# HELP!! But please dont judge(18+)



## tinktink22 (Feb 18, 2009)

SO! here goes nothing. And this is the short version btw.

I started dating my bf a year and a half ago. I knew from the start there was no happy ending. I KNEW i wasnt going to marry him basically. He web cheated on me once. Sex talk via email to random girls. I was ready to break up then i freaked and stayed with him (real quick side note i had just lost my father 6 months prior so that whole needing a man close by is so true!!) then we made it all the way to our 1year annev without a hitch except for me thinking it was stupid that i was going through all of this for nothing. I spent all the money. He works at blockbuster and i make 10 times what he does. I paid for all the trips. He's still to this day hasnt taken me on a date with his own money. So i decide its enough. he goes crazy and i get depressed that im hurting him so much. one night im at his house because the cali fires were sooooo close to his house. we were still broken up but i had this bad feeling and i looked through his phone and found out he had sex with this ****ing crazy ass chick. he admitted to it and i went crazy. cut to now were together again. heres my issue.

1. I really want to break up with him. I feel nothing.

2. His sister is my boss. I doubt she'll fire me but I dont want that link you know?

3. Im in NY and he made a comment a few days ago about jerking off to my picture and I flipped my lid. I sware I felt like some stranger was saying it to me. And today he's talking about picking me up from the airport and how he cant wait to make out with me. i get this nasty feeling in the pit of my stomache when he starts saying stuff like that.

4. he definately has a drinking problem. nothing abusive towards me but he thinks 12 beers in one sitting is ok.

Remember i asked you to not judge?

5. Last week I actually considered an affair with a married man just to have a reason in my mind and his to break it off for good (no i didnt do it. yes the idea is still in my mind. will i do it? most likely not.)

its a vicious circle with me and him and i dont know what to do with his sister and everything. some one shed some light and thank you for reading!


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## candygalore (Feb 18, 2009)

Honey honey honey what a pickel you are in, the best thing for you is to let him go he is a sick person first off who knows how many times more he cheated on you and didn't tell you. The only reason what he told you the first time was because you saw his phone so he knew wtf i just got caugth!!!! His sister don't have a reason to fired you because this is not work related and is none of her bussines, now she should know what kind of brother she has, but i do understand where you are coming from is veri ackward to work with his sisters wich happens to be your boss oopps.deal with it honey or star looking for another job, another thing about the married man im not being judgemental but how can i say it ok here i go cheating happens all the time but if you do go and have sex with this married guy wich mades me wan't to cut his ***** off for being another cheater like your boyfriend,is not goin to make you a better person you are going very low,just think about how you felt when you found out that your home boy was cheating on you? Thats the same way the wife of this other dude is goin to feel if she finds out that he cheate it. And i know that you say most likely i wont do it but to be safe is not goin to make you any better or make you feel any better either so please please don't do it i don't know you personaly but my advice to you is kick him in the ass and kiss him good bye and the marry dude tell him that he needs counseling and fast or get divorce. And to you honey i hope this helps you and pray, prayer is the only way you are goin to stay out of trouble and god will help you if you ask him to help you.


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## tinktink22 (Feb 18, 2009)

well i wasnt considering having anything to do with the married guy untill i broke up. more like sealing the deal. like ive moved on. the only reason i considered it was cuz i know him. any way your totally right. it still makes him a cheater and id just be as low as the other girl. i know i would never do it. but ive gotten to such a place that this is what ive come to. making it my fault so he'll hate me just so he'll leave me alone?!

thank you candy!!


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## candygalore (Feb 18, 2009)

You are very welcome sweety anything to help people im glad that my opinion help you and you will be just fine just kick him to the curve you will do so much better and you will find someone one of this days that is goin to tried you very good.


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## StereoXGirl (Feb 18, 2009)

It sounds like it's complicated since his sister is your boss and because the two of you have been going back and forth with being together and not being together.

But you outright stated that you feel nothing and you really want to break up with him. I suggest you do that...he sounds like trouble, and it doesn't sound like you're benefitting from having him in your life. I would break up with him and sever all ties possible. There will probably be some negative consequences, but I honestly think it sounds like you'll be better off!


