# I Have Social Phobia



## BeautifullyMADE (Jun 10, 2009)

I am one of many ppl who has it and although I have not been diagnosed by an actual psychologist or anything, I know that I have some type of "social problem"

I have been researching the net and found some great info on what social phobia is and I think that I am going to join a support group or something. I want to do so much in my life that involves meeting ppl on a daily basis which I have no prob with, I love ppl and love engaging in one on one convos..parties or big crowds I just can't do.

Anyone feel the same way as I? Or do you have some other type of phobia that you feel is hindering your success in life?


----------



## pinksugar (Jun 10, 2009)

it sounds like you have difficulty public speaking






I'm the same, I get so nervous before speeches, that I actually feel faint! even if it's in front of a class of people I know really well at uni, and only 10 or so people!

So, yes I can relate what you're saying and I think it's a problem that many people have


----------



## Ozee (Jun 10, 2009)

I get rather anxious if I go to a party/wedding/gathering type thing. It used to be only mild but since my appearance has changed so much its quiet bad, to the point i won't go anywhere for myself unless really have too.

Its great that your taking steps to self heal this, kudos to you


----------



## Killah Kitty (Jun 10, 2009)

Im not sure if it's really a phobia but I think I feel that way too. I get so nervous meeting new people. Whenever I go to parties or some event I hang back with people I know and prefer if other people come talk to me first.

I just try and remember and tell myself "Just be yourself". Its easiest to get through social situations when you just are who you are instead of pretending to be someone your not. Some people will like you and some never will, but thats the best way Ive found to deal with it.


----------



## SmashBox_Girl (Jun 10, 2009)

i also know how it feels because i used to have the same problem until a few years ago my mom passed away and left her business to me and that's when I realized that I needed a change If had to keep up her business from going down the drain after she tried so hard to keep it up float and if it wasn't for this business i think i wouldn't of stop being that way my opion is that when the time come's for you to go out there and open up you'll know exactly when your ready so try not to worry so much and hopefully this has helped you at least a little and try to keep ur head up and keep smiling...and fhis goes to the rest of you in the same situation thank's .


----------



## GillT (Jun 10, 2009)

Sadly, the only way I've found to overcome Social Phobia is to just take the bull by the horns. You've been invited to a big party? Then you should go. Find some people you can sit and chat with- some of your friends might be there. The more you do it the easier it will be, even if you don't particularly enjoy it.

Being diagnosed with social phobia some years ago I have been able to mostly overcome it. I would freeze up or crawl into my shell in most any situation involving someone I didn't know talking to me or being in a group of people.

My psychiatrist would tell me to go and sit in the living room of my uni flat with the other girls I shared with and I couldn't do it. He tried to get me to do it for a year and failed. Then I moved out, and into my Gran's where I never left the house. I'm not joking. It was in the middle of nowhere but it wasn't impossible to go elsewhere.

I could go on but I won't.


----------



## Karren (Jun 10, 2009)

I used to feel that way but had to force myself to get out there and speak.. I was always uber-nerveous in front of groups.. But when I moved from the mine to the corporate hq I had to give presentations in front of small management groups.. The more I did the more confidence I built.. Then I moved up and had to give project reviews in the boardroom and I authered a couple papers and had to go present them in front of 100's of my peers.. I still get really nerveous before I start talking but once I begin the nerves go away...

My wife won't talk in front of a group and both kids are not good at talking to the public... I have to call and order all the pizzas and they are 19 and 22!!!

Funny too... Everyone is so different... One of the new engineers that work for me gave a speech last week and he had to script out every thing, prepared a large powerpoint presentation and then he practiced in front of some of the other engineers... For a 10 minute talk... I also had to present last week and a few hours beore the meeting I printed off 5 maps and took a large red magic marker.. Didn't practice a thing... Winged it and I talked for nearly 2 hours.. Lol.

