# Seven year friendship over



## La_Mari (Nov 2, 2007)

This is more of a rant than needing advice. My best friend of almost 8 years hates me now.

This was the situation. She's cheated on almost all her bf's for as long as I can remember. I never really judged her and I'd even get mad at my husband when he'd say he didn't like her. We are almost always together and we've had our fights here and there, but this fight is BIG.

But just cause she's my friend, doesn't mean I'm like her.

Anyway, she has a fiance *"E"* in Kuwait that has no idea what she's like, she's cheated on him with 2 guys since he left in September and I got kind of tired of it. She's dating *"R" *and he has no idea she's engaged......and I told our friend (her ex bf BTW and *"R"'s* friend) *"J"* that she was engaged because I didn't want *"R"* to get hurt too and he said it was f*cked up cause *"R"* is so in love with her.

*"J"* wasn't supposed to repeat anything, but he has a HUGE crush on me and I innocently flirted back cause he's such a sweetheart and I've never been treated so good. Especially with what happened with my husband (u can read that in my blog). But last night I reminded *"J"* that I was going back to my husband and that me and* "J"* couldn't be together, and it was just going to hurt us both if we keep getting to know each other and liking each other more and more.

Anyway, at work today I got a text saying *"J"* told her everything, and that I was talking sh*t about her (which is true, I was, I mostly said she doesn't think about other peoples feelings) and that *"R"* knows about her fiance (which she was going to break up with anyway) and for me to leave her alone. She wants nothing to do with me, which is fine cause I was tired of her messing with peoples feelings.

But yeah, I guess *"J"* was pissed he couldn't be with me and decided to rat me out. What a little punk! She's also hella jealous that he likes me cause it was her ex bf, they only dated a couple months two years ago and he never had sex with her and she won't let it go.

CRAP! She won't listen to anything I have to say.




It's not like I was TRYING to f*ck her over, I just didn't want her to hurt *"R" *and *"E"* anymore, if I did want to get her in trouble, I'd tell her mom and her fiance.


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## AngelaGM (Nov 2, 2007)

Personally, I think that is was wrong of you to flirt and pursue a deep friendship with a man that is not your husband. Because in my experience it is so easy for it to become a sexual affair. And I do have personal experience in this. I am glad that you are not speaking to your best friend. You deserve a much better friend!


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## Sheikah (Nov 2, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Lelenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think both of you are f*cked up in the head. You're either with a guy or not. No matter how bad you're being treated by the person you're with, cheating or even "innocent flirting" is not acceptable, especially if you're married. You're not forced to be with the person you're with. Its up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth it or not. BTW, a good friend doesn't let the other make stupid mistakes. I'm not trying to be a ***** but you need to get the bigger picture hun. Wow this is pretty harsh!

I know it's hard to realize after so many years how different you are from your friends and although it's not of friends to be completely identical it's quite frustrating to be a friend of someone whose actions you don't agree with. You can give them advice but there's no way you can prevent them from doing whatever they want to do. My best friend used to take really dangerous and banned weight loss pills. I threw them away. Later on I told him I did and he was a little mad at me but, that doesn't mean he stopped taking them. He's probably still doing it but not telling me.

I think it would have been "better" if you had warned her first that you would tell "R" about "E", she would have been mad anyway but at least she couldn't say you were talking behind her back. Of course you didn't know that "J" was going to spill the beans... but oh well, as my mom always says "You're the owner of what you keep for yourself and the slave of what you say." Sounds better in Spanish though lol. Eres dueÃ±o de lo que callas y esclavo de lo que dices.

It doesn't sound like you had the best friendship, but it's sad to lose a friend of so many years anyway.

Hope she calms down and is able to hear your side of the story.

And careful with that flirting! I know it's fun but it doesn't help you concentrate of making the marriage work. *Hugs*


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## jessimau (Nov 2, 2007)

Lelenn, that was way harsh.

La Mari, I'm sorry about everything that's happened with your friend, but it's probably for the best. If I were your friend, I would probably be hurt as well, even if I were doing something wrong. To me, it sounds like the friendship isn't a good fit for you two anymore.

I read your blog and I'm glad to hear that things are looking up, marriage-wise. I'm also glad that you know that you should stay away from this other guy if you're going to work on your marriage. One thought I had, though: do you think the things your husband went through in Iraq might have contributed to the problems? If he came back with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), it could definitely effect his interactions with you and the way he expresses things. I don't know if he'd be up for consulting a therapist, but seeing someone, at least for marriage counseling, might be beneficial.


