# Should I tell him?



## JoHa (Dec 19, 2005)

I've been married for a year and things are good, but about 6 months ago i decided to call my ex, the one I broke up with to be with my husband. When I was breaking up with my ex i felt bad and guilty because i never gave him a good reason why i didn't want to be with him, then I forgot all about him. Then about 6 months ago I decided to call him to see how he was doing, I didn't tell my husband, then I saw my ex, nothing at all happened, I sort of needed closure on it. Anyway, my husband recently found out that I talked to my ex, I told him the sorry and he asked my if I saw my ex, I said no. I don't know if I should tell him the truth. Since nothing happened I think telling him the truth will just hurt him. I'm not sure what to do.


----------



## nydoll23 (Dec 19, 2005)

hi welcome to mut,

um this is tricky, because you already told your hubby you didnt see him.

so now if you tell him,you first mistake would be that you lied.How understanding is your husband.if he is not really understanding,and there is no way(i mean absolutely no way )of him finding out,I wouldnt say anything,but you cannot call or see him again,because these things find a way of biting you in the behind.

This is just my opinion of course,you know better what to do,even if it is a difficult experiance.Hopefully the other ladies here will join in with some advice,we have very good thinkers here!!:icon_cheeHope that helps a bit.


----------



## makeup_nerd (Dec 19, 2005)

what a tough one....

I think you should ask yourself how come you're married and still want to reach out to an ex. What did you expect out of it? And I think "wanting closure" is more an excuse than a real explanation. I think you got closure when you decided to marry your husband. Sorry if it sounds harsh.

Also, I'm a true believer in honesty in any kind of relationships, weither it is with friends, family or a boyfriend/husband. So I think you should tell him, he deserves to know, he's your husband. And lies can haunt you for a really long time, and it gonna be so much worst if he finds out through someone else....then the trust between you and him will be ruined.

I hope everything will turn out fine, I'm sure he'll be understanding or at least he'll appreciate the honesty....


----------



## prude strippers (Dec 19, 2005)

Honesty is very important in a relationship, I learned that the hard way. I think you should tell him.


----------



## PopModePrincess (Dec 19, 2005)

I agree with everyone here. You have to tell him. If he finds out from someone else, it'll be worse than you coming clean yourself.


----------



## bocagirl (Dec 19, 2005)

Definately tell him.


----------



## bunni (Dec 19, 2005)

Welcome to MUT!

I think you should tell that you lied, if you want your marriage to start off honestly, a tiny white lie but could bite in the behind like someone mentioned above. There is nothing to worry about if you just talked, so you could explain your husband and assure him that nothing happened.

On the other hand, do what you reallly think you should do, and whether you would want your husband to tell you if it was him in that situation. HOpe everything turns out ok.


----------



## jessica9 (Dec 19, 2005)

i don't know...i sort of disagree i guess. i think honesty is important as well, but i think before telling him the truth, you should ask yourself why you lied about seeing your ex. is there a reason why you lied? was it just a moment where you blurted it out and hesitated? was the reason you lied because you didn't want to upset your husband, or do you still have leftover feelings for your ex? i think the reason why you lied is important in telling him, because he is going to to want to know the reason why.

sometimes, not having a reason will upset whoever you are with and leave their mind racing. if it was just a silly slip up, i wouldn't tell him. you could always just tell him that you felt bad about how you left things with your ex and just wanted to close things in a nice and friendly way. it still doesn't explain why you would lie. sometimes i just think we are flustered when presented with such questions. i know i would be mad if my boyfriend lied about something like that and then told me later he lied. i would think there is something more to it than there is. i guess i would rather not know if there was nothing to it. by bringing it up, it is making something out of nothing. this is just my opinion...and i may be wrong....but if there is nothing to your relationship with your ex, i would just forget about this one and move on.


----------



## K*O* (Dec 19, 2005)

Tell him, for what ??? :icon_eek: No Way don't do it ~ no need to open a can of worms.....Leave it alone &amp; let it be...:icon_cool


----------



## KittySkyfish (Dec 20, 2005)

Very well said!


----------



## nydoll23 (Dec 20, 2005)

Ditto


----------



## nydoll23 (Dec 20, 2005)

Double ditto


----------



## jennycateyez (Dec 20, 2005)

i say dont tell him, what he doeant know wont hurt him, and you already lied to him so just leave it alone imo


----------



## redrocks (Dec 20, 2005)

I personally would tell him.

But like one of the other posters said, I would make sure I know WHY I lied to him in the first place. That question will come up.

Good Luck.


----------



## JoHa (Dec 20, 2005)

Thanks for the advise. I needed some female point of views.


----------



## Killah22 (Jan 16, 2006)

I say DON'T TELL HIM.....saying that in all capital letters !!! You already lied to your husband in his face, so since you already said you didn't see your ex, stick with that. But, if your husband brings this question up again...you might need to keep it real because if he brings up the subject again, he might know something that you wished he didn't know, and then you are in deep trouble.... and the worst thing is for him to tell you that he knows you saw your ex and then for you to then want to come clean. He's really isn't going to trust you if something like that happens.

