# Something is Really Wrong with Me



## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 28, 2006)

I know many of you expect funny stuff out of me, but there is something I need advice on and it isn't a laughing matter.

Some idiot(s) are trying to steal my land, my husband is starting to talk about trying to have a kid again, my new job is reallllyyy difficult, my aged grandmother wants me to move in with her, my central heat and air just blew out and will cost $3000 to fix, I just found two dead baby kittens on my porch, and a multitude of other things have come about very recently in my life. It is like my world is weighing me down.

Here it is...I have started uncontrollablly shaking, I am so dizzy and lightheaded I can't even drive to the market, my head is spliting wide open, I can't sleep, I am nausous, and my chest hurts. I really feel absolutely awful. I went to the doctor earlier today and he just shrugged, gave a prescription for Ambien and basically told me to go away. He said get rid of some the stress in my life. Yeah, right. It just keeps coming at me so fast I can hardly breathe! I think I am going to have a nervous breakdown. This dizziness and headache are worrying me even more.

Any suggestions? Or should I just shoot myself now and get it over with?


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## MACGoddess (Mar 28, 2006)

Aww hun, first let me give you a massive *HUG*!! You have to breathe...don't think about all that you have to do, think only about ONE of the problems, solve that. And THEN go to the next one... That is how I do it when I am under too much stress...

If I think about all my problems as a whole I get all freaked out, but if I go for tunnel vision and only focus on one at a time it helps...


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## Little_Lisa (Mar 28, 2006)

It does sound like you are under alot of stress and stress can be very damaging to your health. The headaches could very well be from stress and tension. I get those alot! Sounds like you could use a good massage to relieve some of the tension. When i've been under alot of stress I get panic attacks and feel dizzy sometimes. Maybe this is what you are experiencing. I'm sorry the doctor just shrugged you off. I hate when they do that! I've taken Ambien before but didn't like it because it caused me to hallucinate which disrupted my sleep even more. I also don't like that it's habit forming. Stress and worrying will certainly keep you up at night. I know, i've been there. Try taking some melatonin since it's a natural supplement and will help your body get back into a normal sleep cycle. I'm sorry for the difficult time you're going through. *HUGS* I hope you feel better soon and know that we're all here for you!


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 28, 2006)

Thanks! I think I am going to take a little time to go into the next little town and stay at a bed and breakfast for a couple of days to clear my head. I knew something was terribly wrong when I started crying this morning for no reason. It felt good though. However, I got this really weird "fight or flight" feeling too. I can't even describe it...I felt scared, I mean really scared of something but I have no idea what! Like a trapped animal...absolutely terrified. Am I going nuts?

I feel overwhelmed. I don't know how women with kids, and jobs, and husbands do it without hauling off and taking an M-16 into a watchtower. And why now? I finally feel like I have a real shot at making some REAL money and gaining prestige; I feel beautiful with my new hair; and my husband loves me.

Maybe I just need to regroup by standing back and looking at things objectively. If things don't change soon I am going to seriously consider therapy.

Right this instant I am going to take a hot bath, try out an Ambien (although I don't like the sound of it), and take a long sleep.

Again, thanks for the sweet advice. I'm telling ya, if I didn't have this forum, I would go completely insane and take my Evil Twin with me.


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## peekaboo (Mar 28, 2006)

You are really going through alot! Just wanted to send a virtual *hug* your way! Hang in there!


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 28, 2006)

Buy a good Power Yoga tape (Rodney Yee has a great one)...and do it every day. It helps you get rid of a lot of pent up energy. I would also suggest that you go outside every morning and every night and look at the sunrises and sunsets. There's just something so inherently peaceful about them. And, each day when you find tha tyou are feeling "victim" you remind yourself of all of the wonderful things you have in your life. You need to train yourself to find the good things in life, again.

Stress does some crazy things to your body and you'll never be able to "get rid" of the stress in your life. The best thing for you to do is learn how to deal with it effectively.

Take care of yourself!

((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))


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## Lavazza (Mar 28, 2006)

Hey, do not worry...there will be better times for you..I knwo what it is like: it just comes alltogether!!! Keep calm and go through everything step by step...AND...search the advice and care of your husband..shared distress is half distress...okay ? BIG HUG !!


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## Aquamarine317 (Mar 28, 2006)

*Sorry to hear that.. I think March has been a bad month for a lot of people. Me as well. It seems like EVERYTHING has gone wrong so I hear you. hang in there, i wish you the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1*


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## schlemmerm3779 (Mar 28, 2006)

I'm sorry sweetie. But I think Lisa is right, you sound like you are experiencing a bad panic attack. I get those too and take med's for them. The fight or flight feeling is a number one symptom of a panic or anxiety attack and with all the stress you are going through. It makes sense.