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## puncturedskirt (Nov 2, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Lelenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think both of you are f*cked up in the head. You're either with a guy or not. No matter how bad you're being treated by the person you're with, cheating or even "innocent flirting" is not acceptable, especially if you're married. You're not forced to be with the person you're with. Its up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth it or not. BTW, a good friend doesn't let the other make stupid mistakes. I'm not trying to be a ***** but you need to get the bigger picture hun. You're not trying to be a *****? Could've fooled me...Saying she's f***ed in the head wasn't exactly polite.

Mari, If your friends actions were bothering you. You should've took it up with her and talked about it. Especially being that you were friends with her for 7 years...Not really sure what else to say but I hope you guys can work things out.


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## Ricci (Nov 2, 2007)

Well we dont talk trash like you did lelenn and if u keep doing that you might just find yourelf on a temp or perma ban .. You should read the rules of MUT again

Originally Posted by *Lelenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I like to tell it how it is. Not matter how harsh or unpolite it may be. Don't like?.. Then don't don't bother reading.


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## YoursEvermore (Nov 2, 2007)

I don't think there is anything wrong with innocent flirting, married or not. It's nice to know that you're still attractive to people other than your spouse. However, I do think there is a line between innocent flirting and delving into an emotional affair. A cute co-worker that you tease and joke with? Innocent flirting. Another guy that you have strong feelings for and have "deep" talks and whatnot? Treading into the danger zone.

But, beside that, I am sorry to hear about you and your friend. And "J" does sound like a punk for ratting you out. If he really cared about you, he wouldn't have turned his back so quickly. Both him and your friend sound spoiled. The one I feel most bad for in this situation is "E" and "R," though. Maybe once your friend gets dropped on her butt by both of them, she'll wake up and realize she can't treat people like that.


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## Andi (Nov 2, 2007)

IÂ´m very sorry about the rude reply in this thread, La Mari. If I would have been in your shoes I would have probably done the same thing. Luckily I don`t have any friends like your friend. I am a huge advocate of being faithful, and if I see someone cheating and breaking the other personÂ´s heart...well when I had enough I would also spill the beans.

And what the hell is wrong with flirting? Yes of course it can easily turn into something else...but when you love someone and are married to that person, and stay faithful to them even if they are far away from you (like she is from her husband) then thatÂ´s the strongest commitment ever. IÂ´m in a very similar position, and I havenÂ´t really flirted with any guy till now, and thatÂ´s only cause this is the longest I have gone without seeing my fiancÃ©. I love going out with guys, but I donÂ´t really have any male friends, so itÂ´s nice to go clubbing with guys instead of girls.

I would never cheat on my fiancÃ© or spend lots of time with another guy (unless IÂ´m already friends with that guy)


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## Aquilah (Nov 2, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Lelenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think both of you are f*cked up in the head. You're either with a guy or not. No matter how bad you're being treated by the person you're with, cheating or even "innocent flirting" is not acceptable, especially if you're married. You're not forced to be with the person you're with. Its up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth it or not. BTW, a good friend doesn't let the other make stupid mistakes. I'm not trying to be a ***** but you need to get the bigger picture hun. TV time-out! Rudeness, is extremely unacceptable on these forums... I can understand being harsh, but calling someone "f*cked up in the head" is just being blatantly mean and cruel. Consider this a first and final warning, and definitely be sure to read the Forum Netiquette here.


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## Andi (Nov 2, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Aquilah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif TV time-out! Rudeness, is extremely unacceptable on these forums... I can understand being harsh, but calling someone "f*cked up in the head" is just being blatantly mean and cruel. Consider this a first and final warning, and definitely be sure to read the Forum Netiquette here. Well said Aquilah!!!!


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## Aquilah (Nov 2, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Andi* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well said Aquilah!!!! I try, even if that makes me the b*tch... To which I just simply say, "Thanks! I appreciate it!"


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## devorah (Nov 2, 2007)

Hmmph. Everything I wanted to say has been said, so let me sum up for reiteration only:

1. You should own your own words and deeds. You told so that you could end the affair before it got too deep, but you didn't want to take responsibility.

2. If your friend has been doing things that upset you, you should tell HER first. If you feel obligated to stop it, tell HER to stop it or you will.

