# I have been feeling really 'low' lately.



## Jesskaa (Feb 9, 2007)

Its to the point were i almost hate everything. I really do, i cannot stand half of the things in my life.

*My* *cellphone* is just a constant worry for me, i`m always afraid of running up the bill, *my computer* i`m always afraid it will break and i will get blamed [doesnt matter who was on it I ALWAYS brake whatever happened to the computer because i`m usally on it , no questions ever asked.]

*My parents are seriously poor right now.* I can't even afford to get hair scrunchies right now, they have to save everything, and my mom is taking her stress out on me, and i don`t like how scary it is. My parents are very screwed and it seems so wrong to say, i mean i know it seems really wrong, but it bothers me a lot that my parents had 2 kids and they could hardly afford to live together with just them.

*I regret everytime i eat.* being on birth control is making me want to eat EVERYTHING. And everytime i eat i regret it, so sometimes i just eat very _little_ and have a growling stomach pretty much all day, its making me sick how horrible my eating is.

*I hate myself a lot.* I cannot stand looking in the mirror, and i cannot stand how much i weigh, i hate my clothes, i hate everything that i own pretty much. I hate the way i look, i hate my acne its looking better but it will look great once i get on accutane.

*If somebody finds out i`m so depressed.. i can't get on accutane which will result in high depression feelings.*

I want change, a lot of change.

But i just hate how selfish i am &amp; my personailty and my looks.

*okay, i had to get HALF *[yes, only half] *OF MY PROBLEMS OUT.*


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## Aprill (Feb 9, 2007)

Dont hate yourself. I worry about my cellphone bill also. That thing is 174.00 a month. We all have days like that where we hate ourself.


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## Jesskaa (Feb 9, 2007)

But its not a day, its been this way for a month or more. Everyday i cry, everyday i hate.

its just emotional.


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## Sonia_K (Feb 9, 2007)

I'm sorry your feeling like that. That really sucks. I'm thinking that the hormones in your birth control pills are effecting the way you feel.

Something that helps me when I am feeling sad or depressed, is thinking about all the people that have it even worse off than me. Instead of focusing on the things you don't have (or the things your not happy with) focus of things you do have and be grateful for that. Sorry to sound so preachy. And I hope you get over this state of mind quickly. :hugss:


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## Aprill (Feb 9, 2007)

I'm the same way, but I have my husband to remind me that I am not what I think I am. Do you have a support system? People that you can vent to that will help you to feel better?


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## Jesskaa (Feb 9, 2007)

When i do do that, i feel even worse and greedy. Because I still stand ungrateful for it all, and then i feel bad because of it.,

No, I dont. Nobody I`d like to the truthful.


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## Dragonfly (Feb 9, 2007)

Did you start the pill in order to get on Accutane?

About Accutane and Depression - there have been a few reported cases so a warning has been attached to the drug. However, the vast majority of Accutane users do not develop depression.

I have been on Accutane twice and I have a mood disorder. I never went into a depression and my doctors certainly kept an eye on me.


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## Jesskaa (Feb 9, 2007)

Yes, i did.

I know, I`m just scared somebody will go "you cant get it!"

i want it so badly, i got my blood taken yesterday and i`m so scared of needles, i just want it, BADLY.


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## dime (Feb 9, 2007)

Try calming your nerves with some lavender tea or something, its not that bad and try to focus on the positive things in your life and believe me there are some in everyone's life even if its waking up every morning , the key is to stay positive and things will get better , it works everytime :sheep:


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## Dragonfly (Feb 9, 2007)

About 20 years ago I wanted to get on Accutane. I was using an IUD as birth control. The dernatologist wanted me to get on the pill as a safer measure.

I went on the pill for about 3 weeks - I was depressed, nauseus, angy, irritable over eating. I decided it wasn't worth it so I got off the pill. I didn't go on Accutane until 10 years later.

Will your dermatologist accept any other form of birth control? It sounds like the pill is giving you too many unwanted side affects and may not be worth staying on.

