# Rant about spouse stupidity.



## sali (May 9, 2008)

I don't even know where to begin. Me and my jerk off of a husband have been saving up to do some major remodeling to our house (new fence, kitchen remodel, tile throughout the whole house kinda thing) and a summer vacation to NY. Well, today I go deposit my check into the savings like I always do. I get the slip back and the total in there now is....just my check. I'm confused so I go back and talk to the teller about it. They tell me that my spouse has withdrawn the savings.




Confused, angry and curious I decide I should have a chat with my so called "spouse." Turns out he bought himself a motorcycle with OUR savings without even talking about it. GRRRR



I'm so pissed right now. and he doesn't see anything wrong with it and doesn't know why I'm so upset. I wouldn't be so mad if it hadn't been such a significant amount or if we had discussed it first....but nooooo. Are guys really that effin' stupid. How could someone be a selfish *******. Ugh I don't even know what to say anymore.

What would you do?


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## puncturedskirt (May 9, 2008)

Wow, I don't blame you at all for being pissed and I'd make him take it back!! :|


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## Adrienne (May 9, 2008)

I would literally make him sell the bike!! Man, just reading this is making mad and its not even my husband!!!


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## sali (May 9, 2008)

I told him to sell the bike and all the gear. He said no because he's always wanted it.



I told him I want a corvette but I'm not gonna spend the savings on it. He said I was overreacting. Ugh....I'm so mad. I'll probably sell the bike without him knowing about it.


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## Dragonfly (May 9, 2008)

I'm fuming just reading your thread.

You have every right to be angry with him. I would consider this a major purchase and that the both of you should agree before he buys the motorcycle.

On top of that, there is a safety issue to consider. Many a motorcycle has been in an accident, at the fault of other drivers.

Bottom line, I would get him to return it.


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## Darla (May 9, 2008)

i think you have every right to be pissed. buying something that big without even talking about it is not cool.


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## Sonia_K (May 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *ag10v* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I would literally make him sell the bike!! Man, just reading this is making mad and its not even my husband!!!


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## Anthea (May 9, 2008)

Umm its not just men who do that kind of thing from my own personal experences.

However yes you have every right to be very angry with him, its not cool to do that without discussing it. If it is joint money he has basically stolen from you and that is not cool. He is only thinking of himself and being totally selfish.

As a suggestion I would now insist on only have a savings account that requires both signatures or account holders to withdraw funds in future.


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## KatJ (May 9, 2008)

Wow, your whole savings to buy a bike? That's a huge betrayal of trust, I honestly don't even think I could forgive my husband for that.


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## StereoXGirl (May 10, 2008)

Seriously...

I'd make him return it or sell it. What he did is not ok. In any way, shape, or form...


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## Aprill (May 10, 2008)

He would return it or I would burn it....ask Richard what happens to unauthorized splurges......But that sucks and that was a selfish move.


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## daer0n (May 10, 2008)

SELFISH!

i would make him return it, if he doesnt you do it, since he took the money out of the savings account without asking/discussing it with you first, i think its stupid that he took the money that was supposed to be for remodeling your house to buy a motorcycle?? i dont think so, i seriously doubt my husband would do that to me, he knows id hang him by the [email protected]


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## La_Mari (May 10, 2008)

Wow, I am like hating my husband right now just cause he's a guy lol. I'm sorry, it sounds like he's not going to take it back and he has no remorse about it. I wouldn't know what to do either. Hope something good happens!

I don't think you're overreacting at ALL, that is seriosly BS.


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## Darla (May 10, 2008)

I guess its fair to ask though this is an account that you both contribute to for a common purpose right? The only reason i ask is i have seen strange arrangements with certain friends of mine. Like for instance both husband and wife actually they each had their own checking accounts and split up who would pay which bill and then put some money away and then remaining money could be spent as each saw fit. I personally found this type of arrangement very strange.


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## sali (May 10, 2008)

Originally Posted by *mrs.jones1217* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Wow, your whole savings to buy a bike? That's a huge betrayal of trust, I honestly don't even think I could forgive my husband for that. That's exactly how I feel. I feel totally betrayed and he doesn't see why I'm making such a big deal about it. So FRUSTRATING!


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## debbiedeb77 (May 10, 2008)

you have every right to be pissed! wow, thats so inconsiderate im at a loss for words


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## sali (May 10, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Darla_G* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I guess its fair to ask though this is an account that you both contribute to for a common purpose right? The only reason i ask is i have seen strange arrangements with certain friends of mine. Like for instance both husband and wife actually they each had their own checking accounts and split up who would pay which bill and then put some money away and then remaining money could be spent as each saw fit. I personally found this type of arrangement very strange. Our accounts are all joint. We had set aside that specific savings account especially for all those things we were going to do. We even had our tax return and the stimulus money in there. It's just frustrating because we had been saving for a very long time so we could do all of the remodeling at once. Now nothing...


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## Dragonfly (May 10, 2008)

You should teach him a lesson.

