# Venting About Hubby



## GraceGirl7 (Feb 26, 2006)

OK, I need my MUT girls because I'm not very happy with DH right now.

He told Thursday to go rent "Elizabethtown" with Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst so we could have a date night last night since I haven't seen him much over the last two weeks. (Now, I've already seen Elizabethtown a million times - I love it - but he wanted me to rent it again so we could watch it together.) So last night comes around, and sure enough he says "I'm too tired tonight to watch that movie. Let's watch it tomorrow night. I promise we'll watch it Saturday night."

OK, he said this _knowing_ that he had a ministry event to go to today which he had to get up at 5 AM for. But he PROMISED we'd have our date night tonight. So I spent an hour and a half putting our son to sleep early so we could watch our movie (My boy has NOT been going to sleep well lately.) And when I come downstairs, I ask if we're going to watch that movie now and he says, "I'm too tired!! I had to get up at 5!!" And with that, he walked upstairs and went to sleep. I went through hell putting my son to bed so we could have a date night that _he_ set up, and he goes to sleep?!?!

It just seems like he can sacrifice his sleep for everything else but me!!! I feel like I'm 18 again and just got stood up...two nights in a row!!!

So now I'm sitting here on a Saturday night, my whole house is asleep, and I am MAD. :icon_mad:

Now tell me, am I just overreacting because the man _must_ be tired, or do I have a right to be this mad????

I just feel hurt. :icon_sad:


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## screeema (Feb 26, 2006)

Oh Malinda, you have every right to be upset. I don't blame you at

all. Marriage is a hard thing, full of compromise. Maybe when your hubby isn't quite so tired you can have a heart to heart to him. He needs to be reminded of his priorities....good luck!!


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## GraceGirl7 (Feb 26, 2006)

He never minds sacrificing a couple hours (heck, the whole night!!) of sleep to hang with the boys or go to a prayer meeting, but he can't do it to spend a little quality time with his wife?!?! I don't even remember the last time we spent time alone together.

So yes, I feel like his priorities are messed up. I mean, I can't be mad about ministry stuff because I understand that...but come on!!! Don't plan a date night with me and then stand me up two nights in a row!!

I just have to vent my frustrations. I really want to go in our bedroom, turn on the light, and tell him like it is. But I won't do that because I know that no good would come from it.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

So you're right...I'll wait until tomorrow to tell him how I feel. Hopefully, he'll be understanding...and sorry.

Thanks for the advice!!!!


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## spazbaby (Feb 26, 2006)

I'd go up there and jab him in the ribs until he begged for mercy!


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## girl_geek (Feb 26, 2006)

Hm, um, this sounds a little like us except I am the one that's always tired :icon_redf Though I can certainly understand why you are frustrated, I would be too! When I was in grad school I had no free time, and if I wanted to get the grades I wanted I had to sacrifice a lot of sleep to get my work done, and I just wasn't willing to sacrifice any more sleep for hubby! (I was already struggling to stay awake in class, and I got sick more often probably due to my lack of sleep!) Now that I'm working, sometimes I have more free time, but sometimes I still have to work all evening and it's not much better than grad school. (At least I haven't had to work all weekend yet, like in grad school!)

The thing that worked for us was to schedule a weekly "date" that neither of us could back out of unless we were just really sick or something. For us, that was Saturday late morning or early afternoon -- after I slept in and got caught up with sleep, took a long shower, etc, we would have a little "us" time  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Then if I had to, I could spend the rest of the weekend working. We still do that now when my work schedule gets crazy! (Gosh, I don't know how we will survive when we have kids if I keep my job!)

Now I realize your hubby may not have as regular of a schedule being in the ministry, but maybe you could still talk to him and try to schedule some sort of regular date or just a little time alone at home, whatever works for you! Some people think it sounds unromantic to schedule dates and lose some sponteniety, but sometimes that's the only way you'll be able to get some romance in your relationship!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Good luck, and I'm sorry he's so frustrating right now! You are smart not talking to him now though, if it were me I'd probably wake him up then regret it the next day!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## GraceGirl7 (Feb 26, 2006)

hehe...


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## Marisol (Feb 26, 2006)

Sorry Malinda. I know that you are probably disappointed and you have every right to be. No one can blame you for wanting to spend some quality time with your hubby. What about trying to talk to him about it tomorrow or when you both have some time? Maybe he didn't realize how important this date night was to you. I think if you explain to him that you have missed him and want to spend time with him, he should be understanding of the situation.


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## screeema (Feb 26, 2006)

I was thinking too that because your hubby is in the ministry I am sure

people want a piece of him all the time. Unfortunatley we always seem to take our most loved ones for granted. He just needs to be reminded that his family, you and your son, come first...well I guess God comes first for you guys but you know what I mean....


