# Let's be honest



## makeupfreak72 (Feb 3, 2008)

lets pretend your s.o. will never see this and be totally HONEST, is he the love of your life the person you dreamed of, who you would imagine when you were little, are you infatuated by him does he make your heart skip a beat when you see him, does he say all the right things? is it just me, because at 35 i cant say i have EVER found this person and i dont think that personeven exiists, i care about my kids dada slash my husband, but every time i see a romantic movie or hear a sappy song it reminds me of NO ONE, and i seriously believe that i will die without a "love of my life", i'm too old at this point to belivee in that shit, ND ITS A *****, sorry to rant but i'm soo frustrated with life and i have no sisteres, friends, mother nor any other fenmale in my life to confide in and this is the only place i can vent, sorry if i sound retarded but sometimes life sux!!!!!!!


----------



## Aquilah (Feb 3, 2008)

I can truly say yes... I don't think we ever end up marrying the person we dreamed of marrying while growing up. Not to mention, you can't control who you fall in love with, and if you're always chasing a dream, then you'll never get what you truly should have IMHO. Honestly sweetie, it sounds to me like you LOVE your husband, but you're not IN LOVE with him.


----------



## lynnda (Feb 3, 2008)

Sadly no......


----------



## makeupfreak72 (Feb 3, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Aquilah* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I can truly say yes... I don't think we ever end up marrying the person we dreamed of marrying while growing up. Not to mention, you can't control who you fall in love with, and if you're always chasing a dream, then you'll never get what you truly should have IMHO. Honestly sweetie, it sounds to me like you LOVE your husband, but you're not IN LOVE with him. yeah...i know, i realize that ...i have now for the last couple of months...and it sux and i honestly dont know what to do, but your very very right. im totally sobbing as i read what you say,and i'm so sick of it.


----------



## pinksugar (Feb 3, 2008)

mm, my current partner is not what I expected when I was little, but in a lot of ways, he's more real, and definately better than anything I had dreamed up.

My heart doesn't skip a beat, but I do want to be in his arms forever.

I do know how you feel about that 'true love' etc etc, but I'm not sure if that is even real - I loved my first boyfriend in that way, but it wasn't 'real' in that it didn't (and could be expected to) last forever.

I'm not sure I'll ever feel that way again, but I'm glad of that, because I was completely blind to his faults, I stopped spending time with my family.

I love my current boyfriend very much, but I also know what his faults are, and I can accept them. Just because I'm not madly, crazily obsessed with him doesn't mean that what I feel for him is worth less.

I think as we get older we have to accept that maybe that feeling exists, but maybe it doesn't - and if it did, how practical is it? in my personal experience, that isn't really true love, it's obsession. True love is seeing someone for what they truly are, and still wanting to be with them for every day for the rest of your life. True love is making his favourite meal when you know he's had a bad day, or watching his choice of movie because you know how badly he wanted to see it.

I also read romantic books, or watch romantic movies and feel sad that it's not like that, but then I don't really think that it ever is. I know I'm not really old, maybe some people might think I'm cynical, but I think of myself practical, and I don't think I should de-value how I feel about my boyfriend just because it's not like a rom-com






I hope this helps.. I don't know if I've sounded really cynical and miserable or not, LOL


----------



## KellyB (Feb 3, 2008)

The absolute love of my life was my first husband. he was not a good husband by any means but he is the only one that gave me butterflies. He is the only one that I ever cried over. I was so in love with him and when I left him it was the hardest choice I had ever made up until then.

Now, at 42, I'm a little more pragmatic. I still think there is romantic love in the world. I also think that people take too much advantage of the ones they love the most. Marriage is hard. HARD. real life sets in and the honey moon is over but.......we get out of it what we out into it.

The people that think any relationship can truly be 50/50 need to learn that there is no such thing. It's ok though. The giving goes back and forth. Sometimes you might be giving 75% then you are giving 25% a year later. People change, situations change.

Me.....not looking for that grand love anymore. I've been married twice. I have a man that I can send home at night but can still have fun, be myself and laugh with. That is what "I" want right now.

Don't anyone give up on true love. It's out there and it's possible but I do believe that people have many great loves in their lives so if you have had one and they are gone, it doesn't mean you won't find it again. Sometimes the 2nd time around is even better.....or maybe the 3rd will be the charm.


