# Is my relationship in trouble?



## pinksugar (Jun 13, 2009)

regardless of whether you are doing something wrong (which I doubt) if he is unable to be open with you then this relationship is going nowhere.

Good communication and openness with each other is the corner stone for a good relationship. While I understand that not everyone is really good at communication, he needs to tell you if things are bothering him if it's to the point where he wants to break up.

I would ask him to be more open and make it clear that if he wasn't going to be truthful with me then it would be over.

I know that maybe this sounds kind of harsh, and people can change, but basically, as i get older, I'm less prepared to deal with people who can't even be bothered to be 100% honest with me... you know?

best of luck chicken!


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## Nanzi (Jun 13, 2009)

Hi Hon, After 43 years of marriage, I can say that communication is the most important thing. And a man that won't communicate is a bad deal for both of you.

And your comment about 'tell me what I am doing wrong so I can fix it' sounds needy and like you are trying to hold onto him at any cost - like not being who you are. Think about it. I have been kind of needy and had to learn some problems are best discussed with girlfriends. Guys are so direct - ie: Whats your problem? where we gals are more diplomatic and agonize over what we could have, should have, and might have said.

Hope this was helpful, Good Luck...either with this one or another.

Nan


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## Adrienne (Jun 13, 2009)

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif regardless of whether you are doing something wrong (which I doubt) if he is unable to be open with you then this relationship is going nowhere.
Good communication and openness with each other is the corner stone for a good relationship. While I understand that not everyone is really good at communication, he needs to tell you if things are bothering him if it's to the point where he wants to break up.

I would ask him to be more open and make it clear that if he wasn't going to be truthful with me then it would be over.

I know that maybe this sounds kind of harsh, and people can change, but basically, as i get older, I'm less prepared to deal with people who can't even be bothered to be 100% honest with me... you know?

best of luck chicken!

Very good advice! 
I've only been with the same person for 6 years (which is a very huge part of my little life as I'm only 21) but I can honestly say that without communication, you just don't have a relationship. I doubt you're doing anything wrong.

My husband will sometimes have frustrations at work but I've learned that it's best just to let him be, get mad on his own, and then he'll me later when he's more calm. All I do is ask him once and I can tell if something went wrong at work. But, that's how we communicate, if I have a problem I tell him, if he does, he'll hold for a couple hours, i know that's just him being him and I leave him alone, and then he comes and tells me. BUT, we are communicating and we know our habits. He's not just not telling me and leaving me in the dark all the time.

If your boyfriend has been doing since the beginning, then I don't think he'll change anytime soon but ppl do change. My best advice is think honestly if you would want to live like this for the rest of your life? If it's already too much now, then imagine it 5, 10, 20 years down the road.

Best of luck sweetie


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Jun 14, 2009)

some people handle stressful situations diffrently.

i think maybe you need to stop pushing him to tell you about his stressful days he may not want to think about them, and if you push him it iwll just add to his stress


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## mariascreek (Jun 14, 2009)

I hope everything turns out well. This is my advice, I have been married for 4 years:

-I do agree with Nanzi that your comment "what am I doing wrong, so I can fix" is not helping the situation. I personally learned that the hard way. You should try your best to not come out sounding needy. Trust me, I know deep down you honestly wish you could only have the answer to that question then you'd have something to fix. But as soon as you fix that it will be something else wrong.

-This may sound awful, but STOP telling him about your problems. I know you want someone to be able to come home and tell everything that sucked about your day to. But tell it to a girlfriend or write it down! If you write it down maybe you'll notice how negative it sounds and you'll regret having ever said such negative things to your significant other.

-The fastest way to repair your relationship I think is just stop talking about problems. And have fun! Your problems are something you'll have to deal with yourself, it is nice to vent to someone, but if it's costing your relationship and you want your relationship then you need to stop.

I feel like those are the things you can do, you have to also think that maybe he is the one that is not working out anymore. You can love him, but have fun being yourself and that's how you can attract happiness from him or anyone else.

Good luck! I hope my slice of advice can help a little.


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## Adrienne (Jun 14, 2009)

Isn't that technically avoiding your problems? By not talking it out you're just burying in yourself in your own mess til it explodes and it won't be pretty.


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## Joan_CD (Jun 14, 2009)

As someone who is male... sigh.... maybe I can add my 2 cents. When men get anxious they tend to hold it all in. We are taught as we grow up to hold it all in and be strong. So we do. Also, there is a difference between men and women in other areas. Mother Nature designed men in the good ole days for hunting and as such, they tend to be quiet and introverted... loners. Women are designed to be the nurturer in a village environment and as such, being surrounded by others, are more outgoing with their feelings. This is NOT in any way meant to be disparaging to anyone. This is just the way mother nature made things.

Of course, that was in the good ole days when women stayed home and men worked. It's a lot different now. We all need to learn how to adjust. Before I started to become more female, I kept everything in and just "listened" with one ear to my wife. Then, as she kinda helped me down my current path of showing my feminine side, without any protest from me, I began to see things differently. I began to realize that what women say is important and should be important to me. I try very hard to overcome the male upbringing of holding all in, but I can tell you, it's hard to overcome easily. But, as I become more involved in my feminine persona, I notice that I am talking more of what I feel and really listening to my wife. We are communicating and bonding better now than we ever did.

Don't think he is deliberately trying to keep things from you. At times, it's just what men do. He probably said you are causing him stress cause he may get anxious when you ask him and he isn't ready to say anything. I don't know if what I said makes any sense or helps. It's just my 2 cents. I wish you the best!


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## Aprill (Jun 15, 2009)

Yeah, find another way to vent, because most men in general hate nagging. Make some friends, vent here, vent on a blog (if you dont want anyone to read it you can make it private), vent to a friend.

What I personally do is write my issues down on a piece of paper, and then I go back over that same sheet of paper, write a possible solution, and then throw the paper away because I hate dumping my issues on others. Its private, and I feel alot better when it is done.


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