# I dont know what to do anymore ladies



## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 16, 2008)

Ok I don't know what to do anymore with my relationship with my boyfriend. Heres the background story. I get on the desktop computer the other night to check my checking account when I type in the name of my bank I seen some stuff for yahoo mail and so I do some more searchin I seen that yahoo messenger was downloaded. I asked my bf what this was and of course he denies it. Why would you deny it when its right in front of me ya know? So then my friend Jme and I went shoppin the other night n my friend is dating my bfs best friend Eric and shes havin probs with her bf as well.

I check the numbers that my bf has blocked in his phone I ask who they are and stuff and tells me that Eric has him texts the number to see who they are well I tell Jme and she asks to see the numbers and I show well she had seen some of the numbers before and so she texts them and come to find out that some of the numbers that my bf has blocked already knew Eric, so why would Eric have my bf text them to see who they are. Doesnt make any sense to me what so ever.

Now about 2 or 3 months ago my bf was tellin me he was gonna buy an eclispe and fix it up and sell it. Well come to find out it was his ex's car and he never told me I had to find out cuz later that night someone kept callin from a private number when I looked through his phone I seen that his ex had called him and when we left his friends house I confronted him about it and thats when he told me that she had called about her car. I was pissed cuz he didnt tell me in the first place I had to find out myself. So I then ask him if shes ever been to his work to see him or anything and he said no. Well when Jme and I were shoppin she had told me that that night his ex called him about her car she went into his work to talk him about it. Why would he lie to me about that. I already have a hard time trustin cuz of this past stuff.

I just dont know what to do anymore. I dont think Jme would lie to me about what she said cuz shes havin probs with Eric as well so were both in the same boat. I just need some help as to what I should do. I love him so much and I dont want to lose him but I cant do this anymore. The lies and deceit. Then the other night I found a yahoo profile was looked at as well as somethin called captchachat on yahoo or somethin like that. Ladies please help me. We've been together for almost 3 years. I figured he would of stopped by now with the stuff that he does but he hasnt. Tell me the honest truth, dont sugar coat it. He tells me he doesnt tell me cuz he doesnt want to hurt me and I tell him me finding this crap out myself hurts even more than if you were to just tell me the truth when I ask you.

Please help!


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## Aprill (Dec 16, 2008)

About the friend: Never forget that misery loves company

About the boyfriend: You have been dealing with him and this ex for a long damn time girl, 2 years now? There is nothing wrong with a man having female friends (I guess) but I remember the past drama with you and her and him and he needs to drop her all together. He is not her "do-boy", and its time he respected you and let this ex hit the wind. That's my opinion on it.


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## Adrienne (Dec 16, 2008)

I really don't see the ex thing being a problem unless he was a huge liar and a cheater (which it sounds like he used to be.) My boyfriend's ex is my sis-in-laws BF, like glued to the hip kind of sh*t, and she spends the night over at our house, since we live we our in laws, pretty often. My husband will help her with her car and stuff like that too and although I do have problems with it sometimes, it's not that big of a deal, UNLESS I'm already irritated with him lol.

BUT, the reason I'm suspicious would be why would he not tell you any of this, unless he had to reason to do so bc maybe you overreact? Maybe he felt like he couldn't tell you bc you'd take it overboard beyond what it really was. Idk, I'm having a problem with the downloading yahoo messenger and him denying it. That just doesn't seem right to me.

And on your friend: never settle for he said she said.


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## Dragonfly (Dec 17, 2008)

I have a long memory - I recall you posting similar threads in the past, about your boyfriend.

I wouldn't question your friend's loyalty - you know your boyfriend was very dishonest with you on many occasions.

Are you making it too easy for your boyfriend to behave like he is screwing around?

Should you keep him on a shorter leash and make him accountable for everything he does?

Maybe throw in the towel because he is still causing you such grief?

I think you have tried to communicate more with him and you have given him the benefit of the doubt many times.

If this were my relationship - I would have walked by now.

It's one thing to love him - but *you must always love yourself more.*

I know I haven't helped - but I do know that he will forever behave like he can't be trusted. It's up to you to tolerate or separate because he won't change.


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## Ricci (Dec 17, 2008)

whats wrong with yahoo?? how does that make him not trusted?

sorry I dont understand


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 17, 2008)

The thing with the yahoo is that he downloaded yahoo messenger and then when he was done he deleted it. He has a yahoo account and is doing stuff behind my back and not taking any account for it.


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## Ricci (Dec 17, 2008)

well 2 things u can do .. like what my niece does stay with him and put up w/ his crap or.. end the relationship and rediscover yourself.. he been like this for a while now it will only get worse imho

Originally Posted by *sweetnsexy6953* /img/forum/go_quote.gif The thing with the yahoo is that he downloaded yahoo messenger and then when he was done he deleted it. He has a yahoo account and is doing stuff behind my back and not taking any account for it.


