# Is there every anything in a Relationship that is Insurmountable?



## Darla (Apr 28, 2010)

I saw this article and thought it was pretty good so i thought i would share it.

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*10 Ways to Maintain a Healthy, Happy, and Long-term Relationship*

by Ivy Black in Relationships,

Most of us would like a â€œhappily ever afterâ€ of their own. Maybe not always with the sugary glazing, but definitely a long lasting partnership is what many people crave for. Although this is not a comprehensive guide, these tips should definitely get you on the right track to finding your perfect other half.

Most of us have at some point in our life came across fairy tales, be it in the form of chil dhood fairy tales, where the prince and princess lived happily ever after, or the plethora of romantic comedies and dramas from Hollywood. They both have one thing in common â€“ an idealistic view on relationships. It all looks so easy when watched from aside, but it does not teach us how to achieve it ourselves. And one thing is certain, prince charming wonâ€™t fall from the sky, and no one can last in an euphoric love state 24/7 foreverâ€¦







What are we to do than mere mortals? Well you can rejoice for one thing, as although it seems elusive true love and a strong life-long relationship is achievable if you try to be realistic. Here are some rules that should help you get on track.

*Be critical*

It might sound like a bizzare advice, but it refers to you not others. Look at yourself and realize you are not perfect, and thus you cannot except others to be perfect either.

*Be realistic*

If you want a royal prince, who looks like a hot Hollywood actor, and has the intelligence levels of Einstein then yes â€“ you will be disappointed with everyone you meet. Do not go the other way either â€“ donâ€™t throw yourself into the arms of anyone that is willing to take you. This is a lot about knowing yourself and knowing what you really expect from your partner. And I cannot emphasize this enough â€“ be realistic. Make a list and pick your priorities.

*Know yourself*

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The first point to finding your dream partner is surprisingly knowing yourself. A successful relationship is very much about having common interest and most importantly life priorities. Yes you can be pretty much opposites, but if you do not share at least some of the very core values, then chances are your relationship is not going to last long. This does not mean you have to be nearly clones of each other, like the same food, colours and songs. Itâ€™s more about things like views on life, what kind of values are most important to you, what kind of living environment you prefer. Because if one of you wants to live in the centre of a busy city and go out every night drinking, and the other one prefers country life, drinking tea on the porch and not socializing much beyond closes friends and family , then problems are bound to arise. And although these are not insurmountable, they definitely make maintaining such a relationship quite a challenge.

*Donâ€™t run away when problems appear*

A lot of the problems with modern day relationships is that they are easy to abandon when things go astray. Itâ€™s not that it was easier to enjoy a happy family before, but there was a lot more pressure on trying harder. And although this is a double edged sword â€“ just as it helped save some relationships, it forced some others to stick together despite obvious failure, it definitely made people a bit more cautious about your choices.

This means three things for successful relationships. Firstly you should be slightly picky, and not diminish yourself and your values. Secondly you should remember that a relationship is not a constant, itâ€™s about two people in a way evolving together, so discrepancies in opinion and problems will appear sooner or later. Try and work these out. And lastly, if everything fails, contrary to your ancestors you have a choice. There is no point sticking in a dead end relationship just for the sake of it.

*If it bugs you, do it yourself*

When it comes to problems and flaws we tend to make a big deal of little things our partner does but not notice all the annoying things we do ourselves. Some things you can and should talk about. If you are doing everything and your partner just sits on the couch, then maybe you should check the previous point. Or just maybe, it is you who made things that way. Sometimes things do not have to be perfect. We are not all born with the same skills. One personâ€™s level of cleanliness might be another personâ€™s cleaning nightmare. Give your partner a chance, when a glass is not perfectly shiny after washing, mention it (But remember to keep it positive! No screaming and throwing plates about itâ€¦), and encourage them to do it better next time, rather than yourself from there on.

The general rule is â€“ do not be fussy about small things. If you want the important folded in a certain way â€“ do it yourself . If the trash is full, donâ€™t go rambling about it â€“ in the time you spend on that, you could just as well thrown the trash out yourself.

*Donâ€™t sacrifice yourself all the time*

You always have to have a balance. There is nothing wrong in being a little bit selfish, but when one of the partners gives 100% and the other one 0%, sooner or later it is going to cause problems. The ideal situation is when both partners give a 100%, as then they both also receive a 100% from the other person this way. In reality, this will probably fluctuate depending on many different conditions like work, health, social life, family, even weather! It is OK to make extra effort for your partner, but if you keep living in overdrive 24/7 you will burn out (or, mind you, it might be your partner that burns out).

*Be affectionate*

This seems a very obvious one, but I find it quite sad how little affection people show each other these days. There is eroticism every where, and snogging, but what is important to a healthy relationship is not the outbursts of passion, itâ€™s good to have them, but something has to fill in the gaps too. And that something is simple touch, just holding hands while walking together, a little kiss here and there. People might deny it, but we are physical creatures, and physical contact helps create a important bond and reassurance to the other person that you are still interested in them, and happy with them.

