# How controlling is too controlling?



## mac-whore (Nov 18, 2007)

hi ladies. well, i've been in a relationship for the past year.. and there's been a ton of good times but, at the same time it's also been a struggle. for the most part, he's a wonderful guy. incredibly thoughtful &amp; romantic. very sensitive &amp; loving.. but, he's also VERY jealous and controlling. when we go out in public, i'm constantly being accused of *looking* at other guys.. when 1) i'm not.. and 2) it really bothers me that this is even an issue for him. i couldn't have a myspace page for a great deal of my relationship. now, i have one.. after convincing him that i need to get in touch with old friends, but he has the password to it, he reads my messages before i do, he controls every aspect of my page.. and gets mad and yells at me when guys write or try to add me. i definately can't go out on the weekends with friends, and definately can't go to any clubs/parties. if i don't keep in touch with him every hour he gets mad and causes an argument. it really does get overbearing at times. in his defense, he dosen't have a myspace.. go to clubs or parties or anything that he asks me not to do.. and that's his personal choice. other than his jealousy &amp; control issues he's incredibly loving.. but, sometimes i wonder if his issues are a sign of something to come.. or if they can be worked on. my family and friends don't like him at all. i love him so much but, sometimes i feel like his insecurities are just too much to deal with. what do you girls think?? i feel like i have changed, in a sense.. and my friends are kind of seperating themselves from me. i don't want to leave him.. but, what else could i possibly do in this situation to make it better?? any advice would be appreciated.


----------



## Curiosity (Nov 18, 2007)

I'm sorry about that; that has never happened to me. Have to tried talking to him? You seem as though you are definitely meeting him half way, but I agree that he is being too controlling. I would talk to him and let him know how you're feeling and if that doesn't help, probably go on a break for a while. I don't think it's fair that you suffer because of his insecurities.


----------



## Jessica (Nov 18, 2007)

Im sorry that you're in this situation but this guy is wayyyy to controlling imho. There is nothing wrong with being jealous but this goes beyond any jealousy or insecurities he has. I am not telling you to leave him because thats up to you. However, I would never ever put up with a controlling man. This man that you love does not trust you enough to have a myspace page and finally he "lets you" but he has to have the password??? You are constanly accused of looking at other guys???? If I were you I would take a step back and take a hard long look at your relationship and decide if you can live like this for the rest of your life??? I also think its a shame that you're losing your friends over your situation with your boyfriend. I hope you find the answers you're looking for because if it were me i'd kick his @$$ to the curb!!! You deserve better!!!


----------



## emily_3383 (Nov 18, 2007)

Yeah this sounds way too controlling. I thought you were going to say he didnt like other guys looking at you. When it comes to controlling what you do i think thats too much. I feel like if you are questioning it and your parents and family dont really like him then something must be up.


----------



## Ashley (Nov 18, 2007)

Oh dear. He sounds very controlling. I don't think that will change. It sounds like you have changed to adapt to his controlling ways, but I don't think you want it to stay like this.

I think everyone has given you good advice. I wish you the best!


----------



## mebabygirl86 (Nov 18, 2007)

sweety im sorry to hear that but on the real i cant really help cuz im kinda in the same boat as you are




my bf has my myspace password,reads my stuff and doesnt want me adding guys or even talking to em period.its like WWIII when i wanna go to parties with my girls cuz just like you said he figures since he doesnt do these things,you shouldnt either and thats the part that makes you feel guilty right?my advice to you is to stop living your life for him and start living it for you.if you want to go out tell him that you are,you dont need permission,ur in a relationship NOT a dictatorship.But you also have to talk to him.And if that doesnt work,you have to decide how you wanna live the rest of your life.Imagine you've only been with him for a year now,imagine going 5 or 10yrs like dat...


----------



## Lelenn (Nov 18, 2007)

That's how all my guys turned out. Was he like that in the beginning? I would date guys that seemed to be cool and laid back, but as time went on they would become very possessive and controlling. In my experience, it only gets worse. I got out of it. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who's so insecure.


