# Is it possible to just fall out of love with somebody?



## x33cupcake (May 9, 2008)

sometimes i love my boyfriend. sometimes he annoys the living hell out of me. i know this sounds like a typical relationship but sometimes i'm just wondering if i am just* really* out of love with this guy? so i wanna know.. do you girls think that its possible to just fall out of love? maybe the chemistry is lost, i dunno what it is =/

what if you do fall out of love but just don't know it? since love is supposed to be "unconditional"?


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## speedy (May 9, 2008)

Yes, it's definitely possible to fall out of love with someone, it's happened to me a few times, to me it's just a sign that the relationship has run it's course and it's time to move on.


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## Arielle123 (May 9, 2008)

Yes it's definitely possible. Love is supposed to be unconditional, but it's deifnitely not. There are always conditions. If it's just a matter of chemistry being lost you wouldn't feel like you weren't in love with him. Chemistry and love are separate things. That's why a lot of times people who are married many years need to regain the chemistry but still feel the love (often much more than when first together).

If you're wondering if you're not in love with him anymore that's not really a good sign and probably means that it's true. Trust your gut. It knows what you feel.

Like speedy said maybe it's a sign that the relationship has run its course. How do you feel when he's not annoying the hell out of you? Is it a frequent thing? How would you feel if he wasn't around?


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## S. Lisa Smith (May 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *speedy* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yes, it's definitely possible to fall out of love with someone, it's happened to me a few times, to me it's just a sign that the relationship has run it's course and it's time to move on. I agree. It happens...


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## Adrienne (May 9, 2008)

I think its possible. I've actually fallen out of love with my husband but just bc i wasnt in love didnt mean i didnt love him. This happened bc we got to comfortable and just needed to put a spark back in our life. This takes effort, work and of course, commitment.

Most couples see this on their two year mark and breakup but thats because according to scientific studies, thats how long the honeymoon phase (endorphins) can last before you actually start to have to work on a relationship, which most ppl dont' care to do.

Real love takes a whole lot of more than just love.


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## McRubel (May 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *ag10v* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think its possible. I've actually fallen out of love with my husband but just bc i wasnt in love didnt mean i didnt love him. This happened bc we got to comfortable and just needed to put a spark back in our life. If you don't mind me asking, what did you do to fall back in love??? Just try to be more romantic?


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## Johnnie (May 9, 2008)

It's possible.


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## Adrienne (May 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *McRubel* /img/forum/go_quote.gif If you don't mind me asking, what did you do to fall back in love??? Just try to be more romantic?



Yea basically. We started acting like brother and sister. We never went out and did new stuff like we used to, we never went out on dates (our excuse was we're married, how in the heck do we date?), when we went out, we went out with other friends as a group, we were basically stuck in a rut.
So we now have a date night, and try to do things together that only couples can do and we definitely try to communicate more often. Even if we're in a mad dash we always manage to give each other a kiss bye and throughout the day we do lil lovey things to surprise each other like random txt messages. Or when we make a quick run to the grocery store, we always hold hands whe possible and it just puts you in that romantic mood, like you're in high school all over again.

This seems pretty simple but all these are things that came naturally when we first fell in love so to keep it going you gotta keep it working. Like I said, I didn't quit loving him, I just lost that in love feeling i had for him and he kinda did too. But by incorporating these small details throughout the day, it helped dramatically and i remembered why i fell in love with him in the first place.


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## McRubel (May 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *ag10v* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yea basically. We started acting like brother and sister. We never went out and did new stuff like we used to, we never went out on dates (our excuse was we're married, how in the heck do we date?), when we went out, we went out with other friends as a group, we were basically stuck in a rut.
So we now have a date night, and try to do things together that only couples can do and we definitely try to communicate more often. Even if we're in a mad dash we always manage to give each other a kiss bye and throughout the day we do lil lovey things to surprise each other like random txt messages. Or when we make a quick run to the grocery store, we always hold hands whe possible and it just puts you in that romantic mood, like you're in high school all over again.

