# I found out about him and his ex!!, what would you do in this case?!?!



## MACz.Addict (Jun 2, 2006)

Girls!!! I need your help.

This is the story. My man and I have been together for 2 years now. We recently moved in together I thought everything was going great etc..that's what he always wanted "us" living together...

Anyway recently I found his MYSPACE password..lol Yes girls I found it..and of course didn't tell him I had it...I wanted to know what he was up to.

So yesterday I see he sent a message to his ex that hasn't seen in over a year saying "Hey I don't know why but it feels like I miss you, maybe its cause I haven't seen you in over a year, etc etc" She responded how she missed his tongue all up in her you know what etc etc......So the ex asked when are you coming to see me, cause my birthday was on may and you didnt even call me to say happy bday..Then my man says...SOON! I have to find a way to go to NYC without my girl. (The ex lives in NYC)

When I read that I was in shock. He always told me that he and his ex were cool because they never had an emotional relationship it was always physical and that I should never worry about that particular ex.

Well what would you do in this case....I've been acting weird with him since yesterday I really can't act the same after I read that.....I don't know if to tell him yes I got your myspace password and I know what you told your ext and end the relationship there....or not tell him.....mind you girls we are ENGAGED!!!

Please give me some advice!!!


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## Zoey (Jun 2, 2006)

OMG I am so sorry,i don't have any advice for you,but I can tell you that when I did something like that,I told him and it always ended up a mess,with me being the one to blame cause I did that...


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## karrieann (Jun 2, 2006)

Holy s*it! wow!

First, I am really sorry. I am feeling your pain right now. Actually I am really pissed off, but I am going to bite my tongue.

What would I do?

I don't know that I would tell him that I looked at his mail but I would tell him that I just don't think this is going to work out and end it.

How will you be able to put that behind you? I went through a real unfaithfulness affair with my ex. We tried to work things out after time apart but it never was the same. There was no trust after that. It sucked because I was with him for 6 years and I thought I would be with him for the rest of my life. I still love him and care about him to this day but at the time it was all too much.


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## Zoey (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *karrieann* How will you be able to put that behind you? I went through a real unfaithfulness affair with my ex. We tried to work things out after time apart but it never was the same. There was no trust after that. It sucked because I was with him for 6 years and I thought I would be with him for the rest of my life. I still love him and care about him to this day but at the time it was all too much.

the same thing happened to me ,and I agree,it is never the same,you are always in doubt...


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## MACz.Addict (Jun 2, 2006)

You girls are right! but the only thing I'm afraid that he'll say is "Well I didn't sleep with her, so I didn't cheat" but what he wrote to her is CHEATING to me, right?


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## karrieann (Jun 2, 2006)

Really you don't have to tell him why. Just it's not working for you anymore.

If you feel like you have to tell him you know about this email, it shows every intention of cheating.


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## jennycateyez (Jun 2, 2006)

to me that is cheating just because he didnt actually go through with it doesnt mean anything, he souldnt have wrote her a letter saying he misses her, and its obvious he wants to have sex with her, so thats def not a good thing. i think u sould def leave him w/o a doubt. if he really loved u he would of never wrote that chic a letter. and u never know what else hes hiding.


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## MACz.Addict (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *karrieann* Really you don't have to tell him why. Just it's not working for you anymore. 
If you feel like you have to tell him you know about this email, it shows every intention of cheating.

You're right, this is exactly what i feel I should do...but what am I going to do next. We live together, the lease is not over until May of next year






Originally Posted by *jennycateyez* to me that is cheating just because he didnt actually go through with it doesnt mean anything, he souldnt have wrote her a letter saying he misses her, and its obvious he wants to have sex with her, so thats def not a good thing. i think u sould def leave him w/o a doubt. if he really loved u he would of never wrote that chic a letter. and u never know what else hes hiding. Exactly...that's what I'm saying.....well I do want leave him I keep thinking about that letter every single second....and its funny because quicky after he finished the conversation with her through email he deleted everything...so I was lucky enough to be on line at the same time he was online at his job...to see what he was writing to her other wise i would have never found out..that ****EN AZZWHOLE!! :"(


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## karrieann (Jun 2, 2006)

Ugh.

Well you know it's not going to be pretty no matter what you do. If you stay you will not trust him and will probably confront him about it eventually. If you end it everything is going to be turned upside down. No way around it.

In my case, I left and he stayed and got roommates.

It's not going to be easy hon. That much I know for sure.

I am so sorry. _*hug*_


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## Kelly (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *MACz.Addict* You girls are right! but the only thing I'm afraid that he'll say is "Well I didn't sleep with her, so I didn't cheat" but what he wrote to her is CHEATING to me, right? Yes, that would be considered cheating! He is cheating you of his faithfulness towards you and his honesty and he is cheating himself. If he can do this now....he will do it later. I'd leave, cuz you never know if he hasn't already slept with someone or will sleep with someone, then later in time you find out you have a disease from his unfaithfulness.
I know this sucks....IMO, I'd leave and not tell him why or just say it's not working. Then if he persists.....then tell him why. If you tell him right now, he'll think it was an invation of privacy.

