# Miscarriage



## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 25, 2006)

My husband and I are both in our mid thirties and neither one of us has any kids. I have had 3 miscarriages in my life: one at three months preg (college boyfriend), another at five months preg (husband), and the last at two months preg (husband). They were all extremely painful, both emotionally and physically. These miscarriages stressed my relationships, and while my husband and I survived marriage intact, I don't know if I can handle trying again. My doctors seem too think I am viable, but what if? What if it happens again? I have no problem getting pregnant, but just can't seem to carry to term. I am scared about trying again and failing. I am scared to go through life childless and alone. I am scared about bringing a child into this scary world. And even with all of this, I am at the age where I am running out of time.

What the heck do I do? Take a chance and let fate drive us? Or do I just give up. Giving up goes against my character - I am a fighter. And what about my husband? I try to ask him how he feels but he just shrugs and shakes his head.


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## sherice (Mar 25, 2006)

I went through a miscarriage myself.....at 3 months.....very painful. Emotionally and physically. After only a month my boyfriend were gonna break up....(we are stronger) but I must say...it is the hardest thing to get over....I still get upset about it (esp. when im drinking) And you feel like its your fault....But my boyfriends sister had her baby...(we were pregnant together for a short time and got real close before I had the miscarriage) anyway it was her 1st baby after losing 3......there is hope i guess is what I'm saying...When I went to the doctor he said it is really commen for women to have miscarriages the first time around...its just not talked about...I really hope you have a healthy baby soon! It is a hard thing to go through...I understand!


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## lovesboxers (Mar 25, 2006)

I have 3 kids and have been pregnant 5 times. Lost two of them, so if the doctor thinks your viable I would still try or get a second opinion. HTH, and I hope your pain lessens some. I think about mine still how someday I will meet them up in heaven and won't that be wonderful. *hugs*


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## Marisol (Mar 25, 2006)

I am so sorry about what you have gone through. I have never been in your predicament but my cousin just had her first baby after going through two miscarriages herself. Her pregnancy was a difficult one because she had to be cautious of everything and she was put on bedrest the past 4 weeks. But on Thursday, she delivered a healthy baby girl and for her it was worth it.


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## jennycateyez (Mar 25, 2006)

i think you sould never stop trying , having a kid is a blessing! i know its hard to go through but you really souldnt give up escp if its something u really want. have u ever thought about adoption?


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## KristieTX (Mar 26, 2006)

I can't say I know what you're going through, but just wanted to offer support and a *hug*.


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## Liz (Mar 26, 2006)

i'm sorry you're going through this  /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

maybe try a surrogate if you're not up for trying it again yourself?


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## Cool Kitten (Mar 26, 2006)

i had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, and we're trying again. One of my best friends had 2 miscarriages before having her first child, and 3 more before having her second (they now have 3 kids). My other friend had 9 (!!!!!) miscarriages between her first and her second child. Unfortunately it happens more often than we know.

Cheer up and try again. It'll happen when it's your time!


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 26, 2006)

Well, I haven't said anything because it's been painful...but I just got over a miscarriage in January. I had a previous miscarriage in May of last year. I already have a beautiful 3 1/2 year old...but as I was talking to my doctor crying that there must be something wrong with me, he gently reassured me that miscarriages happen more than we realize. I have friends who had quite a few miscarriages and then all the sudden, one time, they carried full term. It's all about timing. But it's also about you.

If you have a lot of stress in your life...if you're working full-time at a high stress job...not exercising, not eating healthy, etc, etc, etc your chances of miscarrying increase ten-fold. My doctor encouraged me to get back into working out with Yoga and Pilates (it's a workout, but helps still the mind). He also encouraged me to take my Pre-natal vitamins until I carry full-term. Sometimes our bodies miscarry because we are lacking some needed vitamins/minerals. Learn how to destress...and the more you stop "wanting" a child, the more likely you are to have one.

Don't worry about it. Don't stress about it. Love your husband, enjoy your time with your husband and the rest will happen as it is meant to happen.

Good luck!!


