# Have you ever lost someone to cancer?



## ArcEnCiel (Nov 15, 2006)

How do you deal with the physical and mental battle of cancer? To see a family member go through this is truly difficult. I just want to hear what others have to say who may be experiencing or have experienced this very difficult issue. I feel like I am going to die too.


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## tadzio79 (Nov 15, 2006)

aww I'm sorry hon... :huggies:

I've never dealth with my immediate relatives (parents, etc) battling cancer, although quite a few of my distant relatives have succumbed to cancer.

It was a very taxing and emotional experience, and I probably couldn't even come close to how you must feel.

best of luck to you and your family through a very difficult and emotional time.


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## Princess6828 (Nov 15, 2006)

I had to watch my grandma (who we called Guchie) go through it twice. The second time she lost her battle. It was absolutely horrible. She was like a parent to me. I was only 12/13 at the time, so I was still pretty young, but there's just a feeling of helplessness because you know there's nothing you can do. I'm very sorry you're going through this, but the truth is there's no way to make it easier. Just keep a good support system (Friends, family) very close by. I mean, this is over 10 years ago now, and I still just started to cry when I starte typing this. Just hang in there. It will get better - just not now.


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## Shelley (Nov 15, 2006)

I worked as a health care aid with elderly people in their homes and had one pallative care client who wished to pass away in her home. It was really difficult for me to see her so ill and even though we are told not to get close to our clients, that was hard for me to do, I could never turn off my feelings. This woman passed away in front of me and I just starting bawling my eyes out. It is really tough and the best thing to do is to surround yourself with supportive friends, family and us on MUT.


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## ArcEnCiel (Nov 15, 2006)

My mother started feeling ill in March 2006. By May 2006 they diagnosed her with a rare form of blood cancer called Mantle Cell Lymphoma. She quickly deteriorated. She next suffered a brain hemmorhage and that did her in. She turned 65 on October 7, 2006 and died October 17, 2006. I have 2 sisters and we were by her side in that hospital everyday. Everyday, one of us or all of us was there. Cancer sucks. My grandmother died today, November 15, 2006 from a broken heart. This has been the worst year ever. Seeing my mother go through that suffering was awful. One cant even imagine. Thank you all for sharing.


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## cutegirl (Nov 15, 2006)

i'm sorry to hear that i know how you feel it's hard .

same thing happened to my grandfather he was so strong i loved him alot he was my hero he fight the cancer for so long i though it was going to be over and he would be back the same ,but he didn't i couldn't cry when deid it's so hard to belive that he is not there anymore..now whenever i think of him i can't help my tears i always pray for him.

hope you feel better.


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## AprilRayne (Nov 15, 2006)

My mom was diagnosed with Uterine cancer when I was 13 and given 6 weeks to live! Which would've meant she was going to die about 3 days before Christmas! I remember my mom and dad sitting down with each of us kids and telling us that she was going to die and it was okay with my mom if my dad remarried! It was absolutely horrible to hear them say that! Miraculously, my mom was completely healed and has had no reoccurences. I remember my mom fainting in the bathroom and start hemorraging and my dad and brother carried her out to the car and I thought for sure I would'nt see my mom again! It was horrible to see her go through radiation and see how week she was. I am so glad I still have my mom, but had she not made it, I know she would've been fine and so would I! She has a really healthy attitude for coming so close to death, she lives life to the fullest and isn't afraid to die! She knows that when it's her time, it will be a beautiful and glorius thing!


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## foxybronx (Nov 15, 2006)

My younger sister passed away from cancer, Osteogenic Sarcoma of the leg. It is THE worst thing that has ever happened to me. Its very tough to deal with, the only thing that has helped me was time. If you are spiritual maybe you will be able to have solace in prayer, or reflection.


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## katrosier (Nov 15, 2006)

I honestly never know what to say in such situations so I just wanted to give you a hug *hugs*


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## speerrituall1 (Nov 15, 2006)

May God be with you.


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## TW1NKLE (Nov 15, 2006)

Reading all this just bring tears to my eyes....

I've never dealt with anyone close to me going through cancer. But I have dealt with someone who was sick for a couple years, which was hard to see. Whenever I had the chance to vist him, It'd bring tears to my eyes to see the way he was. I couldn't even speak. But....... he recently passed away, and it was even harder to see him leave the way he did. I don't think in the meantime I'll get over it, I could possible never get over it. But I know one thing, It'll heal..... I wish you and your family the best of luck! Keep your head up, cause in time everything will be alright.... they're in a better place now.......


