# He Left



## sproutwings (Sep 27, 2006)

He came home 2 hrs late, packed 3 bags, a suitcase, a blanket, and a pillow, and left. I'm in shock. We were separated back in Nov until Jan, but I thought we were trying to work through things. Ok, so when he came home, I was upset. He was TWO hrs late. He has been 2 hrs or MORE late every night for a couple weeks now, and there's no explanation. Excuse me, but I think I deserve more respect. I feel bad...because my boys will wake up without their daddy...for how many days this time?!? Last time, they went three WEEKS before they even talked to him. It was horrible, and I didn't tell them the real reason he as gone (domestic violence).


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## Jennifer (Sep 27, 2006)

i don't know whether to say i'm sorry or i'm glad, considering what he's done to you and your boys in the past.


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## janetsbreeze (Sep 27, 2006)

i'm so sorry that you are hurting but honestly just reading this, i feel you are your boys will be in a better place.

i wish you all the best.


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## Midgard (Sep 27, 2006)

I know this experience is really hurting you, but after reading your other posts I'm glad he is away and I hope he won't come back! It's time for you to start a new and better life, you deserve it!


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## Teresamachado (Sep 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Midgard* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I know this experience is really hurting you, but after reading your other posts I'm glad he is away and I hope he won't come back! It's time for you to start a new and better life, you deserve it! I agree with you


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## littletingoddes (Sep 27, 2006)

As difficult as this will be for you and the boys, this is the best for your family. There is no way that you deserve to be with a man who has been as abusive as he ha been. Don't believe any apologies he may make a few days down the road.. they are just more manipulation.

Just remember, you have a whole support network here if you need to vent. {hugs}


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## emily_3383 (Sep 27, 2006)

I think this is a new step in your life so that you can get yourself together for yourself and the kids. I know you are in shock but this might be the best thing.


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## bluebird26 (Sep 27, 2006)

I feel bad for your children, but they don't need his example. You and your children are safer now. Keep us updated. I don't know much about the laws but I'd change the locks for your safety.


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## _withoutYou (Sep 27, 2006)

> Originally Posted by *Midgard* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I know this experience is really hurting you, but after reading your other posts I'm glad he is away and I hope he won't come back! It's time for you to start a new and better life, you deserve it!





> i have to agree with this. sounds like he isn't going to change, i know you're hoping that he will next time, but the same thing will happen over and over. people don't change unless they WANT to change within themselves. i think you're better off letting him go, you need to put a stop to this and this is your chance. good luck.


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## sproutwings (Sep 27, 2006)

Thanks... It's just so hard because I'm back at square one. We're way worse off financially than we were in Nov when we first separated. The boys are going to be devastated! I do work M-F as a preschool teacher, but it' only from 8:45am-12:15pm. It's great because my older 2 boys are in school, and the youngest (just turned 3), is with me! How am I going to find a job plus afford daycare for THREE boys? I'll have to move... &lt;big breath&gt; I know I can get through this, but it feels like a huge mountain to climb.


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## dixiewolf (Sep 27, 2006)

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope something great will be in your future, b/c you deserve it.


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## KimC2005 (Sep 27, 2006)

I am sorry you are going through this. You will be in my thought and prayers! This is probably the best thing you can do for your boys though, but I know its not easy. Hang in there, sweetie.


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## ArcEnCiel (Sep 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *sproutwings* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks... It's just so hard because I'm back at square one. We're way worse off financially than we were in Nov when we first separated. The boys are going to be devastated! I do work M-F as a preschool teacher, but it' only from 8:45am-12:15pm. It's great because my older 2 boys are in school, and the youngest (just turned 3), is with me! How am I going to find a job plus afford daycare for THREE boys? I'll have to move... &lt;big breath&gt; I know I can get through this, but it feels like a huge mountain to climb. You just hang tight. A new man may come into your life to help you along. Eventhough you could make it on your own. Don't be afraid. You can do it and you will with a new man or not.


