# Help from those who've been there...



## pinkbundles (Nov 16, 2008)

...as in separation and/or divorce.

The gist of it is that my husband and I haven't been happy for a while (maybe three years and counting). We've tried to work it out (marriage counselling, courtship, weekend getaways and lots and lots of talks). But I think it's over. I reached the point where I just can't stand him and I don't feel I love him anymore the way a wife should. Of course I still care for him, but that's it. So now what? How do I take that life-changing leap?

So for those who have been through it or going through it, at what point did you think...ENOUGH. I have to walk away from this.

Thanks for all your advices.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 16, 2008)

Sorry to hear that you are facing this dilema.

I was married for 4 years and I have been divorced about 12 years now.

If you decide to divorce, make sure you have your bank account in order now. All is fair in love and war and you want to make sure you receive alimony if entitled - or if you have to pay it. As well, if you have children, are you going to share custody? If so, do you know what that means? Different provinces have different rules.

I guess what I am saying is that it wouldn't hurt to speak with a lawyer before separating.

When you get divorced, you may lose things you might not be prepared for - house as example.

Can you tolerate him as long as you can still have the perks that come with the marriage?

Personally, I knew fairly soon after I tied the knot that I had made a mistake. But I stayed thinking my feelings would change. Then I had my son, which complicated matters further.

Basically, it came down to this - did I want to be single and happy or stay married and be miserable.

Best of luck in whatever decisions you make


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## Ozee (Nov 17, 2008)

I just want to wish you luck and send you great big hugs.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Nov 17, 2008)

Haven't been divorced and I gave up doing divorce work many years ago (wouldn't help anyway, I'm sure our laws are different) but if you have tried everything and are still unhappy I would suggest seeing a lawyer. Be sure you ask lots of questions and consider what Dragonfly (Carloyn) has said...good luck!


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## Aprill (Nov 17, 2008)

I have no advice for you, but I wanted to wish you luck and I know that this may be a hard time *hugs*


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## chantelle8686 (Nov 17, 2008)

oh hun its good to take charge of somthing that u know after tryin for so long....

i dont know where u could go as for divorce etc....cause i havent been there.

But seperation....all i can suggest is make sure u have some money so u can get out....make sure u take wat is urs and urs only..as u dont want a battle with that, start looking for a place of ur own or sumwhere ur able to stay until getting ur own place. umm im not to sure as here in aus we are able to get help from the government in these types of things....when moving house and u dont have the main things...see if a salvos store is able to help u out...as for the divorce itself hun...im useless for advice for that...good luck and keep us up to date


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## Darla (Nov 17, 2008)

i have no advice, I see lots of useful suggestions here, All i want to do is wish you the best.


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## blueangel1023 (Nov 17, 2008)

Sorry to hear about your situation. A friend of mine just went through a really nasty one a yr ago. They've been married for 5 yrs. It's not always easy, but just remember the old saying, "One day at a time." Deal with your separation and the unexpected problems and feelings it creates by asking yourself, "What do I need to do today?" Try not to worry about things you cannot do anything about until next week or next month. When the time comes, deal with them just like the others. *One day at a time.*

It's good to talk to someone you trust. Talking to a family member or close friend can give you an outlet for your frustration and anger. Be sure you can trust the person to keep your secrets so that you can feel free to share your deepest concerns. You may find that a person who has been through a separation or divorce is the best one to offer support.

Wish I had more advice to give you...tbh, you shouldn't even take advice from me since I'm involved with someone who's legally separated right now. However, I do know that it definitely takes time to heal...he's been with his ex for almost 7 years and I know he has plenty of issues at hand. That's why I try not to rush things and give him space when needed, which is probably the best thing for you as well. Losing a marriage, no matter how difficult it may have been, still causes wounds, and you will need time to grieve. Give yourself quiet times alone in which you can think, cry, or simply be by yourself.


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## Adrienne (Nov 17, 2008)

I don't have any advice as I havent yet gotten to that point but I do wish you the best of luck through all this.


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## Anthea (Nov 21, 2008)

I am sorry for your marriage troubles.

I've been legally separated for 5 years and my divorce hearing is next month 2 days before Xmas lol.

My wife walked away from me, I did not walk from her although I was awfully close to doing it, we hung it out for so long because of our son. Really we should have separated a long time before.

My separation of assets was bad, the child custody hearing was hell but the divorce procedure itself so far is a breeze.

The above advise is good, go see a lawyer before you separate is the best possible thing to do.

As far a bank accounts are concerned (in my case here in Sydney) it did not matter if you had your own private account or it was a joint account, it was all counted into the pool of assets and divided accordingly. Of course I don't know what the law is on this issue where you live.

Something I did not do and I wish I did, is I wish I had some of my money put away that was not traceable, something for a rainy day like this. Unfortunately everything does not get divided up fair and although you think you might have an amicable separation can possibly lead into a nasty one once property and assets starts being divided up. IMO Its good to have some money of your own that your partner does not know about, cannot touch and cannot be traced.

Good luck with everything, I wish you the best


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