# A new life in 2010...



## brewgrl (Dec 13, 2009)

I took a year long hiatus from the internet pretty much to focus on things going on in my life, and after much soul searching, work, and a little bit of BS therapy, I will be testing life out as a single mom come January.

I don't know really what the hell I am doing or what my steps are. I am going to stay with a friend for 3 months and come up with a plan for the rest of my life, or at least for the rest of the year.

This is not a surprise to my husband- I am not sneaking out in the middle of the night leaving a note behind.

I am really scared. If I had a place of my own for my son and me to be, it would be different.

And what do I do about all the things we got as a couple? Like the china and silverware and pan set and knives and crystal and barware and the kitchenaid? and how about the tv's and the boat and furniture? not anything i can take with me now, but in 3 months, this will be an issue.

or how about our debt together?

i dont know how this works so of course it leads me to second guess all my decisions.

in September, when I thought that this would be my road, all I could see was a deep black abyss, and currently, thats where i am... in the abyss.

I need advise from anyone who has done this journey.


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## Lucy (Dec 13, 2009)

*huge hugs*!!

i'm proud of you for making such a life changing decision. of course from where you are now, it's going to seem awfully intimidating but that doesn't mean that you can't do it.

these things like who owns what, as you say, will be sorted out in three months time, and believe me you probably will have enough going on in these next three months to stop worrying about them. but it might be an idea to draw up an inventory of things in the house, or just look through the insurance to pick out your most valuable items, or ones that YOU want to keep.

the smaller things like the chinaware and other furniture etc, if neither of you want them then give them away to the salvation army. or have a yard sale and donate the proceeds somewhere, that way there's no question of how you split the money, and you're doing something positive out of something quite negative and difficult.

as for the debt, i'm not a financial advisor, but i'd be prepared for it to mean being "attached" to him for some time, in the manner of joint bank statements and so on. this might be a bit painful so i'd start mentally preparing yourself now.

somewhere in your deep dark abyss, try to see the positive things. you are doing something really really hard but really really good, and you will be a better and stronger woman and mother for it.


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## Aprill (Dec 13, 2009)

I remember talking to you about this in detail a bit.

Being a single parent is not going to be easy, but then again depending upon what kind of relationship you had, you may have felt as if (in the parenting role) that you were the single parent anyway. So think about that one, because it may not be as hard as you think.

Please make sure that your friend understands if you need to be there a little bit longer than 3 months.

Save save save! That's the key to moving out as quickly as possible.

As far as property and who takes what....ask yourself "do I really need it?" if not, sell it, split the money in half, if you have assets and property over 10K, let a broker handle selling and splitting it.

Be strong, I am still on yahoo if you ever want to talk.


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## internetchick (Dec 13, 2009)

((((((hugs)))))))

I don't have any advice, but what's been said so far makes sense to me. I would maybe start Googling what to do.


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## Bec688 (Dec 13, 2009)

*Big Hugs*

You're making a huge step and it sounds like you have given it a lot of time and thought. I think you are going to be fine, you will be amazed by the strength you will find to do this, from what I can tell Jen, you are a strong woman and you will get through this. Of course there are going to be bumpy patches along the road, but you'll get by.

I think your first priority is to put a roof over yours and the kids heads. Once you have that sorted, then worry about the assets.

When my parents divorced (this year) they had to both fill out forms in regards to their assets, write down what they wanted to keep and then gave those lists to their solicitors and they then came up with a way to split the assets, of course there was some negotiating back and forth, but it was the 'cleanest' way to do it with keeping as much emotional stuff out of it.

Of course, if you and your husband can sort out how to split the assets without getting lawyers involved - go for it!

Keep your chin up hun, it's going to be tough, but you will get through this. Remember, we're all here for you if you need to vent. *Hugs*


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## brewgrl (Dec 14, 2009)

ughhhh, thanks girls. i cant even figure out how to even start packing my clothes. hahaha. i know that i will get through this... i hope i do at least.


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## magosienne (Dec 14, 2009)

Lol, throw away what you don't wear anymore (or donate), then summer clothes in one box, winter clothes in another.

More seriously i think you have been given great advice. You will go through this, but you know it will take some time to land on your feet, so stop worrying about it. I also advise you to do an inventory and let a pro handle the big property. If it causes too much trouble, sell or donate and split the amount in half.


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## sooner_chick (Dec 14, 2009)

Goodluck to you. *hugs


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## bella1342 (Dec 15, 2009)

Awww...



this is why I feared you were away from MUT, but I had no way of reaching you really... and I was afraid to ask. I just wasn't sure if you were ever up to talking about it.

I just want to give you hugs.. and if you ever need to talk, pm me.

I'm not really sure how you will spilt things... I really like Aprill's ideas though. Selling and splitting the money sounds like the best way. Maybe you can pay off your debt together with some of that money?

What's the relationship like? Is it an amicable split? Maybe he will let you have what you want? I have no idea.... I know sometimes husband's can be generous when it comes to stuff like that.

You will get through this... I know you will. I hope Maverick is doing okay. ::Hugs::


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Dec 15, 2009)

Maybe for the next three months finances should still stay combined, but you may want to discus with the father of your child the idea of him selling the house so that the debt can be payed off.

any way, other than that i have no advice but i get the feeling you will be okay. I do not know the history and what led to this situation but from what i read you are a very brave and strong women. Those are two things that are going to be extremely helpful in navigating this journey


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## Dalylah (Dec 16, 2009)

These ladies have given great advice. As someone who was a single parent for awhile I know it can be hard. Hang on though, it does get easier. Best of luck


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## Chaeli (Dec 16, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Bec688* /img/forum/go_quote.gif *Big Hugs*
You're making a huge step and it sounds like you have given it a lot of time and thought. I think you are going to be fine, you will be amazed by the strength you will find to do this, from what I can tell Jen, you are a strong woman and you will get through this. Of course there are going to be bumpy patches along the road, but you'll get by.

I think your first priority is to put a roof over yours and the kids heads. Once you have that sorted, then worry about the assets.

When my parents divorced (this year) they had to both fill out forms in regards to their assets, write down what they wanted to keep and then gave those lists to their solicitors and they then came up with a way to split the assets, of course there was some negotiating back and forth, but it was the 'cleanest' way to do it with keeping as much emotional stuff out of it.

Of course, if you and your husband can sort out how to split the assets without getting lawyers involved - go for it!

Keep your chin up hun, it's going to be tough, but you will get through this. Remember, we're all here for you if you need to vent. *Hugs*

This is probably the very best advice I've read. I completely agree. This is a good stepping stone to follow.


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## Camden Lennox (Dec 16, 2009)

hi i dont have any advice to give you. but i can pray for you and your son. and 2010 will be good to you so dont worry things will turn good very soon.


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## shyiskrazy2 (Dec 20, 2009)

I don't know if the split is amicable but there are children involved so it can make things more sticky and difficult bc you will have to deal with your husband for a long time to come. From my own personal experience, I say: get the best lawyer you can so that you can get what you want bc you only have one chance to do it right and you don't want to be stuck with his bills or lose what you have put in as a working mother. Good luck and best wishes.


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