I was pregnant with my first child (like 5-6 months pregnant) and found out my boyfriend was cheating and decided to come back after I left his brothers house. Everyone told me she'd show up about an hour after I left....yep, drove around and came back. And there she was. I stormed in, pregnant and all (good thing I was pregnant or someone would have been hurt). He had the nerve to tell me, his pregnant girlfriend of 4 years, to leave. Funny too, he used to always think I was cheating, I couldn't even talk to another male without him being jealous.

I feel for you, and am just pissed for you right now.....take a moment, breathe, sit back and ponder how you want this to turn out.....you will never trust him again. Sorry, I'm a bit harsh....but I've been through it too.


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## jennycateyez (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *MACz.Addict* You're right, this is exactly what i feel I should do...but what am I going to do next. We live together, the lease is not over until May of next year






Exactly...that's what I'm saying.....well I do want leave him I keep thinking about that letter every single second....and its funny because quicky after he finished the conversation with her through email he deleted everything...so I was lucky enough to be on line at the same time he was online at his job...to see what he was writing to her other wise i would have never found out..that ****EN AZZWHOLE!! :"(

so sorry ur going through this, it must hurt like a mother....

Originally Posted by *kwitter* Yes, that would be considered cheating! He is cheating you of his faithfulness towards you and his honesty and he is cheating himself. If he can do this now....he will do it later. I'd leave, cuz you never know if he hasn't already slept with someone or will sleep with someone, then later in time you find out you have a disease from his unfaithfulness.
I know this sucks....IMO, I'd leave and not tell him why or just say it's not working. Then if he persists.....then tell him why. If you tell him right now, he'll think it was an invation of privacy.

I was pregnant with my first child (like 5-6 months pregnant) and found out my boyfriend was cheating and decided to come back after I left his brothers house. Everyone told me she'd show up about an hour after I left....yep, drove around and came back. And there she was. I stormed in, pregnant and all (good thing I was pregnant or someone would have been hurt). He had the nerve to tell me, his pregnant girlfriend of 4 years, to leave. Funny too, he used to always think I was cheating, I couldn't even talk to another male without him being jealous.

I feel for you, and am just pissed for you right now.....take a moment, breathe, sit back and ponder how you want this to turn out.....you will never trust him again. Sorry, I'm a bit harsh....but I've been through it too.

omg kelly thats horrible, men can be such a$$holes. thank god ur not with him anymore, and how dare he tell u to leave? it just makes me wanna scream


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## MACz.Addict (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *kwitter* Yes, that would be considered cheating! He is cheating you of his faithfulness towards you and his honesty and he is cheating himself. If he can do this now....he will do it later. I'd leave, cuz you never know if he hasn't already slept with someone or will sleep with someone, then later in time you find out you have a disease from his unfaithfulness.
I know this sucks....IMO, I'd leave and not tell him why or just say it's not working. Then if he persists.....then tell him why. If you tell him right now, he'll think it was an invation of privacy.

I was pregnant with my first child (like 5-6 months pregnant) and found out my boyfriend was cheating and decided to come back after I left his brothers house. Everyone told me she'd show up about an hour after I left....yep, drove around and came back. And there she was. I stormed in, pregnant and all (good thing I was pregnant or someone would have been hurt). He had the nerve to tell me, his pregnant girlfriend of 4 years, to leave. Funny too, he used to always think I was cheating, I couldn't even talk to another male without him being jealous.

I feel for you, and am just pissed for you right now.....take a moment, breathe, sit back and ponder how you want this to turn out.....you will never trust him again. Sorry, I'm a bit harsh....but I've been through it too.

WOW see men are so fckin azzwholes...... it sickning.......You're totally right...theres no reason why I should stay with him........It's just so fcked up cause we just moved and recently finished putting our house togehter..how can he do me so wrong? desiring someone else? WOW.....I just keep thinking about it and being hurt....
But you know what's so funny about his...he keeps emailing me saying..What did I do now? Are you tired of me, is that why you're acting this way?

He also said:

I think you should take that ring off, and put it back on once you're 150% sure you can have a mature relationshp with me!!

OMG I wanted to like k*ll him when he said that URGH!!


