# Venting about family



## Maja (Mar 1, 2006)

Well, I'm 25 and I still live with my parents simply because I don't have enough money to move out on my own. My parents and I get along well, but there is a huge tension as far as my career is concerned. And today my grandparents came to visit and everything turned into a huge fight.

I study English and Eng. lit, I have one more exam to go and I have to write my thesis, on which I'm also working. However, I know that some boring office job is not for me, I need to do something creative. So I started sewing and pattern drafting about 2 years ago, among other things. I always wanted to be a fashion designer and now that I've learned about this profession and actually started doing it, I know I can become one. And I'm also really good at it, so I have been told by a few people in the business.

The problem is my parents and my grandfather. They don't want me to become a designer because it is not a steady 9-to-5 job. They have asolutely no faith in me and my abilities and they don't support me one bit. Even though no one has made an effort to look at the things I have done. They think I should finish school asap and get a 'normal' job and just forget about 'being happy at work'. They all just make me believe that I'm living in a fantasy world and wanting to be a designer is the same as wanting to be a princess. They make me feel like such a loser for not wanting a job with security. I literary felt like an 5-year old who has no idea what she's talking about. And they are trying to make me feel guilty for disappointing them! Like I owe it to them to get a boring job and be miserable.

I respect my parents, but it's my life and I want to be happy in life! I am going to finish school and I will probably have to work in some boring office for some time, but only until I get my career moving. Am I wrong / living in a fantasy world, because I want to pursue my life-long dream? I'm so sad and angry right now because my parents don't support me; luckily my bf and his family do.

How can I politely tell them to mind their own business?

Sorry about a long thread and possible mistakes, I'm so upset right now.


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## tiff (Mar 1, 2006)

Sounds so much like my family. Follow your dream girl, its not a fantasy world its real. What you want is achievable and perfectly respectable. Your family are probably a little old fashioned in their ways, but this is your life you need to somehow keep the peace but let them know you will not change your mind to what they want you to do.

I hope you feel better soon  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Aquamarine317 (Mar 1, 2006)

It is not your fault. i know u feel guilty but thats bc they are MAKING you feel guilty . its hard,, i too when thru a hard time trying to find a job and unfortunately i had to get a boring office job just to pay bills bc i live at home also. when i wasnt working and trying to find the "perfect job " it was horrible. i felt like such a loser and my mother was so mad at me all the time and i felt like i wasnt trying hard enough even though i know i was . its tuff bc we are in a situation where we cant afford to move out so believe me girl , I hear you and understand your problem. the only thing i can say is u might have to get a boring job for now., ... hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Laura (Mar 1, 2006)

Aw sorry to hear you're going through this Maja.. Im guessing they just cant foresee that having a job as a designer can be profitable and make you money. Maybe you should sell some of the stuff you made and show them that what you make, can make you money! I'm so bad at giving advice so i'll just shut up now


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## jennycateyez (Mar 1, 2006)

your not living in a fantasy world maja , i think you sould show them that you can do it, you cant live your life the way somebody else thinks you sould, you would never be happy that way , i understand that it your family but they gatta understand where your coming from. if your talented at designing why not persue that? i think you soukd go for it, maybe you can get a job as of right now while your doing your designing but dont make your boring job your life!


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 1, 2006)

I've never heard of someone who does what they love to do, fail. Life is about experience...how do you want to experience your life? Do you want to do it being miserable...forcing yourself to get out of bed to go to a job you hate every day? Or do you want to jump out of bed with energy and joyful anticipation at the new work day? A lot of (older) people believe that "crafts and artsy fartsy" stuff is just for play. Something to do if you have enough energy when you get home after running the rat race. But, the new generation of people (say, mine and your generations) are realizing that you don't have to "hate" work to be successful. In fact, hating the job you do only make you a mediocre worker. The people who love what they do are the ones who are extremely successful.

Don't listen to your parents and your grandfather. Do what you love to do, what brings you joy. Market your abilities and your talents...but also market your passion for what you do. Your only "job" in life is to live your life in the way that YOU want to experience it. You owe nothing to anyone else. The hardest part about being a parent is NOT transfering all of your hopes and dreams to your children. In an ideal world, this would not be done because the parents are fulfilling their own hopes and dreams and allowing their children to fulfill theirs. You are the only person who should matter right now. Take care of yourself.

