# Is it sad........?



## PaleBeauty66 (May 25, 2006)

Is it sad that I would like to have a kid, this young?

jeesh, I know I can't yet, but I still want to have kids.

is this weird?


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## LVA (May 25, 2006)

how old are u ?

edit ... okie .. checked out your profile ... 7teen ..... do u have a b/f .... i don't think it sad ..... i love babies and i realli want my own .... but ....

.. while it's sweet u want to be a mother ....

u should know that u should wait until u are older


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## PaleBeauty66 (May 25, 2006)

yes i do, and I am totally in love with him, and we plan to get married soon..... but not too soon.......I know it's just weird to me.........cuz I'm so mature.


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## pinkbundles (May 25, 2006)

it's not sad but at your age, motherhood is something to look forward to later in life. but in the meantime, enjoy your youth! you are never going to be this young again.

it's never going to be this easy (compared to what's to come when you have real responsibilities to yourself, spouse and children). i'm not saying you can't do things when you are a parent, but there are many restrictions (i.e. the simple acts of going to the movies or even dinner may not be an option for a long while) until your child is mature enough to take care of themselves.

so go out and tick stuff off your to-do list. have fun.


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## LVA (May 25, 2006)

Originally Posted by *pinkbundles* it's not sad but at your age, motherhood is something to look forward to later in life. but in the meantime, enjoy your youth! you are never going to be this young again. 
it's never going to be this easy (compared to what's to come when you have real responsibilities to yourself, spouse and children). i'm not saying you can't do things when you are a parent, but there are many restrictions (i.e. the simple acts of going to the movies or even dinner may not be an option for a long while) until your child is mature enough to take care of themselves.

so go out and tick stuff off your to-do list. have fun.

ditto. ...not that i'm crushing your dreams or anything ... but .... u should wait until @ least finishing school to have a baby ... there are so much responsibilities involved .... and u dont want your child to be neglected becauze u have so many things going for u in life


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## pinkbundles (May 25, 2006)

Originally Posted by *LVA* ditto. ...not that i'm crushing your dreams or anything ... but .... u should wait until @ least finishing school to have a baby ... there are so much responsibilities involved .... and u dont want your child to be neglected becauze u have so many things going for u in life to add to it...yes, you should finish school and i mean college. when you have a child, they become your world and you want to give them everything. and if you don't have the skills and education, you won't go too far in life (sorry to be blunt but it's how it works unless you get lucky or born rich) and all your left with is a min. wage job and you can't give too much on that kind of pay.
also, if you and your bf really love eachother, then a baby and marriage can wait. you have your whole life ahead of you.


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## LVA (May 25, 2006)

Originally Posted by *pinkbundles* to add to it...yes, you should finish school and i mean college. when you have a child, they become your world and you want to give them everything. and if you don't have the skills and education, you won't go too far in life (sorry to be blunt but it's how it works unless you get lucky or born rich) and all your left with is a min. wage job and you can't give too much on that kind of pay.
also, if you and your bf really love eachother, then a baby and marriage can wait. you have your whole life ahead of you.

aww .... i couldn't have said it better


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## jennycateyez (May 25, 2006)

i dont think its sad its great u want to have kids but i think its a bit to early for you. you sould wait just so u wouldnt regret anything in the future imo. good luck with whatever u decide.


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## Aquilah (May 25, 2006)

I don't think it's sad, but I agree w/ everyone about waiting. I love my daughter to death, but I wish I could have waited a little longer to have had her (17 when I got pregnant, 18 when I had her). Although, as I've mentioned previously, I wasn't supposed to be able to have kids, so she's a blessing anyway!

I agree w/ everyone about finishing school, particularly college. Enjoy the free time while you have it! Take your time living life to its fullest, finish school, get married, start a career, then worry more about babies! Don't let the dream die though, just hold off a wee bit longer on trying to make it a reality... IMHO...


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## SierraWren (May 25, 2006)

You are going to be a wonderful mother, having such strong and tender maternal feelings at your age...I think it's great, too, knowing already how very much you want a child/children in your life. I just agree with everyone that you should probably first take this time to put yourself first-for a child's sake,if you want to think of it this way, as much as for your own.Complete or set out on completing some of your own goals for the future, ones which will make your life as well as your child's that much richer and stronger... Education,a good job/career,exploring other choices---and,definitely, being absolutely sure that your boyfriend is not only the right partner for you, but wants to have this child and settle down with you now or quite soon, as much as you do. One of my cousins had her first child at 16(and then three more)and, though she loves them all and is a wonderful mother and person, there was a period of time in her life when she said she felt "cheated"of a lot of things in life, things young people do that she missed by settling down so young. Wanting a child right now is not at all sad, but wishing later that you'd waited a few years to do so would be.

