# ADD/Laziness/or does she just not care?



## Kelly (Mar 8, 2006)

Ok really quick here's my low down (ok not quick....but more like a vent and grasp for anyone that may have the same situation).....my daughter was a premie when born almost 13 years ago....wasnt' fully developed but caught up fast (physically). That and ADD/ADHD runs in her dads side of the family.....so I feel some of this affects her....but

She has struggled with school and learning or laziness or not caring about learning or giving up all the time or????? ever since I can remember. She has an attention problem and/or laziness or both! Last night we put in another 5 HOURS of homework (the night before was 4 hours, last weekend was 6-7 hours....yes I'm keeping track....it's hard not to, because there literally is no other time that I have for ANYTHING else, but her), in which I helped with EVERY SINGLE QUESTION!!!!!!! She cannot do ANYTHING on her own (I know this sounds harsh....but it's the honest truth).....

I've tried many things and have asked for help from the school.....but it just keeps coming back to her failing. She's seeing a tutor tonight.....we spend hours and hours a night for years now, helping her stay on track.

I just finally said, Kaitlyne honey, I love you dearly and care about your education as well, but I have 2 other children who need me too, I have a husband who I only see 2 hours of the day. I also would like to help your sister study sometimes too. Your 3 year old sister needs me as well. Not to meantion I cannot get ANYTHING done (housework, cooking, anything....while helping her). If I walk away to do something......HONEST to GOD....she will call me back within 5 minutes, whining that she just can't do it or figure it out or doesn't understand or....... I'm just grasping at straws!

Her biological father is no help and we won't even go there, ok we will really quick......sorry to say this but he's a loser (I have no other word to describe him....ok I have alot, but) and he can talk a big talk and even sell an eskimo some ice.....but that doesn't help when the rubber meets the road. He is so good at lying and manipulating that I sometimes wonder....no I KNOW, that it is rubbing off on his daughter.....and he does the WHOA is me syndrom ALL THE TIME.......so get off your lazy butt, get and KEEP a job, show your other family over there and your other children as well that you can get up and go to work or better yet, show them some sort of discipline in regards to work ethic.....or responsiblity of an adult, or that you can't just sleep in all the time and have your 12 year old daughter run the flippin household over there because you are too tired...........oh and by the way.....you cannot feed our child or any child coffee every day and then buy her cappicinos on the way to school and the list goes on.....my goodness is he mental? Man!

There is nothing I can do about that situation.....but I struggle to help her and keep her here as much as possible in my household to help her understand what structure, schedule, responsiblity, work ethic.....whether we like it or not....there are things we as humans, children or adults, have to do..........whether that is homework, do the dishes, clean up, go to work.....life is not handed to anyone.

I just feel like the mean mom. But the principal tells me I'm doing everything right by pushing her and keeping on her track and sticking after her and checking on her every day and ........ I just babysit and follow her around all the time. Believe me, when I let go and try and trust her......just a little.....that's when it all goes down hill. So that is not it either, I've tried to trust her to do the things I tell her, but after like 1 day, she forgets, then she doesn't know if she has homework, or she forgot, or she lost it or she can't remember or the excuses go on and on.............

I mean I have to tell her things 8 or 9 times before she finally hears me or actually GETS up to do something about it. No she does not have a hearing problem.....her eyes are fine, she gets regular health exams as well......but what am I missing? She's not mentally handicapped......that I can see anyways.....I know that sounds bad. I think she is ADD, but cannot put her on meds because her biological father doesn't agree with this (he doesn't live with her 24/7.....plus his other children are way worse of in his household, so when my daughter goes to visit, she's the EASY one over there.....how wrong is that).

Sometimes I feel like I'm just blowing it all out of proportion....but i'm not, cuz everytime I step back and just think, heck maybe I should trust her or let her do this on her own....sometimes she amazes me, but most of the time it goes down hill.

My husband thinks maybe I should just let her fail. He thinks maybe she just needs to be let go and for me to do the best I can and if she fails, she fails or if she doesn't care then I should just do the tough love thing and say, ok I don't care either and let her fail. That is way to hard for me as a mother to do that though.

I'm grasping at anything here and I feel I'm gonna honestly have a nervous breakdown.....which I believe I had a mini one last night when I just stopped put my hands in the air and started crying and said "Kaitlyne, I'm done right now.....I cannot help you any longer tonight....I'm done" and I walked away....this was after 4 1/4 hours of already helping her (yes later on I had to come back in and help because I couldn't just let her not do her homework again)....it was 8:30 and no one else in the household had gotten any of my attention yet either......

Maybe she needs to fail.....I don't know. I mean if it's a phsycial illness then I understand, but man isn't there anyone out there in the schools or anything that can assist me? And if she "normal"....what is normal? Then yes, maybe I should let her fail, to see there are consiquences? I don't know, because then I will feel that I somehow failed her. Heck maybe my failing is my helping her out too much or always being on her.....but if I'm not.....like again lately I let go and trusted her. Last Semester we brought her grades back up to B's C's and 1 D. I thought good, now keep it up and keeping doing your best.......Come to find out a couple months later now she's failing 3 classes and the other 2 classes she's got D's in. She's failing English, Science, and History - F's.....then Math &amp; Reading are D's. Mostly because she's missing over half her homeswork assignments and inclass assignements. I mean if she does the homework and assignments every day and fails the test.....then atleast I know she giving some effort.

Ok sorry, enough.....anyone? Help me not go nuts.


----------



## lovesboxers (Mar 8, 2006)

I will respond to this later after I get back from school My son is 10 and a somewhat similiar situation.


----------



## Kelly (Mar 8, 2006)

Oh thank you soooo much honey. You obviously can see where I'm coming from. We have tried soooo many different techniques. Honestly I'm ready to go get her tested, formally and have her put on meds whether her father likes it or not.


----------



## Kelly (Mar 8, 2006)

Thank you Kim. Yes we have taken things away.....and she has to work for them back. The Sylivan thing is too far away....although I'd love to see the area she really is being held back in. I mean seriuosly with alot of her homework, she needs to go back to about 3rd grade and start over....seriously.

Most of it is she is bored or it doesn't interest her. Not that she's not being challenged, but because it's not of INTEREST to her. I understand school is not fun, but school is not an option to me. And I also told her this stuff is not acceptable here.

It's not just school it's everyday things as well.......then I think well maybe she's depressed, but man, drugs drugs drugs, I don't want to put her on drugs. Not unless it's absolutely NEEDED, which I don't believe it is......maybe I'm wrong though.

Again, thank you Kim.


----------



## Kelly (Mar 8, 2006)

Thanks Kim. Those are all factors I should check on. I've been looking into buying more organic foods lately. I mean I'm not saying we are super healthy eaters, but I do prepare food by hand, most of our meals.....most are not packaged, we eat raw vegetables or steamed, and so on.....but again we do eat the snacks or packaged food sometimes or sweets sometimes.....all the pesticides on plants or hormones in meats and so forth are really messing with us people.

