# I want a baby !!!



## Jordan0326 (May 3, 2007)

*Hey all,*

* soo one of my best friends just found out that she is pregnant. So now I am pretty much the only one out of ALLL of my friends (besides 2) that doesnt have a baby. I really wasn't planning on getting pregnant until I was out of college and was around 27ish but after all this talk w/ my newly pregnant friend my boyfriend came to me with a surprising conversation subject. He wants a baby soon! *

*He is 28 and will be 30 soon and he is also the only one of all his friends that doesnt have a kid. He just came out and told me that he wants one by the time hes 30. I am going to be 22 on the 11th and i'm in college right now and have a few more years to go. We live in our own apartment and been together for 6 years. So I feel like within the next 2 or 3 years we should be ready. *

*My mom is sooo agaisnt me having a baby until im out of school and living in a friggin manshion and married and at least 30 myself. When I told her about my friend being pregnant she just went off her lid talking all kinds of crap in front of me and my boyfriend. Now she keeps telling me to promise her i wont get pregnant and shes even buying me birth control and asking me about my sex life everyday. I feel like she has no right! My boyfriend has just had it with her and he says that she has no right and he will not let her decide when we are and arent ready. *

*With all this talk and being around all these babies I really want one




*

*uuggghhh annyone else get like this??*


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## brewgrl (May 3, 2007)

you have a natural clock that goes off whenever babies are around, but you need to think about a lot of things.

if you are planning on not working, does your man make enough? also, do you plan on being with him for the rest of your life, or is the idea of a "family unit" as important to you?

have you thought about medical insurance for the baby and can you afford it? it costs $600/month to cover maverick and me.

if you are planning on working after the baby, can you afford daycare? it will be $1000 a month, just for daycare.

will you have to move to accomodate a baby? will your rent go up?

are you at a place mentally that you are ready to give up your independence and be the person in which someone will be dependent on for the next 18+ years? this year, we had no new years , st patty days, and will not have a cinco de mayo outing because on the big party holidays, you wont find a babysitter. you are 22 and i know that freedom at that age is a big thing.

just some things to ponder.


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## Jordan0326 (May 3, 2007)

I don't drink neither does my boyfriend. So all that going crazy freedom is pretty much done for me. It sounds crazy but I havent really partied it up for about 2 years. My freedom isnt much of an issue for me.

I think if it were to happen we would be able to work things out. We aren't struggling or anything. I would definatly make sure i was stable and ready financially.

I think the pressure is on just because he and i are 8 years apart and he's in a job where he is exposed to a lot of chemicals all day long and the average person doesn't live to be older then 50 -60ish in his business and he just wants to have kids by the time hes 30 so hes not an old dad when his kids are in high school.

I never really thought about the fact that he is getting close to 30 and i'm in my early 20's so its something to plan for in the next few years


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## hollyxann (May 3, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Jordan0326* /img/forum/go_quote.gif *Hey all,** soo one of my best friends just found out that she is pregnant. So now I am pretty much the only one out of ALLL of my friends (besides 2) that doesnt have a baby. I really wasn't planning on getting pregnant until I was out of college and was around 27ish but after all this talk w/ my newly pregnant friend my boyfriend came to me with a surprising conversation subject. He wants a baby soon! *

*He is 28 and will be 30 soon and he is also the only one of all his friends that doesnt have a kid. He just came out and told me that he wants one by the time hes 30. I am going to be 22 on the 11th and i'm in college right now and have a few more years to go. We live in our own apartment and been together for 6 years. So I feel like within the next 2 or 3 years we should be ready. *

*My mom is sooo agaisnt me having a baby until im out of school and living in a friggin manshion and married and at least 30 myself. When I told her about my friend being pregnant she just went off her lid talking all kinds of crap in front of me and my boyfriend. Now she keeps telling me to promise her i wont get pregnant and shes even buying me birth control and asking me about my sex life everyday. I feel like she has no right! My boyfriend has just had it with her and he says that she has no right and he will not let her decide when we are and arent ready. *

