# I have a problem with my sisters boyfriend



## luxotika (Oct 27, 2006)

My sister is dating a guy named John. He is an "okay guy", but some things about him really annoy me. Example: We went to a haunted house yesterday and it cost $10 each to get in. I thought that I would be nice and pay for all 3 of us to get in, and he didn't even thank me. In my book, a thank you goes a long way. Besides that, they are horrendously mismatched. Everytime that I see them together, I think of Beauty and the Beast. Really the only thing in my opinion that he has going for him is that he has a college education. He also claims to be a devout Catholic, but he doesn't follow any of Catholocisms practices. He has had pre-marital sex, drinks quite a bit of alcohol, swears like a sailor, and has done numerous drugs. If any of you know what Catholics follow, all of the above listed are big No-No's. She has been dating him for 6 months, and I asked her a few times what it is she sees in him, and her response is only....."Oh, he's nice". You would think that after 6 months that you could come up with some more descriptive terms than that! I only have one house rule, and that is NO SEX in the house, mostly because he is ugly and I don't want to imagine him having sex with my sister, and partially because I am a virgin and don't really believe in sex before marriage. I don't try to judge other people on their decisions to have sex, but I have a hard time not judging him because he is pretending to be this staunch Catholic and is basically fooling himeslf. Oh, and the other day I heard the two of them having sex upstairs, which I think is really disrespectful to me, because I had to listen to it! GROSS. Am I overreacting? I guess I am just feeling disrespected in my own home. Thanks for listening to me complain!


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## Jennifer (Oct 27, 2006)

that is downright disrespectful and disgusting. you should talk to your sister about that.


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## Aquilah (Oct 27, 2006)

First of all, he's an a$$ for not thanking you! Doesn't matter if your sister thanked you or not, you paid for him too, and he needs to say his own thanks!

Second of all, that is extremely disrepectful of them to have had sex in your house, especially if you've told them NOT to! I'd make sure you sat them BOTH down and gave them a good "talking to" about it!

Third, if she thinks he's nice, then maybe he is... I dunno! I've had a guy or two in my life that no one understood for the life of them, and he really was about the sweetest on earth. It's just his reputation or his actions that closed people's minds to him.

I wish you the best of luck in the whole issue. Hopefully talking to them both might help some. If not, then maybe it's time to tell them to both "take a hike" to somewhere else if they can't respect you and your house.


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## luxotika (Oct 27, 2006)

Ok, we talked about it last night, and she said "I didn't mean to have sex with him" and I laughed out loud for her thinking that I was that damn stupid. She felt bad about it, at least I think she did. I told her that I don't want her boyfriend over at the house when I am there. Thanks for the input ladies!


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## Princess6828 (Oct 27, 2006)

Well, I agree that if you don't want them having sex in your house you should make that very clear, because that is disrespecting what you want. Since I don't know this guy I can't say whether he is good for your sister or not. On the issue of judging his Catholicism though, I think you shouldn't be judging him so much. I consider myself a devout Catholic, but I have done all of the "no-no's" that you listed. I think as far as religion goes, only an individual can determine the level of his/her devotion. I believe in the premises of Catholicism, but I don't take a literal interpretation of the Bible or anything.


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## han (Oct 27, 2006)

that is disrespectful of them haveing sex in your house when you ask them not too IF shes not paying rent and as far as his beliefs and devotion to his religion is between him and god and we really shouldnt judge i dont know to many people who dont swear drink or exspierement with drugs that dont make them a bad person and not likeing someone cause of there looks is shallow im not trying to be mean it's just my opinion good luck..


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## Dagny (Oct 27, 2006)

He souds like a jerkface. He should totally have thanked you, and is totally a gronk for not doing that. You aren't wrong for wanting more for your sister.

Quote:
drinks quite a bit of alcohol This made me giggle. Drinking is pretty much totally endorsed by the Catholic church. I've gone drinking with lots of priests before, it's only supposed to be wrong if it interferes with your everyday functioning, more or less. 
Maybe that's because my mom's family is Irish Catholic though.. who knows.