I have made an appointment with her doctor to rule out thyroid and other items (as I have a thyroid disease....) which could very well be a big part of her situation. I don't know, but I want to rule things out too or correct them if we have too. I will talk with her doctor too about diet/nutrition and what might help or what might make things worse for her.

Thanks a bunch.


----------



## Kelly (Mar 8, 2006)

Yea you know with the thyroid thing, I found out from a specialist, because my regular doctors all said it was normal....and I went to see a specialist for my hormones and that came up. The specialist said that to a doctor it looks normal but when you go further it was not (a more detailed test or version of it, showed my thryroid was working harder than it had to or something). I can't remember if I'm hypo or hyper-thryroid. I think I'm hypo.

I've also been in contact with a dietician from our clinic and she's suppose to call me back. I want to look at more natural ways to help Kaitlyne out as well. Like which foods she should definitely stay away from or which to get her to eat more of or maybe even introduce some that she isn't consuming or which vitimin or mineral may help or which might make it worse and so on. I can't wait to hear back from the dietician.

Thanks again, so much Kim for helping me to try to go the natural route. I mean actually I would love it there was some easy pill way out......but believe me, I don't want to HAVE to put her on a pill unless it's necessary and I've ruled everything else out first. Plus.....we've come this far, a few more experimenting sure the heck won't kill me/us.

Do you mind if I ask you questions or PM you if I come across or are stumped on anything I find or something?


----------



## eightthirty (Mar 8, 2006)

I know this is going to bring on another long list of things, but I'm ready and I'm listening...

What has the school suggested you do that you've tried with little or no success?

My son, age 6, is experiencing similar difficulty and I've received tips for the past two years. Suprisingly some of them have helped. I've also read numerous books, appropriate for all ages on how to twist things about so that your child will actually begin to enjoy (as much as it is possible for a child to enjoy schoolwork) these things and do it in a much more timely manner without your help.

Here's one helpful link to start you off:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positiv...mework_p2.html

I definitely want to share my thoughts if it will help! You're not a mean mom.

Although, without knowing more than what you've told us, perhaps trying the do it yourself approach might help. Set a timer for her to do her homework. If she doesn't know the answer to a question, tell her to skip it and move on to the next one. At the end, see what you can do to help her. By helping her, I'm assuming she has brought home the appropriate textbooks. If not, start making her bring home EVERY SINGLE book, EVERY SINGLE day. That's what my dad did to me. I had 7 large books, every day of my early high school years to bring. Ask her open-ended questions as to where she might find the answer and things that relate.

You might also consider asking her what she thinks could be done to improve the situation and/or her interest in completing the assigned tasks. And even further, discuss the importance of school for her future. Use everyday situations to corporate what she is learning. You can even involve the whole family in that.

Torture her with National Geographic, PBS and Discovery Channel programs. Take the family on historical and/or educational day trips until she can't take it anymore!!

Those are just a few suggestions. They worked for me (personally) and are beginning to work for my son.


----------



## Kelly (Mar 8, 2006)

Melissa....I thank you, thank you, thank you. I will surely look into that site you gave along with all the other advice, most of it I'm doing already. In regards to what has the school done that's not working or suggested:

1. Keep doing what I'm doing

2. I'm on the right track, doing the right thing

3. Keep on her

4. Keep pushing her, checking on her with assignments

5. Keep one on ones with the teachers

6. and the list goes on.....come on teachers, principal or whoever, help me out.....I obviously asked for help from all them because it was killing me to do it all alone!

She has been bringing home every single book, whether she has homework or not. And is told whether she has homework or not, she is to work on something, whether it be studying or just reading a chapter in those "oh so interesting" text books.....I also wanted to see all her returned assignments.....if I seen fit, I would make her correct her work. She was to look into extra credit work. She's got a tutor now, and we will see how that goes (every Monday and Wednesday after school for 1 hour - luckily this is free, something the school does).

Let's see, I'm trying to think of other things I thought of. Oh, I also meantioned to her if things don't improve, she will be attending summer school instead of sports this summer.....boy she didn't like that one, but I said it was not up for debate....end of discussion.

Sometimes I look and wonder if I'm being too tough though or blowing it all out of perportion.....but honestly this is not acceptable to me. School is not an option, neither is her school work. Gosh, I mean if she did all her homework and failed her tests, then at least I would know she was trying.....then we could work on tests....but the child wasn't even doing homework.

So we are working on all of this.....and I thank each and every one of you!

I am always up for suggestions and will be looking into many if not every one of everyones advice.....THANK YOU ALL!


----------



## elljmz (Mar 8, 2006)

Could she be reacting to the fact that you have two other children and she is craving your attention whether it be positive or negative? I don't mean this negatively toward you but some children have a very hard time in situations such as this.


----------



## Kelly (Mar 8, 2006)

Thank you all soo much for everyone of your suggestions, support and advice. I am so honored to have such caring, loving support from members of MUT. I am so touched by all of your words and suggestions, I'm literally about to cry!

Thank you too, for letting me know I'm not a mean Mom. I know if I didn't care or love her so much, this wouldn't have affected me so much.

Oh and the update I just got from her tonight is one class has already gone from an "F" to a "C" and another from an "F" to a "D".....so.....ya....but this does not mean it will stay there and we have a long road ahead of us. Also, the road to her attention problem or possible thyroid (again, I don't know what it is).....or depression or what's going on. So we are having a complete exam and some other tests to rule out other possibilities that may be causing alot of these symptoms that we notice.

So again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I welcome any more suggestions or advice.....

I would say I'm speechless.....but as you can all see, I'm anything but that.....talk, talk, talk, vent, get it out, reach, ask, help, suggestions, help me....can I sell her on ebay.....SO JUST KIDDING!!!!!!


----------



## Kelly (Mar 9, 2006)

This is very well part of the fact too......but I don't want my other children seeing that her wanting my attention and getting it through negative ways is ok, I don't want the others thinking this is what works. I do praise her for her positives, I do kiss her, love her, hug her, snuggle her......I attend all her activities, come and have lunch with her at school periodically......she sometimes spends alone time with me......I even send her love letters periodically.....which I do with all my children (you know.....mom love notes......they love these).

You are right though....this is another part of her personality.....she is VERY DEPENDANT person and on me.....is not very independant at all.....she's a follower, a pleaser, and yes these are good or bad, depends on how she uses them.


----------



## eightthirty (Mar 9, 2006)

Perhaps you should try looking for activities that will flower her independance. Don't ask what kind of activities those might be. I'm at a loss. What made you feel independant when you were a teen/young lady? Ask other ladies what gave them this feeling? I know one small thing my dad always did, that didn't necessarily create the feeling of indepedance but rather sort of forced it upon me was when I asked what a word meant, he would tell me to look it up. It's a simple, small thing, but it latched like crazy. When I am need of information (whether it be makeup, medical, grammatical, mathematical) I look it up instead of asking someone first. If at that point, I can't find it, I ask someone. I feel wonderful being able to fend for myself in the knowledge department, especially as a single mother and being a female alone. A way you could reinforce this a positive is to express interest in new knowledge by asking more questions, instead of just praising and explore it further with her. You could also, again, relate it to your entire family.

