# Hm....WTF?!?! ::Calms down::



## empericalbeauty (Oct 29, 2006)

Okay this is wierd. He says I am being naive, I say I dont really give a flipping **** what the world thinks. Whenever we go to a party, and We are on the dance floor (I tend to dance like a stripper, sometimes) I notice some guys (Black guys) Giving Chris and I "the stare". As most of you know, Chris is white. We dont get to finish the dance because I pull him off the dance floor and we ake a cig break. Well last night he got really frustrated because He thought he was going to get beat up. I do agree that the black guys there were looking at him wierd and angrily, and when they stared at me it was like "why the **** are you such a traitor"..I tried calming him down by telling him that we are always going to get that stare and he just has to get used to it. He gets really paranoid and thinks People are going to jump him when he is alone. I tell himm i wont let them hurt him but he thinks I am too feeble or fragile to swing a punch. So for any of you that has been in an Interracial Relationshp..How did you deal with "the stare"? I just want to get him to relax and stop being so paranoid. Anythng else I should tell him? I mean I am not the first black girl he dated. His ex was a black chick and they were together for 2 years. So he ought to be used to "the stare" by now.


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## katrosier (Oct 29, 2006)

My hubby is white and we get " the look" all the time. We just act like we never noticed or if we did then we dont know what its about. When you give the impression that you dont think its a big deal , no will else will think it is either. Or that was my experience anyway.


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## tadzio79 (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm asian american and my hubby's white.

We've been together for 10 years (married for 5).

yeah, we get the "look" too, and it was really annoying at first. Now, it doesn't bother me as much anymore.

Why are we made to feel like we betrayed our "race" by being with someone of other color? and isn't it funny how it only gets directed to women and not men as much?! Where is the tolerance? seriously!!!!

I'm sorry that your bf feels threatened to be seen with you in public. tell him to try not to think of what other people think of you guys, people will always "stare" and he needs to be able to overcome it mentally.


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## luxotika (Oct 30, 2006)

I have never been in an interracial "relationship", but I have fooled around with a black guy before. Not sure that has anything to do with this story, but I thought that I would throw that out there.

People stare at me all the time. Not sure why, but I am used to it. I just figure they are staring at me because I am so ridiculously good looking!

Don't let naive people bother you! Shake off the haters, straight from the mouth of Snoop Dogg.


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## Aquilah (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm the "by-product" of an interracial relationship, as are my children... John could really care less about the looks he receives. I've always found it mighty odd how some African-American guys can look down on Caucasian guys for dating a African-American woman, YET seem to have such a small problems with their friends dating a Caucasian chick... Quite honestly, the whole thing is just freakin' idiotic! You can't damned tell yourself who you'll love... It just happens... And if God wanted us to all be the same, he wouldn't have let the Tower of Babel fall!


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## empericalbeauty (Oct 30, 2006)

Yeah exactly. I know a black guy who LOVVVVVVVVVVVES white women, but hates the fact that I am with Chris. I am like..Uhm...WTf?!?!. I have never really "dated" a black guy. I mean I had a crush on one all through high school and we fooled around and stuff..but when I got to college, I met one and I was so crazy about him...That is, until he decided that it would be a good idea to ask me to give him and his 3 friends a *******. How charming. Chris and I had a talk tonight about it and he was like he doesnt care about the looks we get. I dont care either..But sometimes, man, it is unnerving. I just wanna poke some ***** in the eye and be like "what now, Ho?"


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## pinkbundles (Oct 30, 2006)

i was in an inter-racial relationship before and that was annoying more than anything. girls the same race as him would be barking off how he shouldn't be with me or that i'm stealing their man. yeah whatever! i didn't care. it just got annoying like, get it over already!


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## fickledpink (Oct 30, 2006)

Originally Posted by *luxotika* /img/forum/go_quote.gif People stare at me all the time. Not sure why, but I am used to it. I just figure they are staring at me because I am so ridiculously good looking!
Don't let naive people bother you! Shake off the haters, straight from the mouth of Snoop Dogg.

Loved what you wrote! And I totally agree


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## Cool Kitten (Oct 30, 2006)

some good responses here





Everyone is right, ignore the haters. Maybe they're just jealous that he's with a hot chick like you


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## vanilla_sky (Oct 30, 2006)

I am with Middle Eastern guy, but the difference of our looks isn't that obvious for the outsiders, so we don't get "the stare". I just wanted to write that this whole thing is ridiculous and I really hope with time it will get better and better... best of luck for you and your bf


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## Annia (Oct 30, 2006)

Definitely have to agree with other MUTers! They're just not open minded I guess! Or they don't think out of the box.

I totally agree with you, on how african-american guys can have caucasian women but women of color cannot have white men. That isn't fair! Women are strong enough to pick their own men imo. Just keep loving Chris, and ignore the stares... I know it's hard, but it also must be nice some times to see that some one is very culture driven and proud, at the same time have great respect for their race.

PS I really don't mind interracial relationships. I believe, all people of U.S.A. are Americans to me.. I see past color and have no qualms with interractial dating, but I also think it's very cool that it happens and most of the beautiful people of the world are mixed. to me, anyways.


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## janetsbreeze (Oct 30, 2006)

sweetie, i am so sorry this happened to you. people everywhere can be very small minded and bigoted no matter what color, race or creed. there isn't an excuse for it.

i get the stare from time to time because i happen to be with a woman. when people realize that we are a couple, it can range from indifference to outright hostility. i am never publicly and openly affectionate with her; i think that is inappropriate. but some people react as if it's contagious.

unfortunately ignorance is everywhere and there will always be someone that, for whatever reason, will hate. just hold your head high and be proud of who you are and love who you are with.


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## Annia (Oct 30, 2006)

Originally Posted by *janetsbreeze* /img/forum/go_quote.gif sweetie, i am so sorry this happened to you. people everywhere can be very small minded and bigoted no matter what color, race or creed. there isn't an excuse for it.i get the stare from time to time because i happen to be with a woman. when people realize that we are a couple, it can range from indifference to outright hostility. i am never publicly and openly affectionate with her; i think that is inappropriate. but some people react as if it's contagious.

unfortunately ignorance is everywhere and there will always be someone that, for whatever reason, will hate. just hold your head high and be proud of who you are and love who you are with.

I totally agree with this! Well said, Janet. and good for you, on your decision. I love it when people are strong enough to do what they believe in.