3. I don't care what your husband has done, your vows and your actions belong to you.

4. Flirting when you are involved or married, or when the other is involved or married, takes extra care. It means that certain boundaries need to consciously exist for both people and they need to be big solid walls. If you can't make those definitions real, you need to work on your marriage, and not flirt.

5. It's good that you backed away from this guy. It's nice to know that you're attractive to someone, but he's not morally developed enough, and neither is the female friend.

6. It sucks to part ways with folks who are otherwise fun, but you have to do what you think is right.

7. NEVER tell anyone anything and believe it's a secret. A secret is no longer a secret if 2 people know. Then it's out.


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## Manda (Nov 2, 2007)

Yeahhhh go Aquilah! That response was on the side of rude.

La Mari- I think it's good for you to not be friends with this girl, she sounds toxic. She's gotten herself into a messy situation and there will probably be many more, you don't want to go down with her. If you do want to patch things up, give her some time to get over it and let her know that you didn't mean to spill the beans on her, but that her actions have been bothering you and you needed to talk about it with someone and that she should really evaluate her own relationships. I've had friends who get mad at the *hit talking, but they usually come around after awhile, we all apologize and everything is good. Good luck with the situation!


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## Ashley (Nov 2, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Lelenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think both of you are f*cked up in the head. You're either with a guy or not. No matter how bad you're being treated by the person you're with, cheating or even "innocent flirting" is not acceptable, especially if you're married. You're not forced to be with the person you're with. Its up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth it or not. BTW, a good friend doesn't let the other make stupid mistakes. I'm not trying to be a ***** but you need to get the bigger picture hun. I think the problem here is that you were not aware that La Mari and her husband were not together at the time, so she's _not _doing the same thing as her friend.
La Mari - I hope you feel better. It sounds like it would be better if you just got away from your friend anyway.


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## devorah (Nov 2, 2007)

Quote:
But just cause she's my friend, doesn't mean I'm like her. Really? Look in the mirror on this one. You got close emotionally to this other guy. You flirted with this other guy, so you IMPLIED that you could get together physically with him. Maybe you didn't mean for it to mean that much, but obviously it did.
And you've watched your friend do it again and again and didn't say something sooner, you were complicit with that kind of behavior because you let it happen around you.

Why WOULDN'T anyone think that maybe you would or COULD go farther?

From the sound of it, you were at least thinking about it, and you flirted enough to have HIM thinking about it as a real possibility.

You did the right thing, and I think that's good. It doesn't make you a saint, though, or that far from having done it.

Sorry, until the divorce is final, you're still married. You said the vows, you made them legal too. They count until your divorce is final, not until you stop feeling like being married, like some child's game.


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## Andi (Nov 2, 2007)

Originally Posted by *devorah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Really? Look in the mirror on this one. You got close emotionally to this other guy. You flirted with this other guy, so you IMPLIED that you could get together physically with him. Maybe you didn't mean for it to mean that much, but obviously it did.
And you've watched your friend do it again and again and didn't say something sooner, you were complicit with that kind of behavior because you let it happen around you.

Why WOULDN'T anyone think that maybe you would or COULD go farther?

From the sound of it, you were at least thinking about it, and you flirted enough to have HIM thinking about it as a real possibility.

You did the right thing, and I think that's good. It doesn't make you a saint, though, or that far from having done it.

Sorry, until the divorce is final, you're still married. You said the vows, you made them legal too. They count until your divorce is final, not until you stop feeling like being married, like some child's game.

damn this thread just got way out of hand. And I thought it couldnÂ´t get any worse. People, please stop judging a person you donÂ´t even know, and questioning a relationship you have very little information about.
Unless you are a saint, stop judging people the way you just did. It is hurtful and very unfair towards La_Mari.


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## emily_3383 (Nov 2, 2007)

meowww

Lelenn just didn't sugar coat it. lol


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## Aquilah (Nov 2, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Andi* /img/forum/go_quote.gif damn this thread just got way out of hand. And I thought it couldnÂ´t get any worse. People, please stop judging a person you donÂ´t even know, and questioning a relationship you have very little information about.
Unless you are a saint, stop judging people the way you just did. It is hurtful and very unfair towards La_Mari.

Thank you! Even if we are saints, we're not. Something you've done at some time can prove otherwise. Besides, the only one who has the right to judge ANYONE in my book is God.


