# What is worse: Emotional or Physical Affair Betrayal?



## Adrienne (Sep 18, 2009)

And why? I thought they were both pretty bad and typically emotional affairs then in turn lead to physical affairs but both go down as unforgivable in my book.


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## Chaeli (Sep 18, 2009)

Physical is totally unforgivable period. Emotional, I can forgive emotional. If you neglect your lover and it becomes hard for them to approach or talk to you, then sooner or later someone is going to say, "hi, how ya doing good looking." If you spend time with your loved one and talk to them and share things with them, then when the smooth talker comes around, your lover will simply ignore them and walk away.


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## pinksugar (Sep 18, 2009)

gosh, I'm the opposite. Sex, I could potentially forgive sex - for almost exactly the reasons you gave, Chaeli! It's just physical contact, if the other partner doesn't offer physical fulfillment/affection generally, then the person might look elsewhere to feel 'loved'.

Emotional.... god that's awful. If it's just sex then you can pretend like they were imagining you during the act, that they would have preferred to be sleeping with you but that for whatever reason you weren't available, whereas emotional betrayal is like they're laughing at you behind your back, like they have secret 'in' jokes, like their love is worth more than what you had with your partner.

Either way in my mind, a prolonged, emotionally involving affair is way worse than a one-off.

I think that I have this view for two reasons. The first is because I've sought someone at the lowest point in my worst relationship - I made out with someone else, simply because my bf was denying me sexual intimacy and I can't describe to you how unattractive and unloved I felt. This other person came along and made me feel sexy and wanted and loved, and it had been so long since I felt like that that I couldn't help myself. Granted, my relationship was already on the rocks, granted, I broke up with him following that incident, but the fact remains I felt absolutely awful, even though it was just a kiss, so it didn't evolve into anything more.

I've also been cheated on, and the thing that horrified me the most, was the thought of them together, laughing at how stupid I was to not realise what they were doing.

A drunken pash or a one night stand is one thing, but emotional intimacy is another. I pride myself on being the most easily approachable, most open to explanation and discussion person you could meet, so I think I would find it extremely offensive if they offered me the whole 'you were unapproachable' excuse. In my case that's pretty much impossible, haha, so it would make me furious if they told me that I think!

anyway, sorry for rambling on!


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## MakeupByMe (Sep 18, 2009)

Both Are unforgiveable IMHO !! BUT Sex Is Worse to me Because If I am with some one and to me everything seems fine even the sex &amp; He's out there sleepin around First thing that pops into MY head is not "Oh its just sex" its "Oh Hell No This A****** Better not have gave me no DISEASE" Sex is practically emotional cheating anyways UNLESS They just had sex never said words , never looed in eachothers eyes &amp; Never hugged or anything afterwards.................(I doubt that happened) So Thats why I see them both just as bad!!! Besides If they stray once they'll stray twice &amp; So on..............Only maybe they'll be better at hiding it Next time!!!!!!!!!


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## pinksugar (Sep 18, 2009)

Monet, I know what you mean, I was considering the whole disease thing when I wrote my post.

I take the decision to stop using condoms v. seriously, so for me I wouldn't choose that path unless I was absolutely certain of their fidelity. If I'd crossed that point (which takes a long, long time, if ever for me) then I certainly would be most furious about that aspect.

Since there is risk even when your partner IS loyal from previous partners who are no longer in the picture.... I don't know. Sure, it's up there as one of my first thoughts, but the emotional betrayal would hurt me more, illogical as that sounds


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## MakeupByMe (Sep 18, 2009)

I totally understand That Everybody Has there Own feelings about things






Even when wearing condoms you can still get a disease so its just scares me either way lol !!

Which than I wonder Obviously he doesnt care about me or my health &amp; There for is Un forgiveable !!


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## Aprill (Sep 18, 2009)

Emotional is worse IMO because with the physical nine times out of ten they dont have any emotional attachment to one another, its more physical attraction to one another. Its just that they enjoy sexual feelings with one another. With emotional, they know one another deeply, and that would kill me.


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## bella1342 (Sep 19, 2009)

I agree with Aprill, I think emotional is worse.. but at the same time they are both terrible imo. Something I wouldn't be able to get past I don't think. I hope I'm never in that situation.


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## Dalylah (Sep 20, 2009)

Physical. Not to say that my SO being mentally intimate with another wouldn't hurt me, but the actual act brings up a whole other group of problems. Bottom line is that one usually leads to another regardless of which comes first.