Unfortuantely dr's will sometimes dismiss it and make you feel like you are just crazy. Big hugggggs! Just know that you are not crazy and it will all work itself out in the end. :wassatt:


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## jennycateyez (Mar 28, 2006)

sorry to hear that, im going through alot of stuff to so i def feel your pain. i hope everything works out for you. *hugs*


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 28, 2006)

OMG! Thank you all so much for the support! I just got out of the tub and feel more relaxed.

I was actually really put off by how the doctor reacted to me...like I was some kind of complainer...I think I should consult another doctor. After hearing "Panic Attack" I looked it up on the internet and the symptoms really nail my problem on the head. Even the "head tingling" part.

Thanks so much for the advice! I will get through this, I am just going to have learn to be more balanced and not let life get me so crazy.

The yoga idea sounds interesting...but all that stretching looks painful. Do you have to be some kind of contortionist or what? How long does it take to get limber...and what about Tai Chi (spelling?).


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## Becka (Mar 28, 2006)

I agree w/ the others, definitely panic attacks, hang in there Brazen, it WILL get better


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## KathrynNicole (Mar 28, 2006)

*hugs*


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## belisahC (Mar 28, 2006)

:sadyes: *So sorry to hear about your tough time but I agree that this has been a bad month for a lot of people. My daughter lost her great job and wrecked her car! Try to concentrate on gratitude (I need to take my own advice) and maybe get a second opinion regarding your health. Stress does cause very weird symptoms.*


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## eightthirty (Mar 28, 2006)

I know it seems like a heavy weight on your shoulders, but that may just be due to the fact that it's all happening at once. Similar to what Leila suggested, consider if each of these problems came at their own times. How would you handle them? Make sure you prioritize. And these may be the most trite words you've ever heard, but most importantly "DON'T WORRY". Worrying may be the sole cause of your stress and anxiety. What good does worrying do? Nothing. The outcome won't change by you worrying. For me it's all about faith, I suppose.

As far as the land, all you can do is be patient. Let the laws take their course. Follow your attorney's advice. Have faith. He/she went through law school for a reason. If you have objections or feel strongly about a certain area of the proceedings, make them clear up front and often.

Relay your feelings of stress and anxiety to your husband. I'm not sure how you, personally feel about the thought of having a child at this moment, but it doesn't seem like the ideal time to be thinking about it for you. Let him know that your health is in need of some TLC right now. Stress and anxiety aren't good for pregnancies.

I can't speak much for your job, but perhaps the B &amp; B will help with that. Try to keep your mind off it while you're away.

And your grandmother....hmmm. I would need more info.

Q about your Central Heat and A/C: What kind of climate is the Twilight Zone in? Is it possible you could make do through the summer? My parents have done that before with the help of many fans and an attic fan.

As for the kittens, that must have been heartbreaking!! I'm sure you can handle that one. Were they yours? Have you considered a proper burial?

As far as the stress and anxiety, the yoga, the massage, the B &amp; B all sound like great ideas. Even taking moments of silence and practicing breathing throughout the day can help drastically. Yoga isn't near as hard for me as Pilates is. There are a ton of stress relief activities that you can do, but you have to find what is right for you. Some people grab a coloring book and crayons (helps for minor problems) and others paint, play sports, talk to a professional, vent here on MUT (wonderful help!!). What do you enjoy doing that puts you in that euphoric state (besides sex....see above)?

((BIG HUGS)) :icon_love


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 28, 2006)

I am sorry about your daughter :sdrop: ...it seems like March has really been madness for so many people! Maybe March 2006 has been astrologically cursed! (Knock on Wood)


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## MACGoddess (Mar 28, 2006)

I don't have experience with Tai Chi, but I do with Yoga, I used to teach a Yoga and Pilates class at a gym in addition to some other types of classes...

Yoga is most definitely a "work at your own pace" kind of exercise! You don't have to start at intense stuff, I would recommend maybe grabbing a VHS or DVD of Beginning Yoga type stuff and see what you think... It is always helpful as far as relaxing your body and allowing you some time to kind of "stew" in your own head and meditate/think about things.


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## pj03079 (Mar 28, 2006)

Honey, you are only reacting to tremendous stress. First of all your doctor is a jerk and if possible try to change doctors. A good doctor might put you on an anti anxiety med, but the ambien is only to fall alseep not for anxiety. I know I am pushingi meds here and maybe some people will not like that, but a little valium (short term) would help you right now. You are overwhelmed and that is how the body reacts when it can't take anymore. Talk to your husband about what he thinks you should do too. My heart goes out to you.

Joy


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 29, 2006)

I am pretty flexible and used to be really athletic...yoga sounds like something I want to try. Does it help you lose weight, too?


