# I need some love



## ecstasia (Aug 6, 2006)

I really just needed to get this off my chest and needed to get some love because I hurt something fierce.

On July 4th my boyfriend of 7 years and fiance of 2 years told me that he doesn't think that we should be together any more. I'll spare you all the complete details (or you can read about them on my blog) but we decided that we would take things into consideration for awhile and be on "hiatus".

Well, last night, after a month of intense soul searching, I officially ended the relationship and said that we should completely separate. So come November I'm moving back home.

The end decision was mine but even that is true, it hurts so much. I mean, this is the man that I thought I would be married to and that I would have my children with. But he's hurt me so much over the last few years (including cheating on me) that after all has been said and done, I could never start over with him without wondering if he's going to hurt me again.

I know I'm making the best decision, but it hurts so much.

-- Lissi


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## babydoll1209 (Aug 6, 2006)

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrghhh So sad to hear this. You are talking about your 7-year relationship, HEllo??!! Not like a puppy love or a joke. Do you think you guys should give it one more try to reconciliate your differences? Really hope you have enouf strength to take care of yourself the best


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## ecstasia (Aug 6, 2006)

I don't think there's any point really.

Long story short, several years ago he cheated on me several times (with the same girl). We broke up for a few months and then got back together. It was difficult because the trust was gone.

Then last year he became friends with a girl from work. I had no problem with this until they started hanging like 4 times a week. He could not find the time to watch a movie with me, but could go out to a bar and drink and play pool with her 4 times a week for 5 hours each time? I still decided not to make a huge deal about it. Then I got really sick. I had a 104 degree fever, was anemic, was dehydrated and needed 2 bags of the IV solution to keep me from passing out when I was in the Urgent Care. He left me alone that night to hang out with her saying that since I went to the doctor I should be okay. The kicker? Two months later she got a cold and he rushed her to the emergency room and stayed all night with her. He refused to do any crafting things with me saying it was too girly. But he sewed two quilts with her. (I had wanted to make a quilt). These are just a few of the things that have happened. He breaks promises he's made to me, but god forbid if he breaks a promise to her.

I know it was a seven year relationship, but honestly I don't feel the need to keep trying when he's the one constantly hurting me. And I can't stand by and feel neglected while he caters to her every whim.

-- Lissi


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## babydoll1209 (Aug 6, 2006)

ERM... He ****ed up ??? and broke your poor heart? would you be happy and let him go for good?? so that another great guy who loves you to bits and treasure you would come to you honey. There's no point you stay negative like you do now. Not worth it.


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## Aquilah (Aug 7, 2006)

Baby doll, you're SO much better off without him! Though it's not always true, once a cheater, always a cheater. It's obvious to me he's more than friends with this chick from work. I personally believe you're in a better position without him in your life. You don't need some scumbag who cheats in your life. I realize it's been seven years, but it's better you do it now than after seven years of marriage! Why waste more time with someone who seemingly can't treat you the way you deserve and NEED to be treated?! The pain will take some time to get over, but it will happen. I promise! Maybe not today, tomorrow or next week, but it will happen. We all live and learn, and that's one of the better parts of life. We can choose to learn from our mistakes and move on making things better in our life, or can we choose not to learn from the mistakes and continue to make them. I believe you're choosing to learn from your mistakes with this guy, and trust me, I think he well made more than three strikes! I wish you nothing but the best sweetie! You definitely made the right decision! Hold you head high, and keep on truckin' on girl! This pain too shall pass, I promise!!!


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## ecstasia (Aug 7, 2006)

Oh, thanks Aquilah =)

It hurts, but I have to admit that the pain has lessened since last month. I know I made the right decision. We're going to try and be friends, and I do love him, but it's not the same any more. It almost feels tainted in a way.

The only thing I am afraid of? Dating. Ugh, scary thought.

-- Lissi


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## Zoey (Aug 7, 2006)

I am so sorry you are going through this! Yes,you are better off without him, but yes,it hurts and it will hurt for some time,but things WILL GET BETTER,just be strong and try to do different things and not think about it too much! *hugs*


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Aug 7, 2006)

I am so soory about your breakup. You have been with him for a long time. If your heart and mind is telling you cannot go back, you have doubt than do what you have to do. Its what you do in your time that will heal your pain.


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## mabelwan (Aug 7, 2006)

It's really bad and sad that this happened to you. I'm so sorry about that. Life's brighter w/o him. Everything happened with reasons and the reason in your case is he's not a loyal partner and so, he's not your mr. right. Love just didn't choose to stay in his heart. Save your love to someone else who'll treasure and trully love you.


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## Maja (Aug 7, 2006)

I'm sorry you're going through this...but you are better off without him. I know it's tough, but it'll get easier with time.

Hugs!