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## Aquilah (Nov 15, 2006)

I haven't lost a loved one to cancer, but John has lost two uncles and he has an aunt who has cancer as well. I found out an old high school friend also has breast cancer, and I've even had my own cancer scare. I honestly don't know how to deal with it as it hasn't affected me personally yet (John's uncles passed while John and I weren't together).

I'm so sorry to hear about this Maria! I'll be sure to keep you and your family in my prayers! :hug:


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## Little_Lisa (Nov 15, 2006)

I'm very sorry for your losses and the pain, sorrow, and emptiness you are going through. I've been there.

I was very, very close to my mother. She and I were going to the gym, laughing, and hanging out daily like normal and she seemed so healthy and full of life. Out of no where she started having bothersome indigestion (a normal thing for many people) so she went to the doctor and he diagnosed her with acid reflux and gave her some medication. It didn't help but she was adviced to stay on it so she did. Two weeks passed and she turned yellow all of a sudden one day, indicating a problem with her liver. My dad and I took her to the doctor who was about to write her another prescription since her symptoms hadn't improved. My dad became very upset because he had to POINT OUT her jaundice to the doctor. (Ewww, don't even get me started! Makes me irate!) Anyways, the doctor agreed that she looked pretty yellow _after mention of it_ so he sent her to the hospital for further tests.

I spent all day up there with her because they were slower than molasses in that stupid, little hospital. My mom was her usual bubbly self; laughing, smiling, and joking. I had been diagnosed with CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) not too long prior to all that so I was feeling pretty drained and weak at the time and my mom could see it. She told me to go home and nap several times but I wanted to stay with her so I did just so. My dad finally insisted I go rest and that he'd let me know when they heard something so I drove home and conked out.

I remember my dad and ex waking me up from a hard nap late that evening. The looks on their faces frightened and gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew something was terribly wrong before they even spoke but even after, I just couldn't accept it. My dad broke down into tears and explained that my mom had pancreatic cancer. I remember trying to be positive and wondering why and being upset that they seemed like they were giving up. Then he went on to explain that it was inoperable and so large that it was already cutting off supply to one of her kidneys and liver. The doctor gave her 6 months to year to live. I kept saying, "But there's got to be something they can do!" It finally sunk in and I just stood there in the hallway hugging my dad and crying for the longest, longest time.

I broke down crying when we went back up to see my mom. She was sitting calmly, upright in the bed and never shed a tear. I think she was still somewhat in shock but she was also a very strong women. She told me to be strong and told us all that she was pleased that she had such a wonderful, loving family and had lived such a happy life and couldn't have ever asked for anything more or better because she had the best. Of course, that made the tears flood even more for me. I loved her so so much and didn't want to lose her. I felt an unsurmountable wave of emotions and pain like i'd never experienced before and can't even be described.

They did a procedure to take some of the pressure off of her other organs and she was released with a drain tube. I read the warnings on her acid reflux medication and it said that it could cause tumors and to not take if you have existing ones because it would accelerate the growth. It made me so pissed off after reading that...to think that things may have been different if they would have checked better the first time, not misdiagnosed, and given her that medication!

They were also wrong on the 6 months to a year. My mom spiralled down hill shortly afterwards and lived one month. I was glad that she didn't have to suffer longer than that but it was still hard to watch her deteriorate the way she did. I took care of her at home and we also had a hospice come in to help. I spent every last second I could down to the very end.

It's been going on 9 years but I still miss my mom like it was yesterday and it's still hard to talk about it without getting broken up. My dad's the same way.

My grandmother (my dad's mom) died in her sleep last week. She was 103. I went to the graveside services last saturday. I was holding it all back pretty well until one of my cousins who I haven't seen in a very long time came up and said, "You look soo much like Aunt Betty (my mom)," and then I just totally lost it. I would say, "It gets better in time," but that's not always so. Nothing can and will ever replace them.

I don't know what faith you are or anything like that but I can tell you that mine along with the hope I have has been what's helped me more than anything else. There's many encouraging bible passages that are good to reflect upon. Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk more one on one.

