# Husband's midlife crisis?



## Lyndebe (Jan 30, 2006)

He is making me crazy with his whining. He buys cars or trucks, keeps them for a few months than trades them in on something else and of course loses money. bought and sold 2 boats, motorcycles, snow mobiles. I don't know what he is trying to find. any advice?


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## MACGoddess (Jan 30, 2006)

Sounds like he is trying to find some excitement, but nothing is really living up to what he is expecting... Has he always been this way or is it JUST recently?


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## Midori (Jan 30, 2006)

A midlife crisis is looking to regain lost time, lost youth, opportunities not taken, as a response to the realisation that you are mortal, which usually happens when you reach half way or more. It's an existential conflict so it's difficult to know how long it will last or quite what form it will take. When I have mine I fully intend to enjoy the ride  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Lyndebe (Jan 30, 2006)

I guess he has been this way for a long time, but my boss does the same thing. seems somewhat common with men, but it is really getting on my nerves. I feel helpless.


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## Lyndebe (Jan 30, 2006)

he is 41. you have a healthy attitude, I feel like just bashing him in the head!


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## eightthirty (Jan 30, 2006)

Have you tried discussing this with *him*? I would talk about it as if you were interested in the matter, then as time goes by you can chime in and offer alternatives or suggestions, so as not to negatively effect not only your finances, but your relationship.


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## MACGoddess (Jan 30, 2006)

Have you talked to hm about it? Tell him that you understand he likes to have fun toys, and he gets bored, but that this is driving you a little mad.

Don't get angry at him or accuse him or anything, but maybe just tell him how you feel. Find a way that you guys can BOTH be happy, by doing things together as Lina said. I really liked her story of things she did with her hubby during his MLC...

Also, tell him to think about the fact that every time he is shifting cars, he is losing money, and that could be dangerous to your lifestyle. You could be saving that money for the future, to get earlier retirement, or to travel in the future... See if he even knows WHY he is doing all this, ask him what is he trying to accomplish. If you communicate with him, then all this might be able to be avoided or at least resolved a bit.

Main thing is, no accusations, no demands, just talk to him! Talking is HUGE in a relationship...


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## Lyndebe (Jan 30, 2006)

oh we discuss it alright! I do try to be supportive and gives him the pros and cons but let him make the final decision. he bought a truck less than 2 weeks ago, but was looking at ads yesterday in the paper and whining about what he could have gotten. I'm not sure it is even about vehicles, you guys are right, it is something deeper, something lacking in his life but I don't know how to fix it or if I can even fix it, guess it is something he has to figure out himself.


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## KittySkyfish (Jan 30, 2006)

Ditto! Lyndebe, if your husband is at his professional pinnacle and is unchallenged in his work and daily life, it's only normal to start looking for things to bring back some excitement. Unfortunately, men don't buy shirts or shoes as retail therapy, it has to be BIG expensive items. :icon_roll As Linab5 suggests, try to do things that break the mold and open new opportunites for the both of you. Or even just him.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Take dance lessons, learn pistol shooting, go to Tae Kwon Do classes, volunteer time, etc. Your husband needs to reach for a new goal and strive to accomplish something to curb his ennui.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Summer (Jan 30, 2006)

I don't know what to suggest other than maybe he needs to talk to a therapist. That is serious what he is doing and can cause you two to go into debt real fast.


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## eightthirty (Jan 30, 2006)

Been there, done that. I'm actually going through a divorce. We've lived apart for quite some time now (e.g. in a state of legal separation). I'd don't care to talk about him much. At any rate, I know how hard it can be, but if the line of communication doesn't exist, what do you have? There are ways of communicating so as not to upset him. I learned this in a book (a HG book for me) title _The Five Love Languages_ by Gary Chapman.

Financial issues are one of the leading causes of divorce. I might get trampled for saying this, but Dr. Laura would know what to do!!


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## eightthirty (Jan 30, 2006)

I do agree with Kerry and Lina as far as finding fun, new exciting things to do, but again...if you don't communicate to him in some way he will grasp it he could continue with his activities as you bring new ones in....costing even more money.


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## Lyndebe (Jan 30, 2006)

I found the Midlifewivesclub.com so maybe I'll learn to be able to deal with this without feeling guilty. Thank you all for your ideas. been divorced once, don't want to do that again.


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## eightthirty (Jan 30, 2006)

If I ever get married again, I won't think of divorce as an option. Keep us posted!! And if you haven't read _The Five Love Languages_ it's a must read for anyone in a relationship. It does have some Christian context, but overall the theory is excellent.


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## Lyndebe (Jan 30, 2006)

there is a Christian book store not far from where I live so I'll stop in to see if they have it or if not order it online. I need to do something as I am feeling really bad about myself.


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## eightthirty (Jan 30, 2006)

What about your local library?


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## eightthirty (Jan 30, 2006)

It's great to hear you've read that book, Lina. I absolutely love it, too! Unfortunately, I didn't read it in time for my marriage to be saved! (That's okay though b/c he's just a prick).


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