# Crazy friend



## eightthirty (Jan 11, 2006)

Here's a situation....

I have a friend, that one might consider my best friend. I've been friends with her for over 4 years. I might consider her my best friend....at times. I know that sounds horrible, but here's the deal...in brief. Yesterday she called me 6 times between 4 and 8 because I didn't answer my cell. Today she called me 3 times between 4 and 4:30. It's been an ongoing thing for several weeks now. Same pattern. I'm notorious for not answering my cell phone. Of all people she should know that. Noone ever answers my home phone....EVER, but she insists on calling it anyway when I don't answer my cell phone. The home phone only exists because I have a 16 year old brother who isn't deserving of a cell phone. Is there a tactful way to tell her she's a psycho?

After the first few times, I probably could've made it a laughable situation, by saying something like "Did your phone get jammed and automatically redialed me a bunch of times?"...but no....I let it go. So, after weeks of incessant redialing I don't know what to say. Obviously she doesn't get the fact that I'm not answering my phone. She emails me, she calls me.....she won't stop.

HELP!!


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## Laura (Jan 11, 2006)

LMAO at _Is there a tactful way to tell her she's a psycho?_

Do you guys have caller ID on cell phones in the US? If so then maybe you could say it to her in a nice way that when she calls once, you'll see her missed call when you get to her phone and you'll call her back when you've time. The reason you may not answer is because you're busy. Tell her there's no need to ring zillions of times


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## KittySkyfish (Jan 11, 2006)

I'd still make it a laughable situation, since the humor will help diffuse the sting to the point you're trying to make. Maybe make a joke that her calls added a few more pages to your phone bill? Or joke that she's up to a new record number on your missed calls list? Something like that and say "c'mon, you don't need to keep calling. You know I call you back as soon as I can."  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## eightthirty (Jan 11, 2006)

We do have caller id on the cell phones, as well as the home phones. On the cell phones it's standard. She KNOWS I have her number(s). That is what I don't understand. If you call my cell phone once, I see your number...

Unfortunately, she is extremely sensitive. If I had nipped this thing in the bud early on, I don't think I'd have to deal with this....but I don't think it's that easy at this point. I guess I COULD try that approach. I have to come up with the perfect wording though.

Is it a wonder she's single? Not to mention the fact that she recently went through a breakup? Should I be sensitive to that in this matter? I don't think I should to this extent. This is a little excessive. It's like she's trying to win a radio contest or something. I'm usually good at bringing out the humor in these situations, but at this point all I want to do is change my number, move out of state and find a new job.


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## Elisabeth (Jan 12, 2006)

*It's like she's trying to win a radio contest or something.*

Lol! Actually, I did this same thing to my friend after I had gone through a really bad breakup and was on Zoloft for a couple of months. That's Why I 'Aint On Zoloft No More!!! That was back in 2000. Seriously, find out if your friend is on medication right now...or maybe needs to be. I mean, is she really a good friend, or does she pull this drama queen stuff all the time? She might just be going through a really rough patch, or having anxiety attacks and calling you as she thinks you might be her emergency buddy lifeline..and she honestly doesn't know where else to go. Ask her. Why does she freak out and do this? Tell her this behavior is not cool with you. Sensitive or not, she needs to know your boundaries as her friend. She what she says.


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## dixiewolf (Jan 12, 2006)

