Taking her Baby?

[Bexy]

Pregnancy tests are not always accurate. I have taken enough in my life (7+ years of infertility and loss) to know this.

She could very well have gotten a positive one day and a week later get a negative.

I am glad to hear she is not pregnant. It sounded like a terrible situation all the way around. I know it can be frustrating to hear that someone else is pregnant when you are trying to get pregnant. It is like a daggar in the heart. I have been there and done that. I have seen friends or coworkers talk about being pregnant and how much they hated it, or talked about abortions. But that was not my decision to make for them. That is something that only the person whos body it is can decide.

But in all honesty I could not see the situation getting better with her giving you her baby, that would be far too complicated and strange for everyone involved especially the child.

You are not even 18 yet, you have plenty of time to get pregnant.

 

[empericalbeauty]

wow. I had to delete my past post because I didnt read the whole thread through. My mistake. dude, you are extremely young to put yourself in a situation like this. This is an age where you should be enjoying life with your husband. TRUST ME! I know this isnt the same thing but when I was 12, I started babysitting for my aunt whenever she had a new kid. All in all, I took care of 4 kids for her. It isnt easy. And it wasnt even my child. I am not telling you what to do. If you really think that at your age, and point in life, a kid is really what you want then so be it. But I have to warn you, there are a whole lot of consequences that comes with putting yourself in unwarranted situations. I want to shake you so bad and ask you to wake up. I hate to say this, and I am sorry but I really have to, your perception of reality is highly ****ed up. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I am not insulting you. This is tough love. GET A COLLEGE EDUCATION. FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. GET YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND. you might think that just because you got married, everything should just fall together. But in today's day and age, I gotta tell you, without a college degree most people don't get far. I am not saying that a baby will be the end of you, I am saying that you should not ask for something you aren't mentally ready to deal with. And if you think you are, then good luck. But I beg you, Wait first. Maybe a year or 2? Something.

 

[makeupfreak72]

Originally Posted by AprilRayne /img/forum/go_quote.gif So, are you in High School? And you're married right, but your mom needs to check you out of school! I'm not trying to sound rude, I'm just clarifying. If you're still in HS and just barely married, why do you want a baby so soon. Okay, from personal experience, this can't be a good situation. My older sister was having trouble conceiving when I became pregnant at 18 and we discussed her adopting my baby. I am so so glad that she didn't and I kept my baby. Imagine how hard it will be for your friend being around "your" baby as it grows up, and imagine how confusing it will be to that child. I won't lie, I actually called and priced an abortion. I'm not proud of it, but when you're young, you panic and look at all of your options. Abortion is against my religion and I didn't think I could go through with it anyway. Just try to be there for your friend and support her in whatever she decides to do. It is her decision!!


I'm kind of confused as to what you're saying! You're saying if she doesn't want to "give" her baby to her friend then she's being selfish by having an abortion. I don't think she's afraid of labor, that's the easy part, she's afraid of being a parent for the rest of her life and that is a very scary thing when you're young and not planning it. Unless you've been in the situation where you have to make this kind of decision, no one will ever know how she feels. Being faced with the choice of having to give away your own child is the scariest, hardest choice anyone will ever make!!

but if she has a choice of giving the baby up for adoption instead of having an abortion then why would she be afriad of being a parent for the rest of her life? she WOULDNT be a parent because she'd give it up for adoption, and she'd be sparing a life. and i agree giving a child away is a hard decision but YET its easy for her to tell someone she's having an abortion? so abortion was an easier choice for her to make? yeah that to me IS selfish, sorry and while this is a touchy subject its also my right to give my opinion, just like evryone else here did.

