# "relationship" issue



## Andi (Oct 6, 2005)

ok this is a tough one for me...guess I need some opinions from people who arenÂ´t directly involved. they can often give better advice

ok so I have been seeing this guy for a month and a half (almost non-stop) and we are kinda getting more and more serious. he has mentioned that he wants to be able to call me his girlfriend, and all his friends already call me his g/f.

the problem is: till this date he already HAS a g/f. she lives in his hometown (which is in the US). when me and him hooked up back in June when he just arrived in Vienna a month ago he told her about it. she forgave him and still wanted to be with him (which I donÂ´t get...according to him sheÂ´s a virgin and she should be devastated that he sleeps with another girl a month after he leaves the US) then I came back to vienna in the middle of august and we spent lots of time together.

we first wanted to keep it completely physical, I didnÂ´t want to get serious with him (cause heÂ´s leaving vienna in may next year) or anyone else cause IÂ´m still suffering from a broken heart. I never mentioned anything about wanting more, we had great sex and great conversations and fun and all. no strings attached at first.

now 2 nights ago he went out with a girl and her friend who came into town and when I asked him about that girl he admitted that he once hooked up with her. he was supposed to call me and come over this night but he didnÂ´t call or came over. I was so worried and jealous (for the 1st time in my life!!!!) the next day and I wrote him a totally emotional e-mail novel






he immeditaley called me and apoligized for last night, he said he got so drunk that he had to be carried home. then he also promised to really break up with his g/f back home today. this isnÂ´t a big deal considering he canÂ´t see her right now cause sheÂ´s so many miles away.

*but *I am thinking: if he can live with cheating on her for weeks (with me!) and not telling her about it (he claimed he wants to tell her in person, but now that I made it clear that I refuse to live with this anymore he changed his mind I guess), then he could do the same to me, right?

on the other hand heÂ´s always so straightforward to me. he said he is not sure if I could ever trust him b/c of what he did to his g/f and that he feels like the worst person for doing this. I donÂ´t think heÂ´s a cheater in general, but if you do THIS to somebody you love....

somehow this seems to be so complicated. I have trust issues from a past relationship where I have been cheated on and lied straight to my face, he is in the middle of a breakup. then heÂ´s leaving in a few months and he threw a hint about wanting to try the long distance thing (which I would never do again after the bad experience I had)

but heÂ´s still such an amazing and sweet guy. he calls me every day and we just have a great time together and heÂ´s always there for me.

my question: is it worth worrying about that weÂ´re already having problems in the beginning of our possible relationship? I mean things donÂ´t always go smooth, right? I am willing to work on this, but I am not sure if I should do this to myself-knowing heÂ´s gonna leave...but I really care for him so I am really really torn apart!!!


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## devinjhans (Oct 6, 2005)

I am sorry Andrea that you are in such dismay about what you should do. I personally don't think that you should have to settle for anything less than the best. You are a beautiful, talented young lady and any man would be lucky to have you in his life. There is a man out there that will treat you like a queen, but if you have someone in your life that is treating you just okay, then you are not free to have the right man find you or you find him. I don't think getting sloppy drunk is a good enough excuse for doing stupid sh**!! My mama always told me "a leopard never changes his spots". In other words once someone is one way they will always be that way. Also I think that you will just be setting yourself up for more hurt in the long run, b/c you have already said that you don't want a long distance relationship and you know he's leaving. How do you know that he won't go home to the states and tell ole' girl the same things he's telling you? A man will say anything to keep getting some a** believe me. If you're comfortable with just a physical relationship and nothing more then cool! But if you know your feelings are deeper than that, then he doesn't sound so great. JMHO!! HTH.


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## Liz (Oct 6, 2005)

ditto to what devin said! you're a great girl and deserve better!


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## phoenix461 (Oct 6, 2005)

Andrea - 2nd/3rd what Devin &amp; Liz said.