Always allow others the power to express themselves, but do not allow the power of their expressions dictate your emotions or your actions.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Good luck, hunny. Lots of hugs.


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## lilla (Mar 1, 2006)

I know how you feel. I hope you choose to follow your dream and work at where you enjoy and what you like doing. Good luck and hang in there.


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## Maja (Mar 1, 2006)

Thank you girls for your supportive words! :icon_love

VenusGoddes, thank you! :icon_love I re-read your post about 10 times now and you're so right! I copied the last sentence to my sewing notebook!

I know pursuing my dreams is the way to go and I really don't care about other people's opinions; but my family gets to me...


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 1, 2006)

It's understandable. It's hard to hear people you love criticizing your work or something else you love. But, all the while, it's not your job to make your parents or your grandparents happy. It's not your responsibility to compromise what you love because your family doensn't believe in it.

Good luck...be true to yourself and everything else will fall into place.

I'll be thinking about you...


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## Andi (Mar 1, 2006)

your family sounds like my family...and my dad and my grandpa are the worst. I was originally planning on going to college for a psychology degree but my dad told me IÂ´d be unemployed after that and that heÂ´s not gonna support me if that happens and psychology students are all psychos and loosers and I should do something "decent" like med/law/business school.

after debating for months I was tired and gave in, enrolled in med school. ok I ended up loving it but that doesnÂ´t change the fact that I was basically "forced" to do so (itÂ´s all a long story so IÂ´m not going into detail). I was 17 and lived with my parents &amp; was tired of debating.

you are a few years older though, so I bet you know exactly what you want to do with your life. looks like your family doesnÂ´t think that way, and that is so sad to hear. follow your dream and go into fashion.

after all you have your english and english literature degree, that is always going to help you in some way. nobody can take that away from you. itÂ´s not a "waste" or anything not to pursue a career in that field.

I really hope your family starts supporting you, and lots of hugs from me too!!!! :icon_love


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## Cirean (Mar 1, 2006)

I think you should go for it no matter what your family says but you will still need a way to support yourself financially. You will probably need to work out some compromise if you want to continue to live at home.

Best of luck!


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## Squirrel27 (Mar 1, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel. I still live with my parents and they make me work in a very boring office because my mother works there too. I hate it so much. I sit and scan papers to the computer or put mail in envelopes all day. I graduated from high school last year and didn't go to college because of this job. My parents say I don't need it because I can just stay at this company and get a promotion, but I'm going to try to apply to some colleges and maybe start this fall. I love make up, art, and music so I want to do something that involves one of those, but my parents don't let me. I think that you should try to become a fashion designer and do something you love because you're a very nice girl and I don't want you to be unhappy at your job, like I am.


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## mintesa (Mar 1, 2006)

you should do what you wanna do. because when we finally start working it will be the thing we will be spending more than 8 hours a day on. so it is very important to do what you like to do.

as for your parents i think that all parents are like that. have you tried to talk to them? i would continue in what you like to do. im sure that they wont abonden you if you do that. they might keep on nagging but lets just say that in order to be a parent you will have to nag.

i wish you all the luck and success in your future:icon_love


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## Maja (Mar 1, 2006)

Thank you girls for all your support! :icon_love


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## Zoey (Mar 1, 2006)

Hey sweetie!

I believe in you! I know how some parents are and you should definitely go and do it! You are so creative(and yes,I can't wait for you to sew for me) and show so much love for it!That is definitely something you should pursue!

I'm with ya hun!


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## peekaboo (Mar 1, 2006)

Just go for it! You are not living in a fantasy and you sound very talented! Keep up the hard work and do not let your dreams die! I faced alot of opposition with my family but I was never a 9-5 person and they knew it. It will all work out. Take care!


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## SamanthaBNYC (Mar 2, 2006)

I work in the fashion industry, and it's not that hard to break into. I had a similar problem, I grew up in Kentucky, graduated from college which was located in Kentucky (degree in apparel manufacturing/design), got out and moved back home. I lived there for 4 years, all the while my mom wanted me to be a secretary, and then when I turned 25 I up and moved to New York City. I moved up here alone, didn't know a single person up here, and am working in the fashion industry. I saved up money for 6 months rent and decided that if I didn't find a job in that time, I'd go back home and become a secretary, but I found a job and so goes the story.

