# Complete utter bastard



## pinksugar (Apr 5, 2007)

I seriously cant believe that anyone would treat someone like this. I'm really in shock so I hope I make sense.

This afternoon I noticed an 'ad' for a toga party at my boyfriend's uni. He goes to uni across the road from my house so I suggested that we go together and he stay at my house for the night.

Well, he didn't seem too keen until I said I'd never been to a toga party and wanted to go. SO, he had class until 6, and we agreed to meet at 7 outside the place. I got all dressed up and looked pretty and redid my makeup and when I got there he was already a bit tipsy. Well he pretty much acted like a 15 year old, him and his friends were slapping each other and acting like guys do when they're together, 'hurting' each other and all that bullshit.

Well I Was thinking that i'd leave but thought I'd give him another chance. I went to the bathroom several times and relaxed in the 'girl' environment, redid my lipstick and gave him a chance to have boytime. Well when I came out, he said he needed to go to the atm which was outside the pub. Since I wasn't a member there, I'd have to pay to get back in, so I said i'd mind the tables. About 45 mins to an HOUR later, he came back. He said sorry he'd taken so long and that he wanted to ask me something that would make me really mad. I had alredy guessed but I asked him if he wanted me to leave since he obviously wanted a 'boys night' he asked me if I was mad and said he felt like I was asking something of him even though he didn't know what it was.

HE DIDN'T EVEN WALK ME HOME. I was half trashed, and I walked all the way home by myself, at night in the dark. In my book if you agree to go somewhere with someone, you TAKE THEM HOME. What an *******. I am so upset... he basically felt like I was a burden

What it comes down to is that he works really hard so the time he has off, he wants to spend however feels good, whether that be with friends, me or whatever. That doesn't give you the right to treat someone like that. I'm not even trying to make excuses for him here, I just don't understand, did he think I'd be all "ok, I'm going home now since you don't want me anymore. The key is under the doormat, come in and shag me whenever you're ready."

Ugh, I'm sickened by this part of his personality, that he would leave his girlfriend half drunk to walk home by herself at 10pm at night.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /

I just don't know what to do. It just hurts so badly, he's not a bad person, why would he treat me like that???

Oh. I'm one of those sad pathetic people trying to make excuses for their bastard of a boyfriend  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I don't even want advice. I'll probably be stupid enough to forgive him, and who can help someone like that.

I feel so stupid for letting him into my heart, and I feel stupid that I'm telling you all this  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> please make me feel better, you guys always make me feel good, and that's what I need right now


----------



## TheOpenRoad (Apr 5, 2007)

In the presence of their friends, guys do really stupid things... and usually aren't thinking straight.

I am sorry he abandoned you, but don't feel stupid! I totally understand where you are coming from and I feel like I am one of those "make excuses for your boyfriend" people too... nobody is perfect and if he is a good guy otherwise, maybe it was just a mistake.

You definitely deserve to be treated better, but I am not going to be the person who says "Leave him now!"... for some reason I don't feel like the situation warrants that. But definitely talk to him about it, tell him how upset it made you and ask him why he treated you that way. If he doesn't make any effort to apologize or make it up to you, _then _I'd say you might want to question the strength of your relationship.

Anyway, good luck girlie and I hope everything works out okay... just keep your chin up and don't let him get you down like that again. Have lots of girls nights and make him miss you!! :hugss:


----------



## Princess6828 (Apr 5, 2007)

Guys act completely different around their friends - like they have to put on some stupid macho act. Plus, combined with the fact that he was drinking he was probably not in his right mind. I wouldn't talk to him for a few days and make him realize that what he did was very wrong. I'm sorry hun. Guys can be real jerks sometimes.


----------



## han (Apr 5, 2007)

i totally agree with everything she said^^


----------



## MakeUpbyAthena (Apr 5, 2007)

hun, im sorry for you

when men are with their "own kind" their brains turn to 5 year old mentality.

hope things are fine now


----------



## CubNan (Apr 5, 2007)

> I seriously cant believe that anyone would treat someone like this. I'm really in shock so I hope I make sense.
> This afternoon I noticed an 'ad' for a toga party at my boyfriend's uni. He goes to uni across the road from my house so I suggested that we go together and he stay at my house for the night.
> 
> How old is this fellow?


----------



## pinksugar (Apr 5, 2007)

nope. I guess he'll show up at like 3am being all 'roooooossiiiiie I'm soooorry, let me iiiin' and I'll be all, wow the doormat looks comfortable about now JERK.

Hmph. SO MAD. How can you damage a relationship like that?? I guess it didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. Not to mention, when you get drunk, you get stupid. Guys should stay sober all the time, they're dumb enough as it is. *grumble*

He's 20 FOR GODS SAKE. Grrr!!!!


----------



## han (Apr 5, 2007)

lol.. tell him hes evicted and his spot is on the couch


----------



## pinksugar (Apr 5, 2007)

the sofa is too good for his kind *evil devil glare*


----------



## anonymouse (Apr 5, 2007)

In my opinion he cares more about himself than you and he doesnt respect you either. His behaviour is disgusting, dispicable and unforgiveable. He is treating you like shit and will continue to do so.

