# Does your SO talk outta their butt too much?



## Jennifer (Oct 6, 2007)

this isn't a huge issue and nothing's ever been said to the point where i'd think about leaving him, but it's something that's been getting to me more and more each time it happens...

toby sucks with his words. he really does. he even says he does. sometimes he'll say things and mean something else, but what he says REALLY upsets me. when i show him i'm upset, he'll go on about what he actually meant to say.

i've never said anything to really hurt him or talked outta my booty, so when he says everyone messes up their words sometimes, i'm like, uh, i haven't, but then he accuses me of tooting my horn LOL

does your SO do that? if so, how do you deal with it? if they don't do it, do you think it'd be something you could deal with?


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## BeneBaby (Oct 6, 2007)

I think men in general have a harder time communicating their messages. My BF doesn't real talk out of his ass, but he can't explain himself properly. He goes off on random tangents that have nothing to do with the original conversation. Keeping him focused is the hardest thing for me.


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## pinksugar (Oct 6, 2007)

my bf just shuts down completely. He uses the absolute minimum of words and if I try to get him to get him to explain himself he'll just shut up like a clam, LOL.

Drives me crazy! I think I agree with Benebaby, guys just completely SUCK at communication. They're crap at it. I keep that in mind and try to slowly and non-angrily explain how his comments made me feel - and then we both go away and have time by ourselves and usually we'll both appologise.

My guy-rule is: 1. say how it made me feel 2. how he could have said it better 3. give him some space 4. be open to both appologising (I know I personally over react sometimes and get angry, LOL)

good luck, and try not to take it personally, they cant help being semi retarded sometimes


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## Annia (Oct 6, 2007)

Good luck!


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## AngelaGM (Oct 6, 2007)

I think most men are like that. Maybe check out some books on interpersonal relationships. This might help you out=)


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## Maysie (Oct 6, 2007)

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif my bf just shuts down completely. He uses the absolute minimum of words and if I try to get him to get him to explain himself he'll just shut up like a clam, LOL. OMG my boyfriend does this too!!! He'll often say something which will upset me and then I point it out to him and he'll say its not what I meant. If I push it to see what it was he actually meant, he just won't say anything.
I agree that guys in general are less skilled at communication.


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## empericalbeauty (Oct 6, 2007)

YES!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD !!!!!!!!!. This. Pisses. Me. Off. He actually did this on thursday night. and it left me very hurt and confused.


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## lynnda (Oct 6, 2007)

My b/f and I just had a huge argument about this exact issue yesterday!!! He makes me sooo mad!!


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## macface (Oct 6, 2007)

Lately this has been happening can't stand this crap.


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## Lia (Oct 6, 2007)

Actually, not. I'm very lucky because the talkative part of our relationship is him - he's a lawyer and studied to become a teacher as well, so he really knows how to talk


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## michal_cohen (Oct 6, 2007)

i hate that

my mom said to me 3 month before she died while she was still at home "i wish you were never born"

but i know she didnt meant to

and my ex always used to Ceres for nothing and to say stupid stuff like "you are going with your mom to look at other boys "

things like that

i hate that i just pretend that i didn't heard that

my new guy sometimes do mystics but he doesnt know

and when i bringing it up on the pone and saying "last night you said something that upset me"

he says we will talk about it next time we will meet

and i hate that cus i don't have nothing to say just the fact that's upset me

i know how you feel and if it sit to much on your heart you got to think twice iuf you want to leave him


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## Andi (Oct 6, 2007)

I can actually be like that. IÂ´m very sensitive and can communicate well, but sometimes I say things without realizing it might hurt my fiancÃ©. Afterwards I always apologize and he knows I didnÂ´t mean it that way, but it still happens sometimes.

