# 7 years.... its over



## Jordan0326 (Jul 8, 2008)

I am going insane. I left my boyfriend of 7 years last week. I moved out of the apartment and back in with my parents. Its a long complicated story so i wont get too into details. I am just so depressed and heartbroken that i'm literally going crazy. The reason I left is because I have tried and tried everything to make it work and he kept getting involved with drugs, alcohol, steroids... he was paying no attention to me or putting any effort into the relationship. we'd just argue so much and said mean things to eachother. The relationship started to get violent. I knew all along that I loved him. All I wanted to do was give him a wakeup call to go get help. So I moved out with our pets.

He came home from work and saw that I was gone, my stuff was gone and the pets were gone so he flipped out and acted out of anger and called the police. The police advised him to get a restraining order. He went and got one and basically lied in the statement saying that I abused him. He took things he did and twisted it saying I did them. So we had court in a week. The whole week he called me constantly. Sunday night the day before court he called and told me that he loved me he needed to hear my voice. we sat on the phone the whole day. He said he wanted to go back to the way it was and that he didnt care what anyone thought or how long it would take. we were both physically and emmotionally sick to the point where we both had to see a doctor. He was telling me he wanted to marry me right away. We were both nervous about court the next day. I told him I hope we don't hate eachother after tomorrow ---- with the lawyers and all let me put it to you this way he got angry! and decided to keep the restraining order. so court is pushed back until a further date a month and a half from now. I'm confused as to why he didnt just drop it after everything he told me on the phone. So a bull----temporary restraining order is still on until next court date. I am sick

I love him. I thought by leaving I was helping him and our relationship. I feel now that he thinks I played him on the phone and went against him and I didnt. I love him and if he called me right now and said lets go get married right now I'd do it in a second. We took eachother for granted never thinking the other would ever leave. Now I realize how much I can not live without him and I don't know what to do. It hurts so bad I can't eat, hardly sleep. I wake up in the morning and the misery is there. My depression medication doesnt help. I feel like the only thing that will make me feel better is him coming over and telling me that it will be ok.

Now since all this happened I don't know if this relationship will ever mend. I just don't know what to do.

I need advice. What if he calls?

I just want him to know how I feel and theres no way to let him know it.


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## macface (Jul 8, 2008)

I think he still has not realize he lost you thats why he was telling you he wants to marry you.I dont think you should marry him anytime soon if you do go back with him.The reason he did that was because hes mad. I think hes just playing with your emotions back and forth. You don't deserve to go through this kinds of situation no matter what like you said you were trying to work things out and you did your part and sometimes you just have to let it go.

I just separated from my daughters dad of 6 years being to together. I know how you feel completely feeling not able to sleep and eat everything feels sad around you.We separated because he will always lie about everything and he was also cheating with co workers.About your depressioon have thought about getting stronger medication? keep yourself busy so you wont think about it that much.I know its not easy and the days seem very long but hang in there and PM if you need to talk.


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## nanzmck (Jul 8, 2008)

This is really a tough situation, and I feel for you. You made a really difficult decision, but you have extremely valid reasons for leaving him. Violence and drug use is a dark road, and you deserve a better life than that.

Moving on is never easy, but I guarantee you that you can be in a better place. You deserve a healthy relationship, without drugs, lies, and police records.

Stay strong, chick. You're doing the right thing.


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## AprilRayne (Jul 8, 2008)

If a man is violent with you, he doesn't love you and it will only get worse! It's as simple as that. He sounds incredibly immature. I know it's hard when you've been with someone for so long, but there are so many great guys out there!


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## nosepickle (Jul 8, 2008)

If he's doing drugs then it's best for you to get away from him. I know how it feels to break up with somebody and then regret it all of a sudden, but it's really the best thing to do to put it behind you and move on. There are many many men out there that you could be with that won't abuse you or take you for granted. Good luck.


