# Why the hell can I not find a guy?



## KristieTX (May 13, 2007)

They say when you stop looking is when you find him. Ok, just how many years am I gonna have to wait? I'm so sick of this. How did you find your SO? I really didn't want to, but I'm trying the internet route.


----------



## xEdenx (May 13, 2007)

please be careful on the internet, please! You find lots of nice people on here (MUT as an example




), but there are creeps also. That aside I'm not really old enough to have a SO but my BF of 5 months and i met through school. You look young so if your in college or university then check out your school...you could get a guy with looks AND a brain... !!!


----------



## Harlot (May 13, 2007)

Sorry but whats SO?


----------



## SierraWren (May 13, 2007)

I actually met my now-husband at a night club, called--of all things--the Oar House(yes, lol, rhymes with "whore house"but no such connection)!I had been warned that night clubs were a bad place to meet men, b/c guys there would be "looking for one thing only" but that is not always the case, evidently. Nontheless, I think your idea of using the Internet to find someone is a better way to go, just in general; you can start out knowing what the other person wants and expects from a relationship, with an important focus on personalites, interests, and overall compatability as well, not just on surface and initial impressions alone and the usual small talk of a bar or a night club meeting. Plus, I have some encouraging news of this: two of my cousins, 1 female,1 male, have met their current spouses over the Internet and are(I understand) still happily married after several years. My female cousin was 41 when she met her current spouse online and despaired she was "too old" to meet a man any mlnger; nothing could have been further from the truth. The Intenet, which she'd viewed as her "last resost" before giving up for serch for love completely, turned out to be a world opener for her: she met not one but several men and dated more than she had since college. And,of course, she found The One for her, too.She has turned on several of her friends to Internet dating as well, and can't say enough positive things about it.

I was at her very happy wedding almost 2 years ago, and so consider myself a convert to Internet dating as well, having seen proof it really, truly works! I think you should absolutely go for it--Internet dating---and,who knows, while you're not looking as hard around you for someone, the right guy might just come along in your life, not through the Internet but a place that takes you by surprise. I think when we aren't looing as much, love is more likely to turn up--but it's hard to stop looking when we want that place in our life filled very much. But in everyday life, finding thos people can be hard for everyone. So, I like your idea: get on the Internet, and just find out about the people who are hoping to find you.(Not to sound like an ad!)

Best of luck to you--I feel you'll have an exciting and rewarding adventure!


----------



## Aprill (May 13, 2007)

Well first let me ask, have you ever read the book Lovesmart by Dr. Phil? As much as I hate him that is a really good book for a woman that is looking for a man. If I still have it and you want me to send it to you or scan it and email, pm me and I will.

But I found my husband taking out the trash, lol, and he was staring at me like a wolf. I thought he was disgusting at first, but once I got to know him, he was okay.

And in addition, I have heard that there is a man shortage, and if you let my mom tell it, most men are dead, gay, in jail, married and cheating with other men or women, got too many kids, drugs addicts or bums.

But good luck on your journey, because finding a good man is a journey.


----------



## Dragonfly (May 13, 2007)

If I was going to look for a man, I would go to where the men are.

Men love politics so register for a political party you support and go to rallys, volunteer, fund raise - anything to get the chance to meet someone.

Men love sports so go to a sporting event, take tennis lessons, take in round of golf. Or find a job in a sports-related field.

Men loves technology - the more toys they have, the better. Are you a computer geek? Can you find a way (job maybe) to meet guys through technology?

Have you heard of speed dating? Maybe an organization, restaurant or church holds them regularly for your age group. If you decide to go to one, make sure you take a friend so they can give you their opinions. Check the internet for your community.

On the subject of computer dating: Men can say anything about themselves, use fake photos, fake references. They can be married already or in committed relationships and are just trying to get sex on the side.

I wouldn't use computer dating so I wouldn't encourage any other woman.

I hate to admit it but most of the men I have dated, I met in a club. Some were nice guys and others were regretful. Use your discretion when it comes to bars.

The best advice I can give you is: be yourself, trust your intuition, and when you least expect it, you'll meet someone - I know it sounds hokey but give it a try.


----------



## SierraWren (May 13, 2007)

cyw1--I respect your advice, but want to add that men ANYWHERE (clubs, sports, meetings, etc.) can lie about anything, too--not only on the Internet.With the one exception of their physical appearance, it is not any easier/harder to trust an individual about what they tell you in person rather than over the Internet. I spent a long time single and dating, so consider myself as much a veteran as anyone who spent so much time in the "dating field" as I did. And I got lied to frequently--more frequently,by far, than either of my cousins,who used Internet Dating Services to help to guide themselves along. The people they met were far more likely to be interested in actually settling down or finding a mate(in fact, everyone they met was) than the series of men looking for brief term relationships only that I found through common interest fields, school classes, bars and clubs. Not that I didn't meet some relationship driven men in those areas, but in contrast, I know of 5 people who have used the Internet, and 2 are married as a result, the other 3 in over year long relationships. And like with dating anyone, no matter where you meet them,all you need to do is go out with them one time to see if they give you uneasy/uncomfortable vibes; there is no printed,prooven evidence anywhere that Internet daters are more likely to be dishonest and unreliable or have "unsavory"backgrounds than "regular" daters. Just thought I'd add that-- as I hate to see what I have witnessed to be a very hopeful door(if used wisely, and carefully, like anything) closed before it's even checked into.


