# What should I do? My boyfriend is confusing me. HELP!!



## cynthiaf111 (Sep 11, 2014)

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. It's been amazing with normal ups and downs. We got into a big fight four months ago. He was begging me to get back with him at the time, he's the type of guy who would express his feelings to me all of the time &amp; tell me how much he loves me and how he wants me in his future. I hadn't spoken to him for four months because I wanted him to see how he hurt me and I wanted him to think about how he hurt me. He would email me all of the time and tell me that he loves me etc. On august 1st, I decided to text him &amp; he was so excited to talk to me. We were talking and he told me that when we weren't talking, he slept with 7 girls. That made my chest drop. We are each others firsts. He said he sat around for a couple months sad &amp; just went out and drank and did all of that. I forgave him because we were not together at the time. Weve been fine, talking everyday, but when he went back to school in september he out of nowhere said he wanted a break. I was devastated. I didnt talk to him for a couple days &amp; he texted me and said, " I want you. I want you to be the last girl I end up with." He told me that he was interested in this girl, but she had a boyfriend. I asked him why he like her, he said he liked her attitude. The way she acts like a b*tch, but is nice. I'm the complete opposite. I asked what else.. he said nothing else. that's it. I asked him if he thought she was attractive because I know guys also find girls attractive. He said no, i think youre the most beautiful girl in the world. I still have feelings for you &amp; I feel the same way towards you as the beginning. He said we should wipe the slate clean and start over. I dont know what to do. Help please?! advice.


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## normajean2008 (Sep 11, 2014)

You've pretty much answered your own problem if you'd pay attention to what you're saying.    /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  

You had a fight, and didn't see each other or talk for 4 months. 

During this time, he emails you saying he loves you and wants to get back together...  but he went out and slept with 7 other girls?  A man who loves a woman and is trying to get back together doesn't go out and sleep with a bunch of other women.  

You gave in, took him back.  He "wanted a break" so he could go try to get another girl...but failed because she had a boyfriend.  Which means if she was single and willing, he'd be with her, not you.  

Then he says he wants you back, loves you, blah blah blah...  

Nope, I'm sorry, this guy does not want you.  He wants a dedicated booty call for when he can't get another girl.  You're only what he wants when he fails elsewhere.  He keeps going back to you because he knows you'll give in.  You're letting your emotional bandaid of being each others firsts cloud your vision to the truth of what is going on now.  You need to think of now and the future, not how it was way back when.  He sounds really immature and like a jack ass, to be honest.  

This is a losing situation.  You take him back, he knows you're a sucker who'll fall for it every time.  He is most likely going to cheat on you if you get back together, if he hasn't already.  He's already hurt you three times!  Hurt you during fight before 4 month break...hurt you again admitting he slept with several other women...hurt you again with wanting a break and admitting he was into another woman again.  That is pretty crystal clear how he is and his true intentions.


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## MrsShaw (Sep 27, 2014)

I completely agree with you, @normajean2008. If the guy wanted to be with you as much as he says he does then he WOULD be... in my opinion (and that might sound oldfashioned to some people I suppose) if you truly love a person, you have no desire to be with ANYONE except them... let alone 7 other people (!). I know you can't look at things the same way we can because obviously you're emotionally trapped in this crappy situation but the thought that always helped me when I was younger and still dating and "looking for the one" was... "Could a relationship that starts out like this ever develop into what I am picturing for my future? Am I going to grow old and live happily ever after with a person that honestly screwed me over a couple of times before we even got married?" in most cases, those people only get worse and worse the longer you're with them.
You deserve someone who makes you his priority, girl!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Kristine Walker (Sep 28, 2014)

You should sing this into his answering service, or to him phone "Hit the road Jack! And don't you come back no more,no more, no more. Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more"


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## biancardi (Sep 28, 2014)

I can understand him sleeping with one girl while you two were not together (sad times, needs comfort - heck even women do that, not just men) - BUT 7?  In the span of 4 months?  wow.

and now, he wants to break up cause he wants to eff another girl who is in a relationship already?  Well, at least he told his true colors.   Break up with him and find someone who is worthy of you and who won't eff around on you.

