# I'm really sad and confused!



## LittleMissLilo (Apr 24, 2008)

So as I've told you all before I'm seeing this guy. I've been seeing him for about a year and 9 months, so almost two years. Things are going great, you know after that whole incident I talked to him about his x gf. Remember when I told you all that? Well if you dont' remember, I had asked for advice on the boards on how do you get rid of an x gf because she kept calling him and stuff and it was bugging me...

Well in other news.

I came home last night, only to find two emails on my myspace inbox. One from my friend in highschool, and the other from his x gf. I was in complete shock.

When I opened the email I read it out loud to myself and I couldn't believe what it said. She wrote that she still loved my bf, and that she cares for him deeply. In fact she thought that as a girl I should know about this because she always feels guilty. It was like her good deed for the day to report to me. And she told me that suposedly she and him have been seeing each other for a year and half behind their significant other's backs. (She did have a bf when my bf and I were dating, but he left her). She told me that my bf always tells her how great of a gf I am and it makes her feel more guilty. And then she said I should ask my bf and if he doesnt tell me the truth then obviously hes lying.

But how can this be true? How do I know if its true? I'm so confused on weather I should believe her or if I should believe whatever my bf tells me. I dont trust her, but now I dont trust him? I just don't understand? At all. I've been in this confused state all night as of last night.

Oh and I forgot to mention, she has a reputation to go around with people. She was never like that but suposedly after her and my bf split, she changed her ways. She's known for a buncha stuff, really. And its so rude of her to do that. But it was a bit out of the blue also, because I've never talked to her in my life. =[

So please MUT help! I need some advice.

Oh and I haven't told him about the email because I need to figure some things out before I approach him.

I don't know how really.


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## bia910 (Apr 24, 2008)

oh god when i read that my own stomach turned into a knot because i know exactly how you feel. Im sorry i cant advise you anything but i wish everything turns out the best for you.


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## bella1342 (Apr 24, 2008)

I think you have to tell him about it right away... maybe I'm wrong, but I think you'd be able to tell right away if he were lying to you. That is one huge lie to keep. Maybe he'll even admit it. Personally, if it happened to me that person would have to be gone. No matter how long I was with him or how much I love him. Cheating is one thing I can't tolerate. If he tells you the girl is lying.. tell him he has to confront her in front of you. I am really sorry this is happening to you... I hope it works out. Keep us posted.


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## LittleMissLilo (Apr 24, 2008)

Originally Posted by *bia910* /img/forum/go_quote.gif oh god when i read that my own stomach turned into a knot because i know exactly how you feel. Im sorry i cant advise you anything but i wish everything turns out the best for you. Thanks me too! I barely slept. =[

Originally Posted by *bella1342* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think you have to tell him about it right away... maybe I'm wrong, but I think you'd be able to tell right away if he were lying to you. That is one huge lie to keep. Maybe he'll even admit it. Personally, if it happened to me that person would have to be gone. No matter how long I was with him or how much I love him. Cheating is one thing I can't tolerate. If he tells you the girl is lying.. tell him he has to confront her in front of you. I am really sorry this is happening to you... I hope it works out. Keep us posted. Thats what I was thinking. That he should confront her in front of me, just so I can see both sides of the story in front of my face for myself! I really hope this all is just a joke on me or something


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## GlossyAbby (Apr 24, 2008)

I would def. confront him. Also may want to let her boyfriend know if this is true doesnt seem fair to him or you...


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## bia910 (Apr 24, 2008)

Originally Posted by *bella1342* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think you have to tell him about it right away... maybe I'm wrong, but I think you'd be able to tell right away if he were lying to you. That is one huge lie to keep. Maybe he'll even admit it. Personally, if it happened to me that person would have to be gone. No matter how long I was with him or how much I love him. Cheating is one thing I can't tolerate. If he tells you the girl is lying.. tell him he has to confront her in front of you. I am really sorry this is happening to you... I hope it works out. Keep us posted. I think what Bella suggested is a good idea. I highly doubt he'll be able to lie to you to your face like that. If it turns out she made it all up, you need to tell her to get over the past, that he's YOUR man now, and she needs to respect that. Good Luck!


