# Dating a divorced guy. Yay or nay?



## blueangel1023 (Aug 17, 2008)

During my last rant, I pretty much ended my so-called relationship with a cop of 10 months (if you want to call it a relationship) lol, but the point was I moved on.

I've been seeing this new guy for a little over a month now and apparently he's divorced. No kids, married young (he's 29 btw) I actually knew beforehand he's divorced prior to going on a date with him. However, when we actually got further into the conversation, he admitted that it's actually more of a separation. In NY state, you have to be legally separated for a year before the divorce papers goes through. It varies from different states and countries, but he says that he totally moved on and wants nothing to do with the ex-wife. I was a bit skeptical about it, because you'll never know if a person might actually decide to get back together during the yearly separation or he's playing the field for now until he finally gets his "single" status back. After all, not everyone wants to date a guy who's separated. What caught me off guard was his dad seemed to be okay that he was back in the market. He actually called during our date and asked how he was doing, but he said that he'd call him back since he's busy at the moment since he's on a date with me.

Fast forward, so we saw each other at least 4x during the past month. I'd say that's pretty standard since we weren't moving on too fast nor was it lagging behind in any way. I guess we actually hit it off and got along well since we're still talking. Then for 2 weeks he was MIA since his job required him to do quarterly earnings. He does equity research for a corporation as an analyst (whatever that entails) So, I haven't heard from him during the 2 wk time frame. I figured if someone was really interested in you, they would at least drop a phone call, txt or IM just to see how the other is doing. Or maybe I'm an attention whore and just sound clingy? I was thinking in my head, maybe I should just call this quits...but then he contacted me just yesterday about hanging out before he goes to Montreal for a wk on vacation. Of course, I'm a really sarcastic person so I hope he didn't take it the wrong way when I said "Well, you haven't spoken to me for over 2 wks, so what's another day or week going to matter?" He then said "you sound mad. Maybe we should hang out when I come back instead." But I told him I wasn't mad, because if I was I would've ignored him. It takes a lot for me to be truly mad at someone. So, he said he'd keep me posted the following day on what time to meet up tomorrow, but I guess he later decided to take a rain check because he got sick (coincidence?) So I replied back "That's already 2 rain checks. Do you want to start a tab?" but he didn't respond back. lol, could my sarcasm have been too much for him? Sometimes I'm bad when it comes to me thinking before I speak. I'm sure if he wasn't too mad about it he would contact me again this week when he comes back from vacation  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

So my questions are "Has anyone ever dated someone who was divorced or separated?" If so, what are your thoughts and insights about it? And for those who attempted to read this whole story, do you think I should continue seeing him (play it by ear for further analysis) or ditch him fast? All opinions appreciated


----------



## Dragonfly (Aug 17, 2008)

This can be an interesting situation. In Ontario, Canada, one has to show that they have been separated for one year before they can file for divorce.

My questions are:

How long did the guy date his soon-to-be-wife, before he married her? And how long has he been separated? You know it has been less than 12 months.

And why did the separation occur? This may be a difficult answer to get as you never know if it is truly honest or not.

I can see his father being pleased about him dating - perhaps his family either didn't like the wife or they are happy he is finally moving on.

But one thing did come to mind: if he has not been as attentive with you, perhaps he was the same with his wife, and that's why the marriage ended. Just a thought.

Has he told you he is going to file for divorce, when the year of separation is up?

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with dating someone that is divorced - heck, I'm divorced.

But make sure he is ready to date again and that he will make you a priority and not just an occasional date. Same advice I would give about a man that was never married.

And if you can, it is always important to find out why the divorce occured. Most people fight to keep a marriage together. So when it fails, something significant generally has occured - just from my observations folks.

Hope this helps


----------



## blueangel1023 (Aug 17, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif My questions are:

How long did the guy date his soon-to-be-wife, before he married her? And how long has he been separated? You know it has been less than 12 months.

And why did the separation occur? This may be a difficult answer to get as you never know if it is truly honest or not.

Has he told you he is going to file for divorce, when the year of separation is up?

From what he told me, him and his wife knew each other since college (as friends) but didn't begin dating until they graduated. So after 5 yrs of marriage it went downhill, and according to him he said they just drifted apart because she had her own goals. I guess she wanted to go back to grad school and move out of nyc. Him on the other hand, recently got a new job and didn't want to move, but rather stay in nyc because his friends and family are here. Of course, I'm sure there's other things he wasn't telling me or omitting in the convo. I think he was rather hinting his sex life wasn't there anymore either...lol, but I could tell he wanted to dodge the subject altogether.
He said the divorce papers were already signed but they're just awaiting the yearly seperation process. I mean, is that possible? To have the papers signed even before separation isn't over yet? I'm not sure how the whole procedure goes





Thanks for the advice Carolyn. I do agree that he does keep to himself at times, so maybe he wasn't being attentive to his ex-wife and perhaps that's what ended the marriage. There's always something to look in to and ensure whether the whole dating/relationship is going to progress further or not. I need to make sure I'm one of his priorities at least. lol


----------



## Ashley (Aug 17, 2008)

A legal separation can be changed to a legal divorce after one year. How long have they been separated?


----------



## StereoXGirl (Aug 17, 2008)

Honestly, I wouldn't date a guy that was separated from his wife. Divorced, possibly...depends on the guy. Separated, no. And the fact that he kind of stretched the truth about it to begin with is a little sketchy, imo.

Honestly, if you two were going out regularly and then communication stopped abruptly, and then he called you two weeks later and acted like nothing's up...that's kind of odd. If you want to work things out with him, I'd suggest sitting down with him and see if maybe there was some real reason. It may not turn out to be a big deal or there may be a lot more to it. I really think the best thing to do is just to sit down and talk to him and see what's going on.


----------



## Johnnie (Aug 18, 2008)

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating a separated/divorced man. Also, I don't think men should always be considered the ones who cause the split. Maybe his ex was the reason it didn't work out. Give him a fair shot and see how it goes.


----------



## pinksugar (Aug 18, 2008)

I honestly haven't dated a separated or divorced guy so I can't really offer any practical advice. I'd give them a fair chance if they were divorced, I'd be a bit skeptical if they were separated.. but I guess that's not really fair, what if the ex-partner was abusive??

but yeah, taking 2 weeks off with no contact, that's a bit odd, but if he was really busy.. still I tend to agree with you. What is a 2 second text or a 5 minute call?

hope everything works out, keep us updated! Lol I love you how you're dating, I can live vicariously through you until I'm ready to get out there again


----------



## shyiskrazy2 (Aug 18, 2008)

He sounds like someone you could waste some time with, but he's got red flags popping up all over the place. Don't give him any slack as to your expectations because he's trying to be on his best behavior to reel you in, babe. If he doesn't like your sense of humor, then he can hit the road bc you ain't gonna stop being you. And I whole-heartedly agree w/ everything Carolyn said.


----------



## Darla (Aug 18, 2008)

I'm not divorced but certainly know plenty of divorced people, including many that were at one time a couple. For some reason it just may not work out for a couple and that probably shouldn't eliminate them from consideration. It may be a real good idea to try and find out why the original relationship didn't work out if you can.


----------

