# My guy friend just did something disgusting



## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

I'm a fifteen year old girl, and today one of my friends was over (girl). Another friend of mine that is a guy, lives right down the street, and he wondered if we wanted to come over. I have been to his house before, so it was no big deal.

After being at his house for a while, we were just laying in his huge bed, not doing much, just talking. My friend (girl) was lying next to him (not being able to see him much), and I was sitting next to her again. Then all of a sudden, his arm started moving alot under the covers, and I knew what he was doing. As I was sitting there, I tried to avoid eye contact, but I saw in the corner of my eye that he sometimes looked at me. He masturbated, and I knew he did. I tried to look at him quickly, and I saw that he was looking at the wall with his mouth slightly open. It wasn't itching or anything, because he kept doing it for a while. Not long after, we had to go (because the girl's dad was ready to pick her up) and he said "I'm not sure if I can get out of bed." As we just stood there, putting on our jackets, I know was 100 % certain he was masturbating. his arm was now moving a lot "wilder" and he was lying in a slightly awkward angle. As he got up to say goodbye, he adjusted his jeans right away. The thing is, I am really disgusted he did this in front of us. And next week, we had planned to sleep over at his house (I've known him since I was 6) but now, I really don't want to at all. I don't think the girl noticed, so I don't know if I should tell her. What should I do? Should I cancel the sleepover or tell my friend about what happened? 

Thanks


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## MissLindaJean (Sep 19, 2012)

That's crazy; it's really inappropriate and disgusting. Do you feel comfortable around him and do you think he would try this again? Also, what about your gf? Would she be bothered by it and why wouldn't you warn her? It's inappropriate and rude; fine that people do that, but keep it to yourself or do that with your SO... I wouldn't feel safe or comfortable, because I'd worry about where it would escalate to and wouldn't want to put myself or anyone else in a position where the behavior could be repeated. If it's not consentual, it's not okay. At all! Are you considering telling your parents? You don't mention them at all and that's concerning. That's something they probably want to know. At your age, I would have told my father. He raised me to be aware of my gender and that it alone would make me an easy target to some. Thankfully, he also taught me how to ward off unwanted advances and how to defend myself if a situation escalated.


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## Dalylah (Sep 19, 2012)

I would definitely cancel the sleepover and avoid being behind closed doors with him again. Things are different than when you were 6. Your friend may have realized as well but felt uncomfortable and was not sure how to address it. Now that he managed to get away with it once, he may assume it is ok to do that or maybe more next time. I realize most teen boys do that but it is generally a private thing. That is pretty brazen behavior which is a warning sign to me.

I would encourage you to let your parents know. I know that is embarrassing but maybe tell your mom.


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## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

MissLindaJean: No, after what happened, I do not feel comfortable around him at all. I just don't feel like being around him. I'm not sure if he would try it again, but I think he might. He has done some weird things before, like pretending to hump me from behind.. (My friend told me after it happened. I know that's disgusting, but I didn't think he would do what he just did in front of me). I'm pretty sure she would be bothered by it, why wouldn't she? (By the way she isn't my girlfriend girlfriend, just a girl friend  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> But I just don't know how to tell her. And I don't want to make it awkward.

I don't know if I'll manage to tell my parents. We're not really close, and I never even told my mom about my period when I got it two years ago. And If I tell them, they'll probably get very very protective (in a bad way) because I see that guy every day and wait for my bus to school with him... But I might tell them. I've never really been able to tell them things.


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## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

Dalylah: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm cancelling the sleepover, because he is starting to scare me a little bit. There is a chance she noticed, she might have seen him, or even noticed his body move as much as it did. When I think about it, he has always been a little perverted. Doing small things, like pretending to hump a sofa when he was visiting once... (Many boys are perverted, but after what he did, I think he is just gross). And he sometimes play fights where he just tries to lay on top of you or put his face really close to yours. But that might just have been playing.. I don't know.

I'm thinking about telling my parents, but we're not really close.


