# Dumped...I think?



## HairEgo (Jan 16, 2010)

The guy I wrote about in a few other threads, offically (I think) broke up with me today. We had plans to get together tonight, I sent him a msg to confirm and he called and told me he accidentally double booked himself tonight and if other plans came along, that I should take them.

That comment pissed me off and we got into it...I told him that I moved my whole weekend around to hang out with him tonight and he told me he never asked me to do that and that was all my doing. He told me not to blame it on him and so on. I asked if he wanted to end things becuase I felt like he never wanted to see me and he said we had been fighting a lot the last 4 weeks...I asked him again if he wanted to end things and he said he 'honestly doesnt know what he wants'. He also said he didnt want to string me along if he wasnt 100% (uhh too late for that).

He said he needed time to think about things and that we have been arguing so much lately that he doesnt know if we can make it work. He told me he would let me know as soon as he thought about it, it might not be today, tomorow but ASAP. I said a face to face might be helpful and asked if he was available to meet in the afternoon sunday...he said he MAY be available and will let me know tomorow morning.

What the hell am I supposed to do with this!? I like him....I dont want it to end...is it stupid that Im trying to hold onto something that it seems like he doesnt even care about?


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## emily_3383 (Jan 16, 2010)

You need to let this dude go! Its not worth it! You are wasting your time big time.


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## MakeupByMe (Jan 16, 2010)

I Agree !!! A relationshipp needs two people to try not one No matter how much you try you cant love enough for the both of you!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck!!!!!!!!!!


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## Ricci (Jan 16, 2010)

I agree with Emily and MakeupbyMe..

he seems like he is already stringing you along.. If it ends I hope u get over him fast , broken hearts suck.


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## Aprill (Jan 16, 2010)

You are dealing with the type of man that I hate.... he's comparable to a dog that is on the leash walking BEHIND you....

You tell him your birthday is not a big deal...and he ignores that and you on your birthday... (though I saw that as being not a big deal, it kinda is because so early into a relationship a man shouldnt be ignoring you)

You get a new hairdo...he ignores that too.....

You set a date in which you have to move things around for him....not vice versa...

You have to message him to confirm the date....not vice versa.

And the one time he wants to be a man and get control of his balls....its to kinda sorta break up... he will let you know.....oh hellll no.

Understandable that you like him...but think forward I dunno 3-5 years with him when real issues in a relationship come up...financial issues, babies, buying things together, marriage, engagement...parties... Is this what you wanna deal with?


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## HairEgo (Jan 16, 2010)

I'm not a tiny girl, its not as easy for us 'big gals' to get dates, so i suppose ive held onto the notion that its better to have something, even if at times its ****in crappy, then to have nothing at all? I know how stupid everything I am saying sounds to others, trust me, I know...and I wish i were the type of women who could be all 'oh hell no' and tell him where to shove it and that i dont need/want him, but im clearly not, I have insecurities. I know i shouldnt want to be with someone who doesnt want to be 100% with me, b ut how do you tell yourself that and make yourself believe it?


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## Dalylah (Jan 16, 2010)

I am going to have to agree with these girls, especially Aprill. He is not worth the time you are investing in him. I know it sucks, especially if you really like him but there is something out there you will like just as much and will treat you with respect, courtesy and kindness. Don't waste your time and tears on those that won't take the time to properly invest in you.

Edit: We all have insecurities and to be perfectly honest I am "well rounded" too. I have a good decent partner in life who does appreciate and accept all of me. Trust me sweetie, they are out there. Please don't think for one second because you are overweight, too tall, too short or whatever that someone won't want all of you.


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## Aprill (Jan 16, 2010)

I must end this phenomena of plus sized women feeling like they are not the shit....... but that's a whole other thread.....


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## MakeupByMe (Jan 16, 2010)

I just gotta say No wonder you have a guy like that Honey It does not matter the Size you are or your looks If You see yourself as worthless or Unworthy Than Thats exactly the way others will view you!!!!!!!!!!!! I say stay single for a bit &amp; learn to love you Than when the time is right you meet someone who will love you for you....................... You have to truly know you deserve better Respect yourself and others will follow!!!!!!!!


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## Dalylah (Jan 16, 2010)

Originally Posted by *MakeupByMe* /img/forum/go_quote.gif If You see yourself as worthless or Unworthy Than Thats exactly the way others will view you!!!!!!!!!!!! I say stay single for a bit &amp; learn to love you Than when the time is right you meet someone who will love you for you....................... You have to truly know you deserve better Respect yourself and others will follow!!!!!!!! Sooo beyond true. This was a hard lesson learned for me.


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## emily_3383 (Jan 16, 2010)

I think all of this comes down to is you investing in yourself and working on those insecurities and you will find someone when you arent even looking. i only say that because I found someone without even looking.


