# How many of you got cold feet before getting married?



## Andi (Jun 16, 2008)

Sooo, IÂ´ve been with my fiancÃ© for almost 3 years now, engaged for 1 1/2years. It was always clear that IÂ´d finish med school in Austria and then move to the US and weÂ´d get married there. I always thought I will never be the type of bride who gets cold feet shortly before the big day, because in my naive mind that would mean heÂ´s not the one. But now I only have a little over 1 year left till I graduate, so the big day is coming closer and closer and IÂ´m wondering...you can never say never, right?

So IÂ´m interested, did any of you ladies experience the scared-bride syndrome? How did you handle it? Did the groom have it too?


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## Adrienne (Jun 16, 2008)

I think everyone goes through with it but it sounds like you and your future hubby are great together. I just let pass through bc c'mon, its the choice of being with him that makes him special. I'm pretty sure that he does things that no one can do. Maybe its the way he makes you smile, or that cute little something that brings out his boyish charm. Either way, i'm sure you'll do great as a married couple.


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## pinksugar (Jun 16, 2008)

well I'm not married but I will be interested to see what everyone says.

Anders, I reckon that pretty much everyone must have at least a minute of panic, because it's something that will change your life, it's a big big decision and it's natural to freak out just a little!


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## GlossyAbby (Jun 16, 2008)

I went through it....The morning of my big day... I think it just comes down to nerves...You plan this huge wedding for over a year and there is so much stress around the big day.... and then kissing goodbye your singleness.... I guess it all hit me at once...I was a birdezilla too... my poor busband.. My mom was like don't do it then Abby ..... when I was telling her about my cold feet she told me who cares about the money (a little over 30k my mom and dad spent) .... and once she told me that it didnt matter it all just hit me of course he was the one I wanted I just got freaked out..weddings do that I think...


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## Andi (Jun 16, 2008)

ok good to know this is not just something you see in movies, it happens in real life too. I canÂ´t really ask my mom cause she was almost 8 months pregnant with me, and it was a very small wedding, so itÂ´d be silly to have cold feet when youÂ´re already pregnant by the guy lol.

I can definitely see why your nerves would go crazy if you have a huge wedding planned. Ours is gonna be fairly small I believe, and neither of us wants to spend a lot of $. Well, the brideÂ´s dad is supposed to pay for most, but I donÂ´t want that either.

I just know I have hard time with big changes in my life in general. IÂ´d like for things to always stay the same. But thatÂ´d be pretty boring


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## Dragonfly (Jun 16, 2008)

I have to tell you that I had cold feet leading up to the marriage.

I remember borrowing the In law's car - they had an old 60s tape that played Wedding Bell Blues. All could think of was a college crush named Bill, and that I should have been with him.

Anyways, I went through with the marriage, but I knew I shouldn't have.

We did have a baby - my son - but we finally parted ways four years after we met.

Sometimes I think Cold feet are symptomatic of nerves, and sometimes they are a warning to bale out.

But in hind sight, my cold feet were telling me this is not going to work. But I was too concerned about the money invested, and how so many had made sacrifices to attend the wedding.


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## kdmakeuparts (Jun 16, 2008)

I didn't get cold feet, but we had been living together for almost 3 years, already had cars together, a bank account and stuff. SO really it was just legalizing our already sorta married life. And I just knew, this was who I was supposed to be with. A cousin asked me at the reception, "So how does it feel to be his wife?" And all I could say was, " Like it was always supposed to be this way." I know silly and corny, but true.

I do however remember having weird dreams about not being able to go somewhere or do something because I was "MARRIED" LOL!!!!


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## debbiedeb77 (Jun 16, 2008)

oh yes girl, i had major cold feet but i just decided to jump in with two feet lol, however i think my case was understandable since i only knew him for 3 months before we got married....were going on 10 yrs in aug! marriage is hard work but absolutely worth it!!


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## empericalbeauty (Jun 17, 2008)

we arent married yet but i had a melt down once thinking about the "I will never be able to do..." shindigs


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## KatJ (Jun 17, 2008)

I didn't get cold feet, I got a UTI &amp; bladder infection! Seriously I was sick the whole entire week before we got married, I didn't get completely cured until the Thursday before our wedding (which was Saturday). In my wedding pics I have a HUGE bruise on my hand, LOL.

