# The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master



## Darla (Jan 27, 2009)

*The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master*

A man can be expert in nothing, but he must be practiced in many things. Skills. You don't have to master them all at once. You simply have to collect and develop a certain number of skills as the years tick by. People count on you to come through. That's why you need these, to start.

By Tom Chiarella

[more from this author]





Leif Parsons

*A Man Should Be Able To: *

*1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. * I got run out of a job I liked once, and while it was happening, a guy stopped me in the hall. Smart guy, but prone to saying too much. I braced myself. I didn't want to hear it. I needed a white knight, and I knew it wasn't him. He just sighed and said: _When nobody has your back, you gotta move your back._ Then he walked away. Best advice I ever got. One sentence.

*2. Tell if someone is lying. * Everyone has his theory. Pick one, test it. Choose the tells that work for you. I like these: Liars change the subject quickly. Liars look up and to their right when they speak. Liars use fewer contractions. Liars will sometimes stare straight at you and employ a dead face. Liars never touch their chest or heart except self-consciously. Liars place objects between themselves and you during a conversation.

*3. Take a photo. * Fill the frame.

*4. Score a baseball game. * Scoring a game is an exercise in ciphering, creating a shorthand of your very own. In this way, it's a private language as much as a record of the game. The only given is the numbering of the positions and the use of the diamond to express each batter's progress around the bases. I black out the diamond when a run scores. I mark an RBI with a tally mark in the upper-right-hand corner. Each time you score a game, you pick up on new elements to track: pitch count, balls and strikes, foul balls. It doesn't matter that this information is available on the Internet in real time. Scoring a game is about bearing witness, expanding your own ability to observe.

*5. Name a book that matters.* _The Catcher in the Rye_ does not matter. Not really. You gotta read.

*6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. * One guy at your table knows where Cobain was born and who his high school English teacher was. Another guy can argue the elegant extended trope of _Liquid Swords_ with GZA himself. This is how it should be. Music does not demand agreement. Rilo Kiley. Nina Simone. Whitesnake. Fugazi. Otis Redding. Whatever. Choose. Nobody likes a know-it-all, because 1) you can't know it all and 2) music offers distinct and private lessons. So pick one. Except Rilo Kiley. I heard they broke up.




Leif Parsons

*7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. *

Buy _The Way to Cook,_ by Julia Child. Try roasting. Braising. Broiling. Slow-cooking. Pan searing. Think ragouts, fricassees, stews. All of this will force you to understand the functionality of different cuts. In the end, grilling will be a choice rather than a chore, and your Weber will become a tool rather than a piece of weekend entertainment.

*8. Not monopolize the conversation. *

*9. Write a letter. *

So easy. So easily forgotten. A five-paragraph structure works pretty well: Tell why you're writing. Offer details. Ask questions. Give news. Add a specific memory or two. If your handwriting is terrible, type. Always close formally.

*10. Buy a suit.*

Avoid bargains. Know your likes, your dislikes, and what you need it for (work, funerals, court). Squeeze the fabric -- if it bounces back with little or no sign of wrinkling, that means it's good, sturdy material. And tug the buttons gently. If they feel loose or wobbly, that means they're probably coming off sooner rather than later. The jacket's shoulder pads are supposed to square with your shoulders; if they droop off or leave dents in the cloth, the jacket's too big. The jacket sleeves should never meet the wrist any lower than the base of the thumb -- if they do, ask to go down a size. Always get fitted.

*11. Swim three different strokes. * Doggie paddle doesn't count.

*12. Show respect without being a suck-up. * Respect the following, in this order: age, experience, record, reputation. Don't mention any of it.

*13. Throw a punch. * Close enough, but not too close. Swing with your shoulders, not your arm. Long punches rarely land squarely. So forget the roundhouse. You don't have a haymaker. Follow through; don't pop and pull back. The length you give the punch should come in the form of extension after the point of contact. Just remember, the bones in your hand are small and easy to break. You're better off striking hard with the heel of your palm. Or you could buy the guy a beer and talk it out.

*14. Chop down a tree. *Know your escape path. When the tree starts to fall, use it.

*15. Calculate square footage. *Width times length.




Leif Parsons

*16. Tie a bow tie.*

*Step 1:* _Make a simple knot, allowing slightly more length (one to two inches) on the end of A. _

*Step 2:* _Lay A out of the way, fold B into the normal bow shape, and position it on the first knot you made._

*Step 3:* _Drop A vertically over folded end B._

*Step 4:* _Double back A on itself and position it over the knot so that the two folded ends make a cross._

*Step 5:* _The hard part: Pass folded end A under and behind the left side (yours) of the knot and through the loop behind folded end B._

*Step 6:* _Tighten the knot you have created, straightening, particularly in the center._




Leif Parsons

*17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. *

When I interviewed for my first job, one of the senior guys had me to his house for a reception. He offered me a cigarette and pointed me to a bowl of whiskey sours, like I was Darrin Stephens and he was Larry Tate. I can still remember that first tight little swallow and my gratitude that I could go back for a refill without looking like a drunk. I came to admire the host over the next decade, but he never gave me the recipe. So I use this:

• For every 750-ml bottle of whiskey (use a decent bourbon or rye), add:

• 6 oz fresh-squeezed, strained lemon juice

• 6 oz simple syrup(mix superfine sugar and water in equal quantities)

To serve: Shake 3 oz per person with ice and strain into chilled cocktail glasses. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice or, if you're really slick, a float of red wine. (Pour about 1/2 oz slowly into each glass over the back of a spoon; this is called a New York sour, and it's great.)

*18. Speak a foreign language. * _Pas beaucoup. Mais faites un effort. _

*19. Approach a woman out of his league.* Ever have a shoeshine from a guy you really admire? He works hard enough that he doesn't have to tell stupid jokes; he doesn't stare at your legs; he knows things you don't, but he doesn't talk about them every minute; he doesn't scrape or apologize for his status or his job or the way he is dressed; he does his job confidently and with a quiet relish. That stuff is wildly inviting. Act like that guy.

*20. Sew a button.*

*21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.*

Once, in our lifetime, much of Europe was approaching cultural and political irrelevance. Then they made like us and banded together into a union of confederated states. So you can always assume that they were simply copying the United States as they now push us to the verge of cultural and political irrelevance.

*22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. *

Otherwise, ask after it.

*23. Be loyal. * You will fail at it. You have already. A man who does not know loyalty, from both ends, does not know men. Loyalty is not a matter of give-and-take: _He did me a favor, therefore I owe him one. _No. No. No. It is the recognition of a bond, the honoring of a shared history, the reemergence of the vows we make in the tight times. It doesn't mean complete agreement or invisible blood ties. It is a currency of selflessness, given without expectation and capable of the most stellar return.

*24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. * Brand, amount, style, fast, like so: Booker's, double, neat.

