# Help.. no one in my life



## barbi53657 (Aug 19, 2006)

I havent had a boyfriend in my life for a while...my last relationship lasted only three months...I get dates but it usually doesnt go pass 2 dates....what am I doing wrong sometimes I think I am ugly that is why I am not meeting any one...please help...


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## bluebird26 (Aug 19, 2006)

Awww come on, I don't think the reason you don't have a bf is because of your looks. I think you just haven't found the right person yet. Just hang in there, when you expect it the least you will find him! (or he will



)

May I ask how old are you? 




you're not alone, you have us!


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## lovelyarsenic (Aug 19, 2006)

I agree with bluebird, sometimes finding someone to be in a steady relationship with can take time; it's like a trial and error process until you find the right person, but don't give up hope - just be patient, and enjoy living the single life while you can.

We're here for you!!


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## Guenevere (Aug 19, 2006)

What's you routine? Do you pretty much keep to yourself or maybe do a lot of the same thing like going to the same job every day and coming into contact with the same people? Maybe it's time to try something new like getting involved in a community program or if you're involved in church, a church function. You should be gettin' out there and havin' a good time not just tryin' to "hook up" like a guy, lol, but meet some new people. You may not meet a hot guy but you may meet a cool chick who knows a hot guy! You just need to get out there and network girl! But be aware, you're not going to find the perfect man by goin' to clubs and bars, those guys are usually there for a quick hook up! Don't stress! It always works out, you'll meet someone!


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## frazerti (Aug 19, 2006)

you have to love yourself first b4 you can want someone to want you if you think you are ugly then they are going to see that in you I don't know what it is but we give off some kind of emotional radar it's strange


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## Guenevere (Aug 19, 2006)

Originally Posted by *frazerti* you have to love yourself first b4 you can want someone to want you if you think you are ugly then they are going to see that in you I don't know what it is but we give off some kind of emotional radar it's strange DITTO!!!!! x10


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## Aquilah (Aug 19, 2006)

I used to have a hard time getting dates or keeping relationships myself. No idea why I couldn't keep a man since I'm so far from high-maintenance it's ridiculous! Anywho! My friends always told me it was because my looks intimidated men, and it was automatic fear of rejection without even asking first. I'm not sure if this is the same for you, but it could be. Honestly sweetie, I wouldn't worry about. Love comes when you least expect it, and definitely don't go looking for it! I didn't expect to meet my husband in the car dealership when I only meant to buy a car! Prince Charming will one day come to you my love! I promise! In the meantime, you do have us!


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## girl_geek (Aug 19, 2006)

I agree with the others, you need to feel confident in yourself, and then guys will be able to see that confidence! And if guys really are avoiding you for your looks (which I doubt -- we girls are always too hard on ourselves when it comes to our looks!), then you don't want guys that superficial anyway!





I also agree that sometimes the best thing is to just quit trying so hard! I know when I was in college, I had a serious relationship for about a year during my freshman/sophomore years. When that relationship ended, I stayed single for the rest of college -- and not by choice either! I tried to meet guys but I was just too shy, and I think that some of the guys that knew me were intimidated by the fact I was in a difficult major and getting some of the best grades in my class. (In high school I was always perceived as the school nerd, too!) I started to feel so desparate, like something was really wrong me; I thought if I couldn't find a boyfriend when I was surrounded by a 1,000 Christian men (I went to a Christian school and wanted to date/marry a Christian), I thought there'd be no way I could find one after I graduated!

But finally I realized that I was being too hard on myself, and that God would bring a man into my life when I was ready. For my last year of school, I just focused on having fun being single, and spending more time with my girlfriends. And I had a blast -- a year before that I never would have believed that I could have so much fun without a boyfriend! But my senior year was honestly one of my best years as far as social life goes! When I applied to grad school, I was fully expecting to be single through most of grad school, thinking I would be too busy with my studies to date anyone, and maybe after I graduated I could start looking for a guy again. But surprise, surprise, I met my hubby during a summer internship between college and grad school, and before I knew it we were engaged and then married before I even finished school!

