We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We can cry and get out of (most) speeding fines.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxis stop for us.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Free drinks, free dinners, free movies.
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We have an excuse to act witchy at least once a month.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous (whereas guys look like complete idiots in our clothes).
We can hug a friend without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
We can hug a friend without wondering if WE'RE gay.
Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.
We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Someone emailed this to me today 
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Why Men Are Just Happier People
[*]Your last name stays put
[*]The garage is all yours
[*]Wedding plans take care of themselves
[*]Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president
[*]You can never be pregnant
[*]You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park
[*]You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park
[*]Car mechanics tell you the truth
[*]You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky
[*]You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt
[*]Same work, more pay
[*]Wrinkles add character
[*]Wedding dress $5000 , Tux rental -- $100
[*]People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
[*]The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
[*]New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
[*]One mood -- all the time
[*]Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
[*]You know stuff about tanks
[*]A five day vacation requires only one suitcase
[*]You can open all your own jars
[*]You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
[*]If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend
[*]Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack
[*]Three pairs of shoes are more than enough
[*]You almost never have strap problems in public
[*]You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes
[*]Everything on your face stays its original color
[*]The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
[*]You only have to shave your face and neck
[*]You can play with toys all your life
[*]Your belly usually hides your big hips
[*]One wallet and one pair of shoes --one color for all seasons
[*]You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look
[*]You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife
[*]You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache
[*]You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier! 
