# Grieving Over Someone You Barely Know



## flipshawtii

There has been a massive explosion around my area in California (the San Bruno PG&amp;E fire) and from watching the news, I found out that one of my classmates from high school died in the fire.

We weren't close and we only talked a bit when she was around, but now that she is gone, I really don't know how to react. I'm really in shock, but more shock than sad.

Do you find yourself grieving deeply over someone you aren't too close? How do you deal?


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## Chicken351

I do it. I had a close friends boyfriends dad die last week, and I had only met him a few times, but I still felt shocked and upset. I think I felt more upset for my friend and his boyfriend then for myself, and I think the fact that you knew this person makes you upset for their closer friends and their family. I think it is just a shock to the system when someone you know has died.


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## divadoll

I had grieved for someone I talked to twice. He went to my high school, he called me about the reunion we were arranging. I saw him and talked to him at the reunion for 5 minutes and 2 weeks later, someone called me and told me he died in a car crash


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## reesesilverstar

I think it's normal if you're close in age and from the same area, cuz there's some amount of it could have been you or someone close.


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## flipshawtii

Originally Posted by *reesesilverstar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think it's normal if you're close in age and from the same area, cuz there's some amount of it could have been you or someone close. Very true. I still keep in mind 9/11, but I know it didn't effect me too much since I didn't know what was happening at that time and I lived on the other coast.


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## divadoll

The powers-that-be at that time had wheeled TV's into the atrium and the news broadcast was showing and managers were allowing people to leave their desks to watch what was going on. It was very eerie to watch. This isn't something you forget easily and I mourned for all those that lost their lives there too.


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## Karren

I have.... during the last few major mine disasters... because I know people who know those involved.... and I used to live and work around there....


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## BombDiggity

I remember about 2 years ago, it hit me really hard when this guy got killed on a grehound bus in Manitoba or something. I never met the guy that was killed or any of his family members, I'm not from the area or anything.

CBC News - Manitoba - 40-year-old suspect held in gruesome Manitoba bus killing

I guess I just found it so disturbing that something like this happened, in this day and age, with all the security measures taken everywhere that this could happen.. To a guy my brothers age.. Just re-reading the story now gives me a disturbing feeling

Also it happened recently too.. A guy who lived in my town died this past july in Afghanistan I didn't know him, but I went to highschool with one of his younger sisters, he was my brothers age too.. It was so weird when they drove him down the highway of heros, seeing poeple I know talking about what a great guy he was on the local news.. Its just so sad..


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## emily_3383

I feel like this now. The last week 2 people have jumped off the George Washington Bridge. I live right off it and every time I here the helicopters I wonder if someone has taken their lives. Its morbid but its just really sad.


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## Shelley

There was this homeless elderly guy that use to roam around downtown. He was always polite when asking for money and totally harmless in my opinion. Always had a smile on his face. The type of smile that would brighten your day.He was like a gentle giant who walked the sidewalks.

One time I got off the bus and there was police, ambulance people etc on the sidewalk. Turns out it was this homeless man. He had passed away.

Even though I didn't see him all the time, I felt sad that he had passed away.


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## pretty_pink13

I feel that way too whenever I hear about someone I knew but never really knew very well. One of my friend's friend died in a car accident a while back and I was really shocked because of who she was and everything. Also, my brother's friend who I barely knew died a few months ago and even though I didn't really know him very well, a lot of people came over to my mom's house to grieve and it was just really sad. I think anyone who dies, accquantinces, celebrities, people you barely know but see around, still saddens everyone.


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## Dianerrs

This summer, a boy I'd only spoken to maybe 3 or 4 times in my life went missing. He was gone for a month before he was found drowned in the river.

For some reason, I took it really, really hard. I was shocked, confused, and terribly upset. Honestly, I cried pretty hard when I found out. And I still think about him more now than I ever did when he was alive. For some reason, it just really, really got to me.

I think I was more grieving for those I knew who'd known him well. He was one of those friends of friends that I never really got to know.

It's human to feel something when someone dies, even if you barely knew them. Especially if you see the effects it has on their loved ones, and in this boy's case, the effect it had on the whole community. We're a pretty small town, and people don't just go missing every day. It's hard to see how anyone could NOT be affected by that, it's a pretty sad story.

And as someone mentioned the guy on the Greyhound a few years ago; I remember that shaking me so hard, especially as someone I'd known was meant to have been on that bus, but had missed catching it that day. Again, she was more of my sister's friend, but it still really shook me up.


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## CallmeMrsAL

In our little town we've just had three suicides.

