# My boyfriend broke up with me



## Squirrel27 (Feb 20, 2006)

My boyfriend has been in Germany for the past 2 weeks because of his grandmother's funeral. He was supposed to come back this week, but instead he called me tonight and said that he wants to stay there and isn't coming back. He said it's because he hates living here and misses his family and home. Then I told him that I can come live with him in Germany if he wants and he said no, that it wouldn't work out. I didn't know what to say. I was so shocked because yesturday he called and said that he loves me and misses me so much. At first, I thought he has a new girlfriend over there and so I asked him and he said no. Then I asked him why he doesn't want me to come live with him and he said that it's just better for me to stay here. He wouldn't give me any reason why. I didn't know what to say to him so I just started crying. Then he said that he was sorry and hung up. Now, I don't know what to do. I've been with him for over a year and he's my first boyfriend. I'm so sad and confused. :icon_cry: I think he really does have another girlfriend over there. Why else would he just dump me all of a sudden?


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## Eva121 (Feb 20, 2006)

I'm so sorry about that, I don't really know what to say... I know it must be awful and very confusing for you, but give him some time, it sounds like he's confused as well.


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## KittyM (Feb 20, 2006)

Oh I am so sorry about that Anna!!!

He does sound confused!!He probably has a lot on his mind now with the family and everything!!I would give him some time if I were you!!Maybe you could send him a SMS in a couple of weeks and ask how everything is going so he sees that you care and just want the best for him!!I know you must feel horrible but the best thing is to leave him for a while because he sounds confused!!!

Hang in there!!!!


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## Marisol (Feb 20, 2006)

I am sorry about that Anna. Maybe your boyfriend is just going through a rough time with his grandmother's death. Were they close? I am not sure what advice I can give you but if he doesn't want to be with you, maybe its better that you move on. Also, maybe call him in a few days to see how he is doing and ask him why it is that he wants to break up with you. Maybe then he can give you an explanation.

Hang in there...


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## Jennifer (Feb 20, 2006)

i'm so sorry  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> maybe you can leave him alone for now and maybe get back in touch with him when you feel he'll be a little bit better and able to talk more if you really need some more closure.

good luck and i hope you feel better.


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## pieced (Feb 20, 2006)

I'm sorry, it'a hard with a breakup. But he just needs his space right now with family sadness. He just doesn't realise that you could comfort him, since your love him, but he will realise it when his pain has eased...


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## Saints (Feb 20, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear that :icon_conf


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## Elisabeth (Feb 20, 2006)

Sorry to hear about this. But I also think there is probably more to the story than him just dumping you for another girl.

Try to be patient and feel better. It's too early to tell what's really goin' on here.


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## Kelly (Feb 20, 2006)

Oh that is sooooo true.....I always remember, "if you love something, set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be, if it doesn't come back.......you know the rest..

So yes, if it wasn't meant....then God has His reasons and obviously God cannot give you what is meant......

Take some time hon.....let things settle a little. Big hugs comin your way!


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## Becka (Feb 20, 2006)

Hi Anna, I'm really sorry to hear this. Don't feel bad about yourself, grief does have a way of affecting people differently, it could be that he's having a difficult time dealing with his grandmother's death


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## peekaboo (Feb 20, 2006)

Sorry to hear this! I agree that he may need some time but try and keep in contact with him. Breakups are so hard..my heart goes out to you.


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## NYAngel98 (Feb 20, 2006)

Sorry to hear hun... I think he's just confused. Especially if e is homesick - I'm sure being there is making him a little nutty at the moment along with his family issues. I would give him a few days - then try to talk and get an explanation at least. He probably doesn't want you there because he doens't want you to totally uproot yourself and everything for him... WEll, hopefully you find out for sure soon... (((hugs))))


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## mintesa (Feb 20, 2006)

im sure there is more to the story too, than another girl. maybe you can sent him an sms or call him and ask him to at least write the situation to you. email him? some people have better time explaining things on letter or email, rather than talking on the phone.


