# Need some dating advice.



## Kiari43 (Dec 31, 2007)

Ok here is the story, I will try to keep it short.

Last night I ran across an old friend (male) online. We had not talked for 10 years. He called me and we chatted and I ended up going over to his place to hang out. Yes simply hang out. I stayed till 2am and we had the best time talking and catching up. No funny business....

We were friends in High School and for a few years after, I dated one of his friends during part of that time. Life moved on and we lost touch. I was in a relationship with another man for 10 years so I didn't really see or talk to anyone from my former group of friends. Well that long term relationship ended 4 months ago.

My old friend who I went to hang out with, I have always had a little "crush" on. But that was it, we were just friends and I thought he was attractive. He did at one time back in the day try to hook up with me but I put that to a stop real quick as 1. I thought he was drunk, and 2. I had dated his friend before.

Turns out he is single now, and so am I. I would so love to try to go past friendship with him but I feel like a 15 year old with no clue as to how to date, or even tell if he is interested. For example, do I call him? I'm so confused. Interestingly enough I did ask him if he remembers trying to hook up with me and he said yes, so I guess he wasn't that drunk to still remember it to this day.

I really do like him. How do I tell if he has feelings for me?

Should I just keep being his buddy and not think of "communication rules" of dating?

I have been out of the game for decade and it sure would be my luck that I have feelings for a friend which makes it all the more complicated.

Any advice would be appreciated. Just typing it out has help me clear my head some.


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## pinksugar (Jan 1, 2008)

I would just ring and ask him to lunch - if he's not interested, then lunch is a casual thing, which wont be intimidating. If he is interested, it will be his turn to ask you somewhere next time. I always make it plain if I like someone. Depending on their personality, I might say outright 'I really like you' or I might try to hold their hand or whatever.

It is SO stressful when you're not sure! I usually indicate I'm interested but then leave it to them to make a move.

Good luck! and I really hope everything works out


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## Kiari43 (Jan 1, 2008)

Thanks for your response! I haven't heard from him so tonight I sent him a happy new year text and he didn't respond. Then I called but there was a weird service answering his phone, it gave me elevator music then finally his voice mail. So I am assuming he never got my text message. This must be his work (government) phone. He asked me for my home number but I don't have one, just my cell and he told me he just has 1 phone too.

Dang dang dang! I'm 31 but feel 15. I will give him a few days and if I don't hear from him before Friday I will call and ask if he wants to hang out.

At this point I don't know if the friend or "dating" rules apply???

I did look at my phone log and we talked for 2 and 1/2 hours before I went to see him the other night.

Who talks that long to "just a friend"

I'm so confused


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## luxotika (Jan 1, 2008)

Men are so strange! I agree with pinksugar, you should just ask him to lunch. Good luck!


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## eraser (Jan 1, 2008)

I think you should not call him at all. Let him chase you. If he's into you he most likely will and if not oh well. From my experience when it comes to dating rushing things is never good. I understand that after being with someone for 10 years it must be wierd to be single again but it's not that bad (I for one love being single). Anyways. I think if you go after him so soon he'll just think you are desperate and lose interest. My advice is next time let him be the one initiating things. Good luck to you


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## S. Lisa Smith (Jan 1, 2008)

You have called him and sent a text message. The ball is in his court, at least for a while. Let it jell for a few days or a week. Then, if you feel like it, ask him to lunch. Play it cool. It will work out one way or another.


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## Kiari43 (Jan 2, 2008)

He called! He said he didn't get my text but did get my voice mail last night. He was out (new years) and said he was a little toasted so didn't want to call and make an ass of himself





He asked to hang out this weekend when I mentioned I don't have plans yet.

So, so far so good! The ball is definitely in his court now and going to stay there!

After calling last night with no answer I felt like crap all day and I don't want to do that again! Even though he had an honest excuse.

Thanks everyone



We'll see how things go! I am so excited again.

This crush stuff is hard! Way highs to WAY lows.


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## sillyone (Jan 2, 2008)

Keep your chin up..


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## speedy (Jan 4, 2008)

If he said that he didn't want to call and make and ass of himself then it sounds like he might be interested.

Good luck!


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## Kiari43 (Jan 4, 2008)

It is exciting, and yes I do hope he is interested





Crossing my fingers and hoping I hear from tomorrow!


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## YourOneAndOnly (Jan 4, 2008)

Originally Posted by *eraser* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think you should not call him at all. Let him chase you. If he's into you he most likely will and if not oh well. From my experience when it comes to dating rushing things is never good. I understand that after being with someone for 10 years it must be wierd to be single again but it's not that bad (I for one love being single). Anyways. I think if you go after him so soon he'll just think you are desperate and lose interest. My advice is next time let him be the one initiating things. Good luck to you



I agree. Play it cool. Sometimes if you rush into things or let them know you're interested too quick then it all backfires. I think you should wait for him to call, and let him chase you.