*HUGS*


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## TylerD (Nov 15, 2006)

My grandpa died of cancer, but I was real young then and didnt understand really so it didnt bother me much. Now I look back and its said but eventually you will learn to accept that it was just time their time. Its hard to accept i know  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> death is a terrible thing, but eventually the pain will go.


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## xXMelissaXx (Nov 15, 2006)

I'm sorry  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> . Thankfully, I've never had someone die from cancer that was close to me.


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## Thais (Nov 15, 2006)

Ohhhh Arc, I am sorry to hear all that!!!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

I have never lost anyone to cancer (*knock on wood*), but I deal with things like this all the time as you know. It is very difficult. Time is your best friend. Try to find comfort in the thought that she is no longer suffering. I hope you are able to get over this soon dear.


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## AprilRayne (Nov 15, 2006)

Oh my gosh!! Lisa, this post touched me so much! I got extremely emotional just reading it because alot of it hit so close to home for me! Sometimes I feel guilty when I hear of others pain and the fact that my mom is alive today! Coming so close to having this happen to me and reading your feelings, was very difficult for me. I can't imagine what it must be like for you. A girl needs her mom so much!! You are such a strong person and the way you describe your mom, you sound so much like her! I agree that the only way to get through something like this is to have a strong religious belief! In my faith, we believe that families will be together forever! That's the only way to get through something like this is if you know without a doubt that you will see your mom again! I can't imagine not knowing that and thinking it was all said and done! It is so comforting to know that your mom is free of pain and looking down on you, waiting for when you can be together again. I'm sure she's very proud of you!!


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## empericalbeauty (Nov 15, 2006)

Thats truely Heartbreaking. I will keep you in my prayers. :Hugs:


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## Tabitha (Nov 16, 2006)

My father passed away July 12th of this year at the age of 65 from lung cancer. He was diagnosed on my wedding anniversary and didn't live quite 3 months with it. He also suffered with emphysema and I've seen his health steadily decline over the last few years. The last few months of his life were really hard to deal with because we knew he didn't have a lot of time left, but the hardest was watching him cry from frustration....sick from chemo and sick at heart because he couldn't do the things he used to do.

While you prepare yourself when you find out a loved one has cancer, you really think you have more time with them. I clearly expected my father to pass away in the hospital on one of his frequent stays from pneumonia or an infection, but he died at home. He just woke up that fateful July morning hemorrhaging and died about 5 minutes before the ambulance arrived. Now, every time I go over my mom's and walk in his room, it just seems surreal.

As for how I deal with it, I try and remember he's no longer in pain and he's no longer struggling for breath. I also like to think he's with his dad and that he's doing fine. I don't cry very much, but I do think of many times a day and that's how I keep him alive.


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## Leony (Nov 16, 2006)

Ohh, I am trully sorry for your losses ArcEnCiel  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

{{{HUGS}}}


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## Intrigue (Nov 16, 2006)

It's horrible.

Worst feeling ever.

You have to go on thinking that it happened for a reason and don't get mad at the situation because you can't control it anyway.


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## beautynista (Nov 16, 2006)

I'm really sorry you're going through this Arc, and anyone else who is going through it too :frown: I really don't know what to say but I hope you find solace in all of this, she is no longer suffering.


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 16, 2006)

*Hugz to Arc*

I'm very sorry you're going through this right now. My prayers are with you.


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## xXxBeckyxXx (Nov 16, 2006)