*With all this talk and being around all these babies I really want one



*

*uuggghhh annyone else get like this??*

this sounds just like me. to the T. im 22...my bf is will be 25 soon. so a few yrs difference. but whenever i see a baby or if my friends tell me they are preggers i want one. actually ive been like this for about a yr now. im constantly talking about having a baby. although my mom isnt as anal as yours haha. and my bf has 2 kids of his own already. but all my friends and his are pregnant or trying. we've decided we are gonna try and see what happens. its one of those things where we arent going to worry about protection but arent exactly going to push it either. it needs to happen on its own. but i am going to talk to my dr about it too.

but seriously that sounded like a rant from me. haha.


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## Dragonfly (May 4, 2007)

I'm sure you aren't going to like what I have to say:

You are upset with your mother because she wants the best for you. She wants you to focus on your education and have a child after you complete school.

Oh what a terrible mother you have. Seriously, am I missing something?

If you really want to experience motherhood now, babysit some of your friends' children for a week or two, with no break, and then decide if you want a baby.

As far as your boyfriend is concerned, he can father a child up until the day he passes on. I'm sure there are lots of boys waiting for a "big brother" in the Big Brother organization. If he sincerely wants a child in his life now, maybe he can give them a call.


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## Jordan0326 (May 4, 2007)

Did I say I had a horrible mother?? nahhh i don't remember saying that....

My boyfriend is almost 30 he wants a child by that time for his reasons what is wrong with that?? we had the discussion and when we are ready for it we will do it. simple as that. I didnt say i was getting pregnant tomorrow! I said I would make sure I was ready but I'm hoping that will be within the next two or three years.

I have tons of neices and nephews and I watch them all the time so don't go there! one of them i practically raised because their mother and father are two DUMBASSES!

I'm not 15 and in High School. I'm a very mature 22 year old. I was just trying to say that being around all these babys I am really wanting one and its a funny thing that my boyfriend brought it up. its a pretty exciting thing to think about thats all.


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## Jessica81 (May 4, 2007)

I almost don't want to respond because I know you are not going to like what I have to say, but . . .

Your mother is right.

You have been with your boyfriend for 6 years -- since you were 16 years old? and he was 22 at the time? I'm sure you two were and ARE in love, but you are too young to know if you'll be in love with him for the next 10 years.

Especially, since you are in college. You grow soooo much in and after college. You say you don't go partying now, which I understand, you've been with your guy for 6 years, of course you won't go out -- But if you EVER broke up, you would probably want to go partying, but you couldn't b/c you had a child with your high-school-sweetheart.

of course plenty of people marry their high school sweetheart and live happily ever after -- my gym teacher was one of them -- But most people change boyfriends with their life changes - graduating college, getting their first real job.

What would be the harm in waiting until you finish school?


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## -Liz- (May 4, 2007)

i wish you luck in whatever you chose, i just wanna gently remind you you did ask for peoples opinions by posting this so try not to get too upset by hearing something you dont like. its hard i guess a friend of mine is going through this and her and her bf arent realy mentaly or financially (im not implying this is your situation) but i told her to think about it when there are no babies around and really remember its about bringing alittle person to the world, not just the next step. lastly, i have tons of kids in my family, and although i care for them often, i know i can give them back, im in school and i dont think id quit halfway through to have a kid, in the scheme of things if u want it that bad, its not a big deal to wait.

maybe your mom is being abit over bearing but try talking to her again, it may help if she knows that you arent gonna go try and conceive tomorrow( you know people always think the worst



)

either way whatever you choose to do, it is your choice and you know what is right for you as long as you love your future child unconditionally whevever you choose to have him or her thats whats important

hth

xoxox


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## Jessica81 (May 4, 2007)

Originally Posted by *alittlebit* /img/forum/go_quote.gif either way whatever you choose to do, it is your choice and you know what is right for you as long as you love your future child unconditionally whevever you choose to have him or her thats whats importanthth

xoxox

I feel bad for being so harsh in my earlier statemen - alittlebit is right - if you love your child whatever you decide will be perfect.