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## HairEgo (Feb 18, 2009)

His sister may be your boss, but at the end of the day, what happens in your personal life should be kept seperate from your work life anyway.

It's kind of unfair for you get back together with him numerous times, if as you say, you feel nothing. Why do that? Don't give someone false hope for a future when you so clearly have made your mind up that there isnt one.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but there are always 2 sides to every story right?


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## Lucy (Feb 18, 2009)

ugh, you need to get rid of this guy. it is so true that- _once a cheater, always a cheater_.

tbh i don't think you need to worry about his sister so much. it would be very very unprofessional of her to discriminate against you because you broke up with her brother. if she knows that he cheated on you too, or that he has alcohol problems, or any of the other crappy stuff that he does- i really doubt she will blame you for leaving him if she has her head screwed on right.

but if you don't want his sis in your life, if thats the problem there than i'd consider looking for another job. i know it's big upheaval but there is no point staying in a relationship and giving yourself loads of misery just so you can keep a job.

but seriously. he sounds like a waste of time, effort and money. i've been in a relationship before that almost cost me hundreds because the guy was like, "oh i forgot my wallet", or "oh my card doesn't work" etc etc. so i'd just lend him money all the time. when i broke up with him i actually sent him a bill for Â£300 that he owed me for his own expenses and threatened to take him to a small claims court if he didn't pay up. he did, thankfully but it's taught me a lesson about lending money to people. i know it's slightly different with your guy but if you're not sorted with money in a relationship it's a big problem.


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## tinktink22 (Feb 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif His sister may be your boss, but at the end of the day, what happens in your personal life should be kept seperate from your work life anyway. 
It's kind of unfair for you get back together with him numerous times, if as you say, you feel nothing. Why do that? Don't give someone false hope for a future when you so clearly have made your mind up that there isnt one.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but there are always 2 sides to every story right?

well to be honest him and his sis live in the same house with their parents. when me and him get into fights over the phone or while we're there she butts in!!!!! like walks into the room and/or takes the phone. then she barrades both me and him about how its not worth it to fight and that we're only making things harder. why is it any of her bussiness. ive had her text me during a fight and tell me how wrong the both of us are. so the personal being kept away from work isnt happening. 
As for false hope . . . I have blantenly outright told him to his face I will NOT marry him under and cir***stances. he knows my culture and my values. and he wont change to be with me.

Originally Posted by *fingers* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ugh, you need to get rid of this guy. it is so true that- _once a cheater, always a cheater_. 
tbh i don't think you need to worry about his sister so much. it would be very very unprofessional of her to discriminate against you because you broke up with her brother. if she knows that he cheated on you too, or that he has alcohol problems, or any of the other crappy stuff that he does- i really doubt she will blame you for leaving him if she has her head screwed on right.

but if you don't want his sis in your life, if thats the problem there than i'd consider looking for another job. i know it's big upheaval but there is no point staying in a relationship and giving yourself loads of misery just so you can keep a job.

but seriously. he sounds like a waste of time, effort and money. i've been in a relationship before that almost cost me hundreds because the guy was like, "oh i forgot my wallet", or "oh my card doesn't work" etc etc. so i'd just lend him money all the time. when i broke up with him i actually sent him a bill for Â£300 that he owed me for his own expenses and threatened to take him to a small claims court if he didn't pay up. he did, thankfully but it's taught me a lesson about lending money to people. i know it's slightly different with your guy but if you're not sorted with money in a relationship it's a big problem.

Ok so were gonna talk about people owing me money?! READY? every person on MUT is about to tear me a new a$$hole. 
His sister owes me $2200.

He actually doesnt owe me anything because anything that i told him he has to pay me back for he has. but I mean there are still the endless dinnners and movies that i paid for but i never asked to get paid back because it was never gonna happen.


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## HairEgo (Feb 18, 2009)

Um....no offence again, but why the hell would you lend your boss aka 'boyfriends' sister, whom by the way, you cant stand, $2200??