Hold your head high and be proud of who you are and love who you are with, as Janet said.

edit:

I also have to say.. I am not lumping every one together in my previous post. I know lots of people who do not act that way, and are different. I just know some people may act like that and every one is different, as the situation is.


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## Gary-Michael (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm extremely color blind. Just sayin


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## Dragonfly (Oct 31, 2006)

When the two of you are going out to have a good time, why not choose somewhere with less animosity? When I was in college - 20 years ago, I dated a black guy for 6 months. We were both given lots of dirty looks and stared down, to the point where we had to leave. Plus everyone was drinking so violence could break out pretty easily.

I'm fully aware that you have the right to party where ever you want, and no one has the right to bully you, but it doesn't sound like your man is having a good time.


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## vanilla_sky (Oct 31, 2006)

Originally Posted by *han* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i cause i realize black guys includeing him are very racecist and think other race look down at them it's not cause the color of there skin it's there ignorant ass attitudes and there hyprocrits too they will date/sleep out side there race so wtf not to mention they cheat all his friends and brothers and him were cheaters i got the hell up outta there hmm... isn't it generalizing just a bit? just cause him and his friends/ brothers were like that doesn't mean other black guys are as well.



(or any other race or social group for that matter)


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## empericalbeauty (Oct 31, 2006)

Originally Posted by *cyw1* /img/forum/go_quote.gif , but it doesn't sound like your man is having a good time. Thats exactly what he told me today. he said he rather be around people he knew. Well I guess I should elaborate. The party was my best friend's party. I dragged Chris along. He ended up meeting me at the party cus I had to do my friend's MU. He came with 3 of his friends and they ended up bailing, leaving him behind because the party kinda got boring (We split the party and ended up at one of his friend's house). I basically just thought about it. I will learn to compromise because he really didnt know people there and honetly, they really did stare him down. I realise that this is something I am going to deal with for the rest of my life If i keep dating outside my race. does it bother me? **** NO!..hehe...


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## Aquilah (Oct 31, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thats exactly what he told me today. he said he rather be around people he knew. Well I guess I should elaborate. The party was my best friend's party. I dragged Chris along. He ended up meeting me at the party cus I had to do my friend's MU. He came with 3 of his friends and they ended up bailing, leaving him behind because the party kinda got boring (We split the party and ended up at one of his friend's house). I basically just thought about it. I will learn to compromise because he really didnt know people there and honetly, they really did stare him down. I realise that this is something I am going to deal with for the rest of my life If i keep dating outside my race. does it bother me? **** NO!..hehe...



Good for you for not letting it bother you! John's actually funny about it... He could really care less, and I think he honestly loves the attention he gets, even if it's negative! LOL!
As I mentioned, I'm bi-racial... Well, both of my daughters are too... Iv'e learned for some reason, bi-racial children seem to be more "accepted" as of late than when even I was younger. John's mom used to freak out and worry about the girls getting teased or bullied for being mixed, but we've told her it doesn't seem to be a problem, nor would we let it affect her negatively if we could help it.

While this might be totally wrong of us, we don't bother explaining to Cyera the difference among races. I've been told I'm doing a good thing there... We want Cyera (and Kylie as she grows older) to know that people should be judged based on what's INSIDE rather than OUTSIDE! Skin tone is not a factor in this house, nor shall it ever be!

I used to think my little sister was nuts for coloring girls pink and boys blue, but I realize now that was a good way for her to see things... Not as skin tones and races, but as "gender" based colors... My mom always was the type of parent that when coloring, African-Americans weren't "black" and Caucasians weren't "white." We used colors like Tan, Mahogany, Sepia, and Peach or Apricot. As for my toys, she even made sure I had a Barbie in every race, and if there were 99 million Caucasian Barbies, I had them with varying hair and eye colors.


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## selene (Oct 31, 2006)

It sounds like all previous posts addressed the racial, gender double standard, issues, so the only think I will add is that I was concerned about your boyfriend's physical safety. If a group of guys decides to be retaliatory, he could end up seriously hurt, and I don't think one lone female will be able to stop a group of guys. Just try to be as safe as possible.


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 1, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Okay this is wierd. He says I am being naive, I say I dont really give a flipping **** what the world thinks. Whenever we go to a party, and We are on the dance floor (I tend to dance like a stripper, sometimes) I notice some guys (Black guys) Giving Chris and I "the stare". As most of you know, Chris is white. We dont get to finish the dance because I pull him off the dance floor and we ake a cig break. Well last night he got really frustrated because He thought he was going to get beat up. I do agree that the black guys there were looking at him wierd and angrily, and when they stared at me it was like "why the **** are you such a traitor"..I tried calming him down by telling him that we are always going to get that stare and he just has to get used to it. He gets really paranoid and thinks People are going to jump him when he is alone. I tell himm i wont let them hurt him but he thinks I am too feeble or fragile to swing a punch. So for any of you that has been in an Interracial Relationshp..How did you deal with "the stare"? I just want to get him to relax and stop being so paranoid. Anythng else I should tell him? I mean I am not the first black girl he dated. His ex was a black chick and they were together for 2 years. So he ought to be used to "the stare" by now. Love is color-blind, and people do tend to get their panties in a bunch over things like this. I really don't see the big deal. If a couple loves eachother, then they have the right to be with that person. Who gives a flying hoohah if the person is black, white, asian, middle eastern, purple, pink, or yellow with blue stripes!

Just tell him to let them stare. You both can them to feel free to take a picture if they feel like it's such a "Kodak" moment, then smile sarcastically and tell them to have a lovely night, lmao! (If you're feeling particulary brave, you can also let them know that they're "number eleven" and flip both birds at them!)

One last piece of advice - Just keep lovin' the one you're with and ignore the rest.


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## Nox (Nov 1, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Okay this is wierd. He says I am being naive, I say I dont really give a flipping **** what the world thinks. Whenever we go to a party, and We are on the dance floor (I tend to dance like a stripper, sometimes) I notice some guys (Black guys) Giving Chris and I "the stare". As most of you know, Chris is white. We dont get to finish the dance because I pull him off the dance floor and we ake a cig break. Well last night he got really frustrated because He thought he was going to get beat up. I do agree that the black guys there were looking at him wierd and angrily, and when they stared at me it was like "why the **** are you such a traitor"..I tried calming him down by telling him that we are always going to get that stare and he just has to get used to it. He gets really paranoid and thinks People are going to jump him when he is alone. I tell himm i wont let them hurt him but he thinks I am too feeble or fragile to swing a punch. So for any of you that has been in an Interracial Relationshp..How did you deal with "the stare"? I just want to get him to relax and stop being so paranoid. Anythng else I should tell him? I mean I am not the first black girl he dated. His ex was a black chick and they were together for 2 years. So he ought to be used to "the stare" by now. Emp,
I don't know what to say to you except that you have to learn to anticipate that reaction every once in a while. You will encounter that in the most surprising of places. Chris needs to learn not to take it too personally, especially if the fools you are talking about are total strangers.