What subjects is she taking now? Here's one for creativity. If she ever delves into Geometry anytime soon, use your makeup as examples. Particularly eyeshadows come in all shapes and sizes, especially in the form of palettes. That's just a mini-thought on things.

Think about what subjects she is currently taking and how they relate to YOUR life. When you share YOUR days events, share them in a way she will be able to relate her schoolwork to. Eventually without you even saying anything she may catch on. It might click as you recount your days events that it sounds almost identically to what she learned in her classes.

Again, I'm just rambling, but if it helps, that's all that matters. Even if you don't use my ideas perhaps your own ideas will stem from these. I'm just trying to get the creative juices more active (I know you've already got them. As a mother it's a must!!).

(((HUGS)))


----------



## Kelly (Mar 9, 2006)

You know maybe that's it.....am I too mothering? Maybe she needs more independence.....but it's soooooo hard. I do let her have independence with events at school or certain activities I will allow her to do with friends. But maybe I'm too mothering.....it's so hard though. Life is tough and the world is tougher now a days and I just am afraid of her being young and naive and being taken advantage of.

You sure are getting the juices flowing. There is so much that could be adding to this....but it doesn't explain the attention deficit thing, or does it? Man.....I've got some research or thinking to do on this one.


----------



## dentaldee (Mar 9, 2006)

I've sent you a PM about this topic!!!


----------



## suzukigrrl (Mar 9, 2006)

Is it possible that she just has a different learning style? Some people need to read things, others need to listen, some need to learn by doing. Maybe she needs to sing out her homework? Or do her homework outside in the sunshine? The schools don't always take into account that some kids just learn things in a different manner, or be in a different environment to learn. You might be able to find a specialist that can determine the best way for her to learn.


----------



## VenusGoddess (Mar 9, 2006)

You know, I have a 3 1/2 year old. She's got a short attention span on the things that she doesn't like (learning to write or draw, etc). But she'll spend hours dancing and singing and playing dress up.

She's always been a "late" sleeper. She'll go to bed at 9:30 at night and wake up at 8:30 in the morning. She takes a nap at 2:00 in the afternoon and wake up at 4:00. I've tried for 3 months to get her on an earlier schedule. It never worked. Never. Not once did she go to bed early or get up early without me having to drag her out of bed...and if I turn my back while I'm making breakfast, guess where she runs off to? Yep, back to bed.

Sometimes, when children do not get enough of what they WANT...they cannot focus on doing the things that they don't really want to. I see this in my daughter. I do not see her sitting still in class for HOURS a day...I cannot see her spending HOURS every night on homework. I have already decided to Homeschool her. She gets the attention from me that she needs...we have the flexibility to change subjects around. If she gets bored or needs a break, we can play for a while and then come back to where we left off...

I do not really believe in ADD/ADHD. I think that what we're seeing is the result of pushing kids too hard. Not you, personally, but society as a whole. We make 6 year olds sit down all day in class...give them loads of homework so that they can be successful adults. But, unhappy kids are restless/inattentive kids. That is what we are seeing. Unhappy kids. Kids were meant to play...explore. As adults we see that as a waste of time and energy. But, kids learn much more in play than they do from a book or a lecture. Kids are energy in motion and they need the space to express that.

You cannot repress energy. It has to be released in some way. Maybe you need to find the ways in which your daughter is happiest expressing her energy. If you are a SAHM, you may want to look into homeschooling. In reality, it only takes about 3-4 hours a day to do a full homeschool session. I found that would be better for Makayla than sending her off to school for 6 hours a day. But, it has to be right for you and your family. But, I would strongly suggest you look into doing that.

Good luck!!


----------



## makeupfreak72 (Mar 9, 2006)

i'm kind of new to mut, but i'm constantly on this sight and feel like i know everyone here, this is the second time i post a message, anyway about your problem with your daughter, my son is 12 going on 13 and its like your totally describing him! in everything! i have never gotten a good report card since kindergarden from him, he's never learned his multiplications no matter how much we practice and practice, he is lazy, but not dumb. but i have to tell him things over and over before he gets it, he knows his daily chores yet he prefers for me to tell him every day instead of automatically doing it. i also need to do each homework problem with him step by step to make sure it gets done and also like you as soon as i leave for 5 minutes he needs my help! well not until he got into 6th grade did his school finally do something about it, and got a phychiatrist to test him etc. and will now be helping him with special classes that he will have provided by the government untill hes in college! ( and is provided until he is 22 years old) maybe you can look into it at her school because junior high is only going to get harder and harder!


----------



## Elisabeth (Mar 9, 2006)

Kelly,

I'm sorry I can't help as I do not have any children.

I think the advice everyone gave here is like gold....

The only thing I can add would be from a child's perspective..

that is to say that..boy, your daughter sure sounds like me at periods in my

life growing up. I now believe I had ADD even though back then they called it Not Applying Yourself. I failed several classes b/c I couldn't understand and/or could not keep up..and I would try and it would make me even more depressed. I do know that I suffered from depression as a child and often fearfulness. Even though I have always been independent to the point of autonomy, there were times I had such separation anxiety from my mom that I would just in school run over to the window and cry until she came to get me...and believe you me sister, my mom did not have 1 tenth of the patience and love and effort that you are showing your daughter. You are just exhausted. You do need help on the level, as you put it, where the rubber meets the road. How to get it..?? Prob. your best source is the computer or phone book. Too bad about Sylvan..I also heard good things..Are you a member of a local church? Women's group? Bowling Club? Anything where you can reach out and bounce ideas off of people who are actually in your community and therefore more familiar with the resources and means to directly help you?? Can you afford/get a Reliable Babysitter to watch the whole clan for an afternoon just so you can get out and clear the cobwebs from your own head and breath some air?

Like I said, I'm sorry I'm not better help, dear...I feel for you and know that the answer is out there.

Take Care.


----------



## Kelly (Mar 9, 2006)

*Linab5*: I am going to check with the school about evalutations, thank you.

*dentaldee*: I received your PM and thank you.....

*suzukigrrl*: I'm wondering how interesting it could be to find her learning preference. I agree everyone learns differently and have tried different methods.....I think the most part is I get burnt out and that's what affects things as well.

*VenusGoddess*: I thank you and right now, yes I am a SAHM (5-6 years now)....but home schooling is not an option right now. We would (I hate to say this) kill each other.....honestly, when she goes to school (I know this sounds bad too).....that is my break from her or the situtuation. Gosh that sounds horrible, but I literally need breaks from it and if I was with her all day long too.....we would be at each others throats. Please don't get me wrong, I love her dearly and would do ANYTHING for her.....just the home schooling is not for us right now.....not that I haven't thought about it, I have many times. Thank you for your advice too, I am taking everyones into consideration.

