# The confrontation with the Ex.....



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

Let me start with a little background....

I dated my BF all through highschool. We met freshman year, were first loves, lost our virginity to eachother and didn't breakup until I moved away to go to college. He was heartbroken when I moved away and we stopped talking because it was too painful. 6 years went by and not one moment went by that I didn't think of him or miss him. So finally I mussed up the courage to call him. I was shocked to find out that he was in rehab. His parents gave him my numvber and he immediatley called me. We cried and talked for hours everyday. It was like no time had passed. I instanly realized I had never stopped loving him. Well.....he was engaged. Because of the Rehab and a very volatile relationship things were on the rocks with them. I ended picking him up from the airport when he finished Rehab and we spent a lot of time together. He lived 4 hours away and I spent every moment I could with him. He told me he was still getting ove the Ex, but that he never stopped loving me. 5 months later he asked me to move in.

Fast forward to now...... We have lived together for 6 months. He has battled depression and suffered through a lot of problems I have been by his side and totally committed to being with him forever. We've been happy. Well the inevitable happened. We were having dinner with his parents at a local restaurant and the Ex came in with a few of his friends. They went outside and I gave them a moment. I finally went outside and introduced myself. I was very calm and nice. Here's my issue. She began crying and ran to her car. She had dumped him and really treated him badly. She left him at the time he was his lowest. He hadn't spoken to her since last Summer and she has dated sooo many guys since him. He told me she asked for a hug, he gave her a quick one and she said " Is that all you feel for me", he answered with I am here with Amanda.The next day his Mom told he she had called them hysterical saying they were "supposed to be her family" and that she still loved him. She asked to speak with him and his Mom said he's at his house with Amanda. She kept crying and saying she loved him.

I am a little worried. I trust him, but I am afraid she will try to come back into his life. It's one of those situations that she saw him with me and realized she still wanted him. I have been very cool about it. I have seen him come soo far and all she did was destroy him. I would appreciate some advice on how I should handle it. I don't want to get jealous or nervous.


----------



## Aprill (May 9, 2007)

He would have never walked out to talk to her in private IMHO. Whatever needed to be discussed, would have been discussed in front of me. I suggest you let her know who his new perm. woman is if you know what I mean. And he needs to be present cosigning on it the whole way. Otherwise, it is purposeless. Now you in some situations cant stop family interaction, but you can stop it between those two.


----------



## luxotika (May 9, 2007)

Oh boy! Maybe she is being weird towards you because she feels that you coming into the picture after so long brokek up their engagement, even though from what you write, it doesn't sound to me that it went down like that. You know how women can get sometimes!

As far as your boyfriend goes, you can't really do anything or say anything to him about it without making it look like you are obsessing about it. I guess just wait it out and see what happens, that would be my best advice. Good luck!


----------



## jhjodec9 (May 9, 2007)

well i think your doing just right. dont get jealous or angry because that could cause you guys to break up and thats what she wants. i know you dont want to hear advice from a 15 y/o but i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i still have to go through that and i learned to not get mad or anything.


----------



## SimplyElegant (May 9, 2007)

Ask him how he feels about her and see what his response is like. Tell him that you trust him but that she makes you a bit nervous, especially with how she reacted when you saw her. Just be honest and let him know.


----------



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Aprill849* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He would have never walked out to talk to her in private IMHO. Whatever needed to be discussed, would have been discussed in front of me. I suggest you let her know who his new perm. woman is if you know what I mean. And he needs to be present cosigning on it the whole way. Otherwise, it is purposeless. Now you in some situations cant stop family interaction, but you can stop it between those two. The reason they walked outside is because we were in a restaurant. I didn't want to look like the insecure GF and follow after him immediatly. I am not sure how to let her know I am his Woman now without seeming like I am insecure about her??


----------



## Aprill (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *BeneBaby* /img/forum/go_quote.gif The reason they walked outside is because we were in a restaurant. I didn't want to look like the insecure GF and follow after him immediatly. I am not sure how to let her know I am his Woman now without seeming like I am insecure about her?? yeah that's a hard one.....


