# Can't handle him having female friends



## sugar8 (Mar 10, 2006)

I simply cannot handle my boyfriend having female friends. I guess its because I have never had a male "friend" who didn't want more. I am convinced in these so called male/female friendships that one or the other always wants more and is just standing by in hopes to get more- in the famous words of Chris Rock, "Ladies-to a male a female friend is just a girl he hasn't been able to f**k yet." Harsh- but I really believe that. It's not like my boyfriend has females that he actually hangs out with- but he has a couple he does talk to on the phone from time to time and each time he does I obsess about it for weeks after. Any advice?


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## jessica9 (Mar 10, 2006)

i totally disagree! when my exboyfriend and i were dating, it sort of bothered me that he had a lot of female friends, but i later came to accept that he just likes having girls as friends. girls are people too - you don't want to cut out the possibilities of having what amounts to more than half the human race as friends! my ex never cheated on me, was probably the most decent guy a girl could ever date! now his new girlfriend is freaking out about his female friends, and i know she has absolutely nothing to worry about.

my boyfriend now has female friends that he has never slept with, and they have been friends for 20 years! don't you think if he wanted to sleep with them, he would have tried already?!

if your boyfriend excludes you from his interactions with his female friends, then that is definately not very cool and you need to talk to him about it. otherwise, you should learn to accept the fact that men and women can be friends without ulterior motives.


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## 4getmeNot (Mar 10, 2006)

I feel the same way..it makes me really insecure if my bf has female friends. I don't have any male friends that I regularly talk to...so why should he? I do think some friendships can possibly be harmless, but not many.


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## jessica9 (Mar 10, 2006)

i have male and female friends. i think it's good to have a balance.


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## spice7 (Mar 10, 2006)

I understand, I feel the same way with my bf. We have been together now for four years and any female friends he has are my good friends, and any male friends I have are his good friends. I think i would have a hard time if he had a close female friend, that i didnt know very well, and the same would go for him, if I had a close male friend.

My suggestion would be to try to become close friends with his female friends, then hopefully the situation will become more comfortable.


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## Sirvinya (Mar 10, 2006)

I used to have problems with boyfriends having female friends. But it does seem to be different with James. He has female friends but I know I'm the one he loves and I trust him. I have male friends and his attitude is the same for those.


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## Cirean (Mar 10, 2006)

Unless you don't let him leave the house he's going to make friends with other females. You can make him hide it or let him be open with you.


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 10, 2006)

It all comes down to trust. If you do not trust the person you are with to be open, loyal, and faithful with you...then you shouldn't be in the relationship to begin with. Love means not having the need to feel jealous or suspicious when your SO is talking with someone else.

It all comes down to you. Is he putting out vibes that he's not trustworthy? Is there any reason why you shouldn't trust him? If he's not doing anything wrong, then it's time to take a good look at yourself.

I have lots of male friends. Some of them Joe knows, some of them he doesn't. I don't hide anything from Joe. Joe knows some women that I don't know...he's not secretive about it. I totally trust him. And, I'll continue to do so until he proves he cannot be trusted. There are many other things in life and in this world that need the energy that you are wasting on envy and jealousy. Let go and live.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## SqueeKee (Mar 10, 2006)

I couldn't agree more!

My husband has a female friend who he goes to metal concerts with. I have the option of going as well but I often just don't want to. I like melodic death metal and progressive death metal but they are into stuff like Cryptopsy and I just can't get into that type of music. He loves the whole experience of a Metal concert but if it's not a band I like, I couldn't be bothered. I would like to be there to share the experience with him . . . but I just don't like some bands.

Granted, sometimes I feel insecure and pout a little, but my husband knows that it has nothing to do with trust. It doesn't happen often but when it does he's always very reassuring  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## dixiewolf (Mar 10, 2006)

The only girl my bf is friends with is married, and we used to hang out at their house and stuff. So that wasnt a problem. I guess he is friends with people at work, but they dont talk on the phone or hang out. I have male friends, and he doesnt care. I even have one that moved and he comes back here to see everyone, including me, but my bf is ok with it, he knows I am not interested. I would have dated him years ago if I was. However, my ex bf was very jealous of this guy, he would shout at me if we went anywhere. So I just stopped telling him, nothing was going on, so I wasnt hiding anything. Anyways, when that bf dumped me for another girl, the only friend that called and offered support was the guy friend my ex was jealous of. He still lived here, so we would go get ice cream and stuff.