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Sep 27, 2006)

He must be an idiot, you are Gorgeous. I agree with the ladies, you deserve better. But I give you a standing ovation for trying to work at your marriage. You can help somebody get better, but you cannot make them love you or make them decide that they need to seek professional help. I pray for you and your children. Much Love and great strenght.

Just keep on being a strong mama and talk to your kids on how they feel. Tell them Dad is going through things and is not well. You know, whatever you think is best to say and makes them comfortable. And again Bravo to you for not taking any crap.


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## jennycateyez (Sep 27, 2006)

so sorry to hear that.. but it's better for you. i know what it is to struggle but someday it will pay off. keep your head up.


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## WhitneyF (Sep 27, 2006)

I can only imagine the confusion you're going through. I'll be thinking of you and your boys...stay strong.


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## jdepp_84 (Sep 27, 2006)

Just like someone said, im not sure if i should say im glad or sorry. Just make sure your children are okay. I had a similar situation, my father would come back and pretend like he wanted a relationship and then leave for months at a time with no call. I have trust issues because of that now. So like i said before, put your children first. It's better for you guys to be alone without him than having him come and go as he pleases. IF you've made it before, you will make it again. Things like this will only bring you and your children closer.


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## mabelwan (Sep 27, 2006)

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Hang in there and have a brand new life with your kids. Good Luck!


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## Lindabear (Sep 28, 2006)

that stupid he doesn't care about his kids or what?


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## sm91396 (Sep 28, 2006)

sorry, man. I'm sending good vibes your way!


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## Jennifer (Sep 28, 2006)

Originally Posted by *sproutwings* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks... It's just so hard because I'm back at square one. We're way worse off financially than we were in Nov when we first separated. The boys are going to be devastated! I do work M-F as a preschool teacher, but it' only from 8:45am-12:15pm. It's great because my older 2 boys are in school, and the youngest (just turned 3), is with me! How am I going to find a job plus afford daycare for THREE boys? I'll have to move... &lt;big breath&gt; I know I can get through this, but it feels like a huge mountain to climb. my mom didn't have a job when my parents finally split (my dad threw us out on the streets and we were homeless) and now she works 16 hours a day, 6 days a week. not trying to scare or worry you, but i'd rather have her working those hours than my dad abusing us like he always did.
what i'm trying to say is, you'll find a way. no matter how hard it is, it's worth it because that ******* (sorry) isn't around anymore.

good luck.


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## AngelaGM (Sep 28, 2006)

My father was very abusive towards my mother and they divorced when I was six. No woman deserves to be hit and it is a blessing that he decided to leave. I would change your locks just to be on the safe side.


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## Elisabeth (Sep 29, 2006)

Glad to see you back on the board!! We were worried about you after not hearing from you for awhile. It's good to hear that you and your babies are safe. I know it seems like a b**ch right now, but the great thing about climbing a mountain is that it is all uphill, instead of downhill. Don't be afraid or too proud to ask for help from friends/family when you need it..and we're here for you whenever you need anything from us!!!


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## VenusGoddess (Sep 29, 2006)

I would go hit the local legal aid office and start legal proceedings for a divorce, alimony, and child support. Just because he doesn't live with you anymore doesn't mean that he's not financially responsbile for his family any more.


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## vickih (Sep 29, 2006)

I don't really talk about this because still after all these years it does bother me BUT i need too.

It's a good thing he left. I wish my mom had. It would have made my life so much more pleasant if my parents were not together. Perhaps your kids do not know now, but if your husband were to stay with you, they would eventually figure it out. Trust me, the kids find out. Perhaps yes you will be financially strapped for awhile, but let me tell you that is nothing in comparison to getting physical and emotional abuse.

