# Building Self-esteem



## smallpuppy (Dec 2, 2005)

How do you build self-esteem? My biggest problem is that I don't think I'm pretty enough or I'm constantly thinking that this gorgeous girl is gonna come and still my boyfriend away (although my friends constantly tell me that I'm to pretty for him) Any advice is welcome!


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## bunni (Dec 2, 2005)

I knew a girl who had very low self-esteem but she was pretty and very nice, so what she did is she built a list of the qualities she likes in herself and i know it helped her.

I feel good about myself even right after a shower :icon_razz , also when I have makeup on, hair down and dressed really sexy, because thats when I get the most looks, compliments from guys. I also think that liking and respecting yourself first of all will build your self-esteem.

About your bf getting stolen by another woman, I think its the issue of trust, if you trust him and he loves you back noone can really come between you.


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## karrieann (Dec 2, 2005)

That's a tough one for me too. I will be watching this post for advise myself.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## dixiewolf (Dec 2, 2005)

I have had low self esteem most of my life, but it is so much better now than it used to be. I always wound up in unhealthy and/or emotionally abusive relationships b/c of it, which made it worse. I have gone to therapy on and off since I was young, and my therapist helped me a lot. He had my boyfriend write down a list of qualities he loved about me, and especially since it was stuff I didnt know he loved, it made me feel really good about myself.


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## bluebird26 (Dec 2, 2005)

I have low self-steem too. What has helped me is having my husband tell me I am beautiful, OK! I wanna believe me. Truth is, there will be always somebody that will be better than you, so let's not be that perfectionist. At the end, what matters is your inner beauty, thats what make people fall in love with you  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> And, I see your picture, you are gorgeous! Why are you talking about this, lol


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## karrieann (Dec 2, 2005)

silly girl. You are beautiful too! :icon_love The most beautiful woman in the world can have low self esteem. It's not about outside beauty. As you said it's about believing you are beautiful on the inside. How many of us have seen/known a woman who isn't really all that attractive but she is beautiful. She has a certain something that people are just naturally drawn to. I would much rather have that than look like the ultimate beauty. I think there are a lot of beautiful on the outside women who are miserable on the inside.


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## tashbash (Dec 3, 2005)

I agree, I think every woman has insecurity issues at one time or another. And trust me, if your boyfriend is gonna cheat, he is gonna cheat, no matter how secure you are with yourself. But I am looking at you and I think we see things about ourselves that nobody else even notices. Cause I really don't see anything at all wrong with you. :icon_smil


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## dixiewolf (Dec 3, 2005)

This is true. It really has nothing to do with what one looks like. Girls I have known with the lowest self-esteem were some of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. Seriously, when I small smallpuppy's avatar, I thought, she is beautiful, a lot prettier than I am, lol. But I know some women are prettier than me, I just dont care anymore, I am prettier than some, or smarter, just as some are smarter than me. It used to tick me off in college when I would get the "who's your friend?" thing all the time when I thought a guy was coming to talk to me. When this girl was around I was invisible. I know I am not that old, but at 28 (well in a couple weeks), my self esteem is so much higher than it was in my early 20's


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## SewAmazing (Dec 3, 2005)

Self-esteem doesn't come from "outside" of you. Looks change all the time (get used to it--accidents, illness, genetics, age, lifestyle), and anybody who can take somebody away from you, that person wasn't yours in the first place. Self-esteem is your internal temperature, how you feel on the inside. It's not about looks, weight, money, or anything else superficial. It's your personal way about feeling how you are to the world, your gifts, talents, and abilities. That's why it is so different for everybody. Are you a good person? Do you have value? Are you loving? What do you give, assist, or do that makes you feel proud? Self-esteem cannot be taken away. It is a belief system. It's up to us to maintain and develop our healthy self-esteem. Start with all the things you are thankful for. Your blessings are yours. Concentrate on these, not what is missing.


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## Cirean (Dec 3, 2005)

I have insecurities but I don't have low self-esteem. I got picked on in school for being different and un-attractive and I cried about it alot. One morning I just woke up and said "F*CK IT! I am who I am and everyone who doesn't like it can shove off". Everyone has flaws, not just you. There will always be someone prettier, smarter or more talented than you. You just can't dwell on these things.