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## Aquilah (Aug 7, 2006)

Originally Posted by *ecstasia* Oh, thanks Aquilah =)It hurts, but I have to admit that the pain has lessened since last month. I know I made the right decision. We're going to try and be friends, and I do love him, but it's not the same any more. It almost feels tainted in a way.

The only thing I am afraid of? Dating. Ugh, scary thought.

-- Lissi

You're welcome Lissi! I wish you luck with this guy and remaining friends. Don't worry about dating yet! Take time for you! Enjoy yourself, and take time to be alone enjoying life. There's no need to worry about dating yet... You'll know when you're ready. Even better, there's a plan for all of us... You may meet someone totally unexpected in the least expected place! That's how I ended up with John


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## Midgard (Aug 7, 2006)

Like said before: You're better off without him! Big hugs!


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## linda46125 (Aug 7, 2006)

awww im so sorry your hurting like this, but im glad you had the strength not to go back to him. there are sure to be great things waiting for you just around the corner hun. xox


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## marshall1704 (Aug 7, 2006)

Hun you are so better off without him. In time you will realize that. It is just going to take some time. Things will get better!!


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## VenusGoddess (Aug 7, 2006)

Originally Posted by *ecstasia* Oh, thanks Aquilah =)It hurts, but I have to admit that the pain has lessened since last month. I know I made the right decision. We're going to try and be friends, and I do love him, but it's not the same any more. It almost feels tainted in a way.

The only thing I am afraid of? Dating. Ugh, scary thought.

-- Lissi

I'm not saying this to be mean or anything, but why would you even want to be friends with someone who treats you so poorly? He has repeatedly shown you how little you mean to him...and yet you are wanting to be friends with him?
I really think that it would be better for you to completely rid him from your life (yes, 7 years is a long time...but). He doesn't deserve a relationship with you and he sure as hell doesn't deserve a friendship. I think you being friends with him would make it harder on you to move on in life.

Give it a year or so and then see if you can be friends...chances are...you will be over him and on to bigger and better things and he'll still be stuck in "nowhere to go" land.

Take care of yourself and forget about his feelings for once.


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## _withoutYou (Aug 7, 2006)

> Originally Posted by *Midgard* Like said before: You're better off without him! Big hugs!
> 
> 
> 
> I have to agree with this. The quicker you realize that you need to move on, the quicker you'll be able to start healing and then find someone else. It'll do you good in the long run.


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## KathrynNicole (Aug 7, 2006)

Lissi!


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## Susie22 (Aug 23, 2006)

I don't know you but what I have read about your ex, your better off without him No one should stay with a guy who doesn't make them happy, and bring out the best in them ..


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## marshall1704 (Aug 26, 2006)

Never stay with a guy that you know doesn't love you. It will never work out. I had a past relationship like that. I knew he didn't love me but I tried to stay to make it work and it never did!!


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## Nox (Aug 26, 2006)

Originally Posted by *marshall1704* Never stay with a guy that you know doesn't love you. It will never work out. I had a past relationship like that. I knew he didn't love me but I tried to stay to make it work and it never did!! I agree with Ms. Marshall here...and I think you made the right choice. it hurts now, but you will thank yourself for this later.


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## KristieTX (Aug 28, 2006)

I sooo know where you are at right now. I used to have a boyfriend exactly like this and we talked about getting married for a time too. You are better off without him. Being friends with him this soon will just bring about hurt and confusion. Life is so short and you deserve to be happy. *hugs*


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## ecstasia (Aug 28, 2006)

Thank you everyone for your kind words, and your words of wisdom. I'm definitely moving out and it's definitely over. I'm staying until November to sell off stuff I do not need anymore and to save up some money before moving out. We're still living in the same place but it's strange. It's actually easier to be near each other now that we know the relationship is over.

The question was asked, why would I want to be friends with him. Honestly, because beneath it all he is in fact a good guy. He's just not good as a life partner for me. He's too immature and needs to grow up. We're actually doing really well now. We havent fought or anything. I think we just brought out the worst in each other which is sad. He was bad for me as a partner, but I'd hate to lose his friendship. However, I will say (and have told him) that if he wants to be friends then we will have to actually put effort into it. I won't be calling him all the time and what not.

I've already started taking control of my life again and it feels good. I got too comfortable with him and lost myself. That was my fault. I'm rediscovering myself and I am happy with myself. I already feel more confident, which is a new one for me. I've always had self image and self confidence issues. One of my closest friend told me she wants to see me with confidence. In fact she said "You with confidence could rule the world!" lol I felt good when I heard that.

So yes, I'm said that the relationship is over and I still love him (a part of me always will since he was my first lover as well as my first serious partner) but we are bad for each other and I can see that clearly.

-- Lissi


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