# Marriage before wedding...



## Kimmers86 (Jan 12, 2007)

What do you guys think about getting "married" before actually having a wedding? Like getting the papers and all, but not having a ceremony?

Although my fiance and I can't afford a wedding for at least a year, I suggested we get legally married at the court house so I can be on his insurance and stuff since I don't have any. He said that would be a good idea, but he doesn't want to because he thinks it would be "lame" to not have a wedding right away.

What do you guys think? He knows I'm not using him for insurance, but I do need it and he gets it through work so I wouldn't have to spend a fortune on it.


----------



## StereoXGirl (Jan 12, 2007)

I don't see anything wrong with it...

But if he isn't into that, then that might make it difficult!


----------



## han (Jan 12, 2007)

i dont see anything wrong with it.. me and my husband got married quick and couldnt plan a wedding cause he was joining the navy and we were fixing to move to hawaii.. we figured it would be nice to have a lil wedding there on our first year anniversary and thats what we did

you can always have your wedding later on an anniversary and it doesnt have to be huge and cost lots of money to be romantic..


----------



## YoursEvermore (Jan 12, 2007)

My sister and BIL had the same situation (sort of). They had a regular wedding all planned, but he was getting deployed, so they just went to the courthouse and did a JP marriage. Then when he came home, they had the full-blown reception (she wore a wedding dress and everything). Do whatever makes you guys happy.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## Dragonfly (Jan 13, 2007)

I got married at the court house and considered it my wedding.

My husband wore an Armani suit and I wore a white dress and had flowers. There were at least 10 people that witnessed our union.

And we had a nice meal/party afterwards.


----------



## lummerz (Jan 13, 2007)

i say...do what you and yer husband wants to do! It's not like you guys are breaking the law...so..why not?! =)

I had the honeymoon before the wedding..and it's really fun =)

So. do what you feel !


----------



## Little_Lisa (Jan 13, 2007)

I see nothing at all wrong with marriage before the wedding...or no wedding at all.

Totally agreed with th^at! I think alot of people go over-board with planning an elaborate wedding which can be very stressful.


----------



## michal_cohen (Jan 13, 2007)

i think that marriage sould be privat &amp; spiceal

cuz wedding is for the gustes really


----------



## Sirvinya (Jan 13, 2007)

I don't see anything wrong with that! If that's how it'll fit your circumstances the best then I say to go for it!

And good luck :rotfl:


----------



## krazykid90 (Jan 13, 2007)

I see nothing wrong with that.

I have a cousin who is Catholic and really wanted to get married on the beach. According to the Catholic religion if you don't get married in a church, it is not considered a marriage in God's eyes. So she and her husband went to the church first and had a small wedding there. They wore their wedding outfits, but didn't spend a lot of time/money on make up and hair and stuff. It was only the wedding party there to witness the union. They then went to the beach and had their full blown wedding and reception there.


----------



## bluebird26 (Jan 13, 2007)

Nothing wrong or weird about it, I think it's nice you both want the same thing, it's so difficult when the bride wants a big wedding and the groom doesn't or viceversa, or even worse when the family wants one, lol.


----------



## dentaldee (Jan 13, 2007)

if it's for insurance........I know here, one you've lived together for a period of time you can be covered under his insurance. Bruce and I are not married but we live together and Justine and I were covered by his insurance after about 3 months of living together


----------



## Kimmers86 (Jan 13, 2007)

Really? I'm pretty sure you have to be married, cause if not...we've lived together for over 2 years!

Thanks for all the input! I agree with you guys, I don't think it's a big deal, I just have to convince Alex that it isn't either!


----------



## dentaldee (Jan 13, 2007)

you should look into it.........if you've lived together that long you are legally considered married!!! common law...........at least in Canada anyway!!

look here ............scroll down it talks about what states acknowledge it!!


----------



## Jennifer (Jan 15, 2007)

i don't see anything wrong with it at all!

i don't want a wedding because it'll cost so much money and i'd rather use the money for other things. there are other reasons, as well, but that's a big one, so i know where you're coming from.

we'll be doing the court house, as well, but i don't plan on having a reception ever.

interesting. it's not allowed in NY, so that's why i haven't heard it before.


----------



## Jessica (Jan 15, 2007)

A really good friend of mine was in the same exact situation as you. She did end up getting married ina court house and a year later she had a wedding with an officiant and reception. They had already planned the wedding but when she got laid off she needed the health insurance. No one really knew about it except for immidiate family and close friends.

So if you and your fiance agree on it....I think you should do whats best for the both of you. Good Luck!!!:inlove:


----------



## Becka (Jan 15, 2007)

i don't see anything wrong w/ it at all, if you're thinking JP now and a year later for an actual wedding, why don't you skip the "wedding" part altogether and simply host a reception, it would cost a LOT less and be just as memorable


----------



## dixiewolf (Jan 15, 2007)

I was going to that also. I just dont care for weddings, plus I am shy and get stressed out easily. My fiancee' is fine with it, he doesnt care, but I havent broken the news to anyone else, my family is going to be horrified. Everyone keeps asking when to come for the wedding, they want to help me pick out my dress and stuff, and I just dont know what to say. :10: If I had to wait a year for a wedding after getting legally wed, I wouldnt do it, but if you want to you can, it's your day. I have known people who get licenses before their wedding however.


