# SO help please



## chic_chica (Dec 14, 2006)

I never ever dreamt of cheating on my bf...he is so sweet and evreything i could want. We have been together for like 5 years!! BUTTTT recently i have been talking to my teenage bf a lot...and well old feelings are resurfacing again. I LOVE my bf for sure, but this ex...he is really sweet...and caring. He admited he loves me but he just wants me happy...and he is happy i am with my bf. It hurts him...but he sucks it up for my happiness. And honestly...i think i still have feelings for him. But i kno i don't want to break up with my bf for anything....but this guy...i think about him a lot. I kno its wrong but i really can't help it. He has a gf and i don't want him breaking up with her cuz i kno i dont want to be with him. but these thoughts are still in my head. i don't kno...but its like i'm reliving my teenage years.

what should i do? i can't tell my bf how i feel...he'll be really hurt. i want to have less to do with my ex...but its hard cuz i really want him to be part of my life...as friends...wish if the extra thoughts could go....hellpppp me please!!:frown:


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## faces by sienna (Dec 14, 2006)

Well, I am not an expert. But in my opinion, cut all ties with the ex! I am in love with my bf of 2 years, he is the one. I would never dream of hurting him either. I am best of friends with one of my ex's, but my bf knew that going into it. I have no physical feelings for the ex and that is how we can be friends. I recently saw my more recent ex (ironically enough with I was hanging with my older ex). I felt that feeling. So, I know I am no where ready to be friends with him yet. So, I cut my ties. You are only going to screw up the good thing you have if you continue this "inncoent" relationship with your ex!

And, remember...he is an ex for a reason!

Good luck!:daz: :daz:


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## emily_3383 (Dec 14, 2006)

ummm walk away from the ex...why did you breakup in the first place?


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## blueangel1023 (Dec 14, 2006)

I'd hate to say it, but I would agree with having to end ties with your ex. Knowing you still have feelings and think about him while you're with another guy already gave you the red signal that you should stand clear of him. Sure it'll hurt you to stop seeing the ex, but in the long run it'll be better for everyone.

I remember I used to still see my ex regularly just to hang since we were still friends but it was a bad mistake. Being that when everytime I'd see a new guy, he would ruin things since he would want to hang out more often and it would piss the guys I was seeing, since they felt it was wrong of me to hang out with him. Even though it was only friendly gestures as him dropping me off to school, picking me up from work, me spending the night, etc. Even though guys say they're ok with it, inside they're just fuming with jealously that you're hanging more with the ex than them. So basically, it was time for me to let go of the ex...although sometimes I feel like crap since he was actually cool to hang with. We had our ups and downs but he had too much excess baggage since he didn't have a steady job and he has a 3 yr old son with an ex of his. It's hard to let things go...but sometimes it's good to let the past go and move on.

Not saying you have to abide by the rules to completely cut him out, but stop the hanging. Maybe a casual phone call here and there just to say "hi" Think about it. You've been with your bf for 5 yrs. He has a gf, and how would she feel about the situation? Sometimes you just have to think outside of the box (although at times it's confusing as hell) since your heart is telling you differently than what your mind is saying.


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## chic_chica (Dec 14, 2006)

OK i guess what i said about having feelings for him...was just a phase..i thought i did. Butt i do care for him a lot, and i enjoy talking to him a lot. I do love my ex, but certainly not like i love my bf, the love is not like i want to be with him, its like i really do care for him a lot and would do anything for him. Maybe this is being selfish considering i have a bf, i know that i wouldnt like my bf to be doing or feeling what i am but i really can't help it.

Its hard to explain, i like knowing the fact that someone other than my bf loves me. I know my bf isn't goin anywhere, things are so stable with us right now, i dont have to impress him or try, i'm just myself( i kno that is great!) but i feel like the thrill and excitment of chasing after someone is gone. And i seem to like that feeling. My bf and i do have fun, we dont have a boring relationship, we just are too comfortable with each other i guess.

Well i have cut back on talkin to my ex, i dont call him as much. I don't meet him at all...i havent seen him in about 2 yrs and not planning to behind my bf's back. But i feel so guilty for thinkin so, i feel like i am a bad person...i'm always known to be the good girl, i can't beleieve i am actually thinking so.

