# How do you tell your friend their kid is a monster?



## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Hey everyone!! Thanks for reading this and any advice you guys have!!




That being said....

I have recently gotten into contact with a best friend from junior highschool. We were like two peas in a pod then and not much has changed,we get along fantasticly!!!!the only prob is that her 6 yr old son is really disrespectful and wild!!!!!

Now i kno kids get nutty some time, i have my own 2,6,and 7 yrold and they def have their own moments!!lol but my friends son will pull on me, call me names,yell in my face,curse at me ,poke at me etc. The sh*t really hit the fan when he decided to put his finger in his butt and then rub it on my upper lip!!!i almost threw up, all my friend did was tell him to stop!!! the kid always does this when im visiting, im afraid to have him over my house and around my kids.i kno my kids would get upset that he is doing all that stuff to me and calling me nasty names. plus he has a lil 7 month sis who he is so ruff with, it actually scares me !!!!!! i dont want to offend my friend but i dont want her son treating me like that and i kno i cant invite them over and say leave ur son home,lol!!

What the heck should i do!!! i wish my friend would do soomething about it,i hate bein in this position.

any suggesttions /help? thanks


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## Adrienne (May 13, 2009)

This really is a toughie (and I almost threw up just hearing about the butt/lip incident!).

My best advice is to question whether this friendship is really worth it to you or not. If it is, maybe try to make arrangements where you only meet up with the friend without her child. If that's not possible, you may want to reconsider how you approach the child. If he is constantly rude to you, make a point of letting them know when they do so. For example, if they call you nasty names, tell him that that was very inappropriate and that he is not allowed to call you that. It's not much different from telling another adult to respect you and hopefully this will teach the child to respect others. If that doesn't work, then you will need to talk to the mother if she is mature enough to handle it. If not, then unfortunately maybe this will have to be a limited friendship.


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## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif This really is a toughie (and I almost threw up just hearing about the butt/lip incident!). 
My best advice is to question whether this friendship is really worth it to you or not. If it is, maybe try to make arrangements where you only meet up with the friend without her child. If that's not possible, you may want to reconsider how you approach the child. If he is constantly rude to you, make a point of letting them know when they do so. For example, if they call you nasty names, tell him that that was very inappropriate and that he is not allowed to call you that. It's not much different from telling another adult to respect you and hopefully this will teach the child to respect others. If that doesn't work, then you will need to talk to the mother if she is mature enough to handle it. If not, then unfortunately maybe this will have to be a limited friendship.

This is a valuble friendship to me!! I try to visit durin the day when the kids are in school, but when he is around i try to tell him in a nice way, but he still acts nuts!!!my other g.f. wants have like an intervention with this friend about her son


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## Karren (May 13, 2009)

And she see's this going on and chooses to ignore it? My SIL has 4 kids that always ran wild.... not as bad as the finger trick but damn close.... and there was nothing you could say or do.... they were just out of control and she could care less... She's still that way... She is such a nice person but not a good parrent...


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## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Karren* /img/forum/go_quote.gif And she see's this going on and chooses to ignore it? My SIL has 4 kids that always ran wild.... not as bad as the finger trick but damn close.... and there was nothing you could say or do.... they were just out of control and she could care less... She's still that way... She is such a nice person but not a good parrent... yes it pretty crazy!! when he does things to her she yells at him and gives a smacking. my kids would never treat anyone like that!!!!


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## Adrienne (May 13, 2009)

In that case, I would bring it up trying to be helpful asking if her child has problems at school or maybe bad friendships. Rude children are not neccessarily the result of bad parenting. If a child is acting out that bad, they are looking for attention in the wrong way but attention is what they are seeking. Maybe you could both see what the child does best and help praise him with that. It could divert his attention skills in a good way.

I would suggest an individual upfront talk with the friend as oppose as to you both intervening with her. She might feel truly insulted and cornered and will get defensive. If she's an open minded person, then she should understand that you're not ragging on her but trying to helpful so that the time you do spend together is pleasant.


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## emily_3383 (May 13, 2009)

The kid sounds like he has a mental problem. There is a difference between being just a hyper kid and some kid who does stuff like that. He might need more help.


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## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif In that case, I would bring it up trying to be helpful asking if her child has problems at school or maybe bad friendships. Rude children are not neccessarily the result of bad parenting. If a child is acting out that bad, they are looking for attention in the wrong way but attention is what they are seeking. Maybe you could both see what the child does best and help praise him with that. It could divert his attention skills in a good way. 
I would suggest an individual upfront talk with the friend as oppose as to you both intervening with her. She might feel truly insulted and cornered and will get defensive. If she's an open minded person, then she should understand that you're not ragging on her but trying to helpful so that the time you do spend together is pleasant.


good advice



thank you! i am always positive with him. the was one time where he was actually decent, i helped him with his hw and he was pretty good, very hyper but alot better. im going to have them over next weeknd and i hope it is uneventful!!!





