# Being unemployed is affecting our relationship!



## Lucy (Feb 13, 2010)

oh *big hugs*

you need to talk to him! i know it's hard, and talking to him won't mean that he will get a job or change the situation, but at least he will know how fustrated you are. i really sympathise for you, i've given you advice before and often said how i am in the same situation. i think our SOs have to realise themselves that the situation is rubbish though. there's only so much other people can do or tell them to do. they have to come to it by themselves.

it's not fair that you're providing for the two of you, it affects the balance in relationships and this might be why he shrinks away from you or doesn't show you affection any more. if it gets worse i would consider relationship counselling, or even just suggest it to him, that alone may signal to him how concerned you are.


----------



## emily_3383 (Feb 13, 2010)

That is a really hard thing. My SO and I really went through the samething. We both were jobless and It was hard for him at first but he sucked it up and got a regular old 9-5 but he is surprisingly making good money because of perks (very lucky). We are both doing jobs we are really over qualified for but its just how it goes right now.

From what Im reading he seems kind of comfortable because you can provide for the both of you and he thinks he can take his time and look for what he wants. He is going to waste all this time and by summer time unemployment will be gone and what is he going to do then? He doesnt seem to get the urgency of things! A lot of people are taking jobs they dont want but we all need homes and food so something is going to give.


----------



## shyiskrazy2 (Feb 13, 2010)

Marriage is difficult and a lot of work (I have been there, too, but now divorced). To me, it sounds like he is stressed out and not thinking clearly. When a man loses his job, it is immasculating and that kills the romance. I would explain to him that although you love him to pieces, you need him to try/make more of an effort to help you help him. Hugs always cheer me up too! So, maybe he needs one. It never hurts to pray and reconnect w/each other in your holy matrimony. God bless. I hope that he realizes what a good wife you are and is grateful for everything we are given in life.


----------



## Darla (Feb 13, 2010)

Being unemployed is very stressful, and can take its toll on even the best of relationships. Even though you do have an income, maybe consider not buying anything frivolous such as lotions and clothing, until he gets on his feet again. Perhaps he is justifying the cable because he thinks you are squandering money on stuff he considers unimportant, and that is somehow ok. Just a thought...

I assume that he goes to a free employment agency for help with job searching, resume and interviewing skills? If not, he needs to because they are experts in the field of finding a job. If you try to take on all of these responsibilities, he may actually resent you or view you as being a nag.

In the interm he needs to take on any job or volunteer - either/both will give him a sense of purpose and he can still look for more appropriate work on his days off.


----------



## Johnnie (Feb 13, 2010)

If he isn't working he should be cooking, cleaning and doing his own damn job searching. I'm appalled he can't even smile when you get home. Seems like he's being a free-loader to me. You deserve better.


----------



## Shelley (Feb 13, 2010)

I was thinking he could be feeling depressed. Not being able to find a similar career as the one he held, not being able to contribute etc.

As Darla mentioned he could check a free employment agency for career counseling, resume writing etc.

Even if he doesn't find a job in his field right now its better to take on some type of work. It would give him new skills, something he could add onto his resume. And while he is working at another type of job he can keep his eyes open for job in his field.


----------

