# Mothers: Did you ever NOT want kids?



## girl_geek (May 27, 2006)

OK, I have a kind of weird question.... Like most girls (I think), all my life I'd just assumed I'd have kids. Hubby and I talked about having kids before we got married, and we figured we'd wait a few years and then have 2 or 3 kids. I was in grad school when we got married, and at first he was so anxious to have kids that he assumed I'd be ready as soon as I graduated (yeah right!), but I was able to convince him that it's best that we have a few years to ourselves without the stresses of school or kids! (Since I was in grad school almost the whole time we were dating/engaged!)

So I graduated in December and started my first "real" job as a software engineer in January. I do enjoy my job but have been working pretty long hours, and I know it will only get worse as I move on up in the company. (But most any software engineering job would have similar hours!) I already feel like I don't have much free time, and I'm not looking forward to having kids -- I know I won't be able to spend as much time with them as I would like. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, and I just can't imagine putting my kids in daycare or sending them to a baby sitter all day even though I know so many people do it. But I don't think I want to quit my job and stay at home either -- realistically, we will need my income unless hubby gets some huge raises in the next few years! Plus, even though I'd love to spend a lot of time with the kids, I know that I will get bored without the intellectual stimulation my job offers. (I was always the nerd in school who took the advanced science and math classes for fun!) Plus, I enjoy spending what little free time I have for "me time", and at this point I am worried that I would resent my kids for taking that away from me! (I feel so selfish for saying that but it's true....)

So I'm just not sure if I even want kids at this point.... And I'm wondering, did any of you ever feel like this? I don't know if these feelings will go away once I get settled into my job or what (I still feel very much like a newbie at work, like I'm still in a transitional period). I haven't told hubby yet since we're not planning on having kids for 2 or 3 years and I'm hoping I will get over this, but sometimes these thoughts make me wonder if I will ever want to have kids! I am almost 25 so I know we have a few years but still.... Meanwhile, hubby is already picking out baby names and my response is always, "Let's just worry about that when we get pregnant!"






Any thoughts? Did any of you ever NOT want kids? Did you later decide that you wanted kids before you got pregnant? Or did you only warm up to the idea after you got pregnant or had the baby?


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## eightthirty (May 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *girl_geek* Any thoughts? Did any of you ever NOT want kids? Did you later decide that you wanted kids before you got pregnant? Or did you only warm up to the idea after you got pregnant or had the baby? Every waking moment of my life, prior to my pregnancy with my son I never wanted children. My reasons were moreso to do with the state of the world. My pregancy was moreso an accident. I don't intend on having any more children. Not only do I feel semi-selfish to not have any more children, but I also think I've seen far better moms outfit children than me. It hurts like hell, but I just don't think I'm the best mom I can be.


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## karrieann (May 27, 2006)

ooh, I will love to see the responses to this.

I am 37 and childless. When I was younger I always assumed that I would have kids. As a teen I did lots of babysitting and just really enjoyed children in general.

But I have to say as I got older and I didn't have children, the time just never felt right, the more I valued my own time. Doing what I want to do without the responsibility of being a parent. Also the more I see the world around me, the more I think that raising a child these days is just for the very brave or very crazy! lol!

The man I thought I would marry and spend the rest of my life with didn't seem to really mind one way or the other. And I loved our life as it was. We could pack up and blow out of town at a moments notice. Stay out all night, make love in the living room, you know all those things that people with children have to plan.

Of course that 6 year relationship ended and I am glad that I don't have a child to raise on my own.

I dated a man with a child a couple of years ago and I feel in love with his 5 years son. But again I was scared. Being a parent is so huge! Would I be any good or would I traumatize him somehow? In the end I was too scared and things sadly didn't work out. But to this day I miss that little boy and I probably was foolish because his father was a wonderful dad and so in love with me and we probably would have been a wonderful family.

I think much of my fear is the result of my childhood and I am certain if I had a child it would be the most magical thing ever. Not every minute of everyday, but kids have a way of getting in your heart and never leaving.

I hope that you get real answers to your question from those with kids. I always wonder the truth about parents. Would they change their decision if they could? Do they wish that maybe they hadn't had kids?