*25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. *

Use a contractor's hammer. Swing hard and loose, like a tennis serve.

*26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. *

*27. Play gin with an old guy. * Old men will try to crush you. They'll drown you in meaningless chatter, tell stories about when they were kids this or in Korea that. Or they'll retreat into a taciturn posture designed to get you to do the talking. They'll note your strategies without mentioning them, keep the stakes at a level they can control, and change up their pace of play just to get you stumbling. You have to do this -- play their game, be it dominoes or cribbage or chess. They may have been playing for decades. You take a beating as a means of absorbing the lessons they've learned without taking a lesson. But don't be afraid to take them down. They can handle it.

*28. Play go fish with a kid. *

You don't crush kids. You talk their ear off, make an event out of it, tell them stories about when you were a kid this or in Vegas that. You have to play their game, too, even though they may have been playing only for weeks. Observe. Teach them without once offering a lesson. And don't be afraid to win. They can handle it.

*29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. *

Sometimes the laws of physics aren't laws at all. Read _The Quantum World: Quantum Physics for Everyone,_ by Kenneth W. Ford.

*30. Feign interest. * Good place to start: quantum physics.

*31. Make a bed. *

*32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.* I once stood in a wine store in West Hollywood where the owner described a pinot noir he favored as "a night walk through a wet garden." I bought it. I went to my hotel and drank it by myself, looking at the flickering city with my feet on the windowsill. I don't know which was more right, the wine or the vision that he placed in my head. Point is, it was right.




Leif Parsons

*33. Hit a jump shot in pool. * It's not something you use a lot, but when you hit a jump shot, it marks you as a player and briefly impresses women. Make the angle of your cue steeper, aim for the bottommost fraction of the ball, and drive the cue smoothly six inches past the contact point, making steady, downward contact with the felt.

*34. Dress a wound. * First, stop the bleeding. Apply pressure using a gauze pad. Stay with the pressure. If you can't stop the bleeding, forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Once the bleeding stops, clean the wound. Use water or saline solution; a little soap is good, too. If you can't get the wound clean, then forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Finally, dress the wound. For a laceration, push the edges together and apply a butterfly bandage. For avulsions, where the skin is punctured and pulled back like a trapdoor, push the skin back and use a butterfly. Slather the area in antibacterial ointment. Cover the wound with a gauze pad taped into place. Change that dressing every 12 hours, checking carefully for signs of infection. Better yet, get to a hospital.




Leif Parsons

*35. Jump-start a car* (without any drama). *Change a flat tire* (safely). *Change the oil* (once).

*36. Make three different bets at a craps table. * Play the smallest and most poorly labeled areas, the bets where it's visually evident the casino doesn't want you to go. Simply play the pass line; once the point is set, play full odds (this is the only really good bet on the table); and when you want a little more action, tell the crew you want to lay the 4 and the 10 for the minimum bet.

*37. Shuffle a deck of cards. *

I play cards with guys who can't shuffle, and they lose. Always.

*38. Tell a joke. * Here's one:

Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."

*39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. *

Aces. Eights. Always.

*40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. * Use his first name. Don't use baby talk. Don't crank up your energy to match his. Ask questions and wait for answers. Follow up. Don't pretend to be interested in Webkinz or Power Rangers or whatever. He's as bored with that shit as you are. Concentrate instead on seeing the child as a person of his own.

*41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. *

You don't own the restaurant, so don't act like it. You own the transaction. So don't speak into the menu. Lift your chin. Make eye contact. All restaurants have secrets -- let it be known that you expect to see some of them.

*42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. *

Go ahead, use baby talk.

*43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. * Just turn off the damned main.

*44. Ask for help. *

Guys who refuse to ask for help are the most cursed men of all. The stubborn, the self-possessed, and the distant. The hell with them.

*45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. * Rotate your arm rapidly in the grip, toward the other guy's thumb.

*46. Tell a woman's dress size. *

*47. Recite one poem from memory. * Here you go:

*WHEN YOU ARE OLD *

_When you are old and gray and full of sleep,_

_And nodding by the fire, take down this book,_

_And slowly read, and dream of the soft look_

_Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;_

_How many loved your moments of glad grace,_

_And loved your beauty with love false or true,_

_But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,_

_And loved the sorrows of your changing face;_

_And bending down beside the glowing bars,_

_Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled_

_And paced upon the mountains overhead_

_And hid his face amid a crowd of stars._

--William Butler Yeats

*48. Remove a stain.* Blot. Always blot.

*49. Say no.*

*50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. * Cook until the white appears solid...and no longer.




Leif Parsons

*51. Build a campfire.*

There are three components:

*1. The tinder* -- bone-dry, snappable twigs, about as long as your hand. You need two complete handfuls. Try birch bark; it burns long and hot.

*2. The kindling* -- thick as your thumb, long as your forearm, breakable with two hands. You need two armfuls.

*3. Fuel wood* -- anything thick and long enough that it can't be broken by hand. It's okay if it's slightly damp. You need a knee-high stack.

*Step 1:* _Light the tinder, turning the pile gently to get air underneath it. _

*Step 2: *_Feed the kindling into the emergent fire with some pace._

*Step 3:*_ Lay on the fuel wood. Pyramid, the log cabin, whatever -- the idea is to create some kind of structure so that plenty of air gets to the fire. _

*52. Step into a job no one wants to do. * When I was 13, my dad called me into his office at the large urban mall he ran. He was on the phone. What followed was a fairly banal 15-minute conversation, which involved the collection of rent from a store. On and on, droning about store hours and lighting problems. I kept raising my eyebrows, pretending to stand up, and my dad kept waving me down. I could hear only his end, garrulous and unrelenting. He rolled his eyes as the excuses kept coming. His assertions were simple and to the point, like a drumbeat. He wanted the rent. He wanted the store to stay open when the mall was open. Then suddenly, having given the job the time it deserved, he put it to an end. "So if I see your gate down next Sunday afternoon, I'm going to get a drill and stick a goddamn bolt in it and lock you down for the next week, right?" When he hung up, rent collected, he took a deep breath. "I've been dreading that call," he said. "Once a week you gotta try something you never would do if you had the choice. Otherwise, why are you here?" So he gave me that. And this...

*53. Sometimes, kick some ass. *

*54. Break up a fight. * Work in pairs if possible. Don't get between people initially. Use the back of the collar, pull and urge the person downward. If you can't get him down, work for distance.

*55. Point to the north at any time. *

If you have a watch, you can point the hour hand at the sun. Then find the point directly between the hour hand and the 12. That's south. The opposite direction is, of course, north.

*56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. *

*57. Explain what a light-year is. * It's the measure of the distance that light travels over 365.25 days.

*58. Avoid boredom. * You have enough to eat. You can move. This must be acknowledged as a kind of freedom. You don't always have to buy things, put things in your mouth, or be delighted.