As far as her butting in to your personal life...as someone who has a staff of more then 20, we're all pretty close, and often hang out after work, but when its all said and done, at the end of the day, they know that at work, I'm the boss...I dont care nor want to talk about what happened the night before, work is for work. Plain and simple. If his sister doesnt treat it as such, I'm sure she has a boss whom you could complain too.


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## bella1342 (Feb 18, 2009)

Wow.. I'd look for another job, ASAP. When you find one, then you can dump him and quit the job with the sister. Demand she give you the money she owes you, or take her to court.

If you dump him, with the intent of staying at your job...she is going to fire you (if she has the power to do so...) so yeah, I think you need to get away from him and HER. If she doesn't have the power to fire you, I wouldn't worry about it.. just dump him.

Sorry, but he sounds like a loser.


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## tinktink22 (Feb 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Um....no offence again, but why the hell would you lend your boss aka 'boyfriends' sister, whom by the way, you cant stand, $2200?? 
As far as her butting in to your personal life...as someone who has a staff of more then 20, we're all pretty close, and often hang out after work, but when its all said and done, at the end of the day, they know that at work, I'm the boss...I dont care nor want to talk about what happened the night before, work is for work. Plain and simple. If his sister doesnt treat it as such, I'm sure she has a boss whom you could complain too.

No offence taken. Your not saying anything wrong. I at one point thought she was my bestfriend. but we went on a 10 day trip for a dog show and 2 days into it she announces that she has no more money. I get stuck with everything. Like they had no money for food or anything else. only gas because i demanded she pay it since it wasnt my dog show to go to. Ya the smart thing to do would have been to turn around the car and go back. Can you imagine 15 hours in a car with a person that you just told cant show their dog after you opted to drive all the way out there? i tried to talk to her about it while we were out there and she just does this im the victim and i cant believe your doing this to me nonsense. and on top of that she talks about how she cant stand not having her independance. wow hair ego you wanna offend me more because your opening my eyes to alot of sh*t thats right in front of me. 
Oh and btw for christmas me and my bf (i sware he paid half) had a special dog bed and phone charms shipped in from japan for her.

He got a frame for a record I BOUGHT and tried saying we bought everything together when i didnt even know what she was doing. You know what she got me. And im glad im telling you guys because every person ive told goes so??? but i know youll understand

she got me those $9.99 pallettes of eyeshadow from the drugstore. the kind that i wouldnt even consider touching to my face. she felt stupid and im glad!! wow i need to get away from this family!

Originally Posted by *bella1342* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Wow.. I'd look for another job, ASAP. When you find one, then you can dump him and quit the job with the sister. Demand she give you the money she owes you, or take her to court. 
If you dump him, with the intent of staying at your job...she is going to fire you (if she has the power to do so...) so yeah, I think you need to get away from him and HER. If she doesn't have the power to fire you, I wouldn't worry about it.. just dump him.

Sorry, but he sounds like a loser.

he is a loser and thats why ive told him id never marry him. but just because i have attachment issues and i feel bad i stick around. she's ten times worse than he is. theyre just all toxic. ya i know then why do i still hang around??? who knows. ive tried breaking up a million times. then i start crying and start feeling lonely and i dont know what to do .


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## HairEgo (Feb 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *bella1342* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Wow.. I'd look for another job, ASAP. When you find one, then you can dump him and quit the job with the sister. Demand she give you the money she owes you, or take her to court. 
If you dump him, with the intent of staying at your job...she is going to fire you (if she has the power to do so...) so yeah, I think you need to get away from him and HER. If she doesn't have the power to fire you, I wouldn't worry about it.. just dump him.

Sorry, but he sounds like a loser.

I'm pretty farmiliar with US labour laws, and you cant fire someone just becuase. You need reason and warning...


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## McRubel (Feb 18, 2009)

Girl! I know the feeling. I dated a guy who was worthless. I think I was having some self-esteem issues. Anyways, I was so desperate to get rid of him I even LIED and said I cheated on him just to get him to want to leave!!! He didn't buy it. Just the thought of kissing him made my stomach turn because I began to dislike him so much. The way I way able to cut it off was telling him it was over. I deleted his phone number. Did not answer a single text, call, email, whatever. He became desperate and would leave mean messages just to get a rise out of me with hopes to get me to call or something. I recommend just not reading the emails or texts and not listening to the voicemails. Just write him off as someone that no longer exists in your life. You can do it! Life it too short to waste it with someone that SUCKS!


