# I want to drop dead.



## sue23 (Mar 15, 2008)

Okay I feel bad writing this because I'm not a suicidal person but sometimes I feel like there is no hope at all. I am not self pity or anything I just feel terrible.

I currently live with my boyfriend and his parents and that is pretty stressful.I dont have a car because I used to live in NYC and didn't need one. I live in westchester now and you need one here. I don't have a job either I have been waiting for MAC but I have to look for something else in the meanwhile that is in walking distance. So I am normally here everyday taking care of their dogs and keeping the house clean which is the least I can do because I live here for free.

But this is what is throwing me over the edge.......

My boyfriend is a great guy but he has a horrid temper(ex marine served time) He stopped bouncing at clubs because he put a guy in the hospital and got fired. He said he wouldnt go back, but he did for money. I was waitressing but he wanted me to stop because of men in bars. I was working as a body piercer before that but he didnt like that because I had to pierce genitals and got into it with my boss and I got fired. HIS PARENTS DON'T KNOW MY SIDE!


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## tinktink22 (Mar 15, 2008)

ok i know that you might think you love him and your in a great situation with no rent and all. but you need to find a friend and get out. its just going to get worse. if every job you get he'll oppose to then you never get a job. do yourself a favor and figure out something with someone that can help you out and start fresh. and if his parents dont think your telling the truth then he can say 2 words and have them all over you because he's lying and they would never know.


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## sue23 (Mar 15, 2008)

Anyway Im looking for a job and trying to reconnect with old friends and get my stuff together which is hard right now not a lot of places are hiring and I would still be working if he didn't throw tantrums about where I was.

The last arguement we had his mom got involved. She got mad at me with out hearing my side and asked me why I dont have a job. I felt like a 13 yr old trying to explain what I am doing. She said that I need to not get mad at Chuck and be patient with him, she then pointed out our bedroom door or the half we have left(I mean half we have a blanket covering the big hole he put in the door with his fist) she said that could be my head. Why doesnt she see he needs to control that. Why does she take up for him?

I feel so mad and lonely and depressed. I am not a bum or a freeloader who doesnt want to work. I really do want a job so I can save a leave this house.

I don't have family to turn to because they don't like chuck or me really. I havent spoken to them in 3 years my mom is bi-polar and a control freak.

All I do is wait for him to get home from work and stay in his room away from everybody and I don't like living this way. It is unhealthy I was never this bad drinking wine like it is going out of style and being alone. Talking to the Dogs and worrying if they like me, this is crazy.

Now I am worried about his mom liking me and where I should go tonight so I don't have to be alone in the house with his parents while he is at work. God get me out of this pitiful state of existence


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## tinktink22 (Mar 15, 2008)

you know what your mom may be bi polar and crazy. but she has your side. and if his mom is pointing to a hole in the wall saying that that could be your head GET THE HELL OUT!!!!!! she even knows that your in danger of him.


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## sue23 (Mar 15, 2008)

Originally Posted by *tinktink22* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ok i know that you might think you love him and your in a great situation with no rent and all. but you need to find a friend and get out. its just going to get worse. if every job you get he'll oppose to then you never get a job. do yourself a favor and figure out something with someone that can help you out and start fresh. and if his parents dont think your telling the truth then he can say 2 words and have them all over you because he's lying and they would never know. Absolutely. It is not a good situation and I am reconnecting with my friends I havent spoke to in a while. I am 25 not 15 and I want to feel like that again. I'm tired of this bulls*** that is all around me. And I guess it isn't important what she thinks of me but still it sucked she came to me like that not wanting to hear me.


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## daer0n (Mar 15, 2008)

I think you need to get out of that house and out of their control, including your boyfriend, sounds like he threatens by saying that he will punch you or punching walls or doors telling you they could be you, he needs treatment, sounds like he could also be bi polar or just have an anger management problem that could lead to something worse.

If you keep being controlled by him telling you that he doesn't like jobs that you choose then you will never have a way of getting out of there since you will be dependant on what he can or will give you for money, therefore you won't be able to find a new place nor to ever have contact with your friends or other people. Love is not controlling or threatening, it should be protecting, caring and supporting.

You are a grown woman and you should be taking your own desicions without having to give explanations to anybody, even less to his parents, you might be living in their house but they have no right to treat you with no respect as if you owed them your life, get a job, and forget about what your boyfriend is going to say about it.

I think your family doesnt like him for a reason, i don't think that anyone likes a violent person. You should get away from him, sounds to me like a completely toxic relationship that will bring nothing good to your life.


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## Dragonfly (Mar 15, 2008)

Sue, I really think you need to get out of there. I have an idea but it is extreme.

Is there a shelter in your community? Could you stay there until you get welfare and find an apartment you can share with another girl? Or perhaps find a job then move out?