But I think it's important to live life in a way that makes it feel fullest--and prepares for that fullness in the future, too. Just take some time to evaluate whether it might be better to wait a few more years, when you'd be probably even more ready to give a child the very, very best of yourself, in every way.

Whenever you choose it,I feel you are going to make a terrific mother.


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## charish (May 25, 2006)

its not sad , when i was around that age well a little older i couldn't wait to have a baby or so i thought. but now looking back i'm glad i didn't. you need to live your life first and grow up more (not saying that you're too immature). what might be going on in your life now may not be the same in a year or two. things change, relationships change and people change. its hard to go out with your friends and have alone time with the one you're with when you have a baby. i don't know how your boyfriend is or your relationship is together but whether its good or not i would definitely wait at least until you're in your 20s.trust me you might think your mature enough to have a baby and that you're ready but knowing what i know now with life and everything else in life that i've learned if that makes any since. i would definitely wait if i were you. trust me you'll be happy that you waited. if you and the same guy are still together and happy and are financially and mentally ready to have a baby say 3 to 5 yrs. from now(i know that sound like a long time but trust me its not.) then that would be the perfect time to. sorry i know i sound like a mother babbling to her daughter, but i am a mother and i got pregnant at 21 and even though my husband and i were thrilled to death about being parents, it was still hard and guys are usually more immature than women. so anyways sorry this is so long and sorry if i sound like i'm preaching at you. its your life and you can do what you want. i'm just giving you some advice. hope whatever you decide to do makes you very happy.


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## RoaryKennedy (May 26, 2006)

I always felt that I needed to do things in what I saw as the "right" way before having children: graduating from college, starting a career, marrying my husband and spending time with him before we had kids, bought a house, etc...

But now, after trying to have a baby for the past 15 months and going through unsuccessful fertility treatments, I wonder if my "right way" was really so right. I now worry that I may never have a baby, and I wonder if maybe I would've tried when I was younger, I would've had a better chance of getting pregnant.

So, it's tough for you to decide. I see the side that you should take time to pursue your education, travel, spend time with your hubby, etc., before you worry about having kids, but then I'd hate to see anyone in my situation, wondering if you waited too long. I think that even if you opted to have a baby young, you would adapt and make your life choices based on your child.

Have a happy day!

Jen


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## mac-whore (May 26, 2006)

It's not ' sad ' at all. It's actually a great thing.. but, I have to agree with everyone else.. waiting would definately be the best option. Apparently you love kids, so.. with that said, I'd imagine you want to raise your child in the best situation possible.. meaning you're financially secure ( probably have a career going on ), you have a supportive partner with the same desire, etc. If you ask me, I'd say right now you're still '' finding yourself '', so to speak.. and you've still got alot to learn in general ( so do i, i'm only 19 ).. before you bring someone else into the world but, that's just my opinion. Good luck with everything..


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## VenusGoddess (May 26, 2006)

Personally, I thought I was "so" mature at 17...only to have a baby at 28 and realized how immature I really was at 17. It's not unusual that your biological clock is ticking, however, you do not realize how time-consuming and energy-consuming it is to have a child. I honestly think I was a better mom because I got all the partying, traveling, etc out of my system before I had Makayla. I was also financially secure (I left my full-time job to be a SAHM since she was born) and have been able to stay home with her ever since.

This is just my personal experience and I believe that in your younger years, you should be living it up, living life and then have kids later. You would be amazed at how much you've grown, even in just 7 years...

You have to do what is best for you...but at the same time, you have to think about doing what is best for your future child/ren. Good luck!


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## swapmakeup (May 26, 2006)

I had my first when I was 17, and that was young but now that I am 33 I wouldn't have changed anything. I wouldn't suggest having a kid that young but if you are supported and can handle it, then that's your decision to make.


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## girl_geek (May 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *VenusGoddess* Personally, I thought I was "so" mature at 17...only to have a baby at 28 and realized how immature I really was at 17. I don't even have kids yet, and every year I think I was so immature the previous year.... I don't think anyone ever reaches a point where they can truly say, "OK, I am mature now!" lol (I am almost 25 if that makes a difference...)


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## VenusGoddess (May 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *girl_geek* I don't even have kids yet, and every year I think I was so immature the previous year.... I don't think anyone ever reaches a point where they can truly say, "OK, I am mature now!" lol (I am almost 25 if that makes a difference...) True, but I was definitely more mature and prepared to have a child at 28 than I was at 17. Besides...financial stability is another key to raising a child. While no one can truly be "prepared" it helps when you've been able to work and save a lot of money to enable yourself to effectively take care of the child.
It may not be right for everybody...but I can say, now, at 32 and after having a child for 3 1/2 years...I would never wish to go "back in time" and have a baby younger. I've seen friends who had kids young...and at least with my friends...they left the kids at the grandparents and went out partying.

