# What to do when your man is chasing another woman (please respond)



## stellargirl9

My man swears he is faithful. We have been together for two years. We spend practically every evening together and he showers me with love, attention, love letters, etc.... fast forward to last weekend. He went to a party and apparently met a girl there that he is interested in. Keep in mind he is 32 and she is 19. I didn't find out about him meeting this girl until 3 days ago when he accidently sent me an email intended for her. In it he stated how much fun he had, called her a pretty girl and said he would love to hang out sometime. Needless to say I flipped out and called him to confront him. He swears it was innocent and that she is just a "cool chick" and he meant nothing by it but as a friend. Hmmm. Red flags in high alert for me. SO I start checking his email. She wrote him back saying "sorry I can't go out on a date with you. You are a little too old for me. Ive spoken to my mom about it and she is furious. I hope you don't hate me. I think you are a sweet guy and dead funny. I would like to keep in touch" ....ok now to me it sounded like she is blowing him off (even tho his email never specifically said "a date" so I don't know where she is getting that from. Nothing more until this morning when my man writes her back saying he just wants to be friends, that he isnt a dirty old man, that he thinks she is totally interesting, first interesting girl he has met in a long time and would she like to get together for a movie. ............ WTF, didnt he take her hint? And why is he still pursuing it after her mail? And why is he doing this to me? Does anyone think I am overreacting here? I dont know why he is doing this to me and my heart is breaking. What should I do? PLEASE PLEASE help!


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## AngelaGM

I think you need to confront your boyfriend and ask him about his flirtation with this girl. Try to remain calm. I know that this is easier said than done. But I will be thinking about you. Please IM or PM if you need to talk.


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## pinksugar

mmm, agreed, massive red flags for me. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of being completely blown off like that, and so to save face he asked her to go to a movie as if to say, it wasnt a DATE, just as friends.

Either way, I would not be happy if I discovered that. The only thing I can think of to do, is to sit down and remain totally calm, and say to him 'look, you asking her to go to the movies alone with you is something that really upset me. If you do anything like that again, then you will KNOW you are hurting me, and you will have no excuse. If you choose to contact her again then you will be aware of how it is making me feel, and I may choose to end the relationship.'

I personally feel that 19 is not TOO young for 32, IF he was single, but he's not. He's supposed to be more mature than to be running after teenage girls. I'd be hella pissed off.

Best of luck chicken, definately keep us updated!


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *AngelaGM* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think you need to confront your boyfriend and ask him about his flirtation with this girl. Try to remain calm. I know that this is easier said than done. But I will be thinking about you. Please IM or PM if you need to talk. I have confronted him and he totally denies pursuing her. but it totally seems and feels like he is. I am falling apart so bad over here.

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif mmm, agreed, massive red flags for me. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of being completely blown off like that, and so to save face he asked her to go to a movie as if to say, it wasnt a DATE, just as friends.
Either way, I would not be happy if I discovered that. The only thing I can think of to do, is to sit down and remain totally calm, and say to him 'look, you asking her to go to the movies alone with you is something that really upset me. If you do anything like that again, then you will KNOW you are hurting me, and you will have no excuse. If you choose to contact her again then you will be aware of how it is making me feel, and I may choose to end the relationship.'

I personally feel that 19 is not TOO young for 32, IF he was single, but he's not. He's supposed to be more mature than to be running after teenage girls. I'd be hella pissed off.

Best of luck chicken, definately keep us updated!





thanks. i just don't know what to do and wish i could find a way to divert this situation from happening.


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## pinksugar

I know exactly how you must feel! in my experience though, you have to just sit tight and wait things out. If he really denies it, then it might just blow over and be a once off thing - what he might see as a last fling before getting super serious with you.

On the other hand, it might be a sign of his becoming more and more of an *******. The only thing I have said to my boyfriend is, "if you do go on a date with some other chick, pash her, screw her, well I might not ever find out. But you'd know in your heart that I would break up with you if you ever treated me like that and I discovered it. Could you continue to go out with me, knowing that what you'd done had ruined our relationship?"

it's like someone who wants to commit murder - people need to make their own mistakes, you can't stop something before it's happened, all you can do is inform them of the consequences of the actions they're thinking about, and hope for the best





best of luck though!


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I know exactly how you must feel! in my experience though, you have to just sit tight and wait things out. If he really denies it, then it might just blow over and be a once off thing - what he might see as a last fling before getting super serious with you.
On the other hand, it might be a sign of his becoming more and more of an *******. The only thing I have said to my boyfriend is, "if you do go on a date with some other chick, pash her, screw her, well I might not ever find out. But you'd know in your heart that I would break up with you if you ever treated me like that and I discovered it. Could you continue to go out with me, knowing that what you'd done had ruined our relationship?"

it's like someone who wants to commit murder - people need to make their own mistakes, you can't stop something before it's happened, all you can do is inform them of the consequences of the actions they're thinking about, and hope for the best





best of luck though!

You are right. But God waiting things out is so much easier said then done. I'm crying my eyes out and can't stop obsessing.


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## pinksugar

aww, hun, don't cry! most things worth doing are easier said than done!

what I would do, is to let my bf know how his behaviour has affected me. He might not even realise how upset he's made you.