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 20, 2006)

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your comments. I don't know if he was close with his grandmother or not, but he told me so many times that he didn't get along with his family. At first, he didn't even want to go to the funeral, but I'm actually the one who told him to go because I knew he would regret it if he didn't. So, I really am confused. Maybe, something else happened with his family and he's mad at me for telling him to go there.


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## Maja (Feb 20, 2006)

I'm sorry to hear... From my experience death of a relative can affect you in the strangest way possible. I was close with my uncle when I was younger, but not for the last 15 years; but still, when he died last year, I felt like everyone I know is going to die and that there is no point getting attached to people. Funny, I know, but it was the first time anyone of my relatives died.

He's probably just confused and shocked. Give him some time, he might come around.

((((hugs))))


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## SierraWren (Feb 20, 2006)

Like everyone, of course I'm really sorry to hear this. It sounds to me too as if he's going through some deep personal issues right now that physical distance is making even harder for him to share with you, and so maybe to cut those painful feelings off he feels he must cut you off,too, in the process. Of course, I have no idea about this, I don't know himat all!--but many men have a hard time sharing painful feelings, prefrring to estrange themselves from them, no matter what this entails--even losing a girlfriend they care for.

It hurts to lose your first love--I remember losing mine, and that was a LONG time ago, if I put my mind in the right mode...I also had a boyfriend drop me during college, because we lived an hour apart--his ecuse was that this would complicate the relationship too much, the physical distance.I was SURE he'd met another girl--and actually,he hadn't, he was going through a perio of time where he didn't want attachments from his past, for various reasons. So please don't stress that the reason is your boyfriend has met another woman--the story sounds far too complicated for that.

I agree with those here who say try to contact him at a later date, when he's had some time to brood, and stop(hopefully) brooding--and starts to realize he misses you. Persist with him, because your relationship ended way too suddenly--at his hands--and at the very least, you are owed a full and thoughful, truthful explanation!

The very best of luck with everything!---and tell us, please (if you want) how things turn out; we'd like to know.


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 20, 2006)

Thank you Maychi and SierraWren. It does really hurt that he was my first boyfriend, especially because it has always been very difficult for me to get boyfriends and even friends. I started going out with him about a month after I graduated from high school. He was the first guy who ever asked me out. When I was in school, the only guy who ever talked to me was this gay guy I was friends with for a couple months. My family has moved around a lot, so I understand how my boyfriend feels homesick. I've lived in 3 countries, 5 states in the US, and I've lost count on how many cities. So, it was very hard for me to keep friends and boyfriends. Plus, I'm very shy to talk to new people. I actually feel more comfortable talking to you girls on this site, who I've never even met, than to people in real life and that just makes me feel like such a loser. My boyfriend was the only friend I had over here, which is really why I'm so upset over this. I'm going to stop writing this now because I don't want to start crying again. In about an hour I have to go to work and I really don't feel like dealing with the people there right now.


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 20, 2006)

Thank you. All of your comments mean a lot to me. :icon_love I haven't told anyone else about this yet. I kind of don't want to tell my family because they didn't like my boyfriend and I don't want them to say, "I told you so..."


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## MACGoddess (Feb 20, 2006)

Aww *hugs* my darling! I am sorry this all happened and I wish I could do something to help!! I would also say that sometimes people get a little "wonky" when someone in their family dies... I don't understand why he said what he did, but I hope it all gets resolved one way or another!

If you ever need someone to vent to, let me know! I am a good listener!


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 20, 2006)

Thank you so much Leila. You're so sweet.


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## Little_Lisa (Feb 20, 2006)

I am so sorry, Anna. *HUGS*


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## jaimelynn83 (Feb 20, 2006)

HUGS

I wish I had the words to say to make you feel better


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 20, 2006)

Thank you Lisa and Jaime.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

I told my parents about it over the phone and it actually made me feel better. My father said that I should just forget about my boyfriend because he's just a loser and he needs to grow up and be a man. I disagree with that, though. I guess my dad just says that because his father died when he was very young and his mother died about a year after we moved to this country. We were kind of poor at the time, so he couldn't afford to go to her funeral in Armenia. My mother said that my boyfriend is too ugly for me and I should find someone more attractive. I disagree with that too. I think my boyfriend was actually more attractive than me.