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 26, 2006)

My sister and her husband adopted a little girl from China. I will definately adopt (from any country...I kinda want a Russian baby girl though...I don't know why) when I have exhusted every other option. I feel a bunch of different things - I hope I come to a conclusion before I am too old to have kids naturally. It is a blessing...and sometimes I feel Not blessed. I mean, so many people have kids and they don't want them, or they abuse them, or they just can't raise them properly...yet those people can actually procreate and I can't. I just have to wonder...


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 26, 2006)

> Well, I haven't said anything because it's been painful...but I just got over a miscarriage in January. I had a previous miscarriage in May of last year.
> I am so sorry. Isn't it weird that miscarriage is obviously very prevalent and we chicks don't talk about it much?


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 26, 2006)

Yes, I am always amazed at how many women actually have miscarriages. In fact, the majority of women I know will not say anything about being preggers until they are past their first trimester...ask them why and they say just in case it didn't work out.

Every time I found out I was preggers, I told everyone. But, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut or keep secrets, LOL. If I'm thinking about it, everyone will know about it. :whistling:

I had a friend who used to stress out every day that she wasn't preggers and she was only getting older, etc. Every time her and her husband had sex was only when she could possibly conceive...she was constantly monitoring her temperature, constantly being robotic about the whole thing...for FOUR long years. Finally, she gave up...SURE that she would never get preggers and was looking into adoption, etc. A few months after she stopped stressing out (and her and her husband were doing the "on a whim" sex) she found out she was newly preggers. She's on her 3rd baby now.

I know I need to just relax and enjoy my life. It's perfect the way it is and I'm not lacking anything...and if someone new wants to join the family...then they'll be more than welcomed. But, I have to make sure that I'm not "teaching" my daughter that we're not good enough without another baby. And, so it goes.


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 26, 2006)

I want to thank all of you good ladies for sharing your stories with me. I have felt so torn and alone in all of it...Everytime I try to talk a family member about it, I well up and choke on the words...my parents want grandkids so bad I think they forget how I feel about losing three babies.


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## L281173 (Mar 26, 2006)

Have you visited your gynecologist and had a transvaginal ultrasound or pelvic sonogram. Your doctor could probably help you in finding out why are miscarrying so much.lain: :icon_idea :icon_idea


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 28, 2006)

Yes...everything looks okay. My ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus look great. They think I am under too much stress, just like some MUT users have said. I am viable, so I think my body can carry a child, it is just a matter of whether I can, need, want, or dare to try again. I am just so confused...


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## peekaboo (Mar 28, 2006)

Sorry to hear about those who have been through miscarriages! *hugs* My sister found out she was pregnant before me and had a molar pregnancy(cluster of cells growing-had to have surgery) and it really hit home when I got pregnant-felt some guilt. Women need to talk about miscarriages and know that they should not give up! My friend had had several and she is pregnant now and had to take some time off due to her previous miscarriages. Take care!


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## dngreenwood (Mar 28, 2006)

I absolutely understand what you are going through......I miscarried with my husband as well at 20 weeks and at this point I know I will try again, but it has been two years and I'm not ready yet. I am like you Brazen, no problem at all getting pregnant, but carrying to term may be a problem for me. My GYN (who is wonderful) already has a plan for the next time, which will be a stitch in the cervix at 14-16 weeks, that may be an option for you. I have two co-workers who went through a lot to get pregnant. One had 8 miscarriages before having two children and the other had trouble getting pregnant as well as carrying children and she now has three...so we are not alone. It is amazing to me that women do not talk about this side of pregnancy, it happens so often and we keep quiet about it.


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 28, 2006)

What is amazing to me is that I understand now how common this problem is. I can't believe woman through the millennia have even managed to have children! It is shocking any of us were even born. I did a little searching on the internet and found what I have always suspected but was never told: Countless women of yesteryear died during pregnancy, during childbirth and after childbirth from blood poisioning and all kinds of complications. We think we have it bad...imagine what our foremothers went through!


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## Cool Kitten (Apr 4, 2006)

yeah, it's amazing that no one ever talks about it...


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## PeachTea (Apr 4, 2006)

I hope things work out for the best!


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## here_is_gone (Apr 4, 2006)

That is an AUFUL situation, and I am sooo sorry you are going through all of this. I do however suggest counseling with this throughout your pregnancy and even to figure out if this is what YOU want.


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## Sharne (Apr 4, 2006)

Thats horrible Im so sorry...