While a viceral reaction like that is rare in most situations, it does happen. And it is good to remove yourself from that place before it becomes a news story of some sort.

Also, I would like to point out that there are alot of people here on the board who looked in on this thread (around 200 at last count) yet only 20 other people responded at this point. It's probably wise to assume that the mentality of those strangers is definitely one and the same with a few members here that didn't respond... just like the rest of the world. They just know that it is not politically correct, or socially acceptable for them to say how they really feel. And that is why you should always keep your eyes open. There are poeple out there who do the whole "PC thing", but it takes only one incident for them to show their true selves. I think you will be seeing more of the latter than the former... at least that has been my experience. Truthfully, I would rather have the former, because then, you know exactly what you are dealing with.


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## empericalbeauty (Nov 1, 2006)

Originally Posted by *NoxiousByProxy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Emp,Also, I would like to point out that there are alot of people here on the board who looked in on this thread (around 200 at last count) yet only 20 other people responded at this point.

Yeah, I noticed that too. I think it is rather sad that people are still closeminded and narrow minded after all these years.


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## selene (Nov 1, 2006)

I did not notice the # of views v. the # of replies, but after it was mentioned, I did look at all of the threads on MuT Advice Corner, and noticed that the # of views is quite high in proportion to the # of replies on many of the threads.

For me, I read through it and felt like the issue of safety was the only thing to add at that point b/c all the other posts had fully addressed all other aspects of the issue, from a racial and gender perspective. I felt like commenting on that (again) would have been repetitive. Maybe others felt their post would have been redundant as well...?





Or maybe we have a ton of lazy MuT'ers!


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## vanilla_sky (Nov 2, 2006)

I think people often don't reply when what they think has been said already... or they browse threads quickly cause of lack of time.. I do it a lot myself



I wouldn't read too much into that.


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## SierraWren (Nov 2, 2006)

When I was in college, I dated "out of my race" the first time and was surprised by some of the reactions we got. My boyfriend was black,I'm white, and, since we lived in a big city, with a huge range of racial and ethnic backgrounds, not to mention many people of 2 or more races,I just assumed the reaction to us would be--well, a non-reaction, same as the 2 other (white) guys I'd dated before. But I was wrong: we seemed to compell people's stares almost wherever we went,and these stares were intrusive at best, condemning at worst, and always meant to invade and somehow mark and stigmatize our personal space: the one we walked in together. I noticed the majority of stares seemed to come from black women and white men, though soon enough, I could swear they were coming from children as well, and all genders,all races,equally. Since I am a very shy person, awkward in any kind of spotlight, this was painful to me, and it was terribly painful,and enraging, to my boyfriend. He said he felt anger from a small but consistent percentage of both white and black men, and sensed how quickly it could rupture into violence, sep. in the sorts of places people were drinking, like dance clubs or even college parties. So we soon stayed away from both. That didn't bother me,too much--I'm a natural wallflower--but my boyfriend was just as naturally outgoing, and it made him feel restricted, living like that. I kept thinking it would pass, he kept searing that I didn't know anything about racial tension, especially among men. I guess he always sensed some violence I just couldn't--or I wouldn't.

Anyway, there were multiple reasons why we broke up after almost 2 years(btw, we were accepted as a couple by all but one of our friends with no problem at all)a lot having to do with my depression at the time, but I can never look back and entirely redeem the revolting attitude of too many people around us. Even if was only 15 percent of people who reacted this way(and it may have truly been that small a number)any number feels magnified when it is turned against you, so coldly and ignorantly and judgementally. These people seek to harm others by advertising their attitudes, through either just looks or words--to harm people they know nothing about, and for this, I find their behaviour unpardonable.

I agree, you should be careful, always conscious(but not scared)of people like these, but by no means let them reign or rule your lives(as we sometimes did.)Just be aware,first and foremost, of each other's needs and concerns--well,I'm sure you already are,sounds like you have a great thing going with Chris!--so that there are no miscommunications between you two. From there,live it up!--and yes,like others said, ignore the haters. They are full of jealousy and rage, pure destruction, which can only tear itself down more, and they belong kept at the farthest distance from your love.


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## Saja (Nov 2, 2006)

removed


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## Nox (Nov 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Saja* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Id rethink your little math problem. I wasnt planning on posting....gee I must be racist. It counldnt possibly be that I dont comment alot when everything has been said that i could possibly say, or maybe that I have never been in that situation and cant offer advice. nah, couldnt possibly be that. I think if you look around the "views" and "replys" dont often balance out, if it means nothing there, it means nothing here. I hadnt posted , I belive I may have been talking to my irish uncle and his vietnamese wife...funny how that doesnt bother me. Hmmm.....go figure.
Edit- Yes I say me, like it was directed at me. I realize its directed at alot of people, Im just responding this way.




Simmer down now.
There is no "fuzzy math" going on. Simply an observation that would be properly understood by members of our distinct West African ethnic group... like an inside joke or commentary. Of course, to everyone else, it would not make any sense for those who do not share our Igbo upbringing, so like I say:

"If for you it doesn't apply, fly on by."


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## Saja (Nov 2, 2006)

You make a comment suggesting that I ( along with others) think the same way as the ignorant morons who stare, but I should ignore that? Fine. I will.....I removed my post before your post went up. Whatever.

In fact, Ill remove mine if you remove yours (the one dircted to me) and we can cut this off, before it continues


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## empericalbeauty (Nov 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *NoxiousByProxy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif



Simmer down now.
There is no "fuzzy math" going on. Simply an observation that would be properly understood by members of our distinct West African ethnic group... like an inside joke or commentary. Of course, to everyone else, it would not make any sense for those who do not share our Igbo upbringing, so like I say:

"."

Lol..God, My cousin, Chimdi is married to a white woman..they have a kid together..His mum flew all the way from umuahia to come break up the marriage and take thier daughter back to nigeria. Geeze. Anything he does now its like "Oh. he is married to that white woman. go figure".
Cant wait till its my turn.

