# Abusive boyfriend



## laurreenn (Apr 6, 2008)

i am currently in an abusive relationship. it's pretty bad, he makes me very afraid and does not hold back when he is beating me. however, i cannot make myself to leave and i do not even consider that an option. any other ladies been in an abusive relationship? do you understand what i'm talking about and how i feel?


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## SimplyElegant (Apr 6, 2008)

I know you think it's not an option, but it really is. Can you stay at a close friend's house for awhile until yuo find somewhere or maybe someone in your family? No one should have to put up with any type of abuse. If you stay it'll probably escalate even more because by staying you're putting up with it and basically saying that it's ok because you're too afraid to leave. This is all of his problem and not your fault and you shouldn't have to be afraid of your SO. I've been in a similar situation but not as hard as what you're dealing with. A life without him would really be better for you.


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## Darla (Apr 6, 2008)

there are others that can direct you to specific help, such as shelters etc. Are you living with him? Do you have family or friends you can go to?


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## laurreenn (Apr 7, 2008)

people tell me that but i can't get the courage to leave. today, i have bruises all over my body. after he's done beating me up, i get into a shiver where my body shakes uncontrollably because i'm afraid and then sometimes he kicks me. i'm terrified of him. but when he's not being abusive he's wonderful.


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## luxotika (Apr 7, 2008)

I don't care if he is wonderful when he's not abusive. The fact does not change that he is STILL abusive. You need to get out of this situation like yesterday! I don't have any particular advice as I have not been in this situation, but I know others on MuT have been, so they can be of more help. I just want to wish you luck. We will be here to support you in every way we can.


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## nosepickle (Apr 7, 2008)

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.

Try this link for some support. Call the hotline. Talk to some people who can help you make the right decisions.


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## Duchess Ravenwaves (Apr 7, 2008)

That's awful, I really hope you can find the courage to leave, you don't deserve to be in the situation that you're in. I'll keep you in my prayers.


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## CoutureLove (Apr 7, 2008)

I have never been in an abusive relationship so I guess I cannot really identify with what you are going through. What I do know is that abusive relationships never end well and you need to get away from this guy before he seriously injures you. You need to find strength within yourself to walk away. Do you have friends or family that could help you?


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## LittleMissLilo (Apr 7, 2008)

You know you ought to leave. It really isn't good for you to be in an abusive relationship, they can lead to much greater and worse things if you dont get out at now. I had a friend stay in a abusive relationship for along time, and after a few months I never heard from her again and I dont even know what happened. I'm honestly scared to know. But in your case, I really hope you make the right decision and that is to leave. Love isn't suppose to make you hurt. Its suppose to make you feel good, never in the word is there abuse.


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## shyiskrazy2 (Apr 7, 2008)

My sister very recently got out of an abusive relationship. You can do it (get out of this relationship) and it is a terrible cycle of nice/meaness. Once he hits you, he will always hit you. My sis's ex would punch and kick her in the face because he wanted her to be ugly. The last thing he did was run over her with his truck and he didn't stop or come back to see if she was okay. You don't want to take the chance of giving him the opportunity to mess your life up. Please get help. Please call somebody you can talk to or get counseling. Please don't think that things will change because he will always be abusive. My heart goes out to you, but you must find courage and strength within yourself. Take care.


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## Dragonfly (Apr 7, 2008)

So what's holding you to him? Do you have a child with him? Do you own property with him?

The abusive relationship you are in today could change one day.

It could turn into him rotting in jail and you are forever dead.

Do you think that all the woman killed by their partners were not abused by them prior?

Shelters are run by professionals that will help you start over and protect you.

*Do not* go to a family member or friend, if you decide to leave him.


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## sue23 (Apr 7, 2008)

I have never been in a relationship where a man has hit me.

Are you isolated? Does he control you? Make you feel stupid like you can't make any decisions without him? What does he do to make you feel like you cant leave?


