# Is It Wrong To Hate Family?



## bCreative (Mar 12, 2010)

Because really I'm starting to hate my brother more and more each day. I don't know why but we've been at each others throats for like 2 months now. Every time I ask him questions he acts like he can't hear and ignores me, or when I tell/ask him to do something he acts like he's to good to do anything. Then he's always playing victim like I just walk in the room with an attitude and just starts yelling at him for no reason. Yet he is the freaking problem!! Every time I talk to him, he says I'm *****ing!!

I mean I just can't take it anymore. We even have gotten to points were fighting like we are strangers who got into it on the street. IT'S CRAZY! I'm scared I might severely hurt him one day because my temper is very short lived. I really just want to beat him until he bleeds and then continue beating him............I really just want to cause him some serious bodily harm and pain.


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## Karren (Mar 12, 2010)

For me I love my family.. Unconditionally but that doesn't stop me from hating what they do or who they have become. In short. No its not wrong, imho.


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## bella1342 (Mar 12, 2010)

Totally agree with Karren. I love my family though, and it would never be any other way. That's just me though. If they did something bad.. or something to me.. I wouldn't be able to hate them. Just upset with their actions. I'd be sad.

It's not wrong though if you feel that way.


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## magosienne (Mar 12, 2010)

It's not wrong, i love my family but their actions, now it's a totally different question. I would try to sit and talk to him, ask him why the change of attitude, maybe he has issues he does not know how to talk about. If not possible, then at least you've tried, maybe you just have to let things cool down, let him marinate like we say here, until he doesn't see his sister so negatively. Just let him know you're here if he needs you, but you're also not going to do anything together until he has improved his attitude towards you.


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## Shelley (Mar 12, 2010)

Originally Posted by *magosienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif It's not wrong, i love my family but their actions, now it's a totally different question. I would try to sit and talk to him, ask him why the change of attitude, maybe he has issues he does not know how to talk about. If not possible, then at least you've tried, maybe you just have to let things cool down, let him marinate like we say here, until he doesn't see his sister so negatively. Just let him know you're here if he needs you, but you're also not going to do anything together until he has improved his attitude towards you. I agree with you





I don't get along with my brother at the best of times. I love him but I won't take his bossy attitude anymore. I hate his actions towards me but I do love him.


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## Johnnie (Mar 13, 2010)

I agree with all of the above. The thing that bothered me about this was.... "I'm scared I might severely hurt him one day because my temper is very short lived. I really just want to beat him until he bleeds and then continue beating him............I really just want to cause him some serious bodily harm and pain." I know you're frustrated, wanna lash out and get your point across by physically hurting him but it's not gonna get you guys anywhere but maybe into a more difficult situation. Definitely address your feelings and if he chooses not to change his attitude and how he's been acting then you can only focus on yourself. I'd suggest doing something that will occupy your mind when you get to that boiling point. Maybe work out, take a walk, take a bath, visit family, etc...


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## Chaeli (Mar 13, 2010)

I love my family unconditionally. My immediate family. My siblings and other family members I do love but I do not respect them or their values. I do not drink nor do drugs thus I do not fit in. I do not like to be stolen from and nor do I like the family cut throatings. And that is why I moved many thousands of miles away from them all and never plan on going near them again.

In return, I now have the greatest, most loving and devoted family I could ever have dreampt of having and so much more. Had I stayed where we were at, it would have ruined any chance I had at happiness. It was well worth the turning my back and walking away.


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## MomentoMoir (Mar 13, 2010)

no its not wrong to hate family at all


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## bCreative (Mar 13, 2010)

Originally Posted by *Johnnie* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree with all of the above. The thing that bothered me about this was.... "I'm scared I might severely hurt him one day because my temper is very short lived. I really just want to beat him until he bleeds and then continue beating him............I really just want to cause him some serious bodily harm and pain." I know you're frustrated, wanna lash out and get your point across by physically hurting him but it's not gonna get you guys anywhere but maybe into a more difficult situation. Definitely address your feelings and if he chooses not to change his attitude and how he's been acting then you can only focus on yourself. I'd suggest doing something that will occupy your mind when you get to that boiling point. Maybe work out, take a walk, take a bath, visit family, etc... Talking to him won't work. Tried it and all we do is argue. But thanks everyone for the advice and help, kinda surprised that some said that hating family or a member was not wrong.