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## MissLindaJean (Sep 19, 2012)

Regardless of whether you're close with your parents, it is their responsibility to protect and help you. Why would you want further contact with someone who's clearly going out of their way to do inappropriate things? Especially since you are revealing that the guy has done other things that are sexual in nature and are unwanted advances. There are lines and he clearly crossed them. His behavior sounds like it is escalating and if you don't say something, it will continue. While it will be uncomfortable, I think you might be surprised by how supportive your parents could be. You are their responsibility and their child, whether you're 15, 5 or 25. That won't ever change. Also, if you open up and start communicating more with them, they may reciprocate. It is difficult to start, but your parents may be somewhat uncomfortable as well. How much is too much and in explaining or discussing topics with kids, are you helping them or maybe giving them too much info... Also, your parents can broach the subject with the guys' parents, who also should know what is going on. Because he obviously isn't behaving properly and should be talked to. What if he is doing this to other girls who are not speaking up but uncomfortable? No one deserves to feel uncomfortable or be put in a similar situation.


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## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

MissLindaJean: You're right, I really should tell them. I think it would make me feel a lot better, because then I wouldn't have to go around and worry about if I was wrong not to tell them. The more I think about all the things he has done, the more I just don't want to hang out with him anymore (and he is starting to scare me), so I think I'm going to be really careful from now on. And I am cancelling the sleepover. I never realised how perverted, inappropriate and disgusting he really was.


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## aleeeshuh (Sep 19, 2012)

GAAAHHHH that's gross. I think this boy is a teenager and is super hormonal. I think you should tell him you knew what he was doing and tell him how you felt about it. If you tell others he'd be really embarrassed. It'll definitely be an awkward convo in the beginning, but hopefully it'll make this realize that he was completely out of line!!!


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## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *aleeeshuh* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> GAAAHHHH that's gross. I think this boy is a teenager and is super hormonal. I think you should tell him you knew what he was doing and tell him how you felt about it. If you tell others he'd be really embarrassed. It'll definitely be an awkward convo in the beginning, but hopefully it'll make this realize that he was completely out of line!!!


I know! It's horrible!! He is 15, so he's probably very hormonal, but it's still awful. I don't really know how to talk to him about it. I can't just go up to him and say "Hi, I knew what you were doing yesterday, and I don't like it".  But I just don't see how he could think I wouldn't notice.. I was sitting right by him! aaaaa


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## MissLindaJean (Sep 19, 2012)

Well, I hope it works out well! Aleeshuh's right as well. You can tell the guy how uncomfortable all his actions have left you and let your parents know. It's a crazy situation, but it can get better! Hopefully, he learns boundaries and what is appropriate. Btw, my two teen brothers live with me and have been under my care for several years. I would be horrified and cracking heads if I ever caught them doing some crap like this. Raging hormones and all, that's not an acceptable excuse and they're taught to be respectful of others, especially with females. A slip or wrong move can result in embarrassment, lost friendships to gossip and possible legal troubles. The situation, with what info given, smacks of sexual deviance, not hormones to me.


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## Dalylah (Sep 19, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *aleeeshuh* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I think you should tell him you knew what he was doing and tell him how you felt about it. If you tell others he'd be really embarrassed. It'll definitely be an awkward convo in the beginning, but hopefully it'll make this realize that he was completely out of line!!!


I'd be careful with this. If you want to discuss this with him it should be with an adult around. He may take you reopening the sexual conversation the wrong way. When I was younger there was a really pervy guy at school who would go way over the line the second an adult wasn't around. In hindsight I realize he had much bigger problems but he enjoyed bragging about what he got away with to all his friends.

My best advice to not be alone with him AT ALL. Also, do not ignore your instincts. They are your safety net and when you feel uncomfortable it your minds way of sending you a warning. Don't ignore it.


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## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *MissLindaJean* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> Well, I hope it works out well! Aleeshuh's right as well. You can tell the guy how uncomfortable all his actions have left you and let your parents know. It's a crazy situation, but it can get better! Hopefully, he learns boundaries and what is appropriate. Btw, my two teen brothers live with me and have been under my care for several years. I would be horrified and cracking heads if I ever caught them doing some crap like this. Raging hormones and all, that's not an acceptable excuse and they're taught to be respectful of others, especially with females. A slip or wrong move can result in embarrassment, lost friendships to gossip and possible legal troubles. The situation, with what info given, smacks of sexual deviance, not hormones to me.


I'll try to talk to both him and my parents, but I have to say, this has made me dislike him A LOT more then I ever have! Not sure if I will ever stop feeling awkward around him,but I'll see what I can do. Thank you so much for all your help! Really appreciate it!


