# My bf left me for another woman....



## girlmichi19 (Nov 19, 2013)

I dated this guy almost 4 years who was bipolar. The first year was good, but the second year he started to be abusive. He would scream at me in front of all of his friends. Kick me out of his house. Call me horrible things.My self esteem is damage. Then he would dumped me for the most stupidest reason. He dumped once 4 days before Christmas and my birthday. Then he dumped me 2 months before my graduation.I have cried so much over him.




 I feel stupid. I would always forgive him thinking that he was going to change. Then on the third year he push me to the ground. Then some of his friends told me that he was cheating on me. After that i decided to leave for a few months. We were in contact while i was away. Then i came back and he was acted nice ,but then he left me for somebody else.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />  I dont know how to move on. This is so hard for me. I feel heartbroken.

Any advice please


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## lorizav (Nov 20, 2013)

I know break ups are hard but I think you deserve someone who is stable and not abusive. Maybe now that this is over you will meet someone really great.


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## kawaiimeows (Nov 20, 2013)

My serious advice would be to STAY AWAY from him, cut off ALL contact. From your description it sounds like he is both emotionally and physically abusive. If you try to get back together with him, he WILL make you dependent on him to the point where you CAN'T leave. Seriously, this sounds like it has the potential to turn in to battered spouse syndrome if it goes on for much longer.

I know breakups suck but you can find someone who will treat you MUCH better.


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## iPretty949 (Nov 20, 2013)

You deserve better than him, dear @girlmichi19, No woman deserves to be treated like that.

If you were able to tolerate the physical pain, the emotional pain will be there forever. It will make you a totally new person, starting feeling hatred and bitterness to yourself.

I agree with @kawaiimeows. Think of your future. Ask yourself if you want to see your future being scared, hurt and pushed away all the time. I know no one likes that.

Take some time to better yourself and try as much as you can to stay away from him. The more you will give in to coming back to that relationship, the more you are giving him the power to do more than what he already did.

Talk to your friends, make yourself busy with a new hobby, or maybe go somewhere with your family. DO not make yourself alone.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Hope you will feel better. True enough, breakup sucks -- feels like the end of the world. But think about this, maybe that is already a sign that you need to start a new one - a BETTER ONE.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## saycrackagain (Nov 20, 2013)

Get away from him and never, ever take him back no matter what!!! Don't even be friends with him. I agree with @kawaiimeows times a million! He will forever manipulate you and physically and psychologically trap and hurt you unless you show him that you have self esteem and know that you deserve better than him! And he doesn't deserve YOU. Even being alone forever (which won't happen!) would at least be healthy, but you are getting beaten up mentally, physically and emotionally by a manipulative man who has no respect for you at all. You are not his girlfriend, you are his toy and his punching bag, and that is never going to change. Even if he comes back in the future, it will all happen again. So get away and stay away. You don't have to convince him you're right or feel sorry for him. Abusive, controlling people will play the victim when it suits them but it's just another form of manipulation, and you don't owe it to him to be his babysitter. If he needs help or is "trying to change" or whatever, he can go to a psychologist, but no matter what his punishment is that he loses you. You don't owe him any more chances. Even in the future, you have the right to stay away from him and not even be friends even if he says he's changed. I used to be in abusive relationships and I always thought that it was more important to be loving, patient and forgiving, but I learned the hard way that those things have to go out the window when the situation is abusive in any kind of way because abuse is dangerous. A lot of victims of abuse have that same line of thinking, or others tell them that it's correct, and that's why they stay in the abusive relationship. Things never get better in those situations, they only get worse. Even if you have kids together, this is too unsafe to stick around. Get your health, peace and happiness back now. If you can, move to another city so you can start over and don't keep in touch! It doesn't have to be far, it can be the next city over. But get away and immediately fill your life with healthy things like school or fitness and family. It will be strange to adjust, but it is the start of such a better life, and once you realize how much healthier you are after a couple months, you'll realize just how bad things really were and that you deserve so much better. If I were you, I would see a counselor that specializes in domestic violence to help you adjust and not fall back into such a trap. Hope things get better for you, but you have to MAKE that happen!


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## Boots (Nov 20, 2013)

Quote: Originally Posted by *kawaiimeows* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
  My serious advice would be to STAY AWAY from him, cut off ALL contact. From your description it sounds like he is both emotionally and physically abusive. If you try to get back together with him, he WILL make you dependent on him to the point where you CAN'T leave. Seriously, this sounds like it has the potential to turn in to battered spouse syndrome if it goes on for much longer.

I know breakups suck but you can find someone who will treat you MUCH better.
I agree completely, it will turn even more sour if you try and get him back, or accept him if he comes back. Their only thought is control over you.

My mother in law is currently dealing with getting away from her husband, who sounds very similar. After 29 years she's finally leaving, and it's going to be even harder now than if she had tried years ago.

Please, get away from someone like that, they do not deserve your time or love. Leave and have no contact, whatsoever. It will hurt for a bit, but the freedom you'll gain will start to overpower that very quickly.


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## girlmichi19 (Nov 20, 2013)

Thank you  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## girlmichi19 (Nov 20, 2013)

thank you very much for your advice


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## suenotto (Nov 20, 2013)

Truth is, now that he's out your life will undoubtedly get better. It doesn't seem like it now, but trust me, it will, it just takes time. You will see, a week from now you will feel a little bit better, then a month, a little bit more, in a few months or a year you might be ready to look back at this and say "our break up was the best thing that could have happened, I just wish it happened sooner". Please give yourself some time to heal, focus on yourself, it will be OK.


