# I dread visiting him.....



## missjade (Mar 24, 2006)

hey girls, just need a little bit of help, i found out a few days ago that my granda is going 2 b sent home from hospital to die, he has cancer in his pancreas and there's nothing more that doctors can do. Ive been really upset from the day i was told. Since i have never met my daddy, my granda always helped my mother bring me up, as she had me when she was quite young, so he has always treated me like i was his own daughter and only grandchild. I feel bad because now that i know im loosing him, i only appreciate everything he has done for me throughout my life. At the minute im trying to stay strong for my mummy, she is taking it really bad. The main thing is i dread going to visit him in hospital, ive heard that he looks 10 times worse than he did the last time i saw him..... im afraid i'll break down in front of him.i'm heartbroken!! Looking at him and knowing that he is going to die, i cant help myself. I keep thinking "what if he is in pain?" and "is he scared?" as i dont want him to die, i want to know how it's easier for me to come to terms with his death.....if theres any1 who has or feels similar to me??

(sorry to sound so damn depressing!!!):sadyes:


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## Kelly (Mar 24, 2006)

Honey, big HUGS! First of all YOU HAVE to go visit him. No matter what he looks like on the outside, he's the same person inside. And honestly, you would probably regret it later if you didn't. Not to sound harsh or cold, but if you didn't visit him and he died, I know I would feel aweful....

I know it is really hard, and I'm sure you will visit, you are just torn right now. You know what....it's ok if you break down and cry in front of him, you have feelings and you love him dearly. He will understand and comfort you (if he can). Oh and sounds like you need to break down and cry....maybe with him.

Gosh I don't know how much help I was, just my heart goes out to you and your mom and grandpa! Please go visit him and be strong (be strong meaning.....go visit), remember if you cry, it's OK.

I wish I could help more. Take care.


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## puffyamiyumifan (Mar 24, 2006)

I can relate to you and I am soo very sorry you are going through this. I have 2 people in my family right now with cancer one is pancreatic too. (the other is Leukemia)

You say you dont want to visit him on the hospital and that they are going to send him home soon, it this correct? I too dread going to hospitals, can you possibly either pick him up from the hospital or see him right the deay he gets home, where it is more personal, less scary and hospital-ish?

I don't think breaking down in front of him is so terrible. in most societies grief is accepted as normal. Make sure he knows how you feel tears and all. It will open up to good communication- meaningful communication more than likely and you WILL feel better, at least about that in the end.

Hope this helps a little, just what I would suggest. Oh, and don't worry about sounding depressing, we are all here to support each other through tough times, even if we have never met.


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## redrocks (Mar 24, 2006)

I know you dread visiting him, but I really suggest that you do.

When my stepfather was sick, I knew he was dying. I could see it, but I had to be strong. I broke down every single night when I left that hospital. I would get home and cry and cry for an hour at a time on my husbands shoulder. But while I was there with him in the hospital,I was strong. I did break down once at the hospital and I just left the room and came back once I was under control.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I'm sure your grandpa would want his loved ones around him.

Hang in there and we are always here for you!


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 25, 2006)

I am super sorry about your situation, but you have to go see him. Yes it will be painful, but if you don't go and see him you will regret it for the rest of your life.


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## missjade (Mar 26, 2006)

thankyou's all so much for your messages....each message helped me to understand and come to terms with it all.......on friday evening i was returning from college and i got a phonecall saying that the priest just annointed my granda....i was so shocked and my stomach went in2 knots as soon as i heard them words.....i rushed home to get ready 2 make it to the hospital and tell him how much i loved him and to say thankyou for all the years he brought me up...but i was too late,i arrived and my family stood over him crying...i couldnt believe that it happened so soon....at the minute im leaving to go to his wake.....looking at him lying there brings back reality....but im so happy he isnt suffering anymore.....i just feel a bit lost right now and unsafe but time is a healer......thankyou again xxxxxxxxxxx


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## jennycateyez (Mar 26, 2006)

im so sorry u didnt get to tell him. im sure he knew already.


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## pieced (Mar 26, 2006)

I understand what you are going through, and it's never ever easy loosing a loved and dear person in ones life. It's the same situtaion with my grandmother right now, she has diabetes, and her situtaion is getting worse, so that' why I'm going to India this summer to visit, maybe even for the last time. I work with old people at the moment, and it's hell to see them suffer as much as they do, and is forced to hang on to life buy the thread. But I take each day as it comes, and somehow, time heals all wounds, and be greatful and thankful that you knew such a wonderful person in your lifetime...


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## schlemmerm3779 (Mar 27, 2006)

I'm really sorry about what you are going through and your loss. I know what its like, I lost my dad the same way. I just wanted to give you a big hug:icon_sad:


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## missjade (Mar 27, 2006)

There really is nothing harder to loss someone so special in your life....but its even harder when u have feelings of guilt that u maybe think he doesnt know how much u love him.but now i realise that he does......and that makes me happy...hes not suffering anymore and is free from pain. i cant believe how much comfort this site has brought me.....unbelievable...i can write it all on a keyboard...but cannot tell my family without choking in tears....theres always people who can share in my feelings...and its lovely!!!! im usually always cheerful and take everyday as it comes....but sometimes things hit u harder than a brick up your face!! my granda Jack gets burried 2moro and im gonna stay strong for my mummy and be happy that he had 82 years of happiness....surrounded by people who always respected and loved him.... :satisfied: xx


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## eightthirty (Mar 27, 2006)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. I'm glad you realize he knows you love him and he will always be in your heart. The ladies here have been wonderful, as you mentioned! May your grandfather Rest In Peace.


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## peekaboo (Mar 27, 2006)

Sorry for your loss! (Hugs) Take care!


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## missjade (Mar 27, 2006)

Thankyou a lot xxx xx xxx


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## redrocks (Mar 27, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm sure your grandfather knew how much you loved him and I know he will always be with you ans watch over you.


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## NYAngel98 (Mar 31, 2006)

your positive outlook is inspiring  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> My grandmother died from pancreatic cancer, and with her living on the other side of the country since I was born, I didn't get to see her as often as I would've liked to.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> But my dad was with her when she died, and at least I could take comfort in knowing that she always knew how loved she was --- even if we couldn't see her often. I'm sorry you didn't get to tell him what you wanted to say. But the girls are right... He knew. I'm sure it would've upset him to see you so upset, but the special bond you had will never be forgotten. Big hugs to you!!! :icon_love


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## Elisabeth (Mar 31, 2006)

Bless you and your family Missjade.


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## KathrynNicole (Mar 31, 2006)

I'd like to extend my sincere condolences to you and your family.


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