# Do we really have to get married?



## jdepp_84 (Nov 29, 2006)

Okay so this has been bothering me since last night! I seriously don't want to get married ever! The only thing i've seen coming out of marriage all my life is divorce. For some reason it just dosen't get my attention. I see tons of men never get married, never and no one says anything. But since im a girl, everytime I say I don't want to get married, my family freaks out, specially my mother. I think that she really wants to have grandchildren and me not being married to her equals no babies (im an only child). Furthermore, I like kids, I like babysitting them, but I just wouden't want to have one of my own. I know im only 21 and still have a lot to learn and I might want to have children later on, but definitly not get married. I mention all of this because my mom and I had a fight yesterday over this. She got so upset at the thought of me not having the whole white wedding with maids blah blah thing. She even cried! I don't know what to do. Why can't she respect my opinion and view on things. 2 of my aunts, ages 35 and 45, never got married and she never complains about them!

I just don't understand her, if she wants me to be married and all that stuff, then why does she get so jealous everytime I date someone. She always does something and drives the guy away. Im confused. Okay, sorry I keep going on and on, its just that the problmes with my mom seem to be getting worse and I really don't know what to do. Its not like I can just pick up and leave. My other friends who are only children have great relationships with their moms, why can't I? This marriage thing is really getting in the way. Why can't she just respect my decision!


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## missnadia (Nov 29, 2006)

I think it's normal that you don't want to get married if you've seen lots of divorces.. I mean, you're only 21 you haven't met the right woman yet.. Maybe when you meet her you'll change your mind.


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## jdepp_84 (Nov 29, 2006)

I know my username confuses people. But I get what your saying, I guess once I meet the right guy i'll be fine. But maybe just move in or something. I don't want the weight of a lifelong commitment over my head all the time.


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## missnadia (Nov 29, 2006)

Well there's a pic of a dude in your profile!!!!!!!!! SHRUG!


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## bluebird26 (Nov 29, 2006)

I agree when you meet the right *guy* you might change your mind  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> But nobody should tell you you "have to" get married, it's your decision and if your mom is telling you is because she's just being a MOM! lol Try not to tell her things that could make her more upset, at the end, it will be your decision anyways.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## jdepp_84 (Nov 29, 2006)

Hehe. Hes the only one I would defintly want to get married too  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Hes so hot!!!!!!!

Thanks  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Its just a bit hard trying not to say anything. Shes kind of crazy :vogel:


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## missnadia (Nov 29, 2006)

:eviltongue:


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## dixiewolf (Nov 29, 2006)

My next door neighbors are in their 50's and bought a house together years ago. They are never going to get married. He said that marriage is only for people who want kids. I dont think anything of it, they are nice people. Marriage isnt for everyone. I wanted to get married for legal reasons (I want a pre-nup, am afraid he could just leave with no consequences, etc.) But I am almost 29. When I was younger, a friend and I said we would grow old together and date hot studs the rest of our lives, lol. In today's society, I dont think it's much of a hoopla like it was years ago. A lot of people never marry b/c they dont want to.

P.S. To the person above, her profile pic is her crush, hence Anthony's lover, lol


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## jdepp_84 (Nov 29, 2006)

Thanks  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I try to use examples like that with my mom but she just dosen't get it. I tell her that marriage is for some but not for others. Oh well, hopefully she will get it sooner than later. Again, congrats on your engagement  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> (see, im not complety against marraige. hehe.)


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## LVA (Nov 29, 2006)

Ya never know. I never wanted to get married, cuz i don't think i'd be able to do the whole lifelong commitment to one person deal ... but once u meet the right guy, ya never know. .....  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## han (Nov 29, 2006)

yeah i think once you meet the right guy you will totally see things diffrent and tell your mom you really dont want to talk about it if it's gonna create problems if she cant accept and respect your decision tell her one day if you meet the right person you may or may not change your mind but you refuse to argue about it.. end of story!!

:rotfl: your too funny girl!!! lol


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## Dragonfly (Nov 30, 2006)

Personally, I don't think anyone should get married before age 25. This way, they can focus on college and starting a career.

Society still pressures women into marriage at a relatively young age.

However, I see too many uneducated single moms trying to raise their kids on a low wage job, after the divorce.

I wonder what society has to say about that?


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## michal_cohen (Nov 30, 2006)

i think that pepole should get married just when they want children


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## TylerD (Nov 30, 2006)

Agreed!!! Or when you really really love someone. If you are having any thoughts at all that you dont want to now is not the right time.


