# Question for married people



## TwinkletOes26 (May 16, 2009)

Ok my mother and stepfather have been fighting off and on about him checking out other women when we are in the grocery store,lowes,resturants,and the mall. The last time she caught him looking was in the grocery store. We were walking past a woman going to get ingredients for soupn and my stepdad stops turns all the way around and just stared at the woman.Im talking good five minute stare.

Well my mother of course is LIVID. She asked him why was he staring at that woman. He told her he wasnt he was staring at the candy next to her. Now this was a lit bc ALL the candy was set up next to where me and my mother were standing as we watched my stepdad stare at the woman.

The woman was so uncomfortable she left the area. Well we ran into her again in another part of the grocery store. She saw my stepdad and rushed out of the aisle. My mother yelled at him all the way home. They have been fighting ever since this incident happened thursday.

So i know they say a man will stop looking when he is dead but to just flat out stare while your wife is there next to you? Isnt that just RUDE? Is my mother overreacting? Is my stepdad wrong? I dont know cos im not married and if i saw my bf staring a woman down i wouldnt be to happy either. What do yall think?


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## Adrienne (May 16, 2009)

This is problem even if they weren't married. This would be a problem even if they were just barely dating. It's rude and disrespectful towards your mother. I don't think there's anything wrong with glancing, sometimes your walking and someone just gets your attention and you unconsciously look twice (I do it and so does my husband even when were together) but we sure as hell don't stare down someone to the point that they're uncomfortable. Just bc you're dedicated to someone it doesn't mean that minor attractions for others die. But it does mean that you don't check someone out as if you're looking for something you can't get in the first place.


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## Aprill (May 16, 2009)

There is nothing wrong with looking, cause thats gonna happen, but double takes and staring, very disrespectful


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## emily_3383 (May 16, 2009)

I agree with Aprill and Adrienne.


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## pinksugar (May 16, 2009)

another vote with Aprill and Adrienne. Not cool


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## TwinkletOes26 (May 16, 2009)

My mother says hes been doing this for ten yrs AND i find this out too : My mother and stepdad went to this church we were all dying to check out. Well i was still n college at the time so they went that sunday w/o me. Well my mama says that my stepdad was OOGLING the PREACHERS ill say it again THE PREACHERS daughter who was MY AGE mid 20s.He was so awful that the preacher saw him and went over to where he was sitting and prayed for my stepfather. My mama said she was so embarrassed that she will never go to that church again.

Then to top it off the preacher has a sermon he puts out on podcast and the preacher started to preach about lusting after women when you are married. He gave the example about a man oogling his daughter in church. The preacher preached about lust for at least a month. I didnt put the pieces together i just thought he was just talking about lust in general but i did not know my stepdad was the inspiration




.


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## Bec688 (May 17, 2009)

I'm with the other ladies on this was too.


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## internetchick (May 17, 2009)

I also agree with Adrienne and Aprill. So disrespectful.


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## emily_3383 (May 17, 2009)

Originally Posted by *TwinkletOes26* /img/forum/go_quote.gif My mother says hes been doing this for ten yrs AND i find this out too : My mother and stepdad went to this church we were all dying to check out. Well i was still n college at the time so they went that sunday w/o me. Well my mama says that my stepdad was OOGLING the PREACHERS ill say it again THE PREACHERS daughter who was MY AGE mid 20s.He was so awful that the preacher saw him and went over to where he was sitting and prayed for my stepfather. My mama said she was so embarrassed that she will never go to that church again.
Then to top it off the preacher has a sermon he puts out on podcast and the preacher started to preach about lusting after women when you are married. He gave the example about a man oogling his daughter in church. The preacher preached about lust for at least a month. I didnt put the pieces together i just thought he was just talking about lust in general but i did not know my stepdad was the inspiration



.

Wow, this is quite embarassing. It seems like he has always done this and he quite obvious about it. No good.


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## Dragonfly (May 17, 2009)

Of course his behaviour is highly disrespectful.

But until she stops allowing it to happen, she'll always be unhappy with his behaviour.


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## TwinkletOes26 (May 17, 2009)

i know yall i mean i can only get in it so much bc its not my marriage but she asked my opinion i told her id ditched his arse.


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## Joan_CD (May 17, 2009)

I agree with all the ladies. But, there is something deeper here. As a married person that also happens to be male (sigh), I will glance at an attractive woman. It's just human nature. But, only a glance. It sounds to me like your stepdad may have a psychological problem. What he is doing is not normal to me. He would be better off talking to a psychiatrist and seeking help before someone files a police complaint, he gets beat up by an angry SO... or worse.


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## reesesilverstar (May 17, 2009)

I agree with Aprill, Adrienne and Joan...

Looking is ok, but what he's doing is disrespectful and the fact that he doesn't have any reigns on it could signal a deeper problem. And for 10 years? That's ridiculous...

