# Long Distance Relationships



## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 17, 2011)

I have been dating a guy that lives about 8 hours away from me (i actually met him on here hehe) and it's been SO hard.  Has anyone been in a long distance relationship that can give me some tips on how to deal?   I'm moving in with him in Feb but it seems like that days are going by so slow.  We try to see each other at least 1 a month but we both get so depressed when we're apart.  We try to skype every day and we talk  on the phone/text all day long.


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## divadoll (Oct 17, 2011)

8hrs??? wow!  

For 4 years, my DH worked out of town (different locations). We saw each other 4 days every 14 or 7 days every 21 days.  It's hard but if you are working towards a common goal, then it'll be ok and time goes by fast.  We also had a 2.5 year old son at that time so it was even harder.  

MSN video chat is good and you get to see as well as talk with each other.  I would be a little weary of moving in with someone if you start with a long distance relationship.  Maybe you can start by finding your own place close by?  You have a young daughter to consider as well (excuse the mothering). It was difficult seeing him everyday after living that long distance life for 4 years.


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## satojoko (Oct 17, 2011)

I personally can't do long distance relationships. My husband, before we were married, had to move to the city I was in at the time we were seeing each other. I made more money than him at the time, so that's how we decided who would do the moving. I told him that if we weren't in the same city, I couldn't continue the relationship and left it up to him. We obviously ended up getting married, and have been together 7 years now. Glad be made the decision to move


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 17, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> 8hrs??? wow!
> 
> ...


 4 years eeeeeks.  that must of been terrible!   I'm really actually not that worried about moving in with him.  We both have the same personality and we communicate so often I know how he is.   Maddi situation is already taken care of so I'm not worried about that either.  It's beeen talked over and talked over to death.   Like msn that's what we do with skype, video chat  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />    I really hope time starts going by a lot faster.  I saw him 2 weeks ago and it seems like 2 months  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 17, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *satojoko* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> I personally can't do long distance relationships. My husband, before we were married, had to move to the city I was in at the time we were seeing each other. I made more money than him at the time, so that's how we decided who would do the moving. I told him that if we weren't in the same city, I couldn't continue the relationship and left it up to him. We obviously ended up getting married, and have been together 7 years now. Glad be made the decision to move



awwww  that's so sweet â™¥


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## Basketcase824 (Oct 17, 2011)

I met my boyfriend on a video game. We were long distance for the first year together. We were also 8 hours apart (Me in FL, him up here in GA) and we only got to see each other 5 times during that year. It was rough, and we didn't have video chat. But sticking through it was the best decision I ever made. I moved on our 1 year anniversary (because he was in school and, at the time, I was not). We have been living together now for 3 1/2 years! Stick it out. It's worth it and you will be closer because of it.


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## tangerinex3 (Oct 17, 2011)

No more gamer bf??? =oO 

My fianceÃ© and I live in different states. . . Which is completely horrifying at times! But as long as you both put the effort into letting the other know they are still important, it's all good.


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## DreamWarrior (Oct 17, 2011)

My S/O and I lived an hour away and I thought that was bad! LOL!  Wow.  We ended up moving in together about a solid 4 months of dating every weekend.  He moved in with me and actually it was just a gradual move in since all his stuff little by little stayed with me. LOL.  The official move in with furniture and all was about a year after we met.

Its not easy, but you'll get through it.  I agree with Divadoll - having a common goal is great advice.


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 17, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *Basketcase824* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> I met my boyfriend on a video game. We were long distance for the first year together. We were also 8 hours apart (Me in FL, him up here in GA) and we only got to see each other 5 times during that year. It was rough, and we didn't have video chat. But sticking through it was the best decision I ever made. I moved on our 1 year anniversary (because he was in school and, at the time, I was not). We have been living together now for 3 1/2 years!
> 
> Stick it out. It's worth it and you will be closer because of it.


omg that must have been like torture!  happy to hear everything has worked out  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

thanks for all the advice everyone  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## GirlyEnthusiast (Oct 17, 2011)

Bonnie's gonna be my new neighbor


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 17, 2011)

mmmmhmmmm  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  â™¥   I'll be there for xmas and thanksgiving too


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## Dragonfly (Oct 17, 2011)

Bonnie, I met my BF on MUT as well. Had me a bit nervous until I saw your profile pic...

We are about 8 hours apart, so I know how you feel.

Good luck with the transition of moving in together.

My friend and I will remain apart for now  - he's in the US and I'm in Canada - not so easy to relocate for either of us.


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 17, 2011)

haha that's hilarious!!!!  haha  that's pretty crazy!  who is it!  share!