*59. Write a thank-you note. *

Make a habit of it. Follow a simple formula like this one: First line is a thesis statement. The second line is evidentiary. The third is a kind of assertion. Close on an uptick.

_Thanks for having me over to watch game six. Even though they won, it's clear the Red Sox are a soulless, overmarketed contrivance of Fox TV. Still, I'm awfully happy you have that huge high-def television. Next time, I really will bring beer. Yours, _

*60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. * It tells a lot about who you are and where you came from. Me? I like Hellman's mayonnaise and Genesee beer, which makes me the fleshy, stubbornly upstate ne'er-do-well that I will always be.

*61. Cook bacon. *

Lay out the bacon on a rack on a baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.




Leif Parsons

*62. Hold a baby.*

Newborns should be wrapped tightly and held against the chest. They like tight spaces (consider their previous cir***stances) and rhythmic movements, so hold them snug, tuck them in the crook of your elbow or against the skin of your neck. Rock your hips like you're bored, barely listening to the music at the edge of a wedding reception. No one has to notice except the baby. Don't breathe all over them.

*63. Deliver a eulogy.* Take the job seriously. It matters. Speak first to the family, then to the outside world. Write it down. Avoid similes. Don't read poetry. Be funny.

*64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a *****. * When I was a kid, because I'm Italian and because the Irish guys in my neighborhood were relentless with the beatings on St. Patrick's Day, I loved the very idea of Christopher Columbus. I loved the fact that Irish kids worshipped some gnome who drove all the rats out of Ireland or whatever, whereas my hero was an explorer. Man, I drank the Kool-Aid on that guy. Of course, I later learned that he was a hand-chopping, land-stealing egotist who sold out an entire hemisphere to European avarice. So I left Columbus behind. Your understanding of your heroes must evolve. See Roger Clemens. See Bill Belichick.

*65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. *

If you can't, play more ball.

*68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. * Note your landmarks -- mountains, power lines, the sound of a highway. Look for the sun: It sits in the south; it moves west. Gauge your direction every few minutes. If you're completely stuck, look for a small creek and follow it downstream. Water flows toward larger bodies of water, where people live.

*69. Tie a knot.*

Square knot: left rope over right rope, turn under. Then right rope over left rope. Tuck under. Pull. Or as my pack leader, Dave Kenyon, told me in a Boy Scouts meeting: "Left over right, right over left. What's so ****ing hard about that?"

*70. Shake hands.* Steady, firm, pump, let go. Use the time to make eye contact, since that's where the social contract begins.




Leif Parsons

*71. Iron a shirt.* My uncle Tony the tailor once told me of ironing: Start rough, end gently.

*72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.*

Blanket. Heavy flashlight. Hand warmers. Six bottles of water. Six packs of beef jerky. Atlas. Reflectors. Gloves. Socks. Bandages. Neosporin. Inhaler. Benadryl. Motrin. Hard candy. Telescoping magnet. Screwdriver. Channel-locks. Crescent wrench. Ski hat. Bandanna.

*73. Caress a woman's neck.* Back of your fingers, in a slow fan.

*74. Know some birds.* If you can't pay attention to a bird, then you can't learn from detail, you aren't likely to appreciate the beauty of evolution, and you don't have a clue how birdlike your own habits may be. You've been looking at them blindly for years now. Get a guide.

*75. Negotiate a better price.* Be informed. Know the price of competitors. In a big store, look for a manager. Don't be an *******. Use one phrase as your mantra, like "I need a little help with this one." Repeat it, as an invitation to him. Don't beg. Ever. Offer something: your loyalty, your next purchase, even your friendship, and, with the deal done, your gratitude.


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## Darla (Jan 27, 2009)

Skills for Men - Things Men Should Be Able to Do - Esquire

this one was interesting, I don't know if i agree with them all. i still can't iron to save my life


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## Lucy (Jan 27, 2009)

tell a woman's dress size? remove a stain? lol

i don't know any men that can do that. i asked my boyfriend to guess what size i was once. he said 4 (US 2 i think). i'm a 10! (US 8)


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## Darla (Jan 27, 2009)

Originally Posted by *fingers* /img/forum/go_quote.gif tell a woman's dress size? remove a stain? lol
i don't know any men that can do that. i asked my boyfriend to guess what size i was once. he said 4 (US 2 i think). i'm a 10! (US 8)

Dress sizes? yeah i guess you need a partner who's a CD to really know about that stuff. 
Removing a stain, yes especially if you tend to be sloppy from time to time.


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## Lucy (Jan 27, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Darla* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Dress sizes? yeah i guess you need a partner who's a CD to really know about that stuff. 
Removing a stain, yes especially if you tend to be sloppy from time to time.

hehehe! guess i need to introduce my bf to some tights then.. lol


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## Darla (Jan 27, 2009)

Originally Posted by *fingers* /img/forum/go_quote.gif hehehe! guess i need to introduce my bf to some tights then.. lol he may just like it


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## McRubel (Jan 27, 2009)

I think one of those should be "give a genuine compliment to someone that you're not trying to hit on." I worked with a guy who complimented this girl for having lost a ton of weight by eating right. He told her that she was amazing and it was rare to see that these days. It was said in such a genuine, heartfelt way that I was really impressed!


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## Darla (Jan 27, 2009)

Originally Posted by *McRubel* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think one of those should be "give a genuine compliment to someone that you're not trying to hit on." I worked with a guy who complimented this girl for having lost a ton of weight by eating right. He told her that she was amazing and it was rare to see that these days. It was said in such a genuine, heartfelt way that I was really impressed! that's an interesting observation and you know what I think a lot of times guys might make a nice comment and its automatically interpreted as you're hitting on a girl. (this is single guys I'm mostly talking about because it seems to be assumed that if you are married you are safe)


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## S. Lisa Smith (Jan 27, 2009)

Originally Posted by *mcrubel* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i think one of those should be "give a genuine compliment to someone that you're not trying to hit on." i worked with a guy who complimented this girl for having lost a ton of weight by eating right. He told her that she was amazing and it was rare to see that these days. It was said in such a genuine, heartfelt way that i was really impressed! yep!!!!


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## McRubel (Jan 27, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Darla* /img/forum/go_quote.gif that's an interesting observation and you know what I think a lot of times guys might make a nice comment and its automatically interpreted as you're hitting on a girl. (this is single guys I'm mostly talking about because it seems to be assumed that if you are married you are safe) I think I'm guilty of thinking this!!


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## Darla (Jan 27, 2009)

Originally Posted by *McRubel* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think I'm guilty of thinking this!!



Ok but there are exceptions. Hopefully that shouldn't be a problem to pick them out. (the bad ones i mean)


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## Karren (Jan 27, 2009)

At first I though I was in trouble because half way down the list and I was batting poorly... But then I remembered I'm an engineer and I can BS my way through about all of them!!


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## McRubel (Jan 27, 2009)

I was reading this to my husband and I realized that he can do/does ALMOST all of these skills!!! He's so great! (but I already thought that!).