As far as the concerns about income, freelance work makes a lot more money than full time work (at least in the U.S.). I've done both and freelancing pays about 10 times more than full time (but there is less stability).

Also, there are other career options in the fashion industry, such as technical design, patternmaking, sample making, production, textile design, merchandising, and buying. I don't do fashion design, I'm a technical designer (I give the initial size specifications for the garments for the factory to make the samples and then fit the samples on the fit models and make necessary changes).


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## LuckyMe (Mar 2, 2006)

Your parents are probably opinionated because you still live under there roof. If I were you I would take that 9-5 job just so you could get out on your own and at the same time dabble in the fashion until you get some takers and can quit your 9-5 job.


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## Ladyhawke (Mar 12, 2006)

Parents are very complex creatures and sometimes unknowingly make us feel guilty! You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting your own dreams. You have to live your life for you, NOT them!

Being stuck in a job you dislike all your life is NOT good! If I were you (and I'm not) I would finish my schooling and continue to persue the career you want.Education is NEVER a bad choice. Plus it gives you some powerful credentials to fall back on in case you need them in the future.

They should count their blessings you have the desire to succeed in life!

Life is a journey.. not a destination! Follow your dreams and do your best!


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## jasminonline (Mar 12, 2006)

I totally know what you mean...I went to the High School Of Fashion Industries In Nyc for 4 years and I got a Vocational Diploma in Fashion Design...But I never pursued it after that graduation date. I was pressured by my family big time to let it go...it was just a dream and something to past the time in My teen years...I am now 25 years and all I do is live with regret and wonder "what If"...Dont listen to anyone but your heart....If you have belief in yourself then Fu*k the rest...

You can do It....Dont Live with regret.....


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## robina (Mar 12, 2006)

dont be to hard on your parents.as you say your only liviing with them because you dont have enough money to move out.your 25 years old.How long are they going to have to support you finacially? thats probably why they are moaning about your choice's for earning a living.Would you be able to do all the studying and the things you do if you were having to support yourself?Time for a little gratitude.surely.Try and put yourself in their shoes,see where they are coming from, and why.there are 2 sides to every story.maybe when you try to think about these things you wont be so upset.hope this helps.robinax


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## Maja (Mar 12, 2006)

First of all Robina welcome to MUT!

I do work and make my own money for everything that I need, in fact these are the first three months I don't have a job since I was 18. I live with my parents simply because I would need lots more money to move out. It is not easy to live on your own here. I buy my own clothes, pay for my own gas, contribute for food and other expences. My parents provide me with a roof over my head. I do the majority chores in and around our house. I am grateful to my parents more than you think and have a great respect for everything they've done for me.


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## Leony (Mar 13, 2006)

Maja, I can only give you this advice, follow your inner voice and choose what's the best for you and your happiness. Clear your mind and calm down, you can try to talk with them again once you ready to prove them that they're wrong. You are 25 now, and you have the right to decide what's best for yourself and your happiness. I am sure your parents want you to be happy too!

Take care sweetie.

Welcome to MakeupTalk robina


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## cottoncandy (Mar 15, 2006)

i can relate to what you are going through because ive been through similar. im studying to be a graphic designer, but my dad had the same attitude about it, ill never get a job, la la la, he always wanted me to be like a biochemist or a doctor or something like that which is totally not me.

the thing is, it IS your life, it IS your happiness, and you cant let anyone decide for you what that is and how you should live your life. if design is your passion, go for it regardless of what anyone thinks, because if you truly love it, you will excel, and be happy, in contrast to getting a safe, boring job that will make you miserable for the rest of your life.

explain to them that the market is different today than it was, you dont have to become GUCCI to make money with fashion design, or design in general. and also tell them that you appreciate their advice, but you will follow your dream because thats what you feel is right, and thats the end of that.

good luck hun xx


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## itsme (Mar 15, 2006)

How about using this traditional method: writing an open letter to them , telling them how much you respect them, how much you have thought about their opinion , how much your dream job mean to you, how much their support mean to you etc...? In other words, let them understand what you've gone through. They may still disapprove you, but if you persistantly keep on doing like this I think you'll win eventually. Writing'll keep you from confrontation. Just my 2 cents.


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## MAC_Dollfacex (Mar 19, 2006)

Awww..follow your heart,darlin'..You'll make it..Show them you can do it..


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