# Fml



## slinka (Jun 13, 2014)

So, when it rains, it pours in slinka-land.

So, we went through the minor-ish crisis of our fridge/freezer quitting, losing a bunch of food, and having to bite the bullet and buy a new one (the cost to repair one part on an almost 15 yr old fridge was over half the cost of a new one...). So, such is life, right? We'll just live on rice and beans to help cut costs and whatnot.

Well, the day after getting the new fridge (today) my husband finally went to the doctor, for a few things. He's had a reoccurring issue, but doctors pawned it off on other things (legit causes, which were treated and no big deal) and low and behold, he's still having this issue. So, finally the doctor says, "well, it could be and ulcer, or it can be cancer". But want do the procedure to figure out wtf it is for 2 weeks! I don't get why...seriously, I mean, I guess it's ONLY some silly 'ol cancer, how silly it is to want a diagnostic procedure done asap to figure out if my husband is dying slowly. No big deal amirite? (He's also getting a blood test done...tomorrow I think, for something unrelated but possibly serious, possibly nothing at all. I don't know why the dr wants to wait 2 weeks to do a test that requires no blood and is unrelated to the blood test.)

-_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Y'all know I don't deal well with this type of stuff.

I guess All can do is just...not think about it until we know for sure. I guess if he does have cancer, lets hope it's stage 1.

But I can't stop being pessimistic. Not just because its my nature, but Because its NEVER the better of two (or rather, four) evils in my life. It always goes from "everything's fine and dandy" to complete shit. I can't help but think the worst...I keep preparing myself to be a widow with 2 children at age 25. And f***, that just sounds....great. Add to that I'm stuck in a state with no real friends (well, I take that back, I made one, but we only see each other occasionally) and zero family- what family I have is just my brother and sister...I'm not exactly close to anyone else in my immediate family and don't care to be, for reasons. Everyone else here is merely awkwardly nice, and I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm some sort of prize to them and their church....like whoever can convert the weird tattooed lady gets into whatever the top tier in their afterlife is called or something. And yes, I have reason to believe that- it's obvious that they're just trying to get me to their church. And that's joust not gonna happen- no offense to anyone who holds a religion- more power to you! But in my state...(and I'm not in the capital, where the main religion here is *only *60% majority...) not being a part of their religion IS a big deal....more than someone not in this position would realize. Even the news, like Fox News, reports on what the church has to say about things....it's bizarre).

So there's my rant. I'll update as (for my sanity...who else am I gonna talk to?) soon as we learn anything. I just really wish I didn't have to wait 2 weeks to see what is going on with the husband. If it IS the cancer, I feel like its probably be stage 2 if we're lucky, just because symptoms don't like to occur very much in stage one- but he is sort of young-ish to have this type of cancer....usually men don't start screening (and he has no family history to justify earlier screening) for another 5 years... So, it's kinda close, but still a little young to get like, full blown stage 4 deathcancer, I figure.

But once again...with my luck in life....

*sigh*

Here's hoping he's not dying.

P.S.- I hope this doesn't come across as a selfish...or ...idk, self-absorbed post. My husband is the opposite of me in that he's optimistic, and he's likely not going to worry at all until he finds out it's something worth worrying about. Of course I'm here to support him- its about him, I know this. I just needed to vent my feelings, because I'm wayyyy more emotional, and way more emotional then I'll let on in real life. So, please, don't think of me in a negative light for expressing myself- I am indeed supporting him  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## chelsealady (Jun 13, 2014)

::hugs::

I'm so sorry you are going through this.


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## BSquared (Jun 13, 2014)

I am so sorry and I hope your husband is ok!! Vent away here, we're all friends here!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## slinka (Jun 13, 2014)

Thanks guys. &lt;3 Luckily I don't have to pretend to be calm and collected for another hour (when he gets home), haha.


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## Kristine Walker (Jun 13, 2014)

That's what we are here for, slinka. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Vent all you need to.


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## slinka (Jun 13, 2014)

Thanks Kristine  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

&lt;3


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## tulosai (Jun 13, 2014)

omg that is so awful to hear! I am hoping very much for you that it's nothing at all and he'll be just fine.

we are always here to listen.


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## dancersmum (Jun 13, 2014)

Thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcomes for you hubby....

Hugs


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## Babs28 (Jun 13, 2014)

People tend to forget that cancer affects not just the patient, but EVERYONE that cares about the person.  It's something that people not involved need to be reminded of all the time.  The toll on the patient's support system is massive and destructive if they don't have some sort of "outlet" for their feelings.  The caretakers stop caring for themselves, putting the patient's needs above all else and "well-wishers" tend to ignore the patient's support system/caretakers.  

The way you are feeling is TOTALLY NORMAL and it's OK to express how you feel (good, bad, mad, sad, rageful, etc).  It's not "selfish" or "self-absorbed", it's YOUR reality. If someone judges you for that, you can tell them where to go and how to get there. 

