# I need to rant... (Long Post Warning)



## Killah Kitty (Jan 30, 2008)

Its a rant about my BF so I thought I would put it here. I really need to get some things off my chest but I seriously dont trust anybody enough at the moment to talk about it! Feel like Im going crazy and its affecting my life too much and its not good.

Ill try keep it short, so we have been together just about 2 years, and almost a year ago there was a big incident involving another girl and most of the trust was gone right then and there, but we talked and talked, and agreed to work on it. Things got better. Then it got really bad again, I broke up with him, but he called and called 3 weeks straight, we ended up back together. I have no willpower I know. At that time he made a load of promises to me, and he seemed to be following through with it, and things were going better than ever. Christmas time he got me a promise ring to show how much he meant all those promises.





!!!!!!

About a week ago I stumbled upon a website he was on, something he always used to do. And from that I discovered he has a second, SECRET, email. Back when he made those promises he gave me his password to his email and I gave him mine. I thought things were good but all he did was shift all the things he used to do, to his secret email!!! I flipped out as you can imagine, it turned out he had made this email back when he made me those promises. When he got me that ring he had been flirting with girls all the same just like he did in the beginning and just like he promised he wouldnt!!!!

We took some time apart because I was seriously MAD.. all the girls he flirted with like crazy he hadn't stop talking to them at all. He completly lied to me and this is the 50th time. Its been a couple weeks, he deleted that email, he deleted those girls, and he swears no more, but it sounds just like last time, and Im just feeling way too freaked out anymore. I love him and he swears he loves me and we both still feel it there when we are together, when we kiss, but



!!! He has completly lost all my trust and once again he says lets try this again but Im way too afraid this time and I dont know what to tell him.

Not to mention if this ended between us I have nearly no one to turn to, meanwhile he has a whole line up of girls waiting for him



. This one particular girl, he actually kissed her when we were first seeing each other, and he has talked to her since, even up until now, even after I told him I had a problem with her when our relationship started getting serious. He could never stop talking to her, he stopped talking to a number of girls I had a problem with, but not her.

And today we were just smoking and talking about it calmy and he admitted more like how, whenever we were having problems, he told this girl ALL about it. She was always like when your single Im here for you and Ill love you and bla bla bla. He actually STRESSED to me whenever we were having problems that we should keep it between only us, but he was telling her everything!! I am MAD all over again!! Not to mention his friend is also friends with her, and thought he was single (...Why??) and is trying to hook them up!!

Ok I guess I didnt keep it short but its driving me crazy. Its only one of about 10 major things going on in my life right now and I am so beyond stressed. Hes the only source of comfort I have left, yet he has hurt me again and Im just so lost now!! He couldnt keep any of his promises not even when he gave me a ring. He said the ring meant alot to him still though. What to believe anymore?! Our personal problems were broadcast to the world when he told me not to tell anyone. Should I even be thinking of trying this again. We want to but Im so afraid, with reason. I feel like I cant be with him or without him. One more chance?? Sorry for so much writing but I need your advice ladies I feel like all Im doing is this now








Thank you for listening


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## AngelaGM (Jan 30, 2008)

I am sorry that you and your boyfriend are having serious trust issues. I feel as though you need to start dating someone new. I know first hand how difficult that is but you will be better off in the long run.....


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## michixboo (Jan 30, 2008)

Wow, I read it all. I wish I could tell you how to fix things, but in all reality, I can't. Thats such a TOUGH situation to go through. You we're strong enough to look past the other situations so if you feel that theres still something there and truely love him, then I think if you two really work hard then it could happen. Stay strong. Keep posting. Get everything off your chest. Don't keep it bottled up inside you. You should read him everything you just posted to remind him of all the times he's done it to you. Just keep him 100% informed.

Even though you probably don't want to hear it, try talking to someone new. You sometimes forget how it feels to be respected and appreciated. Hope things get better. Take care.


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## Annia (Jan 30, 2008)

Sounds like a hard lesson, and I hope you can finally get rid of this loser. The next thread on this guy will be like yesterdays news,and none of us will be surprised. (There seems to be a pattern, so we'll know what will be expected. That should tell you something.)