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by empericalbeauty /img/forum/go_quote.gif wow. I had to delete my past post because I didnt read the whole thread through. My mistake. dude, you are extremely young to put yourself in a situation like this. This is an age where you should be enjoying life with your husband. TRUST ME! I know this isnt the same thing but when I was 12, I started babysitting for my aunt whenever she had a new kid. All in all, I took care of 4 kids for her. It isnt easy. And it wasnt even my child. I am not telling you what to do. If you really think that at your age, and point in life, a kid is really what you want then so be it. But I have to warn you, there are a whole lot of consequences that comes with putting yourself in unwarranted situations. I want to shake you so bad and ask you to wake up. I hate to say this, and I am sorry but I really have to, your perception of reality is highly ****ed up. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I am not insulting you. This is tough love. GET A COLLEGE EDUCATION. FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. GET YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND. you might think that just because you got married, everything should just fall together. But in today's day and age, I gotta tell you, without a college degree most people don't get far. I am not saying that a baby will be the end of you, I am saying that you should not ask for something you aren't mentally ready to deal with. And if you think you are, then good luck. But I beg you, Wait first. Maybe a year or 2? Something. I couldn´t agree more. My opinion is to get your own life before you create a new life!If you can prevent teenage pregnancy, you should! No matter how mature a teenage girl thinks she is (which I don´t doubt there are mature teens!), her life circumstances (no education, little money) are not mature enough to purposely get pregnant and start a family.

 

[Nox]

Originally Posted by empericalbeauty /img/forum/go_quote.gif wow. I had to delete my past post because I didnt read the whole thread through. My mistake. dude, you are extremely young to put yourself in a situation like this. This is an age where you should be enjoying life with your husband. TRUST ME! I know this isnt the same thing but when I was 12, I started babysitting for my aunt whenever she had a new kid. All in all, I took care of 4 kids for her. It isnt easy. And it wasnt even my child. I am not telling you what to do. If you really think that at your age, and point in life, a kid is really what you want then so be it. But I have to warn you, there are a whole lot of consequences that comes with putting yourself in unwarranted situations. I want to shake you so bad and ask you to wake up. I hate to say this, and I am sorry but I really have to, your perception of reality is highly ****ed up. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I am not insulting you. This is tough love. GET A COLLEGE EDUCATION. FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. GET YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND. you might think that just because you got married, everything should just fall together. But in today's day and age, I gotta tell you, without a college degree most people don't get far. I am not saying that a baby will be the end of you, I am saying that you should not ask for something you aren't mentally ready to deal with. And if you think you are, then good luck. But I beg you, Wait first. Maybe a year or 2? Something.

Dear BeautifullyMade,

Please, take our harsh words with love. Today is not even like just a generation ago. It was tough back then for young, undereducated, married folks with a kid to scrape by on TWO incomes. These days alot people don't make ends meet being college grad DINKs (Double income, no kids). I'm telling you, two parents both bringing in $30,000 per year with a kid does not make you comfortably middle class anymore. A recent high school graduate cannot even dream to land a job that pays that anyway. What are you rushing for? You are incredibly young. Now that you are already married, enjoy your husband for a while. I'm telling you, after high school, life gets a whole lot more complicated and you DON'T need kids in the mix right now if you can help it. Trust me, that is not all there is in life for you, there is much MUCH more waiting for you! You have yet to make your mark as an adult in this world. Stand on your feet first. Get your finances figured out, get a good credit score. Try to own a home if you can. Get life insurance to protect your husband and family. Plan for a baby's first year of life (insurance, birthing costs, day care).

Please, please THINK about the particular circumstance you are in, and how that affects whether or not you are in the position to be giving your friend such advice. A minor who is still in high school and being supported by parents is NOT well-off. We love you here, and of course it is only natural that we express concern.

God Bless,

~ Nox

 

[PaperFlowers]

Agreed, andi, emperical beauty, and nox.

Take it from someone who raised a child starting at age 11 because my cousin left her alone in the hospital, and my mother and grandmother both worked overtime every week just to get by. I did what I had to do and I love K as dearly as if she were my own daughter, which legally she is now, but do you REALLY want to get up every night at 1, 3, and 5AM to feed her, to run off to school on no sleep every night, to come home and get her from the babysitter who is your grandmother's friend and to actually RAISE THAT CHILD?

No. You don't.

I don't care how old you are, everyone is right-- a teenager is far, far too young to have a child. You will want a social life. You will WANT to go to parties with friends.

Hell, you will WANT TO GO SHOPPING for a new pair of pants and won't be able to.