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## GraceGirl7 (Feb 26, 2006)

Thanks for the advice!! And I'm sure he _is_ tired, but he sleeps all the dang time when he's home anyway. I get LESS sleep than he does!! He comes home from work, lays down on the couch, goes to sleep, gets up to eat dinner, then goes back to bed. His idea of spending time together means just being under the same roof. He has no concept of _quality_ time.

And we do schedule dates once in a blue moon. The ONLY babysitter our son is good with are my parents, and they're always busy, so maybe once every 4-6 weeks they can watch him. That's why if we don't want to wait on their schedule, we have to wait until he goes to bed to spend any alone time together. Well he hasn't been going to sleep easy lately, so it's usually 10:30-11 before he crashes out for the night!!

:sigh: The joys of marriage!!! :icon_chee And if I _was_ 18 again, I'd probably kick him where it counts and scream a bunch of foul words at him. But I'm older, wiser, and more mature now.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Marisol (Feb 26, 2006)

This totally cracked me up!


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## GraceGirl7 (Feb 26, 2006)

Yeah, God _does_ come first, and that's why I can never be mad about him doing church stuff, but I _can_ be mad when he chooses to goof off with his friends until 4 in the morning (after they've all been at church for the evening, lol), and all the while, he's perfectly fine. But when it comes to staying up until midnight with me, he just CAN'T. I mean, he's just soooooooo tired.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## girl_geek (Feb 26, 2006)

Yeah, I guess the baby sitter issues make it a little harder for you  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Anyways, good luck talking to him tomorrow, and hopefully you can work something out! (And I didn't realize he was staying out til 4am with his friends -- we didn't have any friends when I was in grad school so what little free time I had we were able to spend together! lol But now we are trying to make some friends at church, there are several married couples our age there!)


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## Elisabeth (Feb 26, 2006)

Malinda,

hey no need to apologize re your vent. That's what we're here for, to offer advice, a shoulder to cry on, etc. When I read your post I thought Welcome to my World..or what was my world. I was in a marriage for eight years where I was quite a ways down on the hubby's list of priorities. It took me years to even admit this fact to myself ,it was just so hurtful and undeserved that I kept ignoring it or excusing it.While of course I'm not suggesting that your case is exactly like mine, I can empathise with your hurt and anger.

 /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Elisabeth


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## Elisabeth (Feb 26, 2006)

Bingo. A man needs his male friends and his social network of buddies; but he also needs his beloved wife and family.


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## Becka (Feb 26, 2006)

Hi Malinda, I hope you've managed to talk with him about it by now. Sometimes spouses just do, or continue doing things without any idea how their affecting their spouse or family. Perhaps he just really needs this pointing out to him, being told straight up how you feel. I think in relationships we all sort of do this as time goes by, slip with things, take things forgranted, and sooner or later really need to point things out to each other if they become problematic. Its not like you're pulling this out of nowhere, it sounds like its been bothering you for some time, he sounds like a great hubby, I'm sure he'll work on making some kind of change.

If he doesn't spend more quality time w/ you after your discussions, resort to kicking him where it counts LOL, no, just joking!! You have a great attitude towards working this out inspite of how you feel and its nice to see you're keeping your sense of humour about it. Too often I see some of our friends flying off the handle with each other about their problems when I find a calm, mature, compromising approach like you have is usually best.


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## VenusGoddess (Feb 26, 2006)

It sounds like he's doing some avoiding. He has no energy when he's home but he can gather enough to go "play" all night...I'm sorry, but there are other problems in the marriage that you guys are "ignoring" or haven't fully dealt with. Being tired and sleeping all the time is no excuse. I hope you two were able to communicate and resolve the issue, already...


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## peekaboo (Feb 26, 2006)

Vent away Malinda! I have similar problems in this house too-def sit him down and have a chat. Hope everything goes well!


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## Amethyst (Feb 27, 2006)

I can understand Malinda - marriage isn't always easy - is it. I'm usually the ones that's always tired and my husband is the one that often works long hours and yet never seems to be tired, so he teases me all the time. All I ever want to do is sleep it seems. :icon_redf

You both do need to sit down and calmly talk things over &amp; not let it grow inside you with anger and resentment. Find out if he's angry about something. Sometimes people are angry and show it in strange ways (passive aggressive).


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## eightthirty (Feb 27, 2006)

It sounds like you've gotten loads of good advice. My hat goes off to you two for having your hands so full. Between the ministry and just being parents I can imagine it's difficult. I would simply talk to him and tell him how it bothered you and how important it was to you. Let us know how it goes. HUGS!!


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## lavender (Feb 28, 2006)

Same things happens in my house, except that I am the one who goes to sleep  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

It happens to both of us, I guess. There are some days when I tell him in the morning that I want to go to the gym that evening. But he switches on the tv, sees that a basketball game is on, and just like that makes excuses to not go to the gym! I was ok on the first day, but when it happened again the next day, the devil inside me came out a little  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> And he started being nice again. Sometime they just need to see a little monster...and they'll start behaving!


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