# Urgent!!! In Need Of Advice



## Jordan0326 (Mar 19, 2008)

*I'm crying hysterical right now and don't know how to handle this situation. *

*Trying to make this as short as possible ok? Situation is my boyfriend and I really havent been having sex. We havent had sex in about 8 months. We were having some relationship issues and sort of seperated but living together type thing. Well about 3 weeks ago we ended up having sex. Well since we weren't having sex prior to this for awhile I went off of my BC. So when we had sex the other week I thought OMG i wasn't on BC but i figured slim chance that i would be pregnant cause he pulled out and all. So I was due for my period and havent gotten it. I went out and bought BC and was waiting for my period so I could start it. Well I'm a week 1/2 late still no sign of period. I didn't tell him anything and I guess I'm just a tad bit concerned especially since EVERYONE around me is pregnant at the moment. I just didnt want to tell him because even if i was pregnant I don't know if I would have it. *

*So anyway I confided in a friend with this and just told her you know my system is messed up. Well she told me to take a pregnancy test but I dont think im really pregnant so i didnt. Well my boyfrend takes my cell phone to work with him today and that friend ends up texting me "Did you take a test yet?" and he wrote back to her "what test?" she responded "pregnancy" so he calls my friend up and she told him that she was asking cause she knew that i was late. He hung up on her calls me flipping out. asking me why and i tried my best to play it off obviously i was lying! He said "What are you not telling me?" and i hung up on him and got really upset. I think from his tone that he is thinking that I cheated on him or something. I tried to call him back and explain and he wont answer for me. I'm worried that he thinks im either cheating on him or he thinks that i'm purposely trying to get pregnant or something and that im a nutcase. So now i'm waiting for him to get home from work so I can explain whats going on but I'm afraid of how he's going to react. *

*I'm so upset dont know what to say to him. *


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## jessiej78 (Mar 19, 2008)

I would say just be honest- it is the best thing to do. Either way his reaction may not be the best, but it will be worse if you lie and he later finds out that you lied. I will keep you in my thoughts hon! Let us know how it all turns out.


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## akathegnat (Mar 19, 2008)

Yup, just tell him the same thing you just told us. Not telling him is going to dig you in deeper. This way at least you can try to salvage a little trust in the future.


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## Lia (Mar 19, 2008)

Let's just hope it's stress-related the lateness. If it is, remember next time that pulling out is not a reliable method of contraception - the liquid secreted by the penis already has some sperm and the most of the spermatozoa are on the beginning of the ejaculation.

And the other girls gave you good advice


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## Jordan0326 (Mar 19, 2008)

I talked to him.... I'm even more upset now. He made me feel like im a psycho. Like I should have called my friend and appologized to her for lying or something. Then when i tried to talk to him after I explained everything he wouldnt talk to me and kept telling me to shut up then he went out to the gym. So now i guess were not talking. So I ask him What his problem is why he wont talk to me and he's like Why would you be pregnant? and I said well what are you trying to assume? he's like i dont know you tell me. Like I'm cheating or something. I just want to be able to talk to him like a normal couple is supposed to talk about these things. He's so immature .... I feel like from the way he just acted that me being pregnant would be so horrible. I don't know he just made me soo upset. I don't know what to do. .... I was hoping that after we last had sex and it was so unexpected i thought maybe things would turn around and start getting better....now he'll probably never come near me again


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## afternoonchai (Mar 20, 2008)

IÂ´m sorry to hear about your situation. IÂ´d say the best thing to do would be for you to take a pregnancy test as you may well be pregnant. When you know whether you + or - you can take things from there. DonÂ´t worry about the guy.


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## krazykid90 (Mar 20, 2008)

If you think you might be pregnant, it wouldn't hurt to make an appointment with your doctor just to find out for sure.

Guys can be like that sometimes. I mean, even if you use birth control and condoms every time, there is STILL a chance that you can become pregnant (it's small, but it's still there).


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## 4getmeNot (Mar 22, 2008)

awww honey! i'm sorry you're having to deal with this! it is scary thinking you're pregnant!!! you need to get a preg test ASAP. guys are like that. like they can be so insensitive to your feelings! he needs to realize that it's both of your faults- not just yours. i know this isn't what you want to hear but you could be pregnant! that pre-ejaculation has sperm in it, so even if he did pull out, there's still a decent possibility that you are.

give him some time to cool down- hopefully he'll start being more supportive. good luck!