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## xoxmonicaxox (Apr 7, 2008)

Aww hun I can and totally relate, and I`ll give you some bits and pieces of advice that Ive learned on my experiences. I know A) your probably feeling vulnerable, scared and unstable.. it`s only normal and in situations like that because of the abuse you learn to think differently then what others may perceive things as. `like oh just leave the a$$hole;.. yea it sounds easy but its farrrr from it. And I bet he`s an angel after he`s done hurting you.. they all are and they want to sucker up to you so the next time he does it he even gets more joy out of the power he has on you. Its pathetically sad, and all mind games believe me.

Do you want a man who beats you half of the time, and is nice to you the other half of the time? Or someone that is going to treat you with respect you, PROTECT you, not hurt you all of the time? Look within yourself and you will find some remaining strength.

What I did was ran, and I ran fast. He was sleeping and we were livign together for only like 3 months, I remember shaking and sweating so bad as I packed my stuff as quiet as I can. I gave my friend a call the day before to meet at a specific time..and God helped me that day and happened to have him sleeping round the same time. I grabbed my stuff went to the door and he woke up from the couch and looked at me with this crazy ass look and I told him im giving some of my stuff to my friend cuz i dont use it and im hanging out for a bit.. i closed that door and ran and he punched the wall and i heared him. i never went back.. 3 years later. I relocated to a new town and made a new life. Even though I have the scars and some of the bad memories I also have a new respect on myself for doing what I did. My standards are very high and Im very picky with the man I brought into my life. There are plenty of good people out there, why waste your time with the bad ones? Someones always there for help,and dont be affraid to ask. It might take you time but dont take too much time or risk any more damage.

Im praying for you, keep us updated...


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## irkenfetus (Apr 7, 2008)

I've never been in this situation, but I know people who have - and thank God they had the strength to leave. For them it wasn't even a question, the first time it happened, they up and left and filed divorce papers lickity split. I know some people just aren't that strong, but you need to understand that leaving IS an option. And when you're being beat, it really is the only one.


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## Jennifer (Apr 8, 2008)

i just read in another thread that you're going to college or he is or whatever and you'll miss him cuz you'll be apart for the first time. don't you think that's your chance?


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## x33cupcake (Apr 8, 2008)

i was with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years until he started abusing me.. i got out of it while i still could. sweetie you should do the same no matter how much you care for him. it's not worth it in the end


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## laurreenn (Apr 8, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Jennifer* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i just read in another thread that you're going to college or he is or whatever and you'll miss him cuz you'll be apart for the first time. don't you think that's your chance? in my opinion it's not a chance. i want to be with him, even though he's doing this to me.
to answer some of the previous questions without quoting each one, i don't have a child with him and i don't live with him. i just love him. in the past he's had other serious issues that we've dealt with and that have been totally fixed. i am hoping this will be fixed. the girl who wrote the story about moving out in the middle of the time really scared me, i could see myself in that position in a little bit.

i am ashamed of who i am and humiliated. i have people who look up to me and i feel like such a hypocrite. i always tell my little sister to respect herself and not let herself get into any of these types of situations, but look at where i am? i have 8 bruises on my body right now, some purple, green, yellow, and blue.

the day that he abused me was terrifying. i tried fighting back (i guess that was my way of holding onto my pride) but that just made him more angry. sometimes after he punched me i scrunch my body up into a fetal position and scream or just cry or cradle my arm/leg/shoulder/stomach but other times i would crawl away.

i think the worst part was when i started having a panic attack. if you've never had a panic attack, it's one of the scariest things ever. i suffer from panic attacks regularly, and they scare the shit out of me every time. it feels like you're slowly dying/suffocating. i begged my boyfriend to get my inhaler. he laughed at me. as i was choking and coughing on the floor he laughed at me and told me to shut up because he was trying to sleep. after my panic attack passed (i almost passed out), i started shaking. i think it was mostly from fear, but also from the beating. i almost felt like i was seizing.

