# Friends w/ Benefits



## 4getmeNot (Oct 9, 2006)

A few months ago I was at a party and I ended up hooking up with this guy. We have always been friends but I never really saw him like that..I guess it was just drunken love. I've never had a one-night stand type of thing and I didn't really know how to feel the next day but he acted like it was no big deal. I didn't see him again until school started back and we talked some like normal but it was somewhat different. Then we hung out one weekend and it happened again! I don't think that he wants a relationship, neither do I...and I was just wondering how you guys felt about the whole friends with benefits thing..is it a bad idea? Because I don't wanna be a hoe and go around sleeping with a bunch of guys, I would rather it just be the same one..LOL..is it possible to have sex with someone and just be friends? Or does that just defeat the purpose? any thoughts? Please don't think badly of me!


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## mandy_ (Oct 9, 2006)

It's really up to you. If you feel like you can keep a friendship and not have it affected by having sex - then I'd say sure. I know alot of friends who ruined friendships by trying to have "friends with benefits" though. So really go for it at your own risk. You may lose a friend; you may not.

Sorry, that wasn't really much help.


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## Jessica81 (Oct 9, 2006)

I've tried, it doesn't work. It hasn't worked for anyone I know. I ended up wanting a relationship the 'friend' said he wanted a relationship, but it never happened. Then I wanted to date one of his friends -- this was way after the benefits stopped. All of a sudden he was like -- my friends can't date my ex-girlfriend!! -- He never treated me like a gf or called me gf the entire time we were sleeping together!

Don't do it! I still regret it. It ruined my sophmore year of college!


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## Saja (Oct 9, 2006)

Id say it depends on maturity and the level of friendship. I think it can work sometimes, if both people are truley honest in what they want. If its a long distance thing, so that a relationship isnt possible anyways, that might help, hahah. It can work, but theres alot of details, and it takes alot of effort. Its just not for everyone.


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## Aquilah (Oct 9, 2006)

If you think you can handle just having him as a friend with sexual benefits, without getting any sense of emotional attachment on a relationship level, then I reckon you can try it. I've never had a friend w/ benefits, so I'm not the best person there. As long as you're both honest and upfront about what you want/expect, and make sure nothing oversteps each others boundaries, then I think you might be okay.


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## emily_3383 (Oct 11, 2006)

I just think that when things like this happen sooner or later one of you will get attached and its going to end badly. Im not saying it will happen in your case but its just something that happens.


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## pla4u (Oct 11, 2006)

I dont think its a good idea..sounds like trouble waiting to happen....,


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## han (Oct 11, 2006)

you dont want to be a hoe and sleep around you rather it just be him but is he sleeping around and is he protecting his self cause if not, your sleeping around with him and his partners and if thats the case i would rather be a hoe useing protection at least i can pick my own partners im not really in to one night stands not saying i havent had them sex to me is better if it's passionet and not with friends thats akward if he got a girl friend would you remain friends or if you got a boy friend


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## empericalbeauty (Oct 11, 2006)

Honestly, it doesnt work. Things get complicated, someone falls in love, someone gets knocked up, someone gets jealous and so on and so fort. I would say you shouldnt do it but follow your heart and do what you feel is best


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## lynnda (Oct 11, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Honestly, it doesnt work. Things get complicated, someone falls in love, someone gets knocked up, someone gets jealous and so on and so fort. I would say you shouldnt do it but follow your heart and do what you feel is best I soooo agree!!!!!!


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## CuTeLiCiOuS (Oct 11, 2006)

Agree with the above ladies, if you can keep it bussiness and straight than it can work. If emotion gets involved, than it going to be a big problem. It seems you have a good gripe on things.


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## speerrituall1 (Oct 11, 2006)

Originally Posted by *empericalbeauty* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Honestly, it doesnt work. Things get complicated, someone falls in love, someone gets knocked up, someone gets jealous and so on and so fort. I would say you shouldnt do it but follow your heart and do what you feel is best Ditto!


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## mac-whore (Oct 11, 2006)

honestly, my reply is.. HELL NO! i just got out of a '' friends with benefit's '' situation and let me tell you, it's physically and mentally unhealthy. of course, i'm speaking for myself and from personal experience.. but, i regret ever justifying that situation. if i were you, i'd invest in a good sex toy if all you need is sexual gratification. i know it's not exactly the same as sex but, it'll definately hold you over until you find someone that deserves you. don't sell yourself short &lt;3 i did just that and put my health and emotions on the line. it's not worth it AT ALL!


