# I dislike my dad!



## Shelley (Nov 28, 2007)

I have posted in the past about my parents etc. Anyways I came home today from an appointment and my dad was in my backyard puttering around. He had walked over from where my mom and him live. I asked him what he was doing. He said that he had talked to my aunt (mom's sister) and was quite angry that she bought me a new washing machine for Christmas and that I didn't deserve it. I asked him to leave and he said no. I looked at him for a few seconds and he started to walk out of the yard, through the gate. I proceeded to unlock my back door and he came back in through the gate, grabbed me by my arm (same arm where I had surgery), squeezed it really hard, and shoved me to the ground, my bad elbow was hit into the ground (cement patio). Needless to say my arm is hurting badly. I got up and said if he touches me again or comes on my property I will call the police. He mumbled something, called me a name, said I am a useless.

I could smell alcohol on his breath. The thing is my dad has never had a drinking problem all his life. I have noticed the older he gets the more cranky, irritable he is.

My dad hates the world. He crabs and complains about everything. Around his buddies, he was a different person, as in he was more jovial. I know growing up he hated his mother because apparently his only other sibling, his sister, got better treatment.

I mentioned many months ago that my parents told me that I was never wanted as in they didn't want a second child. I have an older brother who lives elsewhere. So with the way they treated me growing up and during/after my abusive relationship I decided to stay away from them, no contact. I don't phone them at all. I may sound horrible and it is hard for me to dislike my parents but after what they have said and done I want nothing to do with them.

I thought about getting a restraining order.

Now my stupid arm is hurting, bruised, little and ring finger are numb. Not good. I see the surgeon in a few weeks for a follow up hopefully all these symptoms will be gone by then.


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## KellyB (Nov 28, 2007)

Shelley, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. It's not fair and it's not right but you can't control his behavior. You can only control how you react to it. As much you would hate to call the police on your father, you also can't be expected to be physically assaulted by him either. I hope you have some pain meds left. You don't sound horrible either. We can love people without liking them and being told that you were never wanted is a horrible thing to say to a child at any age. Don't let him back and if the harrassment continues, alcohol or not you may have to take further action. Getting older does not make getting cranky a privilige. If alcohol is involved that may be the answer to his behavior period. I hope your arm feels better and just keep your doors locked. Do you have caller ID?


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## Jessica (Nov 28, 2007)

Shelly I am so sorry hun. I hope your arm is not hurting to badly. Father or not I would've called the police. Just because he is your father does not give him the right to assault you. Ignore his hateful words because you know you are not useless.


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## Shelley (Nov 28, 2007)

Thanks Kelly!

Yes I have Caller ID and a good deadbolts on my doors.

Growing up he was always irritable, tempermental, even without alcohol being involved. He was just as nasty as he was today. True I can't control his behavior and even though he is getting older and more cranky it is not right for him to do this to me.

During and after my abusive relationship I really found out how my parents truly feel about me. I decided to ask them why they were so unsupportive. They basically told me I wasn't wanted, they didn't want a second child. They didn't want to give me up for adoption because they didn't want to look bad, decided to keep me. Because I wasn't wanted in the first place they feel I am not deserving of their love, support etc. I was shocked and asked them again a week later if this was some type of joke and they said no. Growing up I always felt I wasn't wanted but now I know it is true.

I think deep down I love them or want to but I also have a lot of hatred towards them. I know they will never change, I have accepted that.

Hopefully my dad will not show up again, but if he does I will have to call the police or get a restraining order.

I have some pain meds left. My little and ring finger are completely numb and my elbow has an electrical shock feeling going up my arm to the wrist. I know the electrical shock feeling is typical with cubital tunnel syndrome which I had before and after surgery but with this incident it is worse. Hopefully all of it will calm down soon. I am putting ice on my elbow, elevating it.


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## Anthea (Nov 28, 2007)

Sounds like you live very close to be within walking distance, i am so sorry that your dad treated you like that. You are right, you should seek intervention from a restraining order if there is the likelyhood of this happening again. No one deserves to be treated this way.


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## Shelley (Nov 28, 2007)

True I should have called the police. I guess sometimes it is hard to do when family is involved but at the same time maybe it would stop him from potentially hurting me in the future. I don't think it is too late to call the police? Plus it would help with restraining order. My parents live about four miles from me.


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## amandabelle (Nov 28, 2007)

No one deserves to be treated like that. I dislike my father as well, I hope you get to feeling better!