----------



## makeupfreak72 (Feb 3, 2008)

you know, you guys have your own opinions and i appreciate each one, because your taking the time to answer my question, and i thank you guys f or it, i guess when your really young and you get your heart broken you still have that hope that "one day my prince wil come'" BULLSHIT, LMAO, but then there comes a time when you realize, ok...at this point it still hasnt happened, so maybe it doesnt even exist, stop chasing a pipe dream basically...


----------



## Aprill (Feb 3, 2008)

I think we all go through periods, especially married and long term committed people, that sometimes...our SO get on our damn nerves. And when they get on our nerves, they sometimes come off as nightmares. I think you love your husband, if you didn't, you probably never would have gave him beautiful babies.

I love my husband with all my heart...there are times that I crave him. There are times that he gets on my damn nerves. Is he my dream...no, that's why it is a dream and IMO I leave all that "man of my dreams" crap to Disney. It is impossible to be perfect. Does he say the right things? No. He says all the wrong things.



He couldn't smooth talk shit out of his ass



So he cant sweet talk me.


Hold your head up, be strong, and dont worry, everything will be okay


----------



## KellyB (Feb 3, 2008)

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I did too for a while. It has taken time after my divorce for me to even be able to think civilly about relationships. I hope it gets better for you anyway.


----------



## makeupfreak72 (Feb 3, 2008)

> I think we all go through periods, especially married and long term committed people, that sometimes...our SO get on our damn nerves. And when they get on our nerves, they sometimes come off as nightmares. I think you love your husband, if you didn't, you probably never would have gave him beautiful babies.
> I love my husband with all my heart...there are times that I crave him. There are times that he gets on my damn nerves. Is he my dream...no, that's why it is a dream and IMO I leave all that "man of my dreams" crap to Disney. It is impossible to be perfect. Does he say the right things? No. He says all the wrong things.
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## pinksugar (Feb 3, 2008)

chicken, of course you want that whole 'prince' thing, I'm sure a little piece of all of us wants that, it's ok to want it. I didn't mean to sound like some bad tempered old grump, lol.

I just think that it's ok to not feel like your relationship is perfect all the time, and just because your hubster is less than perfect and annoys the crap out of you (like the bf annoys me sometimes) it doesnt mean you don't love him, it means you're in a working relationship


----------



## Maysie (Feb 3, 2008)

Well, I can't imagine my life without Andrew. We've been together 9 years and will be married this spring. He's my best friend and I'm still super attracted to him. There are days when he annoys the hell out of me, sure, but I bet most people go through that even when they're with someone they love deeply. I've also gone through periods of uncertainty and doubt about our relationship, but whenever I'm not with him I don't feel at peace, and he balances me out...so I know we're meant to be. I can only imagine that being married and having kids will present even more challenges and changes in our relationship, so I'm sure I'll feel doubt or unfulfilled at one time or another in the future, but I think as long as you're open to working on the relationship and you have good communication with your partner, you can continue to fall in love with them many times throughout your relationship.


----------



## missmelaniem (Feb 4, 2008)

IMHO

Love is SO much more than feelings. If I went by my feelings about everything in whatever given moment that I felt them, I would be in a sorry state.

Love is an action, and its a commitment.

I think the key in any relationship is to be committed to that person. Not to put so much pressure on them by having a ton of expectations that no human being can ever meet.

I didn't marry for the first (and only) time till I was 44. Marriage is VERY HARD. I think part of the illusion these days is also that it's hard and no one talks about how hard it is till it has fallen apart. Some people look at other couples and think their relationship must be soooo perfect, but if you could be a fly on the wall in their home you would likely see something very different.

Just some random thoughts!


----------



## Kathy (Feb 4, 2008)

Diana....I'm no relationship expert, my s.o. and I broke up about 6 months ago and right now I have no interest whatsoever in dating or looking for "Mr. Right". I honestly think that all the mushy movies and books about romance give all of us an unrealistic idea of what a long term relationship is. We get sold this picture and it's not real. I am a hopeless romantic and I think that's partly why I suck at the real thing. I kept thinking Mr. Perfect will come and carry me off and life doesn't work that way. Now I know there is no such thing, I know what a relationship requires and I'm just not sure I care to put in that much effort. God...that sounds horriblely selfish, but I can't help it. Maybe I haven't met the person that makes me WANT to put in that effort, I don't know.

