# How do you let go of a grudge?



## brewgrl (May 28, 2008)

Seriously-

I have only a few grudges burning deep inside me, but they are there, and I can't seem to let go, nor does it seem like I actually *want *to let them go, when it comes down to it.

Maybe all this happy-face facade I do all day for work and for the kid has worn a little thin and I am in the mood for some dark feelings to emerge every once in awhile. But like I said in a post about falling out of love, resentment is a weed...

So, I sort of feel like i SHOULD let this stuff go... But how?


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## GlossyAbby (May 28, 2008)

the only thing I have found to let feelings like that go is just time......it takes me quite awhile probably b/c im stubborn but time is the only thing that works for me...


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## pinksugar (May 28, 2008)

I agree. Time definitely helps.

maybe you could try the ol' "burn" technique - you write down all of your resentment in a letter, and then burn it. It should help you to release your feelings of anger.

To be honest a little bit of healthy resentment or bitterness is natural! it's only when it starts affecting current relationships in ways that you don't like that you should start thinking about how you can let go.


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## Johnnie (May 28, 2008)

I don't hold grudges. I feel there's no reason to allow anyone to make you feel that way. You're only letting them win and plus life's too short to dwell on the negative things in life. If you let it consume you, it will. Good luck!


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## Ricci (May 28, 2008)

I dont hold grudges either.. its pointless and bad for your Karma and health

sorry my advice is to let go and smile!


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## -Chelsey- (May 28, 2008)

Originally Posted by *jmgjmg623* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I don't hold grudges. I feel there's no reason to allow anyone to make you feel that way. You're only letting them win and plus life's too short to dwell on the negative things in life. If you let it consume you, it will. Good luck! I completely agree!


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## SqueeKee (May 28, 2008)

Yea, grudges take_ so_ much energy out of you! Of course I'm going to assume you know that already or you wouldn't be writing in the advice and rants forum






I really wish I had good advice, but I'm afraid that I can only agree wholeheartedly with what Johnnie said and hand you a link that I found googling "grudges" which you probably already did anyway





I'm sorry I'm not much help!! I really hope you feel better soon



Just remember - the only person a grudge hurts if the person holding it



Unless you're a super spy assassin ninja who can get rid of the problem and get away with it


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## S. Lisa Smith (May 29, 2008)

I agree with Rosie, time heals all wounds...


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## Tyari (Jun 15, 2008)

I guess it depends on the offense because not everything should be handled the same way. I'm not really good at holding grudges either (thank GOD). Someone once gave me excellent advice for something I was going through and she said 'don't let other people define you'. It worked for me.


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## kdmakeuparts (Jun 15, 2008)

In a perfect world we would all forgive and forget......well here we are in an imperfect world.

All kinds of emotions serve us, even angry or sad ones. There is a point where you have to draw the line though. If it is changing who you are or eating your happiness then something should be done.

I am sure some people will say, " It does no good to harbor such feelings" well too damn bad!



Anger happens and bottling it up and pushing it away is not good. Feel it then deal with it.

It depends on the offense, I agree, but some things should never be forgotten or forgiven. IMO!

Bottom line, if it is affecting your daily life, do something, If not let it remind you to be more careful and learn from it.


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## arphsfriend (Jun 16, 2008)

Since all of us* need* forgiveness, who are we to withold it from anyone? That being so it will take years in some cases of refusing to hate. It is in part an act of will. You can't do it alone anyway. Pray about it and pray for the person. Remember the terms of the Lord's prayer: we ask to be forgiven as we forgive!


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## katana (Jun 16, 2008)

I don't think I let go of grudges, I mean yeah, time heals, and I may not feel as strongly as I did before.....but its always there. You may forgive or accept apologies for mistakes, but it will always be there.

So I think it for me, its more of a letting go by not speaking or thinking about it ever again, but I don't think I ever feel like the grudge or hard feelings have disappeared entirely.

Thats your natural survival skills. To hold grudges.

It prevents you from being hurt by the person again, or experiencing the same painful things over again.


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## KristieTX (Jun 16, 2008)

I wish I had some good advice for you because I am holding a major grudge myself right now that has been years in the making. If you find out how to handle it, could you pass the advice my way?


