# Ughh, another adventure of my stupidity.



## Jesskaa (Jan 29, 2008)

Bascially, i just got out of my first actual.. relationship.

It was long distance, and yeah i know they don't [but sometimes can] work. We were friends for like six months.. 3 of them when he lived here, then he moved.. and the next 3 we spent talking and everything. Then we went out for like 2 months. He lived like, 2 hours away? It wasn't a big deal, he had family down here but i only saw him like a very little amount.

but, i dealt with it. And basically, now.. i realize i got used big time. I guess in the start he didn't mean to, but he was my bestfriend for a long time, then my boyfriend.. and it was talking every day and i told him everything. And when he came to visit me, the last time i give it up to him. I wasn't like pressured into it, or anything, i'd say something if i was. Two weeks later, he left me for another girl, because we weren't getting along and he was just getting on my last nerve. But he told me, we could be bestfriend and have a break until summer.. and summer is when he's going to visit. I wanted to believe him, i didn't want to just let go.

but i knew deep inside, i got played.. he was still playing me because i was still holding on and he was still saying he loved me. And i was doing the calling, he could treat me unbelievably awful, and i would still let it happen.

I talked to my brother about all this, and he told me there just shouldn't be anymore of me trying to get away from him, and i just need too.

I mean, i cry constantly, and im hurt. And he said it would be better to be hurt and upset over not talking to him; then to talk to him and be fed the same load of bullsh**.

But, it hurts.. it hurts so bad.

and it's not the idea of the fact i gave it up to him.

i know he didn't come into this knowing he'd get all this outta me.

but, he always get mad at he for caring "too much" for him.

which should have truely been my first clue.

Commitment isn't his thing.

and now, im suffering.

=( how do you heal a broken heart?

I'm trying soo hard not to call him. It hurts.


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## PRETTYSECRETS21 (Jan 30, 2008)

I think every woman feels this way at some point in her life.

Chalk it up as learning experience and grow from it.

Its always tough the first few weeks after a break up but I promise you it will get better.

And your brother couldn't be more right! Its better to be alone and hurt than with someone and hurt.


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## KellyB (Jan 30, 2008)

Time is the only thing that makes it better. DO NOT CALL HIM!!!!! Learn from this painful mistake. You are young and beautiful and will find another person. A better one that is deserving of you. Don't degrade yourself by bothering someone who doesn't want you anymore. I'm sorry Jess. I don't mean that to sound harsh. I feel for you. My heart has been ripped out of me more than once but it does get better. It will get better but do take my advice. I haven't lived all these years without gaining a little wisdom and I know you will get the same advice from others. We are here to listen if you need us. Sorry sweetie {{{{hugs}}}}


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## Jesskaa (Jan 30, 2008)

I'm trying, it's 7:30, and i get home at 3:30, and no phone call.

i just hate this crying.

i hate thinking, that i could have saved this.

i could have stopped this.

i didn't diserve this.

i didn't do anything.

whats so wrong with me, so him to not want me.

i hate it.

my god, i hate it.

it makes me sick to stomach.

to know i believed everything, he said.

and i cry so hard, i just feel like im not even breathing anymore. i hate it.

i just didn't do anything.

i gave him everything.

and i don't regret giving him everything.

it hurts. it hurts me.


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## KellyB (Jan 30, 2008)

Ok. Here goes. I did the same exact thing you did and got the same exact treatment. I was 16. he was a jerk about it and I cried for days. Don't make me drive up there and take your phone away from you. Trust me!!!! you will feel worse if you call b/c you won't get the response you want. Take the high road on this one. You will come out of it looking like the mature one. Fake it if you have to. Cry at home but don't let him know it. I hate games and dont condone them but this is more about dignity than games.


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## Jesskaa (Jan 30, 2008)

I'm trying not to call. I'm trying. I'm trying not to cry.

and im trying not to hate or blame myself.

and im trying to think of that fact, i did give my everything.. and he didn't deserve it, so he doesn't deserve to hear my voice ever again. I know this.

