# About my boyfriend and his friend



## Momo (May 21, 2007)

My boyfriend is close friends with this girl and they slept together before he and I met. I've known that for a long time and I'm not really worried about it. The past is the past.

Well my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and I only recently found out that she was very jealous of me not too long ago. She often calls him to pick her up/drive her somewhere and usually I stay behind because it's not like I need to sit on his shoulder all day.

Anyway, whenever I'm in the car with her and him, things seem to be pretty frosty. By how close they sound, I don't think they would be *that* quiet while I'm not in the car also.

Tonight was particularly bad. I usually try to be polite and say hi because I have nothing against any of his friends. Well, I was feeling kind of awkward because she looked a little peeved when she saw us. I waited too long and missed my chance to say hi, and my boyfriend didn't say anything either. So we sat in silence until we dropped her off, and when my BF asked if she needed a ride home later she just gave us a dirty look.

I'm not really suspicious about any cheating. I just want to know if it's worth my time trying to be friendly to this girl or if I should just get on with my relationship w/o worrying about it. I don't know, my boyfriends usually pissed over how she always calls him for pointless (?) things but he never just breaks off the friendship, I might have to deal with her for a long time?


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## emily_3383 (May 21, 2007)

If it really bothers him then maybe he shouldnt pick up? you have alot of patience i dont think i could deal with some person calling my bf all the time for stupid stuff. I dont like when people call me for stupid stuff either. idk

i cursed and i didnt see any stars so i changed my words. lol


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## Momo (May 21, 2007)

I am trying to be really patient because sometimes his friends pay him to taxi them, and he needs it.


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## emily_3383 (May 21, 2007)

I just have big issues with other people treating others like taxi drivers.

She needs to get over it already its been a year!


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## Momo (May 21, 2007)

Yeah I'm about to start getting mad because she just called him to drive her* down the street*

Sure it was cold out but it's like... get a jacket.


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## MindySue (May 21, 2007)

she just calls him to see him and to probably make you mad..i wouldnt bother being nice to her if she cant even do the same for you.


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## Ashley (May 21, 2007)

I'd say continue being polite, but don't bother befriending her because she doesn't sound interested. Does it bother you that he drives her around?


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## Momo (May 21, 2007)

It doesn't bother me because I trust him *but *it does take away from valuable time we have together, we don't get much of it. For instance last night she wanted him to pick her up from work at like 9:30 just as we were sitting down for dinner (he hadn't eaten all day, too).


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## mac-whore (May 21, 2007)

honestly, you have a right to not be cool with the situation, which i'm sure you're fully aware of.. but, she dosen't sound like the nicest person. i'm sure you trust him but, can you trust HER? if it were me i'd explain to my boyfriend that i completely trust him but, i don't trust her and i'd rather him not associate with her. i know it's kinda on the controlling side, but when they have a history like that.. i would not trust her around my man. if she's gonna stick around, though.. i wouldn't go out of my way to be polite. she sounds like she may very well be jealous.


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## CellyCell (May 21, 2007)

Woah. I wouldnt have the patience you have so far...

I would flat out be a ***** back to her. No point in pleasing everyone, right?

Either that - or you really confront her, like be real blunt and say it outloud.

Maybe give heads up to the BF before hand and reassure him you're not biting at her because of jealousy - just annoyance.


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## Momo (May 21, 2007)

This really sucks because I'm going to be gone for a month soon... it's true what you said macwhore, I don't think I should trust her.

And celly, maybe I will call her out. It's sad though, she has a boyfriend but the more I think about it, the more I'm thinking she still wants him. I don't like to judge people on the things "i hear" about them but she does like to go for guys who are admired/already taken.


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## Dragonfly (May 21, 2007)

I'm going to sound harsh:

I find this whole situation a bit bizarre.

Your boyfriend of a year is still making himself available to his ex's beckon call?

Why is he so willing to accomodate her? Why doesn't he see that this is disrespectful to you?

This is classic situalion where the boyfriend continues to have a relationship with the ex, while he is having a relationship with another woman.

Whether he is fooling around with her or just driving around with her, he is still involved with her.

Until he tells her to get lost, you will always be sharing him with her.


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## daer0n (May 21, 2007)

I so agree with cyw1, i would never let him talk to his ex's, in fact, i told him to stop talking to one of his ex's, she cheated on him three times and he still wanted to talk to her, like wtf, i wouldnt tolerate this situation at all, i think too that it is bizarre and i think you are the nicest girl for trying to be good to her, i doubt that she deserves it &gt;.&lt;


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## Momo (May 21, 2007)

Thanks for being so honest, not harsh at all. You're right. I AM sharing him with her and I must say she's getting a much longer chunk of time with him.

