# I need help!!!



## Makeup-aholic (Aug 1, 2007)

*Hey girls , I've been going through thick and thin with my bestfriend and I'm at the end of my rope with her, I mean I'm ready to just let it go.Maria and I have been bestfriends since 3rd grade Crazy. I feel I've done soo much for her, like she got kicked out of her house at 16 and my mom let her stay with us and when her Dad kicked her out at age 22 she lived with my boyfriend and I.When she moved out so did I.I left my bf cause we were having problems and Maria told me she would be there for me and she wasen't at all.I had no one to talk to or anything.So I forgave her for not being a friend and all that other stuff and she said thing would change.I feel like i've done so much for her but when I need a friend I get nothing .But now its been like 6 months and I haven't heard from her or anything.what do I do its the same CRAP all over again.When you are friends with someone you take the time out and call and kick it right? When do you give it up when you have had enough crap.Am I doing the right thing or do you just suck it up?How many of you feel used in a friendship and are ready to say f it ?*


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## pinksugar (Aug 1, 2007)

I would say let it gradually drift away.. I've tried being upfront or getting angry and it turned into a big, aggressive, angry mess. The girl involved lives in my area and goes to my boyfriend's uni, which is across the road from my house.

I would say let her go, do it subtley if you can, do it so that she doesn't even realise it's happening until 1 day, three or more years from now she realises she never sees you.

It takes a lot of strength to do this - it's really tempting to tell her why you wont have anything to do with her, but really, having been through a messy friendship 'divorce' if you can call it that, I would recommend not getting into a huge, uncomfortable argument if you can avoid it with some persistence on your part






best of luck and sorry to hear about your problem


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## SqueeKee (Aug 1, 2007)

Do you guys live close together?

Are you both busy at all?

Has anything happened in your lives for you to "drift"?

I've noticed this with me and my friends . . . we left school and all went our deperate ways. Some of us had kids, some of us got married, alot of us moved to different parts of Canada. Others went to college or university.

And suddenly, people who were BFFs were just people you hadn't talked to in years. I'm not sure how it got to the point it is now for us, but maybe it started somewhere, right? Maybe one person was too busy with school to call the other and the other got irritated and felt alone?

I don't know . . . all I know is that girls who used to be my BFFs are now merely aquaintences. We talk maybe once or twice a year, and that's on msn.

Me and one peticular girl kinda went our seperate ways. She got pregnant and moved away. Then I moved away to another place and got married. Four years later, we find ourselves living in the same priovince again. She comes to visit and it's like we haven't been apart a day in our lives. Everything is back to normal.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that ever the closest friends go their seperate ways. I don't really think it means that either of them are horrible people . . . it happens to everybody.

Even if you live next door, you can still grow apart. It's a sad part of life but all to real. So if you feel this is happening to you and your friend, maybe just go with it. It doesn't sound like she was the greatest friend anyway . . .


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## limelight (Aug 12, 2007)

just drop her, seems like she's dropped you


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## Dreama (Aug 12, 2007)

I would definately let her do her own thing for now. You can remain friends or still have that loving friendship feeling for her, but let her go for now. She needs to realize what a great friend she has and not take you for granted. Sometimes it just takes a while for them to realize that.

I had the same issues with my best friend a few years ago when I felt like I had done everything for her and got nothing in return. On top of that her new boyfriend (at the time) didn't like me and he told her that if she continued to talk to me, he'd break it off with her. He is very jealous of our friendship. Anyway, she actually listened to him and ditched me!! I was pissed! I was there for her through thick and thin, and knew her since we were both 4 years old.

It really hurt me because I loved her as my best friend and couldn't believe it, but I let it go. We didn't talk for almost 2 years. I missed her deep down, but didn't call, email, text etc. because I knew she had to realize. Unfortunately she is still with him, but doesn't listen to what he has to say anymore. So, if I were you I'd leave here alone for a bit and let her come around.

Sorry I'm ranting, but I understand your feelings. Best wishes and keep us updated, k?


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## Makeup-aholic (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Kee* /img/forum/go_quote.gif Do you guys live close together?
Are you both busy at all?

Has anything happened in your lives for you to "drift"?