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## kaylin_marie (Mar 22, 2008)

Aww sweetie, like everyone else said, sorry you're going through this. A lot of us have gone through something similar, I know I have, and I know how scary it is. The others gave some really good advice. The first thing you should do is go take a test. If you don't think you're pregnant, do it anyway just to put both your minds at ease. So then you can know the truth and go from there. If you are, and he thinks it's not his and goes crazy, try and explain to him that you can still easily get pregnant even using the pull-out method. Show him websites, get on here and show him what we all wrote, and hopefully he'll come around. Some guys can be VERY defensive and insensitive when it comes to things like this. And like some of the other gals said as well....there are several things that can cause your period to come late so don't freak out yet! Just go take a test before you drive yourself crazy.

Also try and sit him down and explain to him how scary this is for you. Tell him "think about how freaked out you are about this...now imagine how I feel, and you screaming at me and acusing me of things sure doesn't help" Explain to him that you really need him to be supportive right now, and if you are pregnant you need to be able to come up with a plan together and talk about everything in a civil manner. Tell him it takes two for something like this to happen. And that if ya'll are gonna be having sex...you need to be able to embrace this possibility that something like this *can* happen.

Keep us updated sweetie! We're here for you!


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## Jordan0326 (Mar 22, 2008)

Well he wont talk about it at all anymore like it didnt even happen. I guess he thinks i just made it up. He gives me mixed signals about this relationship one day he'll be nice to me and then the next for no reason at all he is so mean. I'm really upset at his reaction to all this. We've been together for 7 years and living together for half that. A year ago he was just telling me he wanted a kid soon and that he wanted to get married. Now he acts like it would be the worst thing in the world or something. The other day he told me to put on lingerie and wait for him to get home (which i didnt! after the way he has been treating me) and then today I asked him if his family was having easter and he told me it was none of my business. I get so many mixed signals from this guy I don't know what to do anymore.

BTW weird....I ended up getting my period on thursday and had it a LITTLE yesterday and today its completely gone! friends are telling me that since i did it so close to my period i may still get it and skip next month. I don't feel pregnant! i guess I should take a test though....is it still too early for a test?


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## Saje (Mar 22, 2008)

Why are you still with him? That is emotional and mental abuse he is putting you through. I'd dump the guy already.

I'm just really pissed off at what I've read about him so far. And it looks like he is just dragging you along for the ride since you're willing.

If he is so paranoid about you cheating - it might be because he has cheated. That is a common thing with couples.


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## sooperficial (Mar 22, 2008)

The mature responsible thing to do in this situation is to get a pregnancy test and go from there. I don't know you whatsoever,and I am not by any means passing judgement on you or your boyfriend or your situation. I think all women have been in a similar situation (as far as the pregnancy) My girlfriends and I had a talk about this a few months ago....we all confessed to a time when we had the pregnancy scare and what the relationship was like at the time. It was pretty much unanimous that we were all in relationships that were going south and/or nowhere and getting freaked out over any little careless incident and over-analyzing the situation to the point where we were convinced we were late and went out and got a pregnancy test.

Ok now don't get mad at me, again I don't know you or all the details. This is my observation. Your roommate, (which he was at the time) sounds like he is done with the relationship. I've dated so many guys who treated me less than great, and I found myself trying to hang on to them even when it was obvious the relationship was over. This guy wasn't having sex with you.....that doesnt sound right. You should also use protection. Even though he may have been monogamous when your relationship was great, you have no idea what he has done while you've been split up (even if you still live together.) You should consider getting your own place. You are never going to be able to move on as long as you have a daily reminder of this guy in your life!

I hope I didn't hurt or offend you. It's the last thing I want to do. I hope everything works out for you and that you are ultimately happy with whatever choices you make.

-Lisa


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## Jordan0326 (Mar 22, 2008)

NOO no one has offeneded me I came here to get other peoples view. Honestly I'm still with him because we've been together so long im comfortable with him. I love him but It is emmotional abuse. I know this. I'm actually really considering moving out. The major problem that is keeping me here is that we have 2 cats, a dog and a bird. They are like our kids. I'm not willing to seperate from one of them. I think we could come to an agreement with the cats &amp; the bird but the dog is where the problem will come. He gave the dog to me as a valentines gift and I filled out all the dogs info in my name. I just feel terrible taking the dog and leaving because he is good to these animals and loves them just as much as i do. It may sound ridiculous but yeah we are like this over a dog lol! I'm not willing to pass the dog back and forth every week and share him either because thats just not fair to the dog. Its insanity. I really cant imagine how people do this with children. I know it sounds so stupid. It sucks because I do still genuinely care about him and love him but our relationship has been rotting for awhile now.

I just dont understand why he wont just end it. If he isn't in love with me anymore wouldnt it just be easier to be able to have an empty apartment where he can bring whoever he wants back and do whatever he wants? I just don't understand! I feel like he isn't in love with me anymore but then sometimes I feel like he does love me still and theres something going on with him. I have tried to ask him and have a conversation about it but he wont talk to me.

