# My exboyfriend...



## Shelley (Jun 7, 2006)

I have a restraining order, called the police on my ex about 3-4 weeks ago. Anyways I came home today, checked the mail, noticed an envelope with my name on it but no postage etc. I opened it and discovered a birthday card from my ex! This is what he wrote on the inside: "Happy Belated Birthday Shelley. I love and miss you and you are such a *itch for leaving me. Your birthday surprise is waiting for you..."

He is not allowed to come near me, my property, car etc. I don't know if he dropped this off or got one of his friends to. I phoned the police, gave them the card. They are looking into it. If he did come onto the property, I guess they would arrest him.

I admit I feel scared..


----------



## ivette (Jun 7, 2006)

cg, be very, very, careful. maybe, for safety purposes, u should stay w/ family or a good friend until the



police

know more abt whats going on


----------



## mabelwan (Jun 7, 2006)

OMG! What a crazy man! I bet he still can't accept the truth that you left him and that's why he's doing something to threaten you. You made a rational decision to report to the police because no one can promise he wont hurt you physically or etc. Sorry, I don't mean to scare you or something. Did you contact each other before this? How long did you break up with him?


----------



## mehrunissa (Jun 7, 2006)

Originally Posted by *ivette*



cg, be very, very, careful. maybe, for safety purposes, u should stay w/ family or a good friend until the



policeknow more abt whats going on





Yeah, I agree - you probably shouldn't be on your own until you know what he's up to. I'd be scared too!


----------



## bluebird26 (Jun 7, 2006)

Oh boy, just make sure you lock your doors all the time and also the windows. Always look who is behind you or inside the car before going inside your car...I don't know what else to tell you, I hope the police takes care of that guy.


----------



## pinkbundles (Jun 7, 2006)

holy $hit! be very, very careful! the last part of his card gives me chills!


----------



## -Liz- (Jun 7, 2006)

be careful, maybe you should stay with someone you trust for abit this guy would scare me too! goodluck!


----------



## eightthirty (Jun 8, 2006)

Have you ever considered moving?


----------



## fickledpink (Jun 8, 2006)

How scary



Be careful


----------



## dixiewolf (Jun 8, 2006)

I am so sorry you have had to go through all this, I have read all your previous posts about it. I have been with some weirdos, but not as bad as that. I dont know if his letter is just trying to scare you, or if he is serious. I agree with the others, you might not want to be alone. I hope this person that I will not even call a man leaves you alone once and for all. This isnt your fault, stay strong, and we will all be thinking of you.


----------



## SierraWren (Jun 8, 2006)

Oh dear, this is the last thing you--or anyone of course--needs. What I recommend doing is whatever makes you feel the safest,and strongest: try and have friends or family stay with you a while(or stay with them),might be the first thing. Also try to remember that, while it's best to be on your guard at all times, you must do so within reason; you can't live your life constantly stressed out--as it seems he wants you to. For there is a very strong chance that whatever your boyfriend's motive was in doing this latest cruelty to you, his basic goal has been already accomplished: scaring the hell out of you. He knows that he can't do any more, not without severe repurcussions involving the police, and in his helpless,raging, impotent way, this is the most he knows he can do: terrify you from a distance.Of course, I could be wrong,but it seems to me his very awareness that he is unable to do anything else suggests that he is too afraid,himself, to cross the line any farther, and actually harm you. Not now, again, when this time he knows the severe repurcussions any such actions will have.

My best friend had to get a restraining order on her ex boyfriend several years back.After he was "punished"(not nearly enough, for his repeated abuse of her, discovered by police on a single night)by spending three nights in jail, he did his best to make her fear for her life. I don't mean that literally, exactly--he didn't come out and threaten to kill her--but he did vow that she would never have a moment of peace, until she took him back. What happened was that,over the months, as his threats--frightening as they were--kept proving empty,she was able to shut him down by fearing him less--though,granted, this took over a year,and she is still in recovery from her struggle with abuse. What I think helped her most was moving in with friends (me and my husband);if anything like a move or another person/people moving in with you,even for a short time, is available to you, you might want to really consider doing this.

I know you must feel powerless now, to have been put in such an awful position--but spirtually, emotionally, you have far more power and alliances with strength than your ex does. HE is the truly powerless one, and does he ever know it!--who else but a deeply powerless, helpless feeling person would sink to making such pathetic and hideous gestures as he's made?

I know it can be



, but you might want to talk more to the police, get any advice they can give you about keeping you 100% protected from this person. They can also give you the numbers of abuse/ stalker hotlines to call, for more suggestions and to speak with others who have been through and survived the same things.

Sorry this post is so-o long and not saying anything revelatory; I am just concerned for you and want you to know, you are not alone in what you are going through, and you in no way deserve to go through this--and you will get out! You CAN get your life back.I can tell you more of my friend's story if you'd like to P.M. me, or just P.M. me to talk, vent, whatever you want: I am absolutely alert to you and absolutely here. Hang in there--you can.



Remember,you have a "family" here, at MUT, who care for you and are wishing you the very best, so please please, keep us posted.


----------



## selene (Jun 8, 2006)

Hello CG, I was reading some of your old posts and unfortunately, people blaming the victim, instead of holding those who commit the horrible deed accountable, doesn't seem to be a unique dynamic. If you have not found a group to get together with (women who've experienced what you have), I highly urge you to do this a.s.a.p. b/c it takes such a weight off of YOU to talk to others who have gone through the same thing. I cannot begin to adequately describe how much relief this will bring you to be able to say all of it aloud to an "empathetic" audience. I believe it may be better therapy than any trained therapist could ever give you.

I know I went off on a little bit of a tangent there... aside from the above, I think it's a great idea for you to move in with people, if this is at all possible for you.