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## Dalylah (Sep 19, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *MissLindaJean* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> Btw, my two teen brothers live with me and have been under my care for several years. I would be horrified and cracking heads if I ever caught them doing some crap like this. Raging hormones and all, that's not an acceptable excuse and they're taught to be respectful of others, especially with females. A slip or wrong move can result in embarrassment, lost friendships to gossip and possible legal troubles. The situation, with what info given, smacks of sexual deviance, not hormones to me.


 This. --&gt;The situation, with what info given, smacks of sexual deviance, not hormones to me.

I have two hormonally charged teenage boys as well and we had a straight up discussion when my daughters were not around. I realize they are in overdrive but I also realize willpower and self control are a part of life. Some things are better left unseen or only shared with a lover.


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## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Dalylah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> 
> I'd be careful with this. If you want to discuss this with him it should be with an adult around. He may take you reopening the sexual conversation the wrong way. When I was younger there was a really pervy guy at school who would go way over the line the second an adult wasn't around. In hindsight I realize he had much bigger problems but he enjoyed bragging about what he got away with to all his friends.
> ...


Thanks  I'll be really careful, and most likely, I will ignore him (unintentionally, not to be mean or rude) because he is making me feel really bad. I'll be more around my less pervy friends who I feel comfortable around.


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## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Dalylah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> This. --&gt;The situation, with what info given, smacks of sexual deviance, not hormones to me.
> 
> I have two hormonally charged teenage boys as well and we had a straight up discussion when my daughters were not around. I realize they are in overdrive but I also realize willpower and self control are a part of life. Some things are better left unseen or only shared with a lover.


Yeah, I guess he can't really blame it on hormones. Well, a little bit, but it's just too much to do that in front of me. As you said, all he needs is willpower and self control.


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## lunadust (Sep 19, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Dalylah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> This. --&gt;The situation, with what info given, smacks of sexual deviance, not hormones to me.


 I agree. If he really needed to do that he should have excused himself to a bathroom. This is definitely a warning sign that the friendship needs to end before his behavior escalates.


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## Starxi (Sep 19, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *lunadust* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I agree. If he really needed to do that he should have excused himself to a bathroom. This is definitely a warning sign that the friendship needs to end before his behavior escalates.


Thought the exact same thing. If he went to the bathroom, I wouldn't notice


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## TacomaGirl (Sep 19, 2012)

That's disrespectful and uncalled for. I would be cordial with him in public but end the the friendship. You can't be friends without mutual respect.


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## aleeeshuh (Sep 19, 2012)

Starxi, you HAVE to fill us in on what happens next!!!


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## Starxi (Sep 20, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *aleeeshuh* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Starxi, you HAVE to fill us in on what happens next!!!


I will! But I haven't seen him since it happened, so I'm not sure how it's going to go... Guess I'll see soon enough!


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## Amarah (Sep 20, 2012)

I agree with what everyone has said so far.. Starxi you sound very mature for your age, I applaud you for that  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> What happened was gross and I could imagine how awkward it would have been for you... If that happened to me, I would not be alone with him and I would carefully choose my guy friends after this... Its sad because you werent even alone with him and he did that! You can only hope that he doesnt brag and tell lies to his friends about what he did 'with you girls'. Ahhhhh boys at that age can be very immature but this is where you should draw the line now and make him respect you and tell him straight out, if he was to act in a disrespectful way around you or anyone you know then the friendship is over... If he gets away with doing more things like that around you, im scared it will escalate to something much more bigger in the future.


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## Starxi (Sep 20, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Amarah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> I agree with what everyone has said so far.. Starxi you sound very mature for your age, I applaud you for that  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> What happened was gross and I could imagine how awkward it would have been for you... If that happened to me, I would not be alone with him and I would carefully choose my guy friends after this... Its sad because you werent even alone with him and he did that! You can only hope that he doesnt brag and tell lies to his friends about what he did 'with you girls'. Ahhhhh boys at that age can be very immature but this is where you should draw the line now and make him respect you and tell him straight out, if he was to act in a disrespectful way around you or anyone you know then the friendship is over... If he gets away with doing more things like that around you, im scared it will escalate to something much more bigger in the future.


Thank you!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> It was very awkward and disturbing. It was very suprising that he did what he did. Especially because there was a big chance one of us would notice what he was doing. I just hope he doesn't lie about it, like you said. I will make sure he doesn't get away with doing anything like that again.