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## purplejasmine (Dec 17, 2008)

awww im sry ur having a hard time w/ ur bf sweetie...

yeah... he does sound like hes doing something behind ur back. regardless of his intentions, he shouldve been able to come up to u and tell u the truth. and the fact he cant... something fishy may be going on.

what r ur gut feelings telling u to do? guess u should listen to it.


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## LovinMakeup (Dec 17, 2008)

Listen to your gut! It's always right


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## ox0xbarbiex0xo (Dec 17, 2008)

If you can't trust him, there's no point right? You're gonna spend soooo much time worried/stressed out/fighting with each other about it. I say, let him go, and if he proves himself to be honest and everything again, then forgive and forget! What's meant to be will always find a way!

Easier said than done, though, I definitely know that.

Goodluck girl!


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 17, 2008)

Well I confronted him lastnight again about the yahoo messenger and the yahoo mail thing and of course he denied it again. I asked him what he'd do if he were in my position and he said idk. I know for a fact that if I were doing the crap that he's doing and never told and he had to find out for himself, he'd break up with me. He claims he doesnt know about the yahoo profile thing or the captcha chat. He said it gets annoying when I do this but I'm like ya know if you'd tell me the truth and not hide anything I wouldnt have to ask you.

Adrienne unless he had to reason to do so bc maybe you overreact? Quote

I tell him if I find out myself and have to question him I'm gonna be more pissed off then if he were to come and tell me what happened when it happened. He says he doesnt want to hurt me so he doesn't tell me. I told him that me finding this stuff and then having to question your loyalty hurts even more.

What does it sound like to you ladies?


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## Nick007 (Dec 17, 2008)

Sounds like a cheater to me.


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## Ricci (Dec 17, 2008)

I seen your profile ,your very pretty.. u can do much better


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## pinksugar (Dec 17, 2008)

even if he isn't doing anything... his behaviour is kind of suspicious, and he hasn't been 100% honest with you. I would walk away. I know it's really hard, but you will be miserable if you never know if you can trust him or not.

You said he'd break up with you if you behaved like he is behaving? that says to me that he will respect you less for letting him get away with it, if you know what I mean?

Like xoxBarbie said, if he turns out to have been honest, then forgive and forget.

I just think that you haven't recovered from your previous experiences with him, and that's influencing your feelings about how he's behaving now, but on top of that, he's acting in a less than honest way which makes you suspicious.

Good luck chicken, and keep us updated


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## Anthea (Dec 18, 2008)

One thing I have learned is people tend not to change their behaviours. What liers say and what they do are two different things and they find a cleverer way of hiding things. If you can get your head around this and be OK with it then stay with him.

If its upsetting you, and it sounds like it is, I think he will most likely to continue to behave in this way and you will be forever worried. I personally believe trust is a big thing in any relationship. If there is lack of trust, lies and or deception there is not much hope for the relationship IMO.

Good Luck


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 18, 2008)

It just sucks. We've been together for almost 3 years and for him to go and throw it away with what he does makes me really sad. I just wish he could realize what hes doing is completely wrong before its too late. I dont know..... I'm lost


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## Ozee (Dec 18, 2008)

Im so sorry your not being treated right.

You obvioulsy love him alot which makes it harder to believe he is doing anything wrong even when its obvious to others who don't even know you. It also makes it hurt alot alot lots more.

I really hope you can sort it out and he starts acting right.

but past behaviour is usually a pretty good indicator of how the future will turn out.

Good luck hun.


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## Killah Kitty (Dec 18, 2008)

You got some good advice already.

I have some thoughts from my own experience. I was with a guy for 3 years as well and it was really rough. We had to try really hard to make it work especially near the end and he was ALWAYS hiding something, lying, etc.

The trust was absolutely gone but I was holding onto him still. Then one night about two months ago he went to a bar and we got in a fight and he broke up with me. I never realized what a mess I was in... until I was out. When I was finally able to see it from the outside I realized it was so messed up and I have been so happy since we broke up. Yea it sucks about all our memories and the years we spent. I loved him so much too. But he kept hurting me and stressing me out... and I stayed around for it. Now that we are apart yea I miss a few things but really... not that fondly lol... my life has been improving every single day since. *Already* I found someone better too who is treating me so much better.

Basically my thought is be with the one that makes you happy, makes you laugh, gives you that melty feeling in your heart lol you know what I mean? Not someone who hurts you and lies and hides shit from you.

