# Social Phobia



## thornglitz (Jun 3, 2007)

Hello everyone, I felt I would write my own thread to express some of my feelings, as everyone on here seems really understanding.

I have a condition called social phobia, and was diagnosed with this when I was 14. I am now 18, and as greatful as I am for everything and everyone I have in my life, I often struggle with even simple things. It prevents me from doing the majority of things I would like to do, and there isn't a day that goes past where I am not worrying about something, or a lot of different things put together. I do take tablets, and had counselling a few years ago, but I just want to feel normal. I am constantly thinking I am boring to other people, and that I will never meet anyone because I'm 'uninteresting'. I am a very friendly and caring person, and always have time for people, so it may appear like I am not feeling pain, but I have ever since I can remember. I can't use school as an excuse for the way I am now, but I had a horrible time as soon as I started school, and was bullied for 9 years. I think it has seriously affected my confidence, and I also feel guilty all the time for not being stronger. Not just for me, but for the ones I love. When I was 13, I was off school for nearly a year because I became phobic and severly depressed, and this is something I still think about. I am pleased to say I am like a different person from the state I was in back then, but I am still very anxious and very frightened. Even a simple thing like speaking on phones or phoning people up makes me terribly anxious, and trying to find a new job has made me feel ill. But I do try, and I just wish I could rise above these things that are stopping me from feeling less anxious. It really does affect everyday of my life.

I recently decided to take a home course, learning to become a make up artist, and I know that when I hopefully become qualified I will have to get out there and use my skills, I just really hope I will be able to do it. Years of being so shy and having no self belief or confidence in myself and having this condition really is hard, and I'm really trying to not let myself let it control everything.

I almost feel ashamed for going on like this, I just need to get it all out. I don't like worrying anyone at home, and would just like to get this out of my system. I really hope I don't sound selfish or like I use everything as an excuse, because I really have been like this since I can remember.

I just hope that I can gain more strength and make more changes that will benefit those I love, and myself.

Thank you for reading and listening, I really do appreciate it.

Ruth xx


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## luxotika (Jun 3, 2007)

Are you attending counseling sessions now? That might help with your self esteem.

I have panic disorder, so I completely understand how school can affect it too. I almost didn't graduate because I just couldn't bring myself to go to class.

Maybe instead of fighting these feelings, just let them happen. Sometimes fighting can only make it worse. Accept that they are coming, acknowledge them, and let them pass. That helped me out quite a bit.

I am glad that you are feeling better now than you did when you were younger. It might be best for you if you get the idea of becoming "normal" again out of your head, because it probably won't happen. If you keep kicking yourself about it, that will only make your condition worse.

I really hope the makeup artist career works out for you. Everyone here on MuT will be rooting for you! Please let any of us know if there is anything we can do to help you!


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## thornglitz (Jun 3, 2007)

Thank you so much for your really kind words and advice...I'm no longer attending counselling sessions now, there's a few reasons for that, but still taking my tablets. I think it'll be a good idea like you said to not keep kicking myself about something I may not be able to change.

I hope your panic disorder is a little bit better for you now, and you did graduate! I know how tough it must have been.

I really appreciate the comment xx


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## Saje (Jun 3, 2007)

I just wanted to say that I admire you for opening up about your disorder and know that we are here to listen and help you out whenever you need some support


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## Dragonfly (Jun 3, 2007)

Hi Ruth, I'm glad you posted. MUT is a great place to visit. Feel comfortable to respond to any of the threads. This might help to boost your confidence in a non threatening way.

I have a mood disorder and struggle with my confidence and self esteem daily.

It helps me to do things like cognitive behavioural therapy. If you haven't heard of it, the next time you visit your doctor for medication, you could bring up the subject.

Take care hun and post whenever you need to talk. We are great listeners.


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## Aprill (Jun 3, 2007)

I have that problem, but no so much with being on the phone, but I do have panic attacks when I go to public places, especially Wal-mart, so that's why I go there around 2-3am when it is not full. I understand your feelings cause I have the same ones.


