# Am I over reacting?



## llehsal (Dec 4, 2010)

So I was invited to my friend's neighbour's party tonight.  Myself and three other people arrived really early.  Me, my friend and three of his friends who I know, but are not really friends with went.  While waiting for the party to begin, we sat at my friend's place just hanging out.  The topic got to schools we went to.  So my friend and one of his friends went to this particular school that is a very good school but majority black children attend.  I just happened to be the only black person in the group (the others were caucasian, indian and chinese).  They all decided to talk about two of them going to that particular school was sooo out of the ordinary as they are all so light skinned and that they never spoke to anyone in the school because of this....please bare in mind that they did a particular exam that placed them at that school.  

At this point I am getting irked because it was sounding as though they were too good to go to that school because they were of a different complexion.  Now at several gatherings with said bunch...I have heard similiar comments and I just let it slip, but this time, I it spoiled my mood.  I decided to go take a breather and watch some tv in my friend's room.  After a bit, I realised I felt the same way and I needed to leave.  I asked my friend to drop me home and would tell him why later.

Maybe I over reacted.  But I felt out of place as well, when I saw that the crowd was building up and I was the only black person in the crowd.  After my little irk inside, I just felt totally out of place and needed to get out of there.  I don't know how to broach this subject with my friend or what to say.


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## divadoll (Dec 4, 2010)

So...let me get this straight.  Your friends are a minority group in a school primarily of Black people but you are the minority Black person in a group that are not? Does EVERYONE write test to get to that school?

I'm lost...

Are these people your friends or friends of friends?


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## usersassychick0 (Dec 4, 2010)

No way, you are totally right.  It was really inconsiderate of them to do that. -No matter how well they know you or not.


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## llehsal (Dec 5, 2010)

Everyone Divadoll does a test to graduate from primary school to go on to secondary school.  The government decides what school you go to unless you go to a private (paid) school.  So yes....through this exam, they were sent to that school.  And yes three out of the four are my friends, one was a friend of a friend.  I am really close with two of them though.



> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> So...let me get this straight.  Your friends are a minority group in a school primarily of Black people but you are the minority Black person in a group that are not? Does EVERYONE write test to get to that school?
> 
> ...


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## emily_3383 (Dec 5, 2010)

I think I wrote my response like 10 different ways. lol

This is just an example of how society thinks and I know people are going to say that I cant lump everyone together but yeah its true.


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## reesesilverstar (Dec 8, 2010)

Why would you be upset? You seem to have experienced exactly what they were talking about - feeling uncomfortable being the minority in your environment. I see it as they figured they were among friends and were being honest about their experience. And since you're part of a multicultural group it's an opportunity to get comfortable with each others' norms. All you have to do is lime(hang out) with people home and with the amount of alcohol around, everybody gets along...

My experience has never been one of color disparity, but financial, and I think it's across the board in Trinidad. People tend to lime with those in their financial, thus, social-class. We're a "status" based society more-so than color.


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## divadoll (Dec 8, 2010)

> Originally Posted by *reesesilverstar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Why would you be upset? You seem to have experienced exactly what they were talking about - feeling uncomfortable being the minority in your environment. I see it as they figured they were among friends and were being honest about their experience. And since you're part of a multicultural group it's an opportunity to get comfortable with each others' norms. All you have to do is lime(hang out) with people home and with the amount of alcohol around, everybody gets along...
> 
> My experience has never been one of color disparity, but financial, and I think it's across the board in Trinidad. People tend to lime with those in their financial, thus, social-class. We're a "status" based society more-so than color.


 This was what I was wanting to say but for some reason couldn't get it into words.  I had been in a minority for the majority of my life.  People of the same situation tend to stick together.


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## pumpkincat210 (Dec 8, 2010)

I understand.  I went to a party with primarily hispanic people and my husband and I were the minority.  Nobody really socialized with us, although we attempted to talk with them in their conversation.   They didn't say anything mean to us, but they ignored us.   It was very strange and I didn't enjoy the party because i felt left out.


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## reesesilverstar (Dec 8, 2010)

It's sad to admit, but that behaviour is typical. Unless you personally know people, you stick to who or what you know...


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## DonnaJ (Dec 9, 2010)

I say she has every right to be upset because of this: "At this point I am getting irked because it was sounding as though they were too good to go to that school because they were of a different complexion."

They weren't saying they felt like the odd man out because of racial differences, but insinuating that they are better than the black students at the school.

The older I get the more I notice racism popping out of the mouths where you least expect it, from people you have trusted and never thought of as racist even. It rarely shocks me anymore but it still hurts.


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## reesesilverstar (Dec 9, 2010)

It could very well be racial, but she did mention that it was a mixed group of friends... So that leads me to wager it's more about economics than race...


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## DonnaJ (Dec 9, 2010)

Maybe, but since she never discusses class/economics but does talk about race throughout, she obviously thinks it's racial. Just because some of the others are also people of color doesn't mean they won't be racist against black people especially if they have been raised around majority whites. You can't help but soak in that prejudice, ignorance, and fear when it's all you know, and you don't have many black people around to prove that it is prejudice, ignorance, and fear and not fact.


