# Update on my situation



## Shelley (Sep 18, 2006)

It's been awhile since I posted in regards to my abusive ex boyfriend. Well the police did catch his friend that assaulted me. My ex ended up killing himself because he got wind the police were after him next. How he found out was a close family members of mine, people I should be able to trust, told my ex the police were after him next, and maybe he should flee etc. Well I guess he knew his days of terrorizing me were up and killed himself. If these family members kept their mouths shut, he would have been caught and charged. Also found out these same people were telling him my location in the past which led to him stalking and assaulting me after I left. And this 'friend' of his was payed by my ex to hurt/kill me. Police found a letter signed by both of them, with the amount and stating what to do. I feel sorry for people who kill themself, not cruel, but at the same time glad he is gone. Too bad, because he could have been charged. Family members may be charged with obstruction of justice because they interfered as in telling my ex to flee.

I was sent to a rehab hospital. My ex once dislocated my shoulder, been having problems with it. Figure I have developed tendonitis of the rotar cuff. Also my ribs are quite painful. I know at least twice he cracked them, although never treated by doctors. Heard a popping noise both times he kicked me. They took xrays and found lot's of calcified areas over my ribs, which I guess is old injuries. The last assault three of my fingers were dislocated. All healed except for my little finger on left hand. It's popped out of place twice since the assault. I know at least 5 times that finger was possibly fractured. Only treated twice by Doctors, other times I never sought medical help, he prevented me or I was too scared. Told me I will probably never be able to work as a health care aid again because shoulder injuries never completely heal. I went to the pretrial in another Province since that is where the last assault occured. Didn't have to face my attacker, normal trial will likely be 4-6 months down the road.

Many people think why don't you leave someone like that? Well there are several reasons. I wanted to but was terrified. When you have someone who is controlling, abusive and threatens you all the time, you became scared. He always said if you call the police I will hurt you badly. They are threats, but you know what this person is capable of and I knew he would harm me. He also mentioned he has friends that will harm me. You would never think that someone could terrorize you, cause you not to leave, but they also wear you down to the point that you think you don't deserve better, play mind games. But I finally had the strength to leave and never went back. Even though I left, he became worse afterwards, continuned to stalk, terrorize and assault me. So if you know someone who is being abused, don't judge them, try to be supportive. Sometimes it is difficult to know what to say or do, but just saying I am here if you need me, is the most important information you can tell an abused person. Some people have been really rude towards me and I just say don't judge until you have walked in my shoes.


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## Lia (Sep 18, 2006)

I'm glad that now things are getting better. I admire you




And keep on treating the injuries, they'll heal soon


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## mintesa (Sep 18, 2006)

im glad that its over now. i hope you can relax again, and try to have some peace. HUGS


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## Shelley (Sep 18, 2006)

Thank you for your good wishes. Even though he is gone, I know it is not over yet. For the past while someone has been watching, following me. I really don't believe this is a complete stranger, but rather someone my ex knows. I knew he was getting dangerous, but didn't realize how bad he was. I have told the police but they said there is not much they can do unless this person makes threats. They took the information and I am watchful when I am out and stay in public places, don't go out at night. Plus I carry a personal alarm. Actually the police may give me a special alarm and if you press it, sends signal directly to the police, something like that.

My ex use to tell me he hanged around with some rough guys a long tme ago,but stopped being their friends because of the way they were. I really don't think he stopped being friends. I only knew a few of his friends, the one who attacked me, never met him, but said he knew my ex.


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## Cool Kitten (Sep 18, 2006)

jesus! be careful, and get a gun if you can.


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## Saja (Sep 18, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Cool Kitten* /img/forum/go_quote.gif jesus! be careful, and get a gun if you can. Shes in Canada


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## Nox (Sep 19, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Saja* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Shes in Canada LOL. Quite aptly noted. 
On a more serious note:

I am thrilled that you may be able to now live in peace, take the time to heal your physical wounds, and begin the journey to nursing your psyche back to health. What a terror that must have been, and to think some of your *trusted* people were accessories to this perpetuated violence. I am glad to read that they may get what is due them also. Keep your head up, and be proud of what you carried yourself through.


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## angel_eyes4evah (Sep 19, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Cool Kitten* /img/forum/go_quote.gif jesus! be careful, and get a gun if you can. WRONG! More women get killed b/c the person attacking them takes her gun and uses it against her!!
On the other note....I hope your doing better....and I pray that this whole mess has official ended for you!