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## love2482 (Apr 24, 2008)

Well, you are going to have to ask him. I hope it isn't true, but if he still talks to her, it is likely. Confront him, ask him to be honest. You don't want to be in a one-sided relationship. You don't deserve that!!


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## Dragonfly (Apr 24, 2008)

I am really sorry this has happened to you. I would be very angry and unable to sleep if it had occured to me.

If this were me, I would confront both of them at the same time. Because, if you ask him, of course he is going to deny everything.

If you talk to her, she will only reinforce her email.

This situation has to be put to bed so that you can feel good that you are getting the real truth - not just his truth.

Whatever you do, do not let her know that the three of you are going to discuss this situation. If he is fooling around with her, she will warn him.

If she has been lying to you, then she will backtrack and deny ever sending you the email - saying a friend was only playing a prank.

This requires getting the two of them together unsuspectingly and demanding the truth. Make sure you have a copy of the email to show him, at the meeting.

And make sure you have a friend nearby, that can observe the two of them, so that they can offer some objectivity when you have to make any decisions.

Hope things go well for you honey.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Apr 24, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am really sorry this has happened to you. I would be very angry and unable to sleep if it had occured to me.
If this were me, I would confront both of them at the same time. Because, if you ask him, of course he is going to deny everything.

If you talk to her, she will only reinforce her email.

This situation has to be put to bed so that you can feel good that you are getting the real truth - not just his truth.

Whatever you do, do not let her know that the three of you are going to discuss this situation. If he is fooling around with her, she will warn him.

If she has been lying to you, then she will backtrack and deny ever sending you the email - saying a friend was only playing a prank.

This requires getting the two of them together unsuspectingly and demanding the truth. Make sure you have a copy of the email to show him, at the meeting.

And make sure you have a friend nearby, that can observe the two of them, so that they can offer some objectivity when you have to make any decisions.

Hope things go well for you honey.

Great idea, but a tall order. How will she be able to get them together at the same time? I think she's a mean, nasty person...Lilo, I'm sorry you are going through this, I hope it works out for you. I don't have a better idea than either Carolyn (who always has great ideas) or Bella (who is also good in this department).


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## Dragonfly (Apr 24, 2008)

How could she get them together - that is a good question.

When I was writing the first post, I was thinking of a bar or some kind of social gathering. Maybe a third party could help with getting the girl to the right place, to be confronted.

If this were me I would be as aggressive as possible to get to the bottom of things. And his word would not cut it.


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## LittleMissLilo (Apr 24, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Carolyn* /img/forum/go_quote.gif How could she get them together - that is a good question.
When I was writing the first post, I was thinking of a bar or some kind of social gathering. Maybe a third party could help with getting the girl to the right place, to be confronted.

If this were me I would be as aggressive as possible to get to the bottom of things. And his word would not cut it.

That is a good idea, but I'm a passive person. LOL I'm definitely not able to do that. I'd be so scared! =[


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## pretty_pink13 (Apr 24, 2008)

Yeah thats a lot of drama, she sounds like a lot of drama, is she the kind of person that likes to stir things up?? Maybe she is trying to start something between the two of you...like break you guys up or something.

Sorry, I tend to think about the worst in people, its just my nature...

I would try to talk to him about it and see what he says and if your gut feeling is that he really is messing around on you with her, well then I would have a serious talk and maybe re-think your relationship.

But then again, she might be a malicious b**** and she just wants to ruin a good thing...but then again she might be right...but how many people have confronted someone about cheating with them??? I know I haven't, if I was messing around with someone who I knew had a gf, (which I never would by the way, this is all hypothetical) would I be an angel and just tell her??? So...she can be on my side and then tag team against him for whatever reason?? Sounds like that one movie, john tucker must die...

anyways...sorry I was babbling...

Just talk to him about it....and keep us posted!!!!


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## yello (Apr 25, 2008)

i believe that you should... confront him.. and do not wait to long cause its gonna eat you up. .. and then you might just let it go and you dont want to do that... i would say to show him the email and have him right after that call the girl right infront of you......ON SPEAKER and see what he says to her or she says to him


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## fawp (Apr 25, 2008)

Personally, I think you should talk to him about it in person. Bringing a crazy ex-girlfriend into the situation never helps anything. So far, he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him...so just ask him straight up..."Hey, I got an email from your crazy ex who says you guys have been cheating for the last year and a half and as your faithful loving girlfriend I deserve to know the truth." My husband has a crazy ex who tried to pull the same bullsh!t (albeit not as cleverly) and while her lies were a little more transparent I understand what you're going through. Just get everything out in the open, be honest with him, and hopefully he'll do the same with you...if you allow her email to get in between the two of you and cause you to distrust your boyfriend then her plan will work.