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## gamaki (Oct 6, 2005)

I think Devin pretty much summed it all up. I just want to add that It's early enough in the relationship that it's better to walk away now while you still can. It only gets harder later. In the end you'll do what's right for you. There are certainly a million fish in the sea and a girl as pretty, smart and sweet as yourself can have her pick of the lot!!!:icon_love


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## girl_geek (Oct 6, 2005)

I totally agree with what Devin said, you deserve better! .... plus statistics say that relationships that begin from infidelity have an extremely low success rate (something like 5%). You are right, if he will cheat _with_ you, who's to say he won't cheat _on_ you?


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## Andi (Oct 6, 2005)

Originally Posted by *girl_geek* I totally agree with what Devin said, you deserve better! .... plus statistics say that relationships that begin from infidelity have an extremely low success rate (something like 5%). You are right, if he will cheat _with_ you, who's to say he won't cheat _on_ you? oh, interesting fact. thanks Jennifer and everybody else for their input. I still donÂ´t know what to do...we agreed on taking it slow for now and not rush into anything cause I canÂ´t end things with him until I really KNOW that heÂ´s not a good guy. I am a hopeless romantic, sorry
I hate sounding that bitter from being heartbroken from the last guy, I thought all guys in general are cheaters and liers. and then there is him who seems to be different (well, except for the cheating part). I guess my problem is that I always WANT to see the best in people.

I have heard so much shit from my friends lately, every one of them has been treated bad by some guy lately, there seem to be no good ones out there. I was so frustrated by all the guys I lately met so I guess he seemed to be a pretty good choice.


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## Andi (Oct 6, 2005)

Originally Posted by *Charmaine* Andrea, you deserve so much more! I agree with everyone else, you should never have to settle for less. This guy is LUCKY to have you! Besides, you know what they say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I remember you going through that whole problem with your ex, and you know, we care about you. I don't want you going through that again! But no matter what you do, know that we are always on your side. Good luck, girl! good memory, Char



yeah my "ex" (we werenÂ´t really together either...complicated situation too) cheated on me.

so yeah the new guy just called me and we talked...looks like for him the problem is out of the world, and he said heÂ´s gonna call his g/f when het gets off the phone with me.

oh well I still donÂ´t know what to do...but I know for sure I will "test" him if heÂ´s worth it. IÂ´ll make sure he knows that he has to prove to me that he is trustworthy


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## tracybryant (Oct 6, 2005)

I know exactly how you feel. Im always so busy looking for the good in guys that I overlook all the bad stuff and I always end up getting kicked in the butt in the end. I think that you should really consider how you would feel if he cheated on you. I have to go by the saying, "once a cheater always a cheater." Granted some guys do change, but most of the time they will always be that way.



Its sad, but most of the time true. Im sorry that you are having such a difficult time



just know that there is someone out there for you, and you'll know it when you find him.


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## etherealamenity (Oct 6, 2005)

Andrea, my dear Andrea. I know this must be hard on you and I can't imagine being in your position. On one hand, this is nothing but fun and games. On the other, your heart is being toyed with.

Here is my solution to the problem:

I say give him a chance. Trust him. Trust him until he messes up. Once you feel he has lost your trust, then you should no longer be with him. Until then, relax, sit back and enjoy being young and having fun.

♥

Regina


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## Andi (Oct 6, 2005)

Originally Posted by *etherealamenity* Andrea, my dear Andrea. I know this must be hard on you and I can't imagine being in your position. On one hand, this is nothing but fun and games. On the other, your heart is being toyed with. 
Here is my solution to the problem:

I say give him a chance. Trust him. Trust him until he messes up. Once you feel he has lost your trust, then you should no longer be with him. Until then, relax, sit back and enjoy being young and having fun.

♥

Regina

I like this advice...I was gonna do something like that anyway



and yeah I know you other girls are right too, but I really want to give him a chance while still remaining careful. I have been known to JUMP into things, falling for guys really fast and all but not this time...I am still holding back because I think I have really learned from what happened with my ex. like for example I donÂ´t want to make it official or anything, no holding hands in public and all that...while I am not sure if I can get serious with someone and totally trust that personIÂ´ll watch out for my poor heart this time...at least IÂ´ll try!


