# Gamer Boyfriend



## Bonnie Krupa (May 17, 2011)

My boyfriend is a hard core gamer.  Actually he puts hard core gamers to shame.  I don't care that he plays, I play video games too.  When it consumes your life though is what bothers me.  When I ask him to help around the house or ask for help with our daughter it becomes an argument usually.  We DID decide on a time limit and he is usually good with that, but then he sits on his computer surfing, reading his game forums or watching shows.  It's very frustrating.  I try to get him to spend more time with our daughter but he always complains that there's nothing to do and that it's boring.  Best I get is like 20-30 min tops each day.  If I happen to fall asleep early I know he'll be playing his game all night.  Does anyone else have this problem?  How can I deal with this?


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## janetgriselle (May 18, 2011)

Oh that's so sad Bonnie!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

I used to have a boyfriend that was a gamer, our relationship didn't last for unrelated reasons, mostly because we just had different ambitions. You shouldn't have to deal with that though, it's not just your job to take care of your daughter or to clean, it's his job too, so you should stand your ground every time you ask him and calmly explain to him that it's not wrong to ask him for help with things, it's his house too. Just because he's the man doesn't mean he's exempt, you are woman (hear you roar!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> ) I know it will probably suck at first, but you shouldn't be the only one doing housework and he has to realize this.


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## divadoll (May 18, 2011)

He's an addict and gaming/surfing/computers is his drug.  

Maybe you can arrange a playdate for Maddie  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> and your BF outside of the house.  Like going to the park or the zoo or waterpark, away from the computer.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 18, 2011)

I try to, sometimes it works other times its he's like " I don't wanna go anywhere"    As soon as we get home though... he's back on the computer.  So frustrating.


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## Distance (May 18, 2011)

I know how you feel hun, im a gamer too, but I do it in my own time... My bf goes to work, comes home and is straight on the computer playing games, then I end up getting fustrated and going to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night and he still isnt in bed, cause yup hes still on the computer. This happens every day,  I find myself having to fight for his attention now, and I feel like its a chore for him to spend time with me... Bloody men!... I think im just going to delete all the games off the computer and password lock it LOL​  ​ P.s - my bf is always complaining theres nothing to do and that its boring aswell... lmao -.-​


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## divadoll (May 18, 2011)

We?  I was just thinking you just send him and your daughter out for the day.  Sometimes its better when you are not in the picture.  Then you give him that time to be on the computer after as a reward. 

 



> Originally Posted by *Bonnie Krupa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I try to, sometimes it works other times its he's like " I don't wanna go anywhere"    As soon as we get home though... he's back on the computer.  So frustrating.


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## DreamWarrior (May 18, 2011)

Sorry, Im horrible when it comes to advice.  Im very hard because of past experiences.  There is very little I tolerate.

I say - cut the power off and see what happens.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 18, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> We?  I was just thinking you just send him and your daughter out for the day.  Sometimes its better when you are not in the picture.  Then you give him that time to be on the computer after as a reward.


 Oooh, interesting lol


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## SarraSanborn (May 18, 2011)

My boyfriends a gamer. But he makes sure to spend the time with me playing games we both like that I at least like watching. We play dragon age a lot and mass effect because I can choose the storyline. I love games too but it gets boring for me first.

I don't have any advice other than maybe get him into games that your daughter would like watching? Sort of a compromise. Get him to play real life games with her too. Hopefully he'll come around in time.

My bf is currently addicted to the DragonAge Nexus forums. But I can't ACTUALLY blame him because this happened when I needed to be in a lab for a class for over 6 hours.. Go figure.


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## janetgriselle (May 18, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *DreamWarrior* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Sorry, Im horrible when it comes to advice.  Im very hard because of past experiences.  There is very little I tolerate.
> 
> I say - cut the power off and see what happens.



I'd probably do the same thing after awhile, you're really patient Bonnie.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 18, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *SarraSanborn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> My boyfriends a gamer. But he makes sure to spend the time with me playing games we both like that I at least like watching. We play dragon age a lot and mass effect because I can choose the storyline. I love games too but it gets boring for me first.


