# I am so sad and even more insecure



## jdepp_84 (Jan 5, 2007)

So i recently got back with my boyfriend who I had been with for the past four years. And it was great and everything, although recently hes been such a jerk, but I understand because he gets like this every time a semester ends and im no angel either. Somestimes Im a real ***** to him, but it was working out fine. Anyways, Im so insecure, part of it is because the only friends he has are females. I only know of one guy he talks too. He only has female study budies too so he pretty much only interacts with girls ALL the time. and it makes me so insecure because Im not the hottest prittiest girl and stuff and secondly, he just stares at girls all the time. He says he dosen't do it, but I see him do it. He always makes coments about how he likes how a girl is dressed and so on and how their is nothing wrong with her, but whenever I try to dress up and do my hair and makeup, I always hear a BUT...

He still says that im the most beautiful girl to him all the time but...

Yesterday we were watching Americas Next Top Mode on VH1 and there was this girl that was biracial and he said he liked that and I was like cool. But then he told me that he new this girl who was half black and half something else and that she was the most beatiful girl he had ever seen. He saw my reaction and tried to correct himself but it was just too late. He said that she was the most beatiful girl, but that I was the most beatiful women. But I just didn't believe him. It just made me feel sooo bad. I started to get really serious and then finally just left. On my way home I started crying uncontrollably. It wasen't that he thinks there are wome that are prettier than me, its the fact that he lied to me and now im wondering what else he has lied to me about.

I feel im the total opposite of what he wants. I mean he likes tall, skinny, dark hair and so on. Im short, a bit chubby and pretty much pale. Im really starting to wonder why we even got together, we should have just stayed friends.

Sorry girls I went on about this, I just wanted to get it out, I know my friends will be so mad because they kept telling me not to get back with him and I still did.


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## Saja (Jan 5, 2007)

Your name says Anthony love....you think hes like the most amazing thing ever...right? But does your bf know that? You always talk about how much you love anthonywhatever hislastnameis.....and that doesnt mean you love your bf. Im sure the situation is the same in reverse. He may think that girl is beautiful, but it doesnt mean he doesnt still think you are the most beautiful, regardless of his little slip up. People say things without thinking all the time. He probably realizes how insecure you are, and didnt mean to say it. It just slipped. Hes always gonna look, thats only human. Being more discreet would be the polite way of doing it.


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## jdepp_84 (Jan 5, 2007)

Yeah I know what you mean, on my defense he got me into Anthony...and he knows hes pretty much unreachable to me. But what bothers me the most is HOW he said it. He interacts with this girl 24/7, they work together all the time. And whenever I say some guy is hot, he just gets super mad at me.


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## pinkbundles (Jan 5, 2007)

I don't even know what to say to you hun b/c honestly, I don't think you trust him. And how can you have a relationship if you don't trust your bf? You can't have a relationship and be paranoid all the time thinking about who he's with, what's he's doing or what he's looking at!

And it doesn't help that it seems you don't think too highly of yourself. I mean, everyone at one point or another compares themselves to other people. It's normal. But to think you aren't even good enough for your own bf is not good and he doesn't exactly help the situation w/ the BUTS when you try to look nice.

A bf should make you feel good about yourself w/ sincere praises. He should also be comforting to you and make sure that you know that he loves you. I mean it's ok to look at other girls and vice versa (you're not blind!). But don't be drooling and say things that would make your partner feel bad about themselves.

I don't know. Did that help?


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## jdepp_84 (Jan 5, 2007)

Yes it did, thanks  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I mean don't get me wrong, im okay with him looking and stuff, but he just sometimes make me feel like im not what he wants (I don't know if that makes sense)


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## pinkbundles (Jan 5, 2007)

yup. it makes sense. like, he'll say stuff and make you think, well, if that's what you want, then what the heck are you doing with me sort of thing. it really does make any girl's skin crawl! it's happened to me and you know what, i wasn't what he was looking for. i got out of it and i found someone who is looking for someone like me (flaws and all).  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## jdepp_84 (Jan 5, 2007)

Yeah thats exactly how he makes me feel. Im so mad too because while we were together I passed up a guy that I know would have loved me flaws and all. Im still 21, so I know I have a long long time still to look for someone who will really appreciate me for who I am, the hard part is just gettting out of the relationship. It sounds easy, but im just so used to being around him.


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## Dragonfly (Jan 6, 2007)

You state that you just got back together with him and that you were together for 4 years.

If it is relevant, why did you guys split up?

Have you resolved or worked out all the reasons why the two of you broke up?


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## Aquilah (Jan 6, 2007)

I agree with everything Hersh said, and ditto CYW's question...


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## han (Jan 6, 2007)

sounds like a guy i use to be with, he wreak havoc on my self estem he would flirt with girls in front of me and i think he even got off on the fact that i was upset i know he cheated and he would make comments about girls too, im not a jeaolus person but he took it a lil to far.. i think he was the one that was insecure(he had nothing going for him.. that he had to do hurful and disrespectful things to boost his ego, it backfierd in his face cause i totally lost all love or respect.. i left and guess what he went crazy crying like a b****.. it's been 10 years and he still hasnt been in a long term relationship


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## bluebird26 (Jan 6, 2007)

I'd dump a guy who makes me feel that way :hmm:


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## pinkbundles (Jan 6, 2007)

i'd find the one that got away (the one you passed on)...if he's still available!


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## stolenbaby (Jan 6, 2007)

Oh, you are so young! Don't waste your time feeling this way-whether it's because of a boy or not. Life is SO short. I want to kick myself for wasting my time with boys/men in my 20's that knew they could screw with my self-esteem. Granted-how I see myself is my own issue, but it's surely wasn't going to help me heal by being with someone who didn't want me to. Take this time to have fun with your friends, date, and be young. DON'T settle! He is def. not the last fish in the sea.