Originally Posted by *SierraWren* /img/forum/go_quote.gif , I could swear they were coming from children as well, and all genders,all races,equally. . I rememebr when I was dating Brandon and we went to get some food at the chinese store. This little kid sized brandon up and "mistakingly" stepped on his toes. How do I know its not a mistake? he chuckled afterwards and stuck out his tongue. His father or mother did nothing to punish him and they just turned thier head or looked somewhere else. Its really sad that children are taught at an early age to hate something so beautiful.


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## Nox (Nov 3, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Lol..God, My cousin, Chimdi is married to a white woman..they have a kid together..His mum flew all the way from umuahia to come break up the marriage and take thier daughter back to nigeria. Geeze. Anything he does now its like "Oh. he is married to that white woman. go figure".
Cant wait till its my turn.

I rememebr when I was dating Brandon and we went to get some food at the chinese store. This little kid sized brandon up and "mistakingly" stepped on his toes. How do I know its not a mistake? he chuckled afterwards and stuck out his tongue. His father or mother did nothing to punish him and they just turned thier head or looked somewhere else. Its really sad that children are taught at an early age to hate something so beautiful.

Ugh...I'm so sorry for Chimdi. You see... some parents are definitely worse than others. I think having your parents live here takes the bite out of their sting a little bit. Even my parents, who are conservative by "Naija" diaspora standards, showed my husband some slack and called him "part of the family" when we went home for Christmas last year. My father probably gritted his teeth (he's kind of a macho guy), but he gave hubby a hug too while saying it, LOL. I was really thrilled that my parents really have come along this well.
And bad bad bad behavior for that little child. Sometimes though, children can unlearn bad behaviors parents teach by observing the way others behave in public over time, so I don't think that kid should be condemned just yet.


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## empericalbeauty (Nov 3, 2006)

Originally Posted by *NoxiousByProxy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ugh...I'm so sorry for Chimdi. You see... some parents are definitely worse than others. I think having your parents live here takes the bite out of their sting a little bit. Even my parents, who are conservative by "Naija" diaspora standards, showed my husband some slack and called him "part of the family" when we went home for Christmas last year. My father probably gritted his teeth (he's kind of a macho guy), but he gave hubby a hug too while saying it, LOL. I was really thrilled that my parents really have come along this well.
.

For me its still a gradual process. I mustered up the nerve to tell my mum about chris. So far so good. at least he isnt the reason for all my bad behaviors...especially when she needs someone to blame. plus my brother is getting around to it. he went from calling chris "thats guy you always talk to and hold hands with" to "your boyfriend"...Ah..Its a baby step but hey! I will take whatever I can get..none of my cousins know though. My one Cousin, Nne she might convulse and die. She has the "white people are the devil" mentality and she wasnt even born here. Not a day goes by that she doesnt chant "I shall never date a whiteman"..It got really boring.


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## ikana82 (Nov 3, 2006)

I agree...love is blind...or at least it should be! I am bi-racial myself. i'm 3/4 japanese and 1/4 black. Weird thing is, a LOT of people mistake me for being hispanic!!! i've grown up my whole life around stares and comments! My fiancee is Filipino... i think i've learned to ignore the stares of people (sometimes i stare right back!



) it's kind of entertaining to me now! Sometimes people will ask me, "what ARE you?" ummm...I'm HUMAN, maybe!!!!



Doesn't bother me anymore! but i think sometimes it takes a while for someone to get used to odd-ball stares that actually look like someone is dogging you! (but ur right, your man should be used to it by now if he's had interracial realtionships in the past!) My best friend is filipino and she has been dating a black guy for the past year (it's her first long-term interracial date!) and she's dealing with all kinds of issues from stares from random people to comments from family! It's all things that people just need to put aside and all that matters is your (and his) happiness. If you two can chill and have fun with each other, forget about all the haters! Enjoy yourselves!


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## tadzio79 (Nov 3, 2006)

Originally Posted by *ikana82* /img/forum/go_quote.gif My best friend is filipino and she has been dating a black guy for the past year (it's her first long-term interracial date!) and she's dealing with all kinds of issues from stares from random people to comments from family! It's all things that people just need to put aside and all that matters is your (and his) happiness. If you two can chill and have fun with each other, forget about all the haters! Enjoy yourselves!



Yeah, I could care less about random people that I don't know staring or commenting, but it really hits home when it's your family.





My mother-in-law was never too thrilled with me (I'm asian) dating her son (John - he's white). When he broke the news of us getting married, she just had this blank look on her face, no word of congratulations. It bothered me, but I let it go, because john and I were happy and in love with each other, and i couldn't care less about what she thought.

Anyhow, we decided to live with her (5 years ago right after we got married) because she was getting old (73 yrs) and no one from the family is able to visit often.

within 1 year of living together, she and I started butting heads a lot. I tried as much as I could to make her feel like family, but she was never quite receptive.

So, long story short, I just stopped communicating with her. And the conflict started to boil over... till one day, she and john had an argument, to which she said,

"I've lived enough and am at an age to where I should be able to say what I want to say. I'm a Christian and I don't believe in interracial marriages. It's a sin"

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

I was really shocked and hurt by that statement, and john was livid. He insisted that we move out right away, and told me not to think too much over it.

Well, long story short again, but in the end she tearfully apologized and we still live together.

I understand that she lived in the age where interracial relationships were frowned upon, and that she is set in her ways, but this incident cut through me like a knife. We get along now, but I know that I'm still very conscious of how she felt about me, and it's a shame because I don't think I could really think of her as family, as hard as I try.


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## jody79 (Nov 3, 2006)

My husband is black, we have been married for 5/together for 7 and have 2 boys together. I understand where you are coming from! Most of my family has disowned me because of it, but my inlaws have embraced me. We get the looks all the time and comments from the women, to leave their black men alone! It just shows their ignorance! Don't take it to heart...you can't help who you fall in love with.


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## AprilRayne (Nov 3, 2006)

I can't even believe all of this! It makes me sick to think of peole disowning their kids or never talking to their loved ones again because of who their with! I would think people would rather know their children or family member is with a good, descent person who treats them well and not care about their race! Just think of all the people who are with someone of the same race that mistreats them and hurts them! What it comes down to is someones heart and if they are good people! What really is skin color anyway, almost everyone is a mix of some sort! I can't believe that mother in law said it isn't Christian to marry outside of your race! What isn't Christian is judging someone by their skin color or treating people badly because of who they choose to be with!