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## Kelly (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jennycateyez* .....omg kelly thats horrible, men can be such a$$holes. thank god ur not with him anymore, and how dare he tell u to leave? it just makes me wanna scream















Yea....well in a bizarre sort of way, it was for the better. I was sooooo blind in that relationship, that it took a mack truck for me to see who he really was. No one liked him, and I'd stick up for him all the time.....thanks mack truck......so glad I'm not with him now. I worked 3 jobs while pregnant, cuz he couldn't hold a job for more than 3 months, and spent all my money and ran all my cars into the ground. So disrespectful! Very manipulative, emotionally and mentally abusive too. If he couldn't have me, no one could....those were his words a few different times. WTF is that? Idiot!
So anyhoooo.....the lease thing Macz.Addict.....is there any clause that will let you get out of it within 30 days of signing? Or can you make him leave and you get roommates. It's kinda hard to trust him to stay and get roommates, if your name is on the lease. Talk to the landlord and just tell them, you were decieved and you need to know what your options are with the lease. Good luck, it's gonna be rocky, like everyone said, but BETTER in the end.

Originally Posted by *MACz.Addict* ......He also said:
I think you should take that ring off, and put it back on once you're 150% sure you can have a mature relationshp with me!!

OMG I wanted to like k*ll him when he said that URGH!!

The flippin nerve!!!!!! Who does he think he is? Wow! I would have stormed back and blew it...spilled it. Why the heck did you get this ring for me to wear, when YOU, the IMATURE ONE, wasn't 150% sure you wanted to be faithful to me? ARGGG. I'm so mad for you.
*EDIT:* I just want to apologize for how harsh I sound...or upset, I'm normally a pretty positive go-lucky gal....but this topic and child molestation....can really bring it out in me.....whoa....


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## karrieann (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *MACz.Addict* But you know what's so funny about his...he keeps emailing me saying..What did I do now? Are you tired of me, is that why you're acting this way?
He also said:

I think you should take that ring off, and put it back on once you're 150% sure you can have a mature relationshp with me!!

OMG I wanted to like k*ll him when he said that URGH!!

Jerk. Total jerk.I think you should just be bigger than him. Just tell him you aren't sure about this relationship. Give him the ring back or keep it. But take it off because you are 150% sure that HE is not ready for a mature relationship with you or anyone.


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## Andi (Jun 2, 2006)

OMG I canÂ´t believe he dared to tell you to take your ring off until youÂ´re ready for a mature relationship.

well I gues IÂ´m in the minority here but IÂ´d tell him that you got into his myspace. if he gets mad then whatever, you already know he really had something to hide from you. I know you should respect someoneÂ´s privacy but if my bf got into my email/myspace I`d be a little mad but thatÂ´s it, cause i have nothing to hide.

IÂ´d say confront him, he shouldnÂ´t get away with just a "I canÂ´t see this working out anymore", you should make him stand up for what he wrote to that girl. but then again like you said heÂ´d probably say that he didnÂ´t cheat on her. but in my eyes what he wrote is cheating too!!!!

and on another note: Kelly that guy is just UNBELIEVABLE. I would have punched him in the face I think (and IÂ´m usually very pacifistic!). I donÂ´t have any more words for that


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## karrieann (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Arielle* well I gues IÂ´m in the minority here but IÂ´d tell him that you got into his myspace. if he gets mad then whatever, you already know he really had something to hide from you. I know you should respect someoneÂ´s privacy but if my bf got into my email/myspace I`d be a little mad but thatÂ´s it, cause i have nothing to hide.

IÂ´d say confront him, he shouldnÂ´t get away with just a "I canÂ´t see this working out anymore", you should make him stand up for what he wrote to that girl. but then again like you said heÂ´d probably say that he didnÂ´t cheat on her. but in my eyes what he wrote is cheating too!!!!

I can see your point. He's a pr*ck and he deserves to be told so. I guess I just think it would be more painful to him to just say that you just really don't think he is the one and that it's not going to work out. He'll always wonder what is wrong with him to drive off the woman he was going to marry.


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## MACz.Addict (Jun 2, 2006)

I think I'm just going to tell him that I found some pretty hurting information, and that I don't see this working. If he keeps asking for a reason, I'll tell him about myspace and then watch his reaction! But def. will break up with him.

This situation sucks just because I still love his FCKIN stupid azz


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## karrieann (Jun 2, 2006)

Plus you are totally hot! Damn! Dude is a loser!

Originally Posted by *MACz.Addict* This situation sucks just because I still love his FCKIN stupid azz





I know. I'm sorry hon.


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## emily_3383 (Jun 2, 2006)

omg im no help because i am pissed off for you. You could tell him you found out or just leave him but if it were me i would confront him.


