# Depression...



## Karen_B (May 12, 2007)

I suffered from depression last year, had to take medication and go on sick leave 50%. It got better through meds and therapy, but lately I have been having these feelings of despair again.

It comes and goes during the day and is usually worst in the mornings, but I am sitting here now at 10 pm feeling very down. I have feelings of anxiety at the same time as I feel apathetic and hopeless. I have no "filter", so tragic news makes me want to break down and cry over the entire human race. This is mixed with guilt and shame over who I am, and a certainty that I am useless.

Now, I am quite sure this is coupled to stress. In a few weeks I have to hold a presentation at work and will be evaluated by a committee. Although I am in no risk of losing my job, I am still stressing because I am afraid I'll make a fool of myself and everybody will despise or pity me.

I feel very overwhelmed and I just want to escape. Not sure what I want with this post - maybe just to vent and be heard.

Thanks for reading.


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## Aprill (May 12, 2007)

Honey I feel the same way, and like i told someone else on here, I will not give you suggestions about what to do, but I am listening, and I hope that you feel better, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here


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## Dragonfly (May 12, 2007)

Hi Karen. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed again.

Is it possible that you have type II bipolar. Tis is a type of bipolar where the patient will have reoccuring bouts of depression but never has symptoms of mania - possible feel hypomanic though.

If you google mental health - bipolar type II, there should be a listing for the

DSM IV. It will explain what qualifies for Bipolar type II.

I was diagnose with type II bipolar years ago - however, my diagnosis has changed throughout the years. Your doctor may prescribe a mood stabilizer as well as an anti depressant to help with your symptoms.

The mood stabilizer will help by keeping the highs and lows a bit flatter.

And they can help with anxiety as well.

Lithium, Tegretol, Valproic Acid are all mood stabilizers - there are others as well.

I'm quite comfortable talking about this subject - If I can help you any further, please PM me.

Take care honey.


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## Savvy_lover (May 13, 2007)

everythings gonna be okej. all people here would listen to you whenever u wanna rant


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## farris2 (May 13, 2007)

yes we will


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## pinksugar (May 13, 2007)

if you ever need to talk, just know we're listening. Depression is a complex thing so I wont offer any advice either - as long as you know that there are people who will be here for you, if you need us!


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## Karen_B (May 13, 2007)

Thank you very much for your support. It means a lot.


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## AngelaGM (May 13, 2007)

I have Bi Polar Disorder as well. Please feel free to PM or IM me anytime=)


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## SewAmazing (May 13, 2007)

Keep up to date with your spiritual practice/faith/meditation/affirmative prayer etc. as you go through this. As for your work presentation, have a plan B, C, and D for if something goes wrong or you make a boo-boo, and plan to keep on riding right through it, with humor, a smile, and give a good presentation anyway..


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## Kookie-for-COCO (May 13, 2007)

I have depressive Bi-polar--I can't give you any answers--just know you are not alone. PM me anytime. Prayers---Kookie


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## Maysie (May 14, 2007)

It sounds like you could be depressed as a result of anxiety? I have bouts of anxiety too...exercising has been helping regulate my moods, and hanging out with friends. Also I have ordered this dvd/cd program to help with the anxious thoughts, I'll let you know if it's any good. I hope you find something that works for you!


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## KristieTX (May 14, 2007)

Oh, I sooo know how you feel. Depression has plagued me since I have been 15. I also have bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety. Just know that we are all here for you to vent, cry or whatever you may need. *hugs* We all care.


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## Jessica (May 14, 2007)

This is mixed with guilt and shame over who I am, and a certainty that I am useless.

Karen....why do you say these things???? I wish you wouldnt beat yourself up like this. If work is the cause of your anxiety.....who gives a rats ass if you look like a fool to these people??? You said you wouldnt be in jepordy of losing your job...so go in there with a "I dont give a f***" attitude and you'll knock em dead!!! I know that you're antisipating the presentation and that will only worsen things. Keep your head up sweety. I know how you 're feeling but in a different way. I am going through a depression right now that stems from something totaly different though. If you EVER need anything PM me please.


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## BeneBaby (May 14, 2007)

I'm sorry you have those feelings. Sometimes I do too, but I am too scared to go to a doctor. Best of Luck to you. From reading your posts, I have come to the conclusion that you are a very dear person. You always have the sweetest things to say.


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## Karen_B (May 14, 2007)

Thank you all so very much for your words of encouragement and support.

Jessy, I know I have no reason to think that I am stupid, or useless, or to worry about this presentation thing at work. Especially since I don't even know if this is what I want to keep doing for the rest of my life! But this is not logical... these feelings kind of sweep over me and take over. Luckily, I have a very nice supervisor who understands my concerns.

Benebaby, maybe you could be helped by talking to a counsellor or psychiatrist? If you are having thoughts/feelings that are symptomatic of depression, it is better to address it sooner than later. Maybe you don't have to see a medical doctor if you are scared to. Just talking to someone could help. Also, if you need to, you could ask your bf or a relative to go with you to the Dr if you do decide to go.

Thank you again everyone for your sweet words. It really means a lot to me to know that you listen and support me.


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## jessimau (May 14, 2007)

Karen, I'm sorry those feelings are coming back. When you went on medication before, did you get any kind of therapy along with it? Some Cognitive-Behavioral therapy combined with antidepressants has been shown to be the type of therapy that has the best results. Talking to someone and learning what you can do to take care of yourself when you start feeling this way could be helpful. Also, they can help you learn ways to deal with your anxiety. Through therapy I learned what time of year I can't wear sunglasses (because I have seasonal affective disorder), how to handle negative self-thoughts, and ways to combat my anxiety. It can be really amazingly effective. I previously was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but I've now been "downgraded" to Anxiety Disorder not otherwise specified, which is sort of the catch-all for more than a normal amount of worry but not so much it severely impairs almost all areas of functioning.