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## Lucy (Sep 20, 2009)

i've never been cheated on emotionally to my knowledge so imo physical is worse, but i can imagine how emotional would be ten times more awful.

my ex of three years cheated on me with another man, so in that case, it was obviously a physical thing. it was when he was on holiday, and i had been planning to break up with him when he came back. we were both headed to different unis on other sides of the country and were outgrowing each other and stuff anyway. but the fact that he cheated on me, that kind of physical betrayal means we just can't be friends, and it's sad because i'd known him since we were toddlers.


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## Andi (Sep 20, 2009)

I would forgive my future husband a drunken one night stand. And I would expect the same forgiveness if I cheated in that way. Now that doesnÂ´t mean that weÂ´re both prone to this things, but I`m being realistic. After youÂ´ve been married for years sex with the same person just wonÂ´t be as exciting anymore, and some people need excitement in their lives. I really hope I never have to deal with this, but meaningless sex is nothing to break up over if you have an otherwise wonderful relationship!

Now, if he had a full blown affair behind my back IÂ´d probably at least try marriage counseling and everything else to get the trust back, but that would be really really hard to get over.

But if he said he doesnÂ´t love me anymore then there is nothing left to fight for.


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## Ricciolina (Sep 20, 2009)

They're both bad in my book. But I tend to believe that emotional cheating is worse than physically cheating. There is so much more involved when your S.O. is talking with another person... there is the closeness, telling details and connecting which could eventually turn into physical cheating, as well. Physical cheating, I imagine one night stands... and although that is unforgivable in my book, I think it is the lesser of the two evils.


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## MakeupByMe (Sep 21, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Andi* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I would forgive my future husband a drunken one night stand. And I would expect the same forgiveness if I cheated in that way. Now that doesnÂ´t mean that weÂ´re both prone to this things, but I`m being realistic. After youÂ´ve been married for years sex with the same person just wonÂ´t be as exciting anymore, and some people need excitement in their lives. I really hope I never have to deal with this, but meaningless sex is nothing to break up over if you have an otherwise wonderful relationship!Now, if he had a full blown affair behind my back IÂ´d probably at least try marriage counseling and everything else to get the trust back, but that would be really really hard to get over.

But if he said he doesnÂ´t love me anymore then there is nothing left to fight for.

wow!!! aLL i Gotta say is Props to You girl You Are Super Strong &amp; I admire that I know a few people who have worked out problems such as cheating &amp; Are very Happy now!!!





I On the other hand could never ever Forgive a One night stand Married or not I Have to much pride (sometimes not a good thing) &amp; I Always tell myself I should want &amp; Need a MAN to treat me The way I would want a man to treat my daughter &amp; I would never want to show my kids its Ok to cheat as long as you both work it out later!!! &amp; Always think If you think sex is no longer exciting with your spouse (You should not have got married) OR you two should BE HONEST &amp; try to figure out how to spice things up Not cheat!!!


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## Sexy Sadie (Sep 21, 2009)

Well, an ONS when drunk do not count for anything in my book, but fantazising and imagine another woman while making love to me, would have been unforgiven.


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## ZsaZsa (Sep 22, 2009)

Thats a tough one cause I think they are both wrong. However I would have to say that an emotional affair would be worse because there are actual feelings involved and that could always lead to more.


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## Sexy Sadie (Sep 23, 2009)

Exactly.


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Oct 6, 2009)

To me both is completely unforgivable but if I had to choose it would be emotional. If they have an emotional connection than they knw each other more on a personal level and could start caring about each other and could potentionally fall in love. I couldnt go for either of them and neither of em are ok in my book.


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## blueglitter (Nov 1, 2009)

im lost whats an emotional affair?


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## pinksugar (Nov 1, 2009)

an emotional affair is where you are connecting with another person on a mental level - like going for coffee and chatting, or having a drink after work. You share the same ideas and thoughts and goals and things and even though you've never kissed or had sex, you are still sharing your mind with that other person.


