# My boyfriend and his ex.



## Tears_Of_Blood (Jun 22, 2006)

Well, today, i was looking through my boyfriends cell phone pictures, and i found a picture of my boyfriend and his ex, and hisarm around her, it was from when we weren't dating though. And then i saw a picture of him taking a picture of his computer screen, and their conversation on it [weird i know] but it just made me feel so uncomfortable! Especially because now him and his ex are like best friends.


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## makeupfreak72 (Jun 22, 2006)

best freiends? no offense but the last guy i dated who had a "female" best friend ended up dumping me to be with her because she was already pregnanT!!! and the weird thing is he actually took her to my house and introduced me as his girlfriend yet obviously they were having sex if a month later he dumps me for her and she was already pregnant! anyway i dont care what anybody says from experience or not, nobodies boyfriend needs to have a female "best friend" PERIOD!!!


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## Tears_Of_Blood (Jun 22, 2006)

I obviously told him how i felt. And he said i have nothing to worry about, and that i have to trust him. He also told me that he loves me, and im the only person he wants to be with.


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## Saja (Jun 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *makeupfreak72* ! anyway i dont care what anybody says from experience or not, nobodies boyfriend needs to have a female "best friend" PERIOD!!! I have to disagree...I am the female bestfriend...and thats how its gonna stay. You clearly picked a bad one, but dont dismiss them all. I found one of the good guys.....And I can 100 percent assure you...there will NEVER EVER be anything more.


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## emily_3383 (Jun 22, 2006)

This is why i really dont like looking into anyones cellphone or email or whatever.


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## makeupfreak72 (Jun 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Saja* I have to disagree...I am the female bestfriend...and thats how its gonna stay. You clearly picked a bad one, but dont dismiss them all. I found one of the good guys.....And I can 100 percent assure you...there will NEVER EVER be anything more. i understand that, but are you talking about being best friends with your EX boyfriend?


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## blueangel1023 (Jun 22, 2006)

Yea, I would never stay friend's with an ex nevertheless remain "best friends." I understand maybe there's a chance they'll stay in contact and talk from time to time...but that whole best friend ordeal is just awkward. Especially if either party is with someone currently.


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## NYAngel98 (Jun 22, 2006)

If it was a long term relationship... I'd say that keeping in touch is normal. Not BEST friends, just like a hi-hello every couple of months is ok. I have been in long relationships with people &amp; have gotten close w/ them and thier families, so it's nice to hear how they're doing ... but anything more than that seems a bit unneccesary. You can be with someone in a relationship, and realize that you ARE better as just friends. BUT, both parties have to be on the same wavelength and agree that FRIENDS is where it stands.


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## usersassychick0 (Jun 22, 2006)

Don't jump to conclusions just yet, maye he has just forgotten to delete them....unless he has done something else to make you feel uneasy?


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## Saja (Jun 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *makeupfreak72* i understand that, but are you talking about being best friends with your EX boyfriend? No. But your statement that I quoted didnt say that. sorry


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## jennycateyez (Jun 22, 2006)

umm.. that's weird. it's kind of hard to tell him not to speak to her because they are "best friends" but i agree with janelle saying hi once a while is cool but anything more then that i dont think is good at all.. escp when he has a girlfriend (you).


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## pinkbundles (Jun 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jennycateyez* umm.. that's weird. it's kind of hard to tell him not to speak to her because they are "best friends" but i agree with janelle saying hi once a while is cool but anything more then that i dont think is good at all.. escp when he has a girlfriend (you).


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## makeupfreak72 (Jun 22, 2006)

(reply to saja)

maybe not my last statement but the WHOLE conversation IS about being best friends with an ex, and thats a huge difference than just having a best friend whos the opposite sex, because obviously there is not going to be any sexual tension there, so my last statement just kind of goes with the whole theory you know? like your with a guy for a while and THEN he becomes friends/best friends with a girl, thats where my comment comes in...i dont care what anybody says no boyfriend needs to have a female best friend period...blah blah etc. etc. you know? talking about AFTER you have an established relationship.


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## Angl Baby (Jun 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jennycateyez* umm.. that's weird. it's kind of hard to tell him not to speak to her because they are "best friends" but i agree with janelle saying hi once a while is cool but anything more then that i dont think is good at all.. escp when he has a girlfriend (you). You're right. I believe they're called exes for a reason. Did he say why he chose to remain best friends with this person? You know that there's still some feelings in this ex girlfriend that will be acted upon sooner or later if given a chance. Your man should end this best friend thing with her, it's ok to say hi every once in a while. She probably feels that " if I can't have him as my man, I have to be in his life some kind of way" thing. And that's just wrong.


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## Saja (Jun 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *makeupfreak72* (reply to saja)
maybe not my last statement but the WHOLE conversation IS about being best friends with an ex, and thats a huge difference than just having a best friend whos the opposite sex, because obviously there is not going to be any sexual tension there, so my last statement just kind of goes with the whole theory you know? like your with a guy for a while and THEN he becomes friends/best friends with a girl, thats where my comment comes in...i dont care what anybody says no boyfriend needs to have a female best friend period...blah blah etc. etc. you know? talking about AFTER you have an established relationship.

I guess i agree, if its an ex ( unless they dated when they were like 14 and then whatever, cuz that doesnt really count.) I thought you meant that no guy should ever have a female best friend, ever. If its his ex then i can understand that.


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## mabelwan (Jun 22, 2006)

Originally Posted by *jennycateyez* umm.. that's weird. it's kind of hard to tell him not to speak to her because they are "best friends" but i agree with janelle saying hi once a while is cool but anything more then that i dont think is good at all.. escp when he has a girlfriend (you). I agreed with u.