I Really hope everything works out for you.


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif aww, hun, don't cry! most things worth doing are easier said than done! 
what I would do, is to let my bf know how his behaviour has affected me. He might not even realise how upset he's made you.

I Really hope everything works out for you.

I've let him know how i feel and he says I am being irrational and way too intense about something innocent. But I don't think its innocent. I do know I need to not bring the girl up to him anymore as its bringing life and validity to the whole situation. I am praying what happens is she reads that email he sent replying to her basically telling him no and he is too old for her and think he is weird and not reply. He sounds desperate to write that back after what she said. And the surrealness of it all to me its that its MY man doing this.


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## vickih

well if this is just a "friendship" as he says, how come in her response she doesn't say anything about " I can't go out with you because you have a GIRLFRIEND" but instead says "because you are too old for me"? so I'm thinking that he didn't even tell her that he has you.

Sometimes it's hard for a woman to think that her man will cheat on her. But your instincts and the red flags I think are dead on. Even if you confront him he will never admit the truth because the email doesn't necessarily say "let's date" so he will deny deny deny. If I were you, I would not say anything for now, but just keep on eye on everything. If he thinks that you have forgotten about it, if he is persuing her then he will make his move, and if he doesn't make a move then you have your answer.

But really what 32 year old man wants just friendship with a 19 year old?

keep strong chicken (as Rosie likes to say). You are a fabulous girl, and if he is wanting to cheat on you, it really has nothing to do with you but everything to do with him and his insecurities and him just being a man. But if you do find out that he is going after her, even just for a last time fling, you need to dump his sorry a**, for treating a great girl like you like crap. No one deserves that. And do you really want to be with someone who would do that to you?

Keep us posted!


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *vickih* /img/forum/go_quote.gif well if this is just a "friendship" as he says, how come in her response she doesn't say anything about " I can't go out with you because you have a GIRLFRIEND" but instead says "because you are too old for me"? so I'm thinking that he didn't even tell her that he has you. Sometimes it's hard for a woman to think that her man will cheat on her. But your instincts and the red flags I think are dead on. Even if you confront him he will never admit the truth because the email doesn't necessarily say "let's date" so he will deny deny deny. If I were you, I would not say anything for now, but just keep on eye on everything. If he thinks that you have forgotten about it, if he is persuing her then he will make his move, and if he doesn't make a move then you have your answer.

But really what 32 year old man wants just friendship with a 19 year old?

keep strong chicken (as Rosie likes to say). You are a fabulous girl, and if he is wanting to cheat on you, it really has nothing to do with you but everything to do with him and his insecurities and him just being a man. But if you do find out that he is going after her, even just for a last time fling, you need to dump his sorry a**, for treating a great girl like you like crap. No one deserves that. And do you really want to be with someone who would do that to you?

Keep us posted!

Thats the thing, I dont think he told her about me, and i dont know what he was thinking or why he did this. i just pray nothing happens and she ignores him and he realizes what a fool he is being. ive given 2 years of my life to this man and this is hurting me so bad. and as recently as 5 minutes ago he is still assuring me i am the only girl for him, that he wants to marry me and that he loves me with all of his heart. Says i am being jealous and paranoid over nothing.


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## emily_3383

He sounds like he doesnt want to grow up at 32 so hes looking for someone younger. He will realize shes too immature for him and try to crawl back to you. ugh Thats just my take on it.


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *emily_3383* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He sounds like he doesnt want to grow up at 32 so hes looking for someone younger. He will realize shes too immature for him and try to crawl back to you. ugh Thats just my take on it. i pray you are right. I am over here practically killing myself over it....i havent eaten a bite of food in three days, I am smoking cigarettes back to back, i am unable to focus on anything else but him and I truly feel i am having a mental breakdown. I cant even get dressed. i have no friends I can talk to about it. i am really falling apart. i made him my life as stupid as it sounds and i cant lose him yet at same time i am so furious with him.


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## Aprill

There is only one key point in this whole thing that bothers me= the mentioning of you. She didnt reject him because he was with someone, which means that he didnt even mention that he was with someone....which means that he dosent really care of whether or not he hurts you.

I know that what is going on right now is hurting, but I think that confronting him is esentially pointless. Asking him about all of this will do nothing more but give him the opportunity to cook up lies. Be strong and drop his ass. Calm down, meditate, dont starve yourself, put the cigarettes down. Yeah I know all of this hurts. It is going to for a while, but if I may ask, where is he at when all this is going on? Does he notice that you are upset? What is his reaction? Does he even care? Never make a man your main focus.


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif There is only one key point in this whole thing that bothers me= the mentioning of you. She didnt reject him because he was with someone, which means that he didnt even mention that he was with someone....which means that he dosent really care of whether or not he hurts you.
I know that what is going on right now is hurting, but I think that confronting him is esentially pointless. Asking him about all of this will do nothing more but give him the opportunity to cook up lies. Be strong and drop his ass. Calm down, meditate, dont starve yourself, put the cigarettes down. Yeah I know all of this hurts. It is going to for a while, but if I may ask, where is he at when all this is going on? Does he notice that you are upset? What is his reaction? Does he even care? Never make a man your main focus.

thanks for your reply. we dont live together. im just so incredibly unhappy its not even funny. Im pretty sure she knows he has a girlfriend. obviously she doesnt care. then again she didnt seem interested in a "date" based on her email reply to him. But I cant believe he wrote her back after that instead of feeling like the dirty old man he is and realizing her mail was a gentle brush off. I dont know why this is happening.


