# How can I boost my self-esteem?



## margielyn214 (Jul 25, 2006)

My self-esteem is at a whole time low and I just feel sad all the time.

I dont know why but I dont enjoy the things I use to do before with my friends. I'm in highschool right now and will be in grade 11 this year.

I even tried going on "some" forum and try to make friends but some people there can be so rude and that was the last place I thought that can riducule me even though the stuff they've said was just for fun and they didnt mean it. But Im really sensitive and I take most comments to heart and I dont know what to think of myself right now.

PS: Im new here so dont flamed me and judge me.


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## lovelyarsenic (Jul 25, 2006)

Hey MargieLyn, I'm Joanna!! Welcome to Mut




I just wanted to let you know that we all have our ups and downs. Sometimes the downs last 2 days and sometimes they last 2 months, but no worries because life will get better, believe me!! There have been times when I've felt so utterly low I worried things would never look up. Then one day I just decided to start forcing myself to smile and to try and enjoy the things I did in life, and eventually I didn't have to force myself anymore. Just look at it this way, maybe not enjoying the things you normally do is really an opportunity to find some new things to do. Ever wanted to learn how to play a musical instrument or go sky diving? Who knows, this might be your chance



Or heck, give yourself a makeover - you've definitely come to the right place to learn new tricks with cosmetics, and besides, what girl doesn't like to play in makeup? Anyway, I really hope that things look up for you chica.


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## VenusGoddess (Jul 25, 2006)

Maybe it's time for some new fun things!! I remember when I was in high school, many, many many years ago (like about 15, yikes!!) I felt the same way. It's quite common and normal to go through "the change". So, don't think you are alone in this.

I do have to say, though, that people treat you as you treat yourself. If you do not like the way that people are/have been treating you, then it's time to do some soul-searching and housecleaning. Write a list of the qualities/traits of the friends you would like to have...then write a list of the way you would like those friends to treat you (with kindness, respect, etc). Whatever is on the list, you do for yourself. If you want people to treat you with respect, you must treat yourself with respect. On and on. As you do this more and more, you will find that you begin attracting the people who treat you as you currently are treating yourself.

Good luck. Lots of hugs. (((((hug)))))


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## KimC2005 (Jul 25, 2006)

I can struggle with this sometimes too. Do you have a good support system at home? Somebody you can talk to such as parents or a school counselor,etc? I have a medical condition that really hindered me a lot from feeling like a normal child. I struggled so much with feeling accepted and liked by people and really struggled with liking myself and accepting myself for who I was. It took me a lot today to get to where I am. I would definately have to attribute it to alot of prayer and just accepting myself and believing in myself. I agree a lot with what lovely and VenusGoddess said! They were right on! It's hard and it will take time..


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## eric (Jul 25, 2006)

Heyyy MargieLyn.. just want to say hi first off



... welcome to MUT, if theres one thing ive learned from being on here (its only been about 2 weeks) its that everyone here is sooo soo nice and just talking about random things and joking around with everyone really puts me in a good mood.. Ive definitely been where youre at and all i can say is that it will pass... sometimes i get into a funk like it sounds like youre in and i what i do most of the time is just make a concious decision to snap myself out of it.. ill either watch a funny movie or go shop for something i want or just even get outside for a while with my puppy



.. you have noting to worry about as far as being made fun of cuz thats not even an option here



youre pretty much guaranteed to make a bunch of friends and we all have a blast



hope you feel better and if you ever wanna talk about anything with a guy just PM me and ide be glad to chat with ya. talk to you sooooon


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## Gwendela (Jul 25, 2006)

Awwww sweetie everyone here is so nice and caring. Look at the great responses you've gotten so far. You've found a great place to hang out, get advice, and some love.

Tell us about yourself. What kind of things do you like to do? What are your after high school plans? Are you involved in any clubs or stuff like that?


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## margielyn214 (Jul 25, 2006)

Honestly even at home is crap. I dont have a good relationship with my dad since he left me when I was a baby to find work in Canada when me and my mom used to lived in the Philippines. And he thinks that just because he's here now, that it'll make up for all the times he lost when I was little. Sometimes I when I feel left out or depressed, I think that if I didnt exist that it'll be better. So during the day sometimes I feel mad at myself and the whole world and even my friends. I've lost friends that way since they think that Im not interested in doing fun things anymore. I used to be outgoing but now I'm just quiet and keeps things to myself. (gahh I hate my life)


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## Nolee (Jul 25, 2006)

aww dont be sad honey, everyone's life is, but things will be better soon believe me, esp that u r in the age of this phase, i mean u'll still have those feelings till u'r probably 18 or so.. i know im not helping but im tellin u that u r not alone hun, i mean I myself still have these some days and im soon to be 20 so u figure..





another thing, this affects u the most because u r so senstive, i know how it feels, u feel that everything bad around u happens because of u and without u things will be better, but No, they won't





think of it that way, u r the best thing happened to ur mom and ur dad-at least, if not to a some of ur friends, and the friends who left arent good enough for ur from the first place if they think u'r not interesting then u don't they r too, right?

it's a great move u did, makin new friends online-and esp here!

im tellin u it's heaven here for ppl that r shy and senstive like ourselves, ppl get to see the real u first, not the shy and so fragile u!