Big thing is to know your subject mater so good its second nature and the more you do it the better you get..


----------



## amorris (Jun 10, 2009)

It's true, sometimes you just gotta force urself..

I'm really shy and even though I'm really good at hiding it, I still get nervous when speaking publicly. I actually hate myself for that, bcuz it really gets in the way of my life. I can't get MY message across and I don't get to have many connections.

I use to have a group of good friends, you can say that they were my only friends at the time and then I got a boyfriend and basically that was my circle of friends. And then one day, my boyfriend just left me and at the same time, all of my good friends was studying abroad, and I felt so lonely that I hate myself. So that was when I pushed myself to do what I dont normally do.. I start going to dinners/parties where they are big groups of people even though I might only know one of them there. And now, I feel like my confidence is building.. although sometimes I still have second thoughts about speaking up...


----------



## BeautifullyMADE (Jun 10, 2009)

Thanks everyone for all the advice..I really want to change and be a more social person and I know that I will have to just get out there and make the best of my situation.

I just really hate it when I'm at work and ppl will talk over me like I'm not even there so I don't feel comfortable talking at all when that person is around. I really do try to chat with ppl one on one but it's like I have nothing in common with the ppl I talk to (when I'm at work). Half of them are retiring, have kids, or just really have issues and I can't relate to them. I am not sure what to do then.

I try being myself and honestly I think that I just haven't accepted who I really am so other ppl have not accepted me because they feel that my self-confidence is low or something. I've struggled with my self-esteem ever since I was little and since I got married I am more confident in my body but my personality just well...sucks! Everyonethat knows me though say that I am a social butterfly and that I'm outgoing but I just don't see that in myself..yet. To be truthful, makeup helped me with my self-esteem issues because even today I feel that I take on a different me whenever I make myself look good and put on makeup..I will literally not leave my home unless I have put some type of m/u on my face.

But my biggest problem is relating to ppl and making "small talk" I suck at that...ppl do not wanna talk abot makeup and fashion 80% of the time..well at least not the ppl I am around daily...it's depressing at some times too because I feel that I am not being me and not expressing the real me...srry to make this so long..anyone wanna chat can pm me on this.

Thanks again everybody!! Really appreciate cha!

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm the same, I get so nervous before speeches, that I actually feel faint! even if it's in front of a class of people I know really well at uni, and only 10 or so people!
So, yes I can relate what you're saying and I think it's a problem that many people have

Dang pinksugar, I haven't fainted on anyone...lol...were you okay after you got up? Does it happen to you often? I usually just will walk away from ppl when they start talkin to me because of the fear of being the center of attention in a group of ppl.

Originally Posted by *GillT* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sadly, the only way I've found to overcome Social Phobia is to just take the bull by the horns. You've been invited to a big party? Then you should go. Find some people you can sit and chat with- some of your friends might be there. The more you do it the easier it will be, even if you don't particularly enjoy it.
Being diagnosed with social phobia some years ago I have been able to mostly overcome it. I would freeze up or crawl into my shell in most any situation involving someone I didn't know talking to me or being in a group of people.

My psychiatrist would tell me to go and sit in the living room of my uni flat with the other girls I shared with and I couldn't do it. He tried to get me to do it for a year and failed. Then I moved out, and into my Gran's where I never left the house. I'm not joking. It was in the middle of nowhere but it wasn't impossible to go elsewhere.

I could go on but I won't.

If you would like to, you can PM me so that we can talk more..I would love to know more about your situation since you were professionally diagnosed with it.


----------



## Karren (Jun 10, 2009)

I remember setting in meetings with something to contribute but I was too scared that I was wrong and would be embarased... But then someone else would bring it up the point I was thinking about later and they got some praise..

I finaly started speaking up and I was wrong a few times. And the world didn't end.. The way I see it if your never wrong then your not doing anything! Lol.

Its like a learned trait.. Pavlovs dog... Speak and you get a treat.. So you speak more and get more treats..