:soap:  Stepping down now. Sorry, I know way too much about cancer and it's affects on the family/support system.

Keep posting and expressing yourself.  A possible cancer diagnosis is tough. Waiting is horrible.  We are here to listen and support.  I hope the tests come back negative and he is totally ok.

Hugs..


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## slinka (Jun 13, 2014)

Thanks everyone!

Haha, special thanks for that Babs! Working in a hospice I saw so many a family member just...falling apart. It's hard on everyone, for sure. (And even when they're badmouthing the staff and stuff, you know it's coming from a stress-filled, sadness-fueled place- you just learn not to take it personally and accommodate them as best you can).

&lt;3


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## meaganola (Jun 13, 2014)

:hugs:  Sweetie, I think you underestimate how many big sisters and aunts you have right here on this very board.  And selfish or self-absorbed?  I totally read that post as "I'm going to put this here on this board so it's out of *me* and away from my family so it doesn't fester and poison everything."  I've had many, *many* times where the only place I could turn to for support has been an online forum.  Never underestimate how much we care about you.


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## Courtnee (Jun 14, 2014)

Oh, girl, I'm so sorry. Man, that seriously makes me feel soooooo gutted for your whole family.

All I can say is... We/I am here for ya and just let it out.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

All the best girl, and send all of our regards to your hubby too.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## slinka (Jun 14, 2014)

Love you guys &lt;3

And yep, @@meaganola, that's exactly it!


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## bonita22 (Jun 14, 2014)

Aw I hope things get better for you. Praying for the best outcome for your hubby.


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## kawaiisofoxy (Jun 14, 2014)

Oh Slinka! I have only the biggest of hugs for you! Please feel free to vent here, we are here for you to do whatever we can. I know that's not much, but at the very least we can be a sounding board for you and any frustrations with your hubby, his health, dealing with the kids when you're stressed, that stupid fridge, or anything else on your mind.

I also have a suggestion, if you don't mind. Sounds like the craziest thing going on right now is the 2-week wait for a test. Have you thought of calling the insurance company and saying you want a second opinion? It's (almost) always covered, and the second doc may be willing to do the test right away. It's just a thought, but I used to work in health insurance and would suggest it when people called in unhappy about their doc or having to wait for something.

Good luck, big hugs!


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## slinka (Jun 16, 2014)

magicalmom said:


> I also have a suggestion, if you don't mind. Sounds like the craziest thing going on right now is the 2-week wait for a test. Have you thought of calling the insurance company and saying you want a second opinion? It's (almost) always covered, and the second doc may be willing to do the test right away. It's just a thought, but I used to work in health insurance and would suggest it when people called in unhappy about their doc or having to wait for something.
> 
> Good luck, big hugs!


Don't mind at all! I'll bring it up, although he probably won't do it since he's way more relaxed about it. He is getting the blood test done in the morning (I may or may not have nagged a little lol) but he still has to wait after the blood test for the colonoscopy, which is the main thing he needs done to see if he has cancer (according to the dr. doing it) Also- I sorta think he's not in a rush to do it because we have his mom and brother over for 2 weeks (they arrived last a few days ago, and they live in tx so we don't see them much) so idk. I'd much rather find out sooner than later for sure though.

&lt;3 thanks for all the support  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I'll update as soon as we know anything!


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## kawaiisofoxy (Jun 16, 2014)

Or he's delaying because a colonoscopy just sounds incredibly uncomfortable!!! Poor guy!

I'm sure it makes everything more difficult dealing with this news while having houseguests. I hope everything goes well and you all get some good news soon!


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## makeupbyomar (Jun 18, 2014)

Read your first post slinka, I know this is a bit late, but you're the pillar of this community, so relax and do your thing here and at home... it's our turn to return the favour and be your pillar.

Be well. Hugs always.


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## zadidoll (Jun 18, 2014)

Hopefully it's nothing serious. A few years ago my husband had a similar experience with a doctor saying, "it might be this or it might be cancer" and then the delays in getting the test done. In my hubby's case it wasn't cancer but the fact is that some doctors tend to be a bit flippant and forget that just because it's "routine" for them to deliver that kind of news it's not routine for the person and family involved. I also suggest getting a 2nd opinion and find a doctor who is willing to take your husband's health more seriously.


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## slinka (Jun 29, 2014)

Thanks for all the support you guys, &lt;3 it means so much.

The only development I have to report on is that his blood tests came back normal. I know they were testing for diabetes (he has a family history but We weren't really worried about that...he just doesn't fit the symptoms.) and I told him to ask what all they tested for, but of course he didn't ask. *rolls eyes* I swear I have 3 kids sometimes, not 2 lol.

