# Adjusting to the Single Life



## Beyonce Welch (Nov 3, 2007)

In October of 2002 I lost my husband of 33 years, we were High School Sweethearts, actually we were Sweethearts since Grammar School. It has been extremely difficult for me to adjust to a life without a soulmate, for two years I did not leave the house except to shop, and rarely visit relatives. After almost three year of being alone I had a date with a man that met at the grocery store, we had actually run into each other on many occasions there. After about six months we dated, it was a total disaster, partly my fault, I was not up front about my heritage ( African American ) and he turned out to be very racist ( that is a term that I do not use very frequently ). That night I cried myself to sleep, partly due to my denial of my own heritage, and the thought of me being alone for the rest of my life. I was being very selfish, I do have two children and four grandbabies. I have acted in many foolish ways and I have done some very foolish things since my spouse died. I hope that I am on the road to recovery.

Thank You all for reading my very long post. Beyonce Welch - Love Your Enemies.


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## macface (Nov 5, 2007)

Sorry about your husband.With time evrything will happend and god would put somebody in your path.you willl be o.k.


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 5, 2007)

Originally Posted by *macface* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sorry about your husband.With time evrything will happend and god would put somebody in your path.you willl be o.k. Thank you for your very thoughtful and warm reply. Bless You .


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## empericalbeauty (Nov 5, 2007)

::Hugs::

You wont die alone. I was talking to my Bf about your post (Hope you dont mind) and I got really emotional because I can partially understand how you feel. At this point in your life, I think the best course of action would be to pray to God and ask him to give you the comfort and blessings (he should bless you with a Boaz if it is in his will) no one else can offer. Focus on your Children and Grand children and perhaps that will make you feel less alone. Nothing in this world is impossible. If it is in God's will that you meet someone else, it will be manifested in your life. But it seems as though you havent healed 100% from the loss of your husband. Prayer to me is the most important thing right now. Praying for wisdom, blessings (in every aspect of your life) because when it all ties together, you will know it and without God it isnt all possible. I am sorry that man was an ******* to you. You dont deserve that, no one does. I will pray for you. And remember, you will not die alone, nor are you alone. you may be feeling lonely, but you are not alone. Some where out there someone is thinking about you, and thats a greater gift than not being thought of at all. I am thinking of you.




!!!

::hugs::


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## BeneBaby (Nov 5, 2007)

Oh I am sorry you are having a hard time. I can't imagine losing someone you shared your whole life with. You can take comfort in knowing that you had something that few people experience...A soulmate. I think the best thing to do is get out there and keep living. Spend time with family, try new activities and stay active. No one will ever fill the space in your heart that your husband held, but you can hold the memories there. I wish the best for you! And Welcome to MUT. I can tell you will be a valuable member to this community.


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## pinksugar (Nov 5, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound like you're a very insightful person and I wish you all the best with your adjustments. Being alone is lonely, but nothing more lonely than being with someone who isnt right for you.




on MUT you never need to feel alone!


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 5, 2007)

I want to thank ALL of you very kind and thoughtful ladies. All of your comments have touched my soul.* Bless you all. Beyonce*


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## dixiewolf (Nov 5, 2007)

My mom lost my dad when I was 11. She didnt date for years. When I was 19, she met someone on a blind date and they got married. I couldnt ask for a better stepdad (I am 29 now). She kept busy with clubs and a few close friends, she also had to take care of my brother and I, which I am sure took a lot of time. She had a really hard time, was sad and lost tons of weight, but she is very happy now. I wish you much happiness. Try to find local activities so you can make friends and have things to do (easier said than done I know)


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 5, 2007)

Ms Dixiewolf,

Thank You. I have met so many new wonderful friends on this site, I feel as though God has Blessed me already.* Love - Beyonce*


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## Ashley (Nov 5, 2007)

Hello Beyonce. I am very sorry for your loss. I know it must be difficult for you, but don't be too harsh on yourself. Maybe you're ready to date now, maybe you'll be ready later, but just remember that you're never alone.


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 5, 2007)

Originally Posted by *aplsmash* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Hello Beyonce. I am very sorry for your loss. I know it must be difficult for you, but don't be too harsh on yourself. Maybe you're ready to date now, maybe you'll be ready later, but just remember that you're never alone.









Thanks. I have been blessed to have found this wonderful forum and all the very kind, thoughtful, and beautiful ladies ( inside &amp; out ) who visit it.* Love - Beyonce*


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## Karen_B (Nov 5, 2007)

I am very sorry for your loss. I don't feel I have any good advice to give you, but I hope and believe you will be able to find someone to love again.


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 5, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Karen_B* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am very sorry for your loss. I don't feel I have any good advice to give you, but I hope and believe you will be able to find someone to love again. Thank You - *Love Beyonce*


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## lummerz (Nov 5, 2007)

I am very sorry about your loss. My daughter and I will pray for you and will ask god to give you comfort at this time in your life. &lt; BIG HUG &gt;


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 5, 2007)

Originally Posted by *lummerz* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am very sorry about your loss. My daughter and I will pray for you and will ask god to give you comfort at this time in your life. &lt; BIG HUG &gt; Dear lummerz,Thank You and* may God Bless you and your daughter. She is truly Blessed to have such a loving and caring mother. Love and Best Wishes - Beyonce*


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## Anthea (Nov 5, 2007)

I am sorry for your loss, its no fun being alone, I know, as I am in the same boat but for different reasons. Its a good thing you found out about that man before you got involved. Im sure you will fine someone who is right for you. Hugs.