And beauty isn't perfect features with a skinny body. That is just what the media tells us unfortunately. There are going to be plenty of boys who think you are the best thing since sliced bread!:hug:

Amen! This is so true:five:


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## YoursEvermore (Jan 6, 2007)

:iagree:

There is nothing wrong with looking, but to have commentary 24/7 is totally uncalled for -- especially since he knows how it makes you feel. I had a boyfriend that did that all the time and it drove me nuts. And he was like your BF and would get pissed whenever I'd say anything about another guy. Hypocrite!

My ex was always drooling over supermodels and blondes -- I'm so not supermodel material at 5'4 and with an hourglass figure. Plus, I'm a redhead and absolutely refuse to dye my hair. After we broke up, I started dating my best friend and now we're getting married. :icon_chee And it turned out that my fiance has been in love with redheads since he was little.

I would go find the other guy that you were interested in. Or just take some time for yourself and someone better will come along. I know it's cliche, but everything will work out for the best. Just be patient.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## MissMissy (Jan 6, 2007)

ok.. this is my opinion ...

You are who YOU are, andnot what other girls are... If he looks at girls so much and talks about htem so much, i would be alittle questionable about him. to me it sounds like he WANTS,, a girl,, like how you described, and has all those girl friends he hangs with. But none will give him the time of day.. so he is trying to turn you into what he wants.. to the T... Has he ever cheated.....? DO you think if a girl like that gave him the time of day he would cheat? Then again maybe he is just a horn dog.. and just likes to look.And play pimp.

I would sit down and tell him how you fell. Dont wait till you get in the car and cry by yourself. Its not helping the situation, He doesn't know how you feel, or what your thinking. All your doing is making yourself more mad. I know when im by myself and cry i get more pissed at the situation and take it worse to heart... I agree that life is to short. If i where you i would find out where your relationship is going... maybe its time to find someone who treats you the way you feel you should be treated. or maybe your boyfriend just needs to be more sensative to your feelings,..


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## jdepp_84 (Jan 6, 2007)

Thank you ladies, reading your comments really made me think about stuff. Through out all the time we were dating he acted this way and he agreed to change and stuff when we got back together. We haven't spoken to each other since then, he keeps calling but I really don't want to talk to him because I know he will convince me to come back again.

But seriously, thanks for all your advise! I just have to get over him and stop waisting my time on him.


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## Aquilah (Jan 6, 2007)

Glad to hear you're thinking that way... Some things are best when left alone, and it seems to me as though that's how it is with him. You can do it, and I have the faith in you  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> :hug:


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## daer0n (Jan 6, 2007)

I agree with you, and i think that everyone is beautiful but we don't learn to see it unless someone else tell us, most men are like that and say things without realizing that they hurt us, my husband used to be like that too but when he made comments like that i would make one exactly the same back, not right away but when i had the opportunity and he didn't like it, so then i told him "then why do you say these things to me and expect me to accept them without saying anything or feeling hurt?" i think he understood and he totally stopped doing it, cause he knows he isn't perfect but he is perfect to me only because i love him.

You are very young and i think that if you know deep inside that a person is not for you, you shouldn't stick around to put up with any more humiliations or anything like that.

Don't waste your time if you think you aren't in the right relationship, you should always feel appreciated, respected and comfortable with the one you love.


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## jessimau (Jan 7, 2007)

I'm glad you're not talking to him now. Be strong! You deserve so much better than that.

Only one guy was ever like that with me. He wanted me to tell him any time I thought another guy was attractive and would get really mad if I even glanced twice at another guy. He then went on vacation to Vegas &amp; Hawaii and cheated on me while he was gone. I chewed his butt out when I found out and never talked to him again. I may not have always liked myself very much, but the person I'm with had better love me and treat me with respect (even if I can't love &amp; respect myself).


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## PaperFlowers (Jan 7, 2007)

Definitely leave him! You deserve soooo much better than that. I vote you find the one that slipped away.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />


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## cynpat2000 (Jan 7, 2007)

*I agree. I know it will be hard to leave him, but you have to do whats best for you and not stay with him out of habit. He doesnt sound too sensitive at all . *


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## StrangerNMist (Jan 7, 2007)

It's good to hear that you're pushing this loser to the wayside, because you don't need someone like that in your life. You do not deserve to be put through an emotional rollercoaster. He hasn't held up to his side of the agreement, and it's time that he learns to deal with the consequences of his choices.


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## jdepp_84 (Jan 9, 2007)

THanks for all the advise again. I really appreciate it. Its hard because im so used to being around him and spending so much time with him. But I have to learn to live without him. Thanks for your support  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> I used to think that it was fine that he treated me a certain way, but now I see its not.


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## Kathy (Jan 10, 2007)

I agree with most of the rest of the advice you're getting. It's hard to say anything based on a few paragraphs, but....from what I can tell your b/f sounds alot like an old b/f of mine that used to do the same thing. He would look at other woman and say things. If I said anything he would imply I was repressed and insecure. I bought it too, for awhile. I finally realized it was a major lack of respect for me and my feelings that he was doing that. Looking is one thing. HOW you look is another. He would stare and make eye contact with other woman in front of me. I don't know if your guy goes this far or not. But...if he's even close, I'd cut him loose. There are many men out there much more sensitive to a woman's feelings that do NOT think it's okay to eyeball other woman, etc. I'm not the jealous type, believe it or not, but I AM the "respect me" type. I would not stare at other guys and make comments in front of him, even if it wouldn't bother him because I think it's rude and disrespectful and I expect the same. You deserve that and staying with someone out of habit will only make you miserable in the long run. Hope things work out. :huggies:


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