# I just NEED to vent here..



## MacForMe (Jan 13, 2006)

Ok..

For those of you who are late to the party here, my significant other has been in the ICU for 6 weeks. His parents, who live 4 hours away have come down on the first day (12/01) and have been there every single day, all day, camped out, one on each side of him. Thats cool.. i can totally deal with that.. so whats my problem you ask? Well, in the beginning, we weren't sure if Kev was gonna make it or not, so i understood them hovering on top of him, but as time went by, they continued to HOVER, they pet him, pat him and stare at him NON-FRICKIN-STOP. Ok, so you say thats their right, and you're right it is. But they are treating him like HES FIVE.. hes 38 years old. Every time the air bed moved his father would SHOUT "hey! its OK BUDDY! the BEDS JUST MOVIN! YOU"RE OK! ITS OK!".. uh, yeah.. Kevs NOT FREAKIN DEAF. His mother has remained in a CONSTANT state of PANIC, even up until NOW. And by the way, hes NOT in ICU ANYMORE! Mmmkay, let me get to the point, his dad is a RETIRED x-ray tech, and the staff at the ICU would tell them "this is normal, thats normal, this is to be expected" and they act like the staff is LYING. (they're not) BUT IF I SAY something, cuz i do work in the medical field, they reply, well you KNOW JoeBob here is a retired x-ray tech! So they DISMISS me.. but when the staff talks to them, its like they dont understand english all of a sudden. Not only that, the constant remarks like "he did this to himself" "its his foolishness".. Even though Kev was sedated alot in the beginning, he could STILL HEAR. FAst forward now, He was moved outta ICU to a regular floor, yes he is on the trach, yes, he is 100% better, and no he's not 100% himself.. YET. The visitng hours in the ICU were 0800-1400, then 1700 to 1900 then start up again at 2030 and go until 0730 AM. They would be there ALL day.. and i would get there around 1730, and of course i would hear how "oh, its too bad you cant get here durnig the day, he's so awake, he did this.. he did that.. he this".. yet, the FEW times at night when he WAS awake..They wouldn't let me near him! and would only LEAVE for the night when he fell asleep.. So now the new visiting hours are 11am to 2000. I show up and sure enough he's awake, they have been there since ELEVEN AM with him and ya think they woulda MOVED? Ya THINK I could talked to him for a little bit!!! NOPE! REmained.. CAMPED OUT.. one on either side, petting, patting, and staring.. LITERALLY.. I mean, COME ON.. and they act like its the end of the world even though the ENTIRE STAFF has told them HES GETTING ALOT BETTER.. I know it sounds catty. I'm sorry, but these people.. they act like they dont have a clue, you try to explain it and they you get told "oh we know".. so then why are you acting like he's still on deaths frigggin door.. Not for NOTHING but if i didn't go to the house, check on him and FORCE him to go the hospital, and yes, this is the TRUTH, the man would be DEAD. SERIOUSLY..

Im not jealous or anything, but they treat him like he's a child, blame him for this! Every time a monitor beeps or whatever they JUMP sky high.. Even though they were TOLD not to look at the monitors or this is disconnected and will beep..

All in all, i am more concerned for all this cuz THEIR actions feed Kevin.. He's been doped up and really has no idea of most of this.. so if they are wackin out, HE"S gonna wack out. His mother claims Kev had a "bad day" cuz he was coughing.. WELLL. THE THERAPIST SAID A MILLION TIME Kev WAS GONNA COUGH ALOT WHEN THE VENT SETTINGS WERE LOWERED!!! GOOD GOD!! ya see now?


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## Marisol (Jan 13, 2006)

I am sorry that you are going through this Lauryn. Is he an only son? Maybe that is why they are so overrprotective.


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## MacForMe (Jan 13, 2006)

Hi Marisol.. Hope you are doing well. And thank you.. Nope, he's the oldest of two. And of course his younger brother (married, 2 kids, building a new house) is just sooo perfect in their eyes. The whole thing is just creepin me out. Can you imagine someone on either side of you constantly patting you? petting you? and staring at you for HOURS and HOURS AND HOURS??


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## jennycateyez (Jan 13, 2006)

omg that would annoy the [email protected]#* out of me! i def know where your coming from they sould at leadt give you a couple of minutes to be with him, they can go get coffe or something to eat at the hospital they dont have to leave but damn! they really sould let him breathe and you to!


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## litlbitprincess (Jan 13, 2006)

I am sorry you are going through all this!!!


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## NYAngel98 (Jan 13, 2006)

oh wow... sorry to hear that Lau... he must feel like he's an experiment being watched 24/7 like that. :icon_eek:


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## MACGoddess (Jan 13, 2006)

Jeez! I feel your pain hun! I am sorry they are acting like such freaks... I also understand that they were scared and they were worried about him, but it is getting better, they don't need to be superglued to him! And too, they need to let you have some time alone with him too! I mean you aren't a nurse, you are his g/f!