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## beaglette

I'm with Vicki and some of the others who have said that nearly every time, our instincts are right with men, no matter how much we don't want them to be or try how much we try to ignore our "gut" feeling.

One of the biggest losses in a relationship is familiarity with another person. After being with someone for awhile, it's hard for women to break the connection for a number of reasons. We think exactly like you said "I've been with him for X/XX years and made him my life." Don't think you are abnormal that way. Well, I mean, if you are, then I am too! When I was married to my ex and we were divorcing I kept thinking "how am I going to go on?" (This was when I didn't know he was molesting my daughters!! If I would have known that at the time, then I could have cared less!!))-- I didn't want to have to be alone and later, I dreaded "starting over" with someone else. After all, my ex had been there for 15 years and knew all the family stories and funny little things that happened through the years-- I didn't want to have to bring someone else up to speed on all of that-- again, familiarity! And I hear that same type of sentiment in your post. but don't let the familiarity thing prevent you from listening to your gut!

I'm not saying you should let him go-- that's only something you can decide. BUT, by and large, a person just doesn't begin acting a certain way at age 32 (particularly a man). Generally speaking, the same tendencies have been with that person for the duration of the 32 years; whether or not they have acted on those tendencies is another matter entirely.

Trust yourself and your feelings. You know in your heart what is right, even though what is "right" can, at the time, tear you in pieces.

Know that there are a lot of gals here thinking about you and wishing you the best.

Warmly,

Brandi

aka beaglette


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## stellargirl9

ok now don't get mad at me for being so weak, but I just mailed him a video telling him how I feel and want to trust his faithfulness. Please read his reply to me and tell me what you think, here it is:

_I watched your video and it broke my heart and at the same time filled me with hope. I still cant believe how beautiful you are, inside and out._

Please try not to worry. i AM still your man. And I KNOW your sincere. I just want you to learn to control these demons you speak of because they want us doomed baby.

Fight them.

I love you, beautiful Tina. Its a fine feeling. I want you to try it.

Love yourself.

Then you can love me properly.

I'll be here

xxxx


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## emily_3383

Im confused by this demon talk. I dont know what to say to that but I guess you have some issues to work on. I think its always best to learn to love yourself first and then you can deal with others. Idk i think you might need some "me" time. This is what im getting from reading this.


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## Aprill

Can you explain the demons to me?


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Can you explain the demons to me? In the video I refered to my jealousy and paranoia as my inner demons. Ive long since had a problem with him having female friends. Now after reading his email to her I see my worry has been validated. Yet he still claims it isnt. That he is not pursuing her.
I also want to thank you so much April, etc for taking time to help me. It means so much to me to know there are good people like you out there. In my day to day life I don't have any.

Originally Posted by *emily_3383* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Im confused by this demon talk. I dont know what to say to that but I guess you have some issues to work on. I think its always best to learn to love yourself first and then you can deal with others. Idk i think you might need some "me" time. This is what im getting from reading this. Do you mean you think I should back away from him? Maybe let him actually MISS me and realize what he has?


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## Kathy

I hope this doesn't come out too harsh, but it seems to me like the guy is playing you. I'm no relationship expert, but if someone I was seeing and had been in a committed relationship with for 2 years started emailing other woman the type of emails he's sending I'd say it's time to cut him loose. You just don't do that to someone you care about. I know I would never even consider doing that to a man I cared about. Why would I? If you love someone you shouldn't feel the need to be flirting with other people or asking them out on dates. Maybe you have these "demons" where he's concerned because he's given you reason to have them. Sorry if that seems crude, but I think you can do better. jmo...hang in there sweetie!


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Kathy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I hope this doesn't come out too harsh, but it seems to me like the guy is playing you. I'm no relationship expert, but if someone I was seeing and had been in a committed relationship with for 2 years started emailing other woman the type of emails he's sending I'd say it's time to cut him loose. You just don't do that to someone you care about. I know I would never even consider doing that to a man I cared about. Why would I? If you love someone you shouldn't feel the need to be flirting with other people or asking them out on dates. Maybe you have these "demons" where he's concerned because he's given you reason to have them. Sorry if that seems crude, but I think you can do better. jmo...hang in there sweetie! Thanks Kathy. So basically you all think there is no way that I am wrong. You think he is definitely cheating.


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## emily_3383

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif 

Do you mean you think I should back away from him? Maybe let him actually MISS me and realize what he has?

I would get rid of him period.


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *emily_3383* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I would get rid of him period. but how am i supposed to get over him? he is my first love. he has spent 2 years showering me with love and attention and always there for me. I dont know why this is happening other than he has finally tired of my jealousy.But he isnt saying that. He is proclaiming his love for me (but is proclaiming being tired of my jealousy) and insisting he is still my man and loving me and refering to me as his wife, etc. I dont understand.