Hopefully, this is all a sick prank that she's playing and everything can return to normal. I'll be thinking about you and I hope everything turns out okay. Keep us updated. Hugs.


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Apr 25, 2008)

Oh I'm sorry your going through that. Ive been in your situation before. It sucks. My boyfriends ex would text him and I would have his phone and she would say things like I'm gonna tell Kayla about the times that we met and hooked up and stuff. UGHHH I hate her. So I've been in your position before but she's never sent me an email before I just hear that she still loves her ex and blah blah blah. He's never done anything cept for in the beginning of our relationship. We've moved past that. She still tries to text him and stuff and it get's under my skin but that's what she wants so that we break up and so that she'll be happy knowing that were broken up. We've been together for over 2 years and she still tries her crap. When will people realize that if your ex wanted to be with you then they would be with. If they aren't with you than you need to get over it. I would def confront him and ask him whats up. You can always tell if he's lying. If he gets defensive right off the bat than you know he's def hiding something from you that he doesn't want you to find out. Just be careful and keep us informed on what happens. Good luck hun!


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## LittleMissLilo (Apr 27, 2008)

So everyone, I asked him. And it has been confirmed. Yes, by the source which is my stupid idiot boyfriend. I was really shook up by it, because I mean how can something like that get by me without even knowing? They both however, have mutually agreed to me that they just hung out and went out to eat and stuff. He actually told me they kissed once. *heartbroken* Yeah, this weekend has been stressful enough with finals.

Me and him both talked it out. And he's told me everything from beginning to end of everything he can think of. But in good news, they didn't do anything else beyond kissing. And he didn't hesitate to change his story, he told me as soon as I asked because he knew I was going to find out sooner or later.

So what am I doing now? Well after two days of talking and no arguing *surprise*, I have written his x gf an email which in my opinion is very nice, mature, but a huge omg slap in the face in the most polite way possible telling her to back off and move on. And as for my boyfriend, I've decided to give him another chance because he is a good guy and I know he has learned from his mistake. But one more time, and I'm done. *shrugs*

Thank you to everyone for their advice and support, I swear I was going crazy. But I wanted to know I wasn't the only one who was going thru it or have been thru it before. So thank you all. =]


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## S. Lisa Smith (Apr 27, 2008)

I am sure that we are all sorry that there was some truth to the story. Equally, I'm sure we are all glad that you have come to terms with it and have a plan. Seems like a good one, stick to it!


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## Killah Kitty (Apr 28, 2008)

Im so sorry this happened to you






I dont mean to bring anymore gloom to your life but I have been in a relationship myself where there was a fair share of cheating and lying all around. If he did that behind your back and never mentioned it, whos to say they didnt do anymore than kiss?? He kept everything from you to start off with. If he hung out with her and took her out whos to say where did they draw the line?? They obviously had a history, and as much as I commend your BF for coming out and saying it (albeit after you confronted him) the bad side is, he didnt tell you first, when was he planning to? Ever? And now how will you know if hes telling the whole truth? Ive had stories with my BF progress from "We did nothing" to "We were drunk and hanging out" to "We kissed" to "She invited me to her house"...big leap from nothing...

Now I have to say, figure out if he was ever planning to stop it or tell you. If not, leave. And if you want to stay now still, you should really keep an eye on him, his texts, his emails, and he shouldn't be against this because he should understand why if you two really love each other. Cause how would you know if this continues? Can you really just go on his word anymore?

And if it does happen again, or they dont stop talking, I dont stress it enough, please leave. That may be what they want, because they may just not be over each other, and it will suck and hurt for you, but better than being with him and being cheated on if hes just not ready.

Me and my BF have been together a little over 2 years, we did a little cheating and there was dishonesty, we decided to say that is in the past, and we can look at each others emails, websites, bla bla bla, to reassure ourselves, until we get the trust back, because we want it to work. So far its been ok with us.