It is draining .... I am coming really close to just leaving


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## Adrienne (Mar 22, 2008)

To be honest with you, i have been in your situation before and I got lucky, my man did a huge turnaround and now i feel like the one that goes out of control more often than not. But then again, i was lucky!!! its hard to change a person that is already set in there ways. you sound exactly like the old me. and no offense, but i was so [email protected]#king stupid back then and to be honest, if i could it all over again, i wouldn't. no person is worth that self-disrespect. i may love him to death now and everything works out really good but i wish i had been more respectful to myself and put up standards. I love our son and i stayed for him at the time but i was really fooling myself. instead of waiting on him to drop the bomb just do it already!! he's being a wuss and so are you. None of you want to own up to the fact that it is over and typically the one who is the dumper is the one who looks mean and uncaring. you always feel sorry for the one who is dumped and it seems to me that neither of you want to have that guilt on your shoulders, especially you. men can be jerks and instead of breaking up with someone, they will do almost anything and everything to "let them of the hook" so they don't have to. Wise up and take advantage before you get even more hurt.


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## afternoonchai (Mar 22, 2008)

If he bought the dog for you on ValentineÂ´s, itÂ´s yours.

IÂ´m sorry to say this, but I really think you should get rid of this guy. He seems so immature and disrespectful towards you that that there is no point staying in this relationship. Imagine if you were pregnant, he seems like the guy who would dump you immediately and leave you alone with the child (if you chose to keep it) to fend for yourselves.

He seems so paranoid thinking youÂ´ve cheated on him that he may have played around himself. I hope he hasnÂ´t. If I was you, IÂ´d get tested for pregnancy and STDs.

Sorry, I donÂ´t mean to offend you. All the best.


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## Jordan0326 (Mar 23, 2008)

Well..... Today being easter of course...He has crossed the line. We got along well all day yesterday and today we were supposed to be going to my familys house for easter (since he wasn't even invited to his) We got into a stupid argument last night about my family making ham and he said he wasnt going for that reason and we got into an argument. Well this morning it was done i assumed since we went out to breakfast. So while he was getting ready to leave for church I told him to remind me to take something to my moms and he said take it im not going. So I got really upset and started crying and told him that i was done i was moving out then he told me that i wasnt taking HIS dog and then he started to put the dogs collar on and said he was taking him to his moms house and i said take the dog to your moms and i will show up there and bust every window in her house. So he CHOKES me and slams me against the wall. I hit him in the face and kicked him in the stomach. Then he walked out. This is it I can't have someone treat me good one minute and do this the next minute I dont know where it comes from. I don't understand what it is that I do for him to treat me like this. I feel stupid! i really do! .... So now im sitting here trying to calm down after all this happened and he keeps calling me asking me if he can come to my moms after church. IS HE SERIOUS? he keeps calling until i answer and sounding like he is sorry but has yet to actually say I'm sorry. He seems to be more worried about me taking the dog then he is about appologizing to me and keeping me from leaving him. I swear I have never in my life felt so unwanted so worthless and useless. Never felt this bad about myself. I know this relationship is not healthy. Why is it so hard for me to just leave? Why do I love someone who treats me so bad?

You people are probably like oh my god there is soo much to this story LOL! my easter has officially been ruined


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## afternoonchai (Mar 23, 2008)

My God, now he tried to choke you and slammed you to the wall?!

Is there somewhere you can go live, like your MomÂ´s house? I mean, itÂ´s not safe for you to live with him.

ThereÂ´s nothing wrong with you, you havenÂ´t done anything to upset him. ItÂ´s him and his problems, he needs someone to lash out on and youÂ´re the perfect target. IÂ´m sorry to say this, but he doesnÂ´t love you, maybe you think you love him, but it seems youÂ´re more like dependent on him. Your bf sounds like my Dad actually, he can be very unpredictable, being nice one minute and barking mad the next. HeÂ´s tried to kill my Mum and basically we lived in fear when I was teen and still living with my family.

Please do yourself a big favour and get rid of that guy and go live somewhere you feel safe. But donÂ´t EVER go back to him, no matter how much he pleads. I hope youÂ´ll get thing sorted out. Please let us know how youÂ´re doing.


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## Saje (Mar 23, 2008)

Get out now. It starts out like that... and he's like OMG I'm sorry, but if you put up with it once - he knows he can get away with it again. Its the same story for every abused woman out there. They think their man can change, maybe they can - but they typically dont. The guy only apologizes out of fear of losing stability and power. Lets face it, even if he apologizes, if you take him back - he still has the power since all he has to do is say "sorry, I love you."