----------



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *luxotika* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Oh boy! Maybe she is being weird towards you because she feels that you coming into the picture after so long broke up their engagement, even though from what you write, it doesn't sound to me that it went down like that. You know how women can get sometimes!
As far as your boyfriend goes, you can't really do anything or say anything to him about it without making it look like you are obsessing about it. I guess just wait it out and see what happens, that would be my best advice. Good luck!

My BF told me that she had had some problems with the fact that we were first loves and that he kept pics of us and his Mom had our Highschool Prom pics up in their house. I do think that seeing me was a bit of a blow for her. I would be devastated if my engagement feel through and my ex fiance went back to his First. But the breakup was for the better of both them.

Originally Posted by *SimplyElegant* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ask him how he feels about her and see what his response is like. Tell him that you trust him but that she makes you a bit nervous, especially with how she reacted when you saw her. Just be honest and let him know. I ended up get a little teary eyed in the car. He saw I was upset and asked why. I told him " I know in my heart I am the best Woman for you, I am just afraid to lose you" He hugged me and said not to worry. But I know how manipulative Girls can be.
Here's the other thing. His Mom told me in private that she called her. We both agreed it would be in the best interest of my BF to not tell him she called crying and professing love. His Mom loves me and credits me to saving her sons life....*tears*

The next night we were at a Family BBQ and the BF kissed me and in front of everyone said..." I am so glad I am with this beautful Women and not that Whore" I was a little shocked....but happy. I am still nervouos though. They WERE engaged.


----------



## pinksugar (May 9, 2007)

well... I see how she must have felt, but I think her reaction was just a little bit childish - it sounds like she was trying to pull sympathy from his family, and from him. I also don't think it was appropriate that they went outside - it may be a restaurant but its kind of rude to interrupt someone dining. She should have come over and said hi, how are you going, you should have been introduced and if she wanted to say anything further to him, she should have sent an email or suggested they meet up for coffee or SOMETHING.

I dunno. I agree with aprill. Anything that she had to say to him should have been said in front of you. That being said, I'm not blaming him, it sounds like a very volatile situation and he dealt with it the best way he knew how at the time.

Good luck with it, she sounds like a bit of a life one


----------



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

I think I would have a heart attack if they went for coffee!!!!!


----------



## pinksugar (May 9, 2007)

lol, I know, I was going to put that in brackets. I just meant, if she'd wanted more, then she should have expressed an interest in meeting up again rather than interrupting your meal and expecting them to go outside together to have a private 'talk'. In my oppinion it just sounds very junior high school of her


----------



## Aprill (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif lol, I know, I was going to put that in brackets. I just meant, if she'd wanted more, then she should have expressed an interest in meeting up again rather than interrupting your meal and expecting them to go outside together to have a private 'talk'. In my oppinion it just sounds very junior high school of her



some chicks are sneaky and like to start off slow......


----------



## pinksugar (May 9, 2007)

true. What a skank, lol - i don't like the sound of her


----------



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Aprill849* /img/forum/go_quote.gif some chicks are sneaky and like to start off slow...... Exactly!!!! She is a few years younger than me, my Sister went to school with her. From what I know, she plays dirty. I can be too niave at times and I try to control myself and not get overemotional. I can feel that this hit's a soft spot on my anger scale.....If she even tries anything I think I will flip out on her.

Originally Posted by *pinksugar* /img/forum/go_quote.gif true. What a skank, lol - i don't like the sound of her



Well she did cheat on him! She killed his self-esteem by telling him he needed to work out and be tan to be hot. I boil over even thinking of her treating him like that...he's perfect!!


----------



## Maysie (May 9, 2007)

To me it sounds like he's over her considering how he reassured you that he's so happy to be with you and is glad he ended up with you. If anything it sounds like he has bad feelings towards the ex...and maybe he knows that shes kinda immature and would have created a scene in the restaurant, and thats why he went outside. I don't think you have anything to worry about...but if you're worried about her contacting him I would just tell him that you don't want her drama to come in between you, so you're not comfortable with them talking. I don't think that sounds insecure at all. It's natural to feel anger towards a girl who caused so much pain to the guy you love. Also I think talking to him will prevent any kind of conflict.


----------



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

So is is okay to ask your BF not to talk to an Ex? I wouldn't have a problem of him asking that of me, but I don't want to create a sitch where he would go behind my back. It all seems so touchy.