----------



## nics1972 (Nov 18, 2007)

I am sorry *HUGS* you are going thru this. I have been in a controlling marriage, but it wasnt like your situation. He was controlling in different ways. Nevertheless, it got to a point where I couldnt handle it anymore and I opted out. These are classic signs of an abuser. The word seems HARSH, but remember, abuse can be verbal and emotional as well.. it doenst have to be only physical. Counselling might help, provided he is open minded enough to listen to what a counsellor is saying and his/her suggestions. I dont know if he can/will change. What you need to think is, what if he doesnt.. or if he does and revert to his old ways. Are you willing to live with that forever ? Is it worth it ? Do you want to keep living trying to please/appease him ? What about YOUR life ? What about what YOU like to do ? On the top of your head, you might think, maybe you can and will handle t. But remember, the emotional and mental toll it takes to handle these kind of people is HUGE. You have a right to be happy. From his "jealous" behavior, it looks like he doesnt trust you enough, added to his own insecurities. Are you willing to live with that ? You might think you will NEVER find anyone like him if you leave. And it is very natural to feel that way. But, life goes on.. it never stops and you WILL find someone else who respects you, gives you your "space", understands your needs and treats you better. Think carefully. Think hard. Bad relationships can do a LOT of emotional damage. I have been there and even though it has been 5 yrs since my divorce, I am still on anti depressants. I am married to a sweetheart now and peoplemight think I dont have a reason to be "depressed". They dont realize that its in no way related to my marriage now. Its just damage done from before and I am still "recovering". It changed me so much, I dont even know the person I have become.. its not me.. not who I used to be. Believe me sweetheart, in the end, its just not worth it, if it "damages" you emotionally or psychologcally in any way. The road to recovery can be difficult. So, just be careful.. please. Hugs again for you.


----------



## S. Lisa Smith (Nov 18, 2007)

Wow, I didn't read Nicole's answer while I was composing mine. She said it all.

I'm afraid you know the answer (which is what everyone has said).

Originally Posted by *mac-whore* /img/forum/go_quote.gif hi ladies. well, i've been in a relationship for the past year.. and there's been a ton of good times but, at the same time it's also been a struggle. A key point. for the most part, he's a wonderful guy. incredibly thoughtful &amp; romantic. very sensitive &amp; loving.. but, he's also VERY jealous and controlling. Another key point. when we go out in public, i'm constantly being accused of *looking* at other guys.. when 1) i'm not.. and 2) it really bothers me that this is even an issue for him. Another key point. i couldn't have a myspace page for a great deal of my relationship. now, i have one.. after convincing him that i need to get in touch with old friends, but he has the password to it, he reads my messages before i do, he controls every aspect of my page.. and gets mad and yells at me when guys write or try to add me. Another. i definately can't go out on the weekends with friends, and definately can't go to any clubs/parties. One more.if i don't keep in touch with him every hour he gets mad and causes an argument.This is major! it really does get overbearing at times. in his defense, he dosen't have a myspace.. go to clubs or parties or anything that he asks me not to do.. and that's his personal choice. other than his jealousy &amp; control issues he's incredibly loving.. but, sometimes i wonder if his issues are a sign of something to come If you are concerned, without knowing you or him, I would suggest going with your instincts... or if they can be worked on.He has to see that this is a problem and wnat ot work on it, it's not something that you can just work on. my family and friends don't like him at all. Hmmm, if everyone has the same opinion.... i love him so much but, sometimes i feel like his insecurities are just too much to deal with. what do you girls think?? i feel like i have changed, in a sense.. and my friends are kind of seperating themselves from me. i don't want to leave him.. but, what else could i possibly do in this situation to make it better?? You have done the changing, not him. Any solution is up to him. Things are exactly the way he wants them and he doesn't recognize that there is a problem. That's the real problem. any advice would be appreciated. As I said, I have to agree with the others. I'm really afraid that there is no changing without him changing.