*makeupfreak72*: Yep that's my daughter, she is lazy, but not dumb....she can learn.....just chooses not to or chooses someone else to "learn" or do her work for her.....or wants the easy way out. If something takes work.....she is just not into it. Lately though I've gotten her back on track.....but man it takes alot out of me and her. And this happens all the time.....we will get back on track and then....BAMM. So yes I do need some sort of assistance or testing or screening or whatever it may be to determine what exactly is going on so I can then work on that area and understand her strengths and her weeknesses and just to understand.....what it is that is holding her back or..........

*Elisabeth*: Yes I agree, she tries, then she does get more depressed. But when she succeeds she sees she can do it....but the thing is after she succeeds sometimes she thinks....ok I did it now I'm done again for a while.....that's kinda her mindset sometimes (I think). She also needs organization badly and we are constantly working on that too.

She can do great things.....but under my constant push or motivation. If I'm not pushing/motivating....she will plop in front of the t.v. (which believe me, my hubby is ready to pull the plug on the t.v. thing, literally.....) or sit around or go play or anything but what she should be doing. This goes for anything she should be doing, housework, chores, cleaning her room, helping me pick up the house or just anything I ask.....and believe me, I don't ask them alot.....but I do expect them to help out every once and a while and contribute to the household in that way.

So I have a dietician/nutritionalist calling me back on Monday to look and see if there are ways in her diet I can help (obviously there are.....she not a junk food junkie.....but she does have her share of it at times....). Then on the 27th we see our family doctor to do some tests and screenings and suggestions.........so I can't wait to see what comes up. This sounds bad but I almost hoping it's thyroid....cuz that would explain alot of her symptoms (she's gained alot of weight lately too....and man she just eats and eats and eats....she is never full.....she gets full, but then is hungry right away again?).....but then again, I'm not hoping for something to be wrong, I'm just looking for an answer that tells me why or what to do next or....it's hard to explain....plus thyroid is so fine line sometimes.


----------



## VenusGoddess (Mar 9, 2006)

Well, here is something I've also noticed with a friend's son (he's 9 1/2): As soon as he says, "Mom, I can't do this. This is too hard. It doesn't make sense/etc." She walks over and either tells him the answer or step-by-step helps him out. While it's important to help kids, it's also important to let them figure out their own problems. But, this spills over into other parts of their lives. He's angry that she won't let him do what he wants to do (she's always telling him how/what to do) but yet, he gets easily frustrated because he doesn't know how to "find the answers" on his own. He's so used to having mom say, "it's this way or that way" that he cannot deal with not knowing the answer *right now*.

This may be the case with your daughter. Maybe giving her a time limit to work on her homework and then she brings the homework to you, you check it over. If it's right, give her lots of praise and a hug and maybe some kind of reward at the end of the week. If she does the work wrong, just point out what is wrong and send her back to the "think tank". My parents did this with my brother and I. They would not help us with our homework. If it was something that we genuinely did not get/understand/comprehend, then they would sit down with us and explain it to us...but they would not work out the actual homework problems, etc with us. We had a specific area that was labeled the "think tank" and that is where we did our homework. We were given 30 minutes for each assignment (now, granted this was back 20 years ago...yikes, I feel old). We were also given time to play/release stress if our homework time ran over 1 hour. But, all of our homework was to be done before dinner and bed.

I notice, with my own daughter, that I tend to jump in and fix the problems/etc that she encounters...or help her do something. I've noticed it recently and have decided that I will no longer do this. She needs to learn this stuff on her own. If she needs help, I'll encourage her, but I won't do it for her. I'll praise her when she's done, but I won't complete anything for her...whether it's drawing, writing, coloring, painting, putting little people towns together, jumping over stuff.

It's hard as a parent to draw the line...but, the worst thing that will happen to your daughter is that she'll learn some good life skills.

My thoughts are with you. I'm lucky in the sense that I don't have to deal with anything like this for a few more years.   /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## eightthirty (Mar 21, 2006)

Kelly, I just wanted to check up on ya!! How are things going?


----------



## Kelly (Mar 22, 2006)

Thanks for asking hon.

Things are a little better.....as long as I'm on her. That's the part that is hard, is always having to be on her. Grades are improving a bit. Homework seems to be going better too (not great, just better). Oh and she's seeing a student tutor 2 times a week as well, just to lesson my load as well.

Next week, I think Monday, she's got her Dr. Appt. for a full check up and exam to rule out other possibilities as well.

She's one of those kids that just seems for forget alot, or uses that as an excuse. But since I have the teacher sign a notebook after she writes down her assignments, atleast I can track things that way.

You know what I noticed too, is I think she's gonna get her period soon....yes that could mean alot in regards to her everything....but again this has been going on since I remember (her attention thing). But maybe the hormones and such have really messed with her, and got her back off course....cuz for that last 2 years, she's done ok in school anyways. She's gained some weight, "developing", getting some zits and on and on....so I believe she's getting close.

I will definitely post back here after her appointment and update everyone.

Thanks again for everyone's caring and understanding, opinions and advice.....man it's so nice to feel loved and cared for by fellow MuTers!:heart:


----------



## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 25, 2006)

Your child needs a psychologist to help you *and* her understand why she is doing these things. I am *NOT* saying your child is nuts or psycho or anything like that, but if she has ADD or any other issues concerning brain function and processes, medication or plain therapy should help. My young cousin had similiar issues a couple years ago and she went to a psychologist. He helped her immensely. She is now making fabulous grades, more socially open, and happier. Really...therapy is nothing to be ashamed about. You need some help, and for your peace of mind and that of your daughters you should consult a professional.

Good Luck.


----------



## Kelly (Mar 29, 2006)

Well I for one think my myself and my child are NUTS.....cant' believe we are both still among the living and not in a hospital (for stressed out indivduals).....

On a more serious note.....thank you so much BrazenBrunhilda.

Here is my update: Kaitlyne had her doctors appt on Monday (2 days ago) for her full exam and other tests to rule out any other possilbe physical issues (thyroid....etc.). We are now in the process of having assessments done to see if she is in fact ADD (which so far the ones that have come back in, are showing she is). I may or maynot have her on a trial period (one months worth) of a very mild dose of ADD med. Just to see if it's for her/us or not. This has not happened yet. She has a recheck in 2-3 weeks in which time we will determine if this is the route we want to take.

Now if after the trial period (which I still haven't decided yes or no to yet, but leaning towards yes).....if this doesn't seem to help her, then we definitely will have her checked by a physchologist for other issues such as anxiety, depression, stress or other nuerological issues.

So that's where we are right now, awaiting the other couple assessments coming in from teachers....then to go back to the doctor and weigh our options after that.


----------



## eightthirty (Mar 29, 2006)

You're doing an excellent job and taking all the proper steps that many parents don't even think to take! Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring mom! I'm glad you're finally getting some answers!

(((HUGS))) :icon_smil


----------



## Kelly (Mar 29, 2006)

Thanks hon....hugs accepted and taken!

You know what's kinda weird? Ever since her doctors appt....she's been really "lovey" or more so than she was before (and before she was alot too). But this type of "lovey" is almost when she speaks it or hugs me and kisses me.....it's almost like she's releaved that we are looking into all this. Like she can see that something will be done or her options are being weighed.....almost like she's greatful again or greatful that we are doing this for her????? I can feel it in her touch......weird "Mom" vibes coming from her.....weird but good! Feels good. I think she senses a light at the end of the tunnel (so to speak).