As an aside, people can have multiple major depressive episodes and not qualify for any type of Bipolar diagnosis. There are a lot of mood disorders out there. I just say that because it seems people are too quick to try to give others their diagnosis. I love that we all are able to bond together over our mental health issues, I just get concerned that someone may not get the treatment they need if we're trying to help them diagnose themselves. That's why I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) not to suggest diagnoses. But it's so awesome that we're all part of a community where we can support each other. So often people are afraid to share that they've ever struggled with mental health issues. All you ladies are awesome for being so open with each other.


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## Karen_B (May 14, 2007)

Jessimau, I did go to therapy and still go. It isn't cognitive/behavioural but rather psychodynamic, which is the most prevalent type of therapy in Sweden. If I want cognitive therapy I'd have to go private, and there is no way I can afford that.

To be honest, I don't know exactly what kind of depression I have. I have seen a Dr, but not a specialist in psychiatry. Then when things got better I didn't see the need to examine things further, I was just happy I was "normal" again. Maybe if this prevails, I will ask for a referral to a psychiatric specialist.


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## SierraWren (May 14, 2007)

Like everyone here I am so sorry to hear your depression has returned, to some extent. It is no longer so bad though that you need to leave work--though you may fear that happening--and I wanted to tell you that I have also suffered with anxiety and severe depression for over half my life now, so I think I have some sense of the "despair" and uselesness" you feel. Throughout my life I have had to leave highschool, college, and a large handful of jobs due largely to my refractory depression and my anxiety disorder.However, I am always trying to fight back for myself and that's the important part to me.

Even the feeling/dread of losing your job or being pitied or laughed at due to a poor presentation is enough to make anyone very stressed, as you say you are also. When you were too depressed to go more than 50% of the time, your self image and sense of what you are able to accomplish probably took a nosedive, and you are likely VERY able to do this presentation, but your self-esteem and self expectation hds suffered due to the depression. Did you leave therapy and medication, or either one, when you began feeling better, and how would you feel about returning, just for this dificult peiod, to either? For the anxiety, if it is truly impairing your functioning(and it sounds like it is in the sense you are living with unnecessary stress)it is true behavioral therapy is considered best, but I have always had what is often called interdynamic therapy here, when I've been especially anxious, and it is basically just talking to someone who listens with some insight. It has always helped more than not to have it, and sometimes a lot more. As for not being quite sure of your diagnosis--if your medication has been working for your deression, that's probably all you need to know, but it sounds to me like it ight be helpful to supplement an antidepressant with an anti-anxiety medication like klonopin or Ativan, and for that, of course, you would need to first see a psychiatrist.(You need only see one for medication, not therapy, in the U.S.) But it is worth it! Instead of obsessing over small details, blocked from living from fear of events in the future, those meds make me able to actually stop seeing every single thing that scares me as a life obstacle and potential disaster. Therapy has helped too.

You can get through this depression:many, many people have, even though it feels like the most isolated place in the world to exist in.I wish you the very best, my thoughts are with you, and please PM me if you should ever feel like it.We're on your side here at MUT!


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## jessimau (May 14, 2007)

Karen, I wasn't thinking when I mentioned CBT -- it's most prevalent here in the US. Psychodynamic can be very good, but you usually have to go for a longer period of time. I'm glad to hear that you're still in therapy. That, and the fact that you can recognize what's going on with you right now, are huge strengths. Right now it might seem like baby steps, but you are on the right path.

There's a book I recommend, but I don't know if you can get it in Sweden. It's called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. If you can't, I'd be more than happy to pick up a copy for you and ship it over. It really helped me, and I only read the first chapter. It teaches you to become aware of those things you automatically say to yourself that are negative, and to then log them and write down what the true situation is (for example, when you walk into a room, you think everyone is looking at you and judging you negatively, when the reality is that no one even looked up when you walked in). Just becoming more aware of those thoughts has helped me improve.


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## Karen_B (May 15, 2007)

Sienna, thank you for your kind and insightful words. If this does go on I will definietely see a Dr and talk about adjusting medications etc. So far I only have an SSRI. An anti-anxiety med could definitely help.

Jesimau, I don't know why the psychodynamic therapy has become the most common type here. I mean it's good for certain purposes but I really think there should be more alternatives. Thank you for the book recommendation, I will check it out. It should be available at amazon, no?

Also, I recently purchaced a book called "Whereever you go, there you are", which I have heard is good (haven't started reading it yet). It's inspired by buddhism I believe, and is about mindfulness and being in the moment.


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## Solimar (May 16, 2007)

I have been depressed for many years and have been on different kinds of medication. Slowly but surely I am feeling a bit better...but regardless, it is very hard being depressed. Just know that you have many options and one of these days you will start to feel better. I can't say anything to make dealing with it easier, but you are definitely not alone.


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## thornglitz (Jun 3, 2007)

I totally understand, have struggled with depression and take tablets for anxiety, have done for years. As people before have me said, there will always be someone to listen. x


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## wallygirl (Mar 15, 2013)

im very similar i have had depression for 2 years and anxiety really bad as well hasnt got better its got worse i think until you have depression/anxiety you dont really know what the persons going through you cant understand what its like i know that for sure until my depression started i didnt know it was bad as a family member had it and i had to help and didnt realise then how bad it can be until you experience it but you can get help everyones different im having medication soon for mine as i dont see any other solution for it as counselling nd other stuff didnt help so if it works for you why not? dont worry im here as well for support i get paranoid a lot and can relate to this as i feel like i an useless and cant do anything about it things can only get better thats the way i think of it and my family also keep my going i hope you get better and am always here x


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