In my personal experience...children should come a little later in life. If not for maturing, at least for financial stability. But, again, that my opinion.


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## girl_geek (May 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *VenusGoddess* True, but I was definitely more mature and prepared to have a child at 28 than I was at 17. Besides...financial stability is another key to raising a child. While no one can truly be "prepared" it helps when you've been able to work and save a lot of money to enable yourself to effectively take care of the child.
It may not be right for everybody...but I can say, now, at 32 and after having a child for 3 1/2 years...I would never wish to go "back in time" and have a baby younger. I've seen friends who had kids young...and at least with my friends...they left the kids at the grandparents and went out partying.

In my personal experience...children should come a little later in life. If not for maturing, at least for financial stability. But, again, that my opinion.

Oh, I wasn't advocating that anyone should have a baby at 17!



I was really commenting more on the original poster's comment that she was so mature, rather than your comment -- I was agreeing with you!




But PaleBeauty, to answer your question, it isn't sad -- I've known lots of girls who wanted to have babies really young! (Fortunately they all waited several years or are still waiting -- but just because they had their first child in their 20's doesn't mean they didn't want the baby when they were younger!



I have one baby-crazy friend who's been married 2 years now and is 24, I'm surprised she hasn't had a baby yet!) But I certainly wouldn't advocate having a baby anytime soon, even if you do get married soon! I agree with the others that you at least should go to college first! Even if you're not into partying and doing crazy things, I would think you'd want to enjoy some time to be young, go to school, and further develop your relationship and marriage before throwing children into the mix! (We were never partiers ourselves, but hubby and I are enjoying this time without kids to just develop our marriage and get settled into life before having any kids! We have been married almost 2 years and are 24/25 years old, but I just finished grad school so we are just now starting our careers!)


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## KISKA (May 28, 2006)

I agree with having kids later in life. Your post reminded me of some show on TV where all these teens wanted to have kids and then they were given babies to take care of for about a day and after none of them wanted kids anymore.


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## kenike (May 28, 2006)

it's not a sad thing to want kids with your boyfriend. but being that you are 17, it's not a wise decision. clearly you love him but what if it doesn't work out? i'm not saying that will happen, but you never know. i thought i would marry my high school sweetheart and it didn't work out. my friend did though! so it does happen. what i'm saying is, you have passion and that is a good thing. focus on school, becoming a woman and your love for him. don't let wild thoughts consume you because everything will happen for you in due time. believe me! life goes fast. so concentrate and focus on your dreams and all you want in this life. soon enough you will have a child when the time is right., but for now focus on you!


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## Summer (May 28, 2006)

Not that this has to do really of what you are talking about, but I look at other people who want to have children and I wish I could feel the same way. I wish I wanted children but deep down I don't want them. Yet, I hear it all the time, "when are you going to have a baby??". I don't have much time to decide that I am positive with my decision, but people try to convince me other wise. And when I say I don't want children, they look at me in horror. My mom said that one day I will be alone, blah blah blah. My husband is fine with or without children. I don't feel I am ready to make a decision and if I could put it off for 10 years to travel and do what I want to do, I would. But I don't have the 10 years to decide. By then, the decison will be made for me.

Anyway, you are so young, you have all the time in the world to have a baby. No need to rush into things. Right now it's "you" time. Have fun, travel, do what you want to do without worrying about a baby.


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## neurotoxicity (May 28, 2006)

I have to say I agree with everyone here, but I sent you a PM


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## VenusGoddess (May 28, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Summer* Not that this has to do really of what you are talking about, but I look at other people who want to have children and I wish I could feel the same way. I wish I wanted children but deep down I don't want them. Yet, I hear it all the time, "when are you going to have a baby??". I don't have much time to decide that I am positive with my decision, but people try to convince me other wise. And when I say I don't want children, they look at me in horror. My mom said that one day I will be alone, blah blah blah. My husband is fine with or without children. I don't feel I am ready to make a decision and if I could put it off for 10 years to travel and do what I want to do, I would. But I don't have the 10 years to decide. By then, the decison will be made for me. 
Anyway, you are so young, you have all the time in the world to have a baby. No need to rush into things. Right now it's "you" time. Have fun, travel, do what you want to do without worrying about a baby.