----------



## Kelly (Apr 4, 2006)

Got another UPDATE: the nurse called and let me know my daughters blood results which shows she has a thyroid disorder (like me and my mom).....not that I'm happy, but relieved to know it was something. We are still going through with the ADD followup though because I still believe she needs some assistance in that area.

The funny thing was the doctor never prescribed any meds and I asked the nurse to make a note to the doctor and ask about that. Cuz I'm on meds and my test results were lower than hers. She's further off the charts than I am.....which is weird why didn't they prescribe her meds then, maybe it's different in children. But I said, yes I know she's going through puberty and all, but 15 lbs in one month....come on!

Kaitlyne is now back in sports (5 nights a week) so this may help with her weight, but with the thyroid disorder, I feel she needs the meds.

I will update again after her ADD recheck (after assessments) and with any news the doctor gives me with my questioning her thryoid and meds.


----------



## dentaldee (Apr 4, 2006)

seems like things may be on the move in the right direction for you and your daughter.... hope everything get completely ironed out real soon!!we're all thinkin' 'bout ya's!


----------



## Kelly (Apr 15, 2006)

ANOTHER UPDATE:

Today's recheck after the ADD assessments shows she is DEFINITELY ADD. We are going ahead and doing the month of trial with meds (since we have obviously tried every other route) to see how she does with them. I will probably start her on them by this Monday. I will keep everyone posted as to how it affects her.

Thank you so much for everyone's support, advice, kind words!


----------



## eightthirty (Apr 15, 2006)

Good to hear. My mother's side of the family (mom, aunt, grandmother) all have thyroid disorders. I am checked regularly, but thyroid problems alone can affect your mood heavily among other things. Thanks for the update and definitely keep us posted on the trial of meds.


----------



## KristieTX (Apr 16, 2006)

Kelly, I'm so glad I was able to get you in touch with katelyn as she is experiencing the same kinds of things with her daughter that you are with yours. I knew you two would have a lot to talk about.


----------



## Kelly (Apr 17, 2006)

Thanks! Yep our daughters could be twins. Or so it seems everything we talk about is exactly what happens with our own daughters (does that make sense?).


----------



## Kelly (Apr 17, 2006)

Thank you! I will keep everyone posted. She starts the meds officially tomorrow. I gave her a dose today to see how she reacted to it, seems to be fine. (although her dose was 1 1/2 tabs twice a day)....I only brought 1 tab with (forgot it was 1 1/2) and so she got a partial dose....but it was good to see for myself that she didn't wig out our get sick.

The teachers will be keeping a close eye on her as well and I asked that they report back to me good or bad with anything they notice (via e-mail). Can't wait to see how things go this next month.


----------



## Elisabeth (Apr 18, 2006)

I am so glad to hear about your daughter, Kelly!

It really is like John Lennon said, there are no problems,

only solutions. I really believe that.

BTW...I know this is prob not the place for it but,.....

*HOW WAS THE BIRTHDAY PARTY??????*arty:arty::birthday::birthday:


----------



## Kelly (Apr 18, 2006)

Thank you so much. And oh my goodness her birthday was a BIG hit. They had a blast. My middle daughter told me this was the best birthday party she had ever been to (and it wasn't even her birthday, it was her older sisters').

Below are pics with their GANGSTA hats on....I wish I had photo shop to move the kids closer together....kinda spread out. And a couple of the girls that had sunglasses, I thought would be fun for them to act tough (then my daughter is in one with "pretend" glasses on....she's quite the nut.

Enjoy:

View attachment 18356


View attachment 18357


View attachment 18358


View attachment 18359


EDIT: They are all a bit sweaty from running through the scavenger hunt....and boy they look like a bunch of scary girls don't they? Ummmm no.


----------



## tsims (Apr 19, 2006)

i have ADD and in fact i could not even read all you wrote cause of it, it is late and the adderall is gone. so forgive if this has been said before

i have a son who is high functioning autistic with ADD. he is 14, i went through hell back with schools, i now homeschool

i just wanted to say how happy i am that your daughter is getting some relief, i teared up on the part of where she was so lovey after going to doctor, i know how she felt, i think my whole family knows how she felt and you too i am sure when you got the dx.

how is the thyroid issue going, i have thyroid issues too, i swear i hear so many people tell me they have the harderst time getting treated for this, how terrible to have a doctor tell you "lets just wait and see" when you cant get out of bed. cant eat a pieace of lettuce without gaining 10lbs, or remember the dogs name. (and yes i actually had to think about the dogs name, before i was treated) oh and i still have ADD even with the thyroid medication , i dont forget stuff so much and my brain fog has lifted. but concentration is still hard, but the adderall helps, i am worried thou cause my adderall did not help when my thyroid was at its worst, and to top it off i was so depressed. i hope they get her on some meds soon, i fear the ADHD med will not work well if the thyroid get out of hand,

after her thyroid issue is under control if she slips some don't freak, as she grow meds will need to be adjusted. especially if she does thyroid medication.

her homework should be tailored to her, she needs her time too, get that adjusted, they have to test her and have meeting if you request it. my son had an IEP when in school, but there is one that is not so intense that i think is called a 504 or something like that she can get. any more problems in this area check with your local laws and also the web look for wrights law. it will explain things much better and in english. you can also get an advocate for her through you local mental health dept. or there is national one too. amazinlgy know one ever tells you of these places , the advocate (if there good) know the laws, also they can help with getting them to appointments, and they can spend extra time with the child going for walks , ice cream and just talking. it is nice for some of the kids cause they can talk without any one telling what they should or should not do, the advocate just listens. something hard for parents, were to close, my son never cared for it, but he is a different story.

i am so happy for you and your family

oh and big pieace of advice, with you going down the medication highway, be aware it can be the highway to hell. kids dont understand or cannot communicate things about their bodies, like i feel nervous, so eyes open.

always start low and go slow, some docs get carried away , dont be afraid to ask if you can work up to theraputic dose. my son had a horrible reaction to ritalin, so i thought he was not ADD, turns out he is , the dose was just too high.

never ever and i mean ever start two medications or stop more than one medaication at a time, it is best to wait 30 days in between changes, just a word advice from a mom who has been that hell, not worth it.

ts


----------



## Elisabeth (Apr 19, 2006)

Thanks for posting the party pics, Kelly!

It looks like the hats were a huge hit and something the will remember for a long time! Parties are great!

I also hope all goes well with the ADD and the meds and therapy.