Okay, I'll get off of my soap box now!


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 4, 2006)

Originally Posted by *tadzio79* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yeah, I could care less about random people that I don't know staring or commenting, but it really hits home when it's your family.




My mother-in-law was never too thrilled with me (I'm asian) dating her son (John - he's white). When he broke the news of us getting married, she just had this blank look on her face, no word of congratulations. It bothered me, but I let it go, because john and I were happy and in love with each other, and i couldn't care less about what she thought.

Anyhow, we decided to live with her (5 years ago right after we got married) because she was getting old (73 yrs) and no one from the family is able to visit often.

within 1 year of living together, she and I started butting heads a lot. I tried as much as I could to make her feel like family, but she was never quite receptive.

So, long story short, I just stopped communicating with her. And the conflict started to boil over... till one day, she and john had an argument, to which she said,

"I've lived enough and am at an age to where I should be able to say what I want to say. I'm a Christian and I don't believe in interracial marriages. It's a sin"

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

I was really shocked and hurt by that statement, and john was livid. He insisted that we move out right away, and told me not to think too much over it.

Well, long story short again, but in the end she tearfully apologized and we still live together.

I understand that she lived in the age where interracial relationships were frowned upon, and that she is set in her ways, but this incident cut through me like a knife. We get along now, but I know that I'm still very conscious of how she felt about me, and it's a shame because I don't think I could really think of her as family, as hard as I try.





Wow...*Bear Hugz*

My jaw hit the floor when I read that.

It may be cruel to say this, but it doesn't matter what age a person is, but there are just some things that SHOULD NOT and I repeat SHOULD NOT be said - that being one of those things.


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## tadzio79 (Nov 6, 2006)

Originally Posted by *StrangerNMist* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Wow...*Bear Hugz*

My jaw hit the floor when I read that.

It may be cruel to say this, but it doesn't matter what age a person is, but there are just some things that SHOULD NOT and I repeat SHOULD NOT be said - that being one of those things.

thanks (also jody and april)I agree. I don't condone her for what she said, but I've come to terms (at least try to anyway) that she is set in her ways.

She still uses older terms - "Orientals," for example. I tried to correct her several times and explain that it might be offensive to others (including myself), but she didn't think it caused any harm in her using that term. (I still do correct her everytime though)

We get along much better now (than those times) but I'm not so sure if we would ever be like "family."

we rarely have meals together - since day one of me living with her, we never really had dinners together. She always likes to cook on her own, and rarely tries stuff I make (well, I'm not that great of a cook either, plus she's a total meat and potatoes person, so anything other than that is not edible in her book).

I'm sure part of the problem is me having a hard time looking past that incident too.

I'm one of those who forgive but never forgets.


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## jody79 (Nov 7, 2006)

Originally Posted by *AprilRayne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I can't even believe all of this! It makes me sick to think of peole disowning their kids or never talking to their loved ones again because of who their with! I would think people would rather know their children or family member is with a good, descent person who treats them well and not care about their race! Just think of all the people who are with someone of the same race that mistreats them and hurts them! What it comes down to is someones heart and if they are good people! What really is skin color anyway, almost everyone is a mix of some sort! I can't believe that mother in law said it isn't Christian to marry outside of your race! What isn't Christian is judging someone by their skin color or treating people badly because of who they choose to be with!



Okay, I'll get off of my soap box now! My mother told me she would rather have me be a lesbian or have a white man that beat on me before I was with a black man. Some people in this world are just sick!


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## Nox (Nov 7, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jody79* /img/forum/go_quote.gif My mother told me she would rather have me be a lesbian or have a white *man that beat on me* before I was with a black man. Some people in this world are just sick! Absolute and complete insanity.



Mom's definitely got issues.


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 7, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jody79* My husband is black, we have been married for 5/together for 7 and have 2 boys together. I understand where you are coming from! Most of my family has disowned me because of it, but my inlaws have embraced me. We get the looks all the time and comments from the women, to leave their black men alone! It just shows their ignorance! Don't take it to heart...you can't help who you fall in love with. Originally Posted by *jody79* My mother told me she would rather have me be a lesbian or have a white man that beat on me before I was with a black man. Some people in this world are just sick! This too made my jaw slam on the floor! Jeez, I swear people are just straight up rude!
If I had a daughter, the only thing I would want for her is to be happy. The hue of the partner that she chose would not matter, just as long as that person made her happy and treated her well. That should be the only thing that your birth family should be concerned about - the hue of his skin should have no weight in the matter whatsoever!

I feel very sorry for your mom. Pardon me when I say this, but it sounds like your mother has her head pretty far up her ass to make such sick suggestions like that. I'm sorry, but I feel some major pity for people like your mom who truly don't have a clue...

I wish you and your husband the best! You deserve it *HugZ*


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## jody79 (Nov 7, 2006)

Thankyou...my mother does have issues and that is why I wrote her out of my life completely. I am about to start another thread because I need to get some advice now!

Did not mean to hijack thread empericalbeauty....


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## empericalbeauty (Nov 8, 2006)

Thats okay, darling. Your mother sounds like a mean racist. I am sorry someone so close to you can be so insensitive especially when you need them the most. you would think that when the world turns on you just because you made a simple choice from the heart, your own mother would be there to have your back..




..::hugs::


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## Saja (Nov 8, 2006)

When I was a child and the whole cabage patch dolls craze was sweeping the nation, I had two. Both dolls were black, and it never clicked in until a few years ago. I just never thought about it, I think that was my parents way of teaching me that color doesnt make a difference. In fact, i wasnt a big barbie fan, but the one barbie I remember having was the Native American one. That just occured to me. I guess that was their indirect way, because I dont remeber thinking they were different then other dolls.....I have to say, I think that was pretty cool of them. Ill never understand peoples need to create so much more drama in an already messed up world. And i will definitly never understand how any parent can put their ignorance before their childs happiness. Color just doenst matter...( unless the person is blue, and in which case, there is an oxegyn problem hahah)


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## empericalbeauty (Nov 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Saja* /img/forum/go_quote.gif When I was a child and the whole cabage patch dolls craze was sweeping the nation, I had two. Both dolls were black, and it never clicked in until a few years ago. I just never thought about it, I think that was my parents way of teaching me that color doesnt make a difference. In fact, i wasnt a big barbie fan, but the one barbie I remember having was the Native American one. That just occured to me. I guess that was their indirect way, because I dont remeber thinking they were different then other dolls.....I have to say, I think that was pretty cool of them. Ill never understand peoples need to create so much more drama in an already messed up world. And i will definitly never understand how any parent can put their ignorance before their childs happiness. Color just doenst matter...( unless the person is blue, and in which case, there is an oxegyn problem hahah) I might do that when we have kids because it helps the child learn from an early age that color is not an issue.


