# Copycat Friend!!???



## alicia8406 (Oct 15, 2008)

I'm sorry if something similar has been posted, but I'm way too frustrated right now to use the search function....

So, I have a question: Does anyone have a "copycat friend"? You know, one that always has to _do/like/buy/look at/THINK ABOUT_ something just because you do?? Well, I do, and I've reached the end of my rope in dealing with this. And I really don't want you guys to think I'm mean for feeling so strongly about this, but it has gone on too long, I am annoyed, and far from FLATTERED!

The friend in reference has always been very different from me; I'm an eccentric, she's a conventional...I'm a modern, she's a traditional...I'm a hot pink, she's a beige...and I was fine with that. But now all of that is starting to change. We go shopping and she looks at everything I pick up and look at, then goes behind me and buys it! These are things she's never been interested in, like 4 inch zebra print heels (sooo not her, so its obvious). But the worse part about it is that she tries to pretend like she didn't see me looking at these things. She'll say, "How do you like these?" I'll say (sarcastically), "You didn't just see me try those on?" Then she'll go, "No, I didn't see you. I like them!" I just don't get it! It's so bad that we'll stop to get something to eat and she won't order first because she says that she'll get the same thing I decide to get (she actually says this)! She says she's not a perfume person seconds before, but as soon as I stop to try some on and say I love how it smells on me, she says she's going to buy it! I buy a flat iron and say it worked well on me, so now all of a sudden her's isn't working well enough and she has to buy the one I have because "it has really good reviews." Who are you kidding! I could go on and on...

I'm really sorry for the rant, but I am truly *upset *right now. And like I said, I don't find this to be flattering in the least, especially because she refuses to acknowledge that I am the reason she's doing these things. So, what is to be done? I know just not shopping with her is an option, but even if I just look at something for longer than a second, she jumps on it. I'm at my wits end guys, please help!!!


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## Nick007 (Oct 15, 2008)

OMG! I'm in your same situation. I have gone as far as not saying anything that I like anymore. I don't tell her what makeup, clothes, shoes, perfume, purses etc that I like. She will go and buy them and they are so not her! It annoys the crap out of me, and I have no idea what to do, because she is my close friend and we've been friends for a long time. I seriously can't say anything that I like.

Now I know this is immature of me, but I tell her stuff I don't like, that I like it. So she can buy it. I'm done, too. I'm at my wit's end!!


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## Dragonfly (Oct 16, 2008)

Maybe it's not that your friend wants to imitate you - she wants to have the same successes that you have.

As an example, maybe she is envious of your social life so she thinks she has to be just like you to have more friends and dates like you have.


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## Kathy (Oct 16, 2008)

I'd suggest trying to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. I assume you have some things in common or you wouldn't be friends to begin with. But, I would also suggest , as hard as it may be, to try and have a little compassion. To me this clearly seems like a person with very low self esteem and for reasons which I'm sure could be endless, wants what you have. Not just materially, but psychologically. It sounds like she could use some help finding out who she really is and what she really wants. I guess it would ultimately depend on how much this friendship really means to you. If it's that annoying then you can stop hanging out with her and if it does mean something to you, then try helping her get real with herself.


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## Johnnie (Oct 16, 2008)

I agree with Kathy on this one.


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## pinksugar (Oct 16, 2008)

I'm also with Kathy..

I'm not good at confrontation so I'd probably just stop shopping with her. Or only pick up things I didn't like all that much when I was around her.

I think maybe distancing yourself from her, especially in situations where she might copy things you do, might have to be the answer. Give her some time to sink or swim by herself and see if everything gets better.

Also, maybe she is a beige person, but maybe she WANTS to be hot pink, but doesn't know quite where to start?

It must be very frustrating and I don't think you're mean, but everyone must KNOW you're the cool one, not her, so I'd try to let it go.

Good luck!


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## Aprill (Oct 16, 2008)

I know a lady like that, but I call it blending because she will copy by hating the people you hate, talking about people bad that she is actually friends with depending on what group she is in for the day. I agree with Kathy though, talk to her, but those type of people are toxic....


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## reesesilverstar (Oct 16, 2008)

Kathy has a point... Talk to her with compassion. You never know...


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## Adrienne (Oct 16, 2008)

I know exactly how this feels. I'm not one to be out in the open or social but I can't even go the store with a certain relative bc she'll do the same thing. It really gets me mad especially when I see something that I absolutely love that person goes and buys it before me. I told her what haircut I was going to get and she goes and gets it done that same day! I was furious at first but this style required straight hair which she doesn't have so it looks like her hair was never cut to begin with. Ugh, we don't hang out as much anymore. I can't stand leeches.

Why don't you talk to her like Kathy said. She seems to not know who she is as person yet or wants a change. See if you can help her develop her own style instead of copying yours completely.


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## alicia8406 (Oct 17, 2008)

WOW....I must say you all are quite amazing, being able to understand so much from that one posting. The truth of the matter is that she definitely has identity issues. I've known my friend for MANY years, and without going into too many details, she's having a hard time figuring out who she is or at least who she wants to be. After cooling down, I was able to see this as something that I've always known...its just difficult to be as understanding when I'm in the middle of it. I'm not sure how well it would go over if I brought it up to her and talked about it (she's not that open), but I feel I absolutely have to say something if it comes up again (and hopefully not get real worked up about it)...


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