 She loves to watch any game...APB,  Counterstrike,  left 4 dead, WoW, Donkey Kong...anything.

I'd feel so bad cutting the power hahah


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## divadoll (May 18, 2011)

I sat with my son when he was 6months old and we played Reader Rabbit Toddler.  When he was 1, he played on his own - we bought him all the magic school bus and everything you can think of., same as my daughter.  Its better learning to play than to watch.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 19, 2011)

I've never heard of that before  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />.  Wow Magic School Bus haha, that really takes me back.


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## divadoll (May 19, 2011)

My son is 13 so it is way back.  and the girl mouse in Reader Rabbit, her name is Maddie.  The intro Reader Rabbit says Hi, Maddie!


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 19, 2011)

Aww that's cute.  Is that what made you love the name so much?


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## divadoll (May 19, 2011)

Maybe... not sure why ... it sounds like a happy, carefree name for a girl and you can't really make fun of it... but someone thought that you can custom the game to say the kid's name.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 19, 2011)

The one fear I have is that someone calls her fatty Maddi since I was chubby in middle school and was made fun of


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

They'll make fun of you no matter what your name is... if she really was fat, they'd just call her fatty without a rhyming name.  My daughter is tall and skinny.  She has a certain sparkle that every kid in her class wanted to meet her and play with her and be her best friend at the first week of kindergarten.   She was like the only new toy in a room full of broken or old toys and very kid was drawn to her.  It was very interesting to watch the dynamics...


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

Aww, my daughter just started preschool to help progress her speech and that was what happened to her too.  It seems like every person that meets her is drawn to her it's very odd.


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

Its kinda cool to watch...

She's in grade 2 now and everyone seems to know her name and I get mothers telling me that their daughters think how great she dresses.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

Awwww that's good.  I really hope ( as shallow as it seems ) that my daughter is popular because I don't want her to go through what I went through.


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

I played down the popularity because you don't want it to go to her head.  Its better to be liked but you don't want to rely on being liked to get thru life.  I want her to know that she can do stuff to be successful and that her friends like her because she has ideas and that she is a good friend and not because she looked good in clothing.  I buy her clothes and she puts them together.  I don't spend a ton of $$$, its mostly Walmart, Sears outlet, dollar store and liquidation store and I don't spend anything over $10 on 1 item. 

I had my moments of popularity and my moments of ridicule.  I am a social flutter-by and always have been except for high school which seems to be a spirit killer. 

I don't think its shallow to hope that, its a few less problems you'd have to face if she were popular... you don't have to worry whether or not she'll be liked or have someone to play with or that she'll like school...


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

Oh yeah, I don't want her to be a brat who thinks she's a goddess in HS.  I don't want her to be a fake person.  I want nothing but the best for which I know is just a fantasy.  I am a bargain hunter myself too.   I can't justify spending too much money on clothing.


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

When you've bought Yves St Laurent shorts for $5, and $100+ jeans for $10, you'd refuse to pay full price for anything again - most of the stuff I buy are less than $10 some are under $20 but they have to be pretty special or that they are super discounted already at $20.  

There's this store that I used to buy all of my son's and daughters clothing when they were really young.  They come straight from China but you can get whole outfits for $0.50 to $10.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

Wow...where do you shop!!!    lol   I tend to shop on ebay I can get true religion or juicy for 5-10 bucks.


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

Liquidation World.  I've bought 80% downfilled jackets with a fox fur trim for $10 there.  Dish jeans for $10.  French Connection UK for $10.  I buy all my Christmas party outfits there... usually about $8-10.  I actually bought an silk, men's Indian suit there, retail priced $580 for $58!  I buy perfumes on eBay but rarely clothing.  I need to touch it and see it in person to know if it'll fit.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

Wow, I want a liquidation world!!!  I tend to fit (so does my daughter) the same size so I don't mind shopping on eBay.  I do come across the occasional retards though.  I just bought a shirt from a girl and she sewed the shirt with red thread and very poorly. The shirt was pink and black.  She almost sewed one of the sleeves shut and the buttons she sewed back on...omg. it was like a 2 year did it.


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

Was it used?  

