# Trouble in paradise



## hollyxann (Jul 7, 2006)

well you read that right...im having some trouble in paradise




...my boyfriend and i got into this huge enormous fight today...and its like we have the same fight all the time...which sucks royally...and its over completely stupid stuff...about the fact that i dont have a job yet and so i cant help with the bills...and all i can think about is that i want to cry and i was hyperventalating and i couldnt breathe and now my head hurts and stuff and i puked i was so upset...i have a bad feeling that im gonna lose him if i havent already....


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## fickledpink (Jul 7, 2006)

Aw, I'm sorry



Arguments are always awful. Maybe you should give a little bit of time for both of you to settle down and then sit down with him and talk about things? And if you two can't really talk without it becoming an argument, you could try writing him a letter to express what you feel and how he's making you feel. Sometimes it's hard to get your point across (most men are pretty dense) and a letter may be able to help you say everything w/o being interrupted...

I hope you feel better. :hugs:


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## LVA (Jul 7, 2006)

o ... i hate these arguments .. i know exactly what u mean .. but w/o these argument i think i'd be bored .... I know it sounds stupid .. but when i first met my b/f .. he agreed w/everything and i mean everything that i said ... and it was sooo annoying ... i would have dumped him if he wasn't so sweet. ...the arguments . add a lil spice to our relationship ... imo

it's true .. they're never pleasant though ... we argue from the smallest lil thing to bigger problems where he just storms out of the house and drives off. It impossible to sit down and talk about it .. cuz he doesn't like to talk about it .I try not to bring it up too much ....

well .. anyways ... i hope everything works out ... i'm sure u'll figure it out.


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## pla4u (Jul 8, 2006)

I hate having argument, the thing with the letter does work for me, I can take the time to put my feelings into words without my anger getting in the way and can try to phrase things as not to spark anger eather...


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## hollyxann (Jul 8, 2006)

thanks guys...things are still a lil tense between us...i mean he apologized and what not bc he did say some pretty hurtful things...and of course im still extremely hurt but i know with time it will blow over and we will be fine...i guess we are gonna talk about sometime this weekend which should be interesting bc he has no idea how to "talk" to someone...he has to raise his voice...ill keep you guys updated


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## KimC2005 (Jul 9, 2006)

Aww, I can relate. My boyfriend and I have been having a really hard time lately. Mainly my fault, but I just have some issues that I need to work through. I hate fighting with him, because I honestly truly love and cherish him. I totally feel where you are coming from. I hope everything works out for the best and if you ever need anything or just to talk you can PM me!


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## LVA (Jul 9, 2006)

I'm glad to hear he @ least apologize .. goes to show how much he cares about u





I've always wanted to try the letter thing ... but my b/f is such a lazi reader... for his b-day i got him a lil card and wrote a lil msg in it for him telling him how much i love him ... he just looked @ the pic and said .. cute pic .. thx for the card



!!


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## tsims (Jul 9, 2006)

ah job. which i am assuming means money issues, just so you dont feel bad this is the number one thing all couples fight over, seriously heard it on the news the other day.

oddly everyone i know who is wealthy seem to be the most unhappy couples i know, they are all cheating and just acting stupid. dont think all wealthy couples are like that, but most seem to be, i think most just get bored.

are you filling out apps for jobs, if so tell him, and also validate his feelings, say something like i know it is hard on you having to worry about all the financial things by yourself, it would be hard for anyone, then let him know you are trying (which you are right?) then think of some things you can cut back on till you do get employment.

validating is important, sometimes we just feel like the other person does not know how we feel. if you tell them and let them know you see their side, they probably wont go to the drastics of name calling and yelling (well not as much) then work on things to slove the problem or at least lighten it.

good luck

ts


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## hollyxann (Jul 9, 2006)

thanks guys....yea im trying im trying really hard...ive filled out apps everywhere but its just soo hard...bc its like no one is hiring and everywhere i fill out apps for never hire me...and ive told him over and over that i am trying and i have cut back a lot but he also needs to do some cutting back on things as well...

the thing that makes me the most angry is that hes always like "its not gonna be a free ride around here...so if thats what youre looking for then forget it...theres the door" and it really hurts me and i get soo upset to think that he would just get rid of me like that...and then about 10 minutes after we cool down hes like "im sorry, i love you, i didnt mean most of it...i just tend to fly off the handle and say things i dont mean and i know i do it with everyone, especially you and im sorry"

honestly im tired of hearing im sorry...and i know we do have some issues as a couple and as ourselves and we are trying to work through them but its just soo tiring and its like ive finally hit rock bottom emotionally...and most of the time i feel like its emotional/verbal abuse....


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## tsims (Jul 9, 2006)

hmmmm, i dont really like that "it not a free ride around here and theres the door" that is not cool, does he doubt your itentions on why you are with him? if not that attitude of his is wrong, wrong, wrong.

good luck on the job hunt, and call back to check on your apps. squeaky wheel gets the grease. but dont be annoying about it.

ts


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## hollyxann (Jul 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *tsims* hmmmm, i dont really like that "it not a free ride around here and theres the door" that is not cool, does he doubt your itentions on why you are with him? if not that attitude of his is wrong, wrong, wrong. 
good luck on the job hunt, and call back to check on your apps. squeaky wheel gets the grease. but dont be annoying about it.

ts

im not real sure if he doubts my intentions but he knows my background and what not so he knows that i dont care about money...i mean i understand where he is coming from but the way that he words things and the way that he says them is what really bothers me...his attitude is a definite problem...one of the things we are working on


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## girl_geek (Jul 9, 2006)

Hm, I don't really have any advice on your particular situation, but I wanted to say one random thing if you decide to write a letter: I would advise writing it, then laying it aside for a day or so before you give it to him so you can think about it. When I was having some issues with my ex, I often emailed him since I found that an easier way to lay out my thoughts without talking to him. But I really wish I would have waited a day to send them, because I said some pretty harsh things that I know I would have deleted if I had calmed down and thought about it!


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## hollyxann (Jul 10, 2006)

thanks for the advice...i believe i am going to write a letter so ill take your advice


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## foxydiva (Jul 12, 2006)

Ekkk, sorry to hear you are having such troubles..I will say that most of life is teaching people how to treat you....He will have to learn which lines to cross and which ones not to. When you all sit down and have a talk, try a role reversal of your last argument. How would he feel if he lost his job and you stepped up to help make ends meet and what not?

It sounds like he may be feeling a little underappreciated, but that is no reason to lash out at you. It is up to you to set your own self worth. You both need to set ground rules with one another on just how much (or little) verbal abuse you will take. I have a wicked temper myself and will say the first thing that comes to mind (wait, i do that when i am calm too.) maybe its best that you all table your discussions until he has cooled off. I saved a many a relationship just by walking away. My dad always said it takes two to argue and if you dont respond to the negitavity, the other party has to chose a more receptive way to communicate.

Just my opinion, not law of course, what ever actions you take, I wish you luck.


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## Kimberleylotr (Jul 12, 2006)

As long as you are trying to find a job and making an effort mention it to him like today i send out like a billion CV adn to i went for an interveiw so he knows ur trying and he may lay off a bit.


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