# Ex-girlfriend's Photos.....



## sugersoul

my boyfriend likes to keep old stuff - such as his old projects, old cards his ex's gave him as well as photos.

last time i accidently found a cd containing recording of their sex sessions and other sexual stuff i won't go into detail...

although i told him i found the cd, (and not to mention he has a file for this on his computer) .....is this normal? ( i am looking at u Tony)

i know i shouldn't be jealous, because it's in the past..but still -_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> should i take it as nothing?


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## spazbaby

I'd flip out! Boys...


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *spazbaby* I'd flip out! Boys... yeah..cause i get so subconcious about it and all..i keep wondering, if he ever goes back and watches it or if he is imagining her instead of me when we are having sex -_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />||


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## spazbaby

I hate all of that stress...I'm so glad I'm single right now or this would have made me check his computer!


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## Liz

i don't mind if they have old stuff. i have stuff from my old bfs.


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## lovesboxers

hell yeah, I'd be disturbed!


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## Geek

Hi Shuga!

Ok, want my thoughts? Well. Let me tell you about me...I like long walks on the sunset lit beach with a glass of wine.....oh wait, you wanted to know about my some of my EXs things huh? LOL




Ok, yep I have pics of my ex's, old cards, notes, etc. But I can tell you that I don't have sex CDs or tapes of them. If I did, I could see that Reija might be mad about CDs and tapes. But for my old notes etc, she is super confident with herself and would never be mad if I had those things. In coclusion, sex CDS are out but PICS/note are in.

HTH





Originally Posted by *sugersoul* 

my boyfriend likes to keep old stuff - such as his old projects, old cards his ex's gave him as well as photos.
last time i accidently found a cd containing recording of their sex sessions and other sexual stuff i won't go into detail...

although i told him i found the cd, (and not to mention he has a file for this on his computer) .....is this normal? ( i am looking at u Tony)

i know i shouldn't be jealous, because it's in the past..but still -_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20"> should i take it as nothing?


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## girl_geek

Originally Posted by *Tony(admin)* Hi Shuga! 
Ok, want my thoughts? Well. Let me tell you about me...I like long walks on the sunset lit beach with a glass of wine.....oh wait, you wanted to know about my some of my EXs things huh? LOL



Ok, yep I have pics of my ex's, old cards, notes, etc. But I can tell you that I don't have sex CDs or tapes of them. If I did, I could see that Reija might be mad about CDs and tapes. But for my old notes etc, she is super confident with herself and would never be mad if I had those things. In coclusion, sex CDS are out but PICS/note are in.

HTH

I agree; I still have pictures of me and my ex and cards and stuff in my scrapbook just because he was a major part of my life for a while and I don't want to just erase him from my memories, and I wouldn't mind if hubby had done the same (however I was actually his first gf so I don't know what he would do



). And even then I did get rid of some stuff, like saved emails from my ex, etc. .... but sex stuff .... woah, that just seems too weird to me, that would definitely warrant a _long_ discussion! I can understand keeping pictures, but I don't understand why he would feel the need to keep that cd ...


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## NYAngel98

Originally Posted by *Tony(admin)* Hi Shuga! 
Ok, want my thoughts? Well. Let me tell you about me...I like long walks on the sunset lit beach with a glass of wine.....oh wait, you wanted to know about my some of my EXs things huh? LOL



Ok, yep I have pics of my ex's, old cards, notes, etc. But I can tell you that I don't have sex CDs or tapes of them. If I did, I could see that Reija might be mad about CDs and tapes. But for my old notes etc, she is super confident with herself and would never be mad if I had those things. In coclusion, sex CDS are out but PICS/note are in.

HTH

AHA!!! See I knew you got that "this is my ex sound clip" Online!





And I would be a little pissed too... I have pics &amp; letters.. but the guy turned out to be a total a$$hole, so the items are there... but mentally - the feelings are LONG gone.



Honestly, in the beginning of my relationship - there were a few things that didn't sit right with me... maybe I was being a little too paranoid - but at that time I was thinking the same things you were when I came across things on my bf's computer... now those pics are gone &amp; (hopefully) from what I see now - there is nothing I should worry about, so now that those feelings have passed,I don't care as much... but I would still be uncomfortable with anything more than a picture or two.


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *NYAngel98* AHA!!! See I knew you got that "this is my ex sound clip" Online!




And I would be a little pissed too... I have pics &amp; letters.. but the guy turned out to be a total a$$hole, so the items are there... but mentally - the feelings are LONG gone.



Honestly, in the beginning of my relationship - there were a few things that didn't sit right with me... maybe I was being a little too paranoid - but at that time I was thinking the same things you were when I came across things on my bf's computer... now those pics are gone &amp; (hopefully) from what I see now - there is nothing I should worry about, so now that those feelings have passed,I don't care as much... but I would still be uncomfortable with anything more than a picture or two.

yeah i didnt know i would be a parnoid gf cause i never was until i now - cause it's my first long term relationship. i've already thrown away everything from my short term ones, because like u said, they turned out to be a$$holes. 
but did u tell ur bf to delete them, or he voluntarily did it?


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *Tony(admin)* Hi Shuga! 
Ok, want my thoughts? Well. Let me tell you about me...I like long walks on the sunset lit beach with a glass of wine.....oh wait, you wanted to know about my some of my EXs things huh? LOL



Ok, yep I have pics of my ex's, old cards, notes, etc. But I can tell you that I don't have sex CDs or tapes of them. If I did, I could see that Reija might be mad about CDs and tapes. But for my old notes etc, she is super confident with herself and would never be mad if I had those things. In coclusion, sex CDS are out but PICS/note are in.