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## jessimau (Jun 4, 2007)

I'm glad you posted here. It's a huge step if you think about it -- although you're not standing in front of us, your words are and you're trusting them, and your ability to express yourself, as a way to reach out to us. I think it's admirable. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I have an anxiety disorder (NOS, the "catch all" least severe one) and I know how tough it is to struggle with anxiety. I used to have generalized anxiety disorder, actually, and when it got to be so bad that I almost couldn't live my life, I went to therapy. I've been to therapy before and it's been helpful, but this time has been the most transformative. Within one year or less, I was able to drive without being afraid that every vehicle is going to crash into me. I have issues being friends with women, oddly enough, because of some things that happened when I was in middle school. I'm finally making new female friends. Today, I went to a baseball game with one of my classmates, who is a relatively new friend. It was just the two of us from 10am until 5pm and I not only survived, I actually had fun!

I'm sorry, I know that was long. It's my personal testament to effective therapy. I suggest going back to counseling, but doing a little bit of homework to find a good counselor first. Someone who uses cognitive-behavioral techniques could be very helpful for you. I really hope that you can find some additional help because it can truly, drastically improve your quality of life. If you ever havew any questions or need/want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I know how much anxiety sucks.


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## StrangerNMist (Jun 4, 2007)

Originally Posted by *thornglitz* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Hello everyone, I felt I would write my own thread to express some of my feelings, as everyone on here seems really understanding. 
I have a condition called social phobia, and was diagnosed with this when I was 14. I am now 18, and as greatful as I am for everything and everyone I have in my life, I often struggle with even simple things. It prevents me from doing the majority of things I would like to do, and there isn't a day that goes past where I am not worrying about something, or a lot of different things put together. I do take tablets, and had counselling a few years ago, but I just want to feel normal. I am constantly thinking I am boring to other people, and that I will never meet anyone because I'm 'uninteresting'. I am a very friendly and caring person, and always have time for people, so it may appear like I am not feeling pain, but I have ever since I can remember. I can't use school as an excuse for the way I am now, but I had a horrible time as soon as I started school, and was bullied for 9 years. I think it has seriously affected my confidence, and I also feel guilty all the time for not being stronger. Not just for me, but for the ones I love. When I was 13, I was off school for nearly a year because I became phobic and severly depressed, and this is something I still think about. I am pleased to say I am like a different person from the state I was in back then, but I am still very anxious and very frightened. Even a simple thing like speaking on phones or phoning people up makes me terribly anxious, and trying to find a new job has made me feel ill. But I do try, and I just wish I could rise above these things that are stopping me from feeling less anxious. It really does affect everyday of my life.

I recently decided to take a home course, learning to become a make up artist, and I know that when I hopefully become qualified I will have to get out there and use my skills, I just really hope I will be able to do it. Years of being so shy and having no self belief or confidence in myself and having this condition really is hard, and I'm really trying to not let myself let it control everything.

I almost feel ashamed for going on like this, I just need to get it all out. I don't like worrying anyone at home, and would just like to get this out of my system. I really hope I don't sound selfish or like I use everything as an excuse, because I really have been like this since I can remember.

I just hope that I can gain more strength and make more changes that will benefit those I love, and myself.

Thank you for reading and listening, I really do appreciate it.

Ruth xx

It's okay, I'm in the same boat with you. I have anxiety disorder along with a somewhat slight case of agoraphobia (spelling?) and I get REALLY NERVOUS speaking with people. I get nervous, babble, and I have trouble looking directly in the eye I'm so nervous. Heck, it's even hard for me to say much on here, and how bad is that?