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## jennycateyez (Feb 20, 2006)

omg such a [email protected]* head! sorry your going through this *hugs*


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 20, 2006)

Lol. :clap Thanks, Jennifer. :icon_love


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## Leony (Feb 21, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear this Anne

I know this is hard for you Anna, but you have to be strong and don't get carried away.

Something must happen there, so lets give some times and see what happens.

Meanwhile, focus yourself with something you like and make youself busy, so you'll have less time to think about him.

Honestly I don't want you to give a hope on him, if you can do this try to move on Anna. You're still young and beautiful. I passed this moment of my life before, and I regretted for not listening to my mom's advice.

I hope you feel better soon girlie.

Take care and {{{{hugs}}}}


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 21, 2006)

Thank you, Leony. :icon_love I really appreciate everyone's comments and advice. I'm starting to feel a lot better about this.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## cottoncandy (Feb 22, 2006)

im sorry you are going through this. breakups suck, and it isnt easy when you are left without closure. as other said, give him some time, and contact him in a few weeks and see what happens, but dont keep your hopes up or else you wont be able to move on. and im really sorry about your parents not liking him and what they said, that sucks too.


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## SqueeKee (Feb 22, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear this!

I always hate hearng things like this, because I had to see one of my best friends go through something very similar.

She was living in ontario with her b/f, had just given birth to their little girl, and when she went to visit her parents in Newfoundland when the baby was 3 months old, her b/f called her and told her not to come back. :icon_eek: Just 'don't come back, i'll send your things to newfoundland".

They had been together since they were 15 and he basically told her that she'd stolen his life from him. :icon_conf She forgave him a year or so later and took him back when he supposedly saw the error of his ways, but I still think he's a jackass.

Anne, if you are feeling anything like my friend was feeling, I wish you all the strength in the world! *hugs*


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Feb 22, 2006)

I am sorry your love relationship has hit a wall, but remember...you are young and pretty and there are many, many other fish in the sea. Maybe it is fate. Even hurtful experiences happen for a reason...maybe you will meet a great, gorgeous, kind and rich guy in the near future that you would not have met if you had still been with your boyfriend.

A similiar thing happened to me once and although I could not see it then, it wound up being the best thing for me.

Good luck...


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 22, 2006)

Thanks Cottoncandy and Kee. I'm sorry about what happened to your friend, Kee. She must have felt a hundred times worse than I do because she has a baby with the guy. My boyfriend didn't saying anything really mean to me, like that I stole his life from him. He just sounded really sad and said that he's sorry, but he can't come back. Also, my boyfriend is 9 years older than me, so maybe he just wants someone closer to his age. That's what my sister thinks, but I don't know.


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## Pauline (Feb 23, 2006)

Hi Squirrel27, Sorry you're going through this, you must be very upset and confused. You sound like a really wonderful person,.caring enough to get your bf to go to the funeral etc. That was very thoughtful and considerate of you.After all you were looking out for his interests.

I think your bf is confused and upset and well as bereaved and i also think he could be under pressure from his family (for some reason). Don't blame yourself or your looks. your beautiful and he was lucky to have you.

I hope things work out for the best sweetie,.and whatever happens you have us here.

Lots of love and hugsxXx


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## Squirrel27 (Feb 23, 2006)

Thank you, Pauline. :icon_love


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## sherice (Feb 26, 2006)

I'm really sorry....But you are a beautiful girl and there are so many guys out there! I know it's even harder because he was your first boyfriend. Things will work out. Try to do other things when he pops into your head. He is the one who will be regreting!


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## MiaSays (Feb 26, 2006)

Ditto to what a lot of the other women are saying. He is probably confused and distraught with the death of his grandmother, and I can speak from experience that it's often hard to come back after going to where you're from. Give him some time to collect himself. I don't know you, but I'm sorry this happened to you. It's always hard.