HTH

thanks tony, i really needed a man's input



hehe i wish we had a forum which are moditored by a few men, and women here can ask relationship questions, that would be quite interesting!


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## Andi

hm...honestly IÂ´d probably freak out if I had a b/f and found that kinda stuff from his ex.

maybe he...just forgot to delete it?

and does he know you know about this?


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## Laura

To be honest i dont have anything that reminds me of my past relationships (2 long-term 'ish to be exact!). Any yes i'd freak out if my boyfriend had something like that of him &amp; his ex. What did he say when you told him you found it? What the outcome of the conversation?


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## lovesboxers

Yeah earlier I posted I would be upset. Pictures don't bother me or anything, I have some of those. The sex stuff would upset me. Let us know what happens.


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *Laura* To be honest i dont have anything that reminds me of my past relationships (2 long-term 'ish to be exact!). Any yes i'd freak out if my boyfriend had something like that of him &amp; his ex. What did he say when you told him you found it? What the outcome of the conversation? he knows that i know, cause we had conversation about it, and he would tell me "its all in the past" or "i am with you now" ...
however that was 2 months ago.

two weeks ago i kinda harassed him about it, i don't know why (i think it was my fault, i was PMS'ing so bad) and i asked him if i could see his ex's pictures (which is on the same cd as the sex ones) cause i wanted to know what color contacts she had (stupid excuse), i had wanted to get color contacts, and so-called considered to have the same ones as his ex.

he reached into his school bag, and retrieved it!

i freaked out, because it made me wonder, why the hell is THAT cd doing in his bag u know??

and so i asked him why.

he got angry that i was assuming too much and that esculated into an argument -_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

i really don't wanna bring it up again,

but it's still in his bag! i saw it peak out last night!!

what can i do??


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## Andi

ok I really donÂ´t know what to say now. so he had this cd in his bag for a while?-but itÂ´s his EX. unless he wanted to show it somebody else (which would be weird though) or give it back to her there is really no real reason for carrying it around all day.

and I know how it is when you ask guys too many questions about other girls. instead of telling you the truth they get all mad. which makes you feel even worse, although, trust me girl, you have the RIGHT to know why he still keeps this stuff. donÂ´t let him make you feel like youÂ´re some psycho jealous girlfriend, itÂ´s natural for you to feel weird about this and itÂ´s so understandable that you get suspicious


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *Arielle* ok I really donÂ´t know what to say now. so he had this cd in his bag for a while?-but itÂ´s his EX. unless he wanted to show it somebody else (which would be weird though) or give it back to her there is really no real reason for carrying it around all day.
and I know how it is when you ask guys too many questions about other girls. instead of telling you the truth they get all mad. which makes you feel even worse, although, trust me girl, you have the RIGHT to know why he still keeps this stuff. donÂ´t let him make you feel like youÂ´re some psycho jealous girlfriend, itÂ´s natural for you to feel weird about this and itÂ´s so understandable that you get suspicious

thanks girl!! it's terrific to get another woman's 2 cents!
i don't know if he shows it to anyone, but i do know that his ex is all the way in the East coast, we are in the west coast so he doesnt have any contact w/ her.

i guess the reason why i am so paranoid is cause they ended things only cause she said she doesnt do long distant relationships (he came to california to complete his Ph.D). they didnt end in bad terms, they just ended it for the sake of ending it, since he is so far away.

*sign*i guess it's best is sit back, and time will tell ?


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## suzukigrrl

Maybe you could volunteer to mail the cd to the ex-girl. If he has it in his bag he might be showing it to friends and such, and that might upset the ex. I would be more worried about the poor woman's privacy than the fact that he has the cd. For me personally it doesn't bother me if my boyfriend looks at adult videos or whatever, and because she's an ex I would consider the cd to be just another dirty movie. The ex might not want to be that sort of movie star. What I would do is forget that he ever had this cd of her, and just mail it back to the girl.


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## elljmz

I'd ask him to throw it away. I wouldn't waste my money mailing it to his ex. Also why does he have it in his school bag? If he is showing it to people that is totally disrespectful to her (the ex) and to you his current girlfriend). There are things (especially sex ) that should remain private between people that are in a relationship. I don't know how long you have been dating but I'd certainly rethink your relationship before it went on any further. I do understand holding on to pictures and stuff like that but never something so intimate. I hope you don't think my advice is too harsh but you are young and I wouldn't want you to potentially waste your precious young years on a guy who doesnt fully respect your feelings! And believe me I am talking from experience. I was with one guy from the age of 18-25. Believe me I had blinders on in that relationship. My friends tell me it wasn't a waste but a learning experience. Yeah right! 7 years is a long time to finally learn that I wasn't being treated and respected like I should be. If something trouble you like that cd and you tell him that he should do anything in his power to make you feel comfortable even if that means throwing it out. Again I'm not being mean just telling my opinion because I went through something similiar. I know how hard and frustrating it is when you love someone but know that something isn't right! Good Luck!

Originally Posted by *suzukigrrl* Maybe you could volunteer to mail the cd to the ex-girl. If he has it in his bag he might be showing it to friends and such, and that might upset the ex. I would be more worried about the poor woman's privacy than the fact that he has the cd. For me personally it doesn't bother me if my boyfriend looks at adult videos or whatever, and because she's an ex I would consider the cd to be just another dirty movie. The ex might not want to be that sort of movie star. What I would do is forget that he ever had this cd of her, and just mail it back to the girl.


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## NYAngel98

OMG Shug - it's in his BAG!!?!?!



