# Baby..daddy...confused



## natalieforever (Jan 22, 2007)

so ill have all you ladies (and men) stumped. i had a baby girl about 3 months ago.. was dating my bff for a lil over 2 yrs..(knew him for about 8 yrs tho) well anywho...had the baby and when she was a month we decided i should leave and go to my mom and dads becuase his anger was getting outa controll and he did not trust himself. so i left. thought we were gonna work things out. then he has his ****ing brother move in that is a total low life and is just bringing him down more and more every damn day. now he has to go to court for a warrnt from a dui and he might get locked up. uggghhh i dono what to do. when we get along its great and he seems like sometime in the futrue he wants it to work. but then when we figh he tells me he hates me and wish i would get with someone else. but i know he does not mean it. man i just wanna happy family. i dont know if im asking for advice lol..pretty much just venting..you know we all gotta do it. so i guess this is the place! your opinions are more then welcome tho:eusa_whistle: :eusa_whistle: :eusa_whistle:


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## AngelaGM (Jan 22, 2007)

You know deep down in your heart that you deserve better. But in the meantime vent all you need to... I will listen


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## emily_3383 (Jan 22, 2007)

Well basically you arent going to a happy family until he fixes his issues. You have a child now and need to worry about that and yourself.


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## KimC2005 (Jan 22, 2007)

I agree with what the other ladies said. You and the baby deserve the best and he obviously doesn't want to change his ways. Do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby. I wish you the best!


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## natalieforever (Jan 22, 2007)

yeah i am trying...its hard..but i take each day as it comes...ya know. im back in school going for my rn...and started a good job. so im doing good. by the way im 19! lol..soo yeah im growin gup fast. but its okay! every day i wake up and see natalie smile it makes my day sooo bright no matter how much it is dark. by the way ladies i gotta really nice prom/midwinter dress up for swap for mac! hehehe:laughing:


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## Dragonfly (Jan 22, 2007)

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

You are on the right track, focusing on school and trying to be a good mom. You haven't said anything about your living situation so I assume it is good for both you and your little one.

You are 19 and have known your boyfrind for 8 years? Is he also 19?

Your boyfriend needs to grow up and work through his problems. If he has to go to jail, that is the consequences. When he gets out, maybe he will be ready to be a father figure to your child.

Good luck with school sweetie


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## han (Jan 22, 2007)

:dito:


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## Princess6828 (Jan 22, 2007)

Chances are he's not going to change - no matter how much you want things to work out. You should probably stay away from him in the long-run. I mean, work something out for your daughter (if he even wants that), but you don't have to put up with anyone talking to you like that - and no amount of "good" days makes up for that. Good luck though.


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## Aprill (Jan 23, 2007)

Think about your baby. Forget your personal feelings. Is this the type of man that you think is fit to RAISE a child? I dont mean throw you 20 bucks for some pampers. I mean teach morals and values? If he is going to jail or he is already getting in trouble and is easily influenced by others, I dont think so.

Arrange some kind of LEGAL vistitation and child support, and leave that man alone. Dont hitch your star on someone else's wagon


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## natalieforever (Jan 24, 2007)

*wow you ladies really help. well he might be going to jail for some stuff he did in 2004 *dui* but it was drinkin gunder age 21. he was 20. he is actually 22 now. he turns 23 in july. see its just so hard becuase i knew the man i fell in love with. ya know? as for my living situation i live with my mother and father. i am about 8 mins from the father of her. he says he wants to see her and stuff...but when i take her he either wants me to stay or he only watches her for about 3-5 hours. e says weekdayds he works a lot *which he does* and his weekends are his days to relax. i understand that but only to a certain point. not every weekend is days off. i just reacently also found out he did xtc. which pissed me off! he says he did not do it but one of his friends said they did. in all honesty i hope he does go to jail. that way i dont have to hear him or worry about oh will daddy see you! it just hurts becuase i gave this *lil boy* everything. bent over backwards for him in time of need. shelled out money opened my mom and dads home for him when he needed it. helped him get a truck. so damn much and now he has the nerve to call me a **** and everyother name in the book if i dont do what he wants. gosh im soooo sadddd:banghead: *

man oh man i seriously just wish he would be himself again


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## Dragonfly (Jan 24, 2007)

Natalie, if I can offer some advice:

It might not be a bad idea to schedule regular visits, so your baby can spend a full day with her dad. For him to look after his child 5 hours max is crap.

And you are entitled to a break - go out with friends, study, sleep.

When you drop off your baby, don't stick around and hang out with him.

Until he grows up, you will only continue to see his poor decisions.

He is a big boy - let him be a responsible parent and spend more quality/quantity time with your baby.