You do not deserve being treated this badly, he is worthless, dump him.

I know this isnt what you wanted to hear. Sorry.

Heres a big hug :heart:


----------



## dentaldee (Apr 5, 2007)

I'd give him the cold shoulder for a while!!


----------



## Aprill (Apr 5, 2007)

See, guys have a tendency to get disrespectful around friends. I remember when I got married, my husband liked to go get drunk and clown with his buddies, until I started showing my ass. Dont act all classy in front of me and turn into trash with your friends,

He will continue to do this btw, and he will apologize and say that he is sorry, it is just what guys do.


----------



## daer0n (Apr 5, 2007)

My husband used to do stuff like that too, but, he doesnt drink, he was just stupid in a sober state as much as he would be in a drunk one.

But, i told him one day, that if he treated me that way again in front of his friends i would do the same, not in front of my friends but his, so i did, and he didnt like it one bit, so he stopped doing it, i also told him how idiotic was of his part to act like that in front of his friends and that i knew that he wouldnt like it if i did the same when i was with mine.

I have to say, it doesnt matter how old they are, men will always act the same, its like they never get past age 10 in their minds -sigh-

You are a beautiful woman who needs to think more about herself, you deserve to be treated in a nice way, if you treat him good you deserve the same back, when you get older you will think about this and know that you should have cared more about yourself in that sense, enough to realize that no matter how much you love a man you have to always love yourself first, never put up with someone elses s**t, believe me, if you speak up and let them know how you feel and if they act like there was nothing wrong with their actions its not worth to go on, men sometimes need to learn that we have feelings too, that they are not the only ones that count, we do too, and more than deserving to be treated like a 'woman' we deserve to be treated like human beings.

Talk to him and make him understand how things should be, and i hope he apologizes for this, because i dont think you deserved to be treated like that at all. *hugs


----------



## DymondButterfly (Apr 5, 2007)

As with any relationship, only you can really decide where this will go. But I totally agree with the advice above. You should talk to him about what he did and how it made you feel. Let him know how you think he should have handled the situation. It's really easy to give him the cold shoulder or ignore him, but if you want to continue the relationship, you have to let him know how you feel and what you believe was the right thing for him to do. If you don't, he won't know exactly what he did wrong and how he can correct it in the future.

Of course, if you believe he won't change, then I'd say get rid of him! Honey, no good man would do any of this in the first place and then to make you walk home alone in the dark! That makes me want to slap some sense into him for you!


----------



## PerfectMistake (Apr 5, 2007)

Awww girlie - I am sorry to hear about that. I know guys can be such asses sometimes.

In past relationships I have learned that keeping it in only makes it worse. You should talk to him about it and let him know how much it has really hurt you.

I hope everything works out for the best, that was completely unfair for him to treat you that way and I think he owes you an apology, personally. He needs to realize what a good thing he has and that he just throwing it away!!

Good luck sweetie you know we are here if you need us  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## Kookie-for-COCO (Apr 5, 2007)

Be really cool for awhile. Remember men and women are entirely different. I don't know where they come from sometimes.


----------



## CellyCell (Apr 5, 2007)

Ugh, boys. Haha. I'm tired of them already!

He was trashed prolly - no excuse tho... but being caught up in that environment causes them to act differently then they normally would.

Sorry that happen to you.


----------



## Karen_B (Apr 5, 2007)

I'm sorry he did this to you. He should have just said straight out before the party that he wanted a guys night out, instead of pulling something like this.


----------



## CubNan (Apr 5, 2007)

The age may explain it. Guys just don't think sometimes. Stand your ground. You may want to read, He's just not that into me, or something like that. It can be a good reminder. GOOD LUCK.


----------



## StereoXGirl (Apr 5, 2007)

I'm so sorry that happened to you!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

If I was you (I know you're not asking for advice, but I'll give it anyway), I'd wait a little while and then calmly tell him that even if it wasn't a big deal to him, that it was to you and that his actions/words really hurt you. With guys, sometimes you just have to tell them that they did something wrong, otherwise they'd just go on thinking everything's ok when it's not. lol.

I hope you're able to sort everything out!


----------



## juicycouturegrl (Apr 6, 2007)

i'm really sorry hat he did that to you. but i agree with pretty much what everyone else said. even the best of guys turn into complete idiots once they are around a bunch of friends. its just nature i guess, who knows.

you should definitely let him know, though, that it is UNCOOL to let your drunken girlfriend walk home alone at night...especially when there are a bunch of guys hanging around. who knows what could have happened?? when ppl are drunk, they do stupid things. so that was really dumb and inconsiderate of him, and shouldn't be tolerated for any reason. tell him that!

but if he apologizes, accept his apology and make sure he knows NEVER to do that again.


----------



## AngelaGM (Apr 6, 2007)

I agree with anonymouse 100% I hope things look up for you=)


----------



## pinksugar (Apr 7, 2007)

I tried to post but it wouldn't let me (just timed out)

He grovelled and appologised. I'm prepared to give him one chance, because I think everyone deserves one. But im still so angry - not over the actual act, but more that he could damage my trust in him, that he could make himself look so bad in front of my parents who were there when I came home crying and hysterical. That is the part that makes me angry.

