# Don't Understand Men



## sealsm (Dec 12, 2006)

Hey everyone. I'm going to throw out an issue I'm having and see if anyone can help. Don't worry; this is just a little issue.

As the title says, I have a hard time reading men. I am tired to becoming interested in guys who flirt and are friendly, but don't want to start a relationship. I knew this guy for about a year and was interested in him. Neither of us admitted to liking the other, it was just infatuation. This summer, he left to start school out of state. Before leaving, I asked him if I could keep in touch and e-mail him. He said he'd love that, and added that he would look me up on myspace (which he never has done). We e-mailed a couple of times with little wait between responses. Then he stopped responding. Two months later - and yes, I mean two months - he finally sends an e-mail. He says he has been really busy with school and apologizes for not responding sooner. Sure, he could be bogged down with school work, but it doesn't take that long to send a short note.

He's coming back home for break and said that he would tell me all about school when he gets here. Part of me says he isn't interested in anything but friendship, and I want to stop hoping for something more if that's not an option. If he really wanted to get to know me, he would e-mail more. But.....he didn't have to e-mail after two months at all. Does this sound like he's not into me? Should I not go out of my way to see him over break?

Thanks! :smile:


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## orangebowl9 (Dec 12, 2006)

I'm assuming by school, you mean off to college. You guys are both pretty young, I'd assume, in your early 20s a piece.

From the limited info you gave describing his behavior, I would say that he's slightly interested, but is just taking things slow. From a guy's perspective, I can tell you when we don't respond for a few months after keeping in touch on a regular basis, that means he most likely got involved with another girl/s that took away from his time to keep in touch with you. I'm not trying to say this to get you down, but just giving you the reality of the situation. Keeping in touch long-distance, coupled with the fact he's off to school for the first time, he's bound to meet up with new girls.

I would still try to meet up with him and take things slow. No reason to throw him off the bus just yet. Try to be a little mysterious and not give in too much. Let him work for you, as guys always like a bit of a challenge. If it was meant to be, he'll work harder this upcoming term to be involved with you as best as he can.

Hope this helps...

-Derek


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## sealsm (Dec 12, 2006)

Thanks Derek. I'm glad I got a guys opinion. I'll give that a try. We're both in grad school, so early 20s would be right.


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## Dragonfly (Dec 12, 2006)

There is this author named Greg Behrent (I'm sure I spelled his name wrong)

who wrote a book called - He's just not that into you.

His advice would be not to take this guy too seriously. If he were interested in you, he would have emailed or called you a lot more than he has.

I agree with Derek. Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. But it is possible that he has met other girl(s) and has become distracted.


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## missnadia (Dec 12, 2006)

I don't think he's interested. Maybe I'm biased because I've had my share of guys who were "nice" and often apologized for not calling or not returning emails right away. If a guy is interested in you, he'll write back fairly quickly. Especilly after you've known him for one year and you finally have some correspondance going back and forth. Emailing after 2 months is just him being polite and not wanting to come off as a jerk.

I'm not a guy but I do the same thing to guys. If a guy constantly shows interest in me, even after I've dropped hints that i'm not interested.. If he keeps emailing me regularly, then I'll email him sporadically just to let him know that yes, you're a nice guy, but I'll never go out with you in a million years.


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## geebers (Dec 12, 2006)

I agree ... he isn't interested at this point. He probably WAS but I guess he either lost interest or found someone else (and in either case- not a good thing for you). I do this to guys I am not into. If I dont like you - I dont make the effort period.


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## sealsm (Dec 12, 2006)

Thanks for the comments. As much as it sucks, at least I have a better idea of where he may be coming from. I just wish he would have slid in something like "by the way, I'm dating this great girl..." and then I wouldn't be left wondering.


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## missnadia (Dec 12, 2006)

It's really hard to tell somebody that you're dating someone else when they havent explicitly asked you out. You come off as snobbish and assuming that the person is after you, which might be true, but the no-fail policy is *not *to give that as an excuse just in case the person has no intentions to date you.


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## Aquilah (Dec 12, 2006)

Okay, I'm going to say he could be interested, but you'll have to see... Being a college student, I know how busy things can get, and depending on what your major is, you can spend more time than the average person. Is it possible too he didn't want to just send a short note, and wanted to be able to have time to write a longer one?


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## Dragonfly (Dec 13, 2006)

Just a thought: I think he never told you that he is dating other girls is he wants to keep all his options open.

Just be careful he doesn't lead you on or make you believe he isn't dating someone else. Some guys can be really sly dogs, even when you think they are

really nice guys.


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## sealsm (Dec 13, 2006)

That may have been the case. I'll see what happens when he gets back. Maybe he'll fill me in on what his e-mails are lacking.


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## jessimau (Dec 13, 2006)

If I read correctly, he's in school in another state. It's much easier to date someone at your school. Don't spend time worrying about this guy when I'm sure you have prospects right at home.

One thing he might be doing (I know I did it and so did a lot of my friends, male and female) is keeping in touch with you so he has someone to mess around with while he's home for winter break. You know, someone to help pass the time when you're both being driven insane by too much time with your families. It's kinda nice to know there's someone you can always hook up with when you're home from college for the holidays/weekend. Kinda like a special-circumstances booty call.


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## orangebowl9 (Dec 13, 2006)

All good points across the board.

Like I mentioned earlier, you're both young, and still learning the ropes of relationships. He's in school, in addition to being is a long-distance "relationship", even though it doesn't sound like you guys are truly "dating" in the traditional sense of the word.

With that said, I would still try to meet up with him in a casual setting, maybe with a group of mutual friends. See how he responds to you...make him work for you a bit. If he's honestly trying, then you have a good idea. If he's indifferent, then move on and save face. This way, you come out "ahead" in a way, without showing your cards if you catch my drift.


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## emily_3383 (Dec 13, 2006)

I agree with this, he could possible like you but if he really did he would have emailed you sooner.


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## sealsm (Dec 15, 2006)

Thanks everyone for responding! I'll let you guys know if anything happens.


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## pinkbundles (Dec 16, 2006)

i think he probably was and then he went off to school. i think it's a wait and see (if you're patient enough and if you're THAT interested).


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## han (Dec 16, 2006)

:iagree:


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## deadbychocolate (Dec 17, 2006)

i go with a simple rule "2 way street" n i think anything less than that is pointless.


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## sealsm (Dec 18, 2006)

Here's an update: I ran into him at church today......and met his new FIANCEE. The fiance ethat I knew nothing about. I didn't even know he was dating anyone. I think they met after he started school (so they've known each other four months????), but I didn't stick around long enough to hear the story. I kept my cool, congratulated them both, then tried to ignore them the rest of the service. Ack. Well, at least I know how this is going to go.

Thanks again everyone.


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## missnadia (Dec 18, 2006)

Hey be glad you didn't spend more time than that on his ass!!!!


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## han (Dec 18, 2006)

just wanted to say thanks for the update.. and your guy is out there keep your head up..lol


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## bblonde (Dec 18, 2006)

*edited* I didn't see the update.

At least now you know why he was too busy to respond.


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## emily_3383 (Dec 18, 2006)

Im glad you found out the truth before he strings you along any further!


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