I do believe that when you've been with someone a long time that feelings change and ebb and flow and it's not necessarily a bad thing. I think if you love that person, then you stick it out and vice versa. If things are as bad as you feel they are maybe you could try marriage counseling? Whatever you decide to do, we're here for you.


----------



## makeupfreak72 (Feb 4, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Kathy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Diana....I'm no relationship expert, my s.o. and I broke up about 6 months ago and right now I have no interest whatsoever in dating or looking for "Mr. Right". I honestly think that all the mushy movies and books about romance give all of us an unrealistic idea of what a long term relationship is. We get sold this picture and it's not real. I am a hopeless romantic and I think that's partly why I suck at the real thing. I kept thinking Mr. Perfect will come and carry me off and life doesn't work that way. Now I know there is no such thing, I know what a relationship requires and I'm just not sure I care to put in that much effort. God...that sounds horriblely selfish, but I can't help it. Maybe I haven't met the person that makes me WANT to put in that effort, I don't know. 
I do believe that when you've been with someone a long time that feelings change and ebb and flow and it's not necessarily a bad thing. I think if you love that person, then you stick it out and vice versa. If things are as bad as you feel they are maybe you could try marriage counseling? Whatever you decide to do, we're here for you.





you guys are great!!! i dont expect my husband to be perfect because i know i'm not, its just that its kinda dissapointing when you realize...this isnt what you wanted things to be like, and now there isnt much you can do, you can only go the extreme way or be in it and be depressed and put up a front.


----------



## speedy (Feb 4, 2008)

I can honestly say that my SO makes my heart skip a beat, I'm totally infatuated with him, and I know I've found "the one". He's not perfect, and we don't have a perfect relationship, but I am totally, madly in love with him.

I don't think any relationship is perfect, we all go through ups and downs. I hope things get better for you soon!


----------



## GlossyAbby (Feb 4, 2008)

i love him and we get along great most of the time but am I hopelssly in love like the movies? nope but we work and i'm happy most the time but could you tell me how totrain him to do more chores?


----------



## Nick007 (Feb 4, 2008)

Ugh, I'm right there with you. I've been married for a couple of years now. I so believe in true love and romance and all that stuff. It's more like comfortable, convenience now. It's easier to be together for both of us then to be apart. I remember the beginning and the chasing and I can still think of those times and it gives my butterflies. I'm always looking for the answer if he is the "one" for me. I'm torn. Like the saying goes the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I don't want to find out later in life, if we ever split that he was the one great love of my life. I don't want to take the chance of ruining our marriage now, just to find out the answer to that question and be regretting it for the rest of my life. For now I'll treasure all the good times we have have, and hope we get out of the slump that we're in. Some men really need to get a clue, that once they got us they still need to do things to keep us.


----------



## vanilla_sky (Feb 5, 2008)

yes... I love him so much, it's been 4 years, but i still feel such warmness in my heart when I think of him



He definitely has some really annoying features... but overall, he is such carrying, real, honest and loving guy that he is pretty close to my childhood images. I just hope it will last long, long time.





It is important to be realistic and take the sips of bitterness that come with all relationships, because that is how life is. As long as the sweetness outweights the bitterness, of course.


----------



## lummerz (Feb 5, 2008)

well let's see....we've been together for 9 years and he's a good person. He does support the family and i can pretty much get sex anytime i want. He's not a slacker, he can drink alcohol and get loose and i can honestly say that he's never ever thought about cheating on me ever...it's not who he is or his personality. Besides, he can get it anytime he wants..so he doesn't have much to complain about.

He doesn't make my heart jump or anything like that...but he's there when i'm horny and that'll do!!!!


----------



## krazykid90 (Feb 5, 2008)

When I was really young, I used to go to my mom and tell her that I would never get married. Even when I was in high school I used to laugh when my parents ever mentioned me settling down with kids. Even at a young age the whole concept of finding 'the one' was a laughable concept.

Now I'm engaged to a man who I was best friends with for 6 years before he proposed. I do love him, but I'm only 22 so I guess I'm too young to say he's 'the love of my life'. Maybe if I waited I'd find some one I'm more compatable with? Who knows. I don't really believe that people are made for each other. I think that you just have to find some one who you love, and who you could put up with for the rest of your life lol. I know that marriage will take lots of work, there will be fights but I know that with Nick the good will outweigh the bad.