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## MACz.Addict (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *emily_3383* omg im no help because i am pissed off for you. You could tell him you found out or just leave him but if it were me i would confront him. OMG look what this AZZWHOLE just wrote to me:U have to leave me once and for all so you wont keep hurting me

For a whole month we were okay and all of a sudden u got that attitude

Is like we cant never be okay every time I think we are in the right path no fights or arguments u come up and start acting that way.

then on a previous email:

I TELL U AND U KEEP ON AND DONâ€™T STOP WITH YOUR STUPID ATTITUDE YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE ME MAâ€¦

URGHHH I'm so fckin mad right now!!! is not even funny LOL


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## emily_3383 (Jun 2, 2006)

did he email you that, dont you guys live together? hes nuts


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## dixiewolf (Jun 2, 2006)

I dont see why you shouldnt tell him, if you are going to break up with anyways, then it doesnt matter if you snooped. I dont know, I would just like to see the guys reaction when he got found out, if it was me. A couple years ago, I looked through my boyfriends email and told him b/c I found some suspicious email. Yeah he was pissed I snooped, I was pissed about the email. But it wasnt an email to an ex, it was someone he didnt know. He never met the girl, and he never did it again. I have never looked at his email again, and I dont feel I need to. It was a feeling I had, I always know when somethings wrong, womens intuition.


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## MACz.Addict (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *emily_3383* did he email you that, dont you guys live together? hes nuts Well he is at work, so am I...and I've been ignoring him the whole morning and yesterday too so he keeps emailing me LOL


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## Kelly (Jun 2, 2006)

I'm so mad at what he just wrote you....you need to expose him! Let him know that you know....and then ignore him and let him just feel the pain and guilt for a while....let's see what his excuse is for that one.


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## jennycateyez (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *MACz.Addict* I TELL U AND U KEEP ON AND DONâ€™T STOP WITH YOUR STUPID ATTITUDE YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE ME MAâ€¦
actually i cant blame him for going along with it, because he has no clue u know about him and the ex lol, but OMG! he has the nerve to say ur going to lose him! you gatta tell him whats going on, in person of course not through email. keep us updated.


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## MACz.Addict (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jennycateyez* actually i cant blame him for going along with it, because he has no clue u know about him and the ex lol, but OMG! he has the nerve to say ur going to lose him! you gatta tell him whats going on, in person of course not through email. keep us updated. HAHA I will keep you girls updated of course...the only thing I'm enjoying out of this freaking situation is that he is going crazy over there...thinking like OMG what did I do.....what did she find out.....
One thing though...before I tell him I'm going to say...SO do you have anything to tell me? and see what he says !!


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## mach1grrl (Jun 2, 2006)

I definitely, 100% would tell him you got into his myspace account, but that's just me, I guess, lol. The way I figure, if you were bold and brave enough to go into his myspace account, then you should be bold and brave enough to fess up, and tell him what you found, he is the one who was dishonest. Either way, he can't compare your snooping to him telling his ex he wants to go to nyc without you...the fact that he WANTS to go or even insinuates to his ex that he WANTS to go is sneaky and deceitful. I had an ex in the past that I got into his email, found stuff I was not happy about, and I had to tell him right away. He knew he was so wrong that me snooping didn't even come up, and when it did, I said fine, I snooped, glad I did or who knows if I would have ever found out...and with you guys being engaged, well that just isn't right.


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## Jinjer (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *MACz.Addict* HAHA I will keep you girls updated of course...the only thing I'm enjoying out of this freaking situation is that he is going crazy over there...thinking like OMG what did I do.....what did she find out.....
One thing though...before I tell him I'm going to say...SO do you have anything to tell me? and see what he says !!

you absoloutely should...ask him if he's 150% sure that he's committed to you...as a matter of fact..i would quote his damn message to that girl back to him...ask him if and when he plans to 'find a way to NYC without his girl'...and if he gets pissed off about ur 'invasion' of his privacy...tell him that he and Miss Thing disrespected you by what they were planning. I'm really sorry babes...but if he's willing to cheat on you after he put a ring on your finger then he DOES NOT deserve you...better for it to happen now than for you to find out about it after you're married


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## emily_3383 (Jun 2, 2006)

yeah keep us updated.


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## karrieann (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *MACz.Addict* ...the only thing I'm enjoying out of this freaking situation is that he is going crazy over there...thinking like OMG what did I do.....what did she find out.....
See that's what I'm talking about! It's gonna drive him batty not knowing what's up. Jerk!


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## bluebird26 (Jun 2, 2006)

What a bastard! He doesn't deserve you, I know it hurts but get out of that relationship as soon as you can because he's not worth it girl


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## makeupfreak72 (Jun 2, 2006)

ah hell no!!!! if your engaged you better let him know that YOU know whats up!!! seriously!!! would you rather get married and him cheating on you? i didnt think so, but go ahead and play around with his head for a while but DEFINATLEY tell him you saw his messages, if he accuses you of being nosy, jealous or not trusting him just straight out tell him "yeah and look, i had every reason to be!!!!!!'"


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## jennycateyez (Jun 2, 2006)

Originally Posted by *makeupfreak72* if he accuses you of being nosy, jealous or not trusting him just straight out tell him "yeah and look, i had every reason to be!!!!!!'" true!!!!