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## pinksugar (Nov 28, 2007)

I would also call the police. Maybe it would be the wakeup call that he needs to realise that you cannot treat people like that and get away with it.

Grr makes me so angry to think about it!

hope you are ok shellers


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## CellyCell (Nov 28, 2007)

Pfft. ******* - seriously. I can relate because my dad has always had a bad temper and took it out on me or I was the cause of it.

I had enough and told him off and hadn't spoken to him for the whole year (we live under the same roof) until recently. I went as far as telling to his face that I didn't love him and not to consider me his daughter. He has never apologized for what's he's done to me but I'm willing to speak to him at times just to so tension can go away now.

I think it's fine to dislike someone, even a family member. Not everyone is entitled to get along with their parent... especially when they haven't acted like one and history between the two isn't the best.. There's unconditional love and blah blah - but when your life is better without them in it, that tells you something.

I hope you're doing okay and if he does anything like that again, just go ahead and call the police. He's a grown man and should know better, alcohol is a bullshit excuse - you're an adult, a woman and his daughter... has no right to lay one damn finger on you.

Feel better, ya?


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## Shelley (Nov 28, 2007)

Thanks everyone! Thanks Celly! I feel better now. I forgot about your dad Celly, his treatment of you, that must be difficult.

I am still considering calling the police, it would be a wake up call and maybe stop him in his tracks.

That is true about the alcohol, it is a bs excuse and it wouldn't surprise me if he tried to blame the alcohol for his behavior today.


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## pinksugar (Nov 28, 2007)

well I reckon you should. He shouldn't get away with treating you like that, it's a disgrace :grumble:


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## StereoXGirl (Nov 28, 2007)

I'm so sorry, Shelley! You deserve better!


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## S. Lisa Smith (Nov 28, 2007)

I would call the police, talk to them and then go to the emergency room. This is totally unacceptable!

Actually, reverse that, go to the ER first, get treatment, then the police. Please don't wait for weeks to have the arm looked at.


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## saintcloudgirl (Nov 28, 2007)

sorry, that is not good at all...call the police


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## emily_3383 (Nov 28, 2007)

It seems like you need to move very very far away. It seems like you dont live near anyone you can trust.


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## Shelley (Nov 28, 2007)

Thanks everyone.





I woke up this morning and thought why the hell should I put up with this. My exbf use to control and threaten me. I don't need my dad causing me problems. I have to go out later so I plan on stopping at the community police centre and filing a report.

My arm is very sore, quite bruised. I see the surgeon in 14 days. I plan on seeing my family doctor tomorrow. I tend to get quite nervous around doctors because some of them have judged me in the past in regards to exbf's abuse, injuries etc. My new family doctor is not aware of my past. I may get my new family doctor to write a letter and send it to the surgeons office ahead of time. That way it will be easier on me and she will have the info ahead of time. Actually I see her at the hospital surgical clinic not her main office.

I very rarely cry but today the tears are flowing out of me. I tend to be tough around others and not let my fears or tears show. I feel safer crying by myself. When I phoned my family doctors office I could barely talk. Luckily his receptionist is quite nice and booked me some extra time tomorrow when I see him.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Nov 28, 2007)

I'm glad you have taken the steps you have! We are here for you! Be strong!


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## lummerz (Nov 29, 2007)

Ohhh, Shelley! I'm so sorry! I'm so angry at what your dad did to your arm. I don't know how parents can be that crappy!!! If he's drinking then unfortunately that would probably explain a bit why he was acting the way he was.

Im in the same boat as in i don't communicate with either of my parents. Both of them loves to remind me of how useless their only daughter is...meh! It's hard...but what else can you do? At least you have a brother. Are you and him close at all?

All i say is...keep your chin up and things do get better. (((((HUG)))))))


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## sweetnsexy6953 (Nov 30, 2007)

Im sorry Shelley that happened to you. Your dad sounds like a real prick. I dont understand people now a days. How could you hurt someone you love? Its a mystery to me.