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## Lucy (Jan 16, 2010)

i agree 100% with the other girls. it may not feel like it now if you still sorta hold a flame for him, but this guy is a ****. as aprill says, he doesn't even have the balls to break it off to your face.

it's acceptable to have insecurities and feel crap about yourself sometimes because we all do, but all you have now is a man who is making that worse. you had to text him just to make sure he still wanted to go out. that won't make you feel good about yourself. you need someone who can show you respect and that will in turn build your confidence. i speak as someone who spent 3 years letting myself be treated the way you are, and it took me those 3 years to realise i shouldn't settle for anything less. save yourself some time and be happy you're rid of him.


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## Chaeli (Jan 16, 2010)

At this point, more than working on your relationship with him, you really should be working on building your relationship with yourself. You are a warm and wonderful person that deserves to be loved and admired by the SO in your life and treated like the pretty princess you really are. When they love you, you know it because they feel dumb cuz they broke the bouquet of flowers they brought you for your birthday when they walk blindly into a wall or door cuz they couldn't take their eyes off your pretty face. That is the person you want to call your own.


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## Karren (Jan 16, 2010)

If he has to think about it... Then let him go!


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## Dragonfly (Jan 16, 2010)

I really want to wade in on this thread but everyone is giving you perfect advice and guidance.

One thing I can add is that you only knew him for a few months.

The reality is that most relationships don't go beyond the 3 or 4 month period.

Frankly, be happy that you got rid of him - he sounds like a dirt sandwich to me.

Now you are available to a really nice guy who will be truly worth of you.


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## Bec688 (Jan 16, 2010)

I'm with the others Gina, you need to let this one go. You deserve a whole lot better than this guy. You're a vivacious, beautiful, intelligent woman and you deserve so much more, especially a lot more than the 'back up' girl for him. Chin up hun, you can and will find a man who truly deserves you


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## Aprill (Jan 16, 2010)

I have but one request when this is all over with that guy....please give you some time to love and appreciate your curves before entering in a relationship with another guy and telling yourself thats all you can get because you are plus sized.


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## HairEgo (Jan 17, 2010)

I know what everyone is saying is true, and I really appriciate the kind words. Its just the sting right now thats making it difficult for me to deal with it. Plus the fact that he didnt straight out dump but basically told me hes thinking about dumping me which basically leaves me in limbo.

I know I shouldnt waste tears on someone who doesnt so much as care about me, but how do you tell your heart to stop hurting? I'm positive I will look back on this and laugh and think how much better off i am, just not right now.


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## Bec688 (Jan 17, 2010)

Time heals the heart... look after yourself in the meantime, do nice things for yourself and you always have MUT for a nice distraction


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## Aprill (Jan 17, 2010)

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Plus the fact that he didnt straight out dump but basically told me hes thinking about dumping me which basically leaves me in limbo. ^^That's enough right there for me to call his ass and say 'you know what? this is not a loan application this is a relationship...lets call it a wash and end it now...there's nothing to think about'


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## HairEgo (Jan 17, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif ^^That's enough right there for me to call his ass and say 'you know what? this is not a loan application this is a relationship...lets call it a wash and end it now...there's nothing to think about' That might be the most brilliant thing ive read all day. When/If he calls me tommorow, you know, IF hes available for a face to face, I might just read that word for word.


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## Aprill (Jan 17, 2010)

I wouldnt give him the pleasure of seeing my face again....Id call his ass on the phone and tell him that and hang up. He's a loser and he dosent deserve another second.

I can name you 5 or 6 women that have men wagging their tongues because they are supposed to be 'so ****ing hot' that's got a man at home that treats them like a dog. Looks aint got nothing to do with this, and if he decided to stay around...I guarantee you its just to put his hand in the cookie jar and he's done anyway. Dismiss that b****


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Jan 17, 2010)

this guy is not worth your time. It kinda seems like he is dating several people and only makes plans with oyu when the person he likes more is not avaliable. find someone who appreciates how awsome you are and that is worth your time.

Ps. he is totaly lame if he is trying to blame all problems on you. makes him seem like a little boy behavior wise. and you are a grown woman go find a real man

(sorry for the mean words i hate when guys do stuff like that)

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You are dealing with the type of man that I hate.... he's comparable to a dog that is on the leash walking BEHIND you....
You tell him your birthday is not a big deal...and he ignores that and you on your birthday... (though I saw that as being not a big deal, it kinda is because so early into a relationship a man shouldnt be ignoring you)

You get a new hairdo...he ignores that too.....

You set a date in which you have to move things around for him....not vice versa...

You have to message him to confirm the date....not vice versa.

And the one time he wants to be a man and get control of his balls....its to kinda sorta break up... he will let you know.....oh hellll no.

Understandable that you like him...but think forward I dunno 3-5 years with him when real issues in a relationship come up...financial issues, babies, buying things together, marriage, engagement...parties... Is this what you wanna deal with?