I think his colonoscopy is scheduled this week, but it may be next week as I'm not entirely sure. Also am not feeling well myself right now- I'm all fuzzy-brained. :/

I'll update again as soon as he gets that done. *fingers crossed*

Ah, tomorrow I have to take my oldest daughter in actually- she has had an issue with her ankles- they sort of go inwards (quite a bit) when she walks. A previous dr said she'd just grow out of it (it causes her no pain and doesn't slow her down at all) but it doesn't seems to be going anywhere. Here's hoping she's alright too =p


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## kawaiisofoxy (Jun 29, 2014)

Yep, that's why my hubs isn't allowed to go to the doctor by himself, lol.  Well - I'm glad the blood tests are coming back clear, at least.  I know you won't be able to stop stressing til at least after the colonoscopy, so just remember to eat and take care of yourself along with everyone else!  

Also sending big hugs to you and your daughter, having medical issues with the kiddos is always rough!  Especially in the middle of everything else you have going on!  And once it calms down, do something EXTREMELY NICE for yourself!


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## slinka (Jul 1, 2014)

Ok everyone, so the husband had a follow up appointment this morning with regards to the blood/urine test results. (The only thing abnormal was (while his cholesterol overall is a-ok) his LDL level was a couple of points high, but doctor said it wasn't a big deal since overall it was good, and it was only a couple points high. (What was funny was, the doctor said, "yeah, try getting more chicken and fish in your diet" - thinking we ate like, red meat- my husband is either vegan by association because of me or he's eating a vegetarian diet, although he'll occasionally eat fish....so he was like, "so uh...what if I barely eat meat and when i do it is fish ...Should I like, start eating meat?" Haha. )

Anyways, back on topic. His blood results were all good, and apparently, according to the doctor, one of those things tested (CBC maybe?) should have been a good indicator if a colonoscopy was really needed. He said if he had cancer, that test would've been way outta whack. So, it would appear that it's a lesser evil at play, one that's not too concerning!

I still, of course, don't see why they won't just do the colonoscopy...although I am sure my husband is more than eager to wait the typical 5 more years before he has to go through it lol.

And since I mentioned my oldest daughter, she was referred to an orthopedic surgeon dude- not necessarily for surgery, but because he'll know what to do. It may just be a matter of some orthotics in her shoes- that would be the best case scenario, worst case would be surgery (just a guess). Her appointment is Thursday, and I'll go ahead and update then too =p

Thanks for the support again everyone, love you all!


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## slinka (Jul 1, 2014)

magicalmom said:


> Yep, that's why my hubs isn't allowed to go to the doctor by himself, lol. Well - I'm glad the blood tests are coming back clear, at least. I know you won't be able to stop stressing til at least after the colonoscopy, so just remember to eat and take care of yourself along with everyone else!
> 
> Also sending big hugs to you and your daughter, having medical issues with the kiddos is always rough! Especially in the middle of everything else you have going on! And once it calms down, do something EXTREMELY NICE for yourself!


HA! When he got back from the doctor, he handed me a couple of sheets of paper and said, "I had him print off the results for you, so there!" Lol. Guess an old dog *can* learn new tricks.

And I got myself a foam roller to torture myself with as my reward for not pulling my hair out in chunks =p


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## Babs28 (Jul 1, 2014)

slinka said:


> Anyways, back on topic. His blood results were all good, and apparently, according to the doctor, one of those things tested (CBC maybe?) should have been a good indicator if a colonoscopy was really needed. He said if he had cancer, that test would've been way outta whack. So, it would appear that it's a lesser evil at play, one that's not too concerning!


Yay!!  Your post just made my "heart clappy happy" (as my son would say)!  I am so thrilled to hear that things are ok with your hubby - no cancer!!!  You can BREATH now!!     /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />   /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  :smilehappyyes:   :w00t:  (ALL the smileys)



slinka said:


> And since I mentioned my oldest daughter, she was referred to an orthopedic surgeon dude- not necessarily for surgery, but because he'll know what to do. It may just be a matter of some orthotics in her shoes- that would be the best case scenario, worst case would be surgery (just a guess). Her appointment is Thursday, and I'll go ahead and update then too =p


From your previous post about your daughter's ankles, it sounds like she may have flat feet or lazy arches.  I had lazy arches while growing up for years. I don't think I "grew" out of it until I made a conscious choice to walk properly. I took ballet (tap and jazz too  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> ) classes for 12 years and never had an issue from my lazy feet. It never bothered or affected me, it was just that the inside sole of my shoes would wear down much quicker than the outside and I looked sort of funny walking with my ankles/feet rolling in.  I had orthodics but I refused to wear them. 

I hope it's something as simple as that for your daughter! It seems like you've been on an emotional roller coaster lately with possible medical issues in your family.    /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  You certainly deserve a break!!