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## Aquilah (May 27, 2006)

I always wanted kids. Always! And I just had to have two daughters. Luckily, the doctors were wrong and I was able to have my two beautiful daughters. I wouldn't have let not being able to bear children affect me though ~ I would've adopted. I truly believe every woman should be blessed with having children! Although, I will admit, when I found out I was pregnant w/ my first daughter, I was in a panic! It wasn't until I was 6 mths. pregnant that I definitely knew I HAD to keep her! I can also say that given the way the world is today, I'd be really hesitant to have kids if I didn't already have them. It's a scary, scary world out there! I'm terrified of what it may be like when my daughters are older. But alas, having children is a blessing, and if God has it in his plan for you to have kids, then you will somehow and someway at sometime! (IMHO anyway)


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## bluebird26 (May 27, 2006)

I gotta say I am so selfish I m loving my time with my husband and job so much, as well as the $$$ lol, I know it's a terrible thing to say, but may be my mind will change next year or so


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## eightthirty (May 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *bluebird26* I gotta say I am so selfish I m loving my time with my husband and job so much, as well as the $$$ lol, I know it's a terrible thing to say, but may be my mind will change next year or so



To me it is better to know than to not to. So long as you communicate that....there is nothing wrong with your decision.


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## Jennifer (May 27, 2006)

i'm obviously not a mom or close to being one, but i think you'll always feel like you're never ready to have kids until you do. then, you always find a way.

my dad was 19 and my mom was 17 (married) when they had my brother and when i asked my mom how she did it and then managed to have 4 kids before 30 (give or take 2 years), she said, "you just always find a way when it comes to your kids." they did a great job raising us, too.


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## girl_geek (May 27, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Jennifer* i'm obviously not a mom or close to being one, but i think you'll always feel like you're never ready to have kids until you do. then, you always find a way.
my dad was 19 and my mom was 17 (married) when they had my brother and when i asked my mom how she did it and then managed to have 4 kids before 30 (give or take 2 years), she said, "you just always find a way when it comes to your kids." they did a great job raising us, too.

Yeah, I know my mom said she was unsure how to be a mother since she had never really been around children much, so it was a learning experience when she had me!
It just seems like so many of my friends are married and starting to have kids, or at least want kids but are waiting until they are better off financially or whatever, and all everyone talks about is babies..... And I just feel weird that I don't really want kids right now! Whenever they talk about all the work it is to take care of babies and little kids, it just makes we want kids less! (Whereas it makes my baby-crazy friends want kids more!)

But at the same time, it just seems weird to me to never have kids.... and I know hubby wants kids... So I'm just wondering if this is a temporary phase I'm going through or what!


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## Andi (May 27, 2006)

IÂ´m obviously not a mother either but I am almost positive I want kids one day but IÂ´m sure IÂ´ll have to go through years of thinking and rethinking and planning before IÂ´m ready to have a baby. or maybe IÂ´ll never be completely ready and just have to "jump into it"...I go with what was said before that most women will never be completely ready to be a parent. I mean how are we supposed to know how it is going to be being pregnant, your body and your mind changing, being a parent and your life changing completely. you canÂ´t predict everything and to me thatÂ´s scary.

IÂ´m such a planning person I will have to need years to decide if I want to give birth naturally or via C-section, breast feeding or bottle feeding, how I want to raise my kids, at what age itÂ´s right to have kids and so on. I also know my carrier plan is not exactly the most family-oriented one and itÂ´ll be a long while till I am done with my education and have financially settled


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## mrom (May 27, 2006)

i started having kids at 19, so there were definately times where i wished i would have waited. then i realize that if i had, the kids i have now wouldn't be here. parenting is an extremely tough job, so i would advise anyone to wait until they truly feel it is the right time in their life. sacrafices will always have to be made, so there will never be a "perfect time", but you will know when you are ready. and at the end of the day, there is no greater joy than looking into the gorgeous little faces of the lives that you brought into this world.