I lost my nan to cervical cancer, it was the worst ever! i remember my mom panicing and i was like whats wrong and she said your nans bleeding shes had to go get some pads, the next day my nan goes the docs and has some tests and not long after she gets the bad news, she was moved into a hospice where my mom and auntie would take it in turns to stay there, i wasnt allowed to go because my nan refused to let us see her so ill. The doctor told my nan they couldnt operate because the tumour had spread too much, he said it was as big as a rugby ball and she had a year to live, they offered her something to help her last longer but she refused and said ' whats the point either way im going'. In a matter of two weeks, they said she no longer longer had a year but a few months, then a few weeks. She stopped eating and was so bad that all the grandchildren had to go see her. she was so pale and thin, she hardly said a word, she didnt even look at me(my mom said she might not recognise anyone). My brother took one look and he cried so i had to give my nan a kiss and take my brother outside. Two days later i went to see her again and she had her own room, but this time she couldnt talk at all, but when she seen me she made a noise and got all excited so it was so nice to know she knew who i was. She couldnt even drink i remember there was this type of sponge that you would have to wet and put it in her mouth to keep it moist. :scared: The doctors said she had a week left but she past away two days later, it was early in the morning and my mom had just got back home from spending the night with my nan. My moms bf phoned and i answered, he said 'weve got to go back to the hospital somethings happened'. My mom had been with this man for years but i had never spoke to him (another story) or anything and at the same time i was trying to take in what he said, i didnt no what to say so i put the phone down. So i went downstairs told my mom and she just froze for a second, ran upstairs and then her bfs car pulled up outside and she left. I went and told my brothers what happened and my oldest brother rang up the hospice where they told us she had passed away. I refused to believe it. My mom rang to tell me what had happened but i told her i knew and i asked for her bf to come gets us to take me to my nan. I walked in the room and my nan was lying there with my auntie right next to her, then by did i cry! I went and sat next to her just looking for ages. They then said we had to go downstairs and my nan was put into another room. All the family gathered and we said our goodbyes, then someone walked in the room asking to talk to everyone about what happens next, but i stayed in the room with my nan on my own, i placed my hand on top of hers and told her how much i loved her. I couldnt accept she died she was there infront of me i was hoping any minute she would breath:scared:

:hugss: Big hugs to everyone!


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## Jesskaa (Nov 16, 2006)

I haven't but.. I'll keep you in my prayers.

:[[


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## ArcEnCiel (Nov 16, 2006)

Thank you so much everyone for sharing. Sometimes you get mad at the world and feel that you are the only one going through this and everyone else has it great.

Well for those of you who are not going through this, cherish your parents, family and friends. Put aside bickerings and make it right. Because when they are gone, you do not want to experience that pain. Life is so precious. Enjoy life and the great things that you have in it. Dont take anything for granted.

Thank you all again and strength to all who have suffered a loss. We can do it! I keep going and attempting to thrive because that is what my mother and grandmother want me to do. I just have a horrible time when I wake up in the middle of the night, and I think about them and I cry. That is the worst. I hope that this eases over time.


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## mabelwan (Nov 16, 2006)

I'm sorry to hear that Maria! ~HUGS~

I lost my grandparents to lung cancer and my best male friend died from cancer too. Seeing them went through all the ordeals was suffering. Losing them reminds me of how life is so precious and we all have to treasure every moment we spend with our love ones.


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## Little_Lisa (Nov 16, 2006)

Very well put and so true!


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## charish (Nov 16, 2006)

two of my grandparents died from lung cancer. it's sad when it happens.


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## sweetcaramel1 (Nov 17, 2006)

sorry to hear about your loved one. i lost my sister in august to cancer. it was devastating. i still can't believe she's gone. it's hard trying to carry on without her. i'll pray for you.


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## ArcEnCiel (Nov 17, 2006)

It is devastating isn't it. One cannot even imagine. It is surreal. I have found much solace in talking about it, sharing stories with others who have lost and then moving on. I can just picture my mom up in heaven looking down at me depressed and crying. I know she doesn't want that.


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## michal_cohen (Nov 27, 2006)

i allso lost my mom to cancer(its almost a year now)

and it was so hard to see her dying

she knew she had cancer but she didnt told anyone

she spend the 3 last month of her life in hospitels

she (sorry for all the she)had cancer almost everywhere in her liver(she never smoke) in her troth, bonds and blod

its was very hard for me caz i was a momy girl

she was my best friend(when she was in the hospitals i didnt had time to be with my friends so they all left me)


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## neurotoxicity (Nov 27, 2006)

&lt;3 I'm sorry.

I lost my dad (37) My grandma (60) and my uncle (21)


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## michal_cohen (Nov 27, 2006)

that horibol

my mom was 47 her dad allso died from cancer and her sister have brest cancer


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## Kimmers86 (Nov 27, 2006)

My brother was diagnosed with leukemia about 2 1/2 years ago. He's still in treatment, but doing better. At first I really felt like I was dying and wanted to die for him. The only things that kept me going were the rest of my family (especially my other brothers), but my boyfriend. We had just started dating like....6 months before he got sick and we were both so young. He went through it all with me and I couldn't thank him enough for it. I really clung to him for support....I kept him up many nights crying my eyes out.

