# Boyfriend broke up with me after 4.5 years :(



## dixiewolf (May 20, 2006)

Well today my boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the night at his house and he never said anything. Not even on the drive home. We were supposed to go to the movies tonight, and I forgot we never picked a time, so I called him, and he said no, and that he needed to sort things out. A week ago he bought me an engagement ring, he told me, I wish he hadnt, but nothing I can do now. Well I know he has one, b/c I kinda opened the box while he was away for 5 days on business. He never asked me though. I cant call and apologize b/c he took his phone off the hook b/c I called like 3 times today to talk. I did something I should not have at his house, I have an addiction problem, and I took a whole mess of muscle relaxants, and fell. He knew I had this problem when he met me, I went to an outpatient program last year, and he has witnessed me using them in the past (they are really addictive even though doctors say not, I have known a lot of people with the problem). Anyhow, I guess he got tired of me relapsing, I dont know. It's not another girl. I have cried all day and I cant eat. I hope he changes his mind, last night he talked about our future, and how much he loved me, but I wont get my hopes up.


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## kellianne76 (May 20, 2006)

I'm sorry you are going throgh a rough time with your boyfriend. We are all here for you.


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## KellyB (May 20, 2006)

I'm very sorry that this has happened to you, but your online family is here for support and I hope that things work out for you. Keep us posted.


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## chocobon (May 20, 2006)

Oh am so sorry we're here if u need a shoulder to cry on ,I hope things work out and that he comes around eventually...


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## Pauline (May 20, 2006)

Hi Amanda, sorry to hear about what's happened. Firstly, you mentioned you had an addcition problem. I do to, so i am going to suggest you try going to a meeting for whatever your addciton is. Secondly, it sounds like your boyfriend is confused at the moment.He obviously felt driven enough to buy you an engagement ring last week,so there must be something there. Did the muscel relaxant incident happen before or after the fall out with your bf?

I am sure you can both work this out. Maybe he just needs time to think. Try to get yourself some help for your addciton problems as the last thing you now want in another relaspe.Things will get better if you can both have time out to think.Try to keep yourself together as if you were on automatic, easier said than done but better than letting everything fall apart.

I hope you and your bf sort things out soon.


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## dixiewolf (May 20, 2006)

Thank you. My mom is mad too. I wish I could take it all back. I know that I dont want to do it again, if it means losing him, but I guess I already did.



I cant even go there to give him his key b/c my mom took my car keys even though I am sober. I have never dated anyone 4 and a half years before, especially being 28. There is always email to say I am sorry but I think I should give him space.

Originally Posted by *Pauline* Hi Amanda, sorry to hear about what's happened. Firstly, you mentioned you had an addcition problem. I do to, so i am going to suggest you try going to a meeting for whatever your addciton is. Secondly, it sounds like your boyfriend is confused at the moment.He obviously felt driven enough to buy you an engagement ring last week,so there must be something there. Did the muscel relaxant incident happen before or after the fall out with your bf?
I am sure you can both work this out. Maybe he just needs time to think. Try to get yourself some help for your addciton problems as the last thing you now want in another relaspe.Things will get better if you can both have time out to think.Try to keep yourself together as if you were on automatic, easier said than done but better than letting everything fall apart.

I hope you and your bf sort things out soon.

Yeah I do go to NA, I just screwed up. Oh and the incident happened before he took his phone off the hook, and hung up on me, etc. He never told me why he was acting like this, but I figure it has to be this, b/c it has caused problems before, just not to this extent. Oh and he did say he was returning the ring.


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## bluebird26 (May 20, 2006)

That's sad Dixie, I think you should give him some space right now. Sometimes confused men become very irritated and can become a hopeless problem. I hope you both can solve this problem soon!


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## SierraWren (May 21, 2006)

To me it sounds as if your boyfriend breaking up with you has everything to do with your "slipping" by taking those those muscle relaxant pills(which ARE very addictive, I know firsthand) and is very little reflection of how he most deeply feels about you and the state of your relationship. I think it was something he did in his initial and overwhelmed anger/concern, over the muscle relaxants--break up with you--but, at his heart, this is not the direction he wants the two of you to go in, at all. After all, he had gone so far as to buy you an ENGAGEMENT ring, such a profound symbol of both love and commitment--if the relationship truly were not going well for him, he never would have let it go so far. I thik(bad as it sounds, humans are like this)he maybe unconsciously wants to punish you a little, maybe your slipping felt like a betrayal to him, and he seeks a kind of brief revenger in withdrawing from you, while pretending(even half imagining)it might really be over. But I just don't think for him it is--and of course not for you either!