Originally Posted by *emily_3383* /img/forum/go_quote.gif The kid sounds like he has a mental problem. There is a difference between being just a hyper kid and some kid who does stuff like that. He might need more help. 
he is def hyper.she says that in school he is fantastic and his teacher finds it hard to believe that he is not behaved at homee,lol i find THAT hard to believe,lol


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## Lucy (May 13, 2009)

i agree with adrienne.

the kid might have ADD?


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## Karren (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *nydoll23* /img/forum/go_quote.gif yes it pretty crazy!! when he does things to her she yells at him and gives a smacking. my kids would never treat anyone like that!!!!



Yeah!! When ever we went out together we would always get compliments about how well behaved our kids were whiler hers were running amuck... One time they left my sisters rehersal dinner and invaded the kitchen and someone elses wedding reception!! lol

Sound like he needs to a visit from Nanny 911 or Super Nany!!!


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## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Karren* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yeah!! When ever we went out together we would always get compliments about how well behaved our kids were whiler hers were running amuck... One time they left my sisters rehersal dinner and invaded the kitchen and someone elses wedding reception!! lol
Sound like he needs to a visit from Nanny 911 or Super Nany!!!


omg, thats too funny





my hubby thinks that he acts that way cuz im too nice, but i dont want to scare him!!!!although ive fantastized about throwing him out the window!!!!


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## internetchick (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Lucy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i agree with adrienne. 
the kid might have ADD?

That is way beyond being ADD. I would end a friendship over that. Seriously. They are doing _nothing_ about this. I think this IS a result of bad parenting. Did you chew that kid a new one over that? Because friend's kid or not I sure as hell would have. NO ONE rubs shit on me. You don't want your own kids to be seeing you being treated like garbage by your friends and their kids. That kids behavior is so beyond revolting I can't even put it into words. At this point I wouldn't be diplomatic. The kid gloves would come off and Bam! my friend would get an earful. Either do something about your kid, or I don't need you in my life.
But hey, that's just me lol.


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## Karren (May 13, 2009)

I'm surprised anyone ever comes over to visit her at all.... One time when we visited my SIL... she had made a Batman costume for the youngest son... and while we were standing there he climbed on top of the paino and leaped accross the room on top of the dining room table... Were like stunned and my SIL says "Isn't it neat how the cape flows in the wind like that!" Ekkkkkkkkkkk


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## Adrienne (May 13, 2009)

^^LOL

Maybe he does have something more going on. Unfortunately, it sounds like he has an authoritive problem. He's respectful at school but not at home?


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## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *internetchick* /img/forum/go_quote.gif That is way beyond being ADD. I would end a friendship over that. Seriously. They are doing _nothing_ about this. I think this IS a result of bad parenting. Did you chew that kid a new one over that? Because friend's kid or not I sure as hell would have. NO ONE rubs shit on me. You don't want your own kids to be seeing you being treated like garbage by your friends and their kids. That kids behavior is so beyond revolting I can't even put it into words. At this point I wouldn't be diplomatic. The kid gloves would come off and Bam! my friend would get an earful. Either do something about your kid, or I don't need you in my life.
But hey, that's just me lol.






lmao, he didnt put shit on me, cuz i prob would of killed him!! he rubbed his finger under my nose when he was standing behind me,so i didnt see it coming. then i smelled butt!!!!!





my friend yelled at him but that was it, i would of grounded my kids for a month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ^^LOL 
Maybe he does have something more going on. Unfortunately, it sounds like he has an authoritive problem. He's respectful at school but not at home?

Myfriend told me that he is good in school and his teacher couldnt believe he misbehaves at home. she told me this when i tried to tell her basically that i was still grossed out by what he did. I dont believe it though, i think she might be in denial. We def have different ways of parenting!!


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## Adrienne (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *internetchick* /img/forum/go_quote.gif NO ONE rubs shit on me. This statement alone had me rolling


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## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif This statement alone had me rolling




me too!!! i hope everyone dosent think i allow to be shit stamped!!!!


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## Adrienne (May 13, 2009)

Some people do have their fetishes lol. (2 girls 1cup



)


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## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Some people do have their fetishes lol. (2 girls 1cup https://forum.makeuptalk.com/ima...lies4/yuck.gif) 

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???????