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## Aprill

Getting over him will not be easy, it will not be fun. But the first step in felling better is putting focus off him and on you. Take a hot shower, put on some nice clothes, make your face flawless, smell good, get out of the house, go walk in the mall, walk around. Eat a good meal, get a good book, go to the movies. Yeah, you may be going alone, but you need you time now. Dont sit idle in that empty house feeling bad, go out and see the outside.


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## Saje

Honey, straight up - first of - two years is really not that long anymore. Thats nothing in the grand scheme of things.

And think about this - you only know about this and only thought to check his e-mail because he effed up and slipped up. Otherwise, you'd be living with blissful obliviousness - not knowing that "YOUR" man is scheming on some 19 yearold this way... and telling you he loves you that way. For all you know - he's been doing it throughout the whole two years you've been together.

All he has for you are words you want to hear - but he doesnt have the actions to back those words up. If he really loved you like he said he did - this thread would not even exist.

Be tough and know that you deserve better than this **** who is promising you the world but is giving the platter to someone else.


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Getting over him will not be easy, it will not be fun. But the first step in felling better is putting focus off him and on you. Take a hot shower, put on some nice clothes, make your face flawless, smell good, get out of the house, go walk in the mall, walk around. Eat a good meal, get a good book, go to the movies. Yeah, you may be going alone, but you need you time now. Dont sit idle in that empty house feeling bad, go out and see the outside. thanks April. Just to let you all know I am in therapy. I see my therapist weekly to deal with my jealousy issues etc. I am starting to fear my jealousy issues (the demons my guy refered to in the email to me) is whats drove him into the arms of another (or atleast trying to get in her arms)....that he feels he may as well find another since i always believe he has anyway. i just cant imagine why he would hurt me like this when he knows how fragile i am and how after being here for me all of this time, he would do something he knows will break my heart.

Originally Posted by *Saje* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Honey, straight up - first of - two years is really not that long anymore. Thats nothing in the grand scheme of things. 
And think about this - you only know about this and only thought to check his e-mail because he effed up and slipped up. Otherwise, you'd be living with blissful obliviousness - not knowing that "YOUR" man is scheming on some 19 yearold this way... and telling you he loves you that way. For all you know - he's been doing it throughout the whole two years you've been together.

All he has for you are words you want to hear - but he doesnt have the actions to back those words up. If he really loved you like he said he did - this thread would not even exist.

Be tough and know that you deserve better than this **** who is promising you the world but is giving the platter to someone else.

yikes. so true. but so hard for me to take. I just dont think i will ever be able to trust a man again. so you all dont believe there is any way i am wrong and he isnt cheating?


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## emily_3383

Well i cant know if hes cheating or not but for you to have these feelings isnt a good thing either. Getting over someone wont be easy, and it never really is and he knows what to say to make you stay by his side. I mean they all do it. lol


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *emily_3383* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well i cant know if hes cheating or not but for you to have these feelings isnt a good thing either. Getting over someone wont be easy, and it never really is and he knows what to say to make you stay by his side. I mean they all do it. lol but i am so scared if i leave him and it ends up i am wrong and he truly loves me and i just lost the love of my life for no reason.


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## Ricci

Most _young _women dont think 32 is too old for 19 ,that is a 13 year difference,,

To the original poster In my humble opinion Id dump his butt and find someone thats sweet and faithful with a good heart

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif mmm, agreed, massive red flags for me. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of being completely blown off like that, and so to save face he asked her to go to a movie as if to say, it wasnt a DATE, just as friends.
Either way, I would not be happy if I discovered that. The only thing I can think of to do, is to sit down and remain totally calm, and say to him 'look, you asking her to go to the movies alone with you is something that really upset me. If you do anything like that again, then you will KNOW you are hurting me, and you will have no excuse. If you choose to contact her again then you will be aware of how it is making me feel, and I may choose to end the relationship.'

I personally feel that 19 is not TOO young for 32, IF he was single, but he's not. He's supposed to be more mature than to be running after teenage girls. I'd be hella pissed off.

Best of luck chicken, definately keep us updated!


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Most _young _women dont think 32 is too old for 19 ,that is a 13 year difference,, To the original poster In my humble opinion Id dump his butt and find someone thats sweet and faithful with a good heart

thats the problem, for 2 years he HAS been sweet and faithful with a good heart and i didnt see this coming and im really freaking myself out over here with misery and sorrow. i keep praying i am wrong.


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## Ricci

Hope hes not going thro midlife crisis .. I just went thro it

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif thats the problem, for 2 years he HAS been sweet and faithful with a good heart and i didnt see this coming and im really freaking myself out over here with misery and sorrow. i keep praying i am wrong. if u dont mind me asking how old r u? Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif thats the problem, for 2 years he HAS been sweet and faithful with a good heart and i didnt see this coming and im really freaking myself out over here with misery and sorrow. i keep praying i am wrong.