Whatever happens, you're doing the right thing--giving it time and him space, for now--and pleae keep us all posted on it all.I'm so very sorry this happened, you sound like you've become a very close and mature couple throughout the years together. I'm rooting for your relationship to rebound, all the way through! Hang on!


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## dixiewolf (May 21, 2006)

I will post later to say what happened. We have broken up before, but it was usually me, and I think b/c I was scared. He has said "Well maybe we should just break up!" before, but this was a long time ago. To take the phone off the hook and hang up on me is immature, and he isnt immature. I am, lol. Actually he didnt say he was going to RETURN the ring, he said he would give it to someone else. Probably b/c I hinted I would be dating someone else (no there is no one else, I was just mad). He doesnt have anyone else either, b/c I always know, no matter how secretive a guy is. I am the only person he has um, been intimate with and he is 34. And they werent long relationships. Plus there are just other signs, anyway. But I know you dont want to know, ha. It is just frustrating as heck to not be able to talk about it, arrgggg. But he wont answer the phone and email would be lame to discuss this. I hope he stops being stupid soon or I will get an ulcer. At least I stopped crying, thats a start. They were almost swollen shut earlier.


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## schlemmerm3779 (May 21, 2006)

Ouch girlie. I'm sorry. I know all about addiction. It's rough.

Right now I'm reading men are from mars women are from venus and that's one of the main things they say that guys just need space when they are upset, they just go into their lil' hole which is pretty much true. So hang in there, it's probably just his way of dealing with everything.




Big hugs though.


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## pinkbundles (May 21, 2006)

Sorry to hear that. It sounds like he does love you...otherwise he wouldn't have bought the ring. But your relapses may have affected him. Maybe it hurts him to see you like that. I don't know.


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## VenusGoddess (May 21, 2006)

Awww...I'm sorry. But, I do have to say you shouldn't call him anymore. It sounds like he's hurt/angry about the relapse and when these types of things happen, people need time to just decompress and sort through their feelings. I was on the opposite end you are, and I just have to say that it would piss me off to no end that my ex would call me constantly "wanting to talk things out". I always felt bad telling him to take a hike and if and when I was ready to talk, I knew his number.

Work on YOU getting better, and then you can work on getting your guy back...

(((hugs))) Take care of yourself.


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## MACGoddess (May 21, 2006)

HUGS! I'm sorry hun... I know this whole situation sucks, but know that we are ALL here for you no matter what! I hope things work out with your bf though, 4.5 yrs is too long to just toss out!


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## Aquilah (May 21, 2006)

Awwww, I'm so sorry Amanda! The whole situation really stinks! I truly hope everything works out well for you. 4Â½ years is quite a bit to throw away though, so I hope he realizes that ASAP! We're all here for you, that's a definite! Good luck with your addiction to muscle relaxants. I know it can be hard as I'm watching a close friend go through an addiction to pain killers and other pills. BIG hugs to you!!!!!!!!


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## lglala84 (May 21, 2006)

Originally Posted by *schlemmerm3779* Ouch girlie. I'm sorry. I know all about addiction. It's rough. Right now I'm reading men are from mars women are from venus and that's one of the main things they say that guys just need space when they are upset, they just go into their lil' hole which is pretty much true. So hang in there, it's probably just his way of dealing with everything.




Big hugs though.

Sounds like a good book
Well my advice is yes to take some time apart to let him calm down. But like how often do you relapse?. Like you should take this time apart to help yourself. Because it sounds like he really cares, and he just wants good things for you. But you have to be willing to help yourself and get the help that you need. I am just going through a break up off 2 yrs. and it is extremely difficult for me. But hope everything works out for you. And you should eat, remember your body is your temple and you also have to be there for yourself.


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## canelita (May 21, 2006)

I'm so sorry , probably the best at this time is try be relax and wait for him to come around so you guys can have a serious talk and fix everything. nope you are feeling better!! We are here for you you know!


