QOTD September 12, 2012: Have you ever been bullied?

[Playedinloops]

I know in recent years this has been a big topic, and we've seen a lot of really devastating stories come from it. 

I was bullied a lot in elementary school for having curly (and very frizzy hair) and then it happened all through middle school and even into high school, for that and for being one of the "smart" kids. 

I know I personally have probably been on the other side of it too, I remember in middle school I had a good friend who was bullied by the "cool girls" who I wanted to be friends with, so I would just join in. That friend ended up transferring to private school. I'm pretty ashamed of it now, and obviously I can't take it back, but if I ever have a daughter, I'm going to do my best to teach her to be a kind hearted individual, even through the difficult middle school years, and show her how devastating bullying can be. 

Not that I think my mom didn't try, and didn't do a good job of raising me, but I don't think at the time I was in middle school enough people were aware of how bad it really could be.

 

[Pancua]

I was bullied in elementary and Jr high because of how my body developed and how I looked. It's caused quite a few problems once we got into HS and girls started being more vicious.

Personally, I feel bad for people who are so empty inside, they have to tear others down over stupid stuff. 

 

[MissLindaJean]

I was the first out of all the kids in my class to show signs of puberty, growth spurt and breasts..then it was the green, blue, or pinkish red hair and "punk" appearance.. always a joke about my heritage, I'm Korean/Irish.. and the geek factor from doing well in school. That got my hackles up and then I became the one to attack first before anyone had a chance to go at me... Garbage defense mechanism. I still call it like I see it, but try not to go overboard or totally offensive. There's a time and a place for everything and I think I've learned that.

 

[zadidoll]

Yup. I don't know which is worse, being bullied in elementary school or as an adult by women older than myself.

 

[Dalylah]

Originally Posted by MissLindaJean /img/forum/go_quote.gif
I was the first out of all the kids in my class to show signs of puberty, growth spurt and breasts.

I was the opposite. I was the ****less wonder and I felt so obvious and short lol.

I am ashamed to say I remember making some nasty comments to a friend when I was little (5th grade) and it made her feel really bad. We didn't talk for like a month. I always remembered the teary look she had. It ate at me when I saw how much I had hurt her. Luckily I got to apologize and she forgave me. It really effected how I treated people though.

Personally, I was rarely teased and almost always liked until I became a Freshman in HS and this girl really had it out for me. She was a junior and didn't like the fact that I took her spot on the track team. So the endless torture went on. She was so hateful and I honestly had done nothing. It went on for almost two years. She was truly the only person that was consistently nasty to me. Even the coaches knew how nasty she was to me but realized there was very little they could do about it except tell her to leave me alone. About a month before school ended she started arguing with me at after school practice and she actually took a swing at me and missed. She went to hit me again but I swung first and landed it. She flew into a rage but left completely humiliated. Luckily I didn't get in trouble for the punch because she swung first and the whole team saw it. I don't advocate violence at all but after two years of being told what a worthless, ugly, no good piece of **** I was, that punch felt good lol.

 

[Tyari]

I was bullied in elementary school by this boy named Byron, briefly but apparently it had a lasting effect on me because I remember it 20-something years later. Also by a group of girls but that didn't last long either. I don't have any type of tolerance for bullies.

 

[divadoll]

We moved from the Philippines when I was 8.  My sister and I went from being 2 of many Chinese kids in a Chinese school to 1 of 4 Chinese kids in a predominantly Indo-Canadian/Caucasian school.  I didn't know anyone, it took a long time to come out of a shell that I didn't use to have.  Kids picked on us, called us names.  Someone threw a rock at me once and hit me in the eye.  That kid had anger issues and went to a special class the year later.

When I see injustice being done, I speak up.  Not saying anything is the same as doing it myself.  I teach my children to fight for what is right.  Sometimes you will be the only one standing up but that's ok. Its not about popularity.  One of my son's kindergarten projects involved his classmates giving comments about each child.  Someone said about my son... that they like him because they know when noone else would play with them, B**** will come and play with them. *sniff*    

 

[Fairest of all]

"Amberexic" right here 

I was made fun of for being so thin, having no ****s, being short, having gap teeth, having a mild allergy to the sun to where I had to skip recess and gym, and a birth defect in my right elbow to where my arm doesn't straighten all the way. Plus I was always nerdy and made fun of for being a teachers pet, wearing glasses, having braces, and all that jazz. As an adult the negative focus is more on my hair and pale skin physically, but I still don't have many real life friends because people think I'm an oddball. It's been over 5 months since I've even grabbed a coffee with someone....I'm tired of being told all the things that are wrong with me so I've just grown accustomed to being alone most of the time.