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## KimC2005 (Jan 24, 2007)

I kind of see where you are coming from, but he is obviously not responsible. I would worry about the safety of the child especially if he shows no interest in spending more than a few hours with her. What if he has a bad temper and doesn't know how to handle a crying baby? Just thought I'd put that in there.. Not saying you are wrong, but just saying she should be careful if she is going to leave the baby with him.


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## blueangel1023 (Jan 24, 2007)

A guy who loses his temper so easily isn't someone to be close to...especially when you have a child to think about now. I used to date a guy on and off to about 2 yrs and it didn't work out since he smoked a lot (i'm not talking about cig's) but he had a 2 yr old son. I was just not ready for all the excess baggage.

I know he loves his son, but I also know he's not capable of reconciling with the baby's mother. Sure, he'll shell out some money for diapers, food, and clothing, but he's not physically there for his son. He's with his mother all the time and the only thing he keeps telling me is how big of a b*tch she is...Now is that the type of a person I want to be with, who would call the baby's mother that? I think not.

I'd hate to say it, but imho you might want to cut your losses and not think about having him back. It's hard...but eventually it'll be the best for you and your son. He's still the father of your child, so give him the visitation rights but just don't push it into being something more than what it's not.


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## Gvieve (Jan 24, 2007)

Your baby Natalie is sooo beautiful. She is a precious wonder. I mean that little angel is really gorgeous girl. You're trully blessed. You have a good job and are in school too. That is magnificent. Do everything you can to keep on that course and please don't let anyone stop you from making those steps forward that will help you and Natalie make it easier for yourselves in this life.

Natalie needs you happy and making steps forward more than anyone else does, except for yourself. No one else needs you more than her. Sooo...let him go somewhere else and do him. Don't let anyone chip you down bit by bit and that is exactly what negative drama does. Chips away at you and Natalie. Forget about it. You have enough to keep you occupied with loving and caring for Natalie, taking care of yourself, school, work, MU, :rotfl: looking good, being 19 going on 20, enjoying life's little things and big things... Right? Trust and believe this, the bad he's giving you will only get worse. People are people are people and you don't have to be a psychic to know that people always show you themselves, we just don't look or listen to what they're showing us. We try to convince ourselves that they will be something different overall when come on, how likely are we ourselves to suddenly turn into someone completely different? Not. Habits may change but characters very seldom do. It takes a major catastrophe in most cases to create a situation where someone actually permanatly modifies their character. You know, the life changing kind? Walk Mommie and let him go do whatever so you can go forward in happiness, peace, and positive fulfillment. I'm hoping and pulling for you and it seems like you've got a good network of support around you. Please use it to allow yourself and Princess Natalie happiness, goodness, joy, and peace. If Mommie is feeling loved, good, happy, and at peace then guess what kind of life is likely to be provided for Princess Natalie?

BTW, I'm speaking passionately to you because I've been in your very situation many many years ago and I know how difficult doing what is solely best for you and your baby can be. Also, how guilt ridden "bullies" can make you feel once you begin to make progressive steps forward without them. Forget about it. Two to three years down the line you will be so thankful that you walked and went forward without the weighted down burdens and baggage of an adult that is negative, disruptive, and destructive.


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## Aprill (Jan 24, 2007)

If he is taking xtc and drinking to the point that he cannot operate a car, I really would not suggest that you leave your baby alone with him unsupervised at all. And to have a temper on top of that? Dangerous.


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## pinksugar (Jan 24, 2007)

I agree, while I feel that you deserve the break and so on, I would also worry about leaving my baby with him alone. Here is what I would do: it's easy to get caught up in your emotions for him, so take a step back, and look at this from your point of view as a mother, not as his partner. Do what is best for your baby, because it's sometimes easier than doing what would make you feel good, if that makes sense.

I remember my first (AHole) of a boyfriend where I was so young and my parents basically told me to get rid of him, and I remember how upset I was because I loved him so much. But now, 5 years later, I have never looked back, and in fact realise that I was too emotionally involved with him to see him clearly as abusive.

Soo.. I know how hard it is when you love someone, but you're young, and you have a beautiful baby, and both of you deserve better than that! good luck!


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## Dragonfly (Jan 24, 2007)

The ladies certainly do have a point about leaving your baby alone with him.

What about the baby staying with his mom and dad, with the hopes that he will be there as well. Then his parents can supervise him while he spends time with his child.

Keep us posted honey


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## natalieforever (Jan 25, 2007)

okay well..as for having his mom and dad watch her....that wont work. he has not seen his dad since he was about two. and his mom welll lets not get into that. lets just say she is a piece of poop. when it comes to him watching her i really never have to worry about him drinking becuase he wont drink with her there if im not there. and he is really really good with her **im not taking his side*** im being honest about that. hmm...also the past 2 days ive been really surprised. he has called both days asking me if he can see her. and last night after i took him home from us spending the night he called and wanted her back over...but we will see how long it last. yeah i think i have finally come to the thought of not wanting to be with him. soo thats good


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## Aprill (Jan 25, 2007)

Well then u know whaT? You need to keep your own baby and forget about a break. I was 16 when i had my first child and it was so depressing that I lost my freedom. And then I watched the news. Babysitters killing children. Baby daddies killing children. Women leaving their kids with new boyfriends and the child end up getting killed. So the best hands to place your child in are your hands. If you ever need to talk, feel free. Dont let it frustrate you.