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## aleeeshuh (Sep 20, 2012)

I think the sooner you talk to him the better. Like Amarah said he may "brag" about what he did. To avoid the potential rumors I think it's best to tell him how you feel. And seriously this is not a brag-worthy story. It's actually kinda creepy. I just think the longer you wait to tell him the more of an opportunity he has to tell others.



> Originally Posted by *Amarah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I agree with what everyone has said so far.. Starxi you sound very mature for your age, I applaud you for that  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> What happened was gross and I could imagine how awkward it would have been for you... If that happened to me, I would not be alone with him and I would carefully choose my guy friends after this... Its sad because you werent even alone with him and he did that! You can only hope that he doesnt brag and tell lies to his friends about what he did 'with you girls'. Ahhhhh boys at that age can be very immature but this is where you should draw the line now and make him respect you and tell him straight out, if he was to act in a disrespectful way around you or anyone you know then the friendship is over... If he gets away with doing more things like that around you, im scared it will escalate to something much more bigger in the future.


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## Starxi (Sep 20, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *aleeeshuh* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I think the sooner you talk to him the better. Like Amarah said he may "brag" about what he did. To avoid the potential rumors I think it's best to tell him how you feel. And seriously this is not a brag-worthy story. It's actually kinda creepy. I just think the longer you wait to tell him the more of an opportunity he has to tell others.


Yeah, I'm planning on telling him at school tomorrow. I'll try, but I don't know if I'll manage to talk to him. When I first met him at the bus stop today, it was slightly awkward. We didn't say much, just stood there. And we usually go off the bus at the same time and walk together for a little while, but today he got off one stop earlier than usual. He has never done this before.. I don't know if he knows that I noticed, but he might.


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## divadoll (Sep 20, 2012)

Maybe school is not the best place to have this conversation.  Some place more private would be better.


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## Starxi (Sep 22, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Maybe school is not the best place to have this conversation.  Some place more private would be better.


Okay. If I see him somewhere outside of school, then I'll try to talk to him.


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## Jazmin2906 (Sep 22, 2012)

That is sooo discusting!! Omg! I can understand why you dont wan to sleep at his next weekend. If your friend are that close she will understand and she too wouldnt want you to be in an awkward sitation that you dont want to be in.

I would say does he know you knew what he was doing but i dont understand why he was doing it in the first place?! 

Maybe if you tell your friend she will understand and if she doesnt then she is just as sick as he is.

Hope you get ity sorted soon!


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## Ellipse (Sep 22, 2012)

smh.... speecheless. maybe he has a mental problem? i dont think this is normal.


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## divadoll (Sep 22, 2012)

He is 15yrs old and that should be a good enough explanation.  15 yr olds are a breed on their own as all teens.  Hormones affect them and preven them from seeing the consequences of their actions.  This is a proven observation.  They are being made over from inside out, like a caterpillar into a butterfly (moths) without a cocoon.  They are torn between values taught be parents and society and what they want to do impulsively.  They are becoming new people.

Talk about it to him and move on.  I don't know how close you are to him. If you want the relationship to continue then don't be too hard on him. It probably was an idea some other stupid boy suggested and it was a good idea to try at the time.


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## Starxi (Sep 22, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Jazmin2906* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> That is sooo discusting!! Omg! I can understand why you dont wan to sleep at his next weekend. If your friend are that close she will understand and she too wouldnt want you to be in an awkward sitation that you dont want to be in.
> 
> ...


I know, It's horrible! Me and my friend are pretty close, but I just don't know how to tell her.

I have no idea if he knew, but what he did is creepy.

You're right. She will most likely understand and think it's super creepy as well!

Thanks, I'll try!


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## Starxi (Sep 22, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Ellipse* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> smh.... speecheless. maybe he has a mental problem? i dont think this is normal.


No, he doesn't have a mental problem that I know of. I don't think it's common for guys to do something like this.. I'm really grossed out.


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## Starxi (Sep 22, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> He is 15yrs old and that should be a good enough explanation.  15 yr olds are a breed on their own as all teens.  Hormones affect them and preven them from seeing the consequences of their actions.  This is a proven observation.  They are being made over from inside out, like a caterpillar into a butterfly (moths) without a cocoon.  They are torn between values taught be parents and society and what they want to do impulsively.  They are becoming new people.
> 
> Talk about it to him and move on.  I don't know how close you are to him. If you want the relationship to continue then don't be too hard on him. It probably was an idea some other stupid boy suggested and it was a good idea to try at the time.