Get this sorted out or move on, how could he do that to you!!


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## LittleMissLilo (Apr 28, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Killah Kitty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Im so sorry this happened to you




I dont mean to bring anymore gloom to your life but I have been in a relationship myself where there was a fair share of cheating and lying all around. If he did that behind your back and never mentioned it, whos to say they didnt do anymore than kiss?? He kept everything from you to start off with. If he hung out with her and took her out whos to say where did they draw the line?? They obviously had a history, and as much as I commend your BF for coming out and saying it (albeit after you confronted him) the bad side is, he didnt tell you first, when was he planning to? Ever? And now how will you know if hes telling the whole truth? Ive had stories with my BF progress from "We did nothing" to "We were drunk and hanging out" to "We kissed" to "She invited me to her house"...big leap from nothing...

Now I have to say, figure out if he was ever planning to stop it or tell you. If not, leave. And if you want to stay now still, you should really keep an eye on him, his texts, his emails, and he shouldn't be against this because he should understand why if you two really love each other. Cause how would you know if this continues? Can you really just go on his word anymore?

And if it does happen again, or they dont stop talking, I dont stress it enough, please leave. That may be what they want, because they may just not be over each other, and it will suck and hurt for you, but better than being with him and being cheated on if hes just not ready.

Me and my BF have been together a little over 2 years, we did a little cheating and there was dishonesty, we decided to say that is in the past, and we can look at each others emails, websites, bla bla bla, to reassure ourselves, until we get the trust back, because we want it to work. So far its been ok with us.

Get this sorted out or move on, how could he do that to you!!

I know. It really hurt when I found out. I nearly cried my eyes out for like 4 days. But we had a long and I mean long talk over the weekend face to face about a lot of issues. And we've both agreed to take it slower and start all over again. And he's agreed to let me check his emails and phone and text and etc. He's been doing a good job these last few days really making it up to me and proving to me he's done for the better. I totally know what you mean tho, and I'm definitely watching my back about the whole situation, you know in case things dont turn out right. I gotta get up and leave. I know that. =[ But I also know that people deserve a second chance if their good at heart and can prove themselves. Which is what I'm doing, what a sucker I am huh? Wish me luck tho. These last few days, have been improvement so we'll see how far it goes. And to say the least, they've ended it, at least from what I've been told, observed, and seen. Cross your fingers for me! =]


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## pinksugar (Apr 28, 2008)

Lilo, you are such a sweetheart. I truly hope everything works out for you because you deserve it. I'm sorry you had to experience this. The meanest things always happen to the nicest people


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## Obreathemykiss (Apr 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. The ex thing is always something I hate! My boyfriend and I have been through it all with the ex coming back thing and its never pretty. She used to call and text him...and one day, I looked at his phone bill and there was $70 in overage text charges. I was fuming. I was hurt. I demanded an answer and he never really told me much besides she just needs someone. I was like well go find someone else to cry to because you are mine! I let it go and about 6 months later, to my surprise, more texts. I was really devastated at this point. To this day, he has said nothing ever happened, they never met up or anything...but my gosh, if I found out, that's it. It's over. I couldn't handle him kissing or eating lunch with her or whatever. That just isn't fair. If I were you, I would seriously consider giving him another chance. He must still have feelings for her if he was willing to keep a secret from you-otherwise he would have told you upfront. I am actually impressed she wrote you about this, but at the same time, she should know better than to step on that turf. Keep your head up. Remember, thinking with your head over your heart will get you farther. I wish you the best of luck. Those damn exes!


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## puncturedskirt (Apr 28, 2008)

That's a tough one. I guess it's comes down to whether or not you have complete trust in him, Usually if you're confronting someone about cheating though most likely they're going to lie if they did infact cheat.. but i agree with what some of the others said, just confront him about it with the girl and see what happens from there.


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## Dianergy (Apr 28, 2008)

Good luck, I really hope things work out for you.


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## Killah Kitty (Apr 29, 2008)

I have my fingers all crossed for you. I am a sucker too, Ive given my BF over 2 chances lol Ive lost count now, but some stuff we had to let it slide, because I was not perfect either.