----------



## Maysie (May 9, 2007)

I think it's okay. He has no reason to have any type of relationship with her. Its not like they parted friends, and she still has feelings for him and you know it. Its one thing to trust him, but this chick sounds sneaky. Also I don't think he'd go behind your back since he was cheated on...he probably knows how devastating that can be. Either way you put your feelings out there, which I think is always good if it's coming from a good place. (anyway if she treated him like crap you not wanting him to have anything to do with her is good for his self esteem as well!) just my opinion


----------



## Ashley (May 9, 2007)

Don't worry, I think your boyfriend knows how wonderful you are and I am sure he knows that you're the one who stuck by him.


----------



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *aplsmash* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Don't worry, I think your boyfriend knows how wonderful you are and I am sure he knows that you're the one who stuck by him.



I want to believe that. A little voice inside just tells me that I shouldn't get toooo comfortable. I should point out that my BF is pretty wealthy. He owns a car lot and we own a home. He bought me my first car at 18 and bought me another recently. She is still driving a BMW he bought for her. He told me that she was very demanding and money hungry. She definitely has motivation to want to reunite with him. I have known him since childhood so $$$$ means nothing to me. I know he told me all these negative thing about her. But I also know people say bad things about Ex's when they are hurt or angry.


----------



## Saje (May 9, 2007)

You have every right to be worried but it seems like your boy is yours. Just keep an eye out for the ex and talk to your bf and see if he is okay with not talking to her.

To me, it sounds like shes just playing a game and just wants to take away what she feels you took away from her even though she broke up with him. Women are crazy like that.

Right now, if it were me, I would just show my man how lucky he is to be with me and how I feel lucky to be with him.


----------



## Annia (May 9, 2007)

I think, for him *not* to have any further contact with her would be for the best. Better for your relationship and for his self esteem.

This woman still has feelings for him, it would seem inappropriate to have regular contact with her.

I don't think you should ask your significant other to do something or not to. If he does do something or not--because you ask him, yeah that shows he respects you, but you also want feeling to go along with that

(meaning I would rather him, to be the one, to not want to contact her OR be contacted by her) I hope that made sense.

The best thing to do is talk about it to him. Maybe he'll decide on his own that he'll avoid this ex like the plague, and you won't have to do it for him.

(Just my thoughts, on the contacting situation)

Best of luck!


----------



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

Thanks you guys!! All this advice is so valuable.


----------



## sweetnsexy6953 (May 9, 2007)

Trust me I know exactly how you feel. I too am going through the same situation in a way. My bfs ex continues to call and text him. My bf and I have been together for a year and 4 months. Its really sad cuz she has hurt him so bad and ruined his ability to trust. Everytime I hear the name megan I think of her and want to kick her ass. So yea you tellin your bf that you dont want him talking to her is ok in my book. Ive told my bf plenty of times not to talk to her and hes told me not to talk to my ex. If she continues to call him then have him change is number. The dumb whore even called my bf yesterday morning at 3:37am and claims she never called him. I also blocked her from texting him. Only I know that tho. Good luck with your situation. Trust me its hard not to get jealous but it does happen and theres nothing you can do about it. Just talk to him if you get insecure about it.


----------



## pinksugar (May 9, 2007)

seriously what is with these skanks! as a reccent ex girlfriend, i don't have to contend with a newbie yet, but i would never behave like this!


----------



## KristieTX (May 9, 2007)

My best advice for you Amanda is to be completely open and honest with him on how you are feeling about the whole situation and just let it go from there. If he really loves you (which from your posts, I know he does!) he will do what is right and stay away from her. And if he does see her, nothing will come of it. If something did come of it, he really was not worth it anyways.


----------



## SimplyElegant (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *BeneBaby* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I ended up get a little teary eyed in the car. He saw I was upset and asked why. I told him " I know in my heart I am the best Woman for you, I am just afraid to lose you" He hugged me and said not to worry. But I know how manipulative Girls can be.
Here's the other thing. His Mom told me in private that she called her. We both agreed it would be in the best interest of my BF to not tell him she called crying and professing love. His Mom loves me and credits me to saving her sons life....*tears*

The next night we were at a Family BBQ and the BF kissed me and in front of everyone said..." I am so glad I am with this beautful Women and not that Whore" I was a little shocked....but happy. I am still nervouos though. They WERE engaged.

