# I need advice, please help!



## reginaalear (Mar 29, 2007)

I am a stay at home mom to 2 girls with disabilities they get SSI, but not much like 150 a mo. My husband works all the time, he brings in decent money but not a lot. About 1,700 a month. Well We have got behind on our bills more my fault than his, but anyways! Here's the long story: As I said we have 2 kids who are disabled we have no family support and no friends. We stay home by ourselves 24/7 unless my husband is at work. I can't work or my kids lose their medicaid and my husbands ins. won't cover because they say it's pre existing conditions. My daughters medical bills are high so we can't afford to lose it. We go out shopping alot because we are so lonely and have no excitment in life with no friends no family.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> We spend money because for the moment it gives us happiness. Pathetic I know!! Then we have to figure out how to pay the bills since we spent the money and don't have enough to cover them anymore. If we can ever get caught up we will have enough to go shopping. We are spending Thurs. check usually on Tues and wed. before we get it by using our checking account. We really need advice on how to caught up on bills and save without going without food,etc. Also any suggestions on what we can do together without going shopping. Staying in our home all the time is Boring so Walmart and other places is the only place we have to go. I would love to get some advice on this We're fighting all the time over this and we're getting tired of it. A lot of it is because I buy makeup, but also we spend alot on milk for our daughters as this is the only thing keeping one of them alive, and Groceries because we don't qualify for any Aid. If we don't get back on our feet soon I don't know what we will do. How Can I live without buying make up? I'm so Sad please help! I appreciate any advice and help you can give!!!


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## luxotika (Mar 29, 2007)

Maybe instead of spending money while going to Walmart, makeup counters, etc., you could go to the park or something, or go out on a walking trail. There are all sorts of things that you can do that don't cost money, or cost a minimal amount of money.


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## reginaalear (Mar 29, 2007)

We've been talking about going on a walking trail. We was gonna go today but it rained. We want to go bike riding but neither have a bike and that cost money


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## luxotika (Mar 29, 2007)

I wouldn't think that you would need a bike, use your legs, they are free! Maybe you could get involved with volunteer work or something?


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Mar 29, 2007)

Go jogging, walking. Get out and do things. Go to the park. You dont need to spend money on those things. Take up volunteer work where they need help. You dont always need to buy make-up. Groceries and stuff for your kids should be your top priority. Do things that doesnt make you n your husband fight. You dont have to spend money to have fun.


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## Dragonfly (Mar 29, 2007)

Is there a support group for families that also have similar disabilities?

There could be no cost activities like picnics, bowling, arts and craft.

I use to belong to a mood disorder group and we played miniature golf, did pottery, pot lucks, etc. and it only cost me $1 each event.

Are you guys spiritual? Is there a church or organization that offers outings?

As a stay at home mom, what about going to the library - again they might have activities/movies at no cost.

In my community, there is a debt councelling service that helps people be more responsible with money, pay off debt, show how to save, etc. - no cost.

If you contacted welfare or similar agencies, they might be able to direct you to the debt councelling.

I volunteer and I really enjoy it. When I am helping others, I think less about my self, and my problems. Even if it's only 2-3 hours a week, it can get you out of the house and doing something productive.

Or maybe you and your spouse can volunteer somewhere together one night a week.

I hope my ideas help.


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## dentaldee (Mar 29, 2007)

excellent advice!!!!!!!


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## Aprill (Mar 29, 2007)

Oh wow, I thought that I would never hear of another person that used to be like me.

I did the same thing, kinda similar I guess. At one point, we were wasting money and skipping bills, so we cold go out and do something to have fun. We were spending 300-400 dollars a weekend. And putting a little here and a little there on bills. The only bill that we ever paid on time was the light bill. That is until we got put out for non payment of rent and faced our vehicle being repossessed.

There are many things that you can do for free. The park is #1. Kids are kids and they dont require much for fun. Volunteer on the weekends. It will teach you kids to be helpful and they can have fun. Check around your town for activites in the leisure section of the paper, there is something going on for free all the time. We learned the hard way that bills come first, and fun comes last. Give them time to color, taking them outside, with a sheet and some paint...they will be out there for hours (supervised of course). You can take 10 dollars, go to a dollar tree (that's a store) and buy bubbles and sidewalk chalk and other outside toys, and let them play outside. Book time, things like that. If you go to church, they have activities.