Your boyfriend is way out of control - he could easily hurt you instead on punch holes in doors. Plus he tries to tell you where to work - this is a classic sign of a controlling manipulative abuser.

I wish you lots of luck honey. Let me know what you decide.


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## puncturedskirt (Mar 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *daer0n* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think you need to get out of that house and out of their control, including your boyfriend, sounds like he threatens by saying that he will punch you or punching walls or doors telling you they could be you, he needs treatment, sounds like he could also be bi polar or just have an anger management problem that could lead to something worse.
If you keep being controlled by him telling you that he doesn't like jobs that you choose then you will never have a way of getting out of there since you will be dependant on what he can or will give you for money, therefore you won't be able to find a new place nor to ever have contact with your friends or other people. Love is not controlling or threatening, it should be protecting, caring and supporting.

You are a grown woman and you should be taking your own desicions without having to give explanations to anybody, even less to his parents, you might be living in their house but they have no right to treat you with no respect as if you owed them your life, get a job, and forget about what your boyfriend is going to say about it.

I think your family doesnt like him for a reason, i don't think that anyone likes a violent person. You should get away from him, sounds to me like a completely toxic relationship that will bring nothing good to your life.

I agree.


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## reesesilverstar (Mar 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *daer0n* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think you need to get out of that house and out of their control, including your boyfriend, sounds like he threatens by saying that he will punch you or punching walls or doors telling you they could be you, he needs treatment, sounds like he could also be bi polar or just have an anger management problem that could lead to something worse.
If you keep being controlled by him telling you that he doesn't like jobs that you choose then you will never have a way of getting out of there since you will be dependant on what he can or will give you for money, therefore you won't be able to find a new place nor to ever have contact with your friends or other people. Love is not controlling or threatening, it should be protecting, caring and supporting.

You are a grown woman and you should be taking your own desicions without having to give explanations to anybody, even less to his parents, you might be living in their house but they have no right to treat you with no respect as if you owed them your life, get a job, and forget about what your boyfriend is going to say about it.

I think your family doesnt like him for a reason, i don't think that anyone likes a violent person. You should get away from him, sounds to me like a completely toxic relationship that will bring nothing good to your life.

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sue, I really think you need to get out of there. I have an idea but it is extreme.Is there a shelter in your community? Could you stay there until you get welfare and find an apartment you can share with another girl? Or perhaps find a job then move out?

Your boyfriend is way out of control - he could easily hurt you instead on punch holes in doors. Plus he tries to tell you where to work - this is a classic sign of a controlling manipulative abuser.

I wish you lots of luck honey. Let me know what you decide.

Originally Posted by *puncturedskirt* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree. I completely agree...
Baby Love,

Please for your sanity and safety, please please please get out of there.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Mar 16, 2008)

One more vote for get out now!!! I can't say it better or different than what's been said.


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## 4getmeNot (Mar 16, 2008)

i'm in a similar situation, and it sucks. i'm living back with my mom now but when i did live with my bf &amp; his mom it was awful. i felt really uncomfortable, like i didn't have my own space. i wasn't working so i was bored all day waiting for him to get home. it sucked. then trying please his mom all the time &amp; worrying about if she liked me or not. she even *****ed about me not folding the towels right when i was just trying to help.

i say if you can't move out right now, get a job &amp; try to get a low income apt. it's up to you if you want him in your life. sometimes those bipolar anger issues get to be too much. my ex bf &amp; his mom were like that, and it's definately no way to live.


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## ColdDayInHell (Mar 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *S. Lisa Smith* /img/forum/go_quote.gif One more vote for get out now!!! I can't say it better or different than what's been said. I TOTALLY AGREE!


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## Darla (Mar 16, 2008)

from reading your description of the situation and then reading everyone's recommendation what everyone has been saying is very sound advice. Even doing something by yourself like finding a job will do tons for your self-esteem.


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## efuhk (Mar 16, 2008)

look you have to do whats best for you, because your boyfriend seems to not be providing you with all the things that you NEED to make your life better. you need to go ahead and go get a job, the one thats best for you. Tell him another story that you enrolled in school or something. This is freaking ridiculous, there is no way in hell that i will allow my husband to tell me that you can not work there because of men. If a man approaches me in front of his face, he trust me to say, no im married. He needs to trust you, if he cant. BREAK UP WITH HIM. That mofo isnt worth stopping your life. NO MAN IS WORTH PUTTING A HOLD ON YOUR LIFE!!!!!