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## spazbaby (May 28, 2006)

I've always thought I would have kids, but haven't truly found myself WANTING one until recently. I would love to have a baby at this point in my life (if I were married). But I'm not married, and have no prospect of getting married anytime soon, so no babies for me even though I want one.

I know this thread is for mothers, but that's my 2 cents.


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## peekaboo (May 28, 2006)

I guess I always thought that I would never have kids. Not that I couldn't see myself having them but in the party years I was a free spirit and shall we say selfish. My daughter was somewhat of a surprise and during the pregnancy, labour(Emergency C-section) and afterward it was like nothing I have ever experienced. Then you are holding her, looking at her saying to yourself "is this real or is she really mine"

As much as I love my daughter and being a mother it has taken a toll on me because I work alot and I also want to be spending time with her and I feel as if I am neglecting her even though she is always on my mind and I try to spend every moment with her. They do grow up so fast.

I take it day by day and don't not worry so much about "when is the next one coming" because I would like another child someday. I am so grateful for the joy she brings to me and the support system I have.

I suppose I may have never had my little one or any children for that matter and maybe that would have been alright but I guess I just never could see myself as a mother in the past.


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## LuckyMe (May 28, 2006)

Never had a chance to even think about since I had my son so young but I have never once looked back. I am so glad I had him and he is a pivitol part of my life! I am really sad now because he will be 17 soon and will be off to college in a year from now and since we grew up together, I feel like I dont know what I am going to do without him



. I feel like I am going to be loosing the only life I have known as an adult ( and teenager) when he goes away but I know it is unhealthy to hold on to him and not let him grow up.


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## charish (May 28, 2006)

i've always wanted to have a baby. but at a time in my life i did want to wait. and at a time in my life i'm glad i did wait.


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## lovesboxers (Jun 15, 2006)

At one point I absolutely wanted no kids. As I was nearing around 23 I knew at sometime I wanted kids. My first one was unplanned (actually all were, but I was only engaged for the first pregnancy) I cannot imagine my life without my kids. Is it hard? yes. Would I ever change it? A big emphatic NO. Do I miss having ME time, and being able to have sex in the living room, having more money, do whatever I feel like? YES. But one day they will be out of the house (God willing) and my husband and I will have OUR time and we will be blessed with the many memories of our kids and doing things with them, and will have family. This does not mean I think everyone has to have kids, but they are a blessing.


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## girl_geek (Jun 16, 2006)

Originally Posted by *lovesboxers* At one point I absolutely wanted no kids. As I was nearing around 23 I knew at sometime I wanted kids. My first one was unplanned (actually all were, but I was only engaged for the first pregnancy) I cannot imagine my life without my kids. Is it hard? yes. Would I ever change it? A big emphatic NO. Do I miss having ME time, and being able to have sex in the living room, having more money, do whatever I feel like? YES. But one day they will be out of the house (God willing) and my husband and I will have OUR time and we will be blessed with the many memories of our kids and doing things with them, and will have family. This does not mean I think everyone has to have kids, but they are a blessing.



Great answer! I can see myself feeling like that someday... Because if we did have kids, I can't imagine _not_ loving them, at least eventually (if it was unplanned I know I'd be in shock first! lol)... but at the same time I'd miss what little free time I do have now! 
We had some big deadlines at work this week, I worked 18 hours straight yesterday, from 7am to 1 am..... I would hate to work these kind of hours with kids, but I can't think of another job I'd rather have! (Well, maybe the same job but with shorter hours, that would be ideal! lol)


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## NYShopgirl (Jun 16, 2006)

i've always wanted to have a baby...i'm a very excited about motherhood, right before i get married i always wanted to have kids, i had a very difficult time trying to get pregnant, after 20 months of trying i fell pregnant but after 7 weeks ans 2 days I miscarried...so now are trying again. I don't want to give up the desire of my heart to have kids, and I know that it will come true for me soon.


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## jennycateyez (Jun 16, 2006)

im not a mother (yet) but i always wanted a HUGE family from when i was little and it stuck with me for this long, i cant imagine not having ANY kids, even if im only able to have 1, i will still be happy.