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## puncturedskirt (Nov 2, 2007)

Lelenn, For the time i've been on this site I haven't come across any rude people until now so it's kind of hard "not to read" what you're saying.

Everyone's entitled to their own opinions but you're just talking sh*t. I'm a very blunt person myself but you can also give an opinion without being nasty about it.


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## Karen_B (Nov 2, 2007)

I think flirting and getting emotionally close to someone other than your partner is way different from cheating on your fiancÃ© with a guy who doesn't even know you're engaged.


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## La_Mari (Nov 2, 2007)

Man, there's so much to reply to.... first I prob should have been clearer




we were ready to divorce when I started talking to "J" and it's not like it was just him around, it was all our friends and we would just talk about his ex gf and my ex husband.....I wanted nothing to do with Thomas and he was rude to me all the time and was ready to turn in the papers to the lawyer. But a little while back he apologized and although I would rather not deal with him, I would like to give him another chance cause deep down, he's a good guy.

And I think someone said that it might have to do with PTSD, and a lot of it is why he changed, but living with someone who doesn't appreciate all you're worth hurts a lot.

Another thing, I did talk to her quite a few times about breaking off the engagement. I told her she's hurting him and that it's not fair to either one and she said she couldn't do it while he was in Kuwait and that he'd kill himself. I didn't know what to do after that.

Once again, I haven't wanted to be with my husband for a few months and I thought we were separated until a couple weeks ago, I know that doesn't make it any better, but what I meant with "J" is that we hang out and talk a lot but it's just like joking flirting, like I don't mean it. Ya know? But then I realized he actually liked me and I immediately stopped so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. That's why he told on me prob. Oh yeah, and my husband knows about "J" liking me, he teases me about it, but it's not like it's a secret.

Oh yeah, all these years, I would have stopped her from cheating on her bf's but I wouldn't find out until afterwards cause she's a pretty good liar.


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## Nox (Nov 2, 2007)

Regardless of whether or not, I think you were "right" or "wrong", I'm going to ask, are _you_ doing okay?

The subject of this thread is that you just lost a long-time friend. That's a tough spot to be in. BFFs are sometimes closer than a sister, sometimes more trusted than a lover, so I can understand how torn up it can make a person when they lose this connection.

The one thing I can caution about right now is taking good care of yourself. Try not to add any new dramas to the mix, for your own sake and peace of mind, you really don't need it.

I guess this goes to show everyone that we don't always know what goes on behind closed doors or how long 'what' has been going on. We can't just make bold assumptions, because to ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and sometimes ME.


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## Aprill (Nov 3, 2007)

I agree with Nox, I thought this thread was about losing a friend and not a judgemental witch hunt.

Second, I am sorry that you lost a friend, and that is never easy, i lost a friend of 9 years under different circumstances, but nevertheless..... Be strong, get the dirt off your shoulders, and find some better moral friends.


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## devorah (Nov 3, 2007)

I have said the truth. Truth is not pretty. I'm questioning this because she's stating in her rant that she's better than her friend, that even though she did all these things, she's OK. Really? Are you sure? Only she can answer that, not me, but those red flags are huge.

Going outside one's marriage is serious. The consequences of it are serious. EVERYONE who has posted on this thread including yourselves have judged her.

I'm daring to talk to her like an adult. Married people are supposed to be adults and they are supposed to own what they do. If you put it out there, then you ARE asking for other people to guide you.

Which if any of us succeed in guiding her is up to her.

Edit:

That said, she's guided herself as best as can be done.

The war and marrying young has made life stressful, but she's up to the challenge.

As for the other folks, yeah, they've got issues. It doesn't mean they are trash, but it means they are weak. It doesn't mean they will always be weak though.

I do sympathize, truly, but I also know that a large part of life is sucking it up and being an adult. You learn very quickly that doing the right thing makes life much simpler.


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## La_Mari (Nov 3, 2007)

I don't understand cause I didn't go outside my marriage, what little was left of it. Mostly what this thread is about is because she won't bother listening to me, she just keeps saying she's done with me and I don't understand I was just trying to help. I don't think I betrayed her like that. If you can even call it a betrayal.

I didn't say I was better than her I meant that people don't like me, even hate me because they know my friend and assume we're exactly alike. And for you guys not to see it that way.