As long as he is trustworthy, and it definitely seems like he is with how he is acting, then I don't think anything she does can come between you, although she could cause some stress in trying to do so.
I don't think he should know either since it would only make things worse for him. Aww, she definitely doesn't deserve him.

To be so public about it, I would say that he's not interested in her at all. It shows how much he cares for you and if he ever did do anything with her, it would be pretty embarassing for him to be reminded about what he said and then what he did later on. I don't think that would happen though. Yeah, but that seems like a long time ago and he has someone way better to compare her to and it seems like you're the obvious choice for him.


----------



## Sonia_K (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *KristieTX* /img/forum/go_quote.gif My best advice for you Amanda is to be completely open and honest with him on how you are feeling about the whole situation and just let it go from there. If he really loves you (which from your posts, I know he does!) he will do what is right and stay away from her. And if he does see her, nothing will come of it. If something did come of it, he really was not worth it anyways.




I think he really loves you but then again, you can never underestimate an Ex. It helps that his mom is on your side.


----------



## emily_3383 (May 9, 2007)

I also think he really loves you and its nice that his mom loves you too. I would pay attention not because he will cheat on you but because from what im reading they had a really bad and crazy relationship and sometimes people can fall back into that habit. I wish you the best and keep us updated!


----------



## Dragonfly (May 9, 2007)

"I instanly realized I had never stopped loving him. Well.....he was engaged. Because of the Rehab and a very volatile relationship things were on the rocks with them. I ended picking him up from the airport when he finished Rehab and we spent a lot of time together. He lived 4 hours away and I spent every moment I could with him. He told me he was still getting ove the Ex, but that he never stopped loving me. "

1. I am confused about a few things. The day you became friendly with him again, he was having a relationship with her?

2. While you and he were spending all kinds of time together, when he was 4 hours apart, he was having a relationship with her?

You skipped over the part about how and when she ended his relationship with her.

3. Was there ever a period of time that you weren't with him before and during the time she ended their relationship?

"5 months later he asked me to move in."

4. Is this from the time he got out of rehab and was still with her, or is this 5 months from the day he ender their relationship?

The reason I am so focused on these questions is I believe they hold all the answers to what you are looking for.

"Here's my issue. She began crying and ran to her car. She had dumped him and really treated him badly. She left him at the time he was his lowest."

5. When did she dump him and why? Was she aware that you were spending so much time with him prior to dumping him?

"He hadn't spoken to her since last Summer and she has dated sooo many guys since him. He told me she asked for a hug, he gave her a quick one and she said " Is that all you feel for me", he answered with I am here with Amanda. The next day his Mom told he she had called them hysterical saying they were "supposed to be her family" and that she still loved him. She asked to speak with him and his Mom said he's at his house with Amanda. She kept crying and saying she loved him.'

"I am a little worried. I trust him, but I am afraid she will try to come back into his life. It's one of those situations that she saw him with me and realized she still wanted him. I have been very cool about it. I have seen him come soo far and all she did was destroy him. I would appreciate some advice on how I should handle it. I don't want to get jealous or nervous."

I'm need some clarification to my questions before I can offer advice.


----------



## BeneBaby (May 9, 2007)

Originally Posted by *cyw1* /img/forum/go_quote.gif "I instanly realized I had never stopped loving him. Well.....he was engaged. Because of the Rehab and a very volatile relationship things were on the rocks with them. I ended picking him up from the airport when he finished Rehab and we spent a lot of time together. He lived 4 hours away and I spent every moment I could with him. He told me he was still getting ove the Ex, but that he never stopped loving me. "
1. I am confused about a few things. The day you became friendly with him again, he was having a relationship with her?

2. While you and he were spending all kinds of time together, when he was 4 hours apart, he was having a relationship with her?

You skipped over the part about how and when she ended his relationship with her.

3. Was there ever a period of time that you weren't with him before and during the time she ended their relationship?

"5 months later he asked me to move in."