There is a topical Accuatane that you apply to your skin. 6% in an emollient base. An apothecary will fill the prescription if a pharmacy can't.

I don't know if birth control is required with a topical Accutane.


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## Jesskaa (Feb 9, 2007)

I`m not 100% sure its the birth control I've been this way before i started it, it just gotton worse since i started my period? could that be apart of this? I've had my period for over a year btw.

I know i could switch my derm doesnt really care, aslong as i am on birthcontrol.


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## Dragonfly (Feb 9, 2007)

You need to clarify - have you had your period for one year straight or did you start your period one year ago?

Sometimes the pill releases hormones that actually make your moods calm down and you feel better.

Sometimes the hormones makes you feel irritable, angry and make contribute

to moodiness. Personally I dislike the pill and only tried it a few times.


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## KristieTX (Feb 9, 2007)

God Jess, I soooo know how you feel. I hate everyone and everything right now too.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## Aprill (Feb 9, 2007)

:hugss:


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## Jesskaa (Feb 10, 2007)

I've had it for 1 year.

I've only been on the pill for a month and this my first period being on the pill.


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## LFEIZGUD (Feb 10, 2007)

I'm not going to sugarcoat it, being your age sucks. I wouldn't go back for anything. I too, had so much anger and resentment festering inside me, I didn't think I'd ever get past it. But it does get better. It really does. You just have to make sure you keep the people who really get you close (and sometimes they are few and far between) and let go of the relationships that make you feel less than. And for what it's worth, you are a hottie! Lighter hair, darker hair, it doesn't matter. You're gorgeous. Own it.


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## Dragonfly (Feb 10, 2007)

It might not be a bad idea to talk to a doctor or health care professional and make sure the pill isn't causing you to feel angry and depressed.

There are different pills with different levels of hormones that might be better for you.

Hang in there kiddo.


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## Kookie-for-COCO (Feb 10, 2007)

Baby, there is not a person in this world that does not have problems. I am in credit card debt to the wa-zuu--saving everything I can to get out, my daughter is planning a ginormous wedding in June, I worry about everything too. My only peace is talking to you guys on MuT. Things will get better--they always do. Just hang with us and we will help you pull thru it. You are not alone!!!!


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## Saje (Feb 10, 2007)

just know youre not alone lots of us here have problems and plenty more problems in the world. But do find someone to talk to, were here for ya and there are many other places you can go. Just dont carry this cross by yourself. Have you talked to your parents and your mum about this? Sometimes, since they have problems too, they forget about the effects it has on others. And I'd see a doctor about your period and the possibility that your pills are causing your hormones to go haywire.

What pills are you using btw?


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## Lauren (Feb 14, 2007)

I agree... it's really hard being a teenager, and I'm not saying that condescendingly because I'm only 19 myself. I've gone through many times of being really down and depressed about everything but it got better and it will get better for you too. Sometimes when you're going through it you think it will never end but you just have to know that it will. You just have to be strong and push through it and think positive!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Good luck!


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## dixiewolf (Feb 14, 2007)

I was on accutane as a teen and took antidepressants, I was suicidal. However, I was fine when I went on the accutane, the meds had helped me. Accutane didnt make me more depressed. I took it for one round, and I have never had acne again, and I am 29 now. I also did not go on birth control or have to be tested for pregnancy, I was a virgin until college anyways, my dermatologist believed me, he had told me about the birth defects and all. My high school years were really tough, not that my life isnt now, but man I hated it


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## Jesskaa (Feb 16, 2007)

Thats good news for me.

I know my derm has made me agree with papers for no sex and everything.

The birthcontrol doesnt bother me and getting blood taken doesnt.

Its just life that gets to me.


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## pinksugar (Feb 16, 2007)

Ugh.. I remember when I was that age, I felt like you do all the time. I don't know why. It MIGHT be that your pill is making it WORSE, when I first started on mine, I was starving all the time too! my dr suggested drinking something like orange juice to fill your stomach and stop you thinking about it. It works!