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## Darla (Mar 16, 2010)

This has always been a bit of a mixed bag for me. I had resentments towards my parents.

It really took listening to other people's stories to make me realize that maybe i didn't have it so bad.


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## emily_3383 (Mar 16, 2010)

Well I dont talk to my brother. He has gotten really negative because of his bad choices and loves to blame everyone but himself. I wish him well in life but i avoid him like the plague. lol


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## perlanga (Mar 22, 2010)

I don't think you hate him, you just dislike him at the moment.

Can I ask how old he is? Is he just acting immature?


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## bCreative (Mar 23, 2010)

He's 22.

Maybe your right, I mean we're around each other 24/7 and we just need to get away from each other.


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## perlanga (Mar 24, 2010)

Originally Posted by *bCreative* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He's 22.
Maybe your right, I mean we're around each other 24/7 and we just need to get away from each other.

Yeah I think he's just acting like an immature jerk. At one point my brother was calling me and my older sister names like "H**" saying that we were slutty and skany, when we are not promiscuous whatsoever, i actually consider myself prude, LOL! He would not listen to my mom, would be so dirty, would pick physical fights (in public!!!). Finally my oldest bro came back from the Marine corps and my dad got disabled, so he was kinda forced to straighten up! I would say keep your distance and let it pass. If you don't hang around him and want nothing to do with him, he'll get the hint. Most likely, he'll cool down and then want to socialize,


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## reesesilverstar (Mar 24, 2010)

When it gets to the point where you think about harming somebody, I think it's best to move away. Violence doesn't solve anything. It just makes finding a resolution MUCH harder or none at all. My advice is to move away.

I'm not gonna say I love all of my family members. There are some I really don't care for. So I just stay away and take them in miniscule doses.


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## heartofdarkness (Mar 24, 2010)

My brother (3 years younger than me) and I were very close when we were little, but once I turned about 11 or 12, everything changed, and we started fighting all the time. I can honestly say that it's reached a point where I feel pretty much nothing for him.

Also, since I was 13 my mother and I have had a strained relationship which, for the most part, is down to my brother's poisonous ways. He is 'mammy's little soldier' and while it's pretty normal, I know, for boys to be close to their mothers and girls to be close to their fathers, I have reason to feel bitter about this. She once made it clear, at a family gathering for f**k's sake, just how she felt by relaying her reaction to each of our births. When I was born, she was high as a kite on the relevant drugs, and when I was placed in her arms, she looked at me and in a tone of disgust said 'what the hell is THAT?' and with my brother, she felt the bond immediately, and was extremely proud to tell everyone so. She has told me many times, and not in anger either, that she wanted to have me aborted.

Yeah, no wonder I have no maternal feelings whatsoever.


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## Lucy (Mar 27, 2010)

it sounds like a personality clash to me, it's not wrong to hate family. some people, you're just not meant to get on with, and it sucks if you're born out of the same people of them.

but beating him up, or anything physically violent towards him, really won't help your situation.

you have no idea what will happen in life later on, you may need to turn to him for help and regret your actions, or you may both grow up more (i mean that in the sense of ageing, as everyone does) and realise you're two very different people who may never get on, but at least find some common ground with each other so that you can actually be in the same room as each other.

this is kinda different cos i was younger, but i totally remember HATING my sister from the ages of 9-11ish. i just couldn't stand her. we fought all the time, and then one day something clicked and we just stopped and became friends. i know i was much younger, but you never know, the same thing may happen to you.

but definately, just because someone is family doesn't mean that you have to like them. everyone has someone that brushes them the wrong way.


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## PinkyCheeks (May 30, 2010)

This could be a moment in your life that can be passing through quick or lasting, possibly depending on how you play it out.

My brother is a year younger then me and has major attitude problems with anger and aggression but sometimes that can be put down to stress and hormones.

He's sounds like he's at an age though that it isn't a matter of hormones.

Whats the age difference between you both?

Could something have occurred between you both that you didn't exactly look into and maybe he's treating you differently because of it.

Or maybe he just needs a little space, leave him alone and eventually he will probably miss the relationship he's had with you and come seeking you out again.


