship you have to think about the other person and what they need as well.Giving him an ultimatum or having his friends say something to him is going to make him uncomfortable about the situation.Try and look at it from the other persons perspective.

Most people do things the wrong way though they should wait longer to get married its a very big decision and thats why most marriages end in divorce.People dont take it seriously or take into account the relationship they have with the other person if thats a good enough person to be married to for the rest of your life, then children and you need money and you both need two decent incomes coming in and a college education.Without thinking it through your setting yourself up for failure.


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## Barbie2 (Aug 14, 2016)

OiiO said:


> My husband and I dated for 7 years before we got married, and 5 of those were long distance. We definitely felt like we were too young and needed to at least finish college first. Neither of us wanted to be dependent on our parents or take any loans that would be difficult to pay off, so we waited until we could be more stable financially  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


Long distance most people dont consider that being in a" real relationship" because you dont see the person on a daily basis or even a weekly or monthly basis you hardly ever see them and your forms of contact are texting or phone calls its not really the same as being in a relationship its more like online dating to me so in terms of relationship years you dont really know someone that well dating from a distance so I wouldnt even count that as part of the number of years personally.Actual dating is much more intimate I dont mean on a sexual level but in an intimate personal face to face level where you really get to know someone.

People should wait to finish college get a career and get financially stable before they ever get married.If you think your too young you shouldnt be walking down the aisle to begin with.But in terms of actual reality in relationships and in terms of marriage people dont ever really get financially stable things like having makeup or fashion blogs is great but its far from being financially stable in terms of finances its more of a hobby when it comes to owning a house , owning a car , having children , having bills all those things would require much more cash coming in.In general many people dont know the cost of living and the kind of income you really need to make it most people live pay check to paycheck to pay their bills they struggle.I just didnt want some young girl to read your post and think oh she could have a fashion or makeup blog and make a living off of it for the rest of her life as a career.Look at the cupcakes and cashmere girl or the blonde salad if you really look at those blogs those girls live off their bfs / husbands money in order to make it by financially they have a partner who provides for them.That and they have careers and use their blogs as a side income they know they need to work multiple jobs in order to make it by on their salary and they also know they need a man lol and I'am not saying their is anything wrong with women having the man as the sole provider for finances men do make more money to begin with.But I just think people need to really be realistic when it comes to finances , choosing a career and the cost of living in general.


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## RachelElizabeth (Aug 14, 2016)

Barbie2 said:


> Long distance most people dont consider that being in a" real relationship" because you dont see the person on a daily basis or even a weekly or monthly basis you hardly ever see them and your forms of contact are texting or phone calls its not really the same as being in a relationship its more like online dating to me so in terms of relationship years you dont really know someone that well dating from a distance so I wouldnt even count that as part of the number of years personally.


My husband (married 3 1/2 years) travels about 75% of the time for work, sometimes away for weeks/months at a time. It doesn't make our relationship or marriage any less "real."  Should I subtract the time he's away when people ask how long we've been married?  That's absurd.

The bottom line is that each couple's reality is very different, and we shouldn't apply our own experiences to other people's relationships.  I know that not everyone would be comfortable with a spouse working like mine does, but it works for us and our relationship, if anything, has strengthened.  The same goes for relationship length - one couple might achieve a level of intimacy at 1 year that takes another couple 5.  Only two people can ever really know what's happening in a relationship and what works/what doesn't.


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## Barbie2 (Aug 14, 2016)

RachelElizabeth said:


> My husband (married 3 1/2 years) travels about 75% of the time for work, sometimes away for weeks/months at a time. It doesn't make our relationship or marriage any less "real."  Should I subtract the time he's away when people ask how long we've been married?  That's absurd.
> 
> The bottom line is that each couple's reality is very different, and we shouldn't apply our own experiences to other people's relationships.  I know that not everyone would be comfortable with a spouse working like mine does, but it works for us and our relationship, if anything, has strengthened.  The same goes for relationship length - one couple might achieve a level of intimacy at 1 year that takes another couple 5.  Only two people can ever really know what's happening in a relationship and what works/what doesn't.


Well when you married him my guess is you knew he wouldnt be around much am I right ? Its the same if your husbands a doctor you know he wont be spending too much time at home with you or your kids but again thats something a woman would know before marrying someone like that where the mans job is such where he wouldnt be at home that much.Things like that you would know before marrying the guy what type of job he has / career.Not many women would be okay with it but if you are do you.

I never said that I said if your in a long distance relationship their are aspects of your relationship where your not with the person that much meaning in order to really get to know someone on a very real level especially when dating you need to actually be present physically and see that person. I wouldnt consider any long distance relationship anything more than someone online dating especially if it goes on for long periods of time because the level of contact is very low and thats just how I see those people in long distance relationships because you could know someone for a year in long distance relationship and not really know them .Dating  would be so limited and  people get to know each other face to face talking on the phone is very different from being there with someone face to face.

I think everyone will struggle if they dont have their career and finances in check before marriage.My point was she needs to be realistic having a beauty blog will not pay the bills its gonna take two maybe even 3 incomes to live.I see it all the time when I was in college people would major in things like art or music and the reality is your gonna need to pay your bills and your gonna need a realistic stable job not necessarily a dream job.


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## hellengeek (Nov 29, 2016)

are you serious ? i mean i dont think so that girls need to realize boys if she like him


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