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## Ashley (Jan 30, 2008)

I know it will be difficult, but I really think you need to get rid of him. He sounds awful and untrustworthy. I know you feel like you have no one left to confide in, but you'll eventually find someone new. If he starting dating that girl, just keep in mind that he'll probably do to her what he did to you. He is not worth the trouble and pain.


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## Killah Kitty (Jan 30, 2008)

Geez...I know that pattern too... It scares me too.

I do want to talk to someone new, maybe try something new, but at the same time I feel like we still are too in love to go seperate ways, or that I am. And even if we did I dont want to be a clingy girl with trust and issues, so while I would want someone there right away for comfort, Im afraid Id scare them if I got back into relationships so soon. Who would I turn to then. Some might say family, but I do not have any good relationships with them and they do not support me, and some might say friends, but my best friend just moved hours away, my other best friend is having serious drug issues, and my other best friend is, him. I loathe shallow two faced people my age Im sort of anti-social. Im really in a corner here lol.

Well Ill keep him informed alright, I just hope that theres still a chance that this could work. He came from a really bad relationship, the girl broke his heart entirely, and ever since hes been with me he always assumed for the longest time Id be the same, so I guess this was his way of defending himself. But even that story has gotten old now, he knows I never have done anything to hurt him, and that I never will, and he is completly at the other end of that, even though all he says is he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. That same old pattern.

Well thanks for the immediate support girls, was really comforting tonight!! Ill stop writing so much now and hope to hear more from you all, it helps

Again thank you


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## S. Lisa Smith (Jan 30, 2008)

I know this is hard for you. I have to agree with those who say that you should dump him. You have to give yourself a chance to meet other people. We are your support system and we will support you while you do this. He is using you, don't let him! Let him go and we'll hold your hand while you do it!


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## Killah Kitty (Feb 29, 2008)

I thought I might throw in a little update for those that might have a minute to listen and help me now lol so it was going ok for a while, but just today we broke up... I cant say if I saw it coming or not, on one hand I always was a little afraid it would happen, but just last week I was talking with a friend and she asked me if I thought I was going to break up with him anytime soon. I said no I think were going to make it.

Its weird how stuff turns around so fast! We started arguing over he is getting a new cellphone. He hasnt had one since October, and he hasn't needed one, and he doesn't really have the money for it. Also up until a few days ago he was firm in saying he didn't want to be involved with that cellphone company he is with any longer. Then he turns around and gets a new phone! It made me kind of mad because he isn't spending his money wisely (he needs new shoes, necessities more) and I tried to tell him, like advice, but he got mad at me, saying I was trying to tell him how to run his life and so on.

I also said like how its only been a month since we've agreed to try it all over again and I dont exactly feel hes given me enough time to get over what all he used to do. His cellphone used to be a part of that. I asked him if he could wait a little bit more for me to trust him a little more before he got the phone, since he doesn't need it anyway. Again he got mad.

Then he said he is tired of this, and tired of me assuming hes up to things, although he knows I have good reasons, he says I am not giving him the chance or oppurtunity to show me he is different.

I told him oppurtunities come along, I dont give them, you need to give me some time to get over what happened and heal and this is me right here giving you another chance.

He said he can't deal with it right now and is tired of it and yea. All that.

Maybe we will get back together. Maybe not. I don't know at this point, don't even know how I feel lol I'm not exactly heartbroken just lonely because he was my best friend too, and I have just recently started a lot of new things in my life and now I have noone to share my achievements with. Thoughts, advice? I did go a little off the edge about the whole phone thing, but hes usually a lot more understanding and patient.

He thinks Im asking too much of him now because I wanted him to make it up to me for treating me so badly before. I know I am sort of wrong, I should just let things be. Too bad I see this now lol...

Do you think we should try work it out? Thats if he wants to. Do you think he needs to apologize or me? We both did some wrongs, but considering everything else we've gotten through it seems so small to me now, like I can't believe we broke up over this, and I think and hope hope hope we can work it out...if we should... maybe someone from the outside could see my situation clearer than me? I am pretty muddled up right now





Thanks once again for listening. I love you girls here I don't know what I'd do without you!!


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## pinksugar (Feb 29, 2008)

wow! K, I read all of that and to be honest you are TOTALLY better off.

