# Stigma and Bullying- Mental Health and Sexuality



## turntrekgodhead (Mar 20, 2014)

Sorry about the heavy topics ... but MUT has quickly become my safe space. I love you guys, you're geniuses and very helpful. I know there is another rant thread, but I wondered if I could make a separate one specifically for people being bullied about the state of their mental health, sexuality or gender expression/identity.

Bullying is _highly illegal_ where I live, but the people at my school refuse to do anything about it because they don't want to damage the futures of the students who harass and bully me. I've tried to work out my own coping strategies but they won't stand for that either. I usually hide in the bathroom but now they find me and send me to the cafeteria, where everyone pretty much hates me. It's loud in there, it exacerbates my anxiety and my twitch comes back full force. I'm a walking target.

_Let me elaborate a bit_: I am a lesbian, have dated and been raped by a boy at my school, have severe depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. I wear a lot of bright makeup because it makes me feel good.

*Rumours that have been spread about me*: I am transgender, I am autistic, I was suspended for trying to shoot up the school (I was actually trying to hang myself and someone called the police), I am lying about being raped (I mentioned it to a guidance counselor and it somehow got around to the students. Hmmmm.), I am schizophrenic, I've tried to harass several popular girls at my school and spy on them in the washroom.

*Things I've been called:* Tr*nny, he-she, wh*re, lesbo, crazy, r*tard, schizo, emo.

I've also been pushed down a flight of stairs and told to "just f*cking kill yourself already" and "oh, go slit your wrists and get over it".

I've reported every incident to the school, my parents have even gotten involved and all they've told me is to "ignore it".

Rrrgh... I'm gonna start recording the insults on my phone. Then they can't ignore me.

Anyone else have bullying stories to vent that deal with mental illness and sexuality/gender stigma?

(delete this thread if you want, mods. I'm not sure if I'm out of line here, just please please don't kick me off the site...)


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## PeridotCricket (Mar 20, 2014)

Is there a local ACLU office in your area? You can also contact them online. I wonder how the school would feel about an editorial detailing your experiences in the local newspaper.


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## zadidoll (Mar 20, 2014)

I agree with Tammy. Contact the ACLU. You shouldn't have to put up with harassment because you're a lesbian. Have your parents stepped in? Have you talked to them about it?


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## turntrekgodhead (Mar 20, 2014)

I checked to see if there was a Canadian equivalent and found the CCLA. I will contact them and let you know what happens.

My parents have tried to get involved as much as they can, contacting the principal (whose response was to bar me from school trips on the chance I might get 'upset'). However, they work for the school board (which is really whack in how they treat people in general) and my mom's boss is telling her not to rock the boat. My mom's boss is a terrible person; when I was in the hospital for my attempt, she wouldn't let my mom come see my and threatened to fire her.

Idk if I'm putting my mom in danger by disclosing this... but a potential lawsuit for her and my sake is being considered...


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## kawaiimeows (Mar 20, 2014)

I've been seeing more frequently in the news lately, schools handling problems with bullying by essentially blaming the victim (see e.g., the 9 year old boy who's MLP backpack was banned). I hate it. Thankfully every time my little brother has had a problem at school it has been swiftly and appropriately handled, but that isn't always the case.

Since Canada is a little different, I don't know how your school is structured, but I would definitely suggest trying to go over the principle's head any way possible and definitely seeing what the CCLA suggests. Also, LGBT organizations are having a bigger presence as LGBT issues are becoming brought to light more, so maybe see if you have any organizations dealing in that specifically in your area.


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## GlamBabe (May 24, 2014)

I was the executive director of an equal rights organization that was primarily geared toward the GLBT community. I was also on a hate crimes committee in our capital. So what I would do if you were my child is document EVERYTHING. I mean, seriously everything. Verbatim at times. Whatever someone says that justifies the behavior, make sure you write down who and when. That way when you make a formal complaint you will have documentation which gives you credibility.

Get your school handbook. It should have very specific information about what to do if you're bullied. And the fact that it is GLBT makes it more sensitive. I don't know exactly where you are, but look up local organizations and ask if they have advocates who can help you and your family. Definitely go above the principal to the Intermediate School District. At this point it would not be inappropriate to speak to the superintendent. Again, document it all. So that if nothing is done at that point you can show that you were damaged by what has been happening. And that the school took no action to stop it. If you want to talk further about the stuff going on you can PM me and I'd be happy to chat/email with you. I have a child who is autistic, he has Aspergers so he is high functioning, but he also has some pretty severe mental health issues along with suicide attempts- and we are dealing with it right now, he's in a psychiatric hospital as I type. So I can relate to what is going on with you. Even more so then I'm writing here.