----------



## Shelley (Nov 18, 2007)

Originally Posted by *nics1972* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am sorry *HUGS* you are going thru this. I have been in a controlling marriage, but it wasnt like your situation. He was controlling in different ways. Nevertheless, it got to a point where I couldnt handle it anymore and I opted out. These are classic signs of an abuser. The word seems HARSH, but remember, abuse can be verbal and emotional as well.. it doenst have to be only physical. Counselling might help, provided he is open minded enough to listen to what a counsellor is saying and his/her suggestions. I dont know if he can/will change. What you need to think is, what if he doesnt.. or if he does and revert to his old ways. Are you willing to live with that forever ? Is it worth it ? Do you want to keep living trying to please/appease him ? What about YOUR life ? What about what YOU like to do ? On the top of your head, you might think, maybe you can and will handle t. But remember, the emotional and mental toll it takes to handle these kind of people is HUGE. You have a right to be happy. From his "jealous" behavior, it looks like he doesnt trust you enough, added to his own insecurities. Are you willing to live with that ? You might think you will NEVER find anyone like him if you leave. And it is very natural to feel that way. But, life goes on.. it never stops and you WILL find someone else who respects you, gives you your "space", understands your needs and treats you better. Think carefully. Think hard. Bad relationships can do a LOT of emotional damage. I have been there and even though it has been 5 yrs since my divorce, I am still on anti depressants. I am married to a sweetheart now and peoplemight think I dont have a reason to be "depressed". They dont realize that its in no way related to my marriage now. Its just damage done from before and I am still "recovering". It changed me so much, I dont even know the person I have become.. its not me.. not who I used to be. Believe me sweetheart, in the end, its just not worth it, if it "damages" you emotionally or psychologcally in any way. The road to recovery can be difficult. So, just be careful.. please. Hugs again for you. I totally agree with what Nic said. I was in a similar situation with both emotional and physical abuse. It does definitely causes damage.
mac-whore I think it is normal for everyone to have a bit of jealousy in them but his is extreme and he is quite controlling. Please be careful. Like Nic said these are the classic signs of an abuser. Please keep us updated. Hugs to you.


----------



## KellyB (Nov 18, 2007)

My first husband was extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. I was very in love with him anyway, so I get it, OK?

That being said. I want you to know from experience that the control issues do not get better. They get worse. Every time you let him "allow" you to do something, you are losing a part of yourself and giving him more control over you. While I'm not going to give you the "you need to leave him" answer...........b/c you WILL know if you are capable of doing that..........I will tell you that staying with him only gives him more power.

I stayed for 4 years and it took me a decade to recover. He never physically abused me but if you think that controlling you is not abuse, I want you to know that it is.

The answer to one of your questions is "yes". This is a sign of what is to come and believe me that the longer you stay, the more difficult it will be to leave later. You have to decide if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life because you have the crystal ball in front of you.

Let me also add that this is not your problem, it's his problem and you can't fix him or change him.

You do not deserve to be treated this way and please don't get angry but you are making excuses for him by saying that he is "incredibly loving". No he isn't incredibly loving. Incredibly loving people trust their partner and give them the freedom to be themselves which you are not able to do.

In the end only you can make the choice. Leaving my ex husband was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. I truly loved him and did not want to be without him but I loved myself more and knew that a life with him would leave me lonely and isolated. You don't have to live that way either.

I hope that you will seriously consider the advice you have been given. You are young and beautiful and there are good men in the world who will treat you as you.....and every other woman.....deserve to be treated.

Last but not least {{{hugs}}} to you because I really do understand how hard this is.


----------



## macface (Nov 18, 2007)

I think hes not going to change.You deserve way better not somebody who controls every move.You are missing out in life because of his jealousy.He sounds like he owns you and you don't want that imagine if you do end up getting marry.Let him know how you feel and tell him that thing have to be diffrent.The past is just the preperation for whats coming in the Future.


----------



## Marisol (Nov 18, 2007)

Maria... first of all :hugs: I didn't know you were going through this. Honestly, it's good that you are recognizing the behavior before you get in any deeper. Perhaps your BF has trust issues and has been effed up with previous relationships but that has nothing to do with you and him. Have you tried telling him that you are your own woman? Does he realize that he is this way?

