# Relationship Red Flags



## KellyB (Dec 23, 2007)

25 Relationship "Red Flags" _Guest Author - Lilly_

It's completely normal to look at your partner through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other wonderfully! But for some women, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from realizing that a relationship isn't healthy at all.

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Not sure if that's the case with your relationship? Find out below which relationship red flags you may be ignoring. Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet, and think about whether your relationship has ANY of these qualities:

This FREE GUIDE is provided by the author of the book "How to Spot a Dangerous Man" and is actually taken with permission from pages in the book.

A domestic abuse survivor myself, I encourage ALL women, to learn the categories of dangerousness and to explore their own histories for clues to their personal relationship selection choices. This book has been written as a result of extensive research from women, like me, who were interviewed for the book.

Relationship Red Flags Include:

- Does not respect your need for alone time

- Pushes to see you even when you donâ€™t want to

- Discourages your outside interests, family, friends, and career relationships

- Tries to isolate you from other relationships

- Asks you to do things you are uncomfortable doing (ie, lying, loaning him money, sex, etc.)

- Uses drugs or uses alcohol too frequently or abundantly

- Frequent unemployment which he claims is never his fault

- Frequent job changes due to being fired or dismissed that he explains away

- Wants to control your hair, dress, behavior, friends, or job

- Wants you to quit or change jobs/friends/relationships for him

- Has had multiple unsuccessful relationships

- Known by others that he lies

- You find out information you should have known about him

- Physically, emotionally, verbally, or sexually â€˜roughâ€™ or â€˜weirdâ€™

- Too charmingâ€”has all the right lines and appears excessively smooth

- History or previous diagnosis of mental illness especially: Untreated depression, un-medicated bipolar (previously manic depression), conduct disorder or anti-social personality disorder, Schizophrenia, narcissistic or borderline personality disorder

- Unsuccessful treatment of substance abuse or PTSD

- Has a criminal record of which these should be noteworthy: Recurrent speeding violations, DUI, assault on a female, battery of any kind, other assaults, any sexual offense, forgery/bad checks, dead-beat dad issues

- He is inflexible and cannot change to meet a spontaneous request

- The rules are for everyone else except him

- Has problems with authority figures

Extremely Dangerous Behaviors include:

- Threatening to kill anyone or anything, even in passing

- Assault on a pregnant woman

- Forced sex in any capacity even with a known partner

- Assault in front of other people

- Violation of Court Orders or Restraining Orders

- Stalking anyone for any reason

- Repeat offenses of this list

Women often stay in relationships that just aren't working is because of fear of being alone. Don't let that be you. These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your significant other is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from the rest of your world, or - this is a big one - harm you physically or sexually, then it's time to get out, fast.

Some women make excuses or misinterpret violence as an expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything he or she doesn't want to do.

The above are just a few key points to look out for in a relationship that is going bad. Always remember a healthy relationship should be uplifting and positive. Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship.


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## emily_3383 (Dec 23, 2007)

Thanks for sharing.


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## pinksugar (Dec 23, 2007)

thanks for posting. National violence against women day was only recently in australia and I don't think there can really ever be enough awareness about domestic violence, physical and emotional. It's so damaging






I wish when I was in high school and could have been part of a comittee that I'd made more of an effort with this and other issues, but I never did..


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## S. Lisa Smith (Dec 23, 2007)

Great post!


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## glitter_vertigo (Dec 23, 2007)

Thanks for posting, this is great information.


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## Sarah84 (Dec 24, 2007)

Great information, thanks for posting


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## luxotika (Dec 24, 2007)

Thanks for sharing.


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## ivette (Dec 24, 2007)

Originally Posted by *glitter_vertigo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks for posting, this is great information.


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## jessiej78 (Dec 26, 2007)

Thanks for posting this. My ex-husband had many of these traits, so I can say for a fact they are true.


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## Kookie-for-COCO (Dec 28, 2007)

I am sure a lot of people can apply that to their lives. It is all painfully true.


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## reesesilverstar (Dec 28, 2007)

Oh wow,

And to think I'm giving advice...


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## AngelaGM (Dec 28, 2007)

Thanks so much for posting!


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## Shelley (Dec 28, 2007)

Thanks for posting this information. My ex boyfriend had many of these traits.


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## speedy (Jan 4, 2008)

Great info, thanks for posting.


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## kellianne76 (Jan 4, 2008)

I dated a guy once who had several of the characteristics. I'm glad I got out when I did.


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## 4getmeNot (Jan 16, 2008)

this sure does remind me of my ex. what was i thinking?!


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## nuberianne (Jan 27, 2008)

Basically it boils down to one word: RESPECT


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