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## Kathy

Honestly, I understand what you're saying about feeling like your jealousy issues may have played a factor in what he's doing. And I won't disagree that it's probably something you need to look at, assuming it's true. HOWEVER, that still doesn't excuse him doing what he did. And as much as you may love him can you really ever trust him again? I know I'd find it difficult. Yes...people make mistakes, but they admit it and make it right however they have to. They don't deny it and blame it on someone else. I agree that you need some "me" time and if the two of you are really meant to be together then it'll work out in the end.


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## cheller

i would break up with him. i was soooo in love once, despite my age. i wanted to marry him. BUT he had a thing about having stupid little crushes on other girls. i finally got sick of it &amp; broke up with him. no matter how much i loved him. it would have hurt my heart worse if i had stayed with him. my dad left our family for another woman, so im not the type of girl that is going to take that sort of crap from a guy. ever.


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## Aprill

34 me thinks


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## Ricci

Oh god no wonder shes heartbroken





Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif 34 me thinks


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## stellargirl9

I am so sad and distraught. Now he is telling me he is going to make ME a video telling me how he feels about me since I wont see him- so that I can see how "sincere" he is about his love for me. I dont understand why he is insisting on keeping me.


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## Ricci

Video?? your long distanced?

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am so sad and distraught. Now he is telling me he is going to make ME a video telling me how he feels about me since I wont see him- so that I can see how "sincere" he is about his love for me. I dont understand why he is insisting on keeping me. oh also its super easy to " say " how sincere you are actions speak louder then words my love


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Video?? your long distanced? 
oh also its super easy to " say " how sincere you are

actions speak louder then words my love

do you think its at all possible he had a momentary lapse of judgment and I should forgive him? As you can see I am so scared to let go. And he just keeps sending me loving emails, including one that just said I want you to see my love for you. I just dont know what to do.


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## Lelenn

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Be strong and drop his ass. Amen!


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## Ricci

Loving emails in my opinion is just a man "suking up to you " because of what happend ,doesnt meean he will change

Ill answer your question like this , If I were you I would have dumped his butt right away.. thats not momentary lapse of judgment its is called a "cheating heart" Men know women like the word *love* and say it lots when caught with another women email or in person

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif do you think its at all possible he had a momentary lapse of judgment and I should forgive him? As you can see I am so scared to let go. And he just keeps sending me loving emails, including one that just said I want you to see my love for you. I just dont know what to do. You didn't answer are u both long distanced?


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Loving emails in my opinion is just a man "suking up to you " because of what happend ,doesnt meean he will change
Ill answer your question like this , If I were you I would have dumped his butt right away.. thats not momentary lapse of judgment its is called a "cheating heart" Men know women like the word *love* and say it lots when caught with another women email or in person

You didn't answer are u both long distanced?

No we arent long distance, we just dont live together yet BUT planned on marrying in a few months- which makes this even worse.


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## Ricci

Really so why the video? that sounds a bit weird He should be saying it in person

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif No we arent long distance, we just dont live together yet BUT planned on marrying in a few months- which makes this even worse.


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Really so why the video? that sounds a bit weird He should be saying it in person the video is cause I wont see him. I have spent the whole day crying my eyes out and Im scared to see him until I am more certain of my feelings. I am scared I will say something stupid to him or just cry like a baby. 
also videos are sort of our thing. Even though we see each other day to day we usually make each other videos weekly, cause for me I like to save them on my blackberry to always have him with me sort of thing. Its silly but sweet.

at least it was until now. getting a video at some point tonight or in the morning with him telling me how he feels after all this is certain to make me manic.


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## Ricci

Ok I understand now .. crying is ok to do you know..

I think I gave u all the advice i have right now

goodluck

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif the video is cause I wont see him. I have spent the whole day crying my eyes out and Im scared to see him until I am more certain of my feelings. I am scared I will say something stupid to him or just cry like a baby. 
also videos are sort of our thing. Even though we see each other day to day we usually make each other videos weekly, cause for me I like to save them on my blackberry to always have him with me sort of thing. Its silly but sweet.

at least it was until now. getting a video at some point tonight or in the morning with him telling me how he feels after all this is certain to make me manic.


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## stellargirl9

thanks Ricci and everyone for your kindness and time. If anyone wants I can send you the video tomorrow to watch and see what you think about his words, facial expressions and sincerity.

Its not even 4pm here yet, I have no clue how to get through the day. I hate to keep whining here but I am really just losing it so bad.

Half of me wants to keep him and just forget this ever happened and the other half of me wants to run like hell.


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## Ricci

Sure show us!will be interesting good luck!

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif thanks Ricci and everyone for your kindness and time. If anyone wants I can send you the video tomorrow to watch and see what you think about his words, facial expressions and sincerity.
Its not even 4pm here yet, I have no clue how to get through the day. I hate to keep whining here but I am really just losing it so bad.

Half of me wants to keep him and just forget this ever happened and the other half of me wants to run like hell.


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## Nick007

I think you have every right to be jealous. It's valid. What could they have in common. She probably just graduated from highschool and he's already lived an adult life. He has no business messing with her. I think you have every right to be pissed, mad, sad and jealous. That was wrong what he did. Ya'll are in a committed relationship, he doesn't need to be making new female friends. Maybe it's better you found out now, 2 years is a short period of time. You could've already been married, with kids and found all this out. There is a reason that you found those emails at this point in your relationship. You have to believe that everything happens for a reason, and what you decide from here is up to you.