----------



## ivette (Jan 16, 2007)

i don't see anything wrong with what you want to do. you both should do what makes you happy

good luck


----------



## Jessica (Jan 16, 2007)

wow....sounds just like me!!! I went through the same exact thing with my friends and family. My mother threw us a big engagement party and at the end of the night my soon to be husband and I looked at each other and said lets elope! Its funny because we were both so totaly uncomfortable with being the center of attention.

So he and I went to the Poconos in PA had a private ceremony just him and I. We called our parents that night and told them. My mother was a little disapointed because she wanted to see me in my dress (i wore a nice one) but was happy for us. But at the end of the day all that mattered to me was that we were husband and wife!!! Nothing else mattered to me. We are still very happy with that decision!


----------



## laurenbusta (Jan 16, 2007)

in this day and age anything goes and if getting legal papers will help get u insurance.. then go for it... and wait and have a great ceremony when u can afford it..


----------



## Aprill (Jan 16, 2007)

There is nothing wrong with that. My husband and I did the same thing. The only thing that matters in the end is that you all are married to one another. As long as it is on paper.


----------



## KimC2005 (Jan 17, 2007)

That is kind of how I wanted to do it. I want get married by the JP first and then just have a huge reception in the summertime. I have no energy or desire to want to plan a wedding. It just seems like it will be a huge fight with everyone and trying to narrow down a date. We've tried to plan before and it seemed like people were constantly shooting down our ideas or no date ever worked for them! I always worry what everyone will think if I do JP though. Because, in our town there is such a huge stigma associated with getting married by JP and then having a reception. They usually suspect you are pregnant and had to get married quick. I guess if I don't have a baby nine months later that would de-bunk that idea! Ultimately you should just do what makes you both feel the most comfortable. Good luck!


----------



## Kimmers86 (Jan 27, 2007)

Well... WE DID IT! Jan 23rd we went to the judge and got married! It was nice, my parents and his mom were there. We decided that if I needed the insurance, why not? Well, Alex finally decided...I knew all along lol. We will probably have a formal ceremony the end of july. We wanted to do it sooner, but my sister-in-law is expecting smack in the middle of when we wanted to do it. Oh well  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I'm happy!


----------



## KimC2005 (Jan 27, 2007)

Congratulations!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## Dragonfly (Jan 27, 2007)

Congratulations!


----------



## hushabye (Jan 29, 2007)

congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Kimmers86 (Jan 30, 2007)

Thanks ladies! We've set a date for the "real" wedding, July 28th!


----------



## Jennifer (Feb 15, 2007)

congratulations!!!! i'm so happy for you two  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

so take me through the process. i'm curious how it goes!


----------



## Aprill (Feb 15, 2007)

I can tell you how it went for my husband and I:

The first thing we did was went to the county courthouse to do the application. They give you like I think 48-72 hours to do a blood test. Once you passed, you go back and get the certificate, we waited like 20 minutes for a judge, we went into her office, and a few minutes later we were married!!! It costed under $150.00 for everything where I live. I loved it! It was private, it was quiet, and I didnt have to invite a bunch of people that wanted to come for nothing but food!


----------



## Kimmers86 (Feb 15, 2007)

Basically the same as Aprill...only no blood test. We went and got the certificate (took like 20 mins). Then we had to schedule an appointment for the judge to marry us. Once at the courthouse it took like 10 minutes. The certificate was $35 and the judge fee I'm not sure, my dad wanted to pay for that part. Soooo yeah  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## dixiewolf (Feb 15, 2007)

LOL. Yeah, my family will think I am wacko if I go to the courthouse, but I am probably going to anyways. My mom told me everyone would think I was pregnant, but I got engaged in Nov, and I am still no bigger, so no one will think that, lol. I am going to wait until the end of the year, b/c I am having second thoughts about getting married. I think we need pre-marital counseling.


----------



## Kimmers86 (Feb 15, 2007)

Oh geez! I hope everything works out for you, hun!


----------



## Vicky81 (Feb 15, 2007)

My husband and I were legally married for 3 years before having a "real" wedding. I was actually 8 months pregnant on that day.. one of the hottest the whole summer. It was beautiful and romantic, I wouldn't have done it any other way. Good luck to you both... whatever you decide.

:beer:


----------



## Jennifer (Feb 15, 2007)

thanks for the info!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

awwww, no! i'm so sorry. i hope everything's okay  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

how nice! welcome to MuT, by the way, if i haven't welcomed you already!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## SherryAnn (Feb 26, 2007)

One of my old best friends did this - her dh was stationed in Germany but it took six months for her paperwork to be completed to allow her to live on base with him. So they had a JP wedding six months before then had the church wedding as scheduled. They never told anyone - except ME!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## Lia (Feb 26, 2007)

Mom and Dad are married (in court and etc) but they aren't wed. And they're together for 27 years! (and they married after 3 mths of dating)


----------



## La_Mari (Mar 1, 2007)

CONGRATS! I only got married in the courthouse, this was last year and I planned on having a wedding after, but now I don't really want one.


----------



## natalierb (Mar 5, 2007)

Lol, my bf and I almost got married in Vegas a few weeks ago (at the same place Britney got married for a whole day). We went through the drive-thru (can you believe you can get married in a drive-thru chapel?) and then I chickened out. I was so, so scared because it was an impulse decision and nobody knew. We figured we would get married, not tell anyone, then have a huge wedding next year.

I don't see anything wrong with getting married before the wedding, my cousin eloped with her husband, and a year later they had a nice wedding.

The only thing that makes me reluctant about marriage before the wedding is the whole feeling of your wedding day. It will kinda be ruined for me if I'm already married, it won't feel the same.


----------