I had a somewhat similar situation like this with Rob, he was in the hospital for an ACL surgery, he ripped his playing basketball. His parents would hover as well, but I just walked straight to his bed and not exactly edged them out of the way, but I definitely made my place there... After that, I think they sort of "got it" and I planted myself happily in the seat next to his bed.

I would say to give them a little more leeway, at least until Kevin is un-doped up enough to listen to you about what is going on and how you feel, then he can tell them himself to back off...


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## MacForMe (Jan 13, 2006)

Hey Leila.. thanks so much.

Well, the one thing i didn't realize that i forgot to put in here, is Kev's been OFF the sedation drips for quite some time, they have been weaning him off that and the pain meds. He only has the bare minimum via transdermal patch (think anti-smoking patch) and he's REALLY cognitive.

They are just.. i dont know. .OVERKILL. I almost wanna give THEM sedatives.


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## Eva121 (Jan 13, 2006)

I agree with Jenny,but parents get like that sometimes I'm afraid. I like Leila's way of handling it, you know, take your place, but stay polite and nice  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

I'm really sorry you have to through this, this situation is bad enough as it is, so the parent-thing is just too much!


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## Amethyst (Jan 13, 2006)

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know it would make me flip out too. Ok, I understand its their son, and they are worried and all - I guess parents have a right to their feelings too. But still - I totally understand where you're coming from. When I was with my ex, he had his appendix taken out and he was in no danger whatsoever but his mother acted like he just had lobotomy and was on death's door. And this was after his operation. She'd sit at his bed and dab at tears. I am not trying to sound heartless either.

I have a suggestion: is it possible for you to have a talk with his doctors privately and perhaps tell the doctor that although his parents mean well, you have observed that they might be hindering his getting better because of the *stress* they are putting on him. What I'm thinking is that maybe the doctor will advise them to back off a bit and give him some breathing space &amp; that will give you some time alone with him to chat and whatnot. Its just a suggestion. It may be a little lie, or it may not be, but its an idea to get them to give him a little breathing space. It sounds like they are smothering him. Even if he is not in any life threatening condition, he might think he is simply because of their staring &amp; hovering over him 24/7 (and you could mention that to his doctor).

Just an idea ---


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## tashbash (Jan 13, 2006)

I agree with Amethyst. Maybe they ARE making things worse on him simply because of the way they are acting. But I would also make my place known and wedge myself in there somehow. Good luck honey. Keep us posted.


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## tsims (Jan 13, 2006)

aint family fun, especially in these situations. it got me thinking and wow i can remember some family tragedies we have gone through that would have you thinkin we were all out of our minds, we had one funeral were we had to actually designate bouncers cause we were afraid people were going to start going after each other., cause it was one of those divorce remarried situations with kids from both sides and together. geeesh what a mess,

i wish i had some advice for you, but until he fully wakes up and is talking and making decisions for hisself your probably pretty well screwed as to getting rid of them. or having them change how they hover, the fact dad is retired and i assuming mom does not work either, will make it worse, since this is there only thing to do and makes them feel needed and important and that is real big thing in everyones life, whether you realize it or not. and they probably dont realize it, they probably really havent felt this needed and productive in some time. i think this is why most retirees that still have their health wind up going back to work. try to edge your way in nonchantly (sp)

i like how dad was yelling, my son was in the hospital for some test and they had to sedate him, when he came out they had tubes in him and oxygen on him,just as a percaution, but i flipped out, even though i knew it was ok, it was just a test he was having, and the other things were just precaution, i went compelety bonkers.

that mom part of your brain kicks in and you become a big ball of tears and mushy mess. then you freak out over every thing, especially when they wake up and tell you there thristy or something, my son woke up thristy and you would have thought he had stopped breathing the way i was going crazy looking for a drink for him. and was it ok, dont gulp, etc.

good gosh it is wonder they did not take me to loony ward. :icon_twis

i am so glad he is recovering, things will be back on track soon i hope.

ts


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## peekaboo (Jan 13, 2006)

So sorry you are going through this! Just wanted to say best wishes for you and Kevin.


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## LuckyMe (Jan 13, 2006)

That would have been my guess also because I could see me doing this to my only child. Sorry:icon_cry: !


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## MACGoddess (Jan 14, 2006)

lol, I know... But just think, you don't want to burn any bridges especially if you and Kevin are in for the long haul! :icon_eek: Try and bear it, and make sure you find out how Kevin feels about all this and let him know how you feel...

BIG FAT BEAR hugs Lauryn! Let me know if you need anything hun! Even if it is just to vent... (p.s., the LOVELY 15 pan palette you sent me is FULL already! :icon_twis Thank you again SS!!)


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## BeneBaby (Jan 14, 2006)

That sucks girl! They should at least give him an hour alone with you. You are important to him too! I understand they are scared, but Geez!


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## Killah22 (Jan 16, 2006)

Yeah, I can just imagine what you're going through. I can just picture his parents all over him and giving you no room to talk to him yourself. They just need to breathe a little, so that you can have some quality time with him also. By the way, how long have you been with your significant other ?... that probably have a lot to do with it also.


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