# My Boyfriends Best Friend...



## MissPout (Mar 4, 2009)

Hey there

Well...my Boyfriend and me are a couple since almost 5 Months now. His best friend is a girl, she is 29 years old, my Boyfriend 25 and i am 24. So they know each other since 9 years now, but with large breaks for years. Everytime we are at a club or something, she is around. And she is to be on the scrounge all the time. He is is paying her Drinks and all the stuff. I liked her in the first times but now she is bullying me all the time. She is trying to insult me.




Well i can't sleep and it hurt's me. I asked him if he can tell her she have to stop it because everytime i try to talk to her she is insult me! But he told me now, he still want's to meet her, even if it hurts me if they meet. And trust me, it hurts. Everybody i asked "What do you know about her?" They are all told me the Same. She is to be on the scrounge all the time, she's sneaking and a lot more things. They told me to be careful with her but i was thinking "What the heck? No she's nice." but now i could cry. I gave her so much stuff because i wanted to be nice and she dont have a lot of money and now...



I told my boyfriend how it hurts me and his answer was "Dont ask me to dont meet her anymore. One of my ex girlfriends asked me, 'Me or your Friends' and he have choose his friends. Its between YOU and HER."

In my opinion she dont respect him if she dont respect me but he told me that he dont think so. I am confused and sad because he told me he'll do everything for me and that i am the love of his life.

I don't wat to loose him but i don't want she in my live anymore...I don't know what to do now


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## katana (Mar 4, 2009)

I'm sorry your going through this....

Is she out-right being rude to you and insulting you, or is it how you perceive her actions?

Does she do this when your BF is around to witness it?

He may not have seen it first hand, and therefore doesn't realize how much of a problem it is.

I'm not sure what advice I can give, besides talking to him.

You two are a couple, and therefore he should respect that and want his friends to respect that.

What would he say if this were a male friend being rude to you. Would he tell his friend to smarten up?

Maybe he has or did have feelings for this girl, and is having a hard-time cutting down on the contact he has with her. (Although the feelings are probably one sided)

Have you tried speaking to her about this? How about confronting her, when your BF is in the room, and that way it can all be out in the open.

I'm not sure what to say. You really need to speak to him about this. He needs to realize this is a problem that needs attention.

When my BF and I first started dating, his best friend was an old high school friend who was female.

I know she had more then friendly feelings for him, he knew too, but he wasn't interested like that, so nothing ever came of it.

However for years, they remained great friends and she continued to crush on him all along. They did everything together, as friends.

When I came in the picture, he immediatly cut contact....not intentionally, but I was taking up all his time!





Out of respect for the new girl (aka moi) She also gradually cut ties. She still sent him B-day gifts and left a card or 2 on his windshield but she was aware that he was now in a relationship, and therefore their friendship was going to be different. I was THE WOMAN in his life now. In that sense she was very respectful of me, and no he would no longer be "paying for her drinks" or anything else. C'mon now, really? Does this guy grow money?? How do afford paying your own way, plus a GF's expenses, and a next girls?? That won't be happening forever!

Anyways, its all good now in my case, she has gotten her self a BF, and on the rare occasion we see them, her BF acts all weird towards my BF. (He must know how she felt about him before he was around).....Men &amp; woman can be friends, and all is in good fun, unless it's causing friction in the relationship.

I think you should sit him down, and talk to him. Her too.

OR you can get yourself a cute male friend to go meet, without him. Let him buy you drinks and spend time/money on you, and be rude to your BF. Then ask your BF how it made him feel.

Sorry maybe someone else, has better advice.


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## HairEgo (Mar 4, 2009)

Katana, your advice is good. I would also point out to your boyfriend that if he claims you are 'the love of his life' if his bestfriend is more important then that love? Also on the other end of the spectrum, do you think that perhaps you are just feeling a bit insecure becuase his bestfriend happens to be a women?


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## pinksugar (Mar 4, 2009)

I agree with K.

If he is doing things that he knows will hurt you, and he won't discuss them rationally and look for any kind of compromise, then he doesn't respect your feelings.

You deserve better. I wouldn't give him an ultimatum, I would simply ask him to help you find a solution to the problem or to speak to her about the way she's treating you.

If he won't even defend and support you in this small way, then I'd say goodbye. You've been together for 5 months - you should still be in the honeymoon phase and his behaviour suggests that he's not treating you like you deserve IMO!

hope this helps!


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## bia910 (Mar 4, 2009)

He said your the love of his life yet he's not even considering of your feelings. That makes no sense. It almost sounds as if he would choose her over you if need be. In my opinion when a man is truly head over heels for a woman he would do absolutely nothing to jepordize their relationship. You've only been with him for 5 months, so my suggestion to you is just to be cautious and dont throw your whole heart out to him so naively.


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## Adrienne (Mar 4, 2009)

This is all very good advice given so far. You're only five months into the relationship and he's already putting others first. I know friendships between women and men are fine imo but you don't let your friends diss your SO. Not even family should be allowed to do that (even though some won't shut their traps lol.) Does he think it evens the field a little bc she isn't a guy? My husband won't even let his sister talk crap to me even if she did want to or even his parents. Ultimatums aren't necessary here (you're too early into the relationship) but compromise is.


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## MissPout (Mar 18, 2009)

Hey there!

Thanks for the nice answers. I talked to my boyfriend last Weekend and told him that he have to be stop her, because she is HIS friend, not mine and i never was rude to her. I cant stand it anymore that she is so rude to me and he told me that he want to breakup the contact to her, if it hurts me that they still meet. But i told him that i never ask him to do that and i dont want to hurt him...he can still have contact to her but he have to stop her. If she dont stop we have to talk about what we will do.


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## pinksugar (Mar 19, 2009)

it sounds like a good start! I hope it works out, she sounds like a jerk!


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## tinktink22 (Mar 19, 2009)

I have always been a part of my bestfriends love life. He always comes to me and talks to me about it. But i respect their time. Both he and I know my feelings for him. BUT Im not his girlfriend and I would back off in a second. I under no cir***stances take a girls side if they are hurting him. i have had to cry through telling him that his gf cheated on him but i did it. He needs to set boundaries. And as a person that has feelings for my bestfriend I can tell you thats whats going on. I would love to act the way they do with you sometimes. But thats only because of the feelings I have for him so i know I am unjust in doing so. I think you need to talk to him because I dont think she is going to stop any time soon.


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