Also...this summer my grandmother passed away from cancer. I didn't know her well, but I saw how it affected those in my family that did know her well. She had been battling it since her 30's. First breast, then went to her hip, then finally her brain. 

All I can say is find someone you can completely confide in anytime. My fiance has been with me all the way....even in high school when I was trying not to bawl every single day in class...he would leave his class/friends/whatever just to help me. I'm so lucky to have had him. He probably really saved my life.


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## David (Nov 28, 2006)

I lost my father to colon cancer. He suffered with it for 3 years before it finally won out. It amazes me to see how the medical field still treats cancer, they either cut it out along with good tissue hoping to rid the body of this terrible disease, or pump you full of chemicals bringing you to the brink of death trying to kill the cancer, or radiate the sight until it burns good organs and tissues around it. They've been doing this for the last 35 years, you'd think someone would have come up with a better way to treat this killer. My heart goes out to you.


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## ArcEnCiel (Nov 29, 2006)

What an experience. I still think sometimes that my mother is still here and I can call her and see her again. I cry a lot too. It just awful.

I hear you loud and clear. My mother was so swollen with chemicals towards the end, which makes it all the more macabre and miserable, she didn't even look like herself. She was my angel and I am quite angry with the minimal advances in cancer treatment. So frustrated. I ask myself why all the time. A true nightmare.


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## MacForMe (Nov 29, 2006)

Hi Arc-

When I read this post title, my heart sank. I never want anyone to go thru the loss of someone they love to cancer. I went thru it and still can't belive it happened. My grandmother was someone I was very very very close too. her doctors pretty much wrote her off and said she had goiter, upped her thyroid meds and sent her home. it wasn't until she said she couldn't walk that i insisted she go to the hospital. They found the "goiter" was actually a tumor on the thyroid. The MD's knew that thyroid cancer runs rampant in our family, but they missed it anyway. It was an AWFUL situation. They did surgery, but it didn't help..We got called to the hospital so many times as they said "it was time". ugh.. Anyway, the best thing I can tell you is, that this is painful, scary and sometimes you feel helpless. BUT, you have to take care of yourself in order to be of any help to the person. Do yourself a favour, stay OFF the internet! Do NOT look up information! It will SCARE the hell out of you. And if you already have, try to remember the info on the internet is general, broad spectrum and not always the "case".

Other than that, there isn't really anything you can do but supportive and healthy. Take advantage of any support groups. Talk to the doctors, nurses, other family members. The hardest thing I had to do, was sign the DNR as a witness. Ouch.

I wish you the best.


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## ArcEnCiel (Nov 29, 2006)

My mother started feeling ill in March 2006. By May 2006 they diagnosed her with a rare form of blood cancer called Mantle Cell Lymphoma. She quickly deteriorated. She next suffered a brain hemmorhage and that did her in. She turned 65 on October 7, 2006 and died October 17, 2006. I have 2 sisters and we were by her side in that hospital everyday. Everyday, one of us or all of us was there. Cancer sucks. My grandmother died today, November 15, 2006 from a broken heart. This has been the worst year ever. Seeing my mother go through that suffering was awful. One cant even imagine. Thank you for sharing.

Now I am dealing with the aftermath. I am not the same person I was and it is very hard on me and my relationship. I have to heal some day.


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## Artisticchik (Dec 15, 2006)

I lost my dad 5 months ago to Lung Cancer.

He was 61 and smoked heavily most of his life. It started out as what looked to be a case of pneumonia. Sad thing is,...once lung cancer begins to manifest symptoms, it is usually already too late. They removed 60% of his lungs only to find it had spread to his lymphatic system, then to his blood and bones.

Imagine something going from what was thought to be pneumonia, to cancer, to death in a period of 8 months.

I cannot answer this definitively since all people are different in the way that they grieve. My paramount concern was not for my own selfish need to keep my dad here on this earth. My concerns were that he not suffer a moment. While he did suffer in his last days and was on copious amounts of morphine, I am glad that he has passed on. I know now that he is no longer suffering and when he passed there was peace for him finally.

I learned alot about my dad after he knew he was dying. This man worked his fingers to the bone every day without complaint. He worked with broken bones even and never missed a beat. As he laid in his hospital bed he made comments like "I always wondered when I was going to get a vacation." This is some ways told me that he was merely going through the motions of life rather than living a fulfilling life. Unspoken gestures that passed between him and I confirmed just how much he loved me,...loved all of us. He sacrificed so much for as long as I can remember. Sacrifice is the ultimate act of love. It was my time to let him know how much he meant to me...all of the things I had taken for granted for so long suddenly became the most valuable things in my life.