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 29, 2006)

Thank you. I have been reading more about these things on the internet today and have realized that you are probably right. I am not ashamed to say I would go onto meds for a short period of time...I never realized how stress can chew you up and spit you out. I have told a tiny few of my friends about how much stress I am under (except you wonderful ladies here at MUT - which has helped immensely) and I think I got all bottled up inside. I have always tried to be strong, not complain, and take my licks as they come...but I let my emotions and mental stress get the best of me. Thanks again!


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 29, 2006)

I love Yoga...it's a very relaxing form of exercise. It looks like plain stretching but a lot of those poses build up some good muscle tone. Does it make you lose weight? Well, if you are a stress-eater, then doing the Yoga may release some of that stress and thus curb the eating... :satisfied:

I highly recommend Yoga. The Living Arts has some great tapes. I personally love Rodney Yee and Seane Corn. Depending upon what kind of stress relief you need, you will need to find a good practice to follow. If you are like me where you need extreme physical exertion to release stress followed by calm, then a good Power Yoga (also known as Ashtanga Yoga) is good. If you prefer to go straight into more relaxing movements, then Hatha yoga would be good for you. Vinyasa Flow (Seane Corn specialty) is kind of a mix between the two.

As for Tai Chi...I LOVE Tai Chi. The Park District has a morning Tai Chi class on Saturdays outside (weather permitting). Tai Chi is like martial arts at a very slow speed. It's very relaxing and invigorating at the same time.

Check your local library for different Yoga tapes/DVD's. That way you can see which ones fit your needs before you go and buy them. They may also have a Tai Chi tape or two there. I just got a DVD Quigong (I believe that's what it's called) and I'm going to work on it tomorrow when Makayla goes for her nap.

Take care!


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## Marisol (Mar 29, 2006)

Sounds like you have gotten great advice so far. Just know that we are here for you if you want to vent.

::Hugs::


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 29, 2006)

:clap Oh wow! Thank you so much for that wealth of information! If you learn Tai Chi really well, can you speed it up and either use it for self defense or just for kicking some butt?


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 29, 2006)

Thanks...I will take you guys up on that offer!


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## Estrelinha (Mar 29, 2006)

Sounds like mild panic attacks. I'd go see a psych., and if you're open to alternative medicines, I'd try some of them to mellow you out a bit. I hope things get better with you...


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## Elisabeth (Mar 29, 2006)

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this!

I have so been where you are only about three times in my life when things just imploded. Although I have experienced panic attacks since I was about 6 and had to be at that time put on Phenobarbital...it got really, really, bad once when my ex dumped me and I learned I hadn't gotten my dream job, etc. I decided (like you) to give myself a reprieve and get away from everything and go to a Catholic Retreat Center in the East Bay of the California Bay Area. The nuns there had been so nice to me, even though I am not a Catholic; and at the time it was all I could afford. Well, on the drive down there, I got a panic attack so bad I had to pull over and literally could not continue. I was sobbing so hard that I knew I was putting myself and others in danger. While I do recommend Yoga, meditation, and other relaxation techniques...at least from my experience, I was in no place (yet) to do that. I had to stop shaking first!

While I would never attempt to second guess your doctor..and I dislike zombie-making meds just as much as anyone..I would suggest trying a drug called *Ativan*. Ambien is used primarily for sleep (you can look this up at askmd.com or an online P.D.R.)..while Ativan is the Cadillac -or one of them- specifically for panic attacks. It can be taken sub-lingually and enters the bloodstream faster than you can say "I'm losing it." It is what my doc gave me when I pulled over. I called him and said "you gotta help me!" He stayed on the phone with me until I limped my car to the nearest Walgreen's. He said ok. I phoned it in for you. go in. get it. stick it under your tongue.....While there is no magic bullet, and Ativan should not be used for long-term use, I can say that it helped me tremendously. It helped me enough so I could stop shaking and dial the phone to make those therapy appointments. After that, thankfully, things calmed down and started slowly falling into place. I was just having a hard year.. Since your doc is throwing meds at you, I would try to score some of this stuff.

And don't think for one minute you are going crazy. It's just that Life Stress (and the emotional reactions to it) can just shut down your show sometimes. I feel for you, b/c I've been there and back a couple of times.

Feel better....


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## pj03079 (Mar 29, 2006)

When I was at a point in my life that I was having many of your symptoms, my doctor gave me some valium and it helped. It didn't make the problems go away, but I could handle it better. Don't stay on it for longer than three months because then you start to get dependant. I did and I know what that was like. Try to take good care of yourself because you deserve to be happy.


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 29, 2006)

* :w00t: * *Condition Update Ladies:*

I went to a psychiatrist today. He sees my friend for issues (I didn't even know he was seeing a shrink!) and he is on my insurance plan, so I gave him a call yesterday and he fit me in this morning as an "emergency" (which I am grateful for). I was about to go to hospital.