When he goes to work, hide the bike.

When he gets home, tell him you sold it and present him with a dollar.

Then you'll see an overreacton hehe


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## sali (May 10, 2008)

that just made my day! hahaha


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## Darla (May 10, 2008)

Originally Posted by *sali* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Our accounts are all joint. We had set aside that specific savings account especially for all those things we were going to do. We even had our tax return and the stimulus money in there. It's just frustrating because we had been saving for a very long time so we could do all of the remodeling at once. Now nothing...



especially after you explained that i stand by what i said before he was totally out of line doing what he did. I hope for your sake you can work this out without destroying your marriage. Only you know how much you will take.


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## S. Lisa Smith (May 10, 2008)

Wow! Tht really sucks...I'm not sure what to say. Unfortunately, unless he bought the bike used, returning it will cost you money because it won't be worth as much as he paid for it. It is, however, a very serious breach of trust! Wow!


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## pretty_pink13 (May 10, 2008)

uh oh, yeah thats not cool at all. He should have talked to you first about it, instead of making such an impulse move...I would...I would...well I would talk to him and tell him he needs to get his priorities straight cause its *NOT* ALL ABOUT HIM!!!


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## kitsune89 (May 10, 2008)

I'd be pissed too because it sounds like something my boyfriend would do.


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## prettylynn (May 10, 2008)

You should take it back or sell it. Then since he was so irresponsible take all the money and deposit it into a new savings account that is in your name only. I would seriously consider keeping all your accounts seperate from now on. Sorry that happened and I hope you end up with all your money back and if you dont make him make up the difference.


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## fawp (May 10, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Anthea* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Umm its not just men who do that kind of thing from my own personal experences. I agree; it's not just men. I know a lot of couples who hide what they spend, use joint savings without consent, and use other shady tactics of "financial infidelity." 
I can't even imagine how upset you must be.


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## Sheikah (May 10, 2008)

Wow, I'm shocked. If something like that happened to me I would leave him, seriously. Not that I'm telling you you should, but that's a huge thing for me. As has been said before he basically stole your money.


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## Lia (May 10, 2008)

I'd slap him with a stiletto shoe, besides doing what Carolyn said.


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## emily_3383 (May 10, 2008)

Im really mad for you!!!


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## MissElaine (May 10, 2008)

Holy crud. That made me angry just reading that. I don't know what to tell you. I would be so freaking peeved. Ugh. I'm so sorry.


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## Geek (May 10, 2008)

How did you end up picking a guy like that for a HB?


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## x33cupcake (May 10, 2008)

my significant other is that stupid too. sooooo inconsiderate.


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## chocobon (May 10, 2008)

Originally Posted by *ag10v* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I would literally make him sell the bike!! Man, just reading this is making mad and its not even my husband!!! Ditto!!


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## pinksugar (May 10, 2008)

OMG I too was incredibly angry just reading it! ARG!!

I agree, make him sell it, then get an account which requires both signatures, OR separate accounts. What makes me angry is that it wasn't just HIS money he used (or what he put into the account) - it was money that you had both given and you haven't got anything back.

Major betrayal of trust and I would be unbelievably angry. In fact, I AM that angry on your behalf! god I'm glad I'm not the only one who wants to smack that inconsiderate jerkoff across the face!


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## Anthea (May 10, 2008)

I think if he is so up himself to say your over reacting, you should print out all these replys and present it to him. You are not over reacting.

I hope it works out for you.


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## nanzmck (May 10, 2008)

ditto what Anthea said~

i would say sell his bike when he wasn't home, but that would be like fighting fire with fire.

he should apologize, at least. and maybe let you spend his check on some shoes or something for yourself.


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## speedy (May 10, 2008)

You have every right to be angry. If I was in your situation, I'd be seriously considering if I wanted to be married to someone who could be so thoughtless and selfish.


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## laurreenn (May 10, 2008)

wow you are so not overreacting i completely agree with you. you guys were saving up together, he can't just take that money and buy crap he wants when he feels like it without talking to you! maybe you should ask him how he would feel if one day he took all the money that he was saving up so that you could buy something only you could use?


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## Saja (May 10, 2008)

Tell Hubby that your going to learn to drive it.....Joint account = joint bike.....that will guarenteed get an overreaction...from him.


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## sali (May 10, 2008)

Thanks guys for the reassurance! I told my mom about it and she even thinks i'm overreacting.



Last night I gave him an ultimatum get rid of the bike, or I'm gone. It might seem kind of harsh but this is a big thing to me. It's about the trust and the respect you're supposed to have towards each other, and frankly he has lost all of his. I don't know why he thought I would just let this slide.


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## Annia (May 10, 2008)

That is such a terrible thing to do! I hope you are able to work this out... and, consider going to counseling or leaving him. It doesn't sound like he respects you, and I think respect is a HUGE deal in a marriage.


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## GlossyAbby (May 10, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You should teach him a lesson.When he goes to work, hide the bike.

When he gets home, tell him you sold it and present him with a dollar.