As I am working myself up here I will close by saying,....just be sure you are putting the needs of the ill before your own selfish needs and never make them feel like they need to cling on to life for your emotional well being. It is hard for a dying person to cross over if they feel some guilt for being sick in the first place. Try and internalize as much of it as you can. Make sure every word that comes from your lips have a spirit of love and as if it may be the last words they hear you speak. You need to be like a rock while in their presence.

When the time comes and the sick has passed, then you can fall apart and cry. Be strong for them while they are here and make sure there are no issues in the relationship that do not go unforgiven!


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## VaNiLLiTa (Dec 17, 2006)

i just found out, maybe a week ago, that my grandmother has a cancer. this is really hard on me, because she is the only grandparent i know. im still not getting it, but sometimes i just start to cry, usually when small things remind me of her. its really stupid actually, i should me happy beacuse she is still here, and not cry like a baby like she is already dead.


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## Zoey (Dec 17, 2006)

Artisticchik thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. Your story really touched me esp with how maturely you handled it all. Good luck to you.

Vanillita it is always hard to take the news of someone you love being so ill. You will need time to accept this and cherish the time you have left with her.


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## VaNiLLiTa (Dec 17, 2006)

zoey, hvala, se res trudim maksimalno izkoristiti cas, ki nama je preostal. upam, da ga bo cim vec.


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## Pinkymarz (Dec 17, 2006)

My mother had lung cancer. She died within 3 months of the diagnose. I moved her into my house and had Hospice help me. I was so busy concentrating on her that I didn't have time to feel sorry for myself. She went fast and without pain. The only problem I had was with all 9 brothers and sisters and their families...now that was a full house!

I would do it again in a minute!

I loved my Mommy!


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## deadbychocolate (Dec 17, 2006)

its weird how people move on in life bearing so much pain in their heart. all of u are so brave. i hope n pray that god gives u strenght. tc. hug.


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## vickih (Dec 20, 2006)

oooh. do I feel your pain. I lost my dad this past November 21st, and I was with him when he died. I will never forget the way he looked when he did die. Everytime I close my eyes I can see him lying in the bed and slowly just drifting away. He didn't die from his leukemia but from heart failure. But death is death and watching them suffer is one of the most heartbreaking things you can go through. It's tough. It's so hard watching our parents be sick and it's funny how the role changes to which now we are the caregivers. You would think that even as adults (i'm 34) we would be able to cope with it better, but it's not easy.

someone told me right after my dad died, "now is the hard part" and he was absolutely right. The loss is always there and there are moments when I just break out in tears and no one can console me. everyone says, "at least now he is in peace and is no longer hurting" and as a logical person I know that, but your heart speaks a different language. They may be in peace but it doesn't mean we are.

I was fortunate enough to be able to take care of him for the last year and a half and we grew as people and we grew as father and daughter. I will always be grateful that I had the chance to be with him and to show him that he could rely on me and that I would be there for him no matter what he needed (even though he did drive me a little bongers at time) in retrospect that was just his frustration of having to give up his father duties and passing the caring on to me. Even though he was sick and I knew that eventually he would die, not being able to say goodbye to him will always hurt my heart and make me cry like a little girl.

All I can say to you is deal with it the best you know how. In my situation, I've noticed that I've become more aware of my religion and it's beliefs. I go light a candle at church and say a prayer for my dad. Somehow it makes me feel a tiny bit closer to him, and I don't feel so sad for a tiny bit. But dealing with the loss of a parent is one of the hardest things I've ever had to experience.

as you said in a later post, everyone should cherish the time they have with their loved ones, especially our parents. we always think that they are going to be there for us, strong and all. Tell your parents that you love them everyday.

and it's also true what you said about not being the same person. there's something inside you that just changes, see things differently.

When I go to church on Saturday, I will light a candle for your mom and say a prayer.

God bless.

Vicki


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## Pinkymarz (Dec 20, 2006)

It is especially hard on holidays. Our family ALWAYS were together on Xmas eve. I have so many fond memories of my Mom and Dad. There are still times I reach for the phone to call them. I wish I had 15 more minutes of time to spend with them to tell them how much I miss them and love them. I have a feeling they already know though.