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## lovelyarsenic (Nov 30, 2006)

I think society nowdays puts wayyy too much pressure on people to get married, but then regards the act of marriage itself wayyy to lightly. I see far too many couples getting hitched just for the heck of it (moment of glee), and then getting divorced 2 days later. I'd say just get married when you feel you are truly in love and want to go and start your own family - marriage of course would be the beginning step towards that. No one should be forced or even pressured into it just because it appears to be the right thing, or rather just the thing to be doing.


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## jdepp_84 (Nov 30, 2006)

Thanks everyone. I had a talk with mother yesterday and we agreed to put the subject to rest. She still has a problme with the whole "just moving in" thing, but time will decided that. For now, kids and marriage are out. I have to concentrate in school and stuff.


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## StrangerNMist (Dec 1, 2006)

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to get married or having kids. Those kinds of lifestyle changes are not for everybody.


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## StereoXGirl (Dec 3, 2006)

Hey, I just noticed this thread...lol.

I'm in the same position as you, JDepp! Except it's not just my mom. It's all my friends, too (most of them are married by now). It's so frustrating. lol.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I could use it as much as you could.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## mintesa (Dec 3, 2006)

well here in iceland if you have kids or buy a house together with your guys it would be financially better to get married, also if something would happen to him, and you would be left with kids but no pension, so it would be better to be married.

in my case, i wish marriage wasnt such a huge fuss, that costs that much. we want to get married next summer, and i just wanna get married the two of us, in peace and quiet, without having to think of who to invite and who not, and without spending 10ooo dollars (that would be the cost in iceland)


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## pinkbundles (Dec 3, 2006)

i think it's normal to feel the way you do. but who knows. with time and more life experience, you might change your mind.

i certainly didn't want myself to get married and have kids until i was well into my thirties. well, that didn't happen at all! just meeting that special person changed my life and my goals.


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## jdepp_84 (Dec 3, 2006)

THanks ladies. I really do feel much better now. Its kind of weird because it seems like everyone around me thinks im crazy or something. And I have to agree with some of you, society puts way tooo much emphasis on the subjects. We have enough pressure as it is!!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I don't get it either, I always meet guys at the wrong time. They are so perfect bot inside and out, but I meet them when they are looking for a wife  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## pla4u (Dec 3, 2006)

Marrage is not for everyone, you are young yet and have some time, too many people rush into marrage, I have heared that the first year or so of a relationship is influenced by hormones, so its a real good idea to wait 2 years after you get serious with somone to let the hormones ballance out to see if ther is more to the relationship that merrits alife long commitmant, I think this is why there is such a high diviors rate,,,, just wait...take your time...


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## AngelaGM (Dec 3, 2006)

Of course you feel like that! You are only 21... I am sure you might change your mind when you are older. My best friend and her husband never wanted children and now they are excitedly awaiting the birth of their second baby girl


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## Aquilah (Dec 6, 2006)

I don't think you should get married unless you BOTH want to! The last thing you want is to be pressured into getting married, and then hating it or each other! Do what you believe is best for YOU!


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## d.ngu719 (Jan 1, 2007)

i told my boyfriend of 14 months i dont want to get married because of divorce and affairs well he said okay he still loves me and do anything to be with me. But i can tell he's really sad and upset about it cause he wants to get married. it makes me feel terribly bad, but i think i might get married One day. But only time will tell =)


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## Shelley (Jan 1, 2007)

I agree.


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## AnnaBelle (Jan 1, 2007)

I used to never want to get married or have children. I had seen what a mess my sister had gotten herself into both times she was married. She married two losers! One of them is in jail now, and the other one is being a pain in the ass.

When I first met my fiance, I didn't want to get married. We've been together 4 years now, and I really didn't start thinking about marriage until this summer. I am still undecided about children. I love them, but I just don't know if they are right for me or not.

You still have plenty of time. Like Aquilah said, it boils down to what is best for you! Your mother isn't going to have to deal with your life one day. Trust me, I know how it feels to have a parent pressuring you. It sucks!


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## Ricci (Jan 1, 2007)

I have three kids and Im hitting 40 in a few years &amp; Iv never been married it has never interested me


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## ~*LiL_MiSs_NeY* (Jan 2, 2007)

like people have mentioned, its not for everyone and in reality you dont need a piece of paper to prove your feelings for someone, just because ur not married wont mean that u care about ur partner any less. i would like to in the future but its up to the people


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## Harlot (Jan 2, 2007)

Atleast your 21! My cousins are already pushing 30 and they still havent found someone. Not that someone HAS to be married in this crazy life but since they're bible humpers I expect them to get married. That and they still live with their mom! Which kinda pisses me off. Anywho, I feel the same way as well. I dont want to get married, I mean, there are TONS of guys and being tied down to one is kinda boring. My love feels the same way, he doesnt see the point in marriage.


