# I'm obsessed with his past



## SkinCareJunky (Nov 9, 2009)

Hi everyone,






I think I'm going nuts. I recently got married to the man of my dreams, and for the most part I'm reallllly content with that we have. However, I keep thinking of the girls he dated before me. He tells me that he did indeed love them, but that forever reasons they eventually broke up with him. The thing is, he was intimately involved with both of them. He's been my first and I've never ever been with anyone else. I keep thinking crazy thoughts. Were they prettier than me? Were they smarter than me? Does he secretly still think of them? I get so depressed when I think of them, and sometimes I find myself angry with him for no good reason.

He told me about them before we got married, and I told him that it didn't matter to me what his past was. Maybe I lied. I'm a jealous person. I can't believe its gotten to the point of where I'm jealous of people who he no longer has anything to do with. I've finally figured out what an insecure person I truly am!! Can someone relate and help me feel better? I almost feel betrayed by his past and to know that he lovingly looked at someone else other than me!!!


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## Lucy (Nov 9, 2009)

this probably isn't what you want to hear but everyone has pasts! and because it is past, there is nothing you can do about it. your guy has been with other women, so has mine. i'm fine with it and i've been with other people before him too. i guess it's different if he's your first, but surely you've had crushes on other people before him etc?

he says that he cared for them and that's something good, it shows he's a caring person that NOW cares about you. you're lucky to have someone like that that respects women in that way. i've had guys be like, oh yeah i've slept around a bit, and totally slag off the people they have been with. it could be a lot worse!

you just have to focus on the present. he's with YOU now, and obviously cares about you a great deal. those other girls are in the past and obviously weren't good enough for him otherwise he'd be with them now and not you.


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## pinksugar (Nov 9, 2009)

I agree 100% with Lucy. What you're feeling isn't fair to your husband. If you love him, then you will respect that he has been with other women, who have probably helped to shape him into the man you love today.

I would reassure yourself with the knowledge that he clearly loves you more than he loved them, as he chose to commit to you until death do you part!

Don't let your jealousy ruin what you have together.

I know it's hard and it's difficult to help how you feel, but like Lucy suggested, focus on the present. The past is the past, and if those other women were truly important, they'd still be in his life, but they're not - you are!


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## StereoXGirl (Nov 9, 2009)

He can't change his past for you.

But he loves you now, and that's the most important part!


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## Adrienne (Nov 9, 2009)

I can understand feeling a bit jealous towards his past as he was your first but there's nothing you can do but accept it and move on, which is what you technically did when you said "I do". You accepted him and all of him for the rest of your life.

Imagine if you were his first and you had had previous sexual relationships with other guys. Would it be fair for your husband to get jealous of you and your exes being intimate or loving one another? Why should you get penalized for having fallen in love in the past and caring for them?

I'd be wary of a person like that tbh. Those women are most likely certainly not thinking of you so why should you waste your time and energy thinking of them? Don't dwell on what you can't change, it'll just make you bitter and cynical. You got him, he loves you and if that wasn't the case you two wouldn't be married. Focus on your own relationship and not on the ones that don't exist. Wish you the best of luck



.


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## Chaeli (Nov 9, 2009)

Trust me, if you keep thinking the way you are it will get in the way and eventually either he will leave or you will become the third person that left him. I agree with Lucy emphatically. That's part of the good and the bad that comes with a new relationship.


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## Dalylah (Nov 9, 2009)

All great advice from the girls. Keep in mind that he was with them and yet he picked you over everyone else. Stop torturing yourself and realize that you are number one in his book


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## S. Lisa Smith (Nov 9, 2009)

I agree with all the girls! You need to get past his past (sorry, I couldn't resist). You love him, he loves you, let bygones be bygones...good luck!!


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## Dragonfly (Nov 9, 2009)

He's been honest with you and you went forth and married him - so why is his past an issue now?

Who cares if the girls were prettier or smarter? It certainly doesn't matter to him.

He made the decision to move on - and he met you.

And as the others have said, it was these dating experiences that have made him the man he was when he met you. Sine you married him, then it must not have been too bad.

This situation has nothing to do with him - it's how good you feel about yourself.

What are you doing with your time - working, school, volunteering? Any or all of these three activities will keep you preoccupied, and help bolster your self esteem.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Nov 9, 2009)

As usual, Dragonfly has hit the nail on the head!!!!


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## Darla (Nov 9, 2009)

I agree with Lisa. Carolyn's advice is right on the mark!

You can't worry about someone's past, they certainly can't change it and if you decide to pass on them because of it you may be missing out on one of the most terrific people of your life.


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## joybelle (Nov 11, 2009)

Remember he broke up with them for a reason. He married you!


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## nikky (Nov 24, 2009)

I think it is driving you crazy because they broke up with him and you are wondering if they haven't broken up with him will he be with you. Time will heal this problem when you feel like you are at your lowest point all of a sudden it will get better then soon after it won't bother you.


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