I had just started to think that guys really truly could be nice people, but the truth seems to be, that there just aren't. Even the nice once can be total bastard *******s.

I'm not sure if I can deal with that. We'll have to see.


----------



## han (Apr 7, 2007)

well.. i think he deserves a second chance and as long as he isnt a habitual offender.. i hate to admit but i have been guilty of ditching my man when we first got together we would go to clubs and i would be totally f*** up and didnt want to be on a leash but the next day i felt so bad


----------



## SimplyElegant (Apr 7, 2007)

I agree.


----------



## pinksugar (Apr 7, 2007)

thanks girls. I was so down about this, I didn't even want to read your responses at first because I felt like how can anyone be positive about him being such a tool-box retard fool *****. But I do feel better now.. you always give such good solid advice, it makes me calm down and think rationally.

We had 'the talk'. He's very quiet. He knows its going to take a good 6 months or longer before I feel like the trust is back.. I'm not sure what he's thinking, but I do know that he feels really really bad for hurting me.

So thanks again, your responses meant a lot  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Why did they blank out that word? I don't think it was that harsh, I don't even know what it was, LOL. Now I'm trying to figure out what it was,


----------



## Jessica (Apr 7, 2007)

Not only did he have the nerve to not walk you home....but he had the audacity to tell you to leave because he wanted a boys night out!!!! HUH???? Didn't you say you were the one who asked him to go out that night??? I'm sorry he was a jerk to you. I hope you told him how you felt and how hurt you were by his actions.


----------



## KatJ (Apr 7, 2007)

Boys are stupid, no matter how nice they are


----------



## xEdenx (Apr 11, 2007)

i agree


----------



## jessimau (Apr 11, 2007)

It's good that you two had "the talk" about it. When my fiance has done stupid s*** that's made me mad, I've flat-out called him on it, and not in a nice, rational way usually. If he'd pulled that boys' night thing with me, I would've told him exactly what I thought and where he could put it and that he'd better not expect anything from me for the next few days. Then when I was calmer, I'd explain how much it hurt me and WHY -- they seem to really need a full explanation of the why before they understand the consequences of their idiocy. I'll usually ask him to mentally switch roles, which helps most of the time.

It's good, too, that he grovelled and understands he has to work even harder now. I hope he keeps up the good behavior.


----------



## ivette (Apr 12, 2007)

i'm sorry about what happened to you.

unfortuantly, guys can be real jerks


----------



## Maysie (Apr 12, 2007)

I think its good you were totally honest with him about needing a lot of time to trust him again. Trust is one of those things that once its gone, it really is gone...until you can allow yourself to open up again and have faith in a person's ability to treat you right. Hopefully he'll realize how lucky he is for you to be taking this chance, because it's kind of a painful road back in my experience.


----------



## pinksugar (Apr 12, 2007)

thanks girls.. we decided to have a weeks break. At the moment my BF is at uni 9-6, 5 days a week and 8:30 - 6 saturday and sunday. I think that frankly he's just on the verge of a burnout or a breakdown, and he's not (was not?) thinking clearly. I don't believe that this means I'm finding excuses for him, just thinking logically.

He really needs this time to figure himself out. I'm not sure if he's going to just end up dumping me at the end of the week anyway, but he really wants to get his life back on track, so we're taking time out.

I really love this guy, and this is the first thing he's done to make me doubt him. I hope we can sort this out because i really want to be with him, but if he doesn't want the same things anymore, then what can I do?

Nothing basically! I'm learning to accept it and this week has been a really big learning curve for me. It made me realise I had been really bad tempered and grumpy with him for no reason, that I'd been getting really clingy and emotional, and that this isn't who I want to be. So, this time apart has been good, it made me realise that I really do love him, very deeply.

If he doesn't want to be with me though, I know that I can be strong and learn to be by myself, and that I'll get through it. I think I've become a lot more mature!


----------



## adrianavanessa (Sep 14, 2007)

Yup, I know I keep talking about my ex, but this all relates to him as well. When he was with me he was a perfect gentleman, when he was with his friends....oh boy.


----------



## kaylin_marie (Sep 14, 2007)

It basically boils down to this, boys are really frickin stupid a good majority of the time, and when they are around people they want to impress it multiplies by 57gazillion. Sometimes, I say sometimes, not every day, we have to just forgive them for doing something selfish and stupid. Although not without punishment and a serious talk. I say think of something he can do to make up for it, like take you somewhere you really want to go that maybe he doesn't necissarily want to go. Or something like that.

Im sorry he hurt you, you don't deserve it, at all. It sucks that good girls all end up getting hurt by stupid guy when we don't do anything to deserve it most of the time.

Well I hope now that the two of you have talked about it and had some time to think that everything falls in it's place and works out in whatever way will make you the happiest.

hugs!!


----------



## gorJESS (Sep 26, 2007)

Ha, agreed!


----------