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## lavender (Mar 10, 2006)

Both me and my husband have friends of the opposite sex. After these few years of living with him, I understood something. He doesn't mind me having friends who are male, but he doesnt really like it if I say good stuff abt them...like they are great in their career or they just bought a big house, etc. He doesnt get mad, but you can tell from his face that he is not very interested in hearing that some other guy is big in his career, and he doesnt want to hear his wife say that. He wants to be the "best" man in my life and I totally understand that...because I want to be the "best" woman in his life. He can have female friends, but I wouldn't like it if he says they are beautiful or sexy or whatever. I can't even stand it if he says that some actress on tv is pretty. I guess that is how we all behave. There is nothing wrong with me or him. We just want us both to treat the other as the person male/female we ever met, and that is why we are together.

It is important to note that men and women behave differently for different things. Have any of you read this book "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus"? It's a good one.


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## SqueeKee (Mar 10, 2006)

My husband is the same way! Especially if I say something good about a guitarist . . . he just gets that *look* :laughno:


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## Cool Kitten (Mar 10, 2006)

well put Lina! :clap


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## Saja (Mar 10, 2006)

I am the female friend. My (2nd) bestfriend is a guy, and his gfs know in advnace of me. They know Im not a threat at all. He treats me like gold, hes an amazing guy, and theres not a chance in helll that there could ever be anything more, hahahhahah. Its just not going to happen, and thats how we want it!! This works great for us, so yes it is possible for a girl/guy friendship with nothing more.


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## Elisabeth (Mar 11, 2006)

Sugar 8,

Did you post an earlier thread regarding this same situation with the hubby talking to the girl on the phone all the time and it bugging you? It just sounds familiar..and I think I remember responding to it..?

so I have nothig to contribute except to say I'm sorry it is

still on your mind..that's no good.


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## Elisabeth (Mar 11, 2006)

Tonya,

Ever see the movie "Misery"?

Bwahha!:icon_twis

Sorry, sugar, not making fun of your situation,

just sometimes humor helps a little.. :sdrop:


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## Jordan0326 (Mar 11, 2006)

WELL i've never had a b/f that had female friends but i had a lot of male friends when i was 1st seeing my b/f and i really enjoyed having my b/f who was a guy at the time around late at night when my b/f would leave. Then we'd sit up all night talking and there was never a problem until one night my b/f stayed over late and my friend came knocking on my door for one of our all night chats. My b/f got up and walked out and the next day we had a long talk and he asked me "in all seriousness you say these guys are just friends but answer me these questions:

1- Have you ever hooked up or dated them?

2- Do you secretly have feelings for him?

3-Does he secretly have feelings for you?

4-Could you see yourself hooking up with them?

5-Are you confiding in someone thats not me?

if u answer yes to any of those its not ok w/ me and i answered yes to all but 1 ( in my head of course!)

and the truth is every guy friend i ever had did have a crush on me or i had a crush on them... whether or not you were gonna act on it or not. i really believe that w/ male female friendships theres always something wrong w/ it if your in a relationship w/ someone else. You are either being a flirt with that person whether u know it or not and you are confiding in someone other than your partner. its wrong to drop ur friends for someone else i know but relationships dont work in the long run when one of them is running out to hang out with a friend of the opposite sex. theres always that jealousy and curisity there.


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## Jordan0326 (Mar 11, 2006)

i gotta throw something else up in this convo.

me and my b/f been togehter 5 years now and i made friends w/ his male friends and i have a couple of uncles who are only a couple of years older than me that we also hang out with and i have two cousins that are boys too.

Whenever one of my male friends that im close or one of my uncles or cousins brings home a new g/f i admit i am witchy and hard to get along w/ it takes me AWHILE to finally start to acknowledge the girl when shes aroound. I guess its a protective thing. I dont trust girls and i hate girls that appear prissy or stuck up and i DESTROY them LOL! I don't know why im like this but i am hard on new girlfriends.