I won't buy from individual sellers, only e-stores and I only buy vintage if it was used.  I bought a mink trimmed swing coat to wear to a party in the winter.  I buy my Converse high tops/low tops on ebay for 1/2 the price.  I'd been buy some costume jewellery on eBay lately too.  I got Maddie a pair of Hello Kitty crystal earrings and a necklace.  We were looking for a birthday present for her in the mall and we saw these Swarovski crystal Hello Kitty jewellery made by Kimora Lee Simmons and they were charging $150 for a simple necklace... $8 for a pair of earrings on ebay and $3 for a necklace.  She's turning 8 so chances are she'll outgrow the Hello Kitty phase in a few months.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

It was but it said only worn once.  I got my money back though so I can't complain....too much lol


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

Did you get to keep the top?

The other day at Walmart, I bought a 9pk of underwear for Maddie for $4!  ...I'm on an underwear kick  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

I did but I have to fix it.  I can't believe she said it was in excellent like new condition...ugggh.

I love Walmart lol I wish there was a close one here


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

Where the heck are ya that there is no Walmart nearby???


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

Burbank border.  The closest is like 20 min away and it's beyond ghetto.  It's scary going there.  I don't even wanna touch anything in there.  I know lots of Walmarts are ghetto but this one is like 20 times worse than any Walmart I've seen.


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

Where I am, Walmarts are all new and newly renovated to accommodate to become a super centre with full grocery sales.  They have their own large parking lots.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

All the Walmarts here are in run down slum cities


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

That sucks!  Move to Vancouver. EA has an office here.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 20, 2011)

Lol I wish I could get outta Cali!  I miss snow  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## divadoll (May 20, 2011)

Vancouver is mostly green in the winter.  Sometimes it snows 5 days to 7 days the entire winter here but you can go to the mountains and ski within 30min-1hr drive depending on where you are and you can go to the beach in the same drive time.  It gets warm in the summers but not HOT.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 21, 2011)

Wow I thought all of Canada got freezing cold in the winter  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## divadoll (May 21, 2011)

Serious?

Hell no! It's awesome here in the BC Coast.



> Originally Posted by *Bonnie Krupa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Wow I thought all of Canada got freezing cold in the winter  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 21, 2011)

You learn something new everyday!


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## janetgriselle (May 21, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *Bonnie Krupa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Burbank border.  The closest is like 20 min away and it's beyond ghetto.  It's scary going there.  I don't even wanna touch anything in there.  I know lots of Walmarts are ghetto but this one is like 20 times worse than any Walmart I've seen.



The Walmart near me is nice, but I refuse to buy anything from Walmart. I think the newer Walmarts are nicer and the older ones are ghetto because the one we had in Islandia, when I lived on Long Island was ghetto also.


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## divadoll (May 21, 2011)

I guess because Walmarts are relatively new in Canada, the first Walmart in my area was a conversion from another similar store but that one is getting renovated to become a Super Centre.  Walmart Canada wants to compete with Real Canadian Superstore which is a non-membership Costco type.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 21, 2011)

Wow I wish we had a store like that


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## divadoll (May 21, 2011)

Many stores including our drugstores carry more stuff.  Cali may be a great vacation spot but I don't think I wanna live there.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 21, 2011)

La is so gross.  I always thought it was this glamorous place growing up full of movie stars and so pretty.   It's not, it's so ghetto and dirty yuck!


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## tangerinex3 (May 22, 2011)

*My b/f is a gamer too*. Guess all of us are having the same _problem_. . .

I try to compromise with him in how much time he spends and try to avoid letting him just go at it for hours. Think once they get the idea that you're not going to say anything about it is when it gets out of hand. Kind of like how kids throw tantrums for stuff cause they know they can get what they want.

It may sound like you're trying to control them or being a mommy to them, but in reality it's just common sense. . . We all got to give up doing one thing that doesn't benefit us so much to do something else that can. Especially when it comes to *FAMILY*.


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## tangerinex3 (May 22, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *Bonnie Krupa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> La is so gross.  I always thought it was this glamorous place growing up full of movie stars and so pretty.   It's not, it's so ghetto and dirty yuck!



And I agree with you on that, *Bonnie*. YUCK!