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## jody79 (Nov 8, 2006)

Thats funny about the cabbage patch dolls, I was not allowed to listen to any black music at all (only country music) nor any black TV shows. My sister had 2 friends come over one time and one was a white boy and the other a black boy...well my mother and stepfather made the black boy stand across the street while the white one came into see her. Now remember, this was only maybe 15 yrs ago...i was probably 14 or 15 then, I am 27 now so it was not too long ago. I geniunely cried for that boy, I felt so bad. Yes, emperical...she was and is a very racist person.


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## StereoXGirl (Nov 8, 2006)

Holy crap. Such ignorance irritates me to no end...

I can't even respond to this.


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## Artisticchik (Dec 15, 2006)

You know what sweetie..... Sometimes you just have to smile. Never engage in negative dialouge, verbal or non verbal with a fool, they will only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Some people have a really hard time accepting the fact that they have an issue that is theirs. Instead, they want to project their personal issue onto someone else rather than seeking out the root of it and working through it. Engaging with these types of people will only strengthen their resolve that in fact it is the other person with the flaw or comitting the violation against them and the problem perpetuates. Usually these same people have a very "victimized" mentality and some are total narcissists altogether.

Keep your head high and warmly smile at them. Continue to make yourself likeable and desireable in a complete way (not just physically) and control you since you are the only person you are in control of. As long as you are living life with a clear conscience and doing good by others, then you have no reason to pick up offenses that are not yours to pick up.

These people giving you the nasty stares may think that you are "flaunting" the relationship with a deliberate attempt to spit venom in the face of anyone opposing it. Picture yourself in a similar situation in which you may disagree and misinterpret a situation to such a degree that you think a person is targeting your anger. Develop a healthy level of tolerance and maturity for human ignorance because one thing is for certain, and that is that human ignorance remains constant. The other sure thing is ignorance is NOT bliss.

My husband and I have delt with this for YEARS and the way I see it is my marraige is Gods gift to me. It's mine to love for all the days of my life.


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## missnadia (Dec 15, 2006)

Oh wow, I was gonna ask you why do you even bring the guy to such trashy clubs where you can't dance without people staring at you... until I realized the party was at your friend's house.. I personally have been at both ends of this kind of drama... When I was young I used to go to a school where 99% of the kids were black.. and then through highschool I used to hang around with a bunch of black kids. So I'd be the one getting the STARE and "man what's the whitey doing here can she even dance" whispers from the black kids.. Now, through university I hung out with mostly white people, and it just happened that I started to date a black guy. So then HE'd be getting the stares from my white "friends", who wouldn't pass any occasion to discretely ask me if I needed help getting rid of the n*****... It's funny how easy it becomes to really see people for who they are (and drop them like a bad habit) once a situation like that happens.

Anyway, my conclusion from all the drama is that yes, most people are still idiotic and narrow-minded, and that's the sad truth. Secondly, you gotta develop instincs for feeling which of these 2 situations you're in: (A) people STARE, but they're civilized and there's no chance of you getting physically hurt for throwing a smart-assed remark if discriminated against; or ( B) you're dealing with animals who are just waiting to throw at punch at you, and words are of no use.

So I think it is important to stand up for yourself when people discriminate, but you gotta be smart about when and where you run your mouth.

For example, when back in the day my girlfriends would drag me to those all-black parties in very obscure and scary clubs.... I mean if I didn't know anybody I'd be really quiet and wouldn't even bother saying anything if one of the black hoes stepped on my toes on the floor. Cause how many of their BF's had a gun on them... That's one of those situations where safety should matter more than proving anything to anybody... Same as with when my BF was facing my whitey racist so-called-friends who were ready to beat him up.. I'd just make sure we were able to bounce out of the situation ASAP...

But when for example we're shopping together at the mall or whatever, and the sales people give us the stare, then yeah it is definitely allowed to talk shit to them... But whatever you do, people are still gonna stare.. that's just a sad fact of life



The most important part is to not let it affect you, and not apologize or EXPLAIN or justify your shit to anybody.


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## han (Dec 15, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Saja* /img/forum/go_quote.gif When I was a child and the whole cabage patch dolls craze was sweeping the nation, I had two. Both dolls were black, and it never clicked in until a few years ago. I just never thought about it, I think that was my parents way of teaching me that color doesnt make a difference. In fact, i wasnt a big barbie fan, but the one barbie I remember having was the Native American one. That just occured to me. I guess that was their indirect way, because I dont remeber thinking they were different then other dolls.....I have to say, I think that was pretty cool of them. Ill never understand peoples need to create so much more drama in an already messed up world. And i will definitly never understand how any parent can put their ignorance before their childs happiness. Color just doenst matter...( unless the person is blue, and in which case, there is an oxegyn problem hahah) this brought back old memories for me when i was a lil girls 5 or 6 my grandmother on my dad side which are white my mom asian well she bought me a lil black doll one year for christmas my dad got piss at her and tried to throw her away but i hide her so he couldnt, i guess he got piss cause he thought my grandma was being funny..


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## SierraWren (Dec 15, 2006)

I used to believe that I just couldn't live if I resigned myself to some of the examples on this thread as being truly symptomatic of most of human nature--I tried to see them as atrocious exceptions to the "normal". I have always tried--actually,always needed--to believe that at heart, deep down, people,with all their many faults, are basically good.Even with all the horrible experiences written about on this thread, including my own(the negative reactions the three times I have dated a different race, always, from all races)I just somehow took up the belief that people are TEACHABLE--healable, curable,correctable. Now I'm just too disgusted to believe it any longer. You cannot teach self-righteous, willfully and proudly ignorant people. You cannot teach trash to become valuable art.

And there are so many more of them,racists, than I'd let myself believe.