he came over and kicked me then. he told me to shut up. at that moment, i got so angry and a burst of energy came out of nowhere and i stood up and kicked him back as hard as i could. then i knew i was in for it. i ran to the door as fast as i could and opened it and screamed his brothers name. his brother's room is just down the hall and i knew he was home and i thought he would come over and come save me.

my boyfriend grabbed my hair and threw me onto the floor. he kicked and punched me over and over as he used my neck to shove my face into the floor. his brother never came.

i am terrified of my boyfriend now. he's beaten me before, but this is the worst it's ever been. when i was whimpering on the floor, he told me to stop *****ing. i dont know what to do. it's easy to tell me to leave, but i do love him.


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## Jennifer (Apr 8, 2008)

Originally Posted by *laurreenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif in my opinion it's not a chance. i want to be with him, even though he's doing this to me.
to answer some of the previous questions without quoting each one, i don't have a child with him and i don't live with him. i just love him. in the past he's had other serious issues that we've dealt with and that have been totally fixed. i am hoping this will be fixed. the girl who wrote the story about moving out in the middle of the time really scared me, i could see myself in that position in a little bit.

i am ashamed of who i am and humiliated. i have people who look up to me and i feel like such a hypocrite. i always tell my little sister to respect herself and not let herself get into any of these types of situations, but look at where i am? i have 8 bruises on my body right now, some purple, green, yellow, and blue.

the day that he abused me was terrifying. i tried fighting back (i guess that was my way of holding onto my pride) but that just made him more angry. sometimes after he punched me i scrunch my body up into a fetal position and scream or just cry or cradle my arm/leg/shoulder/stomach but other times i would crawl away.

i think the worst part was when i started having a panic attack. if you've never had a panic attack, it's one of the scariest things ever. i suffer from panic attacks regularly, and they scare the shit out of me every time. it feels like you're slowly dying/suffocating. i begged my boyfriend to get my inhaler. he laughed at me. as i was choking and coughing on the floor he laughed at me and told me to shut up because he was trying to sleep. after my panic attack passed (i almost passed out), i started shaking. i think it was mostly from fear, but also from the beating. i almost felt like i was seizing.

he came over and kicked me then. he told me to shut up. at that moment, i got so angry and a burst of energy came out of nowhere and i stood up and kicked him back as hard as i could. then i knew i was in for it. i ran to the door as fast as i could and opened it and screamed his brothers name. his brother's room is just down the hall and i knew he was home and i thought he would come over and come save me.

my boyfriend grabbed my hair and threw me onto the floor. he kicked and punched me over and over as he used my neck to shove my face into the floor. his brother never came.

i am terrified of my boyfriend now. he's beaten me before, but this is the worst it's ever been. when i was whimpering on the floor, he told me to stop *****ing. i dont know what to do. it's easy to tell me to leave, but i do love him.

i must've typed out about 5 paragraphs and just kept deleting. i need to leave this topic before what i say comes off the wrong way.
best of luck to you.


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## Aprill (Apr 8, 2008)

Now I am going to be real with you sorry if its mean:

I understand that in most domestic violence cases, it is really hard for a woman to leave, and there are so many reasons that women come up with to stay, I dealt with it myself for a short period of time when I was 16, but I smartened up and there is no man on this earth that will ever get the right or the satisfation of beating my ass without me fighting back.

You really need to take a moment and think about your future. Do you want to be alive? Do you want to be able to one day have children and such? Because in reality the only thing that you are setting yourself up for an early grave.

You really have no need to be with him, you need to learn about and love yourself first and that ******* last because if you cared about yourself, you would make a way to get the hell out of there. What he is doing is criminal with every paragraph that you type. Put YOU first and HIM last.

There are a ton of resources that can be easily found on the internet, I know you have people that love you (and no not that loser), get some help for yourself. Dont worry about him, worry about you.

