# I'm a horrible person....



## gill (Apr 24, 2006)

On Friday night, I got really really drunk and kissed my friend's ex boyfriend. I've really REALLY liked him for around six months, but I didn't do anything because I was scared of hurting her. I talked to her about it around Christmas, and she told me to "feel free" to do stuff, and that I should "go ahead", but I still had my suspicions that she'd be upset, because even though they went out for a very short while over a year ago, I wasn't sure if she'd ever properly gotten over him. Then on Friday, I got so drunk that her feelings didn't occur to me. She's now incredibly upset, spent all day Saturday crying, and won't talk to me. I feel disgusting, what can I do to make it up to her?


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## Aquilah (Apr 24, 2006)

Wow, I'm sorry sweetie! First of all, you're not a horrible person. You express remorse, and that deems you as not being horrible! This situation explains one of my personal rules regarding friends: No matter how long ago it was, I will never date a friend's ex... Okay, I'm married now so there's no dating anyone *lol*

Personally, I believe you should talk to her face-to-face and remind her you had previously spoken to her about liking the guy, and she gave you "permission" to do as you wanted. (However, that could've been a line she fed you, which would be wrong too.) Just remind her she knew you liked him, and that though you're not using being drunk as an excuse, you don't deny having kissed him. Let her know that her friendship is WAY more important than some guy, and that if she's willing to make amends and try to put it behind you two, than so are you.

Mind you, this doesn't help if you truly like the guy. He might just be an "untouchable" for you, and though it sucks, it's not worth losing a friend over. A similar incident happened to me, although she actually slept w/ a guy I was dating at the time. He swore up and down we'd broken up, and we hadn't. She and I agreed he wasn't worth ruining a friendship over, and 10 years later we're still the best of pals.

I wish you the best sweetie. It might take time, but I would hope your friend comes around and realizes you're not worth losing over some guy that didn't last more than two seconds in her life! I hope I helped somewhat... If not, I'm sorry ~ I tried *Smooches*


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## lavender (Apr 24, 2006)

This is a tough situation. It is best you talk to her. When she is open to talk about it, why don't you slightly hint to her that you like him...if she had asked you to "go ahead", I am sure she doesn't mind you being with him. Maybe she expected you to tell her about it before making any moves? Talk to her...


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## bluebird26 (Apr 24, 2006)

Remember she said "go ahead" and it's an "ex-boyfriend"  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> But yeah talk to her too


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## jennycateyez (Apr 24, 2006)

i dont understand why girls say its ok to date there ex then when u do it hurts them... it doesnt make sense.. she sould of told you it WILL hurt her. i dont care about any of my ex so i would actually say go ahead and mean it but if i did care i would just say i will hurt me so dont!!! i dont think your a horrible person at all


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## gill (Apr 24, 2006)

Ahh thanks so much y'all, I really appreciate the advice. I really wanna talk to her, but right now all our mutual friends are telling me not to, because she's still REALLY annoyed. It's just gotten even more complicated now, because a friend of mine is trying to get involved by twisting everything I've ever said to her about liking him to make it seem like I planned this just to hurt my friend. =/

I'm talking to her on msn now, she said she isn't able to handle a phone/face to face conversation with me, so I'll let you know how it goes, I just really hope she can forgive me.

Thank you all so much for your help, and if anyone has anymore, please do share it, cos I don't think this situation's gonna go away in a hurry.


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## pinkbundles (Apr 24, 2006)

i would wait for her to cool off. anything you say will annoy her anyway. so give her time and then talk to her face-to-face.


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## Aquilah (Apr 24, 2006)

She probably will need time, and as they say, time heals all wounds. I assume it heals most wounds, but not all.

Honestly, my dated my ex's best friend back in HS. He said it didn't bother him, but it did. We could tell... I think we both did it out of spite, which was wrong. However, we did end up getting back together for awhile longer.

As for your mutual friends, you still need to do what's best for your friendship and what's in your heart. By listening to his best friend while we were still dating, my DH and I spent months broken up because he never made the phone call he wanted to... We're together &amp; married now, but whenever I get annoyed, it gets tossed in his face (although we can laugh about it now)...

I probably didn't help any more there... Sorry! Best of luck to you sweetie! Please be sure to let us know how it goes!!!


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## linda46125 (Apr 24, 2006)

*Oh dear thats a toughie, but believe me you are not a bad person everyone makes mistakes especially when drunk, give her time she'll realise the world hasn't ended. And as for that friend who is twisting stuff about, that is sooo mean, I wudnt consider her a friend anymore.*


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## gill (Apr 24, 2006)

Well, I'm still alive after talking to her which is something I guess. She's just really hurt and upset, which is way worse than if she was angry. She honestly thinks I did it intentionally though, knowing it'd hurt her, probably 'cos of my "friend"'s twisting... so as long as she believes that, I don't think we'll ever have a friendship.

Should I try to talk to her again at all, d'you think? Maybe in a week or so, like?


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## Pauline (Apr 24, 2006)

Hi gill, why not write your friend a letter explaining that you didin;t do it to hurt her and that you are sorry if it did.It sounds like you were already testing the water's as to how she felt if she already told you to go ahead.Gently remind her of this and if you like the guy as for her blessing.


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## jennycateyez (Apr 24, 2006)

your friend sould stay out of it and mind her business! its not right shes twisting everything ur saying


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## SexxyKitten (Apr 24, 2006)

give her some time to cool off and then try to apologize and move on. that sucks that she said it was ok and then got upset--girls confuse me...


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## gill (Apr 28, 2006)

Thanks so much for all the advice, it really helped.

The day after I posted this, my friend called me up and said she'd completely overreacted and she felt terrible that she'd made me feel so guilty and stuff, we completely sorted stuff out, and it turns out she doesn't like him anymore or anything, she was just upset 'cos she was scared we'd totally elope together &amp; forget all about her, cos that's happened with her other friends before. So everything's great with us, and she gave me the complete go-ahead to do anything else, which I haven't decided whether to take or not yet.

Howeverrrrrr, the girl who's been twisting everything got way worse, started spreading rumours around my school that I was a whore/slut and had slept with lodsa people, which is completely untrue, so there's still a lotta drama! I've found out who my real friends are through all this though, and they're sticking by me.


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## Aquilah (Apr 30, 2006)

I'm glad everything worked out for you sweetie! Like my mom used to tell me, "boys may come and boys may go, but friends are forever." I'm also glad you've found out who your true friends are. It sucks that we have to go through experiences like you had to learn that though.

Good luck should you decide to pursue a relationship w/ this guy. I'm glad your friend gave you the go ahead. I'm sure it still feels kinda weird though... Or at least it would to me... Good luck either way!

As for the "friend" who's twisting things, that's obviously not a friend. If people at your school truly know you, then they'll disregard the rumors. Lord knows I've been the school slut, and that was before I even had my first kiss!!! She's apparently jealous, or she's just a plain b****... Either way, don't worry about her, she'll get hers one day!


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## hissycat (Apr 30, 2006)

I hate to sound like a mama hen here, but I just can't help myself. Please Gill, be careful when drinking. If you lose control in an alcohol haze worse things than kissing your friend's ex could occur.

Having said that, I definitely empathize. It's so tough to like someone you can't (or aren't supposed to) have.


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## _withoutYou (Apr 30, 2006)

> no offence but i have to get this off my chest. i cannot stand it when people use "i did it only cos i was drunk" excuse. you know what you're getting yourself into before you drink.but anyways, i'm sorry that happened to you, but now what you can do is to assure her that this will not happen ever again, you need to gain her trust back.


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