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## pinkbundles (Jun 2, 2006)

Sorry to hear that and even more sorry you found out that way. I say get your stuff and move out and while you're at it, dump his a$$...better yet, kick him out and dump him.


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## eightthirty (Jun 2, 2006)

The most important factor in this game we call love is a breach of trust. Not only is it a breach of trust on his part as he has thoughts of planning a secret rendevous with his ex, but you are in breach of his trust by "finding" his MySpace password.

At the same time, I also see someone (your "fiance") who is either scared (aka getting cold feet) or trying to get out of the relationship (perhaps the reason you so easily "found" his MySpace password). If you've been together for 2 years and you're engaged, he knows you better than you think he does. I know that's hard to fathom with most men (no offense T), but they do pay attention.....

So....I'm being rather blunt here, obviously and I must say I don't hope to offend you at all. In the end, I just don't feel like this is the right relationship for you. Of course, that is only knowing what I know. Only YOU know what's right for you and if you have that gut feeling that it's just not right, get out while you can.

And then there is the trite old saying, If you love someone let them go....blah blah blah.

So, you can stay with him and be forever doubtful of his word.

You can ditch him and move on.

You can ditch him and hope that he comes back forever worrying about whether "she" will still be in the picture.

Did I forget anything?

Best of luck, hun seriously! I may sound bitter, but I'm all about being treated as you deserve and it just sounds like you deserve so much better. Consider it?


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## Quiana (Jun 2, 2006)

The way he so non-chalantly stated that you were going to lose him and that whole 'take off the ring' comment really pisses me off.....and probably hurts you to the core. I am so sorry you are going through this, but I know about this type of behaviour all too well.

YOU NEED TO LET HIS SORRY A** GO!! He is not worthy of you or your love. I know it is VERY hard for you to realize this now because YOU love him, but ask yourself this: With all the love you have for him, could you see yourself hurting him like this? I am sure the answer is No, so why would you be with someone who doesn't love you like you love them?

Just be glad you found out about this now---before the marriage.

Besides, you are absolutely BEAUTIFUL and will have NO problems finding someone who will love you they way you deserve to be loved...don't settle for less than your worth...EVER


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## Satin (Jun 2, 2006)

I feel very sorry hun..I dont have any advice but just close ur eyes for a min,think of nothing and listen to what ur heart says..be patient...dont think anything else...do what ur heart says!


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## VenusGoddess (Jun 2, 2006)

Hmmmm...I wouldn't tell him I got onto his MySpace Account. I would just print out a list of flights going to NYC.



I would also say, "So, how's your ex Susie Slut (insert real name here) doing?" Just dropping little hints and stuff like that. If he asks why you keep asking him that, just say, "Oh, well...you know...you've just mentioned her on occassion. Just wondering how it's going." If you want to see how honest he's going to be, that's the only way to do it. If he's guilty of any wrong-doing (which he is) he's going to get really defensive.

Personally, I've been there, done that. It's not fun. The whole thing comes down to this: how much energy are you willing to expend dealing with this situation?

Going off of that, is how you will make your decision. Also, what he did is wrong...but if he was with the chick for a long time, he may fantasize about her now and then...there is nothing you can do about it. He may be pacifying her. His definition of cheating may be different than yours. You really need to sit down and talk with him about his behavior. You don't have to tell him how you found out...don't give specifics...and don't tell him you logged onto his MySpace. If he asks how...just say, "Call it Women's Intuition...I just know you that well."

How he acts towards you following that conversation should tell you how he feels. But, that's just MHO.


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## mandy_ (Jun 2, 2006)

I'm really sorry. Guys suck sometimes, and that's awful that he would even THINK about doing that. I would leave him, there is no way you should have to put up with him "lusting" another girl or whatever.

I hope everything works out and I hope you are okay in the end! Remember no women deserves to be cheated on, and no women deserves to be treated like crap.

xox


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## Aquilah (Jun 3, 2006)

IMHO, I'd leave him. It doesn't matter if he's physically cheating or not, it appears as though he's still mentally &amp;/or emotionally cheating. Not to mention, it seems as though there's a possibility he will actually cheat. Granted, he might not, but he might. If he suddenly needs to go to NYC, then you know what's up!

He's not worth it. There's plenty of other fish in the sea, and there's no point in wasting your time and energy on a man who can't seem to commit fully. Just MHO there! I realize you're engaged and living together, but if you can get your own place and drop him like a bad habit, then it'll be worth it more to you in the end. Again, IMHO.

I wish you the very best of luck sweetie! Men can definitely be meanie butts a lot of the time, and it's never fun. Stay strong girl! We're here for you!


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## ivette (Jun 3, 2006)

macz, i would definetly break off the engagement, because from what u r saying,

he is not ready to comitt. its one thing to be friends with an ex, but when a guy

says stuff like that to his former gf- to me it signals alot more may be going on that u may not

be aware of.

ending the relationship is a more a diffucult call. i don't have an answer, except that

u should do what u feel is best.

hope this helps


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## dixiewolf (Jun 3, 2006)

Originally Posted by *VenusGoddess* Hmmmm...I wouldn't tell him I got onto his MySpace Account. I would just print out a list of flights going to NYC.




