# Am I in a dead zone?



## Angrypixie (Aug 31, 2014)

Hi makeuptalk!

I don't want to come across as needy or brushed off as 'another teen', but I was hoping this forum could give me some good insight; insight into a problem I cannot seem to understand or master. I'm seventeen, turning eighteen next year, and I'm in my first year of college, but have never managed to find myself in a relationship. I've never had a boyfriend, and as much as I know my destiny in life is not getting a boyfriend, a part of me is concerned that there is a deeper underlying reason. I have been to a couple parties in high school where I forced myself to kiss a few boys simply because I hoped it would unlock some new level and I would suddenly find it easier to have a relationship; but alas, I did not level up.

So I guess I want to know if it's normal? I seem to have skipped a lot of social growth, having been quite emotionally dependant in high school until I realized all my friends were 'deeply in love', and then I felt lonely. And when I graduated last year and went straight onto more study, my classmates are all over twenty-five, and although I seem to relate to their way of thinking more, I still don't feel like I should.

Am I in a bit of a relationship dead zone? And do you have any advice for a socially awkward girl who is studying art and loves animated movies to find a nice relationship?

I guess more to the point is, should I be worried about this?

Thanks  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## felicia1995 (Aug 31, 2014)

I wouldn't sweat it. If your college has any extracurricular groups or co-ed sports, that's an awesome way to meet people of the opposite sex that already share at least one of your interests in a non-threatening environment.

Also, I think it's healthy to go through stages of your life not in a relationship. You learn to trust your own judgment and count on yourself. I know one guy who is 40 who feels like he must be in a relationship at all times, and hasn't gone more than 3 months since puberty without a girlfriend or wife. Not being in a relationship is healthy and normal, and can be a good time to reflect on what's important to you in life and the direction you're heading without external pressure.


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## Angrypixie (Sep 2, 2014)

Thanks for the fast reply, panicked.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I definitely agree with your advice. I think I'm calming down over it, all I needed was to put my situation in perspective. Thank you!


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## Lois F. Loy (Sep 4, 2014)

I think that there appears to be a "need" in you for the validation of others. I think that beofre you can be emotionally ready for others you need to be a little introspective. 

Learn what YOU like. Learn what values YOU have. Learn to understand what makes you, and how and what to defend, and you will form a strong identity. That is something that will leave no questions about who and what you are and only then will you be ready for someone.


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## CuriouslyAmanda (Sep 7, 2014)

Well that could have been written by me when I was your age! Now that I'm older (mid-30's) my advice to my younger self would be to spend time with friends and engage in activities you enjoy. Also, push yourself to do some new things! Learn to tango or rock climb. Do something that is a little outside your comfort zone; you might enjoy it (or not) but at least you tried and it's also a great way to meet new people (friends and otherwise). 

I should say that isn't what I did. I remember feeling like I was the only single person left on the planet, feeling completely morose about it, and dating out of desperation. Don't do what I did! There are actually a lot of people at every stage in life who are single for one reason or another. A lot of brilliant, beautiful, fabulous, interesting people. Relationships can be great but they don't define who you are or where you're going in life!


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## saycrackagain (Sep 8, 2014)

I think the last poster have good advice BUT I'm seeing a discrepancy here. OP, you said that you were emotionally dependent in high school until you realized all your friends were 'madly in love.' I'm wondering if that means that your friends weren't there for you? I ask because I was in the exact same boat in college! I wanted to hang out with my friends but all they cared about was their boyfriends and were consequently really lame friends. If that's the case, I understand being emotionally needy because you're not getting even basic friend attention! That magnifies the feeling of wanting a relationship, especially if that's what all your friends are focused on (because subconsciously you start to think it's the best source of emotional attention). So if you're experiencing this like me, then don't worry about anything being wrong with you. Just don't make the mistakes I did and settle for bad relationships of any sort just because you feel lonely. It is very difficult to be alone, but it is honestly better than being abused/bullied/ignored/backstabbed by supposed friends! It's like the poster above said: don't date just to date! Spending time and energy on losers is a WASTE!


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