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## SewAmazing (Jun 16, 2008)

There's no gain in grudge. The more you hold on to what you don't need or want, the less chance that the good that is awaiting for you can get through. RELEASE IT, and allow your real blessings to flow freely into your life. Trust me, I have walked that path..


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## beaglette (Jun 16, 2008)

Some may not want to hear this and, if you don't, cover your ears.. err eyes





I'm a very religious person and I believe wholeheartedly in the Bible. And, in the Bible it says to pray for my enemies. I began doing that after a conversation with my husband.

Frankly, I couldn't imagine praying for my ex-husband who molested my girls!!!! The thought made me sick to my stomach, even though it was wrong for me to feel that way. At first, I prayed the words and didn't believe them. I prayed that God would bless him far above what he blessed our family. Boy did I NOT believe those words I was speaking, initially (which also was not right!) I kept praying that same thing, continually and I started believing it and actually wanted it to happen. Once I got to that point, I was able to stop feeling apathetic towards him and was actually able to talk to him cordially.

He has yet to admit what he did nor has he asked for forgiveness. If he ever does, I will forgive him. But, regardless, I do wish for him to be blessed above us.

Praying for him did far more for me than it has him.

Warmly,

Brandi


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## magneticheart (Jun 16, 2008)

I believe in giving grudges time. I think if you're in a situation where you get angry or upset if you give it a couple of weeks and look back on it again then you're in a much better frame of mind than when it happened at the time and you can realise what went wrong and whether the grudge is actually worth holding onto.


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## brewgrl (Jun 17, 2008)

Quote:
Bottom line, if it is affecting your daily life, do something, If not let it remind you to be more careful and learn from it. Well, it's been since September, and I don't think that it's really affected me in any particular way outside of that I don't feel any need for idle chit chat or any type of chit chat.I think that's the best way to look at it... to be more careful and to learn from it.

To say that someone is an enemy is a bit much or that I hate these people, it's not like that either. I just don't trust any of them... and honestly, do I need to?

I always tell my girlfriend who gets burnt time and time again by people in her life, that she's too easy to forgive and forget when these people keep disappointing her over and over. What's the point of holding on to any of them as friends? What's the point of forgiveness if they never asked to be forgiven or feel they need to be forgiven? How many times can someone forgive the wrong people before it affects them negatively?

Those are the moments I think about... is it really so bad to keep grudges if it keeps THEIR messes out of your life?


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## Adrienne (Jun 17, 2008)

I'm very guilty of holding grudges and the only thing that helps me is saying to myself, i'm the only one angry, why should i stay pissed for something that that just doesn't make me a better but bitter person. its hard but im learning.


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## CellyCell (Jun 18, 2008)

Originally Posted by *magneticheart* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I believe in giving grudges time. I think if you're in a situation where you get angry or upset if you give it a couple of weeks and look back on it again then you're in a much better frame of mind than when it happened at the time and you can realise what went wrong and whether the grudge is actually worth holding onto. Ditto. That's how I let go of some grudges.
But the ones where it really just stuck every time I see that person - the feelings bubbles back in, then it's because my guard is up and my trust is completely gone for that person. It's like, instincts. To protect yourself - your mind knows this person is no good and it reminds you by keeping in the grudges.

If it doesn't affect you in any way out of the ordinary. Then it's completely fine, I see. Sometimes keeping in the good, take away the negative out of your life and karma just doesn't cut it. Haha.


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## lavenderpink (Jun 20, 2008)

what wonderful insights here, I had many grudges in my past, but WITH GOD'S help all things work together for good for them who love the Lord, we all go thru Trials and tribulations, its all part of the test of our lord to see how we can handle Problems in our lives, I would say Accept the Lord in your heart, ask God for forgiveness, and Move on with your life, and Keep Yourself in prayer with The Lord, go to a christian bible believing church seek sincere christian friends for fellowship, pray daily, read Gods word the bible, the Lord works in Mysterious Miraculous ways, He will work things out for GOOD!! Trust him.


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## CDazz (Jul 10, 2008)

Forgiving is easier than forgiving from my point of view.


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