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## Saje

All I know is that if my bf messes up - he better be at my door irregardless of whether I want to see him or not - begging for my forgiveness - not telling me through some video that my jealous demons are the reason why we are apart right now.

But its clear you've made your decision on this. I hope it works out in your favor.


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## stellargirl9

He HAS tried to come by. I won't open the door.

I haven't made a decision, I am completely torn about what to do.


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## Ashley

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! It is such a terrible situation. I understand that you don't know how you'll get over him, but I think that will come gradually. Like Saje pointed out, you only found this out accidentally. How do you know this will not happen in the future, or has already happened in the past? Although what he has done was not technically cheating, it seems to me that he is obviously interested in the girl, and is pursing something with her, even though you have clearly stated your worries. You've already confronted him about the email, and he assured you it was nothing, so he should not have asked her to the movies because he knew that just the email alone already made you feel uncomfortable.

I'm really sorry. I think you should really think this through carefully. :hugs:


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## stellargirl9

Thanks Ashley. He keeps trying to convince me that there is nothing to the situation but I think him sending that mail to me by mistake is a true wake up call that I needed. But I am so in love with him that I am torn about what to do.


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## Ricci

He wants u to control those demons so he can cheat

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ok now don't get mad at me for being so weak, but I just mailed him a video telling him how I feel and want to trust his faithfulness. Please read his reply to me and tell me what you think, here it is:
_I watched your video and it broke my heart and at the same time filled me with hope. I still cant believe how beautiful you are, inside and out._

_Please try not to worry. i AM still your man. And I KNOW your sincere. I just want you to learn to control these demons you speak of because they want us doomed baby._

_Fight them._

_I love you, beautiful Tina. Its a fine feeling. I want you to try it._

_Love yourself._

_Then you can love me properly._

_I'll be here_

_xxxx_

truthfully its sounds all phoneyespecially this "

_I love you, beautiful Tina. Its a fine feeling. I want you to try it."_


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## stellargirl9

I hope you aren't right.


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## lmcnabbkv

I'm with everyone else and say to leave him but, if you could truly forgive him and trust him again then so be it. But if there would ever be a doubt in your mind about him telling you the truth then cut your losses and find someone who won't do you dirty like this. You deserve so much better than some schmuck who obviously didn't think about your feelings one bit. Even if it was just an innocent email...or lapse of judgement if you wouldn't have foudn it and confronted him what could have happened. He was obviously pursuiong this futher. It will be hard but in the end, it's your life, no one but you can make this decision. Good luck!


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## Ricci

Well I dunno about cheat but meet that teen I meant

Remeber this is how I feel thats all

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I hope you aren't right.



Your supposed to be getting married and hes asking teen girl to go see a movie with himthat would be enough for me to break it totally off.


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## stellargirl9

I still am torn as to what to do. I know the right thing to do is walk away and trust is violated but its easier said than done and he IS acting very remorseful. But thats just it, I don't know if that means he won't do something like that again or he just feels bad for how I am hurting.


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## Ricci

Did he once swore of contacting her ect ?.. I mean since u live apart no knowing what hes typing behind closed doors

If u stay with him you will always probably be suspicious of him anyways ,, and thats not a comfortable feeling at all


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## stellargirl9

very true. but the thing is we are supposed to marry in a few months. thats whats got me the most upset.


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## Ricci

Did he swore off contacting her ec?t

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif very true. but the thing is we are supposed to marry in a few months. thats whats got me the most upset.


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## stellargirl9

He said he isnt even in contact with her. that it was just a friend thing. that she is cool. but after reading her mail it seems to me that she brushed him off. Im sure it will all fizzle out but that wont make me forget it.


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## Ricci

Yes but he wanted to take her to a movie did he specifically say he wont ever email/contact her again?

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He said he isnt even in contact with her. that it was just a friend thing. that she is cool. but after reading her mail it seems to me that she brushed him off. Im sure it will all fizzle out but that wont make me forget it.


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## Jessica

All I know is if my man contacted another woman....especially one he just met, we would have big problems. Actually HE would have big problems. It is very inappropriate to ask another person on a "date" even as friends when you're already involved.


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## Ricci

OMG I couldnt say that better then u did!

..Thanks!

Originally Posted by *Jessica* /img/forum/go_quote.gif All I know is if my man contacted another woman....especially one he just met, we would have big problems. Actually HE would have big problems. It is very inappropriate to ask another person on a "date" even as friends when you're already involved.


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## vickih

ok look at it this way.

1) if he hadn't sent that email to you by mistake, do you think he would tell you that he met this girl who happens to be 19 and they are emailing each other and he wants to be friends??

2) how do you think he would feel if the tables were reversed and it was you talking to a guy and sending emails too, but only wanted to be friends?

Now do you think he would be calm, cool and collective?

don't think so.

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif thats the problem, for 2 years he HAS been sweet and faithful with a good heart and i didnt see this coming and im really freaking myself out over here with misery and sorrow. i keep praying i am wrong.