Times will be tough but now is the time to ask for help from family and friends, support groups whatever you can find. It will take time, but at least you know that things will get better. They do.

good luck.

kisses

Originally Posted by *sproutwings* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He came home 2 hrs late, packed 3 bags, a suitcase, a blanket, and a pillow, and left. I'm in shock. We were separated back in Nov until Jan, but I thought we were trying to work through things. Ok, so when he came home, I was upset. He was TWO hrs late. He has been 2 hrs or MORE late every night for a couple weeks now, and there's no explanation. Excuse me, but I think I deserve more respect. I feel bad...because my boys will wake up without their daddy...for how many days this time?!? Last time, they went three WEEKS before they even talked to him. It was horrible, and I didn't tell them the real reason he as gone (domestic violence).


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## Andi (Sep 29, 2006)

I`m sorry for you and for any woman who has went through this, I canÂ´t even imagine your situation. I know youÂ´ll be strong enough, if not stronger, without him.

Take care!


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## sproutwings (Sep 29, 2006)

I have been emailing him like crazy, and he still won't come home. He had the last two nights off of work (he works two jobs), and he didn't come see the boys. I feel that's selfish on his part, but I still haven't said anything to them. I keep telling the kids he's at work. He says he's going to see the kids tomorrow at soccer...we'll see if he actually does.

He told his parents (who live in Alaska), and they called my parents (who are on vacation in Hawaii). According to Phil (my husband), I kicked him out because he came home from work late ONE time. Everyone (his parents and mine) are telling me I'm overreacting and to let him come home. First of all, they don't have the true story, and second of all, I've tried asking him to come home! He won't! His parents sided with him back in November when he left after choking me, hitting me, and saying how he could kill me, blah, blah, blah.

Why is it I'm made out to be the bad guy?? I didn't do anything, and I'm the one everyone's pointing their fingers at!


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## AprilRayne (Sep 29, 2006)

Why do you want him to come back after he treated you that way? You can't let him feel like he's got control of this situation by letting him call the shots! He will think he can come and go as he pleases! You need to stand up for yourself! I went through all of this with my ex-husband and he will never change! Once you've forgiven him once, he will do it again! I know you want to keep your family together, but your boys can not grow up thinking this is the way you treat a woman! My ex almost killed me a couple of times and I thought I deserved it so I stayed with him! I could tell you horror stories! The thing that made me leave him was hearing my son scream the first time he saw him hit me! Believe me girl, it gets so much better! I was a single mom for 3 years before meeting my husband now! He is absolutely amazing! Don't listen to anyone, not even your parents, they don't know what's really going on! You need to do what's best for you and your kids! Leaving someone you love, that hurts you is the hardest thing you will ever do, but when you look back, you will be so glad you did! Please PM me if you need any advice! Look into state assistance, it's there to help you get on your feet! You can do it!


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## ivette (Sep 30, 2006)




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## VenusGoddess (Sep 30, 2006)

Originally Posted by *sproutwings* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I have been emailing him like crazy, and he still won't come home. He had the last two nights off of work (he works two jobs), and he didn't come see the boys. I feel that's selfish on his part, but I still haven't said anything to them. I keep telling the kids he's at work. He says he's going to see the kids tomorrow at soccer...we'll see if he actually does.He told his parents (who live in Alaska), and they called my parents (who are on vacation in Hawaii). According to Phil (my husband), I kicked him out because he came home from work late ONE time. Everyone (his parents and mine) are telling me I'm overreacting and to let him come home. First of all, they don't have the true story, and second of all, I've tried asking him to come home! He won't! His parents sided with him back in November when he left after choking me, hitting me, and saying how he could kill me, blah, blah, blah.

Why is it I'm made out to be the bad guy?? I didn't do anything, and I'm the one everyone's pointing their fingers at!

Because he's calling them telling them that you kicked him out!! You have kept his abuse of you a secret! If they knew the whole story, at least, your parents would be siding with you. But, by not telling anyone the truth, you are enabling him to make YOU look like the B*tch.
Take back your own power and divorce this ******* and move on with your life. He's doing this because its another way to make him feel "in control". Stop emailing him, stop calling him, and STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM!! You don't have to talk bad about him to the boys, but by all means, make him take responsibility for his lack of interaction with his children!! That means if he tells them that he's working and doesn't see them for 3 weeks, then he will have to deal with the hurt feelings of his kids...not you. You sugar-coating everything is NOT helping you or the kids.