I guess that sort of explains everything. We are pretty close, so I won't be too hard on him. Hopefully it was all just hormones!

Thank you so much!


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## divadoll (Sep 23, 2012)

You just have to remember all those times that the guys at school do really dumb things where you just have to stand there and shake your head.  I did that and every other girl has at some point.  

Boys are generally stupid and they don't think with the head on their shoulders.  That won't really change even when you get older.  They are more impulsive than girls and girls are attracted to that impulsiveness.  Its the Bad Boy image.  Courteous, sweet guys don't come into the picture until  you want a long lasting relationship.  

I would approach him, ask him what he was doing in the blanket.  smack him a round a bit and then move on.  

Have you seen American Pie?  Suggestions are so attractive if it is sexual in nature.


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## Starxi (Sep 24, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> You just have to remember all those times that the guys at school do really dumb things where you just have to stand there and shake your head.  I did that and every other girl has at some point.
> 
> ...


Ok, I'll remember to do that.

Even though I have never really been in a relationship (I don't go around dating every guy I think is cute) I always seem to really like the sweet guys. The "bad boys" are usually just annoying, but maybe there just aren't that many bad boys at my school who aren't extremly perverted.

No, I haven't seen it. Maybe just pieces of it.

Thank you, your advice is really helpful!


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## BLee (Sep 24, 2012)

Wow...I have a son !Maybe he has not been taught what to do when this happens and WHAT NOT TO DO! I did teach my son private parts are to be treated different than lets say your ears or your eyes. I hope you can let him know that you can rub your eyes or ears around me but not your boy parts. Then like divadoll ....smack him...lol


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## divadoll (Sep 24, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *BLee* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Wow...I have a son !Maybe he has not been taught what to do when this happens and WHAT NOT TO DO! I did teach my son private parts are to be treated different than lets say your ears or your eyes. I hope you can let him know that you can rub your eyes or ears around me but not your boy parts. Then like divadoll ....smack him...lol


 LOL.  15yr olds know not to do that but then again they'll try to get away with it anyways.  Have a read at some psychology studies on teenage males, it'll surprise you!

Your son must not yet be a teen because that's what you'd say to a small child.


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## Dalylah (Sep 25, 2012)

As I have said to my husband and boys... "That much blood can't go to two places at once". They all laugh but realize it's kinda true.


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## divadoll (Sep 25, 2012)

All boys are perverted...believe me, that's no exaggeration.  Thoughts of sex appear in their heads probably once a minute unless they are playing video games. There are scientific studies on that too.  I've had a lot of friends who were guys in my later teens to mid 20's ... my bff was a guy then 1 straight and 1 gay. They gave me a strange and horrid insight on the workings of boys.  Many just keep it private or just share those thoughts with their male friends.  

You just weren't aware because no one told you and girls just generally don't think the same way.  I was the same way too.  My bff's loved that I was so naive and wanted to 'shock' me.   Now, nothing phases me anymore.    



> Originally Posted by *Starxi* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Ok, I'll remember to do that.
> 
> ...


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## BLee (Sep 25, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> LOL.  15yr old know not to do that but then again they'll try to get away with it anyways.  Have a read at some psychology studies on teenage males, it'll surprise you!
> 
> Your son must not yet be a teen because that's what you'd say to a small child.


 Yes...lol he's 23 now but I did some training with him as a young child and knowing what we know about the almost one track mind LOL I did not want him to feel helpless as to what to do when this came upon him as a teen.


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## divadoll (Sep 25, 2012)

> Yes...lol he's 23 now but I did some training with him as a young child and knowing what we know about the almost one track mindÂ LOL I did not want him to feel helpless as to what to do when this came upon him as a teen. Â


 We all do that as parents. Their classmates in elementary would have corrected him if he was playing openly with his 'favorite toy' before he became a teen. Peers keep their own in check even if parents don't. Kids tend to retain more of what their friend tell them, sex talk with parents tend to get tuned out.


