# Any other parents experience their children faking an injury? I'm desperate for advice!



## Galaciel21 (May 10, 2011)

My 5 year old went to a Birthday Party 3 days ago and they had one of those inflatable bouncy things where kids can jump on. My husband bought her home an hour after they had left saying she hurt her arm. She was holding her left arm saying some kid pushed her and she twisted her arm and it hurt. There was no discoloration, swelling or anything. She was able to move her fingers and said it was her entire arm that hurt. I proceeded to give her a bath after that where she freaked out saying she couldn't move her arm and just  threw a tantrum over it. After her bath I gave her an ice pack and she laid on the couch with it and didn't do much for the rest of the day.

The past 2 days she would go from it was the muscle that hurt, her arm was sprained, it was her wrist, etc. There is still no swelling, redness or anything but, her hand is starting look on the purple side from her refusing to use it at all. She literally just keeps it down at her side all day. I been watching her and seen her open pudding cups which requires two hands and when she gets a shower she raises both her arms up to get her clothes off so I knew she was obv faking the whole arm injury.

This is the 3rd time she has done this with the same arm. The first time was at her daycare 3 years ago. One of the daycare workers was holding her hand and she turned and tried running off and it pulled her arm. My sister worked at an Orthopedic office at the time in the Physical Therapy section and the dr. said there was nothing wrong with it. She tried playing helpless for a day after that and gave up. The second time she fell and again, said it was the left arm that hurt her but, gave the act up that night. This time is the longest she has gone and yesterday she even told me her arm didn't hurt, she lied because she thought that she would "get stuff." I have no clue what that means because when she doesn't feel well I don't go and buy her things. I thanked her for telling her the truth, gave her a hug and then this morning she woke up screaming her arm was hurting her bad. I told her if her arm hurts so bad, she then has to stay in her room all day and lay in bed and she will have to continue to do that until her arm gets better. She gave me a hard time about it but decided to accept the challenge.

Has anyone else experienced their child faking a sprain or body injury and what did you do? I just don't want to make her a Dr.'s apt. because that is literally throwing money down the drain when I know she doesn't have anything wrong with her. I have no other children or anything else that is taking attention away from her so I don't understand why she plays this whole arm thing out.

Thanks!

****Edit I just realized that there was a parenting forum so I apologize for posting here


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## DreamWarrior (May 10, 2011)

Wow.  I think you're doing an awesome job - you've already verified that it's not a real issue with the doctors (did they do an x ray by any chance?)

She's craving attention - but I've never heard it going on for days. 

My daughter fakes a boo-boo for kisses or to get out of being in trouble.  But it lasts all of 2 seconds and she's back to being her hyper self.


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## Galaciel21 (May 10, 2011)

I haven't taken her to the Dr.'s this time because I know she is faking it. When she saw the Orthopedic Dr. a few years ago, he didn't take an x-ray but, verified there was nothing wrong. He did a few exercises with her (coloring, squeezing a squishy ball, etc.) and she had no problems with anything. The Dr. let her stay in the office for my sister's entire work day and didn't see anything unusual the rest of the day.

I just refuse to take her to the Dr.'s and spend money to be told what I know all along, that there is nothing wrong.

She is very demanding of attention. She has be the center of it all the time whether she is alone or around other children. I'm currently unemployed so I stay with her and during the day  I will mix it up between doing stuff with her and letting her have her own space. She has no siblings to play with and no friends so I'm sure part of it is maybe because she is bored. I just currently moved here to Texas about a year ago and because of lack of money, we decided to just hold off on putting her in daycare since she starts school in August. Her father's side of the family is from here but, their 2 hours away and all my family resides back home in Jersey. She does go to her dad's mom's house every once in a while for an extended weekend but, its not often.

She is upset she has to stay in her room because she is "bored" but, I told her if her arm hurts that bad, then she can't play with her toys. She just needs to lay in bed and rest until it feels better. I'm hoping that she'll get tired of it and just give the act up.


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## Annelle (May 10, 2011)

moved to parenting!


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## Annelle (May 10, 2011)

The part that bugs me is...



> Originally Posted by *Galaciel21* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> but, her hand is starting look on the purple side from her refusing to use it at all.



