# Opposite Sex friends



## blackmettalic (Oct 22, 2006)

Ok so basically I'm pondering the age-old question, can you have a really close friend of the opposite sex and avoid the "friends with benefits" trap?

This issue has come up with me and a friend and I'm not sure if I am just being paranoid because I really don't want anything to happen (because I know that in the end it wouldn't be long-term) but he seems to be really in to me, and currently we are long-distance friends so should I just avoid meeting up with this person when he is in the area(even though we have so much in common and I don't relate to many people) or should I still pursue this friendship? What are your experiences with this type of issue?


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## Annalee (Oct 22, 2006)

IMO, I think you can have a relationship with this guy or guys whatever, and not have to ummmmmmm have sex or whatever , IMO guys are really easier to talk to alot of the time depends on the person, I am bout 52 and have had many guy friends over the years, and thats all it was was friends, good luck hun, a good friend is hard to find


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## speerrituall1 (Oct 22, 2006)

I believe that you can have male friends w/o benefits. You need them, there are questions that a woman cannot answer! Also, it's not always true that if a relationship starts, it will not last. The love of my life and I were friends for at least 4yrs. before we truly dated. He was my "best fiend," we could talk about anything! It turned into one of those Maury Povich secret crush things.


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## Jennifer (Oct 22, 2006)

i agree with annalee and speerr!

i've always had more guy friends than girl friends. girls talk too much


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## AngelaGM (Oct 22, 2006)

It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex with no sexual tension whatsoever...


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## Aquilah (Oct 22, 2006)

Yep! You can! Most of my closest friends have always been males (I've always been around a lot of backstabbing b!tches). Sexual relations never came from any of those relationships either. I would think though, that if you're already great friends, setting ground rules SHOULD it go in a new direction would be good. It would definitely suck to lose a great friend because romance came of it and went bad. Best of luck Jeana!


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## Saja (Oct 22, 2006)

I have two bestfriends. ONes a guy, ones a girl. My guy bestfriend and I are like brother and sister.....no way could I want a relationship.....NEVER. So yeah, I think it can work.


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## Princess6828 (Oct 22, 2006)

Well, I see things from a different way, and I hope no one winds up thinking I'm a b*tch. When I met Nick he had just gotten out of rehab, and hardly had any friends. Eventually some of his guy friends started coming around, but no girls. He never talked to any. I had some guy friends - who ironically I had already had "relations" with, so Nick was never too thrilled about that. Once we started dating, I would still sometimes talk to my guy friends, but Nick didn't really want me hanging out with them, and I could understand why. So I stopped. Eventually I just drifted away and stopped talking to them altogether. Wasn't a huge loss. So Nick's had various jobs where he's become what he thought was "friends" with all these girls. Well, just being around them I could tell these girls always wanted more. NIck was blind and would deny it - until several incidences occured where all of a sudden he realized these girls were looking for more. I'm a very jealous person. I don't like other girls for the most part (except all you ladies and my closest friends) because I just have a general distrust for them. I know how coniving girls can be cause I've done things like that. So I'm going to conclude my long-winded story by saying: I think if a guy or girl comes INTO a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex that's fine...but meeting a new person of the opposite sex several years down the road and becoming more than just co-workers/acquaintances is another issue. That's just my opinion. No one has to agree with me. I know part of it stems from my major insecurities cause I've hurt people in the past, I've been hurt big-time, and there's even been problems with Nick and these other girls (just them coming after him big-time)...I just feel like I'm never good enough/pretty enough/thin enough, etc. and if Nick meets someone new he's going to go for it. Wow...sorry this is so long.


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## Little_Lisa (Oct 22, 2006)

I think it's possible but sometimes it can easily turn into more.....I speak from personal experiences.


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## janetsbreeze (Oct 22, 2006)

i also think it's possible, but i come from the perspective of having no sexual tension with them what so ever!

if you are sure you want just a friendship, be honest with the guy. tell him that. IMO he might appreciate that more than thinking he could be something more than that later.


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## pinkbundles (Oct 22, 2006)

i have had a few male friends that was completely platonic. so it's very possible to keep it that way. but yes, we are all human and things do happen when you least expect it. afterall, you can only control your own actions. not necessarily theirs.