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## Karren (Jan 27, 2009)

Awwww!! But how good would he score on the 75 skills women have?? I'd have a shot at that!! Lol.


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## Darla (Jan 27, 2009)

well Karren you are in luck!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*75 Skills Every Woman Should Master*

by Mare on May 15, 2008

Hi, I'm Marelisa FÃ¡brega. Here you'll find tips and resources to help you increase your creativity, be more productive, and simplify your life. You may want to start by reading "A Guide to Abundance Blog for the Uninitiated". Grab a cup of coffee or tea, sit back, and enjoy!






_(The â€œ125 Piece Drill Bit Setâ€ photograph is courtesy of nathansnostalgia)._

I found Esquire Magazineâ€™s â€œ75 Skills Every Man Should Masterâ€ rather interesting, and I agree with the wisdom of men acquiring almost all of the skills listed therein. After searching for a similar list for women, and not finding any I particularly liked, I decided to create one and post it on my blog. After much deliberation, these are the skills I think it would be useful for women to learn:

*1. Learn to take criticism*. Women often respond to criticism in one of two ways: they jump to defend themselves and fail to consider whether theyâ€™re being offered constructive criticism which could help them, or they take the criticism to heart and feel poorly about themselves as a result. When criticized, pay attention to who the criticism is coming from, the motives the person may have for offering the criticism, and consider whether there is something you can learn from the criticism. If thereâ€™s nothing useful for you to learn, then simply brush it off; on the other hand, if you conclude that there may be some truth to what youâ€™re being told, take corrective action.



> â€œCriticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothingâ€. â€” Aristotle


*2. Basic car maintenance*. Car maintenance is not the sole domain of men; you probably spend a lot of time in your car and should have at least a basic idea of whatâ€™s under the hood. Also, you should know how to change a tire and jump start your car. At the very least do the following: know who to call in case of an emergency; make sure you always have a spare tire that is properly inflated; donâ€™t let the gas go below the one-quarter mark; know how to check the oil and radiator fluid; purchase a first aid kit for your car, as well as a flashlight, jumper cables, flares, and a car charger for your cell phone; also, take your car in for regular maintenance.





_(The â€œDorothy Sebastian changes a tyreâ€ photograph is courtesy of spiralsheep)._

*3. Know how to invest* intelligently in something, whether itâ€™s stocks, bonds, real estate, precious metals, or whatever you think will be the next equivalent of having bought Microsoft or Google stock when these companies were just getting started.

*4. Acquire the skill of communicating assertively*. Communicating assertively means that you make sure youâ€™re calm, you know what you want, you speak directly to the person concerned and not behind his/her back, and you communicate your needs andâ€“when appropriateâ€“your feelings in an honest, clear, and direct manner. Do not beat around the bush. At the same time, thereâ€™s no need to be confrontational.

*5. Know how to use power tools*. There are few things more empowering than being able to drill a hole in a wall and hang up pictures on your own.

*6. Take a self-defense class* that can teach you how to size up a situation and be able to act in the best manner to get away. Hopefully youâ€™ll never, ever, have to use what you learn in the class but knowing that you can defend yourself gives you self-confidence that a would-be attacker can recognize, and which makes them view you as a difficult target.

*7. Practice your poker face*; donâ€™t let them see you sweat. Emotions are an important component of most social interactions, and being able to communicate your emotions and read the emotions of others effectively will go a long way toward helping you succeed in life. However, there are times when it will be in your best interest not to let others read your emotions. Be prepared for those times by perfecting your poker face. Putting on a poker face doesnâ€™t necessarily mean that you drain your face of all emotion and make it completely expressionless. It means that you act completely natural, as if whatever the situation is, it hasnâ€™t caught you off-guard or thrown you off balance.

*8. Learn to smile to show joy or amusement, not to please others*. Smiling at the wrong time can signify to others that youâ€™re a push over.

*9. Breast self-exams* have long been advocated as essential for early breast cancer detection. Learn how and perform one on a monthly basis.

*10. Learn to delegate. *Always ask yourself whether doing the task thatâ€™s in front of you will get you closer to achieving your goals, and whether youâ€™re the right person to take care of said task. If it doesnâ€™t get you closer to your goals and someone else can do it within the range of quality that is required for that particular task, hand it over to them.

*11. Bounce right back after a hard fall. *Resilience is one of the most important traits you can have to succeed in life. If you think that those who are very successful donâ€™t fail, think again. Often, the higher up someone is, the greater the number of falls theyâ€™ve had on their way to the top. The less time you spend wallowing in your loss and the faster you get back up on the horse, the more quickly you can resume your ascent to the zenith.

*12. Stick to your guns. *They say that a new idea goes through three stages: first itâ€™s ridiculed, then itâ€™s violently opposed, and then everyone thinks that it was obvious. If you believe that you have a great idea, see it through to the end.



> â€œAll great truths begin as blasphemies.â€- George Bernard Shaw


*13. Be informed. *Glance through the newspaper each morning and read the articles that catch your attention more in depth; get CNN breaking news sent to your e-mail address; watch the news on your favorite news channel; and read a periodical such as â€œTime Magazineâ€ or â€œNewsweekâ€ every week.*14. Take a compliment*: A lot of women respond to receiving a compliment by putting themselves downâ€”â€œI donâ€™t know how I did it, I guess I just got luckyâ€-, by pointing out their weaknessesâ€”â€œWriting is something I do well, but donâ€™t even think of asking me to do anything that involves math, I can barely addâ€â€“or by attributing the glory to somebody elseâ€”â€œIt was really Jackâ€™s input that made this possibleâ€. Own your accomplishments and simply accept the compliment graciously.

*15. Resist the urge to gossip*. Gossiping is toxic. In addition, every time you open your mouth, even if youâ€™re talking about somebody else, youâ€™re telling the world who you are. If you gossip youâ€™re telling others that youâ€™re petty, hateful, and insecure.

*16. Be passably good in at least one sport*â€”whether itâ€™s jogging, skiing, golf, ice skating, swimming, baseball, basketball, tennis, you name it.

*17. Be worldly*. Choose a country other than your own and learn not only the language that is spoken there, but also study their customs, their cuisine, their art, their folklore, and their history.

*18. Be able to talk intelligently about the environment.* At the very least watch â€œAn Inconvenient Truthâ€ , a do***entary depicting Al Goreâ€™s crusade to expose the devastating harm weâ€™re doing to the environment, and start taking action to reduce your carbon footprint.

*19. Know when, how, and how much to tip* in different situations, ranging from taxi drivers and waiters, to bellhops and your hair dresser.

*20. Be able to grow and care for something in the plant family*, whether it be bonsai trees, roses, tulips, orchids, or even ferns.