STOP ENABLING HIM TO BE IN CONTROL OF YOU AND STOP COVERING UP THE FACT THAT HE'S ABUSIVE, VIOLENT, AND IRRESPONSIBLE TO THE FAMILY. Tell them the truth, and if you have paperwork to back you up, all the better.

As soon as you take your power back, he will be powerless over you. The first good thing is that he left...the next good thing is showing the boys that you are strong enough to be on your own and that no one deserves to live in a chaotic, co-dependant home.

Love yourself, love the boys and take back your power.


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## jessimau (Sep 30, 2006)

Hi, I know you don't know me and I'm still pretty new here, so I'm sorry I'm butting in. I just wanted to second what everyone else has been saying. If this man has put his hands on you in violence and has not only hurt you but threatened to kill you, you re better off without him. Your sons are better off without him. Having both parents present is NOT always best.

For over 2 years, I worked in a residential group home with boys classified as Severely Emotionally Disturbed. They were abused, neglected, etc. and so taken from their homes. One of the boys had become abusive towards his mother and siblings after the father left. Basically, the father physically abused everyone and once he left the home, this little boy took over the role of "man of the house" the way he'd seen his father do it...by controlling and abusing. Other boys ended up with pretty severe issues towards women because for many years, they'd watched their mothers let these men abuse them and so they had little respect for women. Some of them didn't have those kinds of issues, but they had others. Repeated exposure to physical abuse will scar a child psychologically and emotionally, even if they're not the one being abused. That's all on top of the fact that some women end up being killed by the abusive husbands they let come back.

I'm trying to scare you, a little, because I want to convey just how serious this situation could become, not just for you but also for your boys. Right now it probabl feels like you can't make it without him for a million different reasons, but you *can* make it. Take this chance to make a positive change for yourself and your children.

Also, depending on how much you make, you may qualify for public assistance. If you do, there are many agencies who will subsidize child care for women on welfare who are working (I temped for one out here in CA). The resources are out there. This is one of many links I found by googling "public assistance in North Carolina": North Carolina Division of Social Services

Good luck. You're strong enough to get through this, you just have to believe that as much as everyone who supports you does.


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## girliegirl (Oct 2, 2006)

^Great post jessimau.

Sproutwings, I'm new here too and don't know your history but I do know that your husband doesn't deserve to have you ask him to come back. The way I see it, you are responsible to have a safe home for your boys and that means that your husband has got to go for good. It may seem tough but starting over is possible and it can't be as hard as the emotional rollercoaster you are on now.

All the best to you and your boys.


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## sproutwings (Oct 2, 2006)

It's really sinking in now that he's gone. I just read all the posts since my last one, and I agree with you ladies. I guess I just feel rejected by him now. I want to feel like I'm doing the right thing, so I've been emailing him and IM'ing his phone to ask him to come home, that he's upsetting the kids, etc. He keeps saying we're better off separated. It's hard because I grew up believing divorce is wrong. Granted, he did hit me, which would be grounds for divorce, but it's been months... Through the emails, he's making it sound like everything's MY fault.

I have struggled with depression off and on for as long as I can remember, and now I can tell it's coming back. I feel like my family's being torn apart, that I'm being rejected by the only man that's ever loved me, and even my parents don't agree with my point of view in the situation. The only good news I've had in a long time is that my kids were approved for Medicaid (the younger 2) and NC Healthchoice (my oldest). It's GREATLY needed, since my husband was out of work for months, so we had no insurance, bills are up to the ceiling (almost literally), and my oldest son had surgery and the baby had staples in his head. At least now I can submit the claims to Medicaid and pray they're approved...

Sorry I'm so whiny...I just feel so lost...I'm used to being dependent on him...


