# Just need a shoulder to cry on...



## KristieTX (Feb 27, 2006)

I have been so depressed here lately. I'm 30 years old and cannot find a decent man to save my life. The one guy I was deeply in love with and planned on marrying turned out to be a total jerk and he now has a great relationship that I hear about and sit and cry over. He gave me a lot of false hope that things were progressing in the relationship and we had a future together only to cheat on me and treat me like dirt in the end. He doesn't even validate that my feelings were hurt and that he treated me this way and just goes on about his life as if he did nothing wrong. He still wants to be friends with me. :icon_roll

Why can't I find anyone? Am I that bad of a person and do I not deserve to be with someone that can treat me well?


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## Aquamarine317 (Feb 27, 2006)

No you are not a bad person... he just wasnt right for you. Im sorry to hear that you are going through this and i am sure we have all been there. the important thing for you right now is to talk to friends and not be alone and let everything that you are feeling out. Trust me you will feel a lot better. Just remember if he cheated on you he is not worth it and someone who is worth it will definitely come along. It is only a matter or time and its true that time heals all. I know you may not want to hear that now but it is true. You will find someone and be happy again but until then be happy with your friends and that fact that you are alive.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## xXxBeckyxXx (Feb 27, 2006)

i agree with kim, im sorry your going through this, you are not a bad person u deserve to find the man who would do anything for you and u will find him, someone out there is perfect for you u will find them eventually. be brave and keep telling yourself your better of without him, boost your confidence. do things that make you happy and be around the people who make you happy. i cant believe he has the cheek to say he wants to be friends, if it was me id blank him totally so i could get on with my life without him and not having him apart of my life anymore, id show him i can get on without him and that i dont need him. i hope you start feeling better soon

*big hugs* x x x


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## SierraWren (Feb 27, 2006)

First of all, everything you write leads me to believe you are NOT AT ALL a bad person, but a very good person who has recently been terribly wounded by someone she trusted and loved. This sort of painful betrayal and despair leads one almost always to feel that he/she is alone in the world, and that their problem was not only partially somehow deserved, but also something that could and did happen only to them,not very relatable to anyone else--neither could be farther from the truth. You do NOT deserve the pain you're in now--you are a valuable person who deserves to be treasured and loved by the lucky, reliable, and special enough person who willl one day actually merit &amp; earn your trust and love to begin with.Secondly, I'm guessing that at least half--and probably many more--of the women on MUT have been through a situation very similar to yours--I certainly have.(And,yes,can still remember the pain--but more mentally now then emotionally; time really does heal, corny as that will sound now.) Not only that, but they have gotten past the experience--with the aid of friends, family, love, whatever &amp; whoever it takes--been able to heal from it and actually become more insightful about men, so that in some cases their next relationship--and you WILL have a next relationship!--was stronger, better, sometimes even "the one." And sometimes not, but the desire and strength to go on searching returns.

You are not "doomed" to men and to relationships like this one; it's much more simple(and impersonal):anyone who dates--just by the law of averages--is unfortunately bound to meet a man like the one you just did--someone who uses them,lies to them,cheats on them, and leaves THEM feeling like the unworthy one, the one with no value. But nothing could be farther from the truth!--who did YOU trick?Lie to? Abuse? Sounds like what you wanted most was to love and be loved--two very positive and nurturing characteristics that wound up getting twisted by his hands.

My ex-fiance was a master at illusion.He could seem so perfect, every shelter my heart was homesick for that, since childhood, was no longer existent on this earth. He had flaws, but I felt with time he would love me enough to give them up for me--insecurity, unfortunately,attracts dubious-charactered men like a magnet!Despite misgivings, I also truly loved &amp; believed him, and due to certain insecurities,felt no other "good" man would ever want me--so that the fact he was not so good(he lied, he cheated,he was stealing from me,near the end;he ultimately even physically abused me).All this, yet leaving him(the physical abuse was the line I had to draw)was the hardest thing I've ever done inmy adult life. The irony was, he didn't even want me back--he'd been planning to leave me for a woman he was seeing, a girl he wound up marrying the next yer.(They're divorced now--Thank God for her.)Annd all I could think,for months after our breakup,was, how much I missed him and, no one else ill ever love me now;I'm damaged;I'll never meet a nice man in this life,I'm just not meant to.

Well,I was wrong, but more importantly right now, you're wrong as well. I don't know you of course, but I was in a slightly similar situation, so I can imagine that, on top of your grief and mourning, you're also feeling overwhelmingly doubtful of yourself and insecure. I am so sory that you have to go through this heartbreak, but it WILL pass; best to try and sever this man from your life completely. One thing a friend pointed out to me that may have been drawing abusive men to me was my insecurity--so it's important to go over your good qualities,one by one, every day--ask friends and family for positive feedback, or strangers on the street...(kidding about strangers.) But sort of "Practice"feeling better--even long before you do. It'll happen, everything changes,these feelings that you're going through included...

Also,i hope it's hopeful to you, even though I am a very shy person, and was once utterly convinced I was doomed to die alone, I finally did meet a right man. (I say "a" , because I believe more than one are out there. So think of all the adventure you have out there still ahead of you!!!)