I swear, I mean no harm when I say this but some of you ladies make me want o come to where you are, kick the door down and do some housecleaning I SWEAR!!! This kind of stuff really pisses me off...please get some help, Im begging you, focus on you.


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## -Liz- (Apr 8, 2008)

I'm sorry but i agree with April, if you wanted youre asking for support that you stay with him and i dont think anyone can give you that, We can give you stregth to help you leave but writing paragraphs about what he does to you only stregnthens our want to help you.

Please get out of it, the fact that he didnt get you your inhaler cant be contributed to that moment of rage where he's beating you, he likes to see you hurt, that is not right you need to have someone to respect you.

you say you have a little sister, you have a good opertunity to get away and you arent. What are you teaching her? if you arent doing it for you, do it for her. What would you do if she was in your situation? would you think it was a good move to stay? You get over loving someone in time. Its much harder to get over abuse

please.get.help


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## pinksugar (Apr 8, 2008)

I totally agree with Aprill and Liz.

You seem to realise that beating you is wrong, but also that he'll just stop and it will be hunky-dory again.

I really don't care what his past issues are - there is absolutely no excuse for beating up women. You need to get out.

There is plenty of support here and on other websites for people in your situation. You are not alone, but the first step is realising that he wont ever change. You need to protect yourself, and do so immediately.

I am sickened by his actions. I know 'you love him' but he obviously doesn't love and respect you.

That really is all I'm going to say at this point since I think you know exactly what I'm thinking. I really am worried about your health and safety and I'm sure some of the other guys on this board are too.

Best of luck


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## Jennifer (Apr 8, 2008)

i just have one more question. you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but i'm curious: is your father in your life?


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## ColdDayInHell (Apr 8, 2008)

OMG, laurreenn! You need to get the hell out of that relationship STAT! Please don't be another statistic!!! Get out while you still can!


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## S. Lisa Smith (Apr 8, 2008)

Go!! Run!! Save your life!!!! Saying that he's wonderful half the time means that he's crazy the other half!!! Don't subject yourself to this treatment!! Listen to your MUT friends, please!!!


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## mahreez (Apr 8, 2008)

oh i feel for you. my bf and i had a huge fight before and he almost hit me...though they said, it's just as good as being hit coz the attempt was there. i know what you mean by you think it's not an option to leave. coz you're still hoping that somehow he'll change.

after that incident...it never occured again because we managed to settle our differences and not get into huge fights anymore. we give each other space when we're upset coz we don't want to get into heated arguments again.

however, if he hit me even at least once or no matter how insignificant it may seem. i will definitely leave him. i don't care if he's the nicest person in the whole world...if he couldn't control himself out of respect for me. then i don't know what else could change him.

i don't know you, but i do know that you don't deserve being treated this way. take care.


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## Saja (Apr 8, 2008)

If you cant get out to protect yourself, get out to protect your sister. He is not only in your life, he is in her life too. Whats to say he wont hit her someday too. You said you hoped to fix it, but that kind of anger and pure evil, for lack of better words, is NOT FIXABLE. I dont care what anyone says, you cant change him, CANNNOOOOOTTTTT. And clearly you love him, but he does not love you. You cannot build a life with this man, because if you want kids, you know he would beat them to. If his anger escalates that quick, its not going to stop there, he is going to get much worse. You just have to leave, theres no other way.


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## krazykid90 (Apr 8, 2008)

I agree with every other post, you really need to get out of that relationship and find some where safe. I just want to add that its NOT your fault this is happening. People like him are just sick and twisted, and you really would be better off without him. *Hugs*


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## Saja (Apr 8, 2008)

Originally Posted by *krazykid90* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree with every other post, you really need to get out of that relationship and find some where safe. I just want to add that its NOT your fault this is happening. People like him are just sick and twisted, and you really would be better off without him. *Hugs* I should have added that too, its NOT YOUR FAULT. I hope you remember that!


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## love2482 (Apr 8, 2008)

You need to GET OUT NOW! This is a serious issue, he could KILL you. Please, GET OUT!