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## schlemmerm3779 (Oct 6, 2005)

Andrea! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL inside and out. Don't settle for that. You deserve to be treated like a queen. Listen to your gut. Its usually right.

Hang in there girlie. It will all get better for you.

BTW.......what sign are you? I'd be interested to know what the stars have to say about this.


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## Andi (Oct 6, 2005)

Originally Posted by *tracybryant* I know exactly how you feel. Im always so busy looking for the good in guys that I overlook all the bad stuff and I always end up getting kicked in the butt in the end. I think that you should really consider how you would feel if he cheated on you. I have to go by the saying, "once a cheater always a cheater." Granted some guys do change, but most of the time they will always be that way.



Its sad, but most of the time true. Im sorry that you are having such a difficult time



just know that there is someone out there for you, and you'll know it when you find him. sounds just the way I am...I have had people tell me "this guy is not good for you" (this is concerning my ex though) and I would still be like "you people donÂ´t know him and heÂ´s different than what everybody thinks", thinking that I turned him into a monogamous gentleman who kisses the ground I walk on (exaggerated *lol*)
ugh, I hate guy troubles and I hate bothering other people with my "problems". but thanks again to everybody for replying or just reading


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## Andi (Oct 6, 2005)

Originally Posted by *schlemmerm3779* Andrea! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL inside and out. Don't settle for that. You deserve to be treated like a queen. Listen to your gut. Its usually right.

Hang in there girlie. It will all get better for you.

BTW.......what sign are you? I'd be interested to know what the stars have to say about this.

IÂ´m Cancer...no surprise I`m that unsure of my feelings, huh? *lol* from what I know about signs I am the typical cancer I guess


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## schlemmerm3779 (Oct 6, 2005)

here's what the stars say not a lot about relationship but some

The eclipses are back in October and your chart is soon to be shaken from top to bottom, but in a good way. They will bring positive developments and much needed change to various areas of your life. So much of what you don't like about your life and your lifestyle will soon be history as the planets gather into rare formations in your chart.

Look for massive changes to occur this month on your home front and in your career, and later for great developments in matters of love, romance, and children. This is your most important month of the year!

There is so much going on that at the end of the month you are likely to say you felt like you lived through six months, not one! These shifts were long overdue, and even enforced changes will work to your favor. Let's start at the beginning and move through this busy, bustling month.

On October 3, at the solar eclipse (a kind of new moon on steroids), the universe will zero into your home and family and bring you some of the most outstanding blessings possible in this area of your life. You might decide to buy a house, lease a new apartment, hire a contractor, make needed repairs, redecorate, or buy / sell property. You may find a beautiful piece of furniture or artwork, at a bargain price you can afford. There are so many possibilities!

If you've been concerned about a family member, such as the health of your father, for example, you'll likely have news that will cheer you.

On October 3, the new moon solar eclipse, a whole new path will open up for you. It would be hard to imagine a better time than now, October 2005, to make your home the way you have always wanted it. On this eclipse, you will have the rare help of Jupiter in your solar fourth house of home, a fabulously expansive influence. This tells me that your home is about to feel much bigger.

Jupiter will always bring "more" of everything. You'll experience a form of wild luck in October if you look at all your options. Don't make any assumptions about what you will find or can afford until you look at your options. A playful, experimental attitude is best for aspects as outstanding as these!

Jupiter will coax you to find ways to make your living quarters more comfy and luxurious. If you move - and it may be quite far from where you have been based - you are likely to choose a space that is very large and sunny, one that will likely offer you a view and big closets. Yes, Jupiter brings all these things, and more!

As strange as this may sound, you might not have to move to gain the benefit of Jupiter's expansiveness. For example, if you have a roommate or older child that is about to move out (perhaps to go to college) your apartment will instantly seem larger.

This year, if you do buy or lease, you may find you need to pay more than you anticipated. You would probably be willing to do so because the value will be there, and quite obvious. This is no year to settle for a space that is just "OK" - find something that thrills you to your toes! With your chart, you should expect nothing less!

If you need an ideal day to sign a lease, do so on October 5 when Mercury will conjoin with Jupiter, a once-a-year meeting. This is a wow of a day for contracts and agreements!