And, if you then came clean, you bets to believe he's going to ask you why you had lied and what was your reason for seeing him. I would like to know also because when you talked to your ex over the phone because you had wanted closure, I'm sure from the conversation, you should have gotten just that, so what was the point of meeting him face to face....what was there to talk about then?

When you married your husband, that was your closure, and if you didn't feel closure when you had broke it off with your ex, you shouldn't have married if you still had mixed feelings. So, what it boils down to, is that you know your husband, you know if he will forgive you or hold it against you. Do whatever that makes it easier for you to sleep at night and go from there. Yall have only been married for a year, don't let it end in divorce so quickly...not over this anyway.


----------



## SqueeKee (Jan 16, 2006)

If I were you I would definitely tell him. First I would apologize for lying, but explain why I lied, then I would tell him the truth.

I think he will believe you because after all - if you do tell him the truth you can honestly say that you _could_ have kept keeping this thing secret but you came out with it because you just couldn't lie to him and keep a good concience.

Lies are like an infection on marriage. The grow and fester and turn VERY ugly. The symptoms may not show up for years, but when they do - look out!


----------



## Pauline (Jan 30, 2006)

My advice is this,....if your hubby can take the truth then tell him. If not stick to your original story, as youve already said you didint see him but ask yourself some questions...was it really closure? If so then you did what you had to do and that's your right.


----------



## Summer (Jan 31, 2006)

I agree not to tell him.


----------



## dianaleigh1218 (Feb 1, 2006)

Hi sweetie....I've been married a little over a year as well, and the one thing I know for sure is always be honest. If you don't get this off your chest, you will think about it until you do. It will eat you up until you tell your husband. And once you tell him and you two resolve it, you will feel so much better and it will bring you guys closer. I don't think it's too big of a deal that you saw him anyway. I'm sure you hubby will be a little hurt, but nothing happened, and hopefully you were able to get closure so you won't have to see him again. So good luck and be strong. :icon_smil


----------



## Nadiaxo (Feb 1, 2006)

I think you should sit down with your husband, when both of you are calm and just tell him. He is your husband and you never know what might happean in the future. Be honest with him, so no matter what ever happeans later on your husband will know the truth. Just tell him that you love him very much and that you felt bad they way you ended the relationship with you ex. That is was not proper and just tell him what you told your ex. The lie usually or always catches up to you, so thats why I think you should tell him. The more you hide from it, he is going to think that it is something big and it will hurt him more. So I think you should just tell him. You are his wife.


----------



## brohi80 (Feb 2, 2006)

Dear,never ever tell your husband what happened,lets call it white lie, i don't know why you needed to call your ex,but maybe, just maybe, you still got something to your ex, like your shrink i am telling you to make order in your heart,if you still feel something for your ex ,its normale,its mean you don't enjoy your marriage as you should be,and thats ok too,i hope you didn't rush to marry this guy,becouse you still got unfinish feelings for your ex ,you see its unhelthy to go from 1 relation to 2 another without break time for you,to make your space,to deside what next, you want for yourself, and now to your problem,you should ask yourself WHAT DO I WANT? If you want to be with your husband,you have to make it up for him,if you still got something to your ex,you should see him and deside once and for all what is it you want,but be carefule,you can't dance on 2 weddings


----------



## VenusGoddess (Feb 2, 2006)

Well, you are not being totally honest with yourself. Something DID happen when you met up with your ex. You either got closure or you got your feelings confused all the more. I don't believe that it's ever a good idea to lie to someone you love. It's not about you not wanting to hurt the other person, because, really if that was your ultimate intention, you never would have made contact with your ex. It's really about you not wanting to take responsibility for your choices/actions/decisions.

If your husband found out about a phone call...don't you think he'll eventually find out about you meeting up with your ex? Where did you meet your ex? At a restaurant? Or at his place? Sitting your husband down and letting him know the TRUTH is better than lying to him and then having him find out from someone else. Then, no matter what you tell him, he won't believe you. He knows about your ex, and he probably already knows about the circumstances in which you left...and if he's so concerned about it that he's asking about a phone call...then you also have to look at your non-verbal communication.

Maybe it's just me, but I've been around the block many times...and there is a LOT more to this story than you simply having met your ex behind your husband's back. You need to do what you think is best...however, there are always consequences to every choice that we make. You've already set up a negative consequence by be dishonest in your (new) marriage/relationship. The question is just going to be how much more negative are you going to let that choice go?


----------



## senelips (Feb 3, 2006)

Tell him girl, you will sleep better at night. Don't have any secrets between you .

Marriage is hard enough as it is. Be remorseful, Don't make excuses. Get it off your chest and apologize. The truth always comes out later. Don't get stuck in that situation.


----------



## braidey (Feb 13, 2006)

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy, why risk hurting him? I guess it is up to you, either way you look at, he could get hurt. Just think long and hard about what you decide.


----------



## SqueeKee (Feb 13, 2006)

Wise words.

You sound like you are going to have a long, happy and successful marriage.


----------