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## Cool Kitten (Jun 16, 2006)

i didn't really want kids until i turned 30. You can't force yourself to "want" or "be ready". Just give it time, don't force yourself.

For the record, i don't have kids yet, but we're working on it


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## AprilRayne (Jun 16, 2006)

Jennifer, I know some people are dead set that they don't want children and that is their decision. But, I honestly think from what I've heard you say, that you are going through a phase right now. You and your husband are both so young and with your new job, you're going through a transitonal phase. I think it's adorable how excited your hubby is to have a baby. I know you love your job a lot, but I think when the time comes, you will see that raising your children is the absolute best job you can have. I had my son when I was 19 and I adore him. I was in a terribly abusive marriage and I made the decision to leave when my little boy saw his daddy hit me. I was a single mom for 4 years and it was really hard, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I am now remarried to the most incredible man who is my sons new daddy. We are hoping to start trying for a baby this year and I am so excited. You will never be ready, but when they place that baby in your arms, you become ready. Also, I think that if any couple is sexually active they need to be open to the possibility of pregnancy no matter form of birth control they are using because nothing is 100% effective. Sorry so long, hope I haven't offended anyone, but that was just my opinion!!!!


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## SwtValina (Jun 16, 2006)

It sounds like your husband wanting kids is affecting how YOU feel about wanting kids. I'm only 23 but I don't see myself having kids, ever. Quite frankly, I just don't want to deal with being a mother. But my mom keeps telling me that my biological clock will kick in one day and I will find myself desperately wanting a baby... somehow I doubt that.


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## girl_geek (Jun 16, 2006)

Originally Posted by *AprilRayne* Jennifer, I know some people are dead set that they don't want children and that is their decision. But, I honestly think from what I've heard you say, that you are going through a phase right now. You and your husband are both so young and with your new job, you're going through a transitonal phase. I think it's adorable how excited your hubby is to have a baby. I know you love your job a lot, but I think when the time comes, you will see that raising your children is the absolute best job you can have. I had my son when I was 19 and I adore him. I was in a terribly abusive marriage and I made the decision to leave when my little boy saw his daddy hit me. I was a single mom for 4 years and it was really hard, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I am now remarried to the most incredible man who is my sons new daddy. We are hoping to start trying for a baby this year and I am so excited. You will never be ready, but when they place that baby in your arms, you become ready. Also, I think that if any couple is sexually active they need to be open to the possibility of pregnancy no matter form of birth control they are using because nothing is 100% effective. Sorry so long, hope I haven't offended anyone, but that was just my opinion!!!! Thanks for the advice! That is really what I'm wondering, if I'm just going through a phase or what... which I know no one else can answer that question for me, I was just curious if other people ever changed their minds about whether or not they wanted kids! And we know bc is not perfect (we had lots of conversations about it before we were married) -- if we did get pregnant, we would have the baby and make things work out!




If I did get pregnant I'm sure I would love the baby at least eventually, I'm just curious if I will ever _want_ to get pregnant, does that make sense?
Anyways, I know we have a few years to think about it, we need some time to settle down now that I'm out of school, just to further develop our marriage, and save up money, buy our first house, etc., etc... I am probably just needlessly worrying



However, after the 18-hour day I worked on Wed, I really wonder how the other parents on my team find time to see their kids!



(Of course 18 hrs is not typical.. but 9 or 10 hours definitely is!)

Originally Posted by *SwtValina* It sounds like your husband wanting kids is affecting how YOU feel about wanting kids. I'm only 23 but I don't see myself having kids, ever. That is a good point, but even before I met hubby I'd always assumed I have the stereotypical 2-3 kids, I had a hard time not seeing myself as a mom! I think it's just my job that is making me question everything because I really didn't start thinking about _not_ having kids until this year -- I am just trying to decide which is more important, my career or having kids, or if it would be possible to do both! (Maybe hubby could be a stay-at-home dad while I work, lol



I do make twice as much as him right now....)


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## dmolinet (Jun 17, 2006)

I never really planned on having children--my son was pretty much an accident. Now, he's 24. I wonder what I missed out on by having him. I do love him more than breath but life would have certainly been different without him. Too many people have children because they think they should--I really would like to see a world where children were wanted for the right reasons.


