# I don't really know what advice i'm looking for



## macupjunkie (Nov 8, 2007)

I've been told many times by many people that I always look mad/upset because I don't smile. I always light up when I see friends and all, but when I'm just by myself or in a situation when I don't have to talk to anyone I just don't smile. I guess my face is one of those that doesn't look friendly when I don't smile. It's not that I don't want to smile or look friendlier but it's just my 'natural' face. I smile/laugh when there's something to be happy about. I don't really know what advice i'm looking for because many ppl just tell me to smile (obviously not with all the teeth) but how can I change this because i'm tired of ppl telling me i look mad. and it feels awkward to have a smile on my face when I'm walking alone and such.


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## Manda (Nov 8, 2007)

I wouldn't let it bug you, if that's your face, that's _your_ face.


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## pinksugar (Nov 8, 2007)

I think it's something that some people need to 'learn'.

Until I worked at my job, I was really useless at those stupid passing comments people make, like how are you, interesting weather we're having, have you had a long day ETC, but because I have to make them all the time, I'm a lot better at them now.

I know it sounds silly but I'm serious. Maybe practise by looking in the mirror, and see if you can make your face look more neutral, rather than trying to smile all the time?

anyway, I agree with Manda, it is YOUR face, you smile if you want to, or not if you don't


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## KellyB (Nov 8, 2007)

I could have written your post. When I was single I would go out with my also single cousin. She was a man magnet. She affectionately called my face the "f**k you buddy" look or as we later shortened it to the "FYB" look. I am a pretty happy person and can be very animated when there is something to be smiling about. I just don't go around smiling for the hell of it. When I see someone walking around like that I think they are stange not happy. I nod and say hello and smile at people that I see. I think I'm approachable but maybe I was more closed off back then.

I think the impression we give to the world around us is important but we don't all express ourselves the same. Some people are naturally bouncy and some are not. I'm not and evidently you aren't either. So what. Be your natural self and don't worry about it. One time I had a guy at school tell me "smile. Don't worry. be happy"..........I yelled at him that my dad had just died and to mind his own business (which was true). Maybe that stopped him from sharing his opinion again.


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## puncturedskirt (Nov 8, 2007)

People use to say that about me too, That i always looked mad or something. Not so much anymore though since i was younger at the time.


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## Maysie (Nov 9, 2007)

I don't think you should do anything just because other people are telling you to smile or that you look a certain way...but if it really bugs you and you want to appear more approachable then maybe you could try to smile slightly when you're around people and maybe it'll start to feel more natural. Also body language can make you appear friendly/unfriendly. Like if you have your arms crossed people will probably be less likely to come up to you.


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## macupjunkie (Nov 9, 2007)

thx for all your comments, they're much more helpful than the 'just smile, it's not that hard' comments lol. People aren't making rude comments, they're just close people that tell me once in a while. While I'm not trying to change myself for others, I just want to look more approachable becuase i'm not mean person, just shy. I'm scared that I might 'scare' off potential friends in the future.


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## dixiewolf (Nov 9, 2007)

People tell me that too. I dont look mad, but I have been told I have a blank look. Sure I smile and laugh, but to smile all the time makes you look weird. I also get the "be quiet" stuff a lot, b/c I dont talk much. Oh well, I am pretty used to it now, they probably just mean to be funny.


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## La_Mari (Nov 9, 2007)

That's me too. Everyone knows I'm happy pretty much all the time, I just don't look it. You just have to talk to me and notice I'm not "mad". But then I smile and I light up the whole place, lol. Jk. But yeah, people like it when I smile a lot, but I don't want wrinkles.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Nov 9, 2007)

I always walk around with a half smile. I think people aways wonder what I am up to (which, for a lawyer is not a bad thing



). Cultivating a half smile might be something to try. It won't feel as "fake" to you and it's not threatening, nor too inviting. Plus-people will wonder what you are up to.


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## macupjunkie (Nov 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *S. Lisa Smith* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I always walk around with a half smile. I think people aways wonder what I am up to (which, for a lawyer is not a bad thing



). Cultivating a half smile might be something to try. It won't feel as "fake" to you and it's not threatening, nor too inviting. Plus-people will wonder what you are up to.



Smiling shouldn't be a hard thing and I'm not saying it's hard, but I forgot to mention in my original post that I can walk around with a smile when I think about it, but once I forget and I'm just going about doing regular stuff my face will just go back in it's neutral state lol. I don't know, I hope I can keep an inviting smile on my face.


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## farris2 (Nov 10, 2007)

I know the feeling...same here.I just roll my eyes when they say smile etc


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## MamaSara (Nov 10, 2007)

You know... my hubby is the same way. When we go out people always think he's mad or if he looks at them they think he wants to fight... blah, blah, blah... but that's just his natural look. His words are "If you don't like the way I look, then don't look at me." The only person's opinion that matters is yours! Don't let others bother you!!


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## BeneBaby (Nov 10, 2007)

I have the opposite problem....The "Come F*ck me Buddy or CFMB Face" Hah

I am always smiling and making eye contact, in turn people always think I am...