. Now they can't shut me up!


----------



## BeautifullyMADE (Jun 10, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Karren* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Its like a learned trait.. Pavlovs dog... Speak and you get a treat.. So you speak more and get more treats..



. Now they can't shut me up!

Karren, thats a great way of looking at it..lolthanks!


----------



## amorris (Jun 10, 2009)

Originally Posted by *BeautifullyMADE* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I just really hate it when I'm at work and ppl will talk over me like I'm not even there so I don't feel comfortable talking at all when that person is around. I really do try to chat with ppl one on one but it's like I have nothing in common with the ppl I talk to (when I'm at work). Half of them are retiring, have kids, or just really have issues and I can't relate to them. I am not sure what to do then. 
But my biggest problem is relating to ppl and making "small talk" I suck at that...

Originally Posted by *Karren* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I remember setting in meetings with something to contribute but I was too scared that I was wrong and would be embarased... But then someone else would bring it up the point I was thinking about later and they got some praise.. I thought I was the only one....


----------



## Adrienne (Jun 11, 2009)

Karren gives some really good advice here. We have conference meetings here with the VP sometimes and I hated even saying my name, it made me nervous. Finally on the last one we had a couple months ago, I decided that if I had a question, I would ask it. I got praised for it (the only who received any praise on that two hour meeting) and understood the material better overall as I was actually interacting too.


----------



## bia910 (Jun 11, 2009)

its funny that you mention because i do think i have so social phobia, however people that know me from like college or even from just day to day life would never guess! i have no problem talking to people in school or in the grocery store or anything im not shy, however when it comes to going to parties/clubs/large gatherings i cant do it! i feel like i just dont fit in and wont have anything to talk about even though i never have problems in other situations. I feel like i just have forgotten how to socialize in parties.


----------



## pinksugar (Jun 11, 2009)

lol, I never actually fainted thank god, but I felt super light headed and like I MIGHT pass out.

Can you imagine?! eek! I manage to control it pretty well, you can't actually tell that I'm nervous, but inside i'm freaking out!


----------



## Ricci (Jun 11, 2009)

I am the exact same way I have social phobia too I kow exactly how u feel I think I got mine from being teased harshly as a child up u ntill high school themn i quit .. PM me if u want to chat about this

Originally Posted by *BeautifullyMADE* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am one of many ppl who has it and although I have not been diagnosed by an actual psychologist or anything, I know that I have some type of "social problem" 
I have been researching the net and found some great info on what social phobia is and I think that I am going to join a support group or something. I want to do so much in my life that involves meeting ppl on a daily basis which I have no prob with, I love ppl and love engaging in one on one convos..parties or big crowds I just can't do.

Anyone feel the same way as I? Or do you have some other type of phobia that you feel is hindering your success in life?


----------



## candygalore (Jun 11, 2009)

i get very nerves like that too ,almost every day of my life and like you said, i can't show my true potential to other people because i get so nerves, and sometimes i even get anxiety attacks is quiet sad sometimes.now that im starting to enjoy doing other peoples makeup this have made me realize that everything is goin to be ok all that i have to do is take one step at the time, sometimes this phobias come, do to many feelings of insecurity for example: like you guys already said being nervous around people, scared of getting embarrased because you think in your mind that if you ask a question people will go. well duh!!!! and little by little this emotions will shot your world out of society so you begin to separated your sefl from the world my biggest thing is people make fun of me almost all the time because of my accent when i speak or if i make a mistake when im speaking,and people can be very cruel about it,i was almost to the point that i made people believe i didn't speak english i was so tired of being the joke and one day i said enough was enough and starting to speak english again but like karren said the more you try the more rewards you can get. i also think this advice applies to any kind of problem you have with yourself.