And I know I mentioned nothing emotional (at least on my part) or physical happened with "J" so IDK why people are saying I have no morals.


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## Aprill (Nov 3, 2007)

Originally Posted by *devorah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I have said the truth. Truth is not pretty. I'm questioning this because she's stating in her rant that she's better than her friend, that even though she did all these things, she's OK. Really? Are you sure? Only she can answer that, not me, but those red flags are huge.
Going outside one's marriage is serious. The consequences of it are serious. EVERYONE who has posted on this thread including yourselves have judged her.

I'm daring to talk to her like an adult. Married people are supposed to be adults and they are supposed to own what they do. If you put it out there, then you ARE asking for other people to guide you.

Which if any of us succeed in guiding her is up to her.

Since you say everyone, quote me where I judged her.....that's what I thought.....anyway:
I hope that you did not think that I was referring to you when i said something about morals, I wasn't talking about you La Mari.


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## La_Mari (Nov 3, 2007)

No, it's ok



No one's post has hurt my feelings yet


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## jessimau (Nov 3, 2007)

La Mari, I was the one who asked about PTSD. I wasn't trying to excuse his behavior at all. I was just wondering if maybe that was part of the problem and if maybe he could seek treatment for it. Also, I do think that if you guys are going to try to stick it out, some marriage counseling, just to help get you two talking again, might be a good thing. You could let him know how you felt due to the way he treated you. I'm so sorry that this happened to your marriage, btw. It really sucks and I hope that he can wake up and realize what he'd be losing.

I'm sorry if what I said about your relationship with your friend sounded dismissive. I have a friend sort of like that and eventually *I* couldn't be her friend anymore. On the one hand I felt like I could rely on her for everything, but on the other hand I was always wondering what sh*t she was talking about me at the same time I was talking sh*t about her. We both talked major sh*t behind each others' backs and I think it was better for both of us not to be friends anymore. We got too close, somehow, and bugged the h^ll out of each other. My life is much easier now that she's not my friend, although it hurt for a while. I hope that either you guys are able to patch things up or that you're able to make peace with the situation as it lies.

Devorah, Lelenn, neither of you has been on here all that long and you don't know La Mari. The least you could do is give her the benefit of the doubt. I didn't judge her, I looked at her situation, reflected on my feelings, and spoke what I felt. No judgment. There is a lot of innocent, harmless flirting that goes on every day. Not every instance of flirting means something more. Sometimes it's just fun and it cheers you both up a little. Sometimes it does mean more, and that's when us attached ladies know to step away. My main point: you don't know La Mari and you shouldn't come on here making condemning, rude statements about her. It's not the way we do things here (as has been pointed out by mods) and it's not any way to behave in an online community that values friendliness. If you want to be rude and "tell it like it is" (meaning tell it how you see it, regardless of the validity of your interpretation) without regards to others' feelings, you should find a different community to do that in.


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## La_Mari (Nov 3, 2007)

My DH is stubborn, but I now he has changed from before, he's nicer and knows what I meant to him and that I was always good to him and always there for him, we mentioned marriage counseling a few weeks before it was "over" and it never happened, things just got worse and we kind of gave up.... for the time being.

I don't think either of us actually wanted to divorce, just a little time out from each other. He's still traumatized a little, but I don't think it's as bad as it could be. I met a soldier the other day and he was crazy, he felt he was being bombed and he was seeing his dead friends, I felt so bad for him and talked to him for a couple hours til he went to bed.

Thomas is leaving again and I know I'll be there to take care of him and make sure he gets help because I know he'll need it for sure this time around.


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## devorah (Nov 3, 2007)

jessimau , I think you are reading what I'm saying incorrectly. I used to be someone else, by the way.

I haven't said anything bad about La_Mari, but I was addressing the standards discussed in the thread, hypothetical standards for consensus and reason, not her specifically except for the question of how far did the flirting go. She said she stopped it, so that makes sense.

I am saying that the reason that everyone is trying to draw these lines is because they are trying to clarify where the greys and mistakes are but they are not accusing her of doing them.

I agree with your statement about flirting to a point, but when you do it, you take a chance that the other may not be so levelheaded and trouble ensues. I've been demonized myself a few too many times, so I know how tough it can be to show discipline in how you behave and how you have to redraw those lines a lot. The reason why some others have said such cut and dried statements are for the same reason. Some people go so far as to not have friendships with the opposite sex, but I would never go that far.