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## AprilRayne

I was with my ex-husband for 7 years when I found out (by reading his email) that he was cheating on me and had been for quite some time! It took me a long time to get the courage to leave him and I am so glad I did! I am happily remarried and have been with my hubby for 4 years now! He is the most amazing guy and I can't believe that if I hadn't had the courage to leave my ex, I wouldn't be with him right now! I remember being in your position and people were telling me to leave and that it would get better, but I didn't believe them! I made the decision to leave and just focus on me and my son and not worry about a man, and he found me when I least expected it! The same thing can happen for you if you want it to! You need to start thinking of yourself as the confident, beautiful woman that you are and that any man would be lucky to have you! I feel like your man is acting like it's a privelege for you to be with him! When he said "Love yourself first and then you can love me properly"!! What?? He should've said then I can love YOU properly, because he is the one that is not acting properly in this situation! Also, there should be no reason for him to be looking for female friends! You should be all the friend except for guy friends and girls that he's known for a long time! One of my hubby's best friends is a girl and she is stunningly gorgeous, but I'm not jealous of her because I know they have been friends for a very long time and he chose to be with me. There's a saying that I really like, it goes something like this "Always make sure your man loves you a little bit more than you love him" I love that because it's so true!! LOL Anyway, keep your head up and keep us updated! He's just a man, there's tonz of great ones out there! Oh, and I had written a whole novel for ya that was double the length of this but my baby was playing with the mouse and it disappeared! LOL So if I left anything out, I'll write it later! Good luck, girl!!


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *AprilRayne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I was with my ex-husband for 7 years when I found out (by reading his email) that he was cheating on me and had been for quite some time! It took me a long time to get the courage to leave him and I am so glad I did! I am happily remarried and have been with my hubby for 4 years now! He is the most amazing guy and I can't believe that if I hadn't had the courage to leave my ex, I wouldn't be with him right now! I remember being in your position and people were telling me to leave and that it would get better, but I didn't believe them! I made the decision to leave and just focus on me and my son and not worry about a man, and he found me when I least expected it! The same thing can happen for you if you want it to! You need to start thinking of yourself as the confident, beautiful woman that you are and that any man would be lucky to have you! I feel like your man is acting like it's a privelege for you to be with him! When he said "Love yourself first and then you can love me properly"!! What?? He should've said then I can love YOU properly, because he is the one that is not acting properly in this situation! Also, there should be no reason for him to be looking for female friends! You should be all the friend except for guy friends and girls that he's known for a long time! One of my hubby's best friends is a girl and she is stunningly gorgeous, but I'm not jealous of her because I know they have been friends for a very long time and he chose to be with me. There's a saying that I really like, it goes something like this "Always make sure your man loves you a little bit more than you love him" I love that because it's so true!! LOL Anyway, keep your head up and keep us updated! He's just a man, there's tonz of great ones out there! Oh, and I had written a whole novel for ya that was double the length of this but my baby was playing with the mouse and it disappeared! LOL So if I left anything out, I'll write it later! Good luck, girl!!



thanks April you are great!!!


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## Ricci

hey stellargirl there are tons of single men out there looking for nice women like you

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif thanks April you are great!!!


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *vickih* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ok look at it this way.1) if he hadn't sent that email to you by mistake, do you think he would tell you that he met this girl who happens to be 19 and they are emailing each other and he wants to be friends??

2) how do you think he would feel if the tables were reversed and it was you talking to a guy and sending emails too, but only wanted to be friends?

Now do you think he would be calm, cool and collective?

don't think so.

well actually thats the thing, mine and his views vary drastically on male and female friendships. I am very uncomfortable with them and he isn't. He always went out with female friends while in his prior relationship and didnt with me for over a year and half cause it makes me so uncomfortable. but even though he stopped and dropped them he has always hada resentment about it and the fact i still always freak out on him and im starting to feel he is trying to win his "liberties" back. I THINK. At least sometimes thats what I am telling myself. So much is running thru my head its not even funny.

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif hey stellargirl there are tons of single men out there looking for nice women like you if i can get my head straight I may be back on the market. 
oh and to those pm'ing me, makeup talk wont let me respond to your msgs because I dont have 50 posts yet.

Originally Posted by *Jessica* /img/forum/go_quote.gif All I know is if my man contacted another woman....especially one he just met, we would have big problems. Actually HE would have big problems. It is very inappropriate to ask another person on a "date" even as friends when you're already involved. I agree. To his defense tho, I actually saw the email and didnt read like a date offer so I have no clue why her reply stated she cant go on a date with him because he is too old. I am just glad she blew him off. BUT why my man is emailing a 19 year olf to hang out sometime is ridiculous any way you look at it.
ps- that pic of you and your man is fabulous!


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## Maysie

Here's what I think, if he knew you'd have problems with him hanging out with random girls, and he asked a girl he just met to go out, that's inappropriate. There's nothing wrong with having your boundaries, and if that's that you don't want him making girl friends or hanging out with girls, then he should respect that. There's really no way you could know his intentions with her (although it does seem kinda shady that she didn't mention a girlfriend in her reply to him...he probably didn't tell her), but isn't the fact that he knew it would bother/hurt you if he knew you were aware of the situation enough to ruin the trust in your relationship? If he really cared about building the trust in the relationship and helping you with your "issues" (you mentioned you'd like to not be so jealous?) he wouldn't be seeking out the company of other females period. That's just my opinion. Is he open to going to counseling with you?