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## SierraWren (Oct 22, 2006)

I think,if you relate to your male friend in an especially deep way and feel comfortable with him, especially if you don't tend to feel that way with most people, then the friendship is absolutely worth maintaining!One of my 3 closest friends is male--when I was in my early 20's, we dated for about 6 months, and when I found out he was not intersested in me "long term" I was so devastated that I (stupidly, but perhaps inevitably,I was so hurt) put our friendship(which had come first, we knew each other from childhood)"on hold" for 3 years: couldn't bear to see or speak to him for that long. So I would recommend that you and your male friend get everything romantically related out in the open,so that there are no hurt feelings or misled beliefs about the other--and from there, enjoy the friendship! In some ways, my male friend is now the very closest and most reliable of all my friends, and it is always nice,of course, to hear a male point of view from a male other than a boyfriend.Yes, opposite sex friendship can encounter some dificulties, esp. when one or both of you become romantically involved(jealousy from the other, new partner, from each other) but those things can usually be gotten through: it is certainly, imo, worth the effort. I'm married, and still have my opposite sex friendship; I think that shows that such friendships really can be maintained, despite inherent and sometimes extra outside challenges.

Just be sure,first, that neither of you is in danger of getting hurt from this relationship. Talk openly with him about any concerns you have. And: best of luck with your friendship!


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## pla4u (Oct 22, 2006)

Sure you can be friend with the oposit sex, if sexual relations get involved things can get complicated and I think should be advoided if you are wanting to stay friends. A lot depends on the individuals involved...if one starts dating somone after having sex with the friend the other may feel jelouse or neglected , so it really depends on the people..


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## han (Oct 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *janetsbreeze* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i also think it's possible, but i come from the perspective of having no sexual tension with them what so ever! if you are sure you want just a friendship, be honest with the guy. tell him that. IMO he might appreciate that more than thinking he could be something more than that later.

i agree that you need to be honest with him and since you did say he is into you then you know he's gonna want it to at least be sexual and if theres an atraction on either side then i just dont know where it would lead i have not really been able to be friend's with guys unless it's my friend and her guy or another couple cause they all ways end up hitting up on me and it makes me uncomfortable if im in no way intrested in them then when you reject them they start acting weird so if your not intrested in him like that be honest so theres no false hope but if you are then i really dont know thats something you have to decide


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## dmolinet (Oct 23, 2006)

I'm 47--- my best friend in high school was a guy--we're still close, now he &amp; my husband and me and his wife are friends.

My now best friend is also a guy--he and my husband have know each other for over 30 years-----he's grown to be my friend.

I've had plently of female friends---but my male friends have been more loyal by 1000%. Hands down they're who I'd call if I was in a jam!


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## jdepp_84 (Oct 23, 2006)

Of course you can. Yes, it can easily turn into something else. But it is possible. I always have more guy friends than girl friends. Nothing wrong with girls its just that I tend to meet more guys at work and school than girls. Something about the type of classes or something. But of course its possible. Its a bit hard when its the other way around, you go from being a couple or friends with benefits to just being close friends. My ex-bf and I are super close though, no sex, hehe


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## girl_geek (Oct 23, 2006)

I think you can definitely have casual friends of the opposite sex, but I'm not so sure about close friends, especially if one of you is in a relationship. I think that not only can you cheat on someone physically, but also emotionally -- if you find yourself opening up to your opposite sex friend as much or more than your significant other, than I think it's time to break things off with the friend! (Or break things off with the significant other, and start dating the friend!) And what about your significant other's perceptions of the friendship? How will he (or she, if it's your friend's significant other) feel about you being so close?

Now if you are both single, then I guess you can be close -- but be aware that it is easy for one or both of you to start feeling something more than just friendship. And if one of you does start dating someone else, is your friendship going to be so close that it interferes with the romantic relationship?

Or what if one of you does start to have feelings for other? Only two things can happen in that case -- either you can start dating, or someone's heart gets broken. Are you prepared for those possibilities? Because it will be near impossible to remain "just friends" with the person who is developing the romantic feelings to still be happy in the relationship.

I'm just speaking from experience -- from my own experience and from friends' experiences, it's very hard to have a close, platonic relationship with the opposite sex. So I would say it would just be safer to avoid such relationships, unless you are open to the possibility of dating the person as you get closer!

EDITED TO ADD: Casual relationships with the opposite sex are definitely possible though! My coworkers are all male, and we all get along great -- in addition to just work, we socialize at lunch, and go bowling once a week (significant others are invited to bowling though!) Since we are always in casual (i.e. not intimate) group settings outside of work and I'm not that close to any of them, I don't have much worry that anything will happen!