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## slinka (Jul 2, 2014)

Babs28 said:


> Yay!!  Your post just made my "heart clappy happy" (as my son would say)!  I am so thrilled to hear that things are ok with your hubby - no cancer!!!  You can BREATH now!!     /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />   /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  :smilehappyyes:   :w00t:  (ALL the smileys)
> 
> From your previous post about your daughter's ankles, it sounds like she may have flat feet or lazy arches.  I had lazy arches while growing up for years. I don't think I "grew" out of it until I made a conscious choice to walk properly. I took ballet (tap and jazz too  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> ) classes for 12 years and never had an issue from my lazy feet. It never bothered or affected me, it was just that the inside sole of my shoes would wear down much quicker than the outside and I looked sort of funny walking with my ankles/feet rolling in.  I had orthodics but I refused to wear them.
> 
> I hope it's something as simple as that for your daughter! It seems like you've been on an emotional roller coaster lately with possible medical issues in your family.    /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  You certainly deserve a break!!


I &lt;3 you Babs!

Yeah, I feel like with my daughter it's gonna be something not too serious. It causes her no pain and doesn't slow her down one bit, but I just cringe when I see her ankles rolling in....I keep thinking she's gonna end up walking like, ON her ankles with her feet completely outwards or something by the time she's 50, haha! Our primary doc was like, "well, she's got arches when she's not standing on them, but when she stands/walks, her feet are the flattest I've ever seen!" I sure hope its something easy like orthotics- or something like what you went through! Hopefully no surgery or anything.


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## slinka (Jul 10, 2014)

So update on eldest child:

Drove the 1.5 hours - and might I say, the wait time was damn near 0, this facility had their ish together!- just for the doctor to say, after some X-rays, "well, she's got some flat feet for sure. And there are things we can do- orthotics or even surgery if necessary- but honestly, if its not causing her any pain or troubles, I think it's bet to just let her be. There's no science to back up doing anything, even surgery, at this point, especially since he's still very much growing. If and when it becomes troublesome, just come on back. But she's fine. She might even grow out of it a little, but since her feet are very flat, it's unlikely that they'll ever be normal in that sense, they just might get a little less flat. "

So, alls well. Also- my college has (late!) informed me that I did indeed make it into the nursing program...which is great, but since I was under the impression I was going to have to wait a year...I have some stuff to get done ASAP and I really dislike that stress. But hey, I figure ill give it my best- if I simply can not get done (a lot of stuff is out of my hands...like snail mail from agencies and what not) that stuff in time, I figure ill just be where I had thought I was to begin with, so whatevs. Here's hoping it all gets done though so I can e done with this freaking college nonsense!


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## CaseyR (Jul 11, 2014)

Just saw this post now, and though belated, I wanted to wish you and your family all the best.  Waiting on a diagnosis can be frightening, especially when doctors often casually give the worst case scenarios as possibilities.  Back around Christmas, I was sent for an EKG with congenital heart failure listed as a possibility (it turned out to be something minor instead).  The whole situation really threw me for a loop, and I've also had friends with similar experiences.  I guess it's a doctor's obligation to relay all possible outcomes (even outside ones), but I think sometimes they forget how taxing even that outside possibility can be.  I recall even while having my EKG done, the tech asked why I seemed tense (I figured it was pretty obvious).  Anyway, hope everything comes out clear for your husband.  All the best to you and your family.


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## kawaiisofoxy (Jul 11, 2014)

@@slinka Yay for it not being a huge thing for your daughter!  That's even more awesome news!! AND nursing school acceptance?  You are ON FIRE!!! I really hope that you're feeling less stressed now, it's been such a relief to hear that most things have been able to work out as something minor. Still, sending big hugs and unicorns and glitter your way!  I hope things work out for the nursing school admit in the way that's best for you, whether now or a year from now.


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## Courtnee (Jul 12, 2014)

I know im really really late to reply to this thread even though it had already been updated a while ago. but.......

CONGRATS SLINKA!!!!!!!! On getting accepted into nursing school!!!! WOOT WOOT!!! :sunshine: you so deserve to party with your fam....

especially with your cancer free hubby!!!  :w00t:

honeslty, I am so stoked for you! its so awesome to know things are better. B)

another thing.... I hope that you and your family stay well and that your sweet girl stays awesome!. so here a flower for you and your lovely family :flowers:

you seriously deserve all the care and love that you get. :smilehappyyes: :hugs3: :flowers: :sunshine:

:drive:  have a good day girl.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## zadidoll (Jul 12, 2014)

Congrats @@slinka! Happy that your hubby's results came back good and your daughter's problems are okay as well. Best news is hearing you got into nursing school! CONGRATS!


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## Dashery (Jul 12, 2014)

You're going to be a nurse? That's wonderful! I'm so glad it's all worked out! (´ ▽｀).。ｏ♡


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