This guy seems very immature and he needs to sow his wild oats before even having a girlfriend.   You will always feel bitter about this if you stay with him and you will never forget it.  You will always be looking at him and wondering.


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## biancardi (Sep 28, 2014)

wanted to add - of course he wants to wipe the slate clean and start over.   Until the next girl he wants to eff


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## felicia1995 (Sep 28, 2014)

cynthiaf111 said:


> My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. It's been amazing with normal ups and downs. We got into a big fight four months ago. He was begging me to get back with him at the time, he's the type of guy who would express his feelings to me all of the time &amp; tell me how much he loves me and how he wants me in his future. I hadn't spoken to him for four months because I wanted him to see how he hurt me and I wanted him to think about how he hurt me. He would email me all of the time and tell me that he loves me etc. On august 1st, I decided to text him &amp; he was so excited to talk to me. We were talking and he told me that when we weren't talking, he slept with 7 girls. That made my chest drop. We are each others firsts. He said he sat around for a couple months sad &amp; just went out and drank and did all of that. I forgave him because we were not together at the time. Weve been fine, talking everyday, but when he went back to school in september he out of nowhere said he wanted a break. I was devastated. I didnt talk to him for a couple days &amp; he texted me and said,* " I want you. I want you to be the last girl I end up with."* He told me that he was interested in this girl, but she had a boyfriend. I asked him why he like her, he said he liked her attitude. The way she acts like a b*tch, but is nice. I'm the complete opposite. I asked what else.. he said nothing else. that's it. I asked him if he thought she was attractive because I know guys also find girls attractive. He said no, i think youre the most beautiful girl in the world. I still have feelings for you &amp; I feel the same way towards you as the beginning. He said we should wipe the slate clean and start over. I dont know what to do. Help please?! advice.


Why is this all about his schedule and his wants? What are you supposed to be doing while he's dating all these other girls before he ends up settling down with you eventually? Does he have any idea of the time frame it's going to take to get through all those other girls?

If this guy hurt you so bad that you didn't talk to him for 4 months (and on other multiple occasions), it's going to be hard to wipe that slate completely clean -- you can't un-ring that bell. To be honest, he probably does have feelings for you, but he's also shown you that he's feeling ambivalent about the relationship and is going back and forth about having feelings for other women.

I think it's pretty cruel that he would even tell you about this other girl with the boyfriend and the other 7 girls while simultaneously telling you you're the one. If his goal was to win you back rather than hurt you/get revenge/"prove" to you (and himself) that he's attractive to other women, he would have kept his mouth shut, as he has to know that telling you those things make it less likely that you'll get back together. That's the sobbing confession you make begging for forgiveness once things are back on track, not the "oh...FYI" while he's trying to win you back. 

I think this guy is trying to tell you that he is perfectly capable of finding another girlfriend should you reject him, [SIZE=14.4444446563721px]but would like to keep you around as a back up plan in case the other relationships don't work out. He's also shown you that even if you do take him back, he may decide he wants to pursue other relationships, regardless. [/SIZE]Sounds to me like the kind of drama and hurt you don't need. If I were in your situation, I would take a deep breath, and with all the grace and dignity that I could muster, take all his sh*t out to the front lawn and set it on fire...OK, maybe not, but I would be tempted. 

I'd sit down and think hard about whether you'll be able to ever completely trust this guy again, and what things would look like if you did get married. Sometimes even if things do "work out," they don't, like my 30-something friend with three lovely children and a husband that makes six figures...and who has cheated on her 5 times during their 7 year marriage. Last month he found his soul mate on Tinder and wanted a divorce, and now she's getting apology bouquets of roses because his true love's husband put the brakes on the affair. He knows his bad behavior will be tolerated because she keeps on taking him back, because she loves him, she doesn't want the kids to not have a father, the stigma associated with divorce, she doesn't have her own source of income, etc.

If you guys do get back together, please insist that he gets an STD check.


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