# Help on coping with deployment



## irkenfetus (Apr 5, 2008)

My boyfriend left for Iraq 4 days ago, and while he'd been stationed in Virginia for a month and a half before that, I was still able to make the drive and visit him if he had any time off. This is a bit different to say the least. I cried more times than I could count that night, and I haven't been getting normal sleep hours since. It's hardest when I'm home, since I tend to dwell and brood and worry and pace and well...you get the idea. I just don't know what I'd do if something were to happen. I do go to school full time, and I'm still in the process of looking for a job, both of which will help to keep me busy during his deployment. I've also got a long list of things I want to get done before he comes home, and I've already got a care package in the works (I want to send at least once a month). But anyway, I guess my point is this: if any of you have been through this, or know someone who has, what are some good ways to keep sane during a time like this?


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## KatJ (Apr 5, 2008)

Oh you poor thing! In about a year I'm gonna be going through the same thing. A lot of the girls around here that I know are going to school to stay sane. Another one of my friends started fundraisers and things for her husband's platoon. How long is he gonna be gone for?


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## irkenfetus (Apr 5, 2008)

They're saying 8 months now, so I'm hoping that they don't extend it, or not by much if they do. The fundraiser idea sounds really nice.


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## KatJ (Apr 5, 2008)

8 months, that's good, it could be worse. for your sake, and his, i hope they dont extend it. at least now they can't stay longer than 12 months. If you're interested in the idea, I can ask my friend for any tips or pointers that she has.


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## La_Mari (Apr 5, 2008)

My husband is on his 2nd tour right now. He left I think 3 weeks ago. It does seem really long, but I think after 3 months you learn how to keep yourself busy or make the time go by faster. IDK how I did it the first time, and Iraq was a lot worse then. I've been looking @ the site that tracks the casualties and it really is a lot safer, especially for a lot of Marines right now, and especially his job. It looks like they are on a better track over there.

I haven't seen mine since January 23rd. And I can't believe I still have to wait 6 (yay! I thought it was 7!!!) more months to see him. Ugh. But at the same time I try not to feel sorry for myself cause _they_ are the one's that have to be in that WAR environment... not us. _They're_ lives are in danger, not ours. The best you can do is make sure he knows you love him everyday.

Also I'm grateful that he's not in the Army and is only gone for 7 months, I don't know how the Army wives do it. I think most are gone for a year with a week of leave. Am I right Mrs. Jones?

Anyway, oorah


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## KatJ (Apr 5, 2008)

Originally Posted by *La_Mari* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Also I'm grateful that he's not in the Army and is only gone for 7 months, I don't know how the Army wives do it. I think most are gone for a year with a week of leave. Am I right Mrs. Jones?
Anyway, oorah








Hooah. except, i think they're getting right around 2 weeks now.
good luck to you too, trying to stay sane without your hubby is only good for one thing, helping regain your independence.


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## irkenfetus (Apr 5, 2008)

Originally Posted by *La_Mari* /img/forum/go_quote.gif IDK how I did it the first time, and Iraq was a lot worse then. I've been looking @ the site that tracks the casualties and it really is a lot safer, especially for a lot of Marines right now, and especially his job. It looks like they are on a better track over there. That's true, I try to keep myself calmer by reminding myself of that. It's a "different Iraq", as some put it, which is good.


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## pinksugar (Apr 5, 2008)

my goodness that must be so, so hard. I can't even imagine what it's like.

I'm so sorry that you feel a bit lost, and may I say I am really in awe of what you guys manage, because I don't know how I would. You should be so proud of how strong you are and everything that you deal with.

I think doing a fundraiser or sending a care package sounds like an awesome idea. Get really involved with school or with a short course and he will be back before you know it


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## Andi (Apr 5, 2008)

oh girls, I have no advice...and maybe I should have some cause in 2 weeks itÂ´ll turn out if IÂ´m in the same boat. My fiancÃ© is an ex-marine and in training for a security job with Blackwater right now





Things look pretty "good" for now, heÂ´s kicking ass at the training program so theyÂ´ll probably take him. ItÂ´d be a contract for a full year..and everyone tells me "oh heÂ´s gonna be one of THOSE people that work in security? DonÂ´t you know thatÂ´s even more dangerous than being in the military and going to Iraq?"

IÂ´m like yeah thanks, people


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## S. Lisa Smith (Apr 5, 2008)

Thank you all for the service of your SO's and for your service. I can only imagine the difficulty for you and your loved ones. I know it's not easy. Best wishes!


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## ForeverPink (Apr 5, 2008)

Im in a similar situation at the moment, separated by different Countries from my partner, and I am also nearly 5 months pregnant. I wont see him again for another 5 months. Some days its easier than others but its hard when you have so much time to think.

I try to keep myself busy but always in your thoughts is your loved one.

I completely sympathise with how you are feeling. Please feel free to PM me if you want to sound off at any time

Hopefully, time will go a little quicker for us all


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## Jennifer (Apr 5, 2008)

my fiance is being deployed may 2009. it'll be his second time. the first time, i started talking to him about 6 or 7 months into his first tour and we talked a lot and i worried, but not too much cuz it seemed like everything was okay. we were only friends at that time. now, when he goes, we'll be married and i'm sure it'll be 100% harder. i'm not worried about the distance cuz it's all we know being 1,000 miles apart right now, but i am worried something will happen to him. thank god, like la mari said, it's a lot safer now.

i hope everything goes fine, which i'm sure it will. you will get used to it. just remind yourself that you're in love and nothing will break you apart



good luck and if you need to talk, we're here!


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## Dragonfly (Apr 5, 2008)

I'm not familiar with the US military. Do the different branches offer support to love ones with councelling?

When I served, I absolutely loved getting letters. Even if it was just a quick paraghraph, it didn't matter to me.

I like the idea of taking courses to keep busy.


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## Darla (Apr 6, 2008)

Hey ladies, stay strong

and thanks for what they do


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## irkenfetus (Apr 6, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm not familiar with the US military. Do the different branches offer support to love ones with councelling? I know they offer it to service members while they're deployed, but I'm not sure if they offer it to loved ones, perhaps ones that live on bases?


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## La_Mari (Apr 6, 2008)

Which service is he in? The Key Volunteer that talked to me while he was gone the first time told me they would help pay for counsel in your area, I'm not sure if she was telling me cause I was a wife, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Did they give you a number of anyone or group to contact if you had problems?


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## irkenfetus (Apr 7, 2008)

He's in the Navy, La_Mari. As far as counsel in the area, I'm not sure if it would be applicable to me since I'm not technically family yet, but you're right - it doesn't hurt to ask. Thank you everyone so much for your replies and suggestions, you've all really helped.


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