# SO time vs Friend time



## esha (Jul 15, 2009)

I'm not trying to be bitter or anything so I kind of don't really understand because I don't have a boyfriend at the moment. But I have a friend who constantly spends time with her boyfriend, she hangs out with me for a day and he thinks she's totally ditched her. It's kind of sad because I miss the times we used to spend together and she's ALWAYS with him and sometimes when we do get the chance to hang out he'll come with us. I don't really think that's a healthy relationship, but that's just me and a whole other story.

Anyways, my question to you is do you spend more time with your significant other or do you try to divide it equally?


----------



## wafflebox (Jul 15, 2009)

I totally know what you're going through right now! My friend doesn't even know why she's still in that relationship either because she doesn't really like him, but it seems like he's trying to force them to fit together. Commitment is one thing but if you just don't have chemistry it's like, what's the point y'know? You're not gonna be happy.. Sorry that was my mini rant

I try to divide my time equally but honestly I think I end up hanging out with my SO more. I always go if somebody invites me to something though!! Although he gets a bit jealous when I do...


----------



## pinksugar (Jul 15, 2009)

I make time to catch up with friends. Your pal's behaviour reminds me of how I used to be - when I was 16. I got out of a 1.5 year relationship and realised, I had no close friends, I had no one to talk to or go out with, because I'd driven them away with my obsession with him.

Sooo... I make the time for friends, because I've experienced that difficult period really early on in my life. But if I hadn't gone through that, then I would probably do what your friend is doing and be in that sad state.

One day they'll learn, just like I did - or not - they'll marry the guy and never realise how many good friends have fallen by the wayside


----------



## emily_3383 (Jul 15, 2009)

Right now im spending more time with my SO than friends and only for 2 reasons. For one we are working on our business together and the second is that I am broke and cant hang out with friends. lol When I do have money I call up a friend or two to see if they want to hang out. Like today we are going to see Harry Potter. lol I think in my situation we are together alot because of certain circumstances and not because we are so clingy to each other. In the beginning when I was working for someone we spent less time together and we both did our own thing but now its different but hopefully as things get better we will be more independent.


----------



## Adrienne (Jul 15, 2009)

I think it's all about balance. Yes your SO may be in your life for the rest of your life but in the long run, you're gonna want to spend time with other people other than that one person. And those friends that were ditched in the long run will remember being abandoned. If they have just started going out, it may be just a beginning stage but it sounds like he's really jealous and that's unhealthy.


----------



## amorris (Jul 15, 2009)

Well, based on personal experience..

For 11 months, my bf and I was inseparable, it's like we're always together and I totally ditched all my friends and he too did the same thing.. We could have opportunities to hang out with other friends, but we just chose to spend the time just the two of us.. Slowly, our r/s get really rocky and we kinda got bored of each other while the other get clingy and vice versa.. We broke up and I was so down cuz I don't have many friends left..

Anyhow long story short, my bf and I got back together after 1 month and we learnt from our past mistakes. We now only see each other 3-4 times a week, and so whenever we see each other, we still get excited and stuff.. So I guess, we're much happier now and we don't quarell as much too.. And in a week's time, it's going to be our 2nd Anniversary


----------



## dixiewolf (Jul 15, 2009)

My best friend in high school was like that. We rarely hung out by ourselves, the one time I was invited to hang out without him there, he showed up at her door and they made out all night. Once they broke up and she was with someone different, and we were friends again, but never as close. Once she got married, the friendship completely ended and I havent seen her since. I've never been like that while in a relationship.


----------



## Dalylah (Jul 25, 2009)

A lot of it depends on your family status too. If you are single and just dating it is different than someone who is married with 4 kids, like me. Most of my real life friends are moms and wives like me so they understand my obligations and we have that common bond. When I was single and childless my friends were a much larger part of my life for the sheer reason that I had way more time. My family is always my first priority. I do believe that there should be balance though. Friends are necessary and should be appreciated and enjoyed.


----------



## Lucy (Jul 25, 2009)

its unhealthy to hang out that much imo... but right now because me and my boyfriend are kinda long distance over the summer im sorta doing the same thing.(i have nowhere to live in liverpool now my uni accomodation has expired until september and i'm living in leeds with my parents) i go see him alternate weeks. like i spend a week in leeds and spend time with my friends here and then next week i'll go back to liverpool and spend a week with him.

it's a bit annoying if sometimes my friends in liverpool ask me to hang out because i really want to but i know me and my bf have very little quality time together right now so i feel a bit guilty.

my last big relationship we shared friends as well, and when we broke up.. let's just say i found out how good those "friends" really were. they sided with my ex, even though he was in the wrong, and basically left me high and dry cursing myself for not making my own friends. so now i make sure that even if we're sharing friends, i still make time for my old friends that are just mine because i know they will be there for me.


----------



## mollydolly (Jul 27, 2009)

i'm always with my boyfriend.

but we live together, and we get along really well.

it's kinda weird cuz if i have friends over he's here,

but for the most part he gets along with my friends pretty well.


----------



## Chaeli (Aug 18, 2009)

I did the same to my friends and in time they also did the same to their friends. Life, love and relationships evolve as well do we with how we deal with them. Especially with todays electronic world, it is so much easier to maintain contact with and bonds with old friends and aquaintances. If we let them slip away then either its because we have caught up in our own lives or we have made every attempt we can. My SO still maintains most of their prior realtionships via emails and phone calls because of each persons lives and responsibilities. The balance as several have mentioned is very important but it is equally important that it comes from both sides.


----------



## reesesilverstar (Aug 18, 2009)

I had that issue too... Always having a SO around when I hung out with my friends. But in time you realize that it's not a healthy practice.


----------



## cloudycandyx (Dec 28, 2010)

When my boyfriend and I started dating, I tried to make time for my friends, but they always accused me of spending too much time with him, and not caring about them. It was a constant battle and very tiring, and also very painful. They were very defensive and always trying to wedge their way in between us, trying to dictate how we handled even the most personal and private aspects of our relationship.

That battle is pretty much over now, but I still feel the scars and the stress, so sometimes it's hard to spend time with my friends. Choose your battles so your friend doesn't have to choose between you and him.


----------