WTF!? I'd definitely say something... that's just rude! I would be pissed. I asked him to get rid of the things on the pc... and he deleted them. (as far as I know



lol - that was an old pc, which is now at his house, and maybe gets turned on once a year lol) But Jennie made some good points... I'd ask whether he wants to be with YOU or be living in cyberworld with the memories of Miss Ex. It sucks to feel like you are (I've been there - several times) but you gotta lay it all out, or else it will constantly eat at you until you just blow up one day - &amp; he'll think you're nuts


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## Geek

Originally Posted by *NYAngel98* 

OMG Shug - it's in his BAG!!?!?!




WTF!? I'd definitely say something... that's just rude! I would be pissed. I asked him to get rid of the things on the pc... and he deleted them. (as far as I know



lol - that was an old pc, which is now at his house, and maybe gets turned on once a year lol) But Jennie made some good points... I'd ask whether he wants to be with YOU or be living in cyberworld with the memories of Miss Ex. It sucks to feel like you are (I've been there - several times) but you gotta lay it all out, or else it will constantly eat at you until you just blow up one day - &amp; he'll think you're nuts







The bag still???? that does cross the line


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *elljmz* I'd ask him to throw it away. I wouldn't waste my money mailing it to his ex. Also why does he have it in his school bag? If he is showing it to people that is totally disrespectful to her (the ex) and to you his current girlfriend). There are things (especially sex ) that should remain private between people that are in a relationship. I don't know how long you have been dating but I'd certainly rethink your relationship before it went on any further. I do understand holding on to pictures and stuff like that but never something so intimate. I hope you don't think my advice is too harsh but you are young and I wouldn't want you to potentially waste your precious young years on a guy who doesnt fully respect your feelings! And believe me I am talking from experience. I was with one guy from the age of 18-25. Believe me I had blinders on in that relationship. My friends tell me it wasn't a waste but a learning experience. Yeah right! 7 years is a long time to finally learn that I wasn't being treated and respected like I should be. If something trouble you like that cd and you tell him that he should do anything in his power to make you feel comfortable even if that means throwing it out. Again I'm not being mean just telling my opinion because I went through something similiar. I know how hard and frustrating it is when you love someone but know that something isn't right! Good Luck! thank god! i thought i was becoming a crazy jealous girlfriend or something!

and wow...7 years?? how did u realize u wanted to break up after so long?

and i am glad u said the things u said, it's a great eye opener. we have been together for nearly 2 years, and this is the first time (the cd in the bag situation) we ever argued.

we get along very well and have great chemistry between each other, it's just this thing that has recently been bothering me.

i guess it's the age differance that keeps on reminding me to make sure he doesn't take advantage of me; i am turning 19, and he is 25. i just finished freshman year, and he just started his Ph.D. program. i just don't want him to think, just cause i am much younger than him, he can get away with alota stuff.

*nonetheless, i have decided to get hold of it and get rid of that cd!*

i am going to throw it in the trash, and replace that cd case with a blank one. then, place it in his boxes full of photos from the past and always keep my gaurd up. 

thanks you guys! i really needed a 3rd person perspective!!


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## Andi

Originally Posted by *sugersoul* thank god! i thought i was becoming a crazy jealous girlfriend or something!
*and wow...7 years?? how did u realize u wanted to break up after so long?*

and i am glad u said the things u said, it's a great eye opener. we have been together for nearly 2 years, and this is the first time (the cd in the bag situation) we ever argued.

we get along very well and have great chemistry between each other, it's just this thing that has recently been bothering me.

i guess it's the age differance that keeps on reminding me to make sure he doesn't take advantage of me; i am turning 19, and he is 25. i just finished freshman year, and he just started his Ph.D. program. i just don't want him to think, just cause i am much younger than him, he can get away with alota stuff.

*nonetheless, i have decided to get hold of it and get rid of that cd!*

*i am going to throw it in the trash, and replace that cd case with a blank one. then, place it in his boxes full of photos from the past and always keep my gaurd up. *



thanks you guys! i really needed a 3rd person perspective!!

ok i donÂ´t know your b/f, but I donÂ´t think he thinks he can treat you different just cause youÂ´re younger than him, not after being together for such a long time. but since you said you guys never had a real argument before he maybe just doesnÂ´t know how much bad behavior youÂ´re willing to take from him. obviously he doesnÂ´t think heÂ´s doing anything wrong if heÂ´s not even trying to hide it from you, so I doubt he will understand your point of view if you donÂ´t talk straight to him. go kick his butt a lil, girl!oh and I love the idea of putting a blank CD in


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## wongy74

I wouldn't even go to all that trouble. I'd take it out of his bag and break that sucker in half!



In front of his face, of course.


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## elljmz

ABSOLUTELY in front of his face!!!!! Doing it on the sly just makes you appear as a snooper and actually makes you distrustful by going through his things. If he doesn't see how angry that the cd makes you and how completely ticked off you are when you break it in half this guy is not worth it. The age thing B***SHIT. Any guy you are with should cherish the ground you walk on (and vice versa of course)! Life is way too short! I'm 34 now and I feel like I just graduated from high school. Time goes by so fast. Don't let this take up anymore of your time and cause such heartache.

Originally Posted by *wongy74* I wouldn't even go to all that trouble. I'd take it out of his bag and break that sucker in half!



In front of his face, of course.


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## redrocks

The pictures and letters I wouldn't mind. My husband and I both have some old pictures, letters and stuff. BUT they are in a box in a closet and don't come out for "everyday use".

The CD with the pictures and sex stuff. That would bother me A LOT! Especially if he is carting them around with him all the time. That's just not right!

I'd tell him how it makes you feel.

Good Luck!