He hasn't changed at all, this whole time, and he hasn't even tried to make it better, no doubt because he KNOWS he never really had to try.

I'm so sorry you're in the middle of all of this. You said earlier, that while he has tons of girls lined up, you have no one.. well, honey, let me tell you something - it is ALWAYS better to be single than with an *******.

so, take some time to yourself. Don't let him see if you're upset about it. Be cool, and be kind to yourself. Do all those things you never did with him because he hated them. Eat at restaurants he doesn't like. Spend some time loving yourself and before you know it you'll have a. forgotten all about that jerk and b. be ready to get back out there and find someone a MILLION times better.

I know this sounds lame, but for every bad relationship you have, you learn something about yourself, and also something about people in general that you can put to good use in your next relationship.

I know this is really hard, but have a think: if you do get back with him, how will you ever trust him? do you want to get to the point of having a child with this guy, or being married to him only to be massively screwed over?

the fact he kept that email that whole time tells me he didn't mean a single thing he said.

I'm so sorry all of this happened, and I hope everything works out. Please pm me any time if you want a chat or a whinge



you don't have to feel lonely!


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## LittleMissLilo (Feb 29, 2008)

What I think, is that its good you guys broke up in a way. Because I think you are young and you have a whole future ahead of you. Besides, he wasn't respecting you in certain aspects. Its important that if you love someone, they mutually love and respect you too. It can't go in a one way direction.

And....I know how hard it is to feel that you only have him to confine too because I was in that situation before. Boyfriend was my best friend and my girlfriends were never there for me or just couldn't be. But remember you haven't lost your self and whats important to you. That's all you need really to set your head on right and to stay strong. If that even makes sense! =]

And Look on the bright side, if things don't work out between you guys in the future, like you said he was your best friend. You can still maintain a relationship as best friends if you mutually want too. =]

I know my advice isn't great advice, I tried. Anyways, best of luck to you! Let us know how things turn out! =]


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## S. Lisa Smith (Feb 29, 2008)

Some people just do better as friends. Friends isn't bad. I agree, I think you are better off!


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## Killah Kitty (Feb 29, 2008)

Thanks girls, just dealing with the heartbroken feeling thing now, oh my god this sucks...

I dont think hes interested in being with me again, he deleted me off his myspace and all that, and changed all his passwords, and started talking to all those people I didnt like. When we broke up before none of that happened, so Im thinking this is it.

Im really really sad ahh no simpler way to say it lol feels like I've lost all my motivation to do anything, doesn't help I have to stay home all day and do nothing because we're having a snow storm. Blah...

Well I'm off to school, hopefully I can get my mind off it...


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Mar 1, 2008)

Aww I'm sorry. It's better to find out now instead of 5 years down the road. Trust me you'll find a great guy who will treat you the utmost respect that you deserve and need. Good luck to you hun.


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## Killah Kitty (Mar 3, 2008)

Thank you... we started to talk again because Im not taking this very well at all lol

He said he needs a little time to decide what he wants. So I guess thats where we are at now.


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## LaItaliana (Mar 24, 2008)

I know Im late as hell on this, but me &amp; my man have gone thru the same shit over and over for about 5 years :/ ... We've only really broken up once or twice and I was ready to leave him for good the 2nd time but i changed my mind even tho I knew he was cheatin (myspace, cell phone-voicemails!) I think if hes the right one for you, you try to forgive and look past all that. Its hard but only you can make that decision. People that are on the outside and never been in that situation say, "break up with him, its for the better" but its never that easy.

My boyfriend is my best friend also and I basically have hung out with just him since like 8th grade. Im not anti-social or nothin but people think ima mean ass cuz im always mean muggin someone not tryin to. But put it this way, I know all the people in my senior class, but I dont really try to be all cool with them. That makes it really hard to be single and on your own. You don't have that best friend to hang out with all the time anymore and youre alone and its shitty. All you can do is try to make a good friend I guess but again, thats really hard to do after old friends think you just hang out with your dude all the time and thats it.

If this drama stuff happens again just keep your head up and do what you feel, even if its wrong to others or whatever. Just make sure you're gettin the love you deserve from someone who deserves you.