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## Brownshugaz (Sep 19, 2006)

wow you've been through so much but you're still so strong. hugs. we're all here for you


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## empericalbeauty (Sep 19, 2006)

I will never understand why men hit women. But in the meanwhile be careful, hun. Also be very alert and if possible, have the cops on #1 speedial just to be on the safe side.


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## lynnda (Sep 19, 2006)

I hope and pray that you can now have peace in your life!


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## jayleelah (Sep 19, 2006)

I'm glad it's all over now.

Just be careful and always carry your alarm with you until that man stops following you.


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## emily_3383 (Sep 20, 2006)

Im glad part of this is over but I hope the other person stops and leaves you alone.


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## Zoey (Sep 20, 2006)

I am really happy this has turned out this way...slowly also his 'friends' will cool down and you will live in peace. i think if he was charged and sent to prison,he could still make deals with his friends to hurt you and he would be out some day...This way it really is better for you. I wish you all the best and best of luck with healing old injuries. You are a strong woman for leaving him and sticking with it! You should be really proud of yourself!


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## KimC2005 (Sep 20, 2006)

Shelley, I am glad everything has turned out for the better. We are here for you if you need us!


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## SewAmazing (Sep 20, 2006)

You are blessed because you moved from victim to victor!! Where you are going next is what counts. When you are ready, contact some abused women's organizations and tell your story. You have no idea how many lives you will touch, change, and save. Godspeed to you. The world is your oyster from here..


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## LittleMissV (Sep 20, 2006)

*Hugs* we are always here if you need to talk!


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## Aquilah (Sep 20, 2006)

Wow Shelley! I'm glad you're doing better, and while justice wasn't served as you would have hoped, at least your ex will no longer be a problem for you.

As for your family members being the obstructors, I hope they get what they deserve! That's just crazy they would do that to their own family!

I wish you the best of luck with everything else in life! Continue taking care of yourself, and you'll be fine!


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## peekaboo (Sep 20, 2006)

My God you have been through alot! Years ago I was living with this Piece of S(abusive relationship) and he told me that if I was there when he got back, he would kill me. I got out grabbing the bare essentuals and left. Never looked back but still looking over my shoulder.

Stay safe and you have so much courage to go through this. Be strong and you will eventually have some peace. Take care!


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## marshall1704 (Sep 20, 2006)

Wow, hun, I am very sorry to hear that. I will definitely pray for you and your healing. Please get all the help that you can. Also, keep us updated. If you ever need anything, you know we will always be here for you hun!!


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## pieced (Sep 20, 2006)

I admire you so much, you are a true inspritaion to people who are in such situation, and I agree with you on the point of not judging someone who stays with an abuser, everyone has their reasons. I hope this nightmare soon ends for you, and that you can live in the freedom God intended for you. You have my utter most respect...


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## Elisabeth (Sep 20, 2006)

Shelley......!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy Moly Crapamololi. He did himself in?? You've got to be kidding. A selfish ba**tard right until the end, eh? I just feel he would have taken him with you, Shel..had you not done your level best the way you did. Well, he was hurting, and way, way, past helping..that is now really obvious. I know he had some creepy dangerous heavy friends but trust me, those kinds of people's services are not for free, and if the money train has dried up, they will lose interest..usually, unless it was one of his family members. Even then, I'm sure it is well known that the authorities are now well aware of this situation and any hint of monkeyshines from that crowd will hopefully be shut down soon. You are such an inspiration to women everywhere..don't even worry about people judging you. Just close your ears and smile when then talk. Whatever!! I think it would be sooo cool if you could somehow help other women who are going through something similar!!

Love and Hugs,

Elisabeth


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## Shelley (Sep 20, 2006)

Thank you everyone for your good wishes. Right now I do not feel strong enough to talk to an organization, tell my story, but maybe one day I will.

I am going to reveal something which will be shocking. Very few people know this and it is difficult for me to say this, but I guess I will.

I mentioned about close family members telling my ex to flee, will be charged with obstruction of justice. These people are not cousins etc... they are my parents. Even though they saw my injuries in the past, mental state, they always blamed me for the abuse. I realize they didn't see the bad side of him except for once. Yes, they witnessed him hit me hard at a BBQ but didn't say a word. I approached them and asked. They said yes they saw him do it, but quickly said I must have said something to make him hit me, deserved it. He lived close by and often they would talk to him at the mall near their place and tell me they spoke to him and he is up to this or that, like he was their best friend. I told them many times, this guy is dangerous. Nope they somehow blamed me. One time they were discussing funerals and my name came into the picture. I asked what is this about? They said "You never told us if you want to be cremated or buried." I said "I never gave it much thought, why?" They said "Well if one of his friends decides to do you in, we know what you want." It was said in such a cold way, sent chills down my spine. So they never had my best interests at heart. In face after I left my ex and when he came after me, I found out my parents were telling him where I was, even though I told them many times not to give out information on my whereabouts. He never threatened them, that is what they told me, willingly gave it out. Plus they told this 'friend' of his, the last one who assaulted me, my location. Never threatened them either.