I know that you care deeply for him but if he is this way now, I am afraid for you of how he will be as your relationship advances. Maybe take a break so he can see that he could lose you if he doesn't change his ways.


----------



## Maysie (Nov 18, 2007)

Aww this make me so sad, because my sister is going through something similar. Her boyfriend is extremely controlling in almost all the ways you mentioned and then some, and recently he's gotten physical with her. Not to say that your boyfriend would do that, but you never know. Living under someone else's rules and being under constant scrutiny isn't living at all and it sucks that these guys can't realize that they're pushing away the very person they're trying to hold onto so tight with their controlling, abusive ways. I think one of the main ways they control is to make you question yourself and what you do so much that you start to feel badly about yourself and wonder "maybe he's right." or they wear you down until you're too tired and hurt to argue back...and then you just do what they want. I'm sure that it gets lonely being in that situation because the guy becomes like your everything after awhile, as friends and family start to give you space...because it hurts them to see you like that. I can't imagine how hard it would be to leave someone you love so much when it seems like they're the most important person in your life...but I can tell you that there are probably a lot of people in your life right now who miss you very much and would love to be there to support you in the event that you do decide to leave him. I wish you the best of luck!


----------



## mac-whore (Nov 18, 2007)

wow, thanks girls for all of the wonderful advice!! seriously! it's so refreshing hearing advice from people that have ' been there, done that '. you girls made a ton of good points. i guess my thing is, i feel like i can change him. he's everything that i want in a man aside from the stuff that i posted here.. and i guess i feel like it's worth a shot to hang in there and see if he can change for he better. he acknowledges that he needs to change so i know that's always the first step. also, we're both young.. he's 21 and i'm 20.. so, i'm hoping that this stuff is a maturity issue. alot of his jealous rants are really trivial to me and it seems like stuff that has alot to do with maturity.

it actually worries me because, i know that there's a great possibility that it won't work out. this is my 1st *serious* relationship and i feel like because of him, i don't have a good perception of what a healthy relationship is anymore.


----------



## Marisol (Nov 18, 2007)

Originally Posted by *mac-whore* /img/forum/go_quote.gif wow, thanks girls for all of the wonderful advice!! seriously! it's so refreshing hearing advice from people that have ' been there, done that '. you girls made a ton of good points. i guess my thing is, i feel like i can change him. he's everything that i want in a man aside from the stuff that i posted here.. and i guess i feel like it's worth a shot to hang in there and see if he can change for he better. he acknowledges that he needs to change so i know that's always the first step. also, we're both young.. he's 21 and i'm 20.. so, i'm hoping that this stuff is a maturity issue. alot of his jealous rants are really trivial to me and it seems like stuff that has alot to do with maturity. it actually worries me because, i know that there's a great possibility that it won't work out. this is my 1st *serious* relationship and i feel like because of him, i don't have a good perception of what a healthy relationship is anymore.

One thing that I forgot to mention is that he needs to change for him not for you. He needs to be the one that realizes that he has issues and changes them to improve himself.


----------



## macface (Nov 18, 2007)

Good luck and let ue know what happens.


----------



## pinksugar (Nov 18, 2007)

I totally see where you are coming from with the maturity thing, it could be a result of maturity and I know how you feel about wanting to give it a shot since in all other ways he's what you're looking for, but at the same time, I really do agree with the girls that he's way too controlling.

he should really trust you enough to know that you wont cheat on him with guys on myspace, and even if his insecurity is the result of a past girlfriend or whatever, (which, I have had in a past relationship and so you feel like you should cut them some slack) it is NOT ok to take out his insecurities and the emotions stemming from that issue out on you, as you're innocent in all of this.

Please let us know what happens and best of luck, it's a really tough situation to be in


----------



## La_Mari (Nov 19, 2007)

Seeing it from his POV, you're super hot, and obviously he's insecure cause you can have anyone. So it sounds a little scary to me cause what if something little happens, and he freaks? Like he thinks you were actually flirting with some guy when you weren't... do you know what he would do?

