# Cut off a good friend and now I feel lost.



## llehsal (Apr 27, 2011)

I met someone who turned out to be a really good friend on a forum similiar to this one. At first we never got along, we were simply members of a particular group and talked ever so often. He is married and recently turned a father and is a very respectable person.

About a year ago, we began to become close as friends. Even though we are completely different and disagree most times on most things, we seemed to mesh and get along fine. We always trashed out our differences and move on. As of recent months we became extremely close. It became so intense that we would BBM and call and chat on msn with each other from as soon as we got up till one of us fell asleep. Soon enough we started arguing and quarelling with each other about things that we should not be carrying on about....an example would be me asking for guy advice and him brushing it off in a jealous kind of way.

Then it shifted to who wasn't calling who and who is not making enough contact and who doesn't have anything to say when we are talking. It became too much for me. I realised that things were getting too close for comfort as this was a married guy and I am a single woman. I chickened out and decided that we should ease off a bit...this I know I could not do as we had already become way too attached. I explained this to him many many times, and he insisted that it would be fine, that we would work that out and be fine.

The final straw for me was when I started getting jealous or a tad bit annoyed when he mentioned other female friends and stuff like that and I knew that this had to end. simply because we had feelings for each other and it may not end well for one of us. Mainly me. After one particular fight I told him this is it....I need room. We need to not communicate anymore, it's becoming too much for me. I started to become affected in a bad way. He begged me not to do it and in the end said it was my choice, that I can do what felt good for me. At that point, I deleted him from everything and cut contact.

Before the next day was out, I got a text from him, saying he missed me like crazy and that he is asking me to please talk to him. I gave in and added him to BBM and realised nothing had changed. Even though I was missing him horribly, things were still the same. I told him it's not working, I need this to end. He tried to stop me, but I said no.

Since then he has texted me to say he misses me, that I said I would never stop talking to him (which is true) and that I disappointed him....I saw that he tweeted that everyone disappoints and that he thought we were friends. I stopped responding. Now I feel bereft and it's only been a couple days.

When I have bad days now, I have no one to blab and blow off steam with. I feel so lonely now because he was so much my friend. I had a bad day yesterday and an even worse evening at the gym and where I would have contacted him and discussed it, I had no one. I miss him...I miss my friend. I want my friend back. I have serious urges to contact him, but I know nothing has changed. I just don't know what to do.  I have respect for myself and for his marraige....I just could not let things get worse.


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## DreamWarrior (Apr 27, 2011)

Wow.

This is a serious relationship you were in.  Regardless if it was a friendship, an affair, a boy, or a girl. 

I am extremely attached to my girlfriend and we have our differences too.  Im even jealous when she wont come over because she's hanging out with her boyfriend.  So, it doesnt matter if it's a boy or girl - a relationship is a relationship - that's that.

If you think of it that way - you can put it into perspective and decide whether or not that relationship is a healthy one.  And from what you're discribing, it doesnt sound that way.  There's too much dependency on one on another and quite frankly a lot of fighting over things that you don't have any connections on.  When people are compatible they stick thru it regardless of preferences.

My S/O and my BFF are very close to me and both are very different - they both compliment me in many ways... but I dont argue with either one of them if we disagree on something.  A healthy debate is one thing - balls out cat fights is something else.

I don't think this relationship is worth pursuing because (based on what you said) he seems to be dominating (or abusing) you mentally.  You deserve more and him guilting you into a connection that makes you feel uncomfortable is selfish and mean.

You seem like a good person and you provide great contributions here... I dont see why you wouldnt be able to make new friends that appreciate you more for who you are.


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## Amendria (May 5, 2011)

I agree with dreamwarrior, you don't need someone that make you feel uncomfortable. A friend should be there listen, not nag you why you're not calling them every moment of the day.


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