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## fickledpink (Oct 23, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Little_Lisa* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think it's possible but sometimes it can easily turn into more.....I speak from personal experiences. Ditto


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Oct 24, 2006)

90% of the friends in my life, past and present, have been men. Platonic friendships with men run smoother, are less complicated, and more fun. Not that chicks are bad, it is just that male friendships are very rewarding. However, I have had some difficulty when they decide they want more. That is when it becomes a tricky situation. But that didn't and doesn't happen very often. For the most part I treasure my opposite sex relationships.


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## blackmettalic (Oct 24, 2006)

Thanks all! You have confirmed what I thought, I just have to be super careful about all this (so as not to give the wrong impression) since I don't want to lose him as a friend.


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## hjpt (Oct 25, 2006)

I have a very good friend of the opposite sex, who also happens to be gorgeous. Friends, nothing more, and there never has been. She's got the same sick sense of humor that I have, and she's a lot of fun to hang with. The Mrs. doesn't like it, and I can understand her attitude.


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 1, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Princess6828* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well, I see things from a different way, and I hope no one winds up thinking I'm a b*tch. When I met Nick he had just gotten out of rehab, and hardly had any friends. Eventually some of his guy friends started coming around, but no girls. He never talked to any. I had some guy friends - who ironically I had already had "relations" with, so Nick was never too thrilled about that. Once we started dating, I would still sometimes talk to my guy friends, but Nick didn't really want me hanging out with them, and I could understand why. So I stopped. Eventually I just drifted away and stopped talking to them altogether. Wasn't a huge loss. So Nick's had various jobs where he's become what he thought was "friends" with all these girls. Well, just being around them I could tell these girls always wanted more. NIck was blind and would deny it - until several incidences occured where all of a sudden he realized these girls were looking for more. I'm a very jealous person. I don't like other girls for the most part (except all you ladies and my closest friends) because I just have a general distrust for them. I know how coniving girls can be cause I've done things like that. So I'm going to conclude my long-winded story by saying: I think if a guy or girl comes INTO a relationship with a friend of the opposite sex that's fine...but meeting a new person of the opposite sex several years down the road and becoming more than just co-workers/acquaintances is another issue. That's just my opinion. No one has to agree with me. I know part of it stems from my major insecurities cause I've hurt people in the past, I've been hurt big-time, and there's even been problems with Nick and these other girls (just them coming after him big-time)...I just feel like I'm never good enough/pretty enough/thin enough, etc. and if Nick meets someone new he's going to go for it. Wow...sorry this is so long. I know exactly where you're coming from. Something like that happened between my husband and a former girlfriend from high school.

They had been talking for awhile, which didn't bother me too much, except for the fact that she was bothered that he was engaged. She saw an opportunity when her daughter was graduating from military school. She invited Stephen (I wasn't invited, but he took me along anyway), and we went down to see her.

Well, it was obvious that she wanted him, because when my husband went to take a bathroom break, she BLATANTLY told me what her intentions were. She included that she was having flashbacks of "My Best Friend's Wedding" where Julia Robert's character was desperately trying to get her former flame back, even though she knew he had given her heart to someone else. My husband came out of the bathroom, and we all had lunch together. Well, she constantly was trying to remind him about all the wonderful times together - which included making out in various places - and how WONDERFUL it was (She said it so the whole restaurant could hear). She told him how much she missed those times, and told him that she wished she could have them back. She even mentioned wanting to take a picture, but she had one stipulation - I COULDN'T BE IN IT! It could only be her and my hubby! I was miffed, but I kept my cool, and we finished our food and left.

On the way back to the hotel, she kept trying to hold his hand and trying to get close. I got even more miffed, and when my hubby reached out for me I brushed his hand away. He was obviously miffed by that, and asked if we could have some time alone to talk. (She walked away with a smirk on her ugly ass face!) I told him that if he wanted to have her, that we should end this now and he should drop me off at home. He looked even more miffed, and we talked. He knew what was going on, and was obviously embarrassed about her display. I asked him if he knew what was going on, and he said he did, and that's why we were leaving. He told her he had important things to do, and left her.

Well, a week later she tried to call, trying to win back his affections. He told her directly that he thought that what she did was shitty, and that friends did not do that to friends. He let her know that he was marrying me, not her and told her not to call again and hung up the phone. Never heard from her again. Of course, I cried all the way home.

It was really hurtful, and it did leave a bit of scar - something that still stings from time to time. It's made me suspect my husband a little more. I just wish they hadn't talked...

Anyway, enough from me.


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## Jane22067 (Nov 1, 2006)

It is probably harmless to pursue the friendship


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