I wish I could tell you how to get to that point, but I hope you reach it! It's very freeing.

Your b/f wouldn't be with you if you didn't find you attractive. Have a little faith in him. I don't think anyone can "steal" someone's SO away, they have to be open to being lead away first.


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## cottoncandy (Dec 3, 2005)

smallpuppy if thats you in your avatar, girl you are silly because you look gorgeous! i find that self esteem comes with acceptance, when you accept yourself as you are with all your faults and assets, because thats just how you ARE, then, you will be content with yourself and confident. be your own best friend, treat yourself good like you would someone you really love and care about, listen to your bodys needs, take care of yourself, make the best of you, of what you are and have. thats my advice.


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## smallpuppy (Dec 4, 2005)

Aww! Thank you!:icon_redf


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## Andi (Dec 4, 2005)

I used to have low self esteem all my life, still have some left now. as a teenager living with my parents I thought I was ugly and stupid (cause thatÂ´s what my dad made me believe, and with him being my dad I just believed it) and I was so shy that people thought I was too "arrogant" to talk to them.

some experiences I had made me forget what others might say and think and I found new sides to my personality. I stopped being what everybody thought of me and realized that the more things you achieve in life and the more nice things you do for people the better you feel about yourself.

of course I will always have my insecurities, compared to people at my school (med school) I feel inadequate and not as smart as some studious freaks *lol* but I know what I have accomplished so far and that I can be proud of that.

as for outer appearance, I will still think I look boring or ugly every once in a while, then other days I think hey you look great...it changes every single day.

I canÂ´t think of anything more to tell you, other than you look beautiful on your avatar and itÂ´s natural to be jealous of other girls if youÂ´re insecure. I hope your bf reassures you that he loves you and that youÂ´re beautiful, hopefully you can see that too. good luck!!


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## terrie_cole (Dec 5, 2005)

I think the best way to build self-esteem is to accomplish something and keep promises to yourself. If you promise yourself, "I'm going to go to the gym 3 times a week," than make sure you go to the gym 3 times a week. Then make another promise to yourself and keep it. All these accomplishments make you think you can do anything you put your mind to and once you believe that you will have self-esteem.


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## Leony (Dec 5, 2005)

The only advice I can give is to try to find something that you're really good at. Its common thing for women to feel that way. But, if you feel you're not good enough for him you must also question yourself, is he GOOD enough for you? Don't be too hard on yourself, from what I see you are a pretty girl with bright smile.

Also, trust yourself first and follow your inner voice in order to build a self-esteem. If you don't trust or have doubt on yourself, it's going to be difficult for you to improve self-esteem.

Enjoy your life and don't waste your time on thinking are you good enough or not. The more you think of it the lower self-esteem you have.


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## anne7 (Dec 5, 2005)

That was so me in junior high! People that used to dislike me because I didn't talk to them thought I was the biggest stuck-up witch ever, but really, I was so insecure, I didn't know what to say to them or how to start up a conversation. I still have times where I think that my friends don't really like me, or people talk to me because they have nothing better to do, or whatever.

I think I am a lot more comfortable with myself now, but I still have times where I think I am just a failure at life and not good enough at anything, but most times I am satisfied with who I am.

With looks, a lot of my friends are GORGEOUS, and my guyfriends will sometimes say 'Oh she is so HOT!' when I mention them. You know what, though? I would rather people say about me "She is so awesome" than "She is HOT" because in the long run, it isn't going to matter how beautiful you are, but what kind of person you are. Ok, I am done being a cornball  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## charish (Dec 6, 2005)

i have always had low self esteem. my looks, my height, everything. i've learned that, to just make the best of it and try to focus on the parts i do like. and i think about people who have far worst problems than me. (serious issues). this is the way god made me and i just have to accept it and make the best of it, my husband has no complaints so that's good(except for my boobs)lol:icon_roll :icon_lol: just try to focus on the parts of you that you like and make the best of it.as long as your boyfriend is happy don't worry girl and if he's truly in love with you he'll think you're the most beautiful girl in the world so don't worry about someone else.:icon_wink


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## starli (Dec 7, 2005)

So well put, karrieann! I agree.