I have been on zoloft since I was 16, this never happened to me. I also had a breakup myself and I relapsed into severe depression where I couldnt take care of myself. Since I dont know your story, anti-d's, can be weird things as first, people freak out, commit suicide (b/c when they were too depressed they had no energy to do that). Ok I dont care right if I am honest, I trust you guys and ya'll tell painful stories too. I called the butthole all day long demanding he talk to talk to be, his mom actually told me to never call again. He lived at home until age 32 when he moved to I think a trailer or small apt b/c neither make any money. I seriously wanted to talk b/c I had just found out he fathered a child *we had been together 2 years, the young child was old enough that it was obvious he fathered her before me (it was a month relationship with the mother). After him constantly putting me down, I dont look like that girl, "suck it up" when I had a bad day, I finally realized this wasnt going to work, I told him we would still get married like he had already asked me, and would have accepted the child. he said he had not much time for me anymore,he wanted to go see the child he never knew about. He also played on 4 sofball teams, often having to go out of toen b.c it was not really local teams.The girl was nuts, she wouldnt let him enter her home even when they planned the time. He actually told me he wished she was dead. I also found a domestic abuse agianst his ex a few years ago B/c I look uop law cases at my job and I saw it. He paid her half his salary, even though he made 30,ooo a year. I work in law, I showed him all kinds of stuff, his rights, his needs to get a lawyer, I gave him a list (I work in law so I knew who was good, He also played on 4 softball teams. Well I ran into him, and he was with a girl who was not the mother they were engaged, we broke up the same month! he said he loved me still tight in front to her, and she didnt care, she was hitting on some guys at a bar table. And I have run into them by accident, they are married, she screams and yells at him when I see the. I am a lot better emotionally, actually content, they raised my meds and I feel normal, not happy like id the misconception of them, but normal moods. I am so glad he is gone now, we dated 2 years and he just stopped calling me, dated, anything. Sorry for the long story, but I have to take meds, every few years I have to witch kinds b.c they dint work work after several years.


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## eightthirty (Jan 12, 2006)

Well, if she wasn't incessantly calling me EVERY DAY like this I wouldn't be so perturbed. I talked to her last night briefly and I told her I had been busy with my child...because that is true. It is what consumes my life. Maybe I'm not a very good friend, but I just don't have time to listen to someone whine about some guy who broke up with them 6 months ago EVERY DAY. She lives with her parents so if something was terribly wrong, I would like to think they would notice. I know them quite well so I think that avenue is covered. I guess in time the right words will come to me....hopefully before I say the wrong ones in haste.


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## MacForMe (Jan 13, 2006)

WOW-- i dont think you are a bad friend. Let me ask you this, is there a REASON she does this? Maybe you should find out. I would sit her down and just say, "Listen, you're my best friend, I love you.. but i gotta know, whats with the power calling?" And then tell her, that its not you're avoiding her, its that you are super busy, baking a cake, making a Eiffel tower outta butter, whatever.. and that you WILL call her back if you miss her calls, not to worry. .. I would find out the reason of all this and go from there.


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## Elisabeth (Jan 13, 2006)

Amanda......ooops....o.k...thank you for telling us your personal story of what sounded like a time that really sucked. Before I feel like Tom Cruise to Brooke Shields regarding meds,etc. I perhaps need to clarify something that I did not make clear in my original post. I was on Zoloft for 5 months. My doc said.."for the first 30 days you'll think to yourself my doc was crazy for putting me on this..then on day 31 or 32 it will be different." Boy, she was right. It was during the First Month on Zoloft...a time I don't really ever want to go through again....that I went just nuts..did some really off the wall stuff...and that's when I was marathon calling one friend in particular. When she refused to answer the phone..I had my backup system..but she was my first "go-to-girl". Ironically, she was not my Best Friend. And I had no idea how nuts I was being. I felt persecuted. Why doesn't my friend want to talk to me? I need her right now. After about two months, the meds stabilized themselves in my system and for the remainder of the time they were of tremendous benefit to me. It was just that first month or so that I said..Uh..I hope I won't be doing this again anytime soon. After reading your current post, Melissa it not only reminded me of myself, but of my cousin-in-law who calls my mother-in-law almost every day crying about the bf she broke up with 3 years ago, who now lives in Boston, etc. She also needs meds and only does this when she does not take her meds. My MIL also does not know what to do and is sick of it, but does not want to hurt her feelings.

I know this probably offers no new help, Melissa, sorry.

and Amanda...sorry if I came off as "glib" regarding the meds. I realized that I needed to clarify that. :icon_redf


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## cottoncandy (Jan 13, 2006)

my boyfriends mother does this all the time if he doesnt answer his fone. shell keep calling and calling until he answers. and then she calls ME and does the same thing. so ANNOYING! she can give him like 6 missed calls in 10 minutes. so i understand your frustration.

i think the best thing would be to ask her if something happened, why she needed to get hold of you so urgently. tell her you were busy and that ull call her back when u have time etc. if shes calling to complain about a breakup, give your best advice and if she does it again just tell her uve said all you can in this matter and that she should move on.


