# Living Together May Lead to Breakups



## Adrienne (Jul 22, 2009)

*ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) --* *Couples in the United States who live together before marrying may be more likely to consider divorce than those who do not, according to a study released Wednesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's health statistics division.*

The report on marriage, divorce, remarriage and cohabitation said 75 percent of American women have been married by age 30 and about half have lived with their partner outside of marriage.

The study's findings are based on interviews conducted in 1995 with about 11,000 women ages 15 to 44.

Couples who did not live together before marrying had a 31 percent chance of splitting up after 10 years, compared with a 40 percent chance for couples who cohabited before marriage, the study found.

*One of the study's authors said the report did not draw the conclusion that living together before marriage was the cause of the relationship ending.*

"It may not be the experience of cohabiting but the people who cohabit," said William Mosher.

"What we're saying about that is that we think that couples who cohabit before marriage may have different values than couples who do not," he said.

Couples who live together before marriage may be the type of people who are "more likely to consider divorce," he explained.

The CDC's National Center for Health Statistics report also compared the success rates for marriage and pre-marital cohabitation.

It found that the probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within five years is 20 percent, compared with the 49 percent probability of a pre-marital cohabitation breaking up within the same time period.

After 10 years, the study found, a first marriage has a 33 percent chance of ending compared with a 62 percent chance for cohabitations.

The data suggested that a woman's age, whether she comes from an intact two-parent home, the importance of religion in her life, and economic factors also play a part in how long a marriage or cohabitation will last.

The study also found that the likelihood that divorced women will remarry has been declining over the past 50 years. According to the 1995 data, women who divorced in the 1980s had a 50 percent chance of remarrying compared with 65 percent in the 1950s.

The study also found that white women who have separated from their spouses are more likely to end the relationship in divorce than are Hispanic or black women, and women living in prosperous communities are more likely to do so than those in poorer neighborhoods.

Source

The people that live together mainly out of convenience bc it's cheaper or whatever may be the ones getting divorced. I would imagine that they would be the same people who get married just because they feel that's what's next in their relationship making a divorce almost certain.


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## Dragonfly (Jul 22, 2009)

I'm not a big fan of common-law arrangements.

I think a lot of young women move in with their boyfriend with the hopes of it leading to marriage.

Unfortunately for the ladies, many of the male partners soon realize that they don't have to "pay for the cow when they get the milk for free".

If living together works for ya, then that's all that matter


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## LilDee (Jul 22, 2009)

We've been living together for a couple years now. And my man is definately paying for his cow




lol

I think it worked out quite well this way he knew marriage was important to me, and i knew marriage wasn't something he had dreamed about his whole life.. till he found me ofcourse, so he sais





And we're finally getting married.. no thoughts of divorce here.. just talk of how we will get old together and stuff



And live happily ever after!


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## magosienne (Jul 23, 2009)

Well, in my country, as a general rule, living together is perceived as the final test before the wedding. It's high valued, and we don't want to prove the statistics saying one marriage out of 2 ends up divorced.

Marriage isn't compulsory in our minds, but i think come a certain time in your life the legal system of marriage appear a better option than just living together.

My personal opinion is like my mother says to try out the guy before i buy



Then we'll decide both if and when we want to marry each other.


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## emily_3383 (Jul 23, 2009)

Reports like these are ridiculous. I think people divorce because they think marriage is a joke or they think marriage is like what they are supposed to do. Im not planning on getting married anyway!


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## -Chelsey- (Jul 23, 2009)

Living together before getting married is NOT going to cause your relationship to end, in most cases. There is no way in hell I would ever marry someone without living with them first. People get divorces because no one wants to try anymore, as soon as something goes wrong everyone just bails and they give up too easily.


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## bCreative (Jul 23, 2009)

^Exactly!

I think living together before you get married but AFTER you get engaged is a good thing to do. I feel this way because it gives you the opportunity to see what your SO does or doesn't do, or what they do that you may hate or irritate you.


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## Aprill (Jul 23, 2009)

I never have and never will agree with single people moving in together. And like Carolyn said if anything, it dosent cause a divorce, it delays marriage IMO. Because im living with you...what's the rush in marrying you now? and causes (how many times have I said this) unwarranted drama with the separation of property if/when dating couples break up and there are no community property laws to protect daters. But that's just me I dont really care about what others do. Gold star for them!


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## Adrienne (Jul 23, 2009)

The article does state that these studies *do not* prove that living together prior to marriage is the cause of divorce.


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## bia910 (Jul 25, 2009)

so funny i actually just read this in my sociology textbook. like Adrienne mentioned it just states that couples who cohabitate may have different morals than couples who wait till marriage to live together. Usually that means that couples who wait till marriage to live together are more religious, etc.. and may see divorce as more "wrong" and may be willing to try harder to work it out since religious individuals usually believe in only one marriage partner forever. My personal opinion is that cohabitation may lead to a delay in marriage or as Carolyn mentioned guys may think "why buy the cow if your getting the milk for free", anyway that is just from my observation with friends who have cohabitated.


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## Darla (Jul 25, 2009)

you know at one time I thought that there were no downsides to this arrangement. I even did it myself with my GF. No bad impact there either.

I have been somewhat persuaded by some of the arguments here to not really be in favor of this. in fact if my daughter came to me and told me she wanted to do this I would probably try to dissuade her.

Good discussion here!