Sorry for this long long post--I'm shy but your thread touched me so much and I'm not so great with words so I guess I say a lot of them!:icon_redf


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## KristieTX (Mar 1, 2006)

Thank you so much ladies. You are all so sweet. :icon_love

Unfortunately, this didn't _just_ happen. Sorry if I left the impression that it did. We broke up years back, but he has recently come back into my life after finding me on Myspace. I should have never accepted him as a friend on there, but I really thought I could handle it and I've come to realize I can't. I feel like such a loser because since the time we have broken up, I have not found anyone decent at all, but he seems to be in this great relationship. I wrote out a long entry in my blog and he doesn't even seem to acknowledge that he hurt me so badly. And I know that he knows I was talking about him.

Sierra, Thank you so much for writing me such a long post. You really did help me with what you had to say, as did everyone else. I'm so sorry that you went through what you went through. But it's wonderful that you have someone in your life now that treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

I guess I'm just feeling really lonely right now.


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## peekaboo (Mar 1, 2006)

Sorry you are feeling this way. You sound like a great person and you will find someone who is worthy of you. Sometimes when you least expect it-love will find you! Take care and (hugs)!


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## Liz (Mar 1, 2006)

i think everyone goes these dips in the dating scene. watch, you'll give up/not care about looking for someone, and then a guy will show up out of nowhere. lol. people always say that they always show up when you're not looking which is so true for me


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## SierraWren (Mar 1, 2006)

This is so true! Lots of people, myself included, have boyfriends/husbands when they least expected it to happen....Meanwhile, I know it's lonely, but try and keep this man as far from you and your thoughts as possible. Being lonely does NOT make you a loser, it makes you human--so you fit right in just about everywhere you go. And when you're lonely, we'd like it if you kept visiting us all right here at MUT!

Keep us posted on what's going on, and how you are,okay? Try &amp; stay away from that man who has hurt you so much, for so long,and won't even give you the acknowlegement &amp; apology you deserve...in my opinion, you do really need that distance from to heal. (And please feel free to PM me, if you ever want!)You WILL heal...with time.


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 1, 2006)

I'm going to say this and I'm not saying it to be mean. Stop being a victim.

You are wallowing on the pity pot about something that happened years ago. You're also crying about a relationship that you only hear about...and that is probably not true (not as true as he wants you to believe anyways). The first thing you need to do is go to some counseling. You are not a victim. You participated in a relationship that was not healthy for either of you.

I'm 31 and I've been cheated on before..and you know what? It wasn't about me, it had nothing to do with me. It was issues with my ex. HE chose to act inappropriately, but it wasn't because I wasn't good enough, or pretty enough...it's because he, deep down, didn't want to stop playing the field. I was also not the right woman for him. Sometimes we think we meet the "right person"...and then little cracks begin to appear and we realize it was all a facade.

You are tying your happiness with being in a relationship. STOP. Right now. Stop that. Being with someone does not make you happy. It doesn't make you better, life doesn't go from grey skies and rain to sun and rainbows when you are in a relationship. You need to learn how to enjoy yourself and be happy within in order to find happiness in others. If you do not like the quality of guys you have been attracting or attracted to, then it's time to do some housecleaning. Like attracts like. You cannot attract a fully functional, loving, caring man if you believe that you are a victim of other people's issues. If you want to attract functional men and functional relationships, then you are going to need to do some work on your own self.

I've been there, done that and it's not fun. But, it improves your quality of life, love and friendships. But, those things won't improve unless you work on improving them.

Good luck.


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## Ladyhawke (Mar 12, 2006)

Venus, you are so RIGHTON! Until we learn to be happy with ourselves, no one, absolutely NO ONE is going to create that happiness for us and any relationships we enter into will eventually be empty and depressing. I speak from years of experience on this one. I was a victim time and time again and finally realized it was futile! Oh the time that was wasted! lol

There is a lot to be said for 'to thine own self be true"!

I would suggest some good study and self-work on your self-esteem skills. They were fundemental in my growth. Good luck and God Bless


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## Cool Kitten (Mar 12, 2006)

Venus is right on the money here.

You should not keep in touch with someone like him! Why would you want to be friends with someone who cheated on you and treated you like dirt? Do you think he miraculously changed?????

Stop wallowing in self-pity over what could've been and start concentrating on your life! Sign on dating sites, start meeting people, and block that as***** from your site!

And believe me, his relationship isn't nearly as perfect as he wants you to believe, he's just doing it to cause you additional pain.


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## Maja (Mar 13, 2006)

Venus, I totally agree! We cannot count and wait on someone who will make us happy and improve our life.

As Liz said, the right one will enter you're life when you'll least expect it. In the mean time, enjoy life and work on your happines. Happy people attract happy people!


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## MAC_Dollfacex (Mar 19, 2006)

Awww I'm sorry about that..There is someone out there for everyone so don't worry, you'll find Mr. Right sometime..Just don't fall for Mr. Right now..


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## braidey (Mar 23, 2006)

Right now focus on yourself rather than finding a man. A good man will come to you, because good things come to those who wait. Don't be so hard on yourself, start doing things that will make you happy and get your mind off your ex.

Keey your head up


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## KathrynNicole (Mar 23, 2006)

Hang in there!

:flowers:


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## KristieTX (Apr 16, 2006)

Thanks ladies! His girlfriend has broken up with him and after seeing just how much of a loser he still is, it really changed my outlook on things.


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## foxyruby (Apr 19, 2006)

_I'll include you in my prayers sis..u take care now otay...!_


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