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## BeneBaby (May 4, 2007)

I got a little itch when my Sister got pregnant. We lived together and I was with her everyday all through the pregnancy. Once my neice came that itch disappeared. My Sister is 22 and although she loves my niece she wishes she would have waited. She was in school and had to quit. People say they will help out when your pregnant, but many times they aren't available when you actually need them. She gave up her social life and now all of her money goes to daycare, health insurance and things for Savannah.

Once Savannah reached a year old my Sister had to work, Even with her BF they didn't have ebough money, they still don't. She is very sad that her Baby is with someone besides her all day.

My point is...unless you're prepared to not work, have ALOT of $$$$$ and be completely devoted to family for the next 18 years....wait. FYI- My Mom was 14 when she had me and my Father 18. They were highschool sweeties and very in love. They divorced when I was 5. Children can change the dynamics of a relationship. I wish my parents would have been older and more stable when they brought me into the World. Best of Luck with whatever you decide.


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## Aprill (May 4, 2007)

You may not like what I have to say, and i don't mean any harm, i love everyone on here:

I think you mom is right and that you should wait until you are finished with school. In addition, have a good job and a HUSBAND!!! Not a boy-friend, a husband.

I was very very very very young when i had my first and I had two choices that I could have made and that I think any young woman has when they are young, like under 25 with a baby- 1) I can love this baby, and take care of him 100%, or 2) I can throw him off on other people to babysit, chase a baby daddy around, and appear to be a very trifling woman. There is no happy medium, and you have to sacrifice. That means spending money on pampers, wipes, clothes, formula, bottles, dealing with a crying baby all through the night sometimes, dealing with dirty diapers, paying for a baby sitter, visits to the hospital, the terrible two's, not having sex when you want, cause you don't want to wake up the baby..... I could go on forever.

In addition, you have a bf. No offense, but bf don't equal husband. A baby can change a marriage, and it can definitely destroy dating.

Babies are not fashion trends, as they are made out to be on tv, they are not decorations, and famous women are happy with their babies, cause they can throw them on a nanny when they don't want to hear the screaming. You and your man should want one because you two want one, not because, "All my friends have one, and I am the only one without one..."


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## Jordan0326 (May 5, 2007)

I didnt say i wanted a kid because its a fashion trend and all my friends have one either..... what do u think i am? stupid? it certainly appears that way!

I would never do something becuase all my friends are. Its something that came up. BTW we live together and have lived together for 4 years and we decided that we don't want to get married and were not sure if we will. We know that we will be good parents regardless...

im sorry but this isnt to everyone who posted most of you know where im coming from this is just directed to the people who are coming at me like im some kind of moron


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## Aprill (May 5, 2007)

Quote:
With all this talk and being around all these babies I really want one 
Quote:
So now I am pretty much the only one out of ALLL of my friends (besides 2) that doesnt have a baby Quote:
He is 28 and will be 30 soon and he is also the only one of all his friends that doesnt have a kid First of all, I did not call you an idiot or a moron and I did not come to you like that and, I will reinterate that I didnt mean any harm. Second of all, I said that based on what you wrote. The hostility is not necessary.


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## empericalbeauty (May 5, 2007)

I want a baby too but i have so much going n right now. i know what you mean though. whenever a friend has a baby, i wish it was me. even though mentally i am not sure i am ready for a kid, it doesnt stop me from wishing i had one. Anyways, i think its pretty cool that you are your bf are on the same wave length baby-wise. I can hear my boyfriend's testicles shrinking at the mere thought of having a kid.


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## Ashley (May 5, 2007)

I think it's great that you have it sort of plan out already. I'm glad that you think you'll be ready in 2 or 3 years and I'm glad your boyfriend is supportive.

