# Why is he acting like this?



## MissMissy (Sep 29, 2007)

Well I just got married a couple of weeks ago.. and thought every thing was perfect till now. My husband seems to be acting different, really rude towards me, and acting just rude and snappy and it hurts my feelings.

I work alot. I work during the day and go to bed early .. so when he gets home I am in bed when I get up he is in bed. So we dont see alot of each other right now. (he is gettin his hours changed) and when I wake up he is just mean and snappy.

Why did you do that.. well thats stupid.. just starting fights with me. When I see him late at night when I stay up waiting on him, he is just MEAN and hateful. I dont know what is going on, but its killing me.

Yes I talked to him and his excuse was "I'm tired I just got off work" or something so I finally blew.. I told him I work too I'm tired too and I am still nice. He has NEVER acted like this before, and I dont know if its because we are married or not but if he is not happy then he knows where the door is. I'm not scared of the word divorce. ( I was a little drunk when we had that convo, thats when I finally couldnt take it anymore). I just cant be treated like this. I am getting depressed. Whats going on?

My mom and dad said this would happen, they said it is something different when a couple gets married. Its just if the couple get through it or not.


----------



## luxotika (Sep 29, 2007)

I have no idea, but I just wanted to wish you luck.


----------



## BeneBaby (Sep 29, 2007)

I am not married so I can't say with certainty if things change. I know that all of my friends who had dysfunctional relationships, but got married anyway, ended up having bad marriages. The couples I know who were solid and healthy, have great marriages and nothing changed.


----------



## Anthea (Sep 30, 2007)

Missy you don't deserve to be treated badly for without reason. I sure hope you two can work it out and I wish you all the best with this.


----------



## han (Sep 30, 2007)

i dont really have any advice since i dont really know the whole situation but i did want to wish you luck and hope whatever hes going through he gets a grip on his attitude towards you.


----------



## karrieann (Sep 30, 2007)

the choking reality of marriage has hit him?

good luck!


----------



## MissMissy (Oct 3, 2007)

things are going good this week




.. i think we have just been hiding are emotions from each other.. thinking we are going to hurt the others feelings.. i have posted a couple threads .. about our feelings and i must say everything has came clear.. after finally spilling.. thanks to all who have been patient with me. and helping me through this..


----------



## Bellagigi (Oct 3, 2007)

WHOA! This is a little early in the game for such turmoil. Communication is the key here but the true key is to do it without him feeling like your being, well, typical woman. I don't mean that to put us down in gender but only how most men view our "let's talk about feelings" views. Which they tend to run away from. What he has to realize is that he will have to open up some and let you know what is going on in his mind. It's the getting him to do that that's so hard. The first months, heck the first year, is such a huge transition for both of you. This is where you find out what you really "bought" and it works both ways