*21. Have a favorite author and know why he/she is your favorite.* (It can be J.K. Rowling, but if youâ€™re over twelve, think carefully about this one). Read every book he/she has ever written and be able to describe his/her writing style and favorite motifs.

*22.** Be* *able to do something artistic with your hands*, whether it be drawing, creating mandalas, playing a musical instrument, sculpting, beading, knitting, making pottery, or making jewelry.

*23. Be able to create a book proposal*. Everyone has a book in them, whether it be a childrenâ€™s book, the biography of someone you admire, a memoir, a collection of short stories, a novel, or even a book filled with interesting photographs youâ€™ve taken with short captions to explain each one.

When she was in her early twenties, the author SARK (Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy), who has written books such as â€œThe Bodacious Book of Succulenceâ€ and â€œLiving Juicyâ€, put an ad in the newspaper that read, â€œIf you make obscene phone calls, call meâ€. This was the way in which she conducted research for a book she was going to write on obscene phone calls. She even managed to get interviewed by the Washington Post and the New York Post about her â€œbookâ€, have a meeting with Doubledayâ€™s senior editor, and present a book proposal. Unfortunately, she then proceeded to spend her time partying instead of writing the book, but you get the idea: you can write a book on just about anything.

*24.*Learn basic *CPR*â€“ cardiopulmonary resuscitationâ€“and the *Heimlich Maneuver. * If someone were choking or going into cardiac arrest in front of you, wouldnâ€™t you want to know what to do?

*25. Play one card game really well*: it can be poker, rummy, bridge, and so on.

*26. Learn to sell yourself. * Prepare a three minute infomercial about yourself highlighting your most important skills and accomplisments. Then practice it until it sounds natural and unrehearsed when you say it. Important people are very busy, and when youâ€™re face-to-face with one of them you have a very small window of opportunity to make a good and lasting impression.

*27.* *Have a stress management strategy. * Studies have shown that almost 90% of illnesses can be traced back to stress. In addition, people who suffer from high levels of stress tend to have trouble sleeping, be overweight, have trouble concentrating, and are easily irritated. Stress management techniques can include: reframing the situation, learning to live in the now, humor, laughter yoga, repeating a mantra, creating rituals, having realistic expectations, and so on.

*28. Donâ€™t simply accept what youâ€™re told, go see for yourself. *A lot of people â€“and women are particularly prone to thisâ€“go through life without ever questioning what theyâ€™re told. Learn to look at everything from several different perspectives and ask yourself what you truly think. Where do you stand on important issues? How do you think things should be done?

*29. Learn to be comfortable with ambiguity.* The world is not black and white; people are not entirely bad or entirely good; youâ€™ll often run across two proverbs that say exactly the opposite, and both will be right.



> â€œThe truth is rarely pure and never simple.â€ â€” Oscar Wilde










*30. Be able to perform at least one dance style reasonably well*: Tango, Merengue, Salsa, Waltz, Belly dance, Ballet, the Polka, Flamenco, Krumping, Lambada, Tap dance, the Foxtrot . . .






_(The â€œTango Legsâ€ photograph is courtesy of dark_mephi)._

*31. Have knowledge of mayor artistic movements, major artists, and indispensable masterworks.* Art is making a come-back.

*32. Learn to regulate your own moods. * Being able to self-regulate anger, to bounce back from disappointment, and to shift your focus to a more positive range of feelings when youâ€™re feeling down is vital to your productivity and to your success.

*33. * *Develop your interpersonal skills. *Interpersonal skill is the ability to understand other people, to know what motivates them, and to be able to work cooperatively with them. It involves reading other peopleâ€™s body language, their tone of voice, their gestures, and understanding their style of communication. Daniel Goleman explains in his book â€œEmotional Intelligenceâ€ that rapport â€œstems from emotional attunement, from the capacity for empathy.â€

*34. Project strength with your body language. *Stand up straight. If you have a tendency to slouch, you can use the following dancerâ€™s trick: run an imaginary cord from the base of your spine, through the spine, up through your neck, and out the top of your head; now pull the imaginary cord upwards and feel your spine straighten. Also, women should try to avoid tilting their head during business conversations since this can signify submission.

*35. Hold other peopleâ€™s gaze. *People consider others who hold their gaze during a conversation to be more self-assured, trustworthy, and reliable than those who are constantly looking away. In addition, several coaches suggest the following trick:

Imagine a triangle with the base at the listenerâ€™s eyes and the peak in the middle of the forehead: thatâ€™s the â€œbusiness gazeâ€. This is where you should be concentrating when you want to be taken seriously. On the other hand, if youâ€™re at a social gathering and want to be more flirtatious, imagine an upside-down triangle with the base at the listenerâ€™s eyes and the apex at the mouth and concentrate your gaze in that zone.

*36. A firm handshake helps make a good first impression.* The features that characterize a firm handshake are the strength, duration, and completeness of grip. In addition, refer to #35 above: when you shake hands with someone you should also use eye contact.

*37. Stop worrying about what others think of you.* The American psychologist Abraham Maslowâ€“noted for his conceptualization of a â€œhierarchy of human needsâ€â€“argued that the self-actualized person is independent of the good opinion of others. Do what you think is right for you and donâ€™t alter your behavior simply to please others.

*38. Have a reasonable knowledge of history. *To get a good overview of how thought has evolved and how different inventions have affected humanity, I recommend you read â€œThe Discoverersâ€ by Daniel J. Boorstin, as well as â€œA History of Knowledgeâ€ by Charles Van Doren.

*39. Know that there are predators.* In â€œWomen Who Run With the Wolvesâ€, Clarissa Pinkola Estes explains that all creatures must learn that there are predators out there. In addition, she adds that early training to â€œbe niceâ€ causes many women to ignore their inner alarm system. She goes on to say: â€œTo understand the predator is to become a mature animal who is not vulnerable out of naÃ¯vetÃ©, inexperience , or foolishness.â€






_(The â€œWolf Menaceâ€ photograph is courtesy of Byrd on a Wire)._

*40. * *Have a basic knowledge of world geography*. Many people have seen the YouTube video of Miss South Carolina during the 2007 Miss Teen USA pageant where sheâ€™s asked why she thinks polls show that one-fifth of Americans canâ€™t locate the USA on a map. Itâ€™s actually hard to watch. Purchase a World Atlas or at the very least a book such as â€œGeography for Dummiesâ€ to get an adequate overview.



> â€œU.S. high school graduates will: Sell to the world; buy from the world; work for international companies; manage employees from other cultures and countries; collaborate with people all over the world in joint ventures; compete with people on the other side of the world for jobs and markets; and tackle global problems, such as AIDS, avian flu, pollution, and disaster recoveryâ€¦ We need to open global gateways and inspire students to explore beyond their national borders.â€â€ Vivien Stewart, _Becoming Citizens of the World, _Educational Leadership


* 41. * *Adopt a method for connecting with your inner self and getting centered. * You can choose from several different methods, including journaling, meditation, tai chi, Qi Gong, yoga, or spending time in nature.*42. Know where your money is going. * Create a spending plan (also known as a budget). Keep track of your expenses and make a conscious decision as to how youâ€™re going to spend your money instead of spending it indiscriminately.