----------



## mahreez (Jun 15, 2009)

i just thought about this today, coz i went out over the weekend which i don't get to do often. and i was introduced to a lot of people.

i almost want to panic or something and i kept thinking. am i supposed to remember their names? what am i gonna say?

it's quite difficult and sometimes i just stand in a corner and not say anything at all. people might think i'm being snobbish but i could just get really shy. esp in another country.


----------



## LIVINGcute (Jul 10, 2009)

I think a lot of people (more than we realize) have some sort of social anxiety so there's no need to feel badly about yourself. just know that when you enter a room of 10 people, 7 of them probably are somewhat socially awkward in on way or another - some are just better covering it up than others.


----------



## mollydolly (Jul 28, 2009)

i can hangout with my friends and be mostly normal, it just comes to people i don't know that well or people that i feel think they're better than me that i feel awkward.

i don't really talk unless someone asks me a direct question, and when i do sometimes i can feel myself blush and i get red and blotchy on my chest and i can just feel my heart speed up.

i always talk really quietly too so i end up having to repeat myself a lot and that makes it even worse.

then if people ask why i never talk, i don't really feel like i was deliberately being awkwardly quiet, i just kind of stand there and listen, and generally i just never have anything to say, or someone else beats me to it so i just keep my mouth shut.

i just find myself hating being around people, especially girls, because you know they're always looking to pick out all of the things about you that make you inferior to them. especially those overly happy and chipper ones, that smile all the time even when they're driving my themselves and laugh at everything a guy says even though it's not even meant to be funny.


----------



## prettyfaye (Oct 21, 2010)

Social phobias and fears come from a very tragic experience that involved several people at once.  I remember having so many difficulties with people and for some time I couldn't talk to anyone.  Depression is another reason why I lacked communicating with others. Over time I started to conquer all of these social fears.  I have a life now and I don't care about what others think of me.


----------



## Asocialisten (Nov 10, 2010)

I suffer from social phobia.I think it stems from my childhood, the other kids would treat me horrible, and after a few years I would almost faint whenever I had to talk to someone, I was so scared. It always resulted in a panic attack.

But it's getting a lot better for me. I can go out and buy groceries now without nearly puking from being so nervous when I greet the cashier. Or just talk to strangers. It's still hard for me to do these things, but I can almost interact with other people like a normally functioning human now.

Remember, it's hard and it takes a lot of time, but it can get better. You have to overcome your fears. Don't let them live your life for you.


----------



## xxmagnoliousxx (Nov 12, 2010)

I don't think I go as far as social phobia but I honestly cannot talk to people I don't know. At least not anything important. It has something to do with my annoyance with people.


----------



## musingmuse (Mar 24, 2011)

I've been taking pills for social anxiety for almost 10 years now. Which is crazy!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> But they've saved me. I don't think your case is severe enough to be a mental disorder. You may just need some more practice. Maybe join Toastmasters and Meetup.com


----------



## reesesilverstar (Mar 24, 2011)

Take an acting class!


----------



## Kitytize (Mar 31, 2011)

I know I have social phobia, and I know it was caused by teasing growing up. I look very different than other people. Not the best advice but liquor isn't called liquid courage for nothing! Just 1 or 2 drinks works for me!


----------



## Amber204 (Apr 6, 2011)

I have to do allot of public speaking in the industry I am in and I tell ya, I feel like I am having a heart attack before hand and it never goes away. There is this group here called toastmasters where you go and speak once a month or so on whatever you like I am seriously thinking of joining and wish I had done it years ago. I have a friend who has been going along time and he is very good at selling his company to people now and can talk and talk about anything and everything. You must have something like this in your area this way you get to know these people to and hopefully it will help.

We all have a nervousness around new people, I know I am very shy and hardly speak when I first meet someone. I have had to learn the hard way this doesn't help maintaining new friendships many didn't understand and the one's that waited said I am like two totally different people. I don't like being this way and have to fight tooth and nail at every conscious moment to try and be more open and less critical of myself.


----------