This seems pretty simple but all these are things that came naturally when we first fell in love so to keep it going you gotta keep it working. Like I said, I didn't quit loving him, I just lost that in love feeling i had for him and he kinda did too. But by incorporating these small details throughout the day, it helped dramatically and i remembered why i fell in love with him in the first place.

Awwwww! So sweet! I need to do that with my bf. We're starting to get in a rut. We've been together a year and a half and I guess like you mentioned before, the honeymoon phase is over. Thanks for the tips


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## Dragonfly (May 9, 2008)

I have fallen out of love with partners/husband. Eventually, the relationships fizzled out and I moved on.

If you were married and/or had children, you might want to work hard to get things back on track. Or you might want to move on - its a personal decision.

However, it you aren't married and no children are involved, then you need to decide if you want to remain with someone that you aren't in love with anymore.

It comes down to trusting your instincts, knowing when to stay and when to throw in the towel.


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## Darla (May 9, 2008)

Originally Posted by *ag10v* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think its possible. I've actually fallen out of love with my husband but just bc i wasnt in love didnt mean i didnt love him. This happened bc we got to comfortable and just needed to put a spark back in our life. This takes effort, work and of course, commitment. 
Most couples see this on their two year mark and breakup but thats because according to scientific studies, thats how long the honeymoon phase (endorphins) can last before you actually start to have to work on a relationship, which most ppl dont' care to do.

Real love takes a whole lot of more than just love.

i thought there were some excellent points here which is why i am quoting it (again). 
I think even more for a married couple going through difficulties and making it through make the bonds even stronger.


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## x33cupcake (May 10, 2008)

maybe its just the fact that me and my boyfriend aren't doing so well now. but why do i always feel so freaking doubtful and terrible when this goes on? i dunno what to do


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## chocobon (May 10, 2008)

I agree, it is possible to fall out of love!!


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## brewgrl (May 10, 2008)

You know, love has so many conditions, its not even funny... whoever came up with the term "unconditional Love" is full of poop.


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## laurreenn (May 11, 2008)

I think it depends on the degree of love. I think that if you say you love someone, you mean unconditionally (whether their breath smells, or they get into a freak accident and lose their hearing) and that if you lose chemistry with them they're important enough to you that you seek therapy with them so that you can keep the person you love. When you truly love someone, I don't think it just disappears.


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## sweetnsexy6953 (May 14, 2008)

I think that you just need to recindle(sp?) the fire and you'll be fine. Just take it one day at a time and things will get better and you'll realize why you fell in love with him.


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## Johnnie (May 14, 2008)

Originally Posted by *brewgrl* /img/forum/go_quote.gif You know, love has so many conditions, its not even funny... whoever came up with the term "unconditional Love" is full of poop. I think 'unconditional love' can be applied to your mother or your children. Those are examples.


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## ticki (May 15, 2008)

unconditional love really only applies to family and even then there are a lot of people who hate their families.

i've been in quite a few instances where i've fallen out of love with somebody. you're not the only one!


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## jessiej78 (May 15, 2008)

I think that love, real love, is a choice, not a feeling. A lot of "feelings" can be confused with love....lust for one, and that new feeling of euphoria that you get when you are in the early stages of a relationship. These are the feelings that will ebb and flow, sometimes you won't feel them at all. But when you love someone, it is different than that, I think. To me it is when you have made a commitment to that person, regardless of your feelings on any given day.


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## brewgrl (May 15, 2008)

Originally Posted by *jmgjmg623* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think 'unconditional love' can be applied to your mother or your children. Those are examples. even then... I love both my mom and my kid... but believe me, I know plenty of mom/kid relationships where there just isn't anything there.


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## Bec688 (May 15, 2008)

Sometimes it's not necesarily falling out of love with somone, it's the way you love them changes, you can love them, but you are no longer IN love with them. It happens, and when it does, it's time to move on.


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## pinksugar (May 15, 2008)

I think my two favourite points in this argument were:

- two year honeymoon period

- love is a choice you make regardless of your feelings for someone on any given day.

This explains my experiences perfectly. It was me that was prepared to work after the 2 year period whereas he wasn't. For me, it definitely was a decision to be committed to him and work hard for the sake of what we had.