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## blueglitter (Nov 1, 2009)

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif an emotional affair is where you are connecting with another person on a mental level - like going for coffee and chatting, or having a drink after work. You share the same ideas and thoughts and goals and things and even though you've never kissed or had sex, you are still sharing your mind with that other person. oh yeah im with ya now lol i need rebooting lol


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## Chaeli (Nov 2, 2009)

Originally Posted by *MakeupByMe* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Both Are unforgiveable IMHO !! BUT Sex Is Worse to me Because If I am with some one and to me everything seems fine even the sex &amp; He's out there sleepin around First thing that pops into MY head is not "Oh its just sex" its "Oh Hell No This A****** Better not have gave me no DISEASE" Sex is practically emotional cheating anyways UNLESS They just had sex never said words , never looed in eachothers eyes &amp; Never hugged or anything afterwards.................(I doubt that happened) So Thats why I see them both just as bad!!! Besides If they stray once they'll stray twice &amp; So on..............Only maybe they'll be better at hiding it Next time!!!!!!!!! Exactly. And is why I just can't understand the people that believe having sex with someone is less than sharing a cup of coffee. Almost all physical relationships begin with the emotional affair in some way unless they just happened in a bar with a total stranger in which case, who would want to be with someone like that to begin with! I'm right there with you on this one.


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## Maysie (Nov 2, 2009)

Well I think physical betrayal is worse because you would continue to play that image in your mind over and over again. I doubt that I would be able to get over the idea of my husband having sex with anyone else. Emotional betrayal would be painful, absolutely, and potentially unforgivable-it would just depend on how long it had been happening, and if my partner was open to working it out and building the trust back up.


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## pinksugar (Nov 2, 2009)

I absolutely disagree that someone who has cheated once will continue to cheat on that partner and/or cheat on other partners in the future.

That's a massive generalization and there are way too many factors that need to be taken into account to make a statement like that - why the person cheated, whether alcohol was involved, what lead up to the incident, whether or not the cheater feels they are in some way 'justified' in their behaviour - not all cheaters 'recheat':

I have cheated on a partner and I would not do it again, I don't think that this makes me a 'serial' cheater, there were very specific circumstances that led to that behaviour.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Dec 19, 2009)

I just got out of a relationship where i was cheated on. i think emotional is worse. he ended up dumping me so he could be with her. for me the hardest part has not been that he did stuff with another woman, but that he had feelings for her but thought it was okay to still be with me. And the fact that i dont know for how long he had feelings for her so it ended up making the entire relationship feel like a lie


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## MakeupByMe (Dec 19, 2009)

As Sad as those stories are I hear em all the time The girl gets cheated on &amp; boo hoo its sad But than HE Leaves her for the other girl &amp; Now its REALLY Sad But I see it as a blessing I never understood Why anyone would still want a man to be with them after hes cheated Its like being okay &amp; lying to Yourself!!!!


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Dec 20, 2009)

I can awnswer why for the female it is so hard to deal with at least for me. I do not in any way want my ex-boyfriend back at all. But at first i did before i found out that he had been cheating on me. And i did not want him back once i found out but it was more a feeling of shock. For me everything had seemed like it was going amazingly and than he ended things out of the blue his reason was "the distance was to hard and he wanted to be single."

I think a lot of time with these cases the female does not realize that the man has slowly been moving on so when the breakup does happen it is not only a shock but confusing for the female because the guy moved on a long time ago. (i supose it could also be the other way around if it was teh female in teh relationship that was cheating)

Also i know when i say it is upseting i am not refering to not being with the guy anymore. IT is upsetting to feel like however long you put in the relationship, with however much effort was not reciprocated at all. I was in a year an a half relationship and i know when it happened to me i was not only confused and shocked. But i also felt like i was used and that he never really loved me at all. Even if you dont want to be with someone you do want to think that there were at least some good times.


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## Chaeli (Dec 20, 2009)

I don't believe for a second they think the person they cheated with is better in any way. They lower their own standards once they have betrayed. I've been in several long term relationships. The last one for four years. We were just days away from our wedding date when they told me they had had sex with a fellow worker but that's all it was. Unbelievable. It meant nothing to them. I meant even less than nothing is all that told me. I loved them more than anything at that time. I could not lower my own standards and made them leave and today I am happier than I've ever been and with someone I absolutely adore and has my own standards set for themselves.


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## Sexy Sadie (Feb 18, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif And why? I thought they were both pretty bad and typically emotional affairs then in turn lead to physical affairs but both go down as unforgivable in my book. Well, for me this is actually quite easy.
My boyfriend fantasising of making love to another woman when he is with me is the worst betrayal. A shag when drunk can happen to everybody.


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## xqwizet71 (Feb 19, 2010)

*I was actually in this position not too long ago. My fiance was having an "emotional affair" with a girl at work. It broke my heart. He couldn't just let her go. Emotional is harder for me to forgive IMO.*


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## Thugluvgrl187 (Feb 19, 2010)

Physical would get me. I am not trying to get any diseases.Thank goodness I have never had to deal with this.


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