I would also say, "So, how's your ex Susie Slut (insert real name here) doing?" Just dropping little hints and stuff like that. If he asks why you keep asking him that, just say, "Oh, well...you know...you've just mentioned her on occassion. Just wondering how it's going." If you want to see how honest he's going to be, that's the only way to do it. If he's guilty of any wrong-doing (which he is) he's going to get really defensive.
thats a really good idea


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## bebs (Jun 3, 2006)

I would dump the guy.. break up with him well you can worse comes to worse find a few roommates

tell him what you found how you found it and what not.. yes he will be mad at you for getting in there mad that you found out, he would be upset and has all rights to be.. but you have more right.. he is cheating or at least has the intent to cheat and will either with her or with somebody else.

just get it over with I would say because its not going to get easier with time.. and he might do something else before hand, or hurt you worse... or maybe he might even be be planning a trip... there soon and ditching you... you could always try to go along for the ride and spoil his fun. thats just me though.. meet up with him there I donno again just me.


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## chocobon (Jun 3, 2006)

This is downright cheating and u should confront him


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## Kelly (Jun 3, 2006)

Now that I've calmed down I bit, I apologize for getting so worked up. The other girls here all have good points. I'd to the print out the flight info on NYC or ask how so and so is...since he mentions her or something......turn his words around about the 150% mature thing....do 150% faithful....but don't stay. Eventually, let him know you got into his myspace, but it doesn't hurt to try and prompt him to confess.....ie. NYC and such.

Let us know how it goes. Stay strong, and don't settle for this, you are sooooo worth more! I mean turn it around, what if you did this to him....how would he react? He'd probably confront you, right?


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## genie (Jun 3, 2006)

ok everyone...here comes mother. lol! niether of the two parties has clean hands here. accessing his myspace account was a breach of his privacy and etiquette in general.. that being said, though, why would an engaged man need a myspace account? by not admitting what you did, you are inducing him to incriminate himself by responding to your attitudes in provocative form. he needs the truth in order to defend himself or to admit to you that he is indeed still involved with the ex. his instruction to remove your ring and his challenge to you seem, to me, evidence that his communication with the ex is more than just words of placation. if your lease is ironclad, you can continue as roommates or find a sub leasee to take the place of one of you. if i were in your shoes i would start to formulate a plan for the future. certainly marriage is out of the question until both of you mature a little bit more and you must certainly clarify your intentions toward eachother. nothing can be accomplished and no proper decisions can be made until both of you tell the truth to eachother. i am 51 yrs old and have been married for 22 years. though i consider myself hip to most of today's society, i am not enamored of myspace and other such sites. i don't understand how today's couples negotiate privacy though. my husband and i are free to troll both accounts and we know eachother's passwords. i do keep some money separate and i have some proprietary web sites that he couldn't get into, but nothing that compromises our union. i hope that you can make a plan that makes your life happier and that you re-establish trust if that's what you want to do. but do come clean..both of you. you cannot embark on the furue if you neither of you know what caused the past.


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## Jinjer (Jun 3, 2006)

you know..i can't even begin to understand how u feel but i know how it feels to have a bf that leave comments on women's photo's when they can't even tell u that u look beautiful once in a while...even when yoy go out of your way to look extra-special. I'm on hi5...so is my bf...i just saw some things...that made me delete my profile...


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## Maude (Jun 4, 2006)

I'm so sorry. He's a jerk. Dumping him after that is a good idea. *hugs*


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## Cool Kitten (Jun 6, 2006)

Originally Posted by *kwitter* So anyhoooo.....the lease thing Macz.Addict.....is there any clause that will let you get out of it within 30 days of signing? go to the lease office and ask him what you have to do to take your name off the lease. I'm 100% positive that you can do it. Just because you cought him BEFORE he screwed her doesn't mean anything, he had every intent of doing so. And if he was just flirting with her then he's an idiot, playing with fire gets you burned.


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## selene (Jun 6, 2006)

He's definitely making some classic male moves, with telling you that you have an attitude and firmly placing blame "preemptively" onto you. I'll warn you, with guys like this, if you give them the information straight up and out in the open, they always take the offense &amp; find a way to turn it around on you. As for the ignoring of his emails, just act like you haven't seen them, make some excuse up that makes him look like a paranoid fool, and insist that you didn't know they were there. Email delivery sometimes delays. I know mine has on occasion. Tell him that. Never give him the information you have on him. If you do that you give him knowledge of what he is up against.

*PS* If you stay with him, at least be honest enough with yourself to know that this won't be the first time and it won't be the last. Don't try to figure out _why_ with guys like this. There is no real answer to "why?" This is just the way they are. There is NO deep and meaningful explanation behind it all.