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## tashbash (Jul 8, 2006)

I was definately the type that never wanted children. Ever. Well I am 25 and have two children. I got pregnant with our daughter when we were engaged, we were both 20. It scared the hell out of us both because we were so young and neither of us really wanted kids. Which means, we should have been more careful but I think being that young, we had that "it will never happen to me" state of mind. Well it did and we realized that that is the choice we made so we have to deal with it. We have now been married for five years and have our daughter and our two year old son. I am a stay at home mom so I think that makes it harder on me. Don't get me wrong , I definately love them both more than life. But I'm not gonna lie to you, there are days when I just have to lock myself in my room for ten minutes and cry my eyes out and ask myself "what am I doing?!?". I mean I see all of these other 25 year olds finishing up college, starting their careers, going out with no inhibitions, road trips at the drop of a hat, and feel like I am a forty year old woman. But my husband and I have determined ourselves to make sure we have time to be "us" and not mommy and daddy. That helps. But then there are times, like just last night, when your two year old son gets out of bed for the 1000th time just to inform you that he just ate a boogie!!! And all you can do is laugh until you cry. And when you hear them say "I love you mommy" for the first time or they tell you that you are their superhero cause you just put Barbie's head back on...again, it's priceless. And I don't know that I would want to live my life not knowing what those moments feel like.


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## Aniger86 (Jul 9, 2006)

Hmm..I'm not a mother(still a long ways to go if it even happens since I'm only 20) but I thought I'll give my two cents worth anyway



. I don't think I would ever want to have kids because I feel that having children is a *big* responsibility that I can't undertake. I believe that mother hood is about spending as much time as you can with your children, doing things like art and crafts with them, knowing their friends and teachers in school etc..When I was young, my parents (I have a stay at home mom) didn't really take on an active role when I was growing up. Their main focus was on school grades. They weren't bad parents though, I guess I just wished I had a bit more attention in other areas of my life. If I ever have kids, I want to make sure I take an active role in bringing them up. And I think that brings about a problem- I'm by nature not a kids kind of person so I dobut I'll be able to devote so much time to them and thus can't be a good mother. Also, when I was around 11 or 12, I did helped to take care of my then baby cousin. Taking care of her made me realised just how much attention a baby needs. Even as she is 9 this year, she still needs a lot of attention from my aunt. I don't think I can cope with the pressures of motherhood, the stress and all. That's why I think having kids is really not for me. I'll rather be someone's godmother


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## girl_geek (Jul 9, 2006)

Thanks for the continued replies girls! It is nice to hear everyone's thoughts!


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## Aniger86 (Jul 12, 2006)

Originally Posted by *girl_geek* Thanks for the continued replies girls! It is nice to hear everyone's thoughts!



Your welcome girl_geek, I hope we were helpful


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## MBenita (Jul 12, 2006)

_Quote:_
_ and if *God has it in his plan *for you to have kids, then you will somehow and someway at sometime! _
Ditto!

~~~~


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## pinkbundles (Jul 12, 2006)

i've always wanted to have kids. i was thinking i'd get married when i was 30 and have kids after that. but all that happened in my early 20s and it turned out ok. at the very least, i can enjoy and see every moment of their growth and still have a lot of room for me to see their own kids grow!


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## girl_geek (Jul 13, 2006)

Originally Posted by *MBenita* Ditto!

~~~~

Oh, I am sure that is true! It's just so hard to wait on God's timing sometimes, I want to know what my future holds NOW! lol




I have enjoyed reading everyone's different thoughts, I just can't think of something original to say in reply to everyone's posts. But I am reading them, don't think I'm ignoring you girls


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## Eragirl (Jul 18, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Jennifer* i'm obviously not a mom or close to being one, but i think you'll always feel like you're never ready to have kids until you do. then, you always find a way.
my dad was 19 and my mom was 17 (married) when they had my brother and when i asked my mom how she did it and then managed to have 4 kids before 30 (give or take 2 years), she said, "you just always find a way when it comes to your kids." they did a great job raising us, too.

