# 5 Kinds Of Chemistry: Have You Felt Them All?



## Ricci (Jan 28, 2008)

Pretty much all of us know what someoneâ€™s talking about when they say, â€œHey, I was on a date, and â€” wow â€” we had incredible chemistry.â€ In a nutshell, that means that these two people felt such a strong attraction to each other that they couldnâ€™t wait to get somewhere, ahem, a little more private, right? Sure, that may be the most traditional kind of chemistry, but itâ€™s hardly the _only_ type. According to experts, that earth-moving, spark-flying phenomenon can assume many forms. To help you sort through all those crazy feelings you may have for someone, weâ€™ve described five of the most common types of attraction you can experience. Recognizing and savoring all of them can lead to a fantastic, long-lasting relationship.

*Type #1: Tear-each-otherâ€™s-clothes-off chemistry*

This is the most common type of chemistry, but itâ€™s also the most misunderstood. After all, pretty much everyoneâ€™s made the mistake of confusing physical attraction with love. Is there a way to differentiate one feeling from the other? Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of _Why We Love_, explains it this way: â€œLust is basically the craving for sexual gratification,â€ she says. â€œIt generally dissipates after having sex and returns hours or days later. You can feel it for several different people at the same time, and you donâ€™t necessarily feel â€˜possessiveâ€™ or jealous. But when youâ€™re in love, you are very possessive.â€

No one is saying sexual chemistry is evil or that you should necessarily hold out for something deeper. Nor should you fret if you feel like great sex is _all_ you have in common with someone at first. According to Dr. Fisher, having sex with someone can trigger a peak in the feel-good chemical dopamine, which, over time, can produce genuine, bonafide feelings of love. Hang in there, and it just may happen!

*Type #2: Weâ€™re-so-comfortable chemistry*

Have you ever been with a guy who finishes your sentences, or a woman whoâ€™s so easy to talk to, you feel like you can be totally natural around her? Welcome to comfort chemistryâ€”that effortless rapport and connection that can exist between two people. â€œPeople who share this chemistry often feel like theyâ€™re a unit,â€ says Harry Reis, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. â€œWhen they talk to each other, they almost feel like theyâ€™re talking to themselves.â€ Worried that all this familiarity makes you better friends than lovers? Never fear, simpatico feelings can often lead to lust later. â€œWhen you fall in love, the elevated activity of dopamine can affect levels of testosterone and trigger a heightened sex drive,â€ explains Fisher. Translation: You two may be passionate partners in no time!

*Type #3: We-laugh-like-crazy-together chemistry*

Ask someone to give you a wish list of what they look for in a mate, and humor almost always appears near the top of the list. â€œEverybody likes to laugh,â€ says Kate Wachs, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of _Relationships for Dummies_. â€œWeâ€™re all looking for a mate that helps us have fun.â€ Researchers have even found that laughing together increases how attractive people look to each other. So, donâ€™t automatically relegate jokers to the role of â€œgreat to invite to a party.â€ Where thereâ€™s laughter, long-term love can follow: Just think how much easier itâ€™ll be to get through those rocky points that every relationship experiences sooner or later.

*Type #4: Weâ€™re-so-complementary chemistry*

While itâ€™s important for us to find a mate who shares our values, weâ€™re also attracted to those who are different from us. â€œWe like complementary personalities who accentuate our good parts and mask our flaws,â€ says Dr. Fisher. For example, a sexy fashion model might have real chemistry with a nerdy mathematicianâ€”and vice versa. Why? She makes him feel sexy, and he makes her feel smart. Same goes for the anti-social type who marries a people person. Weâ€™re drawn to those who make us feel like better and more well-rounded people. Remember the famous line in _Jerry Maguire_: â€œYou complete me?â€ Thatâ€™s complementary chemistry in action.

*Type #5: We-have-so-much-in-common chemistry*

As anyone who has ever searched profiles on Match.com knows, finding common interests with your potential mate is a huge plusâ€”whether thatâ€™s a penchant to cruise flea markets for that one-of-a-kind antique, or a love of camping deep in the wilderness. â€œWe tend to gravitate towards people who share the similar interests as us,â€ Dr. Fisher says. Not only does doing so make spending time together insanely easy, but sharing an activity you both enjoy allows you to get to know each other in a low-pressure environment. Plus, just think of what a bonding experience it would be if you both scaled those waterfalls at Yosemite together! These touchstones can become the foundation for a lot of fond memoriesâ€”and a solid relationship.

Now that you know the five types of chemistry, be on the lookout to experience them all. Even if you donâ€™t feel that â€œlightning has struck!â€ sensation when meeting someone, you two still might have excellent chemistry, if itâ€™s given time to grow


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## S. Lisa Smith (Jan 28, 2008)

I am so fortunate that I have experenced all of these with my wife. It was pretty amazing when we first dated (33 years ago) and it is still amazing now after being married 32 years. The only thing I can wish for all of you is to have a relationship with your SO that is like the one I have with my wife.


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## jakk-attakk (Feb 2, 2008)

Originally Posted by *S. Lisa Smith* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am so fortunate that I have experenced all of these with my wife. It was pretty amazing when we first dated (33 years ago) and it is still amazing now after being married 32 years. The only thing I can wish for all of you is to have a relationship with your SO that is like the one I have with my wife. that made me say "awwwwww" out loud lol.

I'm jealous haha.


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## KellyB (Feb 3, 2008)

I've had 4 of them. More than one with the same person.


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## kitsune89 (Feb 3, 2008)

I've experienced all of these with my boyfriend. Pretty cool.


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## Lindzi (Feb 3, 2008)

Felt them all =]


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## SimplyElegant (Feb 3, 2008)

I've experienced all of them.


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## Solimar (Feb 4, 2008)

Felt them all...but only felt all five with one person, my husband.


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## jessiej78 (Feb 7, 2008)

Originally Posted by *S. Lisa Smith* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am so fortunate that I have experenced all of these with my wife. It was pretty amazing when we first dated (33 years ago) and it is still amazing now after being married 32 years. The only thing I can wish for all of you is to have a relationship with your SO that is like the one I have with my wife. That is so awesome!! My husband and I have been married 5 1/2 years and our relationship has all 5 types as well...it is amazing.


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## jdepp_84 (Feb 7, 2008)

Originally Posted by *S. Lisa Smith* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am so fortunate that I have experenced all of these with my wife. It was pretty amazing when we first dated (33 years ago) and it is still amazing now after being married 32 years. The only thing I can wish for all of you is to have a relationship with your SO that is like the one I have with my wife. 32 years! wow!! Im real glad to see marriages last that long, my parents was only 3 years long, but then again they are still married, just separated so does that count


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