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## Dragonfly (Apr 8, 2008)

The only way things will ever change is if he gets into therapy and wants to change.

There is nothing you can say or do that will make him change.

The reality is, If he does not get councelling, he will continue to beat you.

By the way, if you leave, he will beat the next girlfriend. So don't think his beatings are anything personal.

And I'll wager $10 that he has assaulted other girlfriends.

That is why the courts order abusers into therapy. They hope that the abuser will change and not assault any more.

Sadly, the likelyhood of an abuser changing and stopping - even with therapy - is slim.

And what is even more sad, the likelyhood of an abuser permanently harming or even killing their partner is greater.

Has your partner ever said he hurt a prior girfriend?

Has your partner said he will get therapy to stop hurting you?

Did he follow through and start therapy?


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## Shelley (Apr 9, 2008)

I agree in regards to what Carolyn said above.

I know exactly how you feel because I was abused by now exboyfriend for 4 years. The abuse escalated. What you described.. my ex did similar things. He enjoyed seeing me in pain. Sometimes he would lock me in a bedroom for hours or a few days and terrorize me. Abusers often 'brain wash' us. They make us feel like garbage, beat us, and under the next breath they act all loving, caring etc.

It took me a long time to leave. I was so terrified to leave him. Why? He threatened me many times what he would do to me if I left. I'm not sure how it happened but one day I just got the courage to leave. He was out, I packed my clothes, ID, important papers etc and took off. This is common with abusers the threats of what they will do or crying, pleading they can't live without you if they know or think we will leave. Abusers want to be in control and have power over their victims.

You don't want to end up like me. I've needed three surgeries on my arm and wrist due to his abuse. I still need more surgery. I have scars all over my body. His beatings left me with head concussions, permanent partial hearing loss in one ear, broken bones, dislocated shoulder etc etc.

My ex would have eventually killed me. I knew it was coming.

My life is slowly coming together. I no longer have to live in fear of what he will do next.

If I can leave the horrible situation I was in, I know you can too.

When you make that decision do not stay with family or friends. Contact a shelter and stay with them. You don't want him to know where you are.

Here are some phone numbers and links that will hopefully help you. Cover your tracks when looking up this information. You don't want him to know you've been checking out information. If it's possible, check out information on the internet at a public library, internet cafe etc to be on the safe side.

Phone a shelter etc from a pay phone, mall etc.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.

Safety Plan for leaving

Domestic Violence Safety Plan - An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection

I hope this helped. Were here for you on MUT. Please keep us updated.

Noone deserves to be abused. It is not your fault! Hugs to you.


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## Anthea (Apr 9, 2008)

Goodness, there are so many helpful posts, I sure hope you can make the right desision to get out. People like your boyfriend do not change, it will only escalate and get worse if you stay. My very best wishes to you.


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## laurreenn (Apr 9, 2008)

thanks girls for your support i never thought i'd get so many people's opinions on this. shelley, thank you especially for sharing your personal story with me. that's scary what happened to you and i'm glad you got out while you could. aprilll, i feel like your my mom or sister and your supportive words really touched me.

a girl mentioned above that it seemed like i was asking for support to stay with him. that's not what i'm looking for. i wrote out that paragraph because i needed someone to talk to because i was sick of keeping all the stuff that was happening inside. i feel sick walking around my friends and acquaintances while hiding my boyfriend's secret for him. it just kind of felt nice to get it off my chest.

i was hoping there'd be a girl on here who had a similar experience and had a turn around. like the boyfriend changed or something and he realized what he was doing and stopped. after he's done, it genuinely seems like he doesn't want to do it again..and he's fixed his HUGE problems in the past which is why i think he might be able to do it again..