But it hurts, i used to be at the top of his list. Now, im not. Now, I'm nothing.

everything he told me was lies.

the kid, i knew.. doesn't exist.

and i wont get my goodnight, tonight or anything other night.

I'm trying to be happy, i act happy in school.

I do everything right until 6'oclock comes, i start bawling.

i start crying.

i start hurting.


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## MsCuppyCakes (Jan 30, 2008)

I applaud your brother for being there for you and honest. You will move past this. It won't hurt forever. Do something to keep yourself busy. But cry if you feel like crying.


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## KellyB (Jan 30, 2008)

Well it's ok to cry and you will have good nights again. I don't want to come off like your mother talking to you but I promise that you will move on from this. It will be difficult and next time you see him or hear his voice you will want to throw up but that gets better too. Don't look back on what has already happened. It's over with. You have to keep going. His loss. For real. You are better than that.


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## Jesskaa (Jan 30, 2008)

I know, i'll move on.. and be happy, and be okay.

and enjoy my life.

but, what do i do know.

sit here and cry, and cry and cry.

ughhh.


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## polaroidscene (Jan 30, 2008)

Just force yourself to not think about him or the situation my ex and i were in a long distance relationship for 2 years and it ended 3 months ago...trust me im going through this just keep busy busy busy and if he creeps in your mind say to yourself NOOOOOOOOOOO lol and do not call him it is hard but if he wanted to talk to you than he would make a effort to contact you not to sound harsh either but its true a lot of people use the friendship line to not sound mean...just cheer up my dear you will only grow from this


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## Dragonfly (Jan 30, 2008)

I'm sorry you are hurting honey.

You are getting great advice. The only thing I can add is put everything that reminds you of him, in a box/bag, and put away in the closet.

Out of sight- out of mind.


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## Jesskaa (Jan 30, 2008)

I did put everything away.

I did that awhile ago.

and it didn't exactly help all that much.

i hate everything so badly right now.


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## pinksugar (Jan 30, 2008)

awww, Jess, I'm so sorry. I agree that every woman feels like this at some point. I remember feeling stupid for believing him, and feeling used.

Cry as much as you want, hun, it will help you to heal. I wish I could say something to take the pain away but there isn't anything.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Jan 31, 2008)

Listen to your MUT friends, they are right. Listen to yourself:

"just because the wall in front of you is high, still jump over it. just because they say you'll hurt yourself, don't let that stop you. all you gotta do is get a running start and put all you got into it. act like your running from the police. i swear you'll make it." You can do it, we can help!


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## Ricci (Jan 31, 2008)

Expecting a male teen to commit is asking a lot

Maturity has a lot to do with it.. I know this is hard but try not to expect commitments untill your in your 20's

this is IMHO only

Im sorry your hurting


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## GlossyAbby (Jan 31, 2008)

it takes time jsut stay strong! and later on you will look back and laugh at what a joke of a guy he was


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## Jesskaa (Feb 1, 2008)

thank you all for your kind words. :]

I didn't call him all day yesterday[wednesday], and its 8:51pm[thursday] and i have yet to call him. And i don't think im going too, cuz.. i keep thinking that if i call, i know i'll upset myself/ disappoint myself and it'll just hurt. Even though he'd talk to me, he wouldn't say anything to make it okay. But he hasen't been on aim or myspace in like 2 days which makes me wonder a lot. But, i'm holding stronggg.

holding strong.

like you guys said it doesn't last forever, the hurt.

&amp;&amp; today i woke up and felt good for myself, like i feel REAL GOOD that i don't call

but sometimes i get this feeling inside were i wish i could call him and he'd tell me theese good things again, tell me he cares, and blahblah. Yeah, i know were teenagers... but.. he was my first actual boyfriend that i did stuff with. Ughh.

But i know it wont happen. =(

so, im trying girls.. im trying.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Feb 1, 2008)

You are doing great. Take it one day at a time. You will get better each day! You are doing the right thing and we are here for you!


