# Dealing with being a parents obvious least favorite?



## Orangeeyecrayon (May 13, 2010)

I was interested in knowing how people deal with being a parents least favorite (or how you would if you thought you were the least favorite).

I for a long time tried just avoiding my dad but he now does things to purposley make me sick of upset. So here is just a short list of things he has done to me. i only have one sibling, he is one year older (i am the youngest).

-pays for my brothers non degree program but did not pay for mine

-bought my brother a computer but did not buy me one

-used to complain about seeing me when in sports performances all through high school but would go to every showing when my brother was in plays even if just part of the chorus.

-when i was younger he would withold food from me

-draged me up stairs

-pays for my brothers clothing, gas and food, but does not cover those things for me which is frustrating since my brother works full time and i am in school full time

-sets up his camera flashers out side of my room so that they give me migraines (the light still gets in with the door closed)

-yells at me for not doing enough around the house, meanwhile i do all the plumbing work, food shopping take care of all the pets and clean any areas i use (which is only my room)

I have been living like a prisoner in my house for the past year and a half. the only time i leave my room is to go to the bathroom or eat. Additionally i have several time told my mom i want to move out but she says they can't afford it. Mean while they payed for my brother to have a place to live for the past four years and are planning on doing so again.

These are all ways that he treats me diffrently than my brother, and some of them have made it impossible to just ignore him. I have had issues in the past with other things but there is no legal action i can take, since everything he does is not illegal, even if it is disgusting.

For example when i first moved back home he would watch pornographic videos in the room where i was watching tv. he did this several times but it is apparently not against the law. Additionally if i would leave the room to be away from him he has a habbit of following me and if i lock the door he will pick the lock.

I have told my mom several times that this is affecting my mental health and i can not deal with living him, and am tired of essentially being a prisoner to my room that can not even enjoy where i live. I guess since i can not afford moving out at this time i was just looking for copeing stratagies.


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## divadoll (May 13, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Orangeeyecrayon* /img/forum/go_quote.gif For example when i first moved back home he would watch pornographic videos in the room where i was watching tv. he did this several times but it is apparently not against the law. Additionally if i would leave the room to be away from him he has a habbit of following me and if i lock the door he will pick the lock. ...I just need a little clarification. The above, you are talking about your dad or your brother?


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## Orangeeyecrayon (May 13, 2010)

My dad. I know he is gross. and i contacted a lawyer about it at the time but found it is not only not illegal, but if i were to take him to court and win a court case against him it would simply be a tourte (sp?) case which means i would not win any money, it would just simply be like saying yup she is telling the truth this did happen and this guy is disgusting.


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## Imprintwilight (May 13, 2010)

Ok. I've never had this problem but I have moved out because of personal reasons before. I suggest you find a way to move out. Find a few room mates and move into an apartment.


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## Alalia (May 13, 2010)

Generally speaking I'd probably distance myself emotionally from my parents if they did that so my self-esteem wasn't so reliant on it, spend more time with friends etc. If the other sibling was favorite because they did something truly wonderful like winning a gold medal or curing cancer I'd probably understand and be okay with that! If it wasn't fair though I'd do the above.

But in your case that is truly awful! I don't know what I'd do :-(


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## divadoll (May 13, 2010)

I'm very sorry for you. Are you seeing a counsellor about this? This must be a very heavy emotional burden for you. I was thinking a totally different scenario if it were just that he bought more stuff for your brother but to go into a room and start watching porn while you were in the room is very disturbed or follow you around... That creeps my out to no end!

Why do you still live there? Do you have a family member you can stay with or a friend?


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## Darla (May 13, 2010)

If you don't mind responding how are you going to school? who pays? are you working?

it sounds sort of impossible the way you describe it. I know other people who just had to make a clean break of it, but only you know what you will be able to take.


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## emily_3383 (May 13, 2010)

Move. If you can.


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## Alalia (May 13, 2010)

I agree with Divadoll, moving in with a family member or friend would be good. He sounds totally creepy, watching porn and favoring the male sibling sounds suspicious to me too...like some kind of gender issue, but I'm just guessing there.