4. Is this from the time he got out of rehab and was still with her, or is this 5 months from the day he ender their relationship?

The reason I am so focused on these questions is I believe they hold all the answers to what you are looking for.

"Here's my issue. She began crying and ran to her car. She had dumped him and really treated him badly. She left him at the time he was his lowest."

5. When did she dump him and why? Was she aware that you were spending so much time with him prior to dumping him?

"He hadn't spoken to her since last Summer and she has dated sooo many guys since him. He told me she asked for a hug, he gave her a quick one and she said " Is that all you feel for me", he answered with I am here with Amanda. The next day his Mom told he she had called them hysterical saying they were "supposed to be her family" and that she still loved him. She asked to speak with him and his Mom said he's at his house with Amanda. She kept crying and saying she loved him.'

"I am a little worried. I trust him, but I am afraid she will try to come back into his life. It's one of those situations that she saw him with me and realized she still wanted him. I have been very cool about it. I have seen him come soo far and all she did was destroy him. I would appreciate some advice on how I should handle it. I don't want to get jealous or nervous."

I'm need some clarification to my questions before I can offer advice.

Great!! 1. When I called him again I was not able to get in touch because he was in Rehab. When his number was disconnected I feared something was wrong, so I called his Dad. His Dad said he would talk to my BF and see if he wanted to talk with me again. My initial contact with him was not to restart a relationship. I had been thinking about him alot and really felt something wasn't right. I was dreaming about him and that usually only happens to me when I need to call that person or they are in need. He called me back and we talked. He told me that they hadn't spoken in 2 months and that she was dating other guys. That was all true.

2. When I would go visit him, neither of us was in a committed relationship. He made it clear he was not ready to fully pursue a relationship with me because he was still getting over addiction and his Ex. He did tell me that he had seen her a few times and been intimate once since we had seen eachother again. At least he was honest!!

3. As for the way they ended. She simply told him I don't love you and never want to be with you again. The entire time he was in Rehab she never called or tried to be there for him. She was out partying and dating. When he and I started seeing eachother he was still in love with her. I was there more as a friend. Sure I still loved him, but I wasn't sure I was IN LOVE with him again. After his first month back from Rehab he never saw her again until now. She never contacted him again after saying " I don't love you" There was some time that he told me to stay away because he was confused and hurt. I did for a month or so. During that month he worked really hard on the house and finished remodeling it. One day he called and asked me to visit, so I did. We dated for about 5 months, exclusively, then he told me he wanted me to move in.

4. From what I understand, their engagement was over before I came back into the picture. I think my BF still felt for her, but she was over it. He asked me to move in 5 months after he exited Rehab.

5. Again. She dumped him while he was in Rehab. His fiancee never called and dated other people. She moved out of their place and basically disappeared. I fully believe their relationship was over before I entered the picture. They broke up because they had a very volatile and unhealthy realtionship. She was extremely demading and money hungry. She destroyed my BF's self-esteem by cheating and demeaning him. She had to have the best of everything and wouldn't settle for less. He paid all her bills, bought her car, put her through school and she still kept wanting more. He also found out that she had been cutting herself fat checks out there account and putting them in her private account. She would get drunk and cuss him out, break windows..all sorts of stuff. My BF ended up turning to drugs because he was depressed about his relationship and his inability to make this Woman happy. She ended up dumping him because of the addiction. She said she couldn't be with someone who used drugs...but she used occasionally.

When I think of Love, I think of standing by someone through thick and thin. My BF is an amazing and sweet guy. This was the first time he ever had any kind of problem. She turned her back in him at his lowest point in life. In my opinion, even if she does love him, she doesn't deserve him. What about if he gets sick or relapses??? Is she gonna run out the door and see other guys?? She did not demonstrate what it takes to be a good Woman or a great Wife to him.

LOOOOOOONNNNG.


----------



## Dragonfly (May 9, 2007)

Benebaby, I'm going to tell you something and I know you aren't going to like what I'm going to say.

I think this guy has not been honest with you for a few reason.

1. He has told you that she did not give a crap about him, when they were together. But her actions speak otherwise. He paints the picture of a girls that was self absorbed and out for herself. Yet right in front of you she acts desperate to have him in her life.