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## BLee (Sep 25, 2012)

Oh, I home educated my children. I had sex talks often and even into the late teen years. I'm still pretty open. And when other teen would tell them things of what they thought and if we  disagreed we would talk about it. We would also inform them that your friends can talk about it but I have been about it longer than they have been alive so who knew more about it? Then they would have to think critically then admit us silly parents knew a tad more...lol


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## divadoll (Sep 26, 2012)

Its good to be able to have those kinds of education but you'd have to admit that your children had been taken away from the main stream of teen society by being home schooled.  This is not a normal situation.  

I've had many a conversation with my son but like all teens (including me) information from peers trumps parental information but they will pay lip service to get you off their backs.  They will have to ruminate on the information we give them but they'll jump on what their peers say in a heart beat.  These are documented sociological observations and I'm sure if you look back into your past, this would also apply to yourself and your husband.  

I have had many heart to heart conversations with my son this last year and he is finally at the point where he can see my points are valid rather than me living the the old days and know nothing about life now.  



> Originally Posted by *BLee* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Oh, I home educated my children. I had sex talks often and even into the late teen years. I'm still pretty open. And when other teen would tell them things of what they thought and if we  disagreed we would talk about it. We would also inform them that your friends can talk about it but I have been about it longer than they have been alive so who knew more about it? Then they would have to think critically then admit us silly parents knew a tad more...lol


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## Tyari (Oct 3, 2012)

Argh!!! I feel so bad that I missed this!! Starxi!! Please come back and update us!!!


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## Starxi (Oct 3, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *BLee* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Wow...I have a son !Maybe he has not been taught what to do when this happens and WHAT NOT TO DO! I did teach my son private parts are to be treated different than lets say your ears or your eyes. I hope you can let him know that you can rub your eyes or ears around me but not your boy parts. Then like divadoll ....smack him...lol


I  think It's really good that you talked to your son about that. I like that you are open about it. My mother doesn't really tell me much about anything.


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## Starxi (Oct 3, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> All boys are perverted...believe me, that's no exaggeration.  Thoughts of sex appear in their heads probably once a minute unless they are playing video games. There are scientific studies on that too.  I've had a lot of friends who were guys in my later teens to mid 20's ... my bff was a guy then 1 straight and 1 gay. They gave me a strange and horrid insight on the workings of boys.  Many just keep it private or just share those thoughts with their male friends.
> 
> You just weren't aware because no one told you and girls just generally don't think the same way.  I was the same way too.  My bff's loved that I was so naive and wanted to 'shock' me.   Now, nothing phases me anymore.


Wow.. I've started to notice every single perverted thing guys do, and that is a lot. I really didn't know girls and guys were so different.


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## Starxi (Oct 3, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Tyari* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Argh!!! I feel so bad that I missed this!! Starxi!! Please come back and update us!!!


I will!

So I talked to him not long ago. I told him (let's just call him Tom) I noticed that he was doing something under the blanket. I said that I didn't like him doing something like that around me. He looked very embarrassed and said sorry. The next day at school he ignored me all day, but a couple of days later he acted pretty normal again. I didn't cancel the sleepover, but it was just me and my friend (girl) so it was no big deal (I didn't tell him when I had it). Even though I told him I noticed, he still acts very perverted around me. In math class, our teacher gave each of us a ruler. I was to his left, and to his right was another guy (Tom's friend). He put the ruler where his privates are, and started sliding his hand up and down it (pretending to masturbate). He first looked at his friend to his right, and looked at me. He kept doing it for a while and laughed. When he looked at me, I tried to look irritated and disgusted. I honestly don't know what to do.


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## MissLindaJean (Oct 3, 2012)

It's sounds more than "oh it's just a teenaged boy and raging hormones" thing. You've already told him the behavior is making you uncomfortable and is inappropriate, but he's continuing? Not friendly or considerate, especially since he's supposed to be your friend. He is disregarding your feelings and still acting out, which isn't a good sign, IMO. You can either ignore him, continue to be friends and hope he stops at some point or report him. I for one, worry about how much worse and escalated the behavior can become. I'll say it again, his behavior smacks of sexual deviance more than raging hormones. He's old enough to rationalize and know what's appropriate and what's not.