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## pinksugar (Mar 24, 2008)

how are thinks now K? are you feeling better at all? still talking to him? keep us updated


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## love2482 (Mar 24, 2008)

As hard as it may be, do NOT get back together with him. You will only experience the pain and heartache you are going through now all over again. Separate yourself from him, and go on with your life. If I were you, I would eliminate him from my life completely.


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## Killah Kitty (Mar 27, 2008)

Thanks so much for your interest still everybody, it really makes me feel alot better. LaItaliana, your right, he was my best friend so its really tough. I don't get much oppurtunity to mingle with new people at the moment either as I'm pretty busy with 2 jobs. Its pretty lonely but I still talk to some people and go out a little when I'm not too tired. Now I am looking forward to going back to school





As far as he goes, well we are talking, we have decided to remain friends at least, and give each some space. It was my fault things ended really, as I did do some wrongs, but in a way he brought it upon himself by his own flirtacious ways. I know in the end, the things I did are my own fault, but neither of us were treating each other as well as we should've been, and we talk about it a lot.

He said that when he told me had no feelings left for me, all that was a lie, he still cares about me and loves me he said. This is so tough for me lol! We are perfect together it seems you know, we like ALL the same stuff, we have the same dreams for us still. He said in time big chance we will end up together again, cause he really hasn't been interested in hooking up with anyone else, and this is the truth.

I guess we hurt each other, we need a little time, a little space, and it will probably bounce back, we both want a completly fresh start, so I guess thats where we are now, just talking, hanging out a little, considering stuff.

Oh and girls I do need even more advice lol. He asked me to go on a date with him!! He said he misses me and wants to see how things will go and wants to spend time with me. Do you girls think I should go? I am already leaning towards it lol obviously cause I am crazy bout the guy! But is it a bad move? Let me know!!


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## ForeverPink (Mar 27, 2008)

You maybe feel like you are too in love to make the change, because you are a little scared of change.

Definitely get rid of this loser. Once a lier, ALWAYS a lier. He clearly wants to have his cake and eat it.

There are thousands of other guys out there who would treat you lots better.

Believe me, Ive been there, once the trust has gone. Its over

Please be strong. If he's lied this many times, his promises mean nothing.


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## Adrienne (Mar 27, 2008)

To be completely honest, i've been through this before as well. 2 years together and then I find out that he messed around a year before. I still have trouble trusting him 3 and half years later but we only recently started working it out better in the past year. I'm still extremely bitter about it and really mad at myself for not having the will to break up with him initially but having my son made it so much harder for me to decide. I found out that my husband had cheated after less than 6 months of marriage and while I was pregnant. He would always leave me behind and leave on his motorcycle so he literally couldn't take me. I knew deep down that he was cheating but being pregnant that's the last thing you want to hear about the father of your unborn child. He would even have the nerve to say that I was messing around. yea right...7 months pregnant in the middle of a hot july, swollen from head to toe and I'm the one cheating. Unfortunately and obviously this affected me deeply that even to this day I still cant get over it. I was feeling digusted and fat and had pregnancy and teenage hormones all ragin at once. (i was 17) I don't ever want to associate myself with pregnancy again. to me pregnancy equals cheating. I suggest that you forget about him. You may be just friends right now but you need to leave him alone. Like someone else said on here, sometimes you forget your self-worth and maybe this is the perfect time to have alone time. Don't listen to what he has to say. Your instinct is nearly always right. You just need to follow it.


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## Killah Kitty (Mar 27, 2008)

Thanks girls. Ag10v Im so sorry you had to go through that!

I'll admit sometimes I like change, but most times I don't. I like to be comfortable, have a very familiar life, don't know how to explain it really. And when things change and I don't want them to, I think about it constantly.

I know you girls said, once a liar, always a liar, and he wants his cake and to eat it too, but don't forget I made some mistakes too. I did cheat on him as well... he never knew but its like karma came back at me... when we broke up I told him as I figured I should get it off my chest and move on, but the situation didn't become what I thought it would.

He said he wants a little time, as do I, and that we will probably try it again. We both kind of feel like we're over the accusing each other, we want to trust each other, we feel like we're the only ones for each other. And that is kind of a gut feeling, so I can't argue that it feels wrong.

