# Needing some kind words



## Orangeeyecrayon (Oct 31, 2009)

So on thursday i got a text from my boyfriend that he wanted to see other people but not break up with me. He than went ot not being sure if he wants to be with me and blaming for something but he wont tell me what and he didnt want to talk to me, than broke up with me over text message


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## Lucy (Oct 31, 2009)

oh sweetie that sounds awful, and completely out of the blue! could anything have happened between you that has offended him? when did you last speak to him? i really feel for you, it's the worst thing when it's unexpected like that.

if i were you i'd call him, ask him what the hell is going on. you've been with him for quite a while yes? if after all that time someone broke up with me by text i'd have a few words for them! i hope you get to the bottom of it.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

we were together for a year and a half. i did try calling him but he refused to pick up. The only thing that could possibly be the cause is i had been talking about applying to to school in san fransisco for my graduate school, and on thursday he told me he was lonley and was sad that i had not said i would go to pensylvania where he is going to school currently. and i told him i would if he wanted me to, at this point though he had allready told me that he wanted to see other people (like an open relationship) and i told him no cause i am not okay with that cause i get depressed and jelous in that type of arrangement. He also told me he was feeling lonley, but he would be okay after a week of just not talking as much.

However than today he broke up with me simply cause i had asked if i could call him because i was getting so stressed out over everything that i was getting sick. and whne i tried to call him he did not pick up and texted me with "leave me alone its over!"


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## internetchick (Nov 1, 2009)

I'm sorry.






That really sucks, and is very immature of him to blame you for something he did. Sometimes when someone does something they know is wrong they lash out at you even though it's their fault and not yours. It's not fair, but maybe that's what is going on right now.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

idk maybe, there are just so many possabilities it is just really upsetting cause i really could of seen myself with him forever.


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## jewele (Nov 1, 2009)

I'm sorry, that sucks!!! I know it's hard but maybe he needs some time to think about what he actually did. Maybe he's just hurt because he misses you and for some reason this "text" seemed like the right thing to do for him at his time of thinking about it. I'm sure when he has the time to think about it he'll realize he made the wrong move.

Again I'm sorry. I know it hurts even more so when you are stressed out. We are here to listen to you


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

i know that is why i wrote here, most of my friends are out celebrating halloween but i was not feeling up to going out. one part of me wants him to change his mind and want me back, but the other part of me knows this would just happen again and that our relationship was not the most healthy relationship


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## Rebbierae (Nov 1, 2009)

Oh sweetie that SUCKS! That is the lowest of the low to break up with someone you've been seeing for a year and a half via a TEXT message! You know what? He doesn't DESERVE you if he has that little respect for you as a person! But that is the worst, to not know WHY he did it. You at least deserve to know what is going on. But since he won't even talk to you about it it sounds like it is all HIM and he can't face you because he knows he is wrong.

At this point you don't really want to hear anything--you just need us to listen, and we are here. I'm really sorry this is happening for you and wish I could say something to make it better...


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## Dragonfly (Nov 1, 2009)

Is he the same fellow that has an illness? If so, has he done anything else out of the ordinary?


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## Bec688 (Nov 1, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear that



Break ups are never easy and especially when it's done in such a way like in a text message. I would try calling him or sending him a text asking what is going on, maybe it's something you can work out if you have a good sit down chat.


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## Dalylah (Nov 1, 2009)

Im sorry that happened. Hang in there til the pain is over... lean on friends... come be tortured here on the forum and soon your heart will mend. Lots of good men out there who have more consideration.


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## Lucy (Nov 1, 2009)

aww big big big hugs for you. it's so crappy when all your friends are busy at a time like this. i didn't go out yesterday either, i wasn't feeling it at all. i hope you feel a little better today.

i know you said you tried ringing him and didn't get through, maybe you could try writing him an email with all your thoughts in. and then i'd stop ringing him and wait for him to reply to that. the guy might just want some space and could feel like you're pestering him if you keep trying to contact him by phone, he can reply to an email whenever he wants.

in the meantime, get a nice big bowl of cereal or something else you love (hopefully more than this guy) and curl up with it with a stupid film. one with very little romance in. or children's TV is also excellent. you don't want to be dwelling on this all the time, i know it's hard but you need to try to clear your head a little.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

@dragonfly:

yes he is the one that is bi-polar. you have a good memory.

he has done some weird things and he kept telling me he was depressed but than he started getting mad at me. he deleted me from his face book, he got mad at me for telling him i would not go on the trip with him since we were broken up. i told his mom, but i am not there (he goes to school a few hours from me currently). He also was mad at me but i dont know why, he also refused to talk on the phone to me which is not typical for him.

But basicly the fact that he was irritable and depressed and kept telling me that he had a bad week kinda made me think he may be off... but he could be fine and just have been saying the depressed thing who knows. cause he was going out with friends and stuff.