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## Geek

OK, I am going to be the LONE dissenter here and give my dissenting opinion! I don't think you should break it or even take it. After all, the CD is his. Yes, what he has done with it is TOTALLY WRONG and he should be punished by no SEX for a month from you.



Just talk to him about it and tell him that you feel that it is completely inappropriate of him for you AND him to be in this situation and that he has challenged yours and his trust with it.





Originally Posted by *sugersoul* 

thank god! i thought i was becoming a crazy jealous girlfriend or something!

and wow...7 years?? how did u realize u wanted to break up after so long?

and i am glad u said the things u said, it's a great eye opener. we have been together for nearly 2 years, and this is the first time (the cd in the bag situation) we ever argued.

we get along very well and have great chemistry between each other, it's just this thing that has recently been bothering me.

i guess it's the age differance that keeps on reminding me to make sure he doesn't take advantage of me; i am turning 19, and he is 25. i just finished freshman year, and he just started his Ph.D. program. i just don't want him to think, just cause i am much younger than him, he can get away with alota stuff.

*nonetheless, i have decided to get hold of it and get rid of that cd!*​i am going to throw it in the trash, and replace that cd case with a blank one. then, place it in his boxes full of photos from the past and always keep my gaurd up. 

thanks you guys! i really needed a 3rd person perspective!!


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## Andi

Originally Posted by *Tony(admin)*



OK, I am going to be the LONE dissenter here and give my dissenting opinion! I don't think you should break it or even take it. After all, the CD is his. Yes, what he has done with it is TOTALLY WRONG and he should be punished by no SEX for a month from you.



Just talk to him about it and tell him that you feel that it is completely inappropriate of him for you AND him to be in this situation and that he has challenged yours and his trust with it. are you sure the no-sex-punishment would do the trick? IÂ´m not sure...IÂ´m no relationship expert, but IÂ´ve read a couple of times that this is the worst way to punish someone cause it can backfire easily.


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## Geek

Originally Posted by *Arielle* 

are you sure the no-sex-punishment would do the trick? IÂ´m not sure...IÂ´m no relationship expert, but IÂ´ve read a couple of times that this is the worst way to punish someone cause it can backfire easily. 


You could be right Andrea.


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## girl_geek

I'm also not sure if I would break it, I would just talk with him more until he understands what you're feeling -- and if you do break it, make sure he sees you so he doesn't think you're being sneaky like elljmz said -- you don't want him to stop trusting you! And definitely don't replace it with a blank CD behind his back or anything, he might perceive that as distrustful as well. I mean, what if he did something like that to you?

As for mailing it back to the girl ... if you're offended by the cd, then wouldn't her current or future bf be offended as well? I don't think anyone needs the cd and it should be thrown away!





Also I've always heard that the no-sex punishment is a terrible idea as well ... I almost view it as treating him like a child or even a pet, like "if you don't behave, no treat for you!" I've heard stories of couples where the girl does this as punishment, and consequently the guy is always walking on ice worried that he'll make her mad and that's not a healthy adult relationship ... Of course I've always thought that sex was an expression of love and not just pure physical pleasure, and that love is a commitment and not just emotions, so sex should be a regular part of your love life ... I could go on but I think I'm getting off-topic



I just wanted to say I wouldn't do the no-sex punishment!

As for the age difference, if you guys are at a similar level of maturity it shouldn't matter at all -- my parents got married when my mom was 19 and my dad was 25 and everything worked out great for them


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## Geek

I was kidding about this...





Originally Posted by *girl_geek* 

Also I've always heard that the no-sex punishment is a terrible idea as well ...


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## Andi

Originally Posted by *Tony(admin)* I was kidding about this... oh, good



I was already wondering why you suggested this being a GUY yourself *hehe*


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## Geek

Originally Posted by *Arielle* 

oh, good



I was already wondering why you suggested this being a GUY yourself *hehe* 


LOL, I have one of those "Funky Cold Medina" sense of humors


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *girl_geek* I'm also not sure if I would break it, I would just talk with him more until he understands what you're feeling -- and if you do break it, make sure he sees you so he doesn't think you're being sneaky like elljmz said -- you don't want him to stop trusting you! And definitely don't replace it with a blank CD behind his back or anything, he might perceive that as distrustful as well. I mean, what if he did something like that to you?
As for mailing it back to the girl ... if you're offended by the cd, then wouldn't her current or future bf be offended as well? I don't think anyone needs the cd and it should be thrown away!





Also I've always heard that the no-sex punishment is a terrible idea as well ... I almost view it as treating him like a child or even a pet, like "if you don't behave, no treat for you!" I've heard stories of couples where the girl does this as punishment, and consequently the guy is always walking on ice worried that he'll make her mad and that's not a healthy adult relationship ... Of course I've always thought that sex was an expression of love and not just pure physical pleasure, and that love is a commitment and not just emotions, so sex should be a regular part of your love life ... I could go on but I think I'm getting off-topic



I just wanted to say I wouldn't do the no-sex punishment!

As for the age difference, if you guys are at a similar level of maturity it shouldn't matter at all -- my parents got married when my mom was 19 and my dad was 25 and everything worked out great for them





but do u think, the more i talk to him about it, the more irritated he will be?
i know i confronted him before, and it just esculated into an argument. and the more i am NOT okay with it, the more...he would remeber.

and if i just shrug it off, do u think he would forget as well?


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *Tony(admin)*



OK, I am going to be the LONE dissenter here and give my dissenting opinion! I don't think you should break it or even take it. After all, the CD is his. Yes, what he has done with it is TOTALLY WRONG and he should be punished by no SEX for a month from you.