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## lklmail (Jan 2, 2007)

You should always follow your heart and your gut. If you meet the right person, you won't be able to imagine yourself NOT married to him. But if you're with someone and you feel like getting married is the "right" thing to do, that everyone's telling you you need to, then it's not the right thing. I was engaged my senior year of college because we both felt the pressure from both our families and because we both wanted to be married, so it didn't seem to matter that we were little more than good friends and had NO chemistry together. He finally admitted it before I could, and broke it off 3 months before the wedding. It only took me a week to realize he was right. (And finally, about 5 years later, he realized he was gay! Now it's cool because we're back in touch and still good friends, and my husband is NOT at all threatened even though this guy is my ex-fiance!)

Sorry if that's TMI for some of you; I just used it as an illustration of how you can plan marriage with 2 different people and have 2 completely different experiences. Good luck with your Mom. I'm fortunate that mine never tries to push me into anything (that's my sister's job, LOL!)


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## FeverDream (Jan 2, 2007)

I'm sort of in your position as well. I don't think I could handle living with anyone for the rest of my life, not because I have issues with monotony and commitment, but just because I really appreciate my solitude and being able to not have contact with anyone for as long as I wish. I also know there is ZERO chance I will ever have kids, so if anyone I wanted to marry really wanted them, I'd have to break it off. There are other reasons why I'd never want to get married as well, but they aren't for this thread. I guess overall, I'm sort of disenchanted by the idea of marriage, and maybe I've already dug myself into a hole by thinking it won't work for me, but only time will tell.


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## pinksugar (Jan 4, 2007)

Well, my mum and dad have been married since she was 21, so (40 odd years!) so I've only ever seen good of marriage from a first hand perspective (so it's not all doom and gloom!)

On the other hand, I truly believe you have to be deeply, DEEPLY in love with someone to get married. Almost, if not all of my friends have been affected by divorce or separation, and so I agree that marriage is most definately not for everyone, and frankly, a life of misery just for the sake of having 'married' status is totally ridiculous.

I agree with most of the posters, when you meet the right person that decision might change, but if it doesn't then you should do what makes you happy.

(and in the meantime, diplomatically avoid the topic all together  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />)


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## enyadoresme (Jan 14, 2007)

two words:

BRITNEY SPEARS

well...except for the fact that she's a millionaire but you get the drift


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## niksaki (Jan 16, 2007)

Oh if that is how you feel then that should be ok with your family i think, as you get to a different stage in your life you may rethink your decisions who knows what is around the corner babes? it is your life and you know what is right for you dont cha?


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## Kookie-for-COCO (Feb 4, 2007)

Take your time and do what you want to do. It's your life


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## fickledpink (Feb 4, 2007)

I agree!


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## jdepp_84 (Feb 5, 2007)

LOL!!

Thanks for all the advise  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> My mom keeps pushing the subject, but I mean its not like im going to get married cuz she says I should.


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## Bec688 (Feb 5, 2007)

I think marriage is a personal choice that each person has to make. Not everyones reasons for getting married are the same either, It's up the individual. Marriage isnt for everyone, sometimes just being in a defacto relationship suits people fine, or staying single works for them. As I said, it's a personal choice, and if it doesnt feel right for you, you shouldnt feel pressured to do it, it's your life, your choice.


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## ClothingCult (Feb 6, 2007)

My mother ocassionally brings it up but usually I either ignor her or I just say "it's not going to happen, get over it."

There are three reasons I think people should get married (more guidelines of what I think) : 1) is if they are truely in love with someone and feel like marriage is the best way to cement the relationshop emotionally or religiously 2) they want to have a baby together, start a family... 3) you are 99% sure you are going to stay with the same person for the rest of your life and would like some of the benefits of marriage (ability to be considered family if that person ends up in the hospital, health insurance, joint ownership of a house ... little things like that.)

I'm just not big on the whole life consuming wedding idea, spend thousands on something that seems to mean more to other people than to me at this point in my life. I'd rather spend the money on computer equipment ... or a downpayment on a house (and I definately don't want any parents paying for a wedding and living out their dreams just because they're footing the bill... I don't have time for my life to be taken over for 6+ montsh with wedding planning.)


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