Cheer up darlin, it's about to get better believe me


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## charish (Jul 25, 2006)

Aww, I'm sorry you feel so down. I remember going through a time like that. It lasted for yrs. for me. But mine was mainly a guy problem and family. I know it's hard being a teenager, but it can also be really fun. Maybe you and a close friend can get together and do something fun. Maybe give each other makeovers and take pictures. Me and my friends use to love doing that. Or I don't know how your physical appearence is as in being fit. But I always feel good when I workout and go walking. It really does make you feel good.(endorphines). Cheer up hun and try not to let anyone bring you down. Everything will be ok.


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## Aquilah (Jul 25, 2006)

Sweetie, I'm very sorry you're going through a tough time. I had a transition in the 11th grade myself, and hung out with a TOTALLY different crowd than I had the year before, and started doing a lot of different things that I was used to doing. You're definitely not alone there! I'm sorry too for such a negative experience on whatever forum that was! Stick with MuT! We're not meanies at all





Life is full of changes, and as we get older, things definitely change! Different things interest us, different people are more appealing to us than before, etc. I totally agree with Angela on doing some soul-searching! Figure out what makes you happy NOW, not last school year or the year before that. Figure out what qualities you want in a friend, boyfriend, etc. My friend told me this the last time I was depressed: "Write down the main thing that's bothering you. Figure out what to do to change it. Once you've accomplished that, and changed it to make yourself happy, move on to the next thing that bothers you. Tackle it one thing at a time, not everything at once. Then, when you've figured it all out, keep going through life as needed and do the same thing." And you know what? It worked! Like a charm!

I wish you the very best sweetie, and I hope you feel better soon! We're always here for you whenever you need to rant, rave, or lean on a shoulder!


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## Anyah_Green (Jul 25, 2006)

Hey! And welcome! I would suggest getting a book called "Sink reflections". It's by Marla Cilley. It has some great techniques to help think more possitively. It lifts my spirits everytime I'm down ( a lot latley). However it is kind of "old" for ya...like mid 20's! lol!

I would suggest keep talking with us here at MuT. Keeping busy always helps. Also don't be too proud to take meds. They really changed my life for the better! Have you talked with your parents? They may be able to help too.

This too shall pass. I'm sending lots of possitive energy your way. I hope that you feel better soon.


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## ivette (Jul 25, 2006)

hi margie, i'm ivette. just wanted to let you know that we all have our ups and downs.

its just part of life. i'm sure you heard it all before. it will pass, i'm sure.

one thing i am concerned about is that you said that you are sad all the time and that the things that you once use to do , you don't enjoy anymore. i don't know if you are aware of this or not, but what you are describing may be a symptom of a

more serious problem- depression. i suggest that you make an appointment with your

family doctor to find out for sure.

Depression is a serious problem in our country. many people don't realize how

rampant it is because alot of people are too embarrased to talk about it.

anyway, i hope this helps. if you need to talk more, please feel free to pm me


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## MBenita (Jul 25, 2006)

Everyone here has given excellent advice as well as welcoming you

with open hearts and big hugs. Everyone here is truly awesome and

will totally respect you.

*Ivette made a very valid point and that is something you should *

*discuss **with your parent(s) and doctor right away. *

*You are worth so much more than you're giving yourself credit for!



*

Yeah, it's time to look inside yourself and discover what makes you

tick. No one, family nor friends, knows what's in your heart right now.

The fact that you are reaching out to MUT tells me that you just need

to connect with people who are non-judgemental and supportive.

Please, get a journal and write until all your sadness, anger, anxiety is

there in front of your face! _(Hey, I'm 44+ and I've journaled since I _

_was 16...it does help)_. I'm thinking that you need to cleanse yourself

of the thoughts that you don't want to share with others. That's ok...

we all need soul cleansing at various points in our lives.

Say your prayers everyday _(several times if you need too!)_. Look in the

mirror and say something positive everyday _(doesn't have to be major, _

_simply, I like this color on me)_.

Come back to visit MUT....it's more than just makeup talk!!!