If you adore the space you're in now and don't want to move or buy more property, you can make small but powerful improvements in your space, either by reorganizing your furniture and closets, through making small but needed renovations, or by buying new furniture or accessories. If you feel your space looks more like the person you used to be than the person you are now, it's time to make a change.

You can even improve your relationships with the people with whom you share your space this month. If you have a roommate who has contributed more angst than her share of the rent, you can call a summit meeting and agree to start again, this time on the right foot.

You can also successfully sell property - and possibly pocket quite a whopping profit to boot. If you renovate, you will increase the value of your home quite substantially by your chart. In that case, it would be a shame to wait until next year to do this project, for if you do, you will lose Jupiter's outstanding star power. Once Jupiter leaves your home sector on October 25, you won't have him to help you again until 2016. If you get an offer that you like, your chart says take it in October!

Keep in mind that the fourth house also rules family, and with Jupiter there, you will enjoy strong support from parents and other family members, including aunts, uncles, possibly even in-laws. If you are going through a hard time and need help, consider a call to your parents or other sympathetic relative. And if you don't need help from your parent, grandmother, or favorite aunt or uncle, why not plan a dinner or fun afternoon tea together at a hotel? Choose October 4 to do so.

I should add that Jupiter rules profit. Try to entertain more at home this month - there could be fine business results from that cocktail party you host.

Also, if you are thinking of starting a home-based business (or if you already have one) it's a good idea, for home is where you are likely to make your best profits this month. You will be perfectly positioned to clean up some serious cash!

There is another way things could work out that I should add. The fourth house is considered the area of the chart ruling "the end of all matters." It represents the area of the chart that the Sun moves into at the very end of the day, when today becomes yesterday and moves into tomorrow's space. Without pondering that riddle, just know that this month may bring news that you are at the end of a very long, drawn out process. When it is punctuated, it will bring you enormous relief. Depending on what it is, you may feel wistful or emotional that the chapter is over, but you know that all of life is filled with both endings and beginnings. Be philosophical, dear Cancer. It appears this ending will bring you peace and healing.

Finances have been a very difficult area for you lately, and with Saturn opposed to Neptune, you may not have realized how much you were spending until the credit card statement arrives in your mail box. In the future you will have to be a bit more practical and realistic when handling money, but I feel you already know that. Money matters can bring enormous anxiety, so I am very sympathetic if you are feeling a shortfall.

There may be hope - and that leads me to my next piece of news.

Later, on or near the full moon lunar eclipse, October 17, your career will bring enormous news and demand all your attention. Again, this eclipse will bring much needed change in this area as well.

A professional situation is about to reach an ending or critical mass. A key executive may leave the company, or it may that you feel that you have come to the end of the road in your present situation, and will be itching for a complete change. You may be awarded a promotion or even a government contract (thanks to Pluto's friendly angle, civil service and all types of government-oriented jobs are favored.) An eclipse in Aries is always favorable for entrepreneurial efforts, so you may be ready to open the doors of your own business. Many things are possible, but not to worry, things look good!

This eclipse that is due on October 17 will fall in Aries and be excellent for your financial gain. Just a few days later, on October 22, the mighty Sun will link to Jupiter in an annual meeting, considered the most fortune day of the year. The moon will be full, so something about your career will bring very happy, profitable news!

October 22 would be an ideal day to buy or sell a house, or lease an apartment. Actually, you can do anything related to home or family!

At the same time, October 17 - 21 could be your biggest career week of the year, too. Much of what happens will depend on the performance you have already put in earlier this year. A full moon is often a point of reward. If you don't get the promotion you feel you deserve this month, look at options elsewhere. Sometimes having a setback will free you to scale bigger peaks.

If you were born on or within five days of July 17, you will feel some career tension because the eclipse will be in hard angle to your Sun. Yet I maintain that if something untoward happens it is only because you needed to get out of a bad situation and into a far better one. I am not saying you will necessarily face a tough situation, but eclipses bring all sorts of events, and I can't know for sure because I can't see your whole chart. I do know career-related news will come up. Be optimistic, and keep barreling forward. You can make enormous progress. After a long period of obstacles and tests, you finally have fabulous aspects, so the sky is the limit!