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 22, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *tangerinex3* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> *My b/f is a gamer too*. Guess all of us are having the same _problem_. . .
> 
> ...



Does he still "throw tantrums" sometimes?  Every once in a while my bf whines about how he should get to play because he works all week.  My reply to him is ok I raise our daughter all week, drive her to speech therapy 4 times a week, drive her to preschool 3 times a week...where's my day off?  lol


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## tangerinex3 (May 22, 2011)

Sometimes, yes. . . A whole lot less though. And he says the same thing about working all week. Just have to figure out a way to get him realize it bothers you. . .Without you getting upset or sounding upset and him seeing that it hurts your relationship and daughters as well.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 22, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *tangerinex3* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Without you getting upset or sounding upset and him seeing that it hurts your relationship and daughters as well.


Yeah, I'll have to figure something out.  I have to ask him in a specific way other wise he feels like I'm telling him to do something and he hates that.


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## AlyLuvsU (May 22, 2011)

I mean no disrespect or intend to offend anyone this just what I think of the situation. I think there are some signs that you need to take charge and not be loose. The reason why he keeps on doing these things is because keep letting him do it. You need to be strong firm and strict . You need to sit down and say you need to spend time with YOUR daughter. Ask him what's more important games or his own creation, your daughter. Now if he says games huh I think you need to maybe rethink your relationship. If he says his daughter is more important without a doubt or hesitation say okay if you want to be in her life and keep a good relatnship with her you need to spend time. Tell him that when he is with her daughter it shouldn't be about him having all the fun and him being able t get his way. Tell him that he should stop and think that just because it's orange for him doesn't mean it's boring for her. Just becaus he thinks there is nothing to do doesn't mean she thinks the same way. Just messing around tickling her and playing dolls with her may be boring and something he doesn't want to do. But to her it is fun and clearly there is something to do whether it's fun or not. I hope my opinion was helpful good luck


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 22, 2011)

He definitely cares much more about our daughter, he only plays about 2.5 hours a day which is our deal.  He usually respects that, the main problem is after he's done gaming he'll sit on his computer.  Until I force him to go spend time with her.  I will definitely bring up your point about how she loves it next time though, I don't think I've ever brought that point up.


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## divadoll (May 23, 2011)

That's so true.  My dad played and play games with my daughter when she is there.  He taught her how to play chess (moves, not strategy).  He played black jack with her.  At 3, a friend's girlfriend taught Maddie how to play Go Fish and she could not get enough of it for months!  Even just to have her nearby doodling while he's on his laptop.  This is how we spend lots of nights, my daughter doodling and talking to me while I'm on my laptop  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## magosienne (May 23, 2011)

I agree, i learned all the basic games with my parents, draughts, yellow dwarf (this has kept us up for hours), beggar-my-neighbour, scrabble, monopoly, rummikub, even puzzles ! It's actually fun as kids can pick up the rules pretty quickly and even win.

We were having a similar conversation with a friend two days ago, and we came to the conclusion that given the price of a single game for any kind of console, with a finite end, it was better to keep paying the monthly WoW fee instead. But of course we were talking about us, with no kids. I kind of understand how hard it is to keep a certain limit in the sense this kind of game is a time spender, two hours are gone before you know it. But the moments you miss being with your kid are moments you'll never get back (no potion for that !). Plus kids are so cute when they play.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 23, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *magosienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> But the moments you miss being with your kid are moments you'll never get back (no potion for that !). Plus kids are so cute when they play.



I tell him that all the time!!!!  He says "but she won't remember it"  and I'm always telling him, but YOU will.


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## divadoll (May 23, 2011)

She wont remember because there'll be no memories made  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 23, 2011)

Yeah, I know she won't remember but I don't want him to look back and regret not spending time with her.  I think he doesn't see father bonding as something special because of his dad/


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## divadoll (May 24, 2011)

My kids remember is what I'm saying... yours wont because he would not have made any memories with her.  My kids remember presents they got and things we did when they were 2.  They remember because we talk about those events.  My husband did the same thing... he didn't realize until he started working out of town and was missing out on Braden's life when he was 2 and a half.


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