As far as the health insurance thing goes, I am not really sure becasue in Mississippi, they pay for children's insurance. From the tobacco lawsuit. So every child here has insurance, either by Medicaid, or they will pay your private insurance.

But be easy, dont let money stress you out, it is not important to keep up with the Jonses' anymore. You create your own pace for material things and money spending. Make sure that you are eating and all bills are paid.

Oh yeah, and this is what we did to catch up: take all bils, total them up, split them into the times you all get paid. What is left over, you appropriate for food, clothes, cleaning supplies and then leisure. That is last on the list.


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## reginaalear (Mar 29, 2007)

That's all good ideas. I wish we could do the activites with our kids, but they aren't able to talk. one can't walk due to surgeries on her legs, neither like being outside. The one that can't walk also can't eat. We live in a super small town where there isn't much to do. My husband leaves for work at 4pm and gets home at 7am He works wed,thur,fri and every other sat. I sit here all day and my phone never rings!! Nobody to talk to except a cousin and you Mut'ers!! I think we'll go walking on Mon&amp;Wed. My husband wants to go fishing on Tue. I think I'm gonna check out volunteering at the Local Pathway of hope. That's a place where women go for diapers, etc when expecting or need for their kids. My kids have autism, both have a genetic chromosome abnormality, my oldest daughter has cerebal palsy like features. I love them to death, but it makes it hard to go places. They cry alot when we leave home. Sorry to Ramble!!


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## AngelaGM (Mar 29, 2007)

Hmm check out Autism Support Groups. Maybe they might have some information about how you could get additional assistance.


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## Jobunny (Mar 29, 2007)

Oh honey I'm so sorry things are so hard at the moment - I know that sometimes when you're so down it's hard to break out of it. Just don't stop talking, to your husband and to us ok!!! Because when you stop that's when it gets real bad.

Let us know how you get on :hugss:


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## dlwt2003 (Mar 29, 2007)

I go to the library alot myself, they have videos you can borrow, cds, dvd's books of course etc. Go the park and play. Go to the mall or whatever and leave your money and cc and debit cards at home or just take 10 or 20 dollars. It sounds like if you all just do a few things different you will be on the right path, good luck~~


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## LovinPigments (Mar 29, 2007)

how about going to the park??....maybe if you look up meetup.com you can see if there are any stay at home mom groups in your area. i joined one and like it..i use to feel like all i did was stay indoors but now we get out with other moms and kids. gives you a chance to intermingle with moms and make new friendships.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## reginaalear (Mar 30, 2007)

Thanks for all the Great Advice. We haven't spent any money in about a week. Which is good for us, Also we paid a Few of our bills today. I think we might be able to get on track....if we can stick to it. Problem is a few weeks we will have like 30.00 after paying bills, but hopefully we can do it. I'm also gonna check out that website!!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## tinktink22 (Mar 30, 2007)

i go to barnes and noble and read up on all the new tecniques in magazines and books then go hom and try them. its better than going to the counter and finding new things because then theyll try and sell you the stuff for it. have relaxing days in. take out all your make up and do makeovers on eachother


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## natalierb (Apr 1, 2007)

You should consider selling on ebay! Not only will you be occupied at home, but you'll have some extra income. Sell makeup you don't use, or clothes you don't wear. Be creative!

I'm sorry about your situation. I really hope everything works out for you. I'm glad you have us MUTers to turn to!


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## realmccoy (Apr 2, 2007)

I totally agree! Spring is here, have a yard sale! You will be able to meet new people and make a little scratch. A donation jar with the kid's picture with all intent and purpose for clearing the medical debt wouldn't hurt either.

I know that things seem hopeless, but the main objective is to get the upperhand on the situation. The first step is to really look at what you're using and what you are not. For instance cable, if you have expanded you probably don't watch all those channels. Cell phones? More than likely you can disconnect some features and save. Now to the hard part, slaying the debt. What are you behind on? Many utility companies have programs for people that qualify. Start calling these people and making payment arrangements. It isn't going to happen overnight and it's easier to ignore but it will do wonders for your self esteem to have your bills paid in full. If you pm me with your debt to income ratio, I could probably help you with a budget.