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## karrieann (Jun 7, 2006)

MaczAddict honey, where are you? I hope you are alright. I have been worried because you haven't been on. Please respond soon. I am worried and so are others I am sure.

We will still love you no matter what!


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## AngelaGM (Jun 7, 2006)

I had been in almost the same exact situation with a much older man although we did not live together. He still had "ties" with his ex wife. Which really meant when he needed his "space" from me he went to sleep with her... And not to mention we dated off and on for years. I know first hand how being cheated on feels and if and when you feel ready you could confront him... And also if you went so far as to get his MySpace password I think you knew deep down he was being unfaithful.....

You are a beautiful woman and you do deserve better..........

Angela

Feel free to IM me if you need to talk


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## Kelly (Jun 7, 2006)

Originally Posted by *karrieann* MaczAddict honey, where are you? I hope you are alright. I have been worried because you haven't been on. Please respond soon. I am worried and so are others I am sure. 
We will still love you no matter what!





Ditto....hope all is ok, or should I say - you're ok.
Big loves and support coming your way. Let us know you're ok.


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## dixiewolf (Jun 7, 2006)

Originally Posted by *genie*



ok everyone...here comes mother. lol! niether of the two parties has clean hands here. accessing his myspace account was a breach of his privacy and etiquette in general.. that being said, though, why would an engaged man need a myspace account? Your post is well written, however, I dont see why an engaged person cant have a myspace account. What he was doing with it is what was unacceptable. I have a myspace, and I live with my bf now. But it isnt to meet dudes, I use groups, check up on old friends, etc. If guys hit on me, I tell them no, it even says I have a boyfriend and am in a relationship, but guys dont care. If he read my emails on there he wouldnt care, b/c there is nothing to hide. He doesnt have a myspace, he did for a few days, but said he didnt have time, and plus he is 34 so I guess it is kind of dumb, lol. I wish he was on my friend list, but he really isnt into the computer like I am.


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## Saja (Jun 9, 2006)

I have to agree. I dont think a myspace is always just for trying to "pickup". In fact, I have one, and only use it to keep up with my cousin who moved away. Mine is no diferent than a livejournal or a blog.


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## jennycateyez (Jun 10, 2006)

girl where are u? u gatta let us know what happen! i hope ur ok!


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## emily_3383 (Jun 10, 2006)

lol im waiting for the the update too!


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## Angie2006 (Jun 10, 2006)

Maybe she moved out and hasn't set up het computer yet ??

Hope all is as it should be (however that is)


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## chelles93 (Jun 11, 2006)

Your boyfriend is a jerk, but what if he was only talking shit to this girl?

You recently made a huge move toward a permanent committment, and I know that I freak out about stuff like that. Maybe he is just doing something safe (she is in another state and he's only e-mailing her) that feels naughty without any inention of ever going through with it.

A lot of people go overboard when online - flirting, making bullshit promises of sex, etc.

IF you think that might be the case, it's worth it to sit down and hash everything out, including letting him know you were in his mail.


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## blueangel1023 (Jun 11, 2006)

Being with someone for so long and actually living with the person can be a bit unnerving, especially when finding out he's still trying to contact his ex. If I were in your shoes, you're damn well I'd be pissed. After reading all that, I totally understand you. Although you invaded his privacy, he shouldn't have emailed his ex about meeting up because if he was serious about you and him, contacting his ex would be the last thing on his mind. A lil too flirtatious, sarcastic or not, he should NOT have done that. Tho it's not necessarily catching him in the act, it's still cheating.

Ugh, men can be such pigs...you really don't know who to trust these days. I've dated a few guys and I can hardly count on one hand as to any that had been faithful. It's been 7 months I'm single and haven't dated anyone (yay, for me) it has it's ups and downs, but as shakespeare once said "I rather a fool make me merry, then experience make me sad"

Most relationships tend to fail not becausethe absence of love. Love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little. We all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right.

So here's a piece of advice; Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. It's certain there is someone out there WHO WILL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE

Hope everything is ok with you hun, and please let us know the outcome!


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## AnnaBelle (Jun 13, 2006)

I'm so sorry! If I were you, I woul just break it off with him. If it were me, I don't think I could live in doubt with someone like that, not trusting him or anything.

I've been cheated on before. I was 14 and the guy was 17. I found him in bed with another girl, and I took him back, and things were never the same. We never slept together, but about a month after I took him back, he began to get physical towards me which wasn't good, so I just broke up with him. He wants me back, after 5 years, and I have been in a serious committed relationship for 4 years now, and I WOULD never take him back. Although parts of me does still love him.

I wouldn't tell him about the password unless I felt comfortable about it. You can just end it, and not give a reason, if you feel that way.