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## Annelle (Dec 9, 2010)

I had seen this thread a few times and was going to reply but, I guess ...here's what's been holding me back.

Does anybody know what the racial profile of Trinidad and Tobago is? I'll admit I'm rather ignorant on this country, with the exception of they've had really beautiful women in the Miss Universe competitions (about the only time I've really heard this country come up) with awesome accents, and all the ones I remember have been black.  I guess I always thought that the majority of the country was black?  I'm not really sure if it has the same white vs black tension that the United States has (or tries to argue it doesn't have).

I couldn't find it the first time I had tried to look it up, but I found a site today that says that only 0.6% of the population there is white, so it might have honesty just been the shock of feeling like a minority for the first time.  I guess those of us who have lived as the minority for all of our lives just kind of learn to deal with it automatically. I've heard of white people in America feeling a bit "odd man out" when they suddenly find themselves in a sea of non-caucasians.  Actually I even felt a bit of culture shock when I moved from the midwest (mostly white, with a mostly black minority) to southern california (very high population of asians, some places are even half asian, half white, with virtually no black people) since I wasn't used to seeing so many asians, unless I was at my parent's church or at a family function!

But as a side note, one of the first comments I was going to say was I never really interacted with students from other high schools either unless our two schools actually did something together.  It had nothing to do with race or economy or intelligence...just, when you're a high school student the world is still very small, and your own high school is pretty much your world, so you don't normally venture to the other schools, since, well you're likely to be at your own school when school is in session.


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## divadoll (Dec 10, 2010)

> Originally Posted by *DonnaJ* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I say she has every right to be upset because of this: "At this point I am getting irked because it was sounding as though they were too good to go to that school because they were of a different complexion."
> 
> ...


 Usually, people react to being the odd man out by making out that they are superior to those that out number them. This makes people more secure if they can't be secure by numbers, they can be secure by intellect or something that provides them with power because they feel powerless. 

I've noticed this even in my reactions because at work, we are ethnically a minority compared to a certain ethnic group.  It is very evident and I can hear it when people talk.  My reactions have been similar at times.


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## reesesilverstar (Dec 10, 2010)

I'm from Trinidad and attended one of the schools I'm assuming would have been typical for her friends to attend, so what I'm giving is my perspective. The op didn't go into the background as much as I will and hasn't commented yet on the comments this far. We don't really have caucasian ppl per se. We mostly have arabs (syrian and lebanese descendants) that ppl refer to as "white." We also have ppl of asian and east indian descent. So different ethnicities are present, but because of our history, those who were indentured laborers etc had the capital to go into businesses and set up thriving communities (similar to the americas). So blacks make up the majority of the nation and are the least wealthy. Those with money tend to stay within their communities and social circles because it's their upbringing and norm. The schools that are highest ranked in the nation also educate their children so again they see people who look like them with similar backgrounds. Wealthy people call in favors, ambassadors' children etc also attend said schools. That said, from my personal experience, yes there is an elitist mentality, but I think it doesn't stem from race. I have friends who are fine with me, (black AND muslim, whoa!) but wouldn't be caught dead in certain areas of the island because it's a typically "poor area." So for me it's kinda hard to claim race or have a minority complex because unlike america the "whites" are the minority there. They just have the most wealth.


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## llehsal (Dec 10, 2010)

Reese is very very right.  In Trinidad it's not so much the race of the person.  It is more the status of the persons.  Financial background, where you live, schools you attended, clubs you belong to.... things like that....BUT, there ARE instances of persons judging based on complexion and not status.  Why I was angry as another commenter said, it's the fact that they insinuated that they were too good to go to this school, purely based on complexion.  The words were, I am shocked you went to that school and my other friends said, yes,,,right because we were the lightest kids there.  Let me tell you, in my family there 5 children, we ALL went to colleges and convents that are minority black and I never acted any particular way.  I was fine, I spoke to everyone and was fine in the school, so were my brothers and sisters.  I guess based on my experience I was niaive regarding other people's experiences and so took the converstation out of context.  But based on my friend's comments, it would seem to me that should they have heard the schools my siblings and I went to (some of them know this), they would be shocked as well because at the end of the day we are black and what...don't fit in in those schools because of this?  Bullocks.

I spoke to one of the two of my closer friends from that group about my issue.  He said to me that it is what it is, and he said that because it is a predominantly black school and what not.  I told my side of the story and how I saw it, he in return told me I need to stop being so uptight and let loose a little and that I am going to be very unhappy if I am this uptight.  Unfortunately for him, I won't be his good friend anymore.  He clearly did not get my point and to me he showed no interest in trying to understand.   I have moved past it though, but I guess I'm a tad shocked and hurt as I have never experienced this from friends  (black or otherwise) and just did not know how to deal with it.


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## Sexy Sadie (Dec 12, 2010)

I think these people were plain rude. No excuses.


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