One of the suicides hit me really hard even though I didn't really know the guy. We worked together but I didn't ever talk to him but saying hello. However, one of my "was" close friends was close to him. My friend, lets call him A, and I aren't really talking anymore because of something that happened...I decided it'd be better we weren't friends, and now that this happened it made him really depressed and I couldn't do anything to help him. On top of that, I've been sorta depressed so having the suicide happen really shook me up. Then two other locals killed themselves.

I think death, even if it's not real close to us, just the proximity reminds us of the fragility of life and the life of those around us. I know personally whenever I get upset with someone or I have a fight my mind always turns to, "What if they got hurt tomorrow and I said those horrible things to them?" "What if they are hurting so bad I don't realize this is the straw that broke their back?" "What if I lost them forever?"

I also find myself thinking things like, "What if I died, how long would people grieve?" "How much of an impact have I made on my friends and family?" "Would my death destroy my husband or would he just move on?" You know...morbid things.

My parents live in Arizona and I live in Michigan so I also think things like, "If I got a call that my parents were in a serious accident, what could I do from here?" "What if I lost my parents today?" "What if my mom died, what would my dad do?" "What if my dad died, what would my mom do?" "What if nobody calls me when something happens to them until it's too late?"


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## CallmeMrsAL

Bomb Giggity

     That link disturbed me very much. It made me cry. I find it hard to imagine those things happening. I rode a Greyhound from Michigan to Arizona with my husband and so that is very frightening.


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## nekogirl

There was a girl who went to my school who died when I was in 1st grade. I'm much older now but I find myself crying myself to sleep even though I barely knew her. I'm sorry for your loss  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## nekogirl

> This summer, a boy I'd only spoken to maybe 3 or 4 times in my life went missing. He was gone for a month before he was found drowned in the river. For some reason, I took it really, really hard. I was shocked, confused, and terribly upset. Honestly, I cried pretty hard when I found out. And I still think about him more now than I ever did when he was alive. For some reason, it just really, really got to me. I think I was more grieving for those I knew who'd known him well. He was one of those friends of friends that I never really got to know. It's human to feel something when someone dies, even if you barely knew them. Especially if you see the effects it has on their loved ones, and in this boy's case, the effect it had on the whole community. We're a pretty small town, and people don't just go missing every day. It's hard to see how anyone could NOT be affected by that, it's a pretty sad story. And as someone mentioned the guy on the Greyhound a few years ago; I remember that shaking me so hard, especially as someone I'd known was meant to have been on that bus, but had missed catching it that day. Again, she was more of my sister's friend, but it still really shook me up.





> This summer, a boy I'd only spoken to maybe 3 or 4 times in my life went missing. He was gone for a month before he was found drowned in the river. For some reason, I took it really, really hard. I was shocked, confused, and terribly upset. Honestly, I cried pretty hard when I found out. And I still think about him more now than I ever did when he was alive. For some reason, it just really, really got to me. I think I was more grieving for those I knew who'd known him well. He was one of those friends of friends that I never really got to know. It's human to feel something when someone dies, even if you barely knew them. Especially if you see the effects it has on their loved ones, and in this boy's case, the effect it had on the whole community. We're a pretty small town, and people don't just go missing every day. It's hard to see how anyone could NOT be affected by that, it's a pretty sad story. And as someone mentioned the guy on the Greyhound a few years ago; I remember that shaking me so hard, especially as someone I'd known was meant to have been on that bus, but had missed catching it that day. Again, she was more of my sister's friend, but it still really shook me up.


 Yeah I know what you mean. It didnt hit me hard when I found out as a child, but now that I think about it, that was years ago but she could have been one of my best friends now but I will never know. I find myself crying myself to sleep over her and thinking deep and thought. She was only a child and I desperately miss her even though I barely knew her.


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## amandagreen

I think it's nice that you're sad for her passing. You afterall were classmates at some point and it's completely understandable that you're grieving. It's hard enough losing a loved one and losing someone we barely knew can also be tough because it makes us face our own mortality and that wow I knew her and she's gone forever feeling. She's never going to (as an example) get married, have a baby, finish her carreer. Plus it makes us have feelings like it happened to her so it can happen to me, or my loved ones. She wasn't exempt just because I knew her. It makes us realize that there's a cycle to life and unfortunately this includes death as well. I am sure you are remembering her personality from high school and feeling wow, I just can't believe it, she's really gone. So, don't worry about feeling like this. My boss told me once when I was suffering the loss of my dog who was my best friend about a year ago (slightly off topic but good advice) that it's OK to feel this overwhelming sense of loss right now, it's normal so don't feel weird about it but one day you will wake up and the pain will be gone and you will be left with all of the positive experiences you shared together and happy memories. It's exactly what happened, so don't try to supress your feelings. Just know that you will wake up one day and the pain will be gone and you will be left with fond memories of her. Hope this brings you some comfort.


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