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## Harlot (Jul 25, 2006)

Hey Margie!!! Welcome to MuT and dont worry, your not alone. Hell, Ill go so far as to say that Ive had it worse. I too have a a horrible relationship with my father. My mother wasnt even a mother to begin with, she loved to work. My abusive sister wasnt much help iether so I really didnt have anyone to talk to. I was to the point of commiting suicide! But thankfully my best friends and oddly my sister helped me out of it. And now my life couldnt be any better, I love my life.You just have to force yourself sometimes to look in the bright side even though you might feel like "Screw the bright side, there isnt any"

Sweetie, you are so young and vibrant, you cannot let yourself be taken over by negativeness. Its only hurting you and blocking your way to anything succesful. If your need anyone to talk to Ill be happy to help for anything



I hope you think things over clearly and feel better



oh, and one last thing, you cant be too sensitive! This world will eat you alive. After all, most peoples opinion are too meaningless to even be valued and taken to heart, ok?



I mean, if I have tooken every opinion to heart I might as well have jumped off a cliff by now, lol



So take care and remember that we here at MuT care for all its members, including you darlin'

If you want to boost your self-esteem, your going to have to willingly open up to people and be a little more social than now. Maybe sign for a sport, play and intrument (like yours truly! I play guitar for my band), spend time with your cousins. Hell, play a video game if it makes you feel better!. Anything that you might enjoy!


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## SwtValina (Jul 25, 2006)

I went through a rough time in high school too. What concerns me is that you said you don't enjoy things the way you did before which may be a sign of depression. Everyone goes through phases in their life which makes them feel like crap. You have to remember what used to make you happy and surround yourself with positive people. The main thing is to not isolate yourself from the rest of the world. I agree with the journal idea too. It helps organize your feelings and I always reach for my journal when i'm going through a rough time. Somehow I always get some relief after I write. Try and find a hobby you like too (like makeup!) and practice something you are good at to help build your self esteem. Get reaquainted with your friends, maybe have a sleepover or a movie night. Start exercising, the endorphins released during exercise are nature's anti-depressant. If these things don't work, it may be more than just a phase. Maybe there is a school counselor you can see if you can't get to a doctor. Please keep us updated. I know you're going through a rough time but hang in there, when you get through this, you'll find that you'll be a lot stronger.


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## margielyn214 (Jul 26, 2006)

Thanks! You dont know how much this means to me.


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## lglala84 (Jul 26, 2006)

I can so relate. My best advice will be to surround yourself with people with positive energy. And I think this is a great place to start. And I think your family is the best place to try to find these people, even if it's not your immediate family, maybe you will find and uncle, cousin, grandparent who will help you look at life differently.

I watch funny movies, or comedy shows to brighten up my day and make me just laugh for and hour or so is a great place to start.

Try to involve yourself in things that you like, For example I love animals they make me smile just being around them.

Hope you feel better and remember you only have one life, so try to make the best of any situation you are in, and try to think positively, and don't let other people negative energy bring you down.


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## Innerkitten (Aug 8, 2006)

Here's what I think. I think perhaps getting involved in some non internet activities that you really enjoy could raise your spirits by getting you involved with things you enjoy.

Some things to think about....What are a few do you enjoy doing? What are your goals? What makes you happy?

p.s. Being a teen also isn't the easiest time in life, it does get better.


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## han (Aug 8, 2006)

Originally Posted by *margielyn214* Honestly even at home is crap. I dont have a good relationship with my dad since he left me when I was a baby to find work in Canada when me and my mom used to lived in the Philippines. And he thinks that just because he's here now, that it'll make up for all the times he lost when I was little. Sometimes I when I feel left out or depressed, I think that if I didnt exist that it'll be better. So during the day sometimes I feel mad at myself and the whole world and even my friends. I've lost friends that way since they think that Im not interested in doing fun things anymore. I used to be outgoing but now I'm just quiet and keeps things to myself. (gahh I hate my life) i think everyone goes through ups and downs and i too didnt get along with my dad when i was younger and as i got older we started gettin closer then he started to get really sick and he passed away now i have guilt so forgive your dad feel bless hes here now let go of any anger and bitterness and ask god to help you you shouldnt keep things to yourself find some one to talk to and you came to the right place im new here but all these girls are really SWEET! remember nothing stays the same good times or bad so you want feel down forever and when your enjoying life savor the moment cause you just never know


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## Brownshugaz (Aug 8, 2006)

this may seem cold but just tell yourself that you don't need them. once you do this you'll be surprised to see how many people will come to you. its almost like you're....a priceless commodity (which you are). either way know that you have a wonderful resource of intelligent men and women here at this site who are here for you.