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## Starxi (Oct 3, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *MissLindaJean* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> It's sounds more than "oh it's just a teenaged boy and raging hormones" thing. You've already told him the behavior is making you uncomfortable and is inappropriate, but he's continuing? Not friendly or considerate, especially since he's supposed to be your friend. He is disregarding your feelings and still acting out, which isn't a good sign, IMO. You can either ignore him, continue to be friends and hope he stops at some point or report him. I for one, worry about how much worse and escalated the behavior can become. I'll say it again, his behavior smacks of sexual deviance more than raging hormones. He's old enough to rationalize and know what's appropriate and what's not.


Ok, good.

I don't like that he is acting like this even though I talked to him. I haven't decided what I am going to do yet.. Ignore him or keep being friends with him.


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## Tyari (Oct 3, 2012)

I agree with MissLindaJean, his behavior wreaks of sexual deviance. I didn't know of any boys that behaved this way when I was in HS. The fact that you've told him that it bothers you and he keeps doing it is extremely disturbing. If you continue to ignore it, it's just going to keep happening. Have you thought about talking to a school counselor? They're required to guard whatever you tell them as confidential unless you or someone else is in danger, which isn't the case. Maybe they can tell you what's the best approach since you've already talked to him about it but he keeps doing it.


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## MissLindaJean (Oct 3, 2012)

What happens when there are no consequences to behavior and it goes unchecked? It escalates! I'm not trying to make you or anyone paranoid, but by continuing to "be friends" with a person who is knowingly offending you and making you uncomfortable is not healthy or safe for you, emotionally or physically. His behavior will continue and escalate because despite telling him you don't like it, you contradict yourself by  staying friends and keeping in contact with him. 

Like I commented earlier, I'm in my late twenties and have two teenaged brothers. I would never condone or make excuses for behavior like this if I caught them doing something. Talk statistics and not just adolescant behavior.

RAINN estimates: 

1 in 6 women in the US will be victims/survivors of sexual assault.

44% of victims are under age 18

54% go unreported to police

approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone *known *to the victim.

Really with statistics like that, you want to take a risk? Do you take a health class where you're educated on these things? Because last time I checked, at least in the US, students and teenagers were learning about sex ed in junior high and what was okay and not. Important part..it's not *CONSENSUAL, *you are not "asking for it," it makes you uncomfortable/grossed out. Therefore, it's inappropriate and harassing, because you've already confronted him and said you don't like it.


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## divadoll (Oct 3, 2012)

If you knew what goes on in a teenage boy to early 20's male mind, you will never look at any man the same again. If you don't have male friends or find out accidently, they sure hell aren't going to tell you!


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## Starxi (Oct 5, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Tyari* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I agree with MissLindaJean, his behavior wreaks of sexual deviance. I didn't know of any boys that behaved this way when I was in HS. The fact that you've told him that it bothers you and he keeps doing it is extremely disturbing. If you continue to ignore it, it's just going to keep happening. Have you thought about talking to a school counselor? They're required to guard whatever you tell them as confidential unless you or someone else is in danger, which isn't the case. Maybe they can tell you what's the best approach since you've already talked to him about it but he keeps doing it.


No, I haven't thought about talking to a school counselor but I might. But it might just be easier for me to ignore him and stop being friends with him. Then I don't have to worry.


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## Starxi (Oct 5, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *MissLindaJean* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> What happens when there are no consequences to behavior and it goes unchecked? It escalates! I'm not trying to make you or anyone paranoid, but by continuing to "be friends" with a person who is knowingly offending you and making you uncomfortable is not healthy or safe for you, emotionally or physically. His behavior will continue and escalate because despite telling him you don't like it, you contradict yourself by  staying friends and keeping in contact with him.
> 
> ...


I don't want it to escalate, so I think I'm going to ignore him and stop being friends with him. And you're right, something really bad might happen.


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## Starxi (Oct 5, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> If you knew what goes on in a teenage boy to early 20's male mind, you will never look at any man the same again. If you don't have male friends or find out accidently, they sure hell aren't going to tell you!


I'm really starting to wonder what goes through their minds. I have some male friends, but I don't think they'll just tell me. Can you please tell me something? You are making me really curious.


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## Amarah (Oct 5, 2012)

Lol yes i'd like to know too! My son turns 15 in 4 years, never too early to be educated on what  goes through their brains!


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## divadoll (Oct 5, 2012)

My son's vice principal just informed me that he has been marked at 'Gifted' in his school records.  He is 1 of 7 gifted kids in his school of 1200 students.  Everyday time I think what he has done is the stupidest thing I have seen, he never fails to top it.  There's just no getting around it.