----------



## Aquilah (Jun 8, 2006)

Honey, I definitely suggest staying with someone until this matter is settled. Honestly, I'd try to keep distance between mutual friends too. I only say this because my best friend had her ex stalking her, and she went through everything you're going through. Except, the psycho took it a different step farther and started having their mutual friends stalking her! Definitely be care, and always watch your back! I wish you the very, very best of luck sweetie! Please let us know what ends up happening to the creep! We're here for you if you need us!


----------



## erica_1020 (Jun 8, 2006)

Be careful, I will be thinking of you.


----------



## Anyah_Green (Jun 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *ivette*



cg, be very, very, careful. maybe, for safety purposes, u should stay w/ family or a good friend until the



policeknow more abt whats going on





i totally agree. You need to be cautious! Do you have pepper spray? Or some way of protecting yourself? You need to be aware at all times. I am not trying to scare you sweets. I just want you to be safe. He sounds phyco!Good luck ssweets! E-mail me if you need some support!


----------



## Shelley (Jun 8, 2006)

Thank you everyone! I thought about staying with friends or family but since he knows where most of them live probably not a good idea. I would be worried about their safety although I would be his target. My neighbour knows of someone who will be away for at least a few weeks and need a housesitter. She spoke to them and I could stay there and at least he wouldn't know where I am.


----------



## mandy_ (Jun 9, 2006)

Yikes. What a jerk. Please be very very careful. I think the housesitting would be a great idea - it would get you away for at least a little bit. So sorry you have to go through all this, it's absolutely terrible.

Again, just be careful. Watch yourself and everyone around you. Be safe!


----------



## Pauline (Jun 20, 2006)

Hi Candadian-Gurl, its terrible that you re having to live in fear for your safety.You have done all you possibly can and when you do move from your parents make sure he can't find you.Even if you have to use an aliais.

The best thing you can do with someone like him is stay away and never let him find you.Stalker;s are trouble but you have taken the adivce of the law.Get a solictor involved as well.That way you can see about getting some compenstaion for the damage he did to your arm.You nmow have plenty circumstancial evidence.STAY STONG HON.


----------



## Maude (Jun 20, 2006)

Oh my god, be very very carefull! At least he won't be able to find you if you are a housesitter at some place he doesn't know. I'll keep you in my mind.


----------



## proud2bme (Jun 20, 2006)

Definitly be careful. You did the right thing by going to the police, that's a threat that really shouldn't be taken lightly. I just hope it is just that..A threat. He's just hurt. Get your family and friends very aware of the issue.

I hope things stay ok.


----------



## Elisabeth (Jun 20, 2006)

Originally Posted by *canadian_gurl* Thank you everyone! I thought about staying with friends or family but since he knows where most of them live probably not a good idea. I would be worried about their safety although I would be his target. My neighbour knows of someone who will be away for at least a few weeks and need a housesitter. She spoke to them and I could stay there and at least he wouldn't know where I am. This sounds like a great idea, Shelley!!Can you get someone (preferrably male), that he does not know to stay with you while you are at this house? I just don't like the idea of you being alone anywhere right now. Not because of him finding you, but of your mental state and peace of mind...how much better you'd feel by having someone else there with you, for company and to relieve some of the stress this disturbed man has put onto you.

Take it easy and know that we are here for you, GF!!!


----------



## Kelly (Jun 21, 2006)

Yes be very careful and cautious of your surroundings. Hopefully it's just a scare tactic. I had and ex that used to tell me several times, "If I can't have you, no one can"....WTF is that? Whatever, I never really held any truth to that threat....but why would someone say that unless they felt POWERLESS?

Good luck, and be safe. I agree, get some pepper spray and have friend or family with you for a while, even while shopping or such....hopefully it's empty threats, but you never know....kinda creepy that he'd go to such a length to scare you.


----------



## jennycateyez (Jun 21, 2006)

what a a$$hole. just be careful and try not to go out by urself or come home by urself. people dont understand there are so many other people u can meet in this world! good luck sweetie.


----------



## Elisabeth (Jul 3, 2006)

Bump. How's it, goin' Shelley? Everything still cool?


----------



## VenusGoddess (Jul 3, 2006)

I know this is really late, but I would suggest getting a dog. They make a lot of noise. There are quite a lot of companies who raise dogs as companion/protection dogs. Most of these dogs are trained to attack/intimidate on command. If you have any fear that your ex is going to really try to harm you...I would suggest that you contact one of these places. I did a google search for these companies in Canada:

http://www.canadasguidetodogs.com/dogjobs/wrk_guard.htm

You do not NEED to buy one of these dogs, but they are fully trained for protection. If you think that your boyfriend is just trying to intimidate you...and you would feel better having "someone" at home...you may want to get a nice big dog that makes a lot of noise.


----------



## volatile (Jul 3, 2006)

firstly, i am really sorry that this is happening to you. women go through these types of things all the time..i dont know what we ever did to deserve it. it just doesnt seem fair..






i think you really should talk to a therapist or someone about these feelings too, who knows what other creepy things this guy will say. but you also cant live in fear forever.

i think it would also be wise to consider that maybe theres other guys involved in this too..maybe its not very likely but just an idea. if you know of any friends he might have gone to or anything you should probably give police names and stuff.

other than that, im sure everything is going to turn out for the best. please dont blame yourself!


----------



## CuTeLiCiOuS (Jul 9, 2006)

I think you did the right and smart thing. Like the girls said keep your doors locked, always have your cell phone on, and don't talk to this guy at all, don't contact him. Beware of where you are going, and at night or anywhere that u are alone be careful. Also have your family member and freinds be aware of this situation. And keep putting contact with the police in the investigation. Always tell your parents or a freind of where you are going for a while.


----------