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## erijane (Apr 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *laurreenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif people tell me that but i can't get the courage to leave. today, i have bruises all over my body. after he's done beating me up, i get into a shiver where my body shakes uncontrollably because i'm afraid and then sometimes he kicks me. i'm terrified of him. but when he's not being abusive he's wonderful. I think its time for some real HELP! " my body shakes uncontrollably because i'm afraid and then sometimes he kicks me." That sure dosent sound like somthing that could be so compensated for that I would call the same person " wonderful" Lots of wonderful guys dont kick you!

GET HELP

Dont mean to sound cold but- this crazy thing women do by staying with these types of men NEEDs TO STOP_ your not help then next women he will be with by allowing him into think this is ok


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## Dragonfly (Apr 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *laurreenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i was hoping there'd be a girl on here who had a similar experience and had a turn around. like the boyfriend changed or something and he realized what he was doing and stopped. after he's done, it genuinely seems like he doesn't want to do it again..and he's fixed his HUGE problems in the past which is why i think he might be able to do it again.. Laurreenn, I can't say this any more clear:
Until he gets into therapy, he will never change.

There are a few ways that he will get into therapy:

1 - He gets arrested and convicted of domestic violence. The courts will then order him into a program.

2 - He calls around to various agencies or his doctor, and gets a referral to a program that focuses on men and domestic violence.

You can do all the work to get him into a program, but I guarantee he will not attend.

The courts have to order him or he has to have an epiphany and realize that he no longer wants to hurt you, but can't stop.

Hoping, wishing and praying are not going to stop him from assaulting and abusing you.

I grew up in a very violent household. My father was quite sadistic and always took out his rage on my brother and I. My mother would watch, or walk away. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to upset other MUTers.

I tried to run away a few times as a teen, but the police kept taking me back. I'm 44 now; 30+ years ago, kids had no rights.

I finally left at 18. I see my father periodically because of my son. But my father has not changed. I still see the anger in his eyes. I still see the clenched jaw and red face. I still hear demeaning comments he makes about minorities. I never leave my son alone with him.

So after 26 years of me being gone, my father still has not changed.

So please understand that your boyfriend will not change.

And that is why everyone is telling you to get away from him.


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## laurreenn (Apr 11, 2008)

we had a talk and he promises he won't do it again. he's been really nice to me all week. i think it'll get better now. i'll keep you girls updated. i know a lot of you girls are looking out for me and want me to leave, but i love him. he's my whole life, what would i do without him?


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## MakeupByMe (Apr 11, 2008)

Im So not trying to be a B**ch I Promise!!! But Baby Girl C'mon asking what others have done, if its possible he'll change.......You KNOW the answer I dont care what nobody says YOU KNOW THE ANSWER , you just want somebody to tell you otherwise you want someone to tell you there the same or that its ok so that you have an excuse to stay in this situation that your scared to get out of!! what/who am i without him?.........YOU .your YOU without him you were born alone &amp; your gona Die alone.....lets hope the dying part doesn't come soon but at the rate your going who knows!!!! Im a strong believer in How you see yourself is the way others will see you as well.........obviously you dont think too much of yourself &amp; thats a sad thing, Love yourself Before you completly Lose yourself!!!!!!!

I've had friends in the same situation &amp; they always ask for help &amp; advice , I dont know why because they never took it !! You cant help someone who isn't whilling to help themselves!!!!!! You have the power &amp; strength to help yourself &amp; I hope you use it!!!

You say You Love him &amp; he's Your Life &amp; you dont want to leave him..........By saying those things I see a person who just wants attention , A person who thrives on the pitty given by others!!! You love him &amp; he's a "Wonderful" person you say.......Than I say good for you Stay in this situation........I Wish you the Best!!!!!!!!


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## PhantomGoddess (Apr 11, 2008)

Originally Posted by *laurreenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif we had a talk and he promises he won't do it again. he's been really nice to me all week. i think it'll get better now. i'll keep you girls updated. i know a lot of you girls are looking out for me and want me to leave, but i love him. he's my whole life, what would i do without him? Honey, all he is doing is blowing smoke up your ass. He may play nice for a couple of days, but then he will go right back to beating the shit out of you. And until you wake up from your "But he loves me, and I love him" fantasy, and see what is truly going on, nothing I or any of the other members on this board say will make any impression on you.
Only you can decide when you've had enough. I just hope, that when you do come to that realization, it's not too late to save yourself.


