# How Did You Know



## tuna_fish (Sep 4, 2008)

that you were ready for marriage?

I'm not anywhere near marriage (only been dating Boy for 6 months), but I go to a Christian school and there were literally 12 weddings this summer of couples my age. I can't for the life of my figure out why they got married so soon. Love is one thing, and I'm not knocking young love by any means. The can totally make it, but it will be very, very hard.

I've just been thinking about this a lot lately. How did you know you were ready for marriage? Maybe most importantly, how did you know that the one you were dating was ready for marriage?


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## Makeupobsession (Sep 4, 2008)

im only 20 yrs old and my partener is 19 soon to be 20.. we have been together for about 1.5 yrs and we are engaged. We are not rushing into marriage, we are going to wait until we are at least 24-25... i knew he was the one wen we first met and believe it or not we met on myspace!! He treats me like a princess and i culdnt ask for anything more! He lets me do what i want what ever it be when ever.. I love him with everything! Our engagement party is in 3 weeks YAY


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## Adrienne (Sep 4, 2008)

I got married at 17 but we were already engaged. I personally do not recommend getting married young and wait til your in your early 20s minimum. At this age, you still don't know who you are as individual and its much harder when you have a kid. Plus with most relationships, the honeymoon lovey dovey phase lasts about two years (love is like an endorphine)! After that, I'm not saying it goes down hill but you literally have to put more effort into the relationship to keep the love there because it won't always be romantic.

I'm not saying it can't work if you get married young or earlier in a relationship as there are no rules when it comes to love but I'm just saying from my own experience. Plus, marriage is something that you have to be sure that the other person is on the same page as far as marriage goes. Unfortunately the statistics are already against you when you say your vows and you want to make sure that your s/o is ready to go through the thick and thin with you. If you ever feel a doubt GO WITH IT!! Always go with you gut reaction when it comes to marriage.

Edit:

Oh, and you can never have too much communication!!! Don't assume the other person feels the same. A real marriage depends on trust and honesty and you have to be honest and say what you feel. If you get married with minor doubt, it'll eventually come out later and it won't be pretty. Always be upfront (this doesn't mean you have to be mean) and you'll never nothing to worry about.


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## -Chelsey- (Sep 4, 2008)

I've been with my bf for 3 1/2 years, living together for 1 1/2. I'm 21 and he's 24 and we're definitely not ready for marriage. He always says he doesn't want to get married and I sometimes feel the same way because of what happened with my parents but at times I do want the whole marriage and kids thing.

If you think about it, marriage is just paperwork and a ring on your finger. I always liked Goldie Hawn's thinking when she says she likes the feeling knowing that Kurt Russell is there because he wants to be and not because he's forced and can get up and leave whenever he wants.

My bfs parents seriously bring up us getting married every time we see them and it bugs me cause I think that eventually he'll get sick of them bugging us about it and want to get married just for them. Who knows what will happen in the future though..I do know that we both share the same views on marriage like not giving up when sometimes goes wrong, I think that's why there are so many divorces is because people give up too easily and don't try to work on their relationships.

I definitely don't think you should get married young. You need life experience and need to know who you are before getting into something that serious. I also absolutely believe in living together before getting married, I could never marry someone without knowing how they are when you live with them lol


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## Dragonfly (Sep 4, 2008)

I got married when I was 28. To be honest, I was not ready but I was in the military - there were other roadblocks to deal with like postings, so the marriage took place.

I strongly recommend that any female get as much education under her belt, before the marriage takes place. Unfortuanately, a lot of married women become single moms, so they need to be as prepared as possible to raise a child/children on their own.


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## Lucy (Sep 4, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Adrienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I got married at 17 but we were already engaged. I personally do not recommend getting married young and wait til your in your early 20s minimum. At this age, you still don't know who you are as individual and its much harder when you have a kid. Plus with most relationships, the honeymoon lovey dovey phase lasts about two years (love is like an endorphine)! After that, I'm not saying it goes down hill but you literally have to put more effort into the relationship to keep the love there because it won't always be romantic. 
I'm not saying it can't work if you get married young or earlier in a relationship as there are no rules when it comes to love but I'm just saying from my own experience. Plus, marriage is something that you have to be sure that the other person is on the same page as far as marriage goes. Unfortunately the statistics are already against you when you say your vows and you want to make sure that your s/o is ready to go through the thick and thin with you. If you ever feel a doubt GO WITH IT!! Always go with you gut reaction when it comes to marriage.