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## Elisabeth (Sep 21, 2006)

Originally Posted by *canadian_gurl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thank you everyone for your good wishes. Right now I do not feel strong enough to talk to an organization, tell my story, but maybe one day I will.
I am going to reveal something which will be shocking. Very few people know this and it is difficult for me to say this, but I guess I will.

I mentioned about close family members telling my ex to flee, will be charged with obstruction of justice. These people are not cousins etc... they are my parents. Even though they saw my injuries in the past, mental state, they always blamed me for the abuse. I realize they didn't see the bad side of him except for once. Yes, they witnessed him hit me hard at a BBQ but didn't say a word. I approached them and asked. They said yes they saw him do it, but quickly said I must have said something to make him hit me, deserved it. He lived close by and often they would talk to him at the mall near their place and tell me they spoke to him and he is up to this or that, like he was their best friend. I told them many times, this guy is dangerous. Nope they somehow blamed me. One time they were discussing funerals and my name came into the picture. I asked what is this about? They said "You never told us if you want to be cremated or buried." I said "I never gave it much thought, why?" They said "Well if one of his friends decides to do you in, we know what you want." It was said in such a cold way, sent chills down my spine. So they never had my best interests at heart. In face after I left my ex and when he came after me, I found out my parents were telling him where I was, even though I told them many times not to give out information on my whereabouts. He never threatened them, that is what they told me, willingly gave it out. Plus they told this 'friend' of his, the last one who assaulted me, my location. Never threatened them either.

Oh..my....Sweet Home Alabama. Right now, I'm just speechless. Really. As hard as this is, know that you are not alone. It took a lot of courage to open up to us like that. You have so much on your plate, one day at a time. And know that we are here, and that we do, as much as possible from folks you only know by words on the computer, have your best interests at heart.


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Sep 21, 2006)

I am so sorry for what happened to you and I am so proud of you for speaking up and leaving . I am so proud of you = ) . He is an bastard, I hope God gives him his medicine. He will pay for his deeds. I hope and pray for your well being.

And those family members who told him all that information. There is nothing to ponder about. Your suituation was not "my boyfreind and I broke up because the love is not there" he physically absued you. And they knew it. Do not let them change you for the worse. They are still your family members and let them be ugly. Don't associate yourslef with those poeple. Keep your head up and go forward.

Originally Posted by *canadian_gurl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thank you everyone for your good wishes. Right now I do not feel strong enough to talk to an organization, tell my story, but maybe one day I will.
I am going to reveal something which will be shocking. Very few people know this and it is difficult for me to say this, but I guess I will.

I mentioned about close family members telling my ex to flee, will be charged with obstruction of justice. These people are not cousins etc... they are my parents. Even though they saw my injuries in the past, mental state, they always blamed me for the abuse. I realize they didn't see the bad side of him except for once. Yes, they witnessed him hit me hard at a BBQ but didn't say a word. I approached them and asked. They said yes they saw him do it, but quickly said I must have said something to make him hit me, deserved it. He lived close by and often they would talk to him at the mall near their place and tell me they spoke to him and he is up to this or that, like he was their best friend. I told them many times, this guy is dangerous. Nope they somehow blamed me. One time they were discussing funerals and my name came into the picture. I asked what is this about? They said "You never told us if you want to be cremated or buried." I said "I never gave it much thought, why?" They said "Well if one of his friends decides to do you in, we know what you want." It was said in such a cold way, sent chills down my spine. So they never had my best interests at heart. In face after I left my ex and when he came after me, I found out my parents were telling him where I was, even though I told them many times not to give out information on my whereabouts. He never threatened them, that is what they told me, willingly gave it out. Plus they told this 'friend' of his, the last one who assaulted me, my location. Never threatened them either.

No woman deserves to get absued. There is no reason. We are all adults, with developed and grown brains. Your parents are idiots. Simple as that. Don't let or whomever it is bring you down. Keep your head up. We all fall down, but its what you do when you get up that counts. 
And I know its bad or we are condtionted not to say anything bad about our parents. It a sin, Oh no. But its okay, we are all humans. There kids who have parents with drug addicitons, locked up, just really uneducated or emotional abused themselves. So its okay, Speak up. This does not make you any less Beautiful. In the end its is not between you and them, its between you and God.