My coping mechanisms have always been 1. Music 2. Writing a journal/talking to friends and also 3. doing activities I enjoy &amp; getting in 'the flow' so I forget about everything else, for me that's art. Do you have something like that?


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## Orangeeyecrayon (May 13, 2010)

i have been crocheting a lot, and drawing, but by the end of the day my fingers end up mad at me from the constant movement with the crochet needle.

Moving does not seem to be a realistic option right now since i can not physically have a job and go to school full time (i need a good 8 hours of sleep a night or i get really sick). luckily a lot of my friends are graduating this year from there colleges so i am trying to see if any of them are planning on getting an appartment in the area since having a roommate would be a lot cheeper than well, not


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## Alalia (May 13, 2010)

I get the same thing when I make linocut prints, my fingers even go numb and tingly so I can't do it as much as I want.

If you can't move stay strong in your mind eg: block the negativity of the environment out somehow, and focus on picturing your future, and how much better it will be when you do eventually move away. Visualizing &amp; planning for where you *want* to be can help ease your mind in the meantime and for eventually achieving what you want, IM(humble)O


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## Johnnie (May 13, 2010)

Since you can't move, get out and do things. Find groups with similar interests, community gatherings, special interest group type stuff. Example: I can easily find places where vegans meet up and discuss things, swap recipes, etc... You've gotta find time away from your home.


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## Lucy (May 13, 2010)

join the gym. seriously. it's somewhere you can go, everyday for just an hour or so to get out of the house and you don't always have to go, like a job. just go when you need to. the exercise will help you be less anxious.

or join a library, and go there and just read. anything to get you out of the house. if your dad asks where you are, say you're doing extra studying or something at school. don't let him find you, or if he does, you can just change libraries or gyms.

he sounds messed up. how does your mum feel about him watching porn in front of you? how does she feel about him generally? also, can you talk to your brother about any of this?


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## xjackie83 (May 13, 2010)

I'm not going to go into my issues, but living at home with my parents wasn't emotionally or mentally the best thing for me. So I moved out. It was hard, I was in school, but it was manageable. I don't have money to spend on things like I use to but being in an emotionally stable environment is the greatest thing ever.


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## reesesilverstar (May 13, 2010)

I agree. Get out the house more. Do things that interest you. And whenever you're able, move out and put some distance between you and them. It doesn't make sense to be abused when you can help it.


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## season (May 14, 2010)

You need to get out of there. That is not right at all.

You deserve better!


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## Shelley (May 16, 2010)

Do you have relatives you could move in with or someone else who is supportive?

I can relate to some of what you are saying. My parents, especially my mom, favored my older brother. Not just monetary but also affection and love. I was always called 'stupid', 'moron, and basically told I was worth nothing. There was lot's of emotional and physical abuse. When I was 18 and graduated from high school I left. It was very difficult at first, worked two part time jobs, lived with friends until I could get a cheap apartment at that time. I went to school and applied for financial aid and lived on meagre wages. It was difficult but I'm glad I did it.

I would feel strange if my dad looked at porn, followed me around, picked the lock etc. I don't blame you for feeling upset with all that is going on. You need support and none of this is your fault!




Were here for you



Please keep us updated


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## PinkyCheeks (May 30, 2010)

I'd say there is something definitely wrong with your father. =/

If you have close relatives you could try stay with one of them or even a friend.

You could try get a part - time job.

See a counsellor or someone who looks after cases of children/ young adults if you have any agencies over there who will investigate the problem, possibly depending on your age.

How long has it been going on for, recently or since you were young?

Maybe its something sick and twisted or just the fact that stupidly in some families boy are placed above girls and especially the older children.


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## Ricci (May 30, 2010)

This tore at my heart, Im so sorry you are going through this.. Im not being rude , but if that was my situation,, I wouldnt be there another second. Im sure there's gotta be a way you can move out right away.


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