*43. Learn how to develop a business plan.* In â€œRich Dad/Poor Dadâ€, Robert Kiyosaki compares the mindset of his father (â€poor dadâ€)-who held several degrees and an important position in the government, but struggled financiallyâ€“, with the mindset of his best friendâ€™s father (â€rich dadâ€)â€“who never even finished high school but left his son a financial empire. â€œPoor dadâ€ saw his job as his source of income for life and he taught Kiyosaki to depend on his employer for his financial well being. On the other hand, â€œrich dadâ€ taught Kiyosaki that he should get a job to learn and to acquire the necessary skills so that he could go on to start his own business and become financially independent. Learn to create a business plan so that you can start moving toward financial independence.

*44. Learn how to create passive income. * Passive income is income that does not require your direct involvement. You make a strong initial effort to get this type of income started, but then you do minimal work thereafter to keep it going. It can be income derived from royaltiesâ€“for example, you write a bookâ€“, income derived from patentsâ€“you invent somethingâ€“, income derived from real estate, and so on. Brian Lee at geniustypes.com swears by bulk candy vending machines to create passive income. There are many ways to create passive income and the key is to be on the look-out for passive income producing opportunities.

*45. Learn to be flexible. * An example that is often used to illustrate the benefits of flexibility is the bamboo and the oak tree. The strategy of the oak tree is to grow strong and solid to withstand the onslaught of strong winds. The strategy of the bamboo is to stay flexible and to bend with the force of the wind. In a fierce storm the oak tree is often destroyed, while the bambooâ€“having swayed with the force of the windâ€“survives.

*46. Learn how to make mistakes.* Many people attach great stigma to failure and are therefore afraid of making mistakes. However, we need to accept that failing is simply part of the process and we should learn from our mistakes and move on. Think of mistakes as stepping stones on the path to success.



> â€œPunishing honest mistakes stifles creativity. I want people moving and shaking the earth and theyâ€™re going to make mistakes.â€ â€” Ross Perot


*47. Be able to forgive yourself. *As Maya Angelou so wisely said, â€œYou did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.â€*48. Be able to tell if someone is lying* (this was taken straight out of Esquireâ€™s list).

*49. Have some knowledge of economics, particularly how economic policy affects the wealth of a nation. *A good source is the book and DVD, â€œThe Commanding Heights of the Economy.â€

*50. Know when to cut your losses**.* The best poker player knows when and how to fold. When the odds say he probably wonâ€™t win, he just leaves his money in the pot and lays down his cards. He doesnâ€™t go on throwing money into the pot desperately hoping to salvage the situation. There comes a point where the best thing you can do is to simply cut your losses and move on.

*51. Have a Big Vision.* No matter how small your domain may be at the present moment, you should set a big, long-term vision for yourself. Come up with a powerful statement of where you are headed and what your life will be about.



> _â€œWe ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesnâ€™t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not in just some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.â€ â€” Nelson Mandela_


*52. Learn to receive. * Women are often masters at giving but have a difficult time receiving. The yin and yang of life is to give and receive. Practice receiving by focusing on your breath: everytime you breath in youâ€™re receiving. Accepting gifts, help, and complements from others should be just as easy.*53. Protect Your Computer. * Install a virus protection program and once a week do a virus scan and spyware check.

*54. Learn to make quick decisions. *Make as many on-the-spot decisions as you possibly can, and then move on to the next thing. If you keep postponing making decisions on small things, theyâ€™ll ac***ulate and will end up eating away more of your time than if you had simply made a quick decision for each one. The more decisions you make, the better youâ€™ll get at making them.

*55. Learn to negotiate. * Negotiating is much more than knowing how to get a good price when youâ€™re buying a car or how to ask for a salary raise; almost everything you do in life involves negotiation. You negotiate with your spouse, with your children, with your friends, with your boss, with your co-workers, and so on. If you learn how to negotiate effectively you can move away from confrontation and toward cooperation. At the same time, good negotiators look for constructive ways to make the pie bigger so that everyone wins in an argument, instead of either forsaking their piece of the pie in order to keep the peace, or taking the pie away from somebody else.

*56. Learn to cook at least the basics. * Planning your meals in advance and eating at home is good for your wallet and for your health.

*57. Speed Reading. * Weâ€™re all being bombarded with information on a continous basis, a lot of it in written form. Thereâ€™s the newspaper, the blogs you subscribe to, reports, e-mails, magazines, books, newsletters . . . You need to develop a strategy to get through this reading material quickly with an acceptable level of comprehension and retention. I use PhotoReading which teaches a whole-mind reading system. Among other things, you go through the reading material quickly several times, using a different technique each time. You also read with a purpose so that your mind can help you pick out what is important to you.

*58. Time Management Skills.* There are countless systems and methods to organize your time. Pick one of the several methods available, learn it, and apply it. You can also study several of the methods available, mix and match, and come up with your own hybrid. Just as by creating a budget you take control over where your money goes, by creating a system for managing your time you take control over where your time goes.

*59. Get organized.* Getting organized includes decluttering, giving a â€œhomeâ€ to each of our belongings, and creating processes so that we know where to put and what to do with all of the items that come into our lives.



> â€œOrganizing is the process by which we create environments that enable us to live, work, and relax exactly as we want to. When we are organized, our homes, offices, and schedules reflect and encourage who we are, what we want, and where we are going.â€ â€” Julie Morgenstern


*60. Create a Sacred Space.* In the book â€œSacred Spacesâ€, Denise Linn explains that our homes are symbolic representations of ourselves. Create a sanctuary for yourself and for your loved ones, a place of healing and regeneration.*61. Donâ€™t take things personally. *Realize that what others say and do is not because of you, itâ€™s simply a projection of their own reality.

*62. Think â€œYesâ€ instead of â€œNoâ€. * Imagine â€œYesâ€ instead of â€œNoâ€. Say â€œYesâ€ to life instead of saying â€œNoâ€. The author SARK suggests that you make little signs that say â€œyesâ€ and post them all over your house.

*63. Develop the skill of goal setting. *Numerous studies have shown that people who set goals achieve more in life than those who donâ€™t. Use the â€œSMARTâ€ acronym when setting your goals:

- Specific: Donâ€™t just say â€œI want to lose weightâ€. Instead, write down something like the following: â€œLose 10 pounds in 2 months by following a diet of 2,000 calories a day, jogging for 40 minutes 5 times a week, and lifting weights at the gym 3 times a week.â€

- Measurable: Each time you get on the scale you can measure your progress.

- Achievable: While losing 10 pounds in 2 months is achievable for most people, losing 50 pounds in 2 months probably is not.