Other than that i do not really know because i cant see him, and it is hard to say if he is having a mixed episode or something because all the behaviors that he had while not normal for him, are kinda in line with wanting to break up with someone.

and as for lucy and bec, i emailed him yesterday before he broke up with me cause he didnt want to talk to me and i was upset with some of the stuff he said to me earlier and with him refussing to talk about what was going on.

I think him being bi-polar makes it ten times harder because idk if he genuinely does not want to be with me or if he is just not feeling 100 percent right now. Either way i figured i would wait till some time later in this week, or next week and try contacting him again and if he still refuses to talk to me than i will know that i can move foreward with moving on.


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## Rebbierae (Nov 1, 2009)

That sounds like a good plan. For now, give him the space he seems to need, and see if things get better. And as hard as it may be, if he doesn't get back to you in the next week or two, just try and move on. I know it's hard when you won't have any 'closure' as to just what happened, but you sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders about it, and that is good. Good luck to you!


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## pinksugar (Nov 1, 2009)

I'm so sorry hun.

I would just not text or email or anything and wait until he calms down. Eventually he will contact you - they always, always do, and when he does, you can find out what the hell happened.

Frankly, he sounds somewhat immature and thoughtless to be text messaging a breakup, refusing to answer the phone, and that kind of stuff. Come on, you guys are in your 20s, you're not 15.

I don't think his bipolarism should be an excuse for treating someone badly.

I'm going to be the negative single girl here, and say, maybe you are better off? maybe there is someone out there that won't be so hard to understand, that you won't have to work so hard at keeping a relationship together with, and that will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

In the meantime, being single is actually incredibly liberating - you can finally do all that stuff that he'd always whinge about, eat foods that he doesn't like, do heaps of girly things you didn't have time for before!

I think you needto have a serious think about what you want, and what you both need, and then have a proper talk with him.

I remember my ex did the same thing as yours re: facebook - he un-relationshipped us on facebook before we actually got together to discuss where we were - I lost so much respect for him when he did that.


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## Katu (Nov 1, 2009)

I wish I had the right words to make everything better, but I can't. All I can say is that I'm sorry and that I hope everything will be fine, because no one deserves to feel this way.

He's bipolar? He's probably having an off day. They are very difficult to deal with most of the time.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

that is exactly what he did on my face book, except he took it a step further and deleted me entirely from his friends list. and when i asked him about it he said i broke up with him!

its just hard to get your mind in the mode of moving on. I really love him, and he was saying he loved me untill right before he broke up with me (like litteraly minutes before). i was really happy with him, when he was not having an episode but idk what he wants or feels at all.

i really want to have a long talk with him, and i figured i would wait for a bit to do that. I would wait for him to contact me, but there is a part of me that thinks he may not ever, when he told me he wanted to see other girls he implied that there were a few girls he knew there that he thought were intrested in him. Which worries me cause i get the feeling he would of flirted with random girls and he even told me he did not tell them he had a girlfriend.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 1, 2009)

Originally Posted by *Katu* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He's bipolar? He's probably having an off day. They are very difficult to deal with most of the time. No - we are very difficult to deal with when we are not taking our medication properly.
It sounds to me like he is experiencing a mixed state - this is the most unpredictable state to be in, and its best to stay away from him for now. Sometimes Bipolars can come out of this on their own, and sometimes they need medical intervention.

Give him some time to feel better, then call again. You've had to deal with his illness a few times now. You are his girlfriend, not his nurse. Make sure that he always complies with his medication, stops drinking and taking any drug not approved by his DR. If he doesn't do all of the three, then you have to start think of yourself more.

Big hugs to you honey


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## Katu (Nov 1, 2009)

"No - we are very difficult to deal with when we are not taking our medication properly."

yeah, because ALL people who are bipolar take medication. Some people can go their whole life without even knowing they have it, and not be treated properly.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

That is what his mom said, she thinks he may not be taking his medication. and yeah this is about the 4th time something has happened. The thing is he as far as i know always takes his medicine (though his mom said he was almost out and she was not sure if the new stuff got there in time). and his doctor is not very good, as in he tells him it is okay to drink (and other than that tom has never done any drugs or substances). which to me seems odd that his doctor would tell him drinking was okay (especially since his brother is an alcholic). Also Tom said he called the doctor and the doctor said that he was not able to tell just by talking to him, but instead of telling him to go see a doctor up where he is, he said to make an appointment when he gets home.

So while you and i all realize drinking when on medication and not going to the dr is not smart he is going to listen to the advice of the person whose views fit his most closely.

I think when i call him in about a week, if i get to talk to him i will deffinatley talk to him about his medication and such, cause if he is taking it properly than it may not be working the way it should.

and thank you dragonfly, you always give good advice about this stuff, just the right mix of hopefullness and reality


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## pinksugar (Nov 1, 2009)

lol, she does, doesn't she?

I hope I wasn't too harsh, I def. agree that he needs at least a week to settle down.