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## littletingoddes (Oct 2, 2006)

Sproutwings, him making you feel like this is just another form of abuse. What would be better, him being out of the house and you and the boys having a hard time of it for a while, or him being home, and eventually beating you? Because he WILL beat you again, it is only a matter of time.


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## VenusGoddess (Oct 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *sproutwings* /img/forum/go_quote.gif It's really sinking in now that he's gone. I just read all the posts since my last one, and I agree with you ladies. I guess I just feel rejected by him now. I want to feel like I'm doing the right thing, so I've been emailing him and IM'ing his phone to ask him to come home, that he's upsetting the kids, etc. He keeps saying we're better off separated. It's hard because I grew up believing divorce is wrong. Granted, he did hit me, which would be grounds for divorce, but it's been months... Through the emails, he's making it sound like everything's MY fault. I have struggled with depression off and on for as long as I can remember, and now I can tell it's coming back. I feel like my family's being torn apart, that I'm being rejected by the only man that's ever loved me, and even my parents don't agree with my point of view in the situation. The only good news I've had in a long time is that my kids were approved for Medicaid (the younger 2) and NC Healthchoice (my oldest). It's GREATLY needed, since my husband was out of work for months, so we had no insurance, bills are up to the ceiling (almost literally), and my oldest son had surgery and the baby had staples in his head. At least now I can submit the claims to Medicaid and pray they're approved...

Sorry I'm so whiny...I just feel so lost...I'm used to being dependent on him...

I felt so sad when I read this post. His disrespect for you (emotional, physical, and mental) is so blatant, and you feel that he loved you? In a way, I guess he did...he loved you in the only way he knew how. But, I would say that you really need to sit down and work on your issues and focus on what kind of relationship you want with a man. You don't need him. You might think you do, but you don't. And, the sooner you realize that and take charge of your life, the sooner you will realize that you've got everything you need right inside you.
I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.


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## jessimau (Oct 3, 2006)

Sproutwings, it's good to hear you're getting some perspective from all of us. Some people believe that you should work through problems no matter what. I don't know if that's how your parents are, but I think deep down if they knew the entire situation, they'd be behind you. Even if they're not, we all are.

I recommend finding a psychologist who accepts medicaid. They're out there, although they're harder to find. If that's your insurance, that is. You want a psychologist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (ask them...call first to interview them). Someone with a Humanistic bent might also be helpful for you. When I was looking for a psychologist, I asked them what the theoretical basis of their program was and what they specialized in currently. You can ask that if you want, but for me it was easier to understand because I studied psychology in college. If you really can't find a psychologist or don't have the time, see your doctor to ask about medications.

A good book, if you have a chance: _Feeling Good_ by David Burns. It kind of walks you through CBT on your own. Also, I recommend not wearing sunglasses so that you take in more natural light. If you can exercise 30 min a day (hah!), 5 days a week, once you've done it for 6 weeks it'll have the same effect as antidepressants (according to my psychologist). I know this is a lot of info! I'm about to go to school to get a Masters in counseling psychology and I'll eventually get a doctorate as well, so it's kind of my area of expertise (or something). Plus I've struggled with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), depression, and pretty severe anxiety which hopefully gives me some understanding.

You're used to depending on him, but you'll find, over time, that you'll prefer depending on yourself. You can whine here all you need! The important thing is that you're already taking care of things on your own. Like I said, you are strong enough to make it through this!


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## Elisabeth (Oct 3, 2006)

Sproutwings sweetie,

The advice that Venus Godess and jess and everyone gave seems really sound and sane. You said , though, that even your parents are not on your side...Can I ask you..have you told them yet that he hit you? That he raised a hand to the mother of his children; that it wasn't just the fact of him not working and supporting his family, but that he physically harmed you and your boys had to live in a house filled with this craziness? Parents aren't as dumb as we think, and might really be able to help you in this case..but you have to really level with them..can't you just say..look, he hit me! He hit me and that's unacceptable. Try to get them on board with this. Reardless of their reaction after that, though, I agree with jess about getting some additional support outside your family..