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## Kiari43 (Jan 4, 2008)

Originally Posted by *YourOneAndOnly* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree. Play it cool. Sometimes if you rush into things or let them know you're interested too quick then it all backfires. I think you should wait for him to call, and let him chase you. Thanks!
I'm doing my best, it helps that I have stopped obsessing over it. That first day the butterflies were crazy! I couldn't sit still


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## farris2 (Jan 4, 2008)

Good luck!


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## AngelaGM (Jan 4, 2008)

I am sending good luck vibes your way! =)

Not to get off the subject, I had met my husband Bryan 10 years ago and lost touch. I saw his street address online in 2003 and January 10 is our 3 Year Wedding Anniversary, so miracles can happen!


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## chantelle8686 (Jan 4, 2008)

wpw thats great hun

but even tho ur excited etc, do make him chase u and u can send him a msg or call etc, but dont seem to desperate, if u noe wat i mean, guys like a chase but, i dont want to come across as a ***** or anything here, they dont like the over chase from girls.

play it cool, do some chasin but he also has to do some chasin as well

good luck!!!

and OMG HOW EXCITING FOR U!!!!!!!!


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## Kiari43 (Jan 7, 2008)

Just wanted to give an update, I don't want to jinx myself but things are going good





We have talked and the interest is absolutely there on both ends. Going to take things real slow though as right now neither of us needs to rush into anything.


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## Kiari43 (Jan 9, 2008)

Ok so I guess this is one of those issues of going from friends to more. And honestly one I never even considered because so many years have passed.

Today he went out for drinks with his friend who I dated 13 years ago. Afterwards I asked him if he told him that we were talking. He said no, because he doesn't want him to be mad. Or feel like this is revenge, the ex took a girl from him 15 years ago.

I honestly don't give a crap what my ex thinks. It was 13 YEARS ago... On top of that we ended things amicably and were friends for a year or two afterwards.

My concern is that since they are still friends, I would hope he would someday feel comfortable enough to tell him. It is still EARLY and were not serious right now. It's his choice to share information with whomever he wants and if he isn't comfortable with it now thats understandable. I just hope someday it wouldn't be a secret he feels he needs to keep from his friend.

Just wanted to know if anyone here has experience with this. I really don't see this as being a big problem at all, it's just something I didn't think about before now considering how many years have passed. All this went on right after High School. We're all adults now in our 30's and I guess I assumed it wouldn't be an issue.

Venting here and sorting my thoughts really helps, and all of your feedback so far has been very valuable. Thank you all for that.


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## speedy (Jan 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Kiari43* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ok so I guess this is one of those issues of going from friends to more. And honestly one I never even considered because so many years have passed.
Today he went out for drinks with his friend who I dated 13 years ago. Afterwards I asked him if he told him that we were talking. He said no, because he doesn't want him to be mad. Or feel like this is revenge, the ex took a girl from him 15 years ago.

I honestly don't give a crap what my ex thinks. It was 13 YEARS ago... On top of that we ended things amicably and were friends for a year or two afterwards.

My concern is that since they are still friends, I would hope he would someday feel comfortable enough to tell him. It is still EARLY and were not serious right now. It's his choice to share information with whomever he wants and if he isn't comfortable with it now thats understandable. I just hope someday it wouldn't be a secret he feels he needs to keep from his friend.

Just wanted to know if anyone here has experience with this. I really don't see this as being a big problem at all, it's just something I didn't think about before now considering how many years have passed. All this went on right after High School. We're all adults now in our 30's and I guess I assumed it wouldn't be an issue.

Venting here and sorting my thoughts really helps, and all of your feedback so far has been very valuable. Thank you all for that.

IMO, he probably just wants to keep it quiet at the moment in case it doesn't work out. Like you say, it was a long time ago that you went out with this other guy. I doubt it'd be an issue, but if I was in a situation like that I'd probably keep it quiet until it got more serious.
New relationships are so exciting, keep us updated!


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## Kiari43 (Jan 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *speedy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif IMO, he probably just wants to keep it quiet at the moment in case it doesn't work out. Like you say, it was a long time ago that you went out with this other guy. I doubt it'd be an issue, but if I was in a situation like that I'd probably keep it quiet until it got more serious.
New relationships are so exciting, keep us updated!

Thanks! It is so VERY exciting to me right now. He is coming to my house for the first time this week. I can't wait to see him again.

And after I posted, I thought about this more and asked myself if I would tell any of my former girlfriends from that time in my life...and the answer was heck no! They know both of us and I wouldn't want their opinions to sway my view of things. If him and I work out and we have a strong relationship THEN I will be more than happy to share the news. And none of my friends ever dated him so it makes complete sense to me now that he kept it quiet.


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