# I've got a problem



## fairy_wings (Nov 10, 2005)

Im 20 and have a 9month old baby girl and loverly flat and a fantastic boyfriend which i couldnt ask more from, but iv got a crush on his (and mine) best mate, i cant help it, i keep thinking iv got everythin iv always wanted - a family and a great life (so far) iv tryed to ignore it and have done for a good year, mayb more. dont get me wrong i love my bf to bits and been with him 4 years so y do i have this feeling? i spoke to my best girly friend and we decided it was good to get it in the open, i told him about my crush on him and to my suprise he has the same feelings back. because i didnt expect him to say the same back everything has become so orquard, i wanted him to say dont b silly etc so i finaly got the idea but now everytime i see him i dont no wat to say where to look and this is my best friend its soooooo hard, please some one help, little advice would be great!


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## MACGoddess (Nov 10, 2005)

First I'd say that it is perfectly normal to have a little crush on someone even if you are totally happy with your bf/husband/significant other... A crush isn't something to worry about, where you need to worry is whether you want to ACT on that crush. I would suggest you seriously look at your relationship with your boyfriend, it sounds as if you truly care and love him, you also have to look at the fact that you have a child with this guy and what that means... If you truly love your boyfriend, then tell your friend that you have a crush on that what you are feeling is JUST a crush, and that you have no intention of following it through... Crushes are harmless, but when you want to make them something more is when they can ruin lives...

While it might not have been a bad thing to tell your friend that you have a crush on him, that might give him the wrong impression... He might be thinking now that you WANT to act on the crush and take it to something more serious, and if you don't then you are just playing with his feelings which isn't cool.

Examine your relationship with your boyfriend and realize what you would give up and what you would put your child and boyfriend through if you let the "crush" turn into something more. If you are happy with your boyfriend, let go of this crush, and be happy in what even you said was a wonderful life...


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## cottoncandy (Nov 10, 2005)

i was surprised when i read that you told your crush, i was expecting to read that you told your boyfriend. which is what i think you should do, if you feel its serious.


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## truthseeker (Nov 11, 2005)

:icon_roll I hate to say it and never thought I would but I am glad there is something to be said about getting older. I agree with MACGODDESS, crushes are normal little things that keep life interesting and are harmless as long as you don't act on them. But when you get to my age you learn to pick your battles, when to talk, what is important and when to keep quiet and ride with the tide and let that 5 minutes pass without any unneccessary trouble. In telling your friend that you have a crush on him, now you both feel uncomfortable and weird and HOPEFULLY your b/f won't notice and get curious. There is a saying, "This too shall pass" and I have found it has been the case in SO many circumstances. I just hope that the info doesn't go any farther and jepardize your life with your man and your baby. A crush is a nice little fantasy that makes you feel good when you are having a "toad" day and they are great and serve a purpose but certainly not if they cause trouble and break you up! I would definetly do as MAC said and explain that it is just a crush and is not going any further and is just friendly fun and harmless flirtation. You would never want to risk hurting your baby's father for something so temporary and unrealistic and it would hurt him BADLY if he found out. You are still young and you aren't dead, blind or unhealthy so of course you look and like what you see (heck I do it!). Just remember that crushes and fantasies next to NEVER live up to what we think up in our head (Imagine him with bed head, a ripped sweatshirt and shorts and black socks picking up dog poop in the yard...Still prince charming?). It is nice to have a little something to make us feel good but at the end of the day who is it that hugs you when he comes in the door and kisses the baby goodnight? Sometimes some things don't need to be said out loud but just quietly let fade away and not needlessly hurt people over something that is nothing. If it was an affair, that would definitely be different, but for just an innocent crush that is going no where, I would just concentrate my energy on my family, put my love there and find some other things to replace the crush and let it just disappear. I know it probably sounds like I am not being honest but I have found that it isn't a good idea to call the fire dept. when all you need is to put a little baking soda on the fire in the frying pan, you don't need to call red alert for something so small and harmless. I hope everything turns out OK for you. I have friends that have been through the same and worse, so I know you must be in turmoil. Try to relax and take care of yourself and your family and enjoy eachother. All my best wishes go out to you and I hope this is all resolved and behind you soon. And don't feel guilty because you found someone attractive, you also acted very mature and responsibly in dealing with your feelings. You didn't act inappropriately, so don't be so hard on yourself. You did the right thing! And that is SOMETHING!:clap Chermarie


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## Chrystal (Nov 17, 2005)

I totally agree!! :clap


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## KittySkyfish (Nov 17, 2005)

It is absolutely false that a sexual and/or romantic attraction for another man means that you are not truly compatible with your current love. Your emotions are not neutered and put out to pasture just because you are currently in a great relationship. Chances are you will have emotional affairs throughout your life, even when you're happily married, _but it's your free will to say_ "Hey, I have a man I love and who loves me back. And this love is based on real commitment to each other; to be a stronghold for each other when our lives are down and a companion to celebrate with when times are happy. Just because I feel strongly for this person does not mean he can bring me any greater happiness than the man to whom I made a commitment."

But... I think that you've just opened the proverbial Pandora's Box. He's not just any guy you shared this emotional secret with, he's your boyfriend's BEST FRIEND. It's a real gamble to think that he's going to keep this a secret forever. My advice? If you want to stay with your boyfriend, you better start planning damage control to smooth over your indiscretion. :icon_sad:


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## fairy_wings (Nov 17, 2005)

I no it mite sound strange that i told him how i felt but hes my best friend too, he knew somthink was different, i cant hide anythin from him, he nos me too well, and because of this i proberly have my crush, thankyou every1 4 ur advice, it really has helped!


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## MACGoddess (Nov 20, 2005)

Glad we could help hun! Feel free to post up if anything else comes up...and good luck!


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## eightthirty (Nov 20, 2005)

Your precise actions are the very same ones that ruined/ended my marriage at nearly the exact same stage/age/etc. of my life. Do whatever you can to resist the mere thought. Just deal. It's not worth it, unless there are underlying problems in the relationship with your boyfriend. In which case, need to be dealt with separately. However, I do think you should tell your boyfriend what has happened. I don't know how (I never made it that far), but if you don't his best friend most likely will. Plus, even if things were to pan out in "your favor" do you really think your bf's best friend will be more loyal to you than to your boyfriend?


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