Basically, I do think it's possible to fall out of love with someone. For me, the point at which I make the decision to move on is the one in which I no longer feel like a unified body. Once I start to make snarky comments about him when I'm with friends, not trying to explain his motives which effectively makes him look bad... well they're signs for me that he is not working hard enough in my opinion to maintain the relationship and I've started to subconsciously slack off as well as a result of that.

Wishing you the best of luck with getting that love back - I agree with the other girls that it's totally possible, but does require work!


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## la angela (May 16, 2008)

you guys can try a little distance between each other for a period of time and see how both of you feel about it. If you start to feel lonely or start to think about him a lot then that's probably a good sign that you're starting to fall back for him. If you enjoy your life with him not being around so much, then maybe its time to move on? I think if we were to truly fell in love with someone, we'd know it without mistake, like 100% that it's not lust and its unquestionable.


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## akbaby (May 16, 2008)

i think you can fall out of love, but then i think you can't. i think a lot of times people THINK they're in love, but then they realize, they're not. when you do truly fall deeply and madly in love with someone, it never goes away..

you have probably just lost the chemistry, like other people have said.. i've been with my boyfriend for three years and it has happened to us, but we always end up okay again cuz we spice things up with a romantic vacation, or a fun date.

i hope everything works out!


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## Adrienne (May 16, 2008)

Originally Posted by *la angela* /img/forum/go_quote.gif you guys can try a little distance between each other for a period of time and see how both of you feel about it. If you start to feel lonely or start to think about him a lot then that's probably a good sign that you're starting to fall back for him. If you enjoy your life with him not being around so much, then maybe its time to move on. Very good point. Sometimes it takes a separation to realize how little you actually appreciated the other person.


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## MusicNMakeup (May 24, 2008)

Yes, definetly!! You can fall out of love with someone. I was married for 17 yrs to a great guy that I just adored. BUT, 15 years into the marriage, I found out that he had other plans for HIS future and they didn't include me.

That hurt for a long time and took me awhile to get past that, but once I did...I no longer saw him as I did while being married. I had lost respect for him and that's a biggee. It's hard to love someone when the respect is gone.

We're still great friends and even business partners and I'm grateful for that. He has really good qualities about him, but, I don't look at him anymore as a husband. That died a few years back.

I haven't dated in 3 years because I needed the time to focus on me and have done well and I'm doing okay being single.


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## beaglette (May 24, 2008)

Sometimes, when people "fall out of love", I think they mean they don't have that that "twitterpated" feeling anymore. Realize that "being in love" does not constitute "loving someone". You can love someone without being "in love". That doesn't mean you should end your relationship. It is envitable: people get comfortable with one another. That just means their "love" evolves to a different plane, which isn't, necessarily, a bad thing. I compare it to being addicted to cigarettes, drugs, etc-- you are chasing that high, continually, until you decide that the "high" isn't worth the outcome(s).

That "new love" feeling only lasts for so long. You are first enamored with everything they do and it's so is "cute" and not-annnoying. Two cliches come to mind: "a new broom sweeps good" and "familiarity breeds contempt". It's a natural progression of any type of relationship. But, with that, comes a deeper level of appreciation-- it's just a matter of finding it. Do you love him? It seems you do because you're torn. If you didn't love him, you would leave, without asking for advice. You'd cut your losses and be single or find someone new.

While it's important to love someone, it's equally important to like them. If you don't like them, it's pretty pointless. After all, who wants to be with someone whose company they really don't enjoy? It's like drudgery-- "I just gotta get through this because we've been together for so long and I don't want to train a new person". So we settle for mediocrity-- "this is good enough". When you like someone, you enjoy their company. You find them, at least, remotely amusing and interesting. You look forward to spending time with them. It doesn't mean you crave being with them, like when you first "fall in love". When you love someone, you want the best for them, come what may, regardless if he/she makes your heart skip a beat.

Unconditional love simply means that you accept the person for what they are. That doesn't mean that everyone doesn't have something to work on to become a better person-- we all do! But, unconditional love means that you are committed to sticking with that person and help them become a better person as you expect them to help you become the same. After all, don't we want to be the best we can?