Just talk to him about it and tell him that you feel that it is completely inappropriate of him for you AND him to be in this situation and that he has challenged yours and his trust with it. would the no sex just irritate the guy, and just remind him that he is NOT having sex, instead of reminding him to take into account of my feelings?


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *elljmz* ABSOLUTELY in front of his face!!!!! Doing it on the sly just makes you appear as a snooper and actually makes you distrustful by going through his things. If he doesn't see how angry that the cd makes you and how completely ticked off you are when you break it in half this guy is not worth it. The age thing B***SHIT. Any guy you are with should cherish the ground you walk on (and vice versa of course)! Life is way too short! I'm 34 now and I feel like I just graduated from high school. Time goes by so fast. Don't let this take up anymore of your time and cause such heartache. o wow...that is so empowering. i love it



i guess i am more hurt by it, and not angry by it (yeah, i think my strength is also my weakness, cause it's extremely hard for me to get pissed off.) infact, i have never been pissed off by him before or irritated. i guess it's just my temperment.
but does it really take anger to get my point of view across in a relationship?


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## NYAngel98

Originally Posted by *sugersoul* o wow...that is so empowering. i love it



i guess i am more hurt by it, and not angry by it (yeah, i think my strength is also my weakness, cause it's extremely hard for me to get pissed off.) infact, i have never been pissed off by him before or irritated. i guess it's just my temperment.
but does it really take anger to get my point of view across in a relationship?

If he isn't taking your more 'subtle' hints... well, then what else are you left with?



Maybe if he isn't blind he'll realize how much it upsets you... and if he is so insistant on keeping this disc, you should wonder WHY? and ASK why.


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## limecrime

I'd be pretty pissed if I found a sex CD and/or sexual photos of my boyfriend with his ex. It's definitely unpleasant. Did you ask him about it? What did he say?

Originally Posted by *sugersoul* my boyfriend likes to keep old stuff - such as his old projects, old cards his ex's gave him as well as photos.
last time i accidently found a cd containing recording of their sex sessions and other sexual stuff i won't go into detail...

although i told him i found the cd, (and not to mention he has a file for this on his computer) .....is this normal? ( i am looking at u Tony)

i know i shouldn't be jealous, because it's in the past..but still -_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> should i take it as nothing?


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## NYAngel98

Originally Posted by *limecrime* I'd be pretty pissed if I found a sex CD and/or sexual photos of my boyfriend with his ex. It's definitely unpleasant. Did you ask him about it? What did he say? Welcome Limecrime!



I'm Janelle from NY - nice to meet you!


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## girl_geek

Originally Posted by *Tony(admin)* I was kidding about this... lol, good, I was wondering if that's how you treated Rieja! lol


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## wongy74

I think what is most disturbing about this is that it shows the lack of respect he has for you and your relationship. You've asked him to get rid of it and he hasn't. Instead, he's been carrying it around in his bag?!?! It's not even out of sight, how can it be out of mind? Past pics and notes from an ex is one thing, but keeping sexual materials from the past relationship is ridiculous. It so far crosses the line.

I do give him credit for one thing though... letting you look at it. That at least may indicate that he has nothing to hide from you.

His actions could not mean a damn thing; it may just be a possession to him. But, his actions could mean something, like he's still harboring feelings for her. I've seen it before and it's happened to me before. Well, it didn't involve any sexual material, just a box of mementos and pictures up on his mirror. After being slightly suspicious that he still had feelings for her, I found out he tried to arrange to meet her when he was going to be in LV with his dad. He told me not to come, the bastard, so he could see her instead. What a f*@ker. I should have dumped him then.


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *limecrime* I'd be pretty pissed if I found a sex CD and/or sexual photos of my boyfriend with his ex. It's definitely unpleasant. Did you ask him about it? What did he say? the first time, he told me it was in the past, and she means nothing to him.
the 2nd time (when i found it in his bag) he got a bit angry and said that he had no idea he put it in the bag, and that i shouldn't assume so much, and i should trust him more.

however, the last time i went to his bag to grab something, it's still there.


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *wongy74* I think what is most disturbing about this is that it shows the lack of respect he has for you and your relationship. You've asked him to get rid of it and he hasn't. Instead, he's been carrying it around in his bag?!?! It's not even out of sight, how can it be out of mind? Past pics and notes from an ex is one thing, but keeping sexual materials from the past relationship is ridiculous. It so far crosses the line. 
I do give him credit for one thing though... letting you look at it. That at least may indicate that he has nothing to hide from you.

His actions could not mean a damn thing; it may just be a possession to him. But, his actions could mean something, like he's still harboring feelings for her. I've seen it before and it's happened to me before. Well, it didn't involve any sexual material, just a box of mementos and pictures up on his mirror. After being slightly suspicious that he still had feelings for her, I found out he tried to arrange to meet her when he was going to be in LV with his dad. He told me not to come, the bastard, so he could see her instead. What a f*@ker. I should have dumped him then.

*OMG!!! A$$HOLE!!** *

* he actually had pictures on the mirror of her? back then, how did he respond to u when u asked him about it / or questioned his actions?*

* *

* i think the thing that i can't get past, is it makes me wonder...i know this is soooo friggin parnoid of me, but i just sometimes wonder if he would imagine her instead of me during sex




i know i am going overboard here, and i know its all in the past, but still....*

* *

* i guess ..i want to talk to him about it, or mention it, i just don't want to bring it up this week (i chicked out) cause he is leaving for vacation in a few days, and i won't be seeing him till august. i just don't want to get into an arguement w/ him before he leaves....*

* *

* u know men..they do stupid things when they are alone on vacation..*

.