My only advice is to monitor your body and how you feel...

I have had one miscarriage and my Mum says that everytime you lose a child it is difficult because everytime u have to greave...

Theres only so much greving and hurt we can go through as humans...


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## Nox (Apr 25, 2006)

Did you know that up to 40% of all pregnancies will never be carried to term? I was shocked to find that out from my gyn. during my routine check up. Most women don't even know that they were pregnant before losing the pregnancy, their periods just come a little heavier and it just slips their mind. Isn't that surprising. Why isn't this ever talked about?


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## VenusGoddess (Apr 25, 2006)

Well, probably because most women don't realize they were ever preggers. But, I've found that most women feel ashamed that they lost a baby...guilt, maybe? I was shocked to find out that several of my friend's lost babies. One even admitted that she refused to say ANYTHING until she was 4 months preggers "just in case".

I could never do that...I'm too loose with the mouth. LOL


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## Cool Kitten (Apr 26, 2006)

it's called chemical pregnancy, and if you don't know the symptoms of an actual pregnancy you don't even know you were pregnant.

Basically the embryo just doesn't implant, and you're only late a few days.


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## Aquilah (Apr 26, 2006)

I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I would take a chance and let fate drive you, as long as the doctor says it's okay to get pregnant again. I'm sure your DH is just as frustrated/upset as you are about the situation.

Nothing is ever impossible. I wasn't even supposed to be able to have kids, and within three years of being told that, I delivered my first child. After her I reduced my chances again by having to surgeries (one cervical and one ovarian), and I had another daughter a year after my last surgery.

God has a plan for all of us, so I'd let him guide your way. As far as bringing a chld into this scary world, I'm right with you there! Everyday I worry about what's going to happen when my daughters are older. But alas, the world's either going to get better or worse... Hopefully it's the children in today's society that can help make the difference!!!

I wish you nothing but the very best! I'll keep you in my prayers!!!


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## TW1NKLE (Apr 30, 2006)

Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear so. Who knows what fate has in store for you this time. It could be different then the last few times, or not. But how would you know, if you haven't tried? Years down the road, are you sure you won't be "what if" and be having regrets of not giving that one last try? Atleast you know, you tryed your best, better then knowning you didn't give the last try, well whatever you decided, I do wish you luck on it.


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## BrazenBrunhilda (May 5, 2006)

I am not ready to try again, yet. I don't know if I ever will be. I know that the wonderful posts on this thread make me feel as if there is a whole support structure here for me that I don't feel I have anywhere else.

I also find it maddening that some women I know consider me "substandard" because I cannot have a child. The snickers, leaving me out of conversations about children and babies, and the backwards compliments (like, "oh, you are lucky you aren't tied down in a loving home with children...you must feel so free" hurt terribly. This one monster woman I know is a person who asks personal questions and gives unwanted advice (no silly, I am not talking about _me, _geez). She always has some kind of barb to throw at me. At first, I would insult her back, but now I just ignore her. That has backfired on me to...now other women think I am a witch. But what do you do with people like that? You can't talk to them. You can't be cool with people who refuse to be cool. You just can't. My miscarriage problem has become a problem with _me_. As if I am genetically flawed or a mutant or something. This woman spits out rugrats left and right and thinks she is the Salt of the Earth.

In fact, she was in charge of writing up the guest list for a mutual friend's baby shower. While she invited people that our friends had not even heard of before, I was purposely not invited. A couple weeks later, after I pulled the stinger out of my back, I asked her why I was excluded.

She responded that I would have been "bored" and that I "didn't understand" what it was like to be a mother and would not fit in with the festivities. I could have killed her...but I didn't. I went home and cried. The worst part? Many people thought I was invited but decided not to show up or send a gift out of spite or jealousy. Nice.


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## Cool Kitten (May 5, 2006)

OMG!!!!! I would've told the friend who was having a shower about that. And i would avoid that woman like plaque.

Seriously, if avoiding her meant breaking off with friends who side with her than i would do it too. Even if you elected to not have children no one has a right to tell you that you're wrong.

It's people like her who make you doubt yourself. Stay away from her!