The middle part about him kinda sorta wanting to break up. He prob wants a chance to feel out some of the other girls he is dating before he decided if he should continue dating you. (i know you guys are not exclusive so i dont mean it as an insult guys are just disgusting like that, at least the ones that dont like makeup)

Sorry this is so long!

but now you will also have time to pamper your self, i always do something special beauty wise so even if i am still hung up on someone after a breakup i feel like i am attractive to people. Plus this will free you up for when that nice, caring guy that loves celebrating birthdays comes along


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## Chaeli (Jan 17, 2010)

He may be a very likeable person. A lot of fun to be with when he isn't under pressure. It also sounds like he just never moved to the next stage from dating to relationship. That is what dating is all about. Going out with and doing things with certain persons and enjoying their company and just hanging out. Sometimes though, dating is just what it is... dating. Many people date more than one person and is non committal as they just haven't made up their minds with whom, if any, they are ready to commit to. It sounds like in your case that you had your mind made up and were ready to move forward when this person wasn't and he felt pressured which in turn has/is driving him away. Should you choose to continue seeing him, move with caution and realize, he may just not be ready to make a full commitment at this point and more than likely, you may not be the only person he is dating.


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## Dalylah (Jan 17, 2010)

Hang on while you're going through it and time will take care of the hurt. Watch a couple of good chick flicks to let all the crying and hurt out in a relaxing way. Go have fun with your friends and lean on them. Come hangout with the MuTers and know that you are well liked here and I'm sure well loved in your real life. Worse come to worse, paint yourself up like Jessica Rabbit and embrace your inner sultriness


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## Lucy (Jan 17, 2010)

one word.

grease.

(the film). it gets me through _anything_.


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## HairEgo (Jan 17, 2010)

We'll see how today goes, IF he calls and IF he does how I handle that. God sometimes I wish i could just skip all the dating bullshit!


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Jan 17, 2010)

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif We'll see how today goes, IF he calls and IF he does how I handle that. God sometimes I wish i could just skip all the dating bullshit! you and me both!!!
i hate the whole "dating rules" thing. if you like me than act like it, the whole rules of dating just leave me confused about what people want


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## sooperficial (Jan 18, 2010)

Ladies, ladies ladies! We hold more power than we think or give ourselves credit for! Being plus sized has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with your worth as a human being or your desirability to the opposite sex. YOU set the bar. YOU are the only person who is in FULL control of your love life. Yes getting hurt by a guy sucks, We've all been dumped before. We've all hurt when someone we liked/loved/lusted doesn't reciprocate the sentiment. Use this experience to learn about the type of man you ARE NOT going to deal with. I had to kiss a lot of frogs till I found my prince and you will probably end up kissing a few more frogs till you find "the one" too.

The most important piece of advice I can give you is to NEVER show a man that treats you like poop (cause this guy clearly has) that he has any sort of power over your emotional well being. Stay strong, tell him to go eff himself, sit on it and spin and to lose your contact information. While you're at it, delete his.

You are worth more than this, and trust me honey, size has nothing to do with it. If it did bigger girls would be worth more than skinny girls, right?


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## HikerGal (Jan 18, 2010)

Cut him loose. Take some time and focus on yourself. You are fabulous and you know it. You deserve the very best in life and in a partner...don't waste a moment thinking otherwise. Your strength and confidence will bring men to their knees!


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## HairEgo (Jan 20, 2010)

Yeah so, he never ended up calling about getting together. I foolishly msgd him and he was quick to come up with every excuse possible. The bit that struck me as odd and hurt the most was he just couldnt come out and say its over...and he still hasnt. Obviously not the person I thought he was. He told me we would get togther wed or thursday to discuss this....guess what? Im certainly not gonna be the one calling to plan that, and I know damn well he wont either...so I consider that the kiss of death...done...over...moving on.


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## StereoXGirl (Jan 20, 2010)

I agree with the other ladies (love Aprill and Monet's advice).

You deserve better!


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## bia910 (Jan 20, 2010)

You mentioned that he didn't officially come right out and say he broke up with you so think of it as if you broke up with him. I know you prolly still have feelings for him and may still hang on to a little bit of hope but this man is just using you for when it is convenient for him. Do not allow yourself to be treated that way. If he calls or contacts you again tell him that he can kiss your a$$!! Like one of the ladies previously mentioned i absolutely cannot stand this type of men. One way that may be easier for you to deal with this is to think about it like this- do you love yourself? because if you did, you should/would not allow anyone to treat you this way. He will only hurt you more. Love yourself more than you love this dumbass and that should help you through.


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## Shelley (Jan 22, 2010)

I agree with the other members. You don't deserve this type of treatment. I know it's not easy to let go of feelings immediately but in time things will be better. You will find a man who will treat you alot better, you deserve it





I find immersing myself in an activity I enjoy or surrounding myself with supportive people helps ease the pain. Plus we are here for you on MUT. Hugs Gina


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