I don't know its very confusing. I am staying focused on my work, and my hobbies, and I am not stressing about it. We need our little bit of space, and maybe if we end up going on that date I will see how things go. You know its true we might get back together and it might be a disaster again, but what if what we're saying actually works out and it turns out great? How will I know if I dont try is what I mean...

At this point I cant say whats going to happen. We both want to change and be there for each other when we are both ready to try it again. No rushing into things. Do you girls think this is stupid lol? And I still don't know if I should go on that date! Help!


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## Maysie (Mar 27, 2008)

Okay, I read through this whole thread and I think there are a few things you should do for yourself. I know you love him and you want to follow your heart and be open to letting him back in your life; and that's fine IF he's willing to help you rebuild the trust. It's not fair of him to expect you to just up and trust him immediately. If the cell phone was a big source of conflict and pain for you, he should absolutely be willing to give that up if it'll help you heal. In my opinion, if your partner hurts you and you decide to forgive them and try to move on with them....they should do ANYTHING it takes to show you that they're changing. If you have lingering doubts over their sincerity right when you start talking to them again, then the trust is never going to be salvaged. He needs to show you that he's truly committed to you. Have you considered going to counselling? That helped me and my fiance *so* much when we were having trust issues.


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## Killah Kitty (Mar 29, 2008)

Thank you thank you thank you girls. Your all such a great spot of support and I come back to this thread alot when Im feeling unsure. And I read about makeup here too, which cheers me up






My life is feeling like a roller coaster and Im really tired of it!

We ended up going to the movies, and we had a pretty good time. But we got in an argument later at night, and this morning. But the good news about it is, its helped me get my perspective back on things.

When I was always feeling down or upset I'd turn to him to cheer me up. He said hes tired of hearing me be negative and upset and crying and now he just gets mad if I call and start being like that. So I see I cant rely on him to make me happy anymore, I'm going to try and wait a little more to see if we have a chance, but as far as cheering myself up and being a little more independant, I am really going to go for that this week, without him.

That is probably a good idea right? Ill give him that space he wants and stop calling him when Im down and maybe it will make him miss me as well. He misses me and gets mad when I dont call lol.

And Maysie, Im not against counselling at all, if we get back together and seriously want to make it through together, I might throw that idea out there. I honestly have talked to a few therapists myself a couple years ago because I was going through a lot and had a really rough time in my life. I hope that doesn't make me sound like I belong in the loony bin now lol.

But it also explains why I love him so much I think, because once he came into my life, everything literally improved so much. I want that back!

So its all about keeping my cool, being independant, trying to keep myself happy, and not being clingy this week. Sounds good to me, I hope I can do it.


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## SierraMGraham (Apr 6, 2008)

I've only read your post and scaned a couple of others. Trust me. Guilt is his companion to keep you. He wants his cake and he wants the bakery that made it. He may change... some time down the line. But he won't as long as saying "I'm sorry. It's finished this time. I swear. Just you, baby. No one else" and you go back to him, why would he ever have to change? He has what he wants... you and the other girls.(And I'm sooo not trying to say harsh here, but I'm sure he's NOT told you everything.)

Love is a great thing, but respect is something that can't be forced (I know, I'd been in the same situation that you are, for 15 years) and without respect (him respecting you enough to NOT throw other girls up in your face "she said when I'm single she'll be there for me and love me" etc) you'll never be happy.

So, truly you have one of two choices to make, and only you can make them. 1.) Forgive him again, put yourself and your feelings on the back burner *again* and have this same problem later. or 2.) kiss him, tell him you love him, and walk away. AND MEAN IT. You may want to try later, but if you do. Do so on your terms. Not his. And I'd make him wait a good long time before you try again. But ultimately, you're gorgeous, you're young. Love yourself most. Find your own happiness, then maybe you two can find happiness together.

I wish you the best of luck, hon.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Apr 6, 2008)

Very wise advice Sierra! Francesca, I think this is what eveyone has been implying

Love (and respect) yourself most and good relationships will follow!


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## Killah Kitty (Apr 7, 2008)

Thank you everybody. I have been feeling much happier, a lot of friends have come out of the blue and are supporting me, which is really nice. I am also so busy and tired with work, that helps in a way.

As far as me and him. We talk and talk and hang out a little and at this point we probably going to try it again but not yet...


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