Don't be upset, I think people got the impression that you want to stop going to school and have a baby now. They're just wishing the best for you, and I'm absolutely positive no one meant you were a moron or meant anything in any bad way. Everyone here only wishes for the best!

Anyway, good luck with this in the future! Meanwhile, you can play with your nieces and nephews!


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## pinksugar (May 5, 2007)

good luck with the baby plans. Everyone's lives are different and I don't think that you can judge everyone by the same standards. Therefore, if you feel you will be ready in a few years - go for it. I wish you all the very best.

Personally, apart from the fact that I don't have anyone to make a baby with, I know I wont be ready for a baby until I've not only finished school, but actually had some sort of career as a result of all my hard work.

That being said, I don't agree that you're too young - if you don't feel too young then you're NOT. As long as you can support the baby, and you obviously have good plans in place to be able to do that - then it's a personal choice that others (including your mother, lol) don't really have a right to intefere in.

I understand what everyone has said and to some degree I agree, but I just feel that you should have the right to make the final choice yourself


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## Princess6828 (May 5, 2007)

I'm 25 now, and at 22 I definitely could not see myself having a baby. I was already out of college by then and still could not have done it. Even now - there's no way me and my boyfriend would be financially stable enough to have one. I think you should wait until you're out of school and have a secure job - both you and your boyfriend. Good luck with everything though, whatever you do decide. I can tell you my own story though. I'm adopted, and my birth mom was 26. She and my birth father were in love with each other, but they were unable to afford/raise a child at that time, so they had to give me up. I don't want you to have to be in that situation.


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## lovefe (May 5, 2007)

look,for being pergnant its not so simple..u cant woke up one morning and say "TODAY,i want a baby" is so difficult to grow up a baby..u said that u are studying now.. don't give up ur college because now its your chance to get a diploma.except from these things u arent married..it's just ur boyfriend.do u want to stay every day in ur house and growing up a baby from now..?i love babies too but noone get pergnant because his/her friend get pregnant too..live ur life with ur boyfriend as ur husband first for 2-3 years and then born babies...


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## brewgrl (May 5, 2007)

this is going to be really long, because i am a little taken aback by your reaction to some people's comments.

when you have a child, their will be a lot harder things to deal with then people giving you opinions that don't match your own... be careful about how you react in those type of situations... it takes a very mature mind and person to be able to love and raise a child, and teach them how to be good responsible people. it takes listening and not losing it because you are feeling attacked in a very non-confrontational setting.

when you ask advice, you must be willing to accept what you are asking. you cant ask people what color you should wear and get mad when they don't all say purple.

what will you do when your child is older and gets into trouble for something you dont see and people tell you your child is pulling litle girls' hair? be upset at them for not seeing your child as a loving kid and ignore that your kid is pulling hair?

you should evaluate the way you are reacting to some of these posts. so far i havent' read one where they were attacking you as a person, just cautioning you as to the downsides of parenthood at such a young age and to someone who you are not sure if you are planning to marry, and what those reasons are. the questions of- whose last name will this child have, will we be covered if something were to happen because we are not married? if we are not planning on sharing a lifelong future together, how will this affect my child if one of us decides to move?

before my husband, i lived with a guy for 5 years that i knew i wasnt going to marry, and when we got into arguments it was so easy to think of my escape route because we weren't obligated to each other. i know that if i had a child with him and things got difficult, i know the fantasy of leaving would instantly pop into my mind. you cannot say you dont know what i am talking about because EVERY unmarried couple i know goes through this scenario.

married to my husband, it's very different, because i feel integrally responsible to work it out for the long haul of our life. we are forced to talk about our differences and come up with a middle ground in order to keep our marriage together.

also, my parents moved to a different country, his parents live nowhere near us as well... we are dependent on each other for support, no one else.

i'm also glad i had a chance to finish school and join the professional workforce. because even though i had wanted to be a stay at home mom, i am just not as good at it as my husband... and i am glad that we both are able to financially get away with this arrangement.

wanting to have a baby is a very strong desire for almost all women. but babies only last for 1.5 years, then you have a child... do you want a child? and adolescent childhood will only last for so many years until you have a teenager... do you want a teenager? what a truly responsible aspiring parent wants to have is a family.

you obviously have a decision to make that certainly is very emotional, but one that needs to be made with a clear head that doesn't get emotional.