You have freinds here and we care about you. BTW..that's really good news about the Medical help!!


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## Aquilah (Oct 3, 2006)

I'm sorry this happened, but only for the kids... I feel as though you're definitely much better off without him! You've gotten lots of great advice from Angela and the other girls! I hope everything works out in the end, and I'm sure you'll come out on top no matter what! We're here for you sweetie!!!


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## sproutwings (Oct 3, 2006)

VenusGoddess--Thank you! It's hard for me to believe I can make it without him. We've been together over 8 years. It looks like I'll have to get used to it, though. He emailed me today and said I need to get another job, and he's putting our house on the market. He also said he's not giving me any money until mid-October, and I only have $8 to my name. I hope I can make it until then. I need to try Craigslist to make some money. Back in Nov, when he left, I had to sell a bunch of stuff to pay for groceries and the water, power bill.

Jessimau--Thanks for your words of wisdom! I know I need to get back on meds, but I don't have any insurance. Up until this past week, I had been exercising a lot! I am (or was, I haven't decided) training for a half marathon, so I was running a few times a week plus a long run (10-12 miles) on Saturdays. It DEFINITELY helped! I missed my run this past Sat obviously, so I'm not sure I'll be able to run my half-marathon next month afterall!





Elisabeth--Yes, they know he hit me. I had no choice but to tell them in November when my husband left us and--get this--filed a restraining order against ME! (I ended up filing charges against him. They took pictures of bruises, etc, and arrested him, but he was out in 12 hours!) They totally supported me, paid for my lawyer, etc, but now they think I need to take him back. Since it's been months since he's hit me, they think he's changed. THey told me to stop throwing my "tantrum" when they emailed me from Hawaii upon receiving the phonecall from my in-laws.

Aquilah--Thank you! Welcome back, BTW! I'm sure I'll get through this...lots of women do... It just sucks. An 8yr relationship down the drain...I feel like a failure (I know I need counseling...because it's not my fault...but I still feel this way...like I could have been a better wife/woman...)


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## CharH (Oct 4, 2006)

I know you feel rejected (I too have been through this too) I know you think you love him. I know you think it's your fault. But I PROMISE you - one year from now you will be so happy that you are not attached to him. It's physically painful and emotionally draining, financially frightening but you can get through this. I am now remarried and I thank God every single day that my 1st husband cheated on me and had a baby with the girl he was cheating with. He did me the biggest favor of my life. I would have never left him and he would have abused me forever!

Don't be afraid to contact agencies in your area for help financially or with emotional support. You can do this. You will be a better and much happier person for it and so will your children.

I'm sorry to go on...I know you don't know me. But I feel your pain. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to grieve and then do whatever you can to get through the day until you can breath again without feeling that sick feeling in your heart. You deserve better because you are worth it.

Hugs to you...take care of yourself and your children. If you need any help looking up agencies I would be glad to do some research for you. Just pm me.


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## Elisabeth (Oct 4, 2006)

What incredible grace you have, in the midst of all this that you are going through, to be so polite to answer back my post individually.

Thank you for explaining more clearly. I see. You need counselling. You need to get another job. You need to do this, you need to do that..blah blah blah.

Ok. Whatever. But 8 dollars to last you and your children through the month of October is unacceptable. I don't know how long it takes on Craigslist or E-Bay to sell stuff, but what you need right now, before you can do anything, is cold hard. I have to go to a jazz concert tonight, but I'd like to P.M. you first thing tomorrow.