I know it's very stressful being so upset all the time but basically you have to stop being so down on yourself and say 'well, people have to accept me as I am. I can't be all that selfish if I'm so worried about it.'

Good luck with everything, things will totally get better. Trust me! Also, the tea is a great idea, try camomile too, they really DO calm you down, and they hardly cost anything. :tee:


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## Jesskaa (Feb 17, 2007)

thanks. thanks everybody as a matter a fact.

I usally drink water a lot, and green tea. I`m just not a 'drinker' i dont drink much during the day, i have always been this way.

I've been planning to try the comomile tea.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## natalierb (Feb 20, 2007)

:wink: Don't worry sweetie, things will get better. I've been through a few depressed periods in my life, just like everyone else. These past weeks, I hate looking at myself in the mirror also. I go through those phases. And don't worry, I always worry about my cell phone bill also! You're not alone. I hope you feel better


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## MissMissy (Feb 20, 2007)

WOW! I was going to post s simialir thread. One of you said i remember that age.. i am 19 and i swear i llok in the mirror with desgust on my face. I am too fat i dont like the way my hair is i hate my clothes. I worry about my new car to where it is driving my man crazy. I worry about money so bad! My job is drivin me crazy i hurt my arm and they are fighting about what company is paying for it so im short $400 dollers till they Up and decide.I am always trying impress my mom and dad and put put a good impression! And worst of all i am SO MEAN! I freak out over the smallest thing. I want to be famous i want to this i want that i want this. i am a spoiled brat and hate it!! I want to be nice teenage girl that people say "she is so pretty she is so nice, she is goin places with her life" instead i feel like people say " she has gained alot of weight . she is a ***** here latly" i used to cut myself when i was 14 really bad cuts. think the scares have finally faded but here latly i just feel like relieving myself. I took up smoking to deal with the stress i have calmed down enough to stop smoking. !!THANK GOD!! But this stress is just mind blowing i deffently know how you are felling girl when will this go away i just want to wake up and feel like wow today is going to be abetter day! I wanna go for a wlk instead i am like **** that i am going back to sleep! Will this get better for us?


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## mmonroemaniac (Mar 5, 2007)

i feel exactly the same, constantly crying, cant sleep, always feeling nervous, and on the verge of tears, exams coming up and i gotta get it sorted, i think the best thing anyone can do if you feel like this is just go tal to your doctor, and find out what the best method is for you!  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> im off tomorow at 10.10am... i hope he has the answer for me


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## `ColourMePretty (Mar 5, 2007)

I understand how you feel, I was in that situation myself for about 2 years when I was 15 or 16. I literally hated everything and everyone, I hated myself and used to cry all the time. I comfort ate for months on end and eventually, the bullying started at school. I had councelling sessions for it and it really helped - I know it's hard for some people to go to councelling but it really did help me and I would recommend it.

After that, the next step was me coming off birth control. I'd been on the mini pill (tablets) then switched to Deprovera (injection) a few weeks later - both my doctors said that was probably a major cause of my depression and confort eating. If you can, I'd suggest coming off B/C as I think it causes a lot of problems - I even had severe anaemia as I lost a lot of blood through constant periods they caused.

I don't know if I've helped you at all, but just to let you know I understand and if you ever do need to chat to someone, I'm always free  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## StrangerNMist (Mar 6, 2007)

The teenage years are the worst, that's a given.

I'm really tall (6'2) and I have a weight problem. I also didn't come from a well-endowed family, which made for quite a bit of rude comments and constant bullying from my peers. If anything, I wanted to run home and hide in my closet for the rest of the day. I really, really hated myself, and I would always tell myself just how awful I was and I would remind myself that no one would want me.

As I got older, things got easier and I was better able to deal with my emotions.

I'm still even going through some pretty rough stuff right now, but now that I'm older I'm better able to handle some of the emotions that come my way.

Here's something to keep in mind:

When you hit rock bottom, there's nowhere else to go but up.


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