Edit:

Oh, and you can never have too much communication!!! Don't assume the other person feels the same. A real marriage depends on trust and honesty and you have to be honest and say what you feel. If you get married with minor doubt, it'll eventually come out later and it won't be pretty. Always be upfront (this doesn't mean you have to be mean) and you'll never nothing to worry about.

wow! 17 seems so young! can i ask if there was a particular reason you got married at this age? sorry to probe, i'm just curious! i have huge respect for you having such a serious relationship at this point in your life though.


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## ADSCOSMETICS (Sep 5, 2008)

Oh, my.. COMMUNICATION is probably the best way to figure out where you both stand.

I just recently got married and I am 19, my husband is 25. You're probably thinking, "he's gotta be cheating on her".. well, no, things don't work like that. I'm mature for my age and he loves that about me. We discuss everything! I feel like my husband is the only person I can trust--more than my mother, even. The most important thing, make sure your boyfriend really feels you. My husband knows me so well, I never have to tell him I'm upset or what upsets me, or what could make me cry..he feels it.

We started talking about marriage 2 weeks into just getting to know each other--not even dating! It's the best decision I've made in my life. When we argue, we say sorry to each other a few minutes after the fact and it changes everything. We never hold grudges or stay mad for too long because it's never worth it. I'd rather spend my time with him than without him because I can't get over a petty thing.

When your boyfriend or husband asks you, "what should I do?" and takes your advice or really thinks about what you've told him, you know it's the real deal. My husband asks ME, even though I'm younger because he knows that I would only want to set him in the right direction. I always listen to him the way he listens to me. The love we have for each other, we could never just get used to each other---I mean, he works from home and I go to school 2 days a week but the other days I'm home and I'm around him while he works and even though, I spend that time with him, I still tell him I missed him all day. He melts.

Always mean what you say, and if you don't mean it--well, just don't say it.


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## Kimmers86 (Sep 11, 2008)

My husband and I have been together since we were sixteen. I'm only 21 now and we've been married for about a year and a half. If you can, which it may be inappropriate for your family, live together first. That's a good way to figure it out. I knew I was ready because I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could and he felt the same....even after five years. We had plenty of problems, trust me, but once we worked it out everything has been pretty good. Everyone I know thinks I'm crazy for getting married so young, especially since we don't have any kids, but I at this point I can't imagine life without him. Honestly, we dated for years and years, and we lived together for 3 years before we got married so we know eachother for sure. We were practically married anyway so the piece of paper didn't change anything lol. We had a fun wedding and my family is happy with it. So is his. We really only get judged by our friends...who are all single...hmmmmm

BUT back to the original question...You will just know. If you feel comfortable with it, then it's time. I wasn't uneasy and I didn't question it after I said yes.


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## pinksugar (Sep 11, 2008)

Well, I know I'm ready to get married emotionally, but not so financially.

I thought my last boyfriend would be the one, but it didn't work out. I know I'm ready for that kind of commitment, I know I'm prepared to put in the kind of work that a long lasting relationship would require, but at the moment I'm single, and I can't see myself meeting anyone who feels the same and is ready for that next step for at least a few years yet.

I think emotionally and maturity wise I've been ready for a long time, but I knew in my heart that the guys I was dating definitely weren't at that point. Add to that that I'm still in university and I don't have a full time job, so for me, while I know I'm ready for it in one way, in a lot of other ways, it's just not feasible, not least because I'm single, haha, but also because I'm not in a good place financially.

Looking back I'm glad I didn't get engaged or married really young, but if I had, I know I could have made it work. I think each person is different. I'm sure some of the people at your school ARE ready, others probably won't be, and will have a lot to get used to when they're married, but it's so hard to tell. I thought I was ready when I was 17, but in truth, I've learnt so much about myself since then - not all of it good! I can't even imagine the person I'd be now if I'd taken that road, you know?


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## Bec688 (Sep 11, 2008)

I too have a lot of friends who have married and have had kids quite young. I am 20, and in the last 2 years since leaving school I have about 6 friends that have gotten married. A few have even started having babies.

I think you will know when the right ones comes along and sometimes age doesn't really come into it. If you love the person, and you feel you are emotionally,mentally and financially stable enough to go the long road, go for it.

Even though I am 20, and still quite young, I feel like I would be emotionally and mentally mature enough for marriage, though right now I am single. I have always dated guys older than myself and have always generally been in long term relationships, as it turns out, none of those guys were "the one" I am glad I was in those relationships and have learnt a lot about love and myself in the process. When I was 18, I WAS engaged, it's not something I share too often



I honestly thought he was the one, hell I said yes to him! But it turned out HE wasn't ready for marriage (he was 24) and backed out, we stayed together a few more months after that and then the relationship fizzled. It just wasn't meant to be, and I am glad I didn't marry someone who's heart wasn't entirely in it.