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## girl_geek

Originally Posted by *sugersoul* 
*i think the thing that i can't get past, is it makes me wonder...i know this is soooo friggin parnoid of me, but i just sometimes wonder if he would imagine her instead of me during sex



i know i am going overboard here, and i know its all in the past, but still....*

Actually I don't think this is paranoid at all considering the circumstances, I would think the same thing! Maybe next time you talk to him, mention this -- not as a way to accuse him of course, but just to say that those are your feelings and you're worried about your relationship, just so he'll know how concerned you are about this (if he doesn't already!)
Remember, as I've read in every premarital counselling book or article, use "I" statements and not "you" statements during any sort of conflict resolution ... thinks like "I feel hurt..." and not "You hurt me..." or other accusatory statements


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## K*O*

Oh that's weird...I would take that CD throw it in the air and use it as skeet shootin' !


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## Andi

Originally Posted by *sugersoul* *OMG!!! A$$HOLE!!*
*he actually had pictures on the mirror of her? back then, how did he respond to u when u asked him about it / or questioned his actions?*

*i think the thing that i can't get past, is it makes me wonder...i know this is soooo friggin parnoid of me, but i just sometimes wonder if he would imagine her instead of me during sex



i know i am going overboard here, and i know its all in the past, but still....*

*i guess ..i want to talk to him about it, or mention it, i just don't want to bring it up this week (i chicked out) cause he is leaving for vacation in a few days, and i won't be seeing him till august. i just don't want to get into an arguement w/ him before he leaves....*

*u know men..they do stupid things when they are alone on vacation..*

. tough situation. and yes, they do stupid things on vacation, especially if itÂ´s such a long vacation. if heÂ´s a good boyfriend (which IÂ´m sure he is-I still believe in other girlÂ´s boyfriends *lol* just not the guys I dated) he will not dare to get pissed off if you talk to him that you feel hurt and confused by this. just stay calm and explain it to him. he should really get the hint and make up with you before he leaves. good luck!!!


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## smallpuppy

Originally Posted by *sugersoul* my boyfriend likes to keep old stuff - such as his old projects, old cards his ex's gave him as well as photos.
last time i accidently found a cd containing recording of their sex sessions and other sexual stuff i won't go into detail...

although i told him i found the cd, (and not to mention he has a file for this on his computer) .....is this normal? ( i am looking at u Tony)

i know i shouldn't be jealous, because it's in the past..but still -_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> should i take it as nothing?

If it's past he shouldn't hold on to it!!! MAke him throw it away!!!


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## melzie_fire

Hello,

This is my first post in this thread so I may repeat some of what the other gals have said.





First off, I wouldn't throw away or break the CD. I'm sure you'd be mad if your bf did that to something of yours, even if he felt it was warranted, and I can guarantee the bf will be mad if you did that behind his back. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it bothers you. I would bring it up *one more time* and just tell him, very calmly, that the fact that he has that CD reeeeally bothers you and you wish he'd get rid of it. Then, let it go. What he does from that point is up to him, and how YOU react to it is up to YOU.

Second, the two of you have been together about two years, yes? I think I remember reading that.. That is quite a long time. I know that part of your worry is that he still thinks of her and pines for her, especially since they parted on good terms. I wouldn't worry about it!! You two have been together long enough, IMO, that this shouldn't be an issue. Plus, if he was truly pining away for her all this time, I think they would have made something work despite the long distance thing.

Third, if he is a good guy (and surely he is, since you picked him out!) the age difference won't matter. I was 16 (almost 17) and my bf was 22 when we started dating. It was actually *better* than dating someone my own age because he was past all the teenage boy crap and treated me a lot better, IMO! I'm now 27 and married to that same guy, so you can see that relationships like this can work! I have NEVER felt unequal to him in the relationship because of our age difference, and I think it says a lot about my independence/strength (which you said you have!) and his personality.

So, I know this is frustrating, and I'd be reeeeally upset that he had that CD, especially in his bag! At the very least, if he doesn't want to get rid of it for whatever reason, he should throw it in a drawer or something so that it's not with him constantly. That part is a bit odd.



But I do agree with him, if you're going to be in a relationship, you need to trust him!!!

Good luck.


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## sugersoul

Originally Posted by *melzie_fire* Hello,

This is my first post in this thread so I may repeat some of what the other gals have said.





First off, I wouldn't throw away or break the CD. I'm sure you'd be mad if your bf did that to something of yours, even if he felt it was warranted, and I can guarantee the bf will be mad if you did that behind his back. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it bothers you. I would bring it up *one more time* and just tell him, very calmly, that the fact that he has that CD reeeeally bothers you and you wish he'd get rid of it. Then, let it go. What he does from that point is up to him, and how YOU react to it is up to YOU.

Second, the two of you have been together about two years, yes? I think I remember reading that.. That is quite a long time. I know that part of your worry is that he still thinks of her and pines for her, especially since they parted on good terms. I wouldn't worry about it!! You two have been together long enough, IMO, that this shouldn't be an issue. Plus, if he was truly pining away for her all this time, I think they would have made something work despite the long distance thing.

Third, if he is a good guy (and surely he is, since you picked him out!) the age difference won't matter. I was 16 (almost 17) and my bf was 22 when we started dating. It was actually *better* than dating someone my own age because he was past all the teenage boy crap and treated me a lot better, IMO! I'm now 27 and married to that same guy, so you can see that relationships like this can work! I have NEVER felt unequal to him in the relationship because of our age difference, and I think it says a lot about my independence/strength (which you said you have!) and his personality.

So, I know this is frustrating, and I'd be reeeeally upset that he had that CD, especially in his bag! At the very least, if he doesn't want to get rid of it for whatever reason, he should throw it in a drawer or something so that it's not with him constantly. That part is a bit odd.



