# Crushed



## sherice (Mar 21, 2006)

Ok...I know I am wrong but I checked my boyfriends e-mail..he doesnt know....I see him and his ex are talking...but a couple of days ago...he wrote her a letter that said "I still love you and I miss you" I was sooo crushed...but I didn't say anything....not to mention he has been so nice and affectionate with me....he even asked if I want to get a house with him. Anyway...today I checked it and he wrote her again because she didnt reply....he said "Whats up with you and this guy....I still miss you" she responded but I didnt read it because he would know it was read. Anyway I feel bad for going behind his back and checking it but I can't believe what I found....how do I confront this? I am soooooo hurt....Were not having any problems at home...so i dont understand why he is doing this.....please help! :scared:


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## mailanie (Mar 21, 2006)

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's a really horrible thing.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> The most I can say to you in my opinion... is that you shouldn't say anything at all to him because that may cause a trust issue with him. No matter what excuse you try to tell your man for checking his email all he will think about is the fact that you did not trust him enough and you went snooping. I have this conversation with my hubby a lot and I have come to the conclusion that all they really want is to find what you did wrong to lead up to the boiling point which you are already at. They will not see the wrong in what they have done because they don't feel that it's wrong. Men see things so much more differently than women and I can guarantee you that if you confront him about it you may not like the outcome. Just remember that you are a strong woman who knows what she wants and everybody gets what they deserve whether it's right or wrong. Good luck and I hope things get better.


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## posterofagirl (Mar 22, 2006)

While I totally don't agree with you invading his privacy, I hope everything works out for the best for you.


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## Nessicle (Mar 22, 2006)

I would admit to it personally. If he loves you then although he will be pissed off that you looked at his emails he is guilty so he will have to understand why.

I couldnt just let my relationship carry on knowing that he's maybe cheating on you and has feelings for another girl.

I personally would confront him and admit that you did snoop and you did have suspicions (even if you didn't) and you had perfectly good reason to suspect. Apologise for snooping but then ask if he does have feelings for his ex. That way you can either sort it out together or end the relationship if you feel you have to.

You will end up feeling resentful towards him if he acts all loving as if nothing is wrong when you know that he loves someone else too.

JMHO though the decision is ultimately yours, good luck! x


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## sherice (Mar 22, 2006)

Thank you so much! I've thought about it and decided not to say anything...I'm just not sure what I am gonna do yet....


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## wondatwins2 (Mar 22, 2006)

I'm sorry that you are going through this you and only you know how you are going to act on this information you found out! I hope everything works out for the best! BE STRONG!!!


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## peekaboo (Mar 22, 2006)

I hope things are going well! It is a tough situation-damned if you do, damned if you don't..Don't say anything(right now) but plan your actions. Take care!


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## sherice (Mar 22, 2006)

Thanks so much everyone....Im not gonna say anything...but I'm def. gonna prepare myself for anything now....


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## noheaeighty8 (Mar 22, 2006)

I totally agree with you. i would tell him. it would hurt not to tell him and be holding everything in. who knows how long your gonna be holding it in for.


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## elljmz (Mar 22, 2006)

He " still misses" her. Hello... get out now! Why would you want to be with a guy or get a house with someone who still misses their ex girlfriend and is still communicating with her. And to top it off she still misses him too.


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## KathrynNicole (Mar 22, 2006)

:flowers: I'm sorry to hear about your recent discovery. :flowers:


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## poca_ini (Mar 22, 2006)

Im so sorry. I think you should say something to him. But if not, like you said, just be prepared. (hugsss)


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## Zoey (Mar 22, 2006)

Hey Sherice!

I'm so sorry this happened to you!

I was in quite similar situtation and I confronted him and he was pissed about snooping,but he admitted it was his fault actually...but,next time,he might be more careful concealing those emails and messages,so if you confront him you will actually never know what's really going on...but on the other hand if you don't you will always be suspicious...It's really a nasty situation with no easy way out.

Sorry if this sounded confused...I hope you know what I was trying to say...


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## Elisabeth (Mar 22, 2006)

Sherice, This sucks! The advice Zoey gave is very wise.