Does it make a difference that they're mostly not alone when she needs a ride, and he mostly gets paid for it? And they never really dated, just slept together once? I don't know.

I just didn't want to be controlling and tell him who he can and cannot talk to but it's true, this is getting out of hand. I mean he hardly has any friends as it is, so I didn't want to come between him and them.


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## Tina Marie (May 21, 2007)

Originally Posted by *hellomindy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif she just calls him to see him and to probably make you mad..i wouldnt bother being nice to her if she cant even do the same for you. I agree. You have so much patience, I probably would've freaked out a while ago! If she can't give you the courtesy and decency of being respectful to you then don't even bother with her.


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## Momo (May 21, 2007)

I must say part of the reason why I'm so patient is because I didn't want her to know she was getting to me. I know girls like this sometimes wait for that "moment" when the girlfriend is peeved and then they get REALLY bad. Like Celly said, I have to make sure my boyfriend knows it isn't just jealousy on my part... This is going to be hard but I need to talk to him TODAY or I will be miserable. Does anyone know what I should say? I'm really bad at this type of thing.


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## farris2 (May 22, 2007)

I have to agree with cyw1....momkins you are way too nice of a person to be put through that kind of thing.


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## jessimau (May 22, 2007)

Honey, you have MAJOR patience! I would've snapped at him ages ago. When you talk to him, try to sound as calm, rational, and logical as possible. That tends to have the best effect. Explain the effect it has on you and what you see in the situation that doesn't seem right. Back up everything you say with logic and reasoning. For feelings, stress that ou do feel that way, period, but don't get emotional about it. If you can be rational about the way you explain your emotions, I've found men are more receptive to hearing them.

My fiance had a female friend who would invite him to events right in front of me (when we were just bf &amp; gf) and totally flirt openly in front of large groups of people, even. He didn't believe me for the longest time, but one day finally figured it out and vut off all contact. There was also a girl he was kinda friends with and I was just really uncomfortable about the relationship. When we started hanging out, before we were dating, he sounded really close to her and she seemed like she might be competition. Then she moved into my apartment complex and the day he saw her moving in, he made me stop the car and lept out to hug her, leaving my car door hanging wide open so I had to wait for his b**** a**. He cut it out really fast and always had me around when they spent time together. It may have seemed a little controlling and insecure, but he was willing to do it to show me that I meant more to him than any of these other girls. They SHOULD NOT be in his life if they've slept with him and are now just using him and being b****es!


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## brewgrl (May 22, 2007)

oh- and this is to HER, because this is your issue with this girl.

you just need to say straight up, "Do you have a problem with me? because i hve never given you any reason for it, and if you do, you need to tell me now so that i don't have to be nice to you. if you don't have a problem with me, why do i always feel like this around you? something is going on with you and you need to just tell me"

and if she says nothing, then its all on her... and if she does say something, then at least you know where everyone truly stands...

i am all about abrupt confontation in wierd situations... when you take it into your own hands, you automatically become the alpha female. and if they aren't ready to get up to the challenge, then all that's left is to falter back into line.


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## chantelle8686 (May 22, 2007)

hmmm i dunno wat to say on this. i have/had a similar situation with this.

Before i came into the picture bf had this bestie, name was sarah and i accepted that then about 4 months together he tells me that if he wasnt with me and if she was single he would go with her, im like wtf!!!!!

anyways i had a talk to him saying i didnt want him to be alone with her, another situation was me him and her and his neice jessie went and saw spy kids and, anyways she said something like she had to leave(someone called her) and then bf told me he will just say bye to her them come to the movie anyway i took his neice to watch the movie and i didnt see him till an hour later!!!! this also made me feel really hurt!!! this went on for a while, till she got a bf!!!! i dont let him see her at all now!!!!! and i now that controllin but i had my reasons!!!!

they speak every now and then and that doesnt worry me.

I think u really need to speak with ur partner about this!!! and she can fukin walk if it down the street!!! bloody hell he isnt her personal taxi!!! altho does sound like it!!! sorry if i was blunt, but this kinda brought old wounds up!!! sorry again


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## Dragonfly (May 22, 2007)

This is my advice on how to handle the situation:

Don't bother talking to her.

a) it will bounce right off of her

B) she will only call him more to piss you off

You are in a triangle - you are having a relationship with both your boyfrind and her. Until he tells her to get lost and stops giving her "rides" or what ever he is giving her, nothing will change.