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## pinksugar (Feb 1, 2008)

agreed, you're doing an awesome job. Keep strong, don't call. Of course you want him to tell you those things he used to, it's completely natural, but if you also KNOW that he won't say anything to make you feel better, then it will only hurt you even more deeply to break down and call.

Take some deep breaths, and be proud of everything you've done and what you've gone through.


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## Jesskaa (Feb 2, 2008)

ughh, he took me off his top.. and i was number one, and then im nothing.

and i freaked out cuz, his girlfriend is number one now.

and im not even there.

when we broke up he said i'd be number one.

AND I CALLED. AND I CALLED.. AND THEN I CALLED.

.. and i never got an answer.

and now, im like.. just gunna whatever it, and forget about it.

i know there relationship wont work, cuz for the first 2 weeks he was still calling me, and telling... me he loved me.

and she's probably gunna mess up, or something.

whatever. whatever. whatever.

i don't care.

atleast i didn't cry.


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## Dragonfly (Feb 2, 2008)

Listen my dear, you are not nothing. What you are is free of a jerk.

He is her problem . And guess what, eventually he will be another girl's problem.

Ricci said it very well - young men take forever to mature. You might think you are dating a teenager. But in reality you are dating a boy in the body of a teenager.

Keep on being strong, let us know what's going on. Have you spoiled yourself with a facial or blowout?

Big hugs to you honey!


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## Jesskaa (Feb 2, 2008)

Well i got my hair done.


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## Maysie (Feb 3, 2008)

Sometimes the easiest way to get over someone is to totally cut off any type of contact or reminder of them...delete him off your myspace, block his email address, and do whatever it takes to not remind you of him (on purpose anyway). Because everyone is right, he's not worth your time! Whenever I have to remove someone from my life, or have someone leave mine, I try to keep busy and go out with friends. Just focus on yourself, and whenever you get those thoughts creeping up that tell you to call him or start feeling sad about the memories, instead think about all of the bad qualities he has and the mean things he's done to you, and eventually anger will take over, and before you know it you won't even care about him! Hope you feel better soon!!


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## Dragonfly (Feb 3, 2008)

Maysie - great advice!

I'm glad to hear you did something nice for yourself. There's an old song that goes: "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair". Keep spoling yourself, re arrange your furniture, anything to signify a new start.


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## polaroidscene (Feb 3, 2008)

My mom says this a lot but they dont get any better once they get older they are still immature.....and guy do tend to say things they dont mean to make ya feel better...cause they just aren't smart and they take the easy way out of things. But im glad that you are being strong.


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## Jesskaa (Feb 3, 2008)

well, i took him off number one of my myspace. and he isn't on my top anymore.

and then, i blocked him on aim so, that way.. i'll never know if he's online.

i already trashed out all my pictures and everything.. and yeah, im trying.

i just wanna call so badly, like.. i know i try and think of everything bad, but it doesn't always make the want go away. when i get sad, i think of how it could be worse, and it kinda helps. but not really.

I feel good, that i haven't talked to him.

but i miss my friend.




and thats not comming back.


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## CellyCell (Feb 3, 2008)

Remember, you're only what - 14?

You're young, you'll bounce back.

To be blunt and honest - it's only Myspace.

Top placement isn't everything. And you're best off not contacting him for some time - trust me, the more you try to get into contact with him, the more likely he'll disappoint and if you want his friendship back, it ain't gonna happen overnight. You gotta get past the feeling that you still really "love" him in order to become friends again. Helped me - even though there might be a bit of emotional baggage with becoming friends with your exes.

But he really screwed you over so I don't see why you would.


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## Jesskaa (Feb 3, 2008)

...well bouncing back isn't fun.

tonight, was reallu hard. I don't know why, but everything i did reminded me of him.

i never gave in and called though. I guess, that's good.

but, i did cry.. and i cried a lot..

but i was also tired, and im stressed.

i hate this.


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