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## Jessica81 (Aug 8, 2006)

Margie,

Don't worry! Things will change. For me the worst time was 12th grade, the time your suppose to be livin it up. I lost all my friends b/c I had a boyfriend and didn't want to do crazy things (drugs &amp; drinking). I was so lonely, I ate lunch by myself every single day. My family was hellish, my mom married an abusive man and my brother left for the marines. I understand how it feels to be all alone.

I focused on my school work and did really well. This is so cliche, but I got a scholorship and moved as far away from home as possible. I loved college, there are so many different people, everyone wants to be friends with everyone else. It was great! I'm not telling you it will take another two years for you to find friends and happiness, I just want to let you know there is hope. Things will get better.

Try to do something to meet new people. Join a gym, play a sport, do community service, anything to fill your time. I have a friend now that never got along with younger people, so he volunteered at a retirement home in high school. It may be lame but his best friends were all in their 80s.


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## Heather12801 (Aug 15, 2006)

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know that lonliness is one of the worst feelings. I think you did the right thing by opening up and letting someone in to help you. I've only been on this forum for about a week, but it really amazes me how nice everyone is and how non-judgemental they are. I too have days that seem so dark, and I feel like I'm under a huge cloud that I can't seem to escape from. I hate that feeling, and some days it's really bad. But you know, the next day is usually better. I know this seems kind of silly, but when I'm having a really bad day, I try to think "I'm going to be going to sleep in just a few hours, and then tomorrow will be a whole new day". When I try to look at my life as a whole and try to see my future, it seems kind of overwhelming, but when I try to take things one day (or even one hour) at a time, it seems to help. The advice that I'm giving you may not help you at all, but hopefully it will. Oh, and the journal idea is excellent!! It doesn't seem like it would help at all, but surprisingly writing out all your fears and feelings is one of the best therapies!! If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to PM me or post and ask for help again. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can help more than you can imagine!! Good luck sweetie and I will keep you in my prayers.


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Aug 15, 2006)

In high school espessicaly starting 11 th grade, which is the hardest year in high school, I was going through the same phase. I parted with my best friend since childhood and started hanging out with a different crowd. Not any junkies, but just not people who were into the grades all the time. ALso other drama. It was hardest period for me.

Just hang in there. You only have another year in high school. Then you will be in college, total different story and different people. Try to reduce your stress, listen to music, do stuff for you that makes you happy.

Originally Posted by *margielyn214* Honestly even at home is crap. I dont have a good relationship with my dad since he left me when I was a baby to find work in Canada when me and my mom used to lived in the Philippines. And he thinks that just because he's here now, that it'll make up for all the times he lost when I was little. Sometimes I when I feel left out or depressed, I think that if I didnt exist that it'll be better. So during the day sometimes I feel mad at myself and the whole world and even my friends. I've lost friends that way since they think that Im not interested in doing fun things anymore. I used to be outgoing but now I'm just quiet and keeps things to myself. (gahh I hate my life) I never had an relationship with my dad either. He was in my life, but we had no contact. It's just as worse not having or knowing who your father is. You know its not your fault. When I was in high school especially 11th grade I could not grasp it. I was just a child and now that I am a junior in college i can come to an undertsanding. You are a child. Stay in there, and hang on. Your freinds might not understand you and thats okay. Stay on track, constrat on your studies, school. Do whatever you have to stay in there. Don't give up. Giving up will give you permnant results, but trying and staying in there you will succed. Defeintely succed.






Originally Posted by *han* i think everyone goes through ups and downs and i too didnt get along with my dad when i was younger and as i got older we started gettin closer then he started to get really sick and he passed away now i have guilt so forgive your dad feel bless hes here now let go of any anger and bitterness and ask god to help you you shouldnt keep things to yourself find some one to talk to and you came to the right place im new here but all these girls are really SWEET! remember nothing stays the same good times or bad so you want feel down forever and when your enjoying life savor the moment cause you just never know It took me after my father's death. for me to forgive him or understand him. To understand that he is a human being. To undretsand what background he came from and why he couldn't be a father.


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## Tears_Of_Blood (Aug 22, 2006)

Yes, i feel like that often as well. I was very depressed earlyer this year, literally alll the time. But you have to keep your head high! i know its so hard. Im very sensitive as well! and take everything to heart. They all tell me to take things less seriously, but i could try and pretend to, but it'd always be on my back. I know how it feels. Im sure everyone, especially in high school, since i am too, has gone through this phase. I am now aswell, the best thing i personally like to do, is go out and like preoccupy myself so i dont have time to dwell on all this stuff, you know? Go out have fun! you're young! try something new, take lessons, join clubs, that will help boost up that self esteem and confidence. Just, i know how youfeel.


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