Actually. I know this situation first hand. I was 17 when I was married due to circumstances /other/ than 'I had to because I was pregnant'. My husband was 18. I got pregnant with my first son at 18 and my second at 20.
First and foremost, Mom is right. A good mother always finds a way, because a good mother loves her children. I'm having to postpone college to stay with the kids while they are so young(daycare is too expensive right now), and the husband I never see due to him staying in college and working a job as well.

It's HARD... Mentally and physically. I feel much older than I am because I rarely get to sleep with a three year old and a 6 month old. My body will never look the way it did again before I got pregnant(without surgery). It's hard to lose the baby weight because I have to budget shop and it's next to impossible to find time to get out and exercise. We're on a tight budget... have to live with my Mother until I have the ability to get a job and work myself... Somedays? I feel like I don't know how we'll make it. How I can go another night without sleep.

Haha! I could go on complaining about different things for a while. I'm sure all mother's know these problems, and I'm only 22. I know I've made this sound very 'doom and gloom'.

You know what though? I wouldn't have it /ANY/ other way. Sure I don't know what it's like to be a free and wild young adult. Sure I make a lot of sacrifiices. And most definitely, I have to postpone pursuing a career as a makeup artist. My dreams are on hold, but it's all worth it to me. I didn't /plan/ to have kids, but I did and I love them more than anything else in this world. To me having an 'Ayden' and a 'Landon' is worth putting everything on pause to give a life to. Being a mother changes everything. I've gained so much good from these hard times. Strength, courage, determination, will, AN INTENSE 'YOUBETTERPUTTHATROCKDOWNANDLEAVEYOURBROTHERALONEO RYOU'LLBEINBIGTROUBLEMISTER!!!' -glare. Hehe ^_^ /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

No, it's not for everyone. I'm not saying it's bad to want to have your own life. Oh, my! To the contrary! Gosh. I'd be plowing through school right now if I was just your average single young woman out to make her own life. My life just didn't go in that direction.

But the thing is, every 'young mother' or 'mother that has a hard circumstance to face' will tell you, You always find a way. You never think you'll make it, but some how you manage... Even if you just squeeze by. Even if you have to sacrifice your time, energy, and last dime.

I didn't even like children when I was younger. I've heard other young women say the SAME thing. They didn't like kids until they had their own. ^_^ /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Anyway! I'm not trying to scare anyone... And believe it or not this was meant to be uplifting ^_^ /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />.

I don't recommend having children young... Or being in a situation where you can't take care of them and trying anyway. It's harder than you can imagine, but the their love is the best in the world. I wouldn't trade my hardships or stress for anything, because every tired line I find on my face... Or dark circle I swear won't go away... They're proof of the incredible love I found in my children and the love I have for them. Life is good.

God bless whoever reads this whole darnned thing! Sorry, I was really spammy, I just wanted to get out my own personal experience.


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## girl_geek (Jul 21, 2006)

*Eragirl* - Thanks for your story, I do understand what you are saying and it is encouraging! Holy cow, 18 huh... hubby and I are both 25, been married for 2 years now, and we still feel too young to have kids right away! lol


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## imperfection96 (Jul 21, 2006)

I did not want kids until I met my husband and after that things changed. I am glad I had kids. I could never imagine life without them.


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## rlise (Aug 1, 2006)

i never wanted kids after i basically raised a niece and nephew. when i met my SO we finally decided we couldnt be w/o one another and had plans to work, get married and have kids later. well boy was that so NOT how it went. we moved in together and a month later i was preggo. i mean i was just soooo freaked. because it was soo not in the line of things. i am forever grateful that i have 2 lil guys that love me as much as i love them, but at the same time im 24 and have always been very vain and greedy . and to the day its very hard for me in a way to put myself and everything that i want and need on the back burner so my guys can have everything i didnt as a kid.

you can never be prepared, nor can you tell yourself it will be this way, cuz more than likely it wont. you'll never know if a relationship will last. because i changed completely as a whole. but my SO did not, and things are very rough , when kids are thrown in the mix. but all you can do MANAGE day by day . and hopefully the bond with your SO or husband is strong enough and you can deal TOGETHER!