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## tsims (Jan 13, 2006)

god i hate phones too, i answer them at work and when i get off i will not answer the phone. i have an answering machine if it is a emergency i figure they will state that on the machine.

i feel for you in the respect that it seems whenever someone has a problem i seem to be some sort of dear abby, cause everyone calls me. i do like to help but to keep giving the same advice over and over and they keep calling with the same unresloved feelings, makes you feel as if both of you are spinning your wheels. i find the problem is closure in alot instances, and the real biggie pride. pride is what makes most people (my theory) go bonkers after a break up. why did he leave me for her, is she prettier, better in bed etc.. what is wrong with me, and i have seen some girls and guys put up with so much abuse just because of their pride. i guess i have been guilty of this too.

all you can tell her is heart ache is hard , but it is what makes you grow and the experience you recieve from it makes you a better person ,a stronger person, your choices will be wiser, you will be a better parent for it. a better worker . god did or fate whatever you believe in did have a reason for these horrible feelings and times we have all been through. i would explain this as best i could, let her know this is why she is so upset (closure, pride) , if she knows why she is having the problem by putting a name to it, she will be able to deal with it better i think. maybe you could do a search and find some forums of people with relationship issues, that support each other for her to join, then she could find someone to relate too. might be a double edge sword if she uses it dwell on her issue instead of resloving, but i dont know her well enough to say if that would happen.

ok seriously i would never talk to my parents about my personal relationship problems, especially to that degree, i would rather die.

dixiewolf- it is true love is blind, it is amazing when you have been away from situation how you see what is really going on, and what kind of person you were dealing with, send the new girl a thank you note, she saved you. you will find the love of your life soon if you have not yet, this little nightmare will make you appreciate him when that happens and know what true love is for sure, some people never know , you will.

when i left my ex. which was the hardest thing to do, cause i was a pride stupid looneytoon, i was pregnant with our daughter, a couple of years later when i had come to my senses i was so glad to be rid of that whole situation and had made the right decision to leave before having the baby, so as to keep her from his abuse. well he followed me, it seems i thought he was a evil jerk from hell, turns out my daughter is too (now 18) they however are not evil jerks but suffering from a personailty disorder which was first dx as bipolar when she was 15. seems he followed anyway and worst off left my daughter with a life of hell in front of her. the medication world is a real one for me, i bow down to prozac , it saved our lives. well for awhile, but that is another story.

i take adderall and am ADD, my son has autism, he has been on over more than 20 medications and he is only 14 now (he is only on two now, i pulled him from public school and most his problems were solved he is now homeschooled and dong fine, just doesn't play well with others i guess) , he like me , does not like to talk about his pesonal relationships with others, and perfers to be isolated when he is feeling down. it makes it very hard because his sister is the exact opposite and is like eightythritys friend.

i am not real sure which is worse

ts


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## dixiewolf (Jan 13, 2006)

I have had a boyfriend for almost 4 years, this happened about 5 years ago. I dont think the new wife would appreciate a note, she screams at him and gives me the evil eye if we happen to be in the same restaurant or something. He yells at me for having a new boyfriend. They are both loony as jaybirds. I didnt mean to write that whole thing, I was so tired last night and I get long winded when I cant sleep, eheheh.


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## BeneBaby (Jan 14, 2006)

I used to have a friend like that. It was CRAZY!! She acted like my boyfriend. She constantly called me, like 20 times a day. She would get jealous if I hung out with other friends and didn't invite her. She would come to my job with out calling and expect to have lunch with me. It got really weird!! When I started distancing myself from her, she called my family and boyfriend and said she thought I had some sort of problem and that they should be worried. She always said I was Best Friend, but she was never MY best friend. Eventually I had to "break up" with her and change my number.


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## cottoncandy (Jan 14, 2006)

lol bene, thats freaky! maybe she had a crush on you.


