# What to do?



## macface (Aug 27, 2010)

I have been dating this guy for 1 year already. He is 24 year old. I’m a 26 year single mom. He has been my first boyfriend since I separated from my daughter’s dad. We have so many problems already and it’s barely been a year. Our problems usually are about him going out with his friends and getting drunk every weekend. Don’t get me wrong, I do like to go out and have my fun but I have a responsibility now that I’m a mom. Sometimes I even go out for dinner with friends. That’s about it....He doesn’t have any kids so he doesn’t have a responsibility....His dad was an alcoholic in the past I’m afraid he might be the same...My friends think he is immature drunkie.

Throughout the whole year we have dated, it has been on and off all the time. Usually, he always comes back, looks for me and tells me he is gonna change…I do have strong feelings for this guy but I’m also tired of his crap...Need advice.


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## divadoll (Aug 27, 2010)

You know he's not going to change. By putting your post the way you have done, there's a little voice in your head that is telling you this already. Cut your losses because if you are afraid he will become an alcoholic, he already is. Addictive personalities are an inherited traite. Binge drinking every weekend is an ALCOHOLIC.

How do you think he's going to become more responsible? When he is married to you? You may have strong feelings for him but you have to do the right thing for your daughter first. Be strong, sweetie. This is not the life you want for your daughter. This is not a male role model you'd want for her.


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## Ari1202 (Aug 27, 2010)

Really point blank you can never tell a person to change thats the way they are unless they truly care about you they will change by showing not bragging bout it...

But drinking out all the time is not good if you really care about him you should sit down and talk to him cause you dont him to be like he's dad..

But how do you really know he's jus out with the boys I mean he could be but you know when you get drunk who knows what he does...ur a mom and you dont want your daughter to be seeing a him like that cause when she gets older she's gonna think all guys are like and when if she gets a guy like that she's gonna think that she has a put up with it he needs to be a role model to..

Just put your foot down if yall leave together tell him to leave until he gets he's act together until he can come back and if he cares he will actually change if he dosent then it wasnt worth it cause he needs to realize he was a great women at home then he can b with more than he's friends hes not 21 anymore..and its been a year and ur daughter is in he's life he needs to be responsible..

But all this fighting from a year its not worth it dont try making it work when you know its not..


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## flipshawtii (Sep 10, 2010)

He doesn't seem right. I would think that your friends know him better since they are seeing the outside view of him, how your feel and the relationship all together. I can't sit and wait for him to change.

If he was drunk around your daughter, that would change a lot. Meaning, that guy would be dropped in a heartbeat because that is already setting up a bad environment for your daughter.

I know you have strong feelings for him since you've dated him for a year. This guy is just not mature yet. He doesn't seem to take on the responsibility of being a "dad." I mean, I always try and look for the other side of the story, but being an alcoholic says a lot about his character.

You always have to ask, "Why am I with you?" in order to see how much good is weighing the bad.


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## Dragonfly (Sep 11, 2010)

Why do you want a potential alcoholic around your kids?

Trust your friends - they only want the best for you.


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## beautyfulblog (Nov 7, 2010)

Maybe your heart keeps telling you he'll change, but he is 24. I am 23 and I've seen the types of guys that go out every weekend, and you probably have too (with or without a girlfriend). It is so important for your daughter to have a great male figure in her life. My step father is a great male figure for me and we are best friends. I talk to him on the phone almost everyday and he is the first person I run to for advice on anything. I would have never had him in my life if my mom didn't muster up the courage to leave my (very wealthy) alcoholic/cheating father and start from nothing. What you do now will pave the way for your daughter to know how to stand up for herself later when it comes to men (from what I've seen of my friends and family). If your daughter was in your position, what would you advise her to do?

Think of the kind of life you want for you and your daughter, because in the end, its going to be just you and her; no matter what. I am the only child my mother has, and whatever happens, it has always been me and her. In that perfect image you picture, can he contribute to help it happen? Don't think anything like "oh, that's in 10 years, he'll change." He might, he might not. Do you want to waste 10 years to find out?

I don't have any children of my own, but I can only imagine how hard it is. I can only tell you that I think very highly of my mother because of the actions she has taken in her relationships.

It would be different if you didn't have your daughter to think of because whatever he was doing was only affecting you. Think of your daughter.


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