Her actions completly contradict what he has said.

2. She is in his life, through his friends, through his family, and sees him directly.

Any guy that doesn't want an ex in the picture, does not have an ex in the picture. Plain and simple.

3. He has admitted that on one occasion, he was intimite with her. IMO where there is smoke there is fire.

"I am a little worried. I trust him, but I am afraid she will try to come back into his life. It's one of those situations that she saw him with me and realized she still wanted him. I have been very cool about it. I have seen him come soo far and all she did was destroy him. I would appreciate some advice on how I should handle it. I don't want to get jealous or nervous."

I take it that you have never spoken to her and had her clarify the same questions that I asked. If you have asked his friends or family, their loyalty is with him. So I wouldn't trust anything anyone has to say unless she speaks to you directly. Out of curiosity, how did she know that you, he and hs family would be at a specific restaurant - somebody had to have told her. Again, questionable loyalties.

Your intuition is tapping into their involvment - "I am a little worried. I trust him, but I am afraid she will try to come back into his life."

IMO, this guy is a player. He may be your best friend, a sweet guy, the greatest catch in the world. But he has not been honest with you in the past and continues to play games. Now I'm not saying he's imitimite with her and you - having his cake and eating it to kind of thing.

But she is still in his life and he is allowing it. Your words will bounce right off her because his actions encourage her to stick around.

You have to have a serious heart to heart with him. Tell him you are gone if he ever has anything to do with her. That means she doesn't bother his family anymore. You can't dictate the friends unfortunately. You need to play hard ball in order to get him to understand you will not tolerate this girls in his life one moment longer.

Benebaby, you are a really sweet girl. Never sell yourself short for any guy. And don't let anyone treat you less than perfection.


----------



## Jessica (May 9, 2007)

awwww honey



. There is no doubt in my mind that she was only upset because she saw you at the resturant with him. She didnt bother to call him through any of rehab and had basicaly washed her hands of him. All of the sudden she loves him again???? Please its because she saw you two and his family together. Thats why she said to his mom that SHE was supposed to be their family.

Amanda, you have gotten a lot of great advice on here!! I think you should be honest and tell your BF how you feel. I would also let him know that you're not jealous but that your worried. I hope it all works out and knows what a special &amp; beautiful woman he has at home


----------



## kellianne76 (May 9, 2007)

It sounds like this woman has some serious issues. I hope it works out for you and have a resolution to the problem.


----------



## Dementedkyo (May 9, 2007)

Well..that is a hard spot. I think perhaps the best thing to do is just keep a bit of an eye out for the ex and just, let things settle between them. Most important I do believe is to let your boy know you're there..and that your not leaving any time soon (I hope not anyway) and he can always count on you if he needs to talk..or just, ANYTHING. The most important thing is to communicate. Don't be over bearing but...don't hide the fact your worried. ^_^ /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


----------



## chocobon (May 9, 2007)

If u talk to him about the situation u r going to get a clearer picture and maybe it's scary if she asks to go out for coffee or something but I think u should let it be and always remind him that u completely trust him but at the same time he should know that u r a bit jealous cuz sometimes when there's an ex situation or another girl if u don't show the guy u care and have an all trusty whatever-y attitude he'd be tempted..I don't know if this makes sense.

Anyways u should keep an eye on things so u would be able to notice changes or signs and stuff like that and u be careful cuz she seems like a conniving whore!!


----------



## Saja (May 10, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Aprill849* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He would have never walked out to talk to her in private IMHO. Whatever needed to be discussed, would have been discussed in front of me. I suggest you let her know who his new perm. woman is if you know what I mean. And he needs to be present cosigning on it the whole way. Otherwise, it is purposeless. Now you in some situations cant stop family interaction, but you can stop it between those two. Maybe they went outside so there wouldnt be a confrontation in the restaurant.