There was something that caused you to be attracted to him in the first place. Focus on that or those thihngs instead of the things that drive you nuts; I know, easier said than done! You can't like everything the person does and vice-versa. As a matter of fact, it's possibly to not like a lot of the things that a person. And vice-versa. That doesn't mean you don't love them. It just means you have to get back to a place where you communicate (in a rationale way-- NOT nagging or fighting) to help him or her become a better person. I've often found that an individual doesn't realize they are annoying you so much to the point of making you consider ending the relationship. Communication (once again, in a rationale way, is what is necessary.

Perhaps, consider these things and open up a line of communication with you bf. It can make a world of wonders!

I have a saying "he might be cute, but there's a woman somewhere who is sick of his crap". That doesn't mean you leave; you can get back to a place where you aren't "sick of his crap, of if;, it's worth it to you.

Not knowing how long you hav been with your bg, I have a theory. I think if you ca make it through the first year of a relationship AND marriage, you are going to be fine. Of course, there's exceptions to that rule.

Best of luck to you!

Hugs,

Brandi


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## brewgrl (May 24, 2008)

Originally Posted by *MusicNMakeup* /img/forum/go_quote.gif That hurt for a long time and took me awhile to get past that, but once I did...I no longer saw him as I did while being married. I had lost respect for him and that's a biggee. It's hard to love someone when the respect is gone. So true!!! I totally believe that as well! When there is no respect, there is always resentment, and resentment is a weed that can take up a lot of space in one's heart.


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## pinksugar (May 24, 2008)

haha, I think my 'heart garden' is overgrown with resentment weeds at the moment Jen!


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## brewgrl (May 24, 2008)

Seriously! There are even moments when I actually enjoyed "watering" that resentment. It has bloomed the most fascinating language to come out of my mouth, as well as some of the best random shopping trips and even more random nights out with girl friends.


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## fiercely (Jun 7, 2008)

Relationships take work.


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## akbaby (Jun 8, 2008)

i hope everything turned out okay for you since you posted this!


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## ~Ms.August~365 (Jun 8, 2008)

Oh it's very possible to fall out of love with someone.... but that doesn't seem like the case with you and your bf. You guys just need to bring a little spark back into it. Every relationship hits a slump. But when you have officially fallen out of love... YOU KNOW IT... there are no more questions to ask. That was my experience, I literally woke up one day and knew that I was done. Nothing has to be wrong, he can be the greatest man in life, but you'll know when it's ran its course.


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## LittleMissLilo (Jun 9, 2008)

I once dated a guy for almost a year and a half. On the half mark, I just realized I wasn't happy and everything I did after that was just so that I can make myself love him again. But it was all lost from the beginning. So it is possible. =[


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## laurafaye (Jun 11, 2008)

I think distance makes the love abit stronger. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and he lives quite a while from me and because of college and things, we only see each other on weekends, which sort of builds up excitement of seeing each other, and when we do see each other we make sure we go out to restaurants and to the cinema so we aren't stuck in the house bored.


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## -Chelsey- (Jun 11, 2008)

I think a lot of the time when you start to get annoyed with your s/o you start focusing on the negative things and start noticing more and more things that drive you crazy. Which in return i suppose could make you fall out of love with them. You need to start reminding yourself of the positive things that made you fall in love with him/her to begin with. Everyone has their flaws and everyone annoys eachother at some point but you have to focus on the good things.


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## rlise (Jun 12, 2008)

yea i agree falling out touch with the whole relationship is possible.. but i dont really believe that you actually fall out of love.. people get tired of the same face, same ol responses, things that were cute in the beginning arent so cute 2+ years downt the road. poeple change and that cannot be helped. the only that can is like ADRIENNE said you gotta WORK on your life.

ive been w/ my beau for almost 7 years or so ... dont really keep track anymore. but anywho i find myself always questioning am i falling out tooo... but naw .. im just used to everything and as the lovely women we are , and our lovely emotions.... we feel we are falling out and need some change.... and basically that realy all it boils down too. is changing your days with your beau.... it may help.... HTH


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