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## SimplyElegant (Apr 11, 2008)

Just because he's been nice to you all this week doesn't really mean anything. He's getting your trust back and soon enough he'll be hitting you again. You could do so much more without him. It'll be easier to leave and heal than waste years of your life with him wondering when he'll change and then regretting the time you spent with him after realizing that he won't change. He hasn't fixed anything if he's still hitting you. It's just a matter of time. He doesn't care about you the way you do for him. Just think about what would happen if you were the abuser and he was getting hit. He probably wouldn't take it and he might leave. It's really the only option you have. What he's doing is all his fault and he has no right to disrespect you at all.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Apr 11, 2008)

Originally Posted by *laurreenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif we had a talk and he promises he won't do it again. BULLSHIT!!! he's been really nice to me all week. i think it'll get better now.You are just fooling yourself!! i'll keep you girls updated. i know a lot of you girls are looking out for me and want me to leave, but i love him. Don't you love you? he's my whole life, what would i do without him? Be safe? I've never been in this situation, but as you can see others have. You are fooling yourself if you think he's going to change. He is your whole life now, but he doesn't have to be. He shouldn't be!! Let him go!! Be strong. We are here for you, but YOU have to make the first step!


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## StereoXGirl (Apr 11, 2008)

I'm sorry, but you're not going to be able to fix him. This is not something that can be changed without therapy.

In all honesty, he belongs in jail for assault. He does NOT love you, no matter how many times he tries to tell you otherwise. His actions make that very clear.

I know you love him, but you really need to get out while you still can with your life.


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## magosienne (Apr 11, 2008)

Originally Posted by *laurreenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif we had a talk and he promises he won't do it again. he's been really nice to me all week. i think it'll get better now. i'll keep you girls updated. i know a lot of you girls are looking out for me and want me to leave, but i love him. he's my whole life, what would i do without him? honey, GET OUT !! as everyone said, no matter what he says, you can't change him. sorry for being so straightforward, but even though you love him, he doesn't. he _will_ continue to beat you, no matter what lies he has told you. you need to get out while you still can, trust me when i say women die everyday of abuse from their boyfriend/husband. do not become one of them.you are strong and you can do it.


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## Shelley (Apr 12, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Laurreenn, I can't say this any more clear:
Until he gets into therapy, he will never change.

There are a few ways that he will get into therapy:

1 - He gets arrested and convicted of domestic violence. The courts will then order him into a program.

2 - He calls around to various agencies or his doctor, and gets a referral to a program that focuses on men and domestic violence.

You can do all the work to get him into a program, but I guarantee he will not attend.

The courts have to order him or he has to have an epiphany and realize that he no longer wants to hurt you, but can't stop.

Hoping, wishing and praying are not going to stop him from assaulting and abusing you.

I grew up in a very violent household. My father was quite sadistic and always took out his rage on my brother and I. My mother would watch, or walk away. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to upset other MUTers.

I tried to run away a few times as a teen, but the police kept taking me back. I'm 44 now; 30+ years ago, kids had no rights.

I finally left at 18. I see my father periodically because of my son. But my father has not changed. I still see the anger in his eyes. I still see the clenched jaw and red face. I still hear demeaning comments he makes about minorities. I never leave my son alone with him.

So after 26 years of me being gone, my father still has not changed.

So please understand that your boyfriend will not change.

And that is why everyone is telling you to get away from him.

I agree with Carolyn. The only way an abusive person will possibly change is through counselling. I was abused by my parents while growing up and they haven't changed.