Just take baby steps, and you should be just fine. =0]


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## thornglitz (Jun 4, 2007)

Thank you so much, this really means so much to me. I could almost cry!! All this support and advice and kind words really does help me greatly, and I much appreciate it.

xx


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## SierraWren (Jun 4, 2007)

Originally Posted by *thornglitz* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Hello everyone, I felt I would write my own thread to express some of my feelings, as everyone on here seems really understanding. 
I have a condition called social phobia, and was diagnosed with this when I was 14. I am now 18, and as greatful as I am for everything and everyone I have in my life, I often struggle with even simple things. It prevents me from doing the majority of things I would like to do, and there isn't a day that goes past where I am not worrying about something, or a lot of different things put together. I do take tablets, and had counselling a few years ago, but I just want to feel normal. I am constantly thinking I am boring to other people, and that I will never meet anyone because I'm 'uninteresting'. I am a very friendly and caring person, and always have time for people, so it may appear like I am not feeling pain, but I have ever since I can remember. I can't use school as an excuse for the way I am now, but I had a horrible time as soon as I started school, and was bullied for 9 years. I think it has seriously affected my confidence, and I also feel guilty all the time for not being stronger. Not just for me, but for the ones I love. When I was 13, I was off school for nearly a year because I became phobic and severly depressed, and this is something I still think about. I am pleased to say I am like a different person from the state I was in back then, but I am still very anxious and very frightened. Even a simple thing like speaking on phones or phoning people up makes me terribly anxious, and trying to find a new job has made me feel ill. But I do try, and I just wish I could rise above these things that are stopping me from feeling less anxious. It really does affect everyday of my life.

I recently decided to take a home course, learning to become a make up artist, and I know that when I hopefully become qualified I will have to get out there and use my skills, I just really hope I will be able to do it. Years of being so shy and having no self belief or confidence in myself and having this condition really is hard, and I'm really trying to not let myself let it control everything.

I almost feel ashamed for going on like this, I just need to get it all out. I don't like worrying anyone at home, and would just like to get this out of my system. I really hope I don't sound selfish or like I use everything as an excuse, because I really have been like this since I can remember.

I just hope that I can gain more strength and make more changes that will benefit those I love, and myself.

Thank you for reading and listening, I really do appreciate it.

Ruth xx

I think I can really understand what you are going through. I too spent years with generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia as well, which meant I was scared in public places around people.I think it began all the way back when other girls bullied me in middle school;even years and years later, after school,because of that terrible experience, I felt so badly about myself that I started trying to aviod other people altogether. In college, still untreated with therapy or medication, I had to miss a whole year due to that anxiety and to its resulting depresion, and then another semester I just never completed,for years,too afraid to be back in the classroom with others.It sounds to me likke you've completed highschool,and are going on to beauty school courses,is that right? That's wonderful! Anyway,I didn't get treatment until a few years after I got married, and for a few years,was just too scared to do anything--hardly even left the house.Finally, I got cognitive behavorial therapy, and was put on a minor tranquilizer that worked (a few were tried, Xanax, Serax, Valuim, Ativan; now I'm on Klonopin;I think if you're still very anxious,it could be important to try out a few more than the one you're on, if you haven't already.)Within about a year, I went back to college, and soon was working full time, and driving,and going out by myself, meeting others...it is awfully lonely being seprated from the world by one's anxiety over it!I would definitely recommend at least getting cognitive therapy.

Also,it sounds as if you might have some depression;you might want to discuss with a doctor trying antidepressants like Paxil (which can help with anxiety,as well).Deep insecurity over one's self image is often a symptom of depression, or a patternized form of depressive and self defeating thinking.

You can get through this; you have within your reach and within yourself everything you need to be better.And you are such an articulate, intelligent, thoughtful human being, the world needs you back in it!! Please PM me if you'd like to talk, and do remember that you are absolutely supported here. Please update us.


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## thornglitz (Jun 4, 2007)

Sierra, thank you so very much. I want to PM everyone who has been so kind, but haven't got enough posts to do so yet!!

I will take all your advice on board, and can I just say well done for all you have achieved..it sounds like you have done amazingly! I know how hard it must have been.