My heart and prayers go out to you all and may you have the strength to get thru the holidays.


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## ArcEnCiel (Dec 20, 2006)

Oh I have been avoiding coming here to respond as it is very hard to face all this. Yes you do know the darkness that I have seen. I have never knew, ever knew a pain and emptiness like this. When my mother passed, a part of me went with her. It is unexplicable, torturous and incredibly painful.

What is amazing is that one thinks the hard part is when you see your loved one dying and suffering in front of you. Truly the hard part is when they pass and are gone forever. I would give anything to be helping my mother be comfortable at all times of the night again. I would give anything. It hurts to write this. God.

Then after they are gone, you are left with all of their possessions, belongings, bills, loans and administration to make right and clear up. What an awful thing and situation. You are also left with flash backs of the times when they were suffering. Those kill me. They just kill me. Thats when I focus on the happy times. Before she became ill.

Well I am strong. I cry sporadically for her and feel the hole in my heart everyday. There are not anywords that can truly describe this situation.

Thank you for sharing and thank you for the prayer.

Yes, you do have to be brave to survive it. It makes you so strong if you can survive it. Thank you for your kind acknowledgement.

It was impossible for me not to break down and cry in front of my mother. I mean you are only human and sooo much tremendous stress will break you and make you cry. Oh beleive me I know what you are saying, but it was just inevitable. My mother was diagnosed March 2006. By October 17, 2006 she passed. It was the most hellish year and 8 months of my life. I will never be the same. I cant even type anymore. Its too hard to talk about. I am sorry for your loss too.


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## vickih (Dec 21, 2006)

Sometimes I wish and I kick myself because I feel guilty about saying this, but I so wish

that he was still here even if he was sick. I know that sounds so bad, and I wish I didn't think like that but oh how I wish I still had some time with him. Even though I put my life on hold, if I had to do it all over again, I would, just to have a little more of him. I'm usually not a selfish person and just saying that makes me feel so horrible, but he didn't even get to walk me down the aisle or hold a grandchild and I feel so bad for depriving him of that.

and yes dealing with all that paperwork is just unbelievable. How many forms are there to sign? but I have to say that is the easy part. I still haven't gone to his house to pack his stuff. I just can't do it. Sometimes when I'm at work, I pick up the phone and start dialing his number and then it hits me. It's really surreal.

I hope you have someone to confide in, a husband or boyfriend. I know everyone says try and have a strong support group, but I hate bothering my friends with my stuff, as they have their own lives to lead and unfortunately I don't have a boyfriend to cry too.

So it gets hard.

Like I said, if you have to cry cry. No one can judge you or tell you it's wrong. Everyone deals with their grieve differently and in their own time and pace.

If you need support, just pm me.

kisses

vicki


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## Pinkymarz (Dec 21, 2006)

My Mother passed two years ago. I was there when she took her last breath. When she did this I stopped crying and stared in disbelief. It was such a religious moment to me. Her face was in pain, she kept trying to get that last breath and then it went slack, as if the pain was gone and she was in a better place. A quiet, beautiful place. I'll never forget it. It's hard to explain, I'm sure it's different for everbody.

You were right about the after stuff. Going thru her old jewelry, clothing, bills. Calling credit card companies, etc..etc..etc. That is what hurt the most. I still have an outfit in the back of my closet that I can't get rid of. Why am I holding on to it? I don't know. Someday I'll deal with it...not yet.

I have 9 brothers and sisters....When I called each of them and told them their Mother was dying....they either did'nt bellieve or was in denial. They never came over until the last week of her life...by then I was so ****ing mad at them, I didn't want them in my house. It was a mess...I hated them for not helping me. I needed support too. That's when I called Hospice to help. They were their for me.

We don't have Xmas anymore...we don't have family reunions anymore. I don't have time for them anymore. I travel with my husband and they call once in awhile. It's sad isn't it? Some day, when I figure it all out....we'll talk.

I'm not a religious person, but I will pray for your hurt. For you to feel better and time will get you thru this. Everyday will get easier. And then one day, you'll just smile and have a good memory and you'll be fine.

God bless you.


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## pinkbundles (Dec 22, 2006)

no. but i've seen what it could do emotionally not to the person, but to the family. they were just sick with worry. it's really sad.


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