Please hold your head up high and know you're a great teen who absolutely does not deserve to be treated the way you're being treated. You are far above that. As hard as it is, try not to take it personally, because frankly bullying isn't. It is someone who doesn't really know you seeing you as an easy target. You don't have to be. And I feel so bad that you are hiding in restrooms etc in order to avoid the people that are in your school. You are not in a safe environment and every child and teen deserves that. Perseverance will win this in the end. That and adults stepping in to create a space that you are comfortable in. There are organizations that will help you. If you feel overwhelmed PM or Post and I know I will respond.


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## Kristine Walker (May 24, 2014)

This is hate crime behavior, bullying has become an overused term that, in my mind, serves to make it  sound more benign than it actually is. People underestimate the damage of repeated verbal, emotional and physical attacks. Schools and Universities talk "zero tolerance" but anyone who is the victim will tell you it's a load of horseshit. This is a subject that really chaps my ass. I went through it all my growing up years and teachers don't do jack. Jocks, the Plastics (thank you Mean Girls) get away murder. Sometimes literally. The person being abused will get blamed, even if all they are doing is sitting silently reading book when it starts.

  I was also raped twice, once by a family member. When I reported it, well let's just say between the ER workers insensitivity and the policemen yammering at me for hours on end I ended up feeling even worse, being called a "homewrecker" shouldn't have surprised me, but hey I was only a 15 ( nearly 16) year old virgin so what do I know? All the ER Doctors and policemen were male, cos that's what makes any raped teenager feel at ease right?

   I'm not saying any of this to hijack the thread, I want you to know that I understand. I'm 49, attempted suicide 3 times through the years, now taking several meds just to cope.

   Have you considered transferring to a different school? I insisted on a transfer my Sophomore year and it made a world of difference Do you keep a written journal? Sometimes getting it all down on paper, complete with detailed fantasies of ultimate revenge helps relieve the mental pressure. When you've vented on paper, create a little ritual for yourself, burn the paper, scatter the ashes thinking of the ones who torment you. They are ashes, you are the strong one.

   If I could crawl through this screen I would grab you up, hug you good and long and listen to you say what's in your heart. Since I can't, please know that I care about you, and what happens to you.


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## SaraP (May 24, 2014)

This breaks my heart and make me want to kick some a$$! You deserve adults who will stand up for you! Someone needs to go above the staff at your school, directly to the district. I remember you saying you're finding refuge in the restrooms, which is appalling, but now administration is aware of this and have not addressed it, that is actionable!

I was raped at school and everyone preferred to sweep it under the carpet, the school, police, and my parents. I changed schools, eventually ended up doing home study which was fantastic for me. High school is a blip in your life's voyage, IT WILL GET BETTER! More then you can understand right now. If you're not in therapy you need to be. If you don't have the resources for this the school district will. Big Hugs to you and just know a few ignorant idiots don't represent the very wide world.


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## GlamBabe (May 28, 2014)

Please answer here and let us know how you are doing and what kind of help we can provide. It might be possible for someone like myself, who is on the outside, to report the behaviour. It's criminal. The post above that said it has gone past bullying to a hate crime is 100% correct and the school has a huge amount of liability here. And perhaps if someone outside gets involved it will take the onus off of your parents because it's someone else 'rocking' the boat. I find that phrase to be too mild to describe what could happen if this escalates. The school is legally bound to create a safe place for you. You cannot be in a situation or a school that is unsafe mentally or physically. I promise there is something that can be done. It is a matter of being assertive in making sure that this is not swept under the rug. 

Again, please PM me if you need to or want more assistance. What you are going thru is absolutely unacceptable.


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## Sophia Smart (Jun 6, 2014)

I seriously think you need a good friend right now, and your parents are it. Have a serious talk with them. I would consider moving out and getting a fresh start.


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## CaseyR (Jul 15, 2014)

I'm very sorry to hear that you have been bullied recently, and I'm not sure how I missed this thread.  I am also from Canada, and have a bit of experience in this area.  For a number of years, I was a board member of PFLAG - an organization that provides support, education, and resources for the LGBTQA community.  While I'm not sure where abouts you are located, PFLAG has chapters all throughout the country, and provides free support, whether it be peer-to-peer support, or also at times, assisting those dealing with institutions that have failed to protect their fundamental rights and well being.

If you go to http://www.pflagcanada.ca/ and click 'contact,' you can locate the nearest chapter.  They also have monthly meetups that are often a good way to confidentially discuss how to resolve a particular situation within a supportive environment/

I know this thread is from a while back, but if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to PM me on here.  I identify as queer myself, and know first-hand how rough school can be for anyone that's different.  I know it sounds cliche, but it really does get better; though there often still needs to be some assistance and intervention in the process.


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