----------



## luxotika (May 13, 2007)

What is so wrong with being single girl!

As far as the internet dating, I agree with the ladies above. However, it is much easier for a man to lie to you through a keyboard than it is to lie to someone in person.


----------



## KristieTX (May 14, 2007)

Thanks for the advice ladies.

Why is it so wrong to be single? Because as embarassing as this is, I have not been with a man in 10 years. Yes, 10!!!!!

So I think some of you can understand why I am SICK of being single. Is there something wrong with me? Men only come up to me with the idea of being friends, nothing more. I have not been on any dates and believe me, I have tried.


----------



## Dragonfly (May 14, 2007)

If you meet a guy and find him interesting, don't let him treat you as a friend.

Let him know you have enough friends, you want a boyfriend.

He's either going to start seeing you as a romantic partner or he's going to be gone. But at least you aren't wasting your time anymore.

Do you flirt with guys? If you don't, this might be sending the message that you don't find them attractive.

When you are with a guy, get him to talk about himself.

Guys are huge chickens - if they don't think the girl is interested in them, they may walk away out of fear, even if they really like the girl.

I also recommend the Dr Phil book that April refers to. It is easy to read and Dr Phil explains his views and opinions so that they really make sense.


----------



## brewgrl (May 14, 2007)

my advice? it's time to move.

a ten year rut is a long time, and that can only meant that you have exhausted the city you live. it's time to pack up and find a more dating friendly city.

oh- i have no problem with the internet. like sierra wren said- men who lie are everywhere, not just the internet.


----------



## Lissaboo (May 14, 2007)

I met my fiance on Yahoo for petes sake. LoL but not after talking to him online with a cam for 2 1/2 years and he was a really good friend first.Now we've been together for a couple of years.


----------



## daer0n (May 14, 2007)

I met my husband over the internet, ICQ, we've been married for three years and i adore him, we have two babies together now, it turned out to be great for me, i am grateful for that.

Before him, i spent 6 years without a man in my life, my ex died from Cancer and i didnt want to know anything about relationships, but i found my husband where i never thought i would find anyone who would love me for real, he is the most loving fun man i have ever known in my life


----------



## Jessica (May 14, 2007)

Awww Nuri....thtas the sweetest





I met ny hubby at work. We started out as friends...even went out drinking, he was my date to a few affairs, we flirted and all while dating other people. It went on like that for 3 years. Then I got his ass drunk and lured him back to my house and 5 years later he hasnt left.


----------



## MindySue (May 14, 2007)

i met my bf online too! we talked for like 6 years and were exclusively together for like 2 or 3.

it really is a good place to meet people if you're careful


----------



## pinksugar (May 14, 2007)

chicken, better to be single for 10 years than with a jerk.. but hopefully you will meet an awesome guy really soon



I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you


----------



## Annia (May 15, 2007)

Originally Posted by *JessyAnn74* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Awww Nuri....thtas the sweetest




I met ny hubby at work. We started out as friends...even went out drinking, he was my date to a few affairs, we flirted and all while dating other people. It went on like that for 3 years. Then I got his ass drunk and lured him back to my house and 5 years later he hasnt left.

This is my story, minus the end (the drunk part, lol).
We basically met at work. Started out as friends, I was dating some one else... he wasn't. Finally broke up with the ex and we started dating.


----------



## CellyCell (May 15, 2007)

The internet is good.

I read in my college's pyschology book saying that internet relationship tend to work out longer than meeting each other in person. Something about being more 'open' with one another quicker. Even tho yeah, its easier to lie on here.

So get the net a try but be weary.


----------



## Savvy_lover (May 15, 2007)

i met my baby via ICQ~



2 years anniversary will be on the 8th of june ~!! nth s completely smooth but so far so good * he is coming on the 18th of may*


----------



## Ashley (May 17, 2007)

I've known my boyfriend since middle school. I'd say you should try meeting guys with similar interests. If you like books, hang out at bookstores and meet fellow bookworms! The internet sounds okay, but it seems like you have to kinda dig through a pile of creeps and liars and learn to recognize sincere guys online (of course, there are liars and creeps offline, but it's more difficult to detect a lie online). Anyway, best of luck!


----------



## farris2 (Jun 3, 2007)

I actually worked with my husband for 10 years before we ever talked! He got divorced in 2004....we started dating a few months after. I had always thought he was a good looking man whenever we passed by each other at work... I had never married before and I was 39 when I met him. Sometimes it takes awhile to meet your s/o.


----------



## mac-whore (Jun 14, 2007)

internet, internet, internet.

just be careful &amp; take things slow but, i'd say the net is the best place. there's this unspoken insinuation that if you meet your SO online you're being desperate or something along those lines and that couldn't be farther from the truth. i'm VERY picky, and i found my SO online. my best friends have met their boyfriends online as well.. long lasting relationships. dating sites are not evil =]


----------