This post may sound a bit confusing to you all, but honestly its how i feel...confused


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## Aquilah (Dec 14, 2006)

Well, I think if you can honestly tell you love your current boyfriend more than your ex, and say it's not the same type of love, then you've answered your own question  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

You might not necessarily have to cut ties with the ex, although it might be a good idea to not converse as much in order to keep the feelings at bay and not act on "false" emotions... Put yourself in your boyrfriend's shoes (or your ex's girlfriend's shoes)... How would you feel?

Maybe it's not even being with your ex and how he is that reels you towards the thoughts, so much more than the thoughts of what once was? Either way, you seem like a smart chica who will do the right thing and just let it be, and maintain your happiness with your current man... Plus, if your ex truly wants you to be happy, then he'll respect any decision you make in either severing ties or slightly cutting them loose...


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## jessimau (Dec 14, 2006)

Be careful! I've gone through this a lot because my ex likes to try and pop into my life now and then and f*** things up. He threw me for a loop this last time because he told me he's always hung in there with me thinking about the "what if" moment and hoping it would happen. We broke up 10 years ago!! Plus he's always had a girlfriend . I used to think it meant he loved me more than he loved any of them and it made me feel good because that meant that no matter what, there was always someone who'd be there like that for me. That's the seductive part, the idea that someone from your past still cares that much about you, because it means you made an impact. It took my ex's friend texting me about the situation before I got it resolved in my head...basically he's been trying to get me in bed this whole time (I never slept with him and we were each other's first loves, thought we'd be each other's first for everything else, too). But I still talk to him occasionally, like on birthdays, holidays, or just about once every 6 months.


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## chic_chica (Dec 14, 2006)

I was so stupid that when i thought i had feelings for my ex i told him it...it was the dumbest move i could have made, because i probably led him on a bit and made him think otherwise. But he knows that i won't cheat on my bf so he didnt try to force me into anything. He just told me he loves me and all he wants is for me to be happy.

We broke up for no specific reason...it was always an on and off relationship which we had from about age 12 to about 17. I know thats a lot, but we used to be apart for months..maybe years in that time space. But we were never on bad terms with each other, we always remained friends. We used to break up cuz i was never ready for such a serious relationship...and then after a while the feelings i had for him would come back and i would go back to him. And the thing is, he was always there waiting for me. I know that i hurt him a lot in the past...and i think i did it again. I didn't mean to, but i guess i didnt think before i did that. Also...during that time i never thought that i loved him...cuz at that age love was a scary thing for me. Its only a few years ago i realized that he was a biggish part of my life and it was somehow love i had/have for him. There is no lust or whatever associated with that..which is strange.

I tell u....my life is just strange just like me.


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## Aquilah (Dec 14, 2006)

Ah, so you were young! Trust me, it's best to not go back in that direction... I did it, and now I can't stand the a$$! BTW, I don't think many people can say their life isn't strange to some degree  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## chic_chica (Dec 14, 2006)

Oh my!!!! u have put how i am feeling into the words which i have been trying to say lol.


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## flychick767 (Dec 15, 2006)

Definatly cut all ties to the "Ex". Trust me, if you keep in touch with him, you might decide to meet for lunch, and then old feelings will definatly surface. It might just start with a hug and kiss hello, but then lead to a hand stroking your back or hair, and before you know it, your might be getting intimate.

Just break off all contact. It is best for both of you.


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## chic_chica (Dec 19, 2006)

Thanks for all the advice guys. I have taken all of ur advice...i'm having less to do with him. I kno he aint worth it...and i shouldnt be hurting my bf like that.


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## Mod_squad (Dec 29, 2006)

That's really true.


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## MeganLAR (Dec 29, 2006)

I hate to go against what everybody says but I have this guy thats like "the love of my life" and yeah i've cheated on him.

So we've been on/off for 3 years and whenever I had new bfs and he came back to me, I HAD to drop those new boyfriends cause i felt something CRAZY for this guy! It's like on Sex and the City Carri's Big and Aiden....Big always won...