And oh alllow yourself to get pyshcolgical help, talk to a psychologist if you can afford it and makes some time in your sechdule. Nothing to be ashamed about.






Originally Posted by *canadian_gurl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Thank you everyone for your good wishes. Right now I do not feel strong enough to talk to an organization, tell my story, but maybe one day I will.
I am going to reveal something which will be shocking. Very few people know this and it is difficult for me to say this, but I guess I will.

I mentioned about close family members telling my ex to flee, will be charged with obstruction of justice. These people are not cousins etc... they are my parents. Even though they saw my injuries in the past, mental state, they always blamed me for the abuse. I realize they didn't see the bad side of him except for once. Yes, they witnessed him hit me hard at a BBQ but didn't say a word. I approached them and asked. They said yes they saw him do it, but quickly said I must have said something to make him hit me, deserved it. He lived close by and often they would talk to him at the mall near their place and tell me they spoke to him and he is up to this or that, like he was their best friend. I told them many times, this guy is dangerous. Nope they somehow blamed me. One time they were discussing funerals and my name came into the picture. I asked what is this about? They said "You never told us if you want to be cremated or buried." I said "I never gave it much thought, why?" They said "Well if one of his friends decides to do you in, we know what you want." It was said in such a cold way, sent chills down my spine. So they never had my best interests at heart. In face after I left my ex and when he came after me, I found out my parents were telling him where I was, even though I told them many times not to give out information on my whereabouts. He never threatened them, that is what they told me, willingly gave it out. Plus they told this 'friend' of his, the last one who assaulted me, my location. Never threatened them either.

No woman deserves to get absued. There is no reason. We are all adults, with developed and grown brains. Your parents are idiots. Simple as that. Don't let or whomever it is bring you down. Keep your head up. We all fall down, but its what you do when you get up that counts. 
And I know its bad or we are condtionted not to say anything bad about our parents. It a sin, Oh no. But its okay, we are all humans. There kids who have parents with drug addicitons, locked up, just really uneducated or emotional abused themselves. So its okay, Speak up. This does not make you any less Beautiful. In the end its is not between you and them, its between you and God.

And oh alllow yourself to get pyshcolgical help, talk to a psychologist if you can afford it and makes some time in your sechdule. Nothing to be ashamed about.


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## geebers (Sep 22, 2006)

I cannot believe all that you have been through. Your parents are simply awful human beings who you should cut off from your life. If people are making you feel bad about yourself and have negative things to say like that - cut them off. Do not feel guilty about it either. Your parents are mentally and verbally abusive people - they are NO BETTER than your ex and I hope they get what they deserve.

I want to thank you for posting your story. I always would get frusrated when I heard about abused people and always wanted to scream "why do you stay?" I never really understood but I realize that sometimes you are so emotionally tied to a relationship it is not easy to leave you really opened my eyes to this. I am proud of how far you have come and how great you are handling this. I hope you continue to tell others your story - you will save a lot of lives.


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## pieced (Sep 23, 2006)

Originally Posted by *geebers* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I cannot believe all that you have been through. Your parents are simply awful human beings who you should cut off from your life. If people are making you feel bad about yourself and have negative things to say like that - cut them off. Do not feel guilty about it either. Your parents are mentally and verbally abusive people - they are NO BETTER than your ex and I hope they get what they deserve. I agree, you don't need negative people in your life, and keep you distance from your parents. You've been through so much, and it's about time you surround yourself with people who are going to be there for you, and is supportive. Sadly you are not alone in this kind of situtaion, but you are an inspriation...


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## magosienne (Sep 24, 2006)

wow. i admire you, you have all my respect. i agree with the others. don't let anyone trying to convince you you're the one at fault. it's WRONG. people often blame victims and sincerely think it's their fault they have been abused. thank god i have parents that explained me it has nothing to do with you. the only one who deserves to be punished is the one that abused you. you don't have to be ashamed of anything. be proud of your courage.

now, take your time to heal all your wounds, keep your head up, and i also advise you to stay away from your parents. don't let them manipulate you again. you kow the truth about them, so let them be, go forward. you're grown up, so now you can choose your family.


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## Kelly (Sep 24, 2006)

Wow. I couldn't fathem the thoughts of what you've gone through....now hopefully you and be on the downhill. But do be careful.


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