# Surviving A Long-Distance Relationship



## Darla (Mar 21, 2009)

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*Surviving A Long-Distance Relationship*

*By Victoria Holmes*Relationship Correspondent_Every other Monday_

*More Doc Love*





So, you or your girlfriend is relocating to another city for school or a new job, and you two are debating about whether you should break up, or try having a long-distance relationship.

Forgive my bluntness, but don't even think about going through with a long-distance relationship unless you are both extremely devoted to one another, and willing to make sacrifices for the relationship. If this doesn't sound like you, then you should cut your losses now, and avoid a potentially heart-wrenching situation in the future.

If, on the other hand, you are both ready and willing to handle a relationship from afar, then be sure to read on for some indispensable tips -- if I do say so myself -- on how to make it work. *make time*

Of course, relocating to a new city will involve meeting new people and doing new things, but that doesn't mean that your significant other should fall to the bottom of your list of priorities.

It is important to set aside time every day to phone or e-mail each other, without any distractions. Tell each other details about your day, your friends, co-workers, etc., so that you both feel a part of the other person's life; this seemingly small step will go a long way in reducing the distance between the two of you. *visit*

Make an effort to visit one another as often as possible, not only when it is expected, such as for holidays. Make sure that it isn't always the same person who is going out of their way for the other, because this will inevitably lead to some serious resentment.

If you don't put in the time and effort to see one another, then you will eventually drift apart, no matter how strong your love is. After all, you need some physical contact to keep a relationship going. *plan ahead*

Be sure to organize your schedule so that when she does come to visit, you have nothing to do but spend quality time with her. Tell your friends and family that you are officially unavailable during the time that you and your sweetie plan on being together.

This will not only be enjoyable in itself, but it will also make her feel like her efforts were appreciated, and that she is truly loved.

Learn to roll with the punches...

*be thoughtful*

Do sweet, spontaneous things to show her how much you miss her. If she's the one who left town, then send her something that she misses from back home, like her favorite snack from the local bakery, or a local newspaper. If she's feeling homesick, send her a photograph of the two of you, or burn her a CD of her favorite songs or songs that make you think of her.

Even if this sounds a bit sappy, a long-distance relationship is no time to be a challenge; it's a time to keep your lady loving and missing you, and looking forward to seeing you again.*relax*

As hard as this may initially seem, it is imperative for you to relax and trust one another. In other words, don't start assuming the worst just because your girlfriend is making new friends, or going out more with her friends back home.

If you call and she isn't there, don't automatically think that it's because some guy has come in and taken your place. If you don't trust her enough to let her live her life without you by her side at every moment, then perhaps you should reread my introduction, and admit that you aren't prepared to handle a long-distance relationship after all.*roll with the punches*

If one of you only moved temporarily and plans on moving back home, then you will both just have to be patient until that time comes. If, on the other hand, the move seems to be more permanent in nature, you have to decide how long you are willing to drag the long distance thing out for.

Will the person in the other city look for a suitable place for the two of you to live and start hunting out some job leads for the other? Or will you eventually go your separate ways? These are things that you will have to consider at one time or another; and there's no time like the present, as they say.*love her madly*

If you decide that you can cope with a long-distance relationship, there are a few key qualities you both must possess for it to really work, namely, loyalty, trust, respect, and love for one another. And I'm not talking about really liking the other person; I'm talking about the uncontrollable, inexplicable, blinding kind of love, which you will do almost anything to hold on to. If you've got that, but can also respect each other as individuals, then you can make it work.


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## pinksugar (Mar 21, 2009)

thanks for posting this darla. I was reading this bit:

Quote:
Forgive my bluntness, but don't even think about going through with a long-distance relationship unless you are both extremely devoted to one another, and willing to make sacrifices for the relationship. If this doesn't sound like you, then you should cut your losses now, and avoid a potentially heart-wrenching situation in the future.
and I was thinking of my own relationship, since we had a huge fight on friday about this exact issue. BOTH people have to be prepared to put in 100%. I see a breakup in my future, but one person cannot carry the relationship alone! I so wished and hoped that this would work, and entering a relationship you never know what will be an issue and what wont - with someone who loved travel, it would be a great opportunity to visit me and take a holiday at the same time, but it's unfair of me to leave him waiting for 6 months if he honestly and truly believes he'll get hurt, just as it's unfair of him to say everything is ok, only to not be able to deal with it when I get there, and have him break up with me while I'm alone, on the other side of the world...

a very interesting article for a potentially very difficult topic!


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## Darla (Mar 21, 2009)

I'm real familiar with this. It can work out.


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## pinksugar (Mar 21, 2009)

thanks D



It's good to know that it's possible at least!


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Mar 21, 2009)

i think it is very possible (i could just be naive though since i am in a long distance relationship). I think for me and my boyfriend what makes it easier is knowing that the distance will be over eventually. we are both in college currently and for our college education we decided it is fine if we are far apart, but once we are out of college we are planing on living either with or near each other. I think having that goal or light at the end of the tunnel helps a lot because it helps you realize that the crappy situation of being far away will end eventually


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## Lucy (Mar 21, 2009)

i've never been in one and i don't think i could be, it would be too hard! i hate spending even a week or so away from my boyfriend.