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## satojoko (Oct 18, 2011)

My husband is the sweetest, least selfish guy I ever met in my life, quite honestly. We also met online, got to know each other over 2 months of chatting and phone calls. We lived about 14 hours of a hellish train ride apart at the time, both in Indonesia. WÄ¥en my summer holiday came up from teaching, I stopped over there so we could meet in person. I expected the worst, but thought I couÅ‚d always leave within 48 hours to my originally planned destination to visit my friends if things didn't work out, or if he was a closet psycho. He ended up being every good thing he was online, and then some. I spent 2 weeks there, with him taking me along on his job, on call 24/7. He was a crÄ«me reporter at the time, so I got to see him in many different lights, in many situÃ tions. After a great experience, I had to go back home to Jakarta to work again. After a month of that, I just thought, if we're gonna do this, let's either do it or drop it. We obviously were planning on gÃªtting married at some point, even then, but I Äouldn't do it until we moved in together. Which can be quite dangerous there with the reliÄious fanatics. It really happened that quickly. I told him, I'll give you a month to decide if you're gonna move or not, but after that, I'm sorry, I'm not prepared to put myself through this emotionally. Fortunately, he made the right choice haha  I knew, though, that he loved me, even then. We both knew that even before we met in person, I think. But I needed to sÃªe if he was the same person on a day to day basis, so wanted to live together before I could seriously consider getting married to him. We're both from very different cultures, and in his, men are generally extremely sexist, especially when they feel they have ownership of their women. Thankfully, he didn't pick up that sh1tty part of his culture  and he's still the same to this day. He admits to having occassional internal fits of jealousy sometimes, but he meditates to get through it - he's Buddhist now - and has never given me even the slighteÃŸt bit of grief over it. He realizes it's his upbringing/societal surroundings, not something I'm dÅing, and handles it maturely. I had a very bad experience years before I met him, with a guy from the same culture, who nearly killed me after we got married. Found out too late he had been married before and nearly killed his first wife, scarred her for life, and that he was pretty much a walking, talking male slut and pathological liar. Complete psycÄ¥otic pig. That taught me some major lessons. #1) No long distance relationshÄ«ps and #2) absolutely NO marriage before living together for at least a couple of years. And because of the psycho pig, I appreciate my current husband and his limitless kindness, faithfulness, respect, along with the complete absence of sexism in his actions towards me even more. Anyways, good luck with your own situation and hope things work out for the best  I know from previous relationships that it ain't easy....


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## Andi (Oct 19, 2011)

I met my husband when he worked in the city I went to University in, in Austria. He worked there for a year, and we met online (myspace was still cool back then lol), but met up in real life only 2 weeks after. We were dating for about 9 months before he had to leave. Neither of us really wanted to continue this as a LDR (because of the low chances of it working out long term), but we missed each other so much, and felt like the other person was "The One", so we just had to try it.

What followed was 4 1/2 years of long distance relationship, which included me finishing university in Austria, him continuing to work overseas and then being back in the US. We got married in 2010, which was followed by the ordeal &amp; paperwork of getting a visa to the US. Mostly due to schedule differences &amp; me being a poor student we could only see each other between 1-3 times a year, usually for about 3-4 weeks at a time. Everybody asked me how I handled it, but I canÂ´t answer it. A lot of times I couldnÂ´t handle it, but what was my choice? Letting this wonderful man go just to date someone local?

All of that is behind us now, IÂ´m with him in the US and weÂ´re happy. Everybody was concerned about this huge adjustment period of living together (we were never able to live together besides those short visits), but honestly itÂ´s been a breeze. Missing my family back home is the much bigger issue, but I have no regrets.

For me, this wasnÂ´t a naive fantasy of being with Prince Charming (which a lot of people probably suspect when it comes to LDRs). I finished university and we each had to live our own lives (while still trying to include the other person in it as much as possible).

We didnÂ´t get engaged before we felt like we really knew each other. We made it through misunderstandings, fights, insecurities, pain, missing each other and all the stuff that normal couples go through. The fact that we went through that on the phone, in e-mails and on skype over this distance (which makes these things so much harder) and still managed to love &amp; cherish each other &amp; stay faithful to each other is more than enough proof for me that this is REAL. Anybody who had doubts about us (some of my family member didnÂ´t even come to our wedding &amp; had lame excuses for not attending) should walk a mile in my shoes and see if their relationships make it LOL.

I canÂ´t really give much advice, because you seem to be doing everything right. As much as youÂ´re in love, you gotta have realistic expectations. Keep in touch as much as you can, but donÂ´t concentrate your entire lives on each other - youÂ´ll go crazy if you do. At first itÂ´s incredibly hard (I cried so much during my LDR &amp; felt incredibly lonely most times), and I think most LDRs break off in that period, when you wonder why youÂ´re putting yourself through so much trouble, pain &amp; heartache. But if itÂ´s meant to be, if the other person really is The One, it WILL work out!!!

Sorry this post is so long, but I always felt like itÂ´s incredibly reassuring to hear stories of successful LDR when you feel down &amp; youÂ´re missing your partner. During my LDR, I was in e-mail contact with 2 girls from my country who were also in relationships with guys from the US. I felt like they were the only people who could really relate, because they were going through the exact same things I was going through. And both of them are also married &amp; living with their husbands now!


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## kerker (Oct 24, 2011)

My fiance and I did about 1.5yrs long distance. We met when we were both on holidays in New Zealand. He was from CA and I was from Australia. During that time we spent every weekend chatting on msn. I'm not going to say it was easy because it was really tough. I visited a few times and he came to Australia too. The hardest part was the time differences, it was almost opposite - day here, night there. In the end you just think, is this person worth it?