I do consider making plans to meet someone for sex is definitaley cheating. He's already thought about it, now all he has to do is follow through. I'm so sorry, honey.

I hope everything works out for you Sweetie!!!

You guys give such great advice!!

ETA: The ladies are right! Kick him to the curb, before you get married!


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## junell (Jun 14, 2006)

I am so sorry this has happened to you but at least you know and you're not in the dark. I would definitely break off the engagement and I think I would be up-front with him about the situation. He'll probably try to flip-the-script and make you the bad person for reading his mail but oh, well. Please try not to let him make YOU feel bad. Know what I mean?




After all, he's the one that's trying to do something behind your back. UGGHHHHH, MEN!!!!


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## cdwdnw (Jun 14, 2006)

Well - I'm the upfront type so I would have said something immediately and been honest about finding &amp; using the password...you really can't deny it and give up the info you have. Not that two wrongs make a right but you obviously thought you might find something so you looked and now the box is open and regardless of how you found out - he is "making plans" to get up there without you and that should not be happening - I mean - are you really worried about him being upset with you? He's the one doing the chatting behind closed doors so to speak....


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## Anyah_Green (Jun 14, 2006)

I had something simular happen. I called the bastad on it! I threatened him with my cousin who's a BIG mean looking L.A.Cop!

I wonder if I was bitter? lol! I would try to be more delicate with this one though girl. I mean you're engaged.

But to be honest...even MORE reason to be mad. Be glad you saw what you saw! It's good to know some secrets...especially damaging ones like this. Because then you know what is really going on in with him. Kind of like looking into his head...not always good, but necessary at times.

Best of luck to you and anytime you'd like to talk please do! We love you and are here for you anytime!


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## michko970 (Jun 15, 2006)

you should confront him about. he will i initially be mad that you got into his myspace, but the bigger picture is the conversation that occured between him and his ex. that is messed up.


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## Elisabeth (Jun 16, 2006)

I'm so late to this, but, girlfriend, you can see you're not alone.

Poor Thing.

Please, whatever you do, do not marry this man.

Don't beat yourself up, either for "still loving his stupid a**."

We all have, honey.

Confront him about going to NYC ( hell, if it were me, I'd buy him a one-way bus ticket and leave it with a sweet note..saying...I wish you the best of luck..but I'm weird.)

Or, if it is going to make you feel better, don't confront him about why you broke up with him...whatever is going to make YOU feel better about *the way to end it*.

You're the only important person in this situation now. Period.

If these heart-wrenching stories sound far-fectched, I'll share another with you.

Her name was Lady Diana Spencer. She went ahead and married a man whom she Knew was still in love or whatever with his Ex. We all know how tragically that ended. Please don't end up like Princess Di!!!!

Hugs and support.


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## detroitdiva (Jun 16, 2006)

Does anyone know if MaczAddict is okay? I see she hasnt been on here in quite awhile. Hopefully she is and when she's ready to talk we'll be here waiting for her!!


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## Zoey (Jun 16, 2006)

Eliasbeth lmao at one way bus ticket!


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## Kelly (Jun 16, 2006)

The one way bus ticket would have been kinda funny....yet not too mean. LMAO!


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## Elisabeth (Jun 18, 2006)

Well,

It was kind of a joke but not really.

It would sure be a classy way to give him a sendoff

to where he really wants to be (at this time in his life, or whatever)

anyway.

And it doesn't land your backside in jail like Burning Down His House..tends to.:frech:

I laughed too. Sometimes, I crack even myself up.

Yes, I hope she is ok and not planning her wedding.


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## ohzinzi (Jun 18, 2006)

I hope everything works out fine. I would just talk to him &amp; explain how you're feeling, etc. but I understand that's easier said than done.


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## proud2bme (Jun 19, 2006)

I feel so sorry for you because it seems like most men just can't get their minds right. My advice might be a little different, I don't know I guess I just believe in second chances. I would approach him and lay it down on the table of everything you read. Don't yell or scream just talk in a calm matter and let him know that you are not that upset. By doing it this way you will have him more open so he can be more honest. If you show him that you are upset and yelling I think that he will just tell you want to hear. This is just my advice. I can't say to you leave or stay. But just know that if you stay its going to take hardwork to keep this relationship going and maybe years to fix. It might just be a waste of time. I am currently working on a 7 year marriage that have been broken by cheat and deciet. I am putting my all in this marriage. I have learned to forgive and forget (most of the time) But we have our good days and our bad (the days we reflect about the past) but I think my marriage is worth fighting for and saving. I just look at the fact that no ones perfect. People who have been married 20-30-40 years went through problems, but stuck in there.

If this is his first time, i dont know i would say give it another chance, but if things like this have happened numerous of times then you might want to consider splitting because i always learned that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result.

I hope my advice was of some benefit.

Silver Queen

Visit this site Silver Jewelry Club and get Free Jewelry.


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