# I want to be a woman so bad



## laceyjessica

i want to dress and become a woman so i can go out in public, I am so scared to take the jump. I am married to an unaccepting wife and have 2 kids both girls go figure(lol) anyway they went out of town this weekend and I have had two opportunities to go get a makeover and go out dressed and wanted it so bad but i wish i had an understanding female by my side as a firend to help guide me along.....Any takers, plus the added bonus would be someone that loved to do makeup and hair....OMG iA dream come true that would be. Someday I hope to be a blushing bride

Jess


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## MakeupByMe

Just curious Hope you dont mind me asking but did your wife know you had these desires BEFORE you got married?

I think its Great that you are getting the courage to live out your dream.....Good for you!!!


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## laceyjessica

no unfortunately i didnt tell her, and I am so sorry now. I didnt dress for two years that we dated and 1st two years of marraige. then all broke loose. Monet you are so pretty I wished we lived close I would love you to do my makeup. I am so scared to go forward with this i just really dont know what to do.


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## Dragonfly

I have absolutely no problem with people that enjoy CD.

I would have lunch with you or go shopping, if you were in my area.

If you are comfortable talking, why is your wife unaccepting of CD?

Have you ever traveled to another community, got dressed up and just walked around or shopped?


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## laceyjessica

OMG carolyn i would love that so much. It is just something that she isnt into, she said she would have never married me if she knew are you on yahoo im?


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## MakeupByMe

aawwwww Thank you so much!!!!! I would have loved to do your makeup Iv'e done a few CD"s Makeup &amp; I love the feeling when they look into the mirror &amp; truly love what they see!!!!

If you dont mind me saying......I think you also need to be supportive of your wife if she knew B4 hand &amp; than during the marriage changed her mind than thats Her Bad,,,,,But I believe You should Get married knowing Everything about that person &amp; she didnt know so how can you expect her to support you!!!!!!!!!! She basically married someone she didnt truly know Imagine How she feels!!!!!!!


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## laceyjessica

she didnt know and i take all the blame for that. I though after not doing it for 4 years i would not have the desire and as I get older I wan to be Jessica. I told my wife she can date and if she finds someone it would kill me but I deserve it, I just want her to be happy and I will suffer.


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## Dragonfly

Laceyjessica, I am not very computer literate. Plus my son did somethig to screw up Outlook Express with IMing. But I post a lot on Mut.

There is a site that begins with *Meet,* I think. I don't know the full name.

It has 100s of groups - all kinds of topics - in your community.

Sometimes taking that first step is the most difficult. That's why I thought about just walking around a mall. If you are uncomfortable, you can always leave quickly and get back into your car.


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## S. Lisa Smith

You might also like to check out:Crossdressers.com Message Board &amp; Forum About Crossdressing - Powered by vBulletin

Crossdressers-Forum.com :: Index


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## goddess13

Like Carolyn, I have no problems with guys who CD. I think they should do what ever makes them happy. If that is dressing up as a woman and going out, then they should do that. I think it's kinda sad when people make fun or don't understand why guys CD, but thank God, not everyone thinks like the few who do. Go out and have fun!!!






If I lived in your part of the world, I'd be more then happy to share make-up tips and help you with your hair and make-up


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## erijane

You live in MD- here in NY in the bar at least CD are hardly noticed- are you most of them however date men- My first bit of advice might be is to try your Cd-ing out in safe place ie: a gay or lesbain bar- within that community you should find others like you and perhaps find a make up buddy!

I dont mean to offend you! I my self am a lesbian and just know how cruel the world can be!


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## laurreenn

i'm so sorry i don't know what it feels like to be in your exact predicament but i know that these kinds of situations can suck when who you want to be and who everyone else wants you to be is different.


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## MissElaine

I admire you for getting in touch with what you truly want. So many people go through life and just push their inner desires away. Good for you. I wish you the best!