Maybe let him know, that you don't want to be with anyone else cause you chose HIM, tell him that you wouldn't waste a whole year of your life if you were just gonna end up cheating on him.

Whatever may happen, I hope it turns out good for you, like Macface said, you deserve the best,



.


----------



## abaddon248 (Nov 19, 2007)

Originally Posted by *La_Mari* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Seeing it from his POV, you're super hot, and obviously he's insecure cause you can have anyone. So it sounds a little scary to me cause what if something little happens, and he freaks? Like he thinks you were actually flirting with some guy when you weren't... do you know what he would do? 
Maybe let him know, that you don't want to be with anyone else cause you chose HIM, tell him that you wouldn't waste a whole year of your life if you were just gonna end up cheating on him.

Whatever may happen, I hope it turns out good for you, like Macface said, you deserve the best,



.

sadly enough...i know exactly where u going through..everything to a T..he is all i ever wanted and den der is the controlling part..wit the passwords emails and everything and god forbid he finds something he doesnt like in those emails or messsages.. he fights with me instead of trusting me ....example is my myspace had been hacked into by one of his little brother's friends and instead of trusting my word that "no baby i dont have any other emails but the ones you know" he started bashing me about it (while i am driving to work non the less!) i started getting clamy and hot because i was wrongfully accused of something i did not do...and to the quote above me ...the flirting when u are not ...happend to me ...and what i get was physical things....because i was defending myself


----------



## BeneBaby (Nov 19, 2007)

Sweets I went through this exact thing. It started out innocent enough and ended really bad. At first I thought his jealousy was a sign of how much he cared about me. It felt good that a guy was so protective. But after a few months things evolved into a dangerous area. He began accusing me everyday of looking at guys. He would have people follow me. He started breaking into my emails. He would measure how far my passenger seat was pushed back, if it was too far he accused me of having a tall guy in the car. He was also very loving and sweet, but I couldn't take it anymore. I always felt like I was going to set him off. I was in a constant state of anxiety. I ended up breaking up with him and GIVING him my car so he would leave me alone.


----------



## bronze_chiqz (Nov 19, 2007)

As for me, jealousy =&gt; controlling =&gt; suspicious issues,trust issues, cheating etc...

Ive met a guy 2 yrs back, he's a doctor in his late 20's( introduced by our families).What happened during our courtship for 2 hell months;

1) Once, I sent him an A jokes,more like a sexy jokes to his mobile.He called me right away and asked me If I send this kinda jokes to other guyz as well( wtf?)

2) I was at the coffee shop with him and my bro called me to ask about something.He asked who was it and told him its my bro, he was like 'Y are they checking on u, is this something u used to do, or u'll be going out with other guyz without informing them"

3) We were out at a shopping mall till my old girlfriends bumped into us.They complimented that I look pretty and sexy(I was wearing a pair jeans and a baby tee).Moment later, he asked if girls themselves thought Im sexy, what about guys thoughts of me? He stated he dont like me wearing tee's!!Can u imagine?

4)I can NEVER have any male friends, even after marriage.He asked to cut all the ties with my male colleagues.

5) He doesnt want me to work, reasoning he wants it that way &amp; stressed that's how all the marital affairs will start.

Overall, if he wants it that way, IT HAS TO BE THAT WAY...I coudn't take it anymore and asked him to go and fly kite with someone else. Like Jessica Ann said, me too can never put up with a controlling man.I was living with my strict parentz(till now too lolz) for 26 yrs, my mum especially,controls everything in my life.Ive never really been out to clubs or hang out with friends at nites,dressing, late nite muvies, sleep over ,bf during my teens( now she's bit open coz she's worried I didnt get hitched yet where most of my batch girls had settled down)




(((

Well Mac Whore, dont worry much, I see that both of you still young and need to learn

more in your life.Give a shot, y not if u think u can really change him


----------



## lglala84 (Nov 19, 2007)

uhhmmm yeah he is controlling!

You def. shouldn't think you can change someone b/c as much as you want to believe you can, I think you really can't.