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## Aprill (Feb 18, 2009)

I wont judge.......but BOOOOO *hiss hiss* damn girl!!!!!


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## tinktink22 (Feb 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *McRubel* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Girl! I know the feeling. I dated a guy who was worthless. I think I was having some self-esteem issues. Anyways, I was so desperate to get rid of him I even LIED and said I cheated on him just to get him to want to leave!!! He didn't buy it. Just the thought of kissing him made my stomach turn because I began to dislike him so much. The way I way able to cut it off was telling him it was over. I deleted his phone number. Did not answer a single text, call, email, whatever. He became desperate and would leave mean messages just to get a rise out of me with hopes to get me to call or something. I recommend just not reading the emails or texts and not listening to the voicemails. Just write him off as someone that no longer exists in your life. You can do it! Life it too short to waste it with someone that SUCKS! Ya the first time we broke up he cried and cried and cried to everyone. He ended up at his friends houses for days on end drinking himself away. then went out and had sex with some other girl. why i got back with him? i dont know. myabe i was hurt that he moved on?? i dont know

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I wont judge.......but BOOOOO *hiss hiss* damn girl!!!!! WOW APRILL!!!! my problem is that bad that you wont even give me your input?? lol do i wanna ask for your imput? i think id be too scared to read it

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm pretty farmiliar with US labour laws, and you cant fire someone just becuase. You need reason and warning... If she really wanted to she could talk our boss into it. her nose is so far up our bosses ass that she would need to convince her I sneezed wrong the day before and id be outta there. ive seen them fire people that i knew didnt do anything. but they find ways to make it look like you made a huge mistake. and HR is buddy buddy with everybody. i know that both my bosses cheat on their expense reports and their hours. but Id get fired before they would even consider anybody suspect


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## Ozee (Feb 18, 2009)

Deffinately lose him.

Its not beneficial to either of you to be together. You feel icky when your with him and reading some of the statements he has made he comes off well dirty sleazy type.

I'm all for equal status in relationships but i deffinately believe in chivalry, I also think that if someone likes you truely regardless of how much they earn they will want to do things for you and not have you pay all the time, sounds a bit user like.

Also knowing your culture its not going to end well regardless, if you want to marry an outsider he better be perfect! This guy sounds far from that not even tolerable.

But mostly you sound so un-happy!

His sister, her bosses your workplace all sound so shifty! Do you need this job for future career? Could you get another job because even if you do stay at job it sounds like his sister would be the type to make everything as un-comfortable for you as possible.


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## pinksugar (Feb 18, 2009)

chicken, you need to get out of this drama right now, if not before!!!

I think this relationship is totally unhealthy for you. There is no trust, there is no intimacy, there is emotional if not physical abuse, his sister is getting involved in your business...

look for another job. File a claim or take her to court over your $2200, break up with him and have nothing more to do with any of them. I think it will be the only way you can recover and move on with your life!

best of luck chicken!


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## HairEgo (Feb 18, 2009)

I agree that you should definetly start applying for a job elsewhere...thats just one more input of drama that you don't need in your life!!


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## S. Lisa Smith (Feb 19, 2009)

Holy crap... Find a new job and move on!! This is obviously nuts!


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## KISKA (Feb 19, 2009)

You say you feel sad and lonely but you are strong and can pull through and after a while you feel much happier. I am sorry for the loss of your father, I totally know where your coming from as I went through the same thing. Your young and beautiful and you will find a good loving guy, but before that you must break it off with the leech who allready wasted too much of your time.


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## Adrienne (Feb 19, 2009)

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm pretty farmiliar with US labour laws, and you cant fire someone just becuase. You need reason and warning... IDK, in our state, the employer can get rid of any they want to for no reason at all just becuase. They have to let you know ahead of time but that's about it.