So I really recommend focusing on having fun with your girlfriends (or making new friends if you don't have any), and focus on loving yourself -- never feel that you need a boyfriend to complete you or to make you feel worthy! If you do those things, guys will see what a wonderful person you are (because you will know you are a wonderful person!), and you will find a guy when the time is right -- perhaps when you're not even looking! I know all this confidence / loving yourself stuff sounds really cheesy, but it really does work!


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## mintesa (Aug 19, 2006)

oh it just takes time to find the right one. like my dad ones said, since there are so many different kinds of people in the world... you might date 100s and still not find the right one...

but i know he will come along... i totally gave up ones too, i thought i will find the one when i will become 40. but what do you know, then he showed up...

until then enjoy being single, join dance classes and other classes to meet new people... have fun


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## SierraWren (Aug 19, 2006)

If your looks were the problem, you would not be getting those first and second dates to begin with.Those initial dates prove you have no problem attracting men, it is keeping them around(and/or yourself interested in them)that is the struggle right now. There could be several reasons for this, and you are more likely to know it than anyone?Perhaps none of the men have interested you very much so far, and it shows in your behaviour with them...like you can't help but wish you were with somebody else. And, very likely--what other posters have said--you have issues (who doesn't)with low self esteem. After all, you are blaming your looks, first thing--that shows insecurity which many men can read like radar. And if you're not happy with yourself, the men you want to be around will tend to avoid you more,also--this happened to me quite often during my long ago single years. People--male and female both--prefer to be around people who feel good about themselves.It makes them feel happier,more confident,as well.

All I can say is, it doesn't sound to me as if one of your(everyone's) deepest fear will be realized,and you won't find anyone at all--no way! I'm sure you are an attractive and alluring girl,getting those dates to begin with. The single life can be nerve-wracking and full of perceived and real rejection: many married people forget this.At the same time,learn to enjoy,celebrate,and play up your strongest assetts--internal and external--so that you can have some fun out in the dating world. Maybe none of the men you had only 1 or 2 dates with have aroused your interest?--and that's why they stopped calling?:they sensed this.Maybe go to places where you'll be more likely to meet men with similar interests: it's AS important that you find your date not only attractive but interesting to you,as well. Looks buy a date or two, but shared interests/compatible personalities reel in the rest of them.

Remember, try and relax, have fun out there! Your enjoyment and greater confidence will show. And try hard not to look at yourself as lonely but alone,for now--a situation that is most certainly going to change!


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## ivette (Aug 19, 2006)

i'm sorry u r having a problem. i've been there too


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## barbi53657 (Aug 19, 2006)

I am pretty shy..I guess......and I am a stay at home type of person


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## Annia (Aug 20, 2006)

I think you need to be more positive. Maybe people are seeing you as you are right now.. doubting in yourself. That can't be a turn on for men. You have to be confident and positive. Find activities that boost that... get out of the house too, it might feel good. I used to be like that, home ridden.

Every one has some good points here and I am sure you can benefit from all of them. Good luck, hun. Let us know if it turns up for you =)


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## pinkbundles (Aug 20, 2006)

love comes around when you least expect it and when you're not looking!


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## mossaenda (Aug 20, 2006)

I agree with Guenevere, maybe is a case of you frequenting places that are fun (like clubs and bars) but where most guys might not be thinking about a serious relationship, though it could happen and it does all the time.

I'd suggest volunteering for some non-profit organization or taking a college course or pursuing a new hobbie. But most of all stay positive, don't dispair..it will happen, you'll see.


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## girl_geek (Aug 20, 2006)

Originally Posted by *barbi53657* I am pretty shy..I guess......and I am a stay at home type of person



Yeah, I am very introverted too, which is probably why I have had so few dates in my life! Actually, I only went on dates with 3 guys during my whole life, and 2 of them were serious bf's! (And of course one of them became my husband!) So you are already way ahead of me



And heck, on the guy's side of things, I was my hubby's first gf and he met me when he was 22!
You don't have to be a total party animal to meet guys, like several of us have said, sometimes the right guy just appears out of thin air! However, you can't stay at home all day either



If there's not many guys at work or school (or whatever you do during the day), try finding one or two activities to join, like taking a class, getting involved in church (if you're religious), or even just going out with friends, you never know, a friend might hook you up with someone they know



But you certainly don't have to go out all the time if you don't feel like it!