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## laurreenn (Mar 16, 2008)

what you're describing sounds like abusive behavior. it's definitely not good that he's manipulating you, and i'm shocked that the mother knows about chuck's anger issues and is taking his side ("that could be your head" what the **** is that?). i know that he's isolated you, but maybe you can compromise with him and get a job that he's okay with (even if it's low-paying) and begin saving up so you can leave. if he won't let you get any type of job, escape now while you still can and then work from the ground up. do you have ANY friends you can contact for a place to stay for a little while? even if it totally sucks, maybe go back to your mom? you say you're mom's a control freak, but really does she threaten to punch you in the head, not allow you to get a job,and make you stay in your room all day talking to dogs?


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## sue23 (Mar 16, 2008)

Thanks so much for the advice and the support. I have a plan for myself.

Get any job immediately!!!! My friend and I are going to NYC to go job hunting early next week. something to get me out at least 5 days a week

Put half of my money aside for saving so if this happens again I can leave and stay in a motel for a night or go to a friends house until I figure out what to do next.

Going back home is not an option unfortunately. My mother is verbally abusive and super controlling and very manipulative.

I spoke to his mom last night and I feel a little better now that she understands what is going on. She also gave me some advice and says she loves me very much like her own daughter and wants me to be happy.

I used to live on my own in the city and I worked 2 jobs and was struggling but happy. I will get that again because this isnt me.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm starting to see clearly instead of emotionally. I get so depressed sometimes that I dont want to move and thats not good. But now that I am starting to talk to my friends again and I have their support and yours it really really helps. Thanks for giving me advice

Going back to my mom isnt an option because she is verbally abusive and manipulative. She is just as unhealthy as his temper.

I know what do. My friend and I are going to the city to look for jobs early next week. I will save half of each check and put it aside as an emergency fund so if needed I can leave and go to a friends house or a hotel. (I used to live out of a hotel for a year) I couldn't afford my place when rent went up and refused to go back home so I did stay in a hotel, then moved in with him.

Anyway in the meanwhile I spoke to his mom and got her to see where I was coming from and she told me she loves me very much and wants me to be happy whatever I do. She will even take me places if I cant afford the cab to look for work and thats a relief since I dont own my own car. I never needed one in NYC.

sorry for the double post my computer froze


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## Shelley (Mar 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sue, I really think you need to get out of there. I have an idea but it is extreme.Is there a shelter in your community? Could you stay there until you get welfare and find an apartment you can share with another girl? Or perhaps find a job then move out?

Your boyfriend is way out of control - he could easily hurt you instead on punch holes in doors. Plus he tries to tell you where to work - this is a classic sign of a controlling manipulative abuser.

I wish you lots of luck honey. Let me know what you decide.

I totally agree with Carolyn.
This bf of yours is controlling, manipulating and abusive. Please leave him before he starts hitting you. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

It's great you have a plan. Were here for you. Please keep us updated.


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## laurreenn (Mar 17, 2008)

thanks for letting us know your plan. please keep us updated about what's going on.


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## Jinx (Mar 17, 2008)

You need to get out now.

Your idea of putting money aside and all that to move at a later date would be good in a normal situation; an abuse situation (and don't fool yourself, it IS an abuse situation) doesn't allow for planning. It's time to go. Now.

The longer you wait, there chance something very bd will happen; especially if he finds out your are planning to leave. Don't give him a chance to hurt you.

I've seen too many friends hurt and one killed (she tried and tried to leave and after she did, it was just too late. He was determined to get her and he did.) by an out of control boyfriend. None of these men are worth the abuse or your life.

Just go. Go to someone you know in another state, a relative, a fiend- somewhere he won't easily get to because he will RAGE when you leave. 

The fac that his mom enables him, makes excuses and finds ways to blame you for her son's sickness is a HUGE clue that it will only get worse. He has someone excusing his behavior and justifying it; to him, he's not at fault because his mommy says so.

Go. NOW.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Mar 17, 2008)

While I think your plan is great, I'm afraid that Jinx is right. You can never tell what's going to happen...


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## sue23 (Mar 17, 2008)

Jinx I am taking your advice very seriously.

When I leave I wont say anything I will just up and go I have done it before when I left home. And there is no way for him to contact me because he doesnt know any of my friends numbers.


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## laurreenn (Mar 17, 2008)

i hope everything works out. i know it can be scary, but be brave.


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## Shelley (Mar 18, 2008)

I also agree with Jinx.

I'm not trying to scare you but most abusive men become enraged if they find out their partner is planning on leaving. Often the abuse escalates or worse... You need to make a safety plan on getting out of there.

I know what it is like because I was a victim . I'm lucky I got out of my situation alive because I had some close calls.

Here are some links and phone numbers to help you. If you copy any of these phone numbers keep them hidden so he doesn't find out. And if you decide to phone it would be best to do it from a payphone or elsewhere just in case he overhears or his mother does. And to be safer.. if it is possible to access the internet from a public library or cafe to look up abuse information that would be safer in case he checks websites you've visited.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.

New York 24 hour Domestic Abuse hotline 1-800-942-6906

New York Domestic Violence Resources - An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.