I used to think maybe I had ADD. But I can pay dang close attention if I want too. I think it is great nowadays that they can be so specific with diagnoses. ROTFLMAO at your "hospital for stressed out people". In the old days, that's pretty much all they had to offer. You were just labeled "nervous" and those places could get pretty nasty. Nah. You seem very sane to me, sane and fun.Things are going to be so much better for both you and your daughter now. :smilehappyyes:


----------



## prettybabi11492 (Apr 19, 2006)

It's great that a new beginning is well, beginning, with everything on the right foot  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## Kelly (Apr 20, 2006)

*tsims:* Thank you so much for your story and words of advice. I will definitely take them into consideration and remember that if/when those times arrise. I too hope that we can get her thryoid in check soon. With her hitting puberty, the doctor wants to wait and recheck in 3 months, since puberty can really mess up a body sometimes. So if it remains the same, I hope to get her on a med for that too, because obviously if thyroid is out of wack, it will make other meds or functions not work like they should. As for the part that made you tear up.....I know this is exactly what was finally needed for her to feel some sort of "peace" about herself and life. THANK YOU!

*Elizabeth:* Thank you for your words. Yep alot of times I say I'm ADD but actually it's just that I have a "short term memory loss" disorder (he he) lately....which can be quite frustrating. I joke about it though, because, what can you do?

*prettybabi11492:* Thank you as well. Yes, I believe it's almost like a new beginning. It's both a sad and happy time. Sad because of all the past and what we went through, and happy to finally start on a road to success or atleast give her the ability to succeed.

*Dee:* Thank you for thinking about us. I love the girls here on MUT, they genuinely care and offer such good support and advice. Again, thank you.

*Melissa:* It's so kind of you, you are always so caring and checking up on me, not to meantion with everyone on here. You are a great person, as is everyone here on MUT.....thank you for your caring words and advice.

*Angela:* You have been so helpful as well. Full of information! Thank you for your time spent in giving your story, stragetigies and advice. I just can't say enough about EVERYONE!!!!!

And to everyone or anyone else that I may have missed personally addressing.....I appreciate *EACH AND EVERY *comment/post, I think just talking about it and getting advice/opinions and such, help tremendously. THANK YOU ALL.

I will do another update after a bit, on how the meds are doing or if the teachers respond with good or bad comments about what they notice with her.


----------



## tsims (Apr 20, 2006)

gosh i really wish they would work her thyroid before doing ADD meds. she may not even need ADD meds or the dose could be lowred. pubrity should not have her numbers off the chart.

they are doing study now with armour (thyroid med) and ADD patients if i find the link i will post it. i know i was able to drop my dose after i started armour.

they have also done a study of bi-polar and thyroid problems, many people dx with bi-polar were actually having thyroid issues. again i will post the link if i can find it again, maybe her doc would be willing to start a low dose of thyroid meds over summer vacation if he reads the studies, i say summer cause then she can go off the ADD meds (time to wean off and time inbetween before new meds could be introduced) and it wont effect school, it will just drive you crazy during the interm. :scream3:

how are the add meds doing. they should notice a different immediately even though say give it 30 days you usually notice right away. *unless* it is strattera then yes give it 30 days

ts


----------



## Kelly (Apr 20, 2006)

She will be off the ADD meds in the summer, so this is definitley something we could do over the summer to see how things work if we just treat the thyroid. Thank you for suggesting this. I will talk with the doctor.....although, now that I recall, her thyroid was checked and normal a couple years back. It's just now, they noticed the change. So.....I will definitely take and look at this approach as well. I remember when she was 6 years old as well, when we thought she was ADD, they did all the testing, but I'm not sure if they checked the thryoid back then.

Thank you, this is definitley something to consider and try out over the summer. THANK YOU!


----------



## tsims (Apr 21, 2006)

i think everything is going to be just fine.

here are couple articles.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1997/03/970312165726.htm

http://thyroid.about.com/b/a/209037.htm


----------



## Kelly (Apr 26, 2006)

Thank you I will def. read those when I get a moment.


----------



## Kelly (May 1, 2006)

*Got my first update from one of Kaitlyne's teachers:*

Kelly,

No D slip this quarter in Science!!! Filling out the assignment has been very helpful for Kaitlyne as well.

There have been no out-bursts since she started her medication. It seems to me that her attention is much improved.

Dan

She actually had an "F" in Science and after about 40 HARD hours of trying to catch her up on homework and such, we brought it up to a "D something"....and now she's at a "C" WOW!!!!! I was actually worried, because she has less homework lately and she's also in softball, so I was wondering if she was skippin on homework again. Obviously not. Can't wait to see all her other classes.


----------



## AprilRayne (May 9, 2006)

Hi Kelly, I would've posted sooner but I just bearly read this thread. I am going through the exact same thing with my son right now. He is in first grade. He has always been really hyperactive ever since he was a baby but it didn't really become a problem until last year. I thought he was just having a hard time adjusting to school but this year, he's even worse. He can't sit still at all and he plays with his hands a lot and pounds on things. His teachers would say that he's very loud and disruptive in class and no one would want to sit by him. He would fight a lot and get sent home from school. My breaking point was when I got a call from the principal and he had hit three kids within an hour of getting to school. The principal told me they were suspending him all week. I work 9-5 so I didn't know what to do. I took him to the Dr. and he said he fit the profile for ADHD to a tee. He prescribed Ritalin for him in a low dose and I can't believe the difference. I have always been against meds too but the Dr. educated me about them and I just want to give him the best chance possible to learn and succeed and if there's things going on in his body that he can't control then that's not very fair to him. I was thinking of taking him to a child phsychologist too because he has had a lot happen to him in his life that could contribute to his fighting. His dad showed severe bipolar and ADHD tendencies but would never get tested. My son also saw him hit me a lot when he was young so I know his subconcious remembers that. We are divorced now and I am remarried to an amazing guy that my son calls dad so I'm hoping that his future will be better and he will overcome all of these obstacles. He's such a sweet kid. Good luck with everything and know you are not alone. Love ya... April


----------



## Kelly (May 9, 2006)

Awwww, thanks April. Good to hear about your success with the meds. I know you probably tried everything too, before the 'med' route, as we did. I too felt, it was only fair to give her this chance to see if it worked for her. It seems to be helping a bit, although the med I wanted her on, which is more long term (instead of the short term 2 times a day Retilin and it wears off by the time she gets home too). Just that we pay for our prescriptions and the med I wanted her on, is ummmmm $150 a month, compared to Retilin is $24 or abouts that. I thought we could at least start her out on that is see if she even responds well to it, then in the future, change her to the other that has less side effects and such.

I wouldn't say Kaitlyne's all that hyperactive, she was in the past, her problem is not being able to sit still or pay attention, and sooooo many more things as well (if that makes sense)? Not like bouncing off the walls hyper. I do notice she is unable to calm herself down, like the rest of us here, example if we start playing or getting excited and silly, then it's time to calm down or settle down, it takes her a VERY long time to settle down, like she can't settle down or calm down on her own. And not being able to sit still, but not hyper active....hard to explain. She has a hard time controlling herself or even keeping to herself - almost like she's got someone or something controlling her....it's weird to explain, cuz she'll do just off the wall obnoxious - UNTHOUGHT through things, she doesn't think before she does things, almost like she doesn't use her brain she just 'does' and then wonders why it worked out wrong or something. She'll just get up in the middle of class and just walk around and ummmmm - other weird things like that.