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## eclipsechick08 (Nov 20, 2013)

@girlmichi19 , As someone who was in an abusive relationship before, believe me when I tell you that you are SO much better off without him. This will slowly get better and your life will improve, I promise you. Guys like him don't deserve women like you, be proud of who you are and don't let anything that he's ever said to you rest in your brain. Kick out all those negative thoughts because from here on out, your life is positive. Do not, under any circumstances, make contact with him. That part of your life is over. He's scum and will get his eventually. You deserve happiness and someone who will fill your life with positivity.


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## GlamBabe (Nov 21, 2013)

GirlMichi~I'm so sorry to hear you're in so much pain and struggling. I think it's always harder when there is another woman involved. However, you mention that your ex is bipolar. That is a very difficult disease to live with, especially if he's inconsistent with medication and treatment and from his behavior it sounds like he isn't treated properly. Given what he has done to you in the past I would say that you are lucky he has gone, and I actually feel sorry for the woman he is with because eventually he will do the same things to her that he did to you.

My son is Bipolar, he is very seriously ill and non compliant. I am still friends with his ex and she is doing so much better now without him. I don't want to sound like a traitor regarding my son, I love him with all of my heart, but I also see his behavior and cannot condone it. When he is on his medication he can be the sweetest, most charming amazing guy, but when he's not, and he chooses to abuse substances he's absolutely horrific to be with. I would not wish that on anyone. Until he realizes that life is much better when his illness is under control (and it is an illness, no ones fault, it just is what it is, not unlike my youngest son who has Aspergers) he will not be a good candidate for a LTR. You are doing all the right things right now. You are reaching out to your friends both on and offline, and this is a great forum for support and encouragement, you are distancing yourself from him, hopefully, please do not return his calls or pleas to come back or that he will be different this time, it's not going to happen right now, maybe in a few years, when he's gotten it together things could be different, but right now there has not been nearly enough time for any positive change. And if he feels you are a constant, a take him back regardless of the cost to you he will try to come back at the end. Don't be that person who tolerates everything because of love, it's not really love if he's acting that way towards you, or it may be all he's capable of, and frankly you deserve better. Consider getting some counseling yourself, it's a great way to have a sounding board and if you can't afford a one on one counselor privately, contact your local domestic abuse shelter (if you PM me I can help you find one, I was a volunteer at our local one for years and it's often easier with someone at your side, even online), they almost always have both individual and group therapy at no cost. They even provide childcare in many cases so that you can attend.

An analogy that someone once gave me when I wanted my ex to change and kept going back was, 'don't sit under an apple tree waiting for peaches to fall in your lap". He's an apple tree, you need peaches, don't expect what he can't give you. If you do you're just waiting for those apples to conk you on the head. And from the abuse, you've had more then enough of his apples. When you're feeling weak, come here, someone will almost always  be available to encourage you and help you through those cravings for the relationship. And ask yourself if you were in it because of him, or because you liked the security of a relationship, you may be surprised with some soul searching with what you've found. Please keep us updated, obviously we care about you and want you to be happy, and most of all, safe-both physically and emotionally It may not feel like it now, but it will get better, trulul                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           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It probably feels like it won't ever be ok, but I promise it will. When relationships end it feels like the end of your world, and it might be the end as you've known it, but from what you've said, perhaps that means a better world ahead. With your ex as part of your life you did not have the chance to be open to a strong, healthy relationship. As the Mother of a son who is Bipolar I can tell you it's a horrible, debilitating disease that turns our loved ones into someone we don't recognize. My son, when he's taking his medications and being compliant about not drinking, can be the kindest, most generous, loving boyfriend a woman could ask for. Then he stops doing things that are healthy for him and his world implodes. He is cruel and thoughtless and rather than unfeeling feels too much and worries about the woman cheating/not loving him/and all kinds of other insecurities that can come out in mental and physical violence. I cannot stand him when he is like that, though my love is unwavering as his Mother. I have remained friends with some of his ex's and frankly have told them to get out of relationships with h


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## v0ltagekid (Nov 21, 2013)

It's hard to leave a relationship, it's worse when they make you feel insecure and hurt you like that. 

I promise you that there are better things and better people out there, and that after all the sadness you are feeling, happiness will come. You have to be strong, and not allow him back into your life. 

You can PM me if you need to talk to someone, I went through the same thing, my ex was bipolar and he always made me feel so hurt. The people that hurt you shouldn't be allowed in your life sweetie, only let good people in. 

xo


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## LazyJ (Nov 21, 2013)

I am really sorry to hear that.  Bipolar disorder is no walk in the park for either the person who has it, or their loved ones.  I'm not excusing his behavior but it is a very serious mental illness, that, if left untreated, can absolutely create monsters and lead to destructive relationship behavior.  He sounds like he desperately needs meds and therapy and there was no way that you were going to fix him or he was going to change on his own without taking meds.   It's best that he left you, let him be someone else's problem now and you can start the healing process!   It will take a while.  4 years is a long time to be with someone.  Just stay busy, start a new hobby or something to keep your mind off of him.   Good luck.


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## girlmichi19 (Nov 30, 2013)

Quote: Originally Posted by *v0ltagekid* /img/forum/go_quote.gif
  It's hard to leave a relationship, it's worse when they make you feel insecure and hurt you like that. 

I promise you that there are better things and better people out there, and that after all the sadness you are feeling, happiness will come. You have to be strong, and not allow him back into your life. 

You can PM me if you need to talk to someone, I went through the same thing, my ex was bipolar and he always made me feel so hurt. The people that hurt you shouldn't be allowed in your life sweetie, only let good people in. 

xo
Thank you  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## GlamBabe (Dec 6, 2013)

I just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing. Please update me, either here or in a PM. I am worried about you!!


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