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## natalieforever (Jan 26, 2007)

noo i dont think u read what i wrote...i am never worried about him being with her alone. he is awesome with her,. he wont drink when she is there without me...he makes her smile and laugh and is great with her...


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## Chaela (Jan 27, 2007)

Thats great that he doesnt drink around her without you there, BUT how long is that going to last? And while he may be a good father that doesnt mean hes a good boyfriend or a husband. And hes a dad his free time should be with his daughter, if he didnt want to lose his freedom then he shouldnt of had a child.


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## han (Jan 27, 2007)

i agree with you^^^^^^ great advice

i agree totally ^^^^^^^ all it takes is one mistake and if your baby gets hurt child service may take her or worst


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## natalieforever (Jan 28, 2007)

yeah i dont wanna be with him anymore


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## pinksugar (Jan 28, 2007)

ohh. that's such a big choice.. like for the best, but it still must be difficult to say or think... Go you! I think you know it's for the best, even if it's not possible to move out now, that you start thinking of yourself as independent! I'm so proud  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## rodneysprincess (Jan 31, 2007)

I think that you and your baby both deserve so much more than he is giving you.


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## natalieforever (Feb 10, 2007)

man oh man....now ikim really in a twist...now he is trying to change **soo he says*** but ive already started talking to some guy ive known forever that is perfect!!!!!!!!


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## Aprill (Feb 10, 2007)

Let me give you a step by step

1.:bs: recognize that it is bull

2.:smokin: have a good cigarette to think (if you smoke)

3.:eclipsee: get in your car

4.:love5: go be with the new dude


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## pinkbundles (Feb 10, 2007)

I think you know and we all know, that you deserve better than this. Just like everyone, you deserve to be happy and your baby deserves a loving family as well. He needs to get his act together for things to work out. If he doesn't, then you need to move on and do what's best for you and your baby.


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## natalieforever (Feb 15, 2007)

yeah..i have moved on. its sad but im really over him. yeah i get sad every now and then when i look at my baby girl. knowing that she does not have mommy and daddy together. but I HAVE to be happy for her to be happy also. he met some girl and after knowing her for 4 days screwed her..sooo that just shows me his intentions. he has not seen natalie for hmmmm over a week..and when he did see her that day it was for like 45 mins because he was being a jerk so i took off. soo yeah im happy with the guy im dating he is sooo good to me and my daughter. he got her a little stuff animal doggy that is pink that she always falls asleep with! and he already knows that a relationship with me is with my daughter also. and he loves that i have a baby..just kinda jelous its with an *******...but he still loves my daughter regardless


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## pinksugar (Feb 16, 2007)

aww, that is so sweet. and who wouldn't love such a gorgeous lil munchkin.

I'm glad to hear that you're happier now, the two of you deserve the best, and no one but yourself will give it to you  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> :heart:


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## dixiewolf (Feb 16, 2007)

The father of your baby sounds like a guy I dated for 2 years. He didnt tell me he had a newborn until months after she was born. He hated everything. His ex wouldnt let him see the baby unless she was there too. We broke up obviously, but on a positive note, my brother married my sister-in-law and she has a young child. He treats her so well. The real father basically abandoned my sis in law, cheated on her, and wont see my niece. 3 years later, she met my brother and they were married in under a year. We all love that little girl.


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## reginaalear (Feb 16, 2007)

Just wanted to say your baby is Soooooooooo Cute!!! She deserves a good father or father figure! I agree with the others, don't believe that he's gonna change, chances are it's not going to happen. There are a Very few that do but for the most part they only say that to win you back! I had my daughter at 16 I know how it is to have a baby young. I was lucky though me and her dad married when I was 15 I'm now 28 were still together and have 2 daughters now! BTW we started dating when I was 13!! My advice would be stay with the new guy, as long as he's good to you and your daughter!! Goodluck!!


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## magosienne (Feb 16, 2007)

i agree with reginaalear. your baby is so cute (beautiful eyes)! i'm happy for you, the new guy seems to be more responsible. as long as it works stay with him. i wish you good luck.


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## dollydagger. (Feb 16, 2007)

It's good you have moved on, im sure you will be an excellent role model for your beautiful daughter.


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## natalieforever (Feb 16, 2007)

awwwwww thank all of u ...u all r sweet


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