Okay, to get a little more back on topic... Me and Eric started dating in March, got engaged in October, and then got married in December. There was just something about him that I couldnt shake, and I had to have him... I couldnt stand the thought of living without him, and I never ever got cold feet.


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## pinksugar (Jun 17, 2008)

aw Kat that is adorable.

i want to meet a man that feels that way about me! (and doesn't change his mind 6 months in!)


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## laurreenn (Jun 23, 2008)

i think it's natural to have cold feet. marriage is a big decision that will permanently alter your life. it's normal to wonder about the alternatives and wonder if you're making the right choice. it's foolish to jump into a big decision like this without considering all the possibilities and consequences. after you've thought long and hard about whether you want to marry him and decide it's the right choice for you, then you'll know he's the right one. it's a better indicator than whether or not you get cold feet :]


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## La_Mari (Jun 23, 2008)

I didn't but then again, we just eloped. I actually didn't realize I truly loved him until one day (a yr after we started dating) he had to go to training across the country and I cried and wouldn't let him go, and he cried too.

And then we got married 4 months later.

I just want to get old w/ him and take care of him.


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## bronze_chiqz (Jul 6, 2008)

Well mine is exactly 34 dayz now before the BIGGGG day!!!!!!!!Im nt only having cold feet, having sleepless night and nervous lolz!


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## pinkbundles (Jul 13, 2008)

I had major cold feet two months before my wedding. So much so that I wanted to call the whole thing off. I spent night after night crying to my fiance and telling him how I didn't think I was ready and blah, blah, blah. Of course, he wouldn't accept anything I said. Anyway, one day I sat quietly for who knows how long and really thought about everything. In the end, I decided that so much planning/money has gone into it. My parents and his parents would both be disappointed. My fiance would be soooo hurt. And I'd feel awful about the whole thing. So I decided that I need to go through with it and I did.


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## coocoo4coco (Jul 18, 2008)

Originally Posted by *debbiedeb77* /img/forum/go_quote.gif oh yes girl, i had major cold feet but i just decided to jump in with two feet lol, however i think my case was understandable since i only knew him for 3 months before we got married....were going on 10 yrs in aug! marriage is hard work but absolutely worth it!! *Me too. I only knew my husband for a short time (1st date February, 22nd) before we got unofficially engaged in April (in July for my birthday he gave me a gorgeous ring!) and then we married on January 30th and that was only because we couldn't get a reception hall sooner! So in short we were together only 11 months and most of that time was spent planning the wedding. I was okay up until the month prior to the wedding and then I just freaked! A little bit about my background: I had come from a very emotionally abusive family - my father is mentally unstable and both my mom and father had a horrendous marriage. She finally left him 3 years ago. I attribute a lot of my "nerves/hysteria" to feelings I had towards leaving both my mom and sister alone with that maniac. I felt as though I was abandoning them. There was a lot going on with me because of my crazy home life. I was a crazy mess, crying fits, feelings of being "trapped" - I thought I was losing my mind. And throughout it all, my husband (then fiance) was the best. I remember standing in our new apartment and sobbingly telling him - "I'll never see my mom and sister again" - and he said "but we're only 5 minutes away - you could walk to them if you had to." Now it's laughable, but it was a traumatic time - no joke.*
*On our wedding day all the fears and jitters dissappeared, and I remember seeing his beaming smiling face at the altar waiting for me to walk down the aisle, and all I could do was smile from ear to ear! I felt such a sense of peace and contentment and I knew, that I knew it was the right decision to get married! **Anyway - we've been married 16 beautiful years! And if I had it to do all over again, I would in a heartbeat! He is truly my soul mate and I can't imagine myself with anyone else.*

*So, I'm saying all of this as an encouragement because at the time I didn't really know why I was feeling the way I did at the time. Why I had such feelings of regret and dread when just a few months prior I was so excited about starting a new life with a wonderful guy. As women, I think security is a major need of ours and while we're choosing our mate and anticipating our lives together, we forget to factor in the element of uncertainty that ANY decision contains - especially something as life-changing as a marriage!*

*Hope this helps someone who may need to hear it.*

*CooCoo*


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## pinksugar (Jul 18, 2008)

thank you for sharing your story. I'm so happy to hear it worked out





I wonder what it will be like for me? according to the psychic I saw, I have only 4 years until I find out!