You may be ready for a nap by time you have gotten to this part of your report, but stop for a cup of coffee, because there is more to be excited about!

When it comes to love, October brims with simply fabulous aspects. Mars will be lighting up your house of friends, fun, and social events, and you will have so much working to your benefit. While it's true that Mars will retrograde as of October 1, it only means that you may change your mind about a certain relationship or that you may hear from an old flame.

But wait! It gets even better!

On October 25, Jupiter will move into Scorpio for the first time since 1994, a divine place for Jupiter to be, for this planet of luck and happiness will fill your fifth house of true love! Many members of your sign have been though so much heartache lately that this has to be precisely the news you needed to hear. Jupiter will come in to help you find the kind of romance you've longed to experience - tender, loving, kind, and deeply affectionate. Jupiter will remain at your side for a full year, until November 2006, more than enough time to find true love!

If you are married, you will have much more time together, and if you are contemplating adding a baby to your nest, you may move ahead much sooner than you may have thought possible. Couples who have been frustrated with an inability to conceive a child will have great reason for hope. You won't see things change this month, but next month you might, thanks to a new moon that will send a welcoming missive to Jupiter. You must read the Astrology Zone forecast for November, because it will center so much on this very theme!

When Jupiter is in your element - a water sign - as it will be from October 25 onward, it makes all the difference. From then on, Jupiter will be able to help you on a much deeper level. You are going to adore the changes that will come up.

If you work in a creative field, Jupiter's position will help put you over the top! More about this next month!

Here is a roundup of your very best romantic evenings to enjoy in October: 5, 15, 21, 22, 23, 30, and 31

Summary:

As a Cancer you've got the best reputation of the zodiac for making home a cozy place - this month you outdo yourself by showing off your fabulous flair. With four heavenly bodies filling your sector of home and family, you'll be carrying swatches, hammers, a checkbook, phone numbers, and contracts, ready to schedule projects, set deadlines, and send out deposits.

Your endeavor may be large (buy a house) or small (find new placements, pillows) - no matter what you do, you'll find that changes you make improve your mood and promote calm. Ideas will flow easily now and you'll find so many workable options that your only problem will be choosing the ones to implement

Admittedly, you'll feel tension all month, stemming from having to adjust to many changes both at work and at home. If you ever feel like it is all too much, break down projects into small workable steps so you don't become overwhelmed. By the time your plan is complete, you'll be proud of what you accomplished.

At your job, a VIP or client will announce a surprise departure, putting everyone in a major tizzy near the lunar eclipse October 17. You now realize you will have to tear up your master career plan and redo it, but only for the short term. You can find a way to profit from this month's sudden changes. To do so you'll have to manage your fears and stay calm. If you always wanted to start a business, now is the time to strike out.

Good fortune Jupiter moves into Scorpio on October 25 for its first visit in 12 years. This is news to get excited about! Now touring an emotional water sign like yours, Jupiter will perk up the pace of your love life and get it moving at warp speeds.

Married or single, you'll benefit. The bottom line: You'll finally get the attention you've long deserved. Get dressed up and gently swing your hips to the music. Enjoy being the zodiac's most attractive sign for the coming year!

P.S.


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## Andi (Oct 6, 2005)

I like the last sentence: you finally get the attention you deserved. And IÂ´ll definitely swing my hips to the music *lol*

thanks for posting this!!! so far I really really agree that this month might bring more changes than expected


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## schlemmerm3779 (Oct 6, 2005)

Originally Posted by *Arielle* I like the last sentence: you finally get the attention you deserved. And IÂ´ll definitely swing my hips to the music *lol*
thanks for posting this!!! so far I really really agree that this month might bring more changes than expected

Thats right girlie! You get out there and find a good man! Someone that will treat you like the queen you are!!!!!!!!!!!:icon_love


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## phoenix461 (Oct 6, 2005)

Andrea - I don't for one second think u r bothering us on this subject. That's what we r here for - support/advice and to be there. One day at a time; go with ur gut but rule with ur head!!! Hang in there!