- Rewarding: Make sure you establish goals because itâ€™s something that you really want, as opposed to setting goals based on things other people want for you.

- Timeline: Things have a tendency not to get done unless thereâ€™s a clear deadline. In our example, â€œ2 monthsâ€ is a clearly delimited time period for accomplishing the goal of losing 10 pounds.

*64. Think creatively. * The world needs people who are willing to look at problems from a different perspective, to ask how things can be made better, to look for different alternatives, and to come up with new solutions and novel ways of doing things.

*65. Take smart risks.* I once read that most people donâ€™t play to win, they play not to lose. What if you stopped playing it safe? What if you risked making a fool of yourself, being ridiculed, and perhaps falling a couple of notches down the ladder youâ€™ve been steadily climbing, for the opportunity of winning at the game of life?

*66. Nurture others. *This is a skill that a lot of women have down pat. However, itâ€™s an important skill and worth mentioning. Mother Theresa was a big proponent of the concept that people need to feel cared for as much as they need food, shelter, and water.

*67. Nurture yourself.* Youâ€™re not doing anyone any favorsâ€“least of all yourselfâ€“by failing to take good care of yourself. Make sure that you take time to eat well, exercise, and have some time to yourself to get in the tub and read your favorite magazine, go for a walk, or spend a couple of hours at a spa. When you get on an airplane the stewardess always explains during the safety presentation that, in case of an emergency, you should put your oxygen mask on first, and then help your children or those around you with theirs. Likewise, you have to take good care of yourself first, so that you can give your very best to your loved ones.

*68. Set clear boundaries.* Setting clear boundaries has many different connotations, two of the main ones being the following:

-First, thereâ€™s a time and place for everything. Thereâ€™s a time for work, and thereâ€™s a time for relaxation. When you get home from work you should drop everything related to your work before you walk in the door. If you work at home you need to make the boundary between work and relaxation even stronger. You can create a ritual of washing your hands and face when youâ€™re ready to transition from work to relaxation, changing your clothes, or anything else that helps send a signal to your mind that itâ€™s time to shift gears.

-Second, set clear boundaries on your time. Do not allow yourself to be interrupted when youâ€™re in the middle of important work and do not commit yourself to doing things you donâ€™t want to do.

*69. Learn to network.* Networking is the most important way of fostering relationships and business contacts. Being a good networker means that you have a wide circle of people from whom to get information and call on for help, and with whom you can share ideas.

*70. Trust your intuition. *Intuition is when you know something without being sure how you know it. If youâ€™re not comfortable with the notion of a sixth sense, then simply think of intuition as the triggering of the ***ulative experiences and knowledge that youâ€™ve gathered through the years.

*71 - 75. Be authentic; Set your own agenda instead of being pulled into the agenda of others; Break the rules; Do the unexpected; Be unforgettable. *


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## Dragonfly (Jan 27, 2009)

I have met a few men that could do several things on the list - but not all. I think it is a pretty tall order.

Kudos to any man that at least makes the attempt!

After reviewing the list for women- I appreciate men even more!


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## Darla (Jan 27, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Dragonfly* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I have met a few men that could do several things on the list - but not all. I think it is a pretty tall order.Kudos to any man that at least makes the attempt!

hey i do most, but I've already told you I don't iron.


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## Ozee (Jan 28, 2009)

husband can't cook or make a bed , thats about the only ones he couldn't do.

whereas me the womens like...lol i think i fail most of them!


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## Darla (Jan 28, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Ozee* /img/forum/go_quote.gif husband can't cook or make a bed , thats about the only ones he couldn't do. whereas me the womens like...lol i think i fail most of them!

well we all know you can sleep fine in an unmade bed, but the cooking thing might be a problem unless he can dial a phone and order take-out! 
and as we know those articles are fully intended for women to feel as inadequate as possible!


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## Ozee (Jan 28, 2009)

lol well if i'm not here deffinately his cooking skills are a total of pouring a drink and ordering a pizza. Im deffinately going to make sure my son knows how to cook a few meals when he is old enough. I think its about time i break the cycle amongst my family of women does everything inside house and man does nothing.Oh except turn the meat on a bbq then claim they cooked it disregarding the prep work i did of cutting marinading massage skewering etc etc

ahh i love my husband but im good at complaining.


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## Darla (Jan 28, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Ozee* /img/forum/go_quote.gif lol well if i'm not here deffinately his cooking skills are a total of pouring a drink and ordering a pizza. Im deffinately going to make sure my son knows how to cook a few meals when he is old enough. I think its about time i break the cycle amongst my family of women does everything inside house and man does nothing.Oh except turn the meat on a bbq then claim they cooked it disregarding the prep work i did of cutting marinading massage skewering etc etc
ahh i love my husband but im good at complaining.

He's an Australian guy. Doesn't he know how to throw a steak or a shrimp on the barbie?
or is this an old outdated stereotype you would like to get rid of? ( it sure helps Outback here in the US)


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## McRubel (Jan 28, 2009)

Okay, the women's list doesn't seem as much fun. The guy's list is all about knowing specific skills, whereas the women's is more about how to improve emotionally. That's no fun!


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## Darla (Jan 28, 2009)

Originally Posted by *McRubel* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Okay, the women's list doesn't seem as much fun. The guy's list is all about knowing specific skills, whereas the women's is more about how to improve emotionally. That's no fun!



OK fair enough. How about this list? (actually i should have compiled my own list but the thread would have to be moved)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Jezebel*

25 Things All Women Should Learn To Do Already By Moe, 3:00 PM on Fri Apr 25 2008, 61,883 views




In honor of its 75th anniversary the May _Esquire_ has a big pullout feature called "75 Skills Every Man Should Master." The premise — Magazines! Lists! — is not exactly revolutionary, and the "skills," such as practicing "brand loyalty to at least one product" and "making three different bets at a craps table" are not exactly universally vital, but I'm writing about the feature precisely because it's so classically _Esquire._ _Esquire_ is a magazine about "how to be a better man" or some John Wayne shit like that. _Esquire_ doesn't try and tell its readers they are fine just the way they are. _Esquire_ likes rules, definites, moral "absolutes" to substitute for the old moral absolutes in which modern society is so woefully deficient. _Glamour_ would, for whatever reason, never tell its readers they _needed_ to know how to deliver a eulogy or install a thermostat without asking for help, because they are too busy telling their readers to not feel guilty about being too emotional to deliver the eulogy without breaking down, or ask a dude for help installing the thermostat. Thank the nonexistent moral authorities that _I_ don't get paid _Glamour_ rates to write this stuff, right?

*Chop vegetables like Penelope Cruz in Volver.*

Onions, peppers, garlic cloves and olive oil: are there truer friends in times of economic woe? (Besides Top Ramen duh.) Is there any other aspect of women's work so fundamental to the survival of the species? I dunno, I'm just making excuses, I just think it's sexy.