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## jessica9 (Feb 26, 2006)

i think your dad does have a point, about him being a jerk. breaking up with someone you have been with for that long over the phone is in very poor taste, and you deserve an explaination - not just an "i'm sorry" and a click. you deserve to hear why he decided this - i think everyone deserves an explanation. but i also agree with what the others say - that maybe he is confused because of the death of his grandmother and being back home has perhaps made him reevaluate his life differently. give him his space and he will most likely give you an explanation later. it seems like a whim decision on his part, and probably was not very well thought out. the best thing you can do, as hard as it is, is to give him space. it is best for you and for him. there is nothing worse than forcing someone to talk to you about "why?" when that person may have not thought it out too well to begin with.

the one good thing about us girls, is that we can depend upon each other and actually talk about our pain in relationships, so talk to your friends or family and get all your feelings out - it helps you get over them by exploring them - not to mention get over the guy! i bet you anything your boyfriend is keeping it his bottled up (he is from you!) and still has strong feelings and love for you. give this time and heal through having your friends to lean on. you are a beautiful girl, and seem like a sweet girl too! don't let this affect your self-esteem.


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## Killah22 (Mar 2, 2006)

Sorry to hear about that...........guys can be unbelieveable sometimes. The wounds will heal, and love will definately come again. Just take one day at a time, in the end he will be sorry for what he did, and will try to come running back in, but then you close the door on him. In due time......all of this will just be like a bad dream.


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## jasminonline (Mar 2, 2006)

Omg....I first want to say sorry that this happened to you...and please excuse me saying this but..What a as*****..an immature one at that...I mean a year relationship should at least give you enough respect to give you a real reason...even if it was'nt a good one...But a truthful reason...Hun it is better to find out now that he is a prick than find out later five years down marriage with kids....


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## jasminonline (Mar 2, 2006)

Plus...YOU'RE A HOTTIE !!!!!!


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## eightthirty (Mar 2, 2006)

Hi Anna - I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup and the fact that you have questions left unanswered. Have you spoken to him since your last post?

I wouldn't necessarily go to the extreme that he's a jerk just yet given that he has just suffered the loss of a family member. You can be supportive and give him space at the same time. I have a friend whose ex (they broke up for other reasons, but remained friends) has a mother with cancer and he is so wishy washy because of all the stress it has put on him and he's almost 40. Give it time and perhaps he will open up to you. It's not uncommon for a tragedy to cause someone to shut down.

As far as friends go, we're here for you and we are your friends. Like you, it's so much easier for me to talk to the ladies here than people in real life. I'd pick MuT over talking on the phone any day. I know it makes it kinda hard to have a social life, but if it makes you as happy as it makes me....SO WHAT? If by chance you decide to venture out there is no doubt in my mind that you will have many friends. You are a wonderful, funny, sweet, intelligent gal and we love you!!

(((HUGS)))


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## Squirrel27 (Mar 2, 2006)

Thanks everyone. I haven't spoken to my boyfriend since he called me. He left a message on my cell phone yesterday saying that he's sorry and wants to talk to me and left a phone number for me to call him back. When I called, some lady yelled at me in German, which I don't understand at all. I guess she was his mother or other family member because her voice sounded really old. I don't know if I should try to call him again or wait for him to call back. I think that if he really wanted to talk to me, he would call back himself.


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## Lia (Mar 2, 2006)

Send him a message asking him to call at a certain time or to be next to the phone the time you call so he would answer the phone


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## eightthirty (Mar 2, 2006)

Hmmmm. Well, you could try to call again and hope that you can get someone that can speak the tiniest bit of English...I took a bit of German in middle school and a know a few choice (non-profane) phrases, but if you don't know German it wouldn't do a bit of good to tell you. If at that point, you aren't successful in reaching him, hang in there....it sounds like he wants to talk and it seems like he'll call back.