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## girl_geek (Oct 6, 2005)

Andrea, when you said you thought that all guys are liars and cheats, for some reason an article I read on Dr. Phil's website the other day came to mind:

"Decide what kind of person you're looking for and put yourself in a target-rich environment. If, for example, you're looking for a man who loves the outdoors, go there. And if you're not looking for a barfly, don't go to a bar to meet someone!"

The complete article can be found here.

It sounds like you've made up your mind to give this guy a try, but if he doesn't work out, maybe you're just meeting guys in the wrong places!



Trust me, not all guys are liars and cheaters, you can find someone worthy of you! Good luck!


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## iloveparis (Oct 7, 2005)

Originally Posted by *girl_geek* Trust me, not all guys are liars and cheaters, you can find someone worthy of you! Good luck!



Andrea, I agree with Jennifer. The right guy is out there.
From what u have written, I can sense that u have pretty much decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. That's great. But I don't know if I agree that u have to "test" him to see if he's trustworthy



If you have to test someone to see if they're cheating or not, then I don't think that doubt in ur head will ever really go away



JMHO....good luck, chica. We're here for you.


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## sugersoul (Oct 7, 2005)

i must reinforce what every one believes: your beautiful, sexy n' smart girl and you can definately get a man who is 100 times better than the one you are with right now.

it's such a risk being with a man who has cheated before, and it may take a toll on the relationship later on when he goes out w/ female friends in the states.

trust your instincts and believe, with all your heart, that YOU CAN AND WILL get a man that is so much better than him.






goodluck! no matter what, the girls at MUT will always support ya!


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## Pauline (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Arielle, i hate to say it hon, but i don't like the sound of this guy.It sounds like he is a cheater who goes back and forth between the girls he has already met and his track record in not good.Since you are obviously a very beautiful girl you could get any man you want,why bother with someone who isin't worth it.He'll hurt you just like he hurts other girls who are hooked on him.Get rid,he's a player.Beat him at his own game.


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## XOffendr (Oct 16, 2005)

Wow....I agree with Devin, you deserve better. Much better. This guy sounds like he's lacking a conscience, like he really doesn't care how his actions and behaviors take a toll on anyone else's heart, and he's more worried about staying out of trouble and not making waves, than he is about being honorable or kind. I mean, getting drunk and failing to keep his date with you, while he's with someone else...is....just...really sort of gross behavior wrapped in a childish excuse. Self control and decency is attractive. Guys who get drunk and forget about us are not sexy.

I would honestly just run far away from this person...It sounds like he's exploiting your current vulnerability, and it's degrading to be the other woman. Do not let anyone treat you like that.

Also, I'm not saying any of this with any bitterness, or lousy past experiences. If I've ever been cheated on, no one has ever been foolish or hurtful enough to tell me so. I haven't dated the most upstanding guys, though, and I've felt hoodwinked by frauds plenty of times.


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## jennycateyez (Oct 16, 2005)

pleaseeeee.... he's not worth your time! your to good for that.go with what your heart tells you, whatever you decide to do i hope it works out for you.


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## Sofia (Oct 18, 2005)

I can definitely see why you have trust issues. It's exactly the same reason I do. That burn is more than enough to make you look at people differently. If he's leaving in May and you don't want to pursue a long distance relationship, why put yourself through this? I think your first instinct to keep it just physical might have been the best option. Good luck and I hope things work out for the best.


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## babykisses (Oct 21, 2005)

My advice would be to move on, don't give this guy a chance! If he cheated on his other gf with you...he'll cheat on you with another girl. Once a cheater always a cheater!!!! Seems like he's playing his gf back home and you at the same time, once he goes back to the US, I can place bets that he'll probably continue dating the other girl, and if he ditched you for a drunken night...he's not prince charming. You're headed for heartache if you stay with this guy and get attatched. I've heard similar stories from friends of mine and they all ended up with their hearts broken in the end.


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