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## linda46125 (May 21, 2006)

hey im soo sorry to hear that. men are really strange in the way they would rather not talk and it can be so annoying when all you want is answers. when me and my bf split for a while i was raging and just wanted to know and get answers, but like yourself most of the time i just got the cold shoulder, making me even angrier. but like everyone says its true, you just have to give him time to come round. he'll certainly want to tlak to you eventually you just need to hang on in there.

i hope you get things sorted out soon. xx


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## eightthirty (May 21, 2006)

Oh, hunny, I'm so sorry to hear this. I remember a mention of a prior breakup. It sounds like what really needs to happen is to put any relationships on the back burner and focus on you. You're still young and I'm sure he wants to see you get better to avoid any future relapses.


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## SierraWren (May 21, 2006)

Originally Posted by *dixiewolf* I will post later to say what happened. We have broken up before, but it was usually me, and I think b/c I was scared. He has said "Well maybe we should just break up!" before, but this was a long time ago. To take the phone off the hook and hang up on me is immature, and he isnt immature. I am, lol. Actually he didnt say he was going to RETURN the ring, he said he would give it to someone else. Probably b/c I hinted I would be dating someone else (no there is no one else, I was just mad). He doesnt have anyone else either, b/c I always know, no matter how secretive a guy is. I am the only person he has um, been intimate with and he is 34. And they werent long relationships. Plus there are just other signs, anyway. But I know you dont want to know, ha. It is just frustrating as heck to not be able to talk about it, arrgggg. But he wont answer the phone and email would be lame to discuss this. I hope he stops being stupid soon or I will get an ulcer. At least I stopped crying, thats a start. They were almost swollen shut earlier. Sounds like you 2 know each other very well--which can sometimes be painful...like these times...when disagreement/discord occurs. Above all though to me it sounds like he still loves you, and he never stopped. In a week,or two, think how different everything might be--you'll be talking again, maybe; hopefully beginning to sort things out.A little time can bring about a LOT of change...You are NOT stuck in this moment of time you're in now, no matter how stuck you might feel you are!Try to make yourself eat, talk to others, keep some routine in your life--just to get thru the next days and the minutes. And--I promise you--you will get thru this.( And we are all here for you; whatever you want to tell us,whenever you need to.)


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## KristieTX (May 22, 2006)

So sorry to hear this, dixiewolf. We are all here for ya if you need us. I hope that you get to feeling better and that your boyfriend comes around soon and is willing to give you some answers as to what is going on.


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## sm91396 (May 22, 2006)

sending good vibes your way......


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## karrieann (May 22, 2006)

Amanda I am sorry that you are going through this. Relationships are so difficult sometimes. But you know really the most important thing for you to do is to get serious about yourself and your addiction. Men come and go, but you always have to deal with YOU.

It's is obvious that your boyfriend loves you very much and I know you understand how hard it is for someone to watch someone they love hurt themself over and over again. Give him some time to sort through things but in the meantime call your sponsor, get to a meeting, make some calls. You are stronger than your disease!!!!!

*HUG!!!*


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## mabelwan (May 22, 2006)

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I hope you can get over this soon. Take care!


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## Elisabeth (May 22, 2006)

Amanda....Oh no. Hang Tight and take a deep breath. Is your mom (aside from taking your keys and stuff, which might be a good thing right now) also taking care of you, like just making sure you are getting enough to eat, sleeping as best you can, etc.?






Sending a huge hug your way!


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## Mina (May 22, 2006)

Am sorry sweetyy...It's really long time..can't brush out easily...All i can do is pray for u..I hope everything work out smoothly...God Bless You!


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## Cool Kitten (May 22, 2006)

Amanda, i'm sure you know that when you're addicted to something you don't "just relapse" once. You should start by realizing that this is ruining your life. Chemical dependency is a bad, bad thing, i see so many addicted people every day at work.

Your addiciton becomes your driving force, you don't even notice how it starts controlling you and your behaviour.

You should start by getting the help you need to overcome it. I don't know if you and your BF will get back together, but you need to make sure this doesn't ruin your life even more. Hang in there, and remember- you need to overcome it for your own future.


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## redrocks (May 22, 2006)

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that! I really hope you guys are able to work things out!

Remember we are all here for you!


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## Lovelylily (May 23, 2006)

I hope you feel better soon and that you and your boyfriend work things out!