But I do agree with him, if you're going to be in a relationship, you need to trust him!!!

Good luck.





*Great Advice girl!!** *

* and yes, i decided to finally confront him. what did i have to loose?*

* *

* but before i did, i wanted to check if the cd is still there, if he had taken it out yet.*

* *

* and yes, the cd was still there.*

* *

* i don't know what made me do it, but i guess i wanted to see if he kept other photos of his OTHER Ex's...who knows..this could be a consistant problem with his relationships, or maybe i am just parnoid.*

* *

* so when i checked the cd....*

* *

* *

* to my surprise, it was blank! i checked to make sure it was the right one, and sure enough, it was. the same date, name of girl was written on the cd. but it was blank!*

* *

* thank god for rewrittable cd's!*

* *

* i didn't know how to react. at first i was pleased, that he probably picked up my signals or something. *

* at the same time i felt ashamed for being sneaky, and i didnt know what to make out of it.*

* *

* let's just say, i am relieved! as long as he doesn't have it on his laptop ( i will just trust him on this one) i am happy that he deleted it.*

* *

* *

* *

* *

* THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT ADVICE EVERYONE!! I REALLY APPRECIATED IT



sometimes, when u are in a relationship, u just don't see the 3rd person perspective!*


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## Geek

Originally Posted by *sugersoul* 

*Great Advice girl!!
and yes, i decided to finally confront him. what did i have to loose?

but before i did, i wanted to check if the cd is still there, if he had taken it out yet.

and yes, the cd was still there.

i don't know what made me do it, but i guess i wanted to see if he kept other photos of his OTHER Ex's...who knows..this could be a consistant problem with his relationships, or maybe i am just parnoid.

so when i checked the cd....

to my surprise, it was blank! i checked to make sure it was the right one, and sure enough, it was. the same date, name of girl was written on the cd. but it was blank!

thank god for rewrittable cd's!

i didn't know how to react. at first i was pleased, that he probably picked up my signals or something.

at the same time i felt ashamed for being sneaky, and i didnt know what to make out of it.

let's just say, i am relieved! as long as he doesn't have it on his laptop ( i will just trust him on this one) i am happy that he deleted it.

THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT ADVICE EVERYONE!! I REALLY APPRECIATED IT



sometimes, when u are in a relationship, u just don't see the 3rd person perspective!

* 


Or..............he has it encypted so you THINK that nothing is on it


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## NYAngel98

Originally Posted by *Tony(admin)* Or..............he has it encypted so you THINK that nothing is on it





TONYYYYY!!!! LOL You are so BAD! lol



Glad you are finally at ease now Suger... Now you won't have to bring it up...



Now just make sure thats the same cd &amp; he didn't make a dummy one to throw you off!



Sorry... I'm just sneaky... lol


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## Geek

Originally Posted by *NYAngel98* 

TONYYYYY!!!! LOL You are so BAD! lol



Glad you are finally at ease now Suger... Now you won't have to bring it up...



Now just make sure thats the same cd &amp; he didn't make a dummy one to throw you off!



Sorry... I'm just sneaky... lol




LOL, leave it up to the programming expert lol
Love you Suga!!


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## Johnnie

Felt this thread needed to be 're-vamped'!

I can say that I wouldn't appreciate my SO keeping pictures, cards, etc... of his exes. I just find it hurtful and why is it necessary? I have thrown out things like pictures, cards, etc... because I don't NEED them. Plus, I don't think he'd appreciate it either. Makes me wonder why people keep them around. If so, why do you?


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## pinksugar

yes, I've thrown out cards and stuff ex's have given me...

I do have a question on a related subject - what about gifts? jewellery? Expensive photos?

I'm currently single, and so I've thrown out all his cards, letters notes, text messages are deleted, emails gone...

but I do have a whole lot of very expensive photos of us together. I don't display them and I don't really want to keep them, but I haven't thrown them out because they were so expensive and it already feels like a waste of money.

And jewellery - there is no attachment to the person anymore, but is it ok to wear it? I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it if I had a boyfriend, but I really like it - why should I get rid of it, just because 'he' gave it to me?

your thoughts?

Obviously, everything is 10 times worse once you have a boyfriend who might get upset about this stuff! so luckily I'm happily single!


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## Johnnie

Yeah, I can see how that'd be hard to get rid of clothes, jewelry and things like this. I think I'd sell them online. I mean unless, like you said, it means nothing anymore. Then keep them, ya know. You mentioned that the photos were expensive but also said "it already feels like waste of money"....so why not throw them away and keep the frame? I agree that it's worse having an SO who wouldn't approve of it. I live by the "do unto others" motto


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## pinksugar

lol. They're not in frames, they're in this huge expensive scrapbook. The photos themselves were professional and they've been touched up and stuff. It's not the framing or anything like that which was expensive...

at the moment I keep them as a reminder to myself to to be so impulsive or to be too over the top in relationships, haha!


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## Aprill

haha you bumpers


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## pinksugar

lol, aprill! but I hate duplicate threads! I'm always tossing up, what's better? bumping or duplicating? I say bump!


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## Aprill

This is the perfect example of how a thread is supposed to be bumped



Bump on ladies!!!!!!


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## Johnnie

Hehe....I second bumps





Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif lol. They're not in frames, they're in this huge expensive scrapbook. The photos themselves were professional and they've been touched up and stuff. It's not the framing or anything like that which was expensive...
at the moment I keep them as a reminder to myself to to be so impulsive or to be too over the top in relationships, haha!