Just over the past 2 months or so,I've been babysitting my best friend's 3 year old daughter 3 hours a day evry weekday. My friend is black, her husband white, and their daughter came out looking like both parents and both races. She is a beautiful,bright, charming(If very stubborn!)little girl,an individual human being,and I cannot imagine looking at her and becoming angry, b/c of her 2 race heritage.Just cannot fathom such inhuman, inhumane responses.And yet, consistently--we take the bus to the nearby mall almost every day--we get them. I've had salswomen raise their eyebrows at me and say, "And she--must be adopted?" or one particular *****,"I can tell, you're a single mother, aren't you?She doesn't know her daddy?"--as though it weren't 100% possible for me to have a half black child, much less not be abandoned by a black man!! WTF would she dare to presume such a thing?And the stares--I mean, I had thought people SMIELD at children,esp. at utterly adorable ones, and, thank God, some of them do--but others absolutely GLOWER at me. Black women, white women(the most)white men somewhat, and for whatever reason, at least black men have been mostly normal/friendly. I feel such gratitude for this, for the rare kindness among that unkind sea of stares.

Just yesterday, while waiting for the bus, a white man (who sort of looked homeless, though maybe not quite; maybe it was just that his angry spirit had no place to rest) approached Michaela(the child) and I. "Oh, so you went to the other side, I see," he said to me, super loudly. "To the dark side?"Right in front of my friend's child, he says this hideous thing--if he wasn't literally homeless, I sure as hell hope he is today.

"Michaela said,"Of the street?"You know, kids HEAR things too. The monster went right on,"Bet he left you, right?They all do.Well, everyone knows about you,too, now, don't expect them lining up to take you back, the whites. They understand about you, so they won't want you. Once you've been with darky, we don't let you back."

Michaela took my hand then,which she almost never does, and stared at me, she was scared by the tone of this man's voice. Then he just sort of disolved into muttering,"No room for kids like that, whose gonna want them,which side,where you gonna put them?" and,at last, still mumbling, walked on by us.

I am ashamed I had no comeback line;even worse,Michaela was upset and I couldn't seem to comfort her at all,either. Micaela is too young to verbalize WHAT,exactly,effected her so much, but she began to cry, another thing she almost never does, wanting her mother.And she cried so devoutly,so passionately,that I actually wound up having to get my friend to come home from her nursing job 3 hours early. Michaela told her we had met the "real devil"--and I felt horrible, that I could not have prevented or softened this experience for her,at all.

And that such experiences exist out there to have. I have always told my pessimistic husband he is wrong, that almost all people are potentially good, they just don't always understand things--what a self-blinded little fool I've been! The rampancy of racism itself is a perfect example of how most people are NOT good, but ignorant at best, and often, terribly cruel. Nothing redeems a racist. And I used to always look to redeeem people--no more.I saw a child hurt b/c of the color of her skin, and I feared and loathe the world she has inherited, and must grow up in.Racism endangers the human soul..


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## missnadia (Dec 15, 2006)

Why didnt you just walk away from the creepy man?? Or cover her ears???


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## SierraWren (Dec 15, 2006)

Originally Posted by *missnadia* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Why didnt you just walk away from the creepy man?? Or cover her ears??? I did not walk away from the bus bench b/c we were waiting for our bus. Also, I was reading a child's book aloud to her when he started talking,and kept doing so--ignoring him, as is my basic policy with such people when I'm with her--until she took my hand and appeared frightened. Then I just said, "Don't worry, Cala, it's just a stupid, mean man, he won't hurt you," and that's when he said his "mixed race" thing and walked off. She did ask me if he'd been crazy, and I said yes, and very angry but not angry at HER. There seemed no way to make her understand that, she didn't ask any more questions or want to talk about it anymore--but then cried inconsolably.I told my friend everything and believe she will handle it much better than I did. I did not react fast enough, strongly enough, or angrily enough--it's true.I kind of freeze in those situations, but also,I did not want to give him any excuse/trigger for even worse behaviour that might further harm Michaela. When the bus came,I planned to tell the driver about him, if he were also getting on.What Micheala,who is my goddaughter,btw,and who I love dearly, mostly seemed to understand was that a stranger was mad at me,and she couldn't understand that we didn't,therefore,know each other. To have someone get mad at you from out of the blue....she was scared.It was the tone she mainly heard,not,thank God,the words.I'm not proud of how I handled it though--what I wish is that I could have stopped his hateful tirade in its tracks--but I couldn't seem to muster the ability or even the attempt.As I said,I did fear making things even worse, but I should have called him a disgusting racist pig to his face. Now, I'm intereseted: you are implying you would have handled the whole thing much better than I did, so how exactly would you have done that? Perhaps you really have advice, not meant as destructive criticism but to be helpful:if so,I'd truly like to hear it. If it's just to put me down, though , please keep it to yourself.Because sometimes, before you judge,it helps to have actually been there, if not even in the person's place altogether. You don't know me, or my past experience with racists, or my relationship with Michaela,or--lol, oh whatever. I guess some people always need to judge, no matter how little of a person and/or their story that they know.


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## AprilRayne (Dec 15, 2006)

Sierra, I'm so sorry that happend to you and Cala! That made me furious reading it!! I think you handled it just fine! I agree that you wouldn't want to make him more angry or make him feel like he's threatening you! That would just egg him on! It's best to ignore them sometimes! I'm sorry that he scared Cala! It's too bad that she will grow up in a world with people like that! I can imagine her skin tone must be gorgeous and I can't believe someone would hate her for that! I just can't believe the things the people said to you about being single, or that a white man wouldn't want you anymore! That sickens me and I'm so sorry it happened to you!!!


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## SierraWren (Dec 16, 2006)

Originally Posted by *AprilRayne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sierra, I'm so sorry that happend to you and Cala! That made me furious reading it!! I think you handled it just fine! I agree that you wouldn't want to make him more angry or make him feel like he's threatening you! That would just egg him on! It's best to ignore them sometimes! I'm sorry that he scared Cala! It's too bad that she will grow up in a world with people like that! I can imagine her skin tone must be gorgeous and I can't believe someone would hate her for that! I just can't believe the things the people said to you about being single, or that a white man wouldn't want you anymore! That sickens me and I'm so sorry it happened to you!!! Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me, your understanding. I really didn't handle the situation as well as I should have, though, I know. Otherwise, a little girl wouldn't have wound up so upset I had to call her mother. I was so stunned,though,I just couldn't think clearly...It is one thing to see racism directed at yourself, another, more awful thing to see it directed at someone you love--and altogether most shattering to see some of it directed at a defenseless little child, who(thank God)can't understand it anyway, but who SENSES something terribly wrong,perhaps for the first time in her life. I NEVER want her to experience racism,and I was not/will not be able to protect her from it either. I even failed yestrerday, when I feel I could have done more to avoid it. I was Cala's gaurdian, and I failed to fully guard her, from the worst type of monster in the world.