 

[littletingoddes]

Originally Posted by BeautifullyMADE /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well the only reason my mom came to check me out is because of the school rules. I'm under 18 so anyways, I have helped raised my aun't baby, Kim. Which who my mom and I took in when she was only 4 mo. Kim is now 7years old and being that we took her in until her mom got off of drugs, she's now with her real mom. Sure it was very frustrating and hard at times, but girls I'm very mature (why'd you think my mom would let me get married?) and loove kids. But, I do understand that it could be hard to convince someone to let them "give" their baby away. PLEASE READ ON
UPDATE: My bf called me before I got off from work and literally raised my voice at work at her, because she just came with so many excuses. She doesn't think that it's fair for the kid to have a chance at life, not even adoption! WTF! That's so mean and selfish once again! Anyways, that was when we first got on the phone, later on in our convo, she told me that she took another preg. test and it was a false alarm. Huh?

How in the hell could your preg test be positive one week and neg. the next?? I don't get it. My bf's phone hung up because of the signals so I called her back when I got home. Her mom answered the phone and she sounded so gleeful, so I'm like 'you can't be serious' We (my bf and I ) were supposed to be virgins and now when her mom finds out that she's not only having sex but was supposeldy pregnant, she's freakin happy?? I do believe that they're going to still kill the baby and I can't do a thing about that, but could you guys understand why I feel so stupid and like I'm being lied to?

I'm confused... in your first post, you said your husband, but here you refer to him as your boyfriend??

 

[charish]

is he your husband or boyfriend? well whoever he is, trust us all, you may think you're ready and mature enough to have a baby, but if you wait until you're at least 20 something you'll know and realize that you really weren't. you'll be glad you waited. i had the best fun in my early 20's, thankfully i have the kind of my mother-in-law i have. i too thought i wanted a baby at like 16, 18 yrs. old, and boy let me tell you, i'm so glad it didn't happen. b/c i really wasn' ready. and i wouldn't be married at you're age either, but that's a different story. but wait, live your life and have fun, b/c everything is different when you have a baby, and especially when they're really little. live your life as a teenager right now, wait until you're a grown woman to become a mom.

 

[Andi]

bf= best friend I think, in this case

 

[BeautifullyMADE]

Ladies, thank you all for your kind words of wisdom. Truly I can say that you girls care and that means alot. After having a long talk with hubby, I have sort of gotten over the fact that life is surely not a fairy tale and that a baby right now isn't the best decision. I didn't get a chance to talk to my friend last night nor have I talked to her today. Once again, thanks everyone!

Originally Posted by velvet_tears /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm confused... in your first post, you said your husband, but here you refer to him as your boyfriend?? bf meant my best friend

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by BeautifullyMADE /img/forum/go_quote.gif Ladies, thank you all for your kind words of wisdom. Truly I can say that you girls care and that means alot. After having a long talk with hubby, I have sort of gotten over the fact that life is surely not a fairy tale and that a baby right now isn't the best decision. I didn't get a chance to talk to my friend last night nor have I talked to her today. Once again, thanks everyone!

bf meant my best friend

I´m so glad to hear you didn´t take this the wrong way, that definitely shows that you´re mature.

 

[charish]

well i'm glad you two talked, and you took our advice in the best way. you're making a good decision, trust me and you'll be so happy you did.

 

[realmccoy]

I am currently two months pregnant. Without getting emotions involved, everyone is entitled to thier opinions but I would like to stick the facts; it is an embryo at this stage, not even a fetus yet, definately not a baby.

Objectively, the decision to terminate or keep a pregnancy is a very private, personal decision. I have counseled enough women to know that an abortion is a traumatic experience and is definately not just another form of birth control to the women who choose to terminate. It is no better or worse than someone carrying a baby to full term that they cannot adequately support, nurture and care for.