So the guys in my life usually tell me later when they broke up with the girl that the girl was always talking shit on me saying that im a witch and all

Its kinda funny cause when i was 1st dating my b/f his sister in law was the same way with me and i knew why! so finally when we were out drinking i came out and told her i know why shes like that and how i am .... once we had that talk everything was cool w/ us.

Girls are strange creatures!


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## SierraWren (Mar 11, 2006)

Trust is so decisive in the issue!Without it, there's a bigger risk to your relationship than with other females in thhe picture--in my experince. In the 8 years I've been married, my husband has always had female friends--one of them has actually even become more like my friend than his.(I didn't plot this, btw, we just wound up having a lot in common!) And, I have 2 very close male friends--and both date other girls, and neither entertain the thought of sleeping with me.My husband isn't crazy, either, about my praising them, and I certainly don't want to hear how gorgeous or talented his female friends are,so we have an unspoken law about that, and so far, everything is working out well on these lines... :sdrop: ...I'd say, though, that you two need to talk-and you need to start it, telling just how insecure you feel, how distracted by other female friends you are--you need this out in the open.If it is already out there, I agree with everyone else: if he promises nothing will happen,and you still can't believe him, what is the point of a relationship where there is trust on neither side?Trust is so essential to love.

I'm so sorry you are going through this now, and very much hope the issue will be resolved soon.:icon_bigg


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## brandycupcakes (Mar 12, 2006)

Yeah I can understand why it would make someone feel insecure that their lover is talking to someone of the opposite sex. But, you have to have a certain amount of trust in your relationship to feel secure enough that he is not going to run off on you. And that doesn't mean let him walk all over your feelings; such as he puts his female friend first before you and stuff like that.

Relationships can not survive without trust.


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## itsme (Mar 15, 2006)

Hmm, I can't relate. My DH introduced me to all of his friends (of course those of different sex as well) and I introduced him to all of my friends, so they become our friends. Each of us talk to them and we talk about them. Some of my friends who are girls even like to talk to him more than to me (because he knows much more than me so he can talk about the things they know, but I don't). He's a great advisor too, so they often seek his advice, not me. But that's fair. I've never worried about that. He often tells me what the conversations are about, what he says and I can comment. That just makes our life much less boring. I like that.

So why don't you make friends with his female friends?


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## SqueeKee (Mar 15, 2006)

Today I talked to a very dear friend of mine. He's a guy and he used to be head over heels in love with me. We've always been really close, and we have a very special bond even though we were never an item.

Tonight I talked to him on msn and found out he has a gf. Before I used to act all "If you hurt him I will kill you" towards the women in his life, because he's had his heart broken so many times, I became protective towards him.

Anyway, this thread made me realize that I don't want the woman in his life to feel threatened by me or our friendship so I'm going to just have faith in their relationship, even though I don't really trust her.

So thanks for posting this thread! Most of my friends are guys and alot of women feel threatened by me. As soon as they meet me they get that look in their eye. Lol!


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## XOffendr (Mar 15, 2006)

I'm always the 'female friend' and I never want more. In fact, once a guy enters the friend zone, he's pretty much there forever. Men who are married or involved aren't attractive to me. Some girlfriends are rightfully jealous of their boyfriends' female friends, but none have ever had a reason to worry about my motives. It's insulting and sort of gross, honestly, that any girl out there would question my integrity. I mean, it's as though they believe their boyfriends are such a catch that anyone would snatch them up, given the chance, and maybe my own standards are different.

Also, if your boyfriend has female friends, their agenda isn't as important as his happens to be. You'd hope that were one of these friends to express an interest, he would have the strength of character and decency to set her straight and perhaps taper off the friendship. That's his job, as your boyfriend, and you have to hope that if he enjoys being your boyfriend, he'll exercise good judgment.


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## L281173 (Mar 19, 2006)

That is so mean. My best friends are guys and I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world.:madno:


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## MAC_Dollfacex (Mar 19, 2006)

I get along better with guys than girls and I don't mean to be rude or mean, but if you have to feel insecure like that than you should probably break up with him. You can't love somebody if you can't trust them..Sorry..


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