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## Nox (Aug 8, 2006)

I definitely want children. But there are so many out there that don't want children, and that is perfectly okay. No one should be made to feel strange because of their feelings, even if we don't always understand their point of view.


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## speerrituall1 (Sep 7, 2006)

Prior to becoming pregnant I told my Mom that I never wanted children. The look that came upon her face was like death--she couldn't believe it. I'm an only child and *was *somewhat self centered. Well you know how life goes, I got pregnant, decided to accept my responsibility, had my son and have never had a regret. I believe that this forced me to become more mature and patient. The Lord works in mysterious ways.


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## shanes_babygirl (Sep 7, 2006)

I told my mom from the time I was like 7 I didnt want kids...I got pregnant at 16, I did NOT want kids. But I'm 100% against abortion and I couldnt think about giving away something I helped make. So despite my very young age, and lack of responsiblity. I decided to keep him. My parents made me marry his dad. He was 22. Huge mistake. We split up on our one year wedding anniversrary.. It was so extremly hard. But it was defintly worth it. I lost all of my friends when I got pregnant. I felt like I had no one. But after we split up, things seemed alot better. I met another guy when Jason was aprox. 16 months old, (who later turned into my fiance) We got pregnant after 2 months of being together. I was 19 when I had him. Aprox 3 months after Cody was born, I got pregnant for the third time. Their daddy was killed in a car accident, when I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I wish I had been a little bit wiser when it came to getting pregnant, I sometimes wish I had waited. But most of the time Im so extremly happy that I have my kids. They're my life. I wouldnt know what to do with out them.


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Sep 8, 2006)

My whole life I thought there were two kinds of people in the world...the breeders and the non-breeders. I was a self-satisfied non-breeder who had miscarriage after mis-carriage. Now I am pregnant. While I am thrilled to be with child, I would be just as happy to live my life without kids. I have never considered myself to be extremely maternal and not having or wanting kids was not something I was ashamed of, in fact, I was proud of my no-child status. But now that my husband and I (both in our 30's) are expecting our first, things and mindsets have changed.


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## twisted_angel27 (Sep 19, 2006)

I never ever wanted kids I HATED kids. When I found out I really didn't want to have it I was thinking abortion. I'm so glad though that I kept her it changed my life for the better.


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## gianna (Sep 20, 2006)

I really don't think you should feel selfish, you have the luxury of making the decision if you want kids or not. If you have any doubts then don't do it. I have a little girl (15 months), its hard work, your life isn't your own anymore. You have to make sacrifises. It sounds like you know what you want out of life, I'm sure you won't have any problems making the decision when the time comes. Do whats in your heart.


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## iiweazle (Nov 15, 2006)

I am a mother of 2 beautiful girls (Ivy and Eve) both under 3. I always knew I wanted kids and it is the most awesome thing in the world. However I know people who just have children because they think it is the next step. You get married and then you have kids. I say if your not sure or don't want children then DON"T have them. When you do it consumes your life. I am a believer that you should live for your kids and your life should be about them. I know others may disagree. With that said it your not ready or don't TRULY want kids I think you will resent them it is only natural. So my best advice is if you don't want kids stand up for yourself to the world and say I know it may not be common but its right for you


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 15, 2006)

This was a question that was posed to me during my engagement, and the questioning increased after I got married.

I had one lady tell me, "You're never really 'ready' to have children, sometimes you just have to 'do it'." I thought it was a little silly, but I told her in the most polite way that I could that my husband and I weren't ready to spawn just yet.

I want to wait because I have a feeling that it's just not the time right now. There are things that I want to do before I really start to settle down and concentrate on creating life. If anything, I want to get my education out of the way, as well as be financially stable, mentally as well as physically ready for the event to take place. This is not something that I want to rush into head first, because I know that right now it would end up being a total disaster, and neither I nor my husband would be able to take care of the little one.

Like I said though, when I'm ready to go through with it, it'll happen. And when it happens I'll be prepared, and my husband and I will be more than ready to welcome the little one into our lives.


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