-Hitting on them

-Hitting on their Boyfriend

-I know them

It's just as awkward as not smiling I suppose. I think it makes some people feel uncomfortable...like Why is she smiling at me?? I say it's your face and you can do whatever you want. I don't walk around smiling on purpose and I can't imagine trying to stop??? It would just look and feel unnatural.


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## pinksugar (Nov 10, 2007)

haha, poor benebaby! I don't even know what a CFMB face would look like on me...





I think a nice even balance would be good.. isn't it weird what we worry about?


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## andrea90 (Nov 10, 2007)

I have been told that i look mad a lot and also that I need to smile more. Then people say I look fake when I smile.


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## BeneBaby (Nov 10, 2007)

I think I do a lot of unconscious flirting with my eyes. I also have a very animated face so people get the wrong message a lot...it is hard sometimes because guys are like..."I saw you smiling at me across the room" and I am like..."No I was just smiling....at everyone Sorry"


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## Anthea (Nov 10, 2007)

Ive been told I need to smile more, I can put on a good smile for the camera especally in female mode but it doesnt last, It feels fake to hold a smile for too long. Im not sad or unhappy its just the shape of my face. I think however it turns some people off me.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Nov 10, 2007)

Anthea, try a half smile, not a "giant" full smile.


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## macupjunkie (Nov 11, 2007)

Originally Posted by *BeneBaby* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think I do a lot of unconscious flirting with my eyes. I also have a very animated face so people get the wrong message a lot...it is hard sometimes because guys are like..."I saw you smiling at me across the room" and I am like..."No I was just smiling....at everyone Sorry" lol, bet you those guys are dissappointed


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## melpaganlibran (Nov 13, 2007)

dude, to heck with them. I feel kind of fake if I smile and I don't feel it. I've been accused of being stone face, uncaring, even unfriendly even though I am very emotional...it's just that people who don't *really* know me all that well cannot see if I'm upset or happy. I had to force myself to learn to smile more to be approcahable or less an ice queen, don't ask me why. I like, think of something extremely awesome when I am introduced to people I don't know. Or when I must deal with people I am not over keen on. Works like a charm! Hate to admit this but what often got my delighted grin, for pictures or anything, was thinking about rubbing my husband's woody. yeh. XD Or sometimes even really great thai food I had that one time...or a bubble bath...or whatever.

Oh, yeah, and I'm dishonest and shady because I am not over fond of staring someone right in the eyes. I always found it sort of intrusive for lack of better words. my emotional feelings is like, uh...STARING in the eyes is almost accusatory while other people are raised to belive that people who won't look one in the eyes have something to hide.

It's daft, some of the social constructs we are forced to adhere to, and it is a ground ripe for misinterpretations.

needless to say I had to learn to force myself to keep a steady gaze and I still struggle with that even more than the whole fake plastic smile thing. people really do read too much into body language at times.


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## Sharifa (Nov 22, 2007)

I get that a lot, people think I'm sad or mad all the time because when my face is neutral the corners of my mouth turn down and it looks like a frown. I've tried cultivating the "half-smile" and it does seem to work but it's a pain having to be conscious of that all the time. In the future when I could afford it, I'd like to get plastic surgery for it if there is such a procedure! (As long as it didn't make me look freakish)


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## utmostrose (Nov 23, 2007)

I know what you mean




When I was younger, I used to be very intent thinking about things, and my father used to joke saying that he could smell the gears burning lol. People always told me to smile because I used to walk around with a scowl on, but I was really just thinking all the time



So then I would "practice" random smiling, but it was okay to do that since I was just a kid.

But then in junior high and HS when I was only thinking about boys and makeup (sorry guys, but I wasn't thinking about the *art* of makeup, just like "slap some lipstick on! yay!"), I got really ditsy and always had a silly smile on, and then people would give me reactions like Manders', lol. One of my teachers even wrote in my junior high yearbook "Keep smiling, you'll always keep them guessing." (I was so happy because I had a huge crush on him [He looked like Aladdin, from the Disney movie, lol]).

But anyways, since then, I've since balanced out my default face and I'm kinda like whatever I'm thinking, that's what you see, and most people I guess find that to be pretty approachable, since lots of strangers strike up converstations with me, whether I'm in a chatty mood or not (most of the time not).

I guess it all has to do with how open or closed off you let your mind be to the outside world. Then that will determine how readable your face will be to everyone else around you. I think that's what people look for.


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## makeupjunkie00 (Dec 12, 2007)

Same here. Some people tell me that too. Sometimes, I just feel like telling them that I'm not mad!! OR SAD!! SOO ANNOYING!!!


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## speedy (Dec 14, 2007)

IMHO that is such a stupid thing to say to someone. No-one walks around with a smile on their face all the time, and if they did they'd look stupid. I say ignore them.


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Dec 17, 2007)

Wear a shiny lipgloss and a hilighter lol I have the same problem so I don't know what to say.


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