# Older Women--Younger Guy--HELP!



## Rebbierae (Aug 1, 2009)

Ok people help me out here. I work in a department with mostly men. I'm friends with most of them. Most are married, and there are 4-5 younger, single ones. I turned 40 in December, although in my defense, most people say I look between 26-32.

There's one guy who sits in the cube right next to me, and he's a really good guy. He and I have gotten to be pretty good friends. He notices when I get my hair cut, or if I have a new top, etc. And most of those guys wouldn't notice if I walked in with my hair on fire. I've always thought he would be neat to get to know better, even though he's only 26.

Last night a few of us went out after work for a couple cocktails. I was meeting another friend somewhere else, so I met them all there later. By the time I got there most everyone was about ready to leave, but it ended up being Dave and I left--we talked, played some songs on the juke box, and had another drink. He was sort of leaning in close, etc. a couple times but I didn't think much of it. I finally decided I'd better head home, so we went our separate ways. Oh--I thought he had a girlfriend but last night he told me they had broken up.

So anyway, I get home and a bit later he texts me to see if I'd gotten home ok. I said I had, and how about him. He said he did, and that he had fun hanging out with me. I write back that I had had fun also, and that I could have stayed out longer, but (and this is the 3 drinks of vodka tonic bravery talking here) if I'd stayed longer I probably would have wanted to kiss him or something. He wrote back that he too wanted to do that...again. First I was shocked--I didn't think he felt that way about an "old lady" like me. And then I was like "Wait--what? AGAIN?" So I said "Again?" and he said that he had wanted to on New Years (co-workers out after work again) but didn't want to mess up a good friendship.

SOOOO...now I'm looking at him in a different light, and am curious to see what happens. BUT he's 14 years younger than me. I SO don't want to be seen as 'the cougar' or anything like that, because I'm not. I've always thought that I needed an older man, NOT younger.

Besides that, we sit RIGHT next to each other at work, so if things weren't to work out, I wouldn't want it to be weird at work every day.

So at this point, I'm not sure where to go. I suppose for now I'll just go to work on Monday and see what happens--see if either one of us decides to pursue it.

I know it doesn't matter what others thing, but I'm curious about your opinions on dating someone that much younger...


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## Dalylah (Aug 1, 2009)

In my opinion you should stop worrying about the numbers and only enjoy the human. People can say what they want or think what they want but the bottom line is that if he is a decent human who makes you smile and you are both interested then there is absolutely no reason not to pursue it.


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## carlierae26 (Aug 1, 2009)

If there are no rules against it at your workplace, go for it.


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## emily_3383 (Aug 1, 2009)

I would be more worried about the work situation rather than the age difference.


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## Dragonfly (Aug 1, 2009)

Who cares if there are rules or not - DO NOT DO IT!

Can I say that loud enough?

I'm 45 and I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating any man younger than me. Ok, maybe 15 years younger than me is my limit.

But never mix business with pleasure. And never get emotionally/sexually involved with anyone you work with.

When you see him, just be cool and get on with getting back to working.

If he questions your behaviour, tell him that you only want his friendship.

He'll get over it.


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## Maysie (Aug 2, 2009)

I would be cautious just because of the work situation also. I have a good friend who started to date one of her coworkers, and they ended up in an on again/off again relationship where they were always fighting. It made seeing him in the halls and sitting across from her really hard. I also worked there for a time and so I got to see how miserable it made her. That said, I don't think that it should be 100% off limits...just proceed with caution. Good luck!


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## Sangiovese (Aug 2, 2009)

I'm jealous of him





You should go for it, but be cautious. He might just be looking for fun, whereas you might be looking for a relationship, or vice versa. So someone could get hurt if it's not handled properly


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## Jazzie (Aug 2, 2009)

The age thing is not the problem the work thing is a big problem. It sucks when you are attracted to someone and they are attracted to you and you Can't pursue it, and you can't. That is a very bad situation or shall I say hell in the making. If you and he did decide to date and it didn't work out at 40 years old you are probably going to handle things like a 40 year woman (take a hike). However, a 26 year old is going to hand thing like a 26 year old and that's the problem. Don't do it.


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## Darla (Aug 2, 2009)

I agree with Carolyn, the age thing not a problem, the work thing potentially very much an issue.