 

[charish]

Originally Posted by realmccoy /img/forum/go_quote.gif I am currently two months pregnant. Without getting emotions involved, everyone is entitled to thier opinions but I would like to stick the facts; it is an embryo at this stage, not even a fetus yet, definately not a baby.
Objectively, the decision to terminate or keep a pregnancy is a very private, personal decision. I have counseled enough women to know that an abortion is a traumatic experience and is definately not just another form of birth control to the women who choose to terminate. It is no better or worse than someone carrying a baby to full term that they cannot adequately support, nurture and care for.

ok, i'm sorry but it does have a heartbeat, and it may not have developed yet into a full human,but aborting is stopping a baby, a human being from growing and having a life, in other words killing and that's a fact. but i can understand what you're saying, and people who know me, know how strongly i feel about abortion. i think that if you're gonna do it, it should be in the very begining before the baby starts to develope. i'm not saying this to be nasty or anything, but it just really ticks me off when i hear of people doing this b/c they don't want it, there are other options. but anyways, sorry if i offended anyone, i know we have our own opinions, people who agree with me and the ones that don't.

 

[han]

Originally Posted by Manda /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think it is her decision. If she doesn't want a baby now (or ever) then that is her choice. Even if you may not agree, she is your good friend and you should be there for her. It must seem so selfish of her and unfair for you, but this is what she wants and what she feels is right for her. Good luck to you and your husband. ITA^^its her choice and i dont think she owes anyone an explanation.............

 

[enyadoresme]

Originally Posted by empericalbeauty /img/forum/go_quote.gif wow. I had to delete my past post because I didnt read the whole thread through. My mistake. dude, you are extremely young to put yourself in a situation like this. This is an age where you should be enjoying life with your husband. TRUST ME! I know this isnt the same thing but when I was 12, I started babysitting for my aunt whenever she had a new kid. All in all, I took care of 4 kids for her. It isnt easy. And it wasnt even my child. I am not telling you what to do. If you really think that at your age, and point in life, a kid is really what you want then so be it. But I have to warn you, there are a whole lot of consequences that comes with putting yourself in unwarranted situations. I want to shake you so bad and ask you to wake up. I hate to say this, and I am sorry but I really have to, your perception of reality is highly ****ed up. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I am not insulting you. This is tough love. GET A COLLEGE EDUCATION. FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. GET YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND. you might think that just because you got married, everything should just fall together. But in today's day and age, I gotta tell you, without a college degree most people don't get far. I am not saying that a baby will be the end of you, I am saying that you should not ask for something you aren't mentally ready to deal with. And if you think you are, then good luck. But I beg you, Wait first. Maybe a year or 2? Something. you typed the words right out of my keyboard

 

[MissMissy]

aw.. girl its a toughie.. but to be honest i would just stay out of it.. as hard as it will be.. it will prob save your friendship

 

[jennycateyez]

is there any update? was she really not pregnant? i'm pro choice.. but if she really wasn't pregnant ( i don't believe it... just my opnion) then that's a good thing.. i hope u guy's are still friend's.

 

[tashad]

Wow I read this thread and thought to myself dont even go there! but I just have to say whats on my heart then I will be done. First off we could go on for days about the debate on abortion, I for one am firmly against it and I have my reasons for that. The first reason is that I was supposed to be an aborted child. My mother was 16 when she got pregnant she was raped by a family aquaintance. She hid her pregnancy for 5mo. when her mother found out she took my mom to the abortion clinic to have me aborted. My mother did not want to, but her mom was forcing her to get one. Fortunately for me she was too far along to have one. Abortion hits very close to home for me, I have 4 beautiful children and knowing what that child feels like inside me growing I know that I could not abort my child for any reason. As far as it just being a fetus, well life has to start someone where we all have to grow and develop in order to become something. I believe life starts at conception on the 1st day when that one sperm that made it to the egg succeeds all of the inherited feautures of this new and unique person is formed. whether its going to be a boy or girl, the color of the eyes, the color of the hair ect. 18 to 20 days the brain, spinal cord, and nervous system are all laid. at 21 days the heart begins to beat and so on and so forth. Okay getting off my soap box.

As far as you and your friend goes, In the long run the decision is utimately hers whether you agree or disagree the best thing I think you can do for her is to just be there for her, make sure that she seeks out all of her options before she decides to abort. Remind her that there are thousands of women out there who would love a child, and her baby could make a family that cant have children a very happy one. As for you wanting a child, you have plenty of time for that. Finish school, enjoy your husband, take this time for yourself and your spouse. When the kids start coming life changes and you can not get those times of being just you and your husband back. I wish you all the best!