Tell him that he must end things with her immediatly or you are leaving him.

I know this is an ultimatum but some times you have to play hardball.

And if he chooses to continue to be around her and disrespect you, then you know what kind of a relationship you really have and it will be up to you to walk away or to continue to tolerate this BS.


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## sweetnsexy6953 (May 23, 2007)

Im going to agree with everyone on here. You need to follor there advice and go from there.


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## smolly19 (May 23, 2007)

If I were you, I would not at all put up with this kind of shit. I mean, yeh they slept together, dated whatever, it's over, its in the past so why the hell is she in his life still and why does your bf allow it? I mean, how would he like it if your ex called and ask you for rides and you did, would your bf like that, no he would'nt. So it's simple, if he wants to continue to give her rides despite how u feel about it, then screw him, walk away. The only way couples that stays in eachother lives after they've spilt is when there are children involve. But in this case, they're are'nt any so like I said, he has no reason to keep her in his life if he wants to be with you. Man, guys are such Idiots sometimes. I honesty wonder what goes through thier minds. Just talk with him and tell him how it makes you feel, commuication is the key for a good realationship, so if you bottle things up, and not let it out, it will eventually get to you.

Good Luck


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## Angl Baby (May 23, 2007)

My boyfriend is close friends with this girl and they slept together before he and I met. I've known that for a long time and I'm not really worried about it. The past is the past.

Well my boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and I only recently found out that she was very jealous of me not too long ago. She often calls him to pick her up/drive her somewhere and usually I stay behind because it's not like I need to sit on his shoulder all day.

Anyway, whenever I'm in the car with her and him, things seem to be pretty frosty. By how close they sound, I don't think they would be that quiet while I'm not in the car also.

Tonight was particularly bad. I usually try to be polite and say hi because I have nothing against any of his friends. Well, I was feeling kind of awkward because she looked a little peeved when she saw us. I waited too long and missed my chance to say hi, and my boyfriend didn't say anything either. So we sat in silence until we dropped her off, and when my BF asked if she needed a ride home later she just gave us a dirty look.

I'm not really suspicious about any cheating. I just want to know if it's worth my time trying to be friendly to this girl or if I should just get on with my relationship w/o worrying about it. I don't know, my boyfriends usually pissed over how she always calls him for pointless (?) things but he never just breaks off the friendship, I might have to deal with her for a long time?

Honey, you have a problem as stated by some of the ladies in here. First of all, this is your man. Second why is he still at her every beck and call? Does she have any other friends that she can call on to take her places she needs to go? And why????? are they so quiet when you're in the car with them? If they're "just friends" why is she so cold towards you when you are present? Please sit your man down and have a "talk" with him, cause something in this water ain't clean. I know you say that you trust him, but do you know what goes on when you're not present? There needs to be boundaries set here when it comes to this female, you say that she's jealous of you, ask her why? Check her before this gets any more out of hand. You're a better woman than me, cause this would have been nipped in the bud when I found out they slept together before you met him. It's not about control, this is about RESPECT. Clearly she's not respecting you at all. Check her.


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## StrangerNMist (May 25, 2007)

Originally Posted by *cyw1* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm going to sound harsh:
I find this whole situation a bit bizarre.

Your boyfriend of a year is still making himself available to his ex's beckon call?

Why is he so willing to accomodate her? Why doesn't he see that this is disrespectful to you?

This is classic situalion where the boyfriend continues to have a relationship with the ex, while he is having a relationship with another woman.

Whether he is fooling around with her or just driving around with her, he is still involved with her.

Until he tells her to get lost, you will always be sharing him with her.

Once again, you hit the nail on the head Cyw1.

I wouldn't be as patient with him, and as a matter of fact I would call him on it. Also, there is nothing that says that you have to be friends with that girl, but being polite does put you above her in so many ways.

I agree that this girl needs to be told to take a hike and find someone else to torture.


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## Momo (May 25, 2007)

I talked to him and told him how I felt while trying to stay rational and straight faced. I forgot to mention that he was being incredibly disrespectful to me which I don't think he understands but we'll see. Thanks everyone. I'm ready to let him go if he keeps it up, before distrust and jealousy turns things poisonous. He did make some good points like he needed the extra money, but I did mention how he has yet to be paid for the past couple of weeks. Then he admitted that he thinks she is still jealous too. Overall I think he understand but understanding is one thing and doing is another


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## Savvy_lover (May 26, 2007)

ditch ditch ditch!!!!!!

boy take t or leave it ! u want that dirty gurls money, u better find yourself another gf !


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