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## pinksugar (Jul 25, 2009)

interesting....

I can see the whole 'cow' theory (lol) but I don't know... are all men really as shallow as that?! If I'm in a relationship with someone who thinks of me in that way (someone he's getting something off - sex) then he's not really someone I'd want to spend the rest of my life with anyway.

I'm not sure about moving in together. I'm really quite wary. I think I'd want to try it out, but like bcreative said, after getting engaged.

in this day and age, housing is expensive and resisting moving out together, and instead living in separate rental or bought properties on the grounds of not being married doesn't make sense financially - at some point I'd like to feel I was able to just trust my partner enough that I know they're not using me.

I think when I meet the right person, I will be able to answer this better. For myself right now, while I want to be able to trust a guy isn't using me and 'wont pay for the cow' as it were, I'd be very wary about moving in! but my attitude might change if I think I've found 'the one' you know?


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## Dalylah (Jul 25, 2009)

I do agree that the type of moral choices people make have everything to do with it because part of that defines how they will be in marriage as well. I have lived with people before and realized there was no way I could marry them, so in a way I guess you could argue the "dodged a bullet" theory. However, as far as divorce rates go, what I see is a lot of people making marriage promises for "better or worse" and forget to hang on through the worse. I am certainly not speaking in the cases of physical or mental abuse because that is unacceptable. I think most people not only believe in but also wish for a happy marriage with that one special person forever. When life gets messy sometimes humans tend to forget that sometimes you have to hang on by the skin of your teeth through the bad to get back to the smiles.


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## pinksugar (Jul 25, 2009)

^ I agree!!


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## Adrienne (Jul 25, 2009)

Having lived together before getting married while engaged, I honestly don't think living together as a prerequisite to make sure I was compatible enough with my future husband. By getting engaged, I knew enough about this man to know I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him and if I needed to test it out, then I certainly should not be engaged. I'd need more than a minor annoying habit to break me of my fiance and I honestly believe this is why the marriage rate is so high nowadays. Ppl find it so easy to get divorced when they get bored instead of making an effort working thru their differences.


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## emily_3383 (Jul 26, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Dalylah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I do agree that the type of moral choices people make have everything to do with it because part of that defines how they will be in marriage as well. I have lived with people before and realized there was no way I could marry them, so in a way I guess you could argue the "dodged a bullet" theory. However, as far as divorce rates go, what I see is a lot of people making marriage promises for "better or worse" and forget to hang on through the worse. I am certainly not speaking in the cases of physical or mental abuse because that is unacceptable. I think most people not only believe in but also wish for a happy marriage with that one special person forever. When life gets messy sometimes humans tend to forget that sometimes you have to hang on by the skin of your teeth through the bad to get back to the smiles. I agree!! Thats what I mean about people not taking things seriously! Life is rough and sometimes you have to hang in there but I dont think it has to do with marriage. I dont think so in my opinion anyway.


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## Chaeli (Aug 18, 2009)

If you are with the right one, your soul mate, trials and errors and sharing the successes and loves will see anything through. If not then it isn't going to work anyways. If one or the other wants to leave then so be it. It took me several tries to finally find the person I am certain is the right partner for me. Unlike any of the previous marriages I helped fail in, this one I will do any and everything I have to do to make certain the for better and for worse means exactly that. I actually want the forever together ending this time.

BTW... I met this person on the internet. We lived together four months before marrying. Almost nine years later and I don't regret anything.


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## reesesilverstar (Aug 18, 2009)

We're not married yet, but I do live with my SO (long story)... And I'm glad I did, because there's ALOT of stuff that I NEVER imagined I'd learn about him, but came out AFTER I moved in. So for me, it is a good thing.


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## CellyCell (Aug 30, 2009)

I currently have a friend who's GF just moved in with him and I think it's silly - especially for them being so young (I believe she's 18) and to have it be that _serious_ when they haven't been together for even a year. And I have a feeling that would separate them as oppose to making them closer.

I personally have always thought it's good to move in after the engagement - anything before that, like everyone has mentioned - puts a delay in stepping forward. I don't think the moving in _period_ is what causes breakups but I think doing it prematurely is asking for more then what the relationship needs at the time.


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## BeautifulVee (Aug 30, 2009)

im anti living with a man before being married. mostly because thats just how things go in my culture. to each his own. living with a man prior to being married is the equivalent of having a child before marriage to my family.

i dont agree 100% but at the same time you gotta envy the longevity of older generations as far as marriage goes. So if it aint broke....im not tryna fix it. Im following the blueprint thats seemed to work


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## Ricci (Aug 30, 2009)

Either the ad is innaccurate or we are just the odd couple out , we been common law for almost 10 years


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## reesesilverstar (Aug 30, 2009)

Exactly... One of my oldest and closest friends' parents have been common-law for about 30 years now... I don't know why they never did the church service or register it, but they're happily common-law married...


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## ZsaZsaZsu (Aug 31, 2009)

I've noticed that where I live it's most typical that if you've been living together "always" and suddenly marry after for example 10 yrs, it will probably lead to a divorce. I think the main reason for this is that they thought marriage would change anything at all about the relationship. This isn't ordinary for me, but I think the solution a lot has mentioned here is the best; live together when you get engaged, but not wait until getting married before moving in.


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## Aprill (Aug 31, 2009)

Beware of common law marriage...my mother's common law marriage to my father left us homeless and broke when he died.....


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