I'm sorry, but I don't think that a few days of not using a body part would cause it to start looking purple.  That sounds to me like a nerve or something might have gotten pinched and is restricting blood flow? (if not a bruise) but I'm not a doctor... But the only thing I can really think of that has discoloration due to un-use is gangrene? (which is of course, green, and not purple)

I also don't have any children, but don't 5 year olds tend to have a rather shorter attention span to where if they say something hurts, they'll forget about it an hour later, and not keep on it for days in a row?  Have you tried massaging it and touching it and moving it around to see if/when she reacts in pain?

And I honestly don't think children understand the concept of going to the doctor's costing money.  They understand candy and ice cream...but going to a doctor's is only a bit of attention from an outside person which can potentially lead to getting a needle, nasty medicine, or something else. I know as a kid, I never thought of a doctor's visit as a huge "bonus" to me like "oh i'm getting a gift!" (versus someone giving me candy or tea or something to make me feel better)

You can possibly suggest asking if she needs to go see a doctor, and warn her that if the doctor says nothing is wrong that you'll know she's lying and you'll never believe her again if she says she's hurt? so she better be really hurt if she says she needs to go see a doc? (or ask her what she thinks will help her pain to get it to stop...maybe she's trying to get something out of you)

I don't like the feeling of disallowing a child to get some help if she might actually be hurt.


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## jeanarick (May 10, 2011)

I have to agree, this sounds like there may be something wrong.  It may not be serious enough to warrant going to see a doctor.  It could be a deep bruise and cold compresses and children's motrin should help alleviate the pain.  Being able to move fingers is not a good indicator of wheterh or not there's an injury.  Try giving her some simple weight bearing things to do and see how she handles it.  Something simple like, "Honey, can you bring this basket of clothes to Mommy's room?" Just see what she does and if she favors the arm.  If the arm starts to swell abnormally or if the discoloration worsens I would think you'd need to get her to a doctor ASAP.


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## DreamWarrior (May 10, 2011)

That's also why I was thinking xrays.  There could be a muscle tear or nerve issue - not that the xray would see it - but its the first step before they do an MRI.  However, even still I doubt they would consider an MRI for a 5 year old.

It's really hard to tell because children can hold a thought in their head for a very long time - but days on - rarely.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 10, 2011)

I agree with the rest of the ladies.  My daughter is only 2 so she isn't faking anything yet but if her arm were turning purple I'd take her in immediately.  I'd rather make sure there's really is nothing wrong than be sorry later.


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## Galaciel21 (May 10, 2011)

Thank you all for your replies.

I did take a closer look at her arm today and its not purple. I even took her outside to verify and its fine, no discoloration. I have really horrible lighting in my house when its dark out.

She can move her arm, she just don't do it when someone is watching. She wanted a drink so I gave her a bottle of water and tried to hide behind the door to see if she will open it. She watched me walk out the room and said, "I know you are there. I can see your shadow." She never once tried opening the bottle while I was standing there. Anything that requires her to use both hands she won't do if someone is around. She opened a pudding cup the other day, a bottle of water, she uses both hands to support herself while using the bathroom, played with her Nintendo DS last night and climbed into my bed this morning which is high, and requires her to use both hands all without whining out so I know there is no actual pain. In fact yesterday we were playing and I grabbed her hand, raised it above her head and shook it so her entire hand and arm shook. She had no reaction what so ever. After I did that I asked her if her arm and hand still hurt in which she responded, yes and asked her why she didn't cry when I shook her arm. That is when she grabbed her arm and started to cry saying it hurt.

I told her that if we go to the dr.'s and he says there is nothing wrong, I will be extremely disappointed in her and will have a hard time believing her if she says something hurts. I also told her that she will have tv rights, her dolls or something she really enjoys doing taken away because it cost money to go to the Dr.'s and it is not nice to lie. I said if there was something wrong, they could possibly give her yucky medicine to take like the one she has been taking for Strep. She just doesn't seem to care.

I also don't reward her after a Dr.'s visit other then praise. The most she gets is a sticker from the nurse and a, "You did a good job, I'm proud of you" from me.

For being 5, she is very aware of the things she does.

She just came to me sayin she wanted to play computer. I told her if her arm hurts, she needs to be in bed and rest. She can't play computer with a hurt arm. She got mad at me, walked away and hit the couch...with her "hurt arm." That just verifies she def. doesn't have any pain what so ever but won't give up the act.


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## DreamWarrior (May 10, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *Galaciel21* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> She got mad at me, walked away and hit the couch...with her "hurt arm." That just verifies she def. doesn't have any pain what so ever but won't give up the act.



LOL! I'm sorry - but that was too funny!