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## dixiewolf (May 30, 2010)

My bro is 3 years older than me and we only talk at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Also I do call him on his b-day, he calls me too. The thing is, we have nothing in common, the phone calls are basically Happy birthday, how are you? Ok, bye. He lives an hour from me, he did see me once b/c he had a job interview here and we had lunch. My mom talks to both of us every day. Our family was very close when I was young, he just annoys me so much I can hardly stand it. I also think his dog and child raising skills are very poor. The good thing is he does not hurt either and my niece is very happy. I have family members that do not speak to other ever and it ended in a very bad way, so at least I talk to my brother and love him. I havent spoken to one such member b/c of what he did to my brother. He's never in his hometown anyways so I cant really forgive him if I wanted to. I am so glad I live an hour from my family, no one bothers me. They all live in Orlando except my mom and stepdad (who I see a lot, I love to visit them).


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## LashTV (Jun 26, 2010)

ahh sibling hate how i remember this so much. you described me and my brother 6 years ago completely. I hated his guts would not have cared if somethink happened to him. I had to do everything whilst he did not do a single thing, he would come in have everything done for him meals, teas, drinks you name it and he would sit in his room 24/7 not go out apart from college or school and there i would be doing the housework, helping out my mum, looking after my grandparents, going to college and being a nanny to two children it did my nut in to the point we use to come to blows and he was throwing plates at my head. 

i remember one time i had friends over and we was getting ready and he came right into my room no knocking insulted my friend, grabbed one of our bottles and walked out. i ended up going to his door and going mental at him completely and i remember my mum coming up stairs giving me shit and telling him to close the door on me. i was fuming i left home for two months then as i was fuming that they didnt even listen he was 15 and was drinking in front of her stuff he got from my room i was 18 and then i got the crap. when he left he knocked our glass over which was red wine and i got the shit for that as well.

in the end i wanted to kill him they finally listened when my grandparents said to them that a fair few people in the family have noticed how i seem to be swamped and helping out whilst he does nothing and never gets the blame for anything. my parents still did not change the way they were but they did listen to me on that one time and apologised but said nothing to him. just made the whole situation worse.

i gave up and left home for good moved 500 miles away and saw them maybe twice a year if that and me and my brother never spoke at all. we went on holiday togetehr two years later things hadnt changed. so for the other four years we never spoke at all.

now were close and talk a fair ammount of times and we get on a lot better than we did before and my family understand more due to the fact when i left they realised stuff still kept happening difference is i was not around so they realised i was telling the truth all those years ago. lol

seperation is a good thing as it will stop the hate


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## CallmeMrsAL (Jul 12, 2010)

That is kind of what family is about sometimes isn't it, loving them despite their flaws? For me and my brother personally we had a period of time when we only got on each other nerves. We grew up best of friends, and then as teenagers his girlfriend was best friends with my worst enemy and blah blah drama, and my life sucked because I was a teenager...all angst. As harsh as it may sound, you should never take your emotions too seriously when you are a ball of hormones (which is why sex should wait ((things that I know now, lol))). And if you are angry...that is an emotion that comes from something deeper like LOVE. If you didn't love your brother, then you wouldn't even bother to try.

Anyways...I digress, the point is we are appreciative of each other now. Most of our family has moved South, so we are the only ones near each other, and we constantly want to be together as a family. We'd be lying if we said we LIKED each other ALL of the time but there is no doubt that we LOVE each other ALL of the time.

Now, I also have an uncle who I don't like. I never knew him growing up, but I never really heard good things about it. Now the family accepts him, but I don't bother. I don't love him now, so why should I love him just to let him be someone who could let me down? I dunno...I guess that sounds cynical.


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## dolcexica (Jul 21, 2010)

Originally Posted by *perlanga* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yeah I think he's just acting like an immature jerk. At one point my brother was calling me and my older sister names like "H**" saying that we were slutty and skany, when we are not promiscuous whatsoever, i actually consider myself prude, LOL! He would not listen to my mom, would be so dirty, would pick physical fights (in public!!!). Finally my oldest bro came back from the Marine corps and my dad got disabled, so he was kinda forced to straighten up! I would say keep your distance and let it pass. If you don't hang around him and want nothing to do with him, he'll get the hint. Most likely, he'll cool down and then want to socialize, I agree with what you're saying, boys take longer to mature in my opinion.. Just give him time. I'm still waiting for my 18 and 20 year old brother's to mature!! lol


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## ninnato (Aug 5, 2010)

How did it all start?

I guess it has not always been like that.

Try to go back in time and "take a look" if a special event made it start?

Perhaps you need a third person to help you out of this?

I understand your anger but it would be so sad if you lose each other for ever.


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