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## Aprill (May 5, 2007)

Originally Posted by *brewgrl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif this is going to be really long, because i am a little taken aback by your reaction to some people's comments.
when you have a child, their will be a lot harder things to deal with then people giving you opinions that don't match your own... be careful about how you react in those type of situations... it takes a very mature mind and person to be able to love and raise a child, and teach them how to be good responsible people. it takes listening and not losing it because you are feeling attacked in a very non-confrontational setting.

when you ask advice, you must be willing to accept what you are asking. you cant ask people what color you should wear and get mad when they don't all say purple.

what will you do when your child is older and gets into trouble for something you dont see and people tell you your child is pulling litle girls' hair? be upset at them for not seeing your child as a loving kid and ignore that your kid is pulling hair?

you should evaluate the way you are reacting to some of these posts. so far i havent' read one where they were attacking you as a person, just cautioning you as to the downsides of parenthood at such a young age and to someone who you are not sure if you are planning to marry, and what those reasons are. the questions of- whose last name will this child have, will we be covered if something were to happen because we are not married? if we are not planning on sharing a lifelong future together, how will this affect my child if one of us decides to move?

before my husband, i lived with a guy for 5 years that i knew i wasnt going to marry, and when we got into arguments it was so easy to think of my escape route because we weren't obligated to each other. i know that if i had a child with him and things got difficult, i know the fantasy of leaving would instantly pop into my mind. you cannot say you dont know what i am talking about because EVERY unmarried couple i know goes through this scenario.

married to my husband, it's very different, because i feel integrally responsible to work it out for the long haul of our life. we are forced to talk about our differences and come up with a middle ground in order to keep our marriage together.

also, my parents moved to a different country, his parents live nowhere near us as well... we are dependent on each other for support, no one else.

i'm also glad i had a chance to finish school and join the professional workforce. because even though i had wanted to be a stay at home mom, i am just not as good at it as my husband... and i am glad that we both are able to financially get away with this arrangement.

wanting to have a baby is a very strong desire for almost all women. but babies only last for 1.5 years, then you have a child... do you want a child? and adolescent childhood will only last for so many years until you have a teenager... do you want a teenager? what a truly responsible aspiring parent wants to have is a family.

you obviously have a decision to make that certainly is very emotional, but one that needs to be made with a clear head that doesn't get emotional.










very well said Jenuary, you rock!


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## Dragonfly (May 5, 2007)

Brewgrl - what a great post!

You certainly said everything I wished I had, and more.

Speaking for myself, my thoughts are for all young women of MUT contemplating motherhood, even though the thread was started by one person.

I hope that anyone reading this thread will appreciate the fantastic advice we all took the time to offer.


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## MissMudPie (May 5, 2007)

I think everyone has had some good points, and I wish you luck on whatever you decide.

It's interesting to see the different views on what age is too young for marriage or babies. I'm 21 and most of my friends are married with children and/or pregnant. Here it is completely normal to get married and start a famly at a young age.


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## bella1342 (May 6, 2007)

brewgrl... that was a great post. My pregnancy was unplanned, but my son is the greatest little boy ever. I am so much happier that I have him. I am SO lucky. I cannot stress how much my life *changed* though. I went from going out 5 -6 nights a week... to once every month or two. It is a lifestyle you seriously can't prepare yourself for.

You have a tough decision.... i know i would have rathered to have been married before becoming pregnant... but it just happened the other way around. I think the girls here are concerned for you, and aren't trying to attack you. I wish you the best of luck!


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## Sirvinya (May 6, 2007)

If I see any more drama on this thread it's getting closed.