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 24, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *kerker* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> In the end you just think, is this person worth it?



Oh wow ca - Australia!  That's rough!  Did you move to CA or did he move? 

He's totally worth it, not even a doubt in my mind!


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## kerker (Oct 24, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *Bonnie Krupa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Did you move to CA or did he move?


lol yeh its quite a distance, there was a period where we didn't see each other for 7mths, it was getting too expensive travelling back and forth. He moved to Australia in May 11. We're getting married next month! So have you guys discussed who will be moving?


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 24, 2011)

omg 7 months!!!  and here I am complaining about not seeing him for 1.5 months haha  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  Congrats on your wedding next month that's amazing!!!   I'm moving to tucson on valentines day hehe.  4 months AHHH  seems so far away!   We're also going to be getting engaged soon, I'm very excited.  My parents are worried that it's too soon but I just know he's the one.


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## kerker (Oct 24, 2011)

Yep when you know he's the one, he's the one!! How long have you guys been dating? (don't have to ans if its getting too personal). My fiance and I were dating for a yr lol its pretty quick too but after 5mths I realised he was the one.

4 months will go by quick once you start organising the move there. Congrats for the two of yous!


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 24, 2011)

um, it's been 3 months haha but srsly we communicate like every waking minute and we're crazy about each other


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## 13Bluestar97 (Oct 24, 2011)

That's sweet ^^ makeup really can bring people together! I moved from Russia when I was seven and I wanted to keep all of my friends. I did so by texting them, emailing, social media, etc. Even though I have not seen a majority of them for seven years, it's been all good. I think you're doing everything right- keep on going, move to Tucson with him and have a happy life!


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## Bonnie Krupa (Oct 24, 2011)

hehe funny thing is he knows absolutely nothing about makeup  he was here for other reasons  (no not finding chics haha)


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## satojoko (Oct 25, 2011)

Actually, I just realized, my husband and I HAVE done the long distance thing **der**I got very sick and nearly died during 2007 &amp; 2008, hospitalized many times in his country, so had to come back to Canada for medical 'investigation'. However, my husband is not Canadian, so getting him a visa to come with me was an absolute nightmare. I ended up going by myself, and staying for 8 months the first time. Had we gotten him involved in the immigration process at the time, it would have cost us thousands of $$, on top of paying for two homes and two sets of bills in two different countries. So he stayed there while I got medical treatment.

I went back to his country after 8 months in Canada when it seemed my health had stabilized. Neither one of us had any intention of living in Canada long term. No thanks. Well, in the end, we had no choice. Within 2 months or so, by May 2009, I was unable to even walk again. Back to Canada again, alone, thanks to Canada's screwed up immigration policies. After several months here alone again, we both realized that we had no choice but to both be here. So we started the process to get him here on a visitors visa, firstly because I needed him here not only to look after me while I was so sick, but because being apart for so long was killing both of us. He arrived here January 10th, 2010 and we've been here ever since. We were hoping to go back to his country after 6 months or so at the very most, but it hasn't worked out that way. So we had to start the process for him to get his PR here. Kinda like getting a 'green card' in the US. He just recently got his work permit - this month - and is STILL waiting for his bloody PR. But I'm just glad he's here.

So within our first 2 years of marriage - we got married Jan 1st, 2008, we spent only about 4 or 5 months together. We missed each other's birthdays, both of our first 2 anniversaries in that time, etc. It was really bad, and we were both beyond miserable, both of us constantly crying on the phone. But it did show us both that or relationship is strong and that we are both flexible and willing and able to adapt to whatever may come up. Had this happened in the first couple of years that we were together - before we were married - though, I don't know if we would have made it. But that extra tie of marriage, along with the fact that we love each other immensely and will do anything for each other, kept us going and fighting through everything that immigration, my health, etc threw our way. Do NOT want to go through that again, though. Hell no. What a nightmare.....


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## Mrs Gaeul (Jul 28, 2012)

I spent about a year apart from my husband while we were attending colleges in different countries and it was hell! Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything you can really do about your sad feelings. But cherish this time, because it will be a sweet memory later.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## calexxia (Jul 29, 2012)

LDRs are tough, tough, tough. And, sadly, I've been in too many of 'em! The first was when my first husband went into the military and we spent almost a year apart (just two months after our wedding!) The second was my second husband...he was in Japan during the year that I was divorcing my first husband and so we were apart for nearly a year then.

BUT.....here's the kicker. My old man lives in California. We've been together almost 8 years--and the whole time, I've lived either in Utah or Arizona. There was a period of about a year when we saw each other TONS because I was working for an airline, but now....it's not so easy. He won't move here, and I can't afford to move there. We see each other about every six weeks or so. It's tougher to do THAT than it was to see each other every six months or so when I was in Utah (I guess because we're both more emotionally invested after all this time, I dunno.)

*sigh*

Bad topic, considering that I just came home tonight after spending Friday and Saturday with him.


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