You should discuss this with him. Because I think eventually you will feel sufficated by this. And my friend was in a relationship like this, so was I ...and things can become violent.

So be careful! If you haven't given him any reason for him to feel insecure, he really needs to chill.


----------



## masad (Nov 20, 2007)

how controlling is controlling..i'll tell you that is controlling!!

i have been in the same situation..

took me four and half years to get out of it and the best part is i never loved the guy not even for one sec but i agreed to his proposal only because everyone said he loved me a lot..

first 10 days were good when i look back at it because i didnt talk to him much!! after that it was a nightmare!!

i wont say he was bad..he wasnt!! he was a good person..but he was insecure!! and he took that out on me!!

i joine a forum..he made an account with different name and would spy on me!!

he would say all the baad stuff if i spoke to a guy..

i cried every night..

when i tried leavig him he would cry and say i did this for you i did that for you!! fuc**KKK i got soo pissed off!!..

but at the end..how i got rid of him was i got engaged to someone!! and then i told him now leave me alone.. and he did!!

even though he said we will be friends..i said ok..he send me emails later..with all the crap..congrats and let by goners b goners subject thing..i didnt care and didnt give a damn!! i just hated myself when i was with him!! he was controlling..dont do that dont do this..a$$hole..i swear!! sorry bad language but its not comfortable..i could not live with him!!

and now i have found the perfect man..my fiance...he feels jealous but for ryt reason..he knows i have male friends ..he knows all about them..and he doesnt say anything..

he told me once..i will not stop you from anything just becareful around guys,not all guys are nice!! thats it!! he is amazing!!

4 and half year ..and no happiness...complete waste of time and energy!!

tell him to get his act straight!!

it will only get worse!!

i have been there..i know!!


----------



## Killah Kitty (Nov 26, 2007)

_Hm I think he is really controlling. I am sort of in a reverse situation like this, I am the one being controlling, so I dont know if telling you about it will be any help?_

_Well Ill try make long story short, we been together almost 2 years, and Ive really made a change in him, and yes a big part of it is maturity and also the types of friends you have. In the beginning he cheated on me twice, kissed two other girls, and up to a year and half he would always be hittin on other girls, through MSN and the internet mainly, and Id always be finding out. He always said it will be different now, but make no change, so I got fed up with it (and didnt want to be controlling - Im not naturally I dont like to be, I am a little insecure but its not so bad... it doesnt help all the ladies want him and he can get whoever he wants!)_

_So I broke up with him, we'd had little breaks before but they never made a difference. Once I left him he must've realized, cuase I was trying hard to cut him right off but he called and called and tried to contact me through the internet for 3 weeks straight. So we talked and talked, all night a couple times. He said he wanted to be with me forever._

_He basically volunteered himself into it, he deleted a lot of his things off the internet like his facebook, and deleted tons of girls off his MSN, because he clear came out and said yea he was sending messages, hitting on girls, acting single. Because I already knew anyways. He stopped talking to certain girls and friends we knew, or he knew, because their actually had been things going on, and he wanted to stop that because he didnt want to hurt me or lose me. I dont talk to many people either, and some he told me to stop talking to, I dont go partying anymore, so he has stopped too. He only kept his MSN and myspace, and voluntarily gave me his passwords, he wants me to trust him again lol, so he doesnt care if Im being a little controlling now he said, because he understands its because of things he did...and we both know that if we stay exclusive to each other it wont be so controlling, our controlling issues kind of goes both ways sometimes lol, we just need that trust back and we are willing to work on it because we are totally in love with each other lol._

_So at least our issues are not just over suspicions, if you have good reasons to be controlling it can be justified and in the end the problem solved when trust builds again, it just takes time._

_But being jelous or controlling __just because he had a bad relationship before (my bf was like this for a year, he thought I'd be like another girl he dated for a year, he walked in on her sleeping with somone else) is not a good reason, neither is just suspicions, if there is really nothing going on this has to be proven and trust has to be there and you gotta get it through his head lol if you think its worth it. Tell him over and over your with him and you love him and let him to ease up remind him you haven't cheated on him or anything!_