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## bluebird26 (Jan 14, 2006)

Have you thought of recording a voice message refering to people who insist too much? :icon_chee ...without having to tell her she is a psycho?


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## Killah22 (Jan 14, 2006)

She's probably bored or have stressful things going on in her life; she probably just needs to vent and consider you her only friend. To stop all that, just tell her about MUT, then that way she can vent to EVERYONE without getting on your nerves all the time.


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## Elisabeth (Jan 16, 2006)

Um..as Kimberleytor sometimes says...this would be Just No Good.:icon_eek:


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## Pauline (Jan 31, 2006)

Hi eightthirty, ive jjust read your post about the situation. It struck me that even though you find your friends constant calls irritating, she might actually be feeling very frustrated and distressed that you never answer your phone, she may even think you are avoiding her! You are getting angry because of the constant calls and she is getting frustrated and angry that you are constantly ignoring her. You need to be honest with her and stop wasting both your time.


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## eightthirty (Jan 31, 2006)

Thanks for everyone's great advice! I checked my cell phone records and she has called me 105 times in the past 30 days. I've been friends with her for years and this is all recent. We've never talked on a daily basis. I've recently reiterated to her that my first priority is my son (DUH! Like that needs to be explained) and instead of 3 times a day, she's dwindled down to one. And after over 5 years of friendship (I've been at the same place of employment the entire time) she finally figured out that my job is to be on the phone all day and that might have something to do with it.

If you called someone for 30 consecutive days in a row, three times a day, wouldn't you get it? I would feel stupid calling someone that much. I've tried to get her on MuT, but just like I'm not a phone person...never have been....she's not a computer person. Everyone I know is aware that I don't answer or make calls on ANY phone that often. If I do, it's a short conversation.

When I went over her house to check on her a few weeks back (and bring her an entire outfit from Rampage and Stila palette as a pick me up) - when I appeared at the door she shook her head like "Oh, no why is she here", yet she has no problem calling me 105 times. I was 1/2 tempted to walk right out the door and take my stuff back. She crys out for help and attention and says she wants to get out of the house. When I invite her somewhere she accepts and 10 minutes before we're supposed to meet, she calls and cancels because all she wants to do is mope. So, I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and quite frankly, I don't have time for that. She's been in this funk since July.

Thanks to everyone, again, for your thoughts and advice! If I sound bitter, I apologize, but I just don't understand the whole process. It's like she's trying to open a door without a handle, over and over and over.

Ok....my heart is about to pump out of my chest. I think the reason, I'm having a hard time confront her is because she's already sad. I don't want to hurt her feelings and there is no nice way to say it.


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## eightthirty (Jan 31, 2006)

Maybe I can just downgrade my phone plan to 60 minutes a month. Maybe if I start emailing her everyday she can get stuff off of her chest without frustrating me. She is on the comp. all day at work. I've tried everything else. I've changed my phone # - she calls my home or my work (of all places).


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## eightthirty (Feb 16, 2006)

They're nearing back togetherness....she's stopped calling as much!!


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## mintesa (Feb 16, 2006)

oh man that sounds like my story. i had to break up with her too. plus her sister's and anyone connected to her, coz she was soooo... freaky crazy.

eightthirty i think your friend is crazy too. best to stay away from her.


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## Amethyst (Feb 17, 2006)

That's a good idea - tell her to e-mail you instead of calling you. E-mails can be read at your leisure. I am not a phone person. The only person I really call is my dad because he doesn't own or know how to use a computer. I would rather discuss things via e-mail or instant message any day as opposed to talking on the phone. I *HATE HATE HATE* the telephone.


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## mintesa (Feb 17, 2006)

same here, hate phones.


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## Becka (Feb 17, 2006)

oh Melissa, that is BRUTAL !!! you poor thing. I'm sorry, but that is just whacko, 105 times in 30 days, geez.

I hate the phone too, I'm on it enough at work. About the only time I like being on the phone is if I'm making plans w/ friends to go out, other than that, I can't stand phone chats, I prefer to just email or go out and gab personally.


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## Elisabeth (Feb 17, 2006)

This is good news. That and the fact she didn't come on here to MUT. Ew..I'm a beatch.


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