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## Adrienne (Aug 3, 2009)

Work and relationships of any sort really do not work imo. Whether you're close friends or "together" it really causes tension and alters your work efficiency when those personal relationships hit the down times.


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## Lucy (Aug 4, 2009)

i dont think his age is really an issue, as the others say it is more of a work problem- but i think how you handle that is up to you. as jazzie says he will handle things like a 26 year old and that might be a problem in the long run if it doesn't work out and you need to be prepared for that.

also being sure of what he's after is another thing. what if you were to take things further and risk the work problem to find out he only wants a bit of sex? that would be SO awkward.

but if you like him and he likes you and you think that it might be more than that, maybe go on a date and see how things click. you never know, a second (and sober lol) time around you might not think he's all that amazing.


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## Nick007 (Aug 4, 2009)

So what happened?


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## Karren (Aug 4, 2009)

From personal experience... I'd be leary of any guy that pays too much attention to what clothes you wear and your hair style.. Your not about the same size are you?


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## Rebbierae (Aug 5, 2009)

Ha! Karren they don't ALL think like you! He doesn't pay TOO much attention...just enough.

Nothing has happened since then. I had today off to spend with my mom for her birthday, and work with him yesterday was as usual. We maybe IM'ed each other a little bit more than usual, but other than that things were cool. So I guess I'm just going to see what happens next time we are out outside of work. I AM leery of the work thing but honestly, he is about the most laid back guy ever. So part of me thinks that if it didn't work out, we'd just go back to being friends. So I guess I"m just going to be normal, and maybe nothing will even come of it. Thanks for the advice.

Just sucks...how do you meet someone at my age other than work? and if you can't date someone from work, I'm pretty much destined to be single forever. Although hearing stories from my married friends, maybe I'm ok with that.


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## bella1342 (Aug 7, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Rebbierae* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I write back that I had had fun also, and that I could have stayed out longer, but (and this is the 3 drinks of vodka tonic bravery talking here) if I'd stayed longer I probably would have wanted to kiss him or something. He wrote back that he too wanted to do that...again. I'm starting to think your my twin.. I said the EXACT same thing to this guy I liked... before I ended up with Billy. Except it was at my house, he was leaving.. I said it, and he told me to kiss him and I did. I miss the fun times/excitement of dating. Can you tell Billy and I need to have a date night out soon? LOL! 
I think you should hang out with him more and see where it goes. You have to think about the work situation, but I have quite a few friends who dated a co-worker, and when things ended (the realtionship lasted for one of them..), but they still stayed friends. So I don't know.

Shut up with the old lady comment, you are not old!!!

LMAO at Karren's comment!

Becky good luck, and keep me updated!


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## pinksugar (Aug 7, 2009)

that sounds like its going well! I agree with the others that its the way its handled that will really be the test of whether this is a good idea or not, you know?


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## Rebbierae (Aug 7, 2009)

HA! Nicole, and here I'm thinking YOU are MY twin, with our great taste in cosmetics!





I have asked a couple people here at work who are or have dated someone else here at work, and they've both said that it is just fine. One girl DEMANDED I go for it immediately! But they don't sit 2 feet from theirs.

But yes, we have our monthly "Wing Night" at Buffalo Wild Wings next week so I'm just going to go, with no expectations, and see what happens there.

He just IS a good buddy and we have a lot of fun and I would hate for that to be ruined. But I'd also like--well, NEED--to know what he wants out of life. I mean, I'm not getting any fresher here, and kids may not be an option for me--he's young and may want 6--in that case--NOT gonna happen. But I suppose we should hang out before I start thinking about kids...I'm just sayin'. Thanks for everyone's advice--I do appreciate it.


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## pinksugar (Aug 7, 2009)

keep us updated! I want to hear how it goes!


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## Adrienne (Aug 7, 2009)

I did meet my husband working together LOL!! We were not the only dating couple there (there were at least three other couples in the same store apart from us) but I remember our manager knew better than to let us work together too often.

One time (I was 16, he was 17 at the time) I was working the register and got pissed at him and he refused to help me assist a customer. The manager gave a look that said, hey, get over it. As he left with the customer I just closed my line and went to cool off around the store. One couple had to work in separate departments bc they never stopped bickering! Someone was always staring at someone too much and blah blah blah.

I could never work with my husband again lol.


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