Please remember you may not receive the answers you want. People are just trying to offer the advice you asked for.


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## pinksugar (May 6, 2007)

wow, that was unbelievably insightful.

I agree with brewgrl, very much. It's a hard truth but one that must be considered. It reminds me that even though I love babies, I don't want one for a while yet


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## Jordan0326 (May 6, 2007)

Ok well Im just going to appologize to anyone if i offended them. I probably should have brought this up in a different area. Really I wasn't asking for advice It was something that my boyfriend had brought up and its something that we are now considering doing within the next 2 -3 years. Are we going to get married? Not sure... I'm not sure if that is what I want right now. My parents were together 20 years before they got married. I guess I just expected to have a few more years before thinking about children. Now that we talked about it I think that 2 or 3 years will be a good time. I may be out of school by then or I may not! I will definatly make sure I'm ready and stable though. I just was asking if anyone else ever felt that way. I wasn't saying that my mom was a horrible mother, I wasn't saying that I wanted a kid just because I'm around all my friends babies. I feel that my mom has good intentions but needs to back off a little. I feel like people may have misunderstood what I was saying. Maybe i am the idiot for putting this post in the advice corner. I guess I should have posted it in general discussion. My bad!

I'm not going to continue to argue back and forth with people over this thread. I feel like maybe one or 2 of you were rude and it definatly did make me feel like i was being made out to be an idiot. That is just how I felt. I appreciate everyone trying their best to clear it up. I really enjoy this board we all have a common interest in makeup and I love it here just like I love everyone on here.

Thank you so much to everyone who wished me luck I will definatly keep you all updated.

Thank you all for *ALL* the advice and concern.

No hard feelings

Stacy


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (May 7, 2007)

I think you alreay know your decision. If you have any doubt ( it does not have to be good or bad) wait. I think to have children you have to be finanically and mentally set. 90% of the childs brain developes the first 6-7 years of life, so you really have to show up. Have time after school to spend with the kids. It is really imperative. You are defenitely young and still have a lot of time to have a kids.

You should not base your whole decision on your freinds having babies or your mom telling you not too. They have the right to give you advice, state there opinion, but when it comes down to is your desicion and your suppose. You have a strong hold, follow your intution. It is nothing wrong to think about having kids or wanting kids. I want to be a mom too and I am still pretty young and still in school.


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## Sparko (May 8, 2007)

aww, sweetie, i'm in a ridiculously similar situation. i was actually going to post something about my issue and then i saw your post! i have one friend with twins who's ready to pop any day. and i just found out my best friend is now pregnant! and i have one other friend who actually just got an abortion.... and the thing is, absolutely none of them wanted babies to begin with, and my husband and i have done nothing at all to prevent getting pregnant (up until recently, i'll get to that in a sec) so i don't know, i'm talking to my doctor about it in a couple of weeks. we really want a baby, and now with everyone else having them, i get so jealous and wish so bad i could have one right now too.

my mother's also really against it because i'm so young, but i think you know when you know, age really doesn't matter past a certain point. she actually somehow talked me into starting the pill earlier this month. not so i wouldn't get pregnant (which i'm wondering if i'm even able to) but so that my monthly friend would be more controlled and so i could get med's for my migraines. well, it didn't control anything and i haven't been having migraines the past few months. so i stopped it, because i know it's just not the right decision for me right now.

whew, sorry, this is _your_ post, lol.

anyways, i'm just trying to say that i'm in the same boat, doll. all my friends are pregnant, and it's all that i want too and my mother is absolutely against it.

luckily, when it was slightly brought up around my father, he got sooo excited "my little girl wants to have babies?" all smiley and whatnot. it helps to have someone on your side.

i really wish the best for you. only you and him can really decide what you both want, and no matter what happens, it'll work out, somehow ^.^


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## farris2 (May 11, 2007)

I sometimes do still....and I am 42 with a 24 year old son living away from home


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