The dog is yours. It is in your name and it was GIVEN to you as a present. Custody battles for dogs are typically done with who's name is the dogs under and who does the most for the dog.


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## afternoonchai (Mar 23, 2008)

^ Totally seconded.


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## akathegnat (Mar 23, 2008)

Just leave. Take all the animals and leave. This is where it starts, and this is where you need to end it. No talking it out. Just leave. Don't leave anything thing he could hurt behind. Even if your thinking he wouldn't, don't chance it. I'm sure you thought he wouldn't hurt you either. I've been on the other side and know how hard it is to leave and wish someone would of been this blunt with me.


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## Jordan0326 (Mar 24, 2008)

Yes you are all right and have been good friends through all this. There really is no place I could have turned. I am leaving him. I came in late last night he was already in bed and I noticed my computer was on so I for the hell of it checked the history and he just looked at porn all night. Didnt bother calling me or anything. If he loved me I think he would have made an effort to call me or come to my parents house. I find it amazing how he could come onto MY computer with MY picture as the desktop wallpaper and then sit here and look at porn all night. Its ashame that I put everything into this relationship and have been getting nothing in return. Its soooo clear to me that he doesnt love me. As a matter of fact I believe theres someone that he is crushing on but hasnt made a move yet. I dont believe he's slept with someone but there has to definetly be someone im being compared to that he likes. Thing is I really dont care I have no regrets, I have been the BEST girlfriend anyone can ask for. Until he gets some kind of help he'll be this way forever. Same way his grandfather is and his father is and his brother is.... I'm not willing to sit here and pick myself apart wondering whats wrong with me everyday for the rest of my life. I hate to say it but even if my test comes out postitive. I'm not willing to do this with a child.

I will keep u updated.... and again Thank You all so much


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## afternoonchai (Mar 24, 2008)

YouÂ´ve made the right decision. IÂ´m so glad! You certainly deserve someone much better than him. Please keep us updated.


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## AprilDancer (Mar 24, 2008)

Even if he ever says he is sorry, do not take him back!

Take the animals and leave, right now, ASAP! This man has assaulted and battered you! Get out before something even worse happens. Go to a shelter, go to your family, go to a friend's, just go, right now.

Don't try to make up, don't wait for him to say he is sorry or anything else. I cannot stress this enough.

I am a Social Worker and have worked with teen mothers and for Planned Parenthood. He hit you. There is no excuse for violence and since it started as emotional abuse and escalated to physical violence, it is getting worse and will continue.

Go now! Please!

I had a big old thing typed here and lost it.

But....

I feel I have to say this...

GET OUT NOW!!!


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## yello (Mar 24, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Saje* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Get out now. It starts out like that... and he's like OMG I'm sorry, but if you put up with it once - he knows he can get away with it again. Its the same story for every abused woman out there. They think their man can change, maybe they can - but they typically dont. The guy only apologizes out of fear of losing stability and power. Lets face it, even if he apologizes, if you take him back - he still has the power since all he has to do is say "sorry, I love you." 
The dog is yours. It is in your name and it was GIVEN to you as a present. Custody battles for dogs are typically done with who's name is the dogs under and who does the most for the dog.

i agree but also follow your heart.. but use common sense!!


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## mssheddy (Mar 25, 2008)

Honey, I'm just so disturbed reading this. Just get away from him right now. I have been in your shoes, I understand the fear, and trust me, once you break away from this you will look back and wonder how you ever put up with it. What you are going through sounds like my situation exactly. No amount of comfort and familiarity you feel with this guy is worth the pain and heart ache, and physical abuse he puts you through. There are plenty of great men, not stupid scared, insecure little boys, out there who will treat you right. You need to get rid of this looser before he hurts you any more, physically and emotionally, and live YOUR life, because it's too short to waste on a person like him.


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## madchenrogue (Mar 25, 2008)

If things do get bad, go to the police and have someone there, a law enforcement officer, present while you get your things. Last thing you need is to pack your things, he shows us and one thing leads to another --and you end up waking up at the hospital. There will be plenty of men out there for you to meet.


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## pinksugar (Mar 25, 2008)

I hope you are alright. I am so sorry that all of this has happened. I think you are doing the right thing by leaving. Best of luck chicken, stay strong and please keep us updated. I'm worried about you


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## Saje (Mar 26, 2008)

I'm glad to hear you are not putting up with this! Keep us updated and be strong!


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## bella1342 (Mar 26, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear that he came after you, but it is good to know you aren't going to stand for it, and you're leaving.

When are you going to take a pregnancy test though? I think it's important that you know. For you and the possible baby. I wish you the best. Stay strong! Saje is right about the dog too.


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