Honestly though, he's an adult, and it is HIS responsibility to take that medication correctly, ensure he has enough, and ultimately, change medical practitioners if he is not being given good enough care.

It should not be his mother's problem, or yours, and your safety and mental well being are important -

I guess I'm just concerned because i've had ex's that used all types of excuses to treat me badly, but what it boiled down to, is they were treating me badly - and there is no acceptable excuse for that.


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

I know, i guess what it boils down to it two main things, i could really see my self with him long term, and he had said the same thing to me on thursday, only a few days before breaking up with me.

and the other one is silly but i feel like who knows if i will ever meet anyone else. and i know it is something silly to worry about at 21 but i do worry about it


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## pinksugar (Nov 1, 2009)

I don't think that's silly - I think that's totally normal - but, you have to have faith that life will bring you something better and staying with someone solely because you are afraid of being alone, can end up being more lonely than just being single.

Big hugs anyway, I hope you at least get to speak to him and resolve things properly, one way or another!


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

i do love him, and when he is not having an episode he makes me super happy. and while realisticly i proboably wont be with him forever i feel like i am not ready to lose him right now.

and i think there is a prob with my comp, for some reason all of your posts pink sugar show up two times untill you have made another post


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## pinksugar (Nov 1, 2009)

no, it's not you, I noticed it too, not sure what on earth is going on with that but I think it's stopped for now (hopefully!)

I know what you mean, sometimes you're not ready to let go, when or if the right time comes, you will know


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## blueglitter (Nov 1, 2009)

awww hun thats awful! i hope your ok? *sending you hugs*


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## Lucy (Nov 1, 2009)

lol rosie im cleaning up after you! you're a double posting fiend today!! haha


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 1, 2009)

so some good news, i got a text from him saying that he was going to call me tomorrow


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## Dragonfly (Nov 2, 2009)

I want to reinterate something I said a while ago:

You have every right to demand that he not drink any alcohol - regardless of what his doctor says.

Make it crystal clear to him that not drinking a drop of alcohol is a condition of having you in his life.

It seems pretty clear that his episodes are far too frequent and irrational. If it were his meds, they would be adjusted and followed closely by his doctor, which doesn't seem to be occuring.

I agree wholehearted with Rosie - don't let his illness be an excuse for treating you poorly. He needs to understand that there are consequences for bad behaviour.

Hang in there kiddo. Let us know how things are going


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 2, 2009)

I agree i discussed it with my mom and decided that tomorrow when i talkto him that i am going to tell him that if we do get back together things need to change. As in he needs ot make a huge effort to try and better understand his signals. he also has to get a doctor at school near him, and a doctor that actually has him come in to follow up to make sure he is doing okay ect. rather than only having him come in when he calls to say he is feeling off. also the drinking has to stop i agree cause if it could be trigering this than that is not okay. and he also has to promise to go to some sort of suport group with me when he is home over the summer.

I also am planing on seeing if things can be more equal me and my mom were talking about how i felt about things and i was telling her that i felt like i was always making the effort to see him ect. and yet he was always the one complaining that he did not get to see me enough. So things will need to be more equal in that relm, instead of him trying to get out of traveling and making an effort.

he also most importantly has to stop doing things that really hurt me. I have a bad habbit of just letting him walk all over me and do mean things with out any consequences. So he needs to know it is not okay to take bad moods out on me, and that he needs to treat me with as much respect as i deserve and as i give him.

If he wont do these things my mom said i really need to consider not getting back together with him. as many of you know i suffer from depression, but i have for the past 3 years been working really hard to get myself together and learn when i am getting sick and what triggers my depression (sadly one of the things is my period). and i have finally been able to get my act together, i went from failing out of school to almost graduating (only one year left!) with a good gpa. and my mom doesnt want his illness to wear me down, especially if he is not trying to cope with it as well as possible. And i kinda agree, things do need to get a lot better because i am not willing to risk my mental health that i have been working really hard to achieve.


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Nov 2, 2009)

Oh Im so sorry hun. What an ass for breaking up with you thru text. It makes me mad that he didnt have the balls to do it straight to your face, had to chicken out. He'll get whats cmn to him(only if you want). I know what your goin thru and some time apart does seem to help sometimes and hopefully you guys will get back together and hopefully it wont happen again. I dont blame you tho for not wanting to be in an open relationship. I would so not be ok w that at all. When you are in a relationship, your in that relationship with just that person and no one else. Hopefully he straightens his act up and realizes that he screwed up and want you back but its up to you to take him back. Good luck girl!


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## Orangeeyecrayon (Nov 5, 2009)

I just wanted to give everyone an update we had talked on monday and we had decided to work on things. Any way, he was not able to do the 2 simple things i asked him, add me again as a friend on face book and look up the name of a doctor in his area. And he admited he did not want to be with me cause the distance was to hard, so things are over. but i think i am okay with it he hurt me so much this past week or so that i was feeling like it was time for things to end.


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