# I cannot get along with my sister and I'm growing to despise her boyfriend - Helpi



## rcharris1 (Aug 14, 2013)

Got a bit of a long post here, sorry in advance!

Basically I was very lucky in my childhood and grew up surrounded by a close family, but obviously as you get older things can get difficult and complicated especially with siblings - I'm just gutted that it is happening with me and my sister since through childhood we were quite amiable toward eachother.

I am 21 and she is 23, I've been in a relationship for 2 years and she has for nearly 3 years (her first boyfriend ever). When I was 18 I moved out of my parents house to go to University in London, there I met my boyfriend and now we are living together. She is still living with my parents and is very homebound and doesn't really want to leave, her boyfriend's family are strictly religious and so her boyfriend has refused for their entire relationship to tell his parents about her as he thinks they will hate him/disown him. However she keeps making comment after comment about them getting married and when I question her about this she just says that she would just have to convert to being a muslim so his parents would except her and have a muslim wedding - I said to her that NO ONE should be forced to change for somebody else especially when she would always have to pretend she is a devout muslim all the time and go along with the ways of that religion - and she just said 'well when you love someone you will do anything'. Heck, I'm in love deeply but if my partner ever asked or expected me to do something like that I would have the respect for myself to say NO FRICKIN WAY. But as I will talk about later she thinks that me and my boyfriend don't love eachother.

He also lives in a city quite far away from her and his job means they don't see each other often. Of course when they do see eachother he stays with my parents, so much so that on my visits home he is always there, and they constantly make out in front of my family (not just kissing, sucking fingers and everything) - the most recent time they did this I just left the room dramatically to try and send a message but nothings changed. One holiday we were staying on a boat and I was sleeping in a room separating me from them with fabric and they decided to have sex loudly each night and I can honestly say I still haven't got over that. I think it's sweet when couples give eachother a peck on the cheek or a hug but the stuff they do in front of family is too far. Not only this but her boyfriend constantly does inappropriate things like he just raids my parents kitchen and takes whatever he wants without asking, takes control of their TV when they want to watch something else and in car journeys he insists on putting on rap music with swearing all the way through and turns it up loud. 

My parents are polite people, sometimes they say something but usually they try to ignore his behaviour as other than these things he is a nice guy as if you talk to him you can have a pleasant conversation - it is literally just his actions. But I can't stand people using my parents like that and I don't understand why my sister won't say anything when he does these things. I'm afraid to say I don't think I will ever like him, I will always be polite but if they got married I can see me and my sister losing touch completely as they wouldn't be a couple I'd ever want to hang out with. 

I haven't got on with my sister for a very long time, mostly because when I try and have a laugh with her she just takes it the wrong way and we literally have nothing in common and I always have to start conversations. My sister is just extremely irrational, gets completely carried away with her feelings and is overly sensitive, not only does this mean it is impossible for me to get on with her but it is genuinely worrying me. Recently my mum and my sister were discussing our family's future trip to disneyland florida (we're from the UK) in 3 years. My mum was trying to figure out the number of rooms we would need and mentioned that there would probably still be boyfriends to come with and then my sister made this comment 'boyfriends? More like husbands... And even more likely children' - that was the THIRD time I'd heard her say something like this in regards to the trip. I couldn't hold my tongue like I usually do so I said 'in 3 years you will have children?? Right ok, first you need to RAISE THE MONEY to get married (she doesn't have a job she is just using my parents for everything), before this your boyfriend needs to TELL HIS PARENTS that he's with you, then you're going to need to RAISE THE MONEY to buy a house, and then you need to make sure you have a steady enough income before you have a child - and even if you do have a child in that 3 year period, you can't take a baby to Disneyland!' - she just replied angrily 'It's not my problem if I want kids and you don't!' - and of course I don't have a clue where she got that from. 

I feel very happy, secure and comfortable with my boyfriend and we love each other to the moon and back and trust each other completely - but we are reserved in public and would NEVER feel the need to make out in front of anyone. If anyone asks if we want to get married or have children we always say 'Yes we would love to, but not anytime soon' - of course we talk in a lot more depth about it when we are alone, we already have our kids names picked out and everything and have looked at possible venues for weddings -  but we aren't stupid and we will not get engaged before we have both got steady incomes coming in or until we own a suitable place to bring up a family. We certainly never discuss things like that in detail to our family as we don't want anyone too get excited or ahead of us about it. My sister takes our reserved public romantic embraces and discussion to mean that we aren't in a serious relationship and we don't love each other and makes comments hinting this all the time- which just shows how immature she can be. I am very happy with my life, but I am sick of despising my sister for her personality and wish she could be the mature older sister that I need. 

If I have a argument with my sister (which is often) dad always agrees with me, whereas my mum tends to side with my sister. My dad gets on with her boyfriend because he is a polite man and would get on with everyone but he often talks to me about how silly their whole relationship is and how he wants to say what he really thinks but he wants to be supportive of what she wants at the same time. It's hard.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? Any advice?

Thank you and sorry for the rant!


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## x3meggiex3 (Aug 15, 2013)

Whew! That's definitely a rant  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

So, I'm getting that your sister is dating a Muslim and you're afraid that she's going to convert to Muslim if they get married because that's the only possible way that they could. Well, I don't know your sister or your parents... but considering they've been together for almost 3 years strikes me as odd that her boyfriend hasn't said a word to his parents about it. Personally, I don't see this relationship going to marriage. Your sister is young and so are you -- she will come to her senses eventually.

Think about what she's going through before you become hasty with each other. She knows that you don't like her boyfriend (who she says she loves very much). If you want to improve your relationship with your sister, you might want to start by improving your relationship with her boyfriend.. even if it's not going to be entirely genuine. Your sister will be your blood relative forever, her boyfriend probably won't last, so what's the harm in putting on a face for a little while?

Also, she's probably stressed out because her relationship is going nowhere due to his religion. Frustrated that in 3 years, his parents still don't know about her. Girls are particular like that -- we want to meet your parents and be a part of the family (I don't need to tell you that). Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if your boyfriend hadn't even mentioned your name to his parents in 3 years?
Your parents appear to be kind of passive-aggressive in the sense that they don't say much to the guy. They're probably aware that your sister is infatuated with her *first boyfriend*, and feel comfortable in the fact that marriage is not likely. If the situation were to come where he tells his parents and then her converting to Muslim would be a factor, I'd bet that your parents would step in at that moment. At least, that's what I'd hope.
 

Just think about your sister more than you think about her boyfriend. Go spend some time with each other, sit down and talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and discuss with each other your concerns and how you want to better your relationship with each other.
If that's your only sibling, it'd be tragic if you guys lost touch because of a guy. Just brush it off your shoulder. Don't let him get to you that much, because he could be temporary when your sister is permanent.

Hope this helped a little bit. Just take a deep breath! Everything will work itself out.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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