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## Karren (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Some people do have their fetishes lol. Its not a fetish!! Its a life style choice!! Ohhh. You weren't talking about that! Never mind!! Hahaha


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## reesesilverstar (May 13, 2009)

Yea, my friend would definitely hear from me... A bad behaved child is not cute, and if the parent doesn't repirmand them, that's a bigger problem.

They have issues, and somebody needs to point it out to them... That whole scenario was really disgusting.


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## nydoll23 (May 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *reesesilverstar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yea, my friend would definitely hear from me... A bad behaved child is not cute, and if the parent doesn't repirmand them, that's a bigger problem.
They have issues, and somebody needs to point it out to them... That whole scenario was really disgusting.

It was hard for me to confront her about how there was a lack of disipl ...

she was my bff in juniorhigh and we lost touch for about ten yrs,so i didnt kno how to speak to her about this,being that we just got back into contact. i have a really bad neck n back, a whole bunch of bulging diskss and this kid really beats up on me, he is just 6 but he is really big,overweight too. the few times ive been over there when he's around i wind of leaving pretty sore




but iam going to talk to her, i guess i needed some thoughts on the situation first. thanks guys


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## pinksugar (May 13, 2009)

I would just let the child know that it's completely unacceptable to act like that with you.

That is revolting. I dont think he has ADD, as he behaves ok at school. I think it's completely a respect/parent relationship thing, and he's doing as much as he can to see if he can get away with it in front of his mum. He's testing her boundaries.


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## internetchick (May 13, 2009)

LOL! I guess it did sound pretty funny.





I am glad he didn't actually get you with the poo finger lol. I still would react the same way. That is so disrespectful. It's not an easy conversation, but I would still have it. I actually had to have one like that with my older sister. Not fun, but it doesn't feel good to be disrespected and stay silent either.


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## Ozee (May 13, 2009)

Well there would of been some poo there at least, maybe not visable lol

I would speak to her personally and honestly. I think an intervention is a bit much, Its very easy to get offended when people talk about your children or parenting skills (or lack of).

Its a hard situation, Myself personally i would of already said something simple like 'no dont do that pls darling, itsnot nice' firmly but nicely to the child when the mother was present. I think she would get it then.

Good luck!


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## Dragonfly (May 14, 2009)

This is your home and you have every right to put up boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour.

Schools do this all the time.

If your kid was behaving poorly and being disrespectful to another adult, wouldn't you want to know?

You're not doing your friend any favours by tolerating her kid's bad manners.


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## nydoll23 (May 14, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Dragonfly* /img/forum/go_quote.gif This is your home and you have every right to put up boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour.Schools do this all the time.

If your kid was behaving poorly and being disrespectful to another adult, wouldn't you want to know?

You're not doing your friend any favours by tolerating her kid's bad manners.



It wasnt in my home , they havent been to my home.I have said no to him,and stop etc. he just dosent listen. in no way ,shape or form am i tolorating his behavior. i just didnt agree with how she disaplined him and am a lil cautious in having him at my house. Ijust havent yelled at him, but i did tell him i would not speak to him or spend any time with him if he treats me like that!!!!!

Originally Posted by *internetchick* /img/forum/go_quote.gif LOL! I guess it did sound pretty funny.




I am glad he didn't actually get you with the poo finger lol. I still would react the same way. That is so disrespectful. It's not an easy conversation, but I would still have it. I actually had to have one like that with my older sister. Not fun, but it doesn't feel good to be disrespected and stay silent either.


lol,im glad too!! I did tell him not to do the things he does and that i wouldnt talk to him or hang out with him if he treated me that way. Im more dissapointed with my friends reaction,which wasnt much.

She has a 7 month old baby that he is so rough with it scares me, but what can i say cuz its her child and she thinks the baby thinks its funny.

its very messed up, cuz i wanna say stuff but i dont want to push my boundries, having said that.....

If he pulls this kind of shit at my house, i will be saying something!!!! At my house you get time out!!!!!!


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## mahreez (May 14, 2009)

well if she's a really good friend, i'd definitely tell her...but maybe i wont tell her she lacks in parenting stuff or something, maybe i'll tell her, her son needs special attention maybe that's why he's acting this way.

also if i see the kid, i'd tell him not to do those again or i'll throw him out the window haha. i bet when he tells this to his mom, she wouldn't believe him anyway. lol.


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## nydoll23 (May 14, 2009)

Originally Posted by *mahreez* /img/forum/go_quote.gif well if she's a really good friend, i'd definitely tell her...but maybe i wont tell her she lacks in parenting stuff or something, maybe i'll tell her, her son needs special attention maybe that's why he's acting this way. 
also if i see the kid, i'd tell him not to do those again or i'll throw him out the window haha. i bet when he tells this to his mom, she wouldn't believe him anyway. lol.