I cried for months after I got married. I cried because I missed my mom and dad. I cried because I missed my cat. I even threw a tube of toothpaste at breakneck speed at my husbands head. There were tensions stemming from both of us making the transition and I think there was even, happy as we were and in love, a mourning period where it hits you that everything is different and always will be. Not different in a bad way but just this is your new life and it's two people now different. Does he have anyone (a positive influence) that he "talks" to about things that are on his mind? It is ideal that the person be you but sometimes he (and you too) will need that other person to vent to who can provide a different opinion in a positive way. I think at this point I would wait for him to be well rested, not playing Halo or watching a football game or whatever he does in his spare time, and tell him you miss him. You know that work has kept you apart and it's not really what you wanted for the two of you but at the moment that is just how it has to be. Tell him that he is your best friend and that whatever is happenening you can understand. See if you can get him to open up. Tell him that if he can communicate whats on his mind you can then know what you can do to make things better. Let him know that it takes both of you to make it work and you don't want him to keep it in all by himself. Communicate that you want him to be happy and as stress free as possible but that you don't know where to start without HIM. I don't know what a typical day for you two would be but with being newlyweds I would suggest not getting drunk as a way to cope. It will only impair your judgement of the situation and possilby make things worse. I also would not be in the mindset that you can just get a divorce. Please don't take what I said as harsh but I truly think that when you have those things in the back of your mind it affects what you say to him and your attitude toward him. Plus sweetie it's only going to make you feel worse. Because you guys are a team now. When you put yourself in that mindset it only stands to put you seperate from him back in single girl mode. You should be trying to get into the married mindset where your decisions are based on not you but both of you as one person. And he's going to have to work to get there too. Yes anyone can run out and get a divorce but it takes two people who are truly dedicated to one another, unselfish and reasonable to make a marriage work. It's not a cakewalk for sure. I married my husband in Feb. of 1999. We are still very much in love today. We are the couple that you get the comments about throwing up over the ickiness and people ask us how we do it. Oh there have been plenty of battles over things and forget that crap about not going to bed angry because sometimes there are not enough hours in the day to cool down What's most important is trying to view things through the others eyes, put yourself in their situation. Think before you talk about what's on your mind in matters of the relationship. But again that goes both ways. He's got to give just as much as you do or it's not going to work like it should. It's not a one way kind of deal and he shouldn't be takinig advantage of you by any means. Whew. I hope something I've said give you a little help or insight. I am on your side and cheering for ya! Remember, before you talk to him get it together in your mind exactly what you want to say. You know him well enough by now to know what is going to set him off or what he'll take in a negative way. You gotta work him girl! Use some pshycology on him. I swear it works! Take care.

I just wanted to let you know that I read your post about your heartache with hubby and I made a super long reply while you must have went in and posted again. So I didn't want you to think I ignored your update as it wasn't there when I started my novel to you..heehee! I am so happy to hear that things are getting better. I am such a romantic and your post just pulled at my heartstrings. Anyway, if you get a moment and have an hour...no just kidding. I just wanted to let you know. And if you ever need anything or get to feeling down again don't hesitate to mail me. I am an old married woman now (8yrs) and could give out advice and inside information all day. Take care.

Belle

By the way I tried to just send this message to you but I am new and not in the super duper club yet so I can't email you.

I just wanted to let you know that I read your post about your heartache with hubby and I made a super long reply while you must have went in and posted again. So I didn't want you to think I ignored your update as it wasn't there when I started my novel to you..heehee! I am so happy to hear that things are getting better. I am such a romantic and your post just pulled at my heartstrings. Anyway, if you get a moment and have an hour...no just kidding. I just wanted to let you know. And if you ever need anything or get to feeling down again don't hesitate to mail me. I am an old married woman now (8yrs) and could give out advice and inside information all day. Take care.

Belle


----------



## JennyMcL (Oct 3, 2007)

I'm really happy that things are going better this week.


----------



## kisska3000 (Oct 4, 2007)

i am really happy that things are working out with you too guys. i also got married this year and in the begining it was hard for me because i never leaved with a guy before but now i am getting used to it like they tell if u survive the first year of marriage you can survive a lot so good luck to you and congrats. comunication is the key in any relationship.


----------



## DizzyCow (Oct 4, 2007)

i think a couple needs to live together before the get married or there will definetely be problems after. i dont see how marriage will change my life will my fiance since we are already like married people. but since your husbad and you had a different reason for your problems i wont bother asking if you lived together before.

glad it worked out ok!


----------



## MissMissy (Oct 6, 2007)

we lived together for 4 years.. things are settling down now.. we are not at each others throat


----------



## Solimar (Oct 6, 2007)

Really, what it comes down to is that men need time to be alone and sort out their emotions by themselves. If you keep trying to find out what is wrong or what they are thinking all the time, they are naturally going to pull away even more. Men and women deal with issues in different ways. It is also fatal to compare how you feel to how he does, and kind of invalidating how he feels by mentioning "I just got home from work, too". On the whole, it doesn't matter, they are HIS feelings and they are valid. When your man does that, leave him alone for the most part -- not to the extent of sleeping in different rooms, but keep the questions to a minimum and maybe just get him a glass of water and mind your business. Men do come around, in fact, it's very typical behavior that women need to adapt to, just like they need to adapt to ours. We need some TLC when stuff is wrong, they need to be left the hell alone!


----------