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## Iwannabe

Its a difficult situation b/c this not only involves your wife. Regretfully society is harsh...The reality is you are who you are and although you were not able to tell her now ...you have told her. I am sure she is hurt and feels disallusioned...but does she want to continue living a lie? I wish you the best and pray that you both can come to an ammends that will provide a healthy environment for your family.

I must admit I love my Oprah...there was a episode that focused on families of fathers who were CD and they and their wives were able to make the transition..and their children were able to transition into this new lifestyle for their family...I recommend looking for support from other who share this experience.


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## Jesskaa

I go to highschool, and it's actually pretty normal if a classmate doesn't go "a crossdresser?" or give out some rude uneeded joke on it.

And i live in PA.  [go steelers]

anyways, it's a shame your wife has an issue with it. Maybe there's ways to help her grow and accept it? With the sites they gave you ^^ i'm sure theres others with wives who don't accept it.

obviously, I'm like 15 what do i really know? but, best of luck between you and your family. Everybody here is willing to help!


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## laceyjessica

wow I went to be early and was so supprised all of the support. you are all great and I hope I can finally come to terms with who I am, OMG last night I painted my toenails(so hot) and wore a nightgown to be, felt so nice to be me. I dont know how to handle everything, all I know is right now I am in a cute pink bra panty and garter with white lace thight highs, cute babydoll top with mini skirt and a petticoat underneath and heel and I feel like me, I wish i could wear this everyday

Thanks again for the support

Jess


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## jakk-attakk

I dont have a problem with CD's but I think I would have a problem if I was married and then suddenly out of nowhere my husband announced he wants to CD. Your wife must've got the shock of her life! Its gotta be hurtful to feel like the person you are married to has been hiding who they really are the whole time.

But I'm sure there is a way around it and she'll come to terms with it, I dont see how she would be able to if you continued lying to her and keeping her in the dark about how you feel though. If you talk to her and explain how you feel about her and that it just feels like "you", and makes you happy i'm sure she'll be cool with it eventually.


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## ColdDayInHell

I cannot imagine what you're going through but I wish you all the best and I hope you and your family will find a way to work something out to everyone's satisfaction.


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## shyiskrazy2

I wouldn't mind if my husband CD'ed...He just not better stretch anything out. I once asked my ex bf to put on a pair of my thongs and he did. I find women more visually appealing than men, but I'm not a lesbian. Maybe you could get her to put men's clothes on as an experiment like in SATC where Charolette CD'ed. It seems like fun. Women's clothing is so much cuter than men's. I wish people were more open-minded and understanding of where their loved ones are coming from. She should love you unconditionally and I wish I could say something to help. This subject is taboo and she sounds old-fashioned.


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## Anthea

As a person who has been though what your going through, I only know too well how hard it is to take that first step outside, it took me 43 years to do it myself. Now I go anywhere and everywhere without fear, without a thought.

As lisa suggested, join a support group, in particular with members in your area is the best way to go. Some of my friends went though buisnesses who you have to pay and they will dress you , do your make up, give you lessons help and encoragment and take you out in public (shopping or resturants) if you prefer to go that way to gain some confidence. Might be worth considering??

As far as your relationship, there are so many issues there, I hope things work out there for you.

I wish you all the very best.


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## speedy

I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to say I hope it all works out for you.


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## laceyjessica

thanks everyone for being so swee and i truely appreciate all the advice and comments. You really know how to make a girl feel welcome. I hope to get things wored out and this really really helps

Jess


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## love2482

I think you should really give that decision a lot of thought. It will be a lifechanging experience, not just for you, but your whole family. Have you thought about seeking support from a local group (I guess CD anony?? hehe, I don't know!). It would be good to talk to people who have been in your situation, and learning from their regrets/achievements in doing that. Of course that isn't me LOL but I thought I would suggest it!

Good luck!


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## internetchick

If I were you, I might hold off on trying to meet women to help you with CD. How might your wife feel about that? I think if you want to work with her to help her accept this, then cutting her out and meeting your needs elsewhere is a _BIG_ mistake in my opinion. I agree with finding support groups though. Ask her to come with you, even if she says no she will know you are keeping the door open for her. Find out what her concerns are so you can address them.