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## Jennifer (Oct 28, 2006)

Originally Posted by *luxotika* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ok, we talked about it last night, and she said "I didn't mean to have sex with him" and I laughed out loud for her thinking that I was that damn stupid. She felt bad about it, at least I think she did. I told her that I don't want her boyfriend over at the house when I am there. Thanks for the input ladies! wtf?! well, i'm glad you spoke to her about it!


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## janetsbreeze (Oct 28, 2006)

if she didn't mean to have sex with him, you can only hope she did manage to use birth control





it is horribly disrespectful for anyone to act in that way, especially after you have asked them not to. talk with your sister about ground rules and consequences.

good luck!


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## luxotika (Oct 28, 2006)

Originally Posted by *Princess6828* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well, I agree that if you don't want them having sex in your house you should make that very clear, because that is disrespecting what you want. Since I don't know this guy I can't say whether he is good for your sister or not. On the issue of judging his Catholicism though, I think you shouldn't be judging him so much. I consider myself a devout Catholic, but I have done all of the "no-no's" that you listed. I think as far as religion goes, only an individual can determine the level of his/her devotion. I believe in the premises of Catholicism, but I don't take a literal interpretation of the Bible or anything. Although I partially agree with you, I don't feel as though I am judging him. He is inadvertently throwing his religion in peoples faces like he is better than other people, and he wants to argue about it all the time. It is hard to have respect for someone like that!

Originally Posted by *han* /img/forum/go_quote.gif that is disrespectful of them haveing sex in your house when you ask them not too IF shes not paying rent and as far as his beliefs and devotion to his religion is between him and god and we really shouldnt judge i dont know to many people who dont swear drink or exspierement with drugs that dont make them a bad person and not likeing someone cause of there looks is shallow im not trying to be mean it's just my opinion good luck.. She does pay half the rent, but I don't want to be sitting her checking my email and hear my sister being pounded by some guy that I don't really even want in my house! He has his own apartment, they can go over there if they can't control their urges. I don't dislike him because he is not good-looking, but with my experience with people who aren't "attractive" make up for it in other departments, such as personality. I just don't find any admirable qualities in him.





Originally Posted by *Dagny* /img/forum/go_quote.gif He souds like a jerkface. He should totally have thanked you, and is totally a gronk for not doing that. You aren't wrong for wanting more for your sister.
This made me giggle. Drinking is pretty much totally endorsed by the Catholic church. I've gone drinking with lots of priests before, it's only supposed to be wrong if it interferes with your everyday functioning, more or less.

Maybe that's because my mom's family is Irish Catholic though.. who knows.

Very good point! Our priest in high school came to my graduation party, and he is a recovering alcoholic, and my dad forgot about that and he offered him a drink like 3 or 4 times! Poor guy.





Originally Posted by *janetsbreeze* /img/forum/go_quote.gif if she didn't mean to have sex with him, you can only hope she did manage to use birth control



it is horribly disrespectful for anyone to act in that way, especially after you have asked them not to. talk with your sister about ground rules and consequences.

good luck!

Fortunately she is taking birth control!


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## StrangerNMist (Nov 1, 2006)