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## VenusGoddess (Oct 4, 2006)

Originally Posted by *sproutwings* /img/forum/go_quote.gif VenusGoddess--Thank you! It's hard for me to believe I can make it without him. We've been together over 8 years. It looks like I'll have to get used to it, though. He emailed me today and said I need to get another job, and he's putting our house on the market. He also said he's not giving me any money until mid-October, and I only have $8 to my name. I hope I can make it until then. I need to try Craigslist to make some money. Back in Nov, when he left, I had to sell a bunch of stuff to pay for groceries and the water, power bill. What you can do is call the utility companies and tell them that your husband left and you do not have the money to pay the bills this month, but that you would like to make some kind of payment arrangement so that they do not shut off the utilities on you and your 3 kids. Your husband is playing games right now...HE'S the one throwing the temper tantrum (trying to keep the upper hand by doing this stuff is a "power play"). But, the less you let it worry you, the better off you'll be.
I really think you should go to a legal aid clinic and file for divorce based upon physical, emotional, and mental abuse. File for child support. And, then file for governmental assistance. I can tell you that having proof of an intent to disolve the marriage based upon abuse will help you get the other aid you need.

I know its hard to let go of a relationship. But, pretty soon, when the storm is over, you will wake up one day and breathe a sigh of relief knowing that he's not around, you don't have to walk on egg shells anymore and that, for once, you have complete and total "peace" in your home. Right now, its hard to see that far down the line...but, believe me...its there and all you need to do is take that first step. Everything else will fall into place.

Lots of hugs...you are going to be just fine.


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## jessimau (Oct 5, 2006)

Sproutwings, thank you for replying back! I'm glad to hear you've been training for a half marathon. Even if you missed a couple days of training, you still might be able to do it.

Your husband makes me so angry! Leaving you with $8!! If you need help, let me know. I can help look up agencies and possibly prescription drug assistance programs (I think they have those for ppl who can't pay for all different kinds of meds). I'm totally willing to help in any way, as are other ladies here. Let us know! *hug*

In the words of Rob Schneider's character in _The Waterboy_, "You can do it!"


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## Dragonfly (Oct 8, 2006)

I'm really sad that you are going through such a rough time. I read through all the posts and I take it that you and your children are living together, in your home.

My question is: have you ever gone to a battered women's shelter to get emotional support, councelling, and advice on how to get various financial asistance until alimony/child support payments are in place.

As an example, my city offers temporary housing - up to one year - for women and their children, if domestic abuse is an issue.

Lots of clothing, bus passes, referalls to lawyers, cell phones with 911 programmed into them - are only a few ways women can be helped.

Take care, my thoughts will be with you and your children.


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## LilRayofSun (Oct 8, 2006)

First let me tell you that you are an amazingly strong,beautiful woman. You can, and will get through this.

A piece of advice form a former child of a broken home, better to let it be now, than when the children are so much older that they recall the violence, and or infedelities.

My parents waited 4 years too many, and I still have issues in my own marriage,and with my own parenting skills. You'd be amazed the things even the youngest of children can recall.

You can do this, lesser women have, you will too!

You will be in my prayers, and just know that this time SHOULD be the last, for you, for your kids, and for your own self esteem and sanity






PM me any time you would like to vent, I am new to the forum, but not new to Domestic abuse situations, or to needing someone.


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## Shelley (Oct 14, 2006)

I know it is hard financially and your children being without a father but in the long run you will be better off without him. He was abusive and you are better off without him. I can't believe he left you with $8.00. What a mean jerk. Take it from me, I could have lost my life several times from my abusive, sadistic, ex boyfriend and lucky to have survived.


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## mrom (Oct 15, 2006)

i don't know you or your situation, but if you were not being treated the way you deserve to be, then him leaving was the best thing that could happen to you. it can only get better from here. taking care of your children and yourself will require a great deal of strength, so surround yourself with loving and supportive people. remember, you are the only one who can decide how your life will turn out. good luck to you.


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Oct 24, 2006)

This is probably the best thing that could happen to you and your children right now. Take a deep breath and stay strong. It will all work out. Be strong and resilient and you will grow through this. You will survive to live another day. Remember that you are a bastion of strength for your kids. They see and hear everything. Being a victim of a mean man is no way to live. Hang tough. Keep your head up.


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