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## AprilRayne (Nov 6, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine how hard it would be to lose my husband! I'm just curious about this guy that you went out with, if you had already met face to face, what race did he think you were? Are you a really light skinned African American? I'm so sorry that he hurt you and disrespected your heritage! What a jerk!


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 6, 2007)

Originally Posted by *AprilRayne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am so sorry for your loss! I can't even imagine how hard it would be to lose my husband! I'm just curious about this guy that you went out with, if you had already met face to face, what race did he think you were? Are you a really light skinned African American? I'm so sorry that he hurt you and disrespected your heritage! What a jerk! We had met ( or run into each other ) a few times at the local Walgreens and local Sears a few times and had struck up a *conversation friendship, after awhile he asked me out. He arrived at my home and at one point noticed some pictures hanging on my mantle above the fireplace, they were photos of my grandkids, also of light complexion and Caucasion features, I told him who they were and it didn't seem to bother him. We then went to a nearby restaurant where he dominated the conversation which consisted of his disapproval of his married daughter ( age 30 I think ) and of certain racial/ethnic groups. He drove me home and I later called him on the phone telling him that I think that we should not see each other again. I also told him the reason(s) why. I should have been upfront with him about my heritage, but I wasn't, for which I am ashamed. I blame my lack of candor on my feelings concerning my desire for a mate. I believe that he saw the photos, realixed his situation and decided to end the date any way that he could. I have acted very foolishly on a number of ocassions since my spouse died, I hope that I have finally come to my senses. LOVE - BEYONCE *


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## _withoutYou (Nov 10, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Beyonce Welch* /img/forum/go_quote.gif In October of 2002 I lost my husband of 33 years, we were High School Sweethearts, actually we were Sweethearts since Grammar School. It has been extremely difficult for me to adjust to a life without a soulmate, for two years I did not leave the house except to shop, and rarely visit relatives. After almost three year of being alone I had a date with a man that met at the grocery store, we had actually run into each other on many occasions there. After about six months we dated, it was a total disaster, partly my fault, I was not up front about my heritage ( African American ) and he turned out to be very racist ( that is a term that I do not use very frequently ). That night I cried myself to sleep, partly due to my denial of my own heritage, and the thought of me being alone for the rest of my life. I was being very selfish, I do have two children and four grandbabies. I have acted in many foolish ways and I have done some very foolish things since my spouse died. I hope that I am on the road to recovery.

Thank You all for reading my very long post. Beyonce Welch - Love Your Enemies.

You gotta get busy, do you have a job?


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 11, 2007)

I'm in a situation ( thank God ) where I do not have to earn a living. Beyonce Welch


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## Bee Luscious (Nov 11, 2007)

I am so sorry for your lose! I am not very good with sympathy but it is something I have been working very hard on ( I was raised in a cold home). I don't know what I would do if I lost my wife. I could only imagine how you must feel! Then have to put up with a rascist. I can't believe in these times we still have ignorant people like that.

I will pray for you and that you find someone worthy of your love.


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 11, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Bee Luscious* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am so sorry for your lose! I am not very good with sympathy but it is something I have been working very hard on ( I was raised in a cold home). I don't know what I would do if I lost my wife. I could only imagine how you must feel! Then have to put up with a rascist. I can't believe in these times we still have ignorant people like that. 
I will pray for you and that you find someone worthy of your love.

Thank You for your very kind words.


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## melpaganlibran (Nov 13, 2007)

ohh, dear. my eyes well up. my stomach wells up at the thought of....

sometimes i'm ashamed of my race hardcore. i'm assuming the cad that tried to pick you up was a rude white boy.

i can't imagine what you have been through. God Bless you.

For starters it must have been a real let down to try to date just once and to find out you had a jerk on your hands. try again! However, from the tone of your post it may not be "ready time" yet. you said you seldom left the house, why don't you just try more and more to do things just-for-you like hobbies or whatnot...sorry if this advice is trite i dunno what else to offer...maybe refuse to do total blind dates....you may be able to find someone special and nice and ANY dang race...it doesn't have to be a disaster, again, i can't imagine the pain you have suffered but you deserve to be loved in that special way...perhaps the date was just the wrong person and wrong time, ugh.

saying you're black shouldn't be like admitting a flaw, damnit, and that man needs to be smacked for dealing with as such. Send him to my house, I want to whip him for upsetting a new widow taking tenative steps towards having a new life...AGH

not that it matters but i did wonder if you are biracial, as some can "pass" for white and some can "pass" for all black. either "look' can be a Godsend or a curse depending on what sort of people you live around....


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 26, 2007)

The lack of good men has made me look into the Bi - Sexual option.

I believe that I am a lesbian !


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## KellyB (Nov 26, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Beyonce Welch* /img/forum/go_quote.gif The lack of good men has made me look into the Bi - Sexual option. I hear ya. I'm 42. Divorced last Sept and there is no one worth it out there. I have a man that I see but we've been seeing each other on and off for 18 years. I don't think It will ever get more serious and not sure I want it to. Starting over is so difficult and frankly I don't have the patience for BS anymore.


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## Beyonce Welch (Nov 26, 2007)

Originally Posted by *KellyB* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I hear ya. I'm 42. Divorced last Sept and there is no one worth it out there. I have a man that I see but we've been seeing each other on and off for 18 years. I don't think It will ever get more serious and not sure I want it to. Starting over is so difficult and frankly I don't have the patience for BS anymore. Thank You Kelly,

I was afraid that I was the only one out there looking at new options.


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