 Kids!

Stick to your guns.  You'll get thru it.  Keep an eye on that arm tho - she probably cant distinguish pain from an injury from pain like soreness or a pinched nerve (tingly numb feelings).

If you guys get thru the day and she continues with the act tomorrow - you might need to solicit the help of a friend or child psychologist to talk to her.  She might not want to open up to you, but would be willing to open up to someone else.  For all you know - she might be retaliating about something her father did and all she really wants is her fathers attention.


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## DreamWarrior (May 10, 2011)

Consider yourself lucky - but be ready.  My daughter turned 2 in April and she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger (ah, who's kidding she has me too - I cant lie).

She fakes a boo boo, but it doesnt last long.  We kiss it and move on to the issue at hand.  She tries and its really cute - but we cant show her how cute it really is. We keep a firm stance and then we gush over it when she isnt looking.
 



> Originally Posted by *Bonnie Krupa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> My daughter is only 2 so she isn't faking anything yet ...


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## Galaciel21 (May 10, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *DreamWarrior* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> For all you know - she might be retaliating about something her father did and all she really wants is her fathers attention



That is her problem, she demands constant attention. Everything has to always be about her. I stay at home and she has no siblings and her closest cousins are 2 hours away. She doesn't go to daycare either because I just moved here last year from another state and due to lack of money, we decided to just wait since she starts school this August. I spend the day between giving her attention and then letting her do her own thing. She is very independent and doesn't mind if you are doing your own thing but, the moment I get on the phone or something, she can't stand it and has to be in my face.


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## DreamWarrior (May 10, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *Galaciel21* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> That is her problem, she demands constant attention. Everything has to always be about her. I stay at home and she has no siblings and her closest cousins are 2 hours away. She doesn't go to daycare either because I just moved here last year from another state and due to lack of money, we decided to just wait since she starts school this August. I spend the day between giving her attention and then letting her do her own thing. She is very independent and doesn't mind if you are doing your own thing but, the moment I get on the phone or something, she can't stand it and has to be in my face.



For your sanity and hers - I would revisit the day care/day camp thing.  August is still far-far away in a childs eye - and too much time with mommy will drive anyone bonkers.  Even as an adult I can only stand my mother a couple hours a day.  

No offence to anyone, but as human beings we crave interaction with other people even in the smallest amounts.  Your daughter needs friends, people to play with.  Even if you just take her to day care for 1/2 day or every other day - you might find that mentally worth it the extra $$ you might have to dish out.  It's only money - it will come and it will go, but childhood flies by faster than you can hold on to it.


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## jeanarick (May 10, 2011)

Wow, you are dealing with one smart and stubborn little cookie!!  Wish I could give you some really wise sage advice, but you got me stumped. It seems like you are stuck in a real battle of the wills and you are going to have to stick to your guns and not give in.  Trying to get her to grasp the cost and inconvenience of going to the doctor may still be a little above her head.  Hmmmm....seems like your on the right track as far as she's not getting the attention she wants out of her deception and will only get what she wants by coming clean.  Hang in there!


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## Galaciel21 (May 10, 2011)

I agree DreamWarrior and I really appreciate the advice. Her father managed to land a new job a couple months ago so daycare is def. something we could afford now if we put her in there for a couple days a week but, the problem is, we only have one car. He also works the 6 am to 2 pm shift so between traffic, his job being downtown in the city and such, he is actually gone 5 am to 3 pm. If he left for work when they opened it would work but, the daycare doesn't open till 6:15 am.

I'm thinkin of maybe trying to meet her dad's mom halfway (if she doesn't mind) and letting her spend the weekend with her cousins that way both her and me can recoup. His mom loves having her around but, no one likes a 4 hour round trip drive. She will usually take her for an extended weekend  when she has the days off or takes vacation time. Its not often though, every few months or so. We can't all go there for a weekend either to visit because her dad works them.

I need a vacation, LoL


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## Galaciel21 (May 10, 2011)

Thanks Jeanarick! If its one thing you can say about this kid, its that she is strong willed to the extreme. Its such a constant battle and headache, lol.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 10, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *DreamWarrior* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Consider yourself lucky - but be ready.  My daughter turned 2 in April and she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger (ah, who's kidding she has me too - I cant lie).
> 
> She fakes a boo boo, but it doesnt last long.  We kiss it and move on to the issue at hand.  She tries and its really cute - but we cant show her how cute it really is. We keep a firm stance and then we gush over it when she isnt looking.