Having children is a personal decision. I don't think there is anything wrong with someone not wanting children. I've got plenty of friends who didn't want kids and ended up having some anyways (usually due to familial pressures) and while I know that they love their children, you can see a certain amount of resentment brewing beneath the surface. That's not healthy for parent or child. You always have to do what you feel is best for you. And, even if the 10 year window passes for you, there is always adoption. Being a parent doesn't mean giving birth...it means making a difference in the life of a child.


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## emily_3383 (May 28, 2006)

I love kids and i work at a daycare but right now there is no way i can have a child. I really want to finish school and everything else before i can commit to taking care of someone like that. I work with kids 8hrs a day and thats enough, i cant imagine 24/7 right now. lol


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## bebs (May 29, 2006)

I felt the same way when I was 17 girl, and I'm glad I waited.. I am only 20 at the moment but there is still alot of growing up you need to do before your ready to take care of another person. Yeah I know at 17 every teen thinks they are so mature sorry to say no matter how mature your not ready (I took care of my friends child at 18 for a month and by the end of a few days of lack of sleep the never ending crying running and bumbling around trying to find out how to do things I was wanting to curl up and start crying along with the baby) because yes it is that stress full. Every girl thinks of a baby.. thinks of the sweet little sleeping child.. yes very sweet but at that age you are not ready not many are and those that did maybe werent ready.

also as much as you love your boyfriend I hate to tell you but there are still many things ahead of you and your realtionship and I do wish you the best with that, but know this he isnt the only guy in the world it may work out but it may not. Live with him a while before getting married see if you still want to be with him after a year or so of living together doing things together and being adults together. because its alot harder then it seems or sounds.

just a quick story.. my bestfriend in high school.. dropped everything for her boyfriend (got excepted to one of the best colleges in the us.) didnt go because he didnt want he to. he wanted a baby and so did she so she gave him one at 17 just about to turn 18 and grad. we lost touch after she dropped out of high school, he dropped out about a month or so later to work full time to make ends meet, they got married when they should have been graduating high school (got the invite). they split up when she was turning 21 and got a devorce.. she now resents him for not giving her time not thinking everything though... loves her dauther but more often then not has talked about wanting to go back to school to get the life that she left back, but she cant because she has to suport both her self and her dauther and doesnt have the time to do all that anymore.

just telling you what happened because yes it could happen to anybody, no it might not happen. but you have to remember the stress of everything (baby job school) and whatever else your trying to take on at the same time does hurt the relationship at times.

and back to the question I'm sorry if I offended anybody but these are just my personal views of things and not gonna suger coat anything to spare feelings because this is reality


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## neurotoxicity (May 30, 2006)

Originally Posted by *bebs* and back to the question I'm sorry if I offended anybody but these are just my personal views of things and not gonna suger coat anything to spare feelings because this is reality

I wouldn't be sorry you said it perfectly.


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## Hazel Honey (May 30, 2006)

I don't think it's sad at all. I've tought about having kids lately since my first nephew was born a few weeks ago, BUT in actuality, I NEED more time to grow as an individual. BTW I'm 21. Man, I wish I was having thoughts like that at 17. All I wanted was drugs, alcohol, &amp; rock n' roll



I also have NO idea what it's like to meet a guy I actually WANT to procreate with! I mean I've had a few 'puppy love' relationships that rocked my little world when I was around your age, but nothing worth fighting for. Honestly, as cliche as this may sound, the older ya get the wiser ya get. I look back at the girl I was when I was 17 and I wanna kick her ass. Most importantly tho, you NEED more time to discover things and love YOU &amp; ONLY YOU before ya make that kinda commitment. If ya don't, I really belive you'll end up bitter in the long run. Best of luck.


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## sm91396 (May 30, 2006)

you are entitled to feel the way you feel. and do what you will do... and I am not preaching here or trying to be a nag- but let me tell you I have a little girl who'll be three this year- and I had her when I was 27. And I still wasn't prepared or mature enough at times to handle it. She's a doll and the single greatest thing I could ever have done, but I certainly can't imagine doing it at 17/18. just my opinion!


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## kenike (May 31, 2006)

and just to add... my mother was raped when she was 14 so that makes me a rape baby. to this day i feel guilt that she chose to keep me. because she did, i hindered her life in a very big way, as i caused her to grow up waay beyond her years. she never knew what going to prom was like, dating, i mean really dating (as an adult) just something to think about... it's just the spawn's side of it. having a baby young that is. i realize it's a different circumstance and everything but generally the same kind of thing.

a teenager having a baby. i don't know you but i can tell you that women do a 360 by the time they are 26. i am not the same person i was then. and i am happy about that. if he loves you and you love him, enjoy the ride and grow together. you'll be much happier and stronger as a couple. your kids will thank you for it. xoxo


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