# 4 Months and he didnt even....



## HairEgo (Jan 10, 2010)

It's my birthday. I went out with the man that ive been dating for 4 months tonight. He knew it was my birthday. He knew. He didnt even get me a card or f*kin flowers...I got a happy birthday when the clock struck midnight and that was it.

4 months isnt a long time and im not his gf and hes not my bf, we're just dating....is it wrong for me to be so hurt that I drove home from being with him with tears in my eyes? Call our relationship what you will but even if we were just 'friends' I most DEFINETLY would have gotten my friend atleast a damn birthday card.

He was grumpy right from the start of the night to the point where I said if you're going to be like that with me then tell me now and I'll just leave...he insisted it would pass...it didnt. I'm so hurt, is it wrong to feel this way?


----------



## emily_3383 (Jan 10, 2010)

I dont really expect anyone to get me gifts to validate my birthday so it really wouldnt have bothered me especially if we are just hanging out. Im not a real sentimental person so i might be the only one to feel this way. lol

ETA: I also dont expect much from a man in that short period of time.


----------



## HairEgo (Jan 10, 2010)

I didnt expect much from him either...regardless of what we call eachother, we are dating one another exclusively, minus the titles. I wasnt expecting something extravigant or even anything more t hen a card....a card would have been perfect.


----------



## emily_3383 (Jan 10, 2010)

I guess next time he will know that you like a little something.

Its 4 mos so you are getting to know each other.


----------



## Bec688 (Jan 10, 2010)

I'd be pissed. He has been dating you, regardless if you are official or not, he is still dating you. A card or a bunch of flowers should be ATLEAST what he should have gotten you. You have every right to be upset!


----------



## Chaeli (Jan 10, 2010)

If youre dating and have been for four months and he isn't trying to wow ya... i'd seriously rethink where it is going. Generally the dating period is when you see the best come out in them. They try to wow you... sweep you off your feet... are their most romantic. I don't blame you for feeling that way at all. If it were me, I'd broaden my horizons and find the person that sweeps you away as an after thought. I'm lucky, it took a few but I did find that person and so will you.


----------



## emily_3383 (Jan 10, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Bec688* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'd be pissed. He has been dating you, regardless if you are official or not, he is still dating you. A card or a bunch of flowers should be ATLEAST what he should have gotten you. You have every right to be upset! After 4 months? Get real. She specifically said they arent totally official they are just "dating". Ick some of you girls are kinda dramatic.


----------



## Dalylah (Jan 10, 2010)

I would feel let down too. In my opinion he should have at least done a small gesture, even one single red rose would have probably plopped a big smile on your face. Some people seem to "get" the holiday/birthday thing and some people just seem oblivious to it. It's frustrating when you get one that seems oblivious. Hang in there


----------



## emily_3383 (Jan 10, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Dalylah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Some people seem to "get" the holiday/birthday thing and some people just seem oblivious to it. It's frustrating when you get one that seems oblivious. Hang in there



I think this is true.


----------



## Orangeeyecrayon (Jan 10, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Chaeli* /img/forum/go_quote.gif If youre dating and have been for four months and he isn't trying to wow ya... i'd seriously rethink where it is going. Generally the dating period is when you see the best come out in them. They try to wow you... sweep you off your feet... are their most romantic. I don't blame you for feeling that way at all. If it were me, I'd broaden my horizons and find the person that sweeps you away as an after thought. I'm lucky, it took a few but I did find that person and so will you. While i would not of expected more than a card i think this is an excelent point. You have been seeing him, even if not exclusivley for this long and he didnt get you a card or take you out or something and that is the best he can do move on.

Also he may of felt a little stuck between a rock and a hard place.

maybe he was origionally going to do something but than since he was a bad mood did not feel like going out? He is not going to cancel on your b-day and upset you. And even though you said you would go home if he was in a bad mood a lot of guys tend to think a woman is trying to trick them into being mean to them when that is not nessearily the case.