Best of luck to you.


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## Darla

Originally Posted by *internetchick* /img/forum/go_quote.gif If I were you, I might hold off on trying to meet women to help you with CD. How might your wife feel about that? I think if you want to work with her to help her accept this, then cutting her out and meeting your needs elsewhere is a _BIG_ mistake in my opinion. I agree with finding support groups though. Ask her to come with you, even if she says no she will know you are keeping the door open for her. Find out what her concerns are so you can address them.
Best of luck to you.





You know that is the Best advice i have heard. 
It seems like there are two competing issues in what you describe.

First you mention that you want to be a woman, but what exactly does that mean? Do you just want to crossdress and go out and socialize? or do you want to take this further and actually become a woman? obviously a big, big difference there. The desperation you describe seem to suggest it is not enough to just dress. Maybe i am reading too much into your title of the thread?

The second is your relationship with your wife. If you knew about these feelings and desires you probably owed it to her to tell her about it before you got married. I totally agree with MakeupbyMonet that her feelings need to be taken into account. It is probably in this area that you might consider couples counseling. Talking to her about everything is the only way you are going to make it through this with her. I myself really didn't run into this problem because I sort of came to my own realization about the desire to cd right in front of my wife.

I agree with InternetChick on this, if you go off without your wife's knowledge just as she is trying to get an understanding of it all it could be devastating to her.

I think if you view this place as a great resource there are plenty of people who will give you excellent makeup and fashion advice, and critiques as well as being a sounding board for any relationship issues you might have. This is an incredibly accepting group of people here. I think you already know of some of the cd communities out there and i am sure there you will find people who have gone through similar issues in their own lives. There is no shortage of help out there.


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## StereoXGirl

Do you mind if I ask...are you actually wanting to fully be a woman, or are you just referring to crossdressing? Hopefully your marriage can withstand crossdressing and she just needs time to figure things out.





I think if you're actually wanting to fully go through with becoming a woman, though, that it'll be much more trying on your relationship...


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## Karren

Well there's a couple things ya got to ask yourself.. Are you a crossdresser or do you have gender ID issues? If gender issues and want to become a woman then you better seek professional help.. The sooned the better..

If your a crossdresser like I am then you have to weigh your desires vs potentially loosing your family and friends.. Your job.. if you are outted during a nasty divorce..

I'm what I like to refer myself as a "Hobbiest"... And though my wife knows and is not a big fan.. She understands and loves me so she turns a blind eye as long as I keep it out of her face...

I fear your suffering from "pink fog" where your desires are averwhelming... And if you can control them they will subside somewhat.. Like anything else in life its all about balance... Balancing your work, family and crossdressing and not letting one overshadow the others.. Good luck girly!


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## S. Lisa Smith

Originally Posted by *Karren_Hutton* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well there's a couple things ya got to ask yourself.. Are you a crossdresser or do you have gender ID issues? If gender issues and want to become a woman then you better seek professional help.. The sooned the better..
If your a crossdresser like I am then you have to weigh your desires vs potentially loosing your family and friends.. Your job.. if you are outted during a nasty divorce..

I'm what I like to refer myself as a "Hobbiest"... And though my wife knows and is not a big fan.. She understands and loves me so she turns a blind eye as long as I keep it out of her face...

I fear your suffering from "pink fog" where your desires are averwhelming... And if you can control them they will subside somewhat.. Like anything else in life its all about balance... Balancing your work, family and crossdressing and not letting one overshadow the others.. Good luck girly!

Well said!! I am in the same place as Karren (except my wife is more accepting, she knows I dress when she's out and that's OK. She'll buy me stuff, but doesn't want to meet Lisa). This is serious stuff. As I suggested before, join some of the crossdressing forums and see how that helps you. They helped me a lot. That's where I met Karren and she invited me here. I love it here and I hope you do too. We who are gender gifted have problems with society and acceptence. Not just family, but neighbors, employers, customers, whatever. Be careful and consider all aspects of your choices before you make them! As Karren said, good luck!!


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