Dont hold onto pain and no trust just because its been years... I swear I was doing the exact same thing and now I feel so dumb for it because our shit had been going downhill for a year or longer than that I think. I wish I had the courage at the time to end it earlier. Now that Ive found someone who is treating me like gold too... it just makes everything my ex did wrong stand out even more... and I wonder why the **** I wasted so much damn time with my ex's lies and drama when I could have been so much happier and loved so much more.

Alls I know is you arent supposed to lie and hide yourself or hurt the people you love. If you really love someone why would you do that to them? Changing a person or their habits is hard too... its not impossible... but its really rare. The way someone is... thats usually how they will always be.

Just my 2 cents


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 19, 2008)

I completely understand everything that your all saying, its just really hard. We about broke up yesterday. Heres my problem, if we were to break up I have no where to go. My parents dont live in NE anymore. I'm pretty sure his grandma would me out and everything if somethin were to happen. I just wish things werent happening like this.


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## Ricci (Dec 19, 2008)

Originally Posted by *sweetnsexy6953* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I just wish things werent happening like this. but it will untill you move out 
sorry your going thro this crap


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## Shelley (Dec 20, 2008)

It is rough when a relationship ends and I'm sorry you are going through this




In my opinion I would find it hard to continue a relationship if I can't trust the guy or feel suspicious. You will find a guy who will treat you better. Hugs


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 20, 2008)

The thing of it is Shelley is that I don't see myself with anyone else but him. Even tho he's actin the way he is, I dont. Does that sound stupid?


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## S. Lisa Smith (Dec 20, 2008)

Originally Posted by *sweetnsexy6953* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I completely understand everything that your all saying, its just really hard. We about broke up yesterday. Heres my problem, if we were to break up I have no where to go. My parents dont live in NE anymore. I'm pretty sure his grandma would me out and everything if somethin were to happen. I just wish things werent happening like this. Sorry this is happening to you but you need to figure out plan B immediately. If you leave him Grandma will "put you out". I bet if he breaks up with you the some thing will happen. Things are close to the edge and you need to figure out a plan. You may not have much time...good luck, we are here for you.


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 20, 2008)

I know a need a plan b but its just so hard. I keep lettin happen and until I do somethin about it, he'll continue to do this.


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## Aprill (Dec 20, 2008)

While I understand you love for him, and the fact that you dont have anywhere to go as another factor to stay in that relationship, you really need to go and take a lesson with you: never never never never put yourself on a position where you dont have anywhere to go when a relationship is over. Always come into plan A with a plan B, a plan C, and a plan D.

I am about 70% sure he knows you dont have anywhere to go, and that may have a tad bit to do with how he handles things now. His dishonesty, no matter how small, is still dishonesty and it will evolve if he sees you accepting it. The mess with him and the ex needs to be stopped, and if he cant stop...I would go. But this is all me speaking of how I would do things


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## S. Lisa Smith (Dec 20, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Aprill* /img/forum/go_quote.gif While I understand you love for him, and the fact that you dont have anywhere to go as another factor to stay in that relationship, you really need to go and take a lesson with you: never never never never put yourself on a position where you dont have anywhere to go when a relationship is over. Always come into plan A with a plan B, a plan C, and a plan D. 
I am about 70% sure he knows you dont have anywhere to go, and that may have a tad bit to do with how he handles things now. His dishonesty, no matter how small, is still dishonesty and it will evolve if he sees you accepting it. The mess with him and the ex needs to be stopped, and if he cant stop...I would go. But this is all me speaking of how I would do things

I completely agree!!!!


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## Ricci (Dec 20, 2008)

Wow April said it best


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## Dragonfly (Dec 20, 2008)

There's not a shelter in your area that you can't stay for a day or two, until you can find a place from there?


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 21, 2008)

I couldnt agree more April. I just dont know how to go about it and everything. I'm scared and confused. I'm not strong enough.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Dec 21, 2008)

It's the end of the semester and the end of 2008, perhaps it's time to make a break and move on...or at least home. I don't know about your relationship with your parents, but you may want to consider moving where they are. You could take a semester long break from school. I seem to remember that they moved away from where you are now. My guess is that if they like you at your Walmart, they would like you at another Walmart. You could transfer into another CC. You are all of 22 years old and you have plenty of time to complete your education. Don't feel like you are stuck with your boyfriend at his Grannie's house. I am sure that once you start formulating a plan you will start feeling better about yourself and things will look a lot better!


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## pinksugar (Dec 22, 2008)

Lisa is correct. You have to put your health and wellbeing above all other considerations


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Dec 22, 2008)

I just want to say thanks to everyone for all of your support and everything you've said so help. I'll keep you updated as to what happens.

Thanks a bunch!!!!!


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