1. If you know you rock, then you just do, YOU ROCK, that isn't conceited. You're a bad ass and can't help it.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

2. Women generally are portrayed and encouraged to be modest, polite, and not vain. Self esteeem isn't vanity, there's a fine line.

you are beautiful and I hope you realize it!

xoxo


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## makeup_nerd (Dec 19, 2005)

I think self esteem has to come from within, and that's why you shouldn't look for it from outside sources. I know that it's great to hear someone tell you that you're beautiful, but your self esteem shouldn't go up because someone compliments you, and it shouldn't go down when people criticize you. Cuz if you have self esteem only on the day that you think you look hot, then it'll only be temporary, for permanent self esteem you should be able to say to yourself that no matter how I look, how much I weigh and how tall I am, I deserving of people respect and love since I respect and love myself. I think we tend to focus to much on physical appearance when we talk about self esteem and I don't think that's where it comes from....


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## SewAmazing (Dec 19, 2005)

I wish this message could be burned into mindsets all across America starting from Jr. High on up. Great response! Preach on sistah!


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## makeup_nerd (Dec 19, 2005)

Somehow I love that you called me sistah... :icon_love


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## Somegirl (Dec 22, 2005)

Girls really are too hard on themselves. I used to have really low self esteem and at times I still feel like crap but I started telling myself that I was pretty even if I really didn't think so. I've made it a point to tell myself that everyday and hold my head high even if I am having a bad day. It worked for me like a charm because eventually you will believe it.


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## gamaki (Dec 22, 2005)

I think we all have our moments when we feel down on ourselves. It's normal due to how obsessed with physical beauty this society is. I think it might help to not focus on the exterior so much. I know it's easier said than done but try to do things for yourself, perhaps help out someone in need. Take up a hobby or a class and learn about something that always interested you. Doing things for yourself and other people will make you feel fierce because you're taking an active role in your quality of life and being of service to others.:icon_smil


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## Mokie (Dec 31, 2005)

The key to self esteem, from my perspective, is to stop being what other people like and start being what you like. Love yourself and don't worry about the other people, they'll fall into line.


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## GraceGirl7 (Dec 31, 2005)

Well some people may not really want to hear this for one reason or another, but I never had any self esteem until I found the Lord. I was promiscuous, on drugs, and nearly died. I treated myself horribly because I didn't love me. It was when I realized that He loved me, that I loved me. Jesus is the only One that keeps my head up.


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## mellomelsko (Jan 2, 2006)

SewAmazing,

That's really wonderful advice!


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## VenusGoddess (Jan 3, 2006)

You look at yourself in the mirror every day and do affirmations. Every morning and every night. After a while, you just BELIEVE IT.

You may also want to consider counseling because there are obviously issues you need to deal with (BTDT). You'll find that once you start/finish dealing with the big issues, your SE just automatically increases!


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## katisha (Jan 3, 2006)

Same. I don't think I know what self-esteem feels like. Not just in the sense of looks, but also how one perceives themselves emotionally, academically, etc. and as a person in general... :icon_redf


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## Sophia (Jan 5, 2006)

All of my life still now my self-esteem is very very low!!! With all the relationships I have with friends and boys!!! I'm too shy too reach a boy and many times to achieve anything I want from my life!! What I always do is to make plans for the future and hope, these are the 2 things that cheer me up, and many times that works!!! Ohh and things that make you feel sexy are the best, like good clothes, sexy hair and eyes, always works!!


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## Sass (Jan 5, 2006)

I agree Starli!

"You're a bad ass and can't help it.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />" made me smile :icon_smil


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## Kimberleylotr (Jan 10, 2006)

I have low self-esteem like every couple of months then i get a pump of high self esteem. then its like crashes. its crazy. Its kinda Low now, cant wait till the high... this makes me sounds like I do drugs ... i dont never have.


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## litlbitprincess (Jan 11, 2006)

Very well said! As for your boyfriend... know body can break up a truely happy relationship.


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