Quote:
In most states of the United States, all employees are considered "at will" employees."At will" means that you or your employer can terminate your job on a moment's notice for any reason - good, bad, indifferent -- or no reason at all. Unless the termination violates federal or state law, company policies, or an implied contract, there is very little that an at will employee can do to protest such action.

"For cause" employment means the opposite: the employer cannot discharge the employee without a legitimate reason -hence the term "for cause". Examples of situations where your boss cannot fire you without a good reason include:

(1) your company's employment policy requires for-cause justifications for firings

(2) you have a contract (either implied, oral or written) with the employer that contains such a provision

(3) you are a member of a labor union and protected by a collective bargaining agreement

(4) you are a government employee under the protection of civil service laws

(5) your stateâ€™s law prohibits "at will" terminations

A contract to terminate only for "good cause" might be implied by such things as your boss saying that you'll have a job as long as your performance is satisfactory. If you suspect that the real reason you're being fired is illegal such as discrimination based on gender or race, or complaining about illegal conduct, to name a few, you should contact the nearest federal (EEOC) or state anti-discrimination agency listed in your telephone directory or go on-line.

Source


Tink:I would just let him go and find another job in the meantime. It sounds like you're letting your guilt of leaving him heartbroken take over and by sleeping with a married man, it does not even out the odds. You shouldn't have to stoop to his level to feel like you can let go. It doesn't even the boards and all it causes is more guilt and maybe even disgust in yourself at the end of the day. Let him be and ignore all his calls. He's a loser and you know it. You can do so much better


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## Aprill (Feb 19, 2009)

Same here you can be fired with no explanation and in order to cry discrimination, you have to do a very very long laundry list of things in which the complainant barely ever wins


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## S. Lisa Smith (Feb 19, 2009)

The two As state the law as it is in Virgina, it may be different in your state, but don't bet on it. Check your state laws... Please, please get a new job and dump this guy.


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## tinktink22 (Feb 20, 2009)

I need to do it soon!! I just got back from Ny and i just feel stupid even doing this. I dont like talking to him. hes all about having sex since i got back and im NOT!! i just feel gross when he's around. Im gonna talk to his sister today and see what she wants to do about the money. she had a little bit waiting for me when i got here but not enough. You guys really have helped me out. I dont know what i would do if you guys didnt talk to me.

I dont mean to rag on him he has the right intentions. but when i walked into his house today i realized how low i was. to come over get no hospitality and sit on a bean bag in his room just made me feel really low. I cant even say lets go out for drinks. I wanna go out and hang out and talk and we dont even talk about anything. hes al about getting sex out of me and i cant even stand him brushing against me.

Wish me luck you guys. I need the balls to just say its over. Ill survive right??

BTW just as a side story. (Im confirming that I WILL NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MARRIED GUY!! ) We went to the married guys store today so i could install my new alarm and my bf was with me. my bf made a stupid sleezy comment again about my boobs and i guess the other guy heard him. he took my bf into his office and barraded him telling him that if he ever wants to move on in life he needs to be a gentleman and not treat women like they are a piece of meat. The guy was trully upset that my bf made the comment and was upset that i let him treat me that way. My bf was pissed but i dont care he deserved it. It didnt matter that it came from a certain guy just that it came from someone. cuz ive said it a hundered times and it never mattered . . . .


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## pinksugar (Feb 20, 2009)

tink, good luck... of course you'll survive. You will so relieved after it's done!!!

HUGS!

and, I agree with Adrienne, you know he's a loser, and you totally don't need to stoop to his level to feel like you can let go of him - you are worth more than this without needing an excuse


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## Ozee (Feb 20, 2009)

You'll survive hun! Even if it feels horrible for a while it will get better!

plus we are always here to chat


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## HairEgo (Feb 20, 2009)

Don't put it off...by the looks of your last post you currrently have balls of steel!


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## Adrienne (Feb 20, 2009)

You can do it sweetie! Since when does one have to feel ashame of doing better? The only expense spent here is yours and believe me, you _will_ feel relieved afterwards. I wish you the best of luck


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