Then you'll see an overreacton hehe

LOVE it!!!! I would seriously beat my husband if he did that


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## mariascreek (May 11, 2008)

that is incredibly awful of him, i understand you dont have to be up each other's behinds for everything but a bike, its ridiculous. and now you have to pay insurance on it.


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## Johnnie (May 11, 2008)

Originally Posted by *sali* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thanks guys for the reassurance! I told my mom about it and she even thinks i'm overreacting.




Last night I gave him an ultimatum get rid of the bike, or I'm gone. It might seem kind of harsh but this is a big thing to me. It's about the trust and the respect you're supposed to have towards each other, and frankly he has lost all of his. I don't know why he thought I would just let this slide. I would've done the same thing. Gave him an ultimatum. I'd more then likely leave for a while so he'll get the chance to see that I'm not playing bullsh** games and that what he did was unbelievable. If my mom thought I were overreacting I'd hang up on her.


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## Darla (May 11, 2008)

Sali, any updates?

I think overwhelmingly everyone (including myself) feels like he did you wrong. and who knows if he had come to you and had discussed it before hand you might have even been inclined to give him that bike he wanted.

To make it right the only thing he can do is return it if possible or sell it. But is he going to do that? Does he still think that he did no wrong in this?

But what i was going to suggest was two fold: I personally think retaliation of any type _(trashing the bike, selling it (he needs to do that) or going out on your own revenge splurge)_ is the wrong thing to do because it just escalates the conflict. I also think that right now you need to work this out with him (and hopefully you are) and whether that is on your own or through some couples counseling it has to be done. He needs to really know how much he hurt you, destroyed your trust and potentially threatened your marriage.

For what its worth I knew someone that this exact thing happened to many years ago and they stayed together and worked it out. I (and probably everyone here) have heard about marriages breaking up for lesser things and even more importantly others that have survived even worse things in their marriage, like infidelity or the loss of a child.

I sincerely hope everything works out for you.


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## S. Lisa Smith (May 11, 2008)




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## pinksugar (May 11, 2008)

man, it makes me angry all over again that your mum thinks you're overreacting.

Definitely keep us updated chicken, I am so angry for you.. and sad too. Why do they do this!!


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## kellianne76 (May 11, 2008)

I can't believe he did that to you. You should turn the table on him and buy yourself a big piece of jewelery.


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## sali (May 12, 2008)

Well ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has been moping around and trying to kiss my ass. I have made a decision though and nothing can change my mind. I have told him about counseling at first he said no but, now he said that maybe we should go.

Retaliation besides selling the bike is not on my agenda. I just want him to realize his mistake and buy me loads of expensive things



. Seriously, I just want him to admit that he was wrong and return the bike. If he doesn't then I'm gone. It's that simple.


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## S. Lisa Smith (May 12, 2008)

At first blush I thought that you were overreacting (sell the bike or I leave), then I read your blog. It appears that this is just the latest problem. As I said, he was a jackass for buying the bike. However, my suggestion is that you shift your demand from selling the bike ASAP to counseling NOW and doing whatever the counselor says about the bike. If he doesn't actually do it, then leave. I don't know how fast bikes sell where you are. Getting rid of the bike is important, maybe saving your marriage is more important. Good Luck!!!


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## ticki (May 12, 2008)

good luck with everything. he's a total ass for doing that to you. hopefully he knows better now and treats you with more respect.


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## Darla (May 12, 2008)

Originally Posted by *sali* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has been moping around and trying to kiss my ass. I have made a decision though and nothing can change my mind. I have told him about counseling at first he said no but, now he said that maybe we should go. 
Retaliation besides selling the bike is not on my agenda. I just want him to realize his mistake and buy me loads of expensive things



. Seriously, I just want him to admit that he was wrong and return the bike. If he doesn't then I'm gone. It's that simple.

well hopefully he will go along with the counseling. good luck.


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## SimplyElegant (May 12, 2008)

I think that was really wrong of him. He didn't have any right to do that. However, ultimatums aren't really that successful. I think leaving that out and just getting counselling is more appropriate.


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## Johnnie (May 12, 2008)

Originally Posted by *sali* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has been moping around and trying to kiss my ass. I have made a decision though and nothing can change my mind. I have told him about counseling at first he said no but, now he said that maybe we should go. 
Retaliation besides selling the bike is not on my agenda. I just want him to realize his mistake and buy me loads of expensive things



. Seriously, I just want him to admit that he was wrong and return the bike. If he doesn't then I'm gone. It's that simple.

Good for you


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## sali (May 12, 2008)

Thanks guys for all the help!! I really appreciate the advice sometimes you just need someone that's not involved to have input.


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## PrissyB (May 14, 2008)

Your situation is just sad. How could he be so inconsiderate? I would make him take it back BUT it does sound like a man who would do something this thoughtless might not be the kind you can "make" do anything. I dont know you two or anything but please, for your own sake, dont let this slide. I'm sorry to hear that either way. Hope everything works out.


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