Too soon to date?

[Lorrine24]

My boyfriend, of a year and a half, and I just broke up. In my heart, I knew for a long time it wasn't going to work but we tried and tried. It was hard, confusing, and very depressing at times. As much as I still care for him I do know that we just can't make it together. We have been split for about a month. We do still talk to one another via phone occasionally. We live 3,000 miles apart.

My hairdresser just told me about a friend of her husbands who has been single for about a month also. I told her she could give him my number. I was surprised that he called the very day I gave her my number to give to him. I think I needed more time to mentally prepare for the fact that he might call. Anyway, he seems like a nice guy but there are a few things that I already don't like such as he smokes and he likes to hunt. Neither turn me on. He also told me when was 21 (he is now 28) that he did get his girlfriend, at the time, pregnant and they decided to have an abortion. Sometimes I feel like this is too much past info. too fast for me to handle. In all honesty, when I was 18 I did have an abortion as well but I did not share this with him. I am thinking that I cannot judge him for this. I am not proud of what I did then and would not do it again. My circumstances then were very different from what they are now and I know that alone doesn't make me a bad person so how can I feel that it makes him a bad person? I worry because I do not know the people he hangs around with although we live in the same town. I am an avid church-goer and I do not hang out in bars. He said he was shy and rarely goes to local bars unless it is with friends and very rarely does he do that. He doesn't attend church regularly.

Inside I am tired of the heartache and confusion relationships can bring especially since my last one has been difficult. We have a date set up for this Friday but sometimes I just don't want to go. I am not sure if I am ready for this again just yet. I was talking to my parents about this and my dad said to just go and have fun because it isn't like it has to be anything more than friends. I am just wondering if I should give this a chance? I don't want either of us to be on the rebound. In all honesty, even though I know my last boyfriend and I aren't meant to be together I do think of him often and do wish it could have worked out. I'm not sure if I should just go and have fun or completely opt out from any activities with guys for the time being. Any thoughts?

 

[KellyB]

Just my opinion but it doesn't sound like you are ready yet. It took me a year after my divorce to be ready to date again. You will know when it's right because you won't have to question whether it is or not. Good luck!

 

[Killah Kitty]

I dont think you sound totally ready yet, I know what its like to get out of a long relationship thats been difficult. Now my opinion, you may not truly be ready, but dont just write this guy off! I say go to your date, and maybe you will find a friend, who may turn into more when the times right. Maybe youll find that you two dont even get along lol. I find it surprising the first time he talked to you hes talking about abortions, I agree that is too much past info. Tell him and make sure its clear, that you just got out of a bad long term relationship and would love to get to know him, you know what I mean? If you two get along and enjoy each others company, having new friends is great right, and when you feel ready go for it. If hes not willing to give you your time then please make sure what his intentions are! Hope I helped any.

 

[farris2]

I dont think you're ready yet. It will get better though..I had two major breakups in my life that I thought I would never get over.I'm married now to a wonderful man.Things happen for a reason.I wish you well.

 

[AngelaGM]

You might want to wait until you meet a man that shares your religious and moral values.

 

[brewgrl]

when i was single, my rule was a week to every 2 month. so if i dated someone for a year, it would be just over two months before thinking seriously about relationships again... BUT if it's dating for dating's sake, then i am usually all for it in less than a week. i try not to let free dinners pass me by.

 

[puncturedskirt]

I agree with almost everyone with saying that you don't sound like you're ready yet.

 

[pinksugar]

I think go, but dont go with any expectations or hopees for it to be more than just friends. I also agree with Angela that depending on how big those things are to you, you might want to wait until someone comes along that shares your views.

It's ok to be scared to date after you've come out of a difficult long term relationship

take it slow, enjoy the moment for what it is - a nice dinner or whatever.

Best of luck and i'm sorry to hear about your breakup!

 

[emily_3383]

I think you need time by yourself to think about things and hang out with friends.