 She DOES fake being upset.  If we say no to something she pretends like it's the end of the world and cries hysterically lol


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## Annelle (May 10, 2011)

Look into the community education programs at your local community college or city district.  They may have some programs available for you to enroll her into for a few weeks.  (especially if it's athletic, she can't fake an injury or she'll get benched while watching all the other kids play!)

...or be really mean and take her to a park with jungle gyms and swings and limit what she can play with...after all, her arm hurts and you don't want to make it worse. (she can have her DS on the bench while you play on the swings lol)


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## DreamWarrior (May 10, 2011)

Ah! Crocidile tears.  My daughter has mastered the slump.  My sister in law witnessed it one day and broke out laughing - which of course, set off a chain reaction and we all started laughing because it was soo cute. 

She faked crying and slumped her shoulders so low - we couldnt help but laugh.  In the end I had to pick her up and cuddle with her because any "enforcing" wasnt going to happen at this point.



> Originally Posted by *Bonnie Krupa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> 
> She DOES fake being upset.  If we say no to something she pretends like it's the end of the world and cries hysterically lol


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## jeanarick (May 10, 2011)

My niece, who is graduating high school this week, used to do that shoulder slump thing when she was little.  I swear she'd slump over so far her knuckles would drag the ground!!! LMAO, it was so darned funny. 




 



> Originally Posted by *DreamWarrior* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> Ah! Crocidile tears.  My daughter has mastered the slump.  My sister in law witnessed it one day and broke out laughing - which of course, set off a chain reaction and we all started laughing because it was soo cute.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 10, 2011)

My daughter makes the I'm crying face but there's no tears it takes like a good 15 seconds of her making that face till any tears comes out.  She also looks you dead in the eye.  I HATE it.  I know she's faking but I still feel bad lol


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## DreamWarrior (May 10, 2011)

Hehehehe!


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## divadoll (May 10, 2011)

I bought a large pack of bandaid especially for those occasions.  They are bright coloured and different shapes or tatoo bandaids.  This worked for both of my kids.  We would put a bandaid on if they 'suffered' an injury, I kiss it and they walk around with the bandaid for a day or till it fell off.  Sometimes, they had 5 or 6 of them  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

If they were starting to annoy me, I just ask them if they want that limb cut off.  I tell them that's the only cure for invisible, imaginary pains is to cut off that limb and they usually stop.


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## Bonnie Krupa (May 10, 2011)

> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> 
> If they were starting to annoy me, I just ask them if they want that limb cut off.  I tell them that's the only cure for invisible, imaginary pains is to cut off that limb and they usually stop.



hahah that's too funny.  I like the bandaid idea!


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## DreamWarrior (May 10, 2011)

OMG! This would never work for my daughter - she would want a bandaid everyday! Its bad enough she puts stickers all over herself!!  OMG! I have to post a picture of the time she did my "make up" which means - put stickers all over my face! LOL!  HAVE to remember to download those pics tonight!
 



> Originally Posted by *divadoll* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> I bought a large pack of bandaid especially for those occasions.  They are bright coloured and different shapes or tatoo bandaids.  This worked for both of my kids.  We would put a bandaid on if they 'suffered' an injury, I kiss it and they walk around with the bandaid for a day or till it fell off.  Sometimes, they had 5 or 6 of them  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />
> 
> If they were starting to annoy me, I just ask them if they want that limb cut off.  I tell them that's the only cure for invisible, imaginary pains is to cut off that limb and they usually stop.


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## divadoll (May 13, 2011)

That's why its a large box... usually 80 pk of 3M or 4 or 5 boxes of 20pks.  Its meant to be fun and yes... they were initially all over and it decreases each time.  I did this for my son too, he did the same thing ... applied 10-12 bandaids the first time and then 4-5 next and eventually, the fascination goes. 

I also said that I'd tell them I'll cut of their limbs if they complain too much and I'd get a toy knife or sword and hold their leg/arm down and start cutting.  Its all just for attention when I'm in a good mood.  I do also warn them at times that there are kids that are in true pain with true injuries and they should not wish that on themselves.  
 



> Originally Posted by *DreamWarrior* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
> 
> OMG! This would never work for my daughter - she would want a bandaid everyday! Its bad enough she puts stickers all over herself!!  OMG! I have to post a picture of the time she did my "make up" which means - put stickers all over my face! LOL!  HAVE to remember to download those pics tonight!


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