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## Gwendela (Apr 2, 2007)

I understand the money crunch. The only thing that I can add is about grocery shopping. Do you have an Aldi's near you? I swear by that store and while some people will turn their noses up I'd rather save money by shopping there. I don't know if you have a Supercenter Wal-Mart, but the one here will ad match their competitor's ads. It does take time to put the ads together and make your list, but you can save a lot of money that way.


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## Karen_B (Apr 2, 2007)

That is a tough situation.

I don't have any children myself so I don't really feel I can give advice on that, but one way to save money on food is to eat more vegetarian food if your children tolerate that. Lentils, pulses, beans are very cheap and very nutritious.

Well done on not spending for a week!


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## Kookie-for-COCO (Apr 8, 2007)

Hun, everybody at one time or another has money problems. I love to spend!!! Look at what you already have at home and use that to entertain yourselves, also call your creditors--if you try to help yourself, they will help in return. Just be honest with them.


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## AprilRayne (Apr 9, 2007)

If you qualify for Medicaid, you'll probably qualify for food stamps or housing assistance or even gas and electric assistance. Have you looked in to any of that? I know it's hard not to spend on makeup, we had alot of money troubles a while ago, but I told myself that we were going to get through this and then I can buy things guilt free, and so can you. Just look at the long term goal, makeup only makes you happy for a little while!!


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## makeupfreak72 (Apr 9, 2007)

wow everyone here is giving you some great advice, hope you reallyt consider and try doing them! i'm a mom of 3 boys myself and stay at home, and i swear i wanna go crazy, i cant imagine what it would be like with special needs children, but i do give you lots of credit for your patience and hard work it takes a pretty strong person and lots of love and patience and you have all those qualities!!! be proud of yourself! i think the library, 99 cent store are all great options and selling on ebay i think thats an awesome way to make extra money without leaving home, i can also relate to the living in the boomies with nothing much to do i used to live in kansas in the middle of nowhere and i couldnt handle it!! but then again i was born and raised in california!! LOL!!! needless to say i only lived there about 6 months!! LOL!! anyway is there a W.I.C. program over there? you can get free milk for your girls, and cereal and cheese etc. thru w.i.c., sometimes i want to buy certain makeup items too, but when i cant i just stay off the computer!!! seriously!!! i have to do a no mut and no ebay instead of a no mkaeup buy!!!! cuz i'll be tempted and/or i'll be pissed if i see a good deal and cant buy!!! LOL!!!! anyway good luck and hang in there girl!!!


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## pinkbundles (Apr 9, 2007)

Have you tried talking to a financial advisor? Or trying a budget spreadsheet? I have everything on a spreadsheet. It tracks everything I spend and where I spend it on. It helps b/c you know how much money is coming in, where it needs to go (for fixed costs like car insurance, etc.) and how much money you can save or spend.


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## han (Apr 9, 2007)

you could start by not spending on things that you dont need untill you get caught up and then only splurg when everything is paid.. i use to overspend too and got in finacial ruts but i got tierd of the stress so now we have a system where bills come first and wants come second and you will enjoy shopping better cause there wont be no guilt..

as far as things to do that cost lil or no money you could go on picnics, swimming take kids to the park..

i would also say if you can find a church to join (not any) it may take a lil researching but its like being part of a family they are there for you in alot of ways and they have alot of activities for family and kids that are free and counseling, if you need food clothes or whatever the people at church will come together to help i think thats a great place to meet friends..


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## StrangerNMist (Apr 9, 2007)

Ditto on this! Very solid advice.

I have gone through (and am going through) the same problem that you're having now. Sometimes you have to do without.

I know this sounds corny, but things will eventually start looking up. After going down, there's no where else to go but up.

As for having friends outside the family, it definitely helps getting involved with the community itself. Volunteer work is a great way to meet people, as well as joining various clubs and what not.

As for employment, working at home is not a bad idea at all! Find something that you like to do and make a career out of it! *smiles*

You'll find that the time passes quicker, and you'll be having lots of fun. Maybe it can be something that you can involve your children in.

*Big Hugz* to you. Just keep your head up! *smiles*


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