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## Jinjer (Jun 24, 2006)

well i'm going through a situation with the female 'very good friend' a few weeks before my bf and i hooked up they slept together for the 'experience' of it before she left for another country. A few months after we got together he told me and I was crushed because she used to hang with us while we were dating. I was pretty upset too..because I felt duped..but i forgave him because we were not 'officially together' when it happened.

Needless to say i'm uncomfortable with their friendship and told him so...he's made the decision to cut her out of his life..because according to him he will always put me first.

lol..i don't feel guilty about it at all


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## VenusGoddess (Jun 26, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Jinjer* well i'm going through a situation with the female 'very good friend' a few weeks before my bf and i hooked up they slept together for the 'experience' of it before she left for another country. A few months after we got together he told me and I was crushed because she used to hang with us while we were dating. I was pretty upset too..because I felt duped..but i forgave him because we were not 'officially together' when it happened.
Needless to say i'm uncomfortable with their friendship and told him so...he's made the decision to cut her out of his life..because according to him he will always put me first.

lol..i don't feel guilty about it at all

Well, I've been there done that and I would never do it again. I don't care how long someone was together...once that relationship is over...you don't keep the ex around. My only demand on my husband was breaking all ties with his ex. The whole "we're still friends" line didn't work with me. She was very needy and would call at 2am "just to talk" to him...and I finally told him...her or me. Take your pick.

You have to do what is best for you. If this guy is not willing to let go of his ex, he's not let her go and he's not ready for another relationship.


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## Jinjer (Jun 26, 2006)

Originally Posted by *VenusGoddess* Well, I've been there done that and I would never do it again. I don't care how long someone was together...once that relationship is over...you don't keep the ex around. My only demand on my husband was breaking all ties with his ex. The whole "we're still friends" line didn't work with me. She was very needy and would call at 2am "just to talk" to him...and I finally told him...her or me. Take your pick.
You have to do what is best for you. If this guy is not willing to let go of his ex, he's not let her go and he's not ready for another relationship.

thing is..in my case..she ain't an ex but a good friend....lol..which makes it worse cause 'friendship' is a different level than 'ex'...ex's are in the past (or should be) friends tend to stick around which is why i told him to get rid of her


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## VenusGoddess (Jun 26, 2006)

^ I've never been one to believe that once you are intimate with someone, you can really, effectively go back. There are too many times I've heard of the "slip" with the ex. No thank you.


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## Jinjer (Jun 26, 2006)

Originally Posted by *VenusGoddess* ^ I've never been one to believe that once you are intimate with someone, you can really, effectively go back. There are too many times I've heard of the "slip" with the ex. No thank you.




girl, those are my sentiments exactly...once u cross that line then things change. Sex changes everything whether we want to believe it or not. and personally i don't trust that particular friend


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## LilDee (Jun 26, 2006)

Originally Posted by *makeupfreak72* i understand that, but are you talking about being best friends with your EX boyfriend? My ex-boyfreind and i are really great friends! well he lives in holland and i live here now but we broke up a while before i moved and stayed really good friends (not with benefits!! lol) He's the only one from holland who's come to visite me here so farI have a boyfriend now, and he has a girlfriend now.. and even if we lived in the same country it isn't like we'd cheat on our partners.. we're actually thinking of all 4 of us going to disneyland sometime





so i have to disagree and say it is possible for an ex to be a best friend


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## Katzr4me (Jun 26, 2006)

Wow, I'm in the minority here...Two guys I've dated in the past *have* remained my friends - and *SHOCKER* my ex-fiance is probably still one of my closest friends. For me, there is absolutlely NO chance of things 'going back' - once we realized we're incompatible as a romantic couple, there was NO question. No 'slip up' possible - we've moved on. If my current s.o. was uncomfortable with our friendship, I'd be sorry to give up someone I care for - good friendships don't happen every day, y'know?


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## icecastles (Jun 26, 2006)

When my husband and I were in the dating stage, I honestly was cool with him having ex-girlfriends as friends. Here comes the but...then one day while we were cleaning his place, I found some sexually suggestive notes and whatnot. From that point on I told him to cut ALL contact off. Once their 'friendship' disrepected us, it was time to move on. I wasn't willing to compromise on this issue and fortunately for both of us, he saw where I was coming from.


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## 4getmeNot (Jun 28, 2006)

i _definitely _wouldn't put up with that! my advice is to tell him he needs to get a new best friend. i understand keeping pictures of your exes and remembering past relationships, but he doesn't need a constant reminder of her and old convos on his phone. it seems to me like he may not be over her, or he is still attached to her. i would have a talk with him, and tell him that this makes you feel uncomfortable, and you are his girl, not her. and that if he wants to be with you, the ex needs to go.


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## Tears_Of_Blood (Jun 30, 2006)

Thanks alot everyone!

Yah i talked to him about it..and he told me that they didnt date, but he had a crush on her. I asked him if it was love and he said it was a little thing, and when he liked her, they barely talked.But i know my boyfriend, and i know he has a guilty concious and would tell me if anything was going on. Then i'd kick his ass.  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Yah and he also told me the only reason they hang out is because they both know the same people and stuff.


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## MermaidWitch (Jul 9, 2006)

I found an old love letter saved on my bf's computer about three months after we started dating...It was from his ex gf. I deleted it!


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## Elisabeth (Jul 9, 2006)

Originally Posted by *MermaidWitch* I found an old love letter saved on my bf's computer about three months after we started dating...It was from his ex gf.* I



* *deleted it!* Oh, you're bad.I love it.

P.S. Maybe you need to get a *best friend* of your own, T.O.B...?!


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## kerri_greenuk (Jul 11, 2006)

modern technology as really taken the trust out of relationships. i think people can be friends but, you never can tell with men. some of them just carnt keep it in there pants.


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