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## MissMissy (Dec 29, 2006)

cut it off, I maybe a little late in posting this. But you seem confused, and by your post, you still have some feelings for this guy, and as much as you love your boyfriend and say you just care for this guy, you still like him and like has attraction which leads to hormones. you cannot control your hormones sometimes. And you being confused will just lead to trouble like you accidently messing with this guy, and throw everything away, I have been with my guy 4 years, and yes i miss playing the game with others, and see ex's but im 19 years old almost 20 have a house together own land together cars together and nothing is worth loosing my life over, i dot think i would even know what to do on a a date with someone else. lol But really i think you should just tell the ex being friends is just a good idea right now. Your in love and dont want to jepordise that. this iwill be hard to do but will be the better in the long run. good luck girl


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## empericalbeauty (Dec 29, 2006)

You know how after a while you stop using some makeup product..and then you start using it again, hoping to realise why you stopped using it? Sometimes you tell yourself that the texture is better. It was just exactly how you remembered it being when you first bought it ; smooth and made you glow. then after a day of use, it breaks you out. Apply this same concept to your current situtation. Say your Ex is the old product. In my opinion, the main reason why you are having mixed feelings is because this is a man you used to once know. you loved him as a teen so there is a certain level of familiarity. no question you love your current boo, if not we wouldnt all be giving you this advice but think to yourself...Why did you and your ex break up in the first place? And why are you subjecting yourself to such dilenma just because a guy from the past showed up? I say stick to your current bf and dont dwell in the past.


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## mintesa (Dec 29, 2006)

i think everyone said it already. anyway dont worry those feelings will pass. just hug your BF when you start feeling confused  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## pla4u (Dec 29, 2006)

I think the best thing to do would be to quit seeing your ex, It will just make everything more difficult to keep seeing him. you both have other SOs now and you need to cut ties with the past and continue on in your present relationships,

it is hard to do but I think for the best...


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## pinkbundles (Dec 29, 2006)

ask yourself this...who do you want more in your life? unfortunately, you have to choose one over the other and quit seeing the person you don't choose.


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## ~*LiL_MiSs_NeY* (Jan 2, 2007)

as my mate said to me before i meet gavin, listen to your heart but make sure not to go for the guy you can live with, but for the guy that you can't live without. you need to be honest with yourself otherwise you are only going to hurt you and others in the process. but with the ex everyone is always going to hold some kind of feelings for an ex (whether it be good or bad) so just make sure its not a simple wanting something that you cant have


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## chic_chica (Jan 3, 2007)

I have eased up talking to my Ex drastically...i honestly don't even feel like callin him anymore...and he hardly calls so thats good.

I guess we both realized that we shouldnt have been talkin to often.

I know now that i dont have any feelings for him. I just care for him a lot...and i'm truly happy that he can have a gf he is so in love with.

I am sooo extremely happy with my BF and i hope that i never ever feel like that again..cuz although my bf doesn't kno, i kinda feel like i cheated on him although all i did was talk to my ex.

I can understand how u feel...its different how i feel towards my ex.

Maybe he is 'the one' and thats why u always go back with him.


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## pinksugar (Jan 4, 2007)

I have an ex that I used to think of like that.. I still think of him sometimes but whenever I catch myself doing it I remember why we broke up, or all the things that annoy me about him, and that makes me remember why I'm glad we're not together anymore. Even if you didn't break up for a specific reason, if you know you're hurting him, and he's potentially able to hurt your current relationship, then it's not healthy.

Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with the occasional fantasy thought about an ex, as long as that's all it remains - a fantasy.

Afterall, they call it a breakup because it's BROKEN, don't they  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Good luck!


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## PaperFlowers (Jan 7, 2007)

I think it's good that you're cutting back...my ex-fiance comes into my life now and again...and I can't lie, every time he does I start to go, "Wow, I miss him so much..." and it brings old feelings to the surface. The thing is, they're just shadows of the feelings I once had, and in the end I just try to stop talking to him as much.

But EVERY single time he contacts me some way, you know, there's that "Oh, wow...what if..." that pops into my mind. I think it will always be there, because there's just something about your first love, you know? (Even if they do treat you like crap the way he did me.) It's just...there. And it took me a long time to stop going back to him, but now that I have, and that I've moved on, I can remember and KNOW what real love feels like with my current boyfriend (&lt;3) instead of focusing on the shadows of a love that is now dead.


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## chic_chica (Jan 7, 2007)

Thats good that u know what u want ...even though when ur ex comes back there is that moment of sheer doubt...but atleast it goes away before any damage is done.

I don't know why these things happen in life lol


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## enyadoresme (Jan 14, 2007)

Does this mean that now you have less of a temptation to cheat? or are things still difficult for you


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