You know him best so you would know if this is something he may continue to do or if this is something that was just a one time thing


----------



## pinksugar (Jan 10, 2010)

I agree with both Chaeli and Bec. I think it's BECAUSE he should still be trying to be on his best behaviour at this point, that I would be upset.

He's never going to be more romantic, more polite, more charming, than he is during the 'honeymoon' period, so I would seriously consider whether or not I wanted to continue to 'see' him if this is the best he can do for my birthday.

It has nothing to do with monetary value, he could pick me flowers from his garden, or draw me a card, or call up a radio station and ask them to play me my favourite song - it doesn't have to be expensive, but he should make some token effort. You have every right to be annoyed or upset.


----------



## Lucy (Jan 10, 2010)

i would expect a card.. and in the absence of one, try to shed light on it by saying halfway through, "so where's my birthday card then? you didn't forget did you!" and see how he picks his way out of it. but it's sort of late for that now.

i wouldn't let this affect the rest of the relationship, and i definately would not stop seeing a man because of this. my reasoning is, my boyfriend doesn't do this kind of stuff either. he forgets to buy people cards, presents and things because thats just how he is. yet he's still a very sensitive, sentimental man. a lot of guys don't really do the birthday thing. you know how when its your or your girlfriend's birthday? you give each other gifts. men don't do that generally. they give presents to their parents and siblings, but never usually people outside of the family (in my experience anyway), just get a small acknowledgement.

if you're really upset about it, talk to him, tell him you expected a bit more appreciation for your birthday and see if he comes round. you're just starting off in this relationship, you can't start it off by holding things against each other like this.


----------



## HairEgo (Jan 10, 2010)

We are exclusively dating one another. He's not comfortable with titles and thinks it would change the dynamic of the relationship so therefore, if anyone asks, we are seeing eachother. He did call me when he got home and sang me happy birthday..that was sweet.


----------



## lolaB (Jan 10, 2010)

Well if he called and sang to you, there's nothing to be upset about. He probably just isn't a birthday person, especially since you two are still getting to know each other...and he won't call you his girlfriend. Cheer up Charlie


----------



## Ricci (Jan 10, 2010)

Im really sorry he hurted your feelings, IMHO if hes getting grumpy around you at 4 mos, whats he going to be like in 12 mos?


----------



## Rebbierae (Jan 10, 2010)

Wow, this is tough. I agree with everyone. :S Birthdays are a big deal in my family, and I sometimes forget that they aren't for everyone else. I ALWAYS try to make a point to tell people I know Happy Birthday. Yet I am the WORST about even getting a card. When I first started reading this, I'm thinking 'doesn't he know that just going to get a cheap but meaningful card would go a LONG ways to make her feel good?'...and then farther down I realized I never buy people cards. Even when I get a gift, I never remember the card to go with it. But I always always try to tell people Happy Birthday.

I don't think guys get the 'little things' concept. I used to date a guy--I still think he's The One, but we aren't together anymore--and he would ALWAYS tell me "for your birthday I was going to...(insert VERY neat idea here)", but he would never do it. I guess it IS the thought that counts, but just ONCE I wish he would have NOT told me what he wanted to do or what he was going to do, and just DID it. Maybe they feel that they have to go all the way with something really extravagant, or they shouldn't even bother? I don't know.

I guess if he did call and sing Happy Birthday to you that is really sweet. Maybe he felt that that was enough?


----------



## HairEgo (Jan 10, 2010)

Yeah I agree with you. I also made a point of telling him in the beginning of our relationship that im not a big birthday celebrator.....but still....a card would be fab. I'll get over it, hopefully lol


----------



## Karren (Jan 10, 2010)

Cross off thoughtfulness of his list of attributes!! Jeeezzzz. Nice guy!


----------



## S. Lisa Smith (Jan 11, 2010)

Seems a little...odd. It may be time to at least talk it out or even let him go.