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## CrystaltvCO (Jul 8, 2008)

Jordan,

I will take off my girl hat and put the guy one on(yes Im a tv see the nick




)

April is right in that he is immature. He is also a dangerous narcissist(sp) in that he is taking steroids cuz he is a body builder right? So he is the center of the known universe and nothing short of a death facing event can change that and even then I would not bet money. He obviously was not raised to respect women as I was and my boys have been. God help them should the beat, or worse, a woman. They wont have to worry about the courts.. they will have to worry about me. And the same goes for him that hurts my baby girl.

Men, to defend some of us, are not socialized like women. That is NO excuse. But they way we are raised is no excuse either. He has chosen to lie, and hurt you because *gasp* you did not feel he was the center of YOUR universe. And I agree that you should never have anything to do with him. He has hit you, and will continue and if you go back, he will treat the animals better than you. Trust me I have seen that scene far too often.

You are a human being and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect PERIOD. You are also going to need some help in getting over this breakup. It sounds almost like the same symptoms as when a loved one dies. In many respects, most counselors will liken a breakup/divorce to a death. Stay away from him, surround yourself with loving caring people and work on getting help to get happy again. Yes there are a lot of great guys out there. Just remember, and girls flame if I am wrong, there is an inverse relationship of how good looking a guy and how crumby he will treat you(taking into account the fine looking exceptions, he said covering his butt lol).

Remember Revenge of the Nerds giggle

I wish you peace and happiness hon

Hugs

CrystalTV


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## Jordan0326 (Jul 8, 2008)

can i ask ur opinion on another thing. We shared a dog together. He has proof of purchase in his name &amp; the vet bills from when we were living together. I was in school at the time so he paid everything and was ok with that. I have the microchip, AKC registration, some recent vet bills in my name. He's trying to say that I stole HIS dog. However that is not the case. He gave the dog to me as a valentines day gift. We got the dog on March 2nd of 07 and now he's trying to say he never said that. I have no proof that the dog was a gift. I'm in love with the dog he is like my child. I will be heartbroken if i have to give him up. I was home with the dog everyday and I trained the dog and cleaned up after him. I tried to get my animals and I out of an abusive situation.

in your opinion who would get the dog?


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## AprilRayne (Jul 8, 2008)

Well, if both of you want the dog and you feel like it's your child, you might have to act like it is a child and work out some sort of visitation/custody arrangement. When you go to court, that is definately something to bring up with your lawyers. I can't tell you who should get the dog because you both have reasons to want him and think he should be yours, so hopefully you can work something out. If he doesn't have the emotional tie to the dog that you do, offer to pay him back for the cost of the dog.


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## reesesilverstar (Jul 8, 2008)

My head is still spinning on the first part...

My heart goes out to you, but I'm going to be real. The relationship got violent, and I say leave, cuz it does and will get worse. You're already showing signs of a potential abused wife with all the "but I love him, can't eat, can't sleep..." I understand that the relationship endured 7 yrs, but when it comes to abuse, your LIFE is more important. Look at his behaviour, the double standard. Does he treat you like HE LOVES YOU??

However, if you do get back with him, marriage right now is out the question. You both are unhealthy for each other. You will both have a destructive relationship... You both need counselling...

On the last point, I think the dog should be yours, but unless you have proof that it was a gift (card or video of him giving it to you or something) to use in court, the dog is his. I would also go with April's suggestion and get your lawyer to offer payment for the cost of the dog...

Wish you the best girlie. And this is the time to be selfish and think about YOUR SAFETY. Good luck.


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## speedy (Jul 9, 2008)

I agree with what everything else has said. You left him for good reasons, and whilst it's hard being without him, you will adjust and things will get easier. The first few months are the hardest. But you're much better off without someone like that in your life.

Sending you lots of hugs.


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## rlise (Jul 9, 2008)

all you can do is keep yourself as busy as possible... seriously keep him out of mind. i too tried to leave my man over drugs about 1 year ago, but we have 2 boys together and no matter what we want no one else.. so leaving him to prove a point didnt work.

however you left already so the hard part is over. now you should just brethe easy knowing you aint got all that CRAP to deal with! good luck, keep the head up high, dont let him know you MISS ALL THAT CRAP! it will only be used against you later!~


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## pretty_pink13 (Jul 10, 2008)

I can totally symphathize with you....I was in your situation but it was slightly different because he was the one who left me, moved out-all his things gone etc. We were together for almost 2 years.