By saying going outside the marriage is serious, I didn't say La_Mari did it , I'm saying that she's hanging out with someone who does and La_Mari made a (small) social misstep herself that made the implication, so it added up to two implications in the eyes of others. It sucks, but life is like that. Sucky.

Even if marriages appear to be in the bottom of the barrel, it ain't over til it's over. If the divorce isn't final, it isn't over, and for the first year after that, there's still a chance.

That's why I said what I said. It would suck even more to bring a disease back with you when the marriage wasn't really over.

If you want to throw me out of the community, report me until the cows come home, but you don't know me either.

As far as the friend and betraying a confidence goes, yes, she did, betray a confidence, even if she though it would stay a secret. She was less than careful. Been there too, and I learned from my mistake.

As for the cheater girl friend, she's got big problems, and she'll create more, it sucks that she has problems too. As I said before, I hope she will seek help.


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## La_Mari (Nov 3, 2007)

I understood what u meant Devorah.


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## pinksugar (Nov 3, 2007)

wow this whole situation sounds like a drama and a half



I'm sorry for your loss and your hubby issues and the 'J' issues too!

basically, that woman sounds like a skank. The only thing I can think you could have done is to just say to her straight out, look, I feel really uncomfortable about you cheating on your fiance, I don't want to be involved. If you appreciated our friendship then you wouldn't place me in this difficult position. If she still didn't want to change (and people like that never do) then you could have just walk away and say I don't want to be a part of this.

That being said, it's too late now and I think you should just feel relieved that you don't have to deal with what sounds like her compulsive lying! eep! just because she's been a friend for 8 years it doesnt mean that she deserves to remain a friend, so don't patch it up if she is going to stay the way she is now.

Best of luck hun, hope everything gets sorted out. Take a deep breath, maybe do some meditation and try not to get too stressed out!


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## La_Mari (Nov 3, 2007)

Thanks Rosie. The funny thing is I'm not sad about it really. I already knew we weren't going to be friends for very long even if she stopped cheating. The thing is she beat me to it lol.

I think someone said earlier, it's healthier to do the right thing even if it's hard.


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## BeneBaby (Nov 3, 2007)

La_Mari...you seem like a sweet girl and I am soo sorry that you are going through this. I know you and your DH have had some really rough times lately and it's easy to feel lonely and sad when someone you love is away AND you are split up. Your friend seems to not realize how fragile peoples feelings are. It's not okay to lead people on. I know you flirted, it's easy to do when someone gives you attention that you haven't gotten in awhile. But I commend you for telling the guy you were involved with that you wanted to be with your DH still. You may have flirted, but you were honest. I know what is't like when you don't agree with a friends behavior, more often than not it's hard to tell them yourself how you feel. Hopefully you two can come together and learn something from this. It would be a shame to throw away such a long friendship. Maybe she needs some time to cool off. If you need anything or just want to rant you can always PM me!!

Anyone who responded negatively to this post- While opinions are appreciated, attacks and blatant rudeness are not. La_Mari is a sweet girl and I am sure she doesn't deserve responses like that. Lets' try to keep it supportive and non-judgmental. Seeing responses like some I saw here make me weary of posting personal issues....this should be a place we all feel safe coming too when we need advice and kind words.


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## La_Mari (Nov 3, 2007)

Lol, I didn't really get involved with him, I knew he liked me but I didn't lead him on, that's when I stopped "flirting" with him, I told him he was sweet but I was still with my husband and he said he could treat me better and I reminded him yet again that I was staying with Thomas.

It's her friend and I don't call him up or anything, I really doubt I'll even come across him ever again. I haven't talked to any of the people I mentioned anyways. She's honestly not a good person or a type of friend I want to have, I just thought I could change her or show her it's not cool to betray people.


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## BeneBaby (Nov 3, 2007)

Well I have "broken up" with many friends from my past. Most of the time the drama far outweighs the good times. Good Luck Sweets..follow your heart!


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## La_Mari (Nov 3, 2007)

Thank u!


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## Lelenn (Nov 3, 2007)

Ahahaha... My goodness. The things people waste their energy on. Please stick to the initial thread. This is attracting way more attention than it should.


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## BeneBaby (Nov 3, 2007)

I think ALMOST everyone was responding to this thread with words of encouragement and advice. Those kind of posts are not a waste of energy, but I can think of some other types of posts that are.....


