# My Husband is a jerk



## kawaiikawaii (Feb 7, 2007)

I don't really have anyone around that I can talk to about this, but my husband is a jerk.

He has a bad day, and although he denies doing it, he starts up an argument with me, blames me for everything wrong, is unsupportive of what I'm trying to do goalwise, and just craps all over me, basically. I really feel that it's his way of making himself feel calmer, you know, "misery loves company." He unleashes this stuff that's untrue and has nothing to do with the real situation. Instead of stopping when I tell him what he's doing, he denies it and keeps on going.

I feel sick, and I'm tired of crying. I have enough stress without this junk! :scared:


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## empericalbeauty (Feb 7, 2007)

Why don't you let him know that you don't appreciate how he deals with stress? also maybe you could give him some space because seeing how he is in a shit mood, he could look for someone to take his frustration out on. Trust me, it is annoying and makes you feel unwanted, but I guess men don't have that sensitivity chip. Maybe when he is more relaxed, you could casually tell him that you dont appreciate how he treats you when he gets like that. Sometimes, they dont know they are being jerks till you tell them....then they act clueless like they are above being jerks.

Men.


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## WhitneyF (Feb 7, 2007)

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with your husband. I wish I had some good advice for you, but all I can really come up with is that you need to try and talk to him. Maybe you could suggest that he go see a therapist?


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## AngelaGM (Feb 7, 2007)

On rare occasions I have noticed if I am b***** to my husband he will be a "jerk" to me as well. So be true to yourself and see if you change your way of interacting with him and see if that helps. Now in the case of physical abuse which I have been privy to growing up in regards to my father hitting my mother, no woman or man deserves to be hit even once! Once is one too many!!! (I will get off my soapbox now)


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## MacForMe (Feb 7, 2007)

Ok.. I am going to say this, because I have been through it.. Sweety, thats mental abuse--- I know you don't want to hear that.. but I recognize the signs..

see this site:

Mental Abuse - The 7 Most Important Things To Know..

Please try to be strong.. and realize its not YOU, its HIM.. but he needs to realize what he's doing.. and if he won't or can't.. go get HELP and FAST.. If he won't go get HELP.. then you go yourself!!!

We're here for you! If you want to talk more to me about it.. Please PM me..


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## AngelaGM (Feb 7, 2007)

Verbal Abuse is a terrible thing but I have realized with my own interactions with my husband I have said some pretty verbally abusive statements to him in the heat of anger and him to me... So I really believe we are getting one side of the story. Also I do have Bi Polar Disorder which causes some anger at times, although I take full responsibility for my actions. I am so fortunate to have such a great marriage and we both need to work on our communication when we are angry with each other. I hope I did not get off topic here, because it was not my intent.


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## pinksugar (Feb 7, 2007)

Hmm, I think the toughest part about this is he refuses to acknowledge that it's true. My dad refused to believe he was depressed until mum told him his grumpiness and depression were affecting their marriage, and told him she would have to leave him if he didn't do something about it. They've been together for almost 40 years now, and this was only in the last 10. Since then he takes a mild antidepressant and their relationship is even better than before.

I'm not saying that antidepressants are the way to go, only that sometimes it takes a big threat for people to realise how bad their behaviour has become. If you talk to him calmly when neither of you are angry and explain that it is getting to the point that you might leave (only if this is true!) then maybe it will help him understand.

sending you lots of love and support! good luck


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## alice_alice (Feb 7, 2007)

i don't now for how long this has been going on but you need to do something about it as soon as possible. its not gonna get better on its own and you know it. if you still love him (and i assume you do) get him to go to some counseling or anger management. if he refuses threaten to leave and do it. there is no point in being with someone who makes you miserable. good luck to you. hugs:hug:


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## StrangerNMist (Feb 7, 2007)

I've been through that sort of thing myself, except the culprit wasn't a significant other - it was my mother.

I agree with what MacForMe has said: You have to realize that this isn't your fault, that it's his fault for what's going on.

It's hard to stand up for yourself, but just remember to hold your ground and don't let him knock you down.


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## Lia (Feb 7, 2007)

You can always record what he says during a temper tantrum and then after play to him and demonstrate that he's being a jerk... Just an idea


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## SherryAnn (Feb 7, 2007)

This is completely true.

When he gets irrational like this, you need to calmly but firmly remind him that a) You are there for him when he has a bad day, but

B) You are NOT the problem that he is having, and

c) he has a choice to either settle down and treat you better or come back to talk to you when he finally DOES settle down, because you are not having any type of conversation with him when he is being mean to you.

It is hard to stand up to your husband when he has been doing this for years (sorry, I have experience with this) but when it happens, remember you are a strong woman and you can make it through anything in your life. Then let your actions and attitudes convey to him that you demand respect from him.

I hope things are back to :love5: for you today!


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## Dragonfly (Feb 7, 2007)

I got a kick out of the title - My husband is a jerk! Mine was as well lol

Is it possible he is doing something he doesn't want you to know - and as a result he has a great deal of guilt?

His guilt then manefests as anger - and he takes things out on you.

If things are getting to the point where the two of you can't communicate, can a third party such as a councellor/minister help?

Don't ask a family member or friend. Ask someone that is qualified to council and is completly objective.

Big hugs to you honey.


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## pinkbundles (Feb 7, 2007)

I don't know about you, but I refuse to have any man treat me that way and especially not my husband. I would get in his face and I'd tell him off so bad, his head would spin. That's how pissed I'd be. If he has issues, fine. But he shouldn't take it out on you and you shouldn't have to take it.


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## jdepp_84 (Feb 7, 2007)

My ex-bf was like that and we went our seperate ways. I know its much harder for you since you have children and basically a whole life together. I would ser consider going to therapy or some kind of stress management thing. I hope everything works out for the best for you and your children. Remember that you have to take care of yourself 1st and make sure you are okay emotionally before your children because you might unconscioulsy be taking it out on the kids in the near future.


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## kawaiikawaii (Feb 8, 2007)

Everyone, thanks for your support.

He does go to therapy once every quarter year, I think it should be more when he's feeling a large amount of stress because he just can't handle stress like most people.

I've explained to him that we're all going through stressful times, as has his mom, and that that's part of life. We just have to get through rough times, and learn to deal with it in a civilized, healthy manner.

He is diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, and has gone through several changes of antidepressants and mood stabilizers.

He's better today, and I have told him before that I would video tape him when he's acting up for him to see how he's being. edro:

I guess I will have to go with him to his next appointment, as a couple, and let his doctor know what he's been doing from another perspective other than his own.

I do want it to get better, for all of our sakes, especially because I want an all around healthy life in general for our son, him, and myself.

Thanks again so much for all of your support, it makes me feel loads better. :g:


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## SherryAnn (Feb 12, 2007)

I am thinking about you and hoping for the best. I know this is a hard situation - daily - for you, but you are in my prayers.


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