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## Nox (Dec 16, 2006)

Sierra,

The story with Cala left me profoundly saddened. I can recall having a similar experience as a young girl and it did frighten me. As much as I would like to think our world has gotten better and more friendly, incidents like these are what ropes me back into reality. I am fearful of what chance encounters my future children will have. I know there are people out there who will argue for two individuals of different ethnic backgrounds not to have children because it will "confuse them", they will not "belong to any one group", and you're "bringing endless suffering" to the child. Well for one, that is utter and complete bullshit and I don't buy it. It is simply an excuse used by those who wish to continue their eugenic platitudes; a cop-out for those who do not wish to explicity admit that they are in support of those who hold those views; another reason to disassociate those children from sharing the same human category as they assign for themselves. For Cala, she will never forget that moment. But she does not have to be scarred for life from it, as the people who love her most will not give any value to the backwards ideas that wretched man and others like him hold.


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## Angie2006 (Dec 28, 2006)

I grew up on a military base and honestly didn't know there was a problem dating a person just because of color. I dated people of many races, my 1st real boyfriend was black. My best friend was black/white, she married a white man. I had a child with a black man. I moved from that area and all of the sudden....I find out that this is not acceptable. It never ceases to amaze me that people today can still be so racist. I actually was dating a guy for a few weeks, he knew I had a child. He 'found out" he was black and broke up with me even tho just the week before that he had told me that he had always fantasized being with a black girl and that he lived with his brother who has a mexican wife and they have 2 children. He said he was upset that I didn't tell him my son was black....well, let's see.....when you told me you had a daughter, did you say "I have a daughter, and she's white." ? WTF He never told me his kid was white!

I guess people expect certain 'types'of people to date interacially. I drive a truck, listen to country music (mainly but other kinds too), ride horses, etc so they just expect me to be a redneck.

People just suck sometimes. I live in the Chicago area now and you'd think it'd be more accepted here....NOT. My red-haired, fair-skinned friend recently started dating a phillipino man and they get the look all the time.

My sister also has a gorgeous daughter who's dad is black.

Since we're talking 'bout it...here's my bi-racial relatives...and I think they're all smokin hot!


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## empericalbeauty (Dec 28, 2006)

omg! That guy is sexy..all those guys are sexy...But yeah, people are stupid. Why should it matter if you had a black kid? I would never understand the thought pattern of racists.


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## MacForMe (Dec 28, 2006)

I will never understand.. not in a MILLION years, why what someone else chooses is EVERYONE ELSES business or they feel the right to judge, comment or make a big deal out of.. especially when it comes to who they love, whether its interracial or same sex.. jeez people.. They need to seriously MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!! DAMN!

You love whom you love.. period. And we wonder why the actions of a few make a whole race or whatever look bad..


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## Angie2006 (Dec 28, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif omg! That guy is sexy..all those guys are sexy...But yeah, people are stupid. Why should it matter if you had a black kid? I would never understand the thought pattern of racists. LOL Pipe it down girly! The 1st and 2nd guy are same one, he's 18 in second pic....the other guy is only 14! Jasmine is, I think 13 or 14 in this pic....geesh I don't remember looking like that when I was 14!!!!!!!!!!
But yea....a kid is a kid. If someone adopts...do they have to say, this is my daughter, but not really cause I adopted her?? NO....still their daughter, JUST their daughter. People suck


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## dixiewolf (Dec 28, 2006)

All your stories are unreal. Geez, it's 2006, why do people care about race anymore? Honestly, most people are not one race. It's not like I am just white, even though I look it. There have been other races, other countries, etc. in my background. Who can say they are pure one race? I could care less what race others want to date.


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## Chaela (Dec 29, 2006)

Sierra that reminded me of when I was little, probably cause my name is Michaela and my cousin who is the same age as me, Chanelle, is Bi-racial and my mom used to babysit Chanelle and took us out to stores and stuff together all the time. People would follow us around the store whispering about Chanelle and how my mom is a bad mom for having a 'black' kid and a white one...Though this one old man didnt have a problem with it and made a joke about Chanelle and I being twins..though we're not sure if he could see very well or if he was all there, so we take it as a joke. At school people were always like "Are you to related? Why do you have the same last name. How can you be related, shes black and you're white." People are idiots sometimes and should just learn to accept that fact that people come in different colors, sizes, and personalities.


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## AquaBlu (Jan 7, 2007)

I dont understand why people work themselves into a tizzy about who people choose to have relationships with. Unless someone is jealous (they want you for themself), or concerned about your safety (your with an abusive partner) there is no reason for them to worry about your relationship. Why would you be a traitor for being attracted to who you are attracted to?

You look like a very pretty girl, sounds like they are just upset that you arent interested in them, not just that you were dating a white guy.


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## melpaganlibran (Jan 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Artisticchik* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You know what sweetie..... Sometimes you just have to smile. Never engage in negative dialouge, verbal or non verbal with a fool, they will only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Some people have a really hard time accepting the fact that they have an issue that is theirs. Instead, they want to project their personal issue onto someone else rather than seeking out the root of it and working through it. Engaging with these types of people will only strengthen their resolve that in fact it is the other person with the flaw or comitting the violation against them and the problem perpetuates. Usually these same people have a very "victimized" mentality and some are total narcissists altogether.

Keep your head high and warmly smile at them. Continue to make yourself likeable and desireable in a complete way (not just physically) and control you since you are the only person you are in control of. As long as you are living life with a clear conscience and doing good by others, then you have no reason to pick up offenses that are not yours to pick up.

These people giving you the nasty stares may think that you are "flaunting" the relationship with a deliberate attempt to spit venom in the face of anyone opposing it. Picture yourself in a similar situation in which you may disagree and misinterpret a situation to such a degree that you think a person is targeting your anger. Develop a healthy level of tolerance and maturity for human ignorance because one thing is for certain, and that is that human ignorance remains constant. The other sure thing is ignorance is NOT bliss.

My husband and I have delt with this for YEARS and the way I see it is my marraige is Gods gift to me. It's mine to love for all the days of my life.

that was genuis!!! *jaw drops*


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## stolenbaby (Jan 9, 2007)

WOW! It just floors me that ppl are so uptight about different races being together.


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## Aprill (Jan 20, 2007)

That is sad that they did that, but it is an issue of accpetance.


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