I don't want to scare you, but I'll give you this story. My best friend in secondary school's dad was like that. When I met him in form 1, I just thought he was one of those young at heart, cool dads. When we'd go out and stuff, he'd ogle ladies and make comments about them. It was weird to my young brain, but I didn't pay it any mind. Then as I got closer to her, I realized that it didn't stop when her mum was around. He'd still carry on about the woman staring and commenting and oh if he was single what he would do... FFWD to present time. They're getting a divorce. Why? He has a young mistress in Miami who he wants to go live with because my friend's mum doesn't "do it" for him anymore... After almost 30 years of marriage... Yea...

So if I were yr mom, I'd be wary of that kind of behaviour. It's not loving or normal...


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## Lucy (May 17, 2009)

reese is right. it could be pointing to a deeper problem. i wouldn't accept that kind of behavior from any man whether i was married to him or if he was just my boyfriend. seriously if my boyfriend was doing that i'd have a big talk with him.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (May 17, 2009)

i kinda think your mom is out of line, you said your step dad has been doing this for ten years, well odds are that he did it long before that to and your mom should of picked up on it long ago.

that being said i do think that he is out of line it is in mens nature to look, but a stare and a glance are two diffrent things, i think a glance is okay but a stare is way out of line and if the person you are looking at notices kinda creepy


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## mebs786 (May 17, 2009)

I agree. Your stepdad is being rude and disrespectful. Glancing does no harm but staring is just taking it too far!

Your mum and stepdad need to talk about this. Its upto your mum if she wants to put a stop to this or give him a chance to change if he really wants to. He should get some help by seeking counselling and your mum could attend too if they really want to make their marriage work.


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## TwinkletOes26 (May 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Orangeeyecrayon* /img/forum/go_quote.gif *i kinda think your mom is out of line, you said your step dad has been doing this for ten years, well odds are that he did it long before that to and your mom should of picked up on it long ago.*
that being said i do think that he is out of line it is in mens nature to look, but a stare and a glance are two diffrent things, i think a glance is okay but a stare is way out of line and if the person you are looking at notices kinda creepy




@the bolded. She said she didnt believe it bc she had never been with a man who did that before she was in shock and thought once they married it would stop



....i think they going to get counseling. I would have ditched his behind LONG ago but then again im not married to him so its her choice.

BTW this makes me not wanna marry even more.


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## pinksugar (May 18, 2009)

Twinkle, that is a good point, why would it stop just because they were married? this is something she should have brought up with him before they tied the knot, but the fact is, it's not appropriate and it needs to get sorted out before it gets any worse...

I hope it works out for your mum's sake!


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## Karren (May 18, 2009)

What a jerk!! And I look at women too but not like that!! And I'm more looking at what they are wearing or their makeup! Lol. My wife would kick my ass if I did what he did!! Sounds like he's trying to piss your mom off big time!!


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## Adrienne (May 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *TwinkletOes26* /img/forum/go_quote.gif She said she didnt believe it bc she had never been with a man who did that before she was in shock and thought once they married it would stop



I honestly believe this is the number two reason for divorce (money 1st). People assume that the other person will change once they're married.


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## S. Lisa Smith (May 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Karren* /img/forum/go_quote.gif What a jerk!! And I look at women too but not like that!! And I'm more looking at what they are wearing or their makeup! Lol. My wife would kick my ass if I did what he did!! Yep. Not normal, not at all....


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## MissMaryMac (May 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Joan_CD* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree with all the ladies. But, there is something deeper here. As a married person that also happens to be male (sigh), I will glance at an attractive woman. It's just human nature. But, only a glance. It sounds to me like your stepdad may have a psychological problem. What he is doing is not normal to me. He would be better off talking to a psychiatrist and seeking help before someone files a police complaint, he gets beat up by an angry SO... or worse. I agree with you, my dude, looks too, he always has, i just gave up on stopping him. But yeah, it's just glancing not flat out staring to where others notice and he doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable.
I'm from Texas and we have a lot of illegals from Mexico or people who move from there and they have very bad staring problems. Almost like they are undressing you, it's an awful feeling.


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## Adrienne (May 18, 2009)

Originally Posted by *MissMaryMac* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm from Texas and we have a lot of illegals from Mexico or people who move from there and they have very bad staring problems. Almost like they are undressing you, it's an awful feeling. I've gone to mexico several times and there it's not rude or even impolite to do so. Every country has different definitions of proper public etiquette. I've heard of cultures that find it rude to make eye contact and in our society it is considered okay and even expected to do so. They're the ones who find Americans creepy lol but hey that's culture.


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## StereoXGirl (May 21, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Joan_CD* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree with all the ladies. But, there is something deeper here. As a married person that also happens to be male (sigh), I will glance at an attractive woman. It's just human nature. But, only a glance. It sounds to me like your stepdad may have a psychological problem. What he is doing is not normal to me. He would be better off talking to a psychiatrist and seeking help before someone files a police complaint, he gets beat up by an angry SO... or worse. I agree 100%. If it's gotten so bad that he's staring down the pastor's daughter in church, it sounds like he's got a problem.
Glancing/noticing is human nature. But having a history of staring people down like that is not normal/acceptable.