----------



## Bec688 (Jan 11, 2010)

Originally Posted by *emily_3383* /img/forum/go_quote.gif After 4 months? Get real. She specifically said they arent totally official they are just "dating". Ick some of you girls are kinda dramatic. Obviously you and I have very different expectations from men. That doesn't make me dramatic.


----------



## shyiskrazy2 (Jan 11, 2010)

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yeah I agree with you. I also made a point of telling him in the beginning of our relationship that im not a big birthday celebrator.....but still....a card would be fab. I'll get over it, hopefully lol This might be your problem right here. He was prob listening to you. I would definitely let him know that you were disappointed about not getting a card or whatnot. You can talk to him about it calmly and nicely. That way you don't end up resenting him. Did he buy you dinner at least? Maybe his funds are low and he was bummed that he couldn't afford to buy you anything?


----------



## Chaeli (Jan 11, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Bec688* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Obviously you and I have very different expectations from men. That doesn't make me dramatic. Absolutely not. Your expectations are exaactly where they ought to be. Some of us just aren't about to let romance die. When people lower their standards to the point they have gone to low... they often find out they've lowered it to the point they've also let their happiness go.


----------



## sooperficial (Jan 11, 2010)

You probably effed up by saying you were not big into celebrating birthdays. Either way....this guy is either dumb, broke or really not that interested in you. If you were upset by his lack of attention to your birthday at 4 months dating think about the future. This guy has clearly not invested himself emotionally to you. It's up to you if thats ok with you or not.


----------



## Adrienne (Jan 11, 2010)

Maybe I'm a little different but I grew up not celebrating anything: no birthdays, no holidays including christmas and halloween so I really don't care about any of that stuff. Tbh, it's one of the reasons me I don't care that my husband doesn't even remember mine. It's not a big deal in any way.

But nonetheless, you are giving the poor man mixed messages. You tell him that you're not a big bday celebrator at the beginning and then get hurt and offended when he doesn't get you anything. And you said you weren't really expecting anything so that means you do know the guy well, so why so bummed? Be upfront at the start with what you expect and that way you won't run into these problems down the road. I'm sure you both just had different ideas of big birthdays. I say he probably was thinking about your birthday if he called right at midnight to sing you HP.


----------



## emily_3383 (Jan 11, 2010)

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I also made a point of telling him in the beginning of our relationship that im not a big birthday celebrator..l Well that explains it then. Men dont read between the lines.

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif But nonetheless, you are giving the poor man mixed messages. You tell him that you're not a big bday celebrator at the beginning and then get hurt and offended when he doesn't get you anything. And you said you weren't really expecting anything so that means you do know the guy well, so why so bummed? Be upfront at the start with what you expect and that way you won't run into these problems down the road. I'm sure you both just had different ideas of big birthdays. I say he probably was thinking about your birthday if he called right at midnight to sing you HP.

100% agree.


----------



## pinksugar (Jan 11, 2010)

I agree that if you said that you don't celebrate birthdays, he's probably quite confused.

The best idea is to always be upfront about what you want and your expectations. My friend always refused to celebrate valentines day, but secretly I think she was a bit down that her bf never bothered to get her anything - but she'd been saying all along that she doesn't celebrate it, doesn't want or need a present. I think most men take things at face value, therefore, he wouldn't think - oh, I'll surprise her with something romantic - he'd think, woohoo, I don't need to bother about remembering to get a present.

Anyway, I hope that it turned out to be a good birthday in the end!


----------



## HairEgo (Jan 11, 2010)

thinkin about it now, i really did send him mixed messages. But im also starting to feel like hes really just not that into me...I was trying to be cute and asked if he wanted to go on a date with me tommorow and his response was 'maybe'. LOL ok, maybe? like if something better doesnt come up?!