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## kellilio (Mar 22, 2009)

I think there are some parts they left out.

My bf and I started dating only a month before I moved. It was unexpected and we both were hesitant when everyone told us long distance would be suicidal.

That was almost a year ago.

I think the best thing my bf and I did is we take it little by little.

We didn't say, "only 2 more years until you come home for good!" it was more "i get to see you for christmas soon! this semester is almost over! i'll be home for summer!"

it's not so hard actually.


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## Arielle123 (Mar 22, 2009)

Good article. I agree that it absolutely can work. My husband and I were in a looooong distance (about 10,000 miles) relationship for over 3 years. And now we've been married almost 5. So it definitely can work if both people are fully invested and it's meant to be.

It's easier now with the cheap phone cards, chatting programs online, and of course email. And of course like kellilio said, if you take it one step at a time that helps too.

They're hard, but long distance can work out in the end!


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## blueangel1023 (Mar 22, 2009)

I experienced a LD relationship a few yrs back and the only thing I can say it's HARD...but it's not impossible. Most of the ppl I know who has been in one say they never work...but the main reason for not working out most of the time is trust issues. I think if both sides talk it out there's usually a resolution. Mine failed for various reasons, but when your SO has insecurity issues, it definitely takes its toll in the relationship. Personally I find it ironic that the two friends who told me that LD never works out ended up being in one anyway! One of my friend got married two yrs ago (on my bday of all days) and moved to England with him. She has a son now and having the time of her life. My other friend just got engaged last year and she plans on getting married in 2010, and he too is from another state!

When it comes to me, I'm doomed in any relationship! I remember running into a fortune telling lady on the street last yr and she told me "every cloud has a silver lining...when it comes to love you're looking in the wrong places. the guy who you fall in love is not from here, and he'd be the guy you'd least expect to be with...but when he enters your life, you guys will be a perfect match" then she gives me her card to call her and walks away. I'm like wtf? Is she for real? lol, I never called her bc I don't really believe in that kind of stuff. Ofc she's going to say that every women...bc anybody can relate to being in disastrous love life!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Anyway, I kind of found it too weird bc I've been talking to my friend Drew online for 5 yrs...yes, 5 LONG yrs...we're like the best of the friends! One day we finally realized that we actually known each other for so long, so we made an agreement that if neither of us gets married in the next 5 yrs, we'd both get hitched! (I agreed jokingly) Apparently he's had his share of disaster relationships, but knowing Drew, he's pretty egotistical so I said "well, the reason why your relationships fail is bc you love yourself more than anyone else" He says I love to pick on his ego...So I said "why not? your ego is like a miniature buddha...covered in fur" (If you watch Anchorman you would know that quote) He always talked about coming to the states (he's from Australia) but I always knew he'd punk out and never actually come  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Just a couple of wks ago he said "hey, guess what?" and I'm like "you finally came out of the closet?" (lol, we joke around like that) and he's like "Nooo...i'm coming to NY! Are u excited?! I'm giving you a head start to run and hide!" So I am a bit excited he's coming...but then I'm like "wow he's here for 2 wks. Am I going to be sick or him? Or would I be head over heels? lol, I think it'll be somewhere in between...but thinking back on what the fortune telling lady told me, I'm not sure if he'd be "the one" but I'm not getting my hopes up. No expectations, no disappointments...so I'm not too worried about it. Whatever happens, happens. I'll just go with the flow, and if anything we'll still remain good friends





Sorry I got a bit off topic and went into my life story...lol, but yea LD is one of those hit or miss situations. It can either work or it won't. However you won't know until you experience it yourself


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## Jordan0326 (Jun 24, 2009)

After 8 years in a realtionship doing the dating, then living together, the ups and downs.... He is an alcoholic drug addict so its been hell and back. Fighting to keep him alive and more. We have stayed togehter through it all and now he just completed treatment in rehab in another state. I'm in PA he's in Florida. He just moved there into a soberliving facility. Long story short i moved out of our apartment a year ago because of his addiction and eventually he lost our apartment. So he's in florida doing well now and his consolers told me and him that he can NEVER come back to Philadelphia. Its way too hard for him as an addict. So he's starting his life out there. I have already vistied him and plan on continuing too. we had a talk and he has asked me would i eventually move there and I said yes without a 2nd thought. I love him so much that i actually dream about laying next to him. I do however worry that once he gets his life together in FL and makes friends and meets new people where will I stand? I worry that he'll meet someone else. I've already gottten my dose of temptation. I was strong enough to ignore it and i hope he is. He calls me several times throughout the day and wants me to come back out ASAP. I guess so far its a good sign. We've done a lot that is in that article so i feel better about it.

I didnt think a long distance relationship would ever be possible but i really hope it is


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