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## polaroidscene

Im 19 and if a 32 year old man says he wants to take me to a movie then im going to think he is asking me out on a date and plus i personally would never date or hang out with a anyone a lot older then me of the opposte sex....since when was it okay for a guy to hang out with other girls when hes in a relationship i mean if he had girl friends before you two met then i would understand but meeting a "cool" chick ummm sure. I dont want to be a negative nancy but this just sounds shady to me hun and you are in no way over reacting about this!!

oh and i forgot how do you accidentally send someone an email i mean you can clearly see who you are sending it to??? I dont knowww hun!


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## emily_3383

Originally Posted by *polaroidscene* /img/forum/go_quote.gif oh and i forgot how do you accidentally send someone an email i mean you can clearly see who you are sending it to??? I dont knowww hun!

yeah i know right. I know things happen but maybe he wanted you to see it on purpose. Just a though I had but didn't want to mention.


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## polaroidscene

I mean i've accidentally sent someone the wrong text but emails hmmmm


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## Ricci

Unless the emails are similar or really high or drunk when he wrote


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## Anthea

His actions sure do look shady on his part, at the very minimum I would put a hold on the wedding at least until you are compleatly over this and are satisfied it won't reoccur. Don't go though the wedding if you are in doubt.

I am sorry you are going through this.


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## stellargirl9

We has a super long talk this morning. He insists he isnt cheating on me, that he never has and never will. That as usual I am over reacting. I don't know if I should believe him but God I want to and I am going to try to make it work. It is worth a chance cause I really love him and can't handle losing him. I know I am weak, but I can't imagine life without him.


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## Ricci

We all go thro that stage... always follow your gut not your heart

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif We has a super long talk this morning. He insists he isnt cheating on me, that he never has and never will. That as usual I am over reacting. I don't know if I should believe him but God I want to and I am going to try to make it work. It is worth a chance cause I really love him and can't handle losing him. I know I am weak, but I can't imagine life without him.


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif We all go thro that stage... always follow your gut not your heart I really would love to talk to you girl


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## Ricci

Not allowed to post emails here but I emailed u


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Not allowed to post emails here but I emailed u eek! I didnt know that. I mailed u back to but I will delete that post so I dont break the rules cause i didnt mean to.


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## Ricci

ohh no worries we know u dint mean too

read the rules though when u have the time

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif eek! I didnt know that. I mailed u back to but I will delete that post so I dont break the rules cause i didnt mean to.


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## stellargirl9

Originally Posted by *Ricci* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ohh no worries we know u dint mean tooread the rules though when u have the time

i will . and i cant wait to be in a better frame of mind to start posting about more fun things like make up!


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## Jessica

Originally Posted by *stellargirl9* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ps- that pic of you and your man is fabulous!

Thanks so much hun


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## pinksugar

hun, all I will say, is that I agree with Maysie. If he knows this whole thing will upset you, and he still did it - especially if you have 'issues' - then he really isn't thinking about your feelings.

Someone who knows you have boundaries and still pushes them, and then kind of indicates that 'your problems' are what have caused him to act this way - even if it's only in a vague way - sounds kind of manipulative, and wouldn't have any problems lying about what he's been doing. As it's been said, you wouldn't have known about the email unless he hadn't accidentally sent it to you.

That being said, if you've thought hard and want to give him another chance, then all the best and I hope everything works out for you


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## beautyforashes

Often times, we answer our own questions. You already know the answer to your cry for help because the answer is right in front of you. The fact that you feel the need to check his email says a lot about where the relationship is headed. Without trust your relationship will be ruined. Trust me...I am experienced in this subject. In fact, I broke up with my boyfriend recently and everyday I ask God to give me the strength I need to endure. I kept trying to make a puzzle fit that had all the wrong pieces. Make sure that this guy is worth the unnecessary stress and that he is worth your valuable time. Peace!


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## Saje

I still dont like the fact that this whole situations is being turned around by him to put the blame on you. Like its your fault your feelings of jealousy are the reason why you two are in this predicament. Seems to me like your guy has a great way with words and knows how to manipulate your love for him to his advantage.

Sorry if that is harsh but I call it as I see it.


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## AprilRayne

Originally Posted by *Saje* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I still dont like the fact that this whole situations is being turned around by him to put the blame on you. Like its your fault your feelings of jealousy are the reason why you two are in this predicament. Seems to me like your guy has a great way with words and knows how to manipulate your love for him to his advantage.
Sorry if that is harsh but I call it as I see it.

I totally agree! My ex was the same way! Very manipulative with words and everything was always my fault!!


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## MissMissy

I think there needs to be some serious damage control. all i gotta say is if he is asking this girl to go to the movies instead of you then he is wanting this to become something. If i where you i would draw some lines. YOU or her. As *****y as that sounds, doing that will get you some serious answers instead of sitting around letting this destroy you. walk out with some pride and dignity girl.


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