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## mahreez (May 23, 2009)

oh geesh i think it's ok to look at other women but if it's so obvious other people call your attention for it, it has got to be really bad. i wouldn't know what to say coz it's not my marriage but if my bf does that to me, i'd tell him if you'd rather be with other women while you're with me, then you're free to go.


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## monkeey (May 28, 2009)

i agree. nothing wrong with looking (as long as they don't do something about it). but staring is a completely different story.


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## Fataliya (May 29, 2009)

Hell, I'm the one that will point out hot chicks for hubby to look at. Or nice big boobies, lol. Doesn't bother me.

Now...if he were to make catcalls, or whistle, or whatever...then I'd have to bust him upside his head.


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## Geek (May 29, 2009)

We (Men) always look at other women. It's in our genes. We cannot help it. Whether indifferent, wrong or disrespectful, we can't help it. We have to try to tame it down, but sometimes it doesn't work.


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## ravenlox (May 29, 2009)

If you have wandering eyes, the mind wanders and then next the body. It is completely disrespectful to your partner to wander in any way or form. If you want to lust after other people, then do your partner a favor and leave. In my book, looking at other women, men (whatever the case may be) is the same as cheating (wandering eyes, wandering mind). If your partner isn't enough, then leave and go play the field. Not all men are like that though. Some men are completely devoted to their partners and are completely satisfied in their relationships thus having no need, lust or want to stray in any way or form.

I'm sorry....it just really bothers me that this is considered normal. However, your stepfather's bahviour is very far from normal.

It sounds like your stepfather needs some serious help...professional help. There are docs who specialize in this sort of thing. It's a sort of sex addiction. You and your mother need to do an intervention. Maybe family/group therapy as well, as his behaviour is now effecting you and embarassingly, the community. Give him that chance to do something about it, and then if it continues....your mother needs to seriously rethink her marriage to him.

I'm sure your mother deserves to be treated like the tolerant and loving wife she is.

Good luck to you all.


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## mama-mia99 (Jun 2, 2009)

OMG. He has serious issues. They say mean are visual creatures....but he's taking it to a whole new level by being flat disrespectful. That is such a tough situation. Easy to break up with him if he's a boyfriend but when he's your husband.....its now quite that easy. I pray that it works out for your mother. My heart goes out to her.


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## Ricci (Jun 2, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Tony-admin* /img/forum/go_quote.gif We (Men) always look at other women. It's in our genes. We cannot help it. Whether indifferent, wrong or disrespectful, we can't help it. We have to try to tame it down, but sometimes it doesn't work. Not all men are like that


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## TwinkletOes26 (Jun 3, 2009)

They are going to counseling they started today so hopefully things will improve.


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## pinksugar (Jun 3, 2009)

That's good news Twink! let us know how things go! I've got my fingers and toes crossed


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## Adrienne (Jun 3, 2009)

That's good to hear sweetie



I wish them the best.


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## TwinkletOes26 (Jun 22, 2009)

Hey guys update ...they are much better the fighting has FINALLY stopped.She does bring up the woman every once in a while but other than that they are getting better.


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## pinksugar (Jun 22, 2009)

yay! that's great!


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## cmhchic40 (Jul 29, 2009)

Originally Posted by *TwinkletOes26* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ok my mother and stepfather have been fighting off and on about him checking out other women when we are in the grocery store,lowes,resturants,and the mall. The last time she caught him looking was in the grocery store. We were walking past a woman going to get ingredients for soupn and my stepdad stops turns all the way around and just stared at the woman.Im talking good five minute stare. 
Well my mother of course is LIVID. She asked him why was he staring at that woman. He told her he wasnt he was staring at the candy next to her. Now this was a lit bc ALL the candy was set up next to where me and my mother were standing as we watched my stepdad stare at the woman.

The woman was so uncomfortable she left the area. Well we ran into her again in another part of the grocery store. She saw my stepdad and rushed out of the aisle. My mother yelled at him all the way home. They have been fighting ever since this incident happened thursday.

So i know they say a man will stop looking when he is dead but to just flat out stare while your wife is there next to you? Isnt that just RUDE? Is my mother overreacting? Is my stepdad wrong? I dont know cos im not married and if i saw my bf staring a woman down i wouldnt be to happy either. What do yall think?

I think it is shameful and degrading. Not surprising that she is depressed.


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## Dalylah (Jul 29, 2009)

My hub and I have discussed this on occasion. We both agree that it is normal for men to look, not gawk. He never stares while he is out with me and I like that. It is respectful and considerate, which are so important. I actually tend to look at people more than he does. Not stare but I do look and it certainly is not because I am being flirtatious. I like looking at their makeup and clothes and stuff like that.

I'm really glad they are going to counseling. My best to your family.


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## Tyari (Aug 19, 2009)

to look is one thing but to stop and stare all googly-eyed?? Total disrespect


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