He gave me a prescription for Cymbalta (depression 60mg) and Trileptal (150mg) for the panic attacks and dizziness. The info sheet I got from the pharmacist says it is used to treat a bunch of disorders, but epilepsy is among the most frequent uses. I am supposed to take the Trileptal at night, but he said go ahead and take it the minate I got the prescription filled. It will take about a week for the meds to take effect.

He told me (like you good ladies) that these things sometimes happen and I should never be ashamed of needing meds. Life is so stressful it is amazing we all aren't on drugs!

I just want to thank each and every one of you for your gracious and kind advice, support, and caring. You all have been wonderful examples of the sensitivity we women have for each other. I am taken aback by the fabulous hugs and love you ladies have sent out to me in this horrible time.

Oh yeah...I took an Ambien last and I think the pharmachist accidently filled my prescription with medical grade LSD. I was tripping! The wallpaper was going whooo-whooo (snaking and girating around), the carpet suddenly looked like grass swaying in the wind, and paintings on the wall literally "came to life." I was watching television and the people on the screen were literally coming out at me. I would put my hands in front of my face to "grab" the images and the colors wrapped around my hands as if they were submerged in water. Crazy! Thugs could sell this stuff on the street! And my dreams.....whoooooooaaaaaa!

:icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_love


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## KristieTX (Mar 29, 2006)

Brazen, I have suffered from panic attacks my whole life, so I understand what you are going through. So glad that you were able to get to the doctor and get some meds to help with the anxiety and depression. My mom is on Trileptal and it has helped her trememdously. Just sending you a *hug* and prayers that things ease up and get better for ya.


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## Kelly (Mar 29, 2006)

Oh honey, wow, big hugs!!!! I too know how it feels, I get this overwhelmed fight or flee type mode sometimes too. I couldn't remember if mine were panic attacks or nervous breakdowns (are they the same?). I haven't gotten any in a long time, but I do know I get really "dazed and confused" at times for no reason (I always tease myself about it.....but it is serious, I'm sometimes really "lost" feeling, which has nothing to do with the panic attacks or breakdowns....so I'm not really sure what that is.....I'm sure it's all part of stress).

As for the panic attacks.....I am so glad you got into see a physch.....now as your body and mind calms down a little (if the meds start to help).....those stresses you have in your life will look a little more able to handle (not easier), just like you can atleast start to attempt to handle them. Again, like others said.....go slow, don't jump right in to all your "stresses". Have you asked for anyone else to help you out with some of these situations, husband, friends, relatives? Maybe someone can take a burden off you?

I don't know your religious beliefs, which is none of my business, but I will tell you when things get too tough for me, I just say "Jesus, I can't do this on my own, I can't handle this, please just take it from me for now....".....and I just give it all to Him for as long as it takes.....it's kinda neat cuz then I'm either given a different route to look at things or He takes me through them a bit differently or more in a way that I can handle them.......

Take care and PLEASE know you are in good hands here at MUT and we are all kinda like a close nit family and I really do care about how you are doing, so please do not hesitate to lean on me or anyone here.....we love you!


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## BrazenBrunhilda (Mar 29, 2006)

:w00t: Thank you so much...yes, I am praying for strength and courage to face my stressful issues. I like the Serenity Prayer a lot. It really has some sort of great spiritual meaning to me...I have also been reading some of the psalms and believe it or not, I can feel them working. I know some people think it is hooey...it is refreshing to come across a person who needs to pray to Christ for assistance. I am thinking about seeing my priest next week for a little convo (I am Episcopalian, but believe there is stock in what the faiths of Buddhism, Hinduism, Judism, etc. have to offer). Thanks again sweetheart...I am telling you, if was not for this forum I would *not* be on meds, I would *not* be in a "good place" emotionally and I certainly would *have* suffered with these panic attacks until they destroyed me. I had heard of them before, but never really knew _exactly_ what they were...thanks for the heads up. :clap


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## VenusGoddess (Mar 30, 2006)

Unfortunately, no...the martial arts part is knowing where to put the strength to land the punch.

But, um...if you are interested in some martial arts, then go sign up at a local Karate/TaeKwanDo/Akido studio and learn! It's great exercise and you learn a lot about self-defense, as well!!


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## Elisabeth (Mar 30, 2006)

Oh, I am so glad to hear this! Thanks for the update...

I know what courage it takes just to walk into the psychiatrists office.

The Trileptal is good stuff.

Just by taking the steps you did was such a healthy, sane thing to do.

Keep us posted!


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## Cool Kitten (Apr 4, 2006)

wow, this is hilarious!!!!! I've never had any patients mention side effects like these, they don't occur too often :laughno: Must've been fun :clap


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