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## Aprill (Nov 3, 2007)

It is obvious that a few of you want to cause drama and troll, and uhm, ahem.....I'm your girl for that. So this will be the last warning, stick to the subject, this about losing a friend, this is not a witch hunt on anyone's morals. No one is perfect so dont play that card. You cant be polite to people that you dont know anything about about, I will gladly hand you an infraction.


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## luxotika (Nov 3, 2007)

I have read all the posts and I would like to be the first voter to close this thread. The original poster is being verbally attacked. Hope everything is going okay for you La_Mari!


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## La_Mari (Nov 3, 2007)

I guess I'll second it... None of it hurt my feelings, but I guess it should be closed.


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## mac-whore (Nov 3, 2007)

lol @ the girl who said the ' ****ed up in the head ' comment.. and you're on a make up forum, judging another person soley based on one post. i'm sure you're 100% sane. anywho, what an unfortunate situation!! i've been in situations where people end up pointing the finger at you as the instigator or trash talker.. when in reality, your intentions weren't as vicious as they may end up coming off.. it's not fun at all. the only peice of advice that i have to offer is that next time.. you should have gone to your friend directly.. OR even her fiance. be direct. i think that '' j '' was just too much of a middle man and in reality he had very little to do with the situation. i hope everything works out for u and your (ex) friend!! i fell out with my best friend over something equally serious, and we're best friends again after an 8 month hiatus. sometimes friends just need space. xoxo


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## StereoXGirl (Nov 3, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Lelenn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ahahaha... My goodness. The things people waste their energy on. Please stick to the initial thread. This is attracting way more attention than it should. Ahahaha...I think someone needs a timeout. You know, while we're acting like children and all...
Personally, I don't think this thread needs to be closed. I think some "ladies" just need to learn that while the truth is a good thing, so is tact.


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## pinksugar (Nov 3, 2007)

La_marie I think sometimes it's for the best that we 'separate' from friends. I'm glad to hear that you're not too upset, and I do think you'll be better off without her, but I'd definately take this time to learn something from this






let us know what happens!


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## puncturedskirt (Nov 3, 2007)

I too would like to know what happens!. Best of luck with everything.

Originally Posted by *StereoXGirl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ahahaha...I think someone needs a timeout. You know, while we're acting like children and all...
Personally, I don't think this thread needs to be closed. I think some "ladies" just need to learn that while the truth is a good thing, so is tact.

I agree!


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## CellyCell (Nov 3, 2007)

Oh man, you guys - don't focus on the response but the initial post.

Even tho it's cracking me up...

Mari - I have friends like that too and don't think about their actions.

Just sucks that "J" hella ratted you out because he got butt hurt.


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## jayleelah (Nov 3, 2007)

One thing for those who judge La_Mari who just wanted support, here's the notice :

Free-Hugs


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## Karen_B (Nov 3, 2007)

It probably was for the best that you "split up" with your friend, although it is hard. you have been friends for a long time, it's hard to accept that the relationship isn't good for either of you anymore. I wish you the very best of luck and I also hope you and your husband can work out your issues.


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## blueangel1023 (Nov 3, 2007)

There's been a situation like this in which I ended a 7 yr relationship with a best friend. We didn't think we would be apart from each other when we met in HS. Still was friends in college, but then after knowing this guy and meeting his "friends" everything fell apart. *sigh* It just so happens that men are the ones to blame...lol, but who am I to point fingers at?  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Altho guys swore to secrecy, it's always "bros b4 hos" to them. If any guy remotely likes you and they don't get that affection back, you can be SURE they'll rat you out the second they get juicy gossip on you. lol, I've been there, done that....many many times. All it takes is one guy, and your friend totally thinks the worst of you. Especially when they think you betrayed them by confiding in "him" instead of her. It's always good to confront your friend, and even though that's the last thing on your mind...at least it won't completely dissolve the friendship.

I hope all the best for you La Mari and don't let anyone else say otherwise. I agree with mac-whore that you and your bff need a break. It's for the best, and somewhere down the line, you'll somehow make amends.


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## puncturedskirt (Nov 3, 2007)

Originally Posted by *CellyCell* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Just sucks that "J" hella ratted you out because he got butt hurt. lmao i love that.. "butt hurt".. i say it alot. (well not ALOT, just when it can be used.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />)


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