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## Pauline (May 6, 2006)

Hiya,this is a very emotional situatuion on you and your hubby psyically,emotionally and spiritually.I can see why you feel confused and wary. I agree that there is only so much a person can go through and i think that you both deserve a break. I know you may feel you are in your 30's and your running out of time etc (i have those same thoughts) but you have een through a lot and so has your hubby and i think you both need time to heal especially YOU. I reckon you should give your body andmind a break for the time being and try to concentrate on yourself and your hubby.I hope this doesn't sound hard but you really need to think of yourself.Sorry to hear what you are going through and we all send you big hugs.


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## Elisabeth (May 6, 2006)

Brazen, I don't know how old you are, but I am 41 and childless and have had very close to the same thing happen to me. Except I did not have the patience you did to deal with people who obviously have no sympathy or tolerance whatever for My Life's Path. The questions. The parading of the perfect babies. The cooing. The exclusion. Being called an "Old Maid". The Hurt. Everything. But I only let it go on for about, oh two hours or so until, like I said, I chose to dis-associate myself from people who,whether I end up having children naturally, or having children at all, were plain No Good For My Soul Either Way. Rather than tell them the intimate truth (and None of Their Bloody Business, BTW) of whatever feritility struggles either I or my partner were (are) going through...I simply decided to shrug my shoulders and say...."You know, we're Seriously Looking Into doing an overseas adoption, you know, like Angelina. Maybe even a couple of them." Most of them get this weird look on their faces; like a mixture of WTF, and oh cool, and ok whatever, and some even horror-although I don't know why-But, the questions stopped. Abruptly.

We all need friends, and true friends don't intentionally mean to hurt us with their comments..But even so, negativity never makes a fertile foundation for anything.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, and chin up. Heck with those women. What do they know?


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## mrs_livingstone (May 7, 2006)

it's a good idea, in our traditional blief(in my country and a few ither asian countries) if we adopt a baby, we will be given our own baby.

adn we can breastfeed the adopted baby with the help of hormone pills.


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## mrs_livingstone (May 7, 2006)

there's so many people who have the miscarriage easily. It's because the womb is not strong enough.But don't loose your faith because u just need extra care during pregnancy. you can't move as usual, u need bedrest like my sis in law)

talking about miscarriage, i had it once. December 2004. I didnt even know i was pregnant. I had continuous fever and i thought it was ordinary fever. My husband suspected something to do with gyneacology. It was quite strange fever because it was only at nights. It started at 7pm and i feel good again after wake up in the morning. I went to a doctor, who is a gynea.The doctor suspected i'm pregnant so he did some test.To my suprise he didnt scan on the surface, he put the tool ( i dont know the name) like pap smear tool thing in me.:eusa_wall:. He was so rough :scream3:

he asked about my menstrual cycle. he didnt see any fetus inside so he supected malaria.But he asked me to come again the next day to do urine and blood tests - which are more reliable for pregnancy test.He prescribed me some medicines.

I still felt the roughness at night and i saw my menstrual blood. I tought i wasnt pregnant but i went to the doctor the next day to do the tests. I was so ill and my fever getting worst in the morning. I hardly can walk and i vomited almost everywhere. the docto suspected malaria because i said i was having period.Saw me like that, he made decision to put me in the ward and gave me malaria treatment. Every nurse that came to me asked me "are you pregnant?". They did the tests for god's sake!!They should tell me the result, not me!FYI, 'm abroad not in my country and the medicines here are twice stronger than my country and i was so 'high' wit thos medicines. I didnt feel any better but worse. To make it worst, the doc come and naging at me when my hubby searching for im(e didnt came and check me since i was warded) so i ask the hospital to discharge me. It's no use when te docto does not play his role!

I thought i was having normal menstrual but when it's day 15 the blood as sti heavy, just like day 2 and seened dont want to stop.So i wen to other gynea and found out that i'm had an incmplete abortion:icon_sad::scream3:

and i'm having irregular period cycle since then


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## bebs (May 8, 2006)

.. oh god I'm sorry to hear that this happends to so many of us. I to have had two miscarrages and yes its really bad.. but I know sometime sooner or later when fate will have it that it will come to be. 

my doctors have told me that the stress from work (when I was working) and formerly taking the pills for a few years can be the cause (also if the shot or have the implant in) that its much harder to keep a baby to term.

I really dont know what else to say for this sad topic, just dont give up hope is all I can say.


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