----------



## PaperFlowers (Feb 5, 2008)

Definitely.

I thought I was in love before, and I wasn't. And it hurt. But in hindsight, it wasn't love, it was an infatuation. And if it was, it was dang unhealthy. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Which makes me think that I did love them, but it definitely wasn't reciprocated. So I can't decide if it is love or not, because there is such a vast difference between my relationships then, and my relationship now.

Steve not only makes my heart jump, but I've been through some horrible stuff lately, things no one should have to deal with, and he has stuck beside me through it all. And he has suffered as well. We've had our ups and downs and we just had this discussion, because we made a decision about something that was affecting us a few days ago. We cut that out of our lives, and it's like rediscovering each other all over again.

It's not that we fell out of love or anything like that at all. We were still very, very much in love, but we have such a deeper appreciation for one another now. Which makes it better and I'm all warm and fuzzy all over again and out of the black pit I sunk into that he pulled me out of. And now I have to deal with my problems, and he's still here with me. (Kicking my butt, too, but I need it! LOL) I trust him now. It took a very long time, and for that matter it will probably still take time. But I trust him completely and totally when he says he's not going anywhere. I still have to beat down my demons, but that's my fight, not his-- what makes it love is that even though they're not his demons, he's kicking butt right beside me and showing me how to.

So, yes. Not only do I get the warm fuzzies, but he's my best friend and it's a two way street. We're deeply attracted to each other and we have a wonderful romance-y type relationship and sweet moments and all. And now, I know that he's sticking by my side, and I by his. (And dang if he didn't prove he was in it with me for the long run, because I put him through some crap, albeit unintentionally, thanks to an abandonment complex due to my father and craptastic exes). ANYWAY, so we're in it together. And I know that now. (I know a lot of things now, so I'm rambling.)

Neither one of us are perfect, but we're perfect for each other




We have our flaws and we've had our spats, but we love each other acknowledging the flaws and enough to work out the spats.

ARGH! Again, I didn't mean to ramble. In summary:

1) Yes he is.

2) He gives me butterflies.

3) We're in it through good times and bad.

4) We trust each other completely.

5) We're best friends.

6) We're deeply attracted to each other.

7) We have the sappy romance moments too.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

8) I love him completely and wholly, and he loves me just as much


----------



## sweetnsexy6953 (Feb 5, 2008)

For me it's a yes. I think for him it's also a yes. We've "broken up" once or twice and everytime he came back so I know he didn't want it to end cuz if he did then he wouldn't have came and got me. Does he get on my nerves, yes. Do I get on his nerves, yes. It's just the way of life and that's how it goes. He's the one that I look forward coming home to after being at work. I didn't feel complete in that time that we weren't together which wasnt long but I still didnt feel complete. I feel complete now and I'm so thankful to have him in my life. He's what I want in a man. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be in school in right and I'm glad that he pushed me to do it. I wouldn't be with him if I didn't think that we would grow old together.


----------



## makeupfreak72 (Feb 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *Nick007* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ugh, I'm right there with you. I've been married for a couple of years now. I so believe in true love and romance and all that stuff. It's more like comfortable, convenience now. It's easier to be together for both of us then to be apart. I remember the beginning and the chasing and I can still think of those times and it gives my butterflies. I'm always looking for the answer if he is the "one" for me. I'm torn. Like the saying goes the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I don't want to find out later in life, if we ever split that he was the one great love of my life. I don't want to take the chance of ruining our marriage now, just to find out the answer to that question and be regretting it for the rest of my life. For now I'll treasure all the good times we have have, and hope we get out of the slump that we're in. Some men really need to get a clue, that once they got us they still need to do things to keep us.




yes, you feel EXACTLY how i do!!! everything you said is like your describing how i feel!!


----------



## mahreez (Feb 16, 2008)

actually i go thru phases also. there are times i whine and complain about my bf. then there are times i thought i was lucky to have him. lol.

but i never thought that he's not the prince i've dreamt of...coz i actually don't have a prince in mind when i was younger, i thought i'd just be so in love then we'll get married.

but now that reality hits me, i guess not everything that we imagined really happens...but it's really nothing to be sad about coz i'm happy with him and what we have right now.


