# Why am I so sad about leaving home?



## xFlossy (Feb 2, 2010)

I am leaving home for the second time in a couple of days and I cannot stop crying about it. I feel so pathetic, I am 28 years old for Christ sake. I am wondering if I am doing the right thing if I feel this way. I am pretty close to my Mum and I am going to miss her terribly. It's nice to be under the same roof as her and it's not because of the financial gain from it or the housework I get to dodge, believe me I pull my weight in both instances. It's nice to be taken care of, a hug when I need it a shoulder to cry on. Yes I can get that from Clinton but it's not the same as from my Mother. Didn't help my Mum was crying when she went to bed tonight because I am leaving. That set me off.

I think it maybe because I am getting older and its mandatory I leave and I don't feel ready and I fear I may never will. I used to scoff at People who stayed at Home when they were 30, I am fast becoming one of them.

My Mother re-shacked up with the Man who sexually abused me when I was a Child and everyone including my Clinical Psychiatrist say I need to get out of there, it's not healthy and everyone around me is worried for me.

I am getting married next year to someone who worships the ground I walk on yet I'm not excited about it.

I suffer from Depression deeply and I am having tests done for borderline personality disorder (Bipolar essentially). I wonder if this has something to do with it.

Tomorrow night is my last night here and it's going to be hell leaving on Thursday. I don't know if I can bring myself to leave.

Any insights?

I am sorry if this seems all over the place, am very tired and puffy eyed from crying.


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## Dalylah (Feb 2, 2010)

I am thinking part of the reason is normal fears that one has when moving out. What if things aren't as good as they are there, what is I don't have enough money, etc etc. The thing is that you are old enough to care for yourself and if you are preparing to get married it sounds like you need to get ready for it. Your mom is still going to be your mom regardless of who lives where. You two can both give love and support to one another. Staying there at your age with those circumstances is very unhealthy.

I may not know all the details regarding the subject but in my opinion it is very dysfunctional that your mom is with this man. Speaking as a mother, if I found out someone did something like that to my little girl, not only would I throw them out of my house and life but I would probably be arrested for hunting him down.

Now about Clinton. You say this man worships you. How do you feel about him? Are you marrying him because you feel the same or because you deem him a safe person to be with. If he is only that to you, you have to ask yourself, is that enough or are you looking for more? If you do love him then it is most likely depression overshadowing happy events.

As for right this moment, I suggest you go grab a nice glass of juice, light a candle and go relax in a bubble bath and let your worries go away for a little while. Then go and focus your energies on getting organized and planning for better things for yourself.


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## Lucy (Feb 2, 2010)

dalylah said everything i was going to!

you mother being with the man that abused you doesn't seem right at all, and yes, it is right that you move out in those circumstances, but i would be concerned for your mother if she is in a relationship with someone like that.

it's hard for everyone to leave home but just remember that your mum is only a phone call away if you need her. are you upset because you are simply worried about what you are moving into with your soon to be husband, and what that will be like? if so then you need to consider if its the right step for you, but everyone worries sometimes.


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## xFlossy (Feb 3, 2010)

I know, that staying there is unhealthy and after talking to one of my good friends I came to a few conclusions that have calmed my emotions a little and I have made headway with things. Last night I was very upset and couldn't stop crying.

Yes, I understand what you are saying as a Mother and I too would be the same way. I could never fathom why she would do something like that. She minimises it and justifys it by claiming he is her Soulmate blah blah blah.

As for Clinton, I do love him very much and I do tend to take things out on him very unfairly. He is my rock and my best friend he drives me bananas at time but dont all men? lol.

I am sorry for my little outburst, I was just very upset and let my feelings run away with me.

The Bath suggestion sounds awesome but we don't have one lol. We just have a Shower  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Dalylah (Feb 4, 2010)

I am sorry about what is going on with your mom. I am glad you are taking control and doing what is best for you.

It sounds like you and Clinton will be ok. Marrying your best friend is a great idea. It's what I did and I am quite happy.

Dont apologize for ranting, it's what this section is for. Sometimes we all need an ear or an unbiased opinion.


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## emily_3383 (Feb 4, 2010)

You have two valid points and I dont think it has anything to do with depression. For 1. Your mom is living with a man who hurt you and that enough is reason to want to move out. 2. Sometimes its just hard to move out.

I think you will do great! Just have more confidence in yourself.


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## xFlossy (Feb 4, 2010)

everything is so overwhelming at the moment! I have things I want to do but can't until later... ugh.. already had a cry and doubted everything again. Is this what I want, am I doing the right thing etc etc etc. Argh!


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## Dalylah (Feb 5, 2010)

Hang in there hun. Each day is a new opportunity. You need to move on to unburden yourself from the past. I honestly believe in situations like this that you will find peace by moving on and finding the things that make you smile in life. They don't have to be big things, just one thing at a time. Soon you will be feeling more confident, secure and having more reasons than ever to smile. Keep pushing. Anything worth having or being proud of usually requires perseverance.


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