That summer, I lost 25 pounds, I was really sick, couldn't eat, sleep... all that stuff. I was just so emotional and miserable, it really hurt to breathe and be alive.

In the end, I fought through it, became a better person and healed myself. I got my confidence back, my self esteem and eventually my life in order.

We never got back together, however it wasn't like the offer wasn't there...2 months after he left he contacted me and e-mailed me this big long proposal of getting back together...

I declined because even though it was what I wanted...I knew it would just be putting a bandaid on a broken leg. Our relationship wouldn't be magically fixed...and neither of us were in the condition to be around each other...

it's been about 2 1/2 years now and I am in another relationship right now, it still hurts and I am not completely healed but I have moved on...if I would have stayed it would have gotten worse and nothing would have gotten better. I am happier now than I have been in a long time.

My advice to you is to really think about what you want, it sounds like a really unhealthy relationship and I know that the first thing you want to do is get back together with him because it would FEEL a lot better right? You would feel better again.

But that would only be temporary because you might be in that situation again where he hasn't changed, still doing drugs, etc. It is going to be really hard, but in the end it will be all worth it...I am so happy that I chose not to get back together with my ex because now I have something so great that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Keep your head held high, be strong, it will be okay. It will just take time...I am here if you want to talk



*hugs*


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## pinksugar (Jul 10, 2008)

pretty, you're so right.

I really relate to the "getting back together will make you feel better" stuff - that's how I felt about my ex, but I knew it wasn't right.

In a way it was like an easy way out to get back with him, but I want more from a partner than he was in a position to give, plus there are only so many times you can forgive - I didn't know if I could trust him, so I had to move on, even though I wanted very much to stay with him.


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## internetchick (Jul 10, 2008)

I think some good advice has already been given. (((hugs))) to you.


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## Adrienne (Jul 10, 2008)

Originally Posted by *pretty_pink13* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I can totally symphathize with you....I was in your situation but it was slightly different because he was the one who left me, moved out-all his things gone etc. We were together for almost 2 years.
That summer, I lost 25 pounds, I was really sick, couldn't eat, sleep... all that stuff. I was just so emotional and miserable, it really hurt to breathe and be alive.

In the end, I fought through it, became a better person and healed myself. I got my confidence back, my self esteem and eventually my life in order.

We never got back together, however it wasn't like the offer wasn't there...2 months after he left he contacted me and e-mailed me this big long proposal of getting back together...

I declined because even though it was what I wanted...I knew it would just be putting a bandaid on a broken leg. Our relationship wouldn't be magically fixed...and neither of us were in the condition to be around each other...

it's been about 2 1/2 years now and I am in another relationship right now, it still hurts and I am not completely healed but I have moved on...if I would have stayed it would have gotten worse and nothing would have gotten better. I am happier now than I have been in a long time.

My advice to you is to really think about what you want, it sounds like a really unhealthy relationship and I know that the first thing you want to do is get back together with him because it would FEEL a lot better right? You would feel better again. 

But that would only be temporary because you might be in that situation again where he hasn't changed, still doing drugs, etc. It is going to be really hard, but in the end it will be all worth it...I am so happy that I chose not to get back together with my ex because now I have something so great that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Keep your head held high, be strong, it will be okay. It will just take time...I am here if you want to talk



*hugs*

All very good advice. I couldn't have said it any better.


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## Johnnie (Jul 10, 2008)

Pretty crappy situation. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I can relate with you and the other women here who've felt the way you do. It's definitely not the end of the world. There's always someone else out there who can give you what you need and what you want. He's not the only one. Maybe it'll be good for you :-D You can grow from this experience and possibly become a stronger person. However, if you do choose to get back with him then I hope it gets better but if not then you know what you've got to do next time around. Best of wishes!


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## puncturedskirt (Jul 11, 2008)

It's been months since the ex and I broke up...and I was with him for almost 6 years. It's still VERY hard for me to deal with. =/ I guess it's just all about taking it a day at a time.


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