But it sounds like the most important thing you need to do is just work on being happy with yourself, and building some confidence -- I know it's easier said than done, it took me several years before I started feeling very good about myself! (I was the school nerd in high school, all the popular kids made fun of me or shunned me, and it took me a long time before I started seeing myself for who I really am, not who they thought I was!) But you will get there!


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Aug 20, 2006)

First of all your not ugly. A man does not define what beauty is. A Man does not make you beautiful or ugly. Its okay take your time, maybe look around more and when you find someone you really like make your move. You know lot of people are in relationships right now and they are unhealthy. So not having a bf is okay. Just take your time, there is no limit.


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## Tears_Of_Blood (Aug 22, 2006)

Oh, i am like that too, i never did well making new friends. I'd always get shy and barely talk, or cover my face in someway. Im really trying to get out of it! i used to stay inside alot too. spent a bunch of friday nights alone. I suggest maybe do a little something to break out of your shell, some things can boost your confidence and that'll want you to get out and socialize, something like maybe singing lessons? or as someone mentioned before, functions, clubs, or groups. Hope i helped.


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## Nox (Aug 26, 2006)

Originally Posted by *frazerti* you have to love yourself first b4 you can want someone to want you if you think you are ugly then they are going to see that in you I don't know what it is but we give off some kind of emotional radar it's strange True true true.


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## marshall1704 (Aug 26, 2006)

I agree with the rest of the ladies, love will definitely come when you least expect. I always tell everyone don't go out looking for love, it will come to you. That is what happened with me and my husband.


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## MBenita (Sep 4, 2006)

That someone will come along...sometimes we single ladies put so much pressure on ourselves it's crazy!




...

Since you're kind of shy, you need to find activities where there's people sharing common interests.

And it's not about having or not having a boyfriend because that can happen in a snap...what you want is a companion...there's a diff...take it from mid-40 y.o. without a "boyfriend"...


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Sep 4, 2006)

If you were ugly, you wouldn't be getting dates in the first place. You just haven't met the right guy yet. Hang in there.


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## LVA (Sep 4, 2006)

It's definitely NOT becuz u are ugly .. .and w/o even knowing how u look .... i have a feeling u aren't ugly



The right guy will come along one of these days ... just be patient



Took me forever too and i thought it was cuz i was too ugly, too boring etc .... finally found a guy who i love more than anything ... so i'm glad it took forever for him to show up


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## han (Sep 4, 2006)

i agree with all the girls dont be so hard on ur self and even if your insecure we all are at times dont let it show try to find confidence in your self my best friend is soooo pretty but soooo insecure and needy that she runs guys away and she picks them apart as much as she picks herself apart its crazy she never keeps a boyfriend dont worry about a guy he will come focus on your self and do things to make you feel good about your self and more confidence and guys are attracted to that confidence is sexy not blown up ego though


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## melpaganlibran (Sep 10, 2006)

i dunno...i doubt it is your looks that put guys off. I can't automatically blame your "self- esteem"...have you ever consdiered that you may be poor at intepreting messages that are subconcious, and that you may give out mixed messages?

I used to be home alone every night, even when I was like 21 years old. I studied a book on body language and the book taught me that my shyness and being introverted led me to give out mixed messages..I could show a guy i was interested in him but soething always turned what i thought were good exchanges into a hurried "goodbye" from the guy and whatnot. I think I l;earned I had to "fake" being confident when I wasn't so confident, and how to use my posture and vocal tones to be a better flirt and to my advantage.

after I holed myself up in my bedroom for a while, began using makeup again and wearing high heels...and wearing skirts and push up bras...lmao! I began collecting phone numbers from all kinds of guys. I went through a phase after being a wallflower into being very -um- datable. A heard a rumor was started by a woman who wasn't fond of me across the street from me..she thought I was a drug dealer or something. I was NOT a drug dealer, I just was a bit popular with the menfolks for about a year! OMG!


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## _withoutYou (Sep 26, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel.

I have lost all hope.

Honest truth: I doubt I'll ever find "the one"... I'm just not that lucky... never was and never will be.


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## teb (Mar 3, 2009)

I have an excellent book recommendation:

You lost him at hello by Jess McCann.

Let me know what you think.


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