I've noticed this with me and my friends . . . we left school and all went our deperate ways. Some of us had kids, some of us got married, alot of us moved to different parts of Canada. Others went to college or university.

And suddenly, people who were BFFs were just people you hadn't talked to in years. I'm not sure how it got to the point it is now for us, but maybe it started somewhere, right? Maybe one person was too busy with school to call the other and the other got irritated and felt alone?

I don't know . . . all I know is that girls who used to be my BFFs are now merely aquaintences. We talk maybe once or twice a year, and that's on msn.

Me and one peticular girl kinda went our seperate ways. She got pregnant and moved away. Then I moved away to another place and got married. Four years later, we find ourselves living in the same priovince again. She comes to visit and it's like we haven't been apart a day in our lives. Everything is back to normal.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that ever the closest friends go their seperate ways. I don't really think it means that either of them are horrible people . . . it happens to everybody.

Even if you live next door, you can still grow apart. It's a sad part of life but all to real. So if you feel this is happening to you and your friend, maybe just go with it. It doesn't sound like she was the greatest friend anyway . . .

We live pretty close and she is always busy.Well she has this new friend that hates me and I feel the same way about her.She is likes my friend and I'm pretty sure they have done stuff together you know fooled around, but for some odd reason my friend Maria always listens to the other chick and does whatever she tells her to do and is always crying about there friednship like its more then just friends.I think Marias friend is telling her to not be friends with me anymore.Update

I dropped My ex friend . We had a huge fight and I just had enough and Oh well life goes on right?


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## Aprill (Aug 14, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Makeup-aholic* /img/forum/go_quote.gif We live pretty close and she is always busy.Well she has this new friend that hates me and I feel the same way about her.She is likes my friend and I'm pretty sure they have done stuff together you know fooled around, but for some odd reason my friend Maria always listens to the other chick and does whatever she tells her to do and is always crying about there friednship like its more then just friends.I think Marias friend is telling her to not be friends with me anymore.Update

I dropped My ex friend . We had a huge fight and I just had enough and Oh well life goes on right?

Of course life goes on!! You will be alright, and this gives you the opportunity to meet new friends that may be 100% better than her. No worries!!!


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## Dreama (Aug 14, 2007)

I agree with Aprill. Life does go on and it's time for new friends! Don't let that get ya down!


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## adrianavanessa (Aug 14, 2007)

My ex-bf and I were friends for 10 years. Ever since 3rd grade we were inseparable. It was great! It's kind of the same thing like Lauren and Heidi on "The Hills." Everything was PERFECT until she met a guy. She just stopped making time for me anymore. After about a year of that I just let her go. Now that I look back on it I'm glad I did. We are both 18 but she moved out of her parents house and with her bf and is pregnant. She dropped out of HS and I'm starting college this fall. I'm not ready to move out and def. no kids for me yet! We are like 2 totally different people, can't even relate to her anymore. Haven't talked to her for 2 years. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. I'm SO happy now! =)


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## Eyes (Aug 28, 2007)

im actually going thru some best friend issues myself, i have been there for her thru everything and it seems like i just keep getting pushed down the list to the point where she only calls if SHE needs to rant about something or if SHE needs something other than that i dont get anything, but back to you sweetie, i think this just maybe the last straw for you, so to speak. you seem like a great friend and if she cant treat you the way you shuld be then maybe its time to let her go, i know it will be hard but in the long run you probably will feel better and have a much happier life


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## SalJ (Aug 29, 2007)

I've had a couple of friends like that, who stopped bothering when they met a new man! I got sick of being taken for granted and always being the one that had to do the running. So in the end I just stopped calling or whatever.

I know who my best friends are and I'd die for them / them for me etc! My friendships are important and I consider myself a good friend, so I can do without the ones that don't return that favour!

I've recently got back in touch with one when out of nowhere she invited me to her wedding. It was lovely to see her again and catch up and we've met up a few times, but I doubt it'll really go anywhere.

It's a really hard decision to make when you have been friends with someone a long time. But 'friends' like that are not worth the energy!