Lmao!!!!!!that could work,lol!!!!!!


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## Shelley (May 14, 2009)

It's not an easy conversation.I wouldn't say anything about parenting skills to her but you could say to her (the parent) that you don't like it when her son calls you names, the butt incident etc and you won't tolerate it no matter where you are.


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## candygalore (May 14, 2009)

i honestly think this kid has a mental condition, not crazy. but something like ADD BUT ADD KIDS USUALLY ARE DISTRACTED VERY FAST IT SOUNDS MORE LIKE ADHD TO ME, HARD TO CONTROL. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR FRIEND THAT SHE NEEDS TO TAKE HIS BEHAVIOR SERIOUS AND MAYBE TAKE HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR. AND TALK TO HER ABOUT THINGS THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN, IM PRETTY SURE SHE IS EMBARRASED AS FAR AS HOW HE ACTS, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF YOU GUYS WERE THE PEAS IN A POT, JUST TALK TO HER AND ASK HER QUESTIONS LIKE HAVE YOU NOTICE HOW ACTIVE HER CHILD IS.


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## Maysie (May 17, 2009)

Okay some of the responses in this thread seriously made me laugh out loud. Karren, that bit about your SIL remarking on her child's cape as he catapulted his body across the room was insane!

I have to say that can relate to this situation however. It's really tough when you have a friend who has crazy/annoying kids. In my experience, I chose to end the friendship because of this and other factors. I think it's a sign of disrespect towards you that your friend is allowing her kid to treat you this way. But since the relationship means so much to you, hopefully after you talk to her, her kid will chill out.


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## McRubel (May 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *nydoll23* /img/forum/go_quote.gif he is def hyper.she says that in school he is fantastic and his teacher finds it hard to believe that he is not behaved at homee,lol i find THAT hard to believe,lol I wonder if he behaves in school because he knows he can't away with the stuff he does at home. That boy needs boundaries. And if this chick doesn't start soon, the daughter might end up that way.


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## nydoll23 (May 18, 2009)

she actually has a 7 1/2 yr old daughter too but she is an angel.

seems like he is the only demonic one!


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## amber_nation (May 18, 2009)

I'd find a way to make it painfully obvious how you feel without having to call her out on her parenting skills. Most people are incapable of believing that they are bad parents or that something is wrong with their kid. She'll just see it as being a personal slam against her.

And isn't what that kid did with his finger called a "Dirty Sanchez?"

and speaking of bad kids. A coworker said that she knew some kids who urinated in the mouth wash. Their dad didn't find out until it was too late.


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## nydoll23 (Jun 22, 2009)

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!

Turns out this"friend" was complete bad news!!!!!! She used me for car rides everywhere. she allowed her son to terrorize me n my children n my house. She was spiteful greedy and turns out shes a thief too!!!!!I swear the next time i befriend someone again,i will run screaming at the first sign of negativity i get!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After i figured she was just a user and a horrible parent, i decieded to slowly pull away from being her friend. I stopped talking to her and i unfriended her on facebk.I cannot understand why people think its ok to take advantage of good people!!!! Just because im nice and generous,dosent mean i wont beat your ass if you try to screw me,n use me!!!!!

Funny thing was .after i unfriended her on facebk, this psyco shows up at my house banging on the door for some cheesey lil dollar store cardboard book that she left at my house last month for her baby.

I had ofered to bring it to her last month but she said no forget about it,it was a dollar,lol



Then she desperately needed it back.meanwhile i had given her baby clothes,toys and other things. Itook care of her baby for her,she would leave her in pee diapers for hours and i couldnt take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!

long story short,and its quite the story!!! Becareful who you let into your life,cause there are alot of shitheads out there that would love an easy ride or just to make someone else as miserable as they are. Sometimes envy can be such a horrible n hateful thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

But ne hoot,im over it!!!!I have most certainly learned my lesson, and thank everyone for reading my rant



!!!lol


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## Adrienne (Jun 22, 2009)

Aww I hate that's how it worked out but I guess it really didn't take a long time for her to show her true colors. Well thank goodness you're better off without that mess


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## nydoll23 (Jun 22, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Aww I hate that's how it worked out but I guess it really didn't take a long time for her to show her true colors. Well thank goodness you're better off without that mess




Yep just a good month of terror,lol. I guess I really should of listened to my inner warning bell,but I just was excited to have a oldschool friend with kids n she lived close enough to get together.I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt but,your right, thank goodness Isaw the real monster she was before I devoted any more time to this toxic "friend"!!!


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