----------



## brewgrl (May 10, 2007)

I SWEAR WE JUST HAD A MOMENT WHERE I LIVED YOUR EXACT LIFE!!! (minus the rehab, and maybe a little more dubious on our end)

my story, quickly (since this is your post):

my husband was my best friends roomie. he was supposed to move out with his girl, and i was going to move in. he didnt move out- problems with the girl. we started to date... he THEN proposed to her (yes- while we were dating). of course, we ended.. but not for very long, and yes, while he was still engaged. but that girl was having a lesbian relationship on the side!!! (total springer material, i know). anyhoo, he eventually chose me over his lesbian fiance, and we got married and had a baby.

even though she has moved on (out of her lesbian relationship and back into a hetero one), she still calls him and emails him, telling him how she ultimately thought he would wait for her to figure things out, and that him being happy with a family crushes her because it should be hers.

i laugh at the whole thing, because i think i am the best thing that ever happened to him, and even if it's not nessecarily me, it is DEFINITELY our son.


----------



## chantelle8686 (May 10, 2007)

wow wat great advice u girrls have already given, if ur still worried about this, talk to him about it!!!

I think she has only come back because ure with him!!!

And she seems really selfish, 1, she never called and if u truely loves sumone u will stick by them no matter what, 2. ffs he was in a violent relationship, best thing he did was leave!!!! and 3. hmm well ive kinda said wat i wanted to say, hmm min d gone blank lol

I really hope this is sorted, he doesnt need to go back to a relationship like that, he really has to think wat he wants to, does he want to be happy or does he want to be back they way things were???


----------



## Aprill (May 10, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Saja* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Maybe they went outside so there wouldnt be a confrontation in the restaurant. Very true, but I am a different kind of person I guess....I am not going to have man, and an ex shows up and she wants to talk, and he goes outside. One of two things would have happened, 1) he would have went outside with me 2) He would have told her he is not interested in anything that she had to say, because remember, she said she didnt want him anymore and didnt love him so what exactly would she need to talk about? Being that she isnt in love with him, there shouldnt have been a risk for confrontation.

And those two options wouldnt have been ones that I gave him. Any decent man should know that. It is called having some consideration for who you are with now, not used to be.

I am glad that I have the kind of husband that I have that will include me in everything. Knock on wood, I have never had to deal with an ex, his family knows me, his mother was considerate enough to burn all old pictures in front of me, and I didnt request that or mention it. When you are in a monogamous relationship, it is exactly that. ONE!!! Not this old one, or that prospect one, but that one that you choose, Maybe my way of thinking is messed up, I dunno.......


----------



## MindySue (May 10, 2007)

ouch, she sounds jealous..


----------



## BeneBaby (May 10, 2007)

I really appreciate all of the advice and feedback, I may have painted a picture that seemed like I hadn't spoken about this to him. But we have spoken openly about it.

Cyw1- I really took everything you said into consideration. The truth is he is not in any way a player. He has been honest with me about everything from the get go. I lived hours away and would have never known if he continued sleeping with her or seeing her on the side. He told me straight out about the one time intimacy.

Also she hasn't been in our life. I have lived here since October and never saw or heard from her. My BF has no cellphone or email. She hasn't contacted him at all. True they share mutual friends, but he hasn't spent any time with those friends.

Regarding the coincidence of the same restaurant. Well, we live in a tiny town and it's the only steakhouse. Everyone goes there. The BF and his Fam have been going there since he was born.

I talked to his Mom today and she said the Ex smelled heavily of alcohol that day. I think the reason she got so emotional was because it was the first time she's seen him and I together.

I have come to the conclusion that really if we are supposed to be together we will. I am not going to allow any negativity to bring me down or cause stress in my relationship. Thanks Everyone!!!


----------



## brewgrl (May 10, 2007)

Quote:
I have come to the conclusion that really if we are supposed to be together we will. I am not going to allow any negativity to bring me down or cause stress in my relationship. GOOD GIRL!!!


----------



## Aprill (May 10, 2007)

Quote:
I have come to the conclusion that really if we are supposed to be together we will. I am not going to allow any negativity to bring me down or cause stress in my relationship. Thanks Everyone!!! Well said


----------



## Karen_B (May 10, 2007)

To me, it sounds like you two have a strong relationship that won't be broken down very easily. Still, it is more decent of your bf to stay away from the Ex, both for your sake and for hers, if she still loves him like she says.

