# 5 years and not engaged yet...



## fakelashez (Jun 27, 2013)

Hey girls  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> just needed to vent and need some advice. My bf and I have been together 5 1/2 years. We have lived together for 2 years. We have a wonderful relationship. We hardly fight. He's respectful, loving and kind. We are good to each other. No relationship is perfect, but overall it's going great. We are in our late 20's When I bring up marriage, he cringes. He doesn't want to tlk about it. He says he loves me but isn't ready for that right now. I don't want to pressure him because I would hate for someone to marry me that way. I want someone to WANT to marry me. I gave it alot of thought and marriage is important to me. It really is. It's something I want in life. The only reason I think he hasn't is because we aren't doing well financially and I feel as a man he wants to provide. We are struggling to make ends meet. But shouldn't love be stronger than finances? Thoughts please!!! &lt;3 &lt;3


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## kawaiimeows (Jun 28, 2013)

What is it marriage that makes it so important that you feel like its necessary no matter whether you're financially secure enough for it? To me personally it's just some societal construct, it doesn't change the nature of a relationship at all for me. If there's something about it spiritually or religiously or something else that makes it extremely important to you, then you should talk with him about it and look at your options. I had plenty of friends who just went down to the court house because they didn't care about having the big ceremony and it was important just on a personal level. If you're just wanting the big dress and party, then it doesn't hurt to wait until y'all can have something nice for yourselves.


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## fakelashez (Jun 28, 2013)

I'm not a flashy attention person. He knows that. The few times we got a chance to talk about marriage I told him I wouldn't want a. If wedding. I would be happy with a backyard wedding that costs nothing. To me marriage is about love and commitment and security. And to celebrate your love with friends and family. I would def do mine on a very small level. So that's why I'm so hurt he still won't propose.. I think the idea of marriage scares him and he doesn't have money to pay for a ring/wedding which scares him too...


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## kawaiimeows (Jun 28, 2013)

> I'm not a flashy attention person. He knows that. The few times we got a chance to talk about marriage I told him I wouldn't want a. If wedding. I would be happy with a backyard wedding that costs nothing. To me marriage is about love and commitment and security. And to celebrate your love with friends and family. I would def do mine on a very small level. So that's why I'm so hurt he still won't propose.. I think the idea of marriage scares him and he doesn't have money to pay for a ring/wedding which scares him too...


 I can totally sympathize with you there. I feel like its one of those things I don't want to spend an arm and a leg on. There's no one right way to do it so I think y'all should figure out what you each want and would work best for yor lifestyle. But you should definitely find out *why* he's being apprehensive, because if its a deeper issue of commitment, you want to know that sooner rather than later. Also if he's scared of the cost of engagement rings, there are tons of affordable alternatives to diamonds out there!! I have one myself and I have no regrets. If you can tell him little things like diamond alternatives and that you want something small and quiet, he might warm up more to it.


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## fakelashez (Jun 28, 2013)

I love this guy like crazy.. If he proposed to me with a dentist ring id be happy lol. But yea.. It's hard. I don't want to pressure him. The last time we talked he said he was "unsure" about marriage.. But he gets really defensive and pulls back when u ask him. He's really lovey dovey otherwise. He's the type that doesn't like being told what to do. His sister just divorced.. And some of his friends don't have the best relationships. So I feel that ontop of not being financially prepared for marriage he has poor role models around him..


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## NotTheMama (Jun 28, 2013)

You may have to pick a moment when things are quiet and simply ask him point blank what his plans are. If you've told him how important this is to you and he still reacts this way, then you really have two options....accept that this will be your relationship or accept that you guys are not on the same page and move on. I moved in with my boyfriend last August and I was very clear about what I wanted/expected out of the relationship. I told him I wanted marriage and that I wouldn't accept just living together for very long. He said he understood and told me what his plans were for our lives. That being said, we are both older than you guys, both in our late 30's. Open, honest communication is really what you two need at this point. If he continues to clam up at the very mention of it, that may speak louder than any words he might say.


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## Olga Ok (Jun 28, 2013)

Just tell him straight upfront if the marriage is in his plans. Otherwise you might be waisting your time on the wrong guy. Time is ticking and a girl needs to know who she settles with to make a family before starting to get old . That's what I did. Otherwise I would have probably still have lived as a domestic partner. I actually kept on singing Beyonce song to him 'Put a ring on it' a showed at a ring finger just like in the video several times . He laughed but finally proposed


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## derpyderp (Sep 4, 2013)

Hi,

If you live in Vancouver, Canada and have been living together for two years then congratulations! You are already married by common law. (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2013/03/18/bc-common-law-property-rules.html) You should tell your -surprise!- spouse. Might as well make a ceremony to celebrate it.


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## PeridotCricket (Sep 4, 2013)

> Hi, If you live in Vancouver, Canada and have been living together for two years then congratulations! You are alreadyÂ married by common law. (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2013/03/18/bc-common-law-property-rules.html) You should tell your -surprise!- spouse. Might as well make a ceremony to celebrate it.


 Two years? Wow. I think it's 7 years in Iowa. My sister and her husband lived together for 9 years. They went to file their taxes together for the last time, they told the tax lady they were splitting up, and she said, "Hold on. You'll have to file for divorce." They were not amused.


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## luckyme502 (Oct 9, 2013)

My husband was like your boyfriend. We lived together for three years and before we even moved in together I told him I wanted to get married and it was important to me. We would talk about it every couple of months. He told Me in the fall that we would start making plans after the new year. On January 3 I called a B&amp;B and made reservations for dinner and to discuss booking the place for our wedding. We had dinner there on the 6th and put our deposit down one week later. I guess my point is that if I left it up to my husband, we would probably still not be married. And we are happily married. I mean it's not rainbows and unicorns everyday but we love each other and are happy. I feel like our relationship gets better as time goes on, and my husband has said the same thing.


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## EmGee (Oct 9, 2013)

Quote: Originally Posted by *Olga Ok* /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Just tell him straight upfront if the marriage is in his plans. Otherwise you might be waisting your time on the wrong guy. Time is ticking and a girl needs to know who she settles with to make a family before starting to get old . That's what I did. Otherwise I would have probably still have lived as a domestic partner. I actually kept on singing Beyonce song to him 'Put a ring on it' a showed at a ring finger just like in the video several times . He laughed but finally proposed
Wow.....that's just one version of what a "family" can be.

Not everyone wants or can have kids, some people might choose to adopt.

Maybe I just think that way because I have friends of many different orientations.

I think it is at least good to know if the person you are with wants the same things in life or not.


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## monicamarroquin (Oct 10, 2013)

I know this is kinda late from the original post but I thought I would throw my two cents in anyway.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now, living together for two and a half. We argue and bicker over stupid stuff, but we both know that at the end of the day after everything is said and done, we have someone that would lay thier life on the line in a heartbeat for the other. My boyfriend is very similar to yours on the topic of marriage. Everytime I bring it up he always says SOMEDAY I will get you a ring, SOMEDAY I will propose to you, and SOMEDAY we will be happily married, but now is not the right time. This always gets me frustrated because money is no issue, we have support from both sides of our families and we have a great place to live and he just got a very nice promotion at work, the only thing is I am 21 and he is 23. I think this may be his problem because he is afraid of "disapointing" his parents and doing the wrong thing, so I think that this is what is holding him back. But the thing is his parents would have absolutely no problem with us getting married/engaged, they actually want us to get married and start our lives together. He even calls me his wife wich is extremely cute and I love it when he does that but it would be nice to have the real thing. I know I am young, but I also know who I want to grow old with...


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