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## princessmich (Aug 29, 2007)

Yup, i had a few similar experiences like that, my most recent friend i had done so much for and whenever i wanted to talk she was never there. The last time we spoke was November of last year. I had really needed my best friend and guess what she wasn't there so that's the last time we ever spoke and she never tried to contact me and I couldn't care less. In my opinion a true friend is one that you can count on and to share the good and the bad times. My life has been much better without me having to listen to all her troubles and stress. I have written off our friendship and don't plan on ever contacting her either. I have done the same with relatives too and it's worked out for the BEST.


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## Nox (Aug 29, 2007)

It's always tough to divorce a friend no matter how bad the relationship, especially if the relationship was years old. But you know in your heart what is good for you and what isn't. You may have done exactly the right thing. You'll thank yourself for it later if you haven't already done so.


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## princess_20 (Aug 29, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Makeup-aholic* /img/forum/go_quote.gif We live pretty close and she is always busy.Well she has this new friend that hates me and I feel the same way about her.She is likes my friend and I'm pretty sure they have done stuff together you know fooled around, but for some odd reason my friend Maria always listens to the other chick and does whatever she tells her to do and is always crying about there friednship like its more then just friends.I think Marias friend is telling her to not be friends with me anymore.Update

I dropped My ex friend . We had a huge fight and I just had enough and Oh well life goes on right?

life goes on and u will find friends that knows how friendship goes!!!


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## pinksugar (Aug 29, 2007)

hugs. Losing a friendship is hard, but it definately sounds like you've done the right thing!


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## Shelley (Aug 29, 2007)

It is difficult to drop friends, I've done it in the past year. You will meet other friends who will show you respect and be there for you. Hugs.


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## Makeup-aholic (Sep 26, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Eyes* /img/forum/go_quote.gif im actually going thru some best friend issues myself, i have been there for her thru everything and it seems like i just keep getting pushed down the list to the point where she only calls if SHE needs to rant about something or if SHE needs something other than that i dont get anything, but back to you sweetie, i think this just maybe the last straw for you, so to speak. you seem like a great friend and if she cant treat you the way you shuld be then maybe its time to let her go, i know it will be hard but in the long run you probably will feel better and have a much happier life Try to tell her how you feel.If she is you BFF you can tell her and she should listen to you.I told my BFF and she said things would change and they diddn't, so if they don't change at all then you will know what kind of friend she really is.


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## reesesilverstar (Sep 26, 2007)

Originally Posted by *Ohappydayes* /img/forum/go_quote.gif I don't remember who said it, but the saying goes...when someone tells you who they are believe them. She's been telling you for years what type of person she could be for you. You just have to take people where they are and then you won't stress yourself out about them. She has to grow and change on her own, you can't make her, not with all the love and support...and slapping, in the world. 
My advice, keep loving her, but don't chase her. Let her grow up, let her learn from her experiences and when you see her give her a hug. You know by now that she's not the dependable type, at least not yet, so don't expect her to be. Lean on those that you can depend on.

It sounds tough, but when you let her off the hook you also let yourself off. &lt;hugs&gt; I'm sorry you have to go through this.

in 100% agreement...

and the quote was by either Oprah or Iyanla Vanzant.

"When people show you who you are the first time, believe them. " Or something of that nature, I recited it since then


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## MissMissy (Sep 26, 2007)

i am one who said **** it.. and kicked the bucket on my friend.. i was her first friend when she moved here.. but the only time she wanted me is when she wanted somewhere to live.. which i offered.. her bf was hurting her and her kids.. but she didnt want help for herself. she did drugs didnt have a job.. she never called unless she needed stuff. so i finally just stopped answering calls.. i dont want to mixed up in drugs and abusive men anyways


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## BeautifullyMADE (Sep 26, 2007)

I know exactly what you're talking about. My friend well _ex- bf_, and I were friends for like 4 years or so and I helped her get through her self-esteem problems because she's a plus size girl and all, but she'd always call herself herself ugly but she was so beautiful to me... blah blah blah... but she'd always take advantage of me. I mean I did so much for this girl. Then she started getting sexaully active and started doing things that I would've speak of. She's dropped out of school our 12th grade year and I felt so used. It makes me angry sometimes, but I've gotten over her. My best advice would be to know that your "friend" will soon realize that she's made a big mistake and she'll need you before you'll need her. Good luck!


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