Anyway I hope it all goes well for you! Those damn exes I agree too, why cant some women understand?! He left you, its over, MOVE ON! If your going to be so immature about it, someone needs a restraining order, or if they both havent moved on, then they deserve no better and should be stuck in their own misery! I know thats harsh but I really hate when exs act this way its so immature, it isnt right, and the new person in the picture shouldnt have to deal with the old baggage and drama. Your BF really needs to see that life has moved on and changed now and he is much better off with you right.

I hope things change for the better and that he puts that damn ex behind him. Sometimes guys just dont see whats right in front of their eyes. I know it sounds dumb but it never hurts to try revitalize the relationship after something like this happens. Go out on a couple dates again, go do something romantic, make a bigger effort (on his part and yours) to do little meaningful things for each other, just to bring all that love back. Just some ideas from me lol that worked for us...

Keep us updated!


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## laurreenn (Apr 29, 2008)

i'm sorry that this happened. i think you handled it very maturely and very appropriately. please let us know how it goes with your boyfriend.


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## ticki (Apr 29, 2008)

what do they say? once a cheater always a cheater. i say dump him on his ass, but i respect your decision. go phones and easy anon e-mail accounts are a dime a dozen nowadays... hope he doesn't do anything to hurt you more. =(


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## x33cupcake (May 1, 2008)

good luck sweetie. please keep us updated with how it turns out.


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## CellyCell (May 1, 2008)

Ah boo, my love. Well - I can see why you would take him back but omg, the trust on him must be shaky, eh? Hopefully, this won't cause issues in the future. Personally, I think it's too much work to stress over another person and think "wonder what he's doing now and with whom"... I really don't think of the worst until it happens, after that - paranoia city, here I come.

So, you're really strong for this and good luck on it all!


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## ColdDayInHell (May 1, 2008)

Originally Posted by *ticki* /img/forum/go_quote.gif once a cheater always a cheater. i say dump him on his ass, but i respect your decision. You took the words out of my mouth! 
I've been cheated on before and I dumped him as soon as I found out. I just cut him out completely from my life without even bothering to tell him he was out of my life. And I moved on.





I know it seems harsh but I cannot afford to have toxic people like that in my life to cause me so much pain and suffering and affect my mental health.

I'm really sorry you've been treated that way and I hope you find a solution that works best for you. After all, the only person looking out for your personal happiness is yourself, and it certainly isn't your boyfriend or he wouldn't have treated you like that.

Take care!


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## LittleMissLilo (May 2, 2008)

Originally Posted by *ticki* /img/forum/go_quote.gif what do they say? once a cheater always a cheater. i say dump him on his ass, but i respect your decision. go phones and easy anon e-mail accounts are a dime a dozen nowadays... hope he doesn't do anything to hurt you more. =( Although that statement could be true, i tend to disagree. I think bad people can be turned good if they try! Maybe its just me having some hope for the future and what not. I hate how my parents raised me to see the good in people. Ugh.
But keep your fingers crossed for me! =]

Originally Posted by *Obreathemykiss* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. The ex thing is always something I hate! My boyfriend and I have been through it all with the ex coming back thing and its never pretty. She used to call and text him...and one day, I looked at his phone bill and there was $70 in overage text charges. I was fuming. I was hurt. I demanded an answer and he never really told me much besides she just needs someone. I was like well go find someone else to cry to because you are mine! I let it go and about 6 months later, to my surprise, more texts. I was really devastated at this point. To this day, he has said nothing ever happened, they never met up or anything...but my gosh, if I found out, that's it. It's over. I couldn't handle him kissing or eating lunch with her or whatever. That just isn't fair. If I were you, I would seriously consider giving him another chance. He must still have feelings for her if he was willing to keep a secret from you-otherwise he would have told you upfront. I am actually impressed she wrote you about this, but at the same time, she should know better than to step on that turf. Keep your head up. Remember, thinking with your head over your heart will get you farther. I wish you the best of luck. Those damn exes! Thank you! I will certainly keep those wise words in mind. I always think with my head over my heart. =] I know if it continues I'll have to let go, I already know that. And that will ultimately be my decision if it comes down to that. For now, I guess I just have to see where this is all going! =[ *shrugs


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## AprilRayne (May 2, 2008)

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, Nathalie! You don't deserve it. I hope things get better for you and you can work it out! Ex's can be major B!tches huh!! LOL Keep us posted!


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