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## jennycateyez (May 23, 2006)

so sorry to hear that ... try to give him space and maybe he will realize he needs you. ((hugs))


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## islandgirl930 (May 23, 2006)

Oh gosh...I am so sorry. I will pray that everything will work out. Just give him some space so he can think about everything. He obviously loves you. Deal with this addiction problem, as I am sure you already are.


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## dixiewolf (May 25, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Cool Kitten* Amanda, i'm sure you know that when you're addicted to something you don't "just relapse" once. You should start by realizing that this is ruining your life. Chemical dependency is a bad, bad thing, i see so many addicted people every day at work..

Actually you can relapse once. I have had this problem for 5 years, went to an outpatient program last year, although one guy in my class took painkillers while we were in treatment and so had to leave. He disappeared to another state. One of my good friends was in a 3 month inpatient drug rehab, after he went through our outpatient, he relapsed, and his girlfriend found him dead. Most of my NA friends have never relapsed, some have 30 years clean. Anyways, I dont want to talk about that anymore. My bf and I talked, he said he was willing to give me another chance, but he wont deal with me doing drugs. I havent done them since that day. I dont want to lose him over something like that. This week he has my dog so I stay over at his house (I never stay at his house so it is kind of different, especially b/c he doesnt eat, so I have to bring my own food, lol). My niece is in town and my dachshund bites, we almost got sued by neighbor b/c he bit her wife for coming to our door unannounced. Things seem better now, we both didnt eat for 4 days b/c we were sad.


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## SierraWren (May 25, 2006)

I'm so happy to hear you 2 are still together--undernourished, but together again!(where you belong,it sounds like.)I wish you the best of luck, as a pair and,of course, on your own. You have always seemed to me like such a strong and grounded person,someone who has gone through so much and always comes through with such resilience, and a positive attitude,as well...



You are very inspiring, and I wish you joy both w/ your boyfriend and your life courses ahead.


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## Shelley (May 26, 2006)

I am happy that he wants to be with you and hope everything will work out for the both of you. Best wishes.


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## neurotoxicity (May 26, 2006)

I'm glad you guys worked things out. I hope you settle things with your addiction, I know it can be really hard.

I wish you both luck, and &lt;3


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## Kelly (May 30, 2006)

I'm happy to hear you are working things out. Be sure to work hard on you too. Whenever you feel the urge to want to use....remember back to this break up and how you don't want that feeling or to loose this relationship, among other things in your life that will be affected by an addiction.

Take care of you, and be strong!


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## PopModePrincess (May 31, 2006)

Sorry to hear Amanda. I hope everything works out for you.


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## kenike (May 31, 2006)

i'm so sorry you are going through this. if i may speak frank, it sounds like your boyfriend does love you but is having a hard time dealing with your admitted addiction. men, in general have to process things a lot longer than women do. we want to talk things out right away and men sort of go into their "cave" to think about things. addiction is a lot to digest for someone who loves you enough to marry you. there is a lot at stake. imagine how you would feel if roles were reversed. marriage in and of itself is scary. my advice, if you love him and more importantly, love yourself, you will seek help for your addiction. he will come around once he sees your self respect and love of yourself. promise. good luck!! you can and will do it!


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## dixiewolf (May 31, 2006)

I went to an outpatient program over a year ago, but I just stopped reading my books and going to meetings, etc. One of my friends in my group overdosed on painkillers and died, and I had a hard time dealing with it, and I got tired of seeing people die from it so I just stopped going. Things are great right now, it was sort of a wake up call, I didnt think he would break up with me over it. We have broken up before, but it was b/c of something he did, not me. I realize this is something I will always have to work on, not just for a little while.


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## BrazenBrunhilda (May 31, 2006)

Aw, sweetheart, I am sorry. If he bought you a ring just last week, give him some breathing room. Men are not like women, they just don't up and change their minds at the drop of a hat...they just aren't that smart (sorry Tony, nothing personal). Maybe he just needs time to think. Marriage is a big step. Try to hang in there, sweetie.


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## kaeisme (May 31, 2006)

I defintely agree with the others and let him have his space...he has gotta sort this out for himself...and you work on you...yep..you screwed up..yep..you may lose him..but nothing you can say to him now is gonna make it better till he is ready..kinda like ..no one could tell you till you were ready to get clean..I have been co-dependent..and it's a hard road for us too...we wanna have trust..we really do..and right now..you have to take care of you ..I know that you feel you have disappointed the people you care about and even yourself...but..this day is new...start again..


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