Weird enough, this rarely happens to him, itÂ´s always me whoÂ´s the bad guy lol


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## Solimar (Oct 6, 2007)

Men are just people who seem to have a harder time communicating their feelings, while women, who are more verbal, do not have such difficulty. This happens with the majority of guys, and while they really do not mean it, us women take it the wrong way. It's not to say that we don't have the right to be pissed off, because when someone says something, you'd like to be able to trust that the way you take it, based on voice inflection, etc., is the way it was meant, or what the person said was true to their feelings. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what a guy means to say, it matters what he DID say. It's best to just understand that it's going to happen with any guy at some points, even though some guys may be better than others at communicating. Forgive and forget, but still explain that if he doesn't want you to have a negative reaction, he may need to take another two seconds to think before opening his mouth.


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## Jennifer (Oct 6, 2007)

thanks SO much for all of your replies!



i'm feeling better now that i know i'm not the only one.

before me, he never had any kind of communcation in a relationship. he says he's never been treated this good, where it wasn't just "you're my boyfriend and i'm your girlfriend" and sometimes he doesn't know what to do or say, but i tell him it's been over a year, we're engaged, and GROW UP! lol


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## Solimar (Oct 6, 2007)

Jen, I totally know how you feel. My fiance is such a f*ck up sometimes, and I really don't give a crap that he doesn't mean it, it's the fact that he said it that pisses me off. I do think that being engaged should mean something or change something, because it's not like this high school relationship where you're like oh, this is cool, don't know if it's permanent or whatever.

It takes time to communicate, but it should get easier, esp after a year...


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## saintcloudgirl (Oct 6, 2007)

Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, read this awesome book!!


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## Solimar (Oct 6, 2007)

Originally Posted by *saintcloudgirl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, read this awesome book!! Agreed.


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## saintcloudgirl (Oct 6, 2007)

As I read that book, it seemed to be all about me and my guy!! I think everyone will get a better understanding from reading it.


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## Jennifer (Oct 7, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Solimar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Jen, I totally know how you feel. My fiance is such a f*ck up sometimes, and I really don't give a crap that he doesn't mean it, it's the fact that he said it that pisses me off. I do think that being engaged should mean something or change something, because it's not like this high school relationship where you're like oh, this is cool, don't know if it's permanent or whatever. 
It takes time to communicate, but it should get easier, esp after a year...

yess! i mean, he's never said anything horrible, but i just wanna smack him and tell him to grow up!


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## Solimar (Oct 7, 2007)

Here is an example. My fiance was trying to tell me that I was beautiful and majestic...he thinks that whales are beautiful and majestic (no idea why), so he said I was like a whale...haha I was like whaaaaattttt!? Why say "whale" when you can say "beautiful"???


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## Jennifer (Oct 7, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Solimar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Here is an example. My fiance was trying to tell me that I was beautiful and majestic...he thinks that whales are beautiful and majestic (no idea why), so he said I was like a whale...haha I was like whaaaaattttt!? Why say "whale" when you can say "beautiful"??? lmaooooooooo! you just have to laugh at that! it's sweet, but weird lol


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## Solimar (Oct 7, 2007)

Haha, that IS weird.


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## saintcloudgirl (Oct 7, 2007)

The whale thing is definitely true and funny!! They don't realize what they say so many times!!


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## Solimar (Oct 7, 2007)

They don't even realize, true. They can be so lame.


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## vtmom (Oct 7, 2007)

Originally Posted by *BeneBaby* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He goes off on random tangents that have nothing to do with the original conversation. My husband does this a lot and I have to bite my tongue not to say, "just get to the point!"


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## Kathy (Oct 7, 2007)

Yes...and he did it so much and in such a hurtful way that we are no longer together. On the one hand, I feel for our daughter who is only two, but our fights were getting worse and worse and I didn't want her growing up thinking that's how people who supposedly love each other, treat each other. I believe and I hope that she'll see a better side of both of us when we're not together. I could be wrong, but I don't believe my ex is capable of NOT talking out his butt most of the time. LOL... We were together 3 years and at 47, that is his record.


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