# I have a problem



## kissesarecandy0 (Oct 24, 2005)

I relaized i have social anixiety. I get so nervous when hangoign out with new people. I had made plans with this dude than made up a lie and cancalled them cause i got so nervous. it's not just that when i go to other's peoples home that i don't knoe. i just sit there and when people talk to me i speak with this rushed alomost annoyed tone. i need help! i want to be able to make new friends but i cna;t get passed this.


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## Marisol (Oct 24, 2005)

::HUGS::

I think a lot of us get nervous when meeting new people. I know that I do. I am often shy and more reserved and once I get to know them, I am more talkative and am my true self. I think that in order to get ove that anxiety hump, you need to find some common ground. Is there something that you both have in common that you can talk about? Maybe that will help you feel like yourself and be more relaxed.

Hang in there!


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## girl_geek (Oct 24, 2005)

I wish I could give you some helpful advice, maybe someone else could help! However I do have a little experience with this because hubby has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. Honestly the biggest thing that's helped him is medication (Paxil). He's had symptoms of social anxiety and even generalized anxiety disorder since he was a kid, and when he started Paxil when he was in college he said the difference was "like night and day." While I'm certainly not advocating that everyone rush out and take medication, it is an option for some. If you really have problems with this, I would recommend going to a counsellor, and then they can decide if medication is a good idea or maybe they can help you with just counselling.

And while I don't know if this works for everyone, sometimes you just have to put yourself in social situations and try to get used to it. Hubby's job as a bank teller at a very busy bank for the last two years has certainly made him more used to interacting with the public! For a while he worked at a branch in Wal-Mart where he had to walk down the aisles and talk to random customers and try to get them to sign up for accounts! He was very nervous and hated it at first, but after a few months he actually ended up enjoying it! (Or at least, he liked it more than working as a teller!) However he's still shy by nature, and would like to find a job that would require less interaction with the public, and he usually doesn't talk much to people he doesn't know well. But he's getting better






Hope you figure out something that helps!


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## gamaki (Oct 24, 2005)

I know how you feel. There are alot of people with the same problem and some have it even worse, to the point where they don't leave the house. It can get really bad. When your 'flight or fight' responses are in overdrive, it gets damn hard to control it. The mind is a very powerful thing and if you have no control over negative or scary thoughts, it's like a cycle. There is help out there weather it be therapy, medication or if it's just a case of needing to face your fears until you break them down. Perhaps taking an acting class or something like that would help you. I knew a girl in my elementary school who was a loner for many years because she was overly shy and nervous around people and her parents put her into acting and it slowly got much better as we went into junior high school.Try to take a little comfort in the fact that you're not alone. You recognized that you have a problem and that alone is hard to do. It's just a matter of finding something that will help you face it.


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## Leony (Oct 24, 2005)

I understand how you feel





I myself trying to understand my sister in-law, and she seems having a difficulty to have a good communication with new group or people. I tried many ways to approach her, but she always seems awkward, and sometimes she looks more "arrogant" instead of "shy". Because, she rarely smile.

Sometimes it's getting my nerve up, because she's older than me 8 years.

But, I'm the one who seems more like a big elder sister to her. I didn't give up that easily though, I finally made it. We chatted about beauty and makeup sometimes and she getting better in her social anxiety issue.

I second what Marisol said, try to find something in common when you meet new people.

Don't hesitate to start a conversation and don't forget to SMILE



.

When you smiling, you'll look beautiful and it will release your all your nervous and you will try to relax.


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## dixiewolf (Oct 24, 2005)

A lot of people have anxiety disorder. I was disagnosed with it myself. I also have major depression, so my meds control both. I still shake if I have to call someone on the phone, and I get anxiety attacks out of the blue, but a lot less frequent. The key is to get checked up. I have a psychiatrist and psychologist and am doing a lot better. I had to quit my job 4 years ago and lost 40 pounds (was not big to begin with), over it. I feel comfortable on the net, and I do pretty well going to stores, I was a mess for a while though.


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## katt (Oct 24, 2005)

Originally Posted by *girl_geek* And while I don't know if this works for everyone, sometimes you just have to put yourself in social situations and try to get used to it. I have read somewhere that this strategy is really helpful. It's normal if at first you won’t be comfortable doing it, but to make things less intimadating for you, start slow. Say, when you're going to a party, set a goal for yourself... approach one person and start a conversation, even just one... The next party that you'll be attending to, the goal should be two or depends on how many you think you can handle (but it has to be more than your previous).. By doing this often,you'll be comfortable with it that you'll soon find youself making friends to a lot of people at a single party.


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