_I dont know if I got any good points across, and this long story isnt very short anymore lol so Ill stop now. Just decide what feels right in your heart, sometimes changes and sacrifices are made, and things turn out better. Sometimes time just smooths everything into place, along with maturity. Its your decision, if you cant live with it, leave!!! He will realize what he had and chase you if he trully loves you, and if not I dont think Id be worried if I was as hot as you!_


----------



## farris2 (Nov 26, 2007)

Originally Posted by *mac-whore* /img/forum/go_quote.gif hi ladies. well, i've been in a relationship for the past year.. and there's been a ton of good times but, at the same time it's also been a struggle. for the most part, he's a wonderful guy. incredibly thoughtful &amp; romantic. very sensitive &amp; loving.. but, he's also VERY jealous and controlling. when we go out in public, i'm constantly being accused of *looking* at other guys.. when 1) i'm not.. and 2) it really bothers me that this is even an issue for him. i couldn't have a myspace page for a great deal of my relationship. now, i have one.. after convincing him that i need to get in touch with old friends, but he has the password to it, he reads my messages before i do, he controls every aspect of my page.. and gets mad and yells at me when guys write or try to add me. i definately can't go out on the weekends with friends, and definately can't go to any clubs/parties. if i don't keep in touch with him every hour he gets mad and causes an argument. it really does get overbearing at times. in his defense, he dosen't have a myspace.. go to clubs or parties or anything that he asks me not to do.. and that's his personal choice. other than his jealousy &amp; control issues he's incredibly loving.. but, sometimes i wonder if his issues are a sign of something to come.. or if they can be worked on. my family and friends don't like him at all. i love him so much but, sometimes i feel like his insecurities are just too much to deal with. what do you girls think?? i feel like i have changed, in a sense.. and my friends are kind of seperating themselves from me. i don't want to leave him.. but, what else could i possibly do in this situation to make it better?? any advice would be appreciated. Sweetie...you need to get away from him before something really bad happends.I've seen this very thing happen and it didnt turn out well at all.

Originally Posted by *BeneBaby* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sweets I went through this exact thing. It started out innocent enough and ended really bad. At first I thought his jealousy was a sign of how much he cared about me. It felt good that a guy was so protective. But after a few months things evolved into a dangerous area. He began accusing me everyday of looking at guys. He would have people follow me. He started breaking into my emails. He would measure how far my passenger seat was pushed back, if it was too far he accused me of having a tall guy in the car. He was also very loving and sweet, but I couldn't take it anymore. I always felt like I was going to set him off. I was in a constant state of anxiety. I ended up breaking up with him and GIVING him my car so he would leave me alone. That sucks that you gave him your car though...but did it get the effect you wanted? Thats all that matters.


----------



## amandabelle (Nov 28, 2007)

Not much advice to give, it seems you already got it all from all the other lovely ladies : ]...

But good luck, I hope everything works out for the best for ya!


----------



## xjudyx (Dec 3, 2007)

i was dealing with the exact thing u are right now. im gonna pm you k?


----------



## puncturedskirt (Dec 3, 2007)

Wow, He's definitely controlling! and I agree with Kelly!..

You can't change anyone. He has to WANT to change on his own.


----------



## tanglebogus (May 26, 2012)

I would suggest that you get out of the relationship NOW! I have been married to a controlling man for 23 years and it only gets worse as they get older. There is a definate trust issue there and I dont think that any relationship can thrive and grow if there is not trust. I am in the process of divorce, I am so angry at myself that I wasted so many years being unhappy and near the end affraid and that I subjected my children to it. I finally realized that I have value and never deserved to be treated that way!


----------



## 2old2care (Jun 8, 2012)

Well since you asked..I've been married for almost 30 years and it only gets worse. Extreme control is abuse. It only escalates, and alot of times it results in something unimaginable. Get out now, while you still have the chance.


----------



## HughMcRoller (Jun 18, 2012)

Defienetly going worse and worse. But thing is to know if its worth trying or not.


----------