----------



## Chaeli (Jan 12, 2010)

Originally Posted by *HairEgo* /img/forum/go_quote.gif thinkin about it now, i really did send him mixed messages. But im also starting to feel like hes really just not that into me...I was trying to be cute and asked if he wanted to go on a date with me tommorow and his response was 'maybe'. LOL ok, maybe? like if something better doesnt come up?! I felt the way I did when posting because I had just read your hair board and how he treated you there. I always tell my SO I don't want or need anything and am always completely delighted when they spoil me rotten. They have taken the time to actually know me. Because they actually care about me and how I think and feel. That's what they do when they care about you. I like the person that walks head first into a door whenever your around. It makes me giggle when I see them do it because I know I am just that special to them.

Calling and singing HB after he has already ruined your night and you had already left in tears is a very poor consolation. Had he sung it to you when you first met in the evening, I am very sure that not only would your night have been romantic, but when you got home, you would have been giddy as well you should have been. You deserve that just as well as does the one you are with when their special days come around.


----------



## pinksugar (Jan 12, 2010)

That's disgraceful. I'm sorry, but that's just not good enough.

I don't know why it seems we women put up with terrible behaviour. Everyone keeps telling me I'll find a man soon (not that I've asked them or brought up the topic), and I keep asking myself, but why would I want one?!

He sounds like a jerk.


----------



## shyiskrazy2 (Jan 12, 2010)

Dating these days is pretty difficult (IMHO), especially with everybody losing their jobs and their damn minds. I see it more in the younger guys, who are not being as respectful and thoughtful as they should. Ladies, if you got a good man, keep him!


----------



## bia910 (Jan 20, 2010)

Originally Posted by *sooperficial* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You probably effed up by saying you were not big into celebrating birthdays. Either way....this guy is either dumb, broke or really not that interested in you. If you were upset by his lack of attention to your birthday at 4 months dating think about the future. This guy has clearly not invested himself emotionally to you. It's up to you if thats ok with you or not. You know i really have to agree with this right here. Regardless of whether or not you asked for a gift he seems like he isnt trying very hard at all. Then your more recent post about the date comment is just even more telling. BTW it has been my experience (not saying this is always the case) that men that are uncomfortable with "titles" are straight up full of Sh*t. I mean think about it when people see you together you look like a couple but when they prod a little further and find out he's not your boyfriend your just going to look like your friends with benefits. Is that what you really want? I wish you good luck with all though.


----------



## aprilpgb22 (Jan 26, 2010)

Heck no, you shouldn't be wrong. He should have got you a card and flowers (no more than $10 minimum) and if he doesn't have $10 then he isn't the man for you. I have learned a lot in my 29 years here on earth and if a man wants you he will show it. When you really like someone you do nice things to show you care. I would say back up off of him for a while and before you do, tell him how you feel. If you don't talk about it then he won't know. It could be that he is a really cheap guy, but come on after 4 mths he should know that he should have at least got a card.

Personal question if you don't mind answering? Have you been intimate in any way with this guy? I ask because if you haven't he could be a jerk that is waiting for some action first.


----------



## MsSpring (Jan 31, 2010)

I'd be miffed, for sure. I think, though, that we generally get what we -think- we deserve on some level. Intentional or subconscious, we choose people, tolerate certain kinds of behaviors, and send mixed messages (like saying you don't make a big deal of bdays, then being disappointed when he doesn't make a big deal).

The relationships in my life changed dramatically when I worked on some self esteem issues, realized what I REALLY deserved and desired in a partner, and stopped tolerating anything that didn't reflect that. Better to be alone than with someone who doesn't live up to your standards.






And FWIW, in my experience--any man or woman who doesn't want to "title" anything, or talks about "taking the labels off" is really just not that into you. It's a nice way to get the benefits of having a relationship on your terms while keeping your options open.

As the saying goes--Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.


----------



## HairEgo (Jan 31, 2010)

If a mod could close this thread that would be great...its no longer relevant.


----------