However, I get the feeling she wants what she can't have. You say she is money hungry and demanding, well, maybe she realized she'll never again have an easy access to his money when she saw you in the restaurant. Maybe she was counting on him loving her forever, and when she saw you together she realized she blew it. Either way, it sounds like she has issues.

If you feel uncomfortable with your BF being in contact with the Ex, I think you should tell him how you feel. You don't have to "forbid" him to do anything, just be open about your feelings. I get the feeling he'll listen to you






Best of luck to you!


----------



## Bec688 (May 10, 2007)

I'd keep an eye on her. I wouldn't hesitate to tell her where you and her stand. YOU are the current girlfriend she is the OLD girlfriend and that is how it is and will be staying. Put your foot down.


----------



## kourtnistar (May 10, 2007)

So sorry that you had to go thru that, it's never easy when you have to meet your current's ex.

My boyfriend and I had an unfortunate run in with his latest ex back in January, after months of her texting him late at night while she was drunk, she broke in to our house and went through all of our stuff, was watching us sleep at our door at 3am, had all my things from my purse strung out over our kitchen counter and had all his credit cards everywhere!! And the psychopath got cigarette ash all over our carpet in our hallway and our bedroom!

Anyway, that's my crazy story, lol.

But I'm thinking that you're being really mature about it, and that's the way to be. As far as this other chick, let her make a fool of herself. As long as you know that you and your boyfriend are rock solid there's nothing to worry about! However, I do think that it's important for *both* of you to let this chick know that she is not getting anywhere with him. It's kind of an inevitable thing that she may have contact with his family since they were engaged, though it is unfortunate.


----------



## han (May 10, 2007)

Originally Posted by *BeneBaby* /img/forum/go_quote.gif The reason they walked outside is because we were in a restaurant. I didn't want to look like the insecure GF and follow after him immediatly. I am not sure how to let her know I am his Woman now without seeming like I am insecure about her?? i dont think its really your place to solve or fix it,its his place to tell her that he has moved on with you and out of respect for you there should be no more contact since she still has feelings.. i just think it would go in one ear and out the other comeing from you and would mean more comeing from him.. you should talk to him about how you feel and see how he plans on handeling the situation.i think you did the right thing by not loseing control and looking like the jealous girlfriend.


----------



## BeneBaby (May 10, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Karen_B* /img/forum/go_quote.gif To me, it sounds like you two have a strong relationship that won't be broken down very easily. Still, it is more decent of your bf to stay away from the Ex, both for your sake and for hers, if she still loves him like she says. However, I get the feeling she wants what she can't have. You say she is money hungry and demanding, well, maybe she realized she'll never again have an easy access to his money when she saw you in the restaurant. Maybe she was counting on him loving her forever, and when she saw you together she realized she blew it. Either way, it sounds like she has issues.

If you feel uncomfortable with your BF being in contact with the Ex, I think you should tell him how you feel. You don't have to "forbid" him to do anything, just be open about your feelings. I get the feeling he'll listen to you





Best of luck to you!

Exactly! I think she's been going through these past months thinking he was still crying and depressed over her. It probably gave her a nice confidence boost. When she saw that he's over it and has moved on, that's when it hit her......It really is done. No more $$$, no cars, no rings...Done. I am not going to try to talk to her at all. I really have no reason to unless she crosses the line and calls our home or tries to meet up with him.
This has really helped you guys. The different perspectives really opened my eyes to things I never thought about.


----------



## _withoutYou (May 10, 2007)

Originally Posted by *BeneBaby* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Exactly!!!! She is a few years younger than me, my Sister went to school with her. From what I know, she plays dirty. I can be too niave at times and I try to control myself and not get overemotional. I can feel that this hit's a soft spot on my anger scale.....If she even tries anything I think I will flip out on her.


Well she did cheat on him! She killed his self-esteem by telling him he needed to work out and be tan to be hot. I boil over even thinking of her treating him like that...he's perfect!!

i'm on your side, from what you're telling us, she seems very insecure and selfish, sounds like she needs to work on herself first before she gets with anyone else. in love, you have to learn how to put your lover first and love them for who they are.

in your case, i really hope that fate will help things fall into place. i believe that you're right for him.


----------



## farris2 (May 11, 2007)

I want to wish you luck on this.I hope it works out for you.


----------