Over the top in relationships isn't a bad thing


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## Shelley

I did get rid of everything my last ex bf gave to me. I wanted zero reminders of him. I took all the photos and cards he gave me and burned them. My neighbour has a outdoor fire pit and I borrowed it. I didn't want the ring he gave me so I took it to a pawn shop and used the money for a shopping spree. And any other gifts I received were donated to charity thrift stores.


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## sweetnsexy6953

I'd be extremely pissed off if my boyfriend had a sex cd with his ex. EXTREMELY PISSED!!! With my past relationships I've thrown everything away. Even jewerly. Why keep stuff around that would remind you of that person? I know my boyfriend wouldnt feel comfortable with me keeping stuff of my ex around. So for me, its just better to get rid of everything.


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## chantelle8686

hmm i wonder how things are now...and if this issue has come up again or has it been layed to rest??

As for me in march this yr me and my bf broke up for 4 months....and it was hard, the jewelery that i wore was no longer on me but yet cause i still had hope for us i kept them....i have been with my partner now for almost 5.5yrs and even tho we splt for that short period of time it gave him time to think about wat he really wanted..something i was willing to do so he could think straight and know wat things would be like with out me and his daughter around everyday...as cruel as it sounds it worked....


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## ~Ms.August~365

I wouldn't worry about letters, cards, a few pictures and such... it's not a big deal. Some people want to have something to remind them of a specific period in their lives, and some keep small items to remind themselves of what an ass the person was. But sex CDs, sex pictures and files on the computer... I'd put an end to that REAL quick.... that is NOT normal. What would he need with those in a new relationship? You're damn sure not going to watch them, it's just disrespectful. Would he be alright if he came across sexual reminders you kept of you and an ex?


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## pinksugar

August, I'm currently single so I don't really know. It's an interesting question though! I don't think I'd care about non-sexual photos, as long as he wasn't looking at them all the time.

Sexual stuff I'd expect him to get rid of altogether. You're right. Why would he need them or want to use them?

as for jewellery I'm still torn. Chantelle, you said you kept them as you held hope for your relationship. I've totally done that in the past, but I've also just kept things because I LIKED them, with no attachment other than enjoying a piece of jewellery. I guess i'm afraid that if I wear them then everyone will assume that I want there to be something between me and the ex.

It's a tough one!


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## Nick007

Let me see...Pictures are memories, eventhough you don't like that person it's still fun to see how you looked back then and reminisce. Leave the pictures at your parents house and whenever you want a sneak peak take one. The jewelry I sold and bought me a bunch of really nice stuff on him. I had one very expensive ring that I gave to my mom.

Pinksugar-Why don't you sell all that old jewelry and put it in your new tiffanys necklace fund.


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## S. Lisa Smith

Originally Posted by *sugersoul* /img/forum/go_quote.gif thanks tony, i really needed a man's input



hehe i wish we had a forum which are moditored by a few men, and women here can ask relationship questions, that would be quite interesting! Actually there are more married men on here than you might think



...anyway. I'm a saver so I understand the notes, etc. I am somewhat torn by the cd's and sex stuff. On one hand a saver is a saver. On the other hand the CD's and sex stuff is a bit much to me (but that's just me). We don't know him, he might have them and never watch them. The best thing to to is to talk to him about it. Explain your concerns and talk it out. You will probably feel better or you will have more information to think about concerning your relationship. Good luck! Wow just noticed how old this thread is. The advice I gave has been taken, years before I gave it. Didn't realize I was that good. Keep the jewlery and wear it as long as you want, Rosie.


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## Darla

Quote:
i really needed a man's input



hehe i wish we had a forum which are moditored by a few men, and women here can ask relationship questions, that would be quite interesting! I guess you have to consider when both of you had been in relationships in the past that someone might have done something like this in the past. 
I never did the sex tape thing. I personally think a camera in the room might have been obtrusive.

I did however have a girlfriend mention once that she had sexy pictures in which her ex-BF was partially visible. (We had been going together for a while) She did show them to me eventually and yes they were really somewhat graphic.

So how did this make me feel since this is a reverse situation from everyone else is talking about? It didn't offend me or anything as i had previously known she had a sexual past. I really didn't feel jealous either. I never dreamed of asking her to destroy the pictures or anything.


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## SqueeKee

Quote:
Felt this thread needed to be 're-vamped'! 
I can say that I wouldn't appreciate my SO keeping pictures, cards, etc... of his exes. I just find it hurtful and why is it necessary? I have thrown out things like pictures, cards, etc... because I don't NEED them. Plus, I don't think he'd appreciate it either. Makes me wonder why people keep them around. If so, why do you?

I have pics of my ex but I'm unusual  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I'm a firm believer in not having to destroy your past just to placate your present/future. History is kind of important to me so even tho he was a scuzz bag, he was a part of my life, so I keep the pics. I keep everything, even notes my friends and I passed in school!
But sex tapes? I dunno . . . I'm not sure how I would feel about that. I think my reaction would depend on the reason it's being kept.

Are they being kept as possible future blackmail material?

Is it an ego thing? (my best friend and her ex made plenty of sex tapes . . . she kept them, not because she has feelings for her ex but because she looks fantastic in them



lmao)

Is it just because he hates to part with a part of his life's history, no matter how raunchy it is?

I would really have to be in that situation to truly know how I would feel . . .


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## MamaRocks

I dont think its weird that he has it. Maybe it slipped his mind to get rid of it. I'd definitley ask him to trash them. Bad taste.


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## peachface

AGH!!! This thread just reminded me that my bf has a CD of that sort as well........ I was really mad when I found out, not too long after we started going out, but then I kinda forgot about it.... until now!


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