To anyone who has anything they would ever want to talk about, they can also PM as I would always be willing to listen and would understand.

x


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## Dragonfly (Jun 4, 2007)

Hey there, if you can't PM yet you can still leave a comment with each person.

Click on the name above the avatar - on yours it would be on thornglitz.

Click on public profile. Scroll down and you will see a place to leave a comment.

And make sure you check yours in case someone wants to say hello.


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## BeautifullyMADE (Jun 4, 2007)

Dear thornglitz,

Reading your entry/ message, it felt as if you were talking about me! I too am extremely shy and i only "open up" to people i am close to or with. I long to become a makeup artist, but often doubt myself that i am not outgoing enough to land my dream job. This bothers me when i begin to doubt, but something tells me to stay in there and be the best you can be. I admire poeple who jsut say what they wanna say, when they wanna say it, BUT i know that i could never do such a thing. Making friends is difficult for me to do because i am not good at holding converstaions. Sometimes i just wish to be somebody else. But you know what helps me? Well, i figured out that what you say really determines how you feel. So i wake up in the morning and tell myself good things like, "You're going to be a makeup artist", "You are going to be the best that you can be" and as strange as it sounds, IT ACTUALLY WORKS! ;-) I suggest that you keep enforcing to yourself that you can be that girl that everyone loves to talk to. I am not there, just yet, but i want to change, and if you want something bad enough, then you'll do any and everything in your powers to get it. Remember that there's only one you, you are unique and have special qualities that sosmeone else doesn't. Something i've always said was that: _"There will always be something that looks better than you, dress better than you, drive a better car than you, but you will never be them, and they will never be YOU!_ Keep believing in yourself girl, YOU CAN DO THIS! ;-)

Wishing you the best,

Beautifully MADE


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## thornglitz (Jun 4, 2007)

Thank you so much, you make perfect sense and I know that you can be land your dream job...if you were my make up artist, you'd definately have the RIGHT character. I can tell straight away! Thank you for taking the time to leave your comment, and I wish you the best too.



xx


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## c a r m e n (Jun 10, 2007)

aww i feel the same way as you lately everythings been going wrong for me..and i just feel soo boring because i cant have a long realtionship with a guy..and i don't have any close girlfriends...my job really sucks right and i cant find another one even tho i tryed so hard now and im confused about my future because i don't like the program i'm in..but i hope everything works out well for u i just try to keep up an optimistic attitude towards everything hope u feel better &lt;3!!!!!


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## chameleonmary (Jun 11, 2007)

hey there....

dont EVER feel ashamed about who you naturally are... only feel ashamed when you know you arent being your true self. there are many people with social conditions who 1 - cannot admit it and 2 - brush it aside with another persona.

i have some oddities about my personality and social skills. i downright lock up and shut down when im not feeling happy, and tend to wallow in self pity until ive eaten wayyy too much chocolate and cry myself to sleep at night!

what i can tell you is you CAN find someone - i did. he knows how quirky i can be, how moody i get, and how low my self esteem is, and always knows how to approach me when im in a mood.

I wish you all the best in your home makeup course. use it as an opportunity to put all your thoughts and creativity (you will find it) into your work. once you do a few jobs, your confidence will soar! i know when i do family and friends makeup and hear a third person tell them how nice it looks, it makes me feel SO GOOD that i go buy myself another mac shadow to congratulate myself.


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## MandyPandy (Jun 11, 2007)

My heart aches for you. I know how hard it can be living with anxiety. I have bad anxiety too, and it's forced me to drop out of school a few times. But I have gotten a lot better, and you can too. Taking the pills is a good start! You should try to see another therapist, I found a wonderful one and it helped so much, even just to have someone kind who was on my side.

Wow, reading these responses has made me see that a lot of people go through this.

You can get through this honey... Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

*hugs*


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## thornglitz (Jun 11, 2007)

I am so touched by everyone's lovely comments and words of support, thank you all so much x


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