Westchester

My Sisterâ€™s Place (800) 298- 7233

Northern Westchester Shelter (888) 438-8700 Toll-free

Safety Plan- Personalized Safety Plan - Domestic Violence


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## Jinx (Mar 18, 2008)

Originally Posted by *sue23* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Jinx I am taking your advice very seriously.
When I leave I wont say anything I will just up and go I have done it before when I left home. And there is no way for him to contact me because he doesnt know any of my friends numbers.

Good girl.I don't you to be another statistic that could be prevented.

You be safe. There are better things in life than living in fear of someone who should be making you live in joy.

Stay strong.


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## jessiej78 (Mar 19, 2008)

I agree! I know it is hard and it seems like there are no options that are immediate, but you really do need to get out now for your own safety!!!


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## laurreenn (Mar 22, 2008)

hope you update us on the situation.


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## Jinx (Mar 25, 2008)

Hello, Dear;

Just wanted to make sure you keep your resolve to get out up.

Here is the story on my friend, Teresa (I still have one of her dresses hanging in my closet), she had 3 kids-

*Kitsap shootings blamed on convicted felon who had just made bail*

*05:46 PM PST on Monday, November 14, 2005*

*Associated Press*

PORT ORCHARD, Wash. - Authorities say convicted a felon who had just been released from jail shot his estranged girlfriend's father, then killed her and committed suicide in rural Kitsap County.

Police say less than 12 hours after posting bail, Shane Case, 35, of Seattle, who had been arrested for investigation of a domestic offense against Teresa Marie Delisio, 34, shot and wounded her father, Michael Hahn, 58, killed her and then committed suicide at Hahn's house near Olalla, Kitsap County sheriff's deputies said.

Twice in the past week Delisio appealed for help in avoiding Case, whose criminal record includes felony convictions for harassment and second-degree assault, Gig Harbor Police Chief Michael Davis said Sunday.

"Our officers are devastated about what took place," Davis said. "You try to do everything conceivable to protect, but sometimes it's just not possible."

Hahn remained in intensive care at Tacoma General Hospital on Sunday night, 24 hours after the shootings, but is expected to recover, deputy Scott Wilson said.

On Nov. 6 Delisio called 911 and said he had shown up uninvited while she was visiting her mother in a nursing home, but he fled before officers arrived, Davis said.

On Friday night, according to police, Case found Delisio again at a Gig Harbor cocktail lounge and sat next to her, sparking a quarrel that led a bartender to call police.

Case was arrested for investigation of intimidating Delisio.

Police arranged a special arraignment Saturday morning and a judge ordered Case to have no contact with Delisio and set bail at $75,000, but he managed to post bail early that afternoon.

"We haven't figured out who (posted the money) or how he was able to bail out," Davis said.

Gig Harbor police notified Delisio and dispatched a patrol car to the bar, and the officer made sure that when Case came to get his car he left heading south toward the Tacoma Narrows Bridge, rather than north toward Olalla, Davis said.

Nonetheless, residents of Pine Lake Estates near Purdy called 911 to report screaming and gunfire at 10:09 p.m. Saturday, and deputies found Case and Delisio dead in the driveway and Hahn wounded in his house.

Investigators believe Case first shot Hahn, then killed his girlfriend on the gravel driveway and turned the gun on himself, Wilson said.


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## sue23 (Mar 26, 2008)

Hey,

So I did get a job down the street at a salon working front desk and makeup/piercing. I will work there save money and make some friends and keep in touch with my old friends.

Jinx and Shelly you have been very helpful and I am keeping the info you gave me. Im feeling better nowadays and am just sticking to my plan and keep myself busy. No man is worth losing your life over(or a limb)


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## Dragonfly (Mar 26, 2008)

I'm really glad to hear that things are better. And that you had the courage to want more for yourself.

You are so wise - never take crap from a man or he will keep dishing it out.


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## Jinx (Mar 26, 2008)

Oh wow!

That sounds like a fun job!

Enjoy your job, keep busy and create an independant life!

You're very right: no man is worth all that pain.

Originally Posted by *sue23* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Hey,
So I did get a job down the street at a salon working front desk and makeup/piercing. I will work there save money and make some friends and keep in touch with my old friends.

Jinx and Shelly you have been very helpful and I am keeping the info you gave me. Im feeling better nowadays and am just sticking to my plan and keep myself busy. No man is worth losing your life over(or a limb)


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## Shelley (Mar 26, 2008)

Jinx that is horrible what happened to your friend and her father.






sue, I am glad things are looking up for you.



Congratulations on your new job.



Things will fall into place for you. Were here for you. Please keep us updated.


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## laurreenn (Mar 29, 2008)

that's great that you got a job! i hope everything works out, keep letting us know.


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