*Talk, talk, talk*

Just as we need to feel the other person around physically, it is good to talk about many different things. The insignificant â€“ so that you can exchange your views on events and know how your partner feels about things. About problems â€“ rather than let your anger or annoyance grow inside you into an insurmountable problem, let it out, tell your other half what is bugging you. Be wary though to do it tactfully and try not to hurt the other personâ€™s feelings while doing it. Imagine how you would like bad news to be delivered to you. A good advice is to avoid â€œYouâ€¦â€ statements and exchange them for â€œIâ€¦â€ ones â€“ this makes your sentences less like an accusation, and more like you expressing your concerns

*Be creative*

Make little gifts for each other â€“ they donâ€™t have to be expensive. They donâ€™t even have to be presents. It is a nice way to show the other person you think about them. A flower without an occasion, going out to their favourite restaurant, cooking something they like, etc. Sometimes itâ€™s nice to be surprised even without a special occasion.

*Have sex, lots of sex*

Last but not least is the intimate part of the relationship. The statement above might be a slight exaggeration, however this part of our lives is very important, and partners with compatible temperaments have higher chances of successfully maintaining a life long relationship. You can be a once a month type of person or a twice a day one, but as long as your partner falls into about the same category chances are your relationship will be healthy and lasting. Even better if you have any special preferences and your partner matches in that department (or at least does not mind). Itâ€™s not to say that dramatically different characters canâ€™t be together. It can work, however you will obviously need to work harder in such instance, as the more active sideâ€™s unsatisfied urges might cause tension both in the form of the other person forcing itself even when they donâ€™t feel like it or the more active partner looking for luck elsewhereâ€¦

Read more: 10 Ways to Maintain a Healthy, Happy, and Long-term Relationship | Socyberty

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I always thought there were things in a couple's relationship that were essential too. I would see it as a huge problem if the couple doesn't share the same core values, like one loves animals and nature or the other likes to hunt. I think both people would have to share the same ideals versus other things like a woman's right to choose or something of that magnitude. What do you think?


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## Aprill (Apr 28, 2010)

The one thing that I can say is that once you understand how unimportant sex is in a relationship, the stronger you will be. The more a couple focuses on sex, the weaker they get.


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## MakeupByMe (Apr 28, 2010)

I totally agree with the whole do it yourself thing , My stepmom used to fight over the dumbest things like the toilet seat up (its like if you dont like it put it down it takes no stress &amp; 1 second to just put it down instead of hours of arguing)

And about the list of priorities or things you want in a guy Well I only have 3 which is Dont hurt children in any way, Keep it in your pants, &amp; dont be a punk Thats it simple I dont expect perfect !!!


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## Dragonfly (Apr 28, 2010)

If it requires that much effort - than I'm with the wrong man.


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## Johnnie (Apr 28, 2010)

Well, I guess I'm the right woman and he's the right man because that criteria fits our relationship to a T. Naturally though without the effort.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Apr 29, 2010)

I feel like a lot of this advice adresses the symptoms but not the disease.

Odds are that if you are nagging a lot, over silly stuff that there is a more serious problem.

I also felt like a lot of the advice contradicted. Like instead of complaining do it yourself, but dont always just do what needs to get done. Or the be critical of yourself, but know yourself (not to mention giving youself low self esteeme will not make your relationship better)

Or the part where it is like dont just give up so easy, but be realistic.


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## Sexy Sadie (Apr 29, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Orangeeyecrayon* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Odds are that if you are nagging a lot, over silly stuff that there is a more serious problem.

Exactly.


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## reesesilverstar (Apr 29, 2010)

I agree Aprill! Too many ppl use sex as a pacifier in their relationships.

And I'm of the school of thought that being together should be effortless. If it requires hours of work, then there's alot of issues swirling beneath the surface you're not really looking at.


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## Adrienne (May 21, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif The one thing that I can say is that once you understand how unimportant sex is in a relationship, the stronger you will be. The more a couple focuses on sex, the weaker they get. I found this to be true as well. Ironically enough, once you get past this the sex actually gets better and more intimate without even trying. I feel that once a couple realizes that they are in fact partners for life (not just sex buddies or that person who pays half the rent) then the rest all falls into place. 

Originally Posted by *MakeupByMe* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I totally agree with the whole do it yourself thing , My stepmom used to fight over the dumbest things like the toilet seat up (its like if you dont like it put it down it takes no stress &amp; 1 second to just put it down instead of hours of arguing) Oh man my mil is exactly like this. She got mad at my fil when we went to walmart bc he had his hands in his front pockets and told him to stop walking like that all uncomfortable. She can find the most minor miniscule stupid thing to argue about. *sigh* I know she has a whole lot more personal issues underneath it all. 
I say if you are constantly working to save a relationship, you're probably not in the right one. Sure relationships are hard work but they shouldn't take every second of the day to fix only to start all over the next day.


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## Andi (May 21, 2010)

Originally Posted by *reesesilverstar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif And I'm of the school of thought that being together should be effortless. If it requires hours of work, then there's alot of issues swirling beneath the surface you're not really looking at. I agree. ItÂ´s a waste of time to argue about little things like guys leaving up the toilet seat or leaving dirty socks on the floor (so clichÃ© lol). I could care less about these things like this as long as the man loves me and treats me right. I never want to become the typical nagging wife, thatÂ´s my personal nightmare!


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