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## Teresamachado (Oct 11, 2006)

Well.... I'm not sure on your approach. But I agree with what Saja said. It all depends on maturity and the level of friendship. I also agree with the rest, it can be troublesome BUT if you like the sex then why not. You just have to make sure that you are protecting yourself physically &amp; mentally. If you both are clear about each others intensions then I donâ€™t see a problem.

Matt and I were sex buddies. We both made sure that even though we had a common interest, we were going to respect each others decisions. 4 months into this â€œfriends with interestâ€ relationship we decided that perhaps it would be best to start a relationship. We almost have 3 years together.

Sometime it happens and sometimes it doesnâ€™t.

Just be safe and really analyze the situation. Ask yourself if you are ready for this.


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## LilRayofSun (Oct 11, 2006)

I honestly have been in one, when I was single, result: I felt cheap in the end, used,and sooo not respected. My opinion? Until you actually have sex with someone you have a spiritual and emotional tie to, it cheapens it.

Sex outside of love is o.k, but with love exceeds any and all expectations.

You have your whole life to have it, why not wait til the moment, mood, and PERSON is right?


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## Saja (Oct 11, 2006)

What about this situation:

" Hey, we are good friends, I trust you, but I dont have feelings for you. I have been tottally honest with you, and you are aware of the fact that I dont want/cant have a relationship with ANYONE for a while. We have decided that if it happened, we are prepared for it. It may ever happen, but we both want the same things, so if it does , we have already discussed what would happen. We also made a promise to never share this info with anyone of our mutal friends."

Im not saying this works for everyone, but I think theres ways to make it work.


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## bluebird26 (Oct 11, 2006)

> I don't wanna be a hoe and go around sleeping with a bunch of guys' date=' I would rather it just be the same onequote']
> You've got the answer. Follow your mind
> 
> 
> ...


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## christina.maria (Oct 11, 2006)

LOONNNGGG story short, I'm kind of in the middle of that myself. My friend and I were both on the edges of our relationships, and were basically consoling each other through it. Then one day... Poof. More than friends, not quite a relationship.

It's entirely up to you, not to be sexist, but most ladies develop feelings for someone they are intimate with, it's just our gentics, I think.

I've been keeping enough distance to keep the "romance" alive, yet the friendship intact. It's kind of a thin line to walk. Usually one side prevails. Either you end up in a relationship over time, or the friendship fades away a bit.

is that even the least bit helful. EH maybe not. running late to work and in-depth advice, giving, never a good match

&lt;3


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## luvmylittleboy (Oct 11, 2006)

Originally Posted by *pla4u* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I dont think its a good idea..sounds like trouble waiting to happen...., I agree...I've known ppl to do this &amp; it ALWAYS ends up to be a total mess!!!


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## flychick767 (Oct 11, 2006)

Sex...no matter who you are doing it with, needs to be between two mature people. As long as both of you are mature, then I don't see why you should not have a friend with benefits.

It can come in very handy when you need a date for some occassion, or when you have had a really stressful week.

Go for it, enjoy it, and be comfortable with it.


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## Retro-Violet (Oct 11, 2006)

on an update: me and my friend matt ended our 1.5 year friends with benefits, since he basically admitted to me that he was falling in love with me, and we agreed when that happens we will have to stop the benefits part and be friends.

kinda sucks, cause i liked the sex.


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## mabelwan (Oct 11, 2006)

Originally Posted by *mac-whore* /img/forum/go_quote.gif honestly, my reply is.. HELL NO! i just got out of a '' friends with benefit's '' situation and let me tell you, it's physically and mentally unhealthy. of course, i'm speaking for myself and from personal experience.. but, i regret ever justifying that situation. if i were you, i'd invest in a good sex toy if all you need is sexual gratification. i know it's not exactly the same as sex but, it'll definately hold you over until you find someone that deserves you. don't sell yourself short &lt;3 i did just that and put my health and emotions on the line. it's not worth it AT ALL! Ditto!


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## pinkbundles (Oct 11, 2006)

i've never tried it. it sounds like it could be fun if you are both up for it. why not?


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## -Liz- (Oct 16, 2006)

i was in the exactally, my b/f and i were best friends for 3 years, we were sleeping together for one and abit and i fell first but i knew he felt the same way, he just didn't know LOL. but i wated until i was sure before i told him (he wouldnt want me with other guys i wouldnt want him with other girls ect.) it almost ended our friendship because i told him i needed some time off...but i got lucky lol IMHO there si always someone who is gonna have feelings for the other person so just be careful! and most importantly, establish that you have a right to know if the other has been with someone else, keep it safe and ENJOY!!!!


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