I would not know what to do in your situation.

I think I'd just go ballistic and ruin everything....demanding answers, flinging accusations, etc.

But it sounds like they may be pining for each other.

Take it easy, girlfriend... try to stay cool!


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## sherice (Mar 23, 2006)

Yeah I think its best to not say anything and to prepare myself...and to keep reading...


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## eightthirty (Mar 23, 2006)

Having been in this situation, I can't tell you almost factually that the likely result in such a situation is that you tell him and he gets pissed because you didn't trust him and the relationship goes downhill or you don't tell him and eventually he finds out (which doesn't seem possible, but believe me it is) and he gets pissed because you lied to him the whole time and the relationship goes downhill. Either way, you invaded his privacy because you felt a lack of trust. A lack of trust pretty much signifies a relationship headed down the drain anyway (IMO). I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but I'm trying to empower you to realize that you deserve a helluva lot more than this. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Don't settle.


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## Amethyst (Mar 23, 2006)

I don't know what to advise you - but I feel bad that you're going through this heart ache. Me, personally, I *would not* be able to keep my mouth shut if I discovered something like that. True, its considered snooping. But there are worse things than snooping. Like catching a disease or something else if your boyfriend is sleeping around. I'm not implying he is, but if he's communicating to his ex that he misses her and still cares for her........why is he wasting your time?

I would be wondering - is he keeping you on the back burner in case she doesn't want him back?

Some things to think about....

Good luck dear....I want you to come out the winner in this.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 23, 2006)

I don't understand why you would put yourself through this. If you distrust this guy so much that you would go and read his emails, then why are you still there?

Leave. Find someone who you can trust...and who won't send emails to their ex's stating how much he loves them and misses them.


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## braidey (Mar 23, 2006)

First of all, I am sorry you had to find this kind of information out. I am not going to tell you what to do or what not to do, but for me personally I don't think I could trust him again until I confronted him about the e-mail. It would drive me crazy, knowing he is confessing his love to his ex-girlfriend.

This is your life, so do what makes you happy and what will give you a piece of mind.

Good Luck


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## KISKA (Mar 23, 2006)

I would confront him and leave him immediately. I don't need to waste my time/feelings on someone who is writing "I love you, I miss you" to some other girl sheesh. If I had the oppurtunity to go in my bf's email, I would... even if I didn't suspect anything just because I am too curious. lol. I might have even wrote back to the girl saying sometime like "go to hell you filthy swine, I was just kidding about missing you, I hate you, never write to me again!" just for the kick of it before I left him. I know it's wrong but I just can't help myself :laughno: . I know break-ups are hard but you deserve so much better!


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## Nessicle (Mar 23, 2006)

Although it's not quite the same, when I was seeing the man I was living with a couple of years ago, he worked from home and me being the silly 19 year old that I was, I trusted him but there was always that niggly doubt there in my mind. One day while he was out visiting a client, i looked at his emails - he didnt lock his screen or anything so that should've told me that there wasnt anything to be worried about. anyway I looked and found an email from a girl who'd said "maybe one day I'll get to meet you in person..." and a kiss at the end of it. It was a very flirty email and paranoia set in so I had to confront him.

I just dropped it in the conversation and said "So who's Julie?" He just said "oh some girl who works for a contractor I use, why?" So i had to tell him that I'd been looking at his emails.

anyway he was fine about it and gave me a cuddle - at that time he wasnt very attentive and he wasnt very loving towards me so IMO I had reason to be suspicious and feel insecure.

Anyway, the point I'm making is that once I'd confronted him I felt better. So either way, whether your relationship ends or it doesnt, at least you will know what his attitude is towards the whole situation.

I personally really would confront him....you deserve so much better!


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 25, 2006)

Sure, you should not have snooped, but you did. What is at the crux of the situation now is that you know about the other girl. He may be confused. Whatever it is, your relationship obviously and unfortunately has some deep trust issues. Perhaps it is because I am older and have gone through many different relationship hassles, but I would say maybe it is time to move on in order to rid yourself of additional potential pain meted out at the hands (either indirectly or directly) of your man.


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