Originally Posted by *luxotika* /img/forum/go_quote.gif My sister is dating a guy named John. He is an "okay guy", but some things about him really annoy me. Example: We went to a haunted house yesterday and it cost $10 each to get in. I thought that I would be nice and pay for all 3 of us to get in, and he didn't even thank me. In my book, a thank you goes a long way. Besides that, they are horrendously mismatched. Everytime that I see them together, I think of Beauty and the Beast. Really the only thing in my opinion that he has going for him is that he has a college education. He also claims to be a devout Catholic, but he doesn't follow any of Catholocisms practices. He has had pre-marital sex, drinks quite a bit of alcohol, swears like a sailor, and has done numerous drugs. If any of you know what Catholics follow, all of the above listed are big No-No's. She has been dating him for 6 months, and I asked her a few times what it is she sees in him, and her response is only....."Oh, he's nice". You would think that after 6 months that you could come up with some more descriptive terms than that! I only have one house rule, and that is NO SEX in the house, mostly because he is ugly and I don't want to imagine him having sex with my sister, and partially because I am a virgin and don't really believe in sex before marriage. I don't try to judge other people on their decisions to have sex, but I have a hard time not judging him because he is pretending to be this staunch Catholic and is basically fooling himeslf. Oh, and the other day I heard the two of them having sex upstairs, which I think is really disrespectful to me, because I had to listen to it! GROSS. Am I overreacting? I guess I am just feeling disrespected in my own home. Thanks for listening to me complain!



Tis okay. The guy sounds like he can be an ass at times. It also sounds like the both of them are being a tad bit disrespectful of you, especially about the NO SEX RULE. She didn't mean to have sex in your house? Oh man, total cop out!




People are going to have sex though, and doing it before marriage (or until marriage) is someone's personal choice, and should not be imposed on other people. If two people didn't decide to have sex at some point, none of us would be on this forum chatting with eachother, LOL!

Some people forget the meaning of "discreet" and get as LOUD and NASTY as they want, which even grosses me out! (Trust me, I lived in a hotel for a time, and some of my neighbors got pretty damn wild!)

They should follow the rules though, and find other places to do it. That, or they could do it discreetly (with towels and cleaners handy) when you're not in the house. (That is if there's a total NO SEX IN THE HOUSE, EVEN WHEN I'M NOT THERE rule) Maybe you wouldn't think about it so much?

(By the way, Catholics DEFINITELY believe in alcohol consumption! *Hick Voice* I IS A CATH-O-LICK, AND I HAVE RELATIVES WHO DRINK LIKE FISHEES! ESPECIALLY AT WEDDIN'S! ) They don't believe in birth control though, which kind of bothers me because women are more than just baby factories.

Does he still do drugs, or has he quit? I wouldn't hold it against him if he's quit, but if he's still doing them, then you might have to wonder a little bit.

I do think he should have thanked you for paying his way through the haunted house - not saying thank you is somewhat impolite.

Plus, I don't like people who pretend to be something that they're not, bugs the hell out of me too. (I have a few relatives who try DESPERATELY to be something that they're not, it bothers the hell out of me as well. Try having a cousin who is married to a former skinhead who has a criminal record that inlcudes credit card fraud, dui's, and someone who tried to choke his wife before the wedding because she found some sort of "message" on his phone. I hate the guy with a passion!)

Hopefully things work out for you. If not, give them the boot!


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## luxotika (Nov 3, 2006)

Thanks for your insight StrangerNMist. Very insightful. I try not to judge people, but it is hard not to when things are just thrown in your face the way he does it! You are too funny about that Cath-o-lick thing. I laughed hard!


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## selene (Nov 4, 2006)

When we do not like a person, we start to naturally pinpoint/notice all of their faults/flaws, versus when we do like someone, we are more inclined to excuse/overlook them. Also, in this case, it sounds like he is being a hypocrite. Either way, I don't see this situation getting better. You already stated you didn't want them having sex in your home, and they disregarded that wish. Do you really see that changing at this point? There seems to be a definite dynamic of disrespect in motion here, and it seems to be gaining momentum. You may want to consider looking ahead &amp; anticipating the worst here, and deciding what you will do if it comes to that. Good luck wth this!


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## dixiewolf (Nov 4, 2006)

I certainly dont think you are overreacting about the sex part, especially since you told them that was the rule and he has his own place. I once had a roomate whose boyfriend just moved in, she didnt bother to ask any of my other roomates. Then, no joking, they spent almost every hour of the day in the bedroom. And they were so loud, I wanted to puke. We all were grossed out. I was afraid to invite people over, etc, b/c I was afraid they might be going at it, lol.


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