 

[Dalylah]

Originally Posted by Pancua /img/forum/go_quote.gifPersonally, I feel bad for people who are so empty inside, they have to tear others down over stupid stuff. 

That is so true. It's just awful really.

It's really so sad to read all of these and how much they have deeply effected a lot of people.

@Pancua, So must nastiness happens in HS. It's absolutely rampant right now.

@played, you make everyone smile around here... /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

@MissLinda, you seem like a fighter like I am.

@beautii, always the tough as nails girl but really so very sweet inside /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

@divadoll, Racial intolerance is ugly and it still happens everywhere these days.

@Fairest, It amazes me that someone would belittle you even now. I think you look like a little cupcake all pink and white.

 

[calexxia]

I think that the current definition of "bullying" is far too open, personally.

To me, bullying was when I couldn't walk down the street without someone from my high school yelling "Bullet" (a reference to my bosom and a very unfortunate bra, pretty stupid in hindsight) or accusing me of various sexual escapades that made it all the way back to my mother (and were untrue), or when people on another message board made posts claiming that they were posts from my personal blog that were very gross and crass (and not even entertaining) in an attempt at mocking me, or when a crowd of former co-workers made physical threats against me simply out of boredom, or when a group of people from my church at the time spread vicious rumors about me that nearly cost me my job. Nowadays, it seems as if the moment someone makes it clear that they dislike another person, the disliked person is often too quick to yell that they are being "bullied" and donning the victim mask (YouTube "beauty guru" Michelle Phan is infamous for this.) 

The thing is, in most of these lesser cases, it's a two-way street; unless your livelihood or personal safety is being threatened, I can't really count it as bullying. As an adult, my self-esteem should be (and is) strong enough that I don't really care what people say unless it DOES have an impact on my quality of life--I am the one who chooses what affects me. If I'm made unwelcome in a place, I simply don't return to it. If someone annoys me, I make no secret of my feelings, but I also don't go out of my way to ruin their day. I can be cold to those I dislike, but I know that I have not become "the enemy". I don't suffer fools lightly, but I also presume that anyone who is truly content in their own soul and already has a negative opinion of me is not going to be impacted by my disdain for them. I also don't "travel in a pack"; I say what I feel and am fully content to deal with the consequences of my own beliefs. I don't egg others on to join me.

Funny thing...remember that message board harassing I mentioned above? When I thought about what had started it, there WERE some valid points in what had gotten the ball started rolling. I learned from that, and took the valid points as constructive criticism and ignored the rest. 

 

[divadoll]

There were some incidents involving my children 3 years ago.  

My daughter (who was 6 at the time and in grade 1) is cute and outgoing which made her very popular with other children.  One girl in her class felt slighted by the attention being given to her by other children.  She decided that she did not like my daughter to the point where she would voice her opinion about her.  When this was not enough to satisfy the hatred she had for my daughter, she decided to torment my son.  

My son was in grade 7 at the time, he was 5'8" and 150lbs.  She knew that she could fly under the radar of those in charge.  She would taunt him and say bad things about his sister to him.  He was stuck between taking action or allowing this 6yr old to speak ill of his sister.  At first,  he had his friends draw cover for him.  They would keep her away from him but she always managed to sneak past and say something.  I was worried she was going to push my daughter into traffic while on a field trip or something.  You can't really underestimate someone who was able to torment a 12yr old who was 3x her weight and 2x her height.  All because she didn't like his brother!

She was so confident that he would not retaliate that she would taunt him with that fact also.  

Once people became aware of the situation, she could no longer hide and play the victim.  

 

[Johnnie]

Never been bullied. I had to unfriend my best friend because she started hanging out with the wrong people and became a bit of a bully.