*Choose a perfume.*

Floral scents, what can I say: I hate them. Yes, toilet water is an overpriced luxury good, but considering all the cash we blow on overpriced luxury goods dedicated to appealing to one's sense of sight and touch, you'd think we wouldn't be so thoughtless when it comes to the ritual of coughing up a hundred bucks to have that whole other sense covered for the next half year. So go: I may never encourage you to spend money again; spend some quality time at Sephora and come out smelling like something more interesting than a boutique hotel.

*Tell the truth.*

I can't make it tonight. I have a date. I'm interested in your ex-boyfriend. When you cheated on your husband it really disturbed me. You should maybe look into taking responsibility for your actions. "I would like to put a hit out on your therapist." I know, it's not easy. But isn't that kind of sad?

*Withhold information.*

Gossip is analogous to bacteria; humankind could not survive without it, but it can be deleterious in an unhealthy context. Get into the habit of withholding a certain amount of pointless amusing information just to keep your immune system in shape.

*Take nothing personally.*

He didn't do it to hurt you, and if he did, that's ****ing weird. Humans are self-obsessed, that's the only reason you _think_ this is about you, when it's really about something that has left people much smarter than us befuddled for millennia now, so you might as well focus on what you can control, which leads me to...

*Take yourself personally.*

Your persistent low self-esteem: how did it get that way? Were you awkward growing up? Not quick or witty enough? Just ugly? Once you gained a shred of confidence, did you blow your wad seeking out companions you knew would make you feel inadequate? Why? Think you're a narcissist? Or just a weak person? Guess what? We're all different. We're all completely individual assemblages of genetic traits and collected experiences. We're all special, which is precisely what makes us so un-special. If you harbor lingering dissatisfaction with yourself, figuring out what it is is a pretty good way to start coming to terms with that.

*Apply makeup without a mirror.*

You do this every day, right? Have a little faith in your abilities. Be that girl who is capable of leaving the house on three minutes' notice.

*Assemble furniture.*

Ikea would not sell $20 billion worth of furniture every year if putting it together was really that hard. It's a pain in the ass, sure. Your ancestors got their water from wells.

*Get off.*

It has never been easier. There are vibrators at CVS. Porn is an ill-advised Google Image Search away. And really, we all _need_ sex. If you masturbate enough, you'll only seek out casual sex for self-affirmation. And knowing you are doing that will make it a lot easier to handle rejection!

*Get hit on politely.*

Go ahead and smile, make eye contact; he's probably not trying to rape you. The sexual charge will defuse over time and in the interim you can maybe make a friend. Dudes bear an unfair percentage of the responsibility for flirting in this society, just as we bear an unfair percentage of the responsibility for looking pretty. Let's be sympathetic to one another, how about?

*Cry.*

There's an unlimited number of reasons you should. To do anything about any of that you have to stop crying eventually. You'll know when.

*On second thought, laugh!*

God, don't we feel lame after all that crying? So lame we actually laughed at that Dane Cook bit on the lameness of crying. Anything will make you laugh when you've finally gotten sick of crying, but hey, that's cool, dudes love it when you laugh at your jokes and that heady mix of "no pride" and "no standards" is the essence of funny jokes and good drunken one-night stands. Try to laugh as much as possible.

*Know when you truly cannot do something.*

And **** no I am not talking about living heavy objects or figuring out how to use Excel. I'm talking about making as much money as your sorority friends, or having a child by 35, or marrying your boyfriend, or being anything better than mediocre at something you think is important.

*Taxes.*

I know, I know; I don't do them either. But someday we should all learn for _ourselves_ how to abuse the loopholes in the tax code, right? It's our patriotic duty.

*Talk about astrology.*

Geminis and Libras get along; Virgos are neurotic; stay away from Scorpio men. It's what passes for Universal Truths these days, and you know what? It's not starting any wars. Maybe because _astrology_ understands that people are fundamentally different, and in order to coexist with them peacefully you've got to not only try to apply the Golden Rule but try to figure out what motivates them, and how _they_ would like to be treated.

*Know why talking about astrology is bullshit.*

Duh.

*Eat.*

Praying and loving are good skills to have, too, but if you can't nourish yourself without experiencing a complex range of guilts and fears and anxieties, you need help.

*Be alone.*

If you're bored, you may be on some level boring. Of course, we all are. Why do you want to hang out with your boring friends anyway? There are a lot of unboring people who have dedicated their lives to making books and movies and videogames to keep you happy.

*Break up with someone before you cheat on them.*

*Tell someone you're mad before you find yourself getting passive-aggressive.*

This was the suggestion of my roommate. Ha.

*Better yet, ignore the anger.*

It will find more useful targets.

*Repress.*

It's not denial if you are _aware_ you're doing it!

*Invest in the stock market.*

The ready access to money represented in the constant trading of the global stock markets is the foundation of our economy. So it's not, you know, like ****ing _football._ Much evidence of late points to the idea that women's relative lack of testosterone give us an advantage, especially in markets as jittery as these, when it comes to making money there. And who among us couldn't think of better things to do with a little chunk of Goldman's $21 billion bonus pool?

*Have a sincere intellectual conversation with a fellow female.*

Talk about post-structuralism, _not_ in the context of _The Hills_. Talk about the war with someone you aren't trying to ****. It's kind of thrilling what happens when two people who are biologically predisposed to _listen_ to one another exchange ideas.

*Call your mom.*

And if you don't have one, or if you're estranged from her; if it's complicated or she's in a mental institution or dead in a car accident, please feel free to call me and remind me what an ******* I am to have the most awesome mom in the universe that I ****ing _never_ remember to call.

Okay, that's all. 25. All we need is 50 more and we'll totally reach parity with those highly-skilled _Esquire_ readers! I _know_ you have ideas.


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## McRubel (Jan 28, 2009)

HAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE IT! Thank you! _Much_ better!!!


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## Ozee (Jan 28, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Darla* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He's an Australian guy. Doesn't he know how to throw a steak or a shrimp on the barbie?
or is this an old outdated stereotype you would like to get rid of? ( it sure helps Outback here in the US)

hehehe we dont have shrimp here, its a prawn. I always giggle when i hear that one though. Theres nothing about the australian stereotype bloke macho guy crocodile dundee that is even remotely like my husband lol

(not in a bad way though lol we're just more european then aussie)


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## Darla (Jan 28, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Ozee* /img/forum/go_quote.gif hehehe we dont have shrimp here, its a prawn. I always giggle when i hear that one though. Theres nothing about the australian stereotype bloke macho guy crocodile dundee that is even remotely like my husband lol

(not in a bad way though lol we're just more european then aussie)

haha sorry for perpetuating those stereotypes. no i realize Crocodile Dundee is purely a character and only the first movie was any good. and hey i do drive a Subaru Outback.


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## Bknd (Jul 22, 2019)

What a great 
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