Starxi just google Sexual development adolescent boys, I also googled 'how often boys think about sex', some of the answers are funny. . 

This article is interesting.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/24/weekinreview/24parker.html?_r=0

Here's an excerpt from another article:

_www.youthtrain.com/assets/samples/.../understanding_manual1.pdf_

3. Behavioural Characteristics Related to Sexual Development

a. Sexual Thoughts

Puberty not only brings changes in the sex organs - it signals the onset of

sexual thoughts. For the adolescent this can be an exciting yet confusing

time. The appearance of the opposite sex can trigger sexual thoughts which

take time for the adolescent to understand and label. Young boys will become

interested in the bodies of girls - their shape and softness, their hair and eyes.

Young girls on the other hand, will be more fascinated by the boy himself, the

way he talks, thinks and acts. Both males and females will begin to develop

sexual fantasies.

Key is that boys at 15 are hormonal, they are experiencing a change of not only their bodies but their personalities and their perspective of the world.  Girls are too but they aren't going to be thinking the same way as boys.  

That excerpt above is an example of the difference in male and female sexual thoughts.  Boys think about body parts - hair, legs, boobs, butt...that girl with the big t*ts or the chick with the hot legs.  Girls think about the boy - how dreamy Josh is, how Josh laughs, how Josh's hair does that funny flip...

Boys and men 'dissect' women into parts they like or are attracted to so it doesn't matter who you are that they can fantasize about (except relatives).  This goes with the comment, I was in my early 20's in a bar where I was playing pool (8ball) and my boyfriend at the time comes back to the table laughing.  I asked what he was laughing about, he said guys 2 tables away were talking about my butt.  I was shocked and I said they didn't even know me, why would they do that? He said that's what guys do.  They don't care if they know who you are, you're a nice ass.  I didn't know I was flattered or disgusted.  

My gay BFF has had 1500 sexual encounters in his 43yrs of life.  This is average in a gay society, there's no fear of getting someone pregnant.  

My friends make some comments when they forget I'm a girl, then correct themselves when I give them a dirty look. Sometimes they apologize but most times they don't because it is the truth and they shouldn't have to apologize for that.  Men grow up slightly, they figure out what is acceptible.  Seldom do men discuss these things seriously, they are just jokes with serious undertones.  My friends have primarily been and still are males.  

If your friend is now being a dumbass, then lose him like a bad habit.  People change and you have the right to revise your friend list at any time.


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## Tyari (Oct 5, 2012)

Hun, if you just ignore his behavior, he's not going to stop. If it's not you, it will be someone else. Idk, but I just find his behavior troubling.



> Originally Posted by *Starxi* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> No, I haven't thought about talking to a school counselor but I might. But it might just be easier for me to ignore him and stop being friends with him. Then I don't have to worry.


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## divadoll (Oct 6, 2012)

I think if they were 20 and he was doing that, well... that would concern many but that behaviour is typically 15, annoyingly15 but very much a 15 year old behaviour.  Clearly you don't have a 15 yr old with stupid 15 year old friends. especially when they don't know you can hear them. 

Like I said, if you are uncomfortable, now is the time to cut the cord.  My son recently decided to break path with a friend he had since high school.  He was becoming a jerk and very much a jerk (just like your 'friend') to my son's girlfriend who were all part of the same group.  Do the same.



> Originally Posted by *Tyari* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Hun, if you just ignore his behavior, he's not going to stop. If it's not you, it will be someone else. Idk, but I just find his behavior troubling.


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## Starxi (Oct 7, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *Tyari* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Hun, if you just ignore his behavior, he's not going to stop. If it's not you, it will be someone else. Idk, but I just find his behavior troubling.


 I will talk to a counselor so that he hopefully doesn't do it to anyone else.


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## Starxi (Oct 7, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> My son's vice principal just informed me that he has been marked at 'Gifted' in his school records.  He is 1 of 7 gifted kids in his school of 1200 students.  Everyday time I think what he has done is the stupidest thing I have seen, he never fails to top it.  There's just no getting around it.
> 
> ...


Wow. Men and women are very different.

Thanks


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## divadoll (Oct 7, 2012)

That's what makes us interesting is being different.


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