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## Lia (Nov 30, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Shelley* /img/forum/go_quote.gif  I have posted in the past about my parents etc. Anyways I came home today from an appointment and my dad was in my backyard puttering around. He had walked over from where my mom and him live. I asked him what he was doing. He said that he had talked to my aunt (mom's sister) and was quite angry that she bought me a new washing machine for Christmas and that I didn't deserve it. I asked him to leave and he said no. I looked at him for a few seconds and he started to walk out of the yard, through the gate. I proceeded to unlock my back door and he came back in through the gate, grabbed me by my arm (same arm where I had surgery), squeezed it really hard, and shoved me to the ground, my bad elbow was hit into the ground (cement patio). Needless to say my arm is hurting badly. I got up and said if he touches me again or comes on my property I will call the police. He mumbled something, called me a name, said I am a useless. 
I could smell alcohol on his breath. The thing is my dad has never had a drinking problem all his life. I have noticed the older he gets the more cranky, irritable he is.

My dad hates the world. He crabs and complains about everything. Around his buddies, he was a different person, as in he was more jovial. I know growing up he hated his mother because apparently his only other sibling, his sister, got better treatment.

I mentioned many months ago that my parents told me that I was never wanted as in they didn't want a second child. I have an older brother who lives elsewhere. So with the way they treated me growing up and during/after my abusive relationship I decided to stay away from them, no contact. I don't phone them at all. I may sound horrible and it is hard for me to dislike my parents but after what they have said and done I want nothing to do with them.

I thought about getting a restraining order.

Now my stupid arm is hurting, bruised, little and ring finger are numb. Not good. I see the surgeon in a few weeks for a follow up hopefully all these symptoms will be gone by then.

You should call the police NOW, not later. Don't let they hurt you anymore


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## Nox (Nov 30, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Lia* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You should call the police NOW, not later. Don't let they hurt you anymore Yep, do it while your memory and bruises are still fresh.


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## Anthea (Dec 1, 2007)

Originally Posted by *lummerz* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ohhh, Shelley! I'm so sorry! I'm so angry at what your dad did to your arm. I don't know how parents can be that crappy!!! If he's drinking then unfortunately that would probably explain a bit why he was acting the way he was. Im in the same boat as in i don't communicate with either of my parents. Both of them loves to remind me of how useless their only daughter is...meh! It's hard...but what else can you do? At least you have a brother. Are you and him close at all?

All i say is...keep your chin up and things do get better. (((((HUG)))))))

I hate it when people use drinking as an excuse for their actions. Its just an excuse, the drinking did not force them to take the actions. Those people know well and truly that their behavour changes with drinking.

I am so pleased you are going to seek help for this Shelley, also a doctors job is not to judge you but to treat you help you. If you feel you are being judged you got to change doctors.

You have every right to feel comfortable and most of all safe.


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## Shelley (Dec 1, 2007)

Update...

I called the police. My dad was arrested and charged with assault. I hope this will make him realize that he can't hurt or bully me. I heard through someone else that my mom is ticked that I called the police. That's her problem. I'm glad I have distanced myself. I will never be like them.


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## S. Lisa Smith (Dec 1, 2007)

Good for you!! You did the right thing and it doesn't matter what your mother thinks. We support you and are here for you!


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## magosienne (Dec 1, 2007)

i agree !! did you see your doctor? what did he say?


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## KristieTX (Dec 1, 2007)

Shelley, I am so proud of you for calling the police. I know it is hard. I had to call them once on my father for slamming me up against a wall and for assaulting my mom, so I know how you feel. I am estranged from my father (not just for that incident) as well. *big hugs* Just remember, we are here for you.


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## Shelley (Dec 3, 2007)

Originally Posted by *magosienne* /img/forum/go_quote.gif i agree !! did you see your doctor? what did he say? I did see my new family doctor earlier this week. I told him about my elbow symptoms and past abuse which has led to medical problems. He was very good about it and plans on writing the surgeon a letter to explain my recent symptoms, cause etc. I see the surgeon Dec.11th for a follow up. My arm and fingers are affected. I have numbness in my little and ring fingers and electrical sensations that shoot up to my wrist when I lean or tap my elbow. I try not to lean on the elbow but if you tap it feels like a intense zap radiating up to my wrist. I had this before and after surgery, typical of the elbow problem I had, but since the incident it is worse. I will keep everyone updated.

Originally Posted by *KristieTX* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Shelley, I am so proud of you for calling the police. I know it is hard. I had to call them once on my father for slamming me up against a wall and for assaulting my mom, so I know how you feel. I am estranged from my father (not just for that incident) as well. *big hugs* Just remember, we are here for you.



I'm sorry you had to go through that Kristie. I do remember months ago you mentioned about your father, past problems. Did you find it hard being estranged at first or was it easy? I found it hard at first but in the long run it's my own health and safety that is important, don't need the stress of my parents.


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