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## jasminonline (Mar 2, 2006)

I know that even though you did not understand his german anyone can sure feel the tone of someones voice and if you felt like she screamed or was angry always go for your gut feeling...On the brighter side this could mean something totally different and mybe me jumping out the gate before was a wrong thing...It looks like he is trying to reach out to you but something or someone may be influencing him differently...Hang in there Hun...I am sure that with time everything will work out


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## Squirrel27 (Mar 2, 2006)

Thanks girls. I think I'll wait for him to call me and if he doesn't by tomorrow, I'll call him. If that mean woman yells at me again, I'll just yell at her in Russian. :icon_lol:


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## eightthirty (Mar 2, 2006)

LOL! Too funny! Heck, you could probably yell at her in piglatin and she wouldn't know the difference!


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## Zoey (Mar 2, 2006)

LOL,maybe som of our German speaking members could tell you a phrase or 2 One being Hi,can I speak to... and if she starts yelling the other one would be f*** ***(but that one is prolly universal though)  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Squirrel27 (Mar 5, 2006)

Hey girls. I just wanted to let you know that my boyfriend finally called me today at 4:00 in the morning. He said that he's very sorry and he still loves me. :icon_love He said that it wasn't his choice to stay there and promised that he would come back as soon as he can. He didn't tell me what happened because he wants to tell me about it in person. I can't wait until he comes back. Thanks again for all of your advice and comments.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Oh, and that mean lady that was yelling at me was his aunt. She has schizophrenia and thinks that when the phone rings, it's Satan trying to take her soul. :icon_eek: My boyfriend said that she's staying with some other relatives now, so I can call whenever I want.


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## jessica9 (Mar 5, 2006)

oooh good! sounds like some weird stuff went on with the death in his family and all. i'm glad you two will be able to be together and that things will be back to normal! sorry you had to go through all this worrying and that now you can be happy again!


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## Squirrel27 (Mar 5, 2006)

Thanks Jessica.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Leza1121 (Mar 5, 2006)

Hi Anna,

So sorry to hear about this. Give him time and try not to blame yourself. Hopefully you will get the answers you deserve.


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## mintesa (Mar 5, 2006)

im happy that you two will talk this all out soon :satisfied:


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## Cool Kitten (Mar 5, 2006)

wow! I was going to say drop him but i guess that's not happening .

IMO first love isn't supposed to last, that's why it's called "first", although there's a lot of attachment because he's your first.

Anyway, keep your head on your shoulders when he does come back. You're young and beautiful, and you should never ever think that a guy is better or better-looking than you. He should believe that he's damn lucky to have a girl like you! :icon_smil

plus remember, Russian and German blood doesn't really mix well  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Squirrel27 (Mar 5, 2006)

Yes, but most people have their first love when they're 12 or 13 or even younger. I guess because I had mine when I was 18, two weeks before my 19th birthday, and no other guys even asked me out before that, I don't think I can ever have another boyfriend. :scared: I try not to feel this way, but I can't help it. I really hope he does come back because it will probably take me another 20 years to find another boyfriend if he doesn't. Men don't like me for some reason. :icon_conf I've lost so many friends because when they get a new boyfriend and he hates me, they choose him over me. They don't even say why they hate me. I guess I'm just not a normal girl. Oh well, I try not to think about those things. Actually, my dad said the same thing about Russian and German people. :icon_lol: Although, my mother has a Russian friend who has been married to a German guy for almost 20 years, so maybe it will work out.


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## Cool Kitten (Mar 6, 2006)

OMG are you serious???????? You're only 20 and you think you'll never date another man??????

Maybe your friends boyfriends are intimidated by you. And what kind of a person would drop a friend because their bf doesn't like them?

Me and my girlfriends have been through so many boyfriends, husbands, etc together that we lost score but we've always had each other :laughno:


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## Squirrel27 (Mar 6, 2006)

Yes, I think it's impossible for me to have another boyfriend. Actually, I never thought a guy would ever want me, so I was very shocked when my boyfriend first talked to me. I know that sounds weird, but if you knew me in real life, you would probably understand. It's kind of hard to explain here. You're very lucky to have your friends. I've never had anyone that I could truely call a friend.


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## Cool Kitten (Mar 7, 2006)

ok, why do you think no one will want you? And why don't you have friends?

Are you an introvert? Are you able to communicate with people well? Are you an outgoing person?


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