Originally Posted by *laurreenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif we had a talk and he promises he won't do it again. he's been really nice to me all week. i think it'll get better now. i'll keep you girls updated. i know a lot of you girls are looking out for me and want me to leave, but i love him. he's my whole life, what would i do without him? My now exbf always promised me he wouldn't do it again. He would be fine and loving for a few days or few weeks but then would go back to his abusive ways. This is common with abusers. It's called a honeymoon phase. I felt the same way you do. You believe he will change or stop because his behavior is back to normal or he showers you with love etc. But this only lasts so long. 
There are men out there who won't hit you or treat you this way. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect.

You do need support at this time to get you through this. I had no support while I was abused with the exception of one person who encouraged me to leave. There support, care helped and gave me the courage to leave. Do you have supportive friends or family that can help you? Were also here for you on MUT.


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## MissMissy (May 27, 2008)

Well im not trying to be mean, but not a person on here can help you.. You have to help yourself, and you need to want to do that first.

And they dont change if he has hit you as bad as you say he as.. it is not going to stop.. He has you right where he wants you.

Behaivor like this reminds me of that song. Love is blind by eve.. ( i always relate songs to situations)


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## mac-whore (May 27, 2008)

wow. i am so not trying to be a ***** here but, i find myself angry.. mostly AT HIM for what he's doing, of course but, also at the ignorance in general. i watched my mother get beat by my father for a few years, until one time he almost beat her to death and she left. did he mean to almost kill her? no. it was just another beating that went wrong. sweetie, you're headed nowhere fast. nobody on this message board can give u what u need or tell u what u need to hear. u need to speak to a professional and/or u need a personal revelation. i hope that u decide to take action and stop letting '' love '' be your excuse. you're worth so much more. keep us updated.


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## AngelaGM (May 27, 2008)

My mother used to get beat really badly by my father. We can encourage you all we want but you will not leave until you know deep in your heart that you deserve better. Please know that you deserve to be loved by a man and not abused.


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## kcam125 (Jun 14, 2008)

it doesn't matter if he's wonderful to you after he's done beating you up, he shouldn't lay a hand on you! I hope you get up the courage to leave him soon, before your injuries get worse. I'll pray for you that you have the courage to get away from that abuser.


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## kdmakeuparts (Jun 17, 2008)

Ok, so not only does he hit you, but you describe beatings. And then when you have endured one of his beatings you lie in a fetal postion shaking and convulsing. He then kicks you......ARE YOU KIDDING ME????????????

I don't care if he never does it again, the fact that he did this even once is unforgivable.

You will end up in the hospital or worse. PLEASE, I beg you get out and get help!!!!

Some of the girls have provided excellent resources....use them.

Be safe, my thoughts are with you.


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## ivette (Jun 18, 2008)

thats a very dangerous situation. the beatings can easily escalate and put you at risk

for either serious injury or even death. i would get out of there ASAP. go to a family

member or good friend and stay with them until you can figure things out.

i was never in an abusive relationship but was born into one. caused alot of problems for me later in life


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## laurafaye (Jun 18, 2008)

Stuff like this really pisses me off, not you, but him. Of course he is going to say he's going to get better, just so you stay with him so he can beat you even more. I agree with all the other girls, you need to get out and find someone who will treat you like you deserve, there is a lot of nice guys out there, you don't need to be stuck with a prick. Sorry if I'm being harsh but you don't deserve it.


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## Karen CD FL (Jun 18, 2008)

GET OUT NOW!

Whether it is physical, emotional or verbal abuse, it cannot be tolerated on any level.

You are in danger!

With all the previous posts, I am sure everything has been said but YOU MUST GET OUT NOW.

If you must,call your local police, that will remove him from your premises and give you a chance to either change the locks or find other accommodations.

There are so many bad stories about people who did not leave. PLEASE DO NOT BECOME ONE OF THEM!

I wish you the very best.


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## Lolita Von Tess (Jul 23, 2008)

Be strong, rise up and leave.That S.O.B has nothing to offer but pain and heartache and you deserve much much much better than he could ever give you.


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