----------



## Nick007 (Feb 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *makeupfreak72* /img/forum/go_quote.gif yes, you feel EXACTLY how i do!!! everything you said is like your describing how i feel!! That's good to know, cause I feel like such a horrible person sometimes for thinking these thoughts! I have friends with cheater husbands and going through divorces and here I am with no problems like that, and I feel the way that I do. I'm not alone, and that is very good to know.


----------



## beaglette (Feb 17, 2008)

There are days that I get butterflies in my stomach when I think of Allen (my husband) and I just can't wait to lie next to him in bed or just see him. Then there are days I want to slap the dog mess out of him. We have been married 3 years this November.

I was married to a man for 15 years who I thought was the love of my life. At first, he gave me butterflies (in retrospect, I have no idea why . . .). Later, it just became comfortable. We always had a lot of fun-- not that we ever really did anything special but, we played off of one another's sense of humor and intellect very, very well. He was highly intelligent but not pretentious (although he could get annoying because there truly wasn't a mechanical thing/problem he couldn't figure out). But that died and so did the truly *good* memories thanks to his actions against my daughters. I initially divorced him because our marriage was getting in the way of his dating. I later found out about my girls.

Allen and I have a good time together. We love our kids more than life itself. But, it's certainly not perfect or ideal or what I even pictured my life being. BUT, that doesn't mean it's bad-- it means it's real.

Even though he and I have been married only a short time (relatively speaking), we have weathered *many* storms. My daughter found me dead during my first pregnancy due to liver failure and told my son who then ran to get Allen. Allen breathed for me until the paramedics arrived at our home (about 10 minutes). If that would have been my first husband, I'm nearly certain he would have let me lay there and die.

I say all of that to say this: we ebb and flow in our relationships. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's really bad.

Think about the things that made you fall in love or just love him to begin with. Also, is he a great dad? That can cover a multitude of sins, in and of itself!

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that things improve for you.

Hugs,

Brandi

aka beaglette


----------



## brewgrl (Feb 17, 2008)

Quote:
Love is an action, and its a commitment. Soooo true. I actually think of love as a *job*.Except without the paid holidays, sick leave, and 8 hour work days... hahaha

I am a daughter of a single lesbian household, so I wasn't actually raised in a household that believed a prince would come and sweep me off my feet. I was sort of raised on the notion that I have to get things done on my own (sort of gave me this major ego / micro manage complex, but whatever, hehehe) and if a mate slips in, so be it.

Blaze is as close to the "perfect" match with all the "perfect" mismatches in a man. But he fulfills the single most important requirement that I need in a life long mate, and if that ever changes, then it's time to re-evaluate:

*If I ever felt that my family was in any type of danger that I was not able to get out of, do I fell that Blaze would be the man to save us?* If we got lost in the woods in bad weather, would I be able to rely on him to keep us alive? If I got severely sick and couldn't work anymore, could he provide for us? If there were an intruder in our house, would he keep us safe? When I am truly losing it and panicking because I have no more answers, can I count on Blaze to help me out of a bad mental state?

Oh, actually, I have two requirements: *Do we get along with each other's friends?* You mentioned you don't have any outside companionship other than your husband... S.O.'s are so much more tolerable in the world when you have close friends. My husband and i have a very strong understanding that our outside friendships are just as important as our relationship. My friends, more than my husband, always know the right thing to say, and always know how to pick out better gifts.


----------



## _withoutYou (Feb 18, 2008)

One thing that I never understood was that how can anyone be in a relationship or commit to somebody if you are aren't fully in love with them. It should be either all, or nothing at all... why settle.


----------



## Layde3Piink (Feb 18, 2008)

Well I think that Love Movie's/Storie's are all fairytales, nothing ever turns out the way you want them too, because no one is perfect. I dont think any one can be as perfect as the people in Movies and Stories. Because everyones life is totally different from the movies and stories. The Romance Movies and stories are just something to give you entertainment and have hope that theres a Perfect Person out there for you, and show the respect you all should recieve and that you dont deserve to deal with the ones who hurt and disrespect you and dont treat you right.

Life is what you make of it, live it to the fullest. You Are What You Eat..


----------