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## Nick007 (Sep 11, 2008)

I got married at 21, and we dated for a month before that. The emotion that we felt for eachother was overwhelming. And as dumb as it sounds you just know!! I've been married 8 years.


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## Sonia_K (Sep 11, 2008)

I got married at 20 (he was 26) and I thought I was pretty mature at the time. Now that I look back, I guess I could have waited a few years, and I wasn't as mature as I thought I was, but I have never regreted marrying my husband. I really wasn't sure if I was ready for marriage but I was sure I loved him and I guess that's what really matters.

Marriage can a be a rollercoaster ride of emotions but as long as you have good communication, respect for eachother, trust and the willingness to make it work, marriage should bring the happiest days of your life.

(by the way - today is my 9 year wedding anniverysay)


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## Bec688 (Sep 11, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Sonia_K* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I got married at 20 (he was 26) and I thought I was pretty mature at the time. Now that I look back, I guess I could have waited a few years, and I wasn't as mature as I thought I was, but I have never regreted marrying my husband. I really wasn't sure if I was ready for marriage but I was sure I loved him and I guess that's what really matters.
Marriage can a be a rollercoaster ride of emotions but as long as you have good communication, respect for eachother, trust and the willingness to make it work, marriage should bring the happiest days of your life.

(by the way - today is my 9 year wedding anniverysay)





Happy Anniversary! Are you doing something special?


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## Sonia_K (Sep 11, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Bec688* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Happy Anniversary! Are you doing something special? Thank You. I would love to just get away and spend some quality alone time with my hubby for a couple of days, but I don't think that will be happening anytime soon. We have two kids, busy work schedules, and a mortgage to take care of.




I think we'll just end up going to dinner.


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## civicbabe627 (Sep 14, 2008)

This might be a long post, but here goes...

I'm 21 years old, and graduated in 2005. Many people that I was in HS with have gone off and gotten married, or had kids. It was like it was the coolest thing in the world to do or something. I don't know any that have gotten divorced yet, but know that they do have problems in their marriage.

In my personal love-life... I was engaged at 17, to my ex-fiance. I was naive and thought I loved him. It's not that he didn't treat me well, that ended things. I just finally realized that what my parents kept telling me was true. We just weren't a good match. We fought a lot about stupid things, and he was extremely possessive and jealous. Two traits I absolutely HATE in a guy. We were only together 3 months before he proposed to me, and together for a total of 7 months. I ended things shortly after I graduated HS. I was ready to change and grow as a person, and I realized I couldn't do that with him holding me back.

Now, shortly after I ended my relationship with him I met back up with my current boyfriend. I had known him for 2 1/2 years before we started dating. He always used to come in to see me when I worked at a pet store. No matter where I was, he would always find me and try to get me to hang out with him. I had boyfriends on and off though, the whole time I knew him... plus he was 5 years older and I was afraid to date him, because I wasn't even 18 yet. Not that my parents would have cared, but I figured he was out of my league anyway. I had literally NO confidence in myself when I was 16/17 years old. Well anyway, after not seeing him for a while after I had quit my job at the pet store, his best friend happened to come into my new job. (Small town) He gave me Jason's phone number. I texted him when I got off work and we arranged to hang out a couple days later.

Well, I went to his place one night and we stayed up all night just talking. It was 8 in the morning before he said ''man, I have to go to work in a few minutes''... so I left and went home. We really hit it off on the first night, and according to him, I never went home after that, haha! I really feel like the two of us were meant to be together. That through all my failed relationships, he was right there in front of my eyes trying to win me over, and I just didn't see it. I'm glad I finally got the nerve to see him, we've been together ever since. I have pretty much spent every day/night with him since the day we started dating. My parents moved away to Colorado about 2 years ago, and I decided to stay in NC to be with him. So after they moved, I of course officially moved in his place. I had most of my clothes and stuff over anyway, lol.

We have had our arguments, sure.... but we're always quick to make up. Most of our arguments were around our 1 1/2-2 years mark.... just because we had been together SO much, we were pretty much driving each other up the wall. I have to admit, I was sorta smothering him... and when I realized that if I didn't stop, it would end our relationship for good. So in the end we worked things out and we've been together for 3 years, and 2 months.

Still no talk of marriage yet, but we have made it clear that we see each other in our futures. I'm personally not ready to get married yet, and I don't think he is either. I need to get myself settled into a career (I'm going into Real Estate next month) and we need to pay off our debt and get ourselves more financially secure before we can worry about getting married. All we can do now is be happy together until the day that we do decide to make that final commitment.





Yep, LONG post.. sorry for ranting... but I just wanted to share my story!


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## pinksugar (Sep 14, 2008)

thanks everyone for posting. It's really nice to see how honest you all are, and your stories are really interesting! I enjoyed reading them


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