# Am I being overreactive?



## sweetnsexy6953 (Aug 13, 2008)

Ok so please help me out with this one ladies. Here lately for about a month my boyfriend goes and hangs out with his friend after I get off work and doesnt come back home til a lil after 4 in the morning, I get off at 10 at night. Then sometimes he leaves late at night and goes and drives around til about 430 in the morning. Its driving me insane. I talk to him about it and he still doesnt do anything about it. He doesnt see anything wrong with it and the one the thing that pisses me off is that he'd get extremely pissed off if I were to do the same thing.

It just seems like my words fall on deaf ears. Its now 4 in the morning and guess what? Hes not here even though he said he'd be here before 4 cuz we need to get up early. I cant take it anymore and it seems like hes doing this on purpose. He never asks me to go with him. I asked him lastnight why he cant spend one entire night with me and his excuse every time is "you have tomorrow". So what, I'm your girlfriend...start treating me like it. His friend that he hangs out with has ignored his texts and his phone calls for so long but right when they start talkin he ditches me to go and hang with him and doesnt ask if I wanna come. Most the time I say no cuz all they do is talk about cars and play games. Its the fact that he'd ask would make me happy.

I just wish he knew how I feel. I cry at night because of it and I just dont know what to do. Please help me out ladies. Theres more to the story but I've already typed enough. This is just in general. What would you do. Thanks for reading the whole thing and sticking it out. Oh to let you know we live together and have been together for 2 1/2 years.


----------



## Anthea (Aug 13, 2008)

I think you have every right to be concerned. I don't think its normal in a relationship for your man to want to spend time away from you driving around often, and ditching you for his friend is not on.

I am sorry I don't have any suggestions as I've had no experience in this type of thing but I feel I would get some help or advise as I think its a problem. Best of luck


----------



## pinksugar (Aug 13, 2008)

I would be super pissed off too.

I do have a few suggestions but I think I'm being a little bit immature, haha! they're the only solutions I can come up with though!

If I were you, I would make no further comments about it. If he is looking from a reaction from you, well, don't give him one!

I would also do it back to him if possible - wait until you have the following day off, and stay out later than him. If possible, do it for a few nights in a row. Maybe even just stay at a friend's house.

WTF does he think he is doing? has he no explanation for his behaviour? if he is, as you've said, doing it to annoy/upset you, then you have to not react like he is expecting.

The only reason I can think he is doing this, is maybe he feels like you're nagging him, and so the more you mention it, the more he rebels against it.

Try freezing him out on it for a bit, and if that doesn't work, lay down the hard word. Best of luck chicken... please don't cry!


----------



## laurafaye (Aug 13, 2008)

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I'd definitely try and confront him and say you're not happy with it. It isn't fair that he is always choosing his friend over you.


----------



## StereoXGirl (Aug 13, 2008)

That doesn't sound good.

If you haven't already, make sure he understands that he'd be upset if you were doing the same thing (something along the line of Rosie's do it back to him idea). Because people have a tendency sometimes to not thing about things from other points of view. Also, I would tell him that he needs to start scheduling time with you. Because if you're never together, your relationship is going to go down the tubes.


----------



## -Chelsey- (Aug 13, 2008)

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I would be super pissed off too. I do have a few suggestions but I think I'm being a little bit immature, haha! they're the only solutions I can come up with though!

If I were you, I would make no further comments about it. If he is looking from a reaction from you, well, don't give him one!

I would also do it back to him if possible - wait until you have the following day off, and stay out later than him. If possible, do it for a few nights in a row. Maybe even just stay at a friend's house.

WTF does he think he is doing? has he no explanation for his behavior? if he is, as you've said, doing it to annoy/upset you, then you have to not react like he is expecting.

The only reason I can think he is doing this, is maybe he feels like you're nagging him, and so the more you mention it, the more he rebels against it.

Try freezing him out on it for a bit, and if that doesn't work, lay down the hard word. Best of luck chicken... please don't cry!





I totally agree! Do it back to him, see if he likes not being your first priority anymore. If my bf was out until 4 in the morning every night, and didn't care enough to spend time with me or ask me to go with him, I'd be out, but that's just me. Maybe try talking to him again about it and asking him how he'd feel if you weren't coming home all night. Or try and compromise to where he can do it a couple nights a week but the other nights he needs to spend with you.


----------



## jewele (Aug 13, 2008)

My BF would do that a few times, he would stay out all night drinking and then say he couldn't drive home. I always felt like he was with another girl, but he said he was just with his boss drinking and before he knew it, it was really late at night so they just stayed at his boss' house. It took me a little while but now I'm okay with it. He calls me to tell me, only does this about 2 times a year, and I trust him. It's his thing that he likes to do. NOW as for every night, no. It seems as though there is an underlying issue that he doesn't want to talk about. He needs to listen to you and understand how you feel. You deserve to have a man that listens to you and understands you're feelings. If he's not going to take the time then maybe you shouldn't either. I hope everything works out with you.


----------



## greenground (Aug 13, 2008)

Alright feel free to be angry, he should be calling and saying what he is doing for the night.

But also dont be too angry, it is probably rare from him to just have a guys night doing whatever it is us guys do when the woman are not around. I am gonna guess this is a friend he has know for awhile. The fact that they werent talking for awhile is why they are hanging out so much now.

After I finished High School I lost contact with many of my friends cause we all lead such busy lives, so we all agreed that every 2nd tuesday we have a guys night it was the only way we could keep contact with each other despite our busy lives.

But again if he is gonna go out he should let you know he is gonna be out hanging out with this guy all night so that way you dont worry and so you know what he is up too.


----------



## SimplyElegant (Aug 13, 2008)

If you really want your relationship to work, you need to talk to him. Staying out late or all night to get back at him is just going to make it worse. Tell him that you miss him and don't like that he does this all the time and that you're not happy with the way that things are going right now but let him know that it's okay sometimes to have time to spend with others but that it's just too much and that you don't feel okay with that. It's not fair to you that you don't get to see him much and it's not fair to his friend that he never gets to see him. I think there just needs to be a compromise.


----------



## S. Lisa Smith (Aug 13, 2008)

It may be time to reconsider your relationship. You are entitled to be angry and if you've talked to him and he's ignoring it...perhaps it's over. I know it's hard to think about ending something that is over 2 years in the making, but unless I'm reading your message incorrectly, he's been doing this for a month solid. When someone changes what he does radicaly, it is a sign that something in his life has changed. It may be he's worried about something, he's on drugs or he's got a new girl. It certainly seems odd. I'm sorry that he's doing this to you.


----------



## Dragonfly (Aug 13, 2008)

If this were my situation, I would be keeping an eye on his odometre. If he is driving around all night, he has to be putting a ton of mileage on his car.

As well, I would try to be calm and low-key and keep the lines of communication open.

If he feels pressured to stay home at night, he may "rebel" and only want to leave even more.


----------



## Defiantsnow (Aug 13, 2008)

I would simply go about my life and not let on to him that it bothers you. Do things on your own and maybe it will bother him when he sees you can go on without him.


----------



## prettylynn (Aug 14, 2008)

I pretty much agree with alot of what has already been said. Take a minute and think about what you want to do.You have already tried to talk to him and maybe what he needs to understand your point of view is a taste of his own medicine. I agree with Pinksugar about staying out all night, the only thing I have to add to that is stay with a friend or somewhere where he wont think to look for you. He may realize what your up to early on but he will really get worried if he can't find you. You have every right to be mad, I would be too.


----------



## magneticheart (Aug 14, 2008)

I don't think you're being overractive. I think he's being totally unreasonable.

I agree with what Rosie said about staying out longer than him. Give him a taste of his own medicine! &amp; also about not giving him a reaction, because to me it seems like it's a reaction he's looking for.

To be completley honest with you I think if things don't improve you need to question your relationship. Why would he not want to spend time with his girlfriend?

I have to say, if it were me I'd tell him that he could spend as much time with his friends and driving around as he likes but he sure as hell better not expect me to be waiting for him when he gets home and gets his act together.


----------



## sweetnsexy6953 (Aug 14, 2008)

I totally agree with what you all are saying. Ive tried talking to him plenty of times and everytime I do it doesnt seem to do anything. Yesterday was both of our days off and he said that it'd be my day well we ended up at his work so that he could talk to his friend and desolder his ecu(car stuff). I got pissed and he so he got pissed back at me. I told him that he said today was my day and he's like well what would we be doing...at home sleeping...I told him no that I wanted to go to Kohls or Gordmans and look for work pants for him since his are going in the crapper.

I walked away from him and went and watched tv. Probably about an hour later I asked him how much longer he was going to be and he said he wasnt sure. Mind you we were there all day. We got there about 3 and didnt leave til 10:30 at night. We got into a lil arguement and I asked him again when we were leaving since it was my day and he told me that I was boring and that we'd just be at home watching tv and sleeping. I got pissed and walked away from him as he was talking. He then had the nerve to tell me that he'll send me to Oklahoma. My parents dont live here, they live in OK that's why he says that to me. It gets on my nerves so badly and he doesnt care and its so annoying that he holds that over my head. I told him I would never do that to him if he were living with me and his dad had moved.

I just dont know what to do. I went and hung out with my friend lastnight and I'm doing the same but of course hes gonna hang out with his friend and no tellin what time he'd get home. I just dont understand where this is coming from. I just wish he knew how I felt but he never will. I know that if I'd do what hes doing now that we'd be over so what gives? From now on I'm not going to give him a reaction when he decides to go driving around and when he goes to his friends house. Then we'll see how it goes.


----------



## Dragonfly (Aug 15, 2008)

Sorry hun, but it sounds like he is unhappy about something. Rather than talking about it, he seem bent on avoiding the situation.

The next time he is home and seems in a pleasant mood, ask him if he is upset with you or the relationship.

Listen to what he says and what he does not say - and make sure it does not become confrontational - or he'll avoid all over again.

Best of luck


----------



## magneticheart (Aug 15, 2008)

He has no right to keep that hanging over your head! That's just spiteful!

I agree with Carolyn about keeping things un confrontational when he's in a good mood. Maybe you'll get somewhere with him and start resolving your issues.

But like you said, if you did what he's doing it would be over which just proves that what he's doing is wrong and hypocritical.

Good Luck!


----------



## sweetnsexy6953 (Aug 15, 2008)

I appreciate all of your help ladies. He left again lastnight but I didnt say anything to piss him off. He told me that I always ***** and I told him that I only ***** when you dont invite me to come along cuz it makes it seem like your doing something that you shouldnt. Its just agrivating and I wish there was something I could do. When were both in a good mood its a great relationship but when he starts doing this late at night thats where it goes down hill. I sometimes wonder what would happen if we ever broke up...I have no clue what to do since Im by myself since my parents moved. I live in nebraska and they live oklahoma. I just hate thinking like that cuz it doesnt make me feel good.


----------



## Harlot (Aug 15, 2008)

Im pretty sure you know that you cant just tag along everywhere with the guy right? Seems to me that he just wants time to himself and do his own thing, something that doesnt involve you, which makes sense considering hes not even telling you where or when hes coming back. This seems like a phase of some sort so hopefully blow off.

However I dont agree how hes goes about threatning you about Oklahoma, thats just a d*ck move. Could be that hes suffocating abit, you know?


----------