Just too many things to meantion......the not caring attitude towards school work or the arguing and bickering she does and she acts very jealous of her siblings and ...... I could go on and on!


----------



## cardboardboxed (May 9, 2006)

I say you should take her to a psychologist who can give her a psychological test, they can evaluate if she really has ADD. They usually take about 3 hours and the child is asked a whole bunch of things, like word definitions, making patterns, and stuff she basically they just see if there's a discrepancy between the visual/spatial/verbal/memory functions. Don't let her get diagnosed with just a simple questionaire!

Btw, I ouldn't recommend medicine. Stuff like ritalin or adderall is pretty much just speed.


----------



## AprilRayne (May 23, 2006)

No problem, Kellie!! I know how hard and frustrating it can be!! You are so lucky that you are a stay at home mom. Some people aren't that lucky and they can't spend the one on one time with their children that they need so much. You sound like you're doing a great job. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## snarch (Jun 5, 2006)

i have ADD nd the way you described her, your daughter sounds like she may have it too. what you should do is go to a doctor and get him to so some tests with her and see if she does in fact have it. if she does then i think that she should go on some meds. i dont think it is a bad thing, it works and she would be able to consentrate a lot better. you can really notice the difference that it makes. i was just like her at school. all the simplest things are hard to do because it is really hard to get motivated. i got really high marks in primary school because i had a lot of really good supportive teachers. but when it came to highschool, my grades dropped from A's to C's and some D's. i didnt cope very well in highschool. you should get your daughter some help, take her to a phycologist regulary, not becase shes "phyco" because she aint, but because they would be able to give you and your daughter advice on how to cope. i see one regulary still. there are many books on ADD that you should read and they should give you an insite on really understanding your daughter and why she does or cant do stuff. there is a lot of help out there if only you go and seek it. i know it will make life a lot easier for you. im not just giving you an opinion, i know what i am talking about because i have ADD and i havve gone through all the problems that your daughter has gone through. and remember medication is ok, it aint gonna turn her into a zombie, it will help her to consentrate and act better. i hope that this will help you. cantact me if any of this helps, i would love to know if any inprovement hapens if you use my advice. i have lived with ADD so i do know what i am talking about!


----------



## Kelly (Jun 5, 2006)

Thanks so much for your advice, and comments, it means alot.

UPDATE: she's done a trial period (1 month) of retilin at 15 mg twice a day. We have a deductable of $2200....so I had to go with retilin $24/month (we may be getting some prescription assistance and may be able to put her on Concorta soon, I think it was approx $140 a month....which I rather since it's longer acting and not as many side effects). I haven't noticed any side effects on her.....I do notice it wears off easy though (short term meds). There is a SLIGHT difference in how she is responding, for the better. Not as confrontational, is a bit more relaxed or calmed down....but ABSOLUTELY NOT ZOMBIE like at all!!!! Grades went up about an icrement (remember she's only been on it one month).

The doc is upping the med to 20 mg twice a day, which I guess is the average dose (for her age or weight). I explained my concerns and we have the old dose at home too, if I feel 20 is too high, I can bring her back down.

In about a month, she's able to go get another thyroid check as well. If her thyroid is the same as before, I'm taking her off the meds and seeing how she does on just thyroid meds. They will only do the 2nd thyroid check 3 months after the 1st one, because of puberty, hormones and all that stuff....because this way if it's the same....then we will know for sure that it's thyroid and not one of the other factors above.

So we will do the 20 mg twice a day, in June....this way I can monitor her and see how she does, since I'm home with her. Then in July, the thyroid test.

I'll keep everyone posted on her check in July....and then on so everyone can see how we are doing and what we eventually come up with....HECK it may just be thyroid or HECK maybe a combo of both thyroid and ADD....maybe I'm just one strong mom....I know this too, because not many people can handle Kaitlyne for very long....*not that she's bad*, just that she's a challenge, so to speak (believe me, I get my moments as well....just breathe, walk away, or pick and choose my battles....but the constant on her thing is really wearing and trying at times).


----------



## AprilRayne (Jun 5, 2006)

My son is on 20 mg once a day, but it is Ritalin LA (Long Acting). It has a slow release to last until about 5 or 6 at night. I preferred this because I can handle him in the evening just fine, but when he's at school and the teacher has 25 students, she can't devote the one on one time he needs. The difference is tremendous. He's not zombie like either. Since I don't see him at school, I wanted to do a little experiment at home. I gave him the med on Sat and Sun. Saturday, he was still playful and acting like himself but not as distracted. I was glad to see it didn't alter his personality, just helped him control it. On Sunday, at church, he sat with his arms folded and looked straight ahead quietly. I wanted to see the difference the meds made in two different senarios. I think the meds help him differentiate between when he can and can not be loud and play, whereas before, he couldn't. If he had been sitting quietly at home and not playing, I would've thought something was wrong or the meds were too high. But he was normal on Sat and quiet and obediant on Sun. Does that make sense. Anyway, I think the meds were a good decision. Also, Kelly my Ritalin is costing us $90 a month before deductible. Maybe it's more because it's LA and only once per day.


----------



## Kelly (Jun 5, 2006)

Thank you.....and yes I think the LA was more expensive, if I remember correctly, that's why we chose the short term for now, just to get a feel for what or how she'd respond to them.


----------



## AprilRayne (Jun 5, 2006)

It was funny because we went to dinner the other night at about 5:00 and at the beginning, he was sitting quietly with his hands to himself and at about 5:30, just like a light switch had been turned on, he started figdeting and playing with his hands and making noise. It was interesting to see right exactly when the meds wore off.


----------



## melpaganlibran (Sep 10, 2006)

put her on some ritalin before she goes pyscho. Not all teens are the same but i don't trust them anymore...I met this one girl who was a 13 yro with ADHD and I have never seen teenagers the same since. My poor min has been corrupted, this girl was that much of a whiny bratty wench.

It sounds like your tutroing of your daughter is taking a lot out of both of you...and it's funny as well as sad to read the whole long post as if it were all your problem. stop helping her with every problem on homeowrk..and if you help with literally every problem and she is still failing, whoops you must have misadvised her. I vidly remember bieng in 5th grade and wanting to cry because my dad's numbskull ex insisted I erase everything I had written down for my English homework and writre down what she told me to write down. On my own I got B's and C's, with her "help" I got a D plus. I am not sure parents realize that sometimes it is best as well as less taxing to let a professional handle homework troubles for kids. see if your town has anything like a trutoring help phone system...our town actually has a "homework hotline" that runs from september to April, fro 4 PM to 8 or 9 pm...or something like that. I used to get help with my Algerbra from the phone line...Mel hates math, heh.


----------



## Aquilah (Sep 14, 2006)

A day late and a dollar short, but I wish you the best Kelly! I hope things have gotten better for you since this post... Cyera isn't ADD/ADHD, but she sure can be a handful! BTW, no matter what, I think we'll all have a point in parenting where we might feel as though we did (or we're doing) something wrong. That's just IMHO on the last part though... Best of luck darlin'! :hug:


----------



## Jessica81 (Sep 15, 2006)

Hi Kelly,

I've followed your thread and I want to say BRAVO for being such a caring mom.

My poor mom struggled with my brother in many of the same ways you struggle with your daughter. Unfortunately my mom couldn't help him with every problem, she simply didn't know how to do the math and science.

I think it is great that you have gone to such great lengths to solve this problem. So many parents just give up.

My brother was never tested for ADD or anything, he was just put into the 'slow' class. I doubt it was ADD that he had, some other type of learning disability maybe. In high school something changed for my brother. He never became a "good" student, but he became determined. I think the change was linked to JROTC. The club/class was like a cult. (probaby not the best was to describe it) All of a sudden he was interested in something and good at it. Sure he still had trouble with the ROTC history classes and aviation lessons, but other parts of it really stuck. I couldn't believe how quickly he picked up on all of these miliatry terms. --- Okay I guess I'm going on a little too much, but the point is this rubbed off on other subjects. He also became more respectful to everyone, me, my mom, strangers. He cleaned his room and he PASSED all of his classes!

You've mentioned your daughter likes sports. While you may need to limit them, and occasionally use them as a motivational factor, but I hope you never completely forbid her from participating in non-educational things. As important as school is, it simply isn't for everyone. My brother is one of those people who would have never enjoyed higher education. Maybe he could have forced himself to complete a 2 or 4 year degree, but at what price. He served for 4 years in the Marines and is now a Highway Patrol Officer. He does very well in his career and has aspirations of joining the FBI. I think his life would have been completely different if he wasn't allowed to join the ROTC and CAP (two teenager military like clubs).

It sounds as if you are allowing your daughter to pursue other interest, so what I'm saying you probably already know, and know better then me. Your story just touches my heart and I wanted to share my own experience. I want to give you hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel. My brother is the perfect example of how well a 'problem child' can turn out.


----------



## macuphead (Sep 19, 2006)

you are doing the right thing by being supportive and attentive. but you are right, you have a life too. you have other children, who you dont want to start doing poorly in school also, as a ploy for your attention. i was somewhat the same way when i was that age, actually basically all the way up until grade ten. my parents were both very supportive, helped with homework, made it very clear that getting good grades was something that was very important in household. but still, i basically had that attitude that, 'its my life, if i dont want to try at school, no one else is being affected but me. so leave me alone.' this made them very mad, and they did NOT see it that way, and in turn, pushed harder, made more rules about studying, and more consequences for poor grades or unfinished assignments. it was a vicious cycle, because the more they pushed, the more i rebelled. i wasnt a bad kid, i wasnt into anything i shouldnt be, i was just very independent, and if someone told me to do one thing, i did my very hardest to do the opposite.

when i got into about the middle of grade ten, my friends began talking about university, taking classes to fulfill the criteria, getting really good grades for thier passport to education (not sure if you have that in the US, but in canada throughout high school, if you get a certain GPA you get money towards post secondary school, in a little passport thing. every year its more and more). anyways, i started thinking about what i wanted to do, and knew i wanted to go to university, and i began to actually take school seriously. i knew that if i did poorly in school, i wouldnt be able to get into a good school, i would not be able to do the things i wanted to in life. so in turn, i went from being on the merrit list like twice, to honor role student every sememster. not because my parents did anything differently, but because for the first time, i was doing it for myself. it took me and ONLY me, to pull up my socks and get my crap togeather.

i am glad that i had parents that took an interest in my school, and supported me and pushed for me to do well, but really, at that age, in that young teen mindset, there was nothing anyone could say or do, that would have made it any different early on. so i would say that you are doing a great job, but your daughter is old enough to be doing things on her own, and nothing you can say will make her decide one day to put in her all. it will make you want to pull out your hair, but this is how it is. one day she will get it, but im sure then, she will be very grateful for you being there for her all along.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> good luck! being a parent is the hardest job anyone will ever have to do! but if you are supportive and loving, there is nothing in the world you can do wrong.


----------



## Kelly (Sep 24, 2006)

Well...so far so good. We now are having her assessed in school, to see if she can get some assistance. IE highlighted text books, or taken out of class during homework time (for a more quiet environment). They will assess her to see how she learns best and try to work around that. Thank goodness....finally some help from the school!


----------



## CuTeLiCiOuS (Sep 24, 2006)

Put a board in her room or anywhere she will remember and put assignments or tasks like 3 pm -4pm TELEVISION and 4pm -8pm (HOMEWORK) you know something like that to make her remember and when she tells you “mom I forgot” tell her to go to the board and look what it says. Let her be less dependent on you. That does not make you a bad mother. You want her to be a good and a successful human being . Happy and succeed in life and live. Follow her bliss. You know that's your baby.

By doing this you will have more time to spend with your other children. You do not want to neglect them because its no healthy for their brain developmen and spirit. Kids in there teenager years start to act out because of the stuff or events that happened in their childhood. All that stuff shows up in the pre frontol cortex in the adolescent years. Its just shows up; so therefore, kids are more vulnerable to drugs, alcohol, and sctozprina.

90% of childrens' brain grows the first 6-7 years of life and the rest 10% developes between the age of 18 to 25. Children's brain is very Plastic. Meaning that it is able to change, flex, and develope increadbly. A kid can loose the left brain (math, science, language, etx) and the right brain miracosuly starts to take over language. The right side of the brain starts to rebuild language, which people thought was immospoble. It’s amazing.

In school, switch school if they do not cater to your and your daughters needs. You pay them, so its their job to teach. Ask the school if they have an after school program or one period class where she can get her work done with a teacher or an aide. Your daughter is not able to express or have a vocie because she is a child, you can be that voice and it seems you are.

You studying with her and helping her keep her grades up is ABsolutely Fantastic!!!! You are doing so much for your child. This is from my personal experience &gt; May your parents be a single mom, grandma, or whatever guardian you have, if you instill or put in your kids that school is important, grades are important, and doing your homework is important and demand and EXpect that they excel, sooner or later they will and you wont have to push them so much. They will get it because when they were younger you made them realize that. Its is so imperative. And with education you are able to stand on your own and succed like crazy.

Don't give up on her, She is your child. Her teachers, friends, boyfreinds, classmates, people, society, or whomever it is can give up on her (not thats it right), but you cannot and must not give up on her. You do not have the right or the power or the decision to give up on her. You do not have the right to choose.

Speak to the doctors and other parents who are going through what you are. Listen to all and observe them. See how they handle or solutuions they have made up for problems. And then make your own plan. Be like a psychologist or a sociologist, take down all the notes from everyone and make a big plan. Also, talk to a doctor on how you can help her. You know, going on drugs or putting kids on pills is not a good idea.

Find other resources or try everything else before you put her on medication.

With mediction or pills you have to keep increasing the dosage overtime because you wont get the smae effect or results you did when you first started.

You are an amazing mother. I just can tell. :handkuss:


----------



## Kelly (Oct 2, 2006)

Thank you! And thank you to all that have followed along and given such great advice and support!


----------