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## uppylicious (Sep 3, 2012)

my friend of about a year and a half and i recently misteriously started dating without knowing it! i got so close to him more when me and my boyfriend (now ex) had issues which later i realised that they were never going to change. i started spending more time with my friend and i discovered that he had all the qualities that my ex lacked, he was always there when i need him and goes out of his way to help me with what i ever help i needed, he calls every day with out needing to be reminded and he makes me laugh all the time which was never the case with my ex. and i have noticed that since i started hanging around him he became more responsible and we have decent productive conversations regarding what we want in life and we discovered that we both want the same things. and now as we speak he has asked me if i'm  ready to settle down and that he wants to make me part of his life and build a life with him.....everything started happening so fast from getting tested together as a couple.. to planning our future like where we are going to live..setting up an account together and meeting his parents next month and eventualy getting married next year. IM NOW FREAKING OUT SO MUCH THAT I CANT EVEN EAT OR SLEEP PROPERLY!

im nervous about everything from finance, faimilies (if i will be accepted and so on) how do i even break the news to my family and where do i start! i mean i seem cant be digesting everything. i have always wanted to get married to some one who is nice humble, caring and resposible now i cant seem to handle it! it was more exciting thinking about it but now that it's happening i am soooo scared!

pls help!


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## divadoll (Sep 3, 2012)

How old are you? Maybe you arent ready for marriage? Do you live together now?


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## uppylicious (Sep 7, 2012)

i'm 27 and no we dont live together! i'm not questioning him, but i'm probably just afraid of what marriage life might throw at me. infact as we speak the introduction ceremony is in two months where we will meet our families. but atleast he is the calm one in all this and he says he understands the fact that all this might be overwhelming for me. i just wish my nerves could calm down so i just enjoy the whole process you know.


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## turtlemomma (Sep 11, 2012)

I never got cold feet.  I knew it would work out and never thought that it would not.  But -  I don't think it is abnormal to get nervous. It's a big commitment.  It can be daunting to think that you will be with this person for the rest of your lives.  I think as long as you have a good foundation of a relationship, it's ok to feel nervous. Some people are just nervous/anxious types!  Just go on with making one decision at a time, doing your best with each choice.  I think there's a lot of media out there about 'the perfect guy', but well, nobody's perfect.  You have flaws. I have flaws.  Our husbands will have flaws.  But if you two are good together and good to each other, then it should all work out ok.  Don't you think?


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## divadoll (Sep 11, 2012)

> i'm 27 and no we dont live together! i'm not questioning him, but i'm probably just afraid of what marriage life might throw at me. infact as we speak the introduction ceremony is in two months where we will meet our families. but atleast he is the calm one in all this and he says he understands the fact that all this might be overwhelming for me. i just wish my nerves could calm down so i just enjoy the whole process you know.


 Nervousness, uncertainty, fear of regret, everyone has these thoughts on some degree. It's a huge step to a experience that you've never had before. I'm sure you've heard your friends, relatives, teachers talk about the permanence of this contract. You have every right to be scared. As long as you have trust in your husband to be, it'll be ok.


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## uppylicious (Sep 13, 2012)

thanks turtle momma! i think so too! i mean he is good to me, and we have so much in common and he is very considerate and responsible! i think hes the kind of guy i realy fantasised about! and he is soo funny!  i'm more worried about if my family will accept him and if his will accept me.....................and he even understand the fact that it's normal to get cold feet and he tells me not to worry. i dont even know how i will break the news to my family and i feel bad because he seem to be the one who is making more efford than i am and he already told his parents about me and they are expecting me next month or so!


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## uppylicious (Sep 13, 2012)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Nervousness, uncertainty, fear of regret, everyone has these thoughts on some degree. It's a huge step to a experience that you've never had before. I'm sure you've heard your friends, relatives, teachers talk about the permanence of this contract. You have every right to be scared. As long as you have trust in your husband to be, it'll be ok.


 thanx! i think i should just take it one day at a time i guess..and see how far it will go! the funny part is that at this stage i dont even seem to care about the dresses, cakes and all the wedding things, i seem to be focusing more on the after wedding life the families, finances and so on, and i thought